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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:48,624
There is one day...
2
00:00:48,695 --> 00:00:52,791
even the most cynical New York woman
dreams of all her life.
3
00:00:52,866 --> 00:00:57,030
It'll be fabulous. Everything white.
White flowers, white tablecloths, white food.
4
00:00:57,104 --> 00:00:58,901
W-H-l-T-E. White.
5
00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:02,738
She imagines what she'll wear,
the photographers, the toasts.
6
00:01:02,809 --> 00:01:07,678
Everybody's celebrating the fact
that she finally found a publisher.
7
00:01:08,215 --> 00:01:10,012
It's her book-release party.
8
00:01:10,484 --> 00:01:13,749
This is a sexy event,
so don't be afraid to use color.
9
00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:16,880
I'm not afraid of anything. How about pink?
10
00:01:17,357 --> 00:01:18,346
Hot pink.
11
00:01:19,059 --> 00:01:20,151
Pink!
12
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:25,364
Isn't it perfect?
13
00:01:25,432 --> 00:01:28,890
- It's huge.
- Huge space, huge book.
14
00:01:28,969 --> 00:01:30,766
- Who's coming?
- Everyone.
15
00:01:31,071 --> 00:01:33,699
- Okay, this is cuckoo.
- Guest list!
16
00:01:34,141 --> 00:01:39,101
When your career is going better than ever,
it's hard not to get a big head.
17
00:01:40,847 --> 00:01:43,407
Meanwhile, Miranda was back at the office...
18
00:01:43,483 --> 00:01:47,214
and she was politically incorrectly
happy to be there.
19
00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:50,748
I have Walker Lewis calling.
20
00:01:51,992 --> 00:01:53,016
I'll take that.
21
00:01:53,093 --> 00:01:56,995
Miranda and Walker had shared
one night of great sex B.C.
22
00:01:57,063 --> 00:01:58,155
Before Child.
23
00:01:58,231 --> 00:02:02,224
- I'm so glad I wasn't waiting for your call.
- I'm so glad you remember me.
24
00:02:03,403 --> 00:02:06,395
- I remember you.
- I remember you, too.
25
00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:09,038
I remember you naked.
26
00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:12,539
So, how you been? What's new with you?
27
00:02:13,814 --> 00:02:15,441
Nothing much. How about you?
28
00:02:15,515 --> 00:02:18,678
I was hoping to take you
on a very belated second date.
29
00:02:19,019 --> 00:02:20,111
How about Thursday?
30
00:02:20,187 --> 00:02:22,815
She invited him to be her plus one
at the book party...
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00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:25,687
since she knew
she'd be conveniently minus one.
32
00:02:25,759 --> 00:02:27,784
Magda had already agreed to baby-sit.
33
00:02:28,829 --> 00:02:32,424
Meanwhile, Charlotte was working
on her perfect plus one.'
34
00:02:32,499 --> 00:02:34,490
Justin Anderson III.
35
00:02:36,703 --> 00:02:39,934
Thanks for another lovely lunch,
and for walking me home.
36
00:02:40,006 --> 00:02:41,405
My pleasure.
37
00:02:44,878 --> 00:02:47,005
Justin was just in time...
38
00:02:47,247 --> 00:02:50,876
because Charlotte was finally ready
for a new relationship.
39
00:02:53,253 --> 00:02:57,587
- Good afternoon, Mrs. Collier.
- Yes, it certainly was.
40
00:03:00,794 --> 00:03:05,128
- And she's one of the friendly ones.
- I think I'd better get back to work.
41
00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:11,626
I was in a new relationship, too,
with my publisher.
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00:03:12,072 --> 00:03:13,334
Okay, bye-bye.
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00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:18,443
I am so freaking excited about this party!
Seriously, Carrie, we are so golden.
44
00:03:18,578 --> 00:03:21,069
People actually want to come
to this book party.
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00:03:21,248 --> 00:03:25,742
All of Cond� Nast is coming,
including GQ, which is actual straight men.
46
00:03:26,286 --> 00:03:28,447
Someone better kiss me at this thing.
47
00:03:28,522 --> 00:03:31,889
So, it's not about selling books.
It's about finding you a boyfriend.
48
00:03:33,226 --> 00:03:37,026
Courtney... I didn't know
you had somebody in here. I'm sorry.
49
00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:39,664
- What are you doing here?
- Using the Xerox machine.
50
00:03:39,733 --> 00:03:42,702
- You finished your second book?
- No, my suicide note.
51
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:45,936
- Would you like a Save the Date card?
- Please.
52
00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:47,366
You know each other?
53
00:03:48,742 --> 00:03:51,711
Carrie Bradshaw.
Her book of essays comes out this week.
54
00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:53,202
Very exciting.
55
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,147
Jack Berger.
We published his first book last year.
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00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:58,880
And your name is Berger?
57
00:03:59,352 --> 00:04:03,220
Never heard of me. What does that say
about your publicity department?
58
00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:07,420
- Not your primary market.
- Because she's not in my immediate family.
59
00:04:07,761 --> 00:04:10,286
Jack wrote a hilarious comic novel
that speaks to men...
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00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:12,092
the same way your column
speaks to women.
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00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:15,794
Except men don't buy hilarious
comic novels. That's the flaw in the plan.
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00:04:15,869 --> 00:04:18,861
- What's your book?
- Half-off. That's what it's called now.
63
00:04:18,939 --> 00:04:23,433
It's just half-off. Sometimes it's 75 cents
on a card table on Sixth Avenue.
64
00:04:23,810 --> 00:04:25,778
- Next to the incense.
- Exactly.
65
00:04:25,879 --> 00:04:28,575
You two should talk,
because he knows the whole deal:
66
00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:31,515
The party, the signings,
the reading, the tour.
67
00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:38,590
Minutes later, Jack Berger and I
slowed down for a little fast food.
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00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:41,693
I'm not so much feeding them
as I'm hitting them.
69
00:04:41,761 --> 00:04:45,561
- Yes, I see that.
- "'Did the man have a little repressed anger?
70
00:04:45,865 --> 00:04:48,959
"'Or did he just dislike pigeons? '
The woman wondered."
71
00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:51,868
The woman is tripping over
the term "repressed."
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00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,304
I'm not really bitter.
I'm just trying it on for size.
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00:04:56,376 --> 00:04:59,868
- I think it fits.
- It's a little tight in the crotch.
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00:05:01,948 --> 00:05:05,816
You're saying "crotch" to me? We just met.
75
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,219
Long in the sleeve?
76
00:05:09,789 --> 00:05:12,883
- Not as funny.
- See that? It had to be "crotch."
77
00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:14,856
How's that strawberry shake?
78
00:05:16,096 --> 00:05:17,563
It's very tasty, thank you.
79
00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:22,398
I can't believe that you ordered strawberry.
Who orders strawberry after the age of 11?
80
00:05:22,702 --> 00:05:25,227
You have so much to learn about women.
81
00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:27,971
That's what a few reviewers said.
82
00:05:29,542 --> 00:05:32,477
All right, what's next?
How long do I have you for?
83
00:05:32,779 --> 00:05:36,579
- I don't know. What else is on your agenda?
- I gotta pick up some dry cleaning.
84
00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:39,210
Would it be weird for you
to come with me to pick it up?
85
00:05:39,285 --> 00:05:41,412
No. It would be weird for you to send me.
86
00:05:41,488 --> 00:05:44,457
It's a nice place. It's right around the corner.
Family joint.
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00:05:44,524 --> 00:05:46,651
They have an actual abacus.
88
00:05:58,171 --> 00:06:01,004
We were having
one of those great first dates...
89
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:04,510
you can only have
when it's not an actual date.
90
00:06:06,246 --> 00:06:07,304
Thank you.
91
00:06:14,788 --> 00:06:17,882
- What's that?
- It's stupid. I collect found playing cards.
92
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:21,494
- They're all over the city.
- Really? I never noticed.
93
00:06:21,728 --> 00:06:24,663
Well, you will now. That's how it works.
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00:06:25,632 --> 00:06:29,295
I'm hoping to get a full deck.
Insert the obvious joke here.
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00:06:29,369 --> 00:06:32,395
And I didn't have a two of hearts.
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00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:36,469
- It's a good day.
- Yes, it is.
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00:06:41,715 --> 00:06:45,481
- Berger.
- We're on a last-name basis now? Okay.
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00:06:48,054 --> 00:06:50,818
Would you, by any chance...
99
00:06:52,025 --> 00:06:55,051
want to be my plus one on Thursday?
100
00:06:55,995 --> 00:06:58,725
It's my book party, and I don't have a date...
101
00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:01,932
and you'll have the clean shirt and all.
102
00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:05,737
I would love that...
103
00:07:05,805 --> 00:07:10,299
but my girlfriend's parents are coming
to visit, and they are staying with us.
104
00:07:14,748 --> 00:07:17,581
It was like a bomb that just kept exploding:
105
00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:20,710
"I have a girlfriend. We live together.
106
00:07:21,788 --> 00:07:23,983
"This whole flirtation's in your head."
107
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:26,926
He should have mentioned her earlier.
108
00:07:26,993 --> 00:07:30,224
But not too early.
I hate it when men do that.
109
00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:33,959
"I have a girlfriend." Calm down.
I just asked if that seat was taken.
110
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:37,002
- That guy's a jerk.
- Thing is, I don't think he is.
111
00:07:38,071 --> 00:07:41,632
I sparked with this person. I never spark.
112
00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:46,708
I wonder how happy they are.
113
00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:49,844
This is not a good side of me.
114
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:53,875
Seriously, what's the point of meeting
someone like that if they're not available?
115
00:07:53,953 --> 00:07:56,444
It's the universe telling you
they're still out there.
116
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:58,753
Or telling you all the good ones are taken.
117
00:07:58,825 --> 00:08:02,090
I'm telling you,
all the good ones are coming to the party.
118
00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:04,254
What did he look like?
119
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:06,591
I can't remember.
120
00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:09,532
Which is what happens
when I really like someone.
121
00:08:09,602 --> 00:08:12,332
I just remember a feeling.
122
00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:17,571
Or he was a dating mirage. I was so hungry
for a spark, I hallucinated a man.
123
00:08:17,644 --> 00:08:19,703
Stop. You're the toast of the town.
124
00:08:19,779 --> 00:08:23,271
Finish your salad, and I'll treat you
to a little mani-pedi-botox.
125
00:08:23,349 --> 00:08:25,214
You say that like everybody does it.
126
00:08:25,285 --> 00:08:28,448
- Everybody will.
- I think I'd rather just crawl into bed.
127
00:08:28,755 --> 00:08:30,552
Honey, a little perspective!
128
00:08:30,623 --> 00:08:34,252
You have a fun, exciting,
intellectually stimulating career...
129
00:08:34,327 --> 00:08:37,160
and there's about to be a huge soir�e
thrown in your honor.
130
00:08:37,230 --> 00:08:40,393
- And I'll be without a plus one.
- I'll be your plus one.
131
00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:45,534
He should have said "we" something.
"We go to this dry cleaners."
132
00:08:45,738 --> 00:08:48,070
"We might be breaking up soon."
133
00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:51,838
- I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.
- How could you not mention it?
134
00:08:51,911 --> 00:08:56,211
It didn't come up. If he'd asked me
directly, "Have you given birth recently?"
135
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:59,115
I would have said,
"First of all, define 'recently."'
136
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:01,153
- You have to tell him.
- I know. I will.
137
00:09:01,221 --> 00:09:03,621
I just don't want it to change everything.
138
00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:06,158
If I didn't have a baby,
this is a guy I'd be dating.
139
00:09:06,226 --> 00:09:10,458
If Carrie's guy didn't have a girlfriend,
then he's a guy she'd be dating...
140
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:13,761
- but he does.
- Thanks for bringing that up again.
141
00:09:15,435 --> 00:09:20,236
In New York, they say you're always looking
for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment.
142
00:09:20,306 --> 00:09:23,935
So, let's say you have two out of three,
and they're fabulous.
143
00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,273
Why do we let the one thing we don't have...
144
00:09:26,346 --> 00:09:29,372
affect how we feel about all the things
we do have?
145
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:34,245
Why does one minus a plus one
feel like it adds up to zero?
146
00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:42,821
Samantha didn't need a man
to make her feel positive...
147
00:09:42,896 --> 00:09:46,195
but she did need a man
to inject her forehead every so often.
148
00:09:46,366 --> 00:09:48,596
We like to warn our patients...
149
00:09:48,668 --> 00:09:52,900
that some people find it difficult
to register emotion on their faces...
150
00:09:52,972 --> 00:09:56,339
after the injections.
So you might have to say:
151
00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,274
"I am so angry."
152
00:09:58,544 --> 00:10:01,445
Miss Jones is familiar with the procedure.
153
00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:07,510
New ones?
154
00:10:07,587 --> 00:10:11,648
Like most high-powered women, Samantha
could handle the stress of her job...
155
00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:13,826
but not the stress lines.
156
00:10:13,893 --> 00:10:18,262
Before we do the botox, have you
thought about a freshening chemical peel?
157
00:10:18,431 --> 00:10:22,629
It takes 15 minutes, and it can
make you look 10 to 20 years younger.
158
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:28,966
15 minutes later,
Samantha seemed to have it all...
159
00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:33,043
peeled off.
160
00:10:35,081 --> 00:10:37,709
There are times
when a woman relishes being alone.
161
00:10:37,784 --> 00:10:39,251
- There you go.
- Thank you.
162
00:10:41,387 --> 00:10:42,547
Oh, my God!
163
00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:46,421
And those are the times you usually
run into someone you don't wanna see.
164
00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:50,462
In my case, it was Enid,
my editor at Vogue...
165
00:10:50,596 --> 00:10:52,063
also alone.
166
00:10:57,737 --> 00:10:59,705
Enid. Hi.
167
00:11:02,976 --> 00:11:05,035
- How are you?
- Good.
168
00:11:05,111 --> 00:11:08,512
- Are you meeting someone?
- No, I'm just grabbing a quick bite.
169
00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:13,447
- Would you like to...
- Oh, no. Not if you're working.
170
00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:15,510
It's fine. I was just reading.
171
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:17,111
Hello!
172
00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:19,647
Hi.
173
00:11:20,393 --> 00:11:23,453
- Hello! Is what you're...
- Oh, reading!
174
00:11:25,431 --> 00:11:30,130
- So, do you really want company?
- Sure. I just ordered.
175
00:11:33,239 --> 00:11:35,434
I guess this way I can expense it.
176
00:11:36,442 --> 00:11:37,431
Right.
177
00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:48,587
Enid and I ran out of Vogue stuff
to talk about midway through our salads.
178
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:51,386
- Do you live in the neighborhood?
- No.
179
00:11:56,295 --> 00:11:58,126
But the man I'm seeing does.
180
00:11:59,766 --> 00:12:01,461
So, there's a man.
181
00:12:02,702 --> 00:12:04,795
Yes, there is a man.
182
00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:09,234
That's great. You have a
wildly successful career and a relationship.
183
00:12:09,308 --> 00:12:12,106
I was worried we women...
184
00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:16,705
only get one or the other,
but you have it all.
185
00:12:21,587 --> 00:12:24,750
You gotta give me something here.
I'm working my ass off.
186
00:12:25,825 --> 00:12:30,762
All right. To speak in magazine copy,
yes, I have it all...
187
00:12:31,664 --> 00:12:33,029
on the East Side.
188
00:12:33,332 --> 00:12:37,735
He has someone else on the West Side.
Luckily, the park provides a buffer.
189
00:12:40,473 --> 00:12:41,872
You're okay with that?
190
00:12:41,941 --> 00:12:46,378
Yes. I don't have time for a full-time man.
I have a full-time job.
191
00:12:46,879 --> 00:12:48,574
That's the key to having it all.
192
00:12:48,815 --> 00:12:52,148
Stop expecting it to look like
what you thought it would look like.
193
00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:55,979
That's true of the fall lines,
and it's true of relationships.
194
00:12:57,356 --> 00:13:00,951
Her little tip earned Enid
one invitation to my party.
195
00:13:01,727 --> 00:13:06,130
That night, Charlotte let her
perfect plus one have it all.
196
00:13:23,349 --> 00:13:26,910
She even let him stay the night
in her perfect pre-war apartment.
197
00:13:28,921 --> 00:13:31,685
Oh, yes, I ordered breakfast.
198
00:13:31,757 --> 00:13:33,725
You're too good to be true.
199
00:13:39,499 --> 00:13:43,629
Unfortunately, Charlotte was about to get
much more than she ordered.
200
00:13:48,441 --> 00:13:52,343
- Is anybody home?
- Yes. I am.
201
00:13:52,545 --> 00:13:55,912
- Hello, Charlotte.
- Bunny, what are you doing here?
202
00:13:55,982 --> 00:13:58,246
The question is, what are you doing here?
203
00:13:58,317 --> 00:14:03,084
- I'm hearing things from the co-op board.
- They're spying on me?
204
00:14:03,356 --> 00:14:08,191
Mrs. Collier saw you kissing a male caller
in the hall in the middle of the day.
205
00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:10,422
I believe that kissing is allowed.
206
00:14:10,496 --> 00:14:13,260
And Mrs. Pierce said a gentleman...
207
00:14:13,332 --> 00:14:16,426
we assume it was the same one,
but who knows...
208
00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:20,604
came home with you last night.
And according to the doorman...
209
00:14:21,874 --> 00:14:23,136
he hasn't left yet.
210
00:14:23,209 --> 00:14:27,578
- What I do with my life in my apartment...
- That's the thing, dear.
211
00:14:27,647 --> 00:14:31,139
- It's not your apartment.
- Trey gave me this apartment.
212
00:14:31,217 --> 00:14:35,950
It's not Trey's to give. And this apartment
remains in the MacDougal name...
213
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:40,015
whereas you, Charlotte York, do not.
214
00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:42,893
So, you see, it's rather a sticky subject...
215
00:14:42,962 --> 00:14:45,931
made stickier by the fact
that you're still married.
216
00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:51,392
- You're married?
- I'm not married. I'm separated.
217
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:54,098
Aren't you missing a pair of trousers?
218
00:14:55,775 --> 00:14:59,302
- You have to go.
- Don't you hustle me out, young lady.
219
00:14:59,679 --> 00:15:01,146
This is Chanel.
220
00:15:02,481 --> 00:15:06,110
Charlotte discovered that a plus one,
plus one ex-mother-in-law...
221
00:15:06,719 --> 00:15:08,414
equals disaster.
222
00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:13,217
Meanwhile, I was manning Party Central.
223
00:15:18,297 --> 00:15:20,390
Anthony is going to be my date to the party.
224
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:23,230
What happened to this perfect plus one
we all had to meet?
225
00:15:23,302 --> 00:15:25,634
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Sweetie, what...
226
00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:27,935
That's my call waiting. Hang on a sec.
227
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:31,840
No, I can't. That's the locksmith.
Bunny's back.
228
00:15:34,614 --> 00:15:38,607
- I'm definitely on the list, correct?
- Of course you're on the list.
229
00:15:38,684 --> 00:15:42,245
- Good, 'cause I'm bringing my boyfriend.
- Yes, I heard.
230
00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:45,415
I don't want to seem like a nobody,
now that I have a somebody.
231
00:15:45,491 --> 00:15:48,051
It's okay to be a nobody
when you have nobody?
232
00:15:48,127 --> 00:15:50,527
Apparently, you're nobody till
somebody loves you.
233
00:15:50,596 --> 00:15:54,657
I can't believe I used to like that song.
It's the co-dependent national anthem.
234
00:15:54,834 --> 00:15:59,533
- Methinks someone's a little jealy.
- I just miss having you as my plus one.
235
00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:02,299
The gay guy is the single gal's safety net.
236
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:05,469
Even Charlotte has a gay plus one,
and this is my big night.
237
00:16:05,544 --> 00:16:10,447
- Her little boy bitch Anthony is coming?
- Yes, he's coming. He styled the event.
238
00:16:10,816 --> 00:16:12,807
Good. I'm glad he'll be there.
239
00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:16,013
'Cause he's bringing a woman,
and I have it all.
240
00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:18,682
- I have a call. See you tonight.
- Okay, ciao.
241
00:16:19,525 --> 00:16:23,461
- Hello?
- Honey, I've had a little something done...
242
00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:26,828
and it's not as bad as yesterday...
243
00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:31,463
but I've looked better.
244
00:16:33,439 --> 00:16:36,431
I'm not sure I should go to the party.
245
00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:41,003
You have to. You're my publicist. Thanks to
you, there's going to be 8,000 people there.
246
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,277
I would like to see at least one familiar face.
247
00:16:45,851 --> 00:16:47,819
I need you. I can't talk to the press.
248
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:49,980
I can't keep everyone straight.
249
00:16:50,122 --> 00:16:53,023
And you said you'd be my plus one.
250
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:57,327
All right. Don't worry about a thing.
251
00:16:57,863 --> 00:17:00,696
- I'll be there.
- Okay. Thank you.
252
00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:20,247
The party was one of those amazing events
that would definitely end up on page 6.
253
00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:25,553
The fact that it was my party
was just icing on the beautiful little cakes...
254
00:17:25,858 --> 00:17:29,157
that were being passed around
by beautiful little waiters.
255
00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:32,421
Congratulations! Carrie, one more!
256
00:17:33,632 --> 00:17:35,361
Carrie, right here!
257
00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:42,296
Oh, my God, Carrie!
258
00:17:46,779 --> 00:17:47,803
Can you believe this?
259
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,405
Is it a bad thing
if the party is better than the book?
260
00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:53,748
I've been turning people away.
Not the straight men, of course.
261
00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:57,346
Have you seen Samantha?
Vanity Fair doesn't have a table.
262
00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:59,391
Not your problem. Enjoy.
263
00:18:00,259 --> 00:18:01,556
Cute guy.
264
00:18:05,698 --> 00:18:08,758
Hello, Carrie. I'm Harold Keenan
of The New Yorker.
265
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:12,361
I've been following your career.
Let me just say congratulations.
266
00:18:12,438 --> 00:18:15,430
Carrie, I'm here!
267
00:18:18,711 --> 00:18:20,736
You look amazing.
268
00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:26,780
Harold Keenan from The New Yorker.
This is Samantha Jones, bee-keeper.
269
00:18:26,852 --> 00:18:30,652
What are you doing under there?
Talk to the man. Let him see your face.
270
00:18:34,794 --> 00:18:38,389
There she was. My plus one.
Minus one layer of skin.
271
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:42,457
Hi, I've had a chemical peel.
I'm Carrie's publicist.
272
00:18:47,206 --> 00:18:49,265
Could you at least
separate the two thoughts...
273
00:18:49,341 --> 00:18:52,742
chemical peel, Carrie's publicist?
Why did you do this?
274
00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:54,541
It was an impulse purchase.
275
00:18:54,613 --> 00:18:58,014
Gum is an impulse purchase.
This is more than gum.
276
00:18:58,117 --> 00:19:00,108
I wanted to be super-fresh for the party.
277
00:19:00,186 --> 00:19:03,519
Well, you are. You look like Beef Carpaccio.
Veil down, I think.
278
00:19:03,589 --> 00:19:07,889
No. If you knew how many dinner parties
I've sat through across from one of these.
279
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,829
- And you were able to eat?
- I'm entitled to a chemical peel.
280
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:15,827
Wait! No! The hat was good!
281
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:17,892
Women shouldn't have to hide
in the shadows...
282
00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:21,531
because they've had cosmetic surgery,
which society nearly demands of them.
283
00:19:21,607 --> 00:19:26,169
Make that political statement elsewhere.
This is my party, and you're scaring people.
284
00:19:28,314 --> 00:19:31,841
- I've had a chemical peel.
- And she's not afraid to say it.
285
00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:34,943
When I had my nose job,
I stayed in for a month.
286
00:19:38,023 --> 00:19:41,720
Excuse us. We have to go find Charlotte
and her tiny little friend.
287
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:45,964
We were just getting to know each other.
I was planning on telling him.
288
00:19:46,031 --> 00:19:50,627
You can wrap it up in a Tiffany bow,
but the point is you wanted to get laid first.
289
00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:55,533
- Charlotte, hello.
- Hi, Stanford. You remember Anthony.
290
00:19:58,177 --> 00:20:02,375
You tried to fix us up at the fashion show.
I didn't know he'd be here.
291
00:20:02,715 --> 00:20:05,843
This is Marcus, my boyfriend.
292
00:20:05,985 --> 00:20:08,681
Really? How long you two
been going together?
293
00:20:08,988 --> 00:20:10,353
Four months.
294
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:13,183
Four whole months. Good luck to you.
295
00:20:14,026 --> 00:20:16,392
We don't need luck. We're in love.
296
00:20:17,997 --> 00:20:19,157
Shrimp!
297
00:20:19,665 --> 00:20:22,964
For some people,
having it all is not enough.
298
00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:26,163
They need someone who missed out on it all
to be jealous.
299
00:20:26,238 --> 00:20:27,967
We're getting a house in the Hamptons.
300
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:32,101
Friggin' coconut shrimp!
What do you do with the tails? Mr. Shrimpy!
301
00:20:32,478 --> 00:20:34,469
And he has a large penis!
302
00:20:37,783 --> 00:20:39,307
Where in the Hamptons?
303
00:20:40,352 --> 00:20:43,617
From a pair of queens
to a hand still not shown...
304
00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:52,988
Maybe you and I
should go somewhere a little less crowded.
305
00:20:53,866 --> 00:20:55,993
- Like...
- Anywhere in Manhattan?
306
00:20:57,937 --> 00:21:01,703
- Your apartment?
- Yes, but...
307
00:21:03,309 --> 00:21:05,539
first I have to tell you something.
308
00:21:06,211 --> 00:21:08,611
- There's someone else.
- Sort of.
309
00:21:10,282 --> 00:21:11,510
I had a baby.
310
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:17,313
But I'm still allowed to have sex.
311
00:21:20,192 --> 00:21:23,127
Is it... mine?
312
00:21:25,798 --> 00:21:28,995
The guy's a friend
who I accidentally slept with.
313
00:21:33,606 --> 00:21:36,074
- I'm not good with kids.
- Neither am I.
314
00:21:38,711 --> 00:21:42,545
Months from now, if we're still together,
we'll figure this out.
315
00:21:42,615 --> 00:21:45,413
But for now, it's just us...
316
00:21:47,219 --> 00:21:49,414
and I'm still the same person.
317
00:21:50,823 --> 00:21:52,723
Let's go screw our brains out.
318
00:22:07,006 --> 00:22:09,099
That feels amazing!
319
00:22:10,042 --> 00:22:13,273
- You sure we won't wake him?
- He's fine.
320
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,249
Miranda was trying to prove
she could still do it all.'
321
00:22:18,317 --> 00:22:22,811
Bring home the bacon, bring home the baby,
and bring home an orgasm.
322
00:22:26,091 --> 00:22:27,456
Don't stop.
323
00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:35,163
Mommy's coming!
324
00:22:38,137 --> 00:22:40,332
I don't think I can do this.
325
00:22:40,706 --> 00:22:45,405
- I told you. I'm not a baby guy.
- Couldn't I just please come first?
326
00:23:01,460 --> 00:23:03,792
Oh, so now you stop crying.
327
00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:17,867
So, here we are.
328
00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:23,004
The night of my big party,
Miranda finally gave in to her little party...
329
00:23:23,515 --> 00:23:27,417
because she wasn't the same person.
She was plus one.
330
00:23:35,294 --> 00:23:38,491
So, a book!
Does anybody read books anymore?
331
00:23:38,564 --> 00:23:40,464
Actually, I think books are coming back.
332
00:23:40,532 --> 00:23:44,662
You can quote me on the side of a bus
if you want: "Books are back." Isaac Mizrahi.
333
00:23:44,737 --> 00:23:46,170
Okay, I'll remember that.
334
00:23:46,238 --> 00:23:47,364
Meet me.
335
00:23:47,439 --> 00:23:51,136
- Perfect party, Carrie. Congratulations.
- Worth coming downtown for?
336
00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:55,312
Was that a yes or a no?
337
00:23:56,949 --> 00:23:59,281
Last one. Thank you.
338
00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:05,384
As I looked around, I thought,
"Who needs a date?"
339
00:24:05,524 --> 00:24:07,958
I can have my cake and eat it, too.
340
00:24:10,229 --> 00:24:13,426
Then suddenly, there he was...
341
00:24:13,766 --> 00:24:17,395
Iooking cuter than I remembered
and minus one girlfriend.
342
00:24:19,605 --> 00:24:22,938
Hey, lady of the hour. You're hard to get to.
343
00:24:23,375 --> 00:24:25,866
So's the dessert tray, when it's your party.
344
00:24:25,944 --> 00:24:27,741
Just as a point of reference...
345
00:24:27,813 --> 00:24:30,907
my book party could have fit
in the coat check of your party.
346
00:24:30,983 --> 00:24:34,919
- 400 of my closest acquaintances.
- You look great.
347
00:24:36,889 --> 00:24:41,383
- I thought you couldn't make it.
- I had to come by, say congratulations.
348
00:24:45,697 --> 00:24:47,597
Thanks for coming, Berger.
349
00:24:50,636 --> 00:24:55,130
All right. Good luck with the book
and everything.
350
00:24:56,275 --> 00:24:57,503
You, too.
351
00:25:10,322 --> 00:25:14,725
- Was that the spark guy?
- Yes, it was. Jack Berger.
352
00:25:14,827 --> 00:25:18,092
- All by his lonesome.
- He is awfully cute.
353
00:25:18,297 --> 00:25:20,492
Is he? I forgot again.
354
00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:24,030
He's obviously here
because he felt something, too.
355
00:25:24,102 --> 00:25:26,866
Can you call me from a cab and tell me that?
356
00:25:27,005 --> 00:25:29,405
I love you, but your face...
357
00:25:29,474 --> 00:25:32,739
I know. The caterer just shooed me away
from the buffet.
358
00:25:33,478 --> 00:25:37,175
- Do you mind if I go home?
- I thought you'd never ask!
359
00:25:37,683 --> 00:25:39,480
Thank you for being here.
360
00:25:39,952 --> 00:25:44,548
Honey, I wouldn't have gone out
in public like this for anyone but you.
361
00:25:44,823 --> 00:25:48,054
I know. And I have to live with that.
362
00:25:55,601 --> 00:25:59,002
I might go, too.
My plus one dumped me for a shrimp waiter.
363
00:25:59,171 --> 00:26:01,571
I'd love to leave, but I have to stay.
364
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,269
I'm like the ice sculpture
the party's supposed to happen around.
365
00:26:09,715 --> 00:26:11,774
I had to let him go, correct?
366
00:26:12,918 --> 00:26:15,318
I just wish he'd told me right up front.
367
00:26:16,488 --> 00:26:19,946
The thing is, there's some things
people don't admit...
368
00:26:20,025 --> 00:26:23,051
because they just don't like
the way it sounds.
369
00:26:24,363 --> 00:26:27,127
- Like, "I'm getting divorced."
- I'm lonely.
370
00:26:29,067 --> 00:26:30,193
I am.
371
00:26:31,570 --> 00:26:33,629
The loneliness is palpable.
372
00:26:36,808 --> 00:26:39,402
- Don't tell me you invited Cliff.
- Cliff who?
373
00:26:40,445 --> 00:26:43,209
My Cliff. He's with her.
374
00:26:43,282 --> 00:26:46,479
That's him? Cliff from Primetime Stories?
375
00:26:46,551 --> 00:26:48,280
Don't make a scene!
376
00:26:48,353 --> 00:26:51,584
- Is this her side of town?
- We're below Houston!
377
00:26:51,657 --> 00:26:54,251
East Side, West Side,
who the hell knows down here?
378
00:26:54,593 --> 00:26:56,493
I am so angry.
379
00:26:57,963 --> 00:26:59,590
As it turns out...
380
00:26:59,665 --> 00:27:03,931
even the most together-woman
can't keep it together when it comes to love.
381
00:27:04,002 --> 00:27:06,562
- Who was that?
- My role model.
382
00:27:06,638 --> 00:27:10,631
Because just below the surface,
we're all raw and exposed.
383
00:27:27,526 --> 00:27:30,393
So, what was the party for?
384
00:27:32,497 --> 00:27:36,991
- Me. I have a book coming out.
- You wrote a book!
385
00:27:37,402 --> 00:27:39,962
It's just a collection of my...
386
00:27:41,940 --> 00:27:46,900
- Yes, I wrote a book.
- That's amazing! Congratulations.
387
00:27:46,979 --> 00:27:48,037
Thank you.
388
00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:50,080
It was kind of amazing.
389
00:27:50,382 --> 00:27:52,850
Why did I need a stranger
to remind me of that?
390
00:27:53,385 --> 00:27:57,151
- Where can I take you?
- Home. 73rd and...
391
00:27:57,222 --> 00:27:59,850
No, we have to celebrate this.
392
00:28:07,566 --> 00:28:08,999
Come on, rapido, Papi.
393
00:28:09,067 --> 00:28:11,365
- I want to tell him.
- Oh, no, I don't...
394
00:28:11,470 --> 00:28:14,030
- She wrote a book.
- No kidding! Congratulations.
395
00:28:14,106 --> 00:28:16,973
Gonna be in the bookstores
and everything? That's great.
396
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:19,806
If that's the case, then tonight,
the hot dogs are on me.
397
00:28:19,878 --> 00:28:23,314
- You don't have to...
- The dogs are on me. I insist.
398
00:28:23,749 --> 00:28:26,240
- Thanks.
- Sure. Have a nice weekend.
399
00:28:27,219 --> 00:28:28,709
All I could think was...
400
00:28:28,787 --> 00:28:33,383
who needs a Berger when you can get
a fabulous hot dog for 75 cents...
401
00:28:33,458 --> 00:28:34,447
or free?
402
00:28:40,565 --> 00:28:44,558
Then again, maybe there is something
to knowing they're out there.
403
00:29:01,000 --> 00:30:01,000
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