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1
00:00:01,092 --> 00:00:03,862
I am not impressed with
the talent in here tonight.
2
00:00:04,281 --> 00:00:06,489
And the more I drink,
the less attractive they get.
3
00:00:06,928 --> 00:00:10,243
I'm one scotch and soda away
from the Cantina scene in Star Wars.
4
00:00:10,709 --> 00:00:12,662
What about those girls over there,
they're hot.
5
00:00:13,078 --> 00:00:14,716
- They're not hot.
- Are you kidding?
6
00:00:14,816 --> 00:00:18,375
I hated their guts the minute I saw
them, which mean they're hot.
7
00:00:18,475 --> 00:00:22,475
In fact, I hated them almost as much
as I hated Robin when I first met her.
8
00:00:22,575 --> 00:00:24,442
- You hated me?
- A lot.
9
00:00:26,621 --> 00:00:28,113
Barney, they're hot.
10
00:00:28,926 --> 00:00:31,317
Oh, there is so much to teach you all.
11
00:00:31,485 --> 00:00:33,876
You have just become victims of...
12
00:00:34,454 --> 00:00:36,728
The Cheerleader Effect.
Glad you asked.
13
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,968
The Cheerleader Effect is when
a group of women seems hot,
14
00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,687
but only, as a group.
15
00:00:42,089 --> 00:00:43,109
Just like with cheerleaders.
16
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,619
They seem hot,
17
00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:46,892
but take each one of|them individually?
18
00:00:46,992 --> 00:00:48,114
Sled dogs.
19
00:00:48,491 --> 00:00:49,449
That's insane.
20
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:53,870
Take a good, hard look at each
one of those girls. Individually.
21
00:01:12,561 --> 00:01:13,446
I don't know.
22
00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:15,141
The one on the end is kind of cute.
23
00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:17,185
Yeah, she really is.
24
00:01:17,643 --> 00:01:20,195
And that, my friends, is
The Cheerleader Effect.
25
00:01:20,295 --> 00:01:23,013
Also known as
the Bridesmaid Paradox,
26
00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:24,433
Sorority Girl Syndrome,
27
00:01:24,532 --> 00:01:26,556
and for a brief window
in the mid-'90s,
28
00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:28,551
the Spice Girls Conspiracy.
29
00:01:28,651 --> 00:01:30,809
Scary Spice indeed.
30
00:01:34,975 --> 00:01:36,381
Barney Stinson.
31
00:01:36,901 --> 00:01:37,824
Oh, hi.
32
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,336
Got it.
33
00:01:42,538 --> 00:01:44,297
Great, we'll be in touch.
34
00:01:46,991 --> 00:01:47,740
What?
35
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,927
Apparently
I'm gonna be a dad.
36
00:01:52,447 --> 00:01:56,071
Traduction : MiniBen314,
Eomyn et Lino72
37
00:01:56,171 --> 00:01:58,286
Synchro : Mickeyte et MiniBen314
38
00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,452
Relecture : MiniBen314
Transcript : www.shooter.cn
39
00:02:00,552 --> 00:02:02,653
How I Met Your Mother
4x04 - Intervention
40
00:02:02,753 --> 00:02:05,327
par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com
41
00:02:05,550 --> 00:02:08,203
What do you mean you're gonna be
a dad? How did, how did this happen?
42
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:11,668
It was just some girl I hooked up with
a few weeks back.
43
00:02:11,768 --> 00:02:14,034
She's not sure. She's gonna go
to the doctor in the morning.
44
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,745
Maybe it's a false alarm.
Maybe she's not pregnant.
45
00:02:17,018 --> 00:02:17,848
Lily,
46
00:02:17,948 --> 00:02:21,462
no part of Barney Stinson
does anything less than 110%.
47
00:02:21,562 --> 00:02:23,525
If one of my little
Michael Phelpses got loose,
48
00:02:23,625 --> 00:02:25,102
he's swimming for the gold.
49
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,964
This is a nightmare.
50
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,107
I don't want kids.
51
00:02:28,207 --> 00:02:30,958
Who in their right mind
would ever want kids?
52
00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:33,579
Now, when you turn 30
and you're in a couple,
53
00:02:33,679 --> 00:02:35,180
a strange thing happens.
54
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,987
You start to see
babies everywhere.
55
00:02:51,262 --> 00:02:53,102
Oh, come on.
56
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:56,576
Yes, Marshall and Lily were
coming down with baby fever.
57
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,416
And their new neighbors
weren't helping.
58
00:02:58,516 --> 00:03:00,663
Did you lose a sock there,
little dude?
59
00:03:02,378 --> 00:03:04,034
That is without a doubt
60
00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:06,629
the cutest little thing
I've ever seen.
61
00:03:06,839 --> 00:03:08,258
There's my little peanut.
62
00:03:08,358 --> 00:03:11,468
That night they sat down to have
a serious practical discussion
63
00:03:11,568 --> 00:03:12,679
about having kids.
64
00:03:12,779 --> 00:03:14,445
So, if we have a baby,
65
00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:16,846
do you think you could
work fewer hours?
66
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:20,934
Doesn't matter, he's gonna be so cute,
I'm gonna eat him up on the first day.
67
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,688
But what about money?
We're still in a ton of debt.
68
00:03:25,888 --> 00:03:29,275
Oh, well, we'll count our overdue
bills on his teeny tiny fingers.
69
00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:32,386
Let's have a baby.
70
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:39,452
Oh, oh, right now?
Oh, okay.
71
00:03:40,352 --> 00:03:42,222
There was just
one thing in their way.
72
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,468
Scooch over.
I TiVo'd The View.
73
00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:49,908
And that thing happened to be
unemployed and sleeping on their couch.
74
00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:54,723
So, Robin,
75
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,494
how's the job and
apartment search going?
76
00:03:57,594 --> 00:03:58,801
You didn't hear?
77
00:03:58,836 --> 00:04:00,225
I'm the lead anchor on CNN.
78
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:04,219
And I got a penthouse overlooking
Central Park made of gold.
79
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,479
Get your head out of
your ass, Marshall.
80
00:04:07,432 --> 00:04:09,943
They realized if they were
going to start a family
81
00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,627
they had to plan ahead.
82
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:15,137
Would you mind crashing
at Ted's tomorrow night?
83
00:04:15,237 --> 00:04:18,508
I'm, uh, cooking,
Marshall a special dinner.
84
00:04:18,608 --> 00:04:20,499
Just dinner.
That's it. Nothing else.
85
00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:22,111
Fine.
86
00:04:22,211 --> 00:04:24,481
But you'd better not be
as uptight as these idiots
87
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:26,930
about me shooting beer cans
on the roof.
88
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,816
"It hurts my ears.
89
00:04:28,916 --> 00:04:32,021
The neighbors called the cops.
You almost hit me."
90
00:04:32,497 --> 00:04:35,665
Enjoy her, Ted. She's in a real
good place right now.
91
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,388
God? It's me.
92
00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:41,519
Barney.
93
00:04:41,861 --> 00:04:42,849
What up?
94
00:04:44,302 --> 00:04:46,019
I know we don't talk much,
95
00:04:46,364 --> 00:04:49,410
though a lot of girls call out
your name because of me.
96
00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:50,408
Awesome.
97
00:04:51,177 --> 00:04:52,295
But, God...
98
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:56,584
if you could get me,
out of this,
99
00:04:56,684 --> 00:04:57,960
I swear
100
00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,316
I will never
101
00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:02,526
ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ev...
102
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:08,476
Oh, hang on, bro.
103
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,156
Go for Barney.
104
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:16,299
Really?
105
00:05:25,456 --> 00:05:27,090
Marshall,
great news!
106
00:05:27,304 --> 00:05:28,660
I'm not a father!
107
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,429
Congratulations, buddy.
108
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:33,473
This is the happiest moment
of my life, Marshall.
109
00:05:33,573 --> 00:05:36,548
The way I feel
about not having kids?
110
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,821
I never knew I could love
something this much.
111
00:05:39,119 --> 00:05:41,741
That's why
I'm creating a holiday.
112
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:46,246
From now on, today will be known
as "Not a Father's Day."
113
00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:48,093
You're creating a holiday?
114
00:05:48,193 --> 00:05:50,121
Yeah, why not?
Everyone else gets a day:
115
00:05:50,221 --> 00:05:52,137
Mothers, Fathers, Bastilles.
116
00:05:52,628 --> 00:05:55,756
Why can't there be a day for people
who are single and like it that way?
117
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,138
Well, now you just sound like
the chubby girl on Valentine's Day.
118
00:05:59,238 --> 00:06:02,261
- Hello, Stinson.
- Hey, Nolan. How are the kids?
119
00:06:04,786 --> 00:06:06,899
You ready for tonight, Eriksen?
Big merger.
120
00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:10,413
Well, that's between me
and my wife, sir.
121
00:06:10,697 --> 00:06:12,694
No. The meeting with Mr. Li.
Tonight.
122
00:06:13,101 --> 00:06:14,561
I thought that was
a breakfast meeting.
123
00:06:14,661 --> 00:06:17,703
It is. Breakfast in China. We're
teleconferencing with the Chinese.
124
00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:19,082
Count on you, kid.
125
00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:23,925
Marshall?
126
00:06:24,212 --> 00:06:25,175
Hey, babe.
127
00:06:25,769 --> 00:06:28,788
- It's breakfast time in China.
- Yeah, it is.
128
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,957
Not a euphemism.
Look, I...
129
00:06:31,661 --> 00:06:33,888
- Wait, what would that even mean?
- I don't know,
130
00:06:33,988 --> 00:06:37,142
hot buns, spicy pork?
There's something there.
131
00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:39,450
You're not coming home tonight,
are you?
132
00:06:41,687 --> 00:06:43,504
Are you shaking your head "no?"
133
00:06:45,254 --> 00:06:47,033
I thought so.
134
00:06:48,414 --> 00:06:50,594
Oh, thank you, guys,
for coming over so fast.
135
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:53,201
Are you all right?
You sounded upset on the phone.
136
00:06:53,301 --> 00:06:56,482
Marshall and I made
this big decision to have...
137
00:06:57,508 --> 00:06:58,267
dinner.
138
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:01,497
And I thought
I was ready to have...
139
00:07:01,597 --> 00:07:02,377
dinner.
140
00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:04,464
But then he called
and canceled, and...
141
00:07:04,564 --> 00:07:07,801
it got me thinking.
Is it too early for us to have...
142
00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:08,745
dinner?
143
00:07:09,393 --> 00:07:11,429
I had an early lunch,
so I'm ready for dinner.
144
00:07:11,529 --> 00:07:14,661
- Dinner is a baby!
- Lily, that's horrible!
145
00:07:14,761 --> 00:07:16,294
No, no, I...
146
00:07:16,494 --> 00:07:18,209
I need you guys to figure
something out for me.
147
00:07:18,309 --> 00:07:19,172
What?
148
00:07:20,098 --> 00:07:23,662
Are Marshall and I ready
to have a baby?
149
00:07:27,276 --> 00:07:30,532
So, are Marshall and I ready
to have a baby or not?
150
00:07:30,632 --> 00:07:33,978
Lily, we can't make this decision
for you. It's huge.
151
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,012
You know what else is huge?
Marshall's head.
152
00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:38,599
That thing's the size of a late
August watermelon.
153
00:07:38,699 --> 00:07:40,857
Marshall's baby coming
through there?
154
00:07:43,058 --> 00:07:44,327
What does Marshall think?
155
00:07:44,427 --> 00:07:48,841
Probably lot in that 1950s space helmet
of a head he's walking around with.
156
00:07:48,994 --> 00:07:50,930
Marshall's really excited.
157
00:07:51,030 --> 00:07:53,888
But I think he only sees
what's cute about having a baby,
158
00:07:53,988 --> 00:07:55,550
not what's hard about it.
159
00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:58,397
Like the other day, while Marshall
was playing with baby Jeremy,
160
00:07:58,497 --> 00:08:00,111
I was talking to Jeremy's mom.
161
00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:01,797
Thanks so much for inviting us over.
162
00:08:01,897 --> 00:08:03,881
I have not talked to another
adult in, like, weeks.
163
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:05,252
Well, besides my husband.
164
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,383
But "It's your turn to change him"
and "Make him shut up"
165
00:08:07,483 --> 00:08:09,391
really doesn't
count as conversation.
166
00:08:09,491 --> 00:08:11,848
Sorry, I'm rambling. I haven't
gotten laid in seven months.
167
00:08:11,948 --> 00:08:13,292
Oh, I just did it again!
168
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:14,695
Sleep deprivation!
169
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:17,347
Oh, wait, I'm not crying, am I?
170
00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:18,562
I usually am.
171
00:08:18,854 --> 00:08:20,983
I don't mean to complain.
Oh, now I feel bad!
172
00:08:21,278 --> 00:08:23,522
Oh, there's my little peanut!
173
00:08:23,644 --> 00:08:25,738
Oh, I love you so much!
174
00:08:26,348 --> 00:08:28,773
I'm going to be as
strung out as Charlotte.
175
00:08:28,873 --> 00:08:30,261
Worse actually.
176
00:08:30,361 --> 00:08:32,330
At least her husband
works from home.
177
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:35,540
I mean, he's a pot dealer,
but he's a very involved parent.
178
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,289
Marshall will be a great dad.
179
00:08:37,389 --> 00:08:39,513
Marshall's always
at the office, and,
180
00:08:39,613 --> 00:08:41,688
and I'm afraid that if
we have a baby now,
181
00:08:41,723 --> 00:08:43,246
all the work will fall on me.
182
00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:46,057
You're just panicking and
focusing on the downside.
183
00:08:46,157 --> 00:08:48,094
I think Lily's just being realistic.
184
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,793
See, this is good. This is why
I called you guys both over here.
185
00:08:51,893 --> 00:08:54,434
Ted, you're pro kids.
Robin, you're against.
186
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,561
Counselors, opening statements.
187
00:08:57,061 --> 00:09:00,219
Okay, I know you're afraid
that you're not ready.
188
00:09:00,319 --> 00:09:02,039
But no one ever thinks
they're ready.
189
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:04,598
You just have to take the leap.
Parenthood will come naturally.
190
00:09:04,698 --> 00:09:06,614
Well, of course you think
it comes naturally.
191
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,656
You're basically a dad already.
192
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,032
You're a total dad.
193
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,450
What are you talking about?
194
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,043
Ted, think about it.
195
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,005
You tell super corny dad jokes.
196
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:18,244
Shredded tweet!
197
00:09:18,371 --> 00:09:19,876
Oh, man!
198
00:09:20,304 --> 00:09:22,426
Shredded tweet.
199
00:09:23,198 --> 00:09:26,408
You lecture us. Like when we broke
your stupid ship in a bottle.
200
00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:28,885
I'm not angry.
I'm just disappointed.
201
00:09:30,289 --> 00:09:31,767
- She did it!
- Shut up!
202
00:09:33,550 --> 00:09:36,697
And you do that thing
all dads do with waitresses.
203
00:09:36,797 --> 00:09:39,307
Hi, I'm Lori.
I'll be your waitress this evening.
204
00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:42,690
Hi, Lori, I'm Ted.
I'll be your customer this evening.
205
00:09:43,461 --> 00:09:45,038
Hey, Lori,
before you go, tell me,
206
00:09:45,138 --> 00:09:47,653
what do you get when you cross
a canary with a lawn mower?
207
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,030
No hints.
No hints.
208
00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:52,964
She's right. Ted, you maybe
single and childless,
209
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:55,083
but you're totally
a dorky dad.
210
00:09:56,246 --> 00:09:58,727
I don't think I like
your tone, young lady.
211
00:10:00,073 --> 00:10:02,714
Marshall,
Not a Father's Day is a hit!
212
00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:05,045
Laraby and Finklestein are
helping me celebrate. Check it.
213
00:10:05,599 --> 00:10:08,090
"World's Greatest Not A Dad" mugs.
214
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:11,418
There's, uh... ha!
"Who's Not Your Daddy?" Tee-shirts.
215
00:10:11,715 --> 00:10:14,222
Both available at
Not A Father's Day.Com.
216
00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:16,703
Oh, check out the greeting cards.
217
00:10:19,772 --> 00:10:21,995
"For everything you do for yourself,
218
00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:23,695
For all the scotch upon your shelf,
219
00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:27,913
Your Porsche Carrera rules the freeway,
Here's wishing you
220
00:10:28,013 --> 00:10:31,092
an all night three-way.
Happy Not a Father's Day."
221
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:33,314
Check out the illustration.
222
00:10:37,264 --> 00:10:39,858
It appears to be
some sort of Asian hooker.
223
00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,587
Yes.
Because on Not a Father's Day,
224
00:10:42,687 --> 00:10:45,714
you get a Thai you'd actually wear.
Wordplay five!
225
00:10:47,496 --> 00:10:50,037
She's really kicking
your ass here, Mosby.
226
00:10:50,137 --> 00:10:52,201
Your only hope
is to go negative.
227
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,054
Okay.
228
00:10:53,332 --> 00:10:56,310
I'll tell you why my opponent
is saying all this.
229
00:10:56,478 --> 00:10:57,473
Three words,
230
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:01,004
- scared of babies.
- What?
231
00:11:01,104 --> 00:11:03,688
- That is crazy. I am not.
- Oh, yeah?
232
00:11:04,210 --> 00:11:06,940
Remember that time you met
my cousin and her kid?
233
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,531
She is so cute!
234
00:11:09,952 --> 00:11:11,599
Oh, do you want to hold her?
235
00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:17,955
Or the baby shower Lily threw
for her friend Erika?
236
00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:21,871
Are you leing
that baby sniff you?
237
00:11:21,971 --> 00:11:23,519
I don't want to get bitten.
238
00:11:24,803 --> 00:11:26,555
And don't forget about...
239
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:33,968
- Talking baby commercial?
- Talking baby commercial.
240
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,643
But you're not like that, Lily.
You love kids and they love you.
241
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:41,429
Yes, I'm loveable,
pretty and wise, but is it enough?
242
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:44,603
Look, it all comes down
to one word, you.
243
00:11:45,161 --> 00:11:47,542
Are you ready to put your own
dreams on the back burner?
244
00:11:47,642 --> 00:11:50,134
Grad school,
teaching art at the college level?
245
00:11:50,234 --> 00:11:53,049
Look, you need to focus
on Project Lily before
246
00:11:53,149 --> 00:11:54,704
you can start
Project Baby.
247
00:11:54,804 --> 00:11:56,772
If you don't,
you'll always regret it.
248
00:11:56,872 --> 00:11:59,577
And that wouldn't be fair to you
or the baby.
249
00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:02,079
What's that?
250
00:12:03,281 --> 00:12:05,292
It's Jeremy's sock.
251
00:12:07,053 --> 00:12:08,628
I'm having a baby.
252
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:11,511
But what about all the things
I just said?
253
00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:13,466
But, but sock.
254
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,122
But what about Marshall
working all the time?
255
00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:17,595
But sock.
256
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:19,294
But Project Lily!
257
00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:20,974
Little fishies on it.
258
00:12:21,672 --> 00:12:24,644
We made all of these arguments,
and a sock
259
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,209
is what makes your
decision for you?
260
00:12:27,309 --> 00:12:30,497
I guess that was the sock-out punch,
huh, Robin?
261
00:12:30,597 --> 00:12:33,533
- Shut up, Dad.
- You shut up, baby hater.
262
00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:36,731
Babies are scary, okay?
They have giant eyes.
263
00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:38,753
And then, come on, the soft spot?
264
00:12:38,853 --> 00:12:40,973
If there's gonna be
a self-destruct button,
265
00:12:41,073 --> 00:12:44,365
at least hide it somewhere
it won't accidentally get pressed.
266
00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:46,504
Where's Lily?
267
00:12:49,056 --> 00:12:51,447
- Hey, did you drink any of this?
- Not a drop.
268
00:12:51,547 --> 00:12:52,584
Me, neither.
269
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,067
Eriksen, meeting in five minutes.
270
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,754
And you'd better bring
your A-game for Mr. Li.
271
00:12:59,854 --> 00:13:02,008
That guy haunts my nightmares.
272
00:13:02,108 --> 00:13:04,070
Anyway, have fun out there, kid.
273
00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,851
Put a baby in me, Marshall.
274
00:13:09,951 --> 00:13:10,898
I'm ready.
275
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,407
Lily... Lily,
what are you doing here?
276
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,951
I'm ready, Marshall.
Tonight's the night.
277
00:13:22,242 --> 00:13:25,538
Put your melon-headed spawn
in my belly.
278
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,751
- What?
- Yeah!
279
00:13:26,851 --> 00:13:29,270
Come on, right now.
Baby me. I'm ready.
280
00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:31,577
Hey, look.
281
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:34,427
The guys in the next building
are waving at me.
282
00:13:34,527 --> 00:13:36,548
Hello, gentlemen!
283
00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,552
We're going to make a baby!
284
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,580
I can't believe we lost her.
285
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,712
See, this is exactly why
I'm never having kids.
286
00:13:44,812 --> 00:13:46,945
You can't let them out of your sight
for even a second.
287
00:13:47,045 --> 00:13:48,711
I can't find my file.
288
00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:51,522
I pulled out "A" through "G."
289
00:13:51,722 --> 00:13:55,025
Ag! Aaaaggg.
290
00:13:55,855 --> 00:13:58,357
They just sit there with
their stupid bottles.
291
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:02,208
They cry.
292
00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:12,612
They spit up.
293
00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:18,236
And that's why kids suck.
294
00:14:18,475 --> 00:14:20,060
It is a good thing we broke up.
295
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,588
I forgot how totally psycho
you are on the kids thing.
296
00:14:22,688 --> 00:14:23,765
I'm psycho?
297
00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:26,505
Any time you even hear
the word "kids,"
298
00:14:26,605 --> 00:14:29,435
you get two little lactation stains
on your shirt.
299
00:14:29,764 --> 00:14:32,454
Thank God you're not a mom.
You are such an ice queen.
300
00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:34,898
Any baby nursing from you
would get brain freeze.
301
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,971
Look, don't paint me as some sort of a
freak for wanting to remain independent.
302
00:14:39,071 --> 00:14:41,824
There are plenty of normal people out
there who don't want to have kids.
303
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:45,910
Brother, lay your hand on this
box of condoms and repeat after me.
304
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,370
I, state the fake name
you give to women.
305
00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:51,081
I, Johnny Banana.
306
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,797
Vow to always choose
wet T-shirts over wet diapers.
307
00:14:55,257 --> 00:14:58,531
- Vow to always...
- Yeah, you're in great company there.
308
00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:01,166
I'm gonna look for Lily
in the bathroom.
309
00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:03,052
While I'm in there,
I'll grab you a tampon.
310
00:15:03,252 --> 00:15:05,207
Great, and when you're done
shaking off at the urinal,
311
00:15:05,307 --> 00:15:07,623
maybe you could ask
the wizard to give you a heart.
312
00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:10,929
You know what? Maybe I should find
somewhere else to stay this weekend.
313
00:15:11,029 --> 00:15:12,367
- No argument here.
- Fine.
314
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:13,184
Great.
315
00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:16,530
Welcome, to our fraternity
of non-paternity.
316
00:15:17,975 --> 00:15:19,342
He is one of us.
317
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,544
Gentlemen,
318
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,670
Mr. Li,
319
00:15:25,297 --> 00:15:27,185
if you would all please
open to page five
320
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,546
of your merger documents.
321
00:15:28,646 --> 00:15:30,287
I think that you...
322
00:15:34,538 --> 00:15:35,632
What is it, Eriksen?
323
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:36,684
Nothing.
324
00:15:37,364 --> 00:15:39,706
I just think that you look...
325
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,060
very nice today.
326
00:15:52,172 --> 00:15:54,161
What are you looking at?
327
00:15:54,261 --> 00:15:56,674
I am looking at the future...
328
00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,853
of our two companies, and
329
00:15:59,953 --> 00:16:01,508
it looks very...
330
00:16:02,478 --> 00:16:03,320
naked.
331
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:07,077
Would you excuse me
just for a brief second?
332
00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:13,205
Did anyone else see the drunk chick?
333
00:16:14,865 --> 00:16:16,721
Hey, you guys didn't have to...
334
00:16:17,254 --> 00:16:19,688
It's a picture of me with no kids.
335
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:22,107
And there's macaroni glued
on the frame.
336
00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:23,366
Guys, I love it.
337
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,181
Well, Lily's not in there.
338
00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:29,033
Your phone rang. I answered it.
I hope you don't mind.
339
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:31,643
- Marshall's got Lily. She's fine.
- Oh, thank God.
340
00:16:33,904 --> 00:16:34,666
What?
341
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:37,830
When I was putting
your phone back, and...
342
00:16:37,919 --> 00:16:40,090
- I found something in your bag.
- I have a permit for that.
343
00:16:40,190 --> 00:16:42,688
- And the other thing was a gift.
- No
344
00:16:43,513 --> 00:16:44,294
This.
345
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,954
You stole Jeremy's sock.
346
00:16:48,054 --> 00:16:49,235
No, I didn't.
347
00:16:49,335 --> 00:16:53,368
I don't know how that got in there.
It must've fallen in. Weird!
348
00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:56,603
- "Fallen in"?
- Or Lily put it in there as a joke.
349
00:16:56,702 --> 00:16:58,512
That bitch be drunk.
350
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,386
Okay, I took it.
351
00:17:02,799 --> 00:17:03,831
It's just...
352
00:17:04,282 --> 00:17:05,545
so cute.
353
00:17:06,341 --> 00:17:07,072
Sock.
354
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:12,148
Robin Scherbatsky, are you warming
to the idea of having children?
355
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,103
No.
356
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,183
I don't know.
357
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,000
Maybe someday.
358
00:17:17,242 --> 00:17:20,189
When I'm, like, 70.
Science will catch up.
359
00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:22,655
Look, I'm just...
360
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:26,991
I'm confused lately. I'm unemployed.
I'm living on a couch.
361
00:17:27,304 --> 00:17:28,216
Yeah.
362
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,575
It's been a rough couple
of months for both of us.
363
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,154
Hey, I have a spare bedroom.
364
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,965
Why don't you stay with me while you
look for a place?
365
00:17:38,065 --> 00:17:39,325
- Really?
- Yeah.
366
00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:44,184
Thanks, Ted. I already have some leads,
so it'll be one week, two weeks tops.
367
00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:48,040
And that's how your Aunt Robin
moved in with me.
368
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:52,267
I'm bored.
Let's go dancing.
369
00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:56,201
- Let's rob a liquor store!
- Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay?
370
00:17:56,371 --> 00:17:58,165
Whenever we go somewhere
when you're drunk,
371
00:17:58,265 --> 00:18:00,708
you always fall asleep as soon
as we get in the...
372
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:03,767
We're going dancing!
373
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,610
We're gonna party
all night long!
374
00:18:10,712 --> 00:18:12,683
Can you circle the block
a couple times
375
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,870
just to make sure
she's really down?
376
00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:16,021
Sure thing.
377
00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:20,164
Latest Not A Father's Day brainstorm,
378
00:18:20,264 --> 00:18:21,803
a pregnancy test,
379
00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:23,596
but instead of
a little blue line,
380
00:18:23,696 --> 00:18:25,866
there's a little, blue Barney
going like this.
381
00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:30,841
Barney, Not A Father's Day is lame.
It's a holiday for losers.
382
00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:32,578
What are you...?
What're you talking about?
383
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,394
That's a great group of bros.
384
00:18:34,494 --> 00:18:36,557
Barney, it's the Cheerleader Effect.
385
00:18:36,757 --> 00:18:39,308
No, Ted. That only works for chicks.
386
00:18:39,408 --> 00:18:42,795
Take a good look at each one
of those guys individually.
387
00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:02,458
These geniuses are not childless
by choice, my friend.
388
00:19:02,658 --> 00:19:04,921
- Good night, Barney.
- Good night.
389
00:19:13,114 --> 00:19:14,198
Sock.
390
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:21,038
Do I smell chocolate chip pancakes?
391
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,421
You smell "Chocolate chip
392
00:19:23,521 --> 00:19:26,797
I'm sorry I was such a drunk
idiot" pancakes.
393
00:19:26,897 --> 00:19:28,990
Is there any "Wish I hadn't
puked on your shirt" bacon?
394
00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:30,585
There sure is.
395
00:19:31,006 --> 00:19:31,948
Baby...
396
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:36,508
I'm so sorry about last night.
I know I was a mess. I...
397
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:40,575
I just started freaking out about
whether we're ready to be parents.
398
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,771
But you took such good care of me.
399
00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:45,625
I know you're gonna be a great dad.
400
00:19:45,709 --> 00:19:47,599
I don't want to be a dad right now.
401
00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:48,395
What?
402
00:19:49,303 --> 00:19:50,815
Last night, it was just...
403
00:19:50,915 --> 00:19:53,888
Between balancing work
and drunk Baby Lily,
404
00:19:53,988 --> 00:19:55,385
it was too much.
405
00:19:55,854 --> 00:19:57,754
I'm just getting
started at this job,
406
00:19:57,854 --> 00:20:00,232
and I'm working
such long hours, I mean...
407
00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:01,890
Look, I love you.
408
00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:05,739
And I absolutely want to
have kids someday. I just...
409
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,689
I want to be ready for it.
410
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,234
Me, too.
411
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,359
And whenever
we are ready,
412
00:20:14,238 --> 00:20:16,852
I know you're going
to be amazing.
413
00:20:17,242 --> 00:20:18,220
You, too.
414
00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:26,084
Do you want to go have completely
protected sex right now?
415
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,137
I do.
416
00:20:27,564 --> 00:20:29,490
Do you want to finish
your bacon first?
417
00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:33,561
You are the perfect woman.
418
00:20:40,732 --> 00:20:44,130
And the cat's in the cradle
and the silver spoon
419
00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:46,895
Little Boy Blue and
the Man on the Moon
420
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,444
- When you comin' home, Dad?
- I don't know when
421
00:20:50,544 --> 00:20:53,403
We'll get together then, son
422
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:57,120
I'll know we'll have
a good time then.
31909
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