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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
1
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There are a million reasons
to celebrate in New York City.
2
00:00:49,596 --> 00:00:53,532
Steve no longer having testicular cancer
was just one of them.
3
00:00:55,135 --> 00:00:57,569
I only have one ball left.
4
00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:04,208
I don't care who wins,
it's me and you after this, buddy.
5
00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:05,800
Great!
6
00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:08,643
It all comes down to just one little ball.
7
00:01:10,417 --> 00:01:12,044
Who wants a beer?
8
00:01:17,858 --> 00:01:19,120
Samantha?
9
00:01:23,497 --> 00:01:24,759
One ball?
10
00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:30,903
- I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Was he upset?
- Embarrassed, I think.
11
00:01:30,971 --> 00:01:33,496
Nothing to be embarrassed about.
He's still got one.
12
00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:35,768
Miranda, they come in a set, like earrings.
13
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He's doing great. I'd have been sitting
at home all depressed.
14
00:01:39,012 --> 00:01:41,537
Explain that.
Tell me why you'd be depressed...
15
00:01:41,615 --> 00:01:45,107
if you were perfectly healthy,
but had to go through life without balls.
16
00:01:45,185 --> 00:01:46,777
I was talking to Aidan.
17
00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:50,880
Maybe it's bullshit, but I might
feel like less of a man or something.
18
00:01:50,957 --> 00:01:54,393
A couple of hanging glands has nothing
to do with making somebody a man.
19
00:01:54,461 --> 00:01:55,450
She's right.
20
00:01:55,529 --> 00:01:58,657
I once went out with this guy,
the biggest balls I've ever seen...
21
00:01:58,732 --> 00:02:00,063
complete pussy.
22
00:02:00,133 --> 00:02:03,933
- How big?
- Huge, I could barely fit one in my mouth.
23
00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:07,299
Welcome to my world.
24
00:02:07,374 --> 00:02:11,470
The irony is that I don't think
women care that much about balls.
25
00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:13,843
I know I don't. Do you, Carrie?
26
00:02:14,214 --> 00:02:16,808
Except for yours, darling.
I'm very into yours.
27
00:02:16,883 --> 00:02:20,046
I have never met a man
who wasn't into his balls.
28
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"Yeah, baby, that's it.
29
00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:25,124
"Grab my big balls, lick them, pull them."
30
00:02:25,192 --> 00:02:26,921
You pull the balls?
31
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:30,027
They like it. I went out with this guy...
32
00:02:30,297 --> 00:02:32,891
- I'm sure you did.
- Wait, please let her finish.
33
00:02:32,966 --> 00:02:34,331
She's done.
34
00:02:34,468 --> 00:02:37,062
Now, I'm thinking balls are to men...
35
00:02:37,304 --> 00:02:39,067
what purses are to women.
36
00:02:39,139 --> 00:02:40,766
It's just a little bag...
37
00:02:40,841 --> 00:02:43,469
but we'd feel naked in public without it.
38
00:02:43,543 --> 00:02:44,840
Samantha Jones.
39
00:02:47,347 --> 00:02:49,941
- How are you?
- Great!
40
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,445
Everyone, this is...
41
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,585
- Allan Jannis.
- Allan Jannis, right, we...
42
00:02:56,656 --> 00:02:59,318
- Fucked!
- Fucked, right.
43
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,053
I knew I knew you!
44
00:03:01,361 --> 00:03:03,295
- How the hell are you?
- Not bad.
45
00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:05,661
Just designed the new Richard Wright hotel.
46
00:03:05,732 --> 00:03:09,429
I've been trying to get a meeting
with him for months. Who's doing his P.R.?
47
00:03:09,503 --> 00:03:12,802
- I think he's talking to Brad Rosen.
- He's a hack.
48
00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:15,034
- Get me a meeting?
- I'll do what I can.
49
00:03:15,108 --> 00:03:17,474
- Good seeing you...
- Allan.
50
00:03:17,544 --> 00:03:18,738
I know!
51
00:03:23,617 --> 00:03:27,053
And up on Park Avenue,
a different reason for celebrating.
52
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,089
So, I told him,
when I hire a contractor to do a job...
53
00:03:30,156 --> 00:03:33,319
- I expect him to finish on time.
- Good, honey, good!
54
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,960
Sometimes they just need to hear it
from a man.
55
00:03:36,029 --> 00:03:38,361
A little more Mu Shu, my Mu Shu.
56
00:03:38,665 --> 00:03:40,132
I saw my doctor today...
57
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,431
and I told her how frustrated we were
that we weren't pregnant yet.
58
00:03:43,503 --> 00:03:44,527
Wonton?
59
00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:48,335
She said that the easiest thing to do
would be to test your sperm.
60
00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:52,376
Charlotte, I'm eating.
61
00:03:53,346 --> 00:03:56,679
Is it too much to ask to have my Mu Shu
without a side of sperm?
62
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,048
Why are you getting so mad?
We're just talking.
63
00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:01,519
Hell's bells, it's only been three months!
64
00:04:01,588 --> 00:04:04,751
Why would you just leap to the conclusion
that the problem is me?
65
00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:06,951
I'm not leaping to anything.
66
00:04:07,127 --> 00:04:10,460
It's just easier to test the man first.
Less invasive.
67
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:14,864
I'm sure your sperm is fine.
No, it's better than fine, it's fantastic.
68
00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:18,798
This little subject matter
has put me right off my dinner.
69
00:04:19,005 --> 00:04:20,632
Excuse me.
70
00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:24,409
- Honey?
- Not now!
71
00:04:29,849 --> 00:04:32,044
- Do men?
- Do men what?
72
00:04:32,485 --> 00:04:34,077
Like them pulled?
73
00:04:34,421 --> 00:04:36,013
How would I know?
74
00:04:36,289 --> 00:04:37,483
Do you?
75
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,052
- Do I what?
- Like them pulled?
76
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:42,717
How do I know?
77
00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,326
Why don't we give a little tug and see?
78
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,727
You wanna give a little tug?
79
00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:57,001
You're gonna do it too hard!
80
00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:58,475
No!
81
00:04:58,545 --> 00:04:59,739
All right.
82
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,313
You were saved by the bell.
83
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,791
Bradshaw House of Pain,
how can we hurt you?
84
00:05:14,327 --> 00:05:15,487
Hello?
85
00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,752
Man, it's me.
86
00:05:17,864 --> 00:05:20,958
I'm sorry to be calling you this late.
Is Carrie there?
87
00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:22,661
Yeah, just a sec.
88
00:05:23,303 --> 00:05:24,634
Who is it?
89
00:05:25,038 --> 00:05:26,164
Hello?
90
00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:28,537
It's me, I need to talk to you.
91
00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:31,974
It's really not a good time,
we're about to go to bed.
92
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,103
It's important.
93
00:05:33,179 --> 00:05:35,841
Willow is totally fucking
with my head, please.
94
00:05:35,915 --> 00:05:37,143
All right.
95
00:05:38,184 --> 00:05:41,915
He's having girlfriend problems.
I'm gonna be just a minute.
96
00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:48,960
Apparently, dating a movie star
makes you as crazy as dating anyone else.
97
00:05:49,029 --> 00:05:50,587
What's the problem?
98
00:05:50,664 --> 00:05:53,724
She's in town, at the Mercer.
We were supposed to meet tonight.
99
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,700
She hasn't gotten back to me.
100
00:05:55,835 --> 00:05:56,995
Did you call her?
101
00:05:57,070 --> 00:06:00,437
Yes, I called her.
I called all five of her numbers.
102
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,603
She never answers.
103
00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:04,541
Here's the thing, see...
104
00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:08,276
she can reach me, but I can't ever get her.
105
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:11,416
- Maybe she never got...
- No, you don't get it.
106
00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:13,243
She can reach me...
107
00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:16,884
but I can't get her, ever.
108
00:06:17,123 --> 00:06:20,615
- How fucked up is that?
- I don't know. Very?
109
00:06:21,194 --> 00:06:23,389
I thought everything was going great.
110
00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:28,093
It was, I mean, I flew out to LA
to take her to that MTV award thing.
111
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,659
I'd better start feeling sorry for you soon.
112
00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:32,432
And then she totally dissed me.
113
00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:35,599
I was following her around
like a goddamn dog.
114
00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:38,209
I'm just gonna be one more minute.
115
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Listen to this message she left me.
116
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I gotta go to bed!
117
00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:46,350
No, wait, listen. Listen to this.
118
00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:47,818
Gonna miss you.
119
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:51,379
I can't wait until I'm in New York,
in your arms.
120
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:56,356
I'm in a New York state of mind
121
00:06:56,429 --> 00:06:58,829
"A New York state of mind"?
122
00:06:58,898 --> 00:07:01,662
It's Billy Joel, we love that song.
123
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:03,635
- Goodnight.
- Should I call her again?
124
00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:05,534
No, goodnight.
125
00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:10,473
I'm sorry.
126
00:07:11,177 --> 00:07:13,975
So, you still want me
to give them a little pull?
127
00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:15,105
No.
128
00:07:15,248 --> 00:07:17,478
Why'd you take the phone in there?
129
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:20,451
Because I know you don't like him
calling here, that's all.
130
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,284
You tell me nothing's going on...
131
00:07:23,389 --> 00:07:25,186
then nothing's going on.
132
00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:27,317
You don't gotta run in a closet.
133
00:07:27,794 --> 00:07:29,318
I didn't run...
134
00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:33,364
and I went in there because I know
how uncomfortable it makes you.
135
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,428
How uncomfortable it makes me, or you?
136
00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:38,796
Me, yes, I'm uncomfortable.
137
00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:42,875
- I don't want you to feel threatened.
- You think I'm threatened by him?
138
00:07:42,942 --> 00:07:45,809
- No, not threatened!
- I could take him.
139
00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:49,244
Who said anything about taking him?
140
00:07:49,315 --> 00:07:52,944
It's like the time Batman
and the Green Hornet got in a fight.
141
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:56,887
Everyone expected Batman to win
because he's got the gadgets and the cape...
142
00:07:56,956 --> 00:08:01,222
but the Green Hornet had the moves.
See, I'm the Green Hornet, I got the moves.
143
00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:03,819
Plus, I got Pete and he's like Kato.
144
00:08:04,164 --> 00:08:07,099
Aren't you, boy?
Petey, come here, boy, come here!
145
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,794
Who's your buddy?
146
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:11,029
He's gonna get him. He's got him!
147
00:08:12,505 --> 00:08:16,066
- What do superheroes have to do with it?
- I have no idea.
148
00:08:16,142 --> 00:08:19,441
It's a guy thing.
All I know is that in order to deal with Big...
149
00:08:19,512 --> 00:08:21,878
he had to turn himself
into the Green Lantern.
150
00:08:21,948 --> 00:08:24,610
- Hornet.
- I don't care if he's the Green Bee.
151
00:08:24,684 --> 00:08:27,084
I just wish there was a way for Aidan...
152
00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:30,589
to really understand
that he has nothing to worry about.
153
00:08:31,491 --> 00:08:34,392
Maybe I should try to get Big
and him and me together.
154
00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:37,623
- Did you have a plate of crazy for lunch?
- We could all talk...
155
00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:41,133
and Aidan could see
once and for all that I love him...
156
00:08:41,201 --> 00:08:43,294
and Big and I are just friends.
157
00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:45,166
- Carrie, I don't know.
- Seriously.
158
00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:48,765
Keeping my relationship with Big
in the closet only makes things worse.
159
00:08:48,842 --> 00:08:51,242
These are guys. They don't talk, they fight.
160
00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:54,075
They can't help it,
it's all that crazy testosterone.
161
00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:55,614
God bless it.
162
00:08:56,249 --> 00:08:58,649
We're having Trey's sperm tested.
163
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:01,244
Is it not doing well in school?
164
00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:04,654
We were discussing it over dinner last night
and he just blew up.
165
00:09:04,724 --> 00:09:08,023
One minute he was perfectly happy,
the next minute, furious.
166
00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:11,495
- That time of the month?
- It's a side of Trey I've never seen.
167
00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:13,361
It's about the sperm.
168
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:16,334
What is it with that area?
It's like a minefield.
169
00:09:16,402 --> 00:09:19,132
I spent the afternoon
thinking about my friends.
170
00:09:19,205 --> 00:09:22,265
Body image depression,
unpredictable mood swings...
171
00:09:22,342 --> 00:09:25,869
late night phone calls
obsessing about a relationship.
172
00:09:26,145 --> 00:09:28,511
Did I mention these are my male friends?
173
00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:31,311
So, maybe men and women
aren't from different planets...
174
00:09:31,384 --> 00:09:33,511
as pop culture would have us believe.
175
00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:37,579
Maybe we live a lot closer to each other,
perhaps, dare I even say it...
176
00:09:37,657 --> 00:09:39,284
in the same zip code?
177
00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:43,193
In view of current circumstances,
I couldn't help but wonder...
178
00:09:43,263 --> 00:09:45,731
are men just women with balls?
179
00:09:46,099 --> 00:09:47,930
- Look at that.
- Look at what?
180
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,299
- That dog's sack!
- No, thank you.
181
00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:56,439
Did you know you can't enter a dog
in a dog show if he's only got one ball?
182
00:09:56,509 --> 00:09:58,374
Where'd you hear that?
183
00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:00,206
Around.
184
00:10:01,648 --> 00:10:03,878
They even make fake dog balls.
185
00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:09,083
They make them for humans, too.
186
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:15,353
- I'm thinking about getting one.
- No, Steve. Why would you do that?
187
00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:17,828
Why not?
Women get breast implants all the time.
188
00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:20,730
Steve, trust me, I've been to the area...
189
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,258
and I swear to God,
I wouldn't know if you had one or four.
190
00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:26,102
But I know.
191
00:10:26,339 --> 00:10:28,864
Every time I look down at my nuts...
192
00:10:29,108 --> 00:10:30,632
correction, nut...
193
00:10:32,312 --> 00:10:34,041
I look all lopsided.
194
00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:35,740
Women don't care!
195
00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:37,576
We care about...
196
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:40,778
nice arms, great eyes, big dick.
197
00:10:41,154 --> 00:10:45,488
I have never once heard a woman say,
"He had such a big, full scrotum!"
198
00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:51,625
I made an appointment, I'm talking
to the doctor. Will you go with me?
199
00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:53,689
Where, testicle shopping?
200
00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:01,072
Samantha finally got her meeting
with hotel magnate, Richard Wright.
201
00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:04,041
Smart, tough, a real ball buster.
202
00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:08,171
I've enjoyed meeting you,
but truth be told, Ms. Jones...
203
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,909
- your r�sum�'s all fluff.
- Fluff?
204
00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:15,751
- It's just parties and social events.
- What is it that you do in your hotels?
205
00:11:16,155 --> 00:11:17,747
Nuclear fission?
206
00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:26,196
I admit, I'm intrigued.
207
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,756
If I wasn't,
you would've been down in the lobby...
208
00:11:28,835 --> 00:11:31,326
having a cappuccino 10 minutes ago.
209
00:11:31,671 --> 00:11:33,195
Here's an idea.
210
00:11:33,272 --> 00:11:34,864
I'm talking to Brad Rosen.
211
00:11:34,941 --> 00:11:37,535
Maybe you two can get together
and share the work.
212
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,441
Five hotels, it's a big job.
213
00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:42,709
I know it's a big job.
That's why I'm still here...
214
00:11:42,782 --> 00:11:45,410
and not down in the lobby
having a cappuccino.
215
00:11:45,485 --> 00:11:47,783
I appreciate your offer...
216
00:11:48,087 --> 00:11:49,987
but I don't need a partner.
217
00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:52,958
Read between the lines, Ms. Jones.
218
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:56,160
I deal with a lot of businessmen.
219
00:11:57,830 --> 00:11:59,593
What are you saying?
220
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:02,427
That businessmen
would be more comfortable...
221
00:12:02,502 --> 00:12:05,596
dealing with a woman
if she were working next to a man?
222
00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:07,605
You have a lot to offer.
223
00:12:07,673 --> 00:12:11,666
You might want to consider
working with a partner who isn't so...
224
00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:13,276
emotional.
225
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:17,012
"Emotional" is just code for,
"I don't want to hire a woman."
226
00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,483
Exactly. They're that way at my firm, too.
227
00:12:19,552 --> 00:12:23,181
- Think you're gonna cry over a legal brief.
- Have you cried over a brief?
228
00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:25,486
Yes, but only in the privacy of my office.
229
00:12:25,558 --> 00:12:28,618
I cried once at the gallery,
once, in 10 years...
230
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:31,891
and from that day on it was,
"Careful, don't make Charlotte cry."
231
00:12:31,964 --> 00:12:33,591
I have never cried at work.
232
00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:36,499
I fake cried to my editor
when I missed a deadline.
233
00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:39,595
I told him I was having a bad time
at home, but really...
234
00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:43,608
- I was having a good time in the Hamptons.
- That makes the rest of us look bad.
235
00:12:43,676 --> 00:12:45,507
Boo hoo. It was 80 degrees and sunny.
236
00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:49,014
A guy gets angry in a meeting, he's a pistol,
a woman, she's emotional.
237
00:12:49,082 --> 00:12:52,279
If I say anything, like,
"I don't think that's hung high enough"...
238
00:12:52,351 --> 00:12:54,717
they say,
"Careful, don't make Charlotte cry"!
239
00:12:54,787 --> 00:12:58,154
What does he think I'm going to do?
Get my period and ruin his empire?
240
00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,384
Yes, men...
241
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:02,522
Wait, let me rephrase that, some men...
242
00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:06,029
That will look much better
on the court transcripts of this dinner.
243
00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:09,830
Some men are threatened by strong
businesswomen. They have to find a way...
244
00:13:09,902 --> 00:13:13,133
to make her be just a woman again.
Hence, "You're too emotional."
245
00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:14,230
"Hence," yet.
246
00:13:14,307 --> 00:13:18,038
I'm going back in there,
guns blazing, cool, calm, collected.
247
00:13:18,111 --> 00:13:20,807
I'm going to impress
that motherfucker so much...
248
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,711
he's gonna beg me to take the job.
249
00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:25,307
Just don't cry. Once, in 10 years!
250
00:13:25,384 --> 00:13:28,046
I've gotta run
or I'm gonna miss my ride with Aidan.
251
00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:31,989
Then I'll have to take mass transit
to the country, then there'll be some tears.
252
00:13:32,058 --> 00:13:35,186
The next day, while Aidan was tearing down
the old shed...
253
00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:39,891
I was tearing through the new In Style
with Big's big movie star on the cover.
254
00:13:44,437 --> 00:13:45,631
Hello?
255
00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:47,530
It's me.
256
00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:49,404
What's wrong? You sound terrible.
257
00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:52,638
Hope you don't mind my calling.
I got the number off your machine.
258
00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:54,646
Where's area code 845?
259
00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:56,341
Upstate, we're in the country.
260
00:13:56,415 --> 00:13:57,882
On a Thursday?
261
00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,783
We're taking a long weekend. What's wrong?
262
00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:03,947
She broke it off.
263
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:07,322
She said she never wants to see me again.
264
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:11,492
- I'm so sorry.
- I don't even know what I did.
265
00:14:11,564 --> 00:14:13,395
She won't return my calls.
266
00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:16,395
See, she can reach me...
267
00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:18,260
but I can't get her.
268
00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:20,066
You mentioned that.
269
00:14:23,976 --> 00:14:27,241
She's crazy, I'm telling you.
She has the eyes of a crazy person.
270
00:14:27,313 --> 00:14:29,577
Man, I was such a chump.
271
00:14:30,449 --> 00:14:32,747
I really put myself out there...
272
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:36,351
and she drop-kicked me
right in the fucking heart.
273
00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,758
When are you coming back to the city?
274
00:14:40,826 --> 00:14:42,817
- Monday.
- Not till Monday?
275
00:14:46,532 --> 00:14:47,624
Fuck.
276
00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,636
I'd invite you out here,
but it's just so far away.
277
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,937
How far?
278
00:14:58,611 --> 00:15:01,637
It's 40 minutes, you know,
if there's no traffic...
279
00:15:01,714 --> 00:15:05,548
but with the weekenders and everything,
I don't know, an hour, maybe even two.
280
00:15:05,618 --> 00:15:08,382
- It's Thursday afternoon.
- Yeah, don't you have to work?
281
00:15:08,454 --> 00:15:11,446
I have to see you.
I'll get my Jag out of the garage.
282
00:15:11,524 --> 00:15:13,549
Maybe the drive will do me good.
283
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:17,760
I'll come up for an hour, we'll talk,
and then I'll head home.
284
00:15:18,698 --> 00:15:21,292
How do I get there? Let me get a pen.
285
00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:32,476
Hey, darling.
286
00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:36,175
We gotta close these windows up.
It's gonna rain.
287
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:39,108
Did I hear the phone ring?
288
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:42,785
Who was it?
289
00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:44,512
It was Batman.
290
00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,418
I invited him up.
291
00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:50,955
I didn't mean to.
292
00:15:51,731 --> 00:15:53,460
I just got trapped.
293
00:15:53,699 --> 00:15:57,191
That crazy movie star lady
broke up with him, he's devastated.
294
00:15:57,270 --> 00:15:59,864
He has no one else to talk to.
Before I knew it...
295
00:15:59,939 --> 00:16:03,568
I was telling him to make a right at the sign
for Farm Fresh Summer Squash.
296
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,635
- I don't want him in my house.
- I totally understand.
297
00:16:06,912 --> 00:16:09,642
He's gonna come up here,
we're gonna have a quick talk.
298
00:16:09,715 --> 00:16:12,707
Then he's gonna go right back
to the city where he belongs.
299
00:16:12,785 --> 00:16:13,877
Fuck!
300
00:16:17,323 --> 00:16:18,813
You're my man.
301
00:16:19,492 --> 00:16:21,016
And I love you.
302
00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:25,088
He's just a friend in pain.
303
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:30,126
I would never do this,
but he's really hurting.
304
00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:33,399
Come on, haven't you ever had a girl
break your...
305
00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:40,673
He better be fucking upset
when he gets here. There better be tears.
306
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:42,711
Thank you.
307
00:16:45,351 --> 00:16:46,841
Let's go, Pete.
308
00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:52,246
He's got some balls coming up here.
309
00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:58,625
The prosthesis approximates the weight,
shape, and feel of a normal testicle.
310
00:16:58,698 --> 00:17:00,063
Squeeze it.
311
00:17:06,138 --> 00:17:07,469
I'm sorry.
312
00:17:08,074 --> 00:17:09,803
I dropped the ball.
313
00:17:13,979 --> 00:17:18,279
Now, it comes in four sizes.
Extra small, small, medium, and large.
314
00:17:19,618 --> 00:17:21,017
I'd be a...
315
00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:23,344
Jeez.
316
00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:26,214
Miranda, what would I be?
317
00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:30,856
Medium?
318
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:34,030
Yeah? I was thinking large.
319
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,791
I'm really not an expert.
320
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,369
Large, then.
321
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:42,134
Medium.
322
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,835
- Really?
- A large-medium, Steve.
323
00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:50,872
Now, to get this model you have to enroll
in a clinical trial for market clearance.
324
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:51,939
Excuse me?
325
00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:55,384
It's not approved yet.
It's still being tested for safety.
326
00:17:55,454 --> 00:17:56,921
No, Steve.
327
00:17:57,957 --> 00:18:00,858
- No.
- I assure you, it's perfectly safe.
328
00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:06,293
- He says it's perfectly safe.
- That's what they said about the Ford Pinto.
329
00:18:06,365 --> 00:18:09,892
Think about it, Steve.
You want a Pinto near your penis?
330
00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:20,076
And in a different urologist's office,
at the exact same time...
331
00:18:22,148 --> 00:18:23,172
Hi!
332
00:18:23,449 --> 00:18:26,850
Is everything okay?
The nurse said you wanted to see me.
333
00:18:26,919 --> 00:18:30,116
I'm afraid our old problem
has reared its ugly head.
334
00:18:30,189 --> 00:18:32,453
I can't seem to rise to the occasion.
335
00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:35,221
Let's not assume it's the same problem.
336
00:18:35,661 --> 00:18:37,891
Here, I bought you this.
337
00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:41,228
- Juggs?
- I know how much you like them.
338
00:18:42,568 --> 00:18:46,095
- You knew I'd have a problem.
- No, I just came prepared.
339
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:48,066
Look...
340
00:18:49,008 --> 00:18:50,771
she's got big boobs.
341
00:18:51,944 --> 00:18:53,809
Look, so does she.
342
00:18:54,113 --> 00:18:56,081
It's the Big Boob Bonanza issue!
343
00:18:56,148 --> 00:18:58,639
- It's not that, it's...
- What, honey?
344
00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:01,709
I'm afraid to.
345
00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:06,247
I don't think I can handle
another problem in that area.
346
00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:11,662
Don't you worry, Trey MacDougal...
347
00:19:12,231 --> 00:19:15,997
I'm sure that you have
very strong Scottish sperm.
348
00:19:17,236 --> 00:19:18,965
And if you don't...
349
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:21,471
we can just spin them...
350
00:19:21,941 --> 00:19:23,670
and whip them up...
351
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:27,069
and do whatever it is
you sexy doctor types do.
352
00:19:27,746 --> 00:19:29,475
- That's good.
- Yeah?
353
00:19:31,116 --> 00:19:32,708
Keep doing that.
354
00:19:35,354 --> 00:19:37,845
- Do that thing I like.
- Which thing?
355
00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:41,220
You know, you give a little tug.
356
00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:45,092
Turned out, Trey's Scottish sperm was fine.
357
00:19:45,164 --> 00:19:47,758
No, better than fine, fantastic.
358
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:49,198
Where's the cup?
359
00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:52,967
I have to admit,
you're the best person for the job.
360
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:55,332
But I'm not gonna hire you.
361
00:19:56,108 --> 00:19:58,736
Give me one legitimate reason why not.
362
00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:01,270
- Do I have to say it?
- Yes.
363
00:20:02,147 --> 00:20:05,048
I'd like to hear the words
come out of your mouth.
364
00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,711
Okay, you slept with my architect.
365
00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:11,079
Turns out, Samantha was wrong,
men do talk.
366
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,554
And I don't wanna get into all that.
367
00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:15,457
Into all what?
368
00:20:15,928 --> 00:20:19,386
It happened 100 years ago!
I barely know the guy!
369
00:20:20,332 --> 00:20:23,460
And how does my personal life
affect your business?
370
00:20:23,536 --> 00:20:25,595
The more accurate question would be...
371
00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:28,834
how does your personal life
affect your business?
372
00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:31,041
It's too bad.
373
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,510
Other than that, you had the job.
374
00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:39,106
You know what?
375
00:20:39,251 --> 00:20:42,118
If I was a guy,
you would have shaken my hand...
376
00:20:42,221 --> 00:20:45,315
bought me a scotch
and given me a key to an office.
377
00:20:45,391 --> 00:20:49,794
It's amazing. A man with such
innovative vision can be so short-sighted.
378
00:20:52,798 --> 00:20:54,356
Ms. Jones, wait.
379
00:20:54,433 --> 00:20:58,335
But Samantha couldn't wait. She could
feel the tears building up inside her.
380
00:20:58,404 --> 00:21:00,531
- Come on!
- Wait, not so fast!
381
00:21:02,374 --> 00:21:04,001
- Close!
- Ms. Jones!
382
00:21:07,913 --> 00:21:11,041
The next day,
Richard Wright hired Samantha.
383
00:21:11,717 --> 00:21:14,117
He told her he admired her balls.
384
00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:19,422
When Big still hadn't arrived
two hours later...
385
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:21,823
I was secretly praying
he'd missed the sign...
386
00:21:21,894 --> 00:21:24,089
for Farm Fresh Summer Squash.
387
00:21:25,764 --> 00:21:28,324
Then, there it was, the Batmobile.
388
00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:43,909
Maybe he doesn't wanna come in
and meet your dad.
389
00:22:02,735 --> 00:22:04,669
What're you doing just sitting here?
390
00:22:04,737 --> 00:22:06,329
Waiting for you.
391
00:22:07,439 --> 00:22:09,339
Why didn't you come in?
392
00:22:12,044 --> 00:22:13,807
I don't want to go in.
393
00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:17,578
- Let's go have a drink or something.
- Wanna get a drink, where?
394
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:20,744
At a Ye Old Country lemonade stand?
395
00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:27,485
Why are you listening to that?
396
00:22:30,963 --> 00:22:34,865
Come on, turn off the car and come inside.
We'll talk, all right?
397
00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:47,005
- Is he in there?
- Yes.
398
00:22:47,646 --> 00:22:49,739
I can't talk about this in front of him.
399
00:22:49,815 --> 00:22:52,579
Yes, you can, and you better.
400
00:22:53,452 --> 00:22:55,317
So, come on, let's go.
401
00:22:56,088 --> 00:22:57,316
Come on.
402
00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,148
Shit.
403
00:23:01,126 --> 00:23:05,324
An hour and two bottles of red wine later,
Big started talking.
404
00:23:05,564 --> 00:23:07,896
Unfortunately, it was mostly to himself.
405
00:23:07,966 --> 00:23:09,627
"Her luminous skin...
406
00:23:10,169 --> 00:23:13,627
"a product of vegan diet discipline."
407
00:23:14,973 --> 00:23:17,771
Vegan diet, bullshit.
408
00:23:17,843 --> 00:23:21,643
- All right, give me the magazine.
- No, wait, listen to this one.
409
00:23:21,714 --> 00:23:24,706
"I'm looking for that someone special."
410
00:23:25,451 --> 00:23:28,648
She's not looking for anybody. Bullshit.
411
00:23:30,556 --> 00:23:32,490
- Any more wine?
- Nope.
412
00:23:40,132 --> 00:23:43,067
"Let's go have a drink
and a smoke sometime."
413
00:23:45,204 --> 00:23:47,399
You can't smoke in the house.
414
00:23:52,344 --> 00:23:53,743
That's cool.
415
00:23:55,114 --> 00:23:57,082
Guess I better head back.
416
00:23:59,718 --> 00:24:00,912
Thanks.
417
00:24:04,723 --> 00:24:05,883
Jesus.
418
00:24:06,458 --> 00:24:08,585
Look at him, he can't drive.
419
00:24:18,370 --> 00:24:20,804
What do you think you're doing?
You can't drive.
420
00:24:20,873 --> 00:24:24,138
- Call my driver.
- We're an hour outside New York.
421
00:24:24,209 --> 00:24:28,077
I'm in a New York state of mind
422
00:24:28,147 --> 00:24:30,672
Seen all the movie stars
423
00:24:30,749 --> 00:24:34,014
- You're gonna have to sleep on the couch.
- I better not.
424
00:24:34,086 --> 00:24:36,020
He doesn't want me here.
425
00:24:39,858 --> 00:24:42,383
You can't drive. Sleep on the couch.
426
00:24:45,531 --> 00:24:46,930
That's cool.
427
00:24:50,235 --> 00:24:52,066
After the ball plan backfired...
428
00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:54,970
Miranda took Steve out to dinner
to lift his spirits.
429
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,634
Here's the book I was telling you about.
430
00:24:57,709 --> 00:25:00,075
A Positive Outlook to Healing.
431
00:25:02,881 --> 00:25:05,941
- Steve, I'm starting to hit my limit.
- I know.
432
00:25:07,219 --> 00:25:08,447
I just...
433
00:25:09,121 --> 00:25:12,113
I was just really counting on that fake ball.
434
00:25:13,392 --> 00:25:16,555
It's just, every time I look down there,
I feel...
435
00:25:17,429 --> 00:25:18,521
What?
436
00:25:20,499 --> 00:25:23,297
This may be hard for you to understand...
437
00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:29,473
but who's gonna fuck a uni-ball bartender?
438
00:25:36,915 --> 00:25:39,941
Miranda realized the one thing
she could do to help Steve...
439
00:25:40,018 --> 00:25:42,248
didn't involve books or balls.
440
00:26:16,588 --> 00:26:18,385
What's that pounding?
441
00:26:18,924 --> 00:26:20,789
Aidan's shooting hoops.
442
00:26:23,228 --> 00:26:25,196
Isn't it a little early?
443
00:26:26,231 --> 00:26:29,462
You have to go out there
and make friends with him.
444
00:26:34,072 --> 00:26:36,165
What are you talking about?
445
00:26:39,011 --> 00:26:41,377
We're middle-aged men,
we don't make friends.
446
00:26:41,446 --> 00:26:43,971
- We have nothing in common.
- You have me in common.
447
00:26:44,049 --> 00:26:46,882
If you and Aidan
don't become at least a little friendly...
448
00:26:46,952 --> 00:26:49,318
I won't be able to stay in your life.
449
00:26:57,129 --> 00:26:58,756
How do I do this?
450
00:27:00,098 --> 00:27:02,965
You're a guy, he's a guy, there's a ball...
451
00:27:03,035 --> 00:27:04,525
figure it out.
452
00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:29,688
Hey, man.
453
00:27:31,964 --> 00:27:35,491
I'm sorry about last night.
I guess I got a little drunk.
454
00:27:37,302 --> 00:27:40,999
I didn't mean to come up
and ruin your weekend or anything.
455
00:27:43,842 --> 00:27:45,139
You play hoop?
456
00:27:45,210 --> 00:27:48,509
Here, why don't you give me a shot?
I play a little.
457
00:27:53,719 --> 00:27:56,347
A little muddy, I guess all that rain.
458
00:28:06,398 --> 00:28:10,300
- Watch it, man. That was a little hard.
- That wasn't that hard.
459
00:28:27,085 --> 00:28:30,020
There they were. Batman and the Green Bee.
460
00:28:32,457 --> 00:28:33,685
Stop it!
461
00:28:39,097 --> 00:28:41,531
Stop it! You're middle-aged!
462
00:28:47,539 --> 00:28:50,064
- That dog just bit my ass!
- Pete!
463
00:28:50,142 --> 00:28:53,043
And just like that, Kato stopped the fight.
464
00:29:04,523 --> 00:29:06,684
And the thing is, see...
465
00:29:07,426 --> 00:29:09,189
she could reach me...
466
00:29:09,594 --> 00:29:11,585
but I could never get her.
467
00:29:13,331 --> 00:29:15,322
Day or night, whenever...
468
00:29:15,867 --> 00:29:17,664
she could reach me...
469
00:29:17,903 --> 00:29:20,201
I couldn't get her. See?
470
00:29:21,006 --> 00:29:22,974
- That's fucked up.
- Yeah.
471
00:29:24,342 --> 00:29:26,833
Somehow, the storm had passed...
472
00:29:27,245 --> 00:29:29,611
and I never fully understood why.
473
00:29:30,315 --> 00:29:34,046
Okay, maybe men and women
don't live in the same zip code...
474
00:29:34,419 --> 00:29:36,387
but we're moving closer.
475
00:29:36,822 --> 00:29:38,187
Good eggs.
476
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:46,000
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