All language subtitles for The Last Time I Committed Suicide (1997, Stephen Kay)

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I don't want to suffer anymore.

Me, I'm American.

Play, 190V-

I'm way out of cigarettes.

Hanging out of a man's lips
when he's alone...

Part of my soul?

Definitely not
what I want to hear.

A boy... No.

What's cool in a name?

You only have a few minutes.

All right.

To have seen a
specter isn't everything,

and there are death masks piled
one atop the other, clear to Heaven.

Commoner still are
the wan visages of those

returning from
the shadow of the valley.

This means little to those
who have not lifted the veil.

She had a very near brush
and was not rallying properly.

Actually,
she was in marked decline

and still much in danger.

I looked down

and for the first time, lnoficed

the tight white sheet
clinging to her sunken belly.

For a moment,
I wondered if she knew,

then thought she must.

My role in all this was
to make her feel better.

Better than what?

Hello.

Hello.

Thanks for being here.

Where else was I gonna go?

Got everything I need
right here. Right?

You should've seen
all you brought down.

Sirens, ambulances,
doctors, nurses,

butchers, bakers.

Some big fear
you bring down, Miss Joan.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Ah.

It's for you.

Neal.

Sorry I'm late.

Late for what?

Pickin' you up.

I'd have been here
earlier but, you know,

what with the rain
and everything.

Did you know it was rainin' out?

Cats, dogs, poodles.
The whole bit, yeah.

Neal, what are you doing here?

I'm taking you out to lunch.

It's 4200.

You must be starving.

Bye.

You're out of your mind.

Carry on. Fine.
Everything's fine.

Good. Beautiful.

Mr. Goldman finds out
I left early...

How's he gonna find out?

He stops by.

So you couldn't even
bring an umbrella?

I could have. But I didn't.

I could watch you do just
about anything, you know that?

I know. But don't.

Why?

'Cause...

New topic.

What?

How do you do this?

This, that I hold in my hands...

is a miracle.

Now the chemistry
of this sandwich

would seem to make it
impossible, but yet

you have made a grilled cheese

and tomato sandwich
in which the cheese

is still very hot and
molten on the outside,

yet the tomato

still has that-that
fresh bite to it, huh?

Well, I guess everybody's
got their talents, Neal.

Mine is making
a grilled cheese sandwich.

Not good enough.
Explain yourself, woman.

I'm afraid you're
gonna have to leave now.

I gotta see day again, man.

Well, why don't you
put it in with Fleming?

See if he can't
put you on the day.

I did that.
He said there wasn't any.

Seniority and all that.

So why don't you try for days?

You been here longer
than damned Fleming.

No.

Why not?

Because.

'Cause why?

A man has got his reasons.

Remember that and respect that.

A man has always got
reasons for what he does.

Okay. Sorry.

Jerry...

we come in here 5 out of 7,
50 out of 52,

make things that are
taking people places,

and we're going nowhere.

Jerry,

you ever wake
up in the middle of the night

because the... the things
that you see in your dreams

are things you know
nothin' about?

When [ close my eyes { see it.

Fences.
{ see white picket fences.

I see green, green grass,

and things that I honestly
never touched, never smelled

except for

when I go to this place

in my sleep.

Hey, you want some of
this sandwich. Sardine.

Check this out, 14 off the wall,

side pocket, kiss the nine.

Who are your friends, Har?

Sorry. So rude.

Girls, this is Neal Cassady.

Neal, the girls.

Hi, I'm Sarah.
This is Vicky and Jeananne.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello to you, too.

You rack them, I'll crack them.

I got some
primitive crap to work out.

How is she?

She's, uh...

weathering the storm, brother.

You working tonight?

Nope.

Lovely. Buy me a beer?

Get me another, too, will you?

Something hard on the side.

Dr. Ayres,
Dr. Harris, come to the...

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm fine. Just go back to sleep.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Hey! Somebody call an ambulance!

Hey!

Hey!

You comin' in?

Huh?

You going inside the room?

Not right now. Thanks.

How is she?

She's still very weak.

Is she dying?

Why don't you
come inside the room?

Sit with her for a while.

I can't.

I don't know.

I never asked her why.

How would [?

Not that she
could have answered.

Likely the act was in
response to the news

that a bouncer was apparently
in the proverbial making...

Well, the world bein'
what it is,

and people bein' who they are.

Well, as for me,

what is one to say
about what he has done?

Call it cowardice.

Fear. Envy.

I never again
went back to the hospital.

Each day { lacerated
myself thinkin' on her,

but I couldn't go back.

Morning, sunshine.

Hey, I brought bread.

The old fat lady,
you know the old fat lady?

She gave me
a loaf for helpin' her.

|... I swear to you, my brother,
I could not make up a lie

this laden with cliché.

I saved her cat.

Morning, Benjamin.

|... 1 shit you not.

I am floating by
en route to su casa,

and I hear this screaming.

So I look over,
assuming no decent burglar

could have his wits
about before noon.

And I see
the old fat lady, you know,

the one with
the hairy cheek thing.

Yeah.

Anyway she's standing there

howling at this poor,
petrified cat

that's perched
above her in, uh...

Kind of like that,
"poor, petrified, perched."

Anyway, so this poor pussy

is stuck up in her, uh...

Had I been going for the
full American fable effect,

I would lie and say "tree",

but I shan't go there
this morning. No.

The cat

is on top of her

corrugated steel awning thing.

You look like shit, man.

Yeah. You should see how I feel.

Is that a request?

I've had a rough few weeks.

Been back to the hospital?

Nope.

The title of this is Shaw 'Nuff.

Sure enough.

This is him.
This was his... This is him.

This is his form.

It's really moving forward,

it's everything go, go,
everything defying,

good racer propriety, you see,

and this guy's so anxious,
he can't just stand

to sit back and drive.

This guy'd sit on the hood
if he thought it would help,

if he thought it would
get him there faster.

This is a story?

What? Yes.

Did you write it? What? Yes.

See, the thing is

this guy, this new
racer-hero archetype guy

is gonna have to square off

against the conventional icon.

You see, it's the man
of knowledge

and-and discipline.

[Flaughs]
The man with the seat belt on

and helmet snapped down tight.

Old time values.

Runnin' against the new world.

The new contempo legend
is the guy... is the guy

who just wouldn't ease off

even if he knew that he
or the car or whatever

was about to blow up
or break down.

This is you.

What?

This is you.

This guy, this story,
this is you, Neal.

No, it's...

First of all, it's...

It's two guys.

And second of all,
they're icons, man.

They're symbols.

Well, who wins, then?

I don't know.

That's the beauty, man,
I don't know.

Won't know till we
get to the finish line.

Hmm.

Good bread, man.

Sustenance, brother.

So what brings you?

Other than
an overwhelming desire

to perform feline heroics

and deliver manna
to a friend in need?

Well, I was feelin' lonely.

A bit blue,
and I thought to myself,

who makes me happy when I'm sad?

And your name
popped to the forefront.

Thank you, Benji.

Me speaks the truth.

Oh, and I need the suit.

The suit?

Uh-huh,
just for a couple of days.

You can grab it back
when I'm done.

Why did I have this?

Man, I love these threads.

Blue wave.
If you hold it just right,

the light dances
off your shoulders.

What do you think?

I almost look respectable.

Huh?

Probably looks better on you.

You got more of
a frame for a suit.

Elegant, proper.

Mean that in good way.

Trust me, Neal.
Nobody has a better frame

for anything than you do.

You wanna pin me?

Not asking for sex.

Hey, listen, I'm tryin'
line up a day job

get out of
the land of bats and owls,

you know what I mean?

So, if you hear of anything...

Yeah, but it's
pretty slim out there.

Don't I know it.

That's, you know, greatness
in myself, greatness in myself.

I see no greatness in myself.

I see no greatness in myself.

Simple-minded, child-like,

insipid kind of
vaudeville feeling.

Moronic,
kind of awkward feeling.

Adolescent.

Sorry, pal.

You must resign yourself
to being exceptional.

You have no right of
claim to their fences

and their grass.

You're special, man.
You are the big cat.

Destined to wander forever

spreading your sunshine

onto the lives of
those of us with less.

Your shot.

You know what I think we need?

What's that?

I think we need
some road under us.

What say you?

Something in mind?

Here's my suggestion.

I say tomorrow in the a.m.,
when you get back from tire town,

you and me borrow a vehicle
and stretch it out.

You girls up for a ride later?

Watch the sun rise?

We can't.

We've got school tomorrow.

Pity.

Harry.

{stole my first
automobile at 14, 1940.

Boo!

By the time I swore off
such soul-thrilling pleasures

nearly a decade later,

{had had illegally in
my possession about 500 cars

whether taken for the moment

and to be returned
to their owner later,

or whether taken for the purpose

of so altering
it's appearance as to keep it

for several weeks.

Wow, man,
that was all one sentence.

Isn't that what we needed?

Movement!

It's the only thing that keeps
us on this earth, Neal.

Did you know that, girls?

They ever teach you that
in astronomy

or physics or geology?

Did they teach you
that the only thing

that's keeping us
from flying off into nowhere

is spinning?

That's right, man, we're tops.

Neal! Neal!

Me and you were spun out!

Faster, baby! Faster.

Go, man, go!

You're laughing now!

We have absolutely
nothin' to worry about.

The time is now,
and now is all we have.

How you doing there, cutie?

Hey, Neal!

Jeananne!

Cassady!

Cassady!

One, two, three, four,

wmmq.

Five and six.

I'm taking inventory
of our productivity,

assessing our output,

calculating our ever-looming,
rubbery demise.

What are you on, son?

Currently, I'm on 57,

but my guess is
there'|| be thousands.

Are you high?

Relatively.

I can always get higher.

Neal. Neal.

Come on down here, would you?

Uh, look, you better shake
whatever you're on

because the truly higher-ups

are comin' down in five
to give us a check.

Damn.

You bet.

I'm sorry, Neal, was I
distracting you by talking?

Why don't you grab us
a couple more beers

while I sink this crazy eight?

J

Hey, Neal,

sometimes
a little distraction is

a good thing.

Flfl.

J1 Dashing through the snowfl.

J1 On a one-horse open sleigh J1.

'Tis the season to be,

but I wasn't.

I was doing anything I could

to keep the vision
deep in the dream.

J1 Bells on bob-tail ring J1

I even met this chick at work,

the boss's cousin or somethin'.

Punchin' the card,
livin' on the family dole.

I stole a night of solace there.

We both did, I think.

J1 A sleighing song tonight J1.

From the grind to the grind.

J1 Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way J1.

J1 Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh J1.

J1 Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way J1.

J1 Oh, what fun it is to ride J1.

J1 in a one-horse open sleigh J1.

The pool hall became my temple,

my home away from home.

To think, a year ago,
I barely knew how to play.

J1 Jingle bells J1.

J1 Jingle bells J1.

J1 Jingle all the way.

J1 Oh, jingle, jingle J1.

J1 Jingle bells J1.

J1 Jingle all the way J1.

So what's your reason?

Huh?

Your reason.

Every man has a reason,
what's yours?

Why are you here

with me, working the graveyard?

I said every man has a reason.

I didn't say every man
wants to talk about it.

Okay.

Sorry.

I started days.

And then my wife died.

Car accident.

And then.

I got to where I couldn't
stand the nights alone

anymore.

The wood creaks,

somethin' about the drop
in the temperature,

but the wood creaks
awful bad at night.

I look up to see her and...

I like working nights.
It's quiet.

Except for you.

Got a picture?

Hmm?

You got a kid.

Ruthie.

Lives out in California.

I've been savin' up
to go see her.

We write every week.

Like clockwork. Only better.

She's a beautiful
young lady, my Ruthie.

Her mom would be real proud.

Yeah.

I'll bet she would.

Talkin' to Jerry
the other night.

Jerry?

At work.

Jerry? Right.

The old man.

Exactly.

Run, man, run!

He's got a kid.

Oh, yeah.

Little girl.

That's good for him.

Ruth.

Pretty name.
Can I play quarterback?

Sure.

Okay.

Uh, go out, over there.

You know they write
each other? Letters.

Every week.
At least one letter a week.

Oh, his wife's dead.

I'm sorry to hear.

Oh, man, I love this part.

Um, hike.

This guy misses more things
than I may ever have.

What?

A life, man.

He's savin' up money
to go visit his little girl.

Suckers walk!

It's not an epiphany or any
great notion like that.

It's a realization.

I'm thinkin' about California.

The sun. There's no winter.

It's the great outdoors.

I mean, I could start fresh.

I could get a job there.

Vanquish myself of the ghosts.

Build my own little somethin'.

Hey, Coach Rockne,

I gotta be back to work in 10.

Go long.

Oh, Neal.

Hike.

Give it up.

Back to work.

New time in this
great land of ours.

It's a metaphor, man.

I was just sayin' every man,
every woman for that matter,

wants a person to love,
who loves them,

and a roof over their head
when it rains.

Of course. But what does
that have to do with

all the fenced in
happily ever after?

Look, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news,

but I know you, Cassady,
you couldn't live that.

That'd be death for you.

You'd atrophy and die.

P-Pow!

My shot.

What? Why?

You touched my ball first.

So?

How long we been playin' here,

nine months, a year?

If you use my ball in a
combination, then it's my shot.

Your ball still drops,
but it is now my shot.

Do you make this up as you go?

It's a rule, Neal.

There'|| be no
anarchy on this felt.

Step out of the way
and let me finish this off.

Knock it off.

What?

I'm trying to concentrate.

Oh, sorry.

It's time, Har, I can feel it.

Save the maiden.

Swim the moat.
Draw the drawbridge.

Ta-da-da-dah!

Ancl they all lived
happily ever after.

Oh!

Tell you what.

Why don't you
swim over to the bar

and rescue me an ale
from the evil beer-keeper?

Hey, man,
a couple more of the same.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you Neal?

Excuse me?

Are you Neal Cassady?

Yeah.

Paughsl.

Well, how do you do, Neal?

I'm Elizabeth.

It's a pleasure.

How do you know,
you just met me?

I have a sense
about these things.

Hmm.

You used to date Joan,
didn't you?

J

Yeah.

I thought so.

So, listen.

Do you have somewhere
to go tonight, Neal?

Why? You goin' somewhere?

I have to go.

Before I go on,

I have to give you
some information

that's essential to the story.

So bear with me.

I gotta give you one of
my Hollywood flashbacks.

Now soon after returning from

the New Mexico State Reformatory

after doing 11 months
and 10 days

of hard labor,
you know the song?

I, uh, I had the rare luck
to meet a 16-year-old

high school beauty.

This is October 1945,
if you're keeping score.

Her name was Mary Jane Greenway.

"Cherry" Mary

because she lived on
Cherry Street, you see?

The other reason
for her fruitful name,

well, didn't last long.

J1 I dropped it J1.

J1 Yes, on the way
I dropped it J1.

J1 A little girlie
picked it up J1.

J1 And put it in her pocket J1.

J1 She was truckin' on
down the avenue J1.

J1 But not a single
thing to do J1.

J1 She went pick, pick,
picking all around J1.

J1 I When she spied it
on the ground J1.

J1 She took it, she took it J1.

J1 my little yellow basket J1.

J1 And if she doesn't
bring it back J1.

J7 I think that I will die J7.

IA Was“ green'? A1

41 No, no, no, no D.

J1 Was it red? J1

41 No, no, no, no D.

J1 Was it blue? J1

41 No, no, no, no D.

J1 Just a little
yellow basket I J1.

J1 A little yellow basket J1.

She says I can't
go out for a whole month.

Just to baby-sit.

Well, you'll just have to
baby-sit more often.

It's okay. It's okay.
Shh. Come on.

Look at all this stuff.

Look at this... Look at this
rocket ship.

What's this,
in case he entertains?

Come on, don't break anything.

Come on, what's the matter, huh?

What's the matter?

It's okay.

Shh.

Hey, what's the matter,
little man? Come here.

You got a thorn
in your paw or somethin', huh?

You cool now?

Man, smell him.

He smells good. Smell him.

Look at you.

What? I'm just smellin' him.

He smells really good.

That baby smell.

Like the world hasn't dumped
all their stink on him yet.

You're wild, Neal.

You cool now, soldier?

J1 Well, he maybe your's J1.

J1 but he ain't your's
all alone J1.

J1 Well, he maybe your's J1.

J1 but he ain't your's
all alone J1.

I He's no more exclusive
than a partyline telephone.

Wait, wait. Come here.

Where?

I always wanted to
do it in the bathroom.

What are you
talkin' about, always?

J1 Well, he's yours,
he's mine J1

41 and he's gotta
know the flame a1.

J1 I know it ain't true, but I
love him just the same 27 J1.

Funny English joke:

Man and wife in their
living room, phone rings,

man answers and says'

"| wouldn't know,
better call the coast guard."

Hangs up. Wife says,
"Who was it, dear?"

Man says, "| don't know.

Some damn fool wanted to know
if the coast was clear."

Wait! What was that?

Relax. He's sleeping.
And if he's not...

No, that.

Mary?

Mary?

Hi?

Hi.

Hi.

Here. How's Dexter?

Oh, he's fine. He's fast asleep.

Good. Very good.

How come you're home so early?

I just hate those parties.

Oh, yes, help me with my shoes.

Salesmen.
50 salesmen are all telling

the same,
this one, horrible jokes.

And the pictures.

Yes, they all have pictures.

"Me and Marge in New York City.

Marge at
the Empire State Building."

That's crazy stuff.

Ah. Oh, Mary.

Mary,

Would you get, um...

There's a little white bottle
in the medicine cabinet.

It's got a doctor's prescription

taped right to the side.

Sure.

[Flaughs] Oh, and the food.

I'm dead.

My goodness,
they served some kind of fish.

I don't even know
what they call that fish.

It's some sort of Jew fish.

Something-Something
like that. Oh, Mary?

Mary?

Oh, Mary,
can you do this up, please?

As Mary got wilder,

the old bitch decided to
give me a dressing down.

I can't remember
the exact little thing

that led up to this,
offhand anyhow.

And since the mother wasn't
the type to do it herself.

To impress me, I guess,

she got the pastor
of the parish to stop on by.

Oh, Neal.

Mary, Mary, Mary, you stop it.

Do not open that door.
Wait for me.

Compose yourself.

Neal, I'm so happy you could
join us this evening.

Thank you.
Why don't you go on in...

Why don't you go on
into the study

and wait for us.
Mary, stay with me.

Now. Her home
was in one the elite parishes,

and she got
the monsignor himself,

this was a Catholic church,

to come over for dinner
to give me a little lecture.

I arrived a little before him,
so the old crow got to spew

a bit of her own gospel

to warm me up
for the main event.

Cheese?

Well, the reason I wanted you

to join us
this evening for supper

was I had a few things

I wanted to share
with both of you.

Now, you two are just too young

to understand about respect.

You think you're indestructible,

you think you're beyond...

paughsl

beyond reproach. I'll get it.

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.

May I have this?
Would you hand... hand...

Thank you.

You think you're
beyond reproach.

Well, I have a little
newsflash for you.

I'll get it.
Sit. Sit. Sheila, I'll get it.

Father Fletcher.

We are so pleased
you're with us this evening.

How are you, Catherine?

I am very fine, Father.
May I take your coat?

It's all right.

It's a great honor, sir.
Neal! Mary!

We have our special guest here.

Neal, I think you
might especially enjoy

talking with him.

Girls. Girls.

Father Fletcher,
I think you remember

my daughters, Sheila and Mary.

Of course, how are you, Mary?

Fine, Father. How are you?

Can't complain.

And this is...

Neal, I don't

believe this.

I've found you, at last.

His voice broke
as he said his last words

and his Adam's apple
must have refused

to articulate further

because all it gave out
was a strange blubber.

You two have met?

Ah, shiny luck.

The ecstatic priest
was Harlan Fletcher.

And check this,
he was my godfather.

When I was baptized
at the age of 10, in 1936.

The last time I saw
the good Father

I was an altar boy

at Holy Ghost Church
engrossed in the lives

of the saints and
determined to... to become

a priest or a Christian brother.

That was more than
six years ago.

Before I started my wander down

the pleasanter path of evil.

Well, suffice it to say,
he never did get around

to playing mouthpiece
for the old lady.

He was too full of
blissful joy at finding

as he put it, his lost son.

Bye, Father. Goodbye.

The meal was done,
the Father split,

I glowed triumphant,

and that old bitch
hated me more than ever.

Is this your house? Yeah.

Anyway, back to our story.

It's nice, I mean
it's a very nice house.

People dream about
houses like this.

You, uh, live with somebody?

Yeah.

Forgot my Key-

Hey.

You made it.

Uh-huh.

This Neal?

Uh-huh.

How you doing tonight, Neal?

Good.

Uh, listen...

You know...

Come in.

I got a surprise for you.

So can I get you
a drink or anything?

A beer?

It's the least I can do, I pulled
you away from a full draft.

Sure, yeah, a beer. Great.

Listen, |'m... |'m sure you got
me confused with somebody else.

Finally.

Just when you
think you learn your lesson.

Do you need a sweater?

And you swear
to watch your step,

a single moment off guard
will pop up and hope

will spring high as ever.

Hello.

One startled look and I knew.

I was right back
where I started.

These potatoes are overcooked.

This is so good.

Let me see...

What do you think?
Think it needs more pepper?

How about some music?

You like bebop?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

I love it, thank you.

Flfl.

Mmm, mmm, hmm.

Boy, that looks so good.

Doesn't it, though?

Yeah.

He's pretty cool, huh?

Uh, yeah.

He thought I was dying, Lizzy.

I know.

That's why he left.

He couldn't just stand there
and... and... and watch me die.

He wanted to help, Lizzy,
he really did.

And there wasn't anything
he could do.

Lizzy, he loved me too much
just to stand there helpless.

Then why don't you
set this out on the table?

And I'll bring this
beast out in a minute.

Lewis, you want to come
in here and carve the meat?

Joan.

He's real cool.

He is.

Hello.

Paughsl.

Like a mirage.

This is an oasis.

How do you feel?

Over the prosperous
supper on which we soon pounced

hung an air of excitement.

Joan and I were leaping with
love looks across the roast beast.

While Lou and Lizzy
just beamed on us.

And we planned.
Yes, sir, all four of us.

And right out loud, too.

Al right, the way I figure it.

You kids have wasted
too much time already.

You love each other,
I can see it.

You're gonna settle down,
right now.

You got a job, Neal?

Ah, yeah.

Yup, I have a job.

I'm workin' the graveyard
shift over at Goodyear,

but, um, to tell you the truth,

I've been looking for, uh,
something during the day.

Those nights, start to
take their toll and...

I'm sure they do, jeez.

I tell you what we're
going to do, you know.

Tomorrow morning, you and
me are goin' in to see my boss,

crack of dawn.

'Cause he owes me one.

I introduced him
to his wife, remember?

She ain't that bad, dear.

And we'll see about
gettin' that day job.

Driving?

Yeah.

Well, maybe, I mean you got to
be 21 to drive a hack in Denver.

Are you 21, Neal?

Um, no, ma'am,
but I will be 20 in February.

Well, you look a good 21 to me.

Life can just beat you up,
can't it?

Hey, I mean, no offense.
I mean, you know.

Could be worse, sir.

You're right, could be worse.

So, who's got room for dessert?

Look it, Neal, if you
need a place to live,

until the first paycheck or
so, we got an extra bedroom,

fold-out couch, you know.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir, but...

Enough with the "sir," okay?

You know, I mean, I appreciate
the respect, but we are friends here.

The name's Lou.

Well, a lot of people call me
Uncle Lou, I... I don't know.

All right.

Well, I'll just do "Lou."

Thanks, uh, but what I was going
to say was, yeah, I have a room.

Um, I'm livin' over by the
trains, but, um, thank you.

I mean, I'll think about it.

I mean, it would be nice for
Joan to have you two around.

Hey, you feel
like some music, babe?

Flfl.

Hey, there.

Sorry to barge in.

Hey, my pleasure.

Many an incident
in this man's young life

seems to be centered
around the toilet.

I'm sure there's some deep
and profound logic to all that.

I'm currently too full
to make an even rhyme of it.

Oh.

I'm about to burst.

Pretty good pe0Ple-

Old Lizzy and Lou.

Yeah.

How did you meet 'em?

Lizzy works at the hospital.

Oh.

J1 I Everybody's singing
those sugar blues J1.

J1 The whole town is ringing J1.

J1 My lovin' man J1.

J1 Sweet as he can be J1

I look pretty crummy.

No. J1 But the doggone fool J1.

J1 Turned sour on me! J1.

Yeah, I do.

41 I'm so unhappy 41.

J1 I feel so bad J1.

J1 I could lay me down
and die J1.

You... You look like an angel.

J1 I You can say
what you choose J1.

J1 I But I'm all confused J1.

J1 I've got those sweet,
sweet sugar blues J1.

Hi.

J1 I got those sweet,
sweet sugar blues J1.

I thought you were gone forever.

I know.

J1 Singin' those sugar blues J1.

J1 My lovin' man,
sweet as can be J1.

J1 But the doggone fool »

41 Turned sour on me 41

41 I'm so unhappy 41.

J1 I feel so bad J1.

J1 I could lay me down J1.

J1 And die J1

41 You can say
what you choose a1.

J1 I But I'm all confused J1.

J1 I've got those sweet, sweet
sugar blues J1

41 More sugar n.

J1 I got those sweet, sweet
sugar blues! J1.

They offered us a room here.

I know.

Actually,
he offered you a room here.

He offered me the couch.

Till we tie the knot.

I mean, I come here thinking,

I don't know...

Mmm-hmm.

And then... and then

there you are.

Like a miracle.

Here I am.

Thinkin'?

Yeah.

I kept goin', you know,
|... 1 kept takin' in breaths,

spittin' them out.

I missed you so much.

Oh.

You slay me, Lady Joan.

Oh.

Oh, damn.

What?

Oh.

You know, I, um, I, uh...

Neal, what?

Look at this.

What?

This. |'m... I can't... I can't go
meet somebody looking like this.

I don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to go meet my
hoped for employer looking like...

Neal, what? I'm sorry. I don't
know what you're talking about.

If I go like this, he's going to
smell my dinner from a week ago.

Neal.

What?

Neal, that's...
Honey, it's going to be fine.

Yeah, it'll be fine.
Everything's going to be fine.

Calm down.

I promise you, this man tomorrow,
he's... he's... he's gonna love you.

He's going to love you
almost as much as I do.

I don't want this...

I don't want this to go bad.
I can't, I just...

Shh.

What's... What's gonna go bad?

We're together, aren't we?

There's a little switch.

What?

You takin' care of me.

Yeah.

Well, things change.

Mmm-hmm.

So you're gonna
take care of me now?

If I have to.

For a little while.

You're back.

Yeah.

The suit.

Huh?

The suit, you remember the
suit I got with Peter and Ben?

Ben's got it now,
it's perfect. Finally.

A proper use for the suit.

I'll just do a little speed run

and grab necessary clean duds.

Ben's got it. He lives right
around 12th and Ogden.

What?

I'll be back before you miss me.

You're just running out?

An hour, it'll take me like...

You've got to be kidding me.

What?

What?

Okay. Okay, what?

I'm coming with you.

Joan, Joan, you're... What?

I don't think
that's such a wise idea.

Why not?

Because I haven't seen you
in two months.

First night we're together, I
drag you out into the freezing air?

I'm trying to take care of you.

What's worse? Dragging
me out or running out?

I'm not runnin' out.

Yes, you are.

Okay, I'm runnin' out.

But I'll be runnin' back
even faster.

I want you healthy. I don't
want anything to happen to you.

I got big plans for us.

Understand? Now, listen,

I won't be gone long, I promise.

I'll be mercurial. I'll
kiss you when I get back.

Then we'll start a life
together.

Just you and me, kid.

Right?

Okay.

Neal! Hey, Neal.

Ho, ho, ho.

Where's the fire, buddy?

I\\

Come on in.

You're just the man
I wanted to see.

Oh, I got somewhere to be, man.

I'll buy you a beer.

I'll see you later.

Come on, it's Christmas time.

Yeah.

Neal.

Have a drink with your pathetic,
lonely, loser, piece-of-crap friend,

for Christ's sakes.

Make my night.

I'm buying for God's sake.

I think that's one of the
signs of the apocalypse.

Come on.

What's a guy got to do to get
some company in this town?

Just taste it.

That's eggnog, man.

Who drinks eggnog? I don't
even know what's in that.

Well, that's part of its beauty.

It's a drink with mystery.

And who's ever heard
of a nog, right?

Besides,
it's the drink of the season.

Here, have a taste.
It'll warm your cockles.

War, I gotta go.

I shouldn't have stopped
in the first place.

But you sounded
so damned pathetic.

Can paint it pretty nice, hey?

Wmmq.

What're you doin' here, anyway?

What, they kick you out
of the pool hall?

As I matter of fact, yes.

Said I was
harassing the patrons.

Can you believe that?

Yeah,

but I gotta go.

Let me buy you a shot.

Oh, I can't.

I got to go to Benji's pad and
then back to that chick's place.

Chick's place?

Are you still with that old
chick from the pool hall?

Cassady, you are
unbelievable. How do you...

Shh.

Joan's back.

Come again.

Joan is back.

She survived.

That's what that older chick
Lizzy's comin' on to me about,

you see, she wanted me
to go to her place,

because that's where
Joan's been stayin'.

You kiddin' me?

That's not exactly the sort of
thing you joke about, brother.

Paughsl.

Did you check for stigmata?

So elaborate. How is she back?

I have no idea.

But she is.

She came back.

What're you doin' out?
Why aren't you with her?

I'm gonna be.

I got a job interview tomorrow.

Go to work
at Treat's Cab Company.

That's why I'm walkin'
the wintry streets,

sans maiden, you see.
I have to get the suit.

Well, who's got it?

Well, Ben's got it.

See, he's done with it, though,
so I'm gonna go... go get it.

Well, let me get
this all straight.

You have refound your lost love.

And will soon be starting a job,

a day job.

Thus, uh, living your dream life

that you've been
waxing on about.

Woody Wagon, two-car garage,

the whole deal.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

This is good.

This is great.

This is harmonious,

coincidental,

symbiotic, freaky.

Al right, so here I am
sittin' here, nursin' the nog.

Let me buy you another draft.

Beer-tender, another
frosty draft for my friend.

Okay.

Hat.

I thank you for the
libations, brother,

but I have a
happily-ever-after to start.

See you around the bend, huh?

Okay.

I lied.

I do need somethin'.

And note, I use the word
"need"” and not "want."

This is truly a matter of need.

What do you need?

What's Mary's phone number?

What?

Cherry Mary,
what's her phone number?

I've been pining, Neal,

ever since you brought her by the
pool hall, I have been a wounded man.

Laughin' on the outside,
cryin' on the in.

And now that you've moved on,

and happily ever after awaits,

can't you share
a little mirth with a friend?

Harry, she's 16 years old.

I mean, what're you?
You're 32, you're 33...

You judgin' me?

I'm not judging you,
I'm just sayin'...

Besides, she's probably

Harry.

Harry, please.

For a friend.

Come on, man, it's just
numbers, man. It's just numbers.

Harry, I, uh...

I got to tell you, man.

She really didn't dig you.

So...

Give me the rope.

Let me hang myself.

Hi, is Mary there?

Thanks.

Yeah, well...

I know. Sure, I know.

Right, well.

Listen. Okay.

Okay.

Hey, Cassady!

Cassady!

I, uh...

What's up, man?

I just, uh...

I just wanted to...

Damn, it's cold.

Anyway, I just wanted to
thank you for the number,

and, uh, I don't know,
buy you another...

Har, I got somewhere to
be, man. I told you before.

Sure, right. And ||... 1
would never want to...

How far do you think that was?

It feels like
a goddamn mile, man.

Man, I got to
get in shape like you, Neal.

Strong, lean.

You know, that's how you...

Har, let's do this fast,
shall we?

Why don't you tell me
precisely what it is that you need

and I'll tell you no, all right?

All right? Okay?

She said she couldn't
come down right now,

but to call her in half an hour.

Great.

Call her in half an hour
and have a great time.

Well, she sort of said that...

See, she said...

She asked for you to call her.

Excuse me?

She said she would love to
hear the sound of your voice.

And her mother's
not even that mad...

You told her I was there?

I had to, brother.
And I was getting nowhere.

I mean, like ice at Christmas.

|... 1 needed help.

And I can't help you, Harry.

Okay? Okay, man?
I can't help you.

Please, just a call.
A conversation.

For a friend.

You are a true one, Neal.

Last resort, you understand?

Absolutely, I Will...

Hey, hello.

Could I please
speak with Mary, please?

This is Harry.

Thank you.

I can't do this. I got to split.

This whole thing's
feeling real bad.

Hey, Mary, so what'd you think?

You think
maybe you can, uh... Huh?

Oh.

Uh, he's, uh...

He's, uh, right here. Yeah.

He just didn't want to have
a run in with the old lady.

Here, let me put him on.

Just get her here, then you're on your
merry way, and I'm on my "Mary" way,

if you know what I'm saying?
Here, just talk.

I love you for this, buddy.

Hey, Mar, how's it goin'?

Hey.

Where have you been? I miss you.

Yeah. Well.

Listen, Harry here was wondering
if... You remember Harry?

Long guy, my pool hall compadre.

Yeah.

Well, um, listen,

Harry was wondering if maybe

you might want to slip out
from under the watchful eye

of guard-mother and, um...

I know.

Right, so...

What bar?

Uh, The Tavern. It's over...

You two just hanging out?

It's over between
Colfax and Pearl.

You gonna be there for a while?

No, actually,
I was just passin' by,

happened to see
Harry here, and, uh...

Where are you going?

Well, uh, I was on my way over
to Ben's house. Pick up the suit.

Got a big job
interview tomorrow.

Really?

Yeah.

That's great.
My mom was so mad at you.

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Mmm.

I can't believe
you knew Father Fletcher.

That was...
That was really funny.

Yeah, well, sometimes good fortune
follows those who least deserve it.

What?

Nothing.

Listen, Mar, why don't
you come down, I mean,

Harry really

loved...

Hello, this is the operator,

five cents
for the next three minutes.

Hello. Give me a nickel.

What?

Out of time. I need a
nickel for the phone.

Damn it.

Hang on, Mary,
we're just getting...

If you are unable to deposit five
cents, I'll have to disconnect you.

No, we have it, ma'am.

Just please, hang on one
second, operator. My friend is...

Sorry.

Is she still there.
Did we lose her?

Relax, man.

Give me the phone.

Never mind, you just...

Listen, Mar,
why don't you talk to Harry?

He's right here
chompin' at the...

I miss you, Neal.

Why don't I put Harry on?
All right?

We had some real fun, huh, Neal?

Yeah.

Listen, I'm going to put you
on with Har, all right?

I miss saying your hame again.

Neal.

Oh.

I'm going to put you
on with Harry.

{ liked saying your name.

Screaming your name.

What? Is she coming?

Well, maybe.

Oh, you are my god, man.

Remember? Me being blind?

Yeah, I remember.

In that big house

that my mom was selling
over on Forest.

I can't do this right now, Mary.

{swiped the key

and we just walked right
through the big front door,

just like the place was ours.

She used to
like to play at blindness.

It could happen anywhere. While
she was drivin', I'd grab the wheel.

When she was walking,
I'd lead her.

She really played
the true martyr thing.

It'd begin simply enough with her
just announcing that she couldn't see.

And it would go on till she
said she could see again.

War, why don't put Harry on?

He could give you directions
over here.

Remember?

Big bedroom?

And the bath.

You had to guide me all around
because I couldn't see anything.

MEW-

Then you undressed me.

And you washed me.

And you soaped me.

And you washed my hair.

God!

I can't believe
I'm talking about this.

I'm getting all...

you know?

Hmm.

Can I come down
to the bar and see you?

Neal? Let me come down.

Is she comin' down or what?

Please tell me
you didn't screw this up.

Neal? I need this.

Wait for me, okay?

I'll sneak out.

We'll borrow a car
and go joyriding.

Yeah, why don't you come down?

Great. I'll sneak out right now.

Okay.

You'll be there, right?

I'll be there in 25 minutes.
I'll hitch.

Unless, you want to come here.

I'll hitch.

I love you, Neal.

She's on her way.

I love you, man.

You are it!

You are the big daddy
of all big daddies!

Let me hang up the phone, man.

Give me your shoe.

Uh, what?

Give me your goddamn shoe.

I want to kiss the ground
you walk on.

And she still thinks
you're a creep, man.

It doesn't matter. It
doesn't even matter one bit.

Shows she's got good taste.

I am a creep. Hell, you
know that. I know that.

It's good that she knows that.

Get things out in the open.
Start with honesty.

That's what my old man said
before he took off.

And, I might add that creepiness

just so happens to be one
of my most powerful traits.

Creepiness

and neediness.

So, listen, um.

Look, when Mary gets here,
you tell her that |'m...

What? You're not staying?

I still gotta get back
to the house, man.

Hell, I still got to make it
to Ben's.

Road P0P?

Huh?

Let me buy a final adieu

for my savior.

My Elijah.

Where'd you get
all this cash from, anyway?

Robbed a bank.

Kiddin'.

The dole, man.

Drinkin' from
the government tit.

Come on.

What's another 15 minutes when
you've already blown an hour?

One more. Then I'm on the road.

Done.

Mas nog and another brew for my
bestest buddy in the whole wide world.

Paughsl.

He's gonna blow.

Excuse me a moment.

Tried to tell you, man.

You got to stay away
from them sweet drinks.

You got some gum or somethin'?

No.

Sorry.

Shit.

She's going to get here
and I'm going to stink all over.

Hi.

Remember me? I'm Harry.

You all right, man?

Yeah. I'm cool.

Give me a hand up.

I just got to wash off my face.

You better split, brother.

What?

Cherry Mary's liable
to strut through that door

and blow your whole
happily ever after all to hell

before you even get
a taste of it.

You want it, don't you?

What?

The Wild stuff.

You talk a good game

about the picket fences
and the honey at home,

but when the seven deadly sins
start linin' up at your doorstep,

and you see that little lady
lust all dressed in black...

What are you? The devil?

It's in your eyes, brother.

It's in your soul.

You are meant
to roam the plains,

live off the fat of the land.

Or the lamb.

This other crap,

it's just dreamin'.

Screw you, man.

I'm just lookin'
and reportin' what I see.

Yeah?

No.

No.

You know what, Harry?
You don't see jack.

Hey, man.

H€Y=

Brother Neal.

Get a little happy
for all of us.

You Neal Cassady?

Oh, who's askin'?

It seems Cherry Mary's
mother was listening on the phone

and heard her sufficiently
underage little angel

talking nasty, nasty
with yours truly, truly.

I guess she jotted down
the address I gave Mary,

and sent in the goons.

See, mom was
very politically powerful.

If you're dying with some guy
holdin' a knife to your throat,

you might have to wait awhile
for the men in blue,

but when Frau Bitch calls,
the boys jump.

She won't testify.

Flat out said no to her mother.

So then, |-|'m free to go?

Well, actually, I'm afraid
it's not quite that easy.

Oh, no,
I don't understand, what...

Well, it seems that there've
been some other charges

brought to our attention.

Like?

Well, I'll have to return you
to your cell just for the clay

so that we can work this out.

But I didn't do anything.

No, I... just...

Sir, um, I'm...
I'm sure that there's been

some kind of
big misunderstanding.

But I have somewhere to be.

Somewhere other than this.
And... and... and...

Well, I have to leave.

Well, it's, uh...

Well, I'm not supposed
to be here, so I have to go.

Well, I'm sorry,

but I'm afraid you're
not goin' anywhere today.

All right. But I should be
able to make a phone call.

That's the least, right?
A phone call?

Well, what're you waitin' for?

Asign.

{didn't even
know their fast name.

Lou and Lizzy what?

So I sat there.

Well, actually, {walked there.

9 feet by 11 feet.

I must have covered 20 miles in the
two long weeks they kept me there.

Oh, the charge?
Suspicion of burglary.

Of my pool hall hangout, yet.

Oh, and because the charge
had superficial plausibility,

because I racked balls there
some, and I knew the layout,

they were able to keep me there
for more time than one might think.

Not to mention the fact that Mary's
mom was flexing all her political muscle

to keep me there
as long as possible.

Sorry, kid. Nothin' I could do.

She wanted you done.
We had to do you.

The trees were down.
The toys were already broken.

And Christmas cheer
had given way to winter blahs,

before the Captain of Dicks admitted
that he knew {was clear all along.

All this in explanation of why Joan
and I didn't live happily ever after.

It's very simple, really.

We were given no chance.

Or perhaps we were given
every chance and took none.

I guess I could've waited.

Probably should've waited.

But as you know,

this was not the fast time
I committed suicide.

And so love goes.

And so life goes.

And so I go.

You carry on, my brother.

J1 J1

J1 Boy meets girl, so what? J1.

J1 With a big bang gong J1.

J1 I Wakin' up the neighbors
and knocking each local door J1.

J1 Come in or are you
going out, forward lean J1

41 Tune and ash you up 41

41 Up on the door 'yam n.

J1 Wonderin' which J1.

J1 Listenin' for the gut,
girl J1.

J1 Reaction and fookin'
for the nether pink J1.

J1 Pretty sign from beyond
just to let me know J1.

J1 In or not, or out J1.

J1 Or just leak
the native beat J1.

J1 Back into the sweet home J1

41 Sweet home I1.

J1 I Sweet home place J1.

J1 Make it spooky J1.

J1 So it loses all sense J1

41 Pmcked boredom 41.

J1 Takes on said rosy glow J1

41 She's the one 41.

J1 She's riding the kill J1.

J1 I So I say, "So what?" J1.

J1 She can make it real J1.

J1 In my own life J1.

J1 And when I walk away J1.

J1 She sure is, too J1.

J1 I No longer rescue J1.

J1 But only
the good die young J1.

J1 I Her mind, her first chance J1.

J1 Met and fed out of sight J1.

J1 I Sign me off right here J1.

J1 lAnd I'm sure
he'll make the next bus J1.

J1 I Climb aboard J1

41 And flde my heart out past 41.

J1 I The rails, the trails,
and brush paths J1

41 Our grandfathers menfioned a1.

J1 I They're my memories, too J1.

J1 I You share them less J1

41 For me she's the best 41.

J1 I But, of course,
never met J1.

J1 I Only followed 27 J1