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1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,638
The five most truly
free moments of a human's life
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,042
in ascending order--
leaving his parents' home,
3
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,378
dumping a girl hard,
4
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,912
deciding to eat
a whole pizza,
5
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,414
hammocks...
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,916
and finishing
a writing project.
7
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,985
Jimmy, did you finish
8
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,853
your book proposal?
9
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,022
Your sarcasm
10
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,024
is but an impotent
fusillade of arrows
11
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:27,095
plinking off the Sherman tank
that is my relief.
12
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,529
Nay, it is
13
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,832
a Verdi aria to my brand-new
cochlear implants,
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,568
for it means
'tis true I indeed
15
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,404
finished my book proposal.
16
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,207
Also I am exceedingly drunk
and cannot trust
17
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,874
my grip on the truth.
18
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,710
"Grip."
(chuckles)
19
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:45,045
Oh...
20
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,781
Um...
21
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,250
Uh, sorry.
22
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,618
I just need to grab my, um...
23
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,889
(alarm beeping)
(groans)
24
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,294
Oh, what are those?
Gimme.
25
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:01,562
Uh, they're boring.
26
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,730
I finally saw that
psychiatrist.
27
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,132
He put me on these.
28
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,367
He's making me see
this stupid therapist
29
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,102
for the talky-talky.
30
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,871
I always wondered, what
exactly is the difference
31
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,140
between a psychiatrist
and a therapist?
32
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,575
A psychiatrist is like,
33
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,544
"Here, take this pills, ho."
34
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,147
A therapist is all,
"Oh, tell me your shit.
35
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,648
I couldn't make it
as an actor."
36
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,715
I'm bored.
37
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,617
Let's go to the bar.
Ugh.
38
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,886
I have to go to that
stupid therapist.
39
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,421
Don't worry,
it won't take long.
40
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,423
I'll go in there,
she'll wave her magic wand,
41
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,492
and boom,
Gretchen's 100.
42
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,926
(gasps)
Oh, you're moving out.
43
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,061
Thank God.
44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,095
Make sure you leave
your mattress
45
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,164
on the curb
before you go.
46
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,332
And spray paint
"unclean" on it,
47
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,600
in Spanish.
48
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,636
No, Dorothy found a place.
49
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,338
Thanks for
letting me crash.
50
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,474
I will leave a check
for all the stuff I broke.
51
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:47,608
Kidding.
52
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,143
(Jimmy sighs)
53
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,848
Edgar, why in God's name
54
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,083
haven't you been opening
the mail?
55
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,351
You made mail Gretchen's,
56
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,520
as you said,
"one little chore."
57
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,789
Well, I already have
one little chore.
58
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,324
Aw, Jimmy's dick-- ya burnt.
59
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,925
No, he's right.
60
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,794
"Gretchen opens the mail"
is on the chore list.
61
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,263
Right under
"Jimmy takes out trash,
62
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,365
i.e.: his own butt."
63
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:14,302
Fine. I'll get to it.
64
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,803
Never.
65
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,438
Damn. Big day for burns.
66
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,272
Ooh.
67
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,474
Ugh.
Hey, um,
68
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,042
I just wanted to say thank you
69
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,611
for valuing my opinion.
I don't.
70
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,678
Never have.
71
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,180
Worse than a dog's opinion.
72
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,215
What are you talking about?
73
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,516
Your book proposal.
74
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,017
First of all,
75
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,619
it's a really great start.
76
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,721
I love the world.
77
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,790
But I thought I'd do
the 10,000-feet notes first,
78
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,526
and then we'd go page by page,
hmm?
79
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:42,363
Hmm. How about you literally
throw them in the trash?
80
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,831
The proposal went out already.
81
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,065
Well, then, why did you
have me read it?
82
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,334
Because I wanted you to go,
83
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,202
"Wow, you're so smart, Jimmy.
84
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,838
I could never do that;
I'm a stupid baby."
85
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,240
(paper rustling)
86
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,986
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
87
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,722
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
88
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:12,059
* Gonna leave you anyway.
89
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,498
I understand your frustrations,
90
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,433
but sometimes
hearing others' opinions can,
91
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:22,503
at worst, make us feel more
confident in our decisions.
92
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,937
Wow.
93
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,207
For a therapist,
you are a wretched listener.
94
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,842
I didn't ask him for notes,
95
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,211
because one, my proposal
went out already,
96
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,546
though I've heard nothing,
97
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,214
which is potentially worrisome.
98
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:37,217
And two, I don't even know
for sure that he can read,
99
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,053
let alone comprehend
the sui generis,
100
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,890
unabashedly erotic,
multigenerational,
101
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,625
literary family epic.
102
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,927
Gretchen,
you said you wanted Jimmy here
103
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,196
because he can help tell
the story of your depression.
104
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,798
Sorry, what?
105
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,266
Can you tell me why you're here?
106
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,202
No. Can you?
107
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,704
I thought the happy pills
were supposed to fix me.
108
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,805
He had notes.
109
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,072
What notes?
110
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,808
The proposal is perfect.
111
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,411
Talk therapy
along with medication
112
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,112
is the most effective
long-term approach
113
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,246
to managing depression.
114
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,415
You mean, beating depression.
115
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,916
Winning depression.
Oh, I like that.
116
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,784
That's not a thing.
Winning it.
117
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,553
Let's start here.
118
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,923
Name one small thing
you've been avoiding.
119
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,392
I already did one small
thing this morning.
120
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,260
Aw, rough day
for Jimmy's dick.
121
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,563
So, we done?
122
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,597
THERAPIST:
We can be done,
123
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,966
or you can do the next thing.
124
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,735
Self-improvement
is a lifelong process.
125
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,070
How is this a
real profession?
126
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,972
This feels
like a scam.
It's not a scam.
127
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,641
I calls 'em
like I sees 'em.
128
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,975
JIMMY:
I still don't understand
129
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,243
why my issues are unimportant
130
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,277
to you people.
131
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,146
I want you to make a to-do list,
132
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,281
but with just one thing on it
at a time.
133
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,950
I don't have anything
I need to do.
134
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,356
You want to fight?
135
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,024
Oh, are you trying
to fight me?
136
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,326
'Cause we can go.
137
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,699
Can't you just assign me
the one thing?
138
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,833
Oh, I will.
139
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:00,934
Launder your clothes.
140
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,636
Don't wear your shoes
to bed.
141
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,171
Stop giving Killian food.
142
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,674
Titty massages for Jimmy.
143
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,442
That's when the girl runs
her dangling titties
144
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:09,610
up and down your body.
145
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,778
It's quite nice.
146
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,179
Wash your legs.
147
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:13,547
What?
I don't wash my legs.
148
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,149
Okay. Fine.
149
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,217
Mail.
150
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,285
There is a stack of mail
151
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,453
that I have been avoiding.
152
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,221
Why?
They always want money,
153
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,823
or you have jury duty,
154
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,025
or your grandma sent you a check
for your birthday,
155
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,860
and then you feel guilty
that you never call her,
156
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,829
and then you can't get
out of bed for a month.
157
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,301
Anyway... mail.
158
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,969
Does that count
for your stupid-ass...?
159
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,204
Ugh, sorry.
160
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,339
It's all right,
I'm a professional.
161
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,541
You can say anything you want
in here.
162
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,576
Hmm.
163
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,646
Anything?
164
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,847
Really?
165
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,816
Does opening
the mail count
166
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,584
for your one little
asshole thing,
167
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,152
you goddamn cock?
168
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,921
You suck-balls
dumb dick?
169
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,489
Sure.
Fine,
170
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,324
jizz-magnet.
171
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,259
I will open
one piece of mail.
172
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,260
Say "whore."
173
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,829
Whore.
Whore.
174
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,764
I'm regretting giving you
license to say anything.
175
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:04,998
Plus I do kind of want
176
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,333
to fight you right now.
Too late.
177
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,701
No take-backsies.
178
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,872
Titty-sucking bitch.
179
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,442
PAUL (whining):
Ow.
180
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,677
Lindsay, it hurts.
181
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,845
I know.
182
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,346
It'll be over soon.
183
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,048
(groans)
Well,
184
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:24,051
it's not often I get
to fill your holes, huh?
185
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,919
(chuckles)
(grunts)
186
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,921
Oh, I'm falling
so far behind
187
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,389
on my big year.
188
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,124
Rhett Gherkins has spotted
189
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,893
a paint-billed crake,
Lindsay.
190
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,028
A paint-billed crake!
I know,
191
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,530
but his wife has no tits
192
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,131
and looks like a Gila monster.
193
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,467
(laughing)
194
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,101
(groaning):
Ow.
195
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,269
No, don't make me laugh.
196
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,537
Ow!
197
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,573
(whimpering):
I'm sorry.
198
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:46,940
I'm so annoying.
199
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,308
You're fine, bear.
200
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,710
I'm a terrible patient.
201
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,911
When I had the mumps,
202
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,079
Mother threatened to send me
203
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,213
to foster care.
204
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,215
Pill time, hmm?
205
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,651
And wash it down
with this.
206
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,788
This is so much medicine.
207
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,723
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have backed into my knife.
208
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,558
(gagging):
It's just like me
209
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:05,959
to go backing into things.
210
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:09,329
I crawled in reverse
until I was two.
211
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,665
(crying):
I'm so stupid.
212
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,268
I'd better go refill
these again.
213
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,270
Credit card, please?
214
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,273
I don't remember
taking all that.
215
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,944
You keep taking extra
and you don't remember it.
216
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,779
(sighs)
217
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,080
(crying)
Bye, now.
218
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,683
(whining):
Please hurry back.
219
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,656
(groans)
220
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,500
This is on Paul, right?
Yes.
221
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:49,603
What a poor
little patient he is.
222
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,939
I was so caught up
preparing the mise en place,
223
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:52,940
I didn't see him.
224
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,441
He ran right
into my knife.
225
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,910
I didn't even push that deep.
226
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,047
Lindsay.
227
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,048
How are your pancakes?
228
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,183
Are you saying that you,
on purpose,
229
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,519
like murderer-style,
stabbed Paul?
No.
230
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,720
What? No.
231
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:07,721
I loved him.
232
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,689
Love?
233
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,723
Right.
234
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,659
He's my current husband.
235
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,727
I love him now.
I do.
236
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:16,363
Now I'm wishing
I got the pancakes.
237
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,535
I can't believe that bitch
gave me homework.
238
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,203
No, you fix me, dummy.
239
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,138
You know what?
240
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,174
I'm a goddamn A.F. adult.
241
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,208
I quit.
242
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,010
She can suck it.
(laughs)
243
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,311
Fine. (clears throat)
244
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,346
Since you won't let it go,
245
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,815
tell me one
of your stupid notes.
246
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,449
Okay.
247
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,488
Ah, macro.
248
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,324
Uh, was the sex supposed
to be erotic or disturbing?
249
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,893
Both. Dumb note. Next.
250
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,995
Yeah, I wasn't sure
the "randy, Bohemian aunt"
251
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,229
made sense as a character.
252
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,898
You don't make sense
as a character.
253
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,033
Very one-note. Next.
254
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,502
Why do Kitty and Simon
install a two-way mirror?
255
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,336
Right, give me those.
256
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,271
Okay.
257
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:01,208
Actually, I have to move Dorothy
into her new apartment today
258
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,611
and... I could use some help.
259
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,616
I'll come.
260
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,617
Oh, thanks, Jimmy.
261
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,918
I've been a little rocky lately,
262
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,119
and I could really
use the support.
263
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,120
Oh, I'm not helping.
264
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,554
I'm coming so that I can
265
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,856
eviscerate your notes,
266
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,192
one by one, to show you
how dumb you are.
267
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,728
Oh, and if you must know,
268
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,930
they install the mirror
because they're siblings.
269
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,065
So, obviously, they can't
partake in each other's
270
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,768
tight, little bodies,
but this way, at least,
271
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:31,471
they can observe each other's
erotic dalliances.
272
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,074
Duh.
273
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,978
I just want you to know
274
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,780
I am not coming back!
First of all...
275
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,114
I am with a patient.
276
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,016
Wait, what?
277
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,452
No, I'm angry!
278
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,486
Get out.
279
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,798
I'm so sorry.
280
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,837
DOROTHY:
So, last night,
281
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:06,339
guess your body adjusted
to the new pills, after all.
282
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,808
Yeah, guess so.
283
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,276
Good, because that
whole thing that I said
284
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,610
about non-penetrative sex,
285
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,145
check, please.
286
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,948
So, the apartment
could be cute, right?
287
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,583
If I pick up some
288
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,418
extra Chore Monkey shifts
to buy a couch,
289
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,153
and figure out how
to hide those weird pipes.
290
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,588
The baby handprints
on the ceiling
291
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,656
are a little
disconcerting,
292
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,592
but you can't
see them at night.
293
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,794
Edgar?
294
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,361
Have you noticed how many more
295
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:29,830
tent cities there are lately?
296
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,865
Do you know
any of them?
297
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,968
Any ex-hobo girlfriends
that I need to beat up?
298
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,170
Sorry, bad time for comedy?
299
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,506
No, it's-it's fine.
300
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,675
No, I'm sorry.
301
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,443
This is your big day.
302
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,012
Yeah!
303
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,648
I am moving into a beautiful
studio in WeHoCa.
304
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,951
That's L.A.'s newest,
hip neighborhood:
305
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,853
West of Homeless Encampment.
306
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,321
Hey.
307
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,823
I think it could
be so cute.
308
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,457
Right? I think so.
309
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,159
Thanks.
I mean...
310
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:02,195
it's obviously
an idiotic note,
311
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,298
but, gun to my head,
I could show the origin
312
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,867
of Malcolm and Sally's
erotic coupling.
313
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,635
Well, if I did that,
314
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,639
then I'd be introducing a
soupçon of narrative Anschauung,
315
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,709
which would allow me to get
inside Clementine's head
316
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,078
when she allows the punk rock
bassist she's just met
317
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,212
urinate on her britches.
318
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,682
This is so stupid.
319
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,922
(classical music playing)
320
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,038
(classical music stops playing)
321
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,673
Okay.
322
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,875
How can I help you, Gretchen?
323
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,877
Nice magazines.
324
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,379
So boring, I almost died
rather than read them.
325
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,182
You obviously want very badly
for me to understand something.
326
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,185
You told me there were things
I could do, insinuating that
327
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,887
I could have fixed myself
any time I wanted,
328
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,855
and that is
negating my story.
329
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,356
It is tired.
330
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,026
It is patriarchal,
and it is rape culture-y.
331
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,896
You are basically
a rape apologist.
332
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,098
I don't believe you don't
believe therapy can help.
333
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:14,601
Why don't you don't tell me more
about how I don't feel?
334
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,303
You really want to quit?
Yes.
335
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,305
Okay, then.
336
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,706
It was nice to have met you.
337
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,975
You are memorable.
338
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,879
You know... I'm proud of you for
standing up for what you want.
339
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:26,914
(chuckles lightly)
340
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,148
Who are you, my mom?
341
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,382
Joke's on you.
342
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,617
My mom would never say that.
343
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:31,751
I know you're not my mommy.
344
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:32,920
Like, what if I started
345
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,754
calling you "Mommy"?
346
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,925
(chuckling):
How weird would that be?
347
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,759
I'm gonna go in now.
348
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,829
Good luck, Gretchen.
349
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,031
(whispering):
Bitch.
350
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,306
I really like
the adjustments.
351
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,775
Well, your asinine notes
started a thought process
352
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,744
of actual, usable fixes.
353
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,947
I had to cut the scene
in the cockpit of the plane
354
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,581
where Joachim Kirschner
masturbates
355
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,616
during his bombing
run on London,
356
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,318
but the section
is still highly erotic.
357
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,454
Did you take out the thing
with Roger spanking his nephew?
358
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:10,157
What, you let Dorothy read it?!
359
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,159
I thought the sample
chapters were great...
360
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,193
Thank you.
361
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,761
It's so nice to hear from fans.
362
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,030
...just potentially
very alienating to women.
363
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,200
This is literature, okay?
364
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,035
It shall sing its own song,
365
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:25,172
uncaring if sensibilities
are too delicate.
366
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,340
Anyway, it feels like
we keep forgetting
367
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,775
the proposal's in already.
368
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,776
It's done.
369
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,044
Okay.
370
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,180
Just so many descriptions
371
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,648
of semen on stockings.
372
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:38,285
Stockings are a sign
both of the deprivation
373
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,154
of the Second World War
and how much the repressed
374
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:45,125
Kitty's slutty little legs
wanted semen on them!
375
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,660
What is alienating about that?
376
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,362
(indistinct conversations)
377
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,364
EDGAR:
Uh, hey.
378
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,167
Uh... are people being
generous today?
379
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,303
Man, I ain't got
jack shit yet today.
380
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,838
Hmm, well, you know,
I was noticing that, um,
381
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,207
y-your sign's
a little confusing.
382
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,508
It looks like
you need money
383
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,976
for dog food for yourself.
384
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,878
No, I-I need money
385
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,813
for my dog,
food, and beer.
386
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:07,814
May I?
387
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,217
Yeah, please.
388
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,089
Oh, that is clearer.
Thanks, man.
389
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,757
Yeah.
MAN:
How's mine?
390
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,029
Between you and me,
civvies feel super guilty
391
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,163
around us veterans,
so they've trained
392
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,197
themselves to ignore us.
393
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,066
So, um...
394
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,434
uh, you know may-maybe
395
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,435
write something
funny instead.
396
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,869
Like what?
397
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,105
Well, can I get a...
398
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,840
like, a suggestion
399
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,842
of a topic
from one of you guys?
400
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:36,843
You know, something light.
401
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,246
Cookies.
Demon rape.
402
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,914
I heard "cookies."
403
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,383
Um... oh, all right.
404
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,619
How about, uh,
"Can only afford Hydrox,
405
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:49,256
need money for Oreos."
406
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,557
(laughs)
407
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,892
Because they're
discount-ass Oreos.
408
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,261
Yeah, that's funny.
Wr-Write that.
409
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,063
All right.
410
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,768
To think you know
how other people
411
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:02,802
should think and feel.
412
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:03,870
That is someone
with something
413
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:04,904
seriously wrong
with them.
414
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,406
That's psychopath
behavior.
415
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,241
So what do we do
when she finally comes out?
416
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,910
We follow her home
and egg her house. Duh.
417
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:13,146
I had a better plan,
but apparently pig's blood is,
418
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,747
like, 12 bucks a quart.
419
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,750
Can I have some more of those?
Those are good.
420
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,687
Gretchen...
421
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,924
...tell me what I may
or may not have...
422
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:28,962
maybe did by sorta-or-
not-mistake is okay.
423
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,763
I'm not gonna absolve you
for stabbing Paul.
424
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,665
What?! I didn't!
425
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,767
Are you crazy?
426
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,436
Who's watching Paul, anyway?
427
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,439
He's fine. I set him up
with a pile of DVDs
428
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,008
and yummy sandwiches.
429
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,512
(panting):
Please.
430
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,813
(grunts)
431
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,381
Please go in.
(grunts)
432
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:49,983
Please.
433
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,518
Please.
434
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,952
Please go in.
435
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,321
(panting)
436
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,955
Last one.
437
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,028
Please!
(grunts)
438
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,196
(TV chimes)
439
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,131
Yes.
440
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,033
Yes!
441
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,601
Where's the thing? (panting)
442
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,870
Where's the...
443
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,510
(screaming)
444
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,384
(sighs)
445
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,157
(squeals, exhales)
446
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,726
What are you doing?
447
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,163
Nothing. What? Me and my
girlfriend were just making out.
448
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,164
No.
449
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,631
Don't-- no.
450
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,633
Okay.
451
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,035
(sighs)
452
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,636
I don't know. Nothing.
453
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,372
I was just gonna follow you home
or whatever.
454
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,406
Why?
455
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,474
To egg you.
456
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,876
Not necessarily!
457
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,379
I just wanted, you know,
to prove that you don't have
458
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,647
any right to judge me.
Obviously.
You're right.
459
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,016
I don't. Good night.
460
00:16:57,050 --> 00:17:00,420
Being vulnerable makes me angry!
461
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,657
(sighs)
462
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,993
I get that.
463
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,861
Being vulnerable
is scary.
464
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,997
But most people
don't even try.
465
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,401
Like my boyfriend. He never
wants to talk about his stuff.
466
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,370
He just squashes it down
and keeps it all on lock.
467
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,906
Okay. So what happens to people
like your boyfriend?
468
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,508
Oh, no... I don't know.
469
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,243
We'll see, I guess.
470
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,912
Hopefully he stops wearing
zip-up cargo shorts.
471
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,416
But I know locked-down shit
472
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,851
eventually becomes
unlocked-down.
473
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,721
Eventually, a person has
to start taking responsibility
474
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:35,955
for their own life.
475
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,957
(gasps)
See? There it is.
476
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,259
You're-you're blaming me again.
477
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,027
Calls 'em like I sees 'em.
478
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,762
(sighs)
479
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,597
What was that you were saying
480
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,367
about taking responsibility?
Ow.
481
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,202
Look, I can guide,
482
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,804
but a patient
has to do the work themselves.
483
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,041
Eventually we all have to take
responsibility for our own life.
484
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,677
So, I'll see you next week,
maybe?
485
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,813
And don't stalk me again.
486
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,849
'Cause you guys suck at it.
487
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,587
I am so wet right now.
488
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,290
Back off, bitch.
489
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,392
(indistinct police transmission)
That part
you just read,
490
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,328
it sounds too fancy. Like, just
make the language more regular.
491
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,764
Tristan and Iris
are from upper-crust,
492
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,832
early 20th century London.
493
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,101
Why can't he just say
something like,
494
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,304
"Iris, your twat's
driving me up the wall"?
495
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,239
Okay. Anything else?
Shouldn't Simon
496
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,940
and... the redhead...
497
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:28,775
Kitty.
498
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,677
Yeah. Kitty.
499
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:33,079
Shouldn't they end up together
so people are happy?
500
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,682
But theirs is
a taboo love forbidden
501
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:39,186
by our current, ironically
more repressive society.
502
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,189
Okay. That's a good note.
503
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,024
All right.
Find a different ending,
504
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,694
colloquialize the language
in the first third,
505
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,330
find motivation
for the face-sitting,
506
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:54,767
a few other tweaks.
All right, thank you, everybody.
507
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,238
Here we are.
Also, there's
too much sex.
508
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,248
*
(indistinct chatter)
509
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,021
Edgar?
510
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,155
What are you doing?
511
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,157
So, I was thinking,
512
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,493
"From future.
Time machine's broken.
513
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,895
Need money for plutonium."
Then, in parentheses,
514
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,832
"FYI, the Cowboys win
the Super Bowl next year."
515
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,066
What do you think?
516
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,201
What is going on with you?
517
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,540
I got out of it.
But they're still here.
518
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,743
Plus, I have useful
comedic skills and a Sharpie.
519
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,246
I think that it's really nice
that you want to help them,
520
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,214
but how 'bout helping
your girlfriend?
521
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,049
Isn't that why
you're here?
You don't need it,
522
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,084
not like they do.
You have a place to live.
523
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,922
Maybe we could get the rest
of my stuff upstairs,
524
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:53,393
and then we could use the boxes
to help you make some signs.
525
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,730
Thank you.
526
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,167
(fly buzzing)
527
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,103
LINDSAY:
Paul? Sweetheart?
Wha...
528
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,739
Lindsay?
Is that you?
529
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,208
(grunting)
530
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,514
It is.
531
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,549
Poor dear.
532
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,586
(grunting)
533
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,921
Paul?
534
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,222
Hmm?
535
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,191
I'm sorry I was
gone all day.
536
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,594
I'm prepared to...
537
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:31,598
take responsibility for that.
538
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,199
Do you forgive me?
539
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,535
Of course I forgive y...
Great!
540
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,370
(groans)
I took responsibility,
541
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,105
and now it's in the past.
542
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,040
Whoosh! Gone.
543
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,042
I'll make us Red Napkin.
544
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,777
I love you.
545
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,245
Of course.
546
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,448
We're family.
547
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,216
(grunts)
Ow.
548
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,652
*
549
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,460
Should we just give up?
550
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,730
Yeah, guess so.
(grunts)
551
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,299
I just keep thinking
about my book.
552
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,735
Therapist all up
in my cabeza.
553
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,236
We're better than this!
554
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,439
I don't know why I'm
so scared of doing
555
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,107
some stupid,
Dr. Phil bullshit task.
556
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,577
She's the one making it seem
like this Miyagi test.
557
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,112
That's it. I'm gonna open
this goddamn mail.
558
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:24,517
Then I'm gonna call my agent and
tell him to pull the proposal.
559
00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:27,520
Maybe this isn't even the book
that I want to write.
560
00:21:27,554 --> 00:21:29,389
Who knows?
561
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,859
(exhales)
562
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,271
(exhales)
563
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:48,274
Gas bill. Easy.
564
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,010
(laughs)
565
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:57,249
Oh. Yeah, right, electricity.
I'm not paying you.
566
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,487
No, I don't want
your stupid magazine!
567
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:02,221
Nope.
568
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:05,425
(exhales)
569
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,544
No.
570
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:28,214
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
571
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:30,383
JIMMY:
Gretchen!
572
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,719
My book! My book!
573
00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:34,353
The proposal sold!
574
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:37,356
Ha! Suck it,
Edgar and-and Dorothy
575
00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:40,359
and that cop, old lady,
and businesswoman.
576
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:41,694
I did it. Ha!
577
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,730
I did it!
(yelps)
578
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:45,698
Oh, my God, that's-that's great.
579
00:22:45,732 --> 00:22:47,700
Um, have you... have you talked
to your family recently?
580
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,201
Mwah!
581
00:22:49,235 --> 00:22:51,203
Hell no. I blocked
all their numbers
582
00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:53,272
after their
disastrous visit. Why?
583
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:54,507
Nothing.
584
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,042
We get the offer on Monday.
585
00:22:56,075 --> 00:22:57,544
God, I love being a writer!
586
00:22:57,577 --> 00:22:59,111
I mean, not that
I'm surprised.
587
00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:01,614
This one felt so
good, you know?
588
00:23:01,648 --> 00:23:03,850
I sure left it all on the page
with this one.
589
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,419
And my faith in it
never wavered. Not really.
590
00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:09,589
Nope, never wavered at all.
591
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:12,058
*
592
00:23:22,134 --> 00:23:23,603
* My eyes are tired
593
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:27,206
* And I'm a liar
594
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,209
* I wish I had grace
595
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,780
* But I can re-erase.
596
00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:36,248
*
597
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:51,130
(dog barks)
598
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,168
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