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1
00:01:09,509 --> 00:01:12,091
It all began
on New Year's Day...
2
00:01:12,175 --> 00:01:15,592
in my 32nd year of being single.
3
00:01:17,008 --> 00:01:20,634
Once again I found myself on my own
and going to my mother's...
4
00:01:20,717 --> 00:01:23,300
annual turkey curry buffet.
5
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,300
Every year
she tries to fix me up...
6
00:01:25,383 --> 00:01:27,383
with some bushy-haired,
middle-aged bore,
7
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:30,592
and I feared this year
would be no exception.
8
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:33,509
There you are, dumpling.
9
00:01:33,592 --> 00:01:35,800
My mum, a strange creature...
10
00:01:35,883 --> 00:01:38,526
from a time when pickles on toothpicks
was still the height of sophistication.
11
00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:41,050
Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget.
12
00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:44,217
Third drawer from the top, Una,
under the minigherkins.
13
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,342
By the way, the Darcys are here.
14
00:01:46,425 --> 00:01:48,509
They brought Mark with them.
15
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:51,467
Ah, here we go.
You remember Mark.
16
00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:53,467
You used to play
in his paddling pool.
17
00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:57,050
- He's a barrister. Very well-off.
- No, I don't remember.
18
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:59,050
He's divorced, apparently.
19
00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:03,342
His wife was Japanese. Very cruel
race. Now, what are you going to put on?
20
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,425
This.
Oh, don't be silly, Bridget.
21
00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:09,485
You'll never get a boyfriend if you look
like you've wandered out of Auschwitz.
22
00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:12,634
Now, run upstairs. Laid out
something lovely on your bed.
23
00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:25,091
Great. I was wearing a carpet.
24
00:02:26,342 --> 00:02:28,425
Here she is.
25
00:02:28,509 --> 00:02:32,300
My little Bridget.
26
00:02:32,425 --> 00:02:34,300
Mmm. Hi, Uncle Geoffrey.
27
00:02:34,425 --> 00:02:36,300
Hmm. Had a drink? No.
28
00:02:36,425 --> 00:02:38,966
No? Come on, then.
Actually, not my uncle.
29
00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:42,467
Someone who insists I call him
"Uncle" while he gropes my ass...
30
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:45,383
and asks me the question
dreaded by all singletons.
31
00:02:45,467 --> 00:02:48,675
So, how's your love life?
32
00:02:48,759 --> 00:02:51,258
Super. Thanks, Uncle G.
33
00:02:51,342 --> 00:02:53,300
Still no fellow, then, eh?
All right, then.
34
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,467
You career girls can't put it off forever,
you know.
35
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,300
Ticktock, ticktock.
36
00:02:57,425 --> 00:02:59,800
Hello, Dad. Hello, darling.
37
00:02:59,925 --> 00:03:03,133
How's it going? Torture.
38
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,592
Mother's trying
to fix you up with some divorcé.
39
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:10,675
Human rights barrister.
Pretty nasty beast, apparently.
40
00:03:10,759 --> 00:03:13,425
Ooh. Dingdong.
41
00:03:13,509 --> 00:03:16,883
Maybe this time
Mum had got it right.
42
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:20,300
Come on. Why don't we
see if Mark fancies a gherkin.
43
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,383
Good luck.
44
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:25,509
- Mark?
- Maybe this was...
45
00:03:25,592 --> 00:03:29,509
the mysterious Mr. Right
I'd been waiting my whole life to meet.
46
00:03:29,592 --> 00:03:32,425
You remember Bridget.
47
00:03:32,509 --> 00:03:34,425
Maybe not.
48
00:03:34,509 --> 00:03:37,467
She used to run around your lawn
with no clothes on, remember?
49
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,509
Uh, no, not as such.
50
00:03:42,217 --> 00:03:45,425
Come and look at your gravy,
Pam. I think it's going to need sieving.
51
00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:48,008
Of course it doesn't need sieving.
Just stir it, Una.
52
00:03:49,592 --> 00:03:51,717
Uh... Yes, of course.
I'll be right there.
53
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,634
Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls.
54
00:03:58,675 --> 00:04:01,550
- So.
- So.
55
00:04:02,841 --> 00:04:04,717
Are you staying at your
parents' for New Year?
56
00:04:04,841 --> 00:04:07,800
Yes. You? Hmm. Oh,
no, no, no, no.
57
00:04:07,883 --> 00:04:09,925
I was in London
at a party last night,
58
00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:12,258
so I'm afraid
I'm a bit hung over.
59
00:04:12,342 --> 00:04:15,759
Wish I could by lying with my
head in a toilet like all normal people.
60
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,383
New Year's resolution:
Drink less.
61
00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:23,883
Oh, and quit smoking.
62
00:04:24,008 --> 00:04:26,050
Yeah. Oh...
63
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,175
And keep New Year's resolutions.
64
00:04:30,258 --> 00:04:33,258
Oh. And, uh,
65
00:04:33,342 --> 00:04:36,300
Stop talking total nonsense
to strangers.
66
00:04:36,383 --> 00:04:38,592
In fact, stop talking full stop.
67
00:04:38,675 --> 00:04:42,133
Yes, well, perhaps
it's time to eat.
68
00:04:45,425 --> 00:04:48,467
Apparently she lives just
around the corner from you.
69
00:04:48,550 --> 00:04:51,008
Mother, I do not need
a blind date.
70
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,634
Particularly not with some
verbally incontinent spinster...
71
00:04:53,717 --> 00:04:57,258
who smokes like a chimney, drinks
like a fish and dresses like her mother.
72
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,425
Yummy. Turkey curry.
73
00:05:03,509 --> 00:05:05,592
My favorite.
74
00:05:05,675 --> 00:05:08,592
And that was it. Right there.
75
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,342
Right there.
That was the moment.
76
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:17,091
I suddenly realized that
unless something changed soon,
77
00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:19,592
I was going to live a life
where my major relationship...
78
00:05:19,675 --> 00:05:21,592
was with a bottle of wine,
79
00:05:21,675 --> 00:05:24,717
and I'd finally die
fat and alone...
80
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,841
and be found three weeks later
half-eaten by wild dogs.
81
00:05:28,925 --> 00:05:32,800
Or I was about to turn into
Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.
82
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,342
You have no messages.
83
00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:27,759
And so I made a major decision.
84
00:07:27,841 --> 00:07:31,175
I had to make sure that next
year I wouldn't end up shit-faced...
85
00:07:31,258 --> 00:07:34,883
and listening to sad FM,
easy listening for the over-thirties.
86
00:07:34,966 --> 00:07:39,217
I decided to take control
of my life and start a diary...
87
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,217
to tell the truth
about Bridget Jones.
88
00:07:42,342 --> 00:07:44,717
The whole truth.
89
00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:48,883
Resolution number one:
Obviously we'll lose 20pounds. Oh.
90
00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:53,091
Number two: Always put last
night's pants in the laundry basket.
91
00:07:53,175 --> 00:07:56,717
Equally important, will find nice,
sensible boyfriend to go out with...
92
00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:00,425
and not continue to form romantic
attachments to any of the following:
93
00:08:00,509 --> 00:08:02,550
Alcoholics, workaholics,
commitment phobics,
94
00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:06,175
Peeping Toms, megalomaniacs,
emotional fuckwits or perverts.
95
00:08:06,258 --> 00:08:10,717
And especially will not fantasize
about a particular person...
96
00:08:10,841 --> 00:08:13,300
who embodies all these things.
97
00:08:21,841 --> 00:08:25,592
Unfortunately,
he just happens to be my boss,
98
00:08:25,675 --> 00:08:27,759
editor in chief Daniel Cleaver,
99
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,717
and for various slightly unfair reasons
relating to this year's Christmas party,
100
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:35,425
I suspect he does not
fantasize about me.
101
00:08:52,175 --> 00:08:54,800
Or maybe I'm wrong.
102
00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:08,509
Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert.
103
00:09:08,592 --> 00:09:12,634
Happy New Year, Brenda.
Mr. Fitzherbert. "Titspervert," more like.
104
00:09:12,717 --> 00:09:17,425
Daniel's boss who stares freely at my
breasts with no idea who I am or what I do.
105
00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:21,966
Morning. I need that Kafka's
Motorbike release by 11:00. Perpetua.
106
00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,634
Ah. Slightly senior and therefore
thinks she's in charge of me.
107
00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:29,509
Most of the time I just want
to staple things to her head.
108
00:09:29,592 --> 00:09:31,883
Publicity.
109
00:09:31,966 --> 00:09:33,966
All I asked...
110
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:36,717
I only asked if he wanted
to come on a minibreak to Paris.
111
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,759
Daily call from Jude.
Best friend.
112
00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:40,759
Head of investment
at Brightlings Bank...
113
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,425
who spends most of her time
trapped in the ladies' toilet...
114
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:45,841
crying over
her fuckwit boyfriend.
115
00:09:45,925 --> 00:09:48,592
I'm too needy. Am I codependent?
116
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,258
No, you're not. It's not you.
117
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:53,925
You're lovely.
It's vile Richard.
118
00:09:54,008 --> 00:09:57,008
Ugh, he's just
a big knobhead with no knob.
119
00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:03,383
Is some people's opinion
of Kafka,
120
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:05,342
but they couldn't be more wrong.
121
00:10:05,425 --> 00:10:08,550
This book is a searing vision of
the wounds our century has inflicted...
122
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:10,883
on traditional masculinity.
123
00:10:10,966 --> 00:10:13,966
It's positively Vonnegutesque.
124
00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:17,258
Thank you for calling,
Professor Leavis.
125
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:20,509
Guest list for launch party. Ah.
126
00:10:24,175 --> 00:10:26,175
F.R. Leavis?
127
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:29,925
Mm-hmm. Wow!
128
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:35,717
Wow. Wha... The F.R. Leavis who wrote
Mass Civilization and Minority Culture?
129
00:10:39,008 --> 00:10:41,050
The F.R. Leavis
who died in 1978?
130
00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:45,883
Amazing.
131
00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:50,592
Emergency summit
with urban family...
132
00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,759
for coherent discussion
of career crisis.
133
00:10:52,841 --> 00:10:54,966
Fuck them. Fuck the lot of them.
134
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:59,175
Tell them they can stick fucking
Leavis up their fucking arses.
135
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:02,091
Good, good. That's very useful.
136
00:11:02,175 --> 00:11:05,550
Shazza, journalist.
Likes to say fuck, or not.
137
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:07,776
Jude, what would you do if
one of your assistants made...
138
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,925
a harmless little
mistake like that?
139
00:11:10,008 --> 00:11:13,008
- I'd fire you, Bridge.
- Excellent.
140
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:16,966
Is that Cleaver chap still as
cute as ever? Oh, God, yes.
141
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:19,717
Then I think a well-timed blowjob
is probably the best answer.
142
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,675
Oh, you love it.
143
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,383
Are you that chap that sang
that song? Yes. Yes, I am.
144
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:29,300
Tom, '80s pop icon
who only wrote one hit record...
145
00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:31,693
then retired because he found
that one record was quite enough...
146
00:11:31,717 --> 00:11:34,217
to get him laid
for the whole of the '90s.
147
00:11:34,342 --> 00:11:37,050
Well,
great song. Thank you. Thank you so much.
148
00:11:37,175 --> 00:11:39,717
Total poof, of course.
More vodka?
149
00:11:39,841 --> 00:11:43,175
No!
Yes! Fill her up, goddamn it!
150
00:11:43,258 --> 00:11:46,008
At least now I'm in my thirties,
I can hold my drink.
151
00:11:48,383 --> 00:11:50,717
Oops! Mind the step.
152
00:11:50,841 --> 00:11:53,217
She's fine. Drive on.
153
00:11:55,342 --> 00:11:57,383
Apparently F.R. Leavis
is coming.
154
00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,883
Afternoon, Bridget.
155
00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:05,050
What do you mean
you're going on holiday?
156
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,008
What about Julia?
157
00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:40,175
We've got a problem with
the Teddy Knows Best campaign.
158
00:12:42,133 --> 00:12:45,592
The only problem is the kitchen.
159
00:12:45,675 --> 00:12:48,050
Frankly, there isn't room
to swing a cat.
160
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:53,133
Message Mr. Cleaver.
Am appalled by message.
161
00:12:53,217 --> 00:12:56,966
Skirt is demonstrably
neither sick nor absent.
162
00:12:57,050 --> 00:13:01,675
Appalled by management's
blatantly size-ist attitude to skirt.
163
00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:04,675
Suggest management sick,
not skirt!
164
00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:20,634
Right. Yeah.
165
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:24,175
No, I understand that.
I understand that perfectly.
166
00:13:29,925 --> 00:13:32,509
Very bad start to the year.
167
00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:35,175
Have been seduced by informality
of messaging medium...
168
00:13:35,258 --> 00:13:37,550
into flirting
with office scoundrel.
169
00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:41,717
Will persevere with resolution
to find a nice, sensible man.
170
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:47,050
Will put a stop to flirting first
thing tomorrow. Good plan.
171
00:13:54,592 --> 00:13:57,091
If walking past office...
172
00:13:57,175 --> 00:13:59,175
was attempt to demonstrate
presence of skirt,
173
00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:03,008
can only say that it has
failed parlously... Cleave.
174
00:14:03,091 --> 00:14:06,050
Shut up, please.
I am very busy and important.
175
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:11,258
P.S. How dare you sexually
harass me in this impertinent manner.
176
00:14:11,342 --> 00:14:13,966
Message Jones. Mortified
to have caused offense.
177
00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:17,592
Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones
in future. Deeply apologetic.
178
00:14:17,675 --> 00:14:20,717
P.S. Like your tits in that top.
179
00:14:24,592 --> 00:14:27,258
Mustn't read too much
into it, though.
180
00:14:31,008 --> 00:14:33,966
And it all began, of course,
with some very irresponsible E-mailing...
181
00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:36,467
over Bridget's
nonexistent skirt.
182
00:14:45,383 --> 00:14:48,634
Daniel,
the New York office for you.
183
00:14:48,717 --> 00:14:50,925
Uh, yeah, tell 'em
I'll get back to 'em.
184
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,550
Daniel.
185
00:15:04,759 --> 00:15:08,008
Jones... Evening,
Kenneth. Evening, Daniel.
186
00:15:12,759 --> 00:15:15,133
If you've got a moment,
I'd like a word before you leave.
187
00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:18,008
- Yes, certainly.
- Yeah.
188
00:15:20,175 --> 00:15:22,133
I'll see you in a sec.
Excellent.
189
00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:24,133
And, Brenda? Yes.
190
00:15:24,217 --> 00:15:26,550
At the Kafka's Motorbike thing,
thought it might be fun...
191
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,675
if you introduce me
before I introduce him.
192
00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:30,592
Add a lovely sense of occasion.
193
00:15:30,675 --> 00:15:33,634
Certainly, sir.
194
00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:38,175
Psst. Brenda.
195
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:42,008
What are you doing tonight?
Um, actually, I'm busy.
196
00:15:42,091 --> 00:15:44,050
Oh, right. Well, that's a shame.
197
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:47,175
I just, uh... Well,
I thought it might be a charitable thing...
198
00:15:47,258 --> 00:15:49,925
to take your skirt out for dinner
and try and fatten it up a bit.
199
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,550
Mmm. Maybe you could come too.
200
00:15:52,675 --> 00:15:55,467
What about tomorrow? No.
201
00:15:55,592 --> 00:15:58,675
Tomorrow's the launch.
Ah, yes, of course.
202
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:01,550
Possibly the worst book
ever published.
203
00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:05,592
Well, in the end,
that's not the ad line we've gone for.
204
00:16:05,717 --> 00:16:08,258
Uh, next night.
Let's see, shall we?
205
00:16:09,383 --> 00:16:11,300
Night, Daniel.
206
00:16:11,383 --> 00:16:13,717
Right. No pressure, Bridge,
207
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,592
but your whole future
happiness now depends...
208
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,592
on how you behave
on this one social occasion.
209
00:16:18,675 --> 00:16:20,883
Right. What shall I do?
210
00:16:20,966 --> 00:16:22,675
First, look gorgeous.
211
00:16:35,175 --> 00:16:37,467
Oh, God!
212
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:41,841
Two: Then totally ignore Daniel
and suck up to famous authors.
213
00:16:41,925 --> 00:16:45,550
Salman. Salman. Salman.
214
00:16:45,634 --> 00:16:47,634
Circulate,
215
00:16:47,717 --> 00:16:50,091
oozing intelligence.
216
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,175
Isn't it terrible
about Chechnya?
217
00:16:52,258 --> 00:16:56,342
Isn't it terrible
about Chechnya? Chechny-a!
218
00:16:56,425 --> 00:16:59,258
Introduce people
with thoughtful details, such as:
219
00:16:59,342 --> 00:17:02,759
Sheila, this is Daniel.
Daniel, this is Sheila.
220
00:17:02,841 --> 00:17:05,592
Sheila enjoys horse riding
and comes from New Zealand.
221
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,800
Daniel enjoys publishing
and comes...
222
00:17:07,883 --> 00:17:10,300
- All over your face?
- Exactly.
223
00:17:10,383 --> 00:17:15,467
Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry to
interrupt you when you're having dinner.
224
00:17:15,592 --> 00:17:18,634
It's just that... Yes. Yes,
it was me.
225
00:17:18,717 --> 00:17:21,050
Yes. Nine years ago.
226
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,008
No current plans
to record anything else.
227
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:25,925
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's just that...
228
00:17:26,008 --> 00:17:29,467
Your ch... your chair
is on my wife's coat.
229
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,467
Your... Your chair.
Of course it is.
230
00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:36,509
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Thank you so much.
231
00:17:36,592 --> 00:17:39,133
Hmm. Major dilemma.
232
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:41,008
If I actually do,
by some terrible chance,
233
00:17:41,091 --> 00:17:45,883
end up in flagrante, surely these would
be most attractive at crucial moment.
234
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:50,550
However, chances of reaching crucial
moment greatly increase by wearing these,
235
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:55,300
scary stomach-holding-in panties very
popular with grannies the world over.
236
00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:58,592
Huh. Tricky. Very tricky.
237
00:18:14,091 --> 00:18:16,050
Ladies and gentlemen,
238
00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,550
welcome to the launch
of Kafka's Motorbike,
239
00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:22,925
the greatest book of our time, and
here to introduce it is Mr. Titspervert.
240
00:18:23,008 --> 00:18:25,841
Oh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert,
Fitzherbert.
241
00:18:27,217 --> 00:18:30,925
Okay, circulate,
oozing intelligence.
242
00:18:31,008 --> 00:18:34,966
Ignore Daniel and be fabulous
with everyone else.
243
00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:39,634
I am the intellectual equal
of everyone else here. Ooh.
244
00:18:39,717 --> 00:18:41,759
It's like a whole theory
of short fiction...
245
00:18:41,841 --> 00:18:43,759
and of the novella, you know?
246
00:18:43,841 --> 00:18:46,318
And, of course, the problem with
Martin's definition of the novella...
247
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,258
is that it really
only applies to him.
248
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:54,300
That doesn't sound
like Martin. Not.
249
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,800
I could be wrong.
What do you think?
250
00:18:59,008 --> 00:19:02,300
Uh, do you know...
251
00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:06,841
where the toilets are, huh?
252
00:19:08,217 --> 00:19:11,300
Ah. Stay calm.
Can't get any worse.
253
00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:18,925
- What are you doing here?
- I've been asking myself the same question.
254
00:19:20,383 --> 00:19:23,258
I came with a colleague.
So how are you?
255
00:19:23,342 --> 00:19:25,717
Well, apart from being
very disappointed...
256
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:30,175
not to see my favorite
reindeer jumper again, I'm well.
257
00:19:30,258 --> 00:19:31,966
Anyone going to introduce me?
258
00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:35,592
Ah, introduce people
with thoughtful details.
259
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,841
Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy.
260
00:19:38,925 --> 00:19:42,800
Mark's a prematurely middle-aged
prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife.
261
00:19:42,883 --> 00:19:46,175
Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag who
spends her time bossing me around.
262
00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:49,634
Maybe not.
263
00:19:49,759 --> 00:19:51,717
Anyone going to
introduce me? Ah.
264
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,717
Perpetua.
265
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,592
Uh, this is Mark Darcy.
266
00:19:55,675 --> 00:19:59,925
Mark's a top barrister. Oh,
he comes from Grafton Underwood.
267
00:20:00,008 --> 00:20:01,925
Perpetua is one
of my work colleagues.
268
00:20:02,008 --> 00:20:04,550
Hi, Mark. I know you
by reputation, of course.
269
00:20:06,425 --> 00:20:10,841
Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget
Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha.
270
00:20:10,925 --> 00:20:14,467
Natasha is a top attorney
and specializes in family law.
271
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:18,050
Bridget works in publishing and
used to play naked in my paddling pool.
272
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,800
How odd.
273
00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:25,425
- Perpetua, how's the house hunt going?
- Disaster.
274
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:27,634
Can't even go into it with you.
275
00:20:27,717 --> 00:20:31,258
By the by, that man is gorgeous.
276
00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:33,300
Ah, yes, Mark.
277
00:20:33,425 --> 00:20:36,800
Just give me time. Give me time.
278
00:20:36,883 --> 00:20:39,383
You've written
"a searing vision"...
279
00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,425
Can you remember
the rest of this?
280
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:44,151
"Of the wounds our century has
inflicted on traditional masculinity.
281
00:20:44,175 --> 00:20:46,300
Positively Vonnegutesque."
282
00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:51,258
Listen, you don't know
where the loos are here, do you?
283
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,217
Y-yes. They're that way. Thanks.
284
00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:00,634
One, two.
285
00:21:03,008 --> 00:21:04,966
Ladies and gentlemen.
286
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,800
La...
287
00:21:08,925 --> 00:21:11,133
L-Ladies and...
288
00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,133
La... Oi!
289
00:21:14,217 --> 00:21:16,717
Oi.
290
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,133
Sorry, the, uh,
291
00:21:19,217 --> 00:21:22,550
mike's not w-working.
292
00:21:22,634 --> 00:21:25,258
Ladies and gentlemen,
293
00:21:25,342 --> 00:21:30,592
welcome to the launch
of Kafka's Motorbike,
294
00:21:30,675 --> 00:21:33,800
the greatest book of our time.
295
00:21:39,383 --> 00:21:42,258
Obviously, except for your books,
Mr. Rushdie,
296
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:45,634
which are also very good.
297
00:21:48,592 --> 00:21:50,717
And Lord Archer.
298
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,966
Yours aren't bad either.
299
00:21:54,050 --> 00:21:57,800
Anyway, uh, what I mean is, uh,
300
00:21:57,883 --> 00:22:00,759
welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
301
00:22:00,841 --> 00:22:04,966
Thank you for coming to the
launch of one of the top 30...
302
00:22:05,050 --> 00:22:06,883
books of our time.
303
00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:10,008
Anyway. At least.
304
00:22:10,091 --> 00:22:13,342
And here to introduce it,
305
00:22:13,425 --> 00:22:18,800
properly, is, uh,
the man we all call, uh,
306
00:22:18,883 --> 00:22:22,133
Titspervert. Mister...
307
00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:24,133
Titspervert! Mister...
308
00:22:25,592 --> 00:22:27,592
Titspervert. Fitzherbert.
309
00:22:27,675 --> 00:22:30,342
Uh, because...
310
00:22:30,425 --> 00:22:32,841
that is his name.
311
00:22:34,966 --> 00:22:37,342
Mr. Fitzherbert?
312
00:22:37,425 --> 00:22:40,717
Thank you.
313
00:22:43,509 --> 00:22:45,841
Thank you, Brenda.
314
00:22:47,008 --> 00:22:50,467
Just switch this on.
315
00:22:53,675 --> 00:22:56,425
So how autobiographical
is your work, Salman?
316
00:22:56,509 --> 00:22:59,425
You know, it's an amazing thing.
Nobody's ever asked me that question.
317
00:22:59,509 --> 00:23:01,258
Excuse me.
318
00:23:01,342 --> 00:23:03,925
Jones, sod 'em all.
319
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:06,342
It was a b-brilliant...
320
00:23:06,425 --> 00:23:10,675
postmodernist masterpiece
of oratorical fireworks, really.
321
00:23:12,841 --> 00:23:14,800
You're looking very sexy, Jones.
322
00:23:14,883 --> 00:23:19,008
I'm going to have to take you out to dinner
now whether you like it or not, okay?
323
00:23:19,091 --> 00:23:21,217
Come on. Get your stuff.
324
00:23:27,550 --> 00:23:31,800
How do you feel about this whole situation
in Chechnya? Isn't it a nightmare?
325
00:23:31,883 --> 00:23:33,966
I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.
Now look.
326
00:23:34,091 --> 00:23:37,175
How do you know,
um, Arsey Darcy?
327
00:23:37,258 --> 00:23:41,550
Apparently I used to, um,
run round naked in his paddling pool.
328
00:23:41,634 --> 00:23:43,841
I bet you did, you dirty bitch.
329
00:23:43,925 --> 00:23:46,008
What about you?
330
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:47,675
Same. Yeah.
331
00:23:49,133 --> 00:23:52,091
No, no, I was, um,
best man at his wedding.
332
00:23:52,175 --> 00:23:54,050
Um, knew him from Cambridge.
333
00:23:54,175 --> 00:23:57,550
He was a mate. And then what?
334
00:23:57,634 --> 00:24:00,759
And then, uh... nothing.
335
00:24:00,841 --> 00:24:03,425
You don't need to protect him.
He's no friend of mine.
336
00:24:03,509 --> 00:24:06,966
Well, um, then,
many years later,
337
00:24:08,175 --> 00:24:11,342
I made the somewhat
catastrophic mistake...
338
00:24:11,425 --> 00:24:15,675
of introducing him
to my fiancée.
339
00:24:19,550 --> 00:24:21,550
And, um...
340
00:24:23,966 --> 00:24:27,550
I couldn't say in all honesty
I've ever quite forgiven him.
341
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:31,759
God, so... he's a nasty bastard,
342
00:24:32,925 --> 00:24:34,841
as well as a dull bastard.
343
00:24:34,925 --> 00:24:37,509
Yes. Yes, I think that's fair.
344
00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:40,091
Anyway, fuck him. Listen,
don't let him ruin our evening.
345
00:24:40,175 --> 00:24:42,175
Why don't you have
some more wine,
346
00:24:42,258 --> 00:24:45,151
and tell me more about practicing
French-kissing with the other girls at school.
347
00:24:45,175 --> 00:24:47,383
That's a very good story.
It wasn't French kissing.
348
00:24:47,467 --> 00:24:50,675
Don't care. Make it up.
That's an order, Jones.
349
00:24:50,759 --> 00:24:53,467
So, um, how about
a drink at my place?
350
00:24:53,550 --> 00:24:57,841
Totally innocent,
no funny business, just full sex.
351
00:24:59,008 --> 00:25:02,759
No, no, no. I should get a taxi.
352
00:25:02,841 --> 00:25:05,966
But thank you
for the lovely dinner.
353
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:11,217
It's a pleasure, Jones.
354
00:25:57,091 --> 00:26:00,050
Now, these are very
silly little boots, Jones.
355
00:26:02,133 --> 00:26:07,966
And this is a very silly little dress,
and, um, these are, uh...
356
00:26:08,050 --> 00:26:10,717
fuck me...
absolutely enormous panties.
357
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,467
Jesus. Fuck.
358
00:26:12,550 --> 00:26:14,467
No, no. Don't apologize.
I like them.
359
00:26:14,592 --> 00:26:17,217
Hello, Mummy!
360
00:26:18,592 --> 00:26:21,008
I'm sorry.
361
00:26:21,133 --> 00:26:23,717
I have to take another look.
They're too good to be true. No.
362
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,318
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
I'm wearing something similar myself.
363
00:26:26,342 --> 00:26:29,925
- Here, I'll show you.
- No...
364
00:26:51,841 --> 00:26:54,383
That was fantastic.
365
00:26:57,841 --> 00:27:00,883
Yeah? Daniel?
366
00:27:00,966 --> 00:27:03,425
What happens at the office?
367
00:27:03,509 --> 00:27:06,217
Oh. Well, I'm glad
you asked that.
368
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,258
You see,
it's a publishing house.
369
00:27:08,342 --> 00:27:10,300
So that means that people
write things for us,
370
00:27:10,383 --> 00:27:13,050
and then we print out all the pages
and fasten them together...
371
00:27:13,133 --> 00:27:15,133
and make them into
what we call a "book," Jones.
372
00:27:15,217 --> 00:27:18,217
No, do you think
people will notice?
373
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:22,217
Notice what? Us.
374
00:27:22,300 --> 00:27:24,383
Working together,
sleeping together.
375
00:27:24,467 --> 00:27:27,091
Hang on a minute, Jones.
Just slow down.
376
00:27:27,175 --> 00:27:30,217
It started on Tuesday,
and now it's Thursday.
377
00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:32,258
It's not exactly...
378
00:27:32,342 --> 00:27:35,091
a long-term relationship yet,
is it?
379
00:27:35,175 --> 00:27:40,133
You very... bad... man.
380
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,883
Bridget Jones,
wanton sex goddess...
381
00:27:50,966 --> 00:27:53,342
with a very bad man
between her thighs.
382
00:27:54,966 --> 00:27:57,008
Mum. Hi.
383
00:27:57,091 --> 00:27:59,258
It's a truth
universally acknowledged...
384
00:27:59,342 --> 00:28:03,050
that the moment one area
of your life starts going okay,
385
00:28:03,133 --> 00:28:06,883
another part of it
falls spectacularly to pieces.
386
00:28:06,966 --> 00:28:09,008
Ah, anyone else
want to have it oeuf?
387
00:28:09,091 --> 00:28:11,008
Don't be shy, madam.
388
00:28:11,091 --> 00:28:13,008
Uh, uh, French.
389
00:28:13,091 --> 00:28:16,342
Have it oeuf
with the WiseCrack Egg Peeler.
390
00:28:16,425 --> 00:28:20,841
Now, um, nice firm grip,
391
00:28:22,258 --> 00:28:25,008
Put it in the hole.
392
00:28:25,091 --> 00:28:29,550
Up, down, up, down,
and off it comes in your hand.
393
00:28:29,634 --> 00:28:32,841
Oh, mind the overspray.
394
00:28:32,925 --> 00:28:35,425
Sorry.
395
00:28:37,091 --> 00:28:40,759
Darling, if I came in with my knickers
on my head, he wouldn't notice.
396
00:28:40,841 --> 00:28:42,759
I've spent 35 years
cleaning his house,
397
00:28:42,841 --> 00:28:45,217
washing his clothes,
bringing up his children.
398
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:47,467
I'm your child too.
399
00:28:47,550 --> 00:28:51,091
To be honest, darling, having
children isn't all it's cracked up to be.
400
00:28:51,175 --> 00:28:54,258
Given my chance again,
I'm not sure I'd have any.
401
00:28:54,342 --> 00:28:58,175
Now it's the winter of my life, and I
haven't actually got anything of my own.
402
00:28:58,258 --> 00:29:01,467
I've got no power,
no, no real career,
403
00:29:01,550 --> 00:29:03,966
no, no sex life.
404
00:29:04,050 --> 00:29:07,966
Got no life at all. I'm like the
grasshopper who sang all summer.
405
00:29:08,050 --> 00:29:11,133
- Like Germaine sodding Geer.
- Greer.
406
00:29:11,217 --> 00:29:13,133
Well, anyway, I'm not having it.
407
00:29:13,217 --> 00:29:15,133
And I've been talent-spotted.
408
00:29:15,217 --> 00:29:17,841
Julian thinks
I've got great potential.
409
00:29:17,966 --> 00:29:20,883
Who's Julian? From the
Home Shopping Channel.
410
00:29:20,966 --> 00:29:22,841
Comes into the store
to have his colors done.
411
00:29:22,966 --> 00:29:25,425
Potential for what?
As a demonstrator,
412
00:29:25,509 --> 00:29:28,800
on his cable show;
You know, his assistant.
413
00:29:28,883 --> 00:29:31,175
Apparently,
it's the highest-rated show on the channel.
414
00:29:31,258 --> 00:29:34,675
Well, apart from the one with the
fat people who beat up their relatives.
415
00:29:34,759 --> 00:29:37,800
I must whiz. Have you
heard from Mark Darcy?
416
00:29:37,883 --> 00:29:39,592
Good-bye, Mum.
417
00:29:48,675 --> 00:29:51,342
Oh, Julian.
418
00:29:51,467 --> 00:29:55,675
Sorry to keep you waiting.
419
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:05,509
And a few weeks later,
it got lots worse.
420
00:30:05,634 --> 00:30:08,592
Hello! Look at this.
421
00:30:08,675 --> 00:30:11,008
Hanging off
this heart-shaped pendant.
422
00:30:11,091 --> 00:30:14,300
One of my own
personal recommendations...
423
00:30:14,383 --> 00:30:19,383
is this absolutely stunning
matching necklace and earring set.
424
00:30:19,467 --> 00:30:22,550
The earrings, measuring...
425
00:30:22,634 --> 00:30:25,425
just over a centimeter...
426
00:30:25,509 --> 00:30:29,258
in genuine diamante with
topaz and lapis lazuli...
427
00:30:29,342 --> 00:30:32,300
in a lovely mock-gold finish.
428
00:30:32,383 --> 00:30:36,675
The exact replica of those
worn at Wimbledon in 1993...
429
00:30:36,759 --> 00:30:39,467
by Her Royal Highness,
the Duchess of Kent.
430
00:30:41,675 --> 00:30:46,759
Well, has she actually
moved out, then?
431
00:30:46,841 --> 00:30:51,175
Apparently she and this tangerine-tinted
buffoon are suddenly an item.
432
00:30:51,258 --> 00:30:54,258
Half our friends have had them
round to bloody dinner.
433
00:30:54,342 --> 00:30:58,592
She's even taking jaundiced Julian
to Una Alconbury's tarts and vicars party.
434
00:30:58,675 --> 00:31:01,425
That's not the Pamela I knew.
That's cruel.
435
00:31:01,509 --> 00:31:05,966
Still, um, could be
a golden opportunity.
436
00:31:06,050 --> 00:31:09,966
If you spent the entire party
flirting with other women,
437
00:31:10,091 --> 00:31:13,217
it would drive Mum
wild with jealousy. Will it?
438
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:15,258
That's how I got my man.
439
00:31:15,342 --> 00:31:18,509
Have you got a boyfriend?
A real one?
440
00:31:18,592 --> 00:31:22,133
I have, Father. I have.
441
00:31:22,217 --> 00:31:25,050
And he's perfect.
442
00:31:44,091 --> 00:31:47,841
Hurrah. Am no longer
tragic spinster...
443
00:31:47,925 --> 00:31:51,550
but proper girlfriend
of bona fide sex god...
444
00:31:51,634 --> 00:31:53,592
so committed
that he's taking me...
445
00:31:53,675 --> 00:31:56,759
on a full-blown,
minibreak holiday weekend.
446
00:31:56,841 --> 00:31:59,467
Promise me we don't have
to sit in little boats...
447
00:31:59,550 --> 00:32:01,467
and read poncey poetry
to each other.
448
00:32:01,550 --> 00:32:03,467
He's also agreed to protect me...
449
00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:06,258
at Uncle Geoffrey's hideous
tarts and vicars fancy dress party.
450
00:32:06,342 --> 00:32:09,883
This can't be just shagging.
A minibreak means true love.
451
00:32:12,050 --> 00:32:15,966
Suddenly feel like screen goddess
in manner of Grace Kelly.
452
00:32:19,258 --> 00:32:23,342
Though, perhaps, ever so slightly
less elegant under pressure.
453
00:32:27,467 --> 00:32:31,008
Very quiet here, isn't it?
Are we the only guests, or...
454
00:32:31,091 --> 00:32:33,008
We have a wedding this weekend.
455
00:32:33,091 --> 00:32:35,634
I believe there are
just four of you not involved.
456
00:32:37,841 --> 00:32:40,300
You do the boats,
I'll do the tea.
457
00:32:41,883 --> 00:32:44,258
- Oh, Jesus.
- Hello there.
458
00:32:44,342 --> 00:32:46,841
Hi. Well, well.
459
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,966
Take it you're also heading
for the Alconburys' rockery.
460
00:32:51,050 --> 00:32:55,342
- Yes, that's right.
- I brought Natasha.
461
00:32:55,425 --> 00:32:58,966
Get a bit of work done. Thought I might
make it a not entirely wasted weekend.
462
00:32:59,050 --> 00:33:02,342
How interesting. What a
gripping life you do lead.
463
00:33:02,425 --> 00:33:05,342
Yeah, well, I'll, um,
see you upstairs in a second.
464
00:33:20,050 --> 00:33:21,966
Mmm, well, the weakness
of their case...
465
00:33:22,050 --> 00:33:24,425
lies in the deposition
they made on August 30.
466
00:33:24,509 --> 00:33:27,675
"Season of mist and...
467
00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:29,883
mellow fruitlessness."
468
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:33,258
Oh, fuck me, I love Keats.
Have you heard this one?
469
00:33:33,342 --> 00:33:35,383
There was
a young woman from Ealing...
470
00:33:35,467 --> 00:33:37,258
who had a peculiar feeling.
471
00:33:37,342 --> 00:33:41,133
She lay on her back
and opened her crack...
472
00:33:41,217 --> 00:33:44,008
and pissed all over the ceiling.
473
00:33:44,091 --> 00:33:46,008
Oh, bollocks. Oh, shit.
474
00:33:46,133 --> 00:33:49,634
I'm boarding you, Bridge. I can't
see an alternative. Don't you dare!
475
00:33:49,717 --> 00:33:51,800
- I'm king of the world!
- No!
476
00:33:51,883 --> 00:33:54,091
Fuck me!
477
00:33:58,592 --> 00:34:00,759
Piss and bollocks.
All right, that's it.
478
00:34:00,841 --> 00:34:03,759
You stupid arse!
479
00:34:04,759 --> 00:34:07,883
Bollocks. All right.
480
00:34:08,008 --> 00:34:09,883
- Ah! No!
- Ready?
481
00:34:09,966 --> 00:34:12,008
So childish.
482
00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:15,217
Yes.
483
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,217
Hey, Darce! Come on in!
484
00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:19,217
Water's lovely.
485
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:22,050
Come on. You're working too hard,
mate.
486
00:34:23,675 --> 00:34:26,342
Daniel. Yes, Bridget?
487
00:34:26,425 --> 00:34:29,383
That thing you just did is
actually illegal in several countries.
488
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:33,467
Well, that is, of course, the major reason
I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today.
489
00:34:33,550 --> 00:34:36,509
Yes, I can't understand
why the prime minister...
490
00:34:36,592 --> 00:34:39,133
doesn't mention it more
in his speeches.
491
00:34:39,258 --> 00:34:42,467
Oh, you should write to
him about it. I intend to.
492
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,925
Daniel. Bridget.
493
00:34:49,008 --> 00:34:52,217
- Do you love me?
- Shut up, or I'll do it again.
494
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:57,509
- Do you love me?
- Right. You asked for it.
495
00:34:57,592 --> 00:35:00,841
And over you go.
496
00:35:00,925 --> 00:35:02,925
I'm going to give you
something to bite on.
497
00:35:03,008 --> 00:35:06,258
Here. Okay?
Pop this in your mouth, darling.
498
00:35:06,342 --> 00:35:08,425
No.
499
00:35:08,509 --> 00:35:10,425
You're begging for it.
500
00:35:10,509 --> 00:35:12,675
Stop it!
501
00:35:26,342 --> 00:35:28,592
I've got to go back to town.
502
00:35:29,675 --> 00:35:31,592
A meeting's come up.
503
00:35:31,717 --> 00:35:34,592
On a Sunday? No,
the meeting's first thing tomorrow.
504
00:35:34,675 --> 00:35:36,592
I've got to work
on some figures.
505
00:35:36,675 --> 00:35:41,425
We could just pop into the party
for a minute...
506
00:35:41,550 --> 00:35:43,841
I'm sorry. I just can't
do it. And leave early.
507
00:35:43,925 --> 00:35:46,717
I've got to head back.
508
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,592
Listen, Daniel, if you've changed
your mind, you could just say so.
509
00:35:51,675 --> 00:35:54,091
Because, honestly, I don't see
what could be so important.
510
00:35:54,175 --> 00:35:56,258
No, well,
you wouldn't, would you?
511
00:35:56,342 --> 00:36:01,509
'Cause you don't have the faintest idea
of just how much trouble the company's in.
512
00:36:01,592 --> 00:36:04,717
You swan in in your short skirt
and your sexy see-through blouse...
513
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,050
and fanny around
with press releases.
514
00:36:07,133 --> 00:36:09,942
This is the Americans flying in 'cause
they're thinking of shutting us down,
515
00:36:09,966 --> 00:36:12,342
for fuck's sake!
516
00:36:14,258 --> 00:36:16,258
Sorry.
517
00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:19,675
I'm sorry, Bridge.
I know I'm being a prat.
518
00:36:27,592 --> 00:36:30,634
I'm going to arrange a lovely
car to come and pick you up...
519
00:36:30,717 --> 00:36:33,050
take you back to London
after the party, okay?
520
00:36:33,133 --> 00:36:35,050
If you have to travel alone,
travel in style.
521
00:36:37,175 --> 00:36:41,133
And, um, I also think
it's very important...
522
00:36:41,217 --> 00:36:44,342
that you win
this costume competition.
523
00:36:46,050 --> 00:36:48,133
Good. Good start.
524
00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:53,342
Now, then, Miss Jones,
where does this go?
525
00:36:56,550 --> 00:36:59,509
Oh, well, here we go.
526
00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:04,425
Trying hard to fight off a vision of
Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights.
527
00:37:04,509 --> 00:37:07,217
Seems unnatural,
wrong even, for 60-year-olds...
528
00:37:07,300 --> 00:37:10,509
to dress up as prostitutes and
priests on a Sunday afternoon.
529
00:37:16,050 --> 00:37:18,008
Oh, holy Jesus.
530
00:37:19,509 --> 00:37:22,883
- Bridget!
- Where are all the other tarts and vicars?
531
00:37:22,966 --> 00:37:24,841
Oh,
dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you?
532
00:37:24,966 --> 00:37:28,759
Geoffrey, didn't you telephone Colin
and Bridget? How's my little Bridget?
533
00:37:28,841 --> 00:37:31,467
- Bop-bop.
- Oh-ho.
534
00:37:31,550 --> 00:37:34,675
- Geoffrey!
- So, where's this chap of yours, then, eh?
535
00:37:34,759 --> 00:37:38,217
- Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so...
- Ha! Likely tale.
536
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:40,217
Off they run. Whee!
537
00:37:43,841 --> 00:37:47,133
Bizarre what some men
find attractive.
538
00:37:48,258 --> 00:37:51,550
- Oh, God.
- Darling. Geoffrey!
539
00:37:51,634 --> 00:37:53,550
What on earth are you wearing?
540
00:37:53,634 --> 00:37:55,509
You look like
a common prostitute.
541
00:37:55,634 --> 00:37:58,467
Yes, well, that was actually
the point. Say hi to Julian.
542
00:37:58,550 --> 00:38:00,550
Hello, Julian.
543
00:38:00,634 --> 00:38:03,966
My dear,
you and your mother could be sisters.
544
00:38:05,467 --> 00:38:07,383
And what a lovely bracelet.
545
00:38:07,467 --> 00:38:09,425
It's what I call
an "all-rounder."
546
00:38:09,509 --> 00:38:12,133
Sort of thing one can wear
with anything to any occasion.
547
00:38:14,425 --> 00:38:16,759
- Have you spoken to my dad?
- Yes.
548
00:38:16,841 --> 00:38:18,759
He's behaving most bizarrely.
549
00:38:18,841 --> 00:38:22,425
I think he was actually trying to flirt
with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing.
550
00:38:22,509 --> 00:38:25,634
She was very frightened. She's
only just had her ovaries done.
551
00:38:31,133 --> 00:38:34,342
I don't know what you ever
saw in him. Shh. Bad man.
552
00:38:42,050 --> 00:38:45,091
Didn't tell you either.
553
00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:51,008
Well, I didn't spend
as much as Bernard, thank God.
554
00:38:56,175 --> 00:38:59,634
Oh... I'm sorry, Dad.
555
00:38:59,717 --> 00:39:04,759
- The way she looked at me.
- Well, she loves you, really.
556
00:39:04,841 --> 00:39:08,467
You love each other.
This is only a temporary glitch.
557
00:39:08,550 --> 00:39:11,592
Is it? I don't know.
558
00:39:12,592 --> 00:39:14,675
I don't know.
559
00:39:17,966 --> 00:39:19,883
Ah, Bridget! There you are.
560
00:39:19,966 --> 00:39:21,883
Don't worry.
You're not the only one.
561
00:39:21,966 --> 00:39:24,151
This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't
get in touch with her either.
562
00:39:24,175 --> 00:39:26,800
I'm sorry? I was saying
Geoffrey didn't contact you either...
563
00:39:26,883 --> 00:39:29,841
to tell you the tarts and vicars
concept had gone out the window.
564
00:39:29,925 --> 00:39:32,925
Oh, yes, he did. Oh, right.
565
00:39:33,008 --> 00:39:35,925
Lovely dress. Very exotic.
566
00:39:39,966 --> 00:39:41,984
What a shame you couldn't
bring your boyfriend, Bridget.
567
00:39:42,008 --> 00:39:44,467
What's his name? David?
Darren? Daniel Cleaver.
568
00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:46,550
Oh. Is he a friend
of yours, Mark?
569
00:39:46,634 --> 00:39:50,258
- Absolutely not.
- I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget.
570
00:39:50,342 --> 00:39:53,342
I think I can say with total confidence,
absolutely not.
571
00:39:53,425 --> 00:39:56,966
Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you,
given your past behavior.
572
00:39:57,050 --> 00:40:00,175
- Sorry?
- I think you know what I mean.
573
00:40:00,258 --> 00:40:03,050
Mark?
574
00:40:14,925 --> 00:40:18,675
Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley
didn't get the message either.
575
00:40:28,008 --> 00:40:29,467
Hi.
576
00:40:29,550 --> 00:40:33,841
I just really,
really wanted to see a friendly face.
577
00:40:33,925 --> 00:40:36,717
Oh, now,
listen. I tell you what. I have an idea.
578
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,175
Let me finish this while you go
home and have a long hot bath,
579
00:40:40,258 --> 00:40:43,008
and I'll call round,
we'll have dinner later, okay?
580
00:40:46,634 --> 00:40:48,592
Is there someone here?
581
00:40:48,675 --> 00:40:50,592
Not that I'm aware of.
582
00:40:50,675 --> 00:40:53,841
Unless that Bosnian family's
moved in again. Bastards.
583
00:41:08,050 --> 00:41:10,592
I'm sorry. Sorry.
584
00:41:13,175 --> 00:41:15,091
I'm going mad.
585
00:41:15,175 --> 00:41:17,300
Listen, I am feeling
really bad, actually.
586
00:41:17,425 --> 00:41:19,342
I should have been there. No,
I'm sorry.
587
00:41:19,425 --> 00:41:22,634
No, I'm sorry. At least
I got a lot of work done.
588
00:41:22,717 --> 00:41:24,634
Just give me
one more hour, okay?
589
00:41:24,717 --> 00:41:28,841
Fine. That's fine.
I'll go home and de-bunny.
590
00:41:30,383 --> 00:41:34,050
Oh, and you know, last night...
591
00:41:34,133 --> 00:41:36,133
when I said that I loved you?
592
00:41:36,258 --> 00:41:38,841
Yeah? I didn't mean it.
593
00:41:38,966 --> 00:41:42,592
I was being ironic. Oh,
good. Yeah, I know, I know.
594
00:41:43,841 --> 00:41:45,841
All right.
595
00:41:47,883 --> 00:41:49,883
Thank you, madam.
596
00:42:01,008 --> 00:42:02,966
Bridge?
597
00:42:04,091 --> 00:42:06,091
Bridget!
598
00:42:21,841 --> 00:42:24,175
This is Lara
from the New York office.
599
00:42:25,841 --> 00:42:27,925
Lara, this is Bridget.
600
00:42:28,008 --> 00:42:29,717
Hey there.
601
00:42:32,634 --> 00:42:34,675
I thought you said she was thin.
602
00:43:25,759 --> 00:43:29,008
I was hoping that you would
want to be a part of it.
603
00:43:29,091 --> 00:43:32,467
Listen, this is...
this is totally insane.
604
00:43:32,550 --> 00:43:35,675
I'm 36. It may be
my last chance to have a child.
605
00:43:35,759 --> 00:43:37,717
Alex...
606
00:43:53,217 --> 00:43:57,300
The male penetrates the female
and leaves.
607
00:43:57,383 --> 00:44:00,675
Coitus is brief and perfunctory.
608
00:44:00,759 --> 00:44:05,383
For the female,
all there is to do now is wait and wait.
609
00:44:30,841 --> 00:44:33,091
We've had
a very good response...
610
00:44:33,175 --> 00:44:36,217
to the Teddy Knows Best
teaser campaign, and, uh,
611
00:44:36,300 --> 00:44:39,425
had various local radio bids for
author interviews, which is good,
612
00:44:39,550 --> 00:44:42,841
Stop that. I feel terrible. But it's,
uh...
613
00:44:42,925 --> 00:44:46,883
The thing is with Lara and me...
614
00:44:47,008 --> 00:44:50,800
Well, you know.
No, you'll have to fill me in.
615
00:44:50,883 --> 00:44:55,091
Well, the truth is, the truth is
we're the same, Bridge, you and me.
616
00:44:55,175 --> 00:44:58,467
You know, we're two people of a certain
age looking for the moment to commit...
617
00:44:58,550 --> 00:45:00,759
and finding it really hard.
618
00:45:00,841 --> 00:45:04,759
And I just think that in the end
it's got to be something...
619
00:45:04,841 --> 00:45:09,467
extraordinary, something which
makes us go that extra mile, and I think...
620
00:45:09,550 --> 00:45:12,258
Lara and... I don't know...
621
00:45:12,342 --> 00:45:15,217
being American or something
to do with confidence,
622
00:45:15,300 --> 00:45:17,300
and, um, being so...
623
00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:21,342
well, young, you know.
624
00:45:26,717 --> 00:45:29,966
Well, we've...
become very close.
625
00:45:30,050 --> 00:45:33,509
You've only just met her.
She flew in yesterday.
626
00:45:37,300 --> 00:45:39,759
Oh. Tsk.
627
00:45:39,841 --> 00:45:41,759
Silly Bridget.
628
00:45:41,883 --> 00:45:45,425
You haven't only just met her.
No.
629
00:45:45,509 --> 00:45:49,883
No, I got to know her pretty well when
we were in the New York office together.
630
00:45:52,841 --> 00:45:54,759
Oh, fuck.
631
00:45:54,841 --> 00:45:57,675
There's no easy way
to say this, but, uh,
632
00:45:59,258 --> 00:46:02,217
I wanted... I wanted you
to be the first to know that, uh,
633
00:46:04,592 --> 00:46:06,675
we're engaged.
634
00:46:25,175 --> 00:46:29,008
At times like this,
continuing with one's life...
635
00:46:29,091 --> 00:46:31,258
seems impossible,
636
00:46:31,342 --> 00:46:36,425
and eating the entire contents
of one's fridge seems inevitable.
637
00:46:36,509 --> 00:46:38,509
I have two choices:
638
00:46:38,592 --> 00:46:42,966
To give up and accept permanent
state of spinsterhood...
639
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:44,966
and eventual eating by dogs,
640
00:46:46,008 --> 00:46:49,550
Or not, and this time
I choose not.
641
00:46:49,634 --> 00:46:55,217
I will not be defeated by a bad man
and an American stick insect.
642
00:46:55,300 --> 00:46:58,342
Instead, I choose vodka.
643
00:46:59,675 --> 00:47:01,592
And Chaka Khan.
644
00:47:47,217 --> 00:47:51,217
Fine. Fine.
645
00:47:56,050 --> 00:48:00,008
Why do you want to be in television?
646
00:48:00,091 --> 00:48:03,800
Well, I've realized that I've
become deeply committed...
647
00:48:03,883 --> 00:48:08,258
to communicating to the public the
up-to-the-moment and in-depth news,
648
00:48:08,342 --> 00:48:10,217
both political and ecological.
649
00:48:10,342 --> 00:48:13,759
What do you think of the
El Nino phenomenon? Um,
650
00:48:13,841 --> 00:48:15,759
it's a blip.
651
00:48:15,841 --> 00:48:18,634
I think, basically,
Latin music is on its way out.
652
00:48:20,258 --> 00:48:22,675
So why do you want to work
in television?
653
00:48:22,759 --> 00:48:25,592
Because I'm passionately committed
to communicating with children.
654
00:48:25,675 --> 00:48:29,091
- They are the future.
- Do you have any children of your own?
655
00:48:29,175 --> 00:48:31,342
Oh, Christ, no. Yech!
656
00:48:33,925 --> 00:48:35,759
Sorry.
657
00:48:35,841 --> 00:48:37,800
So, why do you want to work
in television?
658
00:48:37,883 --> 00:48:41,300
I've got to leave my current job
because I've shagged my boss.
659
00:48:41,383 --> 00:48:44,634
Fair enough. Start Monday.
We'll see how we go.
660
00:48:44,717 --> 00:48:47,883
Oh, and, uh, incidentally,
661
00:48:47,966 --> 00:48:51,883
at Sit Up, Britain, no one ever
gets sacked for shaggin' the boss.
662
00:48:51,966 --> 00:48:54,133
That's a matter of principle.
663
00:48:58,550 --> 00:49:01,634
Bridge, uh, come on, hey.
664
00:49:01,717 --> 00:49:05,050
I know it's been awkward as arse,
but there's no need to leave.
665
00:49:05,133 --> 00:49:09,883
No, actually, there is. I've
been offered a job in television.
666
00:49:09,966 --> 00:49:12,509
- Television?
- Mm-hmm.
667
00:49:12,592 --> 00:49:14,634
And they want me to start
straight away.
668
00:49:14,717 --> 00:49:18,675
Um, so I've got to leave
in about, ooh, three minutes.
669
00:49:18,759 --> 00:49:22,091
So, um...
670
00:49:22,175 --> 00:49:25,467
Whoa, j-just hold it
right there, Miss Jones.
671
00:49:25,550 --> 00:49:28,966
I'm sorry to inform you,
but I think you'll find that, by contract,
672
00:49:29,050 --> 00:49:31,592
you are expected to give
at least six weeks' notice.
673
00:49:31,675 --> 00:49:36,008
Ah, yes. Well, you know, I thought with the
company being in so much trouble and all,
674
00:49:36,091 --> 00:49:39,050
you wouldn't miss the person who
"waltzes in in a see-through top...
675
00:49:39,133 --> 00:49:41,258
and fannies about
with the press releases."
676
00:49:42,883 --> 00:49:45,925
- Bridget.
- I want to hear this.
677
00:49:46,008 --> 00:49:49,258
Because if she gives one inch, I'm
gonna fire her bony little bottom anyway...
678
00:49:49,342 --> 00:49:51,841
for being totally spineless.
679
00:49:51,925 --> 00:49:56,175
- What?
- Well, I just think you should know, that, um...
680
00:49:56,258 --> 00:49:59,050
- There are a lot of prospects here for a talented p...
- Daniel...
681
00:49:59,133 --> 00:50:01,894
- Just give me a minute, would you, Simon? Thanks.
- Righto, boss man.
682
00:50:03,175 --> 00:50:05,091
Lots of prospects...
683
00:50:05,175 --> 00:50:07,383
for a person who, uh,
684
00:50:07,467 --> 00:50:09,592
you know, who,
perhaps for personal reasons,
685
00:50:09,675 --> 00:50:13,217
has been slightly overlooked
professionally.
686
00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:16,300
Thank you, Daniel.
That is very good to know.
687
00:50:16,383 --> 00:50:20,133
But if staying here means
working within ten yards of you,
688
00:50:20,217 --> 00:50:23,966
frankly, I'd rather have a job
wiping Saddam Hussein's ass.
689
00:50:33,217 --> 00:50:36,759
Well,
bye, everyone.
690
00:50:45,133 --> 00:50:47,592
Oh, just sod off.
691
00:50:47,675 --> 00:50:51,133
Hello and welcome to Sit Up,
Britain, a current affairs show...
692
00:50:51,217 --> 00:50:55,217
Okay, everybody, it is bonfire night,
and we are on fire.
693
00:50:55,300 --> 00:50:58,592
We have live fire station feeds
from Newcastle,
694
00:50:58,675 --> 00:51:03,467
Swansea, Sheffield and Lewisham,
just poised for tragedy.
695
00:51:03,550 --> 00:51:05,717
Bridget Jones, where are you?
696
00:51:06,925 --> 00:51:08,841
I'm here, Richard.
697
00:51:08,925 --> 00:51:11,509
Put on some more makeup.
I want you on camera.
698
00:51:11,592 --> 00:51:14,258
- Uh...
- I'm thinking miniskirt.
699
00:51:14,342 --> 00:51:17,675
I'm thinking fireman's helmet.
I want you pointing a hose.
700
00:51:17,759 --> 00:51:20,509
I want you sliding down the pole.
Then go straight to the interview.
701
00:51:20,592 --> 00:51:24,675
Great. I'll do it.
702
00:51:26,925 --> 00:51:28,966
No problem. Fine. Right.
703
00:51:29,050 --> 00:51:31,675
So you drop into shot and then
interview Chief Fireman Bevan. Yep.
704
00:51:31,759 --> 00:51:34,258
Yep, yep. Go, go. Go, go. Go!
705
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:36,800
Go? Oh, no.
706
00:51:36,883 --> 00:51:39,050
We're going to firefighters
in Newcastle first.
707
00:51:39,133 --> 00:51:42,300
Stop! Climb back up.
Climb back up!
708
00:51:42,425 --> 00:51:45,050
On you in 30seconds. Okay.
709
00:51:47,300 --> 00:51:52,133
What the fuck is going on? She's supposed to
be sliding down the pole, not climbing it.
710
00:51:52,217 --> 00:51:54,800
- Go, go. Go, go. Go!
- Ooh! Okay!
711
00:51:55,883 --> 00:51:58,008
Oh, Jesus Christ!
712
00:52:00,592 --> 00:52:03,133
Okay. We're out of time.
Just wind her up.
713
00:52:03,217 --> 00:52:08,133
Well, that seems to be about all we've
got time for down here in Lewisham.
714
00:52:08,217 --> 00:52:12,050
Chief Officer Bevan,
thank you very much.
715
00:52:12,133 --> 00:52:14,883
Excellent fire station.
716
00:52:14,966 --> 00:52:18,217
Uh, and now...
back to the studio.
717
00:52:23,966 --> 00:52:27,759
Excellent. Am national
laughingstock.
718
00:52:27,841 --> 00:52:30,091
Have bottom the size of Brazil,
719
00:52:30,175 --> 00:52:33,717
am daughter of broken home,
am rubbish at everything and...
720
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:37,383
Oh, God. Am having dinner
with Magda and Jeremy.
721
00:52:37,467 --> 00:52:40,050
The only thing worse
than smug, married couple...
722
00:52:40,133 --> 00:52:43,175
Lots of smug, married couples.
723
00:52:43,258 --> 00:52:46,759
Right.
Everyone, this is Bridget.
724
00:52:46,841 --> 00:52:48,759
Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane.
725
00:52:48,841 --> 00:52:51,675
- Hi.
- You know Cosmo and Woney.
726
00:52:51,759 --> 00:52:54,467
- Hi, Bridge.
- This is Alistair and Henrietta.
727
00:52:54,550 --> 00:52:56,883
- Hello.
- Julia and Michael.
728
00:52:56,966 --> 00:52:59,133
Joanne and Paul. Hello.
729
00:52:59,217 --> 00:53:02,883
And Jeremy's partners from chambers,
Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy.
730
00:53:02,966 --> 00:53:05,217
- Hi there.
- Hello.
731
00:53:05,300 --> 00:53:08,634
Not in your bunny
girl outfit today? No.
732
00:53:08,717 --> 00:53:13,300
Uh, we bunnies only wear our
tails on very special occasions.
733
00:53:13,425 --> 00:53:15,675
Right,
B. Sit yourself down. Right.
734
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,841
Hey, Bridge,
how's your love life?
735
00:53:21,925 --> 00:53:25,675
Still going out - with
that publishing chappie?
736
00:53:25,759 --> 00:53:28,091
Uh, n-no. No, actually.
737
00:53:28,175 --> 00:53:32,300
- Terribly good.
- Never dip your nib in the office ink.
738
00:53:32,383 --> 00:53:37,592
- Right.
- You really ought to hurry up - and gets progged up, old girl.
739
00:53:37,675 --> 00:53:41,217
Time's a-running out. Ticktock.
740
00:53:42,133 --> 00:53:44,300
Yes, yes. Uh, tell me.
741
00:53:44,383 --> 00:53:47,634
Is it one in four marriages that
ends in divorce now or one in three?
742
00:53:47,717 --> 00:53:50,133
One in three.
743
00:53:50,217 --> 00:53:54,966
Seriously, the office is full
of single girls in their30s.
744
00:53:55,050 --> 00:54:00,300
Fine physical specimens, but they
just can't seem to hold down a chap.
745
00:54:00,383 --> 00:54:06,217
Yes, why is it there are so many unmarried
women in their30s these days, Bridget?
746
00:54:09,925 --> 00:54:13,133
Oh, I don't know.
747
00:54:13,217 --> 00:54:16,383
I suppose it doesn't help that,
underneath our clothes,
748
00:54:16,467 --> 00:54:18,717
our entire bodies
are covered in scales.
749
00:54:31,509 --> 00:54:35,175
I very much enjoyed your
Lewisham fire report, by the way.
750
00:54:36,841 --> 00:54:38,800
Thank you.
751
00:54:43,925 --> 00:54:45,841
Yeah, well...
752
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:50,966
So, it didn't work out
with Daniel Cleaver?
753
00:54:51,050 --> 00:54:53,175
No, it didn't.
754
00:54:55,050 --> 00:54:57,509
I'm delighted to hear it.
755
00:54:57,592 --> 00:55:00,675
Look, are you and Cosmo
in this together?
756
00:55:00,759 --> 00:55:02,925
I mean, you seem
to go out of your way...
757
00:55:03,008 --> 00:55:06,258
to try to make me feel like a
complete idiot every time I see you,
758
00:55:06,342 --> 00:55:09,175
and you really needn't bother.
759
00:55:09,258 --> 00:55:13,634
I already feel like an idiot
most of the time anyway,
760
00:55:13,717 --> 00:55:16,675
with or without
a fireman's pole.
761
00:55:16,759 --> 00:55:20,675
That'll be my taxi.
762
00:55:20,759 --> 00:55:23,258
Good night.
763
00:55:23,342 --> 00:55:25,425
Look, um, I'm sorry...
764
00:55:25,509 --> 00:55:27,717
if I've been...
765
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:31,258
- What?
- I don't think you're an idiot at all.
766
00:55:32,925 --> 00:55:36,925
I mean, there are elements
of the ridiculous about you.
767
00:55:37,008 --> 00:55:39,258
Your mother's pretty interesting.
768
00:55:39,342 --> 00:55:42,509
And you really are an
appallingly bad public speaker.
769
00:55:42,592 --> 00:55:45,883
And you tend to let whatever is in
your head come out of your mouth...
770
00:55:45,966 --> 00:55:48,383
without much consideration
of the consequences.
771
00:55:48,467 --> 00:55:52,966
I realize that when I met you
at the turkey curry buffet...
772
00:55:53,050 --> 00:55:57,759
that I was unforgivably rude
and wearing a reindeer jumper...
773
00:55:57,841 --> 00:56:00,133
that my mother had given me
the day before.
774
00:56:01,342 --> 00:56:03,467
But the thing is, um...
775
00:56:03,550 --> 00:56:07,634
What I'm trying to say,
very inarticulately,
776
00:56:07,717 --> 00:56:11,175
is... that, um,
777
00:56:11,258 --> 00:56:13,759
in fact, perhaps,
778
00:56:13,841 --> 00:56:16,217
despite appearances,
779
00:56:16,300 --> 00:56:18,966
I like you... very much.
780
00:56:19,050 --> 00:56:22,342
Ah, apart from the smoking
and the drinking...
781
00:56:22,425 --> 00:56:25,133
and the vulgar mother...
and the verbal diarrhea.
782
00:56:25,217 --> 00:56:29,050
No, I like you very much...
just as you are.
783
00:56:30,759 --> 00:56:34,467
Mark, we really are making
progress on the case in here.
784
00:56:34,550 --> 00:56:38,425
Jeremy's had
a most brilliant idea.
785
00:56:38,509 --> 00:56:41,509
Right. Right.
786
00:56:44,217 --> 00:56:47,925
I must go because...
787
00:56:48,008 --> 00:56:51,759
Well... bye.
788
00:57:03,841 --> 00:57:06,425
Uh, "just as you are"?
789
00:57:06,509 --> 00:57:08,592
Not thinner? Not cleverer?
790
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:11,509
Not with slightly bigger breasts
and a slightly smaller nose?
791
00:57:17,091 --> 00:57:21,091
Well... fuck me.
792
00:57:25,175 --> 00:57:27,091
But this is someone you hate,
right?
793
00:57:27,175 --> 00:57:31,175
Mmm. Mmm. Yes, yes. I hate him.
794
00:57:37,592 --> 00:57:41,925
November9. Weight: 138pounds.
795
00:57:42,008 --> 00:57:46,467
Cigarettes: 3. Birthday: 33.
796
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:49,800
Okay, Bridget. See if you
can get it right this time.
797
00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:53,300
The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney
case is expected today.
798
00:57:53,383 --> 00:57:56,383
Get yourself down to the high
court. I want a hardheaded interview.
799
00:57:57,675 --> 00:57:59,467
You do know
the Aghani-Heaney case.
800
00:57:59,550 --> 00:58:02,258
Yes, of course.
801
00:58:02,342 --> 00:58:04,634
Big case...
802
00:58:04,717 --> 00:58:07,925
featuring someone called
"Aghani-Heaney."
803
00:58:08,008 --> 00:58:11,841
Or two people called
Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney.
804
00:58:11,925 --> 00:58:14,592
That's the one.
805
00:58:14,675 --> 00:58:17,759
She's a British aid worker.
He's a Kurdish freedom fighter.
806
00:58:17,841 --> 00:58:21,509
The government want to extradite him
home where he'll certainly be executed.
807
00:58:21,592 --> 00:58:24,509
She's married to him, and they've
fought for five years to keep him here.
808
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:27,509
Today is the decision.
Oh, that's exciting.
809
00:58:27,592 --> 00:58:31,383
Yes, it is.
So what are you waiting for?
810
00:58:31,467 --> 00:58:34,634
Am suddenly hard headed journalist...
811
00:58:34,717 --> 00:58:37,717
ruthlessly committed to
promoting justice and liberty.
812
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:42,091
Nothing can distract me from my
dedication to the pursuit of truth.
813
00:58:42,175 --> 00:58:44,550
Well, almost nothing.
814
00:58:44,634 --> 00:58:47,675
Right. I'll just pop to the
shop quickly for some ciggies.
815
00:58:47,759 --> 00:58:51,800
14P for the Polos and
the packet of Wheat Crunchies.
816
00:58:51,925 --> 00:58:54,925
A packet of Embassy, please.
I'm sorry. I'm not quite fi...
817
00:58:55,008 --> 00:58:56,841
Good afternoon.
818
00:58:59,091 --> 00:59:03,300
Hi. You like me
just the way I am.
819
00:59:03,383 --> 00:59:06,966
- Sorry?
- Nothing.
820
00:59:07,050 --> 00:59:09,258
Bridget, we fucked up utterly.
821
00:59:09,342 --> 00:59:11,925
Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani
have come and gone.
822
00:59:12,008 --> 00:59:14,467
Oh, God. I'll be sacked.
823
00:59:14,550 --> 00:59:16,592
Well, did the others
get interviews?
824
00:59:16,675 --> 00:59:18,592
I don't know.
I was having a slash.
825
00:59:18,675 --> 00:59:21,592
- Actually, nobody got interviews.
- So how do you know?
826
00:59:21,675 --> 00:59:25,966
Because I was defending him,
and I told him not to give any interviews.
827
00:59:26,050 --> 00:59:30,300
Look... I have a plan.
828
00:59:30,383 --> 00:59:33,342
And action.
829
00:59:33,425 --> 00:59:38,634
Mr. Darcy, you were defending
Mr. Aghani. You must be delighted.
830
00:59:38,717 --> 00:59:41,966
Yes, well, Kafir Aghani
has spent his entire life...
831
00:59:42,050 --> 00:59:45,091
defending the basic human rights of
his own people, and today's verdict...
832
00:59:45,175 --> 00:59:48,966
has been the result of five years of
struggle by this woman, Eleanor Heaney,
833
00:59:49,050 --> 00:59:52,008
to save the man she loves from...
834
00:59:52,091 --> 00:59:55,634
an extradition order that would have
been tantamount to a death sentence.
835
00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,592
Right.
836
00:59:57,675 --> 01:00:00,592
And, Eleanor, over to you.
837
01:00:00,675 --> 01:00:03,717
Did you fancy Kafir the first
time that you saw him?
838
01:00:06,383 --> 01:00:09,634
This has been Bridget Jones
for Sit Up, Britain,
839
01:00:09,717 --> 01:00:14,300
with, let's face it,
a bit of a crush now, actually.
840
01:00:14,383 --> 01:00:15,717
Good afternoon.
841
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:19,841
Bridget Jones. Already a legend.
842
01:00:32,175 --> 01:00:36,091
Oh, joy, I am broadcasting genius.
843
01:00:36,175 --> 01:00:39,592
Celebrating by cooking birthday
feast for close friends.
844
01:00:39,675 --> 01:00:44,133
Have sneaking suspicion am also something
of a genius in the kitchen as well.
845
01:00:44,217 --> 01:00:48,759
Tie flavor-enhancing leek
and celery together with string.
846
01:00:48,841 --> 01:00:51,175
Right. String.
847
01:00:51,258 --> 01:00:55,175
String, string, string. Perfect.
848
01:00:59,050 --> 01:01:02,675
Finely slice oranges
and grate zest.
849
01:01:07,425 --> 01:01:10,050
Oh, no! Oh, motherfucker!
850
01:01:14,008 --> 01:01:17,217
Where the fuck is the fucking tuna?
851
01:01:17,300 --> 01:01:19,509
This is Bridget Jones
for Sit Up, Britain,
852
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,550
searching for tuna.
853
01:01:26,050 --> 01:01:28,634
- Bridget Jones.
- Hello, darling.
854
01:01:28,717 --> 01:01:31,966
- Hi, Mum.
- I just wanted a bit of a chat.
855
01:01:32,050 --> 01:01:35,425
Ouch! Careful,
you ham-fisted cunt!
856
01:01:35,509 --> 01:01:38,258
The thing is, darling,
between you and me,
857
01:01:38,342 --> 01:01:41,300
I'm not entirely sure
that Julian isn't a bit of a shit.
858
01:01:41,383 --> 01:01:44,300
Well, you know, Mum, I haven't
really got time right now.
859
01:01:44,383 --> 01:01:48,634
Well, I, I can't deny the sex
is still very surprising.
860
01:01:48,717 --> 01:01:50,841
You know, the other night,
quite unexpectedly,
861
01:01:50,925 --> 01:01:53,091
I was just dozing off,
and I felt this huge...
862
01:01:53,175 --> 01:01:55,841
Bye, Mum.
863
01:01:58,425 --> 01:02:01,509
Oh, who could be calling now?
864
01:02:07,425 --> 01:02:09,342
The door was open.
865
01:02:09,425 --> 01:02:14,592
I came to congratulate the new face
of British current affairs.
866
01:02:19,841 --> 01:02:22,675
But I see
I may have come at a bad time.
867
01:02:24,383 --> 01:02:27,133
How's it look? Uh, great.
868
01:02:27,258 --> 01:02:29,550
It's, um, blue.
869
01:02:29,634 --> 01:02:32,509
Blue? No, but blue is good.
870
01:02:32,592 --> 01:02:34,883
If you ask me,
there isn't enough blue food.
871
01:02:34,966 --> 01:02:37,717
Oh, shit.
It must have been the string.
872
01:02:37,841 --> 01:02:40,717
Oh, it's string soup.
873
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,717
Oh, God. They're gonna
be here any minute.
874
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:48,550
Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to
see you and not orange parfait in sugar cages.
875
01:02:48,675 --> 01:02:51,133
Let's have a drink. Yes.
876
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:58,634
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
877
01:03:00,550 --> 01:03:03,008
Did I really run
round your lawn naked?
878
01:03:03,091 --> 01:03:06,467
Oh, yes.
You were four, and I was eight.
879
01:03:06,550 --> 01:03:10,509
That's a pretty big
age difference.
880
01:03:10,592 --> 01:03:12,509
It's quite pervy, really.
881
01:03:12,592 --> 01:03:14,675
Yes, I like to think so.
882
01:03:18,383 --> 01:03:21,008
What are we going to do
about this dinner, then?
883
01:03:23,008 --> 01:03:24,925
We can have blue soup to start,
884
01:03:25,008 --> 01:03:27,050
orange pudding to end,
885
01:03:27,133 --> 01:03:31,925
and, well, for the main course you have,
um, congealed green gunge.
886
01:03:32,050 --> 01:03:35,717
That is caper berry gravy,
actually. Oh, yes.
887
01:03:35,841 --> 01:03:38,091
Do you have eggs? Yes.
888
01:03:38,175 --> 01:03:40,050
Right. Omelet it is, then.
889
01:03:40,175 --> 01:03:42,175
Ah! With caper berry gravy.
890
01:03:46,175 --> 01:03:49,800
You wouldn't by any chance have
any beetroot cubes, would you?
891
01:03:50,841 --> 01:03:53,425
Minigherkin? Stuffed olive?
892
01:03:53,509 --> 01:03:56,175
No, Pam. And besides, I'm busy.
893
01:03:56,258 --> 01:03:58,592
The gravy needs sieving.
894
01:03:58,675 --> 01:04:01,217
Surely not. Just stir it, Una.
895
01:04:10,050 --> 01:04:12,800
- Hey!
- Happy birthday!
896
01:04:12,883 --> 01:04:14,883
TV queen! We're so proud!
897
01:04:14,966 --> 01:04:18,592
Hey, Bridge, you looked so
fucking thin! You looked fantastic!
898
01:04:20,841 --> 01:04:22,717
Hello.
899
01:04:22,841 --> 01:04:25,425
- Hello.
- Are you joining us?
900
01:04:25,509 --> 01:04:27,841
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
901
01:04:47,175 --> 01:04:49,133
Excellent. Mmm.
902
01:04:49,217 --> 01:04:52,258
Delicious. Really special.
903
01:04:52,342 --> 01:04:54,258
It's really...
It's really very good.
904
01:04:54,342 --> 01:04:57,550
Really, it's very nice.
905
01:04:57,634 --> 01:04:59,675
So...
906
01:04:59,759 --> 01:05:02,550
hmm, Mark, why did
your wife leave you?
907
01:05:02,634 --> 01:05:07,175
Mmm! Eat up. Eat up.
Two more lovely courses to go.
908
01:05:11,759 --> 01:05:15,008
Mmm, delicious!
909
01:05:15,091 --> 01:05:19,133
I have to say, this is
the most incredible shit.
910
01:05:22,509 --> 01:05:25,008
This is the worst of the three.
911
01:05:25,091 --> 01:05:27,425
It does actually remind me
of something. It tastes like...
912
01:05:27,509 --> 01:05:30,425
- Marmalade.
- Well done, Bridge.
913
01:05:30,509 --> 01:05:35,467
Four hours of cooking and a feast
of blue soup, omelet and marmalade.
914
01:05:35,550 --> 01:05:37,925
- Thank you.
- I think that deserves a toast, don't you?
915
01:05:38,008 --> 01:05:41,133
To Bridget, who cannot cook,
916
01:05:41,217 --> 01:05:43,675
but who we love...
just ass he is.
917
01:05:44,841 --> 01:05:46,759
To Bridget,
918
01:05:46,841 --> 01:05:49,342
just as she is.
919
01:05:56,509 --> 01:05:59,592
I'll go.
920
01:06:11,550 --> 01:06:15,425
Who? Ah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
921
01:06:15,509 --> 01:06:18,300
I'm obviously interrupting.
922
01:06:18,383 --> 01:06:20,800
I... Darcy.
923
01:06:22,258 --> 01:06:24,592
What brings you here?
924
01:06:24,675 --> 01:06:28,509
Oh, right, yeah. I should have guessed,
shouldn't I?
925
01:06:28,592 --> 01:06:31,509
Hi. I'm Tom. It's really
good to meet you at last.
926
01:06:31,592 --> 01:06:34,509
Yeah. Listen,
I just came to, uh...
927
01:06:34,592 --> 01:06:36,759
I thought you might be
on your own. Huh.
928
01:06:36,841 --> 01:06:38,966
What an idiot.
929
01:06:42,217 --> 01:06:44,383
Excuse me.
930
01:06:50,675 --> 01:06:52,592
I've been going crazy.
931
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:54,925
I can't stop thinking
about you...
932
01:06:55,008 --> 01:06:57,800
and thinking
what a fucking idiot I've been.
933
01:06:57,883 --> 01:07:00,258
Christ, is that blue soup?
934
01:07:00,342 --> 01:07:02,258
Yes.
935
01:07:02,342 --> 01:07:04,383
You know, that Sunday
in the country...
936
01:07:06,675 --> 01:07:08,634
Come on outside.
937
01:07:10,050 --> 01:07:12,925
It was all just going so fast...
938
01:07:13,008 --> 01:07:16,175
the hotel and that weekend,
meeting your parents.
939
01:07:16,258 --> 01:07:18,425
I just panicked.
940
01:07:18,509 --> 01:07:20,467
You know me. I'm...
941
01:07:20,550 --> 01:07:24,675
I'm a terrible disaster with a
posh voice and a bad character.
942
01:07:24,759 --> 01:07:27,467
You're the only one who can save me,
Bridge. I need you.
943
01:07:27,550 --> 01:07:30,592
Without you, 20 years from now,
I'll be in some seedy bar...
944
01:07:30,675 --> 01:07:32,925
with some seedy blonde.
945
01:07:33,008 --> 01:07:35,258
And what about Lara?
946
01:07:35,342 --> 01:07:38,175
Oh, over, over.
Totally fucking finito.
947
01:07:38,258 --> 01:07:40,175
Dumped me.
948
01:07:40,258 --> 01:07:44,217
Dumped me when she realized
I hadn't got over you.
949
01:07:44,300 --> 01:07:47,383
I know you're thinking
it's just a sex thing,
950
01:07:47,467 --> 01:07:50,133
but I promise you,
whenever see...
951
01:07:50,217 --> 01:07:52,550
that skimpy little skirt on TV,
952
01:07:52,634 --> 01:07:56,258
I just close my eyes and listen to
all the intelligent things you'll say.
953
01:07:56,342 --> 01:07:59,467
I was thrilled that little
Kurdish bloke was set free.
954
01:08:00,759 --> 01:08:03,258
Bridge,
955
01:08:03,342 --> 01:08:05,300
I missed you a lot.
956
01:08:09,592 --> 01:08:11,509
I'm going now. Bye.
957
01:08:11,592 --> 01:08:14,217
Mark, stay. We...
958
01:08:14,300 --> 01:08:18,883
- No, I don't think I will.
- Well, listen. Don't leave on my behalf now.
959
01:08:18,966 --> 01:08:24,008
Come on. I think it's about time you and I
put this past behind us, don't you, Darce?
960
01:08:24,091 --> 01:08:27,175
At least stay for a birthday
drink with me and Bridge, huh?
961
01:08:27,258 --> 01:08:29,342
Good-bye, Bridget.
962
01:08:31,175 --> 01:08:33,133
Mark.
963
01:08:37,425 --> 01:08:39,342
Why are you here?
964
01:08:39,425 --> 01:08:41,717
Bridge,
965
01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:44,383
I just told you why I'm here.
966
01:08:44,509 --> 01:08:47,091
Why was Mark wanker Darcy here?
967
01:08:47,175 --> 01:08:50,258
Oh, bloody hell.
Wait a minute. He's back.
968
01:08:50,342 --> 01:08:53,425
- All right, Cleaver. Outside.
- I'm sorry?
969
01:08:53,509 --> 01:08:58,675
Outside? Uh, should I bring
my dueling pistols or my sword?
970
01:09:02,258 --> 01:09:04,509
All right. Hang on.
971
01:09:12,883 --> 01:09:15,300
I should have done this
years ago.
972
01:09:15,383 --> 01:09:17,425
Done what? This.
973
01:09:17,509 --> 01:09:21,425
Oh! Fuck! Fuck me, that hurt!
974
01:09:21,509 --> 01:09:24,759
Oh! What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
975
01:09:24,841 --> 01:09:27,217
This.
976
01:09:27,300 --> 01:09:29,675
Oh, Christ, not again. Oh.
977
01:09:30,759 --> 01:09:32,925
Fight!
978
01:09:33,008 --> 01:09:34,841
What? Fight.
979
01:09:34,925 --> 01:09:36,800
Where? Where? Well, quick!
980
01:09:36,925 --> 01:09:39,800
It's a real fight!
981
01:09:39,883 --> 01:09:41,592
A fight!
982
01:09:41,675 --> 01:09:44,425
All right, all right, all right.
I give up. I give up.
983
01:09:44,509 --> 01:09:49,800
Just give me a moment, all right. Just
let me get a moment's break here, okay?
984
01:09:49,883 --> 01:09:53,175
Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
985
01:09:53,258 --> 01:09:55,175
Cheat! Cheat!
986
01:10:02,841 --> 01:10:04,759
I'll shin you!
987
01:10:19,008 --> 01:10:21,841
Whose side are we on?
Mark's, obviously.
988
01:10:21,925 --> 01:10:23,885
He's never dumped Bridget
for some naked American.
989
01:10:23,925 --> 01:10:25,841
And he said he liked her
just the way she is.
990
01:10:25,925 --> 01:10:28,883
But he also nicked Daniel's
fiancée and left him brokenhearted.
991
01:10:28,966 --> 01:10:30,883
Good point.
It's a very hard one to call.
992
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,217
No! No! No! No!
993
01:10:38,300 --> 01:10:40,509
Oh, yes!
994
01:10:43,925 --> 01:10:46,008
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
995
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:50,342
What are you doing?
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
996
01:10:50,425 --> 01:10:52,800
I really am sorry. I will pay.
997
01:10:52,925 --> 01:10:56,717
Enough, Darcy? Not quite,
if that's all right by you.
998
01:10:58,467 --> 01:11:02,925
You broke my bloody jaw!
999
01:11:29,509 --> 01:11:31,467
Jesus.
1000
01:11:37,675 --> 01:11:40,966
All right. All right. Enough.
1001
01:11:41,050 --> 01:11:43,841
Enough. Enough.
1002
01:11:43,925 --> 01:11:45,841
Wanker.
1003
01:11:58,883 --> 01:12:00,800
What is your problem?
1004
01:12:00,883 --> 01:12:02,800
My problem? Yes!
1005
01:12:02,883 --> 01:12:07,008
You give the impression
of being all moral and noble...
1006
01:12:07,091 --> 01:12:10,300
and normal
and helpful in the kitchen,
1007
01:12:10,383 --> 01:12:12,467
but you're just as bad
as the rest of them.
1008
01:12:12,550 --> 01:12:17,175
Well, I can see that I've been
laboring under a misapprehension.
1009
01:12:17,258 --> 01:12:21,841
Very, very foolish mistake.
Forgive me.
1010
01:12:41,966 --> 01:12:43,883
Let's go back upstairs.
1011
01:12:44,966 --> 01:12:46,883
Come on.
1012
01:12:49,342 --> 01:12:51,550
We belong together, Jones.
1013
01:12:52,759 --> 01:12:57,717
Me, you, poor little skirt.
1014
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:01,925
Right.
1015
01:13:02,008 --> 01:13:05,883
If I can't make it with you,
1016
01:13:05,966 --> 01:13:08,675
I can't make it with anyone.
1017
01:13:18,175 --> 01:13:20,800
That's not
a good enough offer for me.
1018
01:13:22,550 --> 01:13:24,675
I'm not willing
to gamble my whole life...
1019
01:13:24,759 --> 01:13:29,425
on someone who's,
well, not quite sure.
1020
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:34,966
It's like you said: I'm still
looking for something...
1021
01:13:35,050 --> 01:13:38,175
more extraordinary than that.
1022
01:13:59,509 --> 01:14:01,592
December25.
1023
01:14:01,675 --> 01:14:04,675
Weight: 140pounds...
1024
01:14:04,759 --> 01:14:07,425
plus 42 mince pies.
1025
01:14:07,550 --> 01:14:10,841
Alcohol units: Oh, thousands.
1026
01:14:10,925 --> 01:14:12,634
Bugger off!
1027
01:14:12,717 --> 01:14:14,675
Come on then, kids.
1028
01:14:16,258 --> 01:14:19,091
This Baroque carriage clock...
1029
01:14:19,175 --> 01:14:21,634
is a particular
festive favorite of mine,
1030
01:14:21,717 --> 01:14:26,217
incorporating the "Hallelujah
Chorus" from Handel's Messiah...
1031
01:14:26,300 --> 01:14:28,925
every hour, on the hour.
1032
01:14:29,008 --> 01:14:31,841
I can't understand it.
The man's actually turned red now.
1033
01:14:31,925 --> 01:14:34,717
Merry Christmas, Pamela.
1034
01:14:39,759 --> 01:14:43,425
Well, I'm going to Bedfordshire.
1035
01:14:50,342 --> 01:14:52,883
Night-night. Night-night.
1036
01:15:06,717 --> 01:15:08,634
The thing is,
1037
01:15:08,717 --> 01:15:14,276
close up, he was almost purple.
1038
01:15:14,300 --> 01:15:17,592
You were such a lovely
normal color.
1039
01:15:17,675 --> 01:15:19,634
He had a filthy temper.
1040
01:15:21,759 --> 01:15:25,966
And, well, the jewelry is fabulous
and really very reasonably priced.
1041
01:15:28,050 --> 01:15:30,841
I thought I might ask if...
1042
01:15:33,008 --> 01:15:36,091
if we could have another go.
1043
01:15:36,175 --> 01:15:40,717
I mean, obviously with some effort on your
part to pay a bit more attention to me.
1044
01:15:40,800 --> 01:15:43,717
I do realize
what I'm like sometimes.
1045
01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:46,883
It doesn't help that you and Bridget
have your lovely grown-up club of two...
1046
01:15:46,966 --> 01:15:50,717
and always say, "What's silly old
Mummy gone and done this time?"
1047
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:53,925
You used to be mad about me.
1048
01:15:54,008 --> 01:15:56,008
You couldn't get enough of me.
1049
01:15:59,634 --> 01:16:01,550
What do you think?
1050
01:16:04,925 --> 01:16:08,258
I don't know, Pam.
1051
01:16:08,342 --> 01:16:10,800
I just don't know now.
1052
01:16:13,925 --> 01:16:15,841
It's been very hard.
1053
01:16:15,925 --> 01:16:18,800
Oh, Colin.
1054
01:16:22,675 --> 01:16:25,300
I'm joking, you daft cow.
1055
01:16:29,717 --> 01:16:32,425
Pam, I just don't work
without you.
1056
01:16:35,550 --> 01:16:38,133
Awful!
1057
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:44,675
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
1058
01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:48,300
Get back up those stairs,
young lady. Get dressed. What for?
1059
01:16:48,383 --> 01:16:53,050
The Darcys' ruby wedding party.
"What for," indeed!
1060
01:16:53,133 --> 01:16:55,675
Mark will be there.
Still divorced.
1061
01:16:55,759 --> 01:16:59,300
He's also still deranged.
I'm not going.
1062
01:16:59,383 --> 01:17:02,175
Poor Mark. This is always
a bad time of year for him.
1063
01:17:02,258 --> 01:17:05,592
His Japanese wife left him
on Christmas Day. Cruel race.
1064
01:17:05,675 --> 01:17:08,966
Yes, but I'm not quite sure
he didn't deserve it, actually.
1065
01:17:09,050 --> 01:17:11,883
She ran off with his best friend
from Cambridge.
1066
01:17:11,966 --> 01:17:14,841
Total scoundrel, apparently.
Best man at his wedding.
1067
01:17:14,925 --> 01:17:17,008
Then Christmas Eve,
Mark comes home early from work,
1068
01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:20,091
finds the pair of them
in a most unorthodox position,
1069
01:17:20,175 --> 01:17:22,550
stark naked, at it like rabbits.
1070
01:17:27,467 --> 01:17:29,925
Just give me five minutes.
1071
01:17:35,133 --> 01:17:38,300
Stop! Stop the car!
1072
01:17:38,383 --> 01:17:40,050
What? Stop the car.
1073
01:17:40,133 --> 01:17:42,258
Dad, get out. Too slow!
1074
01:17:48,759 --> 01:17:51,717
Dad, get in! Hurry! I am
gettin' in! What's the hurry?
1075
01:17:53,841 --> 01:17:59,300
Not too fast.
1076
01:18:06,425 --> 01:18:10,425
Bit snowy, isn't it?
1077
01:18:23,467 --> 01:18:27,300
Thank you. Happy New Year to you.
1078
01:18:27,383 --> 01:18:31,300
Sorry. One moment.
1079
01:18:31,383 --> 01:18:34,675
Thank you for inviting me.
1080
01:18:34,759 --> 01:18:38,217
I didn't.
It must have been my parents.
1081
01:18:41,300 --> 01:18:44,383
- So.
- So.
1082
01:18:45,841 --> 01:18:48,509
Hello, Bridget.
Didn't know you were coming.
1083
01:18:48,592 --> 01:18:52,509
Mark, your father
wants to begin A.S.A.P.
1084
01:18:52,592 --> 01:18:55,342
Oh, does he? Right. Well, uh...
1085
01:18:55,425 --> 01:18:57,717
Oh, come on, Mark.
Be helpful, please.
1086
01:18:57,800 --> 01:19:01,091
Caterers have totally screwed up.
Does nothing work outside of London?
1087
01:19:01,175 --> 01:19:04,217
Hmm? Apparently not.
1088
01:19:04,300 --> 01:19:06,217
Well, I'd...
1089
01:19:07,342 --> 01:19:09,759
Listen, uh,
1090
01:19:09,841 --> 01:19:14,008
I owe you an apology...
about Daniel.
1091
01:19:15,759 --> 01:19:20,634
He said that you ran off with his fiancée
and left him brokenhearted, he said.
1092
01:19:20,717 --> 01:19:24,091
Ah. No, it was
the other way around.
1093
01:19:24,175 --> 01:19:27,383
It was, uh, my... wife.
1094
01:19:28,966 --> 01:19:31,008
My heart.
1095
01:19:32,091 --> 01:19:34,258
Sorry.
1096
01:19:34,342 --> 01:19:37,841
That's why you always acted
so strangely around him...
1097
01:19:37,925 --> 01:19:40,800
and beat him to a pulp,
quite rightly.
1098
01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:44,883
Well done.
1099
01:19:45,008 --> 01:19:48,383
Well, um... Can we just, um,
1100
01:19:48,467 --> 01:19:53,133
pop out there... for a moment?
1101
01:19:54,675 --> 01:19:57,467
It's quite delightful,
isn't it, my dear?
1102
01:19:58,509 --> 01:20:00,467
Okay.
1103
01:20:02,050 --> 01:20:05,841
I just have something
that I want to say.
1104
01:20:05,925 --> 01:20:09,925
Um, you once said that
you liked me just as I am,
1105
01:20:10,008 --> 01:20:14,883
and I just wanted to say...
likewise.
1106
01:20:14,966 --> 01:20:20,675
I mean, there are stupid things your
mum buys you... tonight's another classic.
1107
01:20:20,759 --> 01:20:25,008
You're haughty and you always
say the wrong thing in every situation.
1108
01:20:25,091 --> 01:20:28,091
And I seriously believe
that you should...
1109
01:20:28,175 --> 01:20:30,383
rethink the length
of your sideburns.
1110
01:20:32,217 --> 01:20:34,841
But you're a nice man,
1111
01:20:34,925 --> 01:20:36,841
and...
1112
01:20:38,050 --> 01:20:40,008
I like you.
1113
01:20:42,550 --> 01:20:46,175
If you wanted to pop by sometime,
that might be nice.
1114
01:20:49,675 --> 01:20:51,800
More than nice.
1115
01:20:54,133 --> 01:20:56,008
Right.
1116
01:20:57,050 --> 01:20:59,383
Crikey.
1117
01:21:02,175 --> 01:21:05,925
Ladies and gentlemen, can I have
your attention for a moment, please?
1118
01:21:06,008 --> 01:21:08,050
Excuse me.
1119
01:21:11,383 --> 01:21:13,133
Of course.
1120
01:21:13,217 --> 01:21:15,841
My dear wife
and companion Geraldine.
1121
01:21:15,925 --> 01:21:20,592
A toast to her,
my wonderful wife Geraldine.
1122
01:21:20,675 --> 01:21:23,217
To Geraldine.
1123
01:21:23,300 --> 01:21:27,717
And we, in turn, have been
blessed with our son Mark.
1124
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:33,050
He's always made us proud, and we couldn't be
prouder of him than on this particular day...
1125
01:21:33,133 --> 01:21:35,550
because I'm thrilled
to announce...
1126
01:21:35,634 --> 01:21:40,133
he has just been invited to be a senior partner
in the firm of Abbott & Abbott in New York.
1127
01:21:44,634 --> 01:21:50,175
He also, incidentally, takes with him
his brilliant partner in law, Natasha.
1128
01:21:50,258 --> 01:21:54,175
And I don't think they'll mind,
since we're amongst friends,
1129
01:21:54,258 --> 01:21:58,592
if I say that, someday,
this remarkably clever girl...
1130
01:21:58,675 --> 01:22:02,217
is going to be something else
in-law as well!
1131
01:22:08,008 --> 01:22:10,717
I begged him
not to say anything.
1132
01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:12,925
So I ask you now to charge
your glasses once again...
1133
01:22:13,008 --> 01:22:15,925
to Mark and his Natasha.
1134
01:22:16,050 --> 01:22:19,383
To Mark and his Natasha! No!
1135
01:22:19,467 --> 01:22:21,383
No!
1136
01:22:25,050 --> 01:22:27,759
It's just that...
1137
01:22:27,841 --> 01:22:30,841
it's such a terrible pity...
1138
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:35,925
f-f-for England...
1139
01:22:36,008 --> 01:22:40,383
to lose
such a great legal brain...
1140
01:22:40,467 --> 01:22:42,467
Is she pissed? What?
1141
01:22:42,550 --> 01:22:46,717
F-F-For the people of England...
1142
01:22:46,800 --> 01:22:48,717
like me and you...
1143
01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:52,925
to lose one of our top people.
1144
01:22:53,008 --> 01:22:58,509
A... top person, really.
1145
01:23:04,300 --> 01:23:07,091
Well, I better dash.
1146
01:23:07,175 --> 01:23:10,467
I've got another party to go to.
1147
01:23:10,550 --> 01:23:16,008
Loads of single people.
Mainly... poofs.
1148
01:23:18,300 --> 01:23:20,217
Bye.
1149
01:24:48,883 --> 01:24:51,841
- Yes?
- Hi! It's us!
1150
01:24:51,966 --> 01:24:55,425
Oh. Great. Come on up.
1151
01:24:58,300 --> 01:25:01,759
Have we got the most fantastic
surprise for you. You're not going to sing.
1152
01:25:01,841 --> 01:25:05,925
Not that fantastic, sadly, no. We've decided
to take you to Paris for the weekend.
1153
01:25:06,008 --> 01:25:08,925
You can forget about everything,
particularly Mark Darcy.
1154
01:25:09,008 --> 01:25:12,300
I can't believe you said what
you said you said. I know!
1155
01:25:12,383 --> 01:25:14,800
There goes my invite
to the Darcys' next year.
1156
01:25:14,883 --> 01:25:18,050
If he didn't leap over and whip
you up in his arms, sod him.
1157
01:25:18,133 --> 01:25:22,634
Yes. He's clearly
the most dreadful cold fish.
1158
01:25:22,717 --> 01:25:25,800
Exactly. I mean, there's been
all these bloody hints and stuff,
1159
01:25:25,883 --> 01:25:28,843
but has he ever actually stuck his
fucking tongue down your fucking throat?
1160
01:25:28,925 --> 01:25:30,966
No. Not once.
1161
01:25:31,050 --> 01:25:33,925
- I think we should pack.
- Passport, Bridget, and pants.
1162
01:25:34,008 --> 01:25:35,467
Yep. Pants.
1163
01:25:35,550 --> 01:25:38,592
Hurry up, Bridge. We're
freezing our bollocks off out here.
1164
01:25:38,675 --> 01:25:41,717
Yeah. Just the keys.
1165
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:45,800
I'm stuck! Oh! That's lovely.
1166
01:25:47,217 --> 01:25:49,091
Come the fuck on, Bridget.
1167
01:25:49,217 --> 01:25:51,509
Close the door.
1168
01:25:51,592 --> 01:25:54,008
I will close the door! Bridget?
1169
01:25:54,091 --> 01:25:56,091
Stop being so bossy!
1170
01:25:56,175 --> 01:25:58,467
What are you doing here?
1171
01:25:58,550 --> 01:26:02,550
I just wanted to know if you were available
for bar mitzvahs and christenings...
1172
01:26:02,634 --> 01:26:04,509
as well as ruby weddings.
1173
01:26:04,634 --> 01:26:08,091
Excellent speech. I thought
that you were in America.
1174
01:26:08,175 --> 01:26:11,091
Well, yes, I was, but, um,
1175
01:26:11,175 --> 01:26:14,175
I realized I'd forgotten
something back home.
1176
01:26:14,258 --> 01:26:17,592
W-Which was?
1177
01:26:17,675 --> 01:26:23,133
Well, I realized I'd forgotten to,
um, kiss you good-bye.
1178
01:26:23,217 --> 01:26:25,175
Do you mind?
1179
01:26:26,841 --> 01:26:29,550
Uh, not really, no.
1180
01:26:32,175 --> 01:26:37,509
So, you're not going
to America, then?
1181
01:26:37,592 --> 01:26:40,258
No. Not. No.
1182
01:26:40,342 --> 01:26:42,383
You're staying here?
1183
01:26:42,467 --> 01:26:45,342
So it would seem.
1184
01:26:51,008 --> 01:26:53,592
Friends of yours?
1185
01:26:53,675 --> 01:26:56,759
Uh, no, I've never seen them
before in my life.
1186
01:26:56,841 --> 01:26:58,925
Look, are you coming
to fucking Paris or not?
1187
01:26:59,008 --> 01:27:01,592
Tsk... not.
1188
01:27:01,675 --> 01:27:03,759
No fucking room anyway. No.
1189
01:27:03,841 --> 01:27:05,759
Maybe we should just
go upstairs for a minute.
1190
01:27:05,841 --> 01:27:08,592
Yes, very good idea.
1191
01:27:08,675 --> 01:27:10,759
There's no room for him either.
1192
01:27:10,841 --> 01:27:13,050
Of course she's not coming
to Paris.
1193
01:27:13,133 --> 01:27:15,050
Close it down. Turn this on.
1194
01:27:18,759 --> 01:27:21,759
Uh, give me just a minute.
1195
01:27:21,841 --> 01:27:24,759
Um, keep yourself busy.
Read something.
1196
01:27:24,841 --> 01:27:28,425
Lots of very high-quality
magazines...
1197
01:27:28,509 --> 01:27:32,300
with helpful fashion
and romance tips.
1198
01:27:32,383 --> 01:27:34,342
I'll be right with you.
1199
01:27:41,342 --> 01:27:46,509
Definitely an occasion
for genuinely tiny knickers.
1200
01:28:16,634 --> 01:28:18,550
Right.
1201
01:28:22,258 --> 01:28:24,175
Right.
1202
01:28:30,675 --> 01:28:33,841
Mark? Mark?
1203
01:28:38,091 --> 01:28:41,675
Mark! Mark!
1204
01:28:50,133 --> 01:28:52,217
Oh, shit!
1205
01:28:58,550 --> 01:29:00,509
Double shit.
1206
01:29:09,717 --> 01:29:11,717
Bollocks!
1207
01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:13,717
God.
1208
01:29:18,550 --> 01:29:20,925
Oh! Wish me luck!
1209
01:29:21,008 --> 01:29:23,509
Good luck, crazy girl!
1210
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:51,675
Mark!
1211
01:29:54,342 --> 01:29:56,675
Mark!
1212
01:29:57,925 --> 01:30:01,258
Damn!
1213
01:30:05,509 --> 01:30:09,425
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1214
01:30:09,509 --> 01:30:12,841
I didn't mean it.
I mean, I meant it.
1215
01:30:12,925 --> 01:30:18,050
But I was so stupid
that I didn't mean what I meant.
1216
01:30:21,342 --> 01:30:24,133
Oh, for Christ's sakes.
1217
01:30:26,342 --> 01:30:28,300
It's only a diary.
1218
01:30:29,509 --> 01:30:33,008
Everyone knows diaries
are just full of crap.
1219
01:30:36,634 --> 01:30:40,133
I know that. I was just
buying you a new one.
1220
01:30:40,217 --> 01:30:42,175
Time to make a new start,
perhaps.
1221
01:31:27,966 --> 01:31:30,759
Wait a minute.
1222
01:31:30,841 --> 01:31:33,717
Nice boys don't kiss like that.
1223
01:31:33,841 --> 01:31:36,133
Oh, yes, they fuckin' do.
95370
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