All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S01E10.Trope.Isnt.a.Four.Letter.Word.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Previously on "You Me Her"...

I love us.

Not just the sex,
but, like, us.

I know that you guys feel this
just as much as I do.

We have careers.
We have neighbors.

We're trying to have a baby,
for God's sake.

So, you're afraid?

Of course
we're fucking afraid.

You don't deserve me.

Do I really have to ask?

I fucked Andy,
and I got to go.

Izzy: I'm gonna go home.

You are home.

No, like homehome,

as in Colorado.

I've been working
crazy hours

on this huge pitch
for a fancy new theater

at the Hamilton School
where Jack works.

-Very well done, Mrs. Trakarsky.
-Thank you.

It won't be official until
the Alumni Board approves it.

-The Alumni Board?
-Sor-- uh, sorry?

Weinstock is retiring
as dean,

and he's recommending me
as his replacement.

The Alumni Board
has all your records.

They meet to discuss
on Monday.

Can they really track
my browser history?

This whole "niece
that fell from the sky" issue

continues to bother me.

You find
Jacqueline Isabelle's last name

and any social-networking site

that proves her and Jack's
big sister

could pick each other
out of a line-up,

let alone share DNA.

I thought this was
supposed to be easy.

Yeah, whatever happened
to click, bang?

I'm not exactly
a Photoshop wizard.

It's Ava.

It worked.

It's about the position.

We need to have a talk.

[ School bell rings ]

Andy:
So what about the position?

Your browsing history
made us all feel sad and dirty.

No, no, no.
That's -- I think that's --

There's a million reasons
for that, I think.

You know, my, like,
my --

my nephew once
was watching, like,

"Dora the Explorer"
on YouTube

and the next thing you know,
he was actually watching,

like, a porn that was called
"Dora the Explorer."

So it's very easy
to go from point A to point B.

I think there's,
like, those pop-up ads

that they have
that just --

Are you fucking
with me right now?

-I am.
-Oh, my God.

We need to talk about you
being named dean today.

Meaning it's happening.

-Emma's firm won the bid.
-They did?

She'll probably
make partner.

Oh, my God.

That -- that is great.

That's --
That's unbelievable.

Get a huge raise.

Lots of money coming in.

So...

So, what?

I mean, what --
what are you hinting at?

Just spit it out.
-Look, look.

This isn't the first time
in the past week

that you've showed up
looking like

microwaved bison shit,
Jack.

Okay. Can you fast-forward
to the part

where you actually say
what you're thinking?

I'm thinking about the guy

that I hired as a counselor
15 years ago.

I asked you
why you wanted the job,

and you gave me
the best no-bullshit answer

I've ever heard.

And -- And keep in mind

that I've faced down thousands
upon thousands of teenagers

and nobody can bullshit
like a teenager.

Oh, God, Jack.

I'm so fucking
sick of teenagers.

Can you get
to the part --

what -- what did I say
in the interview?

What was the line?

You said,
"All I really want to do

is help as many kids
as I can

make it
safely and sanely

to the other side of 18."

I remember that.

That's not what I do
as dean, Jack.

It's not part
of the job description.

[ Sighs ]
So, what do I do?

You know what?

I'm gonna tell you
what not to do instead, okay?

Don't do anything
just because you can.

Don't do anything
you don't love.

And don't do anything

because other people
think you should.

Oh, don't do anything

because you're afraid
to do something else.

How about that one, huh?

[ School bell rings ]

♪♪

[ Cellphone vibrating ]

[ Vibrating continues ]

Mom?

Hi.

Frank.

Frank.

Have you ever wondered
what if your best and truest

and happiest life was like
nothing you ever imagined?

You know, do you ever wonder
if you would have the --

the balls to live it?

Not nearly enough.

The board meets
in an hour, Jack.

What do you want me
to tell them?

I don't know.

My whole life
I've just been living

a life that other people
wanted me to live,

you know,
with what was expected.

I've never actually done
what I wanted to do.

And you're, like --
For the first time,

I feel like I'm awake
and that's thanks to you and...

[ Sighing ] Oh, God.

Fuck if I know
what you should tell them.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll rephrase that.

Yeah, please.

I don't want to
be sitting here,

like, 25 years
from now and leaving

getting the gold watch and --
and -- no offense, by the way.

I love --
Your gold watch was really --

I like that.
It looks good on you.

Yeah.
Thank you.

[ Chuckles ] Okay.

Goodbye, Jack.

Thank you, sir,
for everything.

[ School bell rings ]

Sorry about
the gold watch thing.

[ Sighs ]

[ Cellphone rings ]

[ Sighs deeply ]

-Hey, babe.
-We got it.

We got
the theater project.

That's so great.
I can't...

Tell me all about it.
I just want to hear your voice.

Well, everyone says
I'm gonna get partner.

Partner!
I mean, I thought --

I thought partners
were old.

Wait, does this mean I'm old
and I just don't realize it?

I-I'm pretty sure
that I've gradually

made the bathroom lights
so dim that I can just,

like, vaguely make out
a shape of myself.

[ Chuckles ]

Mm, we're having mimosas.
Can you tell?

I wish you could be here.

I wish you could just
come on over.

Jack?

Are you okay?

What if I told you
I can come over right now?

Well, I'd say hurry.

All right.

[ Sighs ]

Nina: Iz.

Izzy.

What time is it?

Um, I don't know.

Why don't you ask
the phone?

Oh, shit.
It's 10:00.

Why "shit"?

Your flight isn't till
like 8:30-something.

I just feel like there's, like,
a lot to do.

Like what?

I don't know.

Sit up.

Sit up right now.

And look at me.

Why are you crying?

I don't know.

'Cause I'm leaving.

'Cause I'll miss you.

I just talked to my mom.

Was it bad?

It's okay.

She sounded excited,
actually.

Sober,
as far as I could tell.

She sounded like my mom,
which was never awesome,

but it's good for her,
I guess.

Did you tell her
that you're going home

because it's your turn
to be crazy?

[ Laughs ]

Because you --
I don't know,

you want to make things
right between the two of you.

Because you...

I told her that
I got my heart broken.

So maybe now
I could understand a little.

[ Knock on door ]

Who could that be?

How the hell
should I know?

Andy.
It's -- It's Andy.

Andy? Why?

'Cause
you're abandoning me,

so I'm gonna
be revenge-humping him.

I told you.

Already?

Yeah, I just --
I don't know.

I think it's important
that you see it.

Not actually,
you can absolutely leave,

but I wanted to make sure
that you knew.

You told him I was leaving,
didn't you?

[ Groans ] You --
-Ow! Ow!

Not before I
spit in your mouth.

-Don't you dare!
-Open up.

[ Knock on door ]
No.

Hello?

Come on. Open up.
Come on.

Hello?

Both: We're coming!

Don't you fucking --

Better not be walking
into some freaky shit...

again.

Nina: Andy,
let's gangbang her!

I don't know why
I said that.

You, uh --
You ever think I could, uh,

maybe walk in here once
and just find you girls reading?

Emma:
To hard work.

[ Glasses clink ]

[ Chuckles ]

Madam partner.

I know.

I get an obscene raise
and profit sharing.

Meanwhile, you're not at school.
You're here.

Um, apparently,
dressed to go to,

like, a fantasy draft
or something?

Seriously,
what are you doing here?

Are you okay?

-Yes.
-Do you need a drink?

You look like
you need a drink.

I declined the position.

Okay.

And then I resigned.

Okay.

And you're not surprised.

No, I'm -- I'm not.

[ Sighs ]

Honey, think about this.

I mean, Hamilton
has drug testing.

Yeah.

In the week
leading up to my board review,

we were, like, you know --
like Seth Rogen

and who's the female equivalent
of Seth Rogen pot-wise?

No one 'cause women
don't identify like that.

You just blew my mind.

Was Frank pissed?

No.
The opposite, actually.

He's the one who --
who led me there.

How?
What'd he say?

H-He said,
"Don't do anything

just because you're scared
to do something else."

Look, I know I'm being
kind of redundant, but --

I know it's not us,
and it's not our life.

It's not who we are,
but, baby, why am I saying "it"?

Because you don't
want to say her name.

You think she's okay?
What if she's not okay?

I -- I don't know.Are we supposed to
just never --

never call her,
never talk to her again?

♪♪

So, is this weird
for anyone else or just me?

In what way?

In the way
that in a drunken fit

of anger and desperation,
you two had intercourse.

What? No.

Nope.
Doesn't ring any bells.

-No?
-I told her.

-Yeah.
-Oh. O-Okay.

Um, now it's weird.

Yeah.

[ Ducks quacking ]

Look, Andy.

Don't. Don't, don't, don't.
Nope. No more.

No, just --

-No.
-Okay.

Don't.

-I'm really sorry.
-[ Scoffs ] Oh, my...

Don't.

What part of "don't" did
you not understand, please?

I am your fucking thesis,
right?

So I'm, like, uh,
how to destroy

a healthy, young male
in 10 simple steps.

Is that what it is?

No, it's not.

I said
I'd never be my mom,

and I just skipped over
getting humiliated by a man

and cut to just
the substance abuse.

You know, the same part of me
digs you a lot.

[ Chuckles ]

Same part of you.

What about Jack and Emma?

Which part of you
digs them?

Hmm?

I-Is that how
you're gonna box it up

and send it home?

They were a little
elaborate expression

of your
child-of-divorce damage,

another symptom
of your alleged breakdown?

[ Scoffs ]

Yeah, well,
for what it's worth,

and I know
it's not worth much,

but I don't buy it.

♪ I was built on shaky ground

♪ And any day
this all could come down ♪

♪ And toe-to-toe...

Oh, apparently,
it's Halloween.

Apparently,
you're childless.

You are the worst person
in the world.

Who is worse than you?

My 13-year-old.

He's going to his first party
instead of trick-or-treating.

I'm gonna be a grandpa.

Sounds like
a hell of a party.

Oh,
it's a slippery slope.

What are you supposed to be?
Huh? Unemployed?

Actually, yes.

Good call, man.

This morning,
I quit my job.

[ Chokes ]
What the fuck?!

I know!
It's crazy, right?

What is that look?

I've never seen that look
on you before.

I just always thought
you were a eunuch.

That's why you couldn't
make babies like a real man.

Dude,
you are the worst offic--

I mean, I wish you could
hear the stuff that
comes out of your mouth

so that you would
join the rest of us
at being horrified.

It turns out,

you have a real set
of bowling balls

between your legs.

Thank you very much.

I have this...
unfamiliar feeling, uh,

something like envy
but obviously not

because I make
way more money than you

and my wife's
a year younger than yours.

So, cl-- clearly,
that's not possible.

It's not possible.

Okay, well,
there's someone else

who actually
disagrees with you

about the size
of my testicular circumference.

-Like who?
-Like Izzy.

No. Okay.
See, that look I recognize.

That's, like,
your disapproving look

'cause I see that
all my fucking life.

-Yeah. You deserve it.
-Well...

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh, shit.

Baby doc.
Shit, I forgot.

-Jack?
-Yep?

I know.

Believe me, we ended it,
okay?

It's over, so don't worry.
I got this.

Yeah.
Better stay that way.

It's...no problem.

Little fucktard.

I hear that.

I can hear you saying
these words.

-Hello.
-[ Chuckles ]

Do I make you want to kill
yourself with unrequited lust?

I'm going for
a body count tonight.

Yeah, you are.

[ Chuckles ]

I would totally off myself
if you wouldn't fuck me.

I know.

Andy said I'm not crazy.

[ Chuckles ]

Sweetie,
it's been quite a while

since you've made
any sense at all.

You're
literally senseless.

Don't let anybody
tell you otherwise.

He made a good point
if you're open to hearing it.

No, baby.
He didn't, so I'm not.

He said I really did fall
for Jack and Emma.

It's just easier to accept
being insane

than inventing that I let
a suburban married couple

sneak through my defenses
and steal my heart.

Aren't those
the exact same things?

Look, Iz.
Andy is a really smart boy.

He just came up with a better,
sharper instrument of revenge

than
"You're a basket case."

♪♪

Yeah,
you're probably right.

Woman: Has anything changed
in your sex life

since our last meeting?

-No.
-No.

I mean, we --
You mean since my wife said

we had sex 1.5 times
a week?

But then I clarified
that we weren't actually

having fractional
intercourse

'cause that would be...

-Right.
-...impossible.

[ Chuckling ]
That was...

Uh, when was that?

10 days ago.
So let's make it even simpler.

How many times
have you had sex since then?

Oh, what,
with each other?

[ Both laugh ]

Stupid question.

She's --
That is sex, honey.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sighs ] I would say seven --
seven times, right?

Yeah. That sounds --
That sounds right.

That's good.
That's very good.

-Thank you very much.
-Yeah.

We're very happy about it.

We've been kind of getting
in the groove, you know?

Yeah.
I think -- I think

we're gonna
see some results.

Woman: Is this improvement
based entirely on trying

to start a family, or did
you make any other changes

that invigorated
your sex life?

-Uh, no.
-Honey?

-No.
-No.

No, no.
I mean, the same...

Nothing I can --
I can think of.

Uh, let's see.
No...

-No.
-Nope.

No, same old, uh,
just as it was, yeah.

Yeah.
I mean, we -- Yeah.

We pretty much do it,
you know, like everyone else.

Standard.

Just two parts,
his and hers.

Penis, vagina,
just normal...

She knows how it works.

No, I'm just saying 'cause
I don't want her to think --

It's not anal
or anything.

That's, like --
That's weird, and I think...

She won't let me do anal.

Never has.

♪♪

Man:
♪ I'm waiting for a sign

Woman:
♪ Waiting for direction

♪ I'm ready
to build a wall ♪

♪ Behind every step
I've taken ♪

♪ So I can't turn back around

♪ And doubt my destination

This party's
gonna be crazy.

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

♪ Can you remind me who I am
when I act like someone else? ♪

♪ And can you help me
understand ♪

[ Doorbell rings ]♪ Why these cards were dealt?

♪ Can you shatter my mirror
to see outside myself? ♪

♪ And I hope to see it clearer,
the place from where I fell ♪

♪ The place from where I fell

♪ The place from where I fell

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

[ Sniffles ]
Okay, you're dumb.

I hate you.

♪ Can you remind me who I am

Please don't kill anybody.

I love you.

I love you, too.

♪ Can you help me understand
why these cards were dealt? ♪

♪ Can you shatter my mirror
to see outside myself? ♪

♪ And I hope to see it clearer

♪ The place from where I fell Andy: You okay?

Are you okay?

Hey.

Are you okay?

S-Sorry.
What'd you say?

I asked
if you were okay.

Oh, yeah.
[ Scoffs ]

Yeah.
No, definitely.

I mean, I'm gonna see her
in a few weeks at Thanksgiving,

I think, so it's,
you know, whatever.

Want to do
a couple shots?

I don't know.

It's not really
a complicated decision, Nina.

Oh, then, yeah, sure.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I think they have
a right to know.

Do y-- Do you think
they have a right to know?

I don't know.

♪♪

-[ Sighs ]
-What are you thinking?

I just feel like
we should talk to her.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

I don't know
the number.

If it's important,
they'll leave a message.

Get it.

You should get it.

[ Clears throat ]

Hello?

We think you have
a right to know.

Who's we?

Who is it?

I don't know.

Me and Andy.

-Nina?
-Scary Nina?

Yeah, Scary Nina.
Izzy's roommate.

What do we have a right to know?
Is she okay?

-Is everything all right?
-I don't know yet.

She's leaving for good.

She, um -- She's calling it,

like, some part
of her mental breakdown,

but that's bullshit.

She's leaving
'cause of you guys.

Why -- Why would she be leaving
because of us?

I don't get it.

Because she fell in love
with you,

both of you, for real.

What? She left?

Like, she left town?
-I don't know yet.

Well, can you ask
the important questions?

Where is she now?

She's at the airport.

Her flight leaves
at 8:35 p.m.

I can't remember
her airline,

but for some,
um, sad, strange reason,

the departure time
is branded on my brain.

Where is she?
Where is she?

Okay. So I'm out.

-Okay, thanks.
-Jack, where is she?

-I-I --
-Where is she?

-We got to go to the airport.
-The airport?

[ Horn honks ]

Shit. It keeps going
straight to her voicemail.

We're almost there.

Just try -- try texting
or something.

Izzy, it's Emma.
Please call us back.

We're almost
at the airport.

Text her.
Don't -- I don't think she --

I've texted her.
I've texted her.

She's -- She's --
Her phone is off.

Can you go any faster?

♪♪

♪ Left you

♪ In the morning

♪ Before the sunlight broke
across the bed ♪

♪ Left you

♪ Without a warning

♪ Leaving you a history
of broken promises ♪

♪ And I don't know
where I'm going... ♪

Emma:
Have you never seen a romantic
comedy in your entire life?

We aren't
going anywhere.

I'm just
a little confused.

See, this is what we call
the departure level

of the airport.

Going somewhere is the only
reason people come here.

We will take
your cheapest ticket

flying anywhere
tonight.

Right.
What's your cheapest ticket?

Like, that's the shittiest
destination you can think of?

Is it still...Cleveland?

We don't fly there.

We're trying to stop someone
from going somewhere.

Ma'am, you don't seem
like a terrorist...

Well, thank you.
I get that a lot.

...but do you see how I might
find your choice of words

a little troubling?

We just want her to know
she's not going crazy.

Yeah,
and we feel the same way.

And that it's up to her.
We'll just...

She's a different person,
not her.

It's -- We have a --

Still feel like this is
too much information, but...

♪ I can't turn this plane
around ♪

♪ No, I can't go back

♪ I can't go back now

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Let's get fucked up.

Okay.
For sure.

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

[ Sighs ]

Ugh.

-Another.
-Yeah?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

We're all
accounted for.

Please.
Oh, my God.

Can I help you?
Are you on this flight?

Uh, no.
Uh, San Francisco.

Do you wish you were
going to Denver?

-It -- It hasn't left yet?
-We're all full.

What if we wanted
to just get a message

to someone
on that flight?

-No.
-But just --

No.

Really?

Just a little message?

No.

Are you serious?

-Honey.
-Have a nice day.

Let me handle this.

I'm sorry,
She doesn't trav--

-Sir?
-Yep.

Step away
from the desk.

She's very mean.
I can't, um...

Bye.

[ Sighs ]

We could go
to San Francisco.

Boards in 20.

Sure, why not?

Hey, assholes.

[ Both chuckle ]

Somebody's following you.

Plugged in my phone,
got your 9,000 texts.

[ Chuckles ]

We came after you.

We, like,
climbed the trellis

Sprinted down Broadway.

Right, and we -- we literally
raced to the airport

which is, like, the --
the rom-comiest

ball
of rom-com tropes.

And...

Just to get here.

I don't...

But then what?

We go home.

What?

♪♪

♪ If you want her,
let her know ♪

♪ Other lovers cannot go

♪ Well, darling, you can try

♪ Oh, it's over

♪ Girls cry all the time

♪ And it moves like the water
in my mind ♪