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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
1
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New York City is all about sex.
2
00:00:49,706 --> 00:00:52,698
People getting it.
People trying to get it.
3
00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:54,934
And people who can't get it.
4
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:58,777
No wonder the city never sleeps.
It's too busy trying to get laid.
5
00:00:58,848 --> 00:01:02,909
But if you ever actually do manage
to get someone in bed...
6
00:01:02,986 --> 00:01:04,920
the real fun begins.
7
00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:09,454
That's the kind with nuts in it.
8
00:01:09,526 --> 00:01:11,460
We love our nuts.
9
00:01:18,668 --> 00:01:20,693
After sleeping together
for many weeks...
10
00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:24,729
Mr. Big and I had gotten comfortable
enough to really sleep together.
11
00:01:30,146 --> 00:01:32,137
It was nice.
It was the way...
12
00:01:32,215 --> 00:01:34,683
I'd always dreamed it could be.
13
00:01:34,751 --> 00:01:36,878
- Good morning.
- Morning.
14
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:48,798
Was that you?
15
00:01:48,865 --> 00:01:50,992
Oh, my God.
16
00:01:52,402 --> 00:01:55,132
I think it might be worse
under there.
17
00:01:55,205 --> 00:01:56,570
Shut up!
18
00:02:01,478 --> 00:02:03,412
I hadn't dressed so quickly
since the time...
19
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,414
I was caught in the boy's dorm
sophomore year.
20
00:02:05,482 --> 00:02:07,575
- Wait. Don't you want some coffee?
- Oh, gosh.
21
00:02:07,651 --> 00:02:09,585
I'm late for a thing.
22
00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:13,378
Oh, my God. I was mortified.
23
00:02:14,591 --> 00:02:16,650
I didn't call him
the rest of the day.
24
00:02:16,726 --> 00:02:21,186
I tried to lose myself in work,
but every time I stopped to think...
25
00:02:21,264 --> 00:02:25,291
- Oh, God.
- I'd relive my hell all over again.
26
00:02:26,703 --> 00:02:30,104
The next day, I realized
how childish I was behaving.
27
00:02:30,173 --> 00:02:33,768
I decided to stop avoiding the situation
and take the grown-up approach...
28
00:02:33,843 --> 00:02:35,276
complete and utter denial.
29
00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:38,041
I saw the Met is opening
a new Goya exhibit.
30
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,309
Do you want to go this Saturday?
31
00:02:40,383 --> 00:02:42,681
Sure.
32
00:02:42,752 --> 00:02:45,152
Could you get me
some more duck sauce, please?
33
00:02:45,221 --> 00:02:47,155
I most certainly can.
34
00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:52,553
Oh, and we have to stop and see
the Renoirs. I love the Renoirs.
35
00:03:00,337 --> 00:03:03,966
There's a moment in every relationship
where romance gives way to reality.
36
00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:23,850
You know... You know what?
37
00:03:23,927 --> 00:03:26,623
I'm exhausted.
38
00:03:26,696 --> 00:03:30,359
You mind if we just
call it a night? Okay?
39
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:31,661
Sure.
40
00:03:33,236 --> 00:03:35,170
Good night.
41
00:03:35,238 --> 00:03:36,170
'Night.
42
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:42,777
That was the first night
we slept together and didn't make love.
43
00:03:42,846 --> 00:03:45,781
By the middle of the next week,
it was three times in a row...
44
00:03:45,849 --> 00:03:47,783
and I was beginning to worry.
45
00:03:47,851 --> 00:03:49,819
Three times? Try three months.
46
00:03:49,886 --> 00:03:52,150
- No.
- Yes.
47
00:03:52,222 --> 00:03:55,714
Now would be a good time to wipe
that horrified look off your face.
48
00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:57,521
I'm sorry, sweetie.
49
00:03:57,594 --> 00:04:00,154
I just... I didn't know.
Where have I been?
50
00:04:00,230 --> 00:04:02,164
You've been having sex.
51
00:04:02,232 --> 00:04:06,362
I've been at Blockbuster
renting videos. It's tragic.
52
00:04:06,436 --> 00:04:08,961
I'm like two rentals away
from a free pound a Gummy Bears.
53
00:04:09,038 --> 00:04:10,733
Relax.
You're just in a dry spell.
54
00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:12,741
I can't believe you said that.
55
00:04:12,809 --> 00:04:15,937
You're all freaked out about three
times. I'm talking three months.
56
00:04:16,012 --> 00:04:19,038
That's different. Not doing it when
you're with someone means much more...
57
00:04:19,115 --> 00:04:20,946
than not doing it
when you're not with someone.
58
00:04:21,017 --> 00:04:22,507
What are you worried about?
59
00:04:22,585 --> 00:04:25,315
I thought you said everything felt
really comfortable and great.
60
00:04:25,388 --> 00:04:27,879
- Maybe too comfortable.
- What do you mean?
61
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:31,858
I farted.
62
00:04:31,928 --> 00:04:34,954
I farted in front of my boyfriend.
63
00:04:35,031 --> 00:04:38,091
- And?
- And we're no longer having sex.
64
00:04:38,168 --> 00:04:40,728
And he thinks of me
as one of the boys.
65
00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:43,364
And I'm gonna have to move
to another city...
66
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,739
where the shame of this
won't follow me.
67
00:04:46,810 --> 00:04:48,471
You farted. You're human.
68
00:04:48,545 --> 00:04:50,513
I don't want him to know that.
69
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:53,481
I mean, he's this perfect guy.
70
00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:56,485
He walks around his perfect apartment
with is perfect suit.
71
00:04:56,553 --> 00:04:59,420
He's perfect, perfect, perfect,
and I'm the girl who farts.
72
00:04:59,489 --> 00:05:02,253
- No wonder we're not having sex.
- You're insane!
73
00:05:02,325 --> 00:05:04,850
It's been three times.
It's perfectly normal.
74
00:05:04,928 --> 00:05:08,056
Says who? I mean...
75
00:05:08,131 --> 00:05:09,962
say it's not the...
76
00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:12,058
then what else is going on?
77
00:05:12,135 --> 00:05:14,626
Is it normal to be
in the same bed and not do it?
78
00:05:14,704 --> 00:05:17,605
I guess it depends
on what's normal for you.
79
00:05:17,674 --> 00:05:19,608
Oh, God. I hate that.
80
00:05:19,676 --> 00:05:22,076
Who am I to know what's normal?
81
00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:24,079
I haven't dated in a hundred years.
I haven't a clue.
82
00:05:24,147 --> 00:05:27,742
Well, three months
is not normal for me.
83
00:05:27,817 --> 00:05:30,718
One month was interesting.
Two months was numbing.
84
00:05:30,787 --> 00:05:34,348
Three months, I am going
out of my mind.
85
00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:37,621
There are 1.3 million
single men in New York...
86
00:05:37,694 --> 00:05:39,753
1.8 million single women.
87
00:05:39,829 --> 00:05:42,764
And of these
more than 3 million people...
88
00:05:42,832 --> 00:05:45,528
about 12 think
they're having enough sex.
89
00:05:45,602 --> 00:05:48,093
How often is normal?
90
00:05:48,171 --> 00:05:51,436
I have to masturbate three times
a day just to make it through.
91
00:05:51,508 --> 00:05:54,341
Some people take coffee breaks,
I take jerk-off breaks.
92
00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:58,039
They say the average 33-year-old woman
has sex 3.5 times a week.
93
00:05:58,114 --> 00:06:00,048
I'd like to know
who that woman is.
94
00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:03,608
My wife and I haven't has sex
since the baby was born.
95
00:06:03,686 --> 00:06:05,779
The baby's applying to Yale
next fall.
96
00:06:06,890 --> 00:06:09,984
Once... One time a day...
97
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:13,620
but two time on very special day.
98
00:06:13,696 --> 00:06:18,190
Normal is the halfway point between
what you want and what you can get.
99
00:06:18,268 --> 00:06:21,032
Even in the plow position,
I could count on Samantha...
100
00:06:21,104 --> 00:06:23,231
for amazing sexual clarity.
101
00:06:23,306 --> 00:06:25,774
Very good. Let's move on
to downward facing dog.
102
00:06:27,277 --> 00:06:32,044
With him, I could do it
every hour on the hour.
103
00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:35,209
Do you think it means something
if Big and I are sleeping together...
104
00:06:35,285 --> 00:06:37,219
but we're not sleeping together?
105
00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:40,279
- The truth?
- When have I ever wanted that?
106
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,414
Okay, tell me.
107
00:06:41,491 --> 00:06:43,220
I think there's trouble.
I mean...
108
00:06:43,293 --> 00:06:46,023
sex is a barometer for what's
going on in the relationship.
109
00:06:47,397 --> 00:06:49,331
I wasn't going to tell you this,
but...
110
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:53,090
I farted.
111
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:58,170
- Then move your mat away.
- Not now. I did it in front of Big.
112
00:06:58,808 --> 00:07:01,208
- Huge mistake.
- You think?
113
00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:04,243
It wasn't a choice.
I'm human. It happened.
114
00:07:04,314 --> 00:07:08,080
No, honey, you're a woman, and men
don't like women to be human.
115
00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:10,142
We aren't supposed to fart, douche...
116
00:07:10,219 --> 00:07:12,551
use tampons or have hair
in places we shouldn't.
117
00:07:12,622 --> 00:07:16,422
I mean, hell, a guy once broke up
with me because I missed a bikini wax.
118
00:07:16,492 --> 00:07:17,891
I knew it.
119
00:07:17,961 --> 00:07:21,021
This is a watershed relationship moment
I'm never gonna be able to erase.
120
00:07:21,097 --> 00:07:22,155
Sure you will.
121
00:07:22,231 --> 00:07:25,462
Just go over there and fuck his brains
out and he'll forget all about it.
122
00:07:25,535 --> 00:07:28,527
Men aren't that complicated.
They're kind of like plants.
123
00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:31,438
- Concentrate. Quiet your insides.
- Now he tells me.
124
00:07:31,507 --> 00:07:34,032
Roll over on your backs.
Take goddess pose.
125
00:07:35,712 --> 00:07:37,805
Let your breathing work with you.
126
00:07:38,815 --> 00:07:41,113
In...
127
00:07:41,184 --> 00:07:42,947
and out.
128
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,552
In.
129
00:07:46,623 --> 00:07:47,715
Out.
130
00:07:50,393 --> 00:07:52,657
Would you like to go
for a coffee sometime?
131
00:07:52,729 --> 00:07:55,254
Forty-five minutes and
three animal positions later...
132
00:07:55,331 --> 00:07:57,765
Samantha and Siddhartha were sipping
green tea...
133
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,825
at a nearby health food restaurant.
134
00:07:59,902 --> 00:08:01,392
Tofu or not tofu.
135
00:08:01,471 --> 00:08:05,134
I always feel so amazing after yoga.
136
00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:07,642
My body feels so open, so alive...
137
00:08:07,710 --> 00:08:09,769
so ready for anything.
138
00:08:12,248 --> 00:08:13,237
Yes?
139
00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:14,510
I'm celibate.
140
00:08:15,518 --> 00:08:19,045
I practice "parmacharia,"
Tantric celibacy.
141
00:08:19,122 --> 00:08:20,783
I gave up sex three years ago.
142
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:22,984
My God. Why?
143
00:08:23,059 --> 00:08:27,359
Or more importantly, why?
Didn't you like it?
144
00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:30,456
Oh, I loved it.
I'd have sex mooring, noon and night.
145
00:08:30,533 --> 00:08:33,127
Sometimes three women a day,
and I was always ready for more.
146
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:36,069
- Now you're just being cruel.
- No.
147
00:08:36,139 --> 00:08:38,073
It was all ego.
148
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:41,110
And where I am now
is so much better than sex.
149
00:08:41,177 --> 00:08:44,408
Oh, come on, honey.
Nothing's better than sex.
150
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,380
Think about really good foreplay.
151
00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:50,252
Your sexual energy's
just starting to awaken.
152
00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:52,844
Now imagine a three-year foreplay...
153
00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:57,817
where all that sexual energy
is coursing through your body...
154
00:08:57,894 --> 00:08:59,828
but it never gets released.
155
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:02,194
It just recycles.
156
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:06,230
Builds. Rises.
157
00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:12,002
Until your entire being is humming
with that electric sexual energy.
158
00:09:12,075 --> 00:09:14,703
My apartment's
just around the corner.
159
00:09:14,777 --> 00:09:18,975
The only thing hotter than sex
is not having sex.
160
00:09:19,048 --> 00:09:22,540
Amazingly, talking dirty
about not having sex...
161
00:09:22,618 --> 00:09:24,779
was the most sexually deviant act...
162
00:09:24,854 --> 00:09:27,254
Samantha had
participated in for months.
163
00:09:27,323 --> 00:09:29,382
The next night when
I met Charlotte for dinner...
164
00:09:29,459 --> 00:09:31,552
I had reached my own
transcendental state.
165
00:09:31,627 --> 00:09:33,618
Pure Mr. Big obsession.
166
00:09:35,565 --> 00:09:37,499
The first time he was tired.
167
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:40,968
The next two times, l...
168
00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:45,735
I don't know. I don't know.
It's bad, isn't it?
169
00:09:45,808 --> 00:09:48,936
Relax. There's nothing wrong
with your relationship.
170
00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:52,208
- That's not all. L...
- What?
171
00:09:53,082 --> 00:09:55,550
I couldn't bring myself
to tell her.
172
00:09:55,618 --> 00:09:57,449
I was afraid she'd go
spontaneously deaf.
173
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,182
I'm sorry.
What were you saying?
174
00:10:00,256 --> 00:10:03,692
People put too much emphasis
on the importance of sex.
175
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,194
It's not the most important thing
in a relationship.
176
00:10:06,262 --> 00:10:08,992
- Right.
- Take Kevin and I, for example.
177
00:10:09,065 --> 00:10:11,499
We've been going out for weeks,
and we still haven't done it.
178
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,695
I mean, we touch and cuddle...
179
00:10:14,771 --> 00:10:17,934
but he's sweet,
and he respects my boundaries.
180
00:10:18,007 --> 00:10:22,444
I like it. It makes it special.
Oh, there he is.
181
00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:26,039
Meeting a friend's new boyfriend
for the first time is always tense.
182
00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:28,106
What if you don't like him?
What if he doesn't like you?
183
00:10:28,184 --> 00:10:30,118
Kevin, this is my good friend Carrie.
184
00:10:32,722 --> 00:10:34,349
What if you've
already slept with him?
185
00:10:35,224 --> 00:10:38,819
- You two know each other.
- Well, kind of.
186
00:10:38,895 --> 00:10:41,125
We used to go out.
187
00:10:41,197 --> 00:10:43,927
Well, kind of used to go out.
188
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,094
You two used to go out?
That's so funny.
189
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:49,400
- Isn't that funny?
- That's my office.
190
00:10:49,472 --> 00:10:51,440
I gotta take this.
I'll be right back.
191
00:10:55,678 --> 00:10:56,804
Okay, when?
192
00:10:58,181 --> 00:11:01,810
- Three years ago?
- Three years. I can live with that.
193
00:11:01,884 --> 00:11:02,782
Serious?
194
00:11:02,852 --> 00:11:05,446
- No.
- Good. Why'd you break up?
195
00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:08,323
We were in different places
and l...
196
00:11:08,391 --> 00:11:11,724
We don't have time for diplomacy.
Just tell me.
197
00:11:11,794 --> 00:11:13,284
He's a sex maniac.
198
00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:22,961
When Charlotte discovered that Kevin
had tucked his libido away...
199
00:11:23,039 --> 00:11:27,601
for her comfort level, she was
even more moved by his restraint.
200
00:11:27,677 --> 00:11:30,373
I want you to know how much
I appreciate your patience.
201
00:11:31,814 --> 00:11:34,078
You've been so patient with me.
202
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:36,641
Shows how much you really care.
203
00:11:36,719 --> 00:11:38,653
And all that waiting...
204
00:11:38,721 --> 00:11:41,212
is gonna make it
all the more special for us now.
205
00:11:47,496 --> 00:11:50,056
There's only gonna be one stop.
Thanks.
206
00:12:05,615 --> 00:12:07,549
I don't think this is gonna work.
207
00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:10,716
- Why? Is it me?
- No, you're great.
208
00:12:10,786 --> 00:12:13,311
I'm just not that sexual a guy.
209
00:12:14,757 --> 00:12:17,590
It's me. I know it's me.
210
00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:21,027
Look, Carrie told me
that you were quite sexual.
211
00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:24,760
In fact, I believe
she used the word "maniac."
212
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,529
That was before.
213
00:12:27,937 --> 00:12:30,064
- Before what?
- Prozac.
214
00:12:30,139 --> 00:12:33,540
- Prozac.
- Yeah. I used to be such a mess.
215
00:12:33,609 --> 00:12:36,908
Mr. Mood Swing.
It's a total lifesaver.
216
00:12:36,979 --> 00:12:39,880
The only downside is
it takes the air out of my tires.
217
00:12:39,949 --> 00:12:43,112
After a while, it's
kind of like a taffy pull.
218
00:12:44,687 --> 00:12:47,121
It's okay.
Don't worry about it.
219
00:12:48,057 --> 00:12:51,151
I don't.
I wish I could say I felt worse...
220
00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:55,027
but to tell you the truth,
these days, nothing gets me down.
221
00:12:55,097 --> 00:12:57,031
You want to watch a movie?
222
00:13:01,337 --> 00:13:03,271
Terrified of going to Mr. Big's...
223
00:13:03,339 --> 00:13:05,933
for what could become
another platonic sleepover...
224
00:13:06,008 --> 00:13:11,139
I paced my apartment and tried not
to think about our lack of sex when...
225
00:13:11,213 --> 00:13:13,738
There they were, my new neighbors...
226
00:13:13,816 --> 00:13:15,750
Mr. And Mrs. Get-it-on.
227
00:13:15,818 --> 00:13:20,346
A couple so obviously into each other
there was only one thing to do...
228
00:13:20,423 --> 00:13:21,355
watch.
229
00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:28,263
Then something wonderful happened.
230
00:13:28,331 --> 00:13:30,697
My desire overcame my fear.
231
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,529
Hi, it's me.
232
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:34,535
Is it okay if I come over?
233
00:13:36,639 --> 00:13:39,608
Meanwhile, across town at the corner
of Nirvana and West Third...
234
00:13:39,675 --> 00:13:43,111
Siddhartha was helping Samantha
along her newfound path.
235
00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:46,046
"Blocks are connection
to our inner life...
236
00:13:46,115 --> 00:13:47,673
and true identities.,,
237
00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:50,776
- You're hard.
- I know.
238
00:13:50,853 --> 00:13:53,185
"Our addictions and attachments...
239
00:13:53,255 --> 00:13:55,280
are a way to block
our spiritual hunger...
240
00:13:56,092 --> 00:13:58,458
through unhealthy
and dependent ways.,,
241
00:13:58,527 --> 00:14:00,859
- You're still hard.
- It'll go down.
242
00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:02,591
So can I.
243
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:15,032
I showed up at his apartment
feeling sexy and confident.
244
00:14:15,111 --> 00:14:17,579
Wearing my secret-weapon skirt
that really hugged my hips...
245
00:14:17,646 --> 00:14:19,170
I was ready to go.
246
00:14:19,248 --> 00:14:21,182
He didn't have a prayer.
247
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:27,955
Very nice. Come on in.
I'm watching the fight.
248
00:14:35,464 --> 00:14:36,897
Baby.
249
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:49,436
Come on. Let me watch this.
250
00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:55,244
Oh, man!
251
00:14:59,155 --> 00:15:01,089
Jesus, Carrie! Come on!
252
00:15:01,157 --> 00:15:03,785
Would you knock it the fuck off?
I'm trying to watch this fight.
253
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,349
Fine. I'll leave.
254
00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:08,397
What is wrong with you?
Why are you acting so nuts?
255
00:15:08,464 --> 00:15:12,400
Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe
I don't fit into your perfect life...
256
00:15:12,468 --> 00:15:15,232
with your perfect apartment
and your perfect pay-per-view fight.
257
00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:16,635
Maybe I should leave.
258
00:15:19,675 --> 00:15:21,734
I stood there and waited
for the obligatory...
259
00:15:21,811 --> 00:15:24,507
he's-coming-to-stop-me
ten seconds.
260
00:15:24,580 --> 00:15:26,104
He didn't.
261
00:15:26,182 --> 00:15:30,414
By the time I got home, I was sure he'd
left an apology on my voice mail.
262
00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:33,284
You have no new messages
in your mailbox.
263
00:15:33,355 --> 00:15:35,823
I didn't sleep very well that night...
264
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:38,325
but I wasn't the only one.
265
00:15:38,394 --> 00:15:41,522
After a night of spiritual reading
with her hunky guru...
266
00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:45,658
Samantha began to feel things
she hadn't felt in a very long time...
267
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:47,599
frustrated and horny.
268
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:50,138
She decided it was time
to put an end to her suffering.
269
00:15:50,206 --> 00:15:53,835
But just as she reached the place
Krishna called the gateway to life...
270
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:57,037
she turned back
and decided not to enter.
271
00:15:57,113 --> 00:15:58,876
After all, she'd come this far.
272
00:15:58,948 --> 00:16:02,042
She could continue
not to come at all.
273
00:16:02,118 --> 00:16:04,814
In an effort
to get her mind off sex...
274
00:16:04,887 --> 00:16:07,583
Miranda had rented
a five-hour Danish documentary...
275
00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:09,590
on the Nuremberg trial.
276
00:16:09,658 --> 00:16:12,218
- It actually worked until...
- Hey, gorgeous!
277
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:14,694
Why don't you quick drop this?
278
00:16:14,763 --> 00:16:17,027
Hey, she's thinkin' about it.
279
00:16:17,099 --> 00:16:22,628
Where you goin' so fast?
I got what you want, what you need.
280
00:16:22,705 --> 00:16:26,106
Like every woman consumed
with a relationship problem...
281
00:16:26,175 --> 00:16:28,871
I needed a project
to keep my mind from obsessing...
282
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:30,878
and my hands from dialing his number.
283
00:16:35,284 --> 00:16:37,752
Three months and one week.
284
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:40,914
Miranda needed to keep
her hands busy as well.
285
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:43,584
- Did he call?
- Nope.
286
00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:46,184
And it's been two days.
287
00:16:46,262 --> 00:16:49,595
Nice color. Ecru?
288
00:16:49,665 --> 00:16:50,597
Egg shell.
289
00:16:52,668 --> 00:16:56,035
Well, I think it's over.
290
00:16:56,105 --> 00:16:58,039
I should never have farted.
291
00:16:58,107 --> 00:17:00,803
Jesus, Carrie! That's it.
I've heard enough about the fart.
292
00:17:00,876 --> 00:17:04,869
- It's not the fucking fart.
- I know it's not the fucking fart.
293
00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:06,881
I think I'm in love with him...
294
00:17:06,949 --> 00:17:10,885
and I'm terrified that's he's gonna
leave me because I'm not perfect.
295
00:17:10,953 --> 00:17:12,545
All right.
296
00:17:12,621 --> 00:17:16,557
Let's just put the roller down
and go in the other room and talk.
297
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:19,719
Sex has stopped.
He hasn't called.
298
00:17:19,795 --> 00:17:21,888
What if he never calls
and three weeks from now...
299
00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:24,455
I pick up The New York Times
and I read that he's married...
300
00:17:24,533 --> 00:17:28,663
some perfect little woman who never
passes gas under his $500 sheets.
301
00:17:28,737 --> 00:17:30,534
When did you get so obsessed
with being perfect?
302
00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:33,040
I don't know. It's something about him.
You should see me around him.
303
00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:37,010
I'm not like me.
I'm like "together Carrie."
304
00:17:37,079 --> 00:17:41,448
I wear little outfits..."sexy Carrie,"
and "casual Carrie."
305
00:17:41,517 --> 00:17:45,214
Sometimes I catch myself
actually posing. It's exhausting.
306
00:17:45,287 --> 00:17:47,050
Then stop.
307
00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:49,420
Why don't you show him
more of this Carrie? She's great.
308
00:17:49,491 --> 00:17:51,550
What if he doesn't like her?
309
00:17:53,729 --> 00:17:56,095
Oh, my God!
310
00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:58,360
Look at them.
311
00:17:59,969 --> 00:18:02,267
I had no idea
they did an afternoon show.
312
00:18:02,338 --> 00:18:05,102
When a show is good,
word gets around.
313
00:18:05,174 --> 00:18:08,200
There we were, the '90s version
of matinee ladies.
314
00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:10,211
Who said the theater was dead.
315
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:13,043
Samantha, I cannot believe
that you would give this up on purpose.
316
00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:16,084
- Actually, I hardly miss it.
- How long has it been?
317
00:18:16,151 --> 00:18:19,120
- A hundred years.
- It never goes down, does it?
318
00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:21,679
- Look, it's still...
- Hard.
319
00:18:21,757 --> 00:18:24,021
- Yeah.
- Gummy Bear, please.
320
00:18:27,496 --> 00:18:30,363
- Give me the fucking candy.
- Hey, snapping over Gummy Bears...
321
00:18:30,432 --> 00:18:32,662
might be a sign
that celibacy's not for you.
322
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:34,828
All I can say is that my big payoff
better be worth it.
323
00:18:34,903 --> 00:18:36,837
Samantha, I don't understand you.
324
00:18:36,905 --> 00:18:39,601
There are people starving out there
and you're fasting.
325
00:18:39,675 --> 00:18:41,802
Stop complaining. At least
you can take care of yourself.
326
00:18:41,877 --> 00:18:43,811
I'm way beyond that point.
327
00:18:43,879 --> 00:18:45,847
Beside, I think I've given myself
carpal tunnel.
328
00:18:45,914 --> 00:18:48,178
Sure, it's all fun until you
get to know each other.
329
00:18:51,186 --> 00:18:53,120
That move is what there famous for.
330
00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:57,256
It's been an hour.
How can that guy still be...
331
00:18:57,326 --> 00:18:58,816
Hard.
332
00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:01,556
I have got to try this again
with Kevin.
333
00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:05,760
We really like each other. That's
got to be stronger than a drug, right?
334
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,301
I'm warning you.
335
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:10,861
If I make it to four months,
I'm humping one of you.
336
00:19:13,809 --> 00:19:15,777
Oh, my God.
337
00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:17,175
I hate them.
338
00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:20,875
After the second show, each of us
went on with our Saturdays.
339
00:19:20,949 --> 00:19:23,941
Miranda went to get a movie
and another pound of Gummy Bears.
340
00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:26,317
Hey, it's my sweetheart!
341
00:19:26,388 --> 00:19:29,323
You're looking good, baby.
Good enough to eat.
342
00:19:29,391 --> 00:19:31,985
Where are you goin', doll?
I got what you want.
343
00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,529
- I got what you need.
- You talking to me?
344
00:19:34,596 --> 00:19:36,587
We got a live one, boys.
345
00:19:36,665 --> 00:19:39,896
You got what I want?
You got what I need?
346
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:43,404
Well, what I want is to get laid.
What I need is to get laid.
347
00:19:43,472 --> 00:19:46,964
- I need is to get laid.
- Take it easy, lady. I'm married.
348
00:19:47,042 --> 00:19:50,808
All talk and no action, huh?
What a cafone!
349
00:19:51,747 --> 00:19:53,874
Yeah, she's something else.
350
00:19:53,949 --> 00:19:57,385
Samantha decided to channel
her frustration at yoga.
351
00:19:57,453 --> 00:19:59,182
Good.
352
00:19:59,254 --> 00:20:02,485
Now release and breathe.
353
00:20:02,558 --> 00:20:06,961
Unless you're planning to move
those hands down, get them off me.
354
00:20:07,029 --> 00:20:09,793
Exhale and turn around
into asana.
355
00:20:09,865 --> 00:20:12,925
She had reached the end
of her path and her patience.
356
00:20:23,979 --> 00:20:25,708
Wanna fuck?
357
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:29,950
Wanna fuck?
358
00:20:30,786 --> 00:20:31,753
Yeah.
359
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:41,327
Samantha spent the afternoon
having multiple yo-gasms.
360
00:20:41,397 --> 00:20:45,356
Later that night, Charlotte was
determined to prove she was stronger...
361
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:48,301
than selective serotonin
re-uptake inhibitors.
362
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:50,565
Isn't your arm getting tired?
363
00:20:50,639 --> 00:20:52,937
No, I think it's starting to work.
364
00:20:55,043 --> 00:20:57,978
It's not,
and I'm beginning to chafe.
365
00:21:07,289 --> 00:21:09,757
- You okay?
- Yeah.
366
00:21:09,825 --> 00:21:13,955
I've just never been
in this situation before.
367
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:15,963
Do you think you'll ever...
368
00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:20,534
- Never mind.
- What, think I'll ever go off it?
369
00:21:20,602 --> 00:21:22,866
- Yeah.
- Nope.
370
00:21:22,938 --> 00:21:25,338
Not even for me?
371
00:21:25,407 --> 00:21:27,568
Nope.
372
00:21:27,643 --> 00:21:31,135
Come on. Wouldn't you rather be
with a guy who'd kind and giving...
373
00:21:31,213 --> 00:21:33,147
and not that interested in sex...
374
00:21:33,215 --> 00:21:36,150
than an unstable, oversexed prick
who only wants to get laid?
375
00:21:41,223 --> 00:21:42,349
Nope.
376
00:21:42,424 --> 00:21:45,860
Once Charlotte realized she couldn't
get what she thought she didn't want...
377
00:21:45,928 --> 00:21:48,988
she couldn't imagine
going on without it.
378
00:21:49,965 --> 00:21:53,401
Saturday night's dinner came and went
with no call from Big.
379
00:21:53,469 --> 00:21:55,403
My life was suddenly shit...
380
00:21:55,471 --> 00:21:57,405
but my cabinets
were looking fabulous.
381
00:22:00,042 --> 00:22:01,976
- Who is it?
- Me.
382
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:11,012
- Surprise.
- Yeah.
383
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:24,097
- What's all this?
- I'm painting.
384
00:22:24,166 --> 00:22:26,532
I can see that.
385
00:22:26,602 --> 00:22:28,593
Why didn't you call?
386
00:22:29,671 --> 00:22:31,605
Why didn't you call?
387
00:22:35,544 --> 00:22:37,478
So this is where you live.
388
00:22:40,649 --> 00:22:42,879
About time you invited me up.
389
00:22:42,951 --> 00:22:44,942
I didn't invite you.
390
00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:46,453
I know.
391
00:22:54,363 --> 00:22:57,332
It's nice. Very nice.
392
00:22:57,399 --> 00:22:59,333
No, it's not. It's a mess.
393
00:23:00,569 --> 00:23:04,005
The floors need to be stripped
and the curtains are...
394
00:23:04,072 --> 00:23:06,040
I want to change a lot of it.
395
00:23:07,743 --> 00:23:09,677
I don't know.
396
00:23:11,079 --> 00:23:13,013
I like it.
397
00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:20,754
I like it the way it is.
398
00:23:22,291 --> 00:23:24,225
What was that all about
the other night?
399
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:26,994
That was me...
400
00:23:27,062 --> 00:23:28,654
having a meltdown.
401
00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:40,702
Nice paint.
402
00:23:40,776 --> 00:23:42,710
- Egg shell?
- Yes.
403
00:23:50,185 --> 00:23:54,349
Did you know there's a couple
humping outside of your window?
404
00:23:54,423 --> 00:23:56,891
Really? Oh, I never noticed.
405
00:23:58,026 --> 00:24:01,792
All I could think was
why aren't we having sex?
406
00:24:01,863 --> 00:24:05,355
Is this normal? What's wrong?
407
00:24:05,434 --> 00:24:07,368
- Where are we going?
- Oh, hell.
408
00:24:09,338 --> 00:24:11,533
We can do better than that.
409
00:24:15,477 --> 00:24:17,411
And then he kissed me.
410
00:24:19,514 --> 00:24:23,541
Odd how normal can sometimes
feel so uncomfortable.
411
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
412
00:24:44,000 --> 00:25:46,000
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part of the [RL] Crew32377
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