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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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When venturing out on your first blind date
in a decade...
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00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:56,964
it's crucial to have the right attitude.
3
00:00:58,739 --> 00:01:00,138
Hope for the best.
4
00:01:00,207 --> 00:01:01,936
- Ted?
- Sorry.
5
00:01:03,677 --> 00:01:05,269
Prepare for the worst.
6
00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:13,953
And who knows?
You just might be pleasantly surprised.
7
00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:21,416
Or not.
8
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I got stood up.
9
00:01:24,331 --> 00:01:27,027
Yes, I deigned to go on a blind date...
10
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,227
against all my better judgment.
11
00:01:29,302 --> 00:01:33,068
I was willing to lower myself
into the gutter...
12
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:34,300
God, I miss dating.
13
00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,899
- And then he doesn't show!
- Are you sure?
14
00:01:37,244 --> 00:01:38,905
Either he didn't show...
15
00:01:38,979 --> 00:01:41,140
or he took one look at me
and ran for the hills.
16
00:01:41,214 --> 00:01:42,909
Which is worse? I can't decide.
17
00:01:42,983 --> 00:01:44,814
I'm sure there's a good explanation.
18
00:01:44,885 --> 00:01:46,853
- We'll get to the bottom of it.
- We're there.
19
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,718
A stranger hurt my feelings.
I'd say that's scraping bottom.
20
00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:52,850
You shouldn't even be going
on blind dates. It's beneath you.
21
00:01:52,926 --> 00:01:54,450
Now, that's not true.
22
00:01:54,561 --> 00:01:58,258
I know a lot of great couples
that met on blind dates. Eric and Marcie...
23
00:01:58,331 --> 00:02:00,526
Stop. Even if he had shown up...
24
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,127
most first dates are like job interviews
with cocktails.
25
00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:05,228
I think I'm done.
26
00:02:05,305 --> 00:02:08,638
I said that yesterday about eating bread,
and I just ordered pancakes.
27
00:02:08,708 --> 00:02:12,303
Why should I risk
having a God-awful evening...
28
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:15,780
when I am guaranteed to have fun
with you guys?
29
00:02:15,849 --> 00:02:19,285
Honey, you're cute.
But I'm never gonna fuck you.
30
00:02:19,419 --> 00:02:23,082
I'm really sorry this happened to you
on your first date back out there...
31
00:02:23,156 --> 00:02:24,350
but you have to keep trying.
32
00:02:24,424 --> 00:02:28,190
I'm like Punxsutawney Phil. I came out,
I saw my shadow, and I'm going back in.
33
00:02:28,261 --> 00:02:29,250
See you next winter.
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00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:32,059
You have to take risks
so you don't wind up an old maid.
35
00:02:32,132 --> 00:02:34,100
That's right!
36
00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:36,301
Must not wind up old maid!
37
00:02:37,771 --> 00:02:40,501
Now, how am I gonna remember that?
Does anybody have a pen?
38
00:02:40,574 --> 00:02:43,338
Why do we get stuck with
"old maid" and "spinster"...
39
00:02:43,410 --> 00:02:45,970
and men get to be
"bachelors" and "playboys"?
40
00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:48,173
No matter how shriveled their dicks are.
41
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:52,084
The end. New topic.
42
00:02:52,352 --> 00:02:55,810
Charlotte's 36th birthday, Saturday night.
43
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:59,320
I say we spinsters take back Manhattan.
44
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,326
I've thought about it...
45
00:03:01,394 --> 00:03:03,954
and I've decided I'm sticking at 35.
46
00:03:04,197 --> 00:03:05,994
Because it was such a good year?
47
00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:09,194
Because I'm just not where
I thought I'd be at 36.
48
00:03:09,269 --> 00:03:12,602
- I don't feel 36, and I don't look 36, right?
- No.
49
00:03:12,772 --> 00:03:16,230
And men are much more interested
in meeting 35-year-olds.
50
00:03:16,309 --> 00:03:17,298
So I'm sticking.
51
00:03:17,377 --> 00:03:20,835
We all turned 36, like big girls.
Now it's your turn.
52
00:03:20,914 --> 00:03:25,078
Let her stick. Lying about her age
is the smartest thing she's done in years.
53
00:03:25,151 --> 00:03:29,144
Okay, then. Where are we celebrating
Charlotte's 35th birthday, the sequel?
54
00:03:29,222 --> 00:03:31,782
Sorry, today's the baby nurse's last day.
55
00:03:31,858 --> 00:03:34,156
Now you'll have to book me
a year in advance.
56
00:03:34,227 --> 00:03:36,457
- Wow, you're like Nobu.
- I can't go either.
57
00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:39,397
Richard's taking me to Atlantic City
for the weekend.
58
00:03:39,466 --> 00:03:42,094
- What'd you do wrong?
- He loves to gamble...
59
00:03:42,168 --> 00:03:45,763
and there's some kind of heavyweight
prizefight thing he wants to see.
60
00:03:45,839 --> 00:03:47,807
But we are going on his private jet.
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00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:50,274
No celebration is fine with me.
62
00:03:50,343 --> 00:03:52,311
Are you telling me we can't get together...
63
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:55,212
to celebrate Charlotte's 30-faux birthday?
64
00:03:55,715 --> 00:03:57,273
This is bullshit!
65
00:03:57,551 --> 00:04:00,679
Two nights later, with no friends available,
no dates...
66
00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:03,221
not even any good bad TV to watch...
67
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,125
This is bullshit!
68
00:04:09,629 --> 00:04:13,588
Okay, this is my third and final phone call.
69
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,932
Miranda thinks she can get Steve
to watch the baby.
70
00:04:17,003 --> 00:04:18,561
Charlotte agreed to come out...
71
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:22,472
as long as we don't mention her birthday
or the number 36.
72
00:04:22,542 --> 00:04:24,806
I'm still a little fuzzy on the rules.
73
00:04:24,878 --> 00:04:27,711
Anyway, can't you get out of Atlantic City?
74
00:04:27,781 --> 00:04:30,750
- I don't know. I'll have to ask Richard.
- Please do...
75
00:04:30,817 --> 00:04:34,014
because I am looking
at the last picture taken of the four of us...
76
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:35,850
and it is moldy.
77
00:04:35,989 --> 00:04:38,924
Miranda is wearing a blouse
with shoulder pads.
78
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:43,684
Carrie's hell-bent on getting
the four of us together Saturday night.
79
00:04:43,763 --> 00:04:46,926
Would you be terribly disappointed
if I didn't come?
80
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,558
Why not just bring them along?
81
00:04:48,635 --> 00:04:51,331
I'll arrange for comp suites,
and there's room on the jet.
82
00:04:51,404 --> 00:04:52,462
Yes!
83
00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:57,373
That Friday, I picked up my fellow jet setter
on the way to the airport.
84
00:04:59,713 --> 00:05:02,648
Under the boardwalk,
we'll be having some...
85
00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:03,705
What?
86
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,984
I can't go. I'm just...
87
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:09,084
not ready to be separated from the baby.
88
00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:11,089
- What?
- I'm kidding!
89
00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:14,792
Steve took him two hours ago.
I'm free! I'm leaving the compound!
90
00:05:14,928 --> 00:05:18,193
Don't do that to me.
I'm a 36-year-old woman.
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00:05:18,264 --> 00:05:21,461
- Come on in. I just need two seconds!
- Okay!
92
00:05:22,068 --> 00:05:23,831
Oh, man.
93
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:27,571
- Hi, Magda. How are you?
- You wanna see something beautiful?
94
00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:30,166
Come, I show you. Look at him.
95
00:05:30,777 --> 00:05:33,871
You ever see such beautiful face?
Look, here.
96
00:05:34,881 --> 00:05:35,973
So smiley.
97
00:05:39,519 --> 00:05:43,421
And here, after bath, with his little pupik.
98
00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:48,483
Okay.
99
00:05:51,297 --> 00:05:53,527
As I live and breathe...
100
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,092
Ms. Hobbes, I never thought I'd see the day.
101
00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:00,535
That's not me, that's her.
I didn't even take most of those.
102
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,201
Okay, this is the only sweater I have
that covers my ass.
103
00:06:04,678 --> 00:06:07,545
Can I can get away with this
and stretchy pants all weekend?
104
00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:12,074
Are you kidding? Atlantic City is the capital
of stretchy pants. They're mandatory there.
105
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:19,415
Hi, how you doing?
106
00:06:19,492 --> 00:06:21,687
What's wrong?
What are you doing back here?
107
00:06:21,761 --> 00:06:25,595
I thought I forgot the wipies,
but it turns out, actually...
108
00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:28,998
I don't think I can do this.
109
00:06:30,036 --> 00:06:31,128
Excuse me?
110
00:06:31,371 --> 00:06:33,362
I'm afraid I might break him or something.
111
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,103
Look, I accidentally scratched his face
with my dirty fingernail.
112
00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:41,903
It's nothing.
You've taken care of him before.
113
00:06:41,981 --> 00:06:45,644
- It's been fine.
- Yeah, but for two hours.
114
00:06:45,719 --> 00:06:49,155
For two hours I'm great,
but after two hours, I might...
115
00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:51,688
accidentally kill him.
116
00:06:52,058 --> 00:06:54,891
We're both afraid we're gonna kill the baby.
117
00:06:55,195 --> 00:06:58,255
That's a given.
But we made an agreement this week.
118
00:06:58,331 --> 00:07:00,697
Monday to Friday, I try not to kill him.
119
00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:03,327
Saturday and Sunday,
you try not to kill him.
120
00:07:04,471 --> 00:07:05,631
Wait.
121
00:07:09,109 --> 00:07:10,201
I'm sorry.
122
00:07:12,112 --> 00:07:13,374
I can't do it.
123
00:07:18,251 --> 00:07:20,185
You should go.
You're gonna miss the plane.
124
00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:24,417
No way. The four of us are going to
Atlantic City. We'll figure something out.
125
00:07:26,893 --> 00:07:28,383
Hello!
126
00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:30,895
- Sorry I'm so late!
- Hi!
127
00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,454
Charlotte, welcome aboard.
128
00:07:32,532 --> 00:07:35,831
- Where is everybody? I though I was late.
- They had a problem.
129
00:07:35,902 --> 00:07:39,030
Something with the baby.
They're meeting us down there.
130
00:07:39,105 --> 00:07:40,732
They are? But...
131
00:07:41,407 --> 00:07:44,535
So it's just going to be the three of us
for the whole flight?
132
00:07:44,611 --> 00:07:47,079
Yeah, come in. Make yourself comfortable.
133
00:07:49,449 --> 00:07:52,350
Samantha, you shouldn't have!
134
00:07:56,556 --> 00:07:57,989
It's pretty.
135
00:07:58,625 --> 00:07:59,853
But what is it?
136
00:07:59,926 --> 00:08:03,123
I'm sorry,
that was actually meant for Samantha.
137
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:08,699
- It's a pearl thong.
- For me?
138
00:08:09,335 --> 00:08:11,565
You naughty boy.
139
00:08:16,676 --> 00:08:20,578
Did I tell you I've taken up knitting?
I find it really calms my nerves.
140
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:24,774
Practical and stimulating.
What will they think of next?
141
00:08:25,218 --> 00:08:28,119
Knitting is the new yoga,
according to New York magazine.
142
00:08:28,188 --> 00:08:29,655
I'm making these for little Brady.
143
00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:33,488
Maybe later, if you're good,
I'll give you a pearl necklace to match.
144
00:08:33,726 --> 00:08:37,423
My father gave me the most beautiful
pearl necklace for my sweet 16.
145
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:41,024
Actually, we're talking about
the other kind of pearl necklace.
146
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,035
You know, when a guy decorates your neck.
147
00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:50,405
You're sure that Carrie said
they were coming down tonight?
148
00:08:51,144 --> 00:08:55,171
"Knit one, purl two" would never sound
the same to Charlotte again.
149
00:08:58,351 --> 00:09:01,809
You know, I need to go somewhere
that I've been looking forward to...
150
00:09:01,888 --> 00:09:03,685
- Excuse me.
- No.
151
00:09:03,756 --> 00:09:06,088
- That's not what I'm talking about.
- Time out.
152
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:10,255
Magda here has offered to help Steve
with the baby over the weekend.
153
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:11,729
No, that's not her job.
154
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:14,266
I'm begging you,
throw some money at the problem...
155
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:15,392
and let's hit the road.
156
00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:18,437
We've already missed the jet.
How would we get there?
157
00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:22,201
This is the final call for Atlantic City.
158
00:09:22,308 --> 00:09:25,243
Passengers should be on board
for immediate departure.
159
00:09:25,311 --> 00:09:27,108
This is pleasant.
160
00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:29,546
I think we're on the old-lady express.
161
00:09:32,552 --> 00:09:36,545
- Where are all the old men?
- Dead, or married to 20-year-olds.
162
00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,891
I am so excited.
163
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:42,052
I have been dreaming about
being alone with these for months.
164
00:09:42,128 --> 00:09:44,528
I love that The New Yorker is your porn.
165
00:09:45,465 --> 00:09:47,797
Do think we'll still be friends
when we're this old?
166
00:09:47,867 --> 00:09:50,631
- Sure.
- What do you mean, "sure"?
167
00:09:50,803 --> 00:09:52,964
I could barely get us together
for the weekend...
168
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,506
and we're all still mobile.
169
00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:58,842
Hey, New Yorker, I'm talking to you.
170
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:03,574
How are we gonna make it to 70
if you've already zoned me out?
171
00:10:04,217 --> 00:10:05,980
Okay, I'm listening. Talk fast.
172
00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:09,180
I'm serious.
Friendships don't magically last 40 years.
173
00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:11,018
You have to invest in them.
174
00:10:11,424 --> 00:10:12,789
It's like your savings.
175
00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:15,089
You don't expect to wake up one day, old...
176
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,391
and find a big bucket of money
waiting there.
177
00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:19,431
Did you finally open that IRA?
178
00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:21,933
No, my point is...
179
00:10:22,368 --> 00:10:25,826
we need an emotional retirement plan.
180
00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:27,299
This is important...
181
00:10:27,373 --> 00:10:30,103
making time for each other
and taking trips like this.
182
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:33,443
Because as we can see here,
at the end of the line...
183
00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:36,573
it's just gonna be us ladies riding a bus.
184
00:10:38,151 --> 00:10:39,675
I'm so happy right now.
185
00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:43,688
Atlantic City departing at gate 104.
186
00:10:48,828 --> 00:10:51,956
Two New Yorker magazines
and two knit booties later...
187
00:10:52,065 --> 00:10:56,161
we all arrived at the understated
Taj Mahal casino.
188
00:10:59,138 --> 00:11:01,606
Here it is, ladies, Atlantic City!
189
00:11:02,008 --> 00:11:05,034
Breathe deep and take it all in.
190
00:11:08,681 --> 00:11:11,445
God, I've missed this.
191
00:11:12,385 --> 00:11:14,751
- Yeah.
- I thought you'd never been here before.
192
00:11:14,821 --> 00:11:17,085
I'm referring to the cigarette smoke.
193
00:11:17,423 --> 00:11:20,153
- Look at all the old ladies.
- This is nothing.
194
00:11:20,226 --> 00:11:23,059
- You should have been on the bus with us.
- I wish I had been.
195
00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,563
Please, a little harmless
over-the-bra action...
196
00:11:25,631 --> 00:11:27,895
and Miss Priss here
is running for a parachute.
197
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:30,333
Have you ever heard of a pearl necklace?
198
00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:32,159
I'm hitting the slots.
199
00:11:32,238 --> 00:11:34,365
I told Richard I'd stop by his baccarat game.
200
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,638
Not so fast. We'll take care of all that later.
But right now...
201
00:11:38,845 --> 00:11:41,405
I'm taking my ladies to dinner.
202
00:11:41,514 --> 00:11:44,381
That's right. It's on me. Steak? You got it.
203
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:45,883
Lobster? Coming right up.
204
00:11:45,952 --> 00:11:48,580
Nothing is too fancy...
205
00:11:48,654 --> 00:11:51,088
for my Atlantic City ladies.
206
00:11:56,162 --> 00:11:59,325
We have got to get a picture here.
This place is fantastic.
207
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,094
Is that a euphemism for tacky?
208
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:02,759
It's chandelierious.
209
00:12:02,835 --> 00:12:04,928
Would it be bad to order more sour cream?
210
00:12:05,004 --> 00:12:07,529
No! Eat your heart out. You're on vacation.
211
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,431
I almost forgot about Charlotte's present.
212
00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:13,111
- It's tomorrow, and I said I didn't...
- Relax!
213
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:15,545
I bought it in the gift shop for $3.99.
214
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:26,121
Old Maid? Is this supposed to be funny?
215
00:12:26,192 --> 00:12:30,219
Of course it's supposed to be funny.
You couldn't be farther from an old maid.
216
00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:33,823
I remember her looking a lot older.
She looks about our age now.
217
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:36,065
She's had work done.
218
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:39,593
So, here's where all the bathing beauties
are hiding.
219
00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:41,333
Oh, you flatterer.
220
00:12:42,408 --> 00:12:45,172
My poker game is about to start.
Would you like to join me?
221
00:12:45,244 --> 00:12:47,542
I don't think so.
I think I'll stay with the girls.
222
00:12:47,613 --> 00:12:48,602
All right.
223
00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:50,808
Hey, Richard,
welcome back to the Taj Mahal.
224
00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:53,215
- How are you?
- Very well, Denise. Thank you.
225
00:12:53,853 --> 00:12:58,256
Hello, Denise. I'm Samantha.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
226
00:12:58,357 --> 00:13:00,222
If you ladies will excuse me...
227
00:13:00,293 --> 00:13:02,818
there are five gentlemen
waiting to take my money.
228
00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:04,988
- I'll walk you out.
- Thank you.
229
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,463
That reminds me, I have to pump soon.
230
00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:12,026
- Yeah, who picked this breastaurant?
- Cleavage is big here.
231
00:13:12,105 --> 00:13:14,232
It's part of the regional charm.
232
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:17,342
All right. I propose a toast.
233
00:13:18,811 --> 00:13:21,336
To the four of us. May we always...
234
00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:24,872
I think I will join Richard after all.
Good night.
235
00:13:29,722 --> 00:13:32,384
Ladies, would you like
a souvenir photograph?
236
00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:35,886
No. It was supposed to be of the four of us.
237
00:13:35,962 --> 00:13:38,294
Now one of us has a puss on.
238
00:13:39,866 --> 00:13:40,855
Thanks.
239
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:43,626
When are we gonna go gamble?
240
00:13:44,036 --> 00:13:46,231
Come on. Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
241
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,073
Seven! Winner!
242
00:13:51,144 --> 00:13:54,136
Okay, you won! Let's go find Samantha.
243
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,181
- But I'm winning.
- That's why you should leave now.
244
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,239
I don't wanna leave.
245
00:13:58,317 --> 00:14:01,184
I've been here a half-hour.
No one's offered to buy us drinks.
246
00:14:01,254 --> 00:14:04,849
- They're free.
- Hey, blondie, blow my dice for luck.
247
00:14:05,391 --> 00:14:09,350
No. I don't know how to play the game.
Let her do it.
248
00:14:09,729 --> 00:14:11,526
No, get the hot one.
249
00:14:11,597 --> 00:14:14,623
I want you. You're my lucky blonde. Blow.
250
00:14:17,436 --> 00:14:18,869
All right.
251
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,939
I'm looking for a five, shooter!
Five to stay alive.
252
00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:25,272
Come on.
253
00:14:28,748 --> 00:14:30,238
Fuck, I lost.
254
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:33,750
You just won me $12,000, blondie.
255
00:14:34,487 --> 00:14:35,613
Here.
256
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,490
Oh, my God.
257
00:14:42,862 --> 00:14:45,660
- I can't accept this.
- It's yours, blondie.
258
00:14:45,965 --> 00:14:48,297
Get in the game. Have some fun.
259
00:14:49,135 --> 00:14:50,124
Come on.
260
00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:55,166
What'll you do with that?
You gonna gamble?
261
00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:56,868
It's $1,000!
262
00:14:56,976 --> 00:15:00,742
- "The hot one." Did you hear that?
- It could be a lot more. I could coach you.
263
00:15:00,813 --> 00:15:03,179
"Lucky blonde." It's so sexist.
264
00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:07,616
- It's found money. What've you got to lose?
- $1,000, and that would not make me happy.
265
00:15:07,687 --> 00:15:10,713
What would make all of us happy, I believe...
266
00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:14,556
is to go see ZZ Top
in the Magic Carpet room.
267
00:15:15,561 --> 00:15:17,051
I think I'm gonna pass.
268
00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:20,360
I got pay-per-view and a frozen Milky Way
waiting for me in my room.
269
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:23,800
What? A minute ago,
you were bouncing off the walls!
270
00:15:23,869 --> 00:15:27,270
This is what I'm like nowadays.
I stop for a minute, I have to lie down.
271
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:28,329
Good night.
272
00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:32,741
You can't go to sleep!
273
00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:36,077
In five minutes, Charlotte turns 35 again!
274
00:15:36,382 --> 00:15:37,747
Good night!
275
00:15:39,385 --> 00:15:43,651
Charlotte went to sleep that night
with a $1,000 chip on her shoulder.
276
00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:48,622
As a rule, the easier a game is
to understand...
277
00:15:48,694 --> 00:15:51,788
the greater the house edge,
and roulette is no exception.
278
00:15:51,864 --> 00:15:54,526
The house edge on all bets is 1/19...
279
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,431
or 5.26%...
280
00:15:56,502 --> 00:15:59,437
except for a 0-00-1-2-3 combination...
281
00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:02,333
which carries a house edge of 7.89% .
282
00:16:02,408 --> 00:16:06,037
People go to casinos for the same reason
they go on blind dates.'
283
00:16:06,112 --> 00:16:08,171
Hoping to hit the jackpot.
284
00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:11,808
But mostly you just wind up broke
or alone in a bar.
285
00:16:12,251 --> 00:16:14,776
If we know the house always wins...
286
00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:17,186
why gamble?
287
00:16:23,496 --> 00:16:25,987
The next morning,
Richard and Samantha awoke...
288
00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:28,192
in the comfort of the Kubla Khan Suite.
289
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,633
How long do you think
you'll be off with the girls?
290
00:16:30,703 --> 00:16:33,695
All day probably. What are your plans?
291
00:16:34,974 --> 00:16:36,839
I haven't decided yet.
292
00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:45,509
- I'm sorry to interrupt, Richard.
- It's not a problem, Terry.
293
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:49,110
Apparently, there were no old maids
at the Taj Mahal.
294
00:16:49,255 --> 00:16:50,586
Terry, was it?
295
00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:55,355
That ought to be easy to remember.
Terry, with her terrycloth towels.
296
00:16:56,028 --> 00:16:59,623
Samantha had the distinct feeling
she was being Kubla-conned.
297
00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:01,030
Thank you.
298
00:17:07,139 --> 00:17:11,576
Samantha, you're not actually jealous
of a casino cleaning lady, are you?
299
00:17:11,711 --> 00:17:16,171
No. I just find it impressive
that you know the name and cup size...
300
00:17:16,248 --> 00:17:20,150
- of every woman who works here.
- I know the male employees' names as well.
301
00:17:20,686 --> 00:17:24,554
It doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with them.
Aren't you keeping the girls waiting?
302
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:28,352
Hi, I'm Samantha.
303
00:17:29,829 --> 00:17:31,854
Can I get you some towels?
304
00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:33,828
A chocolate for your pillow?
305
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:40,263
- A blowjob?
- Yes, but not necessarily in that order.
306
00:17:45,411 --> 00:17:48,938
Meanwhile, Charlotte's encore
35th birthday...
307
00:17:49,014 --> 00:17:51,141
was off to a running start.
308
00:18:01,193 --> 00:18:03,525
There she was, an old maid.
309
00:18:04,964 --> 00:18:06,727
And it wasn't funny.
310
00:18:08,467 --> 00:18:12,130
Three hours later, I was still waiting
for our foursome to come together.
311
00:18:12,204 --> 00:18:15,469
- Here we go. This is the spin.
- Yes, you're quite the spinster.
312
00:18:15,541 --> 00:18:18,874
Sorry I'm late. I've been fucking Richard
for the past three hours.
313
00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:21,344
- I think he's fucked out now.
- Is he still breathing?
314
00:18:21,414 --> 00:18:24,281
It was defensive fucking. I had no choice.
315
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:28,411
There are cheap-looking whores
flying at him from every direction here.
316
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:44,994
There she was.' "Miss Atlantic Slutty."
317
00:18:46,906 --> 00:18:50,842
- Charlotte, are you in there?
- No, but I think Harlot is.
318
00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:53,071
I didn't like any of the clothes I packed...
319
00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:55,670
so I picked something up
at one of the casino shops.
320
00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:59,309
Those are for women who have lost
all their money and have to turn tricks.
321
00:18:59,385 --> 00:19:01,114
- Does this gal gamble?
- Yeah!
322
00:19:01,187 --> 00:19:02,745
Okay, let's go.
323
00:19:06,459 --> 00:19:10,293
No wonder the house always wins.
These guys are smothered in breasts.
324
00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:14,890
I don't know what I was thinking,
bringing a cheating man to "Atlantic Titty."
325
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,332
Put your bets down.
326
00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:19,860
- What you doing down there?
- It's the pearl thong.
327
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:22,305
It's good for foreplay.
Not so good for post-play.
328
00:19:22,374 --> 00:19:23,773
All bets in?
329
00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:25,635
You bet it all?
330
00:19:25,711 --> 00:19:27,736
You gotta play big if you wanna win big.
331
00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:29,474
Ma'am, would you like a hit?
332
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:31,040
Over.
333
00:19:31,116 --> 00:19:34,244
- We just lost big.
- It's all part of the fun.
334
00:19:34,687 --> 00:19:36,848
We're gonna need your chip.
335
00:19:37,857 --> 00:19:38,846
Who, me?
336
00:19:38,924 --> 00:19:41,950
You're sitting on $1,000.
Don't make me hit the ATM again.
337
00:19:42,027 --> 00:19:44,552
- Haven't we lost enough?
- We're just getting started.
338
00:19:44,630 --> 00:19:46,188
Are you playing this hand, or what?
339
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:49,757
Ladies, if you're not gonna play,
you're gonna have to give up your seats.
340
00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:54,938
It's okay, sir, we're leaving,
but would you mind taking our picture first?
341
00:19:55,007 --> 00:19:57,669
- Wait, I need lipstick.
- I'm not allowed to do that.
342
00:19:57,743 --> 00:20:01,804
Jesus Christ, it's not Disneyland.
Hey, Red, move your fat ass.
343
00:20:06,585 --> 00:20:10,385
- What did you just say to her?
- Who the hell do you think you are?
344
00:20:10,456 --> 00:20:13,152
- Fuck you.
- Get in the game, or get out.
345
00:20:13,225 --> 00:20:16,524
- Guys, let's go. It's okay.
- No!
346
00:20:16,795 --> 00:20:19,229
It is most certainly not okay!
347
00:20:19,298 --> 00:20:23,029
Listen, you big jerk,
her ass isn't normally this big!
348
00:20:24,236 --> 00:20:25,294
Yes.
349
00:20:25,538 --> 00:20:27,130
Thank you, I almost forgot.
350
00:20:27,206 --> 00:20:31,040
My ass is fat because I just had a baby,
you asshole!
351
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:34,705
- What's your excuse?
- Yeah. You having triplets?
352
00:20:37,249 --> 00:20:38,773
Come on, let's go.
353
00:20:40,953 --> 00:20:43,649
The Lennox Lewis match
sold out that night...
354
00:20:43,722 --> 00:20:46,350
but our heavyweight fight
caused a bigger stir.
355
00:20:46,425 --> 00:20:48,552
Guys, I think I'm gonna go upstairs.
356
00:20:48,627 --> 00:20:51,494
Come on, they're just idiots. Don't go.
357
00:20:51,564 --> 00:20:53,759
I'm tired. I'm sorry, Charlotte.
Happy birthday.
358
00:20:53,832 --> 00:20:56,995
Please stay.
Come on, you can have my chip.
359
00:20:57,503 --> 00:20:58,595
It's Richard.
360
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:01,162
Hello. Really?
361
00:21:02,575 --> 00:21:06,011
- Do you think I should go talk to her?
- No, I think she'll be all right.
362
00:21:06,078 --> 00:21:09,013
Sure, I'll go with one of the girls. Ciao!
363
00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:12,379
He had a sudden conference call
and can't go to the fight.
364
00:21:12,451 --> 00:21:14,282
"Go with the girls." Right.
365
00:21:14,353 --> 00:21:17,151
So he can stay in the room
and get serviced by room service.
366
00:21:17,222 --> 00:21:18,621
We'll see about that.
367
00:21:25,531 --> 00:21:26,520
Shit.
368
00:21:37,009 --> 00:21:40,706
Under other circumstances,
running stairs in a pearl thong...
369
00:21:40,779 --> 00:21:43,407
would have been Samantha's idea
of a good time.
370
00:21:43,482 --> 00:21:45,074
But by the eighth floor...
371
00:21:45,150 --> 00:21:48,415
somewhere between pissed off
and getting off...
372
00:21:48,621 --> 00:21:51,021
she had to take it off.
373
00:22:00,032 --> 00:22:01,693
Yes, thank you, I will.
374
00:22:02,134 --> 00:22:03,624
No one's here?
375
00:22:06,405 --> 00:22:09,340
- What's going on?
- I can't do this anymore.
376
00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:11,175
That's what's going on.
377
00:22:11,243 --> 00:22:13,234
I just ran up eleven flights of stairs...
378
00:22:13,312 --> 00:22:16,281
because I was sure you were up here
fucking someone else.
379
00:22:16,348 --> 00:22:17,838
As you can see, I'm not.
380
00:22:17,916 --> 00:22:22,319
Right now you're not.
But you were, and you will again.
381
00:22:22,388 --> 00:22:26,256
And I can't spend my life running
up and down stairs wondering when.
382
00:22:27,126 --> 00:22:29,390
I thought I could handle this, but I can't.
383
00:22:30,029 --> 00:22:31,155
I'm too old.
384
00:22:32,164 --> 00:22:33,893
I'm 37, after all.
385
00:22:36,835 --> 00:22:40,271
I told you I'd do my best
never to hurt you again, and I meant it.
386
00:22:40,339 --> 00:22:42,239
Right. Your best.
387
00:22:43,308 --> 00:22:46,072
Samantha, I love you.
388
00:22:46,645 --> 00:22:48,510
I love you, too, Richard...
389
00:22:48,947 --> 00:22:50,437
but I love me more.
390
00:22:57,623 --> 00:22:59,648
And there, high above the casino...
391
00:22:59,725 --> 00:23:04,162
Samantha pulled her highest bet,
her heart, off the table.
392
00:23:15,207 --> 00:23:18,643
And just when Samantha thought
she might have folded too soon...
393
00:23:23,849 --> 00:23:27,546
One drink here, and then we should see
the boardwalk before it gets too dark.
394
00:23:28,887 --> 00:23:31,981
- Can we buy you a drink?
- Would you like to sit down?
395
00:23:32,057 --> 00:23:33,991
- That would be nice.
- No, we're fine.
396
00:23:34,893 --> 00:23:36,690
So, you having a good time?
397
00:23:36,762 --> 00:23:39,390
Yes, actually, today is my birthday.
398
00:23:41,433 --> 00:23:43,901
- Now it's your birthday.
- Happy Birthday.
399
00:23:45,537 --> 00:23:49,598
- So, what are your names?
- Can you just... One second?
400
00:23:50,109 --> 00:23:53,010
- What is the point of this?
- I thought you wanted a drink.
401
00:23:53,078 --> 00:23:56,070
Can I please have a word with you alone?
402
00:23:57,116 --> 00:23:58,242
Sure.
403
00:23:59,284 --> 00:24:01,047
We'll be right back.
404
00:24:01,420 --> 00:24:02,910
It's Charlotte.
405
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,588
The one in black's cute.
406
00:24:09,661 --> 00:24:13,620
I didn't leave Manhattan for a double date
with two guys we'll never see again.
407
00:24:13,699 --> 00:24:16,031
You don't know that.
You didn't even talk to them.
408
00:24:16,101 --> 00:24:20,265
I don't want to talk to them. I would
rather have a real conversation with you.
409
00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:23,308
Can't we just have one drink?
It might be fun.
410
00:24:24,877 --> 00:24:26,139
They're gone.
411
00:24:29,081 --> 00:24:30,605
Problem solved.
412
00:24:32,751 --> 00:24:36,209
Twenty minutes later,
we were out of the dark and into the light.
413
00:24:36,789 --> 00:24:39,758
Isn't this amazing?
It's like a postcard from the '20s.
414
00:24:40,225 --> 00:24:43,456
We couldn't have had one drink?
What's the harm in having one drink?
415
00:24:43,529 --> 00:24:45,394
I can't believe you're still upset.
416
00:24:45,464 --> 00:24:48,092
What role did you think
they would play in our lives?
417
00:24:48,167 --> 00:24:51,330
- Who knows? We might have hit it off.
- Come on.
418
00:24:51,403 --> 00:24:53,337
Let's look at the odds realistically.
419
00:24:53,405 --> 00:24:56,067
How many guys do we ever hit it off with?
420
00:24:56,141 --> 00:24:59,133
Very few, and even if we do,
those relationships don't last.
421
00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:02,203
Even if they did, men die first,
so we're back where we started.
422
00:25:02,281 --> 00:25:04,841
I say we skip all the drama...
423
00:25:04,917 --> 00:25:07,909
and just enjoy each other's company...
424
00:25:08,287 --> 00:25:09,515
now.
425
00:25:10,489 --> 00:25:12,923
But I don't want to skip all the drama.
426
00:25:12,991 --> 00:25:14,788
That's life, that's everything...
427
00:25:14,860 --> 00:25:18,057
that's relationships,
and anniversaries, and kids.
428
00:25:18,197 --> 00:25:20,722
And I want all that,
in addition to my friends.
429
00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:23,495
That sounds wonderful,
but don't bank on it happening.
430
00:25:27,239 --> 00:25:29,366
You must be cold. I'll meet you at the hotel.
431
00:25:29,441 --> 00:25:32,069
I'm going to get some saltwater taffy.
432
00:25:34,279 --> 00:25:37,077
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm dying for it.
433
00:25:38,383 --> 00:25:40,476
Watch the tram car, please.
434
00:25:50,729 --> 00:25:54,028
By my fifth piece of peppermint taffy,
I realized...
435
00:25:54,166 --> 00:25:56,828
maybe I wasn't banking on my friends.
436
00:25:56,902 --> 00:25:58,392
I was hiding in them.
437
00:25:58,470 --> 00:26:02,304
You ready for a swim?
Got your bathing suit on under there?
438
00:26:02,374 --> 00:26:05,468
Yeah, it's a bikini. You'll love it.
439
00:26:05,611 --> 00:26:07,772
I was kind of hoping for a skinny-dip.
440
00:26:07,846 --> 00:26:11,577
You know there's nothing skinny
about either of us.
441
00:26:12,050 --> 00:26:13,483
Should we go back?
442
00:26:13,552 --> 00:26:15,884
In a minute. It's almost sunset.
443
00:26:18,290 --> 00:26:20,155
You and your pink sky.
444
00:26:36,541 --> 00:26:39,772
Then again, maybe there are some things
worth gambling on.
445
00:26:46,184 --> 00:26:48,379
Back inside, I had a thought.
446
00:26:48,587 --> 00:26:50,885
To hit the jackpot in the future...
447
00:26:50,956 --> 00:26:54,221
you might have to bet on
where you are in the present.
448
00:26:54,293 --> 00:26:56,921
Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.
449
00:26:57,829 --> 00:26:59,626
What happens after 36?
450
00:26:59,698 --> 00:27:02,724
I don't know. I guess you fall off the table.
451
00:27:07,973 --> 00:27:11,033
All right, no more bets. Here we go.
452
00:27:13,745 --> 00:27:15,440
Twenty-nine!
453
00:27:15,514 --> 00:27:17,072
The winner is...
454
00:27:17,582 --> 00:27:19,607
number 29!
455
00:27:33,198 --> 00:27:36,190
I can't believe
you gambled all that money away.
456
00:27:36,268 --> 00:27:39,465
- We could be in a limo right now.
- You told me to.
457
00:27:39,871 --> 00:27:42,271
I thought we were taking the jet.
458
00:27:42,741 --> 00:27:44,902
You couldn't have broken up
with him tomorrow?
459
00:27:44,977 --> 00:27:46,945
What, and lose my dignity?
460
00:27:48,814 --> 00:27:51,339
Don't let me have any more of these.
461
00:27:52,284 --> 00:27:54,115
Anyone up for playing Old Maid?
462
00:27:54,186 --> 00:27:55,380
Aren't we?
463
00:27:57,656 --> 00:27:59,055
- I'm in.
- I'm in.
464
00:27:59,124 --> 00:28:00,386
Oh, wait!
465
00:28:02,127 --> 00:28:04,118
Oh, my God!
466
00:28:04,763 --> 00:28:07,698
Excuse me,
would you mind taking our picture?
467
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,328
This is a moment
we're gonna want to remember.
468
00:28:14,973 --> 00:28:16,634
Turns out it was.
469
00:28:41,000 --> 00:29:41,000
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