All language subtitles for Nowhere.Mind.2018.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- We routinely adjust our interpretation

of events and our scientific theories

to satisfy the dogmatic
requirements of our beliefs.

Our beliefs set the boundaries

and define the limits of our
science, they always have.

True skepticism is open mindedness,

the enemy of dogma. It's
not about your body,

you're consciousness,
that is what you are.

Your consciousness is
already out of your body,

you don't, you don't need
to get out of your body,

you just need to get
into your consciousness.

What do the facts of your life,

the facts of your existence,
and your results say

about the quality of your consciousness,

the effectiveness of your process,

or the size of your picture?

- So how is everything?

- As good as good can
get, given the circumstance.

- Last time we talked a lot

about you wanting to escape.

- Yeah, it's like

a heaviness,

a pressure

from people, just the noise.

- How's the Zyprexa treating you?

- Okay.

- Any weight gain?

- Yeah, a little.

- You look the same to me.

- I win I guess.

- I've been
meaning to ask you,

are you still smoking?

- Yeah.

- You know smoking's bad for you, right?

Let me ask you this, and you
don't have to answer now,

what are you most afraid
of in this moment?

- My mind going, I guess.

Forgetting who I am.

I just miss the time when
this didn't define me,

or define my

fate, I guess.

- That can't be easy.

- Yeah, but.

You know, there are people
suffering all over the place,

and people who have it a
lot worse than I do, so.

- Do you often think
about the pain of others?

- Yeah, I guess.

But having something in common with people

gives me some comfort.

You know, even if that thing is

suffering.

- Dead men.

There's mountains.

Europe has mountains.

Birds, and flowers.

We have military industrial complex,

so it all goes to bombs.

Lincoln.

Lincoln.

- Hey, Harold.

How's it going?

- Oh, man, good to see you.

I'm really glad to have you here,

you came all this way for me, man?

- Yeah, not a problem.

- Thank you.

- You want a smoke, I got some.

- Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

These are the ones I've been talking

to him about, man, I kept bringing it up

and, oh, hell, you know how they can be.

- Yeah, I know how they can be.

- Yeah, it's hard, man, it's hard.

It's, uh, nowadays, man, it's just,

it's just hard to tell, right?

- I saw you counting your change,

are you okay money wise?

- Yeah, yeah, no, I.

It's paying the bills,
man, it's paying the bills.

You know, I'm fixing up the house,

I mean, my office, and,

well, shit, you know, it's a lot of work,

it's more shit than I can do, right?

- Yeah, yeah, oh, hey--

- What the fuck?

- They meant to tell you,

they sent me your Christmas bonus early.

- No, that's gonna be a problem, man,

that's not a good investment, no, no.

- Come on, you've earned it.

- Did they tell you that?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, they tell you
this was tracked, man?

- What?

- Yeah, yeah, they gotta
get their cut, man,

and you bring a fucking tracked bill,

no, no, it's okay, man.

Yeah, you take it, it's okay.

You had it before, man, it was no problem,

okay, I just can't take
something like that, that's all.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- I'll keep it.
- Yeah.

- Hey, what if, what if we just,

that way they can't find us.

- You're one of them.

You're one of them.

They're everywhere, man,
there's no stopping them now.

It's over.

It's over.

All my work.

For nothing.

For nothing.

- Ivan, hey man, you got this?

- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

- Super small,
iced, leave room for cream.

- Mm, got it.

- Ivan?

- Holy shit, Emily?

Emily Fisher.

- How are you?

- Not bad, just, yeah,
trying to keep from smoking,

which is hard, 'cause it's the
only thing that gives me joy.

- Okay, well, I had no
idea that you worked here,

I come here all the time.

- Oh, yeah, I work pretty late though, so.

During the daylight I'm
trying to get my master's.

- Oh, yeah,

I guess undergrad just doesn't
cut it like it used to.

- Exactly, well, Jesus, how about you?

- Well, I'm also no
stranger to the darkness.

- That's perfect, that's perfect for you.

- I guess, thank you, no, I'm
actually headed there now,

so I wanted to get something
to help me keep my eyes open.

- Oh, yeah, don't let me hold you up.

- No, no, no, will you be here in like,

three minutes, and I'll
catch you on my way out?

- Yeah, I'll be here.

- Okay.

- Hey,

so I'm off tomorrow, and.

I know we're both tired and old-ish,

would you maybe want to
grab a drink sometime?

Not now, obviously, but at sometime soon?

- I, uh,

yeah,

yes.

Yes.

- Yeah.

- For sure.

- Alright, here.

This is my number.

How about you pick a place and a time

and text me, and I'll meet you there?

- Yeah, I can do that.

- Did I just ask you out?

- Yeah, it felt like it.

- Good.

- Your drink.

- Don't need it!

- Just go, just go, you got it.

Go.

Okay.

- Boo.

- Ah, hey.

- Hey, how's it going?

- Good, you?

- Pretty good.

- Hey, what can I get you to drink?

- Is that good?

- Uh, yeah, I'm into it.

- Can I have one of those, please?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

This place is great.

- Is it too loud?

- No, it's fine.

So.

Spill it.

- What?

- What have you been doing with your life?

What are you getting your master's in?

- It was physics before, but
then I got into consciousness,

and I'm actually doing
this study right now,

we're exploring out of body experiences.

- No kidding.

- Yeah, yeah, and I get to
be one of the guinea pigs

that tries to have them.

- Dude, that's nuts.

- Yeah, right?

- Have you had one?

- It's, the other people
in the study for sure have.

- We've had people in the hospital

that say that they've left
their body during surgery.

- When they're unconscious?

- Yeah, about two years ago
we had this woman who said

that she saw her husband standing over her

in the OR when she was
under, and this was for,

like, I don't know,
relatively minor thing,

like, she was fine, but her husband went

into cardiac arrest and
died when he was sitting

in the waiting room, and he
never entered the OR once,

and she said that she saw him
standing there the whole time.

- That's incredible.

- I know.

- Well, what do you make of it all?

- I don't know...

coincidence?

Yeah, I'm the worst, I just, I don't know,

I feel like

people dream funny dreams when
they're on anesthetic drugs,

I mean, maybe if they suddenly
spoke a different language

or knew the cure for
cancer, I'd be convinced

that their soul just somehow
magically left their body.

- That's a pretty high
bar to set for evidence.

- Yeah, but I feel like
we set the bar pretty low

when we want something to be true.

- Yeah, I'll give you that.

So that must be tough, your job?

- Just physically, I mean,
helping people is the best,

and if I ever actually, if
I ever actually save a life,

I mean, that's why we do it, right?

Oops.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, sorry, I just get
anxious in public spaces,

it's dumb.

Sorry, sorry, I hate that.

- Hey, it's okay, you're okay.

You know what?

We can just get out of here,
I will not give a shit, okay?

- Okay.

- Hey, can we get the check, please?

- Yeah, sure, no problem.

- Thank you.

Seriously.

It's just me.

No one else.

You're okay.

- Okay.

- Here you are, no rush.

- Perfect timing.

- Wow, that actually helped a bit.

What are you, a hypnotist?

- Yeah, definitely.

Do you want to see my apartment?

- Wow, your place is nice.

You're a nurse in a hospital.

- Want some?

- Yeah, but I probably shouldn't.

- That's not the guy I remember.

- I get too paranoid these days.

Plus, I don't know it'll
affect that research thing.

- It helps me sleep,
takes my mind off shit.

- Until the fear starts to take hold.

I've come for your soul.

- Oh, shit.

- Come for your, oh, give it to me,

give me your skin.

Sorry.

- I have to tell you something,

and it's really bad, and

I feel awful, and you're
probably gonna hate me.

- Jesus, what is it?

- I.

- Come on.

- I'm engaged.

Like, engaged engaged.

I know it wasn't fair for
me not to say anything, but

I just saw you,

and I wanted you.

I wanted you for a long time,

and it just felt like my last chance.

And I just thought that if you
knew, you wouldn't do this.

- I have no problem with it.

- Okay.

- I mean, you didn't
promise me anything, right?

- Yeah, okay.

Are you sure?

Okay, God, it feels good
to get it off my chest.

- Who is he?

- Oh, do you remember John Gardner?

What?

What is it?

- I didn't say anything.

- Fucking face, what?

- No, no, he's a good guy, we were, like,

roommates for a year.

- Fuck.

I'm so fucking stupid.

- Stop.

- No, I just hate myself
so much right now.

- Look, I felt like if you
were really happy with him,

you wouldn't have fucked
me, let's be honest.

- Shut up.

It's, no, I just, I feel like
I'm on this conveyor belt,

and the path is set, and I cannot stray,

even for a second if I wanted to.

- I heard this saying that a
person who won't leave a room

because they don't know how,
or because they're too afraid

to open the door, they're
trapped, just the same,

whether or not the door is locked.

- I heard a saying once that people

who say sayings are fucking douche bags.

- Yeah, yeah, I set
myself up for that one.

- Oh, I'm sorry, you
know I'm joking, right?

- Yeah, no, I just won't
ever give you advice again.

- Oh, I don't know.

John is fine, most of the time,

but he drinks a lot,

and he has cheated on me more than once.

- Well.

Now I like him less.

He's not gonna barge in here, is he?

- No, he's in Germany, or on
his way back from Germany.

- Why Germany?

- 'Cause he's in the army.

- Fuck.

- Yeah.

- Fuck.

Oh, shit, what did we just do?

- I know.

You know what?

No, I feel like every chance
he's had to fuck around,

he has, and every time I stood by him,

so he can either

forgive me, or

leave.

- I'd prefer if he never
found out about this.

- Yeah.

No matter what happens, I'm
really glad that we did this.

- Same.

Don't do that.

Hey.

- Hey.

How's it going?

- Good, great.

- It was nice
seeing you the other day.

- Yeah, yeah, you too.

- Hey, listen,
John wants to talk to you.

- Yeah?

- Hey, brother, long time no see.

- Hey, yeah, yeah, it's been awhile.

- How's everything?

Emily told me she ran into you.

- Yeah, yeah, that, that happened.

So you two are getting hitched, huh?

- Yeah, bet you never
thought you'd see the day.

Just got back and got
tons of planning to do,

I think today we're doing
the cake tasting thing,

I don't know, but it's not all bad.

- Yeah, who doesn't like cake, so.

Emily told me you were in the army,

and I was like, how did
I not hear about this?

- Yeah, man, we
haven't spoken in forever.

Long enough for me to go to hell and back.

- When did you get back?

- Hey, man, you wanna
come over for a drink tomorrow?

I'd love to swap war stories.

- Uh, yeah, that should work for me.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.

- We can text you the address.

Awesome, alright, I'll see
you then, peace, brother.

- Yeah.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's up, dude?

- Get ready, I'm bringing it in close.

- Hey, John.

- Hey, how's it going?

- Good, good.

- Good seeing you man.

- You too.

- Come on in, let's do this.

You ate, right?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

- Good, 'cause this is all we got.

- I'm gonna make such a mess.

- What's new with you?

Em says you're back in school.

- I told you, he's
literally soul searching.

- Yeah, yeah, neuroscience, close enough.

- Yeah, she said you were a
lab rat, what's that about?

- Um, yeah.

I'll just start from the beginning,

a few years back, I saw this
talk at the university given

by this wizard looking dude--

- Like a Gandalf wizard?

- Exactly, total Gandalf, so the talk was

about consciousness and the idea

that reality is all an illusion,

and underneath it all is
this consciousness system

that we're all a part of.

And according to him,
with enough practice,

we can all access this system
through advanced meditation,

so when you hear about
out of body experiences

or astral projection,
it's actually these people

just breaking the
boundaries of the illusion.

- So it's bullshit.

- Maybe.

Or maybe it's hard to
imagine the world is round

if you always thought it was flat.

- Fair.

- So, yeah, now I'm
Gandalf's research buddy.

- I'm so curious to see what you find out,

I mean, this is not my area at all,

but based on my ridiculously
limited background

in medical research, I'm qualified enough

to say that we know almost nothing

about how the brain works.

- No, right, exactly,
and this is weird, too,

there's some evidence that observation

alone can affect things
outside of our mind.

You've heard of the double
slit experiment, right?

- I have.

No, I haven't.

- Ignore him.

- Please, educate.

- Okay, the double slit experiment is one

of the most replicated
experiments in physics

because it is so fucking weird.

So you have these two slits,
and behind that is a censor,

like a wall, and if you blast
light through the slits,

a wave pattern is created on the sensor,

which makes sense, right,

because light is like a wave, right?

Okay, so later they figure out how

to fire photons, light particles,

one at a time through the slits,

and they still make a wave pattern.

- Okay.

- Okay, okay, so blast
light, wave pattern,

blast individual photon
particles, still a wave pattern.

It's weird because you'd think

that individual particles
would arrive kind of randomly,

it wouldn't be able to create
the wave pattern one particle

at a time, right, it
just doesn't make sense.

- None of this shit makes any sense.

- Shut up.

- Okay, here's where it
actually gets interesting.

To find out how individual particles

could make wave patterns, they
set up these little detectors

to see the particles
pass through the slits,

and the particles totally
changed their behavior.

The pattern on the sensor just looked

like the particles shot
straight through the slits

in a perfectly straight
line, no more wave pattern.

They thought maybe the placement

of the detectors interfered
with the particles somehow,

so they turned them off,
but kept them in place,

and the particles made
a wave pattern again.

Detectors on, double slit pattern,

detectors off, wave pattern.

So the behavior of the particles depended

on whether or not they were
actually being observed.

- Spooky.

- Wha?

- I swear, every time I see
you I learn something new

and awesome.

- So John, you're a military man now, huh?

How the hell did that happen?

- Yeah.

Sorry, yeah, it never used to
be this hard to talk about.

- You don't have to.

- I will say this.

Being over there really shows
you what we take for granted,

and I feel a lot of guilt about that.

- I get that.

- Seems like our days of
being spoiled are numbered,

though, things aren't
what they used to be.

I mean, there's a lot more
shared poverty nowadays.

- Our system feeds on
poverty, it needs it.

- Yeah, but on the other
hand, I mean, this wine.

There's a heater in
here and a refrigerator.

- And you got that beast of
an internet porn collection,

so there's always that.

- Yes.

- Seriously, it's like a fucking terabyte.

- On that hard drive.

- I'm just saying, ugh.

- Why don't you just stream
it like a normal person?

- What, I am storing
up for the apocalypse.

Got my vintage VHS '90s porn classics.

- What, like Barbara's Bush?

- And Ghost Thrusters.

Cliff Banger.

Forrest Hump.

That's good shit.

Ivan, in a couple weeks I'm
taking this hiking trip,

kind of a last hurrah
before Em and I are trapped

in a boring marriage for
the rest of our lives.

- John wants to go on a vision quest.

- I just want to set
up a tent on the beach

and just feel the quiet.

- I keep telling him that
even after we're married,

he can still go off on a lonely pilgrimage

to the middle of the
woods, but he doesn't get

that I'm not a fucking prison guard, so.

- It's not the same, I just,

I could use a spiritual
guide on my vision quest.

- Oh, wow, man, uh.

- Oh, sorry, I didn't
mean to freak you out,

I know it's, we haven seen
each other in forever,

and, I don't know, I'm
digging the vibe here tonight.

- Um,

yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I mean, it's short notice,

Gandalf's not gonna be pissed, is he?

- No, that's, no, it's fine,

I think that'll actually
be a good place for me

to just unplug and practice
all this voodoo shit.

- Yes, awesome, this is great.

Look, I'll tell you all
about it after I pee,

I'll be right back.

- Rain around
the Chicago area today

temperatures are holding at--

- Hey, Mom.

- Hey, where have you been hiding?

I haven't seen you for awhile.

- Yeah, there was no hiding,

I was just at a friend's
place, having a drink.

- You have an appointment
this morning, right?

- Yeah, I do.

- Are you still not taking your pills?

- I can't, I can't handle that stuff.

- I know you don't want to hear this,

but I think that's a bad
idea, your doctor said

that the side effects might
improve it if you just--

- No, Mom, I don't know how
many ways I can tell you

that that stuff makes
me want to kill myself.

Look, I'm honestly
saying I'd rather be dead

than spend the rest of
my life on that shit.

I'd rather be crazy, for that matter.

Look, it's not an easy situation, okay?

But that's just how it is.

- I just don't want to lose my son,

does that make me a crazy person?

- I know you don't, Mom,
but you want your son

to like his life, right?

- Come here.

I do.

I do want you to be happy.

- Thank you.

Are you okay?

Seriously, are you okay?

- I'm gonna break it off with him.

I think.

- What happened?

- You know what happened.

What are you doing?

- You, you invited me over.

- No, you idiot, why
are you going with him?

- Look, I know it's weird,
I know how it looks,

it's fucking weird.

- Yeah, it is.

- I have some problems.

Some health problems,

and I think it's a
really good idea if I go.

- What's wrong?

You're sick?

- It's just, it's,

it's just kind of hard to talk about, so.

I, sometimes it's,

can you do me a favor, could we wait

to talk about this when I get back?

I know it's a lot and it's kind

of fucked up for me to do, but.

But I hope you believe me, Emily,

when I say I like you a lot, 'cause I do,

and this trip isn't gonna change that,

and I hope someday you can
understand why I'm going

and maybe forgive me for
fucking you up in the process.

- So is this thing contagious?

- No.

- Oh, one bed, well,

at least it's big enough for both of us.

- I'll take the floor.

- Why, I need to cuddle
and be warm with my baby.

- No, that's fine.
- Gonna snuggle.

- John, John, it's fine, it's fine.

- Alright, no, I got the floor, I insist.

- No, no, no, no, you
brought me out here, so.

- Alright, whatever.

This is great, man, thanks
for coming out with me.

- Yeah, of course.

- You tired yet?

- Not really.

Look, I don't know where
you got this idea from,

no, she's just, she found me, I,

I would never do that, Emily, no.

No, I didn't fuck her.

- Ivan.

- No.

- Ivan.

- Look, I agree, you're a good guy.

- Ivan.

- Yeah, yes?

- You're talking in your sleep.

- Really?

- Yeah, you just said you
didn't fuck my fiance.

- I must have, um.

- You dreaming I was
interrogating your or something?

- Yeah, yeah, I think so.

That really didn't just happen?

- No, I've been asleep for
like, an hour and a half.

- Look, I'm sorry, I'm out of it,

I haven't drank that much in awhile.

- It's all good, man.

Dumbass.

- You've been to this spot before?

- Not this exact spot, but
I've heard good things.

- Private beach?

- Not exactly, it's pretty far in,

most people don't hike all the way in.

- Awesome.

- Thank you very much.

What?

- What the fuck was that?

- What?

- That shit eating grin.

- Politeness?

- Right.

- Plus I'm not married yet.

What, Jiminy Cricket, what?

- It's just douchey,
man, we used to make fun

of assholes that did shit like that.

- How long have you had a thing for Emily?

Just curious, no big deal.

- That's not what this is.

- Right, you're talking in your sleep,

this weird protection of her,

I get it, it's way fucking obvious.

- Look, I don't want
there to be any bad blood,

there's nothing going on.

- Okay.

- Here, show me on this thing
again where we're going?

- Alright.

So we're gonna, here we are,

follow this ridge down to this area here,

it's pretty steep, we won't
exactly have to rappel

or anything, but it'll be hairy,

then we'll cut over here
about two and a half hours,

and then we'll be at
our home away from home

for the next two weeks.

- Anything out there that can kill us?

- Yeah, being stupid, falling off a cliff.

- What about, like, snakes, or?

- It's bear country, mountain lions,

but if you're loud enough on the trail,

they'll stay away.

The land, though, is
owned by the government,

so if anyone asks, just play dumb.

- That would have been a lot easier

to do before you said anything.

- Sorry.

So if we keep heading west,

we should be in pretty good shape.

Worse comes to worse, my
cellphone's mostly charged.

What do you think?

- Awesome.

I'm gonna pass out.

- I need a little more this way.

- Can't believe how many stars.

- And this is why the city sucks.

- Yeah, wish I knew more constellations.

You're an aliens guy, right?

I feel like I remember that.

We're not alone in the
universe, according to Ivan.

- No.

No, I'd say we're the only planet

in the whole universe comprised

of over a billion galaxies
that has life on it,

I mean, that's obvious, right?

Forget the fact that we've discovered

over 2,000 exoplanets,

30 of which are in the habitable zone

that we know of, so.

- Sorry I asked.

- I mean, it's ridiculous
to think that we're alone.

- I don't know, I agree with that,

I guess, but I just, I don't
know, what about the farmers,

talking about their
cows getting probed, or.

- Jesus.

- Spacecraft crashing, and.

Do you think we've got
ET locked up somewhere?

- Maybe, maybe life as we know it

travels through the universe on a comet,

or meteor, or spacecraft.

- Huh.

- Maybe life has always been around

in one form or another.

- The important question is,

has anybody ever fucked an alien?

- God, I hope so.

- Me too.

I bet they've got way more holes.

- Like a flute.

Wait, , under a flute,

they're all, those are all holes.

- It plays music.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's exactly it.

- We're both thinking it.

- That's exactly
what I was thinking.

- Oh, God.

- No, not, not right there.

Yeah, you hit it.

You hit it.

- That's the dumbest thing ever.

- So dumb.

- Oh, man, if I never
seen another billboard

or hear another commercial
again, I'm all set.

- Amen.

- So what next?

- You see that big one?

Right by the dead tree?

- Yeah, I see it.

- Now.

You know, when I first
came up with this idea,

I thought about coming by myself,

and then Em mentioned your name,

and I was like, fuck,
yeah, Ivan, of course!

It's a tragedy that you and
I haven't seen each other

in as long as it's been, so.

It's good to have you here.

- Thanks.

- And

being around people that you trust.

That's all there is.

- Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Why didn't you bring her along?

- Em and I are fine.

But

sometimes I think about
all the years ahead of us,

just sitting in the same room,

watching each other lose our minds,

you know, the great collapse.

I think about cleaning up
after our would be kids,

and all the shit that
goes along with that, and.

It just feels like it
could be so suffocating.

So I want to extend the chapter preceding.

- I doubt it'll be that bad.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

Hope you're right.

Ivan, hey.

Ivan.

Fuck.

You okay?

I'm coming in.

- It's not my fault.

- What's not your fault?

What's not your fault?

Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Hey, it's okay.

- Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- We're all good.

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- Fuck.

It's all you.

- Thanks.

- Before we head in,
you sure you don't want

to get a return ticket, get out of here?

I've got no problem doing that for you.

- No, it's fine.

I just feel terrible,
I should have told you.

- It's cool, man, I just need

to know you're going to be okay.

- It's not usually like that.

That was different.

It must be the booze, or
me being off my routine,

or something, it's fucking with me.

- What is it?

- Schizoaffective disorder, they think.

I get paranoid and sometimes hallucinate.

Yeah, that's how I looked
when they first diagnosed me.

- What do they do, how do you fix it?

- I'm supposed to be on meds.

But the last time I took
those longer than a week,

I couldn't stop dreaming
up ways to kill myself.

- And if you don't take them?

- Then down the rabbit hole I go.

Alright, I think I'm gonna
go do my meditation thing,

it helps calm the nerves.

- Hey, I don't want to mess
with your mojo or whatever,

but do you mind teaching me how you do it?

- The goal is to remain
present without a bombardment

of thoughts, just clear your mind.

- No thoughts, that should
be easy for an idiot like me.

- It's a lot harder than it seems,

you're thinking without even realizing it.

Just close your eyes

and breathe in

and feel your weight sink into the sand.

You hear the waves in the distance?

- Yeah.

- Just focus on that,
just focus on that sound

and that sound only.

If a thought enters your mind,

just let it float out to
sea with the next wave

and the next one

and the next one

and so on.

- My leg's asleep.

This is impossible.

It's impossible not to think.

Hey.

Hey!

I'm gonna head down the
beach, take a look around.

Feel free to join me when
you're done pretending.

Jesus, fuck, you scared
the shit out of me, dude.

You've been gone for like, 10 hours.

The sun's going down, so we'll
have to go to town tomorrow.

- Sorry, when I'm in, I'm in deep.

- Gross.

Hey, help me find some
more shit to burn, huh?

- Sure.

- So I've been thinking.

And is that whole

scientist wizard

out of body study thing real?

- What?

Yeah, it's--

- They work with a lot

of Schizoaffective people, or?

- Yeah, I mean, it's just--

- Do they even know?

- Look, I get it, and you're
right to be skeptical,

it's.

- I'm not judging at
all, I'm just curious.

- It's mostly true.

- Which parts?

- The scientist guy's a real guy,

but I don't know him personally.

I follow his writings, but
I'm not part of the study,

there is no study.

I just thought his
teachings would be something

to help my situation.

- Are you in school, is that even true?

- Yeah, part time.

Look, what would you do?

I'm losing time, and I'm losing it.

- I just don't want to
see a friend get hurt

studying the writings of
some bullshit, new age guru.

- Too late.

And I don't think meditation
is the leading cause

of death anywhere.

- It's not the meditation
I'm worried about,

it's what you're not doing medically.

What is it you're trying
to achieve, anyway?

- Just a little more time.

Just more time, as a clear-headed person

that's not a burden on anyone.

Hi.

- What the fuck?

Fuck.

Fuck.

- You alright?

- Yep.

Where'd you go off to?

- Oh, I'd, uh, I thought
I'd go try meditating

on top of that hill over there.

- See anything interesting?

- Only in my mind.

What's up?

- I'm gonna head into town

and pick up some beverages and shit.

- Okay.

- You coming?

- Sure.

- What?

What are you talking about?

How?

Poker?

- No, I suck at it.

- Who gives a shit?

- I'm good.

- Come on, bitch.

Yeah, there you go.

- You should eat something.

- Not hungry, I haven't
been hungry all fucking day.

So why can't you drink?

What's it do to your busted brain?

- I get confused.

- That little sip make you confused?

- Not right now, no.

- Come on, man, get confused.

Don't be such a pussy.

- So what are the stakes?

- Oh, fucking, perfect.

- What?

- You're a fucking liar.

I gotta go pee.

- Whoa.

Get up, get up,

you piece of shit.

Woo, it's a good idea,

ah.

Fuck.

Fuck.

My friend is missing, we've
been camping on the beach,

and, uh,

I woke up this morning,

he was just gone, I'm afraid
he might have drowned.

Yeah.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

- So when was the last
time you saw your friend?

- Last night, he was there
when I went to sleep.

- Did he make or
receive any phone calls

or text messages before he disappeared

that you're aware of?

- I don't think so, no.

- Can I ask what happened?

- Yeah, night before last
I slipped down this cliff,

and Ivan stopped my fall by
stomping on this hand hard.

Lucky to be alive, really.

- I would say so, you fellas
sure got the rough end

of it out there, didn't you?

Was there any indication

that he would want to leave the camp?

Did you have any arguments with Ivan,

any disagreements that caused him

to run off or head for home?

- I mean, we had a little disagreement,

I thought he was drinking
a little too much,

but he eventually cooled
off and we made our peace,

he thanked me, I thought it was okay,

can't imagine that would
make him want to run off.

- How about you, did you
have a lot to drink as well?

- A little later in the evening.

- On the beach?

- Yeah, on the beach.

- You know it's illegal to
have alcoholic beverages

on protected property?

Okay.

So, bigger fish to fry,

what else can you tell
me about Ivan Marshall?

- A couple days ago I found out he has

Schizoaffective disorder.

I don't think that would,

has anything to do with him
disappearing, but, you know.

- And you found this out after you decided

to travel 2,000 miles
away from home with him?

- We were college roommates,

we knew each other better back then.

He had what I would
describe as like, a flare up

or an outburst or something,
I woke up one morning

and he was having a paranoid episode.

He sort of snapped out of it

and that's when I got the story.

- Look, John, this doesn't
sound good, to be blunt.

There's a lot of rough terrain out there,

and a lot of things can happen,

and they do happen, as you know.

Now, would it be too much
trouble for you to stick

around town for a few days
while we conduct a search?

- Not at all.

- Do you have any contact information

for his next of kin, or who that would be?

- He lived with his mom,
I don't have her info,

but her name's Anna Marshall.

- Okay.

I'll make some calls and I'll get in touch

with her and let her know what's going on.

- Yes.

- John?

- Hi.

This is John.

- Yeah, John, this
is detective Martinez.

- Yes, yeah, good to hear from you.

- Do you mind heading down

to the station in 30 minutes?

- Yeah, absolutely,
everything okay?

- I'd rather chat
in person if you don't mind,

just head to the station,
we'll get it all sorted out.

- Okay.

- See you soon.

- Thank you.

- Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say

that we haven't found any trace of Ivan.

We did find a corpse up in the hills

about a quarter mile from your campsite,

but the level of decomposition suggests

that it couldn't possibly be our guy,

he was up there for at
least a year, maybe more.

Apparent suicide, you
just never know sometimes

what you'll find up there.

- That's insane.

- And other than some litter that we found

around the campsite,
there were really no clues

that were helping us out.

I'd say the next thing for you to do is

to head back home, I know you
have a life to get back to,

but we'll continue our search here,

and I will personally keep you up to date.

I'm really sorry, John, and at
the risk of sounding cliche,

I want to let you know that
we really are doing everything

that we can at our disposal.

- I appreciate it, thanks.

- You have my number, please call me

if you remember anything, I mean it.

- You got it.

- Have a safe trip, my friend.

- I'm home.

- You are.

- Em, I'm so sorry for
every goddamned, dumb thing--

- I know, I know, John.

It's okay,

you're home now.

It's okay.

- I love you.

So

fucking

much.

- I love you, too.

- Hey, whoa, John, wake up.

Hey, John.

You're dreaming.

- What, Em?

- Yeah.

- Emily.

- It's okay.

- What, I can't,
I don't want to go back.

- No, it's okay, you're just dreaming.

John?

John?

Jesus.

- Ivan is his own man, I mean,

sometimes he would disappear for weeks,

weeks, and I wouldn't know where he was.

I didn't know if he was dead,

or off in some alley somewhere.

He just wanted to live,

and I always tried to protect him,

but I know how important it
was for him to see things

and experience things,
and he just never wanted

to slow down until the
disease finally made him stop.

- Hey, giving it a try?

- Yeah, um, can
we talk for a second?

Can we sit?

- Sure.

What's up?

- Um.

This is, it's going to be
really hard for me to say.

I can't keep it in anymore.

No matter what I say, or
however long it takes,

just let me get it all out.

- Okay.

- Okay.

I know you slept with Ivan.

I know you did it more than once,

and I know that you wanted
to leave me for him.

- He told you.

- He didn't have to.

Look.

I need you to know

that I understand why you would,

why you did it, and I
completely forgive you.

- God.

- It's okay, look,
if we're gonna do this,

we just need to put it all on the table.

- I can't.

- What?

- I said I can't do this.

- Can't do what, which part?

- All of it, I can't marry you, I won't.

- I'm saying it
doesn't matter, it's okay.

- No, it's not okay, I feel like

I know that you know, and

every time I look at you,
it'll be this mirror,

reminding me of what I
did, and then I'll think

of all the fucked up stuff that you did.

- You know I'm
sorry for all of that,

how badly I feel for everything.

Please.

- It's not just that.

I haven't been happy for a long time now,

I don't, I don't want to be in a place

where we keep having to apologize

and forgive each other
over and over again.

- But

that's marriage.

- Not, not to me, no.

- Goddammit.

Oh, what the fuck?

What did you do, why the
hell did you do, please?

Please.

- I should have ended this a lot sooner.

- No.

- I was an idiot for dragging it out.

- No.

- It's over.

I just need to be by myself.

- Mm-mm.

Please don't do this, please don't,

please don't do this,
look, you're not an idiot.

- You're right.

I'm weak, and that's why I
couldn't end this sooner.

- Oh, fucking fuck.

- Hey.

- No, fuck you, fuck.

Em.

- No.

- Em.

I'm sorry, please.

- John.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

- Take whatever you need,

whatever is yours.

- You are a creator that uses
and manipulates the evolution

of consciousness, and you are the result

of that same process,
at both the non-physical

and the physical levels.

What is it they say, with
great power comes great sex?

Money?

Whatever.

So what does all of this mean?

It means that you are the one in control,

you ultimately choose the
path that's right for you,

and all of this will take time,

but your skillset will improve,

if that's the path you choose.