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00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew
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In a city of perfect people...
2
00:00:50,173 --> 00:00:53,574
no one was more perfect than Brooke.
3
00:00:54,711 --> 00:00:59,944
She was an interior designer
who only dated A-list guys.
4
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:04,544
For Brooke, every Saturday night
was like the senior prom.
5
00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:10,352
So, when she got married...
6
00:01:10,427 --> 00:01:13,726
we were all dying to see
which one had made the cut.
7
00:01:15,465 --> 00:01:18,901
Was I the only one who remembered
that Brooke once described this man...
8
00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:21,836
as more boring than exposed brick?
9
00:01:28,712 --> 00:01:31,647
It was your average $100,000 wedding.
10
00:01:34,651 --> 00:01:37,643
Investment bankers
and the women who hate them...
11
00:01:38,855 --> 00:01:42,723
classmates from Steiner,
Dalton and Brown...
12
00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:44,259
and us.
13
00:01:44,327 --> 00:01:47,728
We looked like
The Witches of Eastwick.
14
00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:03,435
A wedding this size always
has two singles tables.
15
00:02:04,414 --> 00:02:06,348
We were at the other one.
16
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,712
Hello.
17
00:02:14,224 --> 00:02:17,682
Hi. I'm Bernie Turtletaub,
friend of the groom.
18
00:02:20,163 --> 00:02:22,791
It was the Turtle.
A Manhattan legend known for two things:
19
00:02:22,866 --> 00:02:25,232
Good investments and bad breath.
20
00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,270
My feet are killing me.
21
00:02:27,337 --> 00:02:30,363
- Sit down.
- I can't. This outfit works if I stand.
22
00:02:32,175 --> 00:02:34,769
I think it works either way.
23
00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:37,938
You know, I think
I'm at that table over there.
24
00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:44,752
Your friend is gorgeous.
25
00:02:44,821 --> 00:02:47,813
What do I have to do
to get to know her better?
26
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:58,532
Do you think the pears
in this tart are bosc or bartlett?
27
00:02:58,601 --> 00:03:00,296
Who cares?
28
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:03,533
Two hours later, we were bored.
29
00:03:03,606 --> 00:03:05,574
Supplies were dwindling...
30
00:03:05,642 --> 00:03:08,509
and one of our passengers
had jumped ship.
31
00:03:08,578 --> 00:03:11,638
Are we gonna stick around
and catch the bouquet?
32
00:03:11,715 --> 00:03:14,309
That is so not going to happen.
33
00:03:14,384 --> 00:03:16,875
Bosc! They've got to be bosc.
34
00:03:22,859 --> 00:03:24,827
Can you believe I finally did it?
35
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:32,191
You're next.
Bill's got some great single friends.
36
00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:40,234
It's always better to marry someone
who loves you more than you love them.
37
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:49,442
People are always telling me things
I don't want to hear.
38
00:03:49,519 --> 00:03:53,148
But this one crossed the line.
39
00:03:53,223 --> 00:03:55,214
Did I wake you?
40
00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:57,623
- Not at all.
- Question.
41
00:03:57,694 --> 00:04:00,060
Why do people get married
if they're not in love?
42
00:04:00,130 --> 00:04:02,496
I don't know.
43
00:04:02,565 --> 00:04:07,093
Companionship, guilt,
political asylum?
44
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:10,628
- Why did you get married?
- I was a fool in love.
45
00:04:10,707 --> 00:04:13,505
That is so sweet.
46
00:04:13,576 --> 00:04:16,773
- And then I was a fool in divorce court.
- Now you're just a fool.
47
00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:21,806
Exactly. Which is why I'm never
getting married again.
48
00:04:21,885 --> 00:04:24,752
Suddenly, I had to concentrate
on breathing.
49
00:04:26,523 --> 00:04:29,617
- Are you in bed with someone?
- No. Are you?
50
00:04:29,692 --> 00:04:33,059
Just three slices of wedding cake.
You jealous?
51
00:04:33,129 --> 00:04:36,496
That depends. What are your plans
for the frosting?
52
00:04:36,566 --> 00:04:39,160
- Good night.
- Good night.
53
00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:43,164
I hung up the phone wondering...
54
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:46,572
could I date a man
who would never get married?
55
00:04:49,145 --> 00:04:52,706
Wow! A guy who doesn't want
to get married! Film at 11:00!
56
00:04:52,782 --> 00:04:54,909
Don't tell me
you're surprised by this.
57
00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:57,851
You know who wants to get married?
Men who miss their mommies.
58
00:04:57,921 --> 00:05:01,118
Maybe this wasn't my target audience.
59
00:05:01,191 --> 00:05:03,125
Am I the only one who thinks
this is a major bummer?
60
00:05:03,193 --> 00:05:06,390
What if you spend five years with him
and in the end you have nothing?
61
00:05:06,463 --> 00:05:10,194
I wasn't thinking about it until he said
I couldn't. Now it's all I think about.
62
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,564
Just be cool. You don't care.
63
00:05:12,635 --> 00:05:14,728
Then he'll wonder why you don't...
64
00:05:14,804 --> 00:05:18,535
which will make him realize he does,
and then it's a whole new ball game.
65
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:21,202
So in your world,
it's always sixth grade.
66
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:26,772
A relationship has to be based
on honesty and communication to succeed.
67
00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:29,683
Okay. If you were 25,
that would be adorable...
68
00:05:29,752 --> 00:05:32,846
but you're 32 now,
so that's just stupid.
69
00:05:32,922 --> 00:05:34,947
- I can't just ignore it, can I?
- Yes. No!
70
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:38,551
What's the big deal? In 50 years,
men are gonna be obsolete anyway.
71
00:05:38,628 --> 00:05:42,325
Already you can't talk to them,
you don't need them to have kids with...
72
00:05:42,398 --> 00:05:44,628
you don't even need them
to have sex with anymore...
73
00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:47,135
as I've just
very pleasantly discovered.
74
00:05:47,203 --> 00:05:50,104
Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody just got
their first vibrator.
75
00:05:50,173 --> 00:05:53,768
Not first. Ultimate.
And I think I'm in love.
76
00:05:53,843 --> 00:05:57,370
Oh, please, stop!
This is so sad.
77
00:05:57,447 --> 00:06:00,848
I'm not gonna replace a man
with some battery-operated device.
78
00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:03,044
You say that, but you haven't met
"The Rabbit."
79
00:06:03,119 --> 00:06:05,952
If you're gonna get a vibrator,
at least get one called "The Horse."
80
00:06:06,022 --> 00:06:10,982
A vibrator does not call you on your
birthday, send flowers the next day...
81
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:14,291
and you cannot take a vibrator home
to meet your mother.
82
00:06:14,364 --> 00:06:19,267
I know where my next orgasm is
coming from. Who here can say as much?
83
00:06:24,474 --> 00:06:28,308
That night, Samantha went on a date
with a flesh and blood man...
84
00:06:28,378 --> 00:06:31,313
while the three of us went in search
of furrier companionship.
85
00:06:31,381 --> 00:06:35,784
Ladies, I'd like you to meet the Rabbit.
86
00:06:36,853 --> 00:06:38,684
$92?
87
00:06:38,755 --> 00:06:41,053
Please! Think about the money
we spend on shoes.
88
00:06:41,124 --> 00:06:44,616
I have no intention of using that.
I'm saving sex for someone I love.
89
00:06:44,694 --> 00:06:46,924
Fantastic.
Is there a man in the picture?
90
00:06:48,565 --> 00:06:51,762
Look! Oh, it's so cute.
91
00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:55,292
I thought it would be all scary
and weird, but it isn't. It's pink!
92
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,771
For girls!
93
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:02,174
Look. The little bunny has
a little face like Peter Rabbit.
94
00:07:02,245 --> 00:07:05,009
It's even got a remote.
How lazy do you have to be?
95
00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:09,513
Later that night,
back at the brier patch...
96
00:07:15,758 --> 00:07:16,850
Hello?
97
00:07:16,926 --> 00:07:22,159
You are not going to believe
the evening I've had.
98
00:07:25,368 --> 00:07:28,701
- Are you listening to me?
- Yeah.
99
00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:31,834
Jerry, who Samantha met
at Brooke's wedding...
100
00:07:31,908 --> 00:07:35,844
took her to Lava,
New York's restaurant du jour.
101
00:07:42,285 --> 00:07:45,812
From the moment I saw you at
that wedding, I knew we'd have dinner.
102
00:07:45,888 --> 00:07:48,755
Aren't you cocky!
103
00:07:48,825 --> 00:07:51,521
I'm the kind of guy,
I see something...
104
00:07:51,594 --> 00:07:54,859
I like it, I go after it.
105
00:07:54,931 --> 00:07:57,559
You sound like my kind of guy.
106
00:07:58,601 --> 00:08:01,729
Hold that thought.
I'll be right back.
107
00:08:09,846 --> 00:08:13,407
Ten minutes and a couple
of cocktails later...
108
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,612
Where the hell is he?
109
00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:34,767
He obviously had seen something else
he liked and gone after it.
110
00:08:43,312 --> 00:08:47,009
Then, just when she thought
her evening couldn't get any worse...
111
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:49,381
Samantha?
Hey, Samantha!
112
00:08:49,452 --> 00:08:51,113
It's me.
113
00:08:52,021 --> 00:08:54,717
Bernie Turtletaub from the wedding.
114
00:08:55,725 --> 00:08:57,158
Oh, right.
115
00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:59,217
Are you here all by yourself?
116
00:08:59,295 --> 00:09:02,230
Sort of. I'm...
117
00:09:02,298 --> 00:09:04,061
Sit down, join me!
118
00:09:07,704 --> 00:09:09,638
You look great.
119
00:09:09,706 --> 00:09:14,609
What Samantha needed now more than
anything was a compliment from anyone.
120
00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:23,710
I can't believe the synchronicity.
I was just thinking about you!
121
00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:29,620
So, do you like this shirt?
122
00:09:29,692 --> 00:09:32,957
My ex-girlfriend
picked it out for me.
123
00:09:33,029 --> 00:09:37,932
Honey, no offense,
but your breath...
124
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,627
I know.
125
00:09:39,702 --> 00:09:43,866
It's these Chinese herbs I'm taking.
You know, for longer life.
126
00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:48,934
With breath like that, you're gonna live
a very long life alone.
127
00:09:50,379 --> 00:09:54,110
I killed the last woman
who talked to me like that.
128
00:09:55,418 --> 00:09:59,286
Samantha was impressed.
The Turtle had attempted a joke.
129
00:10:05,361 --> 00:10:10,230
Once we get the breath under control,
we're shopping for a new wardrobe.
130
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:12,233
He's a cute little fixer-upper.
131
00:10:12,301 --> 00:10:14,861
Sweetheart, he's a man,
not a brownstone.
132
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:18,771
When I'm through with him,
he'll be Gracie Mansion.
133
00:10:19,842 --> 00:10:22,276
Samantha and the Turtle?
134
00:10:22,345 --> 00:10:25,246
But then again, I'm dating a man
who will never get married...
135
00:10:25,314 --> 00:10:30,616
and Miranda is having a meaningful
relationship with something from a box.
136
00:10:31,554 --> 00:10:36,787
In a city of great expectations, is it
time to settle for what you can get?
137
00:10:36,859 --> 00:10:38,793
I needed some answers.
138
00:10:38,861 --> 00:10:40,795
Later that week, I met Brooke.
139
00:10:40,863 --> 00:10:45,061
Just back from her honeymoon, she was
all business: The business of marriage.
140
00:10:45,134 --> 00:10:47,762
I'd like to return these.
141
00:10:47,837 --> 00:10:51,500
Can you melt them down
into one decent gift?
142
00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:53,166
His friends.
143
00:10:53,242 --> 00:10:56,541
So, how is it being married?
144
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:59,547
It's fabulous. I feel like
an enormous weight has been lifted.
145
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:03,176
- And that's a good thing.
- What's that supposed to mean?
146
00:11:03,252 --> 00:11:08,349
It just means you're happy
with Allen, right?
147
00:11:08,424 --> 00:11:10,016
Yes, I'm happy.
148
00:11:10,092 --> 00:11:12,754
Then I'm happy for you.
149
00:11:15,231 --> 00:11:18,132
Listen, I hope I didn't give you
the wrong idea.
150
00:11:18,201 --> 00:11:21,068
I think Allen's great.
151
00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:23,162
He's incredibly successful.
152
00:11:23,239 --> 00:11:27,335
We think we're Carolyn Bessette. One day
John-John's out of the picture...
153
00:11:27,410 --> 00:11:30,436
and we're happy just to have some guy
who can throw around a frisbee.
154
00:11:30,513 --> 00:11:34,745
- Look who's here. Hey, you two!
- What a small world!
155
00:11:34,817 --> 00:11:36,944
I couldn't believe it.
156
00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:39,715
It was the Turtle
wearing Helmut Lange.
157
00:11:39,789 --> 00:11:43,452
- Wow, he looks great!
- Doesn't he?
158
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,822
He twirls!
159
00:11:45,895 --> 00:11:47,362
- What do you think?
- Fabulous.
160
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:50,490
He's like a whole new person.
161
00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:52,727
Don't I have a 3:00?
162
00:11:52,802 --> 00:11:55,270
That's right. I'm taking him
to Bliss for a facial.
163
00:11:55,338 --> 00:11:58,205
See you later. Bye.
164
00:11:58,274 --> 00:12:01,402
I have to run, too.
I'll call you.
165
00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:03,069
Smart girl.
166
00:12:03,145 --> 00:12:05,705
She seems happy.
167
00:12:05,781 --> 00:12:09,683
Samantha left with the Turtle,
Brooke left with a better gift...
168
00:12:09,752 --> 00:12:13,119
and I left wondering if everyone
in Manhattan was settling.
169
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:18,957
My Zen teacher told me that there was
nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind.
170
00:12:19,028 --> 00:12:21,292
Just as I had reached the moment
of no thought...
171
00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:24,595
- I think I broke my vagina.
- Sorry. Am I pulling too hard?
172
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:27,329
Metaphorically, I mean.
With the Rabbit.
173
00:12:27,403 --> 00:12:29,735
- So you've been using it!
- Yes.
174
00:12:29,805 --> 00:12:33,468
I'm scared if I keep using it, I won't
be able to enjoy sex with a man again.
175
00:12:33,542 --> 00:12:34,975
Why?
176
00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:37,842
Have you ever been with a man...
177
00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:40,747
and he's doing everything
and it feels good...
178
00:12:40,816 --> 00:12:43,808
but somehow you just can't manage to...
179
00:12:43,886 --> 00:12:44,978
Come?
180
00:12:45,054 --> 00:12:46,544
Yeah.
181
00:12:46,622 --> 00:12:50,649
Well, it's weird, 'cause with
the Rabbit it's like every time, boom!
182
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:54,662
And one time,
I came for like five minutes.
183
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,357
It's not illegal.
184
00:12:56,432 --> 00:12:59,595
Yeah, but no man ever did that.
I'm scared. What am I gonna do?
185
00:12:59,669 --> 00:13:03,537
You could still enjoy sex with a man
and the Rabbit.
186
00:13:03,606 --> 00:13:06,234
No, no.
I'm done with it.
187
00:13:06,309 --> 00:13:08,709
That's it. I'm never going
to touch that thing again.
188
00:13:12,515 --> 00:13:16,747
- I got to cancel on the ballet tonight.
- Why?
189
00:13:18,254 --> 00:13:22,782
I'm expecting a phone call...
190
00:13:22,858 --> 00:13:24,792
long distance phone call,
transatlantic.
191
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,192
Charlotte could never tell
a decent lie.
192
00:13:27,263 --> 00:13:29,493
I knew an addict when I saw one.
193
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:34,468
I love Sleeping Beauty!
The music, the sex, the costumes!
194
00:13:34,537 --> 00:13:36,027
It's so romantic!
195
00:13:36,105 --> 00:13:39,734
You like it because she gets to sleep
for 100 years, and doesn't age.
196
00:13:39,809 --> 00:13:43,506
I invited Stanford to the ballet.
I knew he was available.
197
00:13:43,579 --> 00:13:45,809
Stanford, cute, huh?
198
00:13:47,383 --> 00:13:50,318
I've had it
with the whole gay scene.
199
00:13:50,386 --> 00:13:53,753
It's so competitive. You won't believe
what happened to me last week.
200
00:13:53,823 --> 00:13:57,589
Evidently Stanford,
tired of bars and blind dates...
201
00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:00,060
decided to place a personal ad.
202
00:14:01,297 --> 00:14:06,758
He scheduled a rendezvous with the only
respondent on a cold, Sunday afternoon.
203
00:14:08,504 --> 00:14:12,873
Twenty minutes and three false alarms
later, he was ready to call it quits.
204
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:15,132
Stanford?
205
00:14:16,212 --> 00:14:17,474
Yes.
206
00:14:18,614 --> 00:14:21,447
Sorry. This is not gonna happen.
207
00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:27,713
It's so brutal out there.
208
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:30,486
Even guys like me
don't want guys like me.
209
00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:32,754
I just don't have that gay look.
210
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:35,991
I don't know.
You look pretty gay to me.
211
00:14:36,065 --> 00:14:38,260
Come on, maybe it's just a phase.
212
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:42,828
Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years
of rejection is a lifestyle.
213
00:14:42,905 --> 00:14:47,842
Sometimes I think I should just marry
a woman and get all the money.
214
00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,003
- What is there, a cash prize?
- Yeah.
215
00:14:50,079 --> 00:14:54,982
My grandmother gives everyone
their inheritance when they get married.
216
00:14:55,051 --> 00:14:57,884
- She doesn't know you're gay?
- She doesn't believe in gay.
217
00:14:57,953 --> 00:15:00,547
Really? That's funny.
Big doesn't believe in marriage.
218
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:03,820
Maybe you should propose to me,
and we'll all live happily ever after.
219
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:08,091
- You really do want it all.
- I don't know. Maybe nobody gets it all.
220
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:11,463
Though, you do have a point.
221
00:15:11,534 --> 00:15:15,163
We're best friends.
We make each other laugh.
222
00:15:15,237 --> 00:15:17,171
We both sleep with men.
223
00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:20,140
This is not a bad idea at all.
224
00:15:20,209 --> 00:15:23,269
- Actually, I was kidding.
- I'm not! Think about it.
225
00:15:23,345 --> 00:15:28,408
Who else would keep you in expensive
shoes and encourage you to cheat?
226
00:15:28,484 --> 00:15:30,247
Now you're talking!
227
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:35,018
Friday night with a man who shared
my passion for hot men in tights.
228
00:15:35,091 --> 00:15:39,892
Saturday afternoon in bed with a man
who shared my passion for passion.
229
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:42,590
Maybe there was such a thing
as having it all.
230
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:47,134
What's that smile about?
231
00:15:47,203 --> 00:15:51,105
Oh, I got a marriage proposal
last night.
232
00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:54,441
Really?
233
00:15:55,611 --> 00:15:57,374
From whom?
234
00:15:57,446 --> 00:16:01,746
A very handsome, witty young man
about to come into his inheritance.
235
00:16:01,817 --> 00:16:06,345
Oh, I see.
Anyone I know?
236
00:16:06,422 --> 00:16:09,858
Actually his name is Stanford.
Stanford Blatch.
237
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,885
I thought he was gay.
238
00:16:13,963 --> 00:16:15,396
He is.
239
00:16:20,436 --> 00:16:24,031
That should make
for an interesting column.
240
00:16:24,106 --> 00:16:26,438
What are you gonna do
about sex?
241
00:16:26,509 --> 00:16:28,477
I have you.
242
00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:38,816
I guess you've got it all
figured out...
243
00:16:38,888 --> 00:16:40,856
Mrs. Blatch.
244
00:16:40,923 --> 00:16:45,724
The more he mocked me, the more I became
convinced that this idea was genius.
245
00:16:49,532 --> 00:16:52,228
That night, Miranda and I had plans
to join Charlotte...
246
00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:55,293
for a gallery opening
in Chelsea when...
247
00:16:59,675 --> 00:17:02,166
- Hello?
- Carrie, it's Charlotte.
248
00:17:02,244 --> 00:17:05,407
I'm really sorry,
but I'm going to have to cancel.
249
00:17:05,481 --> 00:17:07,574
I'm totally wiped out.
250
00:17:08,884 --> 00:17:10,317
Wiped out!
251
00:17:10,386 --> 00:17:14,789
That was Charlotte speak for "I'm
spending the night with my vibrator."
252
00:17:14,857 --> 00:17:16,882
But you guys have fun, though.
253
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:18,950
There was only one thing to do.
254
00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:21,588
A rabbit intervention.
255
00:17:21,664 --> 00:17:23,632
Come on, let's go!
256
00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:26,327
- Okay, where is it?
- What are you talking about?
257
00:17:26,402 --> 00:17:28,893
The Rabbit.
Give us the Rabbit.
258
00:17:28,971 --> 00:17:32,964
Hey, it's a vibrator.
It's not like it's crack.
259
00:17:36,679 --> 00:17:41,776
You hid the Rabbit behind
a stuffed rabbit? That is so you.
260
00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:44,216
You have a lot of nerve coming in here.
You're the one who made me get it.
261
00:17:44,286 --> 00:17:46,311
I thought you could handle it.
262
00:17:46,388 --> 00:17:50,950
No big deal. I'd rather stay home with
the Rabbit than go out, deal with men.
263
00:17:53,095 --> 00:17:57,862
All right. You're right.
I'll go get dressed.
264
00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,868
With a little help from her friends,
Charlotte decided...
265
00:18:00,936 --> 00:18:04,531
that she wasn't
going to settle for herself.
266
00:18:04,607 --> 00:18:08,008
While Samantha was doing everything
in her power to remake the Turtle...
267
00:18:08,077 --> 00:18:11,342
into a man she could fall
in love with.
268
00:18:11,413 --> 00:18:14,177
- How's your dinner?
- It's questionable.
269
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:18,710
I can't figure out whether
the mushrooms are shitake or chantrelle.
270
00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:21,187
They're definitely not porcini.
271
00:18:22,725 --> 00:18:25,319
Maybe they're wood ear.
272
00:18:26,795 --> 00:18:28,763
Maybe it doesn't matter.
273
00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:32,661
My God!
They're trompettes!
274
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:37,331
It was then that Samantha realized
that even with all her effort...
275
00:18:37,406 --> 00:18:40,398
he was still just
the Turtle in black.
276
00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:43,240
You know, I'm not feeling very well.
277
00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:46,372
I think I'm going
to have to send myself home.
278
00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:51,086
I'll call you.
279
00:18:57,693 --> 00:19:00,457
Excuse me.
Do you like this shirt?
280
00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:04,863
My ex-girlfriend picked it out.
281
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:07,925
After 12 phone calls
and three e-mails...
282
00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:11,370
Stanford badgered me into at least
meeting his grandmother.
283
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,499
I love that suit you're wearing.
284
00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:16,567
Designed by Coco Chanel herself.
285
00:19:16,645 --> 00:19:19,876
- Seriously?
- Grandmother's worn that for 40 years.
286
00:19:19,948 --> 00:19:22,974
And it still fits.
287
00:19:23,052 --> 00:19:25,213
- It never goes out of style.
- Never.
288
00:19:25,287 --> 00:19:28,051
I have it in blue, black, pink.
289
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,385
And eggshell!
290
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:31,449
Exactly.
291
00:19:31,527 --> 00:19:34,428
Stanford tells me
you're a writer.
292
00:19:34,496 --> 00:19:36,430
Yes, I have a column in The Star.
293
00:19:36,498 --> 00:19:39,729
I was a career woman
many, many years ago.
294
00:19:39,802 --> 00:19:42,430
But I gave it up
to have children.
295
00:19:44,907 --> 00:19:47,967
Oh, wow! Is this you?
296
00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:50,204
Not a bad-looking girl.
Don't you think?
297
00:19:52,281 --> 00:19:55,773
Doesn't she look exactly like
Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember?
298
00:19:55,851 --> 00:19:57,045
She does.
299
00:19:58,887 --> 00:20:01,879
Oh, my God!
This has to be Stanford.
300
00:20:01,957 --> 00:20:03,925
- You're the same person.
- That's enough.
301
00:20:03,992 --> 00:20:08,292
Come on. This is fun. I had no idea
you had such a big family.
302
00:20:08,364 --> 00:20:11,128
How about you, honey?
Do you want a family?
303
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:16,069
As I looked around at all the
memorabilia and family photographs...
304
00:20:16,138 --> 00:20:19,972
the faces of brides and grooms,
children and grandchildren...
305
00:20:20,042 --> 00:20:22,237
I realized...
306
00:20:22,311 --> 00:20:23,972
Yes, I do.
307
00:20:24,046 --> 00:20:28,847
Stanny, be a dear. Go in the kitchen
and get me some matches.
308
00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:30,714
Of course.
309
00:20:35,257 --> 00:20:38,556
I love my Stanford.
He's a very sweet boy.
310
00:20:38,627 --> 00:20:40,959
But you know, he is a fruit.
311
00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:46,366
I realized then that the only
inheritance Stanford was going to get...
312
00:20:46,435 --> 00:20:49,302
was her collection of Chanel suits.
313
00:20:51,807 --> 00:20:54,605
Salt. Yeah.
314
00:20:54,676 --> 00:20:58,669
That night at dinner, I knew I would
have to break the news to Mr. Big.
315
00:21:06,288 --> 00:21:07,880
What do you think?
316
00:21:07,956 --> 00:21:10,891
I do want to get married someday.
317
00:21:10,959 --> 00:21:12,950
Maybe not today.
318
00:21:13,028 --> 00:21:16,191
But I can't date somebody that won't.
What's the point?
319
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,267
Definitely too much salt.
320
00:21:23,205 --> 00:21:27,665
I mean, it's all in the timing.
You gotta brown the garlic...
321
00:21:27,743 --> 00:21:32,305
before you put in the onions,
know what I mean?
322
00:21:34,516 --> 00:21:36,575
I thought we were having fun.
323
00:21:48,530 --> 00:21:51,693
It's bitter, but it definitely
has possibilities.
324
00:21:52,835 --> 00:21:57,067
You have a little bit
of sauce on the lip...
325
00:21:57,139 --> 00:21:59,164
right there.
326
00:21:59,241 --> 00:22:03,507
My Zen teacher also said
the only way to true happiness...
327
00:22:03,579 --> 00:22:06,810
is to live in the moment
and not worry about the future.
328
00:22:08,517 --> 00:22:11,281
Of course,
he died penniless and single.
329
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:19,000
Translation And Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
330
00:22:29,000 --> 00:23:32,000
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