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1
00:00:01,391 --> 00:00:03,786
Kids, everyone has anpinion
on how long it takes
2
00:00:03,884 --> 00:00:05,448
to recover from a breakup.
3
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,389
Half the length
of the relationship.
4
00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:09,424
One week for every month
you were together.
5
00:00:09,579 --> 00:00:12,704
Exactly 10,000 drinks.
However long that takes.
6
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,351
You can't measure something
like this in time.
7
00:00:15,451 --> 00:00:17,236
There's a series of steps.
8
00:00:17,336 --> 00:00:21,037
From her bed to the front door.
Bam! Out of there. Next!
9
00:00:21,785 --> 00:00:24,042
But I think you start to recover
the moment you meet
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00:00:24,142 --> 00:00:26,846
that person who gets
you back in the game.
11
00:00:27,484 --> 00:00:30,442
This is the story
of how I met that person.
12
00:00:38,194 --> 00:00:42,263
Now, kids, if you want to go swimming,
you don't just dive in.
13
00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:44,606
First, you dip
your toe in the water.
14
00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:57,745
You check the temperature.
See how it feels.
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00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,000
I'm Ted.
16
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:02,265
Vicky.
17
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,936
And then you slowly wade in.
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00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:34,743
I got left at the altar
a month ago.
19
00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:36,210
Or, you know, cannonball.
20
00:01:36,310 --> 00:01:39,072
It was a complete disaster
and ever since then,
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00:01:39,172 --> 00:01:42,058
I haven't been able to even
look at another woman.
22
00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:46,031
Except for the old lady on the subway
who break-dances for nickels.
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00:01:46,214 --> 00:01:48,670
I don't look at her that way.
I just look at her.
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00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,877
I mean, it's an old lady
break-dancing.
25
00:01:51,338 --> 00:01:52,548
And she is good.
26
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:55,265
I'm going to give her
a dollar next time.
27
00:01:56,629 --> 00:01:58,769
Hey, let's pretend
I just said this:
28
00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:01,983
These elevator rides have been
the highlight of my week,
29
00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:04,606
and I'd love to see you again
friday night.
30
00:02:05,014 --> 00:02:06,492
Not in the elevator.
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00:02:06,906 --> 00:02:08,894
At a restaurant,
a nice one.
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00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,297
What do you say?
33
00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:13,499
Yes.
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00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,835
Traduction : MiniBen314, Kabaka,
Eomyn et Lino72
35
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:17,619
Synchro : Mickeyte et MiniBen314
36
00:02:17,719 --> 00:02:20,123
Relecture : MiniBen314
Transcript : www.yyets.net
37
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:23,634
How I Met Your Mother
4x09 - The Naked Man!
38
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,845
par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com
39
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,187
Kids, I walked in
on a lot of crazy stuff
40
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,260
at the old apartment over the years.
41
00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:38,363
Sorry, guys. I'm just going to go
with a bowl of fruit.
42
00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,145
It's been 12 minutes!
43
00:02:46,613 --> 00:02:48,488
- Drop it!
- You first!
44
00:02:48,588 --> 00:02:50,040
Ike, why are you pointing
your gun at me?
45
00:02:50,149 --> 00:02:53,064
- Don't use my name!
- Put the guns down, now!
46
00:02:58,727 --> 00:03:01,120
But one of the craziest things
I ever walked in on
47
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:04,209
happened when I was roommates
with your Aunt Robin.
48
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,396
Who are you?!
49
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:15,752
Mitch.
50
00:03:18,294 --> 00:03:19,843
What you doing, Mitch?
51
00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,142
You must be the roommate.
52
00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:23,636
I'm on a date with Robin.
53
00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:25,937
She had to step outside
to take a call.
54
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:28,191
I guess her cell phone
doesn't work in here.
55
00:03:31,209 --> 00:03:34,312
Robin... didn't use
the super secret signal.
56
00:03:34,412 --> 00:03:37,035
We put this old takeout menu
on the doorknob.
57
00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:38,588
Place went out of business.
58
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:39,947
Mr. Wang's...
59
00:03:40,531 --> 00:03:42,815
Guess I don't have to explain
why that's funny.
60
00:03:43,698 --> 00:03:44,835
I'm going to go.
61
00:03:47,883 --> 00:03:49,145
When you leave,
62
00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:51,709
take the seat cushion with you.
That's trash now.
63
00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:55,665
I think that I am more than qualified
for the job.
64
00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,592
My weaknesses?
65
00:03:57,978 --> 00:03:59,617
I would say caring too much,
66
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:02,735
working too hard, and putting my career
in front of my love life.
67
00:04:02,835 --> 00:04:05,521
Whoops, that last one was real.
What?!
68
00:04:08,154 --> 00:04:12,922
Well, it appears our sweet, innocent,
little Robin has taken a lover.
69
00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:15,238
A young blade
by the name of Mitch.
70
00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:16,818
Her blind date?
71
00:04:16,918 --> 00:04:19,897
Total bust. She's been sending me
text messages all night.
72
00:04:19,997 --> 00:04:23,233
She just let him go upstairs
to use the bathroom a second ago.
73
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,190
Excuse me a minute.
74
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,901
Buddy, you are killing me. I'm kind of
in the middle of something here.
75
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,251
Middle of what?!
76
00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:36,071
This is my move.
77
00:04:36,438 --> 00:04:38,066
It's called, "The Naked Man."
78
00:04:38,369 --> 00:04:39,560
"The Naked Man"?
79
00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:40,912
Goes like this:
80
00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:42,651
You're on a first date,
81
00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:44,258
you've had a few drinks,
82
00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:46,434
you make an excuse to go up
to the girl's apartment.
83
00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,836
So, the bathroom's right there.
84
00:04:49,965 --> 00:04:51,661
You know what,
I'm going to grab this.
85
00:04:53,309 --> 00:04:55,522
Then, once she leaves the room,
86
00:04:55,622 --> 00:04:58,281
you strip down naked and wait.
87
00:04:58,575 --> 00:05:02,118
When she comes back,
she laughs.
88
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,591
She's so charmed by
your confidence and bravado,
89
00:05:04,691 --> 00:05:06,178
she sleeps with you.
90
00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,899
There is no way that works!
91
00:05:10,999 --> 00:05:12,428
Two out of three times.
92
00:05:12,731 --> 00:05:15,904
- Two out of three times?
- Two out of three times.
93
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,809
You just have to pick your spot.
94
00:05:17,909 --> 00:05:20,593
The Naked Man is best used
as a last resort,
95
00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:22,213
kind of a Hail Mary on a
96
00:05:22,313 --> 00:05:24,777
first date when you know
there's not going to be a second one.
97
00:05:24,877 --> 00:05:26,501
How do you know there's not going
to be a second date?
98
00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:28,819
- Ted, look at me.
- I'd rather not, Mitch.
99
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,464
Robin is way out of my league.
100
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,525
I'm not smart,
funny or handsome.
101
00:05:34,689 --> 00:05:36,926
And as you can plainly see,
there's nothing impressive
102
00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:39,401
going on
anywhere around here.
103
00:05:39,981 --> 00:05:42,794
My only shot with a girl like Robin
is the element of surprise.
104
00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:45,805
And, let's be honest,
a little pity.
105
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,519
It's shock and "aw."
106
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,068
This doesn't really work.
107
00:05:51,168 --> 00:05:52,810
Two out of three times.
108
00:05:53,232 --> 00:05:54,454
Guaranteed.
109
00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:56,170
No way.
110
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,655
Two out of three times.
He guaranteed it.
111
00:05:59,918 --> 00:06:01,001
Come on.
112
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,268
There is no way that's going
to work on Robin.
113
00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:05,680
She's going to walk in there,
take one look at that idiot
114
00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,941
and send him packing.
115
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,776
She might kick his ass first.
116
00:06:08,876 --> 00:06:11,468
She might get her gun
and shoot him.
117
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:16,991
Go, go!
118
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:20,388
My God!
119
00:06:20,642 --> 00:06:21,688
It worked.
120
00:06:21,994 --> 00:06:24,672
Mr. Wang's is back in business?!
121
00:06:29,572 --> 00:06:31,798
The Naked Man works!
122
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:35,196
This is going to revolutionize
the one-night stand!
123
00:06:35,296 --> 00:06:38,053
This is like the forward pass
in football.
124
00:06:38,153 --> 00:06:39,995
The slam dunk in basketball.
125
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,892
The haircutting technique
where they hold it
126
00:06:41,992 --> 00:06:43,833
between their fingers
and cut right above it.
127
00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,367
It's a total game changer!
128
00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:47,342
Barney, this guy slept with Robin,
129
00:06:47,442 --> 00:06:51,406
who you claim to be in love with.
How can you be excited about this?
130
00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:56,008
The Naked Man
is bigger than me and Robin.
131
00:06:56,555 --> 00:06:57,872
All these years,
132
00:06:58,087 --> 00:06:59,875
I have been busting my hump,
133
00:06:59,975 --> 00:07:03,991
with my secret identities
and my tricks and my gadgets.
134
00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:05,292
I mean,
135
00:07:05,462 --> 00:07:06,717
I'm like Batman.
136
00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:08,840
But this Mitch fellow, he's Superman.
137
00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:11,211
He just rips off his clothes
and he's good to go.
138
00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:13,668
What kind of gadgets
are we talking about?
139
00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:17,849
So, this is what it's going to be like,
us living together? I come home,
140
00:07:18,019 --> 00:07:20,805
and guys you're dating are just going
to be sitting on the couch, naked.
141
00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,712
Well, I wish I could say no.
142
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,426
I still cannot believe the Naked Man
worked on you.
143
00:07:26,504 --> 00:07:30,470
What can I say? Okay,
I went in there, and he was naked.
144
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,932
It was funny.
I laughed, he laughed.
145
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:38,150
And then it just kind of happened.
I don't know.
146
00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:41,395
I call "slut!"
147
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,197
Excuse me?
148
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,275
I'm sorry, Robin, but you
hooking up with this guy
149
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,357
makes it seem like
the only thing standing
150
00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:51,100
between you and sex
is clothes.
151
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,058
I didn't just sleep with Mitch
because he was naked.
152
00:07:54,158 --> 00:07:55,681
Then why did you sleep with him?
153
00:07:55,781 --> 00:07:56,809
Because...
154
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:57,737
he...
155
00:07:58,696 --> 00:07:59,547
He...
156
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,258
Because I care
about Mitch.
157
00:08:02,804 --> 00:08:03,652
A lot.
158
00:08:04,213 --> 00:08:06,615
There was a... connection
159
00:08:07,297 --> 00:08:08,741
of specialness.
160
00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:09,841
Of...
161
00:08:10,308 --> 00:08:12,065
specialness and feelings.
162
00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:13,851
It was because he was naked.
163
00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:15,620
And I'm sorry, but I don't approve.
164
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,429
There is only
one reason
165
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:20,233
to sleep with somebody,
and that is love.
166
00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:25,244
Marshall's a big girl
because he believes in true love
167
00:08:25,344 --> 00:08:27,003
and just finished reading The Notebook
168
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,586
because the secretaries bullied him
into joing Oprah's Book Club.
169
00:08:29,686 --> 00:08:31,309
Fine! But you know I'm right.
170
00:08:31,409 --> 00:08:35,093
Marshall, I love you, but there's lots
of reasons to have sex.
171
00:08:35,263 --> 00:08:37,163
- Name one.
- I can name 50.
172
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:39,185
- You can't.
- Number one:
173
00:08:39,355 --> 00:08:40,909
last Thursday.
174
00:08:47,119 --> 00:08:49,513
- Hey, Marshall, want to do it?
- I'm up.
175
00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:55,326
You befouled our marital bed
because you couldn't get to sleep?!
176
00:08:55,554 --> 00:08:56,778
You're the one who said,
177
00:08:56,878 --> 00:08:59,748
"That shadow on the ceiling
looks like a scary toothless clown.
178
00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:01,094
Good night, Lily."
179
00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:02,785
Fine! That's one.
180
00:09:02,893 --> 00:09:05,875
- But I defy you to name...
- I'm going to name 50.
181
00:09:06,265 --> 00:09:08,084
There's "makeup" sex...
182
00:09:08,628 --> 00:09:09,845
"breakup" sex...
183
00:09:09,942 --> 00:09:12,974
and "your friend just told you
about a new-position" sex.
184
00:09:13,144 --> 00:09:14,162
You're welcome.
185
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:16,790
There's also "revenge",
186
00:09:17,144 --> 00:09:18,172
"rebound",
187
00:09:18,646 --> 00:09:19,844
"paratrooping."
188
00:09:20,315 --> 00:09:21,783
You know, when you go out of town
189
00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:24,157
but instead of getting a hotel room,
you go straight to a bar
190
00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:25,846
with the sole intention
of hooking up
191
00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:27,621
with a girl so you have
a place to stay.
192
00:09:27,721 --> 00:09:29,170
Oh, you mean
"banging for roof."
193
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:30,362
Slut!
194
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,772
I don't do it.
My college roommate did it.
195
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,928
No, Robin,
I just have a bad cough.
196
00:09:35,028 --> 00:09:36,998
I don't really have
a bad cough.
197
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:41,531
We all know "college roommate"
means you, slut!
198
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,785
Does anyone have a lozenge?
199
00:09:45,374 --> 00:09:48,511
I've got one.
"Nothing good on television" sex.
200
00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:50,764
"Hotel room" sex.
201
00:09:50,864 --> 00:09:52,080
"Curiosity,"
202
00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:53,331
as in...
203
00:09:53,431 --> 00:09:56,857
"I've always wondered what it's like
to have sex with a really tall girl."
204
00:09:56,957 --> 00:09:58,121
Not a big girl,
205
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,377
just a tall girl.
206
00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:02,335
Like...
207
00:10:02,764 --> 00:10:04,314
if a normal girl
208
00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:06,180
were seven,
209
00:10:06,284 --> 00:10:09,374
seven-and-a-half-feet tall and
210
00:10:09,626 --> 00:10:12,487
wore a denim miniskirt.
211
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:15,253
I would have to know
what that is like.
212
00:10:17,672 --> 00:10:18,718
32 reasons later...
213
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,119
"He said he loved you,
214
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,484
but you're not ready to
say it back yet" sex.
215
00:10:22,584 --> 00:10:23,516
Forty-three.
216
00:10:23,616 --> 00:10:25,650
"Wingman diving on
the friend grenade."
217
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:26,963
Forty-four.
218
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:29,443
"The condoms are
about to expire."
219
00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:31,113
Forty-five.
220
00:10:35,311 --> 00:10:37,209
This is getting a little hard.
221
00:10:37,309 --> 00:10:38,297
Forty-six!
222
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,742
Okay, four more to go.
Ooh!
223
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:45,896
"You dropped a Cheeto on his lap
224
00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:49,189
"and when you reached for it,
he thought you were making a move,
225
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,217
"so you just went with it."
226
00:10:51,573 --> 00:10:54,736
Thank you for ruing the memory
of our six-month anniversary.
227
00:10:54,836 --> 00:10:56,305
You got me Cheetos.
228
00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,545
Can we just stop
with this stupid list?
229
00:10:59,645 --> 00:11:01,057
You guys are making me sad.
230
00:11:01,157 --> 00:11:02,995
No, I'm having fun.
231
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:06,404
Man, this whole "one-partner"
thing sucks sometimes.
232
00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:08,485
I'm always talking about you.
233
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,169
I can't play "I never" because
234
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,524
then everyone would know all the
weird stuff I let you do to me.
235
00:11:13,624 --> 00:11:17,150
The only weird thing I ever did to you
was open up my heart and soul
236
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:20,109
when all I had to do was strip naked
while you were out of the room.
237
00:11:20,209 --> 00:11:22,919
I didn't sleep with Mitch
because he was naked!
238
00:11:23,356 --> 00:11:25,238
Mitch and I
have something special.
239
00:11:25,338 --> 00:11:27,720
I mean, fingers crossed, guys.
He may be the one.
240
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,423
The one?!
Mitch?! The Naked Man?!
241
00:11:30,543 --> 00:11:32,332
You mean
the naked genius.
242
00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:35,956
All these years I've been suiting up
when I should have been suiting down.
243
00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:40,908
That's it. I am doing The Naked Man
tonight. Ted, so are you.
244
00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:42,509
- What?
- With the elevator girl.
245
00:11:42,609 --> 00:11:44,731
You're going out with her
tonight, right? Naked Man!
246
00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:46,631
No. Barney, come on,
this is the first girl
247
00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:48,582
I've had the courage
to ask out since Stella.
248
00:11:48,682 --> 00:11:49,727
Naked Man!
249
00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:52,089
No, Barney, this is the eighth
outfit I tried on tonight!
250
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,979
I got my hair cut three times!
I'm a nervous wreck!
251
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,826
Are you wearing makeup?
252
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,212
It's not makeup!
253
00:11:59,312 --> 00:12:01,996
Iit's a sunscreen
with a subtle tint of...
254
00:12:03,413 --> 00:12:04,564
It's made for men.
255
00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:07,748
Sue me, I want
my eyes to pop.
256
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,255
Naked Man!
257
00:12:11,455 --> 00:12:12,987
No, Barney,
I like Vicky.
258
00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:14,644
This could actually
go somewhere.
259
00:12:14,744 --> 00:12:16,890
I don't want to do anything
stupid to jeopardize it.
260
00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:19,630
Well,
I really like...
261
00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:20,991
that girl,
262
00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:23,466
but... Oh, I didn't see her
from the back.
263
00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:25,756
I really like...
264
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:27,091
that girl.
265
00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:30,458
And I'm willing to jeopardize
our future together
266
00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:32,462
for one night of glory.
267
00:12:33,342 --> 00:12:34,278
Naked Man!
268
00:12:36,107 --> 00:12:38,491
So, that night, we all set out
to prove something.
269
00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:40,834
Robin wanted to
defend her honor.
270
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,830
Mitch, hey baby,
it's me.
271
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:45,546
Robin.
272
00:12:46,377 --> 00:12:48,755
Do you want to grab
some dinner tonight?
273
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,837
Because you're
basically my boyfriend!
274
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,124
Lily needed to prove that
she could finish her list.
275
00:12:55,782 --> 00:12:59,176
I'm stuck. I can't think
of the last two.
276
00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:02,390
Reason number 48:
277
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:06,243
To reinforce good behaviors
such as shaving and dental hygiene.
278
00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:08,151
Oh, now you're
conditioning me? Great!
279
00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:10,738
That explains why I always get
an erection when I floss.
280
00:13:12,555 --> 00:13:15,409
I had to prove that as scary
as it was to be dating again,
281
00:13:15,509 --> 00:13:18,170
I was over Stella and ready
to get back out there.
282
00:13:18,270 --> 00:13:21,612
And Barney needed to prove that he,
too, could pull off The Naked Man.
283
00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:23,961
Hey, thank you for letting me
look at your aquarium.
284
00:13:24,061 --> 00:13:26,257
- You're a real life saver.
- Sure, no problem.
285
00:13:26,357 --> 00:13:28,996
I just need to use the bathroom
and I'll be on my way.
286
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,723
Ted, I'm doing it.
287
00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:39,677
I'm doing the Naked Man!
288
00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:41,220
Me, too!
289
00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:43,583
You...
290
00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:48,811
I'm doing it!
I'm doing The Naked Man!
291
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,075
That's great!
292
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,987
What made you change your mind?
293
00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:54,155
The date with Vicky
started off okay, but,
294
00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:55,750
it didn't go as well as I hoped.
295
00:13:55,998 --> 00:13:58,617
Oh, my God!
Ted, you are so funny!
296
00:13:59,028 --> 00:14:02,293
And can I just say,
you have amazing eyes.
297
00:14:02,393 --> 00:14:04,577
What, these old things?
298
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,012
Oh! Nice job, hot shot.
299
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,684
- I'm sorry...
- Save it!
300
00:14:08,784 --> 00:14:10,541
Go tell the manager
he owes us an appetizer.
301
00:14:11,690 --> 00:14:13,544
One of the ones with shrimp!
302
00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:15,499
You're welcome.
You were saying?
303
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:19,549
And then his cane
missed the top step,
304
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:22,852
and he was falling, for,
I swear, like two minutes.
305
00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:27,558
God, I love old people.
306
00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:32,343
Once I realized there was no
possible future in this relationship,
307
00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:33,813
I just decided to go for it.
308
00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:35,931
Awesome!
Okay, big question:
309
00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:39,570
What pose will you display
your Naked Man in?
310
00:14:41,027 --> 00:14:43,157
That is a big question.
I hadn't really thought about it.
311
00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:45,367
I was thinking the Superman.
312
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,929
What about
the Captain Morgan?
313
00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:54,915
How about the
"Oops, I didn't see you there"?
314
00:14:56,954 --> 00:14:58,022
The Thinker?
315
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,426
What about the Heisman?
316
00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:03,660
Mr. Clean?
317
00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,387
The Burt Reynolds.
318
00:15:15,652 --> 00:15:17,284
It's so great to see you again.
319
00:15:21,015 --> 00:15:23,207
I really had a
great time last night.
320
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,496
So, what is it like
managing a C.P.K.?
321
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:34,154
I mean, who's idea was it
to put a pineapple in the...
322
00:15:34,254 --> 00:15:36,085
Okay, stop right there.
I know what this is.
323
00:15:36,908 --> 00:15:39,964
I've been on this date before.
This is the "I'm not a slut" date.
324
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,694
What?
That's crazy.
325
00:15:42,794 --> 00:15:45,691
Usually you read me so well,
but this time you're wrong.
326
00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:48,648
Come on, Robin. One of us
had a good time last night,
327
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,150
and we both know it was me.
328
00:15:50,668 --> 00:15:52,781
Oh, Mitchell...
Something,
329
00:15:52,881 --> 00:15:55,062
that is,
that is just not true!
330
00:15:55,262 --> 00:15:56,855
Really?
How was the sex?
331
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,232
I didn't hate it.
332
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,565
Robin, you've seen my move.
333
00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:01,897
That's it.
334
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,321
I have nothing else
to offer you.
335
00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:07,059
I'm broke,
I sweat when I eat,
336
00:16:07,159 --> 00:16:09,500
and I'm in, like, five different
fantasy football leagues.
337
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,113
It's all I talk about.
338
00:16:11,213 --> 00:16:13,124
Trust me, you don't want
to be around that.
339
00:16:13,224 --> 00:16:15,452
What? Yes, I do!
340
00:16:15,552 --> 00:16:18,168
Look, I didn't just sleep with you
because you were naked.
341
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:19,547
Yeah, you did.
342
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,981
And now you're trying to
pretend it was something more
343
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,591
to make yourself feel better.
344
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,462
Say what you will,
345
00:16:25,562 --> 00:16:27,761
at least The Naked Man
is honest.
346
00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,050
What about the old
"Coppertone Baby"?
347
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,730
The Olympic gymnast
who stuck the landing.
348
00:16:38,242 --> 00:16:38,966
Hup!
349
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:41,750
I got to go.
350
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:42,944
Naked Man!
351
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,293
You have a really nice place!
352
00:16:48,393 --> 00:16:51,195
Oh, thanks! Coming from you,
that's a real compliment.
353
00:16:51,295 --> 00:16:53,804
I just love that you're an architect,
it's so fascinating.
354
00:16:53,904 --> 00:16:57,480
I could listen to you talk about
structural design all night.
355
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,336
And then I noticed,
lying on her end table,
356
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,604
a book of love poems
by Pablo Neruda.
357
00:17:03,038 --> 00:17:05,338
The same edition
I'd had since college.
358
00:17:05,438 --> 00:17:07,438
And it was bookmarked
to my favorite poem.
359
00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:12,435
Maybe I was all wrong
about this girl.
360
00:17:12,535 --> 00:17:14,568
Maybe there was
a future for us.
361
00:17:15,794 --> 00:17:16,519
Crap!
362
00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:25,085
Here we go.
363
00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:27,583
Pablo Neruda.
364
00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:29,374
Oh, yeah,
365
00:17:29,638 --> 00:17:31,241
that book's a turd.
366
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:34,828
Some douchey guy I hooked up with
left it here. It's all in Mexican.
367
00:17:36,029 --> 00:17:38,057
You know who writes
good poems?
368
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:38,919
Jewel.
369
00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:41,922
Her teeth are crooked
and she lived in a car.
370
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,689
- So, she has stuff to write about.
- Ta-dah!
371
00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,202
Okay.
372
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,716
The Naked Man works!
373
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:05,219
I just had decent sex with
an awful human being.
374
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,793
- I am back!
- Congratulations, buddy.
375
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,959
You're not the only one who
rocked The Naked Man tonight.
376
00:18:12,228 --> 00:18:14,785
You just want to do it
to change the subject.
377
00:18:15,216 --> 00:18:16,015
Yeah.
378
00:18:16,557 --> 00:18:18,118
Hey, that's number 49!
379
00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:20,124
Did it work?
380
00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:23,053
It's like I just flossed.
381
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,586
I love you.
382
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:26,840
That's 50.
383
00:18:27,335 --> 00:18:28,467
Oh, yeah...
384
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,193
Nice! What pose
did you go with?
385
00:18:31,293 --> 00:18:32,986
I went with
"I've got boobs."
386
00:18:33,086 --> 00:18:35,222
And she nailed it.
387
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,909
Oh, my God!
Guys, guys, guys!
388
00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:38,990
This is him!
389
00:18:39,090 --> 00:18:40,562
This is
The Naked Man!
390
00:18:41,006 --> 00:18:42,592
Ted, his name is Mitch.
391
00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:43,499
And,
392
00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:45,022
he's my boyfriend. So...
393
00:18:45,122 --> 00:18:47,125
It's okay, Robin.
I no longer call "slut."
394
00:18:48,602 --> 00:18:50,738
- Okay. You can go. We're done.
- Thanks.
395
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,454
Hold on, Mitch, Mitch,
I have to thank you.
396
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,466
We all tried
The Naked Man tonight.
397
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,637
We should see
how Barney did.
398
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,752
- Hello?
- Hi, is Barney there?
399
00:19:04,952 --> 00:19:05,711
No.
400
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,714
Oh, my God!
What's the matter with you?!
401
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,773
Get out!
402
00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,600
I just have to grab my suit.
It's very expensive. The tie alone...
403
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,696
Get out of here right now!
Get out!
404
00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:17,211
- You sick son of a bitch!
- Call me.
405
00:19:18,173 --> 00:19:20,934
And if I see him again,
I'm calling the cops.
406
00:19:24,837 --> 00:19:26,498
Two out of three times.
407
00:19:28,025 --> 00:19:30,262
Mitch, I want you to know,
this night,
408
00:19:30,362 --> 00:19:31,819
crazy as it was,
409
00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:33,752
it got me out of my shell.
410
00:19:33,852 --> 00:19:35,750
That's the beauty of
The Naked Man.
411
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:38,648
It gives you exactly what you need.
No more,
412
00:19:39,091 --> 00:19:39,953
no less.
413
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:42,843
Now, if you'll excuse me,
414
00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:45,601
I need to replace one of
my fantasy football quarterbacks.
415
00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:48,108
He separated his shoulder!
416
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:53,937
A toast...
417
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,708
to Mitch.
418
00:19:57,979 --> 00:20:00,766
By the sum of his parts,
he is just a man.
419
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:04,865
But by what he does with those parts,
he becomes so much more.
420
00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:07,720
He may not fit society's
definition of a hero,
421
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,904
but he is the hero I needed.
422
00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:12,223
The hero who helped me
recover from the disaster
423
00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:15,103
of my failed almost-marriage
and get back into the game.
424
00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:16,667
He lives in the shadows.
425
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:17,816
Is he a dream?
426
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,186
Truth?
Fiction?
427
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:21,002
Damnation?
Salvation?
428
00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:24,273
He is all these things and
none of them. For he is...
429
00:20:24,564 --> 00:20:26,209
"The Naked Man."
430
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:30,366
Oh, my God!
431
00:20:41,965 --> 00:20:43,262
Oh, thank God.
31945
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