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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003
(ringtone playing)
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,881
*
3
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,221
(whistling breath)
4
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,890
"George Bernard Shaw."
5
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,926
* Let me see the future
6
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,261
(sighs)
7
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:32,266
* Before I'm gone,
oh, oh, oh, oh *
8
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:37,071
* Let my friends all die
9
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:41,041
* Before I go,
oh, oh, oh, oh *
10
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,943
(gagging)
11
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:50,818
* 'Cause I'm too old
to die young *
12
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:58,726
* I can't even
remember being young *
13
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,396
* I can't even remember
being young. *
14
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,965
Oh!
15
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,101
Jimbo, you made me
breakfast in bed?
16
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:10,204
Yeah, right. What have you
done to merit breakfast?
17
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,039
Well, at least
you brought me a mimosa.
18
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,542
Uh, no, that's my
backup. It's stronger.
19
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,110
You might observe,
20
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,546
"Jimmy, how zoetic and
vital you seem today."
21
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,881
"How observant, G-dog,"
22
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,316
I might respond.
23
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,218
For today, I build
my tree house!
24
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,953
You see, during
Vernon's podcast...
25
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,221
During what now?
26
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,589
I learned that my father's voice
27
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,391
has been in my head
my entire life.
28
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,092
Dude, I have the same thing,
but with my mom's voice.
29
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,394
It's like she's constant...
30
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,562
Yeah, as I was
saying about myself,
31
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,597
ever since the funeral,
that voice has been
32
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,931
slowly subsiding.
33
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,468
It is my hope
that the final nail
34
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,070
in that tree house will be
the final nail in the coffin
35
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,506
that is my father's influence.
36
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,774
R.I.P., dickhead.
37
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,075
I'm telling you, Gretchen,
38
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,077
now that I have
been de-fathered,
39
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,481
my world is positively
pregnant with possibilities.
40
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,816
Great, but isn't it your job
to finish your book?
41
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:56,817
Is it?
42
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,352
I don't know anymore.
43
00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,488
Oy.
44
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,955
I guess I can't talk.
45
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,158
I'm reading goddamn self-help.
46
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:08,028
Oh, yes, that's sure to
solve your myriad problems.
47
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,264
My therapist recommended it.
48
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,832
It's about mindfulness,
49
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,767
which is about
being completely--
No!
50
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,135
I think you'd actually
like therapy.
51
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,937
It's really helpful
to look at your life
52
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,606
from a different perspective.
53
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,642
Like when they stood on the
desks in Dead Poets Society.
54
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,377
Didn't that one kid
shoot himself?
55
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,045
Like I'm learning
how because of my mom's
56
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:28,282
impossibly high expectations,
I can never turn my brain off.
57
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:31,652
I am really opening the trunk
and seeing what's inside.
58
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,321
Don't you mean the hood?
59
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,723
Your trunk's just cartons
of Mexican cigarettes,
60
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,491
old Halloween wigs
61
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:40,628
and five bags of clothes
you never donated to Goodwill.
62
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,163
I really need to get a handle
on this mindfulness shit.
63
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,333
I am doing the work.
64
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,034
I'm evolving, Jimmy.
65
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,169
I just don't want you
to get left behind.
66
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,638
I think I'll manage.
67
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,640
Anyway, look.
68
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,907
(sing-songy):
Blueprints!
69
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,976
Do not touch
with your syrup
70
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,679
and-God-knows-what-else-since
you-don't-wash-your-legs hands.
71
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,714
Look at us!
72
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:03,517
You're changing careers
to building tree houses.
73
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,354
I'm exploring the roots
of my mental illness.
74
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:09,890
Hey, before we change too much,
you want to knock one out?
75
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,293
Sure.
76
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,300
Eh, you can start.
I'll catch up.
77
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,107
(moaning)
78
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,848
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
79
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,585
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
80
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,921
* Gonna leave you anyway.
81
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,795
(muffled moaning and thumping)
82
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,267
Let's do this.
83
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,070
(phone buzzing)
Nothing can slow me down,
84
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,206
but who says that
eating on the run...
85
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,608
What is going on?
86
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,976
You have been blowing
up all morning.
87
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,945
High Times tweeted
my Dr. Weed video,
88
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,549
and now I'm getting all these
annoying tweets from stoners.
89
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,951
I don't want to be a pot person.
90
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,721
You make videos with a
character called "Dr. Weed,"
91
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,223
and you smoke all
day, every day.
92
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:20,060
Listen, Dorothy,
93
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,229
I stopped taking my meds.
94
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,065
What? You went off your meds
and you didn't tell me?
Yeah.
95
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,100
I didn't want to, you know,
declare anything
96
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,637
until I saw how it worked,
and listen,
97
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:33,106
a lot of vets are using weed
to help with their PTSD.
98
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,676
I mean, sure, I might take a
little longer to do some things.
99
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,578
Like this morning,
I laughed for 15 minutes
100
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,847
because the bathroom faucet
kind of looks like a face.
101
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,814
(laughter)
102
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,183
But I feel...
103
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,252
really good.
104
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,155
Better than I have in...
105
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,458
forever.
106
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,259
Okay, well, then good.
107
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,662
I am so glad that you finally
found something that works.
108
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,097
And if you do turn
into a lazy pothead,
109
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,666
then you can always
be my house husband.
110
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,802
Speaking of which,
let's do this.
111
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,606
Nothing can slow me down,
112
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,275
but who says that eating
on the run has to be boring?
113
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,277
With Snack Hacker
snacker boxes,
114
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,245
I get my daily recommended
allowance of fun.
115
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,489
*
116
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,090
(birds singing)
117
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:33,534
* A wintery evening and vein 33
takes me back to the heart *
118
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,704
(indistinct voice on video)
* The show's going to start!
119
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:40,307
* Dodging the crux
of a highway stampede *
120
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,010
* I make a break
for Liver Street *
121
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,978
* Soon I'll be out
of the noose *
122
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:49,316
* And forgetting
the life I lead *
123
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,419
* Honey, I'm home,
hug applied, kisses blown *
124
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,921
* And I conquer the den
125
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,989
* Mine to defend
126
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:59,593
* Traces of happier days
in the air *
127
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:02,229
* A photograph,
a maiden fair *
128
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:05,098
* Reach for the button
and nothing *
129
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,834
* But memories disappear
(gasps)
130
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,969
(whimpers)
131
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,675
(grunting)
132
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,309
(sighs)
133
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,821
*
134
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,600
(humming)
135
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:44,438
* Ah, ah, ah, ah.
136
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,973
(munching food)
137
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:51,378
Mmm! Mm-hmm.
138
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,914
Mmm!
139
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,917
Mmm!
Will you knock it off
140
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,920
and eat your goddamn
nachos like a person!
141
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,288
What's wrong with you?
142
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,623
My therapist said
143
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,124
I have to practice mindfulness,
144
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:07,227
so I am focusing
on the flavor of the food,
145
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,499
the mouth feel, the swallowing,
146
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:15,402
the reflecting...
on my swallowing.
147
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,472
Jesus Christ, it's like
trying to eat an area rug.
148
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,107
Eating slow?
149
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,476
But less food in mouth.
150
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,311
Did you know
that things your parents did
151
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,581
when you were a kid
can affect you as an adult?
152
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,117
What?! You mean time travel?
153
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,985
Everything was a competition
with my mom--
154
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:35,923
grades, tennis, who had a
lower BMI, even television.
155
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,125
During Wheel,
she'd make me solve the puzzle
156
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,827
before the contestants.
157
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,996
All this time, I thought
my mom was scary but dope.
158
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,698
Turns out
she wasn't dope at all.
159
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,867
So she's not dope.
This morning
160
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,702
I realized my entire life,
161
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,671
I've had my mom's
judgey voice in my head.
162
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,205
If I don't learn to replace it
163
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,708
with something else mo' better,
I am screwed.
164
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,479
(groans)
Oh!
165
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,281
Hot! Hot!
166
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,282
(softly):
Hot.
167
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,283
(blows)
168
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,284
Wait.
169
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,620
No, no, no, no!
170
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,957
That's what you get
for disrespecting nachos.
171
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,859
Okay, so here's your pie flight,
172
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:15,829
double cream lemon, Kahlúa cream
cheese and chocolate satin.
173
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:19,366
Aw, I'm eating for two
for the last time.
174
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,569
Well, you had a good run.
175
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,704
You ready, lady?
Yup.
176
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:27,207
Let's go get this abobo.
177
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,343
*
178
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,379
(breathing heavily)
179
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,522
Dad?
180
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,127
Dad?
181
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,169
(whispers):
He's gone.
182
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,038
Yes!
183
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,609
A toast to my triumph,
184
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:05,613
my creation completed after
an honest day of manual labor,
185
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,615
like the people.
186
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,717
Like men.
187
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,622
Thank you Herr Hammer.
188
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,423
I could not have done it
without you.
189
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,259
I'll meet you below for
a celebratory Pilsner shortly.
190
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,265
Madame Level,
191
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,200
you have been integral
to my success,
192
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,070
from your green liquid
to your bubble.
193
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,538
A bientot.
194
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,474
(level clatters on ground)
195
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,711
Señor... Drilly.
196
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,480
(chuckles)
I counted on you most of all.
197
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,749
Go.
198
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,951
Enjoy a Campari on me.
199
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,219
Ciao, amigo.
200
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,454
(screams)
201
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,456
(yells)
202
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:57,430
(indistinct conversations)
203
00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,133
Oh, man, so many of the girls
that I coach are here.
204
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,501
It's like if you dig
the student, you're really
205
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,070
gonna love the master, right?
206
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,238
You're gonna kill it.
207
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,106
Hey, Dorothy.
Oh, hey.
208
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,440
(quietly):
Hi.
209
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,109
You signed in for
"Cute Yoga Girl,"
210
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,311
but I think we got our wires
crossed with your agent.
211
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,613
We were actually excited to
see you for "Overworked Mom."
212
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,016
Oh, okay.
Great.
213
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,351
Awesome. We have a bathrobe
you can just put on.
214
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,653
Yeah.
Excellent.
215
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,522
Uh...
216
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,691
Hey, are you sure this is okay?
217
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,292
You practiced the other one.
218
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,960
Edgar, this kind of stuff
happens all the time.
219
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,195
It's part of the biz.
220
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,697
Okay, I'm gonna go
in the bathroom
221
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,131
and rub off some of this
under eye concealer
222
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,166
so I look super beat.
223
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,507
MAN:
Hey.
224
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,609
Do you need more weed?
225
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,044
You're Dr. Weed, right?
Yeah.
226
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,478
I'm Doug Benson.
227
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,515
Oh, yeah, the, uh...
the pot comedy guy.
228
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,684
Among other things,
but sure, that's the brand.
229
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:51,885
Edgar Quintero.
230
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,486
Super funny vids, man.
231
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,688
Hey, you should swing by
232
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,489
my "office" sometime.
233
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,558
I've got a project I think
you might be interested in.
234
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,393
Wow, uh, yeah.
235
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:03,363
That... that would be great.
236
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,365
So, what are you
auditioning for?
237
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:08,668
Oh, I just nailed
the role of "Sleepy Dad."
238
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,503
Hey, do you have a
diagnosis for my character?
239
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:13,640
(Dr. Weed voice):
Hmm, my diagnosis is...
240
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:17,510
you need more sleep.
241
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:18,812
Just kidding.
242
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,647
You need more weed!
243
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,584
(laughs) Yeah, I thought that
was going to be the diagnosis.
244
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,662
Why do cats get to have
all the good tongues?
245
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,998
You sure you're okay
if I don't go in with you?
246
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,267
I really have to do this
mediation app.
Sure.
247
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,668
I'll go in alone.
They know me.
248
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,036
Great, so, you'll be out in
249
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,437
40, 45 minutes.
40, 45 minutes.
250
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,277
(phone dings)
251
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,316
(phone dings)
252
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,627
(phone continues dinging)
253
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,797
(chuckles)
254
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,577
PAUL'S BOSS: And another thing,
Jillian, you are--
255
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,613
Who are you texting?
PAUL: Can you hear him?
256
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,748
He's yelling at me right now.
257
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:32,319
Why can't I stop texting?
I guess I just miss you so much.
258
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,620
Bye!
Give me that phone. Give...
259
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,589
(recording stops)
260
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,164
Difficult decision, huh?
261
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,967
Yeah.
262
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,668
Would you like to chat?
263
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,071
Maybe I can help you figure
out some of your troubles.
264
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,373
Thanks.
265
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,578
So, what's bothering you?
266
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,914
LINDSAY:
Well...
267
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,349
it started when...
268
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,284
All right.
269
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,786
Let's do this shit.
(soothing music plays)
270
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,422
WOMAN (soothing voice):
During this mediation
271
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,124
we will focus on being...
272
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:11,959
Mindful.
273
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:12,993
...mindful,
274
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,163
where you are not in the past,
275
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,697
not in the future,
276
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,132
but in...
Present.
277
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,100
...the present.
278
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,334
Easy. Next.
279
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,871
Clear your mind
and focus on your...
280
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,538
Breathing.
281
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,506
Surroundings.
282
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:27,374
Shit.
283
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,009
And your breathing.
284
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,277
Yes!
Suck it, lady.
285
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:34,547
(slowly):
Notice the rise and fall
286
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,484
of your chest.
287
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,819
Notice the rise...
288
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:43,656
Oh, God, so boring,
I want to kill myself.
289
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,059
Eject, eject, eject.
(recording stops)
290
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,267
(seductive music plays,
woman moaning)
291
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,006
(buzzing)
292
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,240
Edgar?
293
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,508
Edgar!
294
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,742
Where the hell is he?
295
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,511
Sure, when I'm trying
to have sex
296
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,080
in my kitchen, he's constantly
underfoot, but now...
297
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,219
Trees.
298
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,522
Trees.
299
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,590
What if Pauline Two...
300
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,492
no, I am not writing today.
301
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,760
No, no, Malcolm!
302
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,162
Shut up!
303
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,297
Characters,
stop speaking through me.
304
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,737
Oh, my God, chapter 12.
I could have Simon
305
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,506
jump up on the speakers
at the Oasis set at Glastonbury.
306
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,808
No, I am.... not-not doing this!
307
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:55,929
Oh, Simon, you brilliant,
horny bastard.
308
00:14:55,963 --> 00:15:00,233
Suck it, Dad,
I'm still a writer.
309
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,035
(buzzing)
310
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,770
(buzzing stops)
311
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:08,441
(sighs)
312
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,147
Oh, no, not today.
313
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,749
So then I heated up
the condom in the microwave
314
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,452
and I got a turkey baster.
Wait, I need you to back up.
315
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,888
Okay, so I wanted a popsicle...
316
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,291
Lindsay, do not let those
pro-life assholes
317
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,725
talk you out of
your legal right!
318
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,960
It's okay.
319
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,828
I was already having
second thoughts
320
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,930
before this nice lady came over.
321
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:31,931
What, why?
322
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,833
If Paul and I get divorced,
323
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,903
I'm not gonna have
a family anymore.
324
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,305
Family.
325
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,440
Name one family
that's just one person.
326
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,442
Suddenly Susan.
327
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,112
Listen, I know
328
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:49,516
that becoming a real human being
is a scary thing,
329
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,585
but I'll help you.
330
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,155
I got your back always.
331
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,624
Thanks, Gretch.
332
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,958
All right.
333
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:04,164
I'm ready.
334
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,699
Bam, nice try, terrorists.
335
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,801
Another victory
for women's rights.
336
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,938
Actually, I was gonna
tell her to do it.
337
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,341
In my book, there are
extenuating circumstances--
338
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,543
rape, incest and...
339
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,810
whatever this is.
340
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,987
(indistinct chatter)
341
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,731
Mr. Benson will see you now.
342
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,003
No, no.
343
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,972
Uh-uh. No.
344
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,540
I'm walking away
from the table.
345
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,809
I'll call you
from the chopper.
346
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,144
Sorry, I had to handle that
347
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,979
before the European
markets closed.
348
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,482
This, um-- this place isn't
what I was expecting.
349
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,717
Listen, I was looking at my
third quarter staffing budget
350
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,352
and I'd like to offer you
351
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,754
a few days punch up on a
show I'm doing for Waze.
352
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,590
The GPS app?
Isn't that dangerous?
353
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,024
You'd think so,
354
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,326
but no, the show's
only gonna play
355
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,927
at stop lights
and in traffic.
356
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,163
So, what do you think
you should be paid?
357
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,199
Uh...
358
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,102
$300?
359
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,837
Done.
Yes!
360
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,838
(softly):
Yes.
361
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,273
Hey, you want to, uh...
362
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,177
light up and celebrate?
363
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,313
Edgar, this is
a place of business.
364
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,083
Thank you.
365
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,963
You okay?
366
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,198
What are you thinking about?
367
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,733
Pie.
368
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,935
You're thinking about
369
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,203
what you're eating right now?
370
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,071
Of course. If I'm eating pie,
371
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,072
I'm thinking pie.
372
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,574
If I have a fork in my mouth,
373
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,443
I'm thinking fork.
374
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,445
You just had an abortion,
375
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,946
you're divorcing your husband,
376
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,648
and you're literally
only thinking about
377
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:02,915
what's happening in this moment?
378
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,251
Guess so.
379
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,653
Strawtini.
380
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:07,954
You might be some kind of
381
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,790
secret mindfulness guru.
382
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,225
I'm gonna take notes.
383
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,427
Just, uh,
speak your thoughts out, okay?
384
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:17,130
Strawtini.
385
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,333
Chew, chew,
386
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,268
chew,
387
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,101
little fart.
388
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,936
Waitress is coming over.
389
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,738
Here she is. Hi.
390
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,174
Can I get you anything else?
Talking to me.
391
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,107
Talking to me.
392
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,442
My turn to talk.
393
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:30,277
Neck mole,
394
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,112
boobs.
395
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,814
Bye, waitress.
396
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,816
I miss her.
397
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,117
Gretchen's still here.
398
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,085
Hi, Gretchen.
399
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:39,919
(chuckles)
400
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:40,920
Baby ears.
401
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,189
Ooh,
402
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,324
a hang nail.
403
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,992
Pie again.
404
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,533
(laughing)
405
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,468
Oh!
406
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,870
Sto...
Hey.
407
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,439
I had such a productive day.
408
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,308
I just made $80 cleaning out
409
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,843
this rich old lady's closet
in Beverly Hills.
410
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,144
Awesome.
It is.
411
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,613
I have good news, too.
412
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,781
Ooh, did Jimmy make
you buy more of those
413
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,016
disgusting candies
that I like?
414
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,884
Rum Christophers?
(groans)
415
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,353
No.
416
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,488
I got offered a job,
417
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:18,791
writing for
Doug Benson's new show.
418
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,293
Wait, what?
419
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,728
Really?
Yeah.
420
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,996
You got a job writing comedy
for a TV show?
421
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,032
Yeah. I mean,
it's a short-term gig
422
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,834
a-and there are a ton of
liability waivers
423
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,469
I have to sign, but still.
424
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,037
Wow, wow.
425
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,406
That's-- you know that
I know Doug, right?
426
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,707
Did you tell him
that we're dating?
427
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,309
No, I didn't know you knew him.
428
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,578
Oh, yeah, for years.
429
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,247
Like, way back when he was
doing his show at the theater,
430
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,581
I used to bring him waters.
431
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,049
I can't believe that
you didn't know
432
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,150
that I know Doug.
433
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,352
You totally should've told him.
434
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,387
He would have lost his mind.
435
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,422
Anyway, congratulations.
436
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,824
That is so cool
437
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,593
that he's giving you
this opportunity.
438
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,328
I... I mean,
439
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,563
I thought you didn't
want to be a pot guy.
440
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:57,564
I don't.
441
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,998
But now I'm a pot guy
442
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,833
with a J-O-B.
443
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,735
Can you believe it?
444
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,604
I'm a comedy writer!
445
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,407
I totally can't.
And...
446
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,208
I couldn't...
447
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,411
have ever done it...
448
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,280
without you, teach.
449
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,182
How about I go upstairs
450
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,585
and I... (kisses)
451
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:23,022
whip us up some of my famous
breakfast soup dumplings?
452
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,925
Ooh, I love that.
453
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,661
Ah!
I'll be right up.
454
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,306
*
455
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,788
*
456
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,538
(sighs)
457
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:18,978
Everything looks so different
from up here.
458
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:28,721
(dog panting)
459
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,999
(crickets chirping)
460
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,675
*
461
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,332
Walk.
462
00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:15,735
(exhales)
463
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,904
Couch.
464
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,377
Remote.
465
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:26,746
PAT SAJAK:
Uh-huh, there is a "J."
466
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:27,914
If you can solve the puzzle
right now...
467
00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:29,015
Wheel.
468
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:31,551
...there is a jackpot
of nearly $10,000
469
00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:32,685
in addition to
the money you have.
470
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:33,986
If not, you have to either
471
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:35,555
buy a vowel or spin the wheel.
472
00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:36,689
I'll solve the puzzle.
Go ahead.
473
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,991
"I Have The Wine"
by Johnny Cash.
474
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,827
Oh, my God, you are so...
475
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:41,894
That is not correct.
(buzzer sounds)
476
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:44,431
Nope, just watch.
477
00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:46,332
Jason.
478
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,334
Wheel. B.
(wheel spinning)
479
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,770
Breathe.
480
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:53,706
(applause)
JASON: "L," please.
481
00:22:53,740 --> 00:22:55,341
SAJAK: Yes, two "L's."
(ding)
482
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,477
Pick up that gift tag...
483
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,915
CALM FEMALE VOICE:
Notice...
484
00:23:02,949 --> 00:23:05,718
the rise...
485
00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:10,423
and fall of your chest.
486
00:23:10,457 --> 00:23:11,424
(door opens)
487
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:14,093
Hey.
488
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,361
Good news.
489
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,829
I'm hella mindful now.
490
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:19,732
Why are you covered in yard?
491
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:22,234
I did what you said.
492
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:25,204
I looked at my life from
an outside perspective.
493
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,205
Yeah.
494
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,273
Doesn't it feel great?
495
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,809
No, it was terrifying.
496
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,611
I didn't recognize any of it.
497
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:32,645
What?
498
00:23:32,679 --> 00:23:34,881
I don't recognize my life.
499
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:38,417
I don't know whether I made
any of the right decisions.
500
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,156
Everything could be wrong.
501
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,424
Everything?
502
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:50,863
Everything.
503
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,110
(applause)
(wheel spinning)
504
00:24:04,143 --> 00:24:08,114
It's "I Walk the Line."
505
00:24:08,147 --> 00:24:09,348
SAJAK:
What do you want to do?
506
00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:12,418
* All I want is
507
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:16,288
* A pair of wings to fly
508
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,958
* Into the blue of
509
00:24:18,991 --> 00:24:22,094
* The wide open sky
510
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:26,165
* Show me your scars
511
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:29,168
* I'll show you mine
512
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:31,604
* Perched out of the city
513
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:36,509
* On a pair of power lines
514
00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:41,080
* On clouds I'll sing
and dance... *
515
00:24:42,348 --> 00:24:45,317
(dog barks)
516
00:24:48,354 --> 00:24:51,257
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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