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00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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When you live in the city that never sleeps...
2
00:00:48,895 --> 00:00:51,386
it comes as a bit of a shock
when somehow...
3
00:00:51,465 --> 00:00:53,490
you manage to oversleep.
4
00:00:56,870 --> 00:00:58,462
Taxi!
5
00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:08,978
Excuse me.
6
00:01:17,424 --> 00:01:18,584
Taxi!
7
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:21,893
Thank you.
8
00:01:28,402 --> 00:01:29,630
Shit!
9
00:01:41,114 --> 00:01:43,844
Sir, I have to be downtown in 30 minutes.
10
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:52,652
Thank you.
11
00:01:53,627 --> 00:01:55,254
Keep the change.
12
00:01:55,495 --> 00:01:56,928
I thought that you need a lift.
13
00:02:18,185 --> 00:02:19,550
Excuse me. Hi.
14
00:02:19,619 --> 00:02:21,519
- Which way to the stock exchange?
- There.
15
00:02:21,588 --> 00:02:22,816
Thank you.
16
00:02:22,989 --> 00:02:24,115
Excuse me.
17
00:02:33,934 --> 00:02:35,333
- Step forward.
- Okay.
18
00:02:35,535 --> 00:02:36,968
Stop. Give him the bag.
19
00:02:37,037 --> 00:02:38,902
Here, can you hold that?
20
00:02:39,439 --> 00:02:41,634
Let's go. Stop. Arms.
21
00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:43,733
I'm sorry.
22
00:02:48,548 --> 00:02:50,880
Sir, can you hurry? I'm here to ring the bell.
23
00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:52,248
- Go ahead.
- Okay, thank you.
24
00:02:52,319 --> 00:02:53,377
Step forward.
25
00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:05,860
All right, you have to put this on.
And we gotta hurry up.
26
00:03:20,313 --> 00:03:23,942
Today, one of New York's
favorite newspapers...
27
00:03:24,017 --> 00:03:26,451
the New York Star is going public.
28
00:03:27,087 --> 00:03:30,955
And here to open trading
is one of its favorite columnists...
29
00:03:31,024 --> 00:03:32,582
Carrie Bradshaw.
30
00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:37,028
Now you can press it.
31
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,630
The day after the stock market...
32
00:03:44,704 --> 00:03:47,673
I met the ladies for lunch
in the fashionable Meat Market.
33
00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:51,006
It was so exciting. It almost made me
want to invest in something.
34
00:03:51,077 --> 00:03:52,635
I love the stock market.
35
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:56,170
A room full of screaming, sweating men
all trying to get it up.
36
00:03:56,249 --> 00:03:58,843
I don't invest anymore. It's too volatile.
37
00:03:58,952 --> 00:04:01,443
Exactly. I like my money
right where I can see it.
38
00:04:01,521 --> 00:04:02,749
Hanging in my closet.
39
00:04:02,822 --> 00:04:06,417
Actually, your stock is up. I bought shares
of your newspaper yesterday.
40
00:04:06,493 --> 00:04:09,587
Really? Thank you, sweetie.
Was it expensive?
41
00:04:09,663 --> 00:04:11,927
- No, you're cheap.
- I never...
42
00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,924
- Ladies.
- Thank you.
43
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:18,401
$20 for a hamburger? That's reasonable.
44
00:04:18,471 --> 00:04:20,769
Pathetic. When I moved
to this neighborhood...
45
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:24,469
the only thing that cost $20
was a hand job from a tranny.
46
00:04:24,744 --> 00:04:28,043
I'm serious. It's all gotten so sanitary.
47
00:04:28,281 --> 00:04:31,648
I mean no smoking in bars.
What's next? No fucking in bars?
48
00:04:31,718 --> 00:04:34,346
Well, first there would have to be
a no-fucking section.
49
00:04:34,421 --> 00:04:37,948
I mean, just look at this street.
Stella McCartney, Alexander McQueen.
50
00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:41,187
The only designer name
that belongs in the Meatpacking District...
51
00:04:41,261 --> 00:04:44,162
- is Oscar Mayer.
- I never liked his clothes.
52
00:04:44,631 --> 00:04:46,997
- Too fatty.
- But that's what's great about New York.
53
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:49,365
There's always a new neighborhood
or restaurant...
54
00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:50,767
A new man.
55
00:04:51,304 --> 00:04:55,934
That's right. Friday night,
my first official date with Jack Berger.
56
00:04:56,009 --> 00:04:58,443
That is so exciting. Isn't that exciting?
57
00:04:58,511 --> 00:05:02,038
Sure. It's all fun and games
till someone has a child.
58
00:05:02,115 --> 00:05:04,379
So, what do you two have planned?
59
00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:08,410
He hasn't said yet.
So many outfits need to be scouted.
60
00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:10,513
You kids today and your dating.
61
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:14,082
I know. I feel like a girl of 35 again.
62
00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:18,791
I really like him.
63
00:05:18,865 --> 00:05:21,425
Then you better find out his bottom line
right up front.
64
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:25,096
If Harry had told me he could
only be serious about me if I were Jewish...
65
00:05:25,171 --> 00:05:26,832
I doubt I'd be in my situation.
66
00:05:26,906 --> 00:05:30,205
I don't get it. What kind of man
passes up pussy for Purim?
67
00:05:31,511 --> 00:05:33,706
Soup and a tenderloin of pork.
68
00:05:36,049 --> 00:05:37,676
What's with the face?
69
00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:40,652
- I didn't make a face.
- I said pork, you went...
70
00:05:42,088 --> 00:05:44,022
It's just I'm confused.
71
00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:47,650
You can order pork,
but you can't get serious about our future...
72
00:05:47,727 --> 00:05:49,524
because I'm not Jewish.
73
00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:52,087
And from the meat market
to the marriage market.
74
00:05:52,165 --> 00:05:55,760
Charlotte, it doesn't work that way.
I'm not kosher. I'm conservative.
75
00:05:55,835 --> 00:05:57,302
I'm conservative, too.
76
00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:01,101
My conservative doesn't have
anything to do with wearing pearls.
77
00:06:01,174 --> 00:06:03,142
Look, I know what you're thinking, okay?
78
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:06,042
"Why did I let things get this far
without talking about this?
79
00:06:06,112 --> 00:06:08,046
"Why did I sleep with you
or even kiss you?"
80
00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:10,878
- Why did you?
- Because I couldn't not kiss you.
81
00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:12,882
Not sleep with you, not see you.
82
00:06:12,952 --> 00:06:15,512
Believe me, I never thought
a shiksa goddess like you...
83
00:06:15,588 --> 00:06:17,488
would fall for a putz like me.
84
00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:21,022
You're not a putz.
85
00:06:21,895 --> 00:06:24,022
Do you even know what "putz" means?
86
00:06:24,097 --> 00:06:26,190
Yes, schmuck.
87
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:29,061
Sure you're not Jewish?
88
00:06:34,274 --> 00:06:36,435
And from Jewish to pooish.
89
00:06:38,712 --> 00:06:40,873
You got a little doody on your forehead.
90
00:06:40,947 --> 00:06:42,141
What? Where?
91
00:06:42,215 --> 00:06:44,513
No. Now you got more. The other side.
92
00:06:44,584 --> 00:06:46,108
Which side?
93
00:06:47,654 --> 00:06:50,748
Help! It's not funny. Baby-wipe me.
94
00:06:51,157 --> 00:06:52,647
- Get it off!
- "Baby-wipe me."
95
00:06:52,726 --> 00:06:55,456
I did not say it like that. Just get it off.
96
00:06:55,528 --> 00:06:57,291
"Baby-wipe me."
97
00:06:57,363 --> 00:07:00,594
- Let's see how you like it.
- No, Miranda!
98
00:07:02,402 --> 00:07:04,029
No, knock it off!
99
00:07:04,104 --> 00:07:06,834
Brady, tell Mommy to stop chasing Daddy.
100
00:07:08,475 --> 00:07:09,669
What?
101
00:07:12,011 --> 00:07:15,310
I don't think it's funny.
You weren't the one with shit on your face.
102
00:07:15,381 --> 00:07:16,643
You were chasing me.
103
00:07:16,716 --> 00:07:19,549
I don't have time for this.
I have to get up early.
104
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:22,779
I don't know why you're here.
You dropped off the baby hours ago.
105
00:07:22,856 --> 00:07:25,654
I don't have time to stand around
while you read the paper...
106
00:07:25,725 --> 00:07:27,420
and order food in...
107
00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:29,228
Don't you have a life?
108
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:31,863
I got a life.
109
00:07:34,134 --> 00:07:35,533
Bye, Brady.
110
00:07:43,109 --> 00:07:44,906
I'm in love with Steve.
111
00:07:44,978 --> 00:07:46,240
Hold this.
112
00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:50,373
Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
113
00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:53,685
Come on, are you seriously telling me
you didn't know?
114
00:07:53,787 --> 00:07:56,085
I knew. I just can't believe you admitted it.
115
00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:58,090
I need a drink. What have you got?
116
00:07:58,158 --> 00:07:59,955
It's 11:30 on a Saturday morning.
117
00:08:00,026 --> 00:08:03,484
Did you not hear me just say
I was in love with Steve?
118
00:08:04,397 --> 00:08:07,298
I think I got an old bottle
of Kahl�a somewhere.
119
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:10,532
Okay, hold on there, Brady.
120
00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:12,696
Mama needs a cocktail.
121
00:08:12,772 --> 00:08:15,605
Last night, we were in the dining room,
and we were laughing.
122
00:08:15,675 --> 00:08:18,974
All of a sudden,
I looked over at him and I realized...
123
00:08:19,646 --> 00:08:21,341
we belong together.
124
00:08:25,852 --> 00:08:28,412
So I picked a fight
and threw him out of my apartment.
125
00:08:28,488 --> 00:08:29,819
Good thinking.
126
00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:34,055
These Triscuits have been here
since the mid-'80s.
127
00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:36,789
I so cannot be in love with Steve.
128
00:08:36,863 --> 00:08:39,593
Steve so is not the guy for me.
129
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:43,058
- Miranda...
- You're right.
130
00:08:44,037 --> 00:08:45,595
Steve so is the guy for me.
131
00:08:45,672 --> 00:08:48,539
No, I was just asking
if Brady can eat crackers yet.
132
00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:49,734
No.
133
00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,471
How can I have been wrong all these years?
134
00:08:52,545 --> 00:08:56,413
You weren't wrong.
It just took you a while to get here.
135
00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:00,316
What are you gonna do?
136
00:09:00,386 --> 00:09:03,219
I don't know.
I have a lot invested in this relationship.
137
00:09:03,289 --> 00:09:06,952
- Plus we have the baby.
- Plus you said you were in love with him.
138
00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:10,959
So how are you gonna tell him?
139
00:09:11,564 --> 00:09:14,124
Maybe I should take him
somewhere romantic...
140
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,724
where I can't start a fight.
141
00:09:15,802 --> 00:09:19,238
My God, Miranda.
Do you know what this means?
142
00:09:19,939 --> 00:09:22,430
You're asking Steve out on a date.
143
00:09:26,613 --> 00:09:28,171
- Hi, Samantha.
- Hiya.
144
00:09:28,248 --> 00:09:30,011
You're looking good, Sam.
145
00:09:32,619 --> 00:09:34,280
That night, as Samantha walked home...
146
00:09:34,387 --> 00:09:37,049
past her friendly neighborhood bar,
the Rampole...
147
00:09:37,123 --> 00:09:39,216
she saw something truly upsetting.
148
00:09:48,434 --> 00:09:51,767
Just what we need:
Another Wall Street asshole with money.
149
00:10:01,381 --> 00:10:03,144
Hold the door!
150
00:10:06,552 --> 00:10:08,816
Hi, thanks. I live here.
151
00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:11,220
See, here are my keys.
152
00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:13,923
Chip Kilkenny. I've just moved in.
153
00:10:14,027 --> 00:10:16,552
Samantha Jones. 3F.
154
00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:18,763
I'm 4F. You're right under me.
155
00:10:18,831 --> 00:10:20,526
That sounds promising.
156
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,729
That's quite a car.
157
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,535
I love a nice Hummer.
158
00:10:28,374 --> 00:10:29,671
Good night.
159
00:10:36,349 --> 00:10:39,512
And uptown,
in a slightly less obvious maneuver...
160
00:10:40,119 --> 00:10:42,747
- I'm close.
- Honey!
161
00:10:43,456 --> 00:10:47,654
Is this whole Jewish thing
really that big a deal?
162
00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:50,628
No! God!
163
00:10:57,637 --> 00:11:00,299
The next morning, bright and early...
164
00:11:01,841 --> 00:11:03,331
Good morning.
165
00:11:04,377 --> 00:11:06,368
There's a happy face.
166
00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:08,679
I am a happy face.
167
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:12,779
It's a beautiful morning,
and the sun is shining.
168
00:11:13,319 --> 00:11:15,913
And you changed your mind
about the Jewish thing.
169
00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:19,618
- What Jewish thing? When?
- Last night.
170
00:11:20,093 --> 00:11:22,254
I asked you if it was that important to you...
171
00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:24,125
- and you said no.
- I did?
172
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:25,522
Yeah.
173
00:11:26,032 --> 00:11:28,762
When we were making love,
right before you came.
174
00:11:28,835 --> 00:11:30,393
How could you not remember?
175
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:34,236
Charlotte, honey, I can't remember
my own name right before I come.
176
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:36,207
That's what you said.
177
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:40,109
Asking me to renounce Judaism during sex
is a clear manipulation.
178
00:11:40,179 --> 00:11:41,771
Blah, blah, blah!
179
00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:45,011
I just don't understand.
Why is it so important to you?
180
00:11:46,119 --> 00:11:48,553
I promised my mother I would marry a Jew.
181
00:11:48,821 --> 00:11:50,049
Your mother?
182
00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,455
Charlotte had had her fill
of potential husbands...
183
00:11:52,525 --> 00:11:54,083
and their demanding mothers.
184
00:11:54,193 --> 00:11:56,957
Harry's stock suddenly began to plummet.
185
00:11:58,197 --> 00:11:59,824
Right before she died.
186
00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:02,424
And just like that, it was up again.
187
00:12:03,403 --> 00:12:05,928
I'm very sorry
your mother is no longer with us...
188
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:08,473
because if she met me...
189
00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:11,704
She'd fall in love with you like I did
and not care?
190
00:12:11,778 --> 00:12:14,110
No. Jews don't think like that.
191
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,980
Keeping tradition alive
was very important to her.
192
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,416
She lost family in the Holocaust.
193
00:12:21,354 --> 00:12:22,548
What?
194
00:12:24,457 --> 00:12:28,655
Now I can't say anything
because you've brought up the Holocaust.
195
00:12:33,032 --> 00:12:35,262
Hi, it's me. Leave a message.
196
00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,525
Hi, it's Jack.
197
00:12:38,237 --> 00:12:40,432
Berger, not Kerouac.
198
00:12:40,706 --> 00:12:42,105
I wanted to clear that up.
199
00:12:42,175 --> 00:12:44,700
So, you're probably
standing there screening.
200
00:12:44,777 --> 00:12:47,541
Way to play it. I'm a big fan of the screen.
201
00:12:47,713 --> 00:12:50,910
In fact, don't pick up or I'll just...
I'll panic and hang up.
202
00:12:50,983 --> 00:12:52,507
Don't pick up.
203
00:12:52,585 --> 00:12:55,486
I'm not ready
for actual voice-on-voice action.
204
00:12:55,555 --> 00:12:57,079
So I'm jumping right in...
205
00:12:57,156 --> 00:13:00,455
and suggesting dinner and a movie
for the big date.
206
00:13:00,526 --> 00:13:03,586
Everybody's really been loving that movie,
Craig's Room.
207
00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:05,593
Why don't we go and hate it?
208
00:13:05,665 --> 00:13:07,428
Here come the movie times.
209
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,697
We have 5.'15, we have 7.'00...
210
00:13:10,937 --> 00:13:13,804
And he calculated which times
and which theaters...
211
00:13:13,873 --> 00:13:16,569
would be least crowded,
which says, "take charge."
212
00:13:16,642 --> 00:13:20,134
Yet left the restaurant choice to me,
which says, "flexible."
213
00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:23,381
All in all, the perfect machine message.
214
00:13:23,649 --> 00:13:27,050
I think Berger and I
are going to be very happy together.
215
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:31,381
I love this time before the first date
when you can say things like that...
216
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:32,856
and almost believe them.
217
00:13:32,925 --> 00:13:35,917
- Why all the drama?
- Because I really like him.
218
00:13:36,429 --> 00:13:38,829
And you can imagine
what that does to a girl.
219
00:13:38,898 --> 00:13:41,662
Got it. Say no more. Really, say no more.
220
00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,596
Right after, I got a message
from this other fellow...
221
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:47,104
who I've known for a year,
suddenly asking me out...
222
00:13:47,173 --> 00:13:48,663
which only proves my theory:
223
00:13:48,741 --> 00:13:51,676
The only thing a girl needs to get a date
is another date.
224
00:13:51,744 --> 00:13:52,768
Your stock is up.
225
00:13:52,845 --> 00:13:55,177
- And did you say yes?
- No, I already have a date.
226
00:13:55,248 --> 00:13:57,443
Which is why you should say yes
to the other one.
227
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,883
You're putting a lot of pressure
on this Berger date.
228
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:03,012
Charlotte's right. You need to do something
to take the edge off.
229
00:14:03,089 --> 00:14:05,284
I am not going on a simu-date.
230
00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:08,884
How many new outfits have you bought
for this movie? Be honest.
231
00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:11,259
None. Six. All returnable.
232
00:14:12,265 --> 00:14:15,359
All right, maybe just a casual coffee
to take the edge off Berger.
233
00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:16,628
Exactly.
234
00:14:16,702 --> 00:14:20,798
Later that day, I got to thinking
about the stock market and dating.
235
00:14:20,873 --> 00:14:22,568
Are they really that different?
236
00:14:22,642 --> 00:14:25,668
If you have a bad stock,
you can lose your shirt.
237
00:14:25,745 --> 00:14:29,146
If you have a bad date,
you can lose your will to live.
238
00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:32,878
And if the date is good,
the stakes get even higher.
239
00:14:33,953 --> 00:14:36,251
After weathering all the ups and downs...
240
00:14:36,322 --> 00:14:39,189
you could one day
find yourself with nothing.
241
00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:42,960
When it comes to finance and dating...
242
00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:45,054
I couldn't help but wonder.'
243
00:14:45,131 --> 00:14:47,622
"Why do we keep investing?"
244
00:14:52,071 --> 00:14:54,596
And speaking of high-risk investments...
245
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,707
Hey, it's me. I'm not here.
246
00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:08,015
Try me at Scout.' 957-7297.
247
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:09,917
Don't forget the 212.
248
00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:14,683
Hi, Steve.
249
00:15:16,829 --> 00:15:19,559
I need to talk to you about something.
250
00:15:19,632 --> 00:15:21,361
How about we do it over dinner?
251
00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:24,494
How's tomorrow night?
Magda can sit with Brady.
252
00:15:25,071 --> 00:15:27,335
Let me know. Bye.
253
00:15:28,574 --> 00:15:30,599
It's Miranda and...
254
00:15:31,177 --> 00:15:32,337
Bye.
255
00:15:32,912 --> 00:15:36,939
Miranda feared it was possibly
the most imperfect machine message ever.
256
00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:42,045
And Samantha decided to say it
with a basket.
257
00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:52,760
Welcome Wagon.
258
00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:54,163
Hi.
259
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:56,534
Excuse the towel. I was just gonna shower.
260
00:15:56,602 --> 00:15:58,627
I brought you a basket filled with goodies...
261
00:15:58,704 --> 00:16:00,729
to acquaint you
with your new neighborhood.
262
00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:03,707
Cheese, prosciutto, condoms, handcuffs.
263
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,710
- Handcuffs?
- From the bar next door.
264
00:16:07,913 --> 00:16:09,039
Enjoy.
265
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:12,609
If I reach for that, my towel will fall.
266
00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,117
I'm no fool.
267
00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:25,695
A little while later,
Samantha blew Chip the stockbroker.
268
00:16:27,099 --> 00:16:28,589
Yes!
269
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:33,563
Now that's what I call eating in.
270
00:16:36,575 --> 00:16:39,772
I never do this, but here's a tip.
271
00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:44,205
Elan Pharmaceuticals
is gonna go straight through the roof.
272
00:16:44,283 --> 00:16:46,376
Elan Pharmaceuticals.
273
00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:52,314
- Thanks.
- No, thank you.
274
00:16:52,758 --> 00:16:55,591
That was the best F-ing head of my life.
275
00:16:57,363 --> 00:16:59,797
Just like that, their mutual fun...
276
00:16:59,899 --> 00:17:01,867
turned into mutual funds.
277
00:17:03,102 --> 00:17:06,731
Later that week,
I met graphic designer Willy Applegate...
278
00:17:06,972 --> 00:17:09,133
for a late afternoon simu-date.
279
00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:10,800
This is a cute place.
280
00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:13,174
I hope it's okay. I didn't know.
281
00:17:13,245 --> 00:17:16,146
But I figured,
you can't go wrong with a garden, right?
282
00:17:16,215 --> 00:17:18,445
- Yeah, it's great.
- I hope it's okay.
283
00:17:19,151 --> 00:17:21,779
I didn't know. I just said that.
284
00:17:22,955 --> 00:17:25,890
It suddenly became clear
that a simu-date for me...
285
00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:27,949
was a first date for him.
286
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:32,125
Are you looking at my sty?
287
00:17:32,498 --> 00:17:34,227
- Excuse me?
- My sty.
288
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:37,198
I have a sty. See, right here.
289
00:17:37,269 --> 00:17:39,362
I was gonna cancel, but then I thought:
290
00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:41,372
"Maybe she won't even notice it."
291
00:17:41,474 --> 00:17:43,169
I didn't even...
292
00:17:43,242 --> 00:17:45,767
- No, I wasn't looking at it.
- That's good.
293
00:17:50,983 --> 00:17:54,419
What was that?
Have you ever seen anything like it?
294
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:56,148
No, I have never.
295
00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:58,256
This is a bad choice of place. I'm sorry.
296
00:17:58,324 --> 00:17:59,951
No, it's fine.
297
00:18:00,025 --> 00:18:03,688
It's fun.
It's like a "cappuccino wilderness safari."
298
00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:11,666
Balsamic vinegar in my sty.
299
00:18:12,705 --> 00:18:14,195
God, here.
300
00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:19,575
Thanks. Could this go any worse?
301
00:18:22,515 --> 00:18:24,039
What the fuck?
302
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:28,982
I'm fine.
303
00:18:29,722 --> 00:18:33,021
It was a sudden crash
no analyst had seen coming.
304
00:18:34,427 --> 00:18:36,395
And in yet another type of market...
305
00:18:36,462 --> 00:18:40,228
I hope you're happy now.
I'm twice as nervous about my Berger date.
306
00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:42,767
Caring too much is like a disaster magnet.
307
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:44,200
Poor guy.
308
00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:47,068
Can you catch a sty
helping someone up from gravel?
309
00:18:47,139 --> 00:18:48,868
Where's the homeopathic section?
310
00:18:48,941 --> 00:18:51,136
Maybe they make something
called "Sty-B-Gone."
311
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:54,646
Did you know that Elizabeth Taylor
converted to Judaism for Eddie Fisher?
312
00:18:54,713 --> 00:18:57,807
I'm thrown by the change of topic,
but I do appreciate the trivia.
313
00:18:57,883 --> 00:19:00,181
I'm reading her book
My Love Affair with Jewelry.
314
00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:01,480
Not surprising.
315
00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:04,352
She changed her religion
for the man she loved.
316
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:06,618
And a big old, honking piece of jewelry.
317
00:19:06,692 --> 00:19:10,253
- Don't be so cynical.
- Sorry, it's my potential sty talking.
318
00:19:10,329 --> 00:19:12,593
Love. She did it for love.
319
00:19:13,098 --> 00:19:15,965
Are you thinking
of pulling an Elizabeth Taylor?
320
00:19:16,335 --> 00:19:19,736
I need more information.
There's more to being a Jew than jewelry.
321
00:19:19,805 --> 00:19:22,433
Wise words. I'll meet you at the checkout.
322
00:19:34,286 --> 00:19:37,949
Charlotte wondered just how far
she would go for her true love.
323
00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:47,258
Did you know that Elizabeth Taylor
converted to Judaism for Eddie Fisher?
324
00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:51,230
Now don't get too excited.
We're just trading information here.
325
00:19:51,303 --> 00:19:52,395
Okay.
326
00:19:52,738 --> 00:19:56,640
From a not excited place I ask,
is this something you might consider?
327
00:19:57,343 --> 00:20:00,506
I'm just trying to understand
what's so special about being a Jew.
328
00:20:00,579 --> 00:20:02,979
- I feel like I'm on a game show.
- I'm serious.
329
00:20:03,048 --> 00:20:06,347
If this is really your bottom line,
then you're gonna have to try...
330
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:10,047
and give me a reason,
aside from your mother, that I can relate to.
331
00:20:16,695 --> 00:20:18,356
If we were to get married...
332
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:20,864
Now, we're just trading information here.
333
00:20:22,234 --> 00:20:25,032
...I would want our children
to be raised Jewish.
334
00:20:25,337 --> 00:20:28,636
Charlotte realized
it was time to reveal to Harry...
335
00:20:28,807 --> 00:20:30,365
her bottom line.
336
00:20:31,911 --> 00:20:36,371
If that's really the reason,
then I have to tell you something.
337
00:20:43,789 --> 00:20:46,417
I may not be able to give you children.
338
00:20:47,192 --> 00:20:50,855
I'm challenged in the reproductive area.
339
00:20:51,697 --> 00:20:55,224
It's not hopeless, but it's difficult.
340
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:01,968
I guess I should have brought it up sooner,
but I never thought we'd even...
341
00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:04,175
I understand if you...
342
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:05,875
Charlotte.
343
00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:09,013
I love you.
344
00:21:09,582 --> 00:21:14,076
You are the most wonderful thing that
could ever happen to a schmuck like me.
345
00:21:15,154 --> 00:21:16,985
You're not a schmuck.
346
00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:18,756
You're a putz.
347
00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:21,587
Seriously, Harry...
348
00:21:22,428 --> 00:21:24,259
you want a family...
349
00:21:27,366 --> 00:21:29,891
and what if I couldn't give that to you?
350
00:21:30,569 --> 00:21:32,503
We'd adopt or something.
351
00:21:33,405 --> 00:21:35,600
But they wouldn't be your own.
352
00:21:37,943 --> 00:21:39,433
What are you gonna do?
353
00:21:39,511 --> 00:21:42,071
Charlotte York was deeply touched...
354
00:21:42,147 --> 00:21:46,174
by Harry Goldenblatt's humor,
compassion, and acceptance.
355
00:21:46,752 --> 00:21:50,552
"If this is Jewish," she thought,
"that's worth looking into."
356
00:21:51,090 --> 00:21:53,991
Meanwhile, downtown,
Samantha had moved her neighbor...
357
00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:57,495
from stocks and bonds
to stockings and bondage.
358
00:21:59,531 --> 00:22:01,260
Go away. I'm busy.
359
00:22:03,769 --> 00:22:06,260
- Miss Jones.
- Juan.
360
00:22:08,907 --> 00:22:11,432
- Who the fuck are you?
- FBI.
361
00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:14,104
Get dressed.
You're under arrest for insider trading.
362
00:22:14,179 --> 00:22:16,704
Turns out,
Chip Kilkenny was quite the ladies' man.
363
00:22:16,782 --> 00:22:20,115
And every time a woman went down,
the Dow went up.
364
00:22:20,185 --> 00:22:22,449
Ma'am, can you undo your cuffs
so we can use ours?
365
00:22:22,521 --> 00:22:23,783
Surely.
366
00:22:24,023 --> 00:22:26,719
All the good ones are getting arrested.
367
00:22:31,230 --> 00:22:34,996
And at a romantic restaurant,
a 37-year-old single mother...
368
00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:37,666
found herself on a first date.
369
00:22:38,837 --> 00:22:40,361
You look pretty.
370
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:43,171
You got a date later?
371
00:22:43,409 --> 00:22:45,400
No, it's just the dress.
372
00:22:47,146 --> 00:22:50,547
Jeez Louise, it's dark in here.
I can barely read my menu.
373
00:22:50,616 --> 00:22:52,846
We need like another candle or something.
374
00:22:52,918 --> 00:22:54,852
I think it's kind of nice.
375
00:23:00,426 --> 00:23:02,758
I asked you here because...
376
00:23:02,861 --> 00:23:05,887
I wanted to explain
why I picked a fight with you last week.
377
00:23:05,964 --> 00:23:09,866
Miranda, I know you.
And I know why you picked a fight with me.
378
00:23:10,402 --> 00:23:11,926
- You do?
- Yeah.
379
00:23:12,771 --> 00:23:15,137
You're upset
'cause I'm hanging around too much.
380
00:23:15,207 --> 00:23:18,540
You think I'm getting too close.
But you don't have to worry.
381
00:23:19,011 --> 00:23:21,002
I just started seeing someone else...
382
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,446
and it's going really good.
383
00:23:23,549 --> 00:23:25,813
So please relax.
384
00:23:27,219 --> 00:23:29,585
I'm not in love with you anymore.
385
00:23:38,964 --> 00:23:42,229
All that stuff I said to you about Steve
never happened.
386
00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:45,270
Don't mention it to anyone.
Don't think about it.
387
00:23:45,337 --> 00:23:48,773
Don't even so much as give me a look
like you might be thinking about it.
388
00:23:48,841 --> 00:23:52,572
Like that look.
I can't ever, never see that look again.
389
00:23:52,878 --> 00:23:56,541
Calm down. I think you're overreacting
to that thing that never happened.
390
00:23:56,615 --> 00:24:00,051
If you think I'm overreacting here,
you should be inside my head.
391
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,916
I have to say this next thing...
392
00:24:01,987 --> 00:24:05,582
but I will play along
and not look at you while I say it.
393
00:24:06,592 --> 00:24:09,322
Maybe if you had told Steve anyway...
394
00:24:09,394 --> 00:24:12,522
I swear to God,
I love you but I will have to kill you.
395
00:24:13,031 --> 00:24:16,194
Brady, come on.
Work with Mommy here. Please!
396
00:24:16,368 --> 00:24:19,235
I'm sorry, but I'm looking and I'm talking.
397
00:24:19,938 --> 00:24:21,701
This is your life.
398
00:24:21,807 --> 00:24:24,776
You two have a baby together.
It is not high school.
399
00:24:25,444 --> 00:24:27,002
Isn't that Berger?
400
00:24:30,682 --> 00:24:33,480
- God, I look like shit!
- You don't look like shit.
401
00:24:33,552 --> 00:24:36,578
I look like shit. This is not my perfect outfit.
402
00:24:37,322 --> 00:24:38,949
- Are you leaving?
- Yeah, bye.
403
00:24:40,125 --> 00:24:41,615
Oh, God. Shit!
404
00:24:54,873 --> 00:24:57,671
I was just entering the safety zone when...
405
00:24:59,111 --> 00:25:00,373
There he was.
406
00:25:00,445 --> 00:25:03,710
My emotional equivalent
to the big crash of '29.'
407
00:25:04,583 --> 00:25:05,743
Aidan.
408
00:25:24,369 --> 00:25:26,496
- Look at you.
- Look at you.
409
00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:29,097
- I had a baby.
- I have a date.
410
00:25:32,044 --> 00:25:34,774
That's wonderful. This is him?
411
00:25:35,047 --> 00:25:37,845
No, this isn't him. This is a stunt baby.
412
00:25:38,350 --> 00:25:41,285
Yeah, it's him. This is the man: Tate.
413
00:25:41,687 --> 00:25:44,281
I call him Tater 'cause he looks like one,
you know.
414
00:25:44,389 --> 00:25:46,084
No hair, big eyes.
415
00:25:46,925 --> 00:25:49,052
He's cool. Aren't you, Tate?
416
00:25:49,361 --> 00:25:52,296
- So where are you running to?
- Home.
417
00:25:53,665 --> 00:25:55,599
So things are good? They look good.
418
00:25:55,667 --> 00:25:59,296
I'm just hanging out in front of
this fabric store waiting for Tate's mom.
419
00:25:59,371 --> 00:26:02,397
All right, don't laugh.
I married another furniture designer.
420
00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:04,305
- Really?
- Yeah. What are you gonna do?
421
00:26:04,376 --> 00:26:06,367
Yep. You can't fight city hall.
422
00:26:06,912 --> 00:26:08,903
Cathy. She's great.
423
00:26:09,781 --> 00:26:12,682
- You wanna come and meet her?
- Another time.
424
00:26:12,985 --> 00:26:15,112
- I really have to run.
- Okay.
425
00:26:16,054 --> 00:26:17,248
Bye, Tate.
426
00:26:21,526 --> 00:26:23,084
Oh, God, Aidan.
427
00:26:26,798 --> 00:26:28,356
It's good to see you.
428
00:26:29,568 --> 00:26:30,865
You, too.
429
00:26:32,938 --> 00:26:36,271
We should get together
and have coffee sometime and catch up.
430
00:26:36,341 --> 00:26:38,571
Great. Okay, we'll do that.
431
00:26:40,879 --> 00:26:42,039
Bye.
432
00:26:43,415 --> 00:26:46,543
There is the type of date
you can't wait to keep.
433
00:26:46,785 --> 00:26:51,722
And the type of date
you both know you'll never keep.
434
00:27:11,109 --> 00:27:15,239
A block later, I realized if Aidan and I
could survive that huge a crash...
435
00:27:15,314 --> 00:27:17,009
and both get out alive...
436
00:27:17,082 --> 00:27:19,710
there was nothing I could do
on a first date...
437
00:27:19,785 --> 00:27:21,844
I couldn't bounce back from.
438
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,251
Berger, it's Carrie.
439
00:27:24,022 --> 00:27:25,353
Hi, listen.
440
00:27:25,424 --> 00:27:28,860
I'm standing outside the Sony Theater
near Lincoln Center...
441
00:27:28,927 --> 00:27:30,986
and Craig's Room starts in half an hour.
442
00:27:31,063 --> 00:27:33,554
And there are no lines. Can you go now?
443
00:27:33,632 --> 00:27:36,465
That's so weird.
I'm right in that neighborhood.
444
00:27:37,035 --> 00:27:39,367
Really? Must be fate.
445
00:27:39,438 --> 00:27:41,736
- I'll be right there.
- Okay. Bye.
446
00:27:49,681 --> 00:27:51,046
This blows.
447
00:27:51,650 --> 00:27:54,118
I had my special outfit
all picked out for tonight.
448
00:27:54,186 --> 00:27:55,380
I got the tickets.
449
00:27:55,454 --> 00:27:58,184
Then I got the popcorn
and the assorted chocolate goodies.
450
00:27:58,256 --> 00:28:00,884
- Are you a candy gal?
- I am the candy gal.
451
00:28:01,059 --> 00:28:02,686
- 'Cause I'm a candy man.
- Yeah?
452
00:28:02,761 --> 00:28:05,127
No, I am serious.
Sammy Davis ripped me off.
453
00:28:05,197 --> 00:28:08,223
Sammy Davis.
You don't feel the need to use the Junior?
454
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:09,824
No. Not at all.
455
00:28:10,168 --> 00:28:11,533
- Really?
- Nope.
456
00:28:14,706 --> 00:28:17,300
And by close of Wall Street that day...
457
00:28:17,376 --> 00:28:21,813
the NASDAQ was down, but amazingly,
our stock was still up.
458
00:28:30,000 --> 00:29:15,000
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