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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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In this ever-expanding galaxy
called New York City...
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00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:52,765
there are certain heavenly bodies
one orbits around every day.
3
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,630
And then there are those stars...
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00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:57,966
whose gravitational pull
one drifts in and out of over the years.
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Is that all there is
6
00:00:59,773 --> 00:01:03,209
Bobby Fine, satellite friend,
piano bar legend.
7
00:01:04,745 --> 00:01:08,579
I usually do this number at home
in a pink caftan and a Peggy Lee wig.
8
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Like you've never done the same thing
after three daiquiris?
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00:01:13,086 --> 00:01:17,420
But right now, I must take a quick break
to say hello to a celebrity friend.
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Is there any other kind?
Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw.
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Wonderful.
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She writes books. You remember books.
Primitive versions of the DVD.
13
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:32,297
Stop, please stop. Okay, one more time
for the cheap seats in the back.
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00:01:33,673 --> 00:01:35,664
Is that all there is
15
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Yes, that's all there is
16
00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:46,044
How long have you two known each other?
17
00:01:46,119 --> 00:01:48,747
Let's put it this way. Cats was just Kittens.
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- Cats, the musical. Hello?
- Oh, I loved Cats.
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- Medic.
- It hasn't been that long, has it?
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Please, darling, when we met,
you took aerobics and Stanford had hair.
21
00:02:01,134 --> 00:02:04,433
- Bobby.
- Bitsy. I thought you had a dinner.
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00:02:04,504 --> 00:02:08,201
Oh, I do. The driver is circling,
but I had to run up and say hello.
23
00:02:08,408 --> 00:02:10,535
Oh, hello.
24
00:02:10,811 --> 00:02:15,771
Bitsy Von Muffling. This is Carrie, Miranda,
Samantha, and the one who liked Cats.
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Bitsy, Samantha Jones.
I did PR for your museum benefit.
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Samantha, of course, I loved you.
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I was just so thrilled
that someone actually liked Cats.
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- I didn't like it that much.
- Waiter, sense of humor, Table 5.
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00:02:30,363 --> 00:02:33,457
- So, Samantha, how are you?
- Fabulous. How are you?
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00:02:33,533 --> 00:02:36,331
Delirious. I'm madly in love
and getting married.
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- Big Hamptons wedding.
- Congratulations. Who's the lucky stud?
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00:02:41,641 --> 00:02:42,665
Me.
33
00:02:53,353 --> 00:02:56,015
- You're getting married?
- Can you believe it?
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00:02:56,456 --> 00:03:00,586
Bitsy and I are affianced.
I finally found the right girl.
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00:03:06,633 --> 00:03:09,500
Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle
before he can tinkle.
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00:03:09,736 --> 00:03:12,102
Samantha, I have your address.
You have to come.
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00:03:12,172 --> 00:03:14,265
- Nice meeting you all.
- Bye.
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00:03:16,376 --> 00:03:18,276
I thought he was gay.
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00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:22,805
Yeah, "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"?
That's the gayest sentence ever uttered.
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00:03:22,883 --> 00:03:24,817
He must be marrying her for the money.
41
00:03:24,885 --> 00:03:29,219
He doesn't need the money. He was one
of the original investors in Chorus Line.
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00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:31,883
Just when you thought
you'd never hear anything gayer...
43
00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:34,188
than "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."
44
00:03:34,261 --> 00:03:36,286
Why would he be getting married?
45
00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:39,498
In 1988, Bobby Fine announced...
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00:03:39,566 --> 00:03:42,330
that he was going to sell
his piano bar downtown...
47
00:03:42,402 --> 00:03:45,496
and go volunteer with Nicaraguan orphans.
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00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:48,238
The orphans are still waiting.
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This wedding will never happen.
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00:03:53,313 --> 00:03:54,337
It's happening.
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00:03:54,414 --> 00:03:58,475
Everything's booked. So the really big
question is where are we going to stay?
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00:03:58,552 --> 00:04:01,043
That's the really big question?
53
00:04:01,454 --> 00:04:04,389
What about, "Why are these two people
marrying each other?"
54
00:04:04,457 --> 00:04:07,722
- Is that all there is?
- Bitsy said they were madly in love.
55
00:04:07,794 --> 00:04:11,195
You see, I find the love facade
the most offensive part.
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00:04:11,264 --> 00:04:13,129
We're adults. We can handle it.
57
00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:16,225
Bitsy should say, "I'm getting older,
and I want companionship."
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00:04:16,303 --> 00:04:19,101
Or Bobby should say,
"The hot men don't go for me anymore."
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00:04:19,172 --> 00:04:21,402
But don't print invitations and call it love...
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00:04:21,474 --> 00:04:24,568
as if love transforms people
and changes molecules...
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00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,077
'cause that's bullshit.
62
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:30,276
- I guess you don't want to be my date then.
- No dates, unless they have summer houses.
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Relax. We can stay
with Stanford and Marcus.
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00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:36,717
I was a fool to break up with Richard
before Labor Day. He has a fabulous house.
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00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:40,089
I wouldn't go to this charade if you paid me.
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It's like there's a pink suede elephant
in the middle of the room...
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- and nobody's allowed to talk about it.
- You think they won't have sex?
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00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:50,069
All married couples
stop having sex eventually.
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00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:52,934
That's not true.
You've had sex with lots of married people.
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That's how I know.
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00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:57,506
Okay, let's say it's companionship.
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00:04:57,577 --> 00:05:01,479
How do you sustain a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?
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00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:05,640
- The what?
- That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing...
74
00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:09,621
that happens when you not only love
the person, but you gotta have them.
75
00:05:09,689 --> 00:05:11,850
Isn't that what gets you through the years?
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00:05:11,925 --> 00:05:16,157
Even if it fades, at least you have
the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.
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00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:20,231
I'm fine with whatever people want to do.
Just be straight with me.
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00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,901
I think that's how Bitsy proposed to Bobby.
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00:05:22,969 --> 00:05:26,700
It was right about then
Charlotte decided to be straight with us.
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00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:28,933
I'm seeing someone, sort of.
81
00:05:29,876 --> 00:05:31,901
You're in a "sort of" relationship?
82
00:05:31,978 --> 00:05:34,776
It's ridiculous. He's so not my type.
83
00:05:35,148 --> 00:05:37,776
- Is he heterosexual?
- Yes.
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00:05:38,451 --> 00:05:43,047
But he's bald and short,
and he talks with his mouth full.
85
00:05:43,123 --> 00:05:45,353
I don't even want to be seen
in public with him.
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00:05:45,425 --> 00:05:48,883
I hate his name, Harry,
because he is, everywhere but his head.
87
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:54,291
- Is the sex bad, too?
- It's the best sex of my life.
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00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:58,728
I think I might really like him.
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00:06:00,306 --> 00:06:03,332
You want to go to a wedding
in the Hamptons in a few weeks?
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00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:04,809
Bitsy Von Muffling's.
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00:06:04,878 --> 00:06:07,847
- You're invited to that?
- Oh, yeah, I handled her divorce.
92
00:06:07,914 --> 00:06:10,144
I just never thought of you
as a Hamptons type.
93
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:13,151
I am the Hamptons, baby.
I own a house in Bridge.
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00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,521
Well, I can't go.
I'm not really ready for swimsuit season.
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00:06:17,757 --> 00:06:19,588
What? You're a fucking knockout.
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00:06:19,659 --> 00:06:22,753
- It's you. It's your back.
- What's wrong with my back?
97
00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:27,630
It's very hairy. You're not supposed
to be able to grab someone's back.
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00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:31,098
This is how I was born.
What am I supposed to do about it?
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00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:33,671
- Get it waxed.
- I'll tell you what.
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You come with me to the wedding,
and I will get my back waxed.
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Fine.
102
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,013
- Come here, you.
- Your hands are all greasy.
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That night, I thought about what it takes
to make a relationship work...
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00:06:51,991 --> 00:06:53,583
till death do us part.
105
00:06:56,963 --> 00:06:59,989
Most singles have more long-term success
with friends.
106
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:03,100
So maybe it is a better strategy
to marry a friend.
107
00:07:03,636 --> 00:07:06,127
However, in the absence of sex...
108
00:07:06,206 --> 00:07:10,336
whether that's the arrangement,
or just what happens after a few years...
109
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:14,174
what distinguishes this companion
from your many other companions?
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00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:16,842
When it comes to saying "I do"...
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00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:20,712
is a relationship a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?
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00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:25,282
Or in Samantha's case...
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00:07:25,358 --> 00:07:28,589
how much is a woman due
for surviving the zsa zsa zsu?
114
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:31,092
This is Richard. You have 30 seconds.
115
00:07:31,264 --> 00:07:33,664
I've been thinking.
Our pathetic relationship...
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00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:37,100
is as close to marriage
as either one of us ever hopes to get.
117
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:39,502
So I feel I deserve some sort of settlement.
118
00:07:39,572 --> 00:07:43,508
Like, say, a weekend at your house
in the Hamptons. You're not invited.
119
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I'll be having a party.
You're not invited to that either.
120
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,176
It's Samantha. Call me.
121
00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:55,085
A couple of weeks later...
122
00:07:55,155 --> 00:07:58,591
another couple of exes
were working out their summer share.
123
00:07:58,825 --> 00:08:02,283
- Hi. How you doing?
- Hey.
124
00:08:02,595 --> 00:08:04,529
Me and Brady were just napping.
125
00:08:05,865 --> 00:08:09,733
I miss napping.
They look down on napping at work.
126
00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:13,935
It's so hot out.
127
00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:19,043
I was going to give him
one more bottle before I left.
128
00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:21,876
- I can do it.
- I know, but I like it.
129
00:08:22,448 --> 00:08:26,316
It used to be all breasts.
Not me and him. We got our bottle thing.
130
00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:33,556
- Did Magda bring those?
- No, I did.
131
00:08:34,394 --> 00:08:35,884
Nice garden in Queens.
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00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:40,988
Lilacs.
133
00:08:43,069 --> 00:08:44,058
Yeah.
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00:08:45,638 --> 00:08:46,627
Good flowers.
135
00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:58,413
Miranda wasn't sure if it was the smell
of the lilacs, the smell of the baby...
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00:08:58,585 --> 00:09:00,485
or the smell of Steve's skin.
137
00:09:00,653 --> 00:09:04,453
But that afternoon,
Steve went from ex to sex.
138
00:09:06,726 --> 00:09:07,886
I slept with Steve.
139
00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:11,021
Miranda admitted they were somewhere
between friends and lovers...
140
00:09:11,097 --> 00:09:13,657
somewhere between Manhattan
and the Hamptons.
141
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,697
That's why you decided to participate
in the charade. You're fleeing.
142
00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:20,432
I'm a fucking fugitive, literally.
143
00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:23,339
- Perhaps it was the zsa zsa zsu.
- No. It was an itch...
144
00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:26,674
which we shouldn't have scratched,
because now we're into a gray area.
145
00:09:26,746 --> 00:09:29,613
Not having sex was the only thing
holding us together.
146
00:09:29,682 --> 00:09:32,515
You're fleeing to the right wedding.
I think that's the theme.
147
00:09:32,585 --> 00:09:35,713
Seriously. You can't have a kid
with someone...
148
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:39,952
and get along and have great sex
without giving the wrong impression.
149
00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:42,193
That being what, that you're happy?
150
00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:43,593
Fabulous.
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00:09:44,430 --> 00:09:46,364
Absolutely.
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00:09:46,799 --> 00:09:48,733
Yeah, bring them along.
153
00:09:49,535 --> 00:09:51,662
I look forward to seeing you, too.
154
00:09:52,105 --> 00:09:55,404
This party is going to be amazing.
Strictly A list.
155
00:09:55,475 --> 00:09:58,911
- Are we still invited?
- Yes. But shitty-pants there is not.
156
00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:01,807
I have to bring him. I can't find a sitter.
157
00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:05,408
He's ruining my lunch.
He's not ruining my party. No babies.
158
00:10:06,252 --> 00:10:08,743
Evidently, there's already a party pooper.
159
00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:10,878
Ketchup.
160
00:10:24,237 --> 00:10:26,501
- Carrie?
- Yeah.
161
00:10:27,941 --> 00:10:29,340
- Hi.
- Jack.
162
00:10:29,475 --> 00:10:33,912
- Berger. I know, I remember.
- What's going on here, are you okay?
163
00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:37,381
Do I need to make a tourniquet
out of a hotdog bun and a twig?
164
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:39,814
- No, it's just...
- Ketchup.
165
00:10:39,886 --> 00:10:42,354
Yeah. Thanks.
166
00:10:44,157 --> 00:10:47,752
- I didn't figure you for a motorcycle guy.
- Turns out I'm not.
167
00:10:48,227 --> 00:10:50,627
I bought it as a reaction to my breakup.
168
00:10:51,564 --> 00:10:55,967
It was exactly what I wanted.
A Berger with a side of single.
169
00:10:57,337 --> 00:10:58,804
You look good on it.
170
00:10:58,871 --> 00:11:02,170
No. I look good next to it.
On it, I look like this.
171
00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:06,678
I'm not even really hungry.
I pulled over because...
172
00:11:06,746 --> 00:11:10,409
you know, a bug hit my visor,
and my hands are still shaking.
173
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:12,073
So you're "uneasy rider."
174
00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:19,985
Well, if you make it to the Hamptons...
175
00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:24,357
my friend is having a party tomorrow
afternoon. It's at Richard Wright's house.
176
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:28,764
I heard about that. That's quite a place.
I pass it on the way to my house.
177
00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:30,997
I'm going to get a soda.
178
00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:34,733
My throat's kind of dry
from all the screaming inside my helmet.
179
00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:40,473
- It's nice to see you.
- Yeah, you, too, Berger.
180
00:11:41,614 --> 00:11:44,742
- Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yeah. If you don't...
181
00:11:45,885 --> 00:11:48,615
- call the Highway Patrol.
- Yeah.
182
00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:53,758
Definitely zsa zsa zsu.
183
00:11:54,494 --> 00:11:58,726
The next morning, Samantha prepared
her borrowed beach house for the big bash.
184
00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:04,060
I want half the tables set up near the house
and the others near the pool.
185
00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:06,862
Ladies.
186
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:10,739
- Cassandra, did you bring my tote?
- Shit, where are my Merits?
187
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:13,244
Ladies, excuse me. Hi.
188
00:12:13,513 --> 00:12:18,075
The wait staff is to change
in the guest cottage down near the entrance.
189
00:12:19,318 --> 00:12:20,842
Aren't you here to waitress?
190
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,354
We go to restaurants.
We don't work in them.
191
00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:26,688
- Where's Richard?
- Richard? He isn't here.
192
00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:28,984
I've got the house this weekend.
193
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:34,490
Excuse me. Where are you going?
194
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:37,161
Richard told us we could hang
by the pool whenever.
195
00:12:37,236 --> 00:12:41,673
You can't pool-hang today.
I'm having a party at 3:00.
196
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:45,836
- We'll be fried by then.
- I have no cell reception at all.
197
00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:04,755
Miranda brought the kid. Don't say anything.
198
00:13:05,398 --> 00:13:08,162
I know you didn't want babies,
but he's in Ralph Lauren...
199
00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:10,566
and I stuck a cork up his ass,
so it'll be okay.
200
00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:12,831
This is supposed to be an A-list party.
201
00:13:12,905 --> 00:13:15,396
Then who's the Double-D list by the pool?
202
00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:23,246
They won't leave. They say Richard
lets them hang out here on weekends.
203
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:26,384
- Fucking freeloaders.
- People in glass houses...
204
00:13:26,452 --> 00:13:29,944
I am not freeloading.
I went through a lot with Richard.
205
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:32,889
And people should be rewarded
for not getting married as well.
206
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:34,984
I don't know why you broke up with him.
207
00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:38,929
What's a little lying and cheating
compared to a pool with a little caba�a?
208
00:13:39,265 --> 00:13:41,961
Did you say "no babies," or "no boobies"?
209
00:13:46,572 --> 00:13:48,540
Lady? And Brady?
210
00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:55,842
That is so inappropriate.
211
00:13:56,115 --> 00:13:59,676
- Greetings from Silicone Valley.
- People can hear you.
212
00:13:59,752 --> 00:14:02,312
What, like everyone here can't see
those tits are fake?
213
00:14:02,388 --> 00:14:06,950
- Everyone can see those tits are fake.
- Would you stop saying "tits"?
214
00:14:07,026 --> 00:14:09,620
Why are you wearing that shirt?
Tropical shirts are out.
215
00:14:09,695 --> 00:14:12,630
This is not tropical. It's Tiki.
216
00:14:12,765 --> 00:14:16,064
- Well, please Tiki it off.
- I thought you'd never ask.
217
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:23,698
Oh, my God! Your back!
218
00:14:23,776 --> 00:14:26,074
You must've had a bad reaction
to the waxing.
219
00:14:26,145 --> 00:14:28,670
Yeah, I thought it felt a little itchy.
220
00:14:28,748 --> 00:14:31,683
Suddenly a little hair isn't looking so bad?
221
00:14:33,452 --> 00:14:37,513
Carrie, woman to woman,
the sex is amazing.
222
00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:40,124
I've never had a man make me feel this way.
223
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:43,424
Hush, Miss Scarlett, how you do go on.
224
00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:54,839
Well, who ordered the Adonis?
225
00:14:55,841 --> 00:14:58,639
Bobby, Bitsy, this is my boyfriend, Marcus.
226
00:14:58,711 --> 00:15:01,475
For God's sake, man,
get yourself to a gym once in a while.
227
00:15:01,547 --> 00:15:04,072
Look at that body. It's disgusting!
228
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:08,279
Wow! I could grate cheese on your abs.
229
00:15:09,956 --> 00:15:13,255
One large pizza, and hold the salami.
230
00:15:14,794 --> 00:15:17,524
Please, put a shirt on before I marry you.
231
00:15:20,733 --> 00:15:23,167
No! I haven't touched a carbohydrate
in three months.
232
00:15:23,236 --> 00:15:26,171
- I've got to fit into that dress.
- Please eat something.
233
00:15:26,239 --> 00:15:28,639
Would you look at her? She's ltsy-Bitsy.
234
00:15:29,408 --> 00:15:32,434
Bobby, I see the Talcotts.
We've got to say hello.
235
00:15:32,511 --> 00:15:34,809
- See you all tomorrow.
- Bye.
236
00:15:42,555 --> 00:15:45,718
I swear, and I'm totally serious,
I almost fainted...
237
00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:49,591
when he mimed grated cheese on Marcus.
238
00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:52,391
It is so obvious that he wanted him.
239
00:15:52,465 --> 00:15:56,231
Try to keep up. Bobby is straight.
240
00:15:56,302 --> 00:15:58,395
- Right.
- What is she doing?
241
00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:01,168
Maybe he just makes her laugh.
242
00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:07,708
Can't you wait till we sit down to eat?
It's so crass.
243
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:10,874
Question. Is there anything about me
today that doesn't bug you?
244
00:16:10,950 --> 00:16:13,976
People are trying to eat.
You should have your shirt on.
245
00:16:14,053 --> 00:16:16,385
And you have sauce on your face.
246
00:16:17,857 --> 00:16:19,381
Now so do you.
247
00:16:21,193 --> 00:16:24,287
Why did she need to tell me
the sex was amazing?
248
00:16:24,363 --> 00:16:25,921
Because it is amazing.
249
00:16:25,998 --> 00:16:29,798
She's amazed he's able to get hard
without another penis in the room.
250
00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:31,962
And speaking of dicks, do you think...
251
00:16:32,038 --> 00:16:34,734
Richard slept with any of those
cocoa-butter bitches?
252
00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:37,776
No! I'm sure they're just good friends.
253
00:16:41,547 --> 00:16:43,412
- God! How do I look?
- You look great.
254
00:16:43,482 --> 00:16:45,814
- Jesus! Where's a mirror?
- Here.
255
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,109
Great.
256
00:16:50,056 --> 00:16:53,890
All right, put it down. It's okay.
Thanks for having a party.
257
00:16:57,029 --> 00:16:59,623
- How long have you had a house here?
- Three years.
258
00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:03,726
Moments later, among the butterflies,
I felt butterflies.
259
00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:05,831
There's a really nice garden.
260
00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:08,897
- So, you garden?
- No. I have been known to hoe...
261
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:13,570
but my ex actually planted the garden
so we could enjoy fresh summer salads.
262
00:17:14,246 --> 00:17:16,214
We didn't quite make it to the summer.
263
00:17:16,282 --> 00:17:19,718
So it's more fresh pain
than fresh vegetables.
264
00:17:20,252 --> 00:17:22,243
Yeah. I can't really go out there.
265
00:17:22,321 --> 00:17:24,721
I know how you feel.
When I broke up with my ex...
266
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:27,452
I couldn't bring myself
to go within six blocks...
267
00:17:27,526 --> 00:17:29,892
- of his furniture store.
- When did you two break up?
268
00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:31,725
Last year, for the second time.
269
00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:35,164
We broke up the first time
the year before that.
270
00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:37,566
You broke up twice. Way to go.
271
00:17:37,636 --> 00:17:41,629
Yeah, well, we hadn't sufficiently hurt
each other enough the first time round.
272
00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:44,039
But we definitely
took care of business this time.
273
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:48,809
Because this time, he moved in,
so we had the merging of the things...
274
00:17:48,881 --> 00:17:50,712
- Right.
...the dividing of the things...
275
00:17:50,783 --> 00:17:53,752
the things that are left behind
that you don't want to return...
276
00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:57,050
because that seems mean,
and you don't want to throw them away...
277
00:17:57,123 --> 00:18:00,286
because it's all you have left.
It gets harder as we get older...
278
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,328
because we're not dating
wildly inappropriate people anymore.
279
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:06,923
- You know, there's no "Glad that's over."
- Right.
280
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,330
After every breakup I tell myself
I'm not doing this again.
281
00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:14,737
It's too hard. I mean, how many
of these things can one person survive?
282
00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:19,336
You know, they should institute
a helmet law for relationships.
283
00:18:19,412 --> 00:18:22,973
- Right. That's excellently put.
- Thank you.
284
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:29,716
I should get going.
285
00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:34,786
It's going to take me six hours
to drive the two miles home, so...
286
00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:41,594
- My jacket.
- Sorry.
287
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:47,898
- Gee. I hope there aren't grass stains.
- No. It's old.
288
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,601
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
289
00:18:51,877 --> 00:18:54,573
The man could not get away
from me fast enough.
290
00:18:54,914 --> 00:18:58,281
Apparently, it's a short road
from commisery to misery.
291
00:19:01,153 --> 00:19:02,484
Are you okay?
292
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:21,264
Perfect! Everything's going out
right on time.
293
00:19:22,107 --> 00:19:23,665
There's no Tab in here.
294
00:19:23,742 --> 00:19:27,075
- What are you doing in my refrigerator?
- It's Richard's refrigerator.
295
00:19:27,146 --> 00:19:28,636
I stocked it.
296
00:19:29,081 --> 00:19:33,347
Did you see any Rice Krispie treats?
Richard usually leaves those around for us.
297
00:19:33,419 --> 00:19:34,818
No, I didn't.
298
00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:38,914
And those lemons are for the drinks.
Drinks I paid for.
299
00:19:38,991 --> 00:19:41,858
- Whatever.
- And I also paid for the food.
300
00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:46,557
The only thing at this party that you two
actually paid for are your breasts!
301
00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:48,661
Jealous?
302
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,799
Yes. I'm jealous.
303
00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:55,307
I'm just dying to look like this.
304
00:19:55,841 --> 00:19:58,867
Maybe if you did,
you'd be out here with Richard.
305
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,869
Snap!
306
00:20:15,794 --> 00:20:20,322
Evidently, people who borrow glass houses
shouldn't throw cantaloupes.
307
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,692
The next morning,
while Stanford and Marcus had Brady...
308
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,601
Miranda and I had brunch.
309
00:20:26,672 --> 00:20:29,470
- How about these muffins?
- How about these eggs?
310
00:20:29,542 --> 00:20:31,772
- How about these napkins?
- How about these plates?
311
00:20:31,844 --> 00:20:33,243
How about we marry gay guys?
312
00:20:33,312 --> 00:20:35,780
How about maybe now
I won't have a choice?
313
00:20:35,948 --> 00:20:38,416
- Was it really that bad?
- Bye-bye, Berger.
314
00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:40,710
One minute we were laughing,
the next minute...
315
00:20:40,786 --> 00:20:43,277
he had to get away from me so fast,
he left skidmarks.
316
00:20:43,355 --> 00:20:46,222
- Seriously. I can show them to you.
- Jam, please.
317
00:20:48,594 --> 00:20:51,791
I know what I did.
I revealed too much, too soon.
318
00:20:51,964 --> 00:20:54,660
- I was emotionally slutty.
- That's not like you.
319
00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:58,294
It wasn't me. It was the zsa zsa zsu.
It makes me crazy.
320
00:20:58,370 --> 00:21:01,100
Bitsy Von Muffling Fine
may have the right idea.
321
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:04,700
Maybe we should stop looking
for a great relationship...
322
00:21:04,977 --> 00:21:07,070
and settle for a fine one.
323
00:21:08,314 --> 00:21:10,839
I'd marry Steve in a second if he were gay.
324
00:21:11,784 --> 00:21:14,878
- Everything would be so easy.
- So, a gay area...
325
00:21:14,954 --> 00:21:17,388
- is better than a gray area?
- Yeah.
326
00:21:17,523 --> 00:21:19,616
More coffee. You want some?
327
00:21:21,026 --> 00:21:24,086
- Great coffee.
- Tell me something I don't know.
328
00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:30,328
- What?
- You did it, Stany.
329
00:21:31,103 --> 00:21:35,005
Great man, great house, great relationship.
330
00:21:35,274 --> 00:21:38,471
We've all been looking,
and you actually found it.
331
00:21:39,345 --> 00:21:43,111
Marcus and I haven't had sex
since we bought the Cynthia Rowley china.
332
00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:46,378
Thank God! I am so relieved.
333
00:21:46,986 --> 00:21:51,480
Bitsy Von Muffling, the first time I saw you,
I fell in love.
334
00:21:51,957 --> 00:21:54,926
You walked in wearing that red vintage Dior.
335
00:21:55,461 --> 00:21:57,486
Pink elephant in the room.
336
00:21:57,863 --> 00:22:01,162
Do you mind?
I am listening to the bride and bride.
337
00:22:02,635 --> 00:22:04,603
My dear Bobby Fine...
338
00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:07,964
Something tells me Bitsy isn't doing "Fine."
339
00:22:08,474 --> 00:22:12,535
And that's the little piece of information
she's been Von Muffling.
340
00:22:12,678 --> 00:22:16,307
You are there for me in the morning,
and there for me at night...
341
00:22:17,149 --> 00:22:19,811
there in the good, there in the bad...
342
00:22:20,953 --> 00:22:24,389
there in my thoughts, there in my dreams...
343
00:22:25,457 --> 00:22:29,518
but most of all, my darling,
you are there in my heart...
344
00:22:30,496 --> 00:22:31,622
forever.
345
00:22:31,697 --> 00:22:34,257
Perhaps we were all much too cynical.
346
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,034
Perhaps, somehow, despite the odds...
347
00:22:37,102 --> 00:22:39,696
Bobby and Bitsy had found something real.
348
00:22:39,772 --> 00:22:42,400
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
349
00:22:42,841 --> 00:22:44,741
You may kiss the bride.
350
00:22:50,783 --> 00:22:53,479
One more time,
for the cheap seats at the back.
351
00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:23,071
Looks like somebody over here
is about to dance.
352
00:23:26,185 --> 00:23:28,881
I think you may have sold
this one a little short.
353
00:23:28,954 --> 00:23:30,216
Me, too.
354
00:23:30,489 --> 00:23:35,017
With a little time and the right astringents,
who knows?
355
00:23:35,227 --> 00:23:38,094
There's nothing on my face,
nothing in my teeth.
356
00:23:38,163 --> 00:23:40,427
I'm sure you'll hate
my moves on the dance floor...
357
00:23:40,499 --> 00:23:43,559
but that is the risk that every man must take.
358
00:23:46,672 --> 00:23:48,572
What a beautiful night.
359
00:23:49,341 --> 00:23:53,038
It's too bad I blew my only chance
at a boyfriend this year.
360
00:23:53,479 --> 00:23:55,743
You want to hold my boyfriend?
361
00:23:56,415 --> 00:24:00,317
I think I'm going to drown my sorrows
in another piece of cake.
362
00:24:00,552 --> 00:24:04,352
And if anybody asks, I had two, not three.
363
00:24:15,267 --> 00:24:18,202
You smell that, Brady? It's lilac.
364
00:24:22,608 --> 00:24:25,600
Should we call Daddy
and tell him we miss him?
365
00:24:32,751 --> 00:24:35,652
It's me, Steve. I'm not here.
Leave a message.
366
00:24:59,011 --> 00:25:01,070
Do you believe this wedding?
367
00:25:03,549 --> 00:25:05,676
Funny where life has taken us.
368
00:25:05,751 --> 00:25:08,720
I remember when we went to these things
just for the free food.
369
00:25:08,787 --> 00:25:11,119
I have dinner rolls in my purse.
370
00:25:13,659 --> 00:25:15,251
There's my song.
371
00:25:17,663 --> 00:25:19,392
And there's my girl...
372
00:25:21,967 --> 00:25:23,332
whom I love.
373
00:25:24,436 --> 00:25:28,065
- In case you had any money riding on it.
- Not a penny.
374
00:25:42,154 --> 00:25:46,284
Look out, she's got a piece of fruit,
and she's not afraid to throw it.
375
00:25:46,358 --> 00:25:49,122
- Can we not talk about that?
- Okay.
376
00:25:49,194 --> 00:25:51,526
But we'll be the only ones here.
377
00:25:52,598 --> 00:25:56,329
Look, I'm just glad Brady
wasn't the biggest baby at the party.
378
00:25:56,401 --> 00:25:59,598
I guess I went a little crazy,
being at Richard's house...
379
00:25:59,671 --> 00:26:02,333
around his party-crashing pussy posse.
380
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,935
What do you call zsa zsa zsu gone bad?
381
00:26:06,912 --> 00:26:08,539
Zsa zsa eww.
382
00:26:17,022 --> 00:26:20,890
Then I fell in love
with the most wonderful boy in the world
383
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,888
- Bitsy, honey, everything was perfect.
- It was.
384
00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:29,499
Except for the dessert. The top layer of
the cr�me brul�e just wasn't hard enough.
385
00:26:30,202 --> 00:26:34,434
Yeah, that's the problem with this wedding.
The cr�me brul�e isn't hard enough.
386
00:26:34,506 --> 00:26:39,136
And then one day, he went away,
and I thought I would die
387
00:26:39,511 --> 00:26:41,001
But I didn't
388
00:26:41,346 --> 00:26:44,509
And when I didn't, I said to myself
389
00:26:44,883 --> 00:26:46,976
Is all that there is to life?
390
00:26:47,452 --> 00:26:49,511
I'm not technically crashing.
391
00:26:49,588 --> 00:26:53,718
I was having lunch in town today
and for some reason the groom invited me.
392
00:26:57,496 --> 00:26:58,793
Shall we?
393
00:26:59,598 --> 00:27:00,587
Sure.
394
00:27:06,738 --> 00:27:09,138
What? Now you want me
to wax my eyebrows?
395
00:27:09,274 --> 00:27:11,970
I think I may be falling in love with you.
396
00:27:12,110 --> 00:27:15,011
I've been falling for you
since the moment we met.
397
00:27:16,448 --> 00:27:18,473
- But I never thought...
- What?
398
00:27:18,550 --> 00:27:21,280
Come on, you could have
any blue-blooded guy here.
399
00:27:21,353 --> 00:27:23,321
- I'm...
- You're wonderful.
400
00:27:24,156 --> 00:27:25,521
And Jewish.
401
00:27:26,291 --> 00:27:27,417
So?
402
00:27:27,559 --> 00:27:29,493
So, where can this go?
403
00:27:30,295 --> 00:27:31,762
I don't know.
404
00:27:32,698 --> 00:27:33,960
Let's find out.
405
00:27:36,702 --> 00:27:38,567
I have to marry a Jew.
406
00:27:40,105 --> 00:27:43,871
She can marry a gay guy,
and you can't marry an Episcopalian?
407
00:27:47,079 --> 00:27:48,740
What do we do now?
408
00:27:49,281 --> 00:27:52,011
I don't know. Dance?
409
00:27:53,318 --> 00:27:56,481
Apparently, Charlotte had a zsa zsa Jew.
410
00:28:02,961 --> 00:28:06,397
- You're awful quiet.
- And I intend to stay that way.
411
00:28:06,465 --> 00:28:08,262
No. You were fine.
412
00:28:09,434 --> 00:28:12,665
I just wasn't sure
if I was up for all that again.
413
00:28:13,238 --> 00:28:16,639
- Then I thought...
- Then you thought what?
414
00:28:18,276 --> 00:28:21,609
Maybe we should go out on a date
before we break up.
415
00:28:33,091 --> 00:28:34,956
When it comes to relationships...
416
00:28:35,027 --> 00:28:38,588
maybe we're all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.
417
00:28:38,663 --> 00:28:41,223
Because you can never really know.
418
00:28:42,267 --> 00:28:44,394
Some people are settling down.
419
00:28:45,404 --> 00:28:47,463
Some people are settling.
420
00:28:47,739 --> 00:28:51,800
And some people refuse to settle
for anything less...
421
00:28:53,712 --> 00:28:55,304
than butterflies.
422
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:58,000
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