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1
00:00:03,309 --> 00:00:06,426
Niles,
here I am Mrs. Sheffield now
2
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:08,276
and you're still making the bed,
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,703
making the meals,
laying out his clothes.
4
00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:14,143
-I feel so guilty.
-Well, would you like to help?
5
00:00:14,176 --> 00:00:16,873
No,
I just wanna figure out a way
6
00:00:16,159 --> 00:00:18,293
to stop feeling so damn guilty.
7
00:00:18,326 --> 00:00:20,243
Honey, have you seen
Grace's Halloween outfit?
8
00:00:20,276 --> 00:00:21,493
-No.
-She's looking
a little more like
9
00:00:21,526 --> 00:00:22,509
a trick than treat.
10
00:00:23,043 --> 00:00:23,476
Uh-oh!
11
00:00:23,509 --> 00:00:25,476
Gracie, honey, come on in here.
12
00:00:25,509 --> 00:00:27,459
Let me see your costume.
13
00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:32,326
Oh, are you insane?
14
00:00:32,359 --> 00:00:35,526
There's no way you can go
to your Halloween party
dressed like that.
15
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:39,176
Black is over.
This year, gray is the story.
16
00:00:40,209 --> 00:00:41,409
Better?
17
00:00:41,443 --> 00:00:45,493
Oh, it's totally inappropriate.
She looks like... Well, like...
18
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:47,226
Me?
19
00:00:48,343 --> 00:00:49,393
All right, Miss Grace,
20
00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:50,493
let's leave
Mommy and Daddy alone
21
00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:52,493
-to fight in private.
-But I wanna hear.
22
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:54,873
It's none of our business.
23
00:00:57,493 --> 00:01:00,376
Darling, how could you
let her go out
looking like that?
24
00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:02,493
I mean, what kind of example
are you setting?
25
00:01:02,526 --> 00:01:04,459
What? She's dressed like me.
26
00:01:04,493 --> 00:01:06,309
You love my style.
27
00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:08,159
Yes, but you're much,
much older.
28
00:01:10,543 --> 00:01:13,409
But than little, teeny, tiny
12-year-old Gracie, that is.
29
00:01:13,443 --> 00:01:16,543
Look, the point is sweetheart,
since you've become her mother,
30
00:01:16,873 --> 00:01:17,443
you carry much more weight.
31
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:20,259
Oh, no. Well.
32
00:01:20,293 --> 00:01:23,376
Look, would you stop
staring at me like that?
It's spooky.
33
00:01:23,409 --> 00:01:25,276
What? I'm just listening
to my husband
34
00:01:25,309 --> 00:01:27,293
charm his fat, old, spooky wife.
35
00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:30,393
Darling,
the point is now we're married.
36
00:01:30,426 --> 00:01:33,309
We have to be much more careful
about what we say and do.
37
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,426
Like tonight, for example,
38
00:01:34,459 --> 00:01:36,259
when Margaret's boyfriend
comes over.
39
00:01:36,293 --> 00:01:37,493
You have to remember that a boy
40
00:01:37,526 --> 00:01:39,426
looks to a girl's mother
to know what to expect
41
00:01:39,459 --> 00:01:42,393
-in the future.
-Is that what you did with me?
42
00:01:43,493 --> 00:01:45,376
Who's sorry now?
43
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:47,443
No. Just promise me one thing,
44
00:01:47,476 --> 00:01:49,476
you'll try to be a little more
conservative tonight.
45
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:52,393
I mean,
that outfit you've got on.
46
00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,293
I mean,
it suggests any woman would...
47
00:01:54,326 --> 00:01:58,309
What? Jump into bed with a guy
after five years?
48
00:01:58,343 --> 00:02:01,393
Look, darling, we have to set
the right tone.
49
00:02:01,426 --> 00:02:04,226
-It's important you
and I are of one mind.
-Yours?
50
00:02:04,259 --> 00:02:05,243
Yes.
51
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:08,526
Okay, honey. You got it.
52
00:02:09,203 --> 00:02:10,209
-We're of one mind.
-Right.
53
00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:11,526
-And by the way, tonight?
-Mm?
54
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:13,373
We have a headache.
55
00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:20,459
♪ She was workingIn a bridal shop ♪
56
00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:22,143
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
57
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,309
♪ Til her boyfriendKicked her out ♪
58
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:24,526
♪ In one of thoseCrushing scenes ♪
59
00:02:25,203 --> 00:02:26,476
♪ What was she to do?Where was she to go? ♪
60
00:02:26,509 --> 00:02:29,426
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
61
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:31,226
♪ So over the bridgeFrom Flushing ♪
62
00:02:31,259 --> 00:02:33,043
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
63
00:02:33,373 --> 00:02:35,243
♪ She was there to sell make upBut the father saw more ♪
64
00:02:35,276 --> 00:02:37,259
♪ She had styleShe had flairShe was there ♪
65
00:02:37,293 --> 00:02:38,209
♪ That's how she became ♪
66
00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:41,373
♪ The Nanny ♪
67
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,493
♪ Who would have guessedThat the girl we described ♪
68
00:02:43,526 --> 00:02:46,209
♪ Was just exactlyWhat the doctor prescribed? ♪
69
00:02:46,243 --> 00:02:47,426
♪ Now, the fatherFinds her beguiling ♪
70
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,193
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
71
00:02:49,226 --> 00:02:50,293
♪ And the kidsAre actually smiling ♪
72
00:02:50,326 --> 00:02:51,409
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
73
00:02:51,443 --> 00:02:53,703
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
74
00:02:53,143 --> 00:02:57,176
♪ When everybody elseIs wearing tan ♪
75
00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:59,226
♪ The flashy girlFrom Flushing ♪
76
00:02:59,259 --> 00:03:00,409
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪
77
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,393
[Fran] Can you believe
the nerve of Maxwell
78
00:03:07,426 --> 00:03:12,276
suggesting that I am not
a good role model
for those kids?
79
00:03:12,309 --> 00:03:16,309
I mean,
would I ever steer them wrong?
80
00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:19,359
Oh, this was the worst day
of my entire life.
81
00:03:19,393 --> 00:03:21,359
Why, honey? What happened?
82
00:03:21,393 --> 00:03:23,209
Well, you know, Kim,
still won't go out with me.
83
00:03:23,243 --> 00:03:26,226
Well, did you nonchalantly drop
your Platinum Visa card
84
00:03:26,259 --> 00:03:27,459
like I told you to?
85
00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:30,426
No, the regular Visa.
86
00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:33,276
Oh. You don't listen.
87
00:03:36,043 --> 00:03:38,359
You see,
you are a great role model
88
00:03:38,393 --> 00:03:40,873
-for those kids.
-Thank you.
89
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:42,143
You can talk to kids
90
00:03:42,176 --> 00:03:43,393
and then just turn right around
91
00:03:43,426 --> 00:03:46,276
and conversate
with the sophisticatos.
92
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,476
[Fran chuckling]
93
00:03:48,509 --> 00:03:50,276
-Fran, I am so nervous...
-Hi, sweetie.
94
00:03:50,309 --> 00:03:53,159
about my new boyfriend
coming over for dinner tonight.
95
00:03:53,193 --> 00:03:55,373
Why? Because you have to prepare
96
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:56,459
the Chateaubriand,
polish the silver,
97
00:03:56,493 --> 00:03:58,326
and comb the fringe
on the area rugs?
98
00:03:58,359 --> 00:03:59,526
No, you do that.
99
00:04:00,203 --> 00:04:01,209
Then chill out, girlie.
100
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,193
Niles, what's the matter?
You seem so bitter.
101
00:04:06,226 --> 00:04:09,143
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that
it's a very
emotional day for me.
102
00:04:09,176 --> 00:04:11,373
I was here when
Miss Margaret was born.
103
00:04:11,703 --> 00:04:13,209
I watched her grow up,
go off to college,
104
00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:15,376
and now she's starting
an exciting new life.
105
00:04:15,409 --> 00:04:17,393
And I'm still a butler.
106
00:04:20,703 --> 00:04:24,393
Oh, I wish he can just adjust
to the fact
that he's a domestic.
107
00:04:24,426 --> 00:04:27,326
I mean, it took me five years,
but I made peace with it.
108
00:04:30,326 --> 00:04:32,393
So, honey,
what are you gonna wear tonight?
109
00:04:32,426 --> 00:04:34,043
Well, I was thinking of wearing
110
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:35,309
one of Fran's
short little skirts.
111
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:39,193
No, no, no, I don't think
that's a good idea at all.
112
00:04:39,226 --> 00:04:43,309
I think you gotta wear something
much more tasteful, longish,
113
00:04:43,343 --> 00:04:44,443
and turtleneckish.
114
00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:46,326
-Why?
-Why?
115
00:04:46,359 --> 00:04:49,543
Because I'm a frigging
role model, that's why.
116
00:04:55,873 --> 00:04:56,243
Daddy, just please,
117
00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:58,143
promise me that you're not
gonna embarrass me
118
00:04:58,176 --> 00:04:59,443
in front of my
new boyfriend tonight.
119
00:04:59,476 --> 00:05:01,873
Fine, I'll tell you what.
120
00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:03,873
Why don't I just lock
myself in my study
121
00:05:03,159 --> 00:05:04,343
and stay there until he leaves?
122
00:05:05,459 --> 00:05:07,243
Do you want Niles
to bring you a tray?
123
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,426
I'm not hiding in my office.
124
00:05:10,459 --> 00:05:13,409
This is my house.
I'll do as I please.
125
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:17,543
And if I want to tell my funny,
Kaye Ballard stories,
126
00:05:17,873 --> 00:05:18,293
which always kill,
127
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:21,393
then I shall.
128
00:05:21,426 --> 00:05:24,326
Oh, Fran, do something,
say something.
129
00:05:24,359 --> 00:05:26,493
Kaye Ballard.
130
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:30,526
-Honey,
let your father be himself.
-Thank you.
131
00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:32,493
Sweetie, if you're serious
about this guy,
132
00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:34,509
you are gonna have to let him
meet your family sometime.
133
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,443
I mean,
you can't hide them forever.
134
00:05:36,476 --> 00:05:38,143
God knows I tried.
135
00:05:39,359 --> 00:05:41,373
Oh, and you, don't embarrass me
136
00:05:41,703 --> 00:05:42,343
in front of my
new boyfriend tonight.
137
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,526
You turned off the last two guys
I brought home.
138
00:05:45,203 --> 00:05:46,393
Oh, yeah. I bored them to death.
139
00:05:48,426 --> 00:05:49,443
Honey, calm down.
140
00:05:49,476 --> 00:05:51,873
You're acting
a little nutsy here.
141
00:05:51,159 --> 00:05:52,326
I mean, there is really nothing
142
00:05:52,359 --> 00:05:55,143
as pathetic as an over-anxious,
desperate woman.
143
00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:56,393
-[doorbell ringing]
-There he is.
144
00:05:56,426 --> 00:05:58,543
Wet your lips.
Arch your back up.
145
00:05:58,873 --> 00:06:00,703
Please don't let this one
slip through your fingers.
146
00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:03,043
Oh, not you, sweetie.
147
00:06:05,293 --> 00:06:07,343
-Hello, honey.
-Hey.
148
00:06:07,376 --> 00:06:09,259
Everyone, this is Michael.
149
00:06:09,293 --> 00:06:12,343
-Michael, these are my parents.
-Hi.
150
00:06:12,376 --> 00:06:15,259
Gee,
you look very familiar to me.
151
00:06:15,293 --> 00:06:17,226
Yes, yes you do.
Are you an actor?
152
00:06:17,259 --> 00:06:20,243
-Have you read for me before?
-No, I'm a model. I don't read.
153
00:06:22,409 --> 00:06:24,259
Michael has
a billboard in Times Square
154
00:06:24,293 --> 00:06:25,493
that's ten stories high.
155
00:06:25,526 --> 00:06:27,493
Oh, my God.
156
00:06:27,526 --> 00:06:30,043
You are the underwear guy.
157
00:06:30,373 --> 00:06:33,376
Honey, honey, this is the tushy
that hangs over your marquee.
158
00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:36,476
-Please, show him. Show him.
-No, I really don't--
159
00:06:36,509 --> 00:06:37,509
-Oh, please.
-Well, all right.
160
00:06:42,426 --> 00:06:45,873
Yeah, that's it.
161
00:06:45,159 --> 00:06:47,359
He looks much better
without his pants on.
162
00:06:48,243 --> 00:06:49,276
What?
163
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:52,376
Honey,
why don't you go tell Michael
164
00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:54,426
your funny Kaye Ballard story.
165
00:06:54,459 --> 00:06:56,159
You know Kaye?
166
00:07:02,343 --> 00:07:05,226
So, Michael, how did you become
an underpants model?
167
00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:10,409
Well, I was going to college,
getting my liberal arts degree,
168
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:13,476
then one day someone offered me
$40,000 for a day's work.
169
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,176
[sad laughter]
170
00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:19,293
And I worked
five days that week.
171
00:07:19,326 --> 00:07:20,393
[sad laughter]
172
00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:25,459
So tell me, Michael,
what does your father do?
173
00:07:25,493 --> 00:07:27,873
He's a doctor.
174
00:07:27,159 --> 00:07:28,159
Ka-ching.
175
00:07:29,509 --> 00:07:33,373
He's one of the most prominent
plastic surgeons on Long Island.
176
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,276
Ka-ching! Ka-ching!
177
00:07:35,309 --> 00:07:38,309
Really, Dad,
you would not believe
how huge his practice is.
178
00:07:38,343 --> 00:07:40,526
Well, there's a lot of
older women out there
179
00:07:41,203 --> 00:07:42,426
trying to recapture their youth.
180
00:07:42,459 --> 00:07:44,476
It's sad. I mean,
most of them are so embarrassed,
181
00:07:44,509 --> 00:07:45,493
they use phony names.
182
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:47,426
Good night, everyone.
183
00:07:47,459 --> 00:07:48,509
Miss Bouvier?
184
00:07:53,376 --> 00:07:58,543
I'm sorry, obviously,
you have mistaken me
for someone else, Michael.
185
00:08:01,459 --> 00:08:03,493
So, Michael,
186
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:08,226
how long have you been dating
my beautiful, young daughter?
187
00:08:08,259 --> 00:08:09,376
-Five weeks.
-Five weeks.
188
00:08:10,476 --> 00:08:12,176
[Fran awing]
189
00:08:12,209 --> 00:08:15,326
Reminds me of the first time
I brought a boy home for dinner.
190
00:08:15,359 --> 00:08:17,293
Only it was Ma
that was kissing him.
191
00:08:18,326 --> 00:08:19,509
She was so grateful.
192
00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,409
Michael, do you have anything
to fall back on
193
00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:28,373
when your rear end
is no longer supporting you?
194
00:08:29,193 --> 00:08:30,509
-Dad.
-What?
195
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,509
Look, Mr. Sheffield I know,
what you're thinking.
196
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:35,259
A male model's not good enough
for your daughter.
197
00:08:35,293 --> 00:08:37,326
Even though
I gross $800,000 a year.
198
00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:39,209
[clattering]
199
00:08:41,359 --> 00:08:43,409
Niles, are you all right?
200
00:08:43,443 --> 00:08:47,143
Oh, nothing an additional
$790,000 a year couldn't fix.
201
00:08:49,203 --> 00:08:51,159
I want you to know
that I really love
your daughter.
202
00:08:51,193 --> 00:08:53,343
And I'm gonna do everything
I can to make her happy.
203
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:57,193
Oh, this is what
nachas is all about.
204
00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:58,393
What's nachas?
205
00:08:58,426 --> 00:09:00,309
Nachas means
feeling a sense of pride.
206
00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:02,309
Oh, my God, he's Jewish.
207
00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:06,459
Oh, my life is complete.
208
00:09:06,493 --> 00:09:10,326
My daughter is marrying
a Jewish, male model.
209
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:14,509
Marrying? Wait a minute,
no one's marrying anyone.
210
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:17,143
Look, it's important
young people take it slowly
211
00:09:17,176 --> 00:09:19,193
when they think
they're falling in love.
212
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,393
Yeah, but you don't wanna
pace yourself
213
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:22,426
like you're gonna live to be
140 either.
214
00:09:25,493 --> 00:09:28,143
-Did you just kick me?
-Yes.
215
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,259
Ow!
216
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:34,276
Uh, listen, everyone,
we gotta go.
217
00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:36,309
Michael and I are going
to the Roxy tonight.
218
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,476
So, we probably won't be back
till real late.
219
00:09:40,043 --> 00:09:41,493
Aw, well, you have a good time.
220
00:09:41,526 --> 00:09:43,193
You're adults,
you're responsible,
221
00:09:43,226 --> 00:09:45,543
you can do whatever you-- Ow!
222
00:09:46,393 --> 00:09:48,309
Well,
unless you're expecting candy
223
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,193
to come flopping
out of my tuchas...
224
00:09:50,226 --> 00:09:52,373
quit whacking me
under the table!
225
00:09:57,703 --> 00:09:58,509
Well, will you quit
acting like a sister
226
00:09:59,043 --> 00:10:00,326
and act a bit more like
her mother.
227
00:10:00,359 --> 00:10:02,159
Oh, why don't you just
give the kid a break?
228
00:10:02,193 --> 00:10:04,226
He's a hardworking
decent fellow.
229
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:07,193
-He rents a beautiful apartment.
-Actually, I own it.
230
00:10:07,226 --> 00:10:09,459
Oh, why don't you just shoot me?
231
00:10:16,193 --> 00:10:17,376
When we're in
the middle of an argument,
232
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:20,873
why do you always walk out
when it's my turn to speak?
233
00:10:20,159 --> 00:10:22,343
So I don't have to hear you.
234
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,493
You know what your problem is,
don't you?
235
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,259
You wanna be
the children's friend.
236
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:30,203
Well, you can't be.
237
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,476
We have to be like lawyers.
Like agents.
238
00:10:32,509 --> 00:10:35,143
If the children like us,
we're not doing our jobs.
239
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,426
Oh, What is so terrible about me
being supportive of my daughter?
240
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:40,143
What do you think
is gonna happen?
241
00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:43,293
Well, aren't you gonna run out?
It's my turn to speak.
242
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:48,203
No, because obviously
you have nothing to say.
243
00:10:49,143 --> 00:10:51,143
Really?
Well, how about this then?
244
00:10:51,176 --> 00:10:54,543
Did it ever occur to you
that your support
245
00:10:54,873 --> 00:10:57,143
simply gives them
carte blanche to do
whatever they bloody well want?
246
00:10:57,176 --> 00:11:00,309
Sweetie, my support helps build
her self-esteem,
247
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:03,143
which gives her the confidence
to make the right decisions.
248
00:11:03,176 --> 00:11:06,326
Now, will you please
trust me on this?
249
00:11:08,203 --> 00:11:10,293
-Oh, I don't know.
-Well.
250
00:11:10,326 --> 00:11:12,409
-Oh, maybe you're right.
-Yeah, well.
251
00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:14,259
Oh, God. What happened to me?
252
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:17,326
I used to be such a hip,
with-it, mod kind of father.
253
00:11:19,493 --> 00:11:20,443
Okay.
254
00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:24,176
You know what, darling?
255
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:27,159
I just thank God
that you are in my life.
256
00:11:27,193 --> 00:11:28,309
Oh, and I don't have to tell you
257
00:11:28,343 --> 00:11:31,143
how grateful I am
to have you in mine.
258
00:11:31,176 --> 00:11:35,043
But I can show you.
259
00:11:36,343 --> 00:11:37,509
I'll light the candles.
260
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,393
I'll get the Haagen-Dazs.
261
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:44,293
-For what?
-Gotta have something to wear.
262
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:49,526
-Fran. I am so sorry
-Hi, honey.
263
00:11:50,203 --> 00:11:50,526
that you and Daddy
got into a fight.
264
00:11:51,203 --> 00:11:51,493
Listen, can we talk on the way
265
00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:53,493
-to the freezer?
-No. But, Fran,
266
00:11:53,526 --> 00:11:57,209
it really meant a lot to me
that you consider
Michael and me adults.
267
00:11:57,243 --> 00:11:59,393
And we should be able to do
whatever we want.
268
00:11:59,426 --> 00:12:02,176
Sweetie, I was your age once.
269
00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:03,359
Twice.
270
00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:07,276
And I know how important it is
to have a role model
271
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,343
that believes
in all of your choices.
272
00:12:09,376 --> 00:12:12,159
-I know, Fran,
and because of your support
-Yeah?
273
00:12:12,193 --> 00:12:14,143
Michael and I have decided
to move in together.
274
00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:17,376
Honey, that's fantastic!
275
00:12:17,409 --> 00:12:19,326
Are you gonna be
needing a nanny?
276
00:12:19,359 --> 00:12:21,193
Because I'm gonna be available.
277
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,326
Honey, have you seen Maggie yet
this morning?
278
00:12:32,493 --> 00:12:35,526
-No, not yet.
-Okay.
279
00:12:37,143 --> 00:12:41,176
Hello, my darling,
love of my life.
280
00:12:43,426 --> 00:12:45,143
You know, honey,
there was something
281
00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:47,873
that I neglected
to tell you last night.
282
00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:48,276
Oh, well, there was something
283
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,426
I neglected
to tell you last night.
284
00:12:50,459 --> 00:12:52,373
You know what? You go first.
285
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,203
All right. You were amazing.
286
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,326
Not that you're not
incredible every night
287
00:12:58,359 --> 00:13:01,343
but last night
you were so generous.
288
00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:06,209
Well, you know,
I'm trying something new.
289
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:10,373
I want to approach each time
like, well, it could be my last.
290
00:13:11,393 --> 00:13:13,373
I like the sound of that idea.
291
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:20,359
I thought this crap was supposed
to stop once you got married.
292
00:13:20,393 --> 00:13:23,176
Miss Babcock.
What is the matter?
293
00:13:23,209 --> 00:13:25,526
You look very tense.
294
00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:27,459
Well, I just got back
from the plastic surgeon.
295
00:13:27,493 --> 00:13:31,459
He might have hit a wrong muscle
with the Botox. No biggie.
296
00:13:31,493 --> 00:13:35,043
Yeah, I think he might
have paralyzed half your face.
297
00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:39,293
Well, perhaps he was distracted
by the fact that your daughter
298
00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:41,376
is moving in with his son.
299
00:13:41,409 --> 00:13:43,703
[laughing]
300
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:49,343
What happened?
301
00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:50,476
Maggie's moving in
with her boyfriend.
302
00:13:50,509 --> 00:13:53,203
It's all my fault
and Miss Bouvier told him.
303
00:13:53,543 --> 00:13:56,209
Will you get back here
this instant?
304
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:57,443
No!
305
00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:01,226
I told you this would happen!
306
00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:04,176
Well, that just makes you right
and me faster!
307
00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:10,043
This is what happens when you
don't act like a parent.
308
00:14:10,373 --> 00:14:11,443
Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.
309
00:14:21,409 --> 00:14:23,426
Oh, my God. Kaye Ballard!
310
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:25,376
-Kaye Ballard!
-What, Kaye? Where?
311
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:39,143
[door buzzing]
312
00:14:40,543 --> 00:14:41,326
I'll get it, I'll get it.
313
00:14:43,373 --> 00:14:44,873
-Trick or treat?
-Trick or treat?
314
00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:46,703
Oh, I'm so scared.
315
00:14:47,143 --> 00:14:49,176
One minute, boys.
316
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:51,443
Ma, there's no more
candy in the bowl.
317
00:14:51,476 --> 00:14:52,509
It's only 5 o'clock.
318
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:54,476
What'd you do,
give it all out already?
319
00:14:54,509 --> 00:14:56,209
Uh, yeah.
320
00:14:58,143 --> 00:14:59,426
Do have something
we could give the kids?
321
00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:01,376
Maybe a few pennies
or something.
322
00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:03,493
Ah, that's a good idea.
323
00:15:06,243 --> 00:15:07,376
Here you go.
324
00:15:09,259 --> 00:15:12,159
-Thank you.
-Happy Halloween.
325
00:15:15,193 --> 00:15:17,226
Hey, that lady took my candy.
326
00:15:20,459 --> 00:15:26,873
You know, Halloween was always
Sylvia's favorite holiday.
327
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:30,343
She'd start collecting
at 7 o'clock in the morning.
328
00:15:30,376 --> 00:15:33,209
She even took extra bags
to collect
329
00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:35,476
for the underprivileged kids.
330
00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:37,043
Remember?
331
00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:39,143
Uh... yeah.
332
00:15:41,176 --> 00:15:43,193
Ma, I want to talk to you.
333
00:15:43,226 --> 00:15:46,373
You know,
Max and I had another fight.
334
00:15:46,703 --> 00:15:48,493
Now Maggie wants to move in
with her new boyfriend,
335
00:15:48,526 --> 00:15:50,393
and he's saying
it's all my fault.
336
00:15:50,426 --> 00:15:53,203
-Sweetheart, you know
what your problem is?
-What?
337
00:15:53,543 --> 00:15:55,476
You're spending too much time
with your husband.
338
00:15:55,509 --> 00:16:00,309
The 35 years that I have been
married to your father, combined
339
00:16:00,343 --> 00:16:03,203
maybe I've seen him totally...
340
00:16:03,476 --> 00:16:05,373
six months.
341
00:16:07,226 --> 00:16:09,373
Well, Ma, if I don't figure out
342
00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:10,376
a way to keep Maggie
from moving in
343
00:16:10,409 --> 00:16:13,309
with her boyfriend, I may be
moving back in with you.
344
00:16:13,343 --> 00:16:16,443
Franny, you can't move in here.
345
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,309
I'd have to move out
and go to a home.
346
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:23,309
Ma, we put you in a home
10 years ago.
347
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,509
You bastards.
348
00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:40,293
Sweetheart, I can't believe
349
00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,443
you're fighting
with your husband.
350
00:16:42,476 --> 00:16:45,193
It's giving me palpitations.
351
00:16:46,426 --> 00:16:50,193
I probably won't live to see
Thanksgiving.
352
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,226
And I already bought the bird.
353
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:54,459
And ate it.
354
00:16:57,159 --> 00:17:00,326
You're fighting with him,
and it's killing me.
355
00:17:00,359 --> 00:17:03,243
Ma, Ma,
I didn't come here to upset you.
356
00:17:03,276 --> 00:17:04,459
I feel terrible.
357
00:17:04,493 --> 00:17:07,259
What can I do
to make it up to you?
358
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,309
Learn.
359
00:17:10,243 --> 00:17:13,276
The performance that you
just saw is called guilt.
360
00:17:13,309 --> 00:17:15,376
It's every mother's
secret weapon
361
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,343
that she uses on her daughter.
362
00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:21,209
Use it to get the girl back.
363
00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:25,359
Ma, do you think that I'm ready
to unleash the power?
364
00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:29,493
Darling, embrace it.
365
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:31,276
Use it.
366
00:17:31,309 --> 00:17:32,393
Pass it on.
367
00:17:49,493 --> 00:17:50,443
Coming.
368
00:17:52,459 --> 00:17:55,193
-Fran.
-Sweetie,
I will get right to the point.
369
00:17:55,226 --> 00:17:57,373
There is no way
you are moving in here.
370
00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:58,293
No daughter of mine
is going to live
371
00:17:58,326 --> 00:18:02,376
in the most gorgeous condo
I've ever seen.
372
00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:05,459
-I know, isn't it beautiful?
-Yes, but that is not the point.
373
00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:08,873
You are too young to be
living here with him.
374
00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:10,243
Don't you realize you're falling
in love with an image?
375
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:12,176
Nobody looks like that
in real life.
376
00:18:16,493 --> 00:18:19,459
Except the guy
you're living with.
377
00:18:19,493 --> 00:18:21,459
-Hey, Fran.
-Hi, Michael.
378
00:18:21,493 --> 00:18:24,143
-You're our first visitor.
-Oh.
379
00:18:24,176 --> 00:18:26,873
It's real sweet how close
you and Maggie are.
380
00:18:26,159 --> 00:18:27,493
Yeah, well, that's the perks
381
00:18:27,526 --> 00:18:31,373
of having grown kids
in your 20s.
382
00:18:31,703 --> 00:18:33,193
-You mean in their 20s.
-No.
383
00:18:35,543 --> 00:18:36,493
Now, tell me you guys,
384
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:41,309
are you really, really,
really sure about this?
385
00:18:41,343 --> 00:18:43,043
-Yes.
-Yes.
386
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,526
Okay. Well, then I guess
I'll just have to accept--
387
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,459
Fran. Fran, are you okay?
388
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,376
I'll be all right.
Just give me a minute.
389
00:18:50,409 --> 00:18:52,243
Oh, my God, I think your mom's
having a heart attack.
390
00:18:52,276 --> 00:18:54,203
Listen to the boy.
Listen to the boy.
391
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:55,243
Fran, I'm so sorry.
392
00:18:55,276 --> 00:18:57,509
-Michael, I'm moving back home.
-Really?
393
00:18:58,043 --> 00:19:00,043
When pigs fly.
394
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,203
Fran, Jewish guilt does not work
on a shiksa.
395
00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:09,259
Oh, fine. Well, at least I can
tell your father that I tried.
396
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:13,203
Look, you guys are adults
and I give you my blessing.
397
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,373
I'll be at Ma's if you need me.
398
00:19:15,703 --> 00:19:18,543
I think it's best
that I spend a few days
away from your father.
399
00:19:18,873 --> 00:19:20,703
You know, my health.
400
00:19:21,343 --> 00:19:22,526
-[Maxwell] Margaret!
-[all clamoring]
401
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,509
Michael, flex your pecks!
Hide me! Hide me.
402
00:19:27,159 --> 00:19:29,293
Daddy, don't even try.
I love Michael.
403
00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:31,293
Fran gave me her blessing.
Why can't you?
404
00:19:31,326 --> 00:19:33,873
You gave them your blessings?
405
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,409
Cut the guilt.
It doesn't work on the British.
406
00:19:41,373 --> 00:19:42,459
Well,
what do you want me to say?
407
00:19:42,493 --> 00:19:44,226
I mean,
they've made their decision,
408
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:46,873
and I am going to accept them.
409
00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:48,203
That doesn't mean
I have to accept them.
410
00:19:48,543 --> 00:19:49,176
You know, I can't believe that
411
00:19:49,209 --> 00:19:51,373
you would rather
alienate your daughter
412
00:19:51,703 --> 00:19:53,476
than try and understand her.
I mean, who did I marry?
413
00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:56,543
Well, you know, I was asking
myself the same question.
414
00:19:56,873 --> 00:19:59,043
Oh, well, then maybe
we should try and answer it
415
00:19:59,373 --> 00:20:00,243
separately for a while.
416
00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,426
-Well, maybe we should.
-Well, fine then.
417
00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:04,459
Stop it. Stop it. This is crazy.
418
00:20:04,493 --> 00:20:06,543
Margaret, you stay out of this.
419
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,176
Michael, this is gonna separate
my parents.
420
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:09,459
Listen,
we don't wanna hurt anybody.
421
00:20:09,493 --> 00:20:11,343
We can't do this.
I can't do this.
422
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,259
-I'm sorry.
-I'll take you home.
423
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:15,493
Dad, I'm packing up my bags.
We're going home.
424
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:26,309
I can't believe that worked.
425
00:20:29,426 --> 00:20:33,159
-Did I not tell you to trust me?
-You were terrific!
426
00:20:33,193 --> 00:20:36,203
I had no idea you were
such an incredible actress.
427
00:20:36,543 --> 00:20:37,159
And how about you?
428
00:20:37,193 --> 00:20:40,543
You were so forceful, so strong,
such a turn-on.
429
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:43,176
I'm sorry to interrupt,
430
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,509
but the doctor just sent
your results over.
431
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,243
You only have
four months to live.
432
00:20:46,276 --> 00:20:48,326
Never mind, Niles.
Plan A worked.
433
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:49,259
Oh!
434
00:20:53,703 --> 00:20:54,509
This is his apartment?
435
00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:05,476
Rule number one,
436
00:21:05,509 --> 00:21:08,873
never eat anything unwrapped.
437
00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:11,276
See, that's not good.
438
00:21:14,176 --> 00:21:15,509
Rule number two...
439
00:21:16,043 --> 00:21:18,873
never eat loose candy.
440
00:21:19,243 --> 00:21:20,243
See, that's bad.
441
00:21:22,326 --> 00:21:23,509
You know something?
442
00:21:24,043 --> 00:21:25,326
None of this is safe.
443
00:21:27,526 --> 00:21:29,293
You're gonna
throw out the whole pail?
444
00:21:31,393 --> 00:21:33,226
Um, yeah.
445
00:21:38,376 --> 00:21:40,243
[theme music playing]
446
00:21:56,373 --> 00:21:57,376
[theme music ends]
33839
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