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>> THERAPIST: The key to any
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successful relationship is
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communication.
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What do you think is keeping the
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two of you from being able to
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fully trust each other?
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>> BECCA: Most of the time,
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things are good.
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But out of the blue, we'll have
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a minor disagreement.
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And then we're fighting for
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hours.
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>> THERAPIST: Vernon, what do
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you think about what Becca just
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said?
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>> VERNON: Pissed, dude.
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Bummed. It makes me feel like
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what the shit?
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She talks to me like I'm
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a child.
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>> BECCA: Because you are a
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child.
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>> VERNON: Oh, really?
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A child doctor, Becca?
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A child doctor with a BMW 7
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Series and a credit score well
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into the five hundos?
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>> BECCA: He almost got fired
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because, during a hip
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resurfacing, he took his
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sunglasses, put them on the
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patient's testicles and took a
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picture of it.
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>> THERAPIST: Very unpro...
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>> VERNON: Humor is a necessity
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in the operating room.
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Otherwise, we would collapse
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under the sheer weight of the
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human drama.
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>> THERAPIST: Guys? Right...
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>> BECCA: You fix tennis elbows
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for rich people!
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>> VERNON: Do not tell me how to
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do my calling!
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>> THERAPIST: Okay, guys, let's
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take a breath.
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And remember you're here because
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you love each other.
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There she is.
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Is it possible that the problem
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isn't between the two of you
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but rather in the negative
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external elements that are
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influencing your relationship?
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(Becca clears her throat)
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>> BECCA: So, our therapist said
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we need to cut out the toxic
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elements, which means we just
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can't have couples like you in
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our life anymore.
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>> GRETCHEN: Whoa!
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We're not a couple.
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We're just hanging out.
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>> JIMMY: Wait.
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Breakfast is still on you,
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right?
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>> VERNON: Yeah, totally.
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I gave them my card.
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It's a Chase Saph, which means
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when I use it at restaurants,
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I double-down on the points...
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>> BECCA: Anyway.
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Don't try to talk us out of it.
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>> GRETCHEN: Okay.
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>> BECCA: Well, good luck.
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Both of you.
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>> VERNON: So, I got an Xbox One
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if you ever want to dork out
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on some Madden.
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>> BECCA: Vernon?
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>> VERNON: I meant dork out
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online.
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We can't even headset-hang?
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>> BECCA: Will you please stop
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thinking about Madden for
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five seconds?
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>> GRETCHEN: What are you doing
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later?
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>> JIMMY: I am interviewing
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"Hollywood It Girl" Megan
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Thomas for Coterie magazine.
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>> GRETCHEN: Oh, she's hot.
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Send me pics.
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>> JIMMY: Nudes?
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(Gretchen laughs)
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>> GRETCHEN: Yeah, okay, buddy.
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If you think you can get Megan
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Thomas naked, more power to you.
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>> JIMMY: Well, I was kidding.
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But as you said, "We're not a
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couple," so legally, I'm free to
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try, right?
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>> GRETCHEN: Did it bother you
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when I said that?
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>> JIMMY: No, no.
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It's important to set clear
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rules.
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Hey. This is on the curly
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ginger, yeah?
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All right, in that case, we'll
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take some things to go.
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Well, one of everything from the
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left side.
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Oh, and four of those souvenir
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T-shirts.
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>> GRETCHEN: Ooh, throw in a
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large child's.
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>> JIMMY: Hmm?
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>> GRETCHEN: Killian.
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>> JIMMY: Who?
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>> * I'm gonna leave you anyway
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I'm gonna leave you anyway
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Gonna leave you anyway. *
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>> JIMMY: Okay, so, um...
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(Megan laughs)
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>> JIMMY: ...how does one
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prepare for a role in which you
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play a... (laughs)
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Sorry.
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A tsunami widow?
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>> MEGAN: Shut up.
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Um, all right, this is the
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official quote.
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It was a singular pleasure to be
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able to bring a story of such
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courage to light.
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Plus, I did, like, six weeks of
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Haleo and CrossFit twice a day.
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Feel my calf, dude.
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>> JIMMY: That does indeed
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feel like the calf of a
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grieving widow.
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(Megan laughs)
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>> MEGAN: Whoa!
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You're a foot dude.
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>> JIMMY: No.
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Yes.
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>> MEGAN (laughing): You don't
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have to let go.
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Does your girlfriend have
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nice feet?
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>> JIMMY: Oh, she's not
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my girlfriend.
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In fact, earlier today, she said
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it straight out, "We are not
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a couple."
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>> MEGAN: Yeah, that's just
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something that girls say 'cause
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they feel like they have to.
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>> JIMMY: No, she's not like
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that at all.
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She's actually challenged me to
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try and get a...
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a nude photo of you.
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I mean, of course I told her
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that would be completely
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unprofessional.
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>> MEGAN: We should get another
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round.
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>> EDGAR: Perfect timing.
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I have great news.
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>> JIMMY: What-- you found your
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own place?
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>> EDGAR: My therapist said I
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should be alone as little as
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possible on account of how I've
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been waking up holding a knife.
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>> JIMMY: Mm.
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Wait, what?!
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>> EDGAR: Ah, it's not
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important.
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Anyway, the news was I made
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breakfast nachos.
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>> JIMMY: Go back to the knife
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thing.
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>> EDGAR: Not just breakfast
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nachos, breakfast nachos Г la
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Jimmy and Gretchen with the
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peanuts on top because I know
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how Gretchen likes the crunch.
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>> MEGAN: Hey!
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I got to go, bud.
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>> JIMMY: I'll, uh, I'll walk
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you out.
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>> MEGAN: Mmm!
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(Megan speaking Spanish)
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Me gusta.
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>> LINDSAY: I can't believe
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Jimmy sent you naked photos of a
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celeb.
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>> GRETCHEN: I kind of dared him
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to.
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I didn't think he'd actually be
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able to hit that.
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>> LINDSAY: You have to break up
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with him-- big.
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Ooh, what if we spray-painted
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"pedophile" on his garage door?
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I did that when my neighbors
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left their Christmas lights up
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too long.
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>> GRETCHEN: I can't exactly be
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pissed off.
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I'm not his girlfriend.
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>> LINDSAY: Well, you at least
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have to sleep with someone else,
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too, or you'll resent him
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forever.
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That's feminism, Gretch.
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That's what Susan B. Anthony
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died for.
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>> GRETCHEN: Do you even know
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who Susan B. Anthony is?
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>> LINDSAY: She made an airplane
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disappear.
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>> GRETCHEN: Nope. What?
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That's Amelia Earhart.
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And she didn't make an air...
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>> LINDSAY: Whatever, history.
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You happened already.
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Let it go.
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>> GRETCHEN: I'm not gonna have
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sex with some stranger.
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>> LINDSAY: What about that
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barista with the giant hog you
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dated?
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>> GRETCHEN: Venti?
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The size barely made up for the
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fact that his moustache was
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connected to his sideburns.
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It was like getting banged by
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John Quincy Adams.
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>> LINDSAY: Exactly.
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America's first black astronaut.
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>> GRETCHEN: I'm so glad you
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don't have a job.
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>> LINDSAY: Right?
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>> VENTI: Gretchen?
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Oh, my God. Long time.
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>> GRETCHEN: I know.
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You're still working here.
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>> VENTI: Yeah!
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>> GRETCHEN: How is your band?
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>> VENTI: Oh, our drummer was
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scuba diving in Cancun and
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somehow went deaf.
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So if you know any drummers...
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>> GRETCHEN: I will keep my ear
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out.
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(both laugh)
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Do you still have your van?
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>> VENTI: Yeah.
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>> GRETCHEN: Meet me there in
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five.
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>> VENTI: Oh, I wish I could.
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But I'm a manager now and if I
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abandon my post, my boss will
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fire me.
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>> JIMMY: Hey.
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>> GRETCHEN: Hi.
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Congrats on the photos.
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Megan Thomas-- bringing back the
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bush.
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>> JIMMY: It was for a grieving
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widow role.
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You're not mad, are you?
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>> GRETCHEN: No.
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Like you said, it was totally
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legal for you to do that.
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>> JIMMY: Because we're not
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a couple.
282
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,121
>> GRETCHEN: Yeah.
283
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,756
We're just two chill people,
284
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:39,760
being totally cool about stuff.
285
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,496
You can have sex with celebs, I
286
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:45,833
can bang an ex... which I did...
287
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,267
Which is great.
288
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,602
Because now we're even.
289
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,170
>> JIMMY: Sorry, you did what?
290
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,171
>> GRETCHEN: Yeah.
291
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,940
I ran into that barista from
292
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,141
Silver Lake Coffee.
293
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,776
>> JIMMY: Who, Grande?
294
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,777
>> GRETCHEN: Yes, that was his
295
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:57,778
nickname.
296
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,179
You're not mad, are you?
297
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,013
>> JIMMY: Pfft.
298
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:00,848
Of course not.
299
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,850
I'm just confused, because you
300
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,953
just used the word "even."
301
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,121
Because, technically, I slept
302
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,456
with a sexy, famous celebrity
303
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,891
I'd just met, while you just
304
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,726
re-banged a barista.
305
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:13,727
So that doesn't really count as
306
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,062
a full person, does it?
307
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,997
He's, like, half a person.
308
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,031
At best.
309
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:18,999
>> GRETCHEN: Didn't feel like
310
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,400
half a person.
311
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,401
>> JIMMY: And I've just
312
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,870
remembered his nickname: Venti.
313
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:23,837
>> GRETCHEN: I didn't want to
314
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:24,471
rub it in.
315
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,338
>> JIMMY: Nothing to rub in.
316
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,674
In no world does Hollywood It
317
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,676
Girl Megan Thomas equal your
318
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,243
chai wallah.
319
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,845
But hey, by all means, let's
320
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,847
call it "even."
321
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,817
Where you going?
322
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,985
>> GRETCHEN: I have stuff to do!
323
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,419
(door slams)
324
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,694
>> ANNOUNCER: Ron Stitches
325
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,360
Show...
326
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,329
(phone rings, explosion booms)
327
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,363
>> RON: Welcome back to The
328
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,732
Ron Stitches Show.
329
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,333
I'm Ron and we've got Edgar in
330
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,501
Los Angeles, who says his
331
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,669
roommate's sex life is causing
332
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,070
him problems.
333
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,171
What's the deal, Edgar?
334
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,240
>> EDGAR: Well, Ron, I'm kind of
335
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,709
in a moral dilemma.
336
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:02,576
>> RON: A moral dilemma or an
337
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,077
oral dilemma?
338
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,112
>> WOMAN (sultry): Oh, yes...
339
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,546
>> EDGAR: Ooh, now, the thing is
340
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,380
I really like my roommate's
341
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,215
girlfriend.
342
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,216
>> RON: And you plan on hittin'
343
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,083
that, right?
344
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,218
>> WOMAN: Oh, yes...!
345
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,219
>> EDGAR: No.
346
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,053
No, no, no, no.
347
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,888
I-I mean as a person.
348
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,557
I really want them to work out.
349
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,559
The thing is... he slept with
350
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,262
someone else, and... I don't
351
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,396
know if I should tell her or
352
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,397
not.
353
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,232
>> RON: Whoa, whoa, what?
354
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,399
Rat out your bro, bro?
355
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,567
Is this a prank call?
356
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,535
Cheryl, you're screening these
357
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,402
calls, right?
358
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:30,237
Or are you just sitting over
359
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,104
there playing with them big old
360
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:31,939
hooters of yours?
361
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,607
(owl hoots, woman moans)
362
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,608
>> EDGAR: It's just that ever
363
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,543
since I came back from Iraq, I
364
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,911
haven't really met many people I
365
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,247
can talk to... and she listens.
366
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,248
>> RON: First off, I'd like to
367
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,382
say thank you for you service,
368
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,250
soldier.
369
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,251
If I didn't have this God-dang
370
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,252
bee allergy, I would have been
371
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,419
right over there with you.
372
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,254
So talk to me.
373
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,555
You ever shoot that .50 cal?
374
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,257
I shot one in Vegas one time.
375
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,291
It was hell, man.
376
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,960
I got separated from my squad
377
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,928
somewhere between Crazy Girls
378
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,196
and the Spearmint Rhino and...
379
00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,599
>> LINDSAY: Actually, he's
380
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,433
right.
381
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:01,101
>> GRETCHEN: Linds!
382
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:01,935
>> LINDSAY: Think about it.
383
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,737
Megan Thomas is a major score.
384
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:04,571
She's, like, totally
385
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,405
Hollywood's...
386
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,239
>> GRETCHEN: Don't say
387
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,074
"Hollywood's It Girl."
388
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:07,908
>> LINDSAY: She is.
389
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,276
And Venti is old news.
390
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,478
He's previously taken dick.
391
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,146
PTD, if you will.
392
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,148
>> GRETCHEN: PTD.
393
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,950
Okay, so what if there's a guy
394
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,485
that I haven't...
395
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:21,755
taken, but I did maybe...
396
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:22,956
>> LINDSAY: Slob on it?
397
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:23,924
Still wouldn't count.
398
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,425
You've got to rule out
399
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,327
previously taken or sucked
400
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,797
dicks-- PTSD.
401
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:30,798
>> GRETCHEN: That's what Edgar
402
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:31,631
has.
403
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:32,800
(both laughing)
404
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,434
>> BOTH: Aw...
405
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,468
>> LINDSAY: PTSDs are half a
406
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,303
point.
407
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,304
Kind of like how a competitive
408
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,171
bird watcher only gets points
409
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:38,972
when he sees a new species he
410
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:39,940
hasn't.
411
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:40,774
>> GRETCHEN: Paul does
412
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:41,608
competitive bird watching?
413
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,609
>> LINDSAY: I don't want to talk
414
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,443
about it.
415
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,277
>> GRETCHEN: Whatever.
416
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,278
The whole thing's stupid.
417
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,479
>> LINDSAY: So finish it!
418
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,681
The sooner you put someone
419
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,482
behind you, the sooner you can
420
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,819
put this behind you.
421
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,024
>> GRETCHEN: Wow, Denver.
422
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,025
I've never met anyone who makes
423
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,659
their own furniture before.
424
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,561
That canopy bed sounds amazing.
425
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,831
I would love to check it out
426
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:04,664
sometime.
427
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:05,632
>> DENVER: Well, finish up that
428
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,001
drink and I'll show it to you.
429
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,140
You see this headboard?
430
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,842
It's all salvaged wood!
431
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,009
Took me three months to
432
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:16,844
refurbish the hull of a Nova
433
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:20,513
Scotian haddock trawler.
434
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:23,216
>> ACTOR: I mean, as a black
435
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,018
actor, you're talking drug
436
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,187
dealer, athlete, judge... or
437
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,688
sometimes God, if you're old.
438
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:29,857
Do you know how many McDonald's
439
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:30,991
commercials I've been in as a
440
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,359
black actor?
441
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,226
I can hear that damn jingle in
442
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,361
my sleep.
443
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,996
I'm n lovin' it.
444
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,064
They lovin' it.
445
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,065
>> GRETCHEN: Don't you think,
446
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,199
now that 12 Years a Slave has
447
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,200
won Best Picture...
448
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,368
>> ACTOR: Man, y'all white
449
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:42,369
people love slavery movies even
450
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,436
more than you loved actual
451
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,437
slavery.
452
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,206
As a black actor...
453
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,507
>> GRETCHEN: So there I am, at
454
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,541
the after-party for Danny
455
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,043
Brown's latest album, and I'm in
456
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,378
this house in the hills, no idea
457
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,579
where I am, and I look at a
458
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:53,881
picture on the wall and I
459
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,884
realize it's Diana Ross.
460
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,887
I am at Diana Ross's house.
461
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,688
So I go to the bathroom, I grab
462
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,756
a hairbrush...
463
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,391
(man screams)
464
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,392
>> MAN: Yes!
465
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,393
(men cheering)
466
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,427
>> MAN 2: That's what I'm
467
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,261
talking about!
468
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,763
(men whooping)
469
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,065
>> AIDEN: Well, I'd really like
470
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,100
to try to get into writing
471
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,567
movies and teleplays, but
472
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,903
honestly, I'd be happy anywhere
473
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,037
in... (laughs)
474
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,105
I'd call it "the biz," but I
475
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,406
just moved out here from Ohio
476
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,275
in the family minivan...
477
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,276
But...
478
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,045
>> GRETCHEN: And I'm out.
479
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,247
>> LINDSAY: Wait!
480
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,248
Why don't you go get us two
481
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,417
more?
482
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,287
>> GRETCHEN: It's so awful we
483
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,722
have to feel any of this.
484
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,058
Lust, love...
485
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,259
Don't we have bigger problems to
486
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,760
worry about?
487
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,295
I am in a bar, trolling for
488
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,730
dudes, just to prove
489
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,065
something-- to who?
490
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:45,899
To Darwin?
491
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:46,934
To myself?
492
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,435
It is embarrassing and beneath
493
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,770
us is what I am saying.
494
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,439
You know?
495
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,974
>> BOUNCER: Not really.
496
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,442
But I will say, if this Darwin
497
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,609
clown is not treating you
498
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,246
properly...
499
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,149
he's a goddamn fool.
500
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,150
>> LINDSAY: I mean, sure, he
501
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,985
sleeps in flannel pajamas with
502
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,320
socks, and yes, he spends six
503
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,156
weeks of every summer at a magic
504
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,790
camp for adults and...
505
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,492
Okay, he has an allergy to soap
506
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,793
and we have to buy him that
507
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,763
special oil for dogs... but he's
508
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,331
my husband.
509
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,766
And he doesn't deserve for
510
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,469
anybody to be mean to him.
511
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,104
Ever.
512
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,472
>> AIDEN: How could anyone not
513
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,639
like Paul?
514
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,641
>> LINDSAY: I know!
515
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,643
Paul.
516
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,083
(Lindsay gasping, moaning)
517
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,188
>> LINDSAY: You like that?
518
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,190
>> AIDEN: I don't know.
519
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,094
(Bouncer grunting passionately)
520
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,497
>> GRETCHEN: Wait.
521
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,664
Move me, like, six inches right.
522
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:52,499
My face is way too near that
523
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,501
booger.
524
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,440
(Lindsay gasping)
525
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,359
(Edgar knocks on door)
526
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,393
>> EDGAR: Hello, Padre.
527
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,529
>> PRIEST: Hello.
528
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,233
>> EDGAR: I have a dilemma.
529
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:29,702
I... I know this secret, and I
530
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,371
can't decide if I should tell.
531
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,705
If I do, a lot of people could
532
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:33,907
get hurt.
533
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,075
>> PRIEST: Son, your situation
534
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,776
reminds me of a sermon I just
535
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:37,777
delivered.
536
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,079
I related Paul's Letter to the
537
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,247
Corinthians to individual
538
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,514
moral responsibility.
539
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,518
What I said was...
540
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,520
Wait, how did I put it?
541
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,922
I said it so good.
542
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,057
Terry was there.
543
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,558
Terry!
544
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:52,392
Damn it.
545
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,694
Has anybody seen Terry?
546
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,029
No?
547
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:56,896
(priest sighs)
548
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,265
Anyway, the gist of it was
549
00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,199
listen to your own conscience,
550
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,200
but at the same time, don't do
551
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,534
anything that could cause harm.
552
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,535
>> EDGAR: Oh, well, it's just
553
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,737
that if I sit on this, it could
554
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,407
get even worse.
555
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,408
>> PRIEST: What is the nature of
556
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,442
this information?
557
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:10,410
>> EDGAR: I've said too much
558
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,411
already.
559
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,579
Thanks.
560
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,948
I know what I have to do.
561
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,095
>> PRIEST: Yeah, it's me.
562
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,262
I think we got another Snowden
563
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,730
on our hands.
564
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,900
(phone buzzing)
565
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,734
>> JIMMY: Hello.
566
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:35,735
>> GRETCHEN: Can't talk long.
567
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,736
I just wanted to tell you we're
568
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,570
even.
569
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,638
>> JIMMY: What, Venti again?
570
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:39,606
>> GRETCHEN: Nope.
571
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,607
We've both slept with someone
572
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,608
new, which makes us even.
573
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,310
So, yay us.
574
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,777
>> JIMMY: Wait, that's not even.
575
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,613
My person was a stranger, which
576
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:47,814
was one point, your person was
577
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,117
Venti, which was worth a half,
578
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,484
so I was one-half up on you.
579
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,320
But now with this new person,
580
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,754
you're one-half up on me.
581
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,256
>> GRETCHEN: Oh, my God, Jimmy.
582
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,324
Who cares?
583
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,325
Can't we just call it a draw?
584
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,326
>> JIMMY: Well, that's easy for
585
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,261
you to say, you're one-half up.
586
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,662
Now I have to sleep with an ex.
587
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,431
(Gretchen laughs)
588
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,433
>> GRETCHEN: Yeah, okay.
589
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,334
Good luck with that.
590
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,168
Anyway, I gotta go.
591
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,102
Some work thing.
592
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,271
Bye.
593
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,139
>> BRIANNA: Um, do you have a
594
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:12,972
work thing?
595
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:13,973
Because I don't have anything on
596
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:14,807
your calendar.
597
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:15,642
>> GRETCHEN: Hurry up.
598
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,643
You're letting all the cold air
599
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,645
out.
600
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,347
>> BECCA: Well, I hope you're
601
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,716
here to repay the $300 you guys
602
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,385
somehow spent at breakfast.
603
00:16:58,418 --> 00:16:59,386
>> JIMMY: Why does everyone hate
604
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,553
me?
605
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,854
I know it's weird to ask you--
606
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,490
you rightfully hate my guts.
607
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,358
But... but what's wrong with me
608
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,526
that I can't sustain a single
609
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,860
relationship?
610
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,329
>> BECCA: Oh...
611
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,232
I hate emotional Jimmy.
612
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,234
Come in.
613
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,406
>> JIMMY: Everyone I care about
614
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,074
ends up hating me.
615
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:22,375
Why is that?
616
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,710
>> BECCA: Oh, because you're
617
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,545
a narcissist with face-blindness
618
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,379
who, without hesitation or
619
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,714
consequence, uses people to get
620
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:28,715
what you want.
621
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:29,716
>> JIMMY: God, you know me so
622
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,851
well.
623
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:32,685
>> BECCA: Can I have one of
624
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:33,520
those?
625
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,387
>> JIMMY: They're pretty
626
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,021
expensive.
627
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:35,622
>> BECCA: I know.
628
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:36,523
I used to buy them for you
629
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,525
all the time.
630
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,927
Shut up and give me one.
631
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,729
>> JIMMY: So, um... where's
632
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,431
Vernon?
633
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,898
>> BECCA: You just missed him.
634
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,400
He left to go do his rotation,
635
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,736
or as he calls it, his
636
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:50,570
"rotaish."
637
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,738
>> JIMMY: Oh.
638
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:52,739
I didn't know he did night
639
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,741
"rotaishes."
640
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,612
>> BECCA: Oh, my God!
641
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,281
Jimmy, what the hell!
642
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:02,449
>> JIMMY: Oops.
643
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:05,618
Sorry.
644
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:06,553
Should... should I go?
645
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,554
>> BECCA: Yes!
646
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,522
Obviously.
647
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,406
>> JIMMY: Oh, I forgot to
648
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,407
mention: we're even.
649
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,441
It's one and a half to
650
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:29,276
one and a half.
651
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,743
I bagged an ex.
652
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,279
>> GRETCHEN: Ah.
653
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,780
Who was she?
654
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:34,947
>> JIMMY: Just this girl...
655
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,115
Hillary.
656
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,116
You don't know her.
657
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:40,753
Unmemorable, but... pliant.
658
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,988
>> GRETCHEN: Oh, great.
659
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,825
So... we are even.
660
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:46,659
>> JIMMY: Are you mad?
661
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:47,794
>> GRETCHEN: No.
662
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,796
Why would I be mad?
663
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,331
It's all good, brah.
664
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,265
>> JIMMY: Why are you talking
665
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,266
like Guy Fieri?
666
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,267
>> GRETCHEN: 'Cause, Jimmy, you
667
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,335
don't really want to know what's
668
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,269
on my mind.
669
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,270
That's not what this is.
670
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,339
We are just two independently
671
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,973
existing people who get together
672
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,642
to have sex.
673
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,810
>> JIMMY: Well, how do I
674
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,478
determine what we are?
675
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,513
You're the one who started this
676
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,814
whole thing when you said...
677
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,815
>> GRETCHEN: "Said?"
678
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,483
You're the one who did, Jimmy.
679
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,019
You did goddamn Hollywood It
680
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,020
Girl Megan Thomas.
681
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,021
>> JIMMY: Only because you said
682
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:15,855
I could!
683
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:16,789
>> GRETCHEN: And then I sleep
684
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:17,990
with one guy and you freak out!
685
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:18,958
>> JIMMY: It was one and a half
686
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,993
guys!
687
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,829
>> GRETCHEN: So you are jealous.
688
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,331
Why don't you just admit you
689
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,332
can't handle it if I sleep with
690
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,333
someone else?
691
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,467
>> JIMMY: Fine, if you admit
692
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,501
that you can't handle it if I
693
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,502
do.
694
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,003
>> GRETCHEN: Fine!
695
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,171
(sarcastic): Well, then maybe we
696
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,706
should be "exclusive."
697
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,541
Is that what you want?
698
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,508
>> JIMMY (sarcastic): Ooh, yeah,
699
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:36,343
that'd be awesome.
700
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,210
Let's do that.
701
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,511
>> GRETCHEN: Yeah, great.
702
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,379
>> JIMMY: Great.
703
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,381
Guess we're "exclusive," then.
704
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,652
>> GRETCHEN: Wait.
705
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,686
Are we being sarcastic or are we
706
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:47,687
actually exclusive?
707
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,521
>> JIMMY: I got a little bit
708
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,022
lost in there somewhere.
709
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:53,360
But yeah... I guess we're...
710
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,894
exclusive.
711
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,496
>> GRETCHEN: Okay.
712
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,864
Cool.
713
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,866
>> JIMMY: Cool.
714
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:05,872
>> GRETCHEN: Can you believe
715
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,073
Becca and Vernon said we were
716
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:08,074
toxic?
717
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:08,908
>> JIMMY: Yeah, no kidding.
718
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,510
What a joke.
719
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,011
(pop intro playing)
720
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,982
(no voice)
721
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,721
>> * Oh, oh, oh, oh...
722
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,223
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
723
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,959
Oh, oh, oh, oh
724
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,728
* Oh, oh, oh, oh...
725
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,897
Sun on its cycle
726
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,733
Don't carry it away
727
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:38,571
* All light within it changes
728
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:41,240
Only the sun
729
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,710
Needs rearranging
730
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,646
* Darling, there's hardly
731
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,614
Anything
732
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:51,050
Burning faster for you
733
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,086
* You say, "Don't go, oh-oh"
734
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,054
>> WOMAN: Let go...
735
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,390
>> * Don't go
736
00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:59,459
Everything close
737
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,060
Oh, but you know
738
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,230
* Oh, let it go
739
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,133
Darling, there's more than
740
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:11,137
Anything burning faster for you
741
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:15,975
* You'll say, "Don't go, oh-oh"
742
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,953
* Don't go, oh-oh...
743
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:30,957
Farewell, she knew ya... *
744
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,604
(knocking on door)
745
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:45,838
>> GRETCHEN: Come in.
746
00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:46,839
>> EDGAR: I know this isn't a
747
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:48,140
great time, but there's
748
00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:49,809
something I have to say.
749
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,644
Gretchen, this is going to upset
750
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,614
you, and, Jimmy... you're going
751
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,282
to hate me for ratting, but--
752
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,283
>> JIMMY: Edgar, we're not doing
753
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,251
anything!
754
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:02,955
>> GRETCHEN: What's the awful
755
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:05,191
news, Edgar?
756
00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:06,325
>> EDGAR: Uh, just that...
757
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,161
I was making you guys nachos
758
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:10,863
Г la Jimmy and Gretchen, and it
759
00:22:10,897 --> 00:22:12,365
turns out we're out of peanuts.
760
00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:13,666
>> JIMMY: So...?
761
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,868
Make them without the peanuts.
762
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,303
>> EDGAR: Okay.
763
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,005
I will.
764
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:22,842
Oh, and, uh... you're welcome.
765
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:23,676
>> GRETCHEN: For the nachos?
766
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:25,044
>> EDGAR: Yeah.
767
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,680
For the nachos.
768
00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:28,681
Captioned by
769
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:29,682
Media Access Group at WGBH
770
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:32,118
access.wgbh.org
47783
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