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1
00:00:05,226 --> 00:00:06,509
Oh, Niles.
2
00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:08,509
Can you believe this?
3
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:13,526
I am married, I have twins
on the way, a beautiful family.
4
00:00:14,203 --> 00:00:16,873
How could life get any better?
5
00:00:16,159 --> 00:00:17,393
Yeah, life's a cabaret.
6
00:00:20,373 --> 00:00:22,243
Well, I have some exciting news.
7
00:00:22,276 --> 00:00:24,243
Let me guess. It's for her.
8
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,459
Darling, you remember that play
I did last summer?
9
00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:29,343
You mean the one
where the critic said,
10
00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:31,873
"And this is what he left
Chicago Hope
11
00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:33,203
Yes.
12
00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,203
Well, anyway,
Columbia has decided
13
00:00:35,543 --> 00:00:37,243
to option that dreadful thing
for a film.
14
00:00:37,276 --> 00:00:40,309
Oh, honey, you are so talented.
15
00:00:40,343 --> 00:00:44,443
Leave it to you to take
a piece of dreck and turn it
into a movie.
16
00:00:44,476 --> 00:00:48,293
No, actually they do
this sort of thing
in Hollywood all the time.
17
00:00:48,326 --> 00:00:51,459
Well, if the deal goes through
and I start producing
18
00:00:51,493 --> 00:00:54,543
we are moving to Beverly Hills.
19
00:00:54,873 --> 00:00:57,343
Oh, sweetie, Beverly Hills.
20
00:00:57,376 --> 00:00:59,326
With your smarts and my style
21
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:03,193
we could be the next
Aaron and Candy Spelling.
22
00:01:03,226 --> 00:01:06,543
Maxwell, when we head out this
weekend to close the deal
23
00:01:06,873 --> 00:01:08,543
maybe we should hang out
for a few days.
24
00:01:08,873 --> 00:01:10,209
Just scope things out,
stay at the beach.
25
00:01:10,243 --> 00:01:14,493
Five words:
Over my dead body... missy.
26
00:01:17,159 --> 00:01:20,226
Darling, she meant all of us.
Didn't you, C.C.?
27
00:01:20,259 --> 00:01:24,209
No, I booked a romantic weekend
for me and a married man
at the Malibu Inn.
28
00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:25,493
Room 308 with the Jacuzzi.
29
00:01:25,526 --> 00:01:29,426
[laughs]
Of course I meant all of us.
30
00:01:34,373 --> 00:01:35,276
When are we leaving?
31
00:01:35,309 --> 00:01:38,526
Tomorrow morning. I've actually
set up some appointments for you
32
00:01:39,203 --> 00:01:40,493
to look at houses to rent
while we're out there.
33
00:01:41,043 --> 00:01:42,703
Wow.
34
00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:44,043
The children are so excited
to be going.
35
00:01:44,373 --> 00:01:49,243
Wow. Who is not going to be
excited about our family
going to California?
36
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,043
Hello.
37
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:54,543
Oh, my God. It's Ma.
I'm gonna have to tell her.
38
00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:55,243
This is gonna kill her.
39
00:01:55,276 --> 00:01:57,393
Oh, don't worry, darling,
we'll tell her together.
40
00:01:57,426 --> 00:02:00,459
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You're so wonderful.
41
00:02:02,043 --> 00:02:03,293
[clears throat]
42
00:02:03,326 --> 00:02:05,203
Come in, Sylvia.
43
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,426
Your daughter and I have
something very important
to tell you.
44
00:02:15,143 --> 00:02:16,459
♪ She was workingIn a bridal shop ♪
45
00:02:16,493 --> 00:02:18,159
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
46
00:02:18,193 --> 00:02:19,326
♪ Till her boyfriendKicked her out ♪
47
00:02:19,359 --> 00:02:20,509
♪ In one of thoseCrushing scenes ♪
48
00:02:21,043 --> 00:02:22,509
♪ What was she to do?Where was she to go? ♪
49
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:26,543
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
50
00:02:26,873 --> 00:02:27,226
♪ So over the bridgeFrom Flushing ♪
51
00:02:27,259 --> 00:02:29,043
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
52
00:02:29,373 --> 00:02:31,176
♪ She was there to sell make-upBut the father saw more ♪
53
00:02:31,209 --> 00:02:33,293
♪ She had style!She had flair!She was there ♪
54
00:02:33,326 --> 00:02:34,393
♪ That's how she became ♪
55
00:02:34,426 --> 00:02:37,373
♪ The Nanny ♪
56
00:02:37,703 --> 00:02:39,493
♪ Who would have guessedThat the girl we described ♪
57
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:42,193
♪ Was just exactlyWhat the doctor prescribed? ♪
58
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:43,409
♪ Now, the fatherFinds her beguiling ♪
59
00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:44,526
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
60
00:02:45,203 --> 00:02:46,393
♪ And the kidsAre actually smiling
61
00:02:46,426 --> 00:02:47,409
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
62
00:02:47,443 --> 00:02:49,703
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
63
00:02:49,143 --> 00:02:52,873
♪ When everybody elseIs wearing tan ♪
64
00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:55,259
♪ The flashy girlFrom Flushing ♪
65
00:02:55,293 --> 00:02:56,409
♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
66
00:03:05,703 --> 00:03:07,359
Darling. Darling.
67
00:03:07,393 --> 00:03:11,373
Darling, we have something to
say to your mother together.
68
00:03:11,703 --> 00:03:12,493
I know. I know.
69
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:17,176
Ma, Max and I wanna talk to you
about...
70
00:03:17,209 --> 00:03:18,259
Max!
71
00:03:19,393 --> 00:03:20,509
Copycat.
72
00:03:22,326 --> 00:03:23,509
Here's the deal.
73
00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:25,409
You know how you're always
bragging about your son-in-law,
74
00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:27,426
the big Broadway producer?
75
00:03:27,459 --> 00:03:30,509
Well, soon you're gonna be able
to brag about your son-in-law
76
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:33,203
the big movie producer,
77
00:03:33,543 --> 00:03:36,276
because we're all moving
to California and I'm gonna be
3000 miles away.
78
00:03:40,276 --> 00:03:45,543
What do you think
would happen if I wore
a push-up bra with this?
79
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,259
I think you'd suffocate.
80
00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:54,043
Ma, did you hear me?
81
00:03:54,373 --> 00:03:57,703
This isn't like the time
when I threatened to run away
82
00:03:57,143 --> 00:03:59,043
and become a roadie
for Peaches and Herb.
83
00:03:59,443 --> 00:04:01,393
We're really moving.
84
00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:05,476
How do you think I would look
if I lost the bra altogether?
85
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:08,409
Like Daddy at the beach.
86
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,193
Ma, I'm serious. We're gonna be
leaving the state.
87
00:04:14,226 --> 00:04:16,143
Darling, I understand.
88
00:04:16,176 --> 00:04:18,193
You're a grown woman now.
89
00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:20,226
You have your life.
90
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:23,193
I just want you to be happy.
91
00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:26,443
-Does my makeup
look natural to you?
-Yeah.
92
00:04:26,476 --> 00:04:29,703
Then I need more. Love you. Bye.
93
00:04:31,703 --> 00:04:33,203
So? So how did she take it?
94
00:04:33,543 --> 00:04:36,209
Oh, it was unbelievable.
I mean, I was expecting...
95
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:39,143
That.
96
00:04:39,176 --> 00:04:42,426
I don't wanna move to
California. It's a desert.
97
00:04:42,459 --> 00:04:46,193
Do you have any idea how much
dust collects in a desert?
98
00:04:46,226 --> 00:04:50,373
And it's hot, which means
she's gonna be
walking around in shorts.
99
00:04:52,373 --> 00:04:55,443
Oh, yeah, like the hot
California sun bouncing
off your pink thighs
100
00:04:55,476 --> 00:04:58,703
is gonna get you cast
inDawson's Creek
101
00:05:24,526 --> 00:05:27,326
Oh, Niles, can you believe this?
102
00:05:27,359 --> 00:05:30,243
We are shopping for a house
in Beverly Hills.
103
00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:32,873
Oh, I wonder who our neighbors
are gonna be.
104
00:05:32,159 --> 00:05:34,426
Well, not everyone
in Beverly Hills is a celebrity.
105
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,259
I mean, it's not all
swimming pools and movie stars.
106
00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:39,476
Well, howdy.
107
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:45,159
Niles, this is Elly May.
108
00:05:45,193 --> 00:05:47,703
Hi, I'm Fran.
The realtor sent us.
109
00:05:47,143 --> 00:05:49,226
Oh, come on in and set a spell.
110
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:56,476
Well, here's the living room
and out there
is the cement pond.
111
00:05:57,476 --> 00:06:00,226
Oh, your home is so gorgeous.
112
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:04,143
Oh, by the way, this is Niles.
Niles, this is
Elly May Clampett.
113
00:06:04,176 --> 00:06:05,493
Donna Douglas.
114
00:06:05,526 --> 00:06:07,476
Oh, forgive me.
115
00:06:07,509 --> 00:06:10,209
Oh, it must be
so annoying to you
116
00:06:10,243 --> 00:06:13,203
when people always confuse you
with your characters.
117
00:06:13,509 --> 00:06:15,476
So have you seen much of Jethro?
118
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:20,209
Oh, have you noticed
these high vaulted ceilings?
119
00:06:20,243 --> 00:06:22,359
Why, you know,
they're spectacular.
120
00:06:22,393 --> 00:06:25,293
And the previous owner,
he add this here skylight.
121
00:06:25,326 --> 00:06:27,209
You know, it's a nice effect.
122
00:06:27,243 --> 00:06:29,493
Did he also prepay the trapeze
lessons for the butler
123
00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:32,326
who's going to have to learn how
to fly so he can clean it?
124
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,343
He sure is
a bitter fellow, ain't he?
125
00:06:38,159 --> 00:06:43,703
Oh, my God,
it's the Tonetech 2000
intercom system.
126
00:06:43,143 --> 00:06:46,043
With the voice-activated
hypersensitive speakers.
127
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,526
Damn, this baby
picks up sign language.
128
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,276
Ooh, I love L.A.
129
00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:54,176
Let's sit down.
130
00:06:54,209 --> 00:06:57,509
Oh, I cannot believe
I'm sitting with Elly May.
131
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,243
I mean Donna. Sorry.
132
00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:03,326
I'll tell you, my mother and I
used to watch your show
133
00:07:03,359 --> 00:07:05,409
all the time together.
We just loved it.
134
00:07:05,443 --> 00:07:07,343
Well, that's so sweet.
135
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:10,143
Oh, are you and your mama close?
136
00:07:10,176 --> 00:07:12,043
Like two hogs in a--
137
00:07:12,373 --> 00:07:15,393
Oh, I can't do this.
We're close.
138
00:07:15,426 --> 00:07:17,159
Oh, she lives out here, too?
139
00:07:17,193 --> 00:07:20,193
No, no.
Actually, she lives in New York.
140
00:07:20,226 --> 00:07:24,143
Well, her heart must be broken.
You're moving so far away.
141
00:07:24,176 --> 00:07:27,193
Well, actually, she said that
she's fine with it.
142
00:07:27,226 --> 00:07:30,276
And she said that I'm a big girl
and it's time for me
to live my own life.
143
00:07:30,309 --> 00:07:32,193
You fell for that?
144
00:07:32,226 --> 00:07:33,409
Oh, vey.
145
00:07:35,326 --> 00:07:37,176
Clampett's a Jewish name?
146
00:07:37,209 --> 00:07:41,043
Well, Granny covered up her
feelings the same way
your ma did
147
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:44,293
when we loaded up the truck
and moved to Beverly.
148
00:07:44,326 --> 00:07:48,159
She said she was staying behind
and she was happy for us
149
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:51,243
but inside,
it was just killing her.
150
00:07:51,276 --> 00:07:54,476
Oh, my God, have I been blind.
151
00:07:54,509 --> 00:07:57,309
Of course that's
what Ma is doing.
152
00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:01,309
Oh, if I move here,
it's just gonna break her heart.
153
00:08:01,343 --> 00:08:05,459
Oh, well, you know, sugar,
my critters has got a saying:
154
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:08,159
"A mother
can have a thousand daughters
155
00:08:08,193 --> 00:08:11,459
but a thousand daughters
only have one mother."
156
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,459
A critter said that?
157
00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:30,376
I'm telling you, Maxwell,
your play, impressive.
158
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,509
-Oh, so you saw it.
-No.
159
00:08:35,043 --> 00:08:36,326
-Read it.
-No, no.
160
00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:40,309
But I've got some great ideas
for the rewrite.
161
00:08:40,343 --> 00:08:41,509
Nothing big.
162
00:08:43,193 --> 00:08:45,203
We turn it into a sitcom.
163
00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:49,526
-Why?
-Because I like funny.
164
00:08:50,203 --> 00:08:52,526
Uh, Mr. Sherry, my play
is an allegory
165
00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:55,476
dealing with early man's
struggle to survive.
166
00:08:55,509 --> 00:08:57,359
So wasThe Flintstones.
167
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:05,203
You-- You see, Maury, uh,
I'm a man of the theater.
168
00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:07,493
And there is such a thing
as artistic integrity.
169
00:09:07,526 --> 00:09:11,043
And I can't sign this.
I have an obligation to my work.
170
00:09:11,373 --> 00:09:12,443
You can make more money
171
00:09:12,476 --> 00:09:16,043
in one season of a sitcom
than you can
in a 10-year run ofCats.
172
00:09:16,373 --> 00:09:17,343
Do you have a pen?
173
00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:21,873
You're doing
the right thing, Maxwell.
174
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:23,293
Let me tell you, a lot of people
are frightened of success.
175
00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:26,373
They're afraid
of that little voice
in their heads.
176
00:09:26,703 --> 00:09:29,443
Honey, don't sign.
We can't move here.
177
00:09:32,373 --> 00:09:33,276
Sorry, Mr. Sherry.
178
00:09:34,209 --> 00:09:35,426
She snuck off the tour bus.
179
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,443
And if you ask me,
180
00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:41,043
twenty-eight bucks is a lot
of money to charge to see
Weezie's old dressing room.
181
00:09:43,043 --> 00:09:44,293
What are you doing here?
182
00:09:44,326 --> 00:09:47,426
Oh, Maury, I'm so sorry.
This is my wife.
183
00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:50,393
How do you do, Mr. Sherry? Hi.
184
00:09:50,426 --> 00:09:53,226
Oh, what a gorgeous head of hair
you got there.
185
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,493
Tell me. Does it turn yellow
in the California sun?
186
00:09:57,509 --> 00:10:02,143
Honey, we can't move here.
Ma doesn't want us to be
so far away from her
187
00:10:02,176 --> 00:10:04,376
and frankly, I don't wanna be
away from her either.
188
00:10:04,409 --> 00:10:07,243
I want her to be a part
of our twins growing up.
189
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:09,526
Darling, darling, I understand.
Believe me, I do.
190
00:10:10,203 --> 00:10:12,143
But this is
a terrific opportunity.
191
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,326
Now, if I could find some way
around this situation
with your mother,
192
00:10:14,359 --> 00:10:16,259
of course I'd take it.
193
00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:18,373
Listen, Sheffield.
194
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:20,526
I have no idea
what you're talking about,
195
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,203
but here's what you should do.
196
00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:26,193
You bring your mother-in-law
out here to live with you.
197
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,309
Oh, Mr. Sherry,
that is a fabulous idea.
198
00:10:30,343 --> 00:10:32,459
Maxwell, I see your reflection
in the glass.
199
00:10:32,493 --> 00:10:35,226
Oh, all right. All right,
sweetheart, all right.
200
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,143
If it'll make you happy,
of course we'll bring
your mother out here.
201
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:41,543
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
I love you so much.
202
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:44,373
You know, Maury,
since you like funny,
203
00:10:44,703 --> 00:10:47,176
I've got a little pitcherino
just between us.
204
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:52,543
Cops. Funny cops.
But here's the twist.
205
00:10:52,873 --> 00:10:56,209
The cell where they hold the
criminals is in the squad room.
206
00:10:58,703 --> 00:10:59,226
Sucks.
207
00:11:07,409 --> 00:11:11,293
Fran, the guest house
is like one big room
with a giant kitchen.
208
00:11:11,326 --> 00:11:14,226
Are you sure that your mom's
gonna like living
in a place like that?
209
00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:15,493
What? Shangri-La?
210
00:11:18,226 --> 00:11:19,426
What's the matter, B?
211
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:21,509
Well, I can't believe
we have to leave New York
212
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,493
just as I get a girlfriend.
213
00:11:23,526 --> 00:11:26,143
Honey, you'll fold her up,
put her in your suitcase
214
00:11:26,176 --> 00:11:28,159
and take her
on the plane with you.
215
00:11:30,476 --> 00:11:33,326
That's a good idea. Yeah.
216
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:38,703
Fran, how would you feel
if I didn't move to California
with you?
217
00:11:38,143 --> 00:11:40,159
You know, honey,
the critters have a saying:
218
00:11:40,193 --> 00:11:42,409
"Do you wanna put a knife
through my heart?"
219
00:11:43,526 --> 00:11:45,393
They're minks. Jewish critters.
220
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:47,509
[doorbell rings]
221
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,209
Oh, hi, Ma.
222
00:11:52,243 --> 00:11:54,259
Hi, darling. What did you
wanna talk to me about?
223
00:11:54,293 --> 00:11:57,343
Well, I've got some thrilling
news for you.
224
00:11:57,376 --> 00:11:58,393
Oh.
225
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,203
We're not gonna
have to be separated.
226
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,343
Your heart is not
going to be broken.
227
00:12:03,376 --> 00:12:06,543
What would you say if I told you
228
00:12:06,873 --> 00:12:09,293
that Maxwell and I
rented a house in Beverly Hills
229
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:12,226
and you and Daddy
are moving with us?
230
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,203
No thanks.
231
00:12:17,226 --> 00:12:19,376
Ma, it's okay.
You could drop the act.
232
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:21,409
I know that you've
been covering up.
233
00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:24,203
That you feel like
your heart's gonna be broken
234
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:28,276
because you're not gonna be
with me, and you really
wanna move with us.
235
00:12:28,309 --> 00:12:29,359
No, I don't.
236
00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:33,143
Ma, enough already.
237
00:12:33,176 --> 00:12:36,203
You're moving to California
so your heart won't be broken
238
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,043
and you'll be
near your damn daughter.
239
00:12:39,476 --> 00:12:42,276
Darling, I can't move
to California.
240
00:12:42,309 --> 00:12:44,443
-You have your life,
I have mine.
-What?
241
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:47,176
You shouldn't revolve your life
around me.
242
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:49,526
You know,
I'm not gonna be around forever.
243
00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:57,203
But you'll be three doors down
from Rue McClanahan.
244
00:12:59,393 --> 00:13:02,526
Life shouldn't revolve
around her?
245
00:13:03,203 --> 00:13:06,043
She won't be around forever?
What's that supposed to mean?
246
00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:09,373
[gasps] Oh, my God.
247
00:13:09,703 --> 00:13:11,873
Oh, there's something wrong
with my mother.
248
00:13:17,373 --> 00:13:21,703
Oh, Val, I'm so glad
that you're here.
I'm going crazy.
249
00:13:21,143 --> 00:13:24,203
You're going crazy?
I've been here since noon,
250
00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:27,193
I've had three cups of coffee,
I'm ready to burst, and look.
251
00:13:32,393 --> 00:13:34,226
Has Ma been here?
252
00:13:34,259 --> 00:13:37,243
What would your mother be doing
at Krispy Kreme?
253
00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:40,476
Even I knew
that was a stupid question.
254
00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:43,276
I need to talk to her
and I can't find her anywhere.
255
00:13:43,309 --> 00:13:45,143
I went to the Carnegie Deli,
she's not there.
256
00:13:45,176 --> 00:13:47,226
I went to Pizza Hut,
she's not there.
257
00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:49,543
And you know she's banned
from the Sizzler
258
00:13:49,873 --> 00:13:51,359
ever since she had them cater
her last dinner party.
259
00:13:51,393 --> 00:13:53,459
They don't cater.
260
00:13:53,493 --> 00:13:56,509
Well, they do if you carry
an extra-large shopping bag.
261
00:14:01,409 --> 00:14:04,426
-Fran, what's the matter?
-Oh, Val, I'm really worried.
262
00:14:04,459 --> 00:14:07,459
She told me I had to get used
to her not being around.
263
00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:09,143
You know what that means,
don't you?
264
00:14:09,176 --> 00:14:10,393
Oh, Fran.
It doesn't mean anything.
265
00:14:10,426 --> 00:14:12,493
My grandmother
said the same thing to me.
266
00:14:13,426 --> 00:14:15,209
She died, Val.
267
00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:17,393
Yeah, but she said it
before she died.
268
00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:23,209
Well, I really
gotta talk to her.
269
00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:27,243
This is really driving me nuts.
I'm gonna call my father.
270
00:14:27,276 --> 00:14:29,343
-Yeah.
-Maybe he knows where she is.
271
00:14:29,376 --> 00:14:33,409
Hi, Daddy. It's-- Hello? Hello?
272
00:14:33,443 --> 00:14:35,226
Hi. Hello. Hi.
273
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,526
Hi, Dad. Hi.
274
00:14:38,203 --> 00:14:40,526
Fran. Fran. Yeah.
275
00:14:41,203 --> 00:14:43,193
Where's Mommy? Do you know?
276
00:14:43,226 --> 00:14:45,459
Oh, oh, the beauty parlor.
277
00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:51,043
Okay. Thank you.
I love you, too. Love you too.
278
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,443
-Aren't these amazing?
-Yeah.
279
00:15:04,443 --> 00:15:05,476
Bonsoir.
280
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:07,376
Today?
281
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:08,426
It's not gonna happen.
282
00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:14,043
-Hi. I'm Fran Sheffield.
-Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.
283
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:16,459
We keep your wedding picture
up here for advertisement.
284
00:15:16,493 --> 00:15:19,376
But I didn't get my hair
done here for my wedding.
285
00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:21,309
So? No one else knows that.
286
00:15:23,526 --> 00:15:27,159
Your mother said we could
use it if we comped
all her bikini waxings.
287
00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:30,043
Who's sorry now, huh?
288
00:15:31,493 --> 00:15:34,193
Meanwhile, I gotta talk to her.
Where is she?
289
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:36,203
Sylvia don't have
an appointment here today.
290
00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:38,426
But she told my father
that she did.
291
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,276
Well, then she's a big fat liar.
292
00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:44,443
I would go check out
Mount Sinai.
293
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,193
The hospital?
294
00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:48,426
Yeah, she goes there every
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
295
00:15:48,459 --> 00:15:50,276
four o'clock, fifth floor.
296
00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:53,493
And she carries that imitation
Prada bag and she thinks
no one can tell.
297
00:15:53,526 --> 00:15:55,873
But I know.
298
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,159
Oh, I don't believe this.
299
00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:01,493
Why would Ma be going
to a hospital?
300
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:03,459
I don't know.
What am I, a yenta?
301
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,426
Oh, it can't be true.
It can't be true.
302
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:09,873
You must be mistaken.
303
00:16:09,159 --> 00:16:11,143
Maybe she's in the back
getting a pedicure.
304
00:16:11,176 --> 00:16:13,176
Trust me. She's not here.
305
00:16:13,209 --> 00:16:15,043
Those are feet
one doesn't forget.
306
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,343
Chatterbox. How you doing?
307
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:22,326
Today? It's not gonna happen.
308
00:16:31,703 --> 00:16:33,359
Oh, Ma, you're here.
309
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,409
Sorry, Fran. Just me.
Still no luck?
310
00:16:37,443 --> 00:16:41,209
Oh, I have looked everywhere
for her.
311
00:16:41,243 --> 00:16:43,393
Look how weird,
her chair is empty.
312
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,143
I don't think
I've ever seen the seat.
313
00:16:49,873 --> 00:16:52,426
And all that's left
is the imprint of when she
was 40 pounds heavier.
314
00:16:55,373 --> 00:16:57,243
Sweetheart, where have you been?
315
00:16:57,276 --> 00:17:00,373
Oh, I've been looking all over
for Ma. And you know what?
316
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:01,509
Libby from the Chatterbox,
317
00:17:02,043 --> 00:17:05,309
she said that Ma's been seeing
a doctor three times a week.
318
00:17:05,343 --> 00:17:09,343
Oh, honey, I think there
might be something
seriously wrong with her.
319
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:13,143
Darling, darling, I hardly think
you should be taking the word
320
00:17:13,176 --> 00:17:16,203
of a girl who answers the phones
at a beauty parlor.
321
00:17:16,543 --> 00:17:17,326
Oh, I don't know.
322
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:21,243
Libby is usually pretty right on
about this stuff.
323
00:17:21,276 --> 00:17:25,259
And why are you optioning
your play for 275
324
00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:28,343
when you know you could have
held out for 300,000?
325
00:17:29,476 --> 00:17:31,359
How the devil did you know that?
326
00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:34,193
Oh, God. Libby?
327
00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:39,309
Oh, what are we gonna do?
328
00:17:39,343 --> 00:17:41,526
Oh, my God.
That's Ma. That's Ma.
329
00:17:42,203 --> 00:17:43,226
I don't want her to know I know.
330
00:17:43,259 --> 00:17:45,443
-I don't want her upset.
You get the door.
-Yeah.
331
00:17:47,203 --> 00:17:49,209
Sylvia, come on in.
Well, we were just--
332
00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:54,526
What's with her?
333
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:01,176
Your hair looks pretty.
334
00:18:01,209 --> 00:18:04,243
Oh, darling, what's the matter?
335
00:18:04,276 --> 00:18:09,326
Oh, Ma, I can't believe
you didn't say anything.
336
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,426
How can you go through this
all by yourself?
337
00:18:11,459 --> 00:18:13,526
Why didn't you tell me
if you were sick?
338
00:18:14,203 --> 00:18:16,159
Sick? I'm not sick.
339
00:18:16,193 --> 00:18:17,393
It's all right, Sylvia.
340
00:18:17,426 --> 00:18:21,343
Libby told us.
We know you're seeing a doctor.
341
00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:23,309
And if you're not sick,
342
00:18:23,343 --> 00:18:28,873
then why would you be going
to this guy's office
three times a week?
343
00:18:31,873 --> 00:18:33,243
What's that look
on your face about?
344
00:18:35,443 --> 00:18:38,459
Ma, what are you saying?
345
00:18:43,393 --> 00:18:48,459
Are you telling me
that you're having an affair?
346
00:18:50,343 --> 00:18:52,393
Oh, my God.
347
00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:56,193
How could you just go
and blurt that out like that?
348
00:18:56,226 --> 00:19:00,276
I'm sorry,
but I do not wanna discuss this.
349
00:19:00,309 --> 00:19:05,359
Well, if you don't wanna
discuss this, too bad.
350
00:19:05,393 --> 00:19:08,259
-Is there a fight?
Did we miss anything?
-What's going on?
351
00:19:08,293 --> 00:19:12,143
When the two of them talk
at the same time,
the intercom shorts out.
352
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:15,293
Fran's having a rather delicate
conversation with her mother.
353
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:18,243
I think it best we just stay out
of their way till they're done.
354
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:20,459
Get away from me.
Leave me alone.
355
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,203
-Oh, I'd say they're done.
-Ma, freeze.
356
00:19:23,543 --> 00:19:25,359
Ever since she lost the weight,
she's like the Flash.
357
00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:27,543
Now, I want an answer.
358
00:19:27,873 --> 00:19:30,373
Are you having an affair?
359
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,373
-I've got a phone call
I need to make.
-I think I have to go now.
360
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,143
Since when are you my keeper?
361
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:44,459
Since I heard you're being kept.
362
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:47,873
Ma, doesn't this ring
on your finger mean anything?
363
00:19:47,159 --> 00:19:48,309
What ring is that
on your finger?
364
00:19:48,343 --> 00:19:51,326
Oh, QVC.
It's a ring-slash-pillbox.
365
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:55,143
-Now, leave me alone.
-Ma.
366
00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:57,409
[Sylvia] Why don't you stop
giving me the third degree?
367
00:19:57,443 --> 00:19:59,243
Who do you think you are?
368
00:19:59,276 --> 00:20:02,043
[Fran] I'm your daughter,
that's who I think I am.
369
00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:04,293
Just because I have the figure
of a teenager
370
00:20:04,326 --> 00:20:07,476
doesn't mean I'm not
a mature woman who's
entitled to her privacy.
371
00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:09,443
Now, nothing is going on.
372
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:13,426
If your father calls,
373
00:20:13,459 --> 00:20:16,526
tell him I took the little girl
brassiere shopping.
374
00:20:18,493 --> 00:20:22,703
Is this unbelievable or what?
375
00:20:22,143 --> 00:20:26,043
You're telling me
she's having sex and I'm not?
376
00:20:34,426 --> 00:20:36,459
[music playing]
377
00:20:53,493 --> 00:20:56,703
Y'all come back now, you hear?
378
00:20:58,176 --> 00:21:00,193
[theme music playing]
379
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:19,226
[theme music ends]
30035
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