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1
00:00:01,711 --> 00:00:03,039
HILDA:
I love this time of year.
2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,869
Christmas carols, sleigh rides,
gigantic electric bills.
3
00:00:07,046 --> 00:00:08,588
Sabrina, want to give us a hand?
4
00:00:08,755 --> 00:00:10,794
In a sec. I'm revising
my Christmas wish list.
5
00:00:10,963 --> 00:00:13,751
This year I'm hoping
for a computer, a mountain bike...
6
00:00:13,924 --> 00:00:15,915
Oh, and this great ski jacket
I saw at the mall.
7
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,711
SALEM: You're not exactly
the Little Match Girl, are you?
8
00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:21,005
Those sound
pretty expensive, Sabrina.
9
00:00:21,176 --> 00:00:23,879
I know. That's why I prepared
a list of backup gift ideas
10
00:00:24,051 --> 00:00:28,047
in a variety of price ranges.
Gotta go.
11
00:00:28,219 --> 00:00:29,677
Oh, and you'll note on the bottom,
12
00:00:29,844 --> 00:00:31,469
I've listed the times
I won't be around,
13
00:00:31,637 --> 00:00:33,261
so you can wrap my presents.
14
00:00:33,428 --> 00:00:37,092
Don't worry. I went through
that "give me" phase. It'll pass.
15
00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:39,136
ZELDA:
You're right.
16
00:00:39,597 --> 00:00:41,637
Hey. Give me that wise man.
17
00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:44,474
Well, guess we're almost
finished decorating,
18
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,597
except for the tree.
19
00:00:49,058 --> 00:00:51,549
You know, it's lovely.
20
00:00:51,726 --> 00:00:54,595
But Christmas is a mortal holiday.
21
00:00:54,769 --> 00:00:57,010
Shouldn't we do the tree
the mortal way?
22
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:59,723
- Okay. I'll conjure up a plastic one.
- Oh, no.
23
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,266
I meant, shouldn't we go
and buy a tree
24
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,061
and decorate it by hand?
25
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,771
All right.
26
00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:13,477
- Where do they sell trees?
- The forest?
27
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,359
Too much rouge?
28
00:01:39,405 --> 00:01:40,734
So I can't decide whether I shoot
29
00:01:40,906 --> 00:01:43,230
for A, the computer
and the mountain bike,
30
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,150
B, the computer
and the ski jacket,
31
00:01:45,325 --> 00:01:46,984
or C, all of the above.
32
00:01:47,158 --> 00:01:48,985
I'd hate to be there
if you got a savings bond.
33
00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:50,700
Hey, you wanna go
to the mall with me
34
00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:53,026
and do some important
Christmas present research?
35
00:01:53,202 --> 00:01:54,481
Can't. Gotta work.
36
00:01:54,661 --> 00:01:56,783
Got a job at Hilmann's
as a Santa Claus.
37
00:01:56,953 --> 00:01:59,110
Is that just
for the holiday season?
38
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,990
It's an okay job. What bothers me
is when the little kids go home
39
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,321
thinking they're gonna get
everything they asked for.
40
00:02:04,497 --> 00:02:06,240
A lot of them are
gonna be disappointed.
41
00:02:06,414 --> 00:02:08,371
Aw. Poor kids.
42
00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,161
So should I ask for a helmet
with the mountain bike,
43
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,075
or do you think
that's just implied?
44
00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:15,040
The Army was defeated
at Brandywine...
45
00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:18,492
SABRINA: Should I get
the mountain bike or the jacket?
46
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,410
Definitely the mountain bike.
47
00:02:20,584 --> 00:02:24,283
George Washington relocated
to Valley Forge.
48
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:26,868
SABRINA: Mountain bike,
George Washington...
49
00:02:29,878 --> 00:02:32,500
- Sabrina. Sabrina?
GLASS: Sabrina.
50
00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:35,243
We're talking about
a very bloody war.
51
00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:36,454
Why are you smiling?
52
00:02:36,631 --> 00:02:41,421
Because I've been desensitized
by popular culture?
53
00:02:42,924 --> 00:02:44,549
SALEM:
Oh, I see.
54
00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:47,551
First you kill the tree,
and then you humiliate it.
55
00:02:47,718 --> 00:02:50,883
Doing mortal things the mortal way
just feels right.
56
00:02:51,052 --> 00:02:52,795
My thumbs are numb.
57
00:02:52,969 --> 00:02:55,636
You know, I was thinking,
when we finish with the tree,
58
00:02:55,803 --> 00:02:57,795
that we could roast
some chestnuts the mortal way.
59
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:01,752
Oh, good grief. What's next?
Driving to the store?
60
00:03:01,929 --> 00:03:04,764
- Hey, what did you get?
- Let's see, meat glop,
61
00:03:04,930 --> 00:03:08,512
fruit glop, vegetable glop
and glop glop.
62
00:03:08,682 --> 00:03:12,179
- Yum. Save me a seat?
- Always.
63
00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:15,433
Now, what sounds edible?
64
00:03:16,058 --> 00:03:17,683
A baked potato.
65
00:03:21,893 --> 00:03:24,383
[IN RUSSIAN]
66
00:03:24,936 --> 00:03:26,431
Excellent.
67
00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,679
Where did you get that?
68
00:03:28,855 --> 00:03:31,344
Um, I ordered the kosher meal.
69
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,642
- Want a bite?
- No, thanks. It smells like vodka.
70
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:38,061
[ZELDA GROANS]
71
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:42,228
For the last time, when I push,
you pull. Got it?
72
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,855
- Could you be less technical?
ZELDA: Oh!
73
00:03:45,026 --> 00:03:46,354
SALEM:
Keep trimming that tree,
74
00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:49,016
and you'll be able to use it
in your car as an air freshener.
75
00:03:51,736 --> 00:03:53,774
- Hi, Harvey.
- Hey, Libby.
76
00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:56,316
- Got any plans for the holidays?
- Like it matters.
77
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,767
I hate Christmas.
78
00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,772
What's your take on Kwanza?
79
00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:01,737
Usually like all the presents,
but this year
80
00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:04,740
I have to be around
my bratty stepbrother, Russell.
81
00:04:04,906 --> 00:04:07,112
Really? Your family has
a brat in it?
82
00:04:07,282 --> 00:04:10,151
He colours with my lipsticks,
drips chocolate on my stuff,
83
00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:12,731
and he can cry on cue.
84
00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:14,948
What's your problem, freak?
85
00:04:15,118 --> 00:04:18,236
Hoping Santa will give you
a personality this year?
86
00:04:19,785 --> 00:04:21,743
And a crossbow!
87
00:04:21,910 --> 00:04:24,484
Push, push. Push! Push!
88
00:04:24,662 --> 00:04:27,697
I knew those Lamaze classes
would pay off.
89
00:04:28,955 --> 00:04:30,947
ZELDA: There.
- We have the makings
90
00:04:31,122 --> 00:04:34,157
- of a beautiful fire hazard.
- What do you think?
91
00:04:34,332 --> 00:04:35,826
That's what a mortal tree
looks like?
92
00:04:36,373 --> 00:04:38,496
No wonder they drink
during the holidays.
93
00:04:40,042 --> 00:04:42,164
I'm gonna conjure some
more asparagus. Want some?
94
00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,372
No, thanks. You put
too much ketchup on yours.
95
00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:49,494
Hey, somebody took a bite
out of it.
96
00:04:49,669 --> 00:04:53,083
I did. You didn't conjure
your own asparagus, you took mine.
97
00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:55,494
You think there's something wrong
with my magic?
98
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,046
Conjure something else,
we'll see.
99
00:04:57,212 --> 00:04:59,667
I could use some protein.
How about a wharf rat?
100
00:04:59,838 --> 00:05:01,914
How about a blouse?
101
00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:06,757
There. I'm fine.
And I have good taste.
102
00:05:07,883 --> 00:05:09,162
Zelda, how was the lecture?
103
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,540
For a six-part dissertation
104
00:05:10,716 --> 00:05:12,709
on the reproductive cycle
of garden snails,
105
00:05:12,884 --> 00:05:14,627
it was awfully dry.
106
00:05:16,135 --> 00:05:18,921
And, boy, it is really
getting cold outside.
107
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:21,715
Here's a tip, try wearing clothes.
108
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:26,012
Hey! What happened to my
blouse? It was my favourite--
109
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:27,342
--Green silk one?
110
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:30,134
Sabrina, how many times
do I have to tell you to ask
111
00:05:30,306 --> 00:05:31,503
before you borrow my clothes?
112
00:05:31,681 --> 00:05:33,590
Especially when
I'm already wearing them.
113
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,259
Something's wrong with me,
Aunt Zelda.
114
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:38,929
I conjured asparagus, I got Aunt Hilda's.
I tried to conjure a blouse, I got yours.
115
00:05:39,099 --> 00:05:43,262
Whatever you do,
don't conjure anything fur.
116
00:05:43,435 --> 00:05:44,715
HILDA:
What do you think it is, Zeldy?
117
00:05:44,894 --> 00:05:48,177
Well, from what I know,
the problem may be psychological.
118
00:05:49,895 --> 00:05:51,685
Now, there's nothing
to be afraid of.
119
00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:53,597
Dr. Bull is one of the most
highly regarded
120
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,146
witch psychiatrists around.
121
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,470
She's got two doctorates
from Other Realm universities
122
00:05:57,647 --> 00:05:59,189
and one from Utah State.
123
00:05:59,356 --> 00:06:02,972
And tell me again why I had to sign
that lobotomy release form?
124
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,060
And that about wraps it up.
Can I go now?
125
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,521
Conjures things
from others, narcissism.
126
00:06:09,692 --> 00:06:12,608
Based on these symptoms,
one would conclude
127
00:06:12,776 --> 00:06:15,018
that you're suffering
from egotitis.
128
00:06:15,194 --> 00:06:17,980
Me? I'm not the one
with the wall full of diplomas.
129
00:06:18,986 --> 00:06:21,109
Attacks when provoked.
130
00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:23,480
It's a textbook case.
131
00:06:23,654 --> 00:06:25,445
You're behaving like a little girl.
132
00:06:25,613 --> 00:06:27,440
Am not!
133
00:06:27,613 --> 00:06:31,396
What say we have a chat
with your inner child?
134
00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:34,989
Hey, I recognise you.
135
00:06:35,157 --> 00:06:37,565
You're always encouraging me
to run with scissors.
136
00:06:37,784 --> 00:06:39,611
Tell me, inner child,
137
00:06:39,784 --> 00:06:41,907
what do you like most
about Christmas?
138
00:06:42,076 --> 00:06:44,318
All the presents.
139
00:06:44,493 --> 00:06:47,577
Do you enjoy being with
other people at Christmas?
140
00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:49,737
If they bring me presents.
141
00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:53,113
Thank you. That will be all.
142
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:55,446
INNER CHILD:
Where's my presents?
143
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:58,705
Sorry. I didn't know my inner child
would be so childish.
144
00:06:58,873 --> 00:07:02,572
Or sticky.
I see what's happening here.
145
00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:04,030
You're trying to recapture
146
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,698
the excitement of Christmas
you felt as a child.
147
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:10,953
So you're acting like a child.
Or, medically speaking,
148
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,786
a spoiled brat.
149
00:07:12,961 --> 00:07:16,244
So do I need a shot,
or can I get away with an inhaler?
150
00:07:16,419 --> 00:07:17,534
It's not that easy.
151
00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:20,830
The cure for this malady
must come from within.
152
00:07:21,004 --> 00:07:24,253
You've got to rediscover
the magic of Christmas.
153
00:07:24,422 --> 00:07:28,003
And when you do,
your egotitis will go away.
154
00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:30,165
- That's it?
- Except for this.
155
00:07:30,340 --> 00:07:32,664
Hundred and twenty
dollars, please.
156
00:07:34,925 --> 00:07:36,917
ZELDA: Feeling a little more
in the spirit, dear?
157
00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:39,215
I'm trying, but I just don't feel
very Christmassy.
158
00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:40,712
Maybe some music would help.
159
00:07:40,885 --> 00:07:42,544
Put on a Johnny Mathis
Christmas album.
160
00:07:42,719 --> 00:07:44,378
Whatever. I'll try anything.
161
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:50,843
I swear my Christmas album
was here a minute ago.
162
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,219
Come on, John.
Get ahold of yourself.
163
00:07:55,305 --> 00:07:57,049
[JOHNNY MATHIS SINGING
"O HOLY NIGHT"]
164
00:07:57,223 --> 00:08:00,756
Oh, is he the dreamiest or what?
165
00:08:00,932 --> 00:08:03,553
And his voice is good too.
Wait a second.
166
00:08:03,725 --> 00:08:06,214
"Property of J. Mathis."
167
00:08:06,392 --> 00:08:08,468
Sabrina, you didn't conjure up
a CD.
168
00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:10,433
You just took one
from Johnny Mathis.
169
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:14,383
Oh, man, don't tell me my egotitis
still hasn't gone away.
170
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:18,011
Hey, maybe if I open
some presents, I'll feel better.
171
00:08:18,187 --> 00:08:21,104
Oh, no, I shook that one
last night. It was good.
172
00:08:21,272 --> 00:08:24,521
Sabrina, when you have egotitis,
you can't get any presents.
173
00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:26,432
Receiving gifts
only makes it worse.
174
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,764
This better be gone
by my birthday.
175
00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:36,897
What's the point of Christmas
without presents?
176
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:39,735
Ever notice that building
with the steeple and the bells?
177
00:08:39,901 --> 00:08:42,653
So there's gotta be something
you guys can do.
178
00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:45,440
Well, there is someone
who could help.
179
00:08:45,611 --> 00:08:47,355
And we didn't call him
before because...?
180
00:08:47,529 --> 00:08:49,356
He's a very big hoo-hah
in the Other Realm.
181
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,810
- Who is he?
- Bob.
182
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,858
So his parents didn't know he'd be
important when they named him.
183
00:08:54,031 --> 00:08:56,272
Let's summon him
with the Bob song.
184
00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:58,189
ZELDA [SINGS]:
Hm.
185
00:08:58,365 --> 00:09:00,736
BOTH [SINGING]:
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob
186
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,237
How do you remember
the lyrics?
187
00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:05,983
- Hey. What's up?
- Oh, hello, Bob.
188
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,570
We have a problem.
189
00:09:07,743 --> 00:09:09,901
Our niece Sabrina has
a case of egotitis.
190
00:09:10,077 --> 00:09:11,488
Yeah, that's not
your only problem.
191
00:09:11,661 --> 00:09:12,859
- It isn't?
- No, you've got
192
00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:15,076
one sorry-looking
Christmas tree.
193
00:09:15,245 --> 00:09:17,321
It looked better with presents.
194
00:09:17,496 --> 00:09:20,069
Ohh. Trying to recapture
the spirit of Christmas, huh?
195
00:09:20,247 --> 00:09:22,737
- Mm. Can you help?
- I'll give it a shot.
196
00:09:22,914 --> 00:09:24,029
I know.
197
00:09:24,206 --> 00:09:29,114
Say, why don't you and I take
a little trip to Christmas past?
198
00:09:29,291 --> 00:09:31,497
No, it's been done.
199
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:34,832
Trust me, the trip to the graveyard
is quite depressing.
200
00:09:35,002 --> 00:09:37,408
Why don't you and I
try to go and recapture
201
00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:39,245
your childhood
Christmas memories?
202
00:09:40,753 --> 00:09:43,125
And maybe have a look
at the new Chryslers.
203
00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:46,501
You have met this guy
before, right?
204
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:20,639
Ow!
205
00:10:20,806 --> 00:10:22,964
- Why'd you hit me?
- "Ow"?
206
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:24,515
WOMAN: Oh, Russell?
- What'd you do?
207
00:10:24,682 --> 00:10:26,638
- What'd you hit him for?
- It's not my fault.
208
00:10:26,807 --> 00:10:28,006
MAN:
What are you doing?
209
00:10:31,226 --> 00:10:33,017
MAN:
Merry Christmas.
210
00:10:34,477 --> 00:10:38,140
Cold, fun, snow,
Libby in trouble.
211
00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:40,718
Bob, I'm beginning to feel
a lot like Christmas.
212
00:10:40,896 --> 00:10:44,429
Well, see, I told you,
it was only a matter of-- Oh!
213
00:10:44,605 --> 00:10:46,147
SABRINA:
Oh, no. Are you okay?
214
00:10:46,314 --> 00:10:49,182
Oh, no. I slipped on some ice.
215
00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:52,107
And I don't remember my ankle
being the size of a grapefruit.
216
00:10:52,273 --> 00:10:53,815
Don't worry, I'll get you a cane.
217
00:10:54,815 --> 00:10:56,642
- Oh, thanks.
MAN: My cane!
218
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:59,733
- What happened to my cane?
- Oh, just my luck.
219
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,692
Don't tell me I still have egotitis.
220
00:11:01,859 --> 00:11:04,777
Let's see, I'm hurt,
grandpa's down,
221
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:06,936
you're still worried
about getting presents.
222
00:11:07,111 --> 00:11:09,399
Oh, smart money
would be on "yes."
223
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,443
VoilĂ !
224
00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:14,896
You know, I've got to admit it.
I'm really proud of us.
225
00:11:15,072 --> 00:11:19,317
We did it all by ourselves,
just like a mortal family.
226
00:11:20,448 --> 00:11:22,026
Do you want to zap it,
or should I?
227
00:11:22,199 --> 00:11:23,397
I will.
228
00:11:26,075 --> 00:11:28,114
Little gaudy, don't you think?
229
00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:31,734
SABRINA:
Help! Hurt Bob in the kitchen!
230
00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:35,035
You take it easy.
We'll get you an ice pack.
231
00:11:35,203 --> 00:11:39,329
- Everything is going to be fine.
- Absolutely.
232
00:11:40,788 --> 00:11:42,614
Do you realise
what you've done?
233
00:11:42,788 --> 00:11:46,405
- What, Bob's gonna sue?
- No. He's Santa Claus.
234
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:47,695
- What?
HILDA: That's right.
235
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,414
You've just maimed
Father Christmas.
236
00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:53,530
So I guess I'm not the only one
not getting presents this year.
237
00:11:54,832 --> 00:11:57,120
So if you're Santa,
how come you're not chubby?
238
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,498
Oh, combination of
cardiovascular exercise
239
00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:02,371
and a little weight-training.
Could be that tapeworm.
240
00:12:02,543 --> 00:12:05,496
Anyway, I've got a lot
of deliveries to make. Ha-ha.
241
00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:08,041
Ho, ho, ho-- Ohh! Oh!
242
00:12:08,212 --> 00:12:09,623
You are not going anywhere.
243
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:11,373
Isn't there someone
that could fill in?
244
00:12:11,545 --> 00:12:13,170
Like a temp service or a cousin?
245
00:12:13,338 --> 00:12:16,006
Well, there's always Mrs. Claus,
but I can't call her.
246
00:12:16,173 --> 00:12:19,789
She works for UPS. This time
of year, they're real crazy.
247
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,127
Well, Hilda and I can't help.
248
00:12:21,298 --> 00:12:22,792
We have to stay
and take care of you.
249
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,757
There must be somebody.
250
00:12:25,842 --> 00:12:29,174
Me? But Bob and I were this close
to curing my egotitis.
251
00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:31,134
A few more hours,
I'll be back to normal.
252
00:12:32,468 --> 00:12:35,551
Couldn't we just order everyone
something from a catalogue?
253
00:12:37,345 --> 00:12:38,804
SABRINA:
Okay, I've got it.
254
00:12:38,971 --> 00:12:40,714
Head due north
and look for reindeer.
255
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:42,927
But don't take the first
"Santa's Workshop" exit.
256
00:12:43,097 --> 00:12:44,888
Take the second.
257
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,425
Okay. This is a girl
who has trouble
258
00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:49,591
getting to school on time,
and she's supposed to
259
00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:52,221
deliver millions of presents
by tomorrow morning?
260
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:54,716
Am I the only one
who sees a problem?
261
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:59,102
You know, Salem,
that's an excellent point.
262
00:13:09,896 --> 00:13:12,433
SALEM: "That's an excellent point.
That's an excellent point."
263
00:13:12,605 --> 00:13:15,142
That is the last time I point out
the flaw in someone's logic.
264
00:13:15,314 --> 00:13:18,599
Mayday! Mayday!
Intruder on the premises!
265
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,939
- Who are you?
- Sabrina. Don't panic.
266
00:13:22,108 --> 00:13:24,065
Santa's had a little accident.
267
00:13:24,234 --> 00:13:27,648
No. It's okay.
I'm gonna fill in for him.
268
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,192
No, I promise it'll be fine.
269
00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:32,734
Who are you?
270
00:13:32,903 --> 00:13:34,231
We're Santa's elves.
271
00:13:34,403 --> 00:13:36,111
Well, I thought
Santa's elves were small.
272
00:13:36,279 --> 00:13:37,689
You're probably thinking of Fritz.
273
00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,357
Whenever somebody
whips out a camera,
274
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,356
guess who always happens
to be next to Santa.
275
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:44,444
What are you building?
276
00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:46,856
- A CD player.
- Seriously?
277
00:13:47,490 --> 00:13:48,819
Man. You guys are good.
278
00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:51,446
Yeah, perhaps you didn't know this,
but we're on a deadline!
279
00:13:51,617 --> 00:13:54,402
- How about wrapping? All right.
- Gotcha.
280
00:13:54,576 --> 00:13:56,614
How about
a palm-sized digital camera?
281
00:13:56,784 --> 00:13:59,275
Not for me, but a friend
who's fallen on hard times.
282
00:13:59,452 --> 00:14:01,409
We'll call him Salem.
283
00:14:01,619 --> 00:14:04,952
- Ohh. Oh, boy.
- Is there anything else, Bob?
284
00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:07,077
I don't want to be
an imposition, please.
285
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:08,906
Oh, Bob, you could
never be an imposition.
286
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,159
Well, if you insist.
287
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,493
How about a couple burgers,
288
00:14:11,664 --> 00:14:13,490
chocolate malted
and some chips?
289
00:14:13,664 --> 00:14:16,747
Hey, either of you gals up
for a game of Mouse Trap?
290
00:14:17,916 --> 00:14:18,994
SALEM:
What's that gonna be?
291
00:14:19,165 --> 00:14:21,703
A Ferrari, if someone would stop
breathing down my neck.
292
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:24,282
I will if I can have a pipe cleaner.
293
00:14:24,459 --> 00:14:27,210
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
294
00:14:27,377 --> 00:14:30,081
- Fritz is wound a little tight.
- The naughty/nice list is missing.
295
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:32,790
Okay. It's almost midnight,
the list is missing,
296
00:14:32,962 --> 00:14:34,622
I keep running into Fritz
under the mistletoe.
297
00:14:34,796 --> 00:14:36,669
Calm down. Okay, everyone
retrace your steps.
298
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:38,546
That would put me under
the mistletoe.
299
00:14:38,714 --> 00:14:40,587
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
300
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,499
That guy's beginning
to get on my nerves.
301
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,420
I found the list! The reindeer ate it.
The reindeer ate it.
302
00:14:46,591 --> 00:14:48,215
What are you gonna do?
303
00:14:48,383 --> 00:14:49,462
- Me?
- You're in charge.
304
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:52,833
Do you know how many palms I had
to grease to get on that nice list?
305
00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:54,208
And nobody made a copy?
306
00:14:54,384 --> 00:14:56,708
Oh, there is a copy
of the list on that thing,
307
00:14:56,886 --> 00:14:58,628
but none of us know
how to use it.
308
00:14:58,803 --> 00:15:00,344
Oh, I bet I can.
309
00:15:00,511 --> 00:15:03,178
You know, it only takes a minute
to learn how to use these things.
310
00:15:03,345 --> 00:15:04,509
Santa won't let us touch it.
311
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:07,299
Not since somebody got
addicted to solitaire.
312
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,092
Hilda, wait!
313
00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:12,303
I've got a few more things
for you to pick up.
314
00:15:12,473 --> 00:15:15,140
Two gallons of ice cream,
four lemon meringue pies,
315
00:15:15,307 --> 00:15:18,177
a box of frozen onion rings
and a case of Birch Beer.
316
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:20,756
Nobody makes a list like Santa.
317
00:15:20,933 --> 00:15:23,010
Let's go! Let's go! It's almost
Christmas in Tokyo.
318
00:15:23,185 --> 00:15:25,261
Okay, okay. here's your itinerary.
319
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:26,680
We had AAA make you
a TripTik.
320
00:15:26,853 --> 00:15:29,852
- Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
- I swear, one of these days...
321
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,348
He does overreact.
322
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,678
The reindeer are sick!
The reindeer are sick!
323
00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,018
He may have a point.
324
00:15:35,188 --> 00:15:37,061
It must have been
the list they ate.
325
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:38,511
What are we gonna do?
326
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:40,977
Think Zelda will let us borrow
the station waggon?
327
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,270
There's no time.
These children need presents.
328
00:15:45,024 --> 00:15:47,100
Okay. We've all had
our little laugh.
329
00:15:47,274 --> 00:15:49,101
Now, take the nose off.
330
00:15:51,942 --> 00:15:53,058
Ready to rock?
331
00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:55,808
Is there still
something on my head?
332
00:15:55,985 --> 00:15:57,101
- Good luck!
- Godspeed.
333
00:16:00,571 --> 00:16:02,527
They're never gonna make it.
334
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,817
You-know-who is ready
for his pedicure.
335
00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:08,234
- Your turn.
BOB: Zelda!
336
00:16:08,406 --> 00:16:10,398
I'd like the black-cherry
nail polish!
337
00:16:10,573 --> 00:16:13,407
It is not my turn.
I clipped his ear hair.
338
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:17,617
I clipped his ear hair.
How fast does that stuff grow?
339
00:16:17,783 --> 00:16:20,155
Well, that does it
for the Baltic States.
340
00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,199
- Want another pierogi?
- No, thanks.
341
00:16:22,368 --> 00:16:25,652
I've already had moussaka,
baklava and pad thai.
342
00:16:25,827 --> 00:16:28,151
What was I thinking?
343
00:16:28,328 --> 00:16:30,451
Buck up. I see
downtown Westbridge ahead.
344
00:16:30,621 --> 00:16:32,245
Hey, there's Libby's house.
345
00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:34,287
Great. I can yak in her stocking.
346
00:16:34,455 --> 00:16:38,238
No, I got her the perfect present.
Merry Christmas, Libby.
347
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:46,245
- What?
- Here, Libby.
348
00:16:46,417 --> 00:16:48,243
Merry Christmas.
349
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:52,034
Oh, Russell.
It's a little jewellery box.
350
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,451
I made it myself.
351
00:16:54,627 --> 00:16:57,911
Hey. You wanna split the roof
of my gingerbread house?
352
00:16:59,629 --> 00:17:02,297
So you gave her love
for her stepbrother?
353
00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:04,123
It seemed like
the right thing to do.
354
00:17:04,297 --> 00:17:05,922
I would have given her
the lump of coal,
355
00:17:06,089 --> 00:17:08,414
but then I'm not the one
wearing the red hat.
356
00:17:11,216 --> 00:17:12,626
ZELDA [SINGING]:
She'll be coming around the mountain
357
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,045
When she comes
358
00:17:14,217 --> 00:17:15,759
She'll be coming
Around the mountain
359
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:17,384
She'll be coming around
The mountain
360
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,626
She'll be coming around
The mountain when she comes
361
00:17:19,802 --> 00:17:21,047
- Yee-haw!
- Yee-haw!
362
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,131
Encore! Encore!
363
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:26,793
Oh, but wait now. How about
some more food first?
364
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:29,543
Perhaps a bit more coq au vin?
365
00:17:29,721 --> 00:17:32,887
Bob, don't you think you should
maybe be watching the calories?
366
00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:35,509
No. It's just water weight.
367
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,432
Band-Aids, cotton balls, aspirin?
368
00:17:38,598 --> 00:17:41,135
What good is a first-aid kit
without a stomach pump?
369
00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:45,054
- Look. Harvey's house.
- I can't look down.
370
00:17:45,226 --> 00:17:46,719
What did you get him
for Christmas?
371
00:17:46,892 --> 00:17:49,975
A little miracle.
Merry Christmas, Harvey.
372
00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:57,305
HILDA:
I couldn't sleep at all last night.
373
00:17:57,479 --> 00:17:58,724
Kept thinking about that line,
374
00:17:58,896 --> 00:18:00,639
"He sees you
when you're sleeping."
375
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:04,940
- Merry Christmas.
SALEM: Must eat grass.
376
00:18:06,399 --> 00:18:09,267
Merry Christmas. How was it?
377
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:10,816
You're looking at
a changed woman.
378
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,856
I don't even care if
I get any presents today.
379
00:18:13,024 --> 00:18:14,104
[ZELDA GASPS]
380
00:18:14,275 --> 00:18:16,481
Look. Your egotitis is gone.
381
00:18:16,651 --> 00:18:19,852
I bet there's someone that could
use this more than me.
382
00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,402
[IN ENGLISH]
383
00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:31,400
BOB:
Well, congratulations, Sabrina.
384
00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:35,236
You've discovered how to re-create
the childhood magic of Christmas,
385
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,564
by making Christmas magic
for others.
386
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,361
Hey, I could have used that suit.
It was freezing out there.
387
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:41,779
[BOB CHUCKLES]
388
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:44,321
Well, now that you're cured,
I can go home.
389
00:18:44,492 --> 00:18:46,070
But your ankle, doesn't it hurt?
390
00:18:46,243 --> 00:18:49,326
- No. I was faking the whole thing.
- You were?
391
00:18:49,494 --> 00:18:51,321
- Yeah.
- To teach me a lesson, right?
392
00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:54,245
Well, there's that. Plus I could
use a break from,
393
00:18:54,412 --> 00:18:55,870
"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!"
394
00:18:56,037 --> 00:18:57,448
[SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING]
395
00:18:57,621 --> 00:18:59,577
Well, here's my ride.
396
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:01,615
Listen, uh, next year,
how about I have
397
00:19:01,789 --> 00:19:04,659
a little Monte Cristo sandwich
waiting for me by the chimney?
398
00:19:04,832 --> 00:19:07,203
- Bob, there's something--
- Ah, I almost forgot.
399
00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:11,330
- For us?
BOB: Well...
400
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:15,331
"Mozart: Live at
Emperor Joseph's Court"? Wow!
401
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:19,249
I recorded it myself.
Wolfy was really hot that night.
402
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:23,546
"An invitation to a meeting
of the minds at Stephen Hawking's."
403
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:27,044
Oh, my goodness.
I've dreamed about this.
404
00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:31,043
That's why no one
ever stays mad at Santa.
405
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:38,085
SALEM: So the next time you're
abroad, remember my simple rule,
406
00:19:38,258 --> 00:19:40,334
Kielbasa and sauerkraut, yes.
407
00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:44,208
Kielbasa and menudo
and haggis, no.
408
00:19:44,385 --> 00:19:45,760
[DOORBELL RINGS]
409
00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:47,006
I'll get it.
410
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,925
- Merry Christmas.
- Harvey.
411
00:19:50,094 --> 00:19:51,375
I got you a present.
412
00:19:53,637 --> 00:19:57,300
Oh, a mouse. In grey.
That goes with everything.
413
00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:59,429
I was planning to get you
the whole computer,
414
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:02,597
but then they took all those
taxes out of my paycheque.
415
00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:05,635
Well, it was a wonderful thought.
So was it fun playing Santa?
416
00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:08,677
- Well, it's hard work.
- Don't I know it.
417
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,474
Oh, you'll never believe this.
418
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,220
I got a call from
the department store.
419
00:20:12,393 --> 00:20:14,135
Apparently, all the kids
who came to see me
420
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,883
got exactly what they asked for.
It's like a miracle.
421
00:20:17,061 --> 00:20:19,930
You're welcome.
I mean, oh, look!
422
00:20:20,103 --> 00:20:21,562
Mistletoe.
423
00:20:21,729 --> 00:20:23,886
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
424
00:20:30,356 --> 00:20:33,474
Oh, boy! The Button-Down
Mind of Bob Newhart.
425
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,814
How'd you know my other album
got all scratched?
426
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:40,066
This is for you, Zeldy.
I made it the mortal way.
427
00:20:40,234 --> 00:20:41,859
Really?
428
00:20:42,027 --> 00:20:43,402
No. What'd you get me?
429
00:20:43,569 --> 00:20:45,607
Something you'll really like.
430
00:20:47,611 --> 00:20:51,524
Johnny Mathis? Cool.
This is the best Christmas ever.
431
00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:56,323
[SINGING]
O holy night
432
00:20:56,489 --> 00:21:02,239
The stars are brightly shining
433
00:21:02,407 --> 00:21:04,648
It is the night
434
00:21:04,824 --> 00:21:09,899
Of our dear saviour's birth
435
00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:11,902
Great. I didn't get
anything for Johnny.
436
00:21:12,076 --> 00:21:13,950
MATHIS:
Long may the world...
34152
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