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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked) by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew 1 00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:49,520 There are a million reasons to celebrate in New York City. 2 00:00:49,596 --> 00:00:53,532 Steve no longer having testicular cancer was just one of them. 3 00:00:55,135 --> 00:00:57,569 I only have one ball left. 4 00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:04,208 I don't care who wins, it's me and you after this, buddy. 5 00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:05,800 Great! 6 00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:08,643 It all comes down to just one little ball. 7 00:01:10,417 --> 00:01:12,044 Who wants a beer? 8 00:01:17,858 --> 00:01:19,120 Samantha? 9 00:01:23,497 --> 00:01:24,759 One ball? 10 00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:30,903 - I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Was he upset? - Embarrassed, I think. 11 00:01:30,971 --> 00:01:33,496 Nothing to be embarrassed about. He's still got one. 12 00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:35,768 Miranda, they come in a set, like earrings. 13 00:01:35,842 --> 00:01:38,936 He's doing great. I'd have been sitting at home all depressed. 14 00:01:39,012 --> 00:01:41,537 Explain that. Tell me why you'd be depressed... 15 00:01:41,615 --> 00:01:45,107 if you were perfectly healthy, but had to go through life without balls. 16 00:01:45,185 --> 00:01:46,777 I was talking to Aidan. 17 00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:50,880 Maybe it's bullshit, but I might feel like less of a man or something. 18 00:01:50,957 --> 00:01:54,393 A couple of hanging glands has nothing to do with making somebody a man. 19 00:01:54,461 --> 00:01:55,450 She's right. 20 00:01:55,529 --> 00:01:58,657 I once went out with this guy, the biggest balls I've ever seen... 21 00:01:58,732 --> 00:02:00,063 complete pussy. 22 00:02:00,133 --> 00:02:03,933 - How big? - Huge, I could barely fit one in my mouth. 23 00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:07,299 Welcome to my world. 24 00:02:07,374 --> 00:02:11,470 The irony is that I don't think women care that much about balls. 25 00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:13,843 I know I don't. Do you, Carrie? 26 00:02:14,214 --> 00:02:16,808 Except for yours, darling. I'm very into yours. 27 00:02:16,883 --> 00:02:20,046 I have never met a man who wasn't into his balls. 28 00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,120 "Yeah, baby, that's it. 29 00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:25,124 "Grab my big balls, lick them, pull them." 30 00:02:25,192 --> 00:02:26,921 You pull the balls? 31 00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:30,027 They like it. I went out with this guy... 32 00:02:30,297 --> 00:02:32,891 - I'm sure you did. - Wait, please let her finish. 33 00:02:32,966 --> 00:02:34,331 She's done. 34 00:02:34,468 --> 00:02:37,062 Now, I'm thinking balls are to men... 35 00:02:37,304 --> 00:02:39,067 what purses are to women. 36 00:02:39,139 --> 00:02:40,766 It's just a little bag... 37 00:02:40,841 --> 00:02:43,469 but we'd feel naked in public without it. 38 00:02:43,543 --> 00:02:44,840 Samantha Jones. 39 00:02:47,347 --> 00:02:49,941 - How are you? - Great! 40 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,445 Everyone, this is... 41 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,585 - Allan Jannis. - Allan Jannis, right, we... 42 00:02:56,656 --> 00:02:59,318 - Fucked! - Fucked, right. 43 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,053 I knew I knew you! 44 00:03:01,361 --> 00:03:03,295 - How the hell are you? - Not bad. 45 00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:05,661 Just designed the new Richard Wright hotel. 46 00:03:05,732 --> 00:03:09,429 I've been trying to get a meeting with him for months. Who's doing his P.R.? 47 00:03:09,503 --> 00:03:12,802 - I think he's talking to Brad Rosen. - He's a hack. 48 00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:15,034 - Get me a meeting? - I'll do what I can. 49 00:03:15,108 --> 00:03:17,474 - Good seeing you... - Allan. 50 00:03:17,544 --> 00:03:18,738 I know! 51 00:03:23,617 --> 00:03:27,053 And up on Park Avenue, a different reason for celebrating. 52 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,089 So, I told him, when I hire a contractor to do a job... 53 00:03:30,156 --> 00:03:33,319 - I expect him to finish on time. - Good, honey, good! 54 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,960 Sometimes they just need to hear it from a man. 55 00:03:36,029 --> 00:03:38,361 A little more Mu Shu, my Mu Shu. 56 00:03:38,665 --> 00:03:40,132 I saw my doctor today... 57 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,431 and I told her how frustrated we were that we weren't pregnant yet. 58 00:03:43,503 --> 00:03:44,527 Wonton? 59 00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:48,335 She said that the easiest thing to do would be to test your sperm. 60 00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:52,376 Charlotte, I'm eating. 61 00:03:53,346 --> 00:03:56,679 Is it too much to ask to have my Mu Shu without a side of sperm? 62 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,048 Why are you getting so mad? We're just talking. 63 00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:01,519 Hell's bells, it's only been three months! 64 00:04:01,588 --> 00:04:04,751 Why would you just leap to the conclusion that the problem is me? 65 00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:06,951 I'm not leaping to anything. 66 00:04:07,127 --> 00:04:10,460 It's just easier to test the man first. Less invasive. 67 00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:14,864 I'm sure your sperm is fine. No, it's better than fine, it's fantastic. 68 00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:18,798 This little subject matter has put me right off my dinner. 69 00:04:19,005 --> 00:04:20,632 Excuse me. 70 00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:24,409 - Honey? - Not now! 71 00:04:29,849 --> 00:04:32,044 - Do men? - Do men what? 72 00:04:32,485 --> 00:04:34,077 Like them pulled? 73 00:04:34,421 --> 00:04:36,013 How would I know? 74 00:04:36,289 --> 00:04:37,483 Do you? 75 00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,052 - Do I what? - Like them pulled? 76 00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:42,717 How do I know? 77 00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,326 Why don't we give a little tug and see? 78 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,727 You wanna give a little tug? 79 00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:57,001 You're gonna do it too hard! 80 00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:58,475 No! 81 00:04:58,545 --> 00:04:59,739 All right. 82 00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,313 You were saved by the bell. 83 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,791 Bradshaw House of Pain, how can we hurt you? 84 00:05:14,327 --> 00:05:15,487 Hello? 85 00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,752 Man, it's me. 86 00:05:17,864 --> 00:05:20,958 I'm sorry to be calling you this late. Is Carrie there? 87 00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:22,661 Yeah, just a sec. 88 00:05:23,303 --> 00:05:24,634 Who is it? 89 00:05:25,038 --> 00:05:26,164 Hello? 90 00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:28,537 It's me, I need to talk to you. 91 00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:31,974 It's really not a good time, we're about to go to bed. 92 00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,103 It's important. 93 00:05:33,179 --> 00:05:35,841 Willow is totally fucking with my head, please. 94 00:05:35,915 --> 00:05:37,143 All right. 95 00:05:38,184 --> 00:05:41,915 He's having girlfriend problems. I'm gonna be just a minute. 96 00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:48,960 Apparently, dating a movie star makes you as crazy as dating anyone else. 97 00:05:49,029 --> 00:05:50,587 What's the problem? 98 00:05:50,664 --> 00:05:53,724 She's in town, at the Mercer. We were supposed to meet tonight. 99 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,700 She hasn't gotten back to me. 100 00:05:55,835 --> 00:05:56,995 Did you call her? 101 00:05:57,070 --> 00:06:00,437 Yes, I called her. I called all five of her numbers. 102 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,603 She never answers. 103 00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:04,541 Here's the thing, see... 104 00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:08,276 she can reach me, but I can't ever get her. 105 00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:11,416 - Maybe she never got... - No, you don't get it. 106 00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:13,243 She can reach me... 107 00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:16,884 but I can't get her, ever. 108 00:06:17,123 --> 00:06:20,615 - How fucked up is that? - I don't know. Very? 109 00:06:21,194 --> 00:06:23,389 I thought everything was going great. 110 00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:28,093 It was, I mean, I flew out to LA to take her to that MTV award thing. 111 00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,659 I'd better start feeling sorry for you soon. 112 00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:32,432 And then she totally dissed me. 113 00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:35,599 I was following her around like a goddamn dog. 114 00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:38,209 I'm just gonna be one more minute. 115 00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:42,040 Listen to this message she left me. 116 00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:43,872 I gotta go to bed! 117 00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:46,350 No, wait, listen. Listen to this. 118 00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:47,818 Gonna miss you. 119 00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:51,379 I can't wait until I'm in New York, in your arms. 120 00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:56,356 I'm in a New York state of mind 121 00:06:56,429 --> 00:06:58,829 "A New York state of mind"? 122 00:06:58,898 --> 00:07:01,662 It's Billy Joel, we love that song. 123 00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:03,635 - Goodnight. - Should I call her again? 124 00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:05,534 No, goodnight. 125 00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:10,473 I'm sorry. 126 00:07:11,177 --> 00:07:13,975 So, you still want me to give them a little pull? 127 00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:15,105 No. 128 00:07:15,248 --> 00:07:17,478 Why'd you take the phone in there? 129 00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:20,451 Because I know you don't like him calling here, that's all. 130 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,284 You tell me nothing's going on... 131 00:07:23,389 --> 00:07:25,186 then nothing's going on. 132 00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:27,317 You don't gotta run in a closet. 133 00:07:27,794 --> 00:07:29,318 I didn't run... 134 00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:33,364 and I went in there because I know how uncomfortable it makes you. 135 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,428 How uncomfortable it makes me, or you? 136 00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:38,796 Me, yes, I'm uncomfortable. 137 00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:42,875 - I don't want you to feel threatened. - You think I'm threatened by him? 138 00:07:42,942 --> 00:07:45,809 - No, not threatened! - I could take him. 139 00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:49,244 Who said anything about taking him? 140 00:07:49,315 --> 00:07:52,944 It's like the time Batman and the Green Hornet got in a fight. 141 00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:56,887 Everyone expected Batman to win because he's got the gadgets and the cape... 142 00:07:56,956 --> 00:08:01,222 but the Green Hornet had the moves. See, I'm the Green Hornet, I got the moves. 143 00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:03,819 Plus, I got Pete and he's like Kato. 144 00:08:04,164 --> 00:08:07,099 Aren't you, boy? Petey, come here, boy, come here! 145 00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,794 Who's your buddy? 146 00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:11,029 He's gonna get him. He's got him! 147 00:08:12,505 --> 00:08:16,066 - What do superheroes have to do with it? - I have no idea. 148 00:08:16,142 --> 00:08:19,441 It's a guy thing. All I know is that in order to deal with Big... 149 00:08:19,512 --> 00:08:21,878 he had to turn himself into the Green Lantern. 150 00:08:21,948 --> 00:08:24,610 - Hornet. - I don't care if he's the Green Bee. 151 00:08:24,684 --> 00:08:27,084 I just wish there was a way for Aidan... 152 00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:30,589 to really understand that he has nothing to worry about. 153 00:08:31,491 --> 00:08:34,392 Maybe I should try to get Big and him and me together. 154 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:37,623 - Did you have a plate of crazy for lunch? - We could all talk... 155 00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:41,133 and Aidan could see once and for all that I love him... 156 00:08:41,201 --> 00:08:43,294 and Big and I are just friends. 157 00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:45,166 - Carrie, I don't know. - Seriously. 158 00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:48,765 Keeping my relationship with Big in the closet only makes things worse. 159 00:08:48,842 --> 00:08:51,242 These are guys. They don't talk, they fight. 160 00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:54,075 They can't help it, it's all that crazy testosterone. 161 00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:55,614 God bless it. 162 00:08:56,249 --> 00:08:58,649 We're having Trey's sperm tested. 163 00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:01,244 Is it not doing well in school? 164 00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:04,654 We were discussing it over dinner last night and he just blew up. 165 00:09:04,724 --> 00:09:08,023 One minute he was perfectly happy, the next minute, furious. 166 00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:11,495 - That time of the month? - It's a side of Trey I've never seen. 167 00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:13,361 It's about the sperm. 168 00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:16,334 What is it with that area? It's like a minefield. 169 00:09:16,402 --> 00:09:19,132 I spent the afternoon thinking about my friends. 170 00:09:19,205 --> 00:09:22,265 Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings... 171 00:09:22,342 --> 00:09:25,869 late night phone calls obsessing about a relationship. 172 00:09:26,145 --> 00:09:28,511 Did I mention these are my male friends? 173 00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:31,311 So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets... 174 00:09:31,384 --> 00:09:33,511 as pop culture would have us believe. 175 00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:37,579 Maybe we live a lot closer to each other, perhaps, dare I even say it... 176 00:09:37,657 --> 00:09:39,284 in the same zip code? 177 00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:43,193 In view of current circumstances, I couldn't help but wonder... 178 00:09:43,263 --> 00:09:45,731 are men just women with balls? 179 00:09:46,099 --> 00:09:47,930 - Look at that. - Look at what? 180 00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,299 - That dog's sack! - No, thank you. 181 00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:56,439 Did you know you can't enter a dog in a dog show if he's only got one ball? 182 00:09:56,509 --> 00:09:58,374 Where'd you hear that? 183 00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:00,206 Around. 184 00:10:01,648 --> 00:10:03,878 They even make fake dog balls. 185 00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:09,083 They make them for humans, too. 186 00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:15,353 - I'm thinking about getting one. - No, Steve. Why would you do that? 187 00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:17,828 Why not? Women get breast implants all the time. 188 00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:20,730 Steve, trust me, I've been to the area... 189 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,258 and I swear to God, I wouldn't know if you had one or four. 190 00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:26,102 But I know. 191 00:10:26,339 --> 00:10:28,864 Every time I look down at my nuts... 192 00:10:29,108 --> 00:10:30,632 correction, nut... 193 00:10:32,312 --> 00:10:34,041 I look all lopsided. 194 00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:35,740 Women don't care! 195 00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:37,576 We care about... 196 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:40,778 nice arms, great eyes, big dick. 197 00:10:41,154 --> 00:10:45,488 I have never once heard a woman say, "He had such a big, full scrotum!" 198 00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:51,625 I made an appointment, I'm talking to the doctor. Will you go with me? 199 00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:53,689 Where, testicle shopping? 200 00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:01,072 Samantha finally got her meeting with hotel magnate, Richard Wright. 201 00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:04,041 Smart, tough, a real ball buster. 202 00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:08,171 I've enjoyed meeting you, but truth be told, Ms. Jones... 203 00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,909 - your r�sum�'s all fluff. - Fluff? 204 00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:15,751 - It's just parties and social events. - What is it that you do in your hotels? 205 00:11:16,155 --> 00:11:17,747 Nuclear fission? 206 00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:26,196 I admit, I'm intrigued. 207 00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,756 If I wasn't, you would've been down in the lobby... 208 00:11:28,835 --> 00:11:31,326 having a cappuccino 10 minutes ago. 209 00:11:31,671 --> 00:11:33,195 Here's an idea. 210 00:11:33,272 --> 00:11:34,864 I'm talking to Brad Rosen. 211 00:11:34,941 --> 00:11:37,535 Maybe you two can get together and share the work. 212 00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,441 Five hotels, it's a big job. 213 00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:42,709 I know it's a big job. That's why I'm still here... 214 00:11:42,782 --> 00:11:45,410 and not down in the lobby having a cappuccino. 215 00:11:45,485 --> 00:11:47,783 I appreciate your offer... 216 00:11:48,087 --> 00:11:49,987 but I don't need a partner. 217 00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:52,958 Read between the lines, Ms. Jones. 218 00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:56,160 I deal with a lot of businessmen. 219 00:11:57,830 --> 00:11:59,593 What are you saying? 220 00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:02,427 That businessmen would be more comfortable... 221 00:12:02,502 --> 00:12:05,596 dealing with a woman if she were working next to a man? 222 00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:07,605 You have a lot to offer. 223 00:12:07,673 --> 00:12:11,666 You might want to consider working with a partner who isn't so... 224 00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:13,276 emotional. 225 00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:17,012 "Emotional" is just code for, "I don't want to hire a woman." 226 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,483 Exactly. They're that way at my firm, too. 227 00:12:19,552 --> 00:12:23,181 - Think you're gonna cry over a legal brief. - Have you cried over a brief? 228 00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:25,486 Yes, but only in the privacy of my office. 229 00:12:25,558 --> 00:12:28,618 I cried once at the gallery, once, in 10 years... 230 00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:31,891 and from that day on it was, "Careful, don't make Charlotte cry." 231 00:12:31,964 --> 00:12:33,591 I have never cried at work. 232 00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:36,499 I fake cried to my editor when I missed a deadline. 233 00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:39,595 I told him I was having a bad time at home, but really... 234 00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:43,608 - I was having a good time in the Hamptons. - That makes the rest of us look bad. 235 00:12:43,676 --> 00:12:45,507 Boo hoo. It was 80 degrees and sunny. 236 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:49,014 A guy gets angry in a meeting, he's a pistol, a woman, she's emotional. 237 00:12:49,082 --> 00:12:52,279 If I say anything, like, "I don't think that's hung high enough"... 238 00:12:52,351 --> 00:12:54,717 they say, "Careful, don't make Charlotte cry"! 239 00:12:54,787 --> 00:12:58,154 What does he think I'm going to do? Get my period and ruin his empire? 240 00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,384 Yes, men... 241 00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:02,522 Wait, let me rephrase that, some men... 242 00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:06,029 That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner. 243 00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:09,830 Some men are threatened by strong businesswomen. They have to find a way... 244 00:13:09,902 --> 00:13:13,133 to make her be just a woman again. Hence, "You're too emotional." 245 00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:14,230 "Hence," yet. 246 00:13:14,307 --> 00:13:18,038 I'm going back in there, guns blazing, cool, calm, collected. 247 00:13:18,111 --> 00:13:20,807 I'm going to impress that motherfucker so much... 248 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,711 he's gonna beg me to take the job. 249 00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:25,307 Just don't cry. Once, in 10 years! 250 00:13:25,384 --> 00:13:28,046 I've gotta run or I'm gonna miss my ride with Aidan. 251 00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:31,989 Then I'll have to take mass transit to the country, then there'll be some tears. 252 00:13:32,058 --> 00:13:35,186 The next day, while Aidan was tearing down the old shed... 253 00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:39,891 I was tearing through the new In Style with Big's big movie star on the cover. 254 00:13:44,437 --> 00:13:45,631 Hello? 255 00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:47,530 It's me. 256 00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:49,404 What's wrong? You sound terrible. 257 00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:52,638 Hope you don't mind my calling. I got the number off your machine. 258 00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:54,646 Where's area code 845? 259 00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:56,341 Upstate, we're in the country. 260 00:13:56,415 --> 00:13:57,882 On a Thursday? 261 00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,783 We're taking a long weekend. What's wrong? 262 00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:03,947 She broke it off. 263 00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:07,322 She said she never wants to see me again. 264 00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:11,492 - I'm so sorry. - I don't even know what I did. 265 00:14:11,564 --> 00:14:13,395 She won't return my calls. 266 00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:16,395 See, she can reach me... 267 00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:18,260 but I can't get her. 268 00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:20,066 You mentioned that. 269 00:14:23,976 --> 00:14:27,241 She's crazy, I'm telling you. She has the eyes of a crazy person. 270 00:14:27,313 --> 00:14:29,577 Man, I was such a chump. 271 00:14:30,449 --> 00:14:32,747 I really put myself out there... 272 00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:36,351 and she drop-kicked me right in the fucking heart. 273 00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,758 When are you coming back to the city? 274 00:14:40,826 --> 00:14:42,817 - Monday. - Not till Monday? 275 00:14:46,532 --> 00:14:47,624 Fuck. 276 00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,636 I'd invite you out here, but it's just so far away. 277 00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,937 How far? 278 00:14:58,611 --> 00:15:01,637 It's 40 minutes, you know, if there's no traffic... 279 00:15:01,714 --> 00:15:05,548 but with the weekenders and everything, I don't know, an hour, maybe even two. 280 00:15:05,618 --> 00:15:08,382 - It's Thursday afternoon. - Yeah, don't you have to work? 281 00:15:08,454 --> 00:15:11,446 I have to see you. I'll get my Jag out of the garage. 282 00:15:11,524 --> 00:15:13,549 Maybe the drive will do me good. 283 00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:17,760 I'll come up for an hour, we'll talk, and then I'll head home. 284 00:15:18,698 --> 00:15:21,292 How do I get there? Let me get a pen. 285 00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:32,476 Hey, darling. 286 00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:36,175 We gotta close these windows up. It's gonna rain. 287 00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:39,108 Did I hear the phone ring? 288 00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:42,785 Who was it? 289 00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:44,512 It was Batman. 290 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,418 I invited him up. 291 00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:50,955 I didn't mean to. 292 00:15:51,731 --> 00:15:53,460 I just got trapped. 293 00:15:53,699 --> 00:15:57,191 That crazy movie star lady broke up with him, he's devastated. 294 00:15:57,270 --> 00:15:59,864 He has no one else to talk to. Before I knew it... 295 00:15:59,939 --> 00:16:03,568 I was telling him to make a right at the sign for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 296 00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,635 - I don't want him in my house. - I totally understand. 297 00:16:06,912 --> 00:16:09,642 He's gonna come up here, we're gonna have a quick talk. 298 00:16:09,715 --> 00:16:12,707 Then he's gonna go right back to the city where he belongs. 299 00:16:12,785 --> 00:16:13,877 Fuck! 300 00:16:17,323 --> 00:16:18,813 You're my man. 301 00:16:19,492 --> 00:16:21,016 And I love you. 302 00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:25,088 He's just a friend in pain. 303 00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:30,126 I would never do this, but he's really hurting. 304 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:33,399 Come on, haven't you ever had a girl break your... 305 00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:40,673 He better be fucking upset when he gets here. There better be tears. 306 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:42,711 Thank you. 307 00:16:45,351 --> 00:16:46,841 Let's go, Pete. 308 00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:52,246 He's got some balls coming up here. 309 00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:58,625 The prosthesis approximates the weight, shape, and feel of a normal testicle. 310 00:16:58,698 --> 00:17:00,063 Squeeze it. 311 00:17:06,138 --> 00:17:07,469 I'm sorry. 312 00:17:08,074 --> 00:17:09,803 I dropped the ball. 313 00:17:13,979 --> 00:17:18,279 Now, it comes in four sizes. Extra small, small, medium, and large. 314 00:17:19,618 --> 00:17:21,017 I'd be a... 315 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:23,344 Jeez. 316 00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:26,214 Miranda, what would I be? 317 00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:30,856 Medium? 318 00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:34,030 Yeah? I was thinking large. 319 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,791 I'm really not an expert. 320 00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,369 Large, then. 321 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:42,134 Medium. 322 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,835 - Really? - A large-medium, Steve. 323 00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:50,872 Now, to get this model you have to enroll in a clinical trial for market clearance. 324 00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:51,939 Excuse me? 325 00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:55,384 It's not approved yet. It's still being tested for safety. 326 00:17:55,454 --> 00:17:56,921 No, Steve. 327 00:17:57,957 --> 00:18:00,858 - No. - I assure you, it's perfectly safe. 328 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:06,293 - He says it's perfectly safe. - That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. 329 00:18:06,365 --> 00:18:09,892 Think about it, Steve. You want a Pinto near your penis? 330 00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:20,076 And in a different urologist's office, at the exact same time... 331 00:18:22,148 --> 00:18:23,172 Hi! 332 00:18:23,449 --> 00:18:26,850 Is everything okay? The nurse said you wanted to see me. 333 00:18:26,919 --> 00:18:30,116 I'm afraid our old problem has reared its ugly head. 334 00:18:30,189 --> 00:18:32,453 I can't seem to rise to the occasion. 335 00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:35,221 Let's not assume it's the same problem. 336 00:18:35,661 --> 00:18:37,891 Here, I bought you this. 337 00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:41,228 - Juggs? - I know how much you like them. 338 00:18:42,568 --> 00:18:46,095 - You knew I'd have a problem. - No, I just came prepared. 339 00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:48,066 Look... 340 00:18:49,008 --> 00:18:50,771 she's got big boobs. 341 00:18:51,944 --> 00:18:53,809 Look, so does she. 342 00:18:54,113 --> 00:18:56,081 It's the Big Boob Bonanza issue! 343 00:18:56,148 --> 00:18:58,639 - It's not that, it's... - What, honey? 344 00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:01,709 I'm afraid to. 345 00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:06,247 I don't think I can handle another problem in that area. 346 00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:11,662 Don't you worry, Trey MacDougal... 347 00:19:12,231 --> 00:19:15,997 I'm sure that you have very strong Scottish sperm. 348 00:19:17,236 --> 00:19:18,965 And if you don't... 349 00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:21,471 we can just spin them... 350 00:19:21,941 --> 00:19:23,670 and whip them up... 351 00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:27,069 and do whatever it is you sexy doctor types do. 352 00:19:27,746 --> 00:19:29,475 - That's good. - Yeah? 353 00:19:31,116 --> 00:19:32,708 Keep doing that. 354 00:19:35,354 --> 00:19:37,845 - Do that thing I like. - Which thing? 355 00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:41,220 You know, you give a little tug. 356 00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:45,092 Turned out, Trey's Scottish sperm was fine. 357 00:19:45,164 --> 00:19:47,758 No, better than fine, fantastic. 358 00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:49,198 Where's the cup? 359 00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:52,967 I have to admit, you're the best person for the job. 360 00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:55,332 But I'm not gonna hire you. 361 00:19:56,108 --> 00:19:58,736 Give me one legitimate reason why not. 362 00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:01,270 - Do I have to say it? - Yes. 363 00:20:02,147 --> 00:20:05,048 I'd like to hear the words come out of your mouth. 364 00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,711 Okay, you slept with my architect. 365 00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:11,079 Turns out, Samantha was wrong, men do talk. 366 00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,554 And I don't wanna get into all that. 367 00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:15,457 Into all what? 368 00:20:15,928 --> 00:20:19,386 It happened 100 years ago! I barely know the guy! 369 00:20:20,332 --> 00:20:23,460 And how does my personal life affect your business? 370 00:20:23,536 --> 00:20:25,595 The more accurate question would be... 371 00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:28,834 how does your personal life affect your business? 372 00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:31,041 It's too bad. 373 00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,510 Other than that, you had the job. 374 00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:39,106 You know what? 375 00:20:39,251 --> 00:20:42,118 If I was a guy, you would have shaken my hand... 376 00:20:42,221 --> 00:20:45,315 bought me a scotch and given me a key to an office. 377 00:20:45,391 --> 00:20:49,794 It's amazing. A man with such innovative vision can be so short-sighted. 378 00:20:52,798 --> 00:20:54,356 Ms. Jones, wait. 379 00:20:54,433 --> 00:20:58,335 But Samantha couldn't wait. She could feel the tears building up inside her. 380 00:20:58,404 --> 00:21:00,531 - Come on! - Wait, not so fast! 381 00:21:02,374 --> 00:21:04,001 - Close! - Ms. Jones! 382 00:21:07,913 --> 00:21:11,041 The next day, Richard Wright hired Samantha. 383 00:21:11,717 --> 00:21:14,117 He told her he admired her balls. 384 00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:19,422 When Big still hadn't arrived two hours later... 385 00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:21,823 I was secretly praying he'd missed the sign... 386 00:21:21,894 --> 00:21:24,089 for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 387 00:21:25,764 --> 00:21:28,324 Then, there it was, the Batmobile. 388 00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:43,909 Maybe he doesn't wanna come in and meet your dad. 389 00:22:02,735 --> 00:22:04,669 What're you doing just sitting here? 390 00:22:04,737 --> 00:22:06,329 Waiting for you. 391 00:22:07,439 --> 00:22:09,339 Why didn't you come in? 392 00:22:12,044 --> 00:22:13,807 I don't want to go in. 393 00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:17,578 - Let's go have a drink or something. - Wanna get a drink, where? 394 00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:20,744 At a Ye Old Country lemonade stand? 395 00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:27,485 Why are you listening to that? 396 00:22:30,963 --> 00:22:34,865 Come on, turn off the car and come inside. We'll talk, all right? 397 00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:47,005 - Is he in there? - Yes. 398 00:22:47,646 --> 00:22:49,739 I can't talk about this in front of him. 399 00:22:49,815 --> 00:22:52,579 Yes, you can, and you better. 400 00:22:53,452 --> 00:22:55,317 So, come on, let's go. 401 00:22:56,088 --> 00:22:57,316 Come on. 402 00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,148 Shit. 403 00:23:01,126 --> 00:23:05,324 An hour and two bottles of red wine later, Big started talking. 404 00:23:05,564 --> 00:23:07,896 Unfortunately, it was mostly to himself. 405 00:23:07,966 --> 00:23:09,627 "Her luminous skin... 406 00:23:10,169 --> 00:23:13,627 "a product of vegan diet discipline." 407 00:23:14,973 --> 00:23:17,771 Vegan diet, bullshit. 408 00:23:17,843 --> 00:23:21,643 - All right, give me the magazine. - No, wait, listen to this one. 409 00:23:21,714 --> 00:23:24,706 "I'm looking for that someone special." 410 00:23:25,451 --> 00:23:28,648 She's not looking for anybody. Bullshit. 411 00:23:30,556 --> 00:23:32,490 - Any more wine? - Nope. 412 00:23:40,132 --> 00:23:43,067 "Let's go have a drink and a smoke sometime." 413 00:23:45,204 --> 00:23:47,399 You can't smoke in the house. 414 00:23:52,344 --> 00:23:53,743 That's cool. 415 00:23:55,114 --> 00:23:57,082 Guess I better head back. 416 00:23:59,718 --> 00:24:00,912 Thanks. 417 00:24:04,723 --> 00:24:05,883 Jesus. 418 00:24:06,458 --> 00:24:08,585 Look at him, he can't drive. 419 00:24:18,370 --> 00:24:20,804 What do you think you're doing? You can't drive. 420 00:24:20,873 --> 00:24:24,138 - Call my driver. - We're an hour outside New York. 421 00:24:24,209 --> 00:24:28,077 I'm in a New York state of mind 422 00:24:28,147 --> 00:24:30,672 Seen all the movie stars 423 00:24:30,749 --> 00:24:34,014 - You're gonna have to sleep on the couch. - I better not. 424 00:24:34,086 --> 00:24:36,020 He doesn't want me here. 425 00:24:39,858 --> 00:24:42,383 You can't drive. Sleep on the couch. 426 00:24:45,531 --> 00:24:46,930 That's cool. 427 00:24:50,235 --> 00:24:52,066 After the ball plan backfired... 428 00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:54,970 Miranda took Steve out to dinner to lift his spirits. 429 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,634 Here's the book I was telling you about. 430 00:24:57,709 --> 00:25:00,075 A Positive Outlook to Healing. 431 00:25:02,881 --> 00:25:05,941 - Steve, I'm starting to hit my limit. - I know. 432 00:25:07,219 --> 00:25:08,447 I just... 433 00:25:09,121 --> 00:25:12,113 I was just really counting on that fake ball. 434 00:25:13,392 --> 00:25:16,555 It's just, every time I look down there, I feel... 435 00:25:17,429 --> 00:25:18,521 What? 436 00:25:20,499 --> 00:25:23,297 This may be hard for you to understand... 437 00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:29,473 but who's gonna fuck a uni-ball bartender? 438 00:25:36,915 --> 00:25:39,941 Miranda realized the one thing she could do to help Steve... 439 00:25:40,018 --> 00:25:42,248 didn't involve books or balls. 440 00:26:16,588 --> 00:26:18,385 What's that pounding? 441 00:26:18,924 --> 00:26:20,789 Aidan's shooting hoops. 442 00:26:23,228 --> 00:26:25,196 Isn't it a little early? 443 00:26:26,231 --> 00:26:29,462 You have to go out there and make friends with him. 444 00:26:34,072 --> 00:26:36,165 What are you talking about? 445 00:26:39,011 --> 00:26:41,377 We're middle-aged men, we don't make friends. 446 00:26:41,446 --> 00:26:43,971 - We have nothing in common. - You have me in common. 447 00:26:44,049 --> 00:26:46,882 If you and Aidan don't become at least a little friendly... 448 00:26:46,952 --> 00:26:49,318 I won't be able to stay in your life. 449 00:26:57,129 --> 00:26:58,756 How do I do this? 450 00:27:00,098 --> 00:27:02,965 You're a guy, he's a guy, there's a ball... 451 00:27:03,035 --> 00:27:04,525 figure it out. 452 00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:29,688 Hey, man. 453 00:27:31,964 --> 00:27:35,491 I'm sorry about last night. I guess I got a little drunk. 454 00:27:37,302 --> 00:27:40,999 I didn't mean to come up and ruin your weekend or anything. 455 00:27:43,842 --> 00:27:45,139 You play hoop? 456 00:27:45,210 --> 00:27:48,509 Here, why don't you give me a shot? I play a little. 457 00:27:53,719 --> 00:27:56,347 A little muddy, I guess all that rain. 458 00:28:06,398 --> 00:28:10,300 - Watch it, man. That was a little hard. - That wasn't that hard. 459 00:28:27,085 --> 00:28:30,020 There they were. Batman and the Green Bee. 460 00:28:32,457 --> 00:28:33,685 Stop it! 461 00:28:39,097 --> 00:28:41,531 Stop it! You're middle-aged! 462 00:28:47,539 --> 00:28:50,064 - That dog just bit my ass! - Pete! 463 00:28:50,142 --> 00:28:53,043 And just like that, Kato stopped the fight. 464 00:29:04,523 --> 00:29:06,684 And the thing is, see... 465 00:29:07,426 --> 00:29:09,189 she could reach me... 466 00:29:09,594 --> 00:29:11,585 but I could never get her. 467 00:29:13,331 --> 00:29:15,322 Day or night, whenever... 468 00:29:15,867 --> 00:29:17,664 she could reach me... 469 00:29:17,903 --> 00:29:20,201 I couldn't get her. See? 470 00:29:21,006 --> 00:29:22,974 - That's fucked up. - Yeah. 471 00:29:24,342 --> 00:29:26,833 Somehow, the storm had passed... 472 00:29:27,245 --> 00:29:29,611 and I never fully understood why. 473 00:29:30,315 --> 00:29:34,046 Okay, maybe men and women don't live in the same zip code... 474 00:29:34,419 --> 00:29:36,387 but we're moving closer. 475 00:29:36,822 --> 00:29:38,187 Good eggs. 476 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:46,000 Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER 477 00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:25,000 Ripped by RavyDavy part of the [RL] Crew37055

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