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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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Let's do something fun,
like go to Raging Waters.
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- I have a deposition today.
- (groans)
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00:00:08,132 --> 00:00:09,406
Oh,
Nathan-ay-El.
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00:00:09,446 --> 00:00:12,527
I'm using the exact tools
that we have all learned here,
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00:00:12,529 --> 00:00:14,646
in group therapy with my friends,
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Lana and Clarice and Bert
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and Jo... illson.
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00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,621
Doesn't it feel like you're
repeating some old patterns?
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00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,539
Your patterns with Josh, perhaps?
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00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,158
Are you breaking up with me right now?
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00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,743
I'm just saying that
we can't be together
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00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:30,462
or go out or have sex.
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00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,830
Rebecca, wait, you can't just...
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WHITE JOSH: Who are we kidding, dude?
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- We got dumped.
- Yeah.
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We did.
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- What the hell are you doing?
- Can I have my cash back now?
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I already bought a hot tub.
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You tried a lot of different
things, and we supported you
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every time you wanted to quit something.
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I am an aimless cynic who
has no plans for my future.
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No, I don't live with my mom.
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I live with my best friend.
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DARRYL: I'll find someone great
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to donate an egg.
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I'd do anything for you.
You know that, right?
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PAULA: You're donating an egg
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- to Darryl?
- I have thought this through.
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- Have you, though?
- No, not at all.
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HEATHER: So... then I finished my
continuing education archery class,
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00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,593
and now I'm, like, a
champion-level bowman,
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00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:18,173
but it turns out, the Ren fair
only comes, like, once a year.
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Well, continuing ed. That's fun.
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Yeah, now you can say
you're a student again.
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Yeah, but continuing ed
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doesn't really count.
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It's like... I don't know,
if I'm not a student anymore,
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then it's just, like,
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who am I?
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- (phone beeps)
- Oh! Hold on.
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- Hormone time.
- _
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- (moaning, groaning)
- Can you just...
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go to the bathroom and do that, please?
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If women can breastfeed in public,
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then I can inject myself with hormones
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at this open-air donuteria.
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I'm not ashamed of it.
49
00:01:45,495 --> 00:01:48,978
I am helping my good
friend Darryl make a baby,
50
00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:51,347
and I do not care if
people think it's gross.
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00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:53,349
I am people, and I think it's gross.
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Guys, look at all of
my subcutaneous tissue.
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I'm, like, the sub-Q queen.
Thanks, donuts.
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Well, now you're actively
ruining donuts for people.
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- Ah...
- Oh, my goodness. Ugh...
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00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:04,944
MAN: Ew!
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MAN 2: Take it to the alley, junkie!
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I'm making a miracle.
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- People.
- HEATHER: Wait.
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00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:12,084
What did Dr. Shin say
about this whole thing?
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00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,453
- Hmm?
- I don't know, maybe just seems like
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00:02:14,455 --> 00:02:16,672
someone in therapy for
a personality disorder
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00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:20,040
may not want to take tons of hormones?
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He said it was fine.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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As long as I'm present and aware,
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00:02:26,985 --> 00:02:30,476
and I monitor my mental
state, it's all good.
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00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:31,854
And if I feel stuff start to come up,
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00:02:31,856 --> 00:02:34,056
I can just use the acronyms
that I've learned in group.
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00:02:34,058 --> 00:02:35,618
Like, ooh, there's SASSY.
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It's "Separate, Assess,
Step Away, Soothe Yourself."
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(Paula gasps)
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Oh, that's catchy.
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00:02:43,378 --> 00:02:45,901
Also, you know how Robert
Downey Jr. kind of went through
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00:02:45,903 --> 00:02:47,570
that spiral, and he
broke into someone's house
76
00:02:47,572 --> 00:02:48,737
and slept in a child's bed?
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00:02:48,739 --> 00:02:50,739
But then, he had that
guest star in Ally McBeal,
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00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:51,957
and now he's Iron Man?
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00:02:51,959 --> 00:02:52,958
That's me.
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00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:55,411
Someone translate, please?
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00:02:55,413 --> 00:02:56,712
Oh, she's going back to work.
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00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:57,746
That's what I meant.
I'm going back to work!
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00:02:57,748 --> 00:03:00,466
Wow, you got your job
back from Nathaniel?
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I mean, that resignation didn't count.
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And he knew that I would feel like
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00:03:02,637 --> 00:03:04,299
coming back to work at some point.
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00:03:04,324 --> 00:03:06,839
Yeah, are you sure he
wants to work with you,
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00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,090
since you dumped him?
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00:03:08,092 --> 00:03:09,558
Oh, no, I didn't dump him.
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00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,479
I just put us on an
indefinite permanent break.
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HEATHER: I don't know what
my identity is right now.
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00:03:22,472 --> 00:03:25,658
Should I say I am a bartender?
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A lover of cheese?
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00:03:28,279 --> 00:03:29,945
A chewer of gum?
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00:03:29,947 --> 00:03:35,034
Like, I'm all of those
things, but none define me.
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00:03:35,036 --> 00:03:36,669
Honey, that's all very interesting,
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00:03:36,671 --> 00:03:39,955
but this is a podcast
about relationships.
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We want to know about your relationship.
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00:03:43,044 --> 00:03:45,294
Yeah, well, it's just awkward,
100
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because Hector's sitting right there,
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and he's your son, so...
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Oh, it's okay.
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Whatever you want to say
to me, you can say to me,
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my mom and our 334 subscribers
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00:03:57,572 --> 00:03:59,775
to Dating For All Ages,
which is brought to you
106
00:03:59,777 --> 00:04:02,194
by Merv's Diner, on
4th and East Cameron.
107
00:04:02,196 --> 00:04:05,202
Mention the podcast, and you
get a free ham and cheese.
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00:04:05,227 --> 00:04:07,316
I guess what I would like to know
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00:04:07,318 --> 00:04:08,817
is where do you two stand?
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How serious are you?
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00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:15,574
Well, I really like Hector, and...
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our names definitely go well together.
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Our couple name is "Heactor,"
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like "Hector," but with an extra A.
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00:04:21,596 --> 00:04:24,717
But I can't really make any decisions
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00:04:24,719 --> 00:04:29,034
about our relationship
until I sort out who I am.
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Heather, I just want to take our
relationship to the next level,
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become more officially a couple.
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00:04:33,895 --> 00:04:37,346
Well, another challenge is that
you live here with your mom,
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00:04:37,348 --> 00:04:39,932
who's your best friend,
so there's also that...
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00:04:40,507 --> 00:04:43,269
(crunching)
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00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:47,823
Oh. Sorry.
123
00:04:47,825 --> 00:04:49,191
Dude, we're recording.
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00:04:49,193 --> 00:04:50,359
When I said you could stay here,
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00:04:50,361 --> 00:04:52,828
I said we needed it quiet
during pod-casting hours.
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00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:54,330
Yeah, totally. I just...
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00:04:54,332 --> 00:04:56,949
I-I just want to get the
tasty scragglers at the bottom.
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00:04:56,951 --> 00:04:58,834
Um, but... you guys keep going.
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I-I'm loving this.
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00:05:00,121 --> 00:05:02,004
I-I'll just scrag more quietly.
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(chuckles)
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(crunching)
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00:05:07,795 --> 00:05:09,011
Oh, yeah, no, no.
134
00:05:09,013 --> 00:05:10,963
This is just gonna be too loud.
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I'll-I'll just put them away.
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Do you have a chip clip?
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00:05:16,137 --> 00:05:17,769
No?
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00:05:21,769 --> 00:05:24,109
Hi. There you are. Uh...
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00:05:24,111 --> 00:05:25,778
Of all the law firms in all the towns,
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00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:27,386
I had to walk into this one.
141
00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:29,152
What are you doing here?
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Um, I am here to tell you
that I have amazing news.
143
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You're leaving town again?
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No. I'm ready to come back to work.
145
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- Where?
- Here.
146
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,747
- How?
- What?
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You don't work here anymore, Rebecca.
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You resigned, remember?
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00:05:48,052 --> 00:05:49,385
What... no, I didn't resign.
150
00:05:49,387 --> 00:05:51,920
My mother resigned for me
while she was drugging me,
151
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so that's not legal.
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Oh, I see your point.
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- Yes.
- You didn't resign.
154
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No.
155
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,676
- You still work here.
- Yes.
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And now, you're fired.
157
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:08,353
Oh, hey, boss.
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00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:11,824
Kevin, can I...
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00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:13,105
help you with something?
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00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:15,027
Oh, I just wanted to, uh...
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I have a good reason for
asking this, I swear...
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Uh, if someone asked...
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Not me, but someone...
What would you say you are?
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(inhales) S... what?
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00:06:27,091 --> 00:06:29,508
Well, you know, like,
uh, where are you from?
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00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:32,711
Oh, um, I was born in Arizona,
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and then my dad, his job transferred
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- from there to here...
- Yeah... I-I'm sorry.
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00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:39,151
I-I meant, where are your parents from?
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00:06:39,557 --> 00:06:42,888
Yeah, um, well, my mom is from Michigan,
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and my dad is from Michigan.
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They met at University of Michigan.
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So, crazy story, huh?
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00:06:49,363 --> 00:06:50,979
(nervous chuckle)
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Kevin, are you trying to ask
me what my ethnic background is?
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- No.
- No?
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I mean, yes.
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Yeah. I-I mean, not because
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I-I care about what you are,
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00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:03,792
I mean, you can be anything you want.
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00:07:03,794 --> 00:07:05,160
Oh... Oh, thank you.
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00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:06,912
I mean, you're obviously something!
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00:07:06,914 --> 00:07:09,164
(laughs) Uh, I mean, we...
184
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,500
we have never talked about...
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I mean, I've wondered...
Though, for no reason.
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Oh, God,
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this is a disaster, isn't it?
188
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:19,842
And I'm so hot.
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(grunts)
190
00:07:21,011 --> 00:07:22,177
Okay, well...
191
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Oh!
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You took it off.
193
00:07:24,982 --> 00:07:26,982
Oh. The point is,
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it doesn't matter what race
you are, you are my equal.
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- (panting)
- Oh, okay.
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Kevin, did you, um,
did you have a point,
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- or is this just for fun?
- Yes!
198
00:07:37,661 --> 00:07:38,901
Yes.
199
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:42,831
There's a training program
200
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:44,750
at Home Base corporate,
201
00:07:44,752 --> 00:07:48,862
and they are encouraging
people who are...
202
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:51,799
who are...
203
00:07:53,594 --> 00:07:55,627
(breathless): S-Say it...
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Dear God in Heaven, please.
205
00:07:57,882 --> 00:07:59,181
Diverse?
206
00:07:59,183 --> 00:08:02,050
(panting): Yes. Yes.
207
00:08:02,052 --> 00:08:03,526
Oh...
208
00:08:04,271 --> 00:08:06,472
Kevin, all you had to say was, like,
209
00:08:06,474 --> 00:08:09,057
"Hey, there's a corporate
management training program,
210
00:08:09,059 --> 00:08:10,559
here's a form."
211
00:08:10,561 --> 00:08:12,448
Right. Here's a form.
212
00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,784
REBECCA: Wait. I'm fired?
213
00:08:14,809 --> 00:08:16,532
Um, are... are you angry at me
214
00:08:16,534 --> 00:08:17,733
because of what happened between us?
215
00:08:17,735 --> 00:08:19,034
Because I told you,
216
00:08:19,036 --> 00:08:21,370
that had nothing to do with
you, that-that was all me.
217
00:08:21,372 --> 00:08:22,905
Oh, really? You're gonna hit me with
218
00:08:22,907 --> 00:08:24,156
the "it's not you, it's me"?
219
00:08:24,158 --> 00:08:25,657
Next thing I know, you're gonna hit me
220
00:08:25,659 --> 00:08:27,409
with the "I was going through a thing."
221
00:08:27,411 --> 00:08:30,078
I... was going through a thing.
222
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,080
I'm... still going through a thing,
223
00:08:32,082 --> 00:08:33,549
I'm trying to get healthy in my life.
224
00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:34,633
Oh, "get healthy"?
225
00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:37,219
Really, Miss Personal Pan Pizza? Okay.
226
00:08:37,221 --> 00:08:39,588
- Good luck with that.
- Wow.
227
00:08:39,590 --> 00:08:40,672
So you're just gonna be
228
00:08:40,674 --> 00:08:42,090
a petulant little child
about this? Really?
229
00:08:42,092 --> 00:08:43,926
I am not being a child, okay?
230
00:08:43,928 --> 00:08:45,060
Now get out of my room.
231
00:08:45,062 --> 00:08:46,144
I mean, my office.
232
00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:47,346
Get out of my-my office.
233
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:49,064
What is wrong with you?
234
00:08:49,066 --> 00:08:51,266
Why are you sweating like
Mickey Rourke after a meal
235
00:08:51,268 --> 00:08:53,569
- at Fogo de Chao?
- Nothing. Okay? I'm fine. (moans)
236
00:08:53,571 --> 00:08:55,020
SASSY. SASSY.
237
00:08:55,022 --> 00:08:56,688
"Sassy"? What are you
talking... I don't even know
238
00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,440
what you're talking about.
Just get out of my office.
239
00:08:58,442 --> 00:09:00,108
Okay, fine, it's too
hot in here, anyway.
240
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,493
Good!
241
00:09:01,495 --> 00:09:03,362
Fine, I'm sweaty?
242
00:09:03,364 --> 00:09:04,947
I'll show you how sweaty I am.
243
00:09:04,949 --> 00:09:07,616
Okay, real professional.
244
00:09:07,618 --> 00:09:09,918
That was disgusting!
245
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,286
I'm not a child!
246
00:09:11,288 --> 00:09:12,955
I'm not a... where's my ball?
247
00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:18,176
(exhales)
248
00:09:18,178 --> 00:09:20,178
What happened in there? Are you okay?
249
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,463
(panting): Yeah. I'm fine.
250
00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:22,798
(sniffles) I just think
251
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,967
the, uh, I think it's just
the hormones kicking in.
252
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:27,853
And also, Nathaniel was
really horrible to me in there.
253
00:09:27,855 --> 00:09:28,971
Uh, he fired me.
254
00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:31,139
Yeah, and, like, in a really mean way.
255
00:09:31,141 --> 00:09:34,049
He insulted my... personal
pan pizzas... anyway,
256
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,777
uh, I don't have to tell
you guys this, though.
257
00:09:35,779 --> 00:09:37,446
You know what a monster he can be.
258
00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:38,564
Actually, he's been okay lately.
259
00:09:38,566 --> 00:09:39,815
MAYA: Yeah. Yesterday,
260
00:09:39,817 --> 00:09:41,283
he patted me on the head, although,
261
00:09:41,285 --> 00:09:43,318
he might've been trying to stand up.
262
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,821
He's been taking your
bust-up pretty well, actually.
263
00:09:45,823 --> 00:09:48,312
Clearly not. He's clearly
devastated and lashing out.
264
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,000
Mm, I don't know if
he's that devastated.
265
00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:52,961
He's got this new gal pal.
266
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,796
Darryl. That was an office secret.
267
00:09:54,798 --> 00:09:56,999
It was on the group
text chain called, "Shh!"
268
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,467
Hold up. New gal pal?
269
00:09:58,469 --> 00:10:01,303
Yeah, this new girlfriend
is all over his Instagram.
270
00:10:01,305 --> 00:10:02,961
He is flaunting her everywhere.
271
00:10:02,986 --> 00:10:04,306
He's even tagging her in photos
272
00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:06,391
that she's not in: sunsets,
273
00:10:06,393 --> 00:10:07,342
rescue dogs,
274
00:10:07,344 --> 00:10:08,677
farmers' market.
275
00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:09,645
Can someone give me their phone?
276
00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:10,679
Honey, no, no, no.
277
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:11,680
That's not a good idea.
278
00:10:11,682 --> 00:10:12,848
You're off social media, remember?
279
00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,807
REBECCA: It's fine. Okay.
280
00:10:15,185 --> 00:10:16,401
I'm s... I'm sorry, Tim,
281
00:10:16,403 --> 00:10:18,737
why is your phone background
a picture of Shania Twain?
282
00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:21,323
She's beautiful, she is from Canada
283
00:10:21,325 --> 00:10:24,370
and she raised her brothers
and sisters all on her own.
284
00:10:24,395 --> 00:10:26,662
- That doesn't impress me much.
- REBECCA: Okay.
285
00:10:26,664 --> 00:10:28,330
Ha... oh, there she is.
286
00:10:28,332 --> 00:10:29,831
Okay, well...
287
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,533
You know what? She's beautiful.
288
00:10:31,535 --> 00:10:34,838
She also went to Stanford.
289
00:10:35,214 --> 00:10:36,747
And she works in a mutual fund.
290
00:10:36,874 --> 00:10:38,292
She's perfect for him.
291
00:10:38,876 --> 00:10:41,710
There. See? I'm fine.
292
00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:44,627
(gasps) No.
293
00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:47,516
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This can't be.
294
00:10:47,518 --> 00:10:49,718
Did he take her home to meet his family?
295
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,053
Did he propose?
296
00:10:51,055 --> 00:10:52,723
Way worse.
297
00:10:53,797 --> 00:10:54,996
The worsest.
298
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,727
REBECCA: He took her to Raging Waters!
299
00:11:00,564 --> 00:11:02,230
That's her Paris.
300
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:04,316
- (gasps)
- REBECCA: No.
301
00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:06,864
I mean, he can't be
allowed to do this to me...
302
00:11:07,237 --> 00:11:08,737
you, all of us.
303
00:11:08,739 --> 00:11:10,038
I mean, guys,
304
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,406
have you forgotten what he was like
305
00:11:11,408 --> 00:11:12,928
the first week he came here?
306
00:11:12,953 --> 00:11:14,743
He instantly wanted to fire all of you.
307
00:11:14,745 --> 00:11:17,746
And, Darryl, um, hello...
He stole your firm.
308
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,298
He scooped up your
ex-wife Stacey's shares
309
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,383
behind your back.
310
00:11:21,385 --> 00:11:22,751
Oh, that's true.
311
00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:24,386
REBECCA: Oh, no, no, no, no.
312
00:11:24,757 --> 00:11:27,889
He cannot do this. I say we fight back,
313
00:11:27,891 --> 00:11:29,675
and we take this firm back.
314
00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:30,592
(all groaning)
315
00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:32,644
That sounds a little aggressive
316
00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:33,895
I don't know how I feel about that.
317
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:35,097
Maybe we could just write him a letter.
318
00:11:35,099 --> 00:11:36,515
Oh, guys, guys!
319
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:37,849
- What?
- Huh?
320
00:11:37,851 --> 00:11:40,652
Have you forgotten the
kind of person he really is?
321
00:11:40,654 --> 00:11:43,413
? ?
322
00:11:48,328 --> 00:11:52,330
? He's the new guy,
you can't trust him ?
323
00:11:52,332 --> 00:11:56,201
? He's a bad guy
even when he's nice ?
324
00:11:56,203 --> 00:11:59,788
? Just because you've seen him
show an ounce of vulnerability ?
325
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:03,125
? Do you think that means he
has some secret heart of gold? ?
326
00:12:03,127 --> 00:12:05,293
? Sure, there was that one scene ?
327
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:07,345
? Where he pooped his
pants in front of you ?
328
00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:09,631
? And by scene I
mean he made a scene ?
329
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,600
? Well, I for one ain't sold ?
330
00:12:11,602 --> 00:12:13,185
? He's the new guy ?
331
00:12:13,187 --> 00:12:15,137
? Not easily reformed by ?
332
00:12:15,139 --> 00:12:18,890
? Some quirky girl
that he met at work ?
333
00:12:18,892 --> 00:12:22,778
? Just because now that he
became a season regular ?
334
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,896
? And by season regular I mean ?
335
00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:26,114
? He eats bran in the spring ?
336
00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,482
? Doesn't mean the show ?
337
00:12:27,484 --> 00:12:29,985
? Is now called Rich
and Pompous Lawyer ?
338
00:12:29,987 --> 00:12:32,320
? And by show I mean
his favorite show ?
339
00:12:32,322 --> 00:12:34,489
- ? Which, by the way, is Wings? ?
- What?
340
00:12:34,491 --> 00:12:38,043
? Screw the new guy,
well, I did that ?
341
00:12:38,045 --> 00:12:41,997
? And that's how I know that
he hasn't changed a bit ?
342
00:12:41,999 --> 00:12:43,915
? He's an evil sociopath ?
343
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:46,030
? Who's tricked you
into liking him ?
344
00:12:46,055 --> 00:12:49,221
? Why else do you think that
I'm singing this reprise? ?
345
00:12:49,223 --> 00:12:50,639
? And by singing this reprise ?
346
00:12:50,641 --> 00:12:53,592
? I mean whatever, just
don't think about it ?
347
00:12:53,594 --> 00:12:55,393
? Let's sue the new guy ?
348
00:12:55,395 --> 00:12:57,145
? Hubbub, hubbub, hubbub, hubbub ?
349
00:12:57,147 --> 00:12:59,014
ALL: ? Hubbub, hubbub,
hubbub, hubbub ?
350
00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:01,683
? Hubbub, hubbub, hubbub, hubbub ?
351
00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:03,185
Hey, what's a "reprise"?
352
00:13:03,187 --> 00:13:04,269
? Darryl, shut up. ?
353
00:13:04,271 --> 00:13:06,362
? ?
354
00:13:06,387 --> 00:13:08,857
Anyway, so who's with me?
355
00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:12,277
ALL (half-heartedly): Yay... I am...
356
00:13:12,302 --> 00:13:13,690
So it's on!
357
00:13:24,628 --> 00:13:27,409
Chocolate, meet Honey.
Honey, meet Chocolate.
358
00:13:27,434 --> 00:13:29,209
(gruff voice): Hello,
Honey, nice to meet you.
359
00:13:29,211 --> 00:13:30,544
(high, feminine voice):
Oh, hello, Chocolate.
360
00:13:30,546 --> 00:13:32,276
Ooh, do you want to make
love in Rebecca's mouth?
361
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:33,450
Yeah!
362
00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:36,823
Mmm. Hungry hormone feast.
363
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:38,737
Hey, Hector, have you heard
about the cool thing I'm doing?
364
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:40,362
I'm taking my firm back.
365
00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:43,096
Nathaniel hoodwinked and
bamboozled Darryl to get it,
366
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:45,314
and now I'm gonna
hornswoggle him right back.
367
00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:47,517
- She talks like an old lady.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:49,519
I prefer '40s detective, but thank you.
369
00:13:49,521 --> 00:13:51,437
Wait, how are you gonna
take back the firm?
370
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,772
That's what I'm trying to suss out now,
371
00:13:52,774 --> 00:13:54,073
my bird-boned friend.
372
00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:56,409
I have to find some
way to undermine him.
373
00:13:56,434 --> 00:13:58,077
Oh, you know what you could do...
374
00:13:58,079 --> 00:13:59,362
Try the dark Internet.
375
00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,781
People do all kinds of
creepy stuff on there.
376
00:14:01,783 --> 00:14:03,583
My friend met someone on the dark web
377
00:14:03,846 --> 00:14:07,370
that made her stepdad disappear.
378
00:14:07,372 --> 00:14:08,871
I don't know about that, Hector.
379
00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:10,339
I mean, that seems a little bit extreme.
380
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:11,674
Ah! Damn it!
381
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,042
Oh, man...
382
00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:14,223
Ahh.
383
00:14:14,879 --> 00:14:16,379
Hey, Heather, wait, what are you doing
384
00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,885
dressed all Good Wife?
385
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,516
I mean, usually you have your
entire midriff hanging out.
386
00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:22,051
Like, we get it, you're skinny.
387
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:23,936
I'm sorry. Um, that was rude.
388
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:25,207
I'm very hormonal.
389
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,723
Well, I applied for that Home Base
390
00:14:27,725 --> 00:14:29,308
management training program.
391
00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:30,526
I don't know, I'm a little worried
392
00:14:30,528 --> 00:14:31,561
it's gonna be too uptight for me.
393
00:14:31,563 --> 00:14:33,396
Their dress code is so conservative.
394
00:14:33,398 --> 00:14:36,232
It's like, no tattoos, no
body drawing, no hair dye.
395
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,490
It's, like, my whole look.
396
00:14:37,819 --> 00:14:40,203
I guess I'll just have to
express my colorful personality
397
00:14:40,205 --> 00:14:41,959
with my animated vocal inflections.
398
00:14:42,157 --> 00:14:44,040
Ah! I found it! Sorry.
399
00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:45,408
I found the loophole.
400
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:46,576
I know how to get the firm back.
401
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:49,045
I gotta go... assemble the team.
402
00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:50,377
Congratulations.
403
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,251
MAN: Well, trainees, on behalf of
404
00:14:55,253 --> 00:14:58,470
Home Base Industries and
Three Strikes You're In, LLC,
405
00:14:58,556 --> 00:15:00,931
welcome to the orientation
406
00:15:00,956 --> 00:15:02,592
for the management training program.
407
00:15:02,594 --> 00:15:04,727
You guys have been
selected from Home Bases
408
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:05,978
across the land...
409
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,097
By "across the land" I mean the northern
410
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:09,890
southwestern region of California...
411
00:15:09,915 --> 00:15:12,318
To begin your new careers.
412
00:15:12,681 --> 00:15:14,384
Congratulations, folks.
413
00:15:14,906 --> 00:15:17,273
You've gotten to first base. (chuckles)
414
00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:19,609
- (forced chuckles)
- That's so Du...
415
00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:20,693
Okay, so,
416
00:15:20,695 --> 00:15:22,195
any questions at all?
417
00:15:22,197 --> 00:15:24,280
Uh, yeah, I have a few.
418
00:15:24,282 --> 00:15:25,581
- Mm-hmm.
- First,
419
00:15:25,583 --> 00:15:27,333
are there going to be
constant baseball puns?
420
00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:28,751
Because that's strike one.
421
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,703
Get it? Be... Um...
422
00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:32,726
Also, we're supposed to wear pantyhose,
423
00:15:32,751 --> 00:15:34,624
but pantyhose are actually not sanitary.
424
00:15:34,626 --> 00:15:36,898
They trap all the juices.
425
00:15:37,295 --> 00:15:38,961
Like, scientifically.
426
00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:40,463
You know.
427
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:46,385
Oh, yep, this is super
uptight. (clears throat)
428
00:15:46,387 --> 00:15:48,837
I know how we can obliterate Nathaniel.
429
00:15:49,057 --> 00:15:51,023
I mean, take the firm back.
430
00:15:51,025 --> 00:15:53,359
So, here's what happened. When Nathaniel
431
00:15:53,361 --> 00:15:54,977
bought Stacey's shares,
432
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,646
the transaction was not executed
433
00:15:56,648 --> 00:15:59,115
in the correct county, because
Stacey lives in Orange County.
434
00:15:59,117 --> 00:16:00,233
Of course she does.
435
00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:02,318
So the transfer of the shares needed
436
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,654
to be notarized in
the local jurisdiction.
437
00:16:04,656 --> 00:16:06,539
(yawning): This is boring.
What are you saying?
438
00:16:06,541 --> 00:16:08,124
(exhales) I'm saying
439
00:16:08,126 --> 00:16:10,159
that if we can get those shares voided,
440
00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:12,995
buy them back, we will
control 60% of the firm,
441
00:16:12,997 --> 00:16:15,831
making us all the controlling entity.
442
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,967
(snaps fingers) Any questions?
443
00:16:17,969 --> 00:16:20,169
Yeah, I have one. Instead
of doing all of this,
444
00:16:20,171 --> 00:16:22,004
why don't you just get
a job somewhere else?
445
00:16:22,006 --> 00:16:23,306
You could go anywhere.
446
00:16:23,308 --> 00:16:25,057
Yeah, you could probably
take all of us with you, too.
447
00:16:25,059 --> 00:16:27,343
- Might be fun.
- I personally would like to work
448
00:16:27,345 --> 00:16:29,395
at a firm where I could
be outside all day.
449
00:16:29,397 --> 00:16:30,980
You know, like Google or SpaceX.
450
00:16:30,982 --> 00:16:32,398
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. This is...
451
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,850
this is not about having a job
452
00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:37,687
or getting health
insurance or being happier
453
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:39,787
or being in fresh air. No, no, no.
454
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:43,409
This is about justice for all of us.
455
00:16:43,411 --> 00:16:45,695
It's about... it's
about good versus evil.
456
00:16:45,697 --> 00:16:47,697
You guys know that. Come on.
457
00:16:47,699 --> 00:16:48,864
Head back in the game.
458
00:16:48,866 --> 00:16:50,950
I am going to get Stacey
to file with the court
459
00:16:50,952 --> 00:16:53,119
to get us a hearing to void
the transfer of the shares.
460
00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:54,670
Mm, how are you gonna do that?
461
00:16:54,672 --> 00:16:57,873
My ex-wife can be one tough nut.
462
00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,842
REBECCA: This is nice, but...
463
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,128
this was really $10,000?
464
00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:03,379
Sure was.
465
00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:05,097
Wait until you feel these jets.
466
00:17:05,545 --> 00:17:07,550
- Oh!
- Right?
467
00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:10,303
- Mmm.
- (whoops)
468
00:17:10,305 --> 00:17:13,889
(chuckles): Wow, I would really
love five minutes alone in here
469
00:17:13,891 --> 00:17:15,775
with my phone browser set to private.
470
00:17:15,777 --> 00:17:19,195
Sorry. I'm, uh... very horny right now.
471
00:17:19,197 --> 00:17:20,896
- My body's making an egg.
- Oh.
472
00:17:20,898 --> 00:17:23,115
That's right, you're making
a baby with my ex-husband.
473
00:17:23,117 --> 00:17:24,734
That's kind of weird.
474
00:17:24,736 --> 00:17:28,371
Yeah, so my sex drive is
just... it's off the charts.
475
00:17:28,664 --> 00:17:30,873
Okay, what is it that you want?
476
00:17:31,179 --> 00:17:33,492
I mean, you invited yourself over here.
477
00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:36,329
You showed up with a bottle
of wine and your bathing suit,
478
00:17:36,331 --> 00:17:37,747
said you had an offer I couldn't refuse,
479
00:17:37,749 --> 00:17:40,499
and now you're talking about
your sex drive? (chuckles)
480
00:17:40,501 --> 00:17:42,251
I'm not bi. Sorry.
481
00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:44,197
- Darryl's the bi one.
- Hey, you know what?
482
00:17:44,222 --> 00:17:45,221
I'm not bi, either.
483
00:17:45,223 --> 00:17:47,089
I mean, I have certain bi tendencies.
484
00:17:47,091 --> 00:17:49,058
Mm-hmm. Honestly, Kinsey
scale, I'm probably a 1.8.
485
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,760
But anyway, Stacey,
this is about business.
486
00:17:50,762 --> 00:17:52,762
So, all right, those shares
487
00:17:52,764 --> 00:17:54,480
in the Whitefeather firm
that you sold to Nathaniel...
488
00:17:54,946 --> 00:17:56,399
Which, by the way, I mean,
489
00:17:56,401 --> 00:17:58,601
was just not the nicest
thing to do to Darryl.
490
00:17:58,603 --> 00:18:01,070
(scoffs) I'm an incredibly nice person.
491
00:18:01,072 --> 00:18:02,238
(baby crying)
492
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,408
Would you turn that baby off?!
493
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:07,777
- (baby whimpers)
- I'm sorry, just, ugh, these neighbors.
494
00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:09,198
Am I right?
495
00:18:09,223 --> 00:18:10,780
Look, I got those Whitefeather shares
496
00:18:10,782 --> 00:18:12,164
fair and square in my divorce.
497
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,582
- So...
- Okay, you did,
498
00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:15,368
but when you sold them to Nathaniel,
499
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:16,702
you put that firm in the hands
500
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,622
of someone who is
systematically exploiting people
501
00:18:19,624 --> 00:18:21,123
and taking some other people
502
00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:22,591
to water parks for no apparent reason.
503
00:18:22,593 --> 00:18:23,676
Wait, what?
504
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:25,094
Nothing. Okay, Stacey,
505
00:18:25,096 --> 00:18:27,430
what if I told you that
I could void that sale
506
00:18:27,432 --> 00:18:28,547
and then buy those shares back?
507
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,182
- (baby cries)
- I heard that,
508
00:18:30,184 --> 00:18:32,351
- you stupid baby!
- Okay, I want to...
509
00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:32,913
(crying continues)
510
00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:34,677
I want to take that
evil Nathaniel to court
511
00:18:34,702 --> 00:18:37,940
and void the sale and then
get the shares back, so, huh?
512
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,475
And why would I do that?
513
00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:41,777
Come on, Stacey, there
must be something you want.
514
00:18:41,779 --> 00:18:43,446
Shut up, baby!
515
00:18:43,448 --> 00:18:45,614
Just shut it down!
516
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,287
(sighs) Your Honor, we are here today
517
00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:52,988
to establish that Mr. Plimpton
518
00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:55,074
acquired the shares of
the Whitefeather firm
519
00:18:55,309 --> 00:18:58,341
- through fraudulent manipulation and...
- (knocking at door)
520
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:02,381
You're suing me?
521
00:19:02,685 --> 00:19:05,084
Are you out of your mind?
522
00:19:05,086 --> 00:19:07,959
? Crazy is when I go off the rails ?
523
00:19:07,984 --> 00:19:11,402
? This is what you've done to me. ?
524
00:19:12,425 --> 00:19:15,201
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
525
00:19:18,202 --> 00:19:20,068
Excuse me, you cannot
just barge in my house.
526
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:22,060
And you know what? You don't
have any right to be mad at me.
527
00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:23,311
I'm the good guy here. Yeah, I'm the one
528
00:19:23,313 --> 00:19:24,896
looking out for the-the
people of Whitfeather.
529
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:26,815
Just tell me, how did
you convince Stacey
530
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,149
to contest the sale of the shares?
531
00:19:28,151 --> 00:19:30,201
I volunteered to represent her for free
532
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,654
in her noise complaint lawsuit
against the baby next door.
533
00:19:32,656 --> 00:19:33,939
Not the parents. The baby.
534
00:19:33,941 --> 00:19:35,740
She was very specific about that.
535
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,609
Stacey's not a nice person, actually.
536
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:38,753
I know what this is.
537
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,839
You're trying to get back
at me for not rehiring you
538
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:42,163
and for the Raging Waters...
539
00:19:42,165 --> 00:19:44,643
Oh! Oh, so you admit it.
540
00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:46,534
Raging Waters was just
541
00:19:46,536 --> 00:19:48,203
to rub your new relationship in my face.
542
00:19:48,205 --> 00:19:49,921
Oh, my God. It's so
transparent. (chuckles)
543
00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:51,745
Look, it's not my fault
that you can't get over me.
544
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,175
Oh. (scoffs) I am over you.
545
00:19:54,177 --> 00:19:56,378
I am totally over you.
546
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:58,380
- Mm-hmm. Sure. Uh-huh.
- Yeah. I am dating someone
547
00:19:58,382 --> 00:20:01,766
who's funny, intelligent, not crazy.
548
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:02,717
- "Not crazy"?
- Yeah.
549
00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:04,970
- Oh, oh, oh, nice word. Screw you.
- Screw you.
550
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,471
- Screw you.
- Screw you.
551
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,853
I don't think about you at all anymore.
552
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,891
- I don't think about you, either.
- I never think about you
553
00:20:09,893 --> 00:20:11,943
when I'm home alone in bed
under the covers, warm at night.
554
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:13,445
I don't think about you
when I'm in a hot tub
555
00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:15,063
- with high-powered jets.
- What?
556
00:20:15,065 --> 00:20:16,398
Nothing. So, we agree.
557
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,366
This conflict is just about
the legalities of the case.
558
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:19,901
Yeah, we agree.
559
00:20:20,126 --> 00:20:21,736
- Fine, I'll see you in court!
- Oh, yeah.
560
00:20:21,738 --> 00:20:25,240
- I'll see you in court.
- Aah, wear a suit! What?
561
00:20:25,242 --> 00:20:27,626
(sighs, panting)
562
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:29,577
Heather, just don't disturb me!
563
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,579
I'll be in my room for
eight to ten minutes!
564
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:33,548
Oh, right, she's at work.
565
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:35,289
I'm gonna borrow her vibrator.
566
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,785
Heather, we need to talk.
567
00:20:47,196 --> 00:20:48,847
Oh, what, I'm fired
568
00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,099
because Linda saw my butt piercing?
569
00:20:51,101 --> 00:20:53,935
That thing is really hard
to get out. You try it.
570
00:20:53,937 --> 00:20:55,103
No, not that.
571
00:20:55,105 --> 00:20:56,938
No, I have great news.
572
00:20:56,940 --> 00:21:00,645
Your idea to add dessert
tapas to the menu,
573
00:21:01,598 --> 00:21:04,114
I pitched it to menu technologies
574
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:07,225
and they came back with
a good deal of enthusiasm.
575
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:08,616
Oh, yeah.
576
00:21:08,618 --> 00:21:11,119
They are gonna run it up
the ladder, circle back
577
00:21:11,121 --> 00:21:13,788
and send it down the chain. (laughs)
578
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,877
Is that, like, corporate talk
for saying I had a good idea?
579
00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:19,400
Uh, yeah. A good idea.
580
00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:20,572
Cool.
581
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:22,464
Um, I have another one.
582
00:21:23,025 --> 00:21:25,967
We should institute a rideshare
service at all locations
583
00:21:25,969 --> 00:21:27,802
because we're basically
putting drunk parents
584
00:21:27,804 --> 00:21:28,970
into cars with their children.
585
00:21:28,972 --> 00:21:32,428
My God, you are a visionary. Yeah.
586
00:21:32,453 --> 00:21:35,553
Yeah. I also don't want kids to die,
587
00:21:35,578 --> 00:21:37,694
but, uh, yeah.
588
00:21:38,921 --> 00:21:40,115
Okay, guys.
589
00:21:40,117 --> 00:21:41,483
I got this.
590
00:21:41,485 --> 00:21:42,734
I'm gonna knock it out of the park.
591
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,486
- Okay.
- (door opens)
592
00:21:50,411 --> 00:21:52,567
This court is in session.
593
00:21:52,592 --> 00:21:55,878
Ms. Bunch, Mr. Plimpton,
your arguments may begin.
594
00:21:55,903 --> 00:22:00,168
Your Honor, we are here
today to establish that
595
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:02,317
Mr. Plimpton's acquisition of the shares
596
00:22:02,342 --> 00:22:04,216
in the Whitefeather firm was fraudulent.
597
00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:07,759
That argument should be
rejected on a prima facie basis.
598
00:22:07,761 --> 00:22:09,005
It is absurd.
599
00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:11,179
Manipulating a transaction
600
00:22:11,181 --> 00:22:13,348
to gain a jurisdictional advantage
601
00:22:13,350 --> 00:22:14,723
is dishonest and cannot be abided.
602
00:22:14,748 --> 00:22:16,651
Your claims are overstated
603
00:22:16,653 --> 00:22:19,237
and stretch the legal limits
of local arbitration laws.
604
00:22:19,239 --> 00:22:20,528
Can you guys look at me?
605
00:22:20,553 --> 00:22:22,690
I can barely hear what you're saying.
606
00:22:23,614 --> 00:22:25,731
- Of course, Your Honor.
- Sorry, Your Honor.
607
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,638
(tango music playing)
608
00:22:34,530 --> 00:22:37,815
? I'm clearly not over you yet ?
609
00:22:38,771 --> 00:22:41,738
? I'm clearly not over you, either ?
610
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:45,301
? Our love has
transformed into hate ?
611
00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:49,363
? Damn, sex right now
would sure be great ?
612
00:22:50,416 --> 00:22:53,417
? This is our horny, angry tango ?
613
00:22:54,036 --> 00:22:55,285
? I want to fight ?
614
00:22:55,287 --> 00:22:57,337
? I want to bang ?
615
00:22:57,339 --> 00:23:01,613
? This is our horny, angry tango ?
616
00:23:01,638 --> 00:23:04,878
? We're truly furious, but dang ?
617
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,092
? We're also horny, too... ?
618
00:23:07,795 --> 00:23:09,049
(clears throat)
619
00:23:09,051 --> 00:23:10,968
As I was saying,
620
00:23:10,970 --> 00:23:14,438
Mr. Plimpton was fully aware
of all the jurisdictional issues
621
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:15,939
when he first approached
Ms. Whitefeather
622
00:23:15,941 --> 00:23:17,891
to acquire the shares.
623
00:23:17,893 --> 00:23:20,527
? I want to tear
you limb from limb ?
624
00:23:20,529 --> 00:23:24,698
? And put your limbs
all over my limbs ?
625
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:27,067
? Each time we fight ?
626
00:23:27,069 --> 00:23:29,536
? I crave you more ?
627
00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:33,373
? This would be
better on the floor ?
628
00:23:33,375 --> 00:23:37,127
? This is our horizontal tango ?
629
00:23:37,129 --> 00:23:38,495
? We're both pissed off ?
630
00:23:38,497 --> 00:23:39,546
? And yet turned on... ?
631
00:23:39,548 --> 00:23:41,131
(both moan softly)
632
00:23:41,133 --> 00:23:45,371
? This is our horizontal,
horny, angry tango ?
633
00:23:45,888 --> 00:23:48,731
? Now it's time for a six bar long ?
634
00:23:48,756 --> 00:23:51,090
? Classic tango dance break... ?
635
00:23:53,185 --> 00:23:55,069
Ow, thorns.
636
00:23:59,121 --> 00:24:00,150
? Dip ?
637
00:24:00,152 --> 00:24:01,401
? Whore ?
638
00:24:01,403 --> 00:24:02,769
? Slap ?
639
00:24:02,771 --> 00:24:04,938
? I cannot slap you back ?
640
00:24:06,578 --> 00:24:09,189
? Because you are a lady ?
641
00:24:09,617 --> 00:24:13,289
? That clearly is
a double standard ?
642
00:24:13,866 --> 00:24:15,949
? But it's probably for the best ?
643
00:24:15,951 --> 00:24:19,369
? This is our horny, angry tango. ?
644
00:24:19,371 --> 00:24:22,799
(both panting)
645
00:24:23,214 --> 00:24:28,345
Well, you've made some powerful
arguments for both sides.
646
00:24:28,347 --> 00:24:29,546
Who won?
647
00:24:29,548 --> 00:24:30,931
Yeah, me or him?
648
00:24:30,933 --> 00:24:34,051
I'm not sure. Can we do
it again from the top?
649
00:24:34,053 --> 00:24:35,302
- Oh, God.
- Oh.
650
00:24:35,304 --> 00:24:36,520
Just joking.
651
00:24:36,522 --> 00:24:38,522
Ms. Bunch, I rule in your favor.
652
00:24:38,524 --> 00:24:40,307
The transaction is void.
653
00:24:40,309 --> 00:24:42,191
The shares revert to
Stacey Whitefeather.
654
00:24:42,216 --> 00:24:44,644
Who is selling them to us.
655
00:24:44,646 --> 00:24:45,812
(cheering)
656
00:24:45,814 --> 00:24:47,030
Oh, my God.
657
00:24:47,032 --> 00:24:48,865
Ah, you're so sweaty.
658
00:24:48,867 --> 00:24:50,534
I know, it's just... it's a whole...
659
00:24:50,536 --> 00:24:52,452
- it's a whole thing.
- Aah.
660
00:24:54,237 --> 00:24:57,157
This is amazing, but now
we have to buy the shares.
661
00:24:57,159 --> 00:24:59,159
I mean, how are we gonna do
that? None of us have any money.
662
00:24:59,161 --> 00:25:00,996
Don't worry. I got it covered.
663
00:25:02,933 --> 00:25:05,749
Shtetl ring to the rescue again.
664
00:25:05,751 --> 00:25:08,335
MAN: Mm-hmm.
665
00:25:08,337 --> 00:25:10,337
It's been in my family for generations.
666
00:25:10,566 --> 00:25:14,257
Legend has it that the stone
was mined from the same mountain
667
00:25:14,259 --> 00:25:15,972
as Chaim Potok's wife's wedding ring.
668
00:25:16,729 --> 00:25:17,677
It's fake.
669
00:25:17,679 --> 00:25:19,229
What?
670
00:25:19,231 --> 00:25:20,680
Oh, it's completely fake.
671
00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:22,232
What? No, no. No.
672
00:25:22,234 --> 00:25:24,538
How-how can the Garfinkel
ring not be real?
673
00:25:25,604 --> 00:25:26,686
I sold this.
674
00:25:26,688 --> 00:25:28,989
I sold this to a pawn
shop on East Cameron.
675
00:25:28,991 --> 00:25:30,440
Oh, that place went out of business.
676
00:25:30,465 --> 00:25:32,715
Poor sap was buying fake jewelry.
677
00:25:33,668 --> 00:25:35,355
Oh, my God.
678
00:25:42,587 --> 00:25:43,837
Paula, we need money.
679
00:25:43,862 --> 00:25:45,445
We don't have money.
What are we gonna do?
680
00:25:45,618 --> 00:25:47,282
We don't have any cabbage, scratch,
681
00:25:47,307 --> 00:25:48,623
no clams, no grilled cheese.
682
00:25:48,843 --> 00:25:50,893
Is grilled cheese
old-timey slang for money?
683
00:25:50,895 --> 00:25:52,945
No, I just really want a grilled cheese.
684
00:25:52,947 --> 00:25:55,204
Oh, with marshmallows.
God, I'm so hormonal.
685
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,720
Okay, you got to know
somebody with money.
686
00:25:57,722 --> 00:26:00,006
I mean, you grew up in Richistan.
687
00:26:00,008 --> 00:26:01,507
Don't you all have cocktail parties
688
00:26:01,509 --> 00:26:02,675
where you just stand around
689
00:26:02,677 --> 00:26:04,510
and talk about how to
get more tax breaks or...
690
00:26:04,512 --> 00:26:05,511
Paula, you bring up a point.
691
00:26:05,513 --> 00:26:07,182
I do know some rich people.
692
00:26:07,682 --> 00:26:10,016
Look, Audra and I have
been friends a long time,
693
00:26:10,018 --> 00:26:12,235
and you and I shared that
magical night together,
694
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,853
and I just thought,
you're always talking about
695
00:26:13,855 --> 00:26:15,658
how rich you are, so, you
know, it's no skin off your...
696
00:26:15,686 --> 00:26:18,958
Yeah, I-I'm rich because I don't
give money to idiots like you.
697
00:26:18,983 --> 00:26:20,084
And will you please
698
00:26:20,109 --> 00:26:22,131
stop telling people
that I'm a terrible lay
699
00:26:22,156 --> 00:26:23,989
and that I have a small hmm?
700
00:26:24,014 --> 00:26:25,630
It's sufficient.
701
00:26:26,139 --> 00:26:27,561
You must be so proud.
702
00:26:27,593 --> 00:26:29,459
- (Skype call ends)
- _
703
00:26:29,484 --> 00:26:31,117
BJ NOVAK: What don't
you understand, Rebecca?
704
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,570
My ecstasy factory is losing money.
705
00:26:33,572 --> 00:26:34,704
Everything's about opioids now.
706
00:26:34,706 --> 00:26:37,824
No one wants good, artisanal ecstasy.
707
00:26:37,826 --> 00:26:39,876
God, BJ, you went to Harvard.
708
00:26:39,878 --> 00:26:42,462
It's called being a hyphenate, Rebecca.
709
00:26:42,464 --> 00:26:44,146
Look it up.
710
00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:47,967
Come on, buddy, help me out.
711
00:26:47,969 --> 00:26:49,135
I don't know you.
712
00:26:49,137 --> 00:26:52,889
You keep saying you met
me at some boba stand.
713
00:26:52,891 --> 00:26:55,642
Listen, I don't remember
individual bobas.
714
00:26:55,644 --> 00:26:57,654
I boba three or four times a week.
715
00:26:57,679 --> 00:27:00,229
Now stop pestering my assistant.
716
00:27:00,231 --> 00:27:01,898
No, no, no, Dr. Phil, please don't go.
717
00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:03,316
(Skype call ends)
718
00:27:03,318 --> 00:27:05,568
(Rebecca exhales)
719
00:27:12,028 --> 00:27:12,992
Hey.
720
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,578
I have a lot of feelings about my job
721
00:27:15,580 --> 00:27:16,946
and I want to talk about them.
722
00:27:16,948 --> 00:27:18,948
Okay, so, I like having a real job.
723
00:27:18,950 --> 00:27:20,366
I feel like I have a lot to contribute.
724
00:27:20,368 --> 00:27:22,335
Also, what am I saying? I'm crushing it.
725
00:27:22,337 --> 00:27:23,953
I'm doing better than any other trainee.
726
00:27:23,955 --> 00:27:25,755
Also, having dental insurance is nice.
727
00:27:25,757 --> 00:27:27,206
My wisdom teeth are on the move.
728
00:27:27,546 --> 00:27:29,626
But I really don't like
the corporate environment
729
00:27:29,628 --> 00:27:32,548
and sports wordplay and
I miss my side hobbies,
730
00:27:32,573 --> 00:27:35,437
so, um, what do I do?
731
00:27:38,874 --> 00:27:42,472
Well, do you have a lot
of money I could use?
732
00:27:42,607 --> 00:27:43,781
Me?
733
00:27:43,975 --> 00:27:46,007
You pay my rent, so...
734
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:48,171
Oh, God.
735
00:27:48,897 --> 00:27:52,398
Oh, God, I-I really, I really messed up.
736
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,034
Um, so, I told a bunch of people
that they could have something
737
00:27:55,036 --> 00:27:57,070
and they can't and I got their hopes up.
738
00:27:57,765 --> 00:27:58,871
And, oh, God.
739
00:27:58,873 --> 00:28:00,740
Oh, my hormones are out of control.
740
00:28:00,742 --> 00:28:02,375
It's like a hundred periods,
741
00:28:02,377 --> 00:28:03,960
plus what I imagine
cocaine would be like
742
00:28:03,962 --> 00:28:05,161
if I weren't too chicken to try it.
743
00:28:05,163 --> 00:28:07,246
- I...
- And here's the thing.
744
00:28:07,248 --> 00:28:08,851
The girl Nathaniel's dating,
it's killing me, okay?
745
00:28:09,281 --> 00:28:10,843
I say it's not, but it is.
746
00:28:11,419 --> 00:28:13,252
Every time I see a
picture of them, it just,
747
00:28:13,254 --> 00:28:15,838
it-it breaks my heart,
especially because she kind of
748
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,256
looks like me, but she has, like,
749
00:28:17,258 --> 00:28:19,559
better eyebrows and
thick, lustrous hair.
750
00:28:19,561 --> 00:28:21,678
It's like if you put me in
a Disney princess machine.
751
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,312
Oh, my God, I missed a shot.
752
00:28:23,314 --> 00:28:24,430
I got to go.
753
00:28:24,432 --> 00:28:25,848
Also, you should wash your vibrator.
754
00:28:28,486 --> 00:28:31,688
Wait... wait, what?
755
00:28:31,924 --> 00:28:33,473
What?
756
00:28:39,531 --> 00:28:41,698
(groans)
757
00:28:42,544 --> 00:28:44,760
(computer chimes)
758
00:28:48,416 --> 00:28:50,767
- (takes deep breath)
- _
759
00:28:51,258 --> 00:28:53,793
All right.
760
00:28:54,068 --> 00:28:58,219
Let's see who this whore is who
gets to go to my water parks.
761
00:28:58,243 --> 00:29:01,985
_
762
00:29:04,332 --> 00:29:06,332
_
763
00:29:07,344 --> 00:29:08,641
HECTOR: Try the dark Internet.
764
00:29:08,643 --> 00:29:10,476
(echoing): Dark Internet, dark Internet,
765
00:29:10,478 --> 00:29:13,646
- dark Internet, dark Internet...
- _
766
00:29:13,648 --> 00:29:16,616
(scoffs)
767
00:29:16,647 --> 00:29:18,647
_
768
00:29:19,266 --> 00:29:23,008
_
769
00:29:23,172 --> 00:29:25,321
_
770
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:29,556
_
771
00:29:29,587 --> 00:29:31,798
(panting)
772
00:29:37,505 --> 00:29:39,388
REBECCA: So, it's possible, not certain,
773
00:29:39,390 --> 00:29:43,281
but possible that in a,
uh, hormone-fueled romp
774
00:29:43,306 --> 00:29:44,805
through the dark Internet last night,
775
00:29:44,807 --> 00:29:47,525
I may have ordered a hit on
Nathaniel's girlfriend, Mona.
776
00:29:47,527 --> 00:29:49,693
So, I, but it's okay. It's okay.
777
00:29:49,695 --> 00:29:50,728
I undid it this morning.
778
00:29:50,730 --> 00:29:51,812
I mean, at least I tried to.
779
00:29:51,814 --> 00:29:53,147
Hope I did. I think
I did. I probably did.
780
00:29:53,149 --> 00:29:54,482
But, um, yeah, so I'm starting to think
781
00:29:54,484 --> 00:29:57,368
that maybe the hormones, like,
were not the best idea for me.
782
00:29:57,370 --> 00:29:58,652
But I'm-I'm not ragging on hormones
783
00:29:58,654 --> 00:30:00,488
and egg donation, in general.
784
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:01,455
Like, it's a wonderful thing.
785
00:30:01,457 --> 00:30:02,449
But, like, for me, in particular.
786
00:30:02,474 --> 00:30:04,802
Uh, that should've been obvious.
787
00:30:04,827 --> 00:30:06,794
We shouldn't be
discussing anything major
788
00:30:06,796 --> 00:30:08,074
until Dr. Shin gets here.
789
00:30:08,137 --> 00:30:09,604
Actually, guys, so,
don't-don't tell Dr. Shin
790
00:30:09,606 --> 00:30:11,305
anything that I just told you
791
00:30:11,307 --> 00:30:12,773
because I didn't check with him
792
00:30:12,775 --> 00:30:14,518
about this whole egg donation thing.
793
00:30:14,543 --> 00:30:16,460
I knew he would say it was a bad idea
794
00:30:16,462 --> 00:30:17,628
and I thought I could just
795
00:30:17,630 --> 00:30:19,011
SASSY my way through it.
796
00:30:19,036 --> 00:30:22,049
Is GASSY a thing?
Because I sit next to you
797
00:30:22,051 --> 00:30:24,371
and it seems like you eat a
lot of cruciferous veggies.
798
00:30:25,113 --> 00:30:29,856
Guys, look, I know I'm
super hormonal and irrational
799
00:30:29,858 --> 00:30:32,886
and rage-fueled right now,
but I... you know what?
800
00:30:32,911 --> 00:30:35,316
This takeover was a good
idea. It's a worthy cause.
801
00:30:35,341 --> 00:30:37,124
Yes, I know I was partly
doing it because of Nathaniel
802
00:30:37,149 --> 00:30:38,542
and his Insta-whore,
803
00:30:38,567 --> 00:30:41,285
but I really care about these people.
804
00:30:41,310 --> 00:30:44,011
You know, I-I care about all
those yutzes and-and he doesn't.
805
00:30:44,036 --> 00:30:46,543
I would be so much better of a boss,
806
00:30:46,568 --> 00:30:49,824
and now I don't have the
money to buy the shares,
807
00:30:49,849 --> 00:30:51,066
and I've had such a tough year
808
00:30:51,091 --> 00:30:52,511
and I just want to
fight for the little guy.
809
00:30:52,543 --> 00:30:54,961
You know? I want to, I want to
battle the corporate machine.
810
00:30:54,963 --> 00:30:57,747
- Yeah!
- Guys, guys, shut up.
811
00:30:57,749 --> 00:30:59,488
(chuckles) Dr. Shin is coming.
812
00:30:59,513 --> 00:31:01,667
Oh, guys, please, please,
don't tell him anything.
813
00:31:01,669 --> 00:31:02,969
Okay? Don't tell him anything. Right?
814
00:31:02,971 --> 00:31:07,222
Borderlines... go!
815
00:31:07,302 --> 00:31:08,785
Ew.
816
00:31:13,696 --> 00:31:15,079
(sighs)
817
00:31:19,027 --> 00:31:22,707
- Hey, Heather.
- Hey.
818
00:31:24,308 --> 00:31:25,574
It's good to see you.
819
00:31:26,019 --> 00:31:27,387
How's the program going?
820
00:31:27,699 --> 00:31:30,863
Ah, I miss this place.
821
00:31:31,215 --> 00:31:33,249
The smell of the fries,
822
00:31:33,251 --> 00:31:35,251
the sound of the fries,
823
00:31:35,253 --> 00:31:37,370
the heat from the fries.
824
00:31:37,372 --> 00:31:39,171
You want some fries?
825
00:31:39,173 --> 00:31:41,965
Yeah. Thanks.
826
00:31:43,177 --> 00:31:44,260
Gross.
827
00:31:44,262 --> 00:31:46,929
This place used to be my playground.
828
00:31:46,931 --> 00:31:48,347
It's still a playground.
829
00:31:48,349 --> 00:31:49,932
I mean, it's literally a playground.
830
00:31:49,934 --> 00:31:53,636
Chris, I don't know what to do.
831
00:31:53,638 --> 00:31:54,770
Me, neither.
832
00:31:54,772 --> 00:31:56,055
Both of my parents are drunk
833
00:31:56,057 --> 00:31:57,440
and I don't have a ride home.
834
00:31:58,148 --> 00:32:00,893
That's what I said.
835
00:32:00,895 --> 00:32:02,979
(sighs)
836
00:32:02,981 --> 00:32:05,064
- BERT: Have a good week.
- RICK: Yeah, next week.
837
00:32:05,066 --> 00:32:07,066
See you next week.
838
00:32:07,068 --> 00:32:08,451
(sighs) Rebecca. Oh, my God, Bert,
839
00:32:08,453 --> 00:32:09,485
I can't thank you enough
840
00:32:09,487 --> 00:32:11,237
for covering for me. I mean, God,
841
00:32:11,239 --> 00:32:12,989
you spent that whole session
talking about chemtrails.
842
00:32:12,991 --> 00:32:15,658
Governments use aircraft fumes
to spray us with sedatives.
843
00:32:15,660 --> 00:32:17,326
- Okay.
- That's why Americans
844
00:32:17,328 --> 00:32:18,521
are all so sleepy.
845
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,663
Anyway, I wanted to tell you this.
846
00:32:20,665 --> 00:32:25,584
Few people know this about me,
but I am a Bitcoin thousandaire.
847
00:32:26,374 --> 00:32:28,041
Okay, wow. Uh, what?
848
00:32:28,043 --> 00:32:30,857
Yeah, so I have all this money
and nothing to spend it on.
849
00:32:30,882 --> 00:32:33,037
These fishing vests last a lifetime,
850
00:32:33,062 --> 00:32:34,538
especially if you never fish.
851
00:32:34,563 --> 00:32:36,697
What are you saying?
852
00:32:36,722 --> 00:32:39,556
I'm saying I'll give you
the money for your firm.
853
00:32:39,581 --> 00:32:41,721
- (gasps)
- I'll be a silent partner,
854
00:32:41,723 --> 00:32:43,115
and you can control the shares;
you can do whatever you want.
855
00:32:43,140 --> 00:32:45,600
Oh, my God,
Bert, Bert, you...
856
00:32:45,625 --> 00:32:47,819
you have no idea what this means to me.
857
00:32:47,875 --> 00:32:49,427
I mean, why would you even do this?
858
00:32:49,444 --> 00:32:51,661
Well, I like how you look
out for the little guy.
859
00:32:51,663 --> 00:32:54,113
And to tell you the truth,
I also need a tax break.
860
00:32:54,115 --> 00:32:55,581
Oh, God, Bert, thank
you, thank you so much.
861
00:32:55,583 --> 00:32:56,666
Oh, you're welcome.
862
00:32:56,668 --> 00:32:57,950
Oh, just don't squeeze too hard. Ooh.
863
00:32:57,952 --> 00:32:59,285
Just, oh, just my boobs.
864
00:32:59,287 --> 00:33:01,120
- They're giant melons of pain.
- I'm sorry.
865
00:33:01,122 --> 00:33:03,461
You've also got a pretty
big zit on your chin.
866
00:33:03,485 --> 00:33:05,375
I'm aware.
867
00:33:17,743 --> 00:33:19,443
What?
868
00:33:21,469 --> 00:33:24,024
Oh, of course. Okay.
What is going on?
869
00:33:24,079 --> 00:33:25,579
What's going on is that
870
00:33:25,581 --> 00:33:27,915
you are no longer the
senior partner at this firm.
871
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:29,889
I found a semi-wealthy
872
00:33:29,891 --> 00:33:32,453
semi-friend to buy the voided shares,
873
00:33:32,478 --> 00:33:35,445
and he and Darryl have designated me
874
00:33:35,470 --> 00:33:37,386
as the proxy to make all the decisions.
875
00:33:37,411 --> 00:33:40,930
- So, I am now your superior.
- Superior?
876
00:33:41,407 --> 00:33:43,110
- You're not a man.
- Ah,
877
00:33:43,135 --> 00:33:45,086
things are gonna be a lot different
878
00:33:45,111 --> 00:33:46,994
around here, Nathaniel. Mm-mm-mm.
879
00:33:46,996 --> 00:33:49,280
30-hour workweeks,
mandatory nap breaks,
880
00:33:49,282 --> 00:33:51,665
- two-hour lunches.
- Oh, what's going on?
881
00:33:51,667 --> 00:33:52,866
Here, no, no, no, no, no, no.
882
00:33:52,868 --> 00:33:54,418
Get this garbage out of my office.
883
00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:56,253
Excuse me, that's not
garbage. That's Gloria.
884
00:33:56,255 --> 00:33:57,254
Estefan?
885
00:33:57,256 --> 00:33:59,924
No, Gloria Steinem and you knew that.
And this is our office now.
886
00:33:59,926 --> 00:34:01,875
See, Darryl is about to have a baby,
887
00:34:01,877 --> 00:34:03,928
courtesy of me and my powerful ovaries.
888
00:34:03,930 --> 00:34:06,078
So, get comfy.
889
00:34:06,103 --> 00:34:08,187
'Cause I'm moving in with you.
890
00:34:11,020 --> 00:34:13,804
FRANK: So, in the next four
years, we will have five
891
00:34:13,806 --> 00:34:15,973
new sites and 16 new menu items...
892
00:34:15,975 --> 00:34:16,941
Hey, Frank.
893
00:34:16,943 --> 00:34:18,442
Heather. Hi. Sorry to bother you
894
00:34:18,444 --> 00:34:21,111
during... whatever this boring
thing is that you're doing.
895
00:34:21,113 --> 00:34:23,569
Is this the refreshing
person you told us about?
896
00:34:23,594 --> 00:34:25,149
Dessert tapas.
897
00:34:25,151 --> 00:34:26,817
- (murmuring)
- HEATHER: Yes, that's me.
898
00:34:26,819 --> 00:34:28,569
Dessert tapas.
899
00:34:28,571 --> 00:34:30,621
So, I came here to quit, because I hate
900
00:34:30,623 --> 00:34:34,291
offices and conference rooms
and undergarments, but...
901
00:34:34,293 --> 00:34:35,960
no, I don't want to quit,
902
00:34:35,962 --> 00:34:37,828
because you guys
definitely need diversity.
903
00:34:37,830 --> 00:34:39,713
And I don't just mean people of color,
904
00:34:39,715 --> 00:34:41,498
which you also desperately
need. It's, like,
905
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:43,467
creepily homogenous in this place.
906
00:34:43,469 --> 00:34:44,996
But I also mean, like,
907
00:34:45,021 --> 00:34:48,339
people who have good,
out-of-the-box ideas.
908
00:34:48,341 --> 00:34:50,153
I want to go where I'm needed.
909
00:34:50,178 --> 00:34:53,394
I actually love the
Home Bases, like, a lot,
910
00:34:53,396 --> 00:34:55,813
and I want to make them all better.
911
00:34:55,815 --> 00:34:58,015
Like, from top to bottom, not just
912
00:34:58,017 --> 00:34:59,474
in one area.
913
00:34:59,499 --> 00:35:02,987
So... I'd like to be transferred
914
00:35:02,989 --> 00:35:04,989
to the store management trainee program
915
00:35:04,991 --> 00:35:08,099
where I can start to
manage stores on site.
916
00:35:08,527 --> 00:35:10,444
We don't have that program.
917
00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,664
But we should.
918
00:35:13,666 --> 00:35:16,011
I make a motion to start one.
919
00:35:16,335 --> 00:35:18,202
You can just do that?
920
00:35:18,370 --> 00:35:20,537
Of course. I just need
someone to second it.
921
00:35:20,539 --> 00:35:23,841
- Second it. And third.
- (member chuckles)
922
00:35:23,843 --> 00:35:25,592
What a board meeting.
923
00:35:25,594 --> 00:35:28,262
I might make love to my wife tonight.
924
00:35:28,264 --> 00:35:29,346
Lucky woman.
925
00:35:29,348 --> 00:35:30,681
Yeah. She's really lucky.
926
00:35:30,683 --> 00:35:33,183
- Sure is.
- (sighs): Wow.
927
00:35:35,264 --> 00:35:36,720
HEATHER: So, now,
928
00:35:36,722 --> 00:35:39,303
at long last, I know who I am.
929
00:35:39,496 --> 00:35:41,446
I'm not a student.
930
00:35:41,495 --> 00:35:43,495
I'm a regional manager.
931
00:35:43,913 --> 00:35:45,312
I get to boss people around
932
00:35:45,314 --> 00:35:47,948
at three San Gabriel Valley Home Bases.
933
00:35:47,950 --> 00:35:49,950
- Wow. (chuckles)
- (chuckles) Yeah.
934
00:35:49,952 --> 00:35:51,235
Of course, the West Covina Home Base
935
00:35:51,237 --> 00:35:52,702
will be my home base Home Base.
936
00:35:52,727 --> 00:35:55,456
So you're basically Kevin's boss now?
937
00:35:55,458 --> 00:35:56,907
(chuckles): Yeah.
938
00:35:56,909 --> 00:35:58,749
Yeah. That's weird.
939
00:35:59,593 --> 00:36:01,578
God, I just feel like...
940
00:36:01,580 --> 00:36:04,715
everything's come together in
this cool and unexpected way.
941
00:36:04,717 --> 00:36:07,521
And so now...
942
00:36:08,052 --> 00:36:10,254
I don't know... I feel
ready to take our thing
943
00:36:10,256 --> 00:36:11,685
to the next level, too.
944
00:36:12,685 --> 00:36:13,841
Really?
945
00:36:13,843 --> 00:36:15,976
Yeah. I was thinking
946
00:36:15,978 --> 00:36:19,193
maybe you could... move in?
947
00:36:19,756 --> 00:36:21,565
But I know you're happy here
948
00:36:21,567 --> 00:36:23,934
being besties with your mom.
949
00:36:23,936 --> 00:36:25,402
(laughing) I can't believe
this thing's, like, a large.
950
00:36:25,404 --> 00:36:26,570
But it looks so good.
951
00:36:26,572 --> 00:36:28,655
I'm so happy to do
that for you. No. I...
952
00:36:28,657 --> 00:36:29,773
- So sweet of you.
- Aw.
953
00:36:29,775 --> 00:36:31,408
We're gonna go see Metallica.
954
00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:33,444
- Uh, we might be home late.
- Mm.
955
00:36:33,714 --> 00:36:36,280
- S... Bye.
- Bye!
956
00:36:36,282 --> 00:36:38,749
- (chuckles) I'm so excited.
- JOSH: I know. Bye.
957
00:36:38,751 --> 00:36:40,951
- (door shuts)
- Yeah, about my mom...
958
00:36:40,953 --> 00:36:43,754
(sighs) For the last
few days, I've seen Josh
959
00:36:43,756 --> 00:36:45,456
become her best friend, and...
960
00:36:45,458 --> 00:36:47,424
it's not a good look for him.
961
00:36:47,426 --> 00:36:48,780
Or me.
962
00:36:49,788 --> 00:36:51,553
It's time for me to move out.
963
00:36:51,964 --> 00:36:54,217
Good job, baby.
964
00:37:02,796 --> 00:37:05,180
KEVIN: Welcome home, Regional Manager.
965
00:37:05,182 --> 00:37:07,716
I was so happy when I
heard the news, I went out
966
00:37:07,718 --> 00:37:09,734
- and got you a little present.
- What?
967
00:37:09,736 --> 00:37:11,436
Kevin, you didn't have
to get me anything.
968
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:12,520
Yes, I did.
969
00:37:12,522 --> 00:37:15,340
When last we spoke, I
was being insensitive.
970
00:37:15,342 --> 00:37:18,310
Since then, I've gone through
extensive online training
971
00:37:18,312 --> 00:37:19,694
in racial sensitivity.
972
00:37:19,696 --> 00:37:21,780
- What?
- I got you this gift
973
00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:23,198
to say congrats on the new job
974
00:37:23,479 --> 00:37:25,283
and also to say
975
00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:27,776
I'm... "sari."
976
00:37:28,071 --> 00:37:30,071
Kevin, I'm not Indian.
977
00:37:30,073 --> 00:37:31,823
I get that a lot, but...
978
00:37:31,825 --> 00:37:33,742
my mom's white, my dad's black.
979
00:37:33,744 --> 00:37:35,911
That's what I am. I'm
half-black, half-white.
980
00:37:35,913 --> 00:37:37,495
100% Michigan.
981
00:37:37,497 --> 00:37:39,464
No. What have I done?
982
00:37:39,466 --> 00:37:41,750
I don't know, but even if I were Indian,
983
00:37:41,752 --> 00:37:44,386
like, not the right move at all here.
984
00:37:44,388 --> 00:37:46,137
I'm so ashamed!
985
00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,505
And so hot!
986
00:37:47,507 --> 00:37:49,808
- No... Oh, it's happening.
- (grunting)
987
00:37:49,810 --> 00:37:51,977
- Okay, no. Uh...
- (panting, sniffs)
988
00:37:51,979 --> 00:37:53,178
(exhales)
989
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,051
Oh. Your new rule
990
00:37:56,076 --> 00:37:58,683
about mandated
undershirts is a good idea.
991
00:37:58,685 --> 00:38:00,485
(sighs)
992
00:38:01,481 --> 00:38:03,481
_
993
00:38:03,506 --> 00:38:04,906
(Darryl sighs)
994
00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:07,242
Any minute, they're
gonna call and tell us
995
00:38:07,244 --> 00:38:09,244
how the surrogate implantation is going.
996
00:38:10,045 --> 00:38:11,696
Oh, my God. Can you imagine,
carrying someone else's baby?
997
00:38:11,698 --> 00:38:12,948
What an angel. It's
amazing. I know. I can't...
998
00:38:12,950 --> 00:38:15,000
- (phone ringing)
- Oh! Oh. Oh! Oh!
999
00:38:15,002 --> 00:38:16,368
- (mutters)
- (beeps)
1000
00:38:16,370 --> 00:38:17,369
Hello?
1001
00:38:17,371 --> 00:38:19,654
Yes, this is Darryl Whitefeather.
1002
00:38:21,162 --> 00:38:24,376
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1003
00:38:24,378 --> 00:38:25,631
What? Hey, what's happening?
What's wrong?
1004
00:38:25,656 --> 00:38:26,795
Mm, mm, mm.
1005
00:38:26,797 --> 00:38:28,680
Yes.
1006
00:38:28,947 --> 00:38:31,615
No, thank you. I und... I understand.
1007
00:38:33,804 --> 00:38:36,604
The doctor was gonna put
our embryo in the surrogate,
1008
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:39,891
and he realized that
she was already pregnant
1009
00:38:39,893 --> 00:38:41,059
- and she didn't know.
- What?
1010
00:38:41,061 --> 00:38:42,978
(sighs) Oh, God.
1011
00:38:42,980 --> 00:38:44,980
I'm gonna have to find a
surrogate in the next 24 hours
1012
00:38:44,982 --> 00:38:46,481
or they're gonna freeze the embryo,
1013
00:38:46,483 --> 00:38:48,867
which makes it way less viable.
1014
00:38:49,111 --> 00:38:50,894
I'll do it.
1015
00:38:51,455 --> 00:38:53,405
- Wait, what did she just say?
- Sorry,
1016
00:38:53,407 --> 00:38:55,407
hey, Heather? Can you... can you come...
1017
00:38:55,409 --> 00:38:57,075
can you come back here for a second?
1018
00:38:57,077 --> 00:38:59,294
What w... What did...
what-what did you say?
1019
00:38:59,296 --> 00:39:00,745
Oh.
1020
00:39:00,747 --> 00:39:02,580
Yeah, I'm feeling good about my future.
1021
00:39:02,582 --> 00:39:03,798
I can do a quick favor.
1022
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,383
It's still just nine months, right?
1023
00:39:05,385 --> 00:39:07,502
They haven't changed that, have they?
1024
00:39:07,504 --> 00:39:08,636
'Cause you know I love my hobbies.
1025
00:39:08,638 --> 00:39:12,590
Did you just say that
you would carry our baby?
1026
00:39:12,592 --> 00:39:14,142
Yeah, it's fine.
1027
00:39:14,144 --> 00:39:15,593
- Oh, my God. Heather.
- (laughing)
1028
00:39:15,595 --> 00:39:18,596
- Okay. Moved in my beanbag chair.
- (chuckles)
1029
00:39:18,598 --> 00:39:20,265
What-What's happening?
1030
00:39:20,267 --> 00:39:22,934
Oh. The three of us are just
gonna have a baby together.
1031
00:39:22,936 --> 00:39:24,402
It's no big deal.
1032
00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:26,855
Cool. Cool.
1033
00:39:26,857 --> 00:39:27,989
What?
1034
00:39:27,991 --> 00:39:31,109
- Heather! Oh, my God!
- (laughs) Yay!
1035
00:39:31,134 --> 00:39:32,934
(insects trilling)
1036
00:39:42,158 --> 00:39:43,755
Hey. Um...
1037
00:39:44,165 --> 00:39:46,298
I've been thinking about how I've acted
1038
00:39:46,323 --> 00:39:48,960
over the past couple weeks, and, um...
1039
00:39:49,228 --> 00:39:50,628
now that I'm off the hormones,
1040
00:39:50,630 --> 00:39:53,681
I realize that my behavior has been,
1041
00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:55,717
shall we say, heightened.
1042
00:39:56,743 --> 00:39:58,923
So, I, uh...
1043
00:40:00,415 --> 00:40:01,973
I apologize.
1044
00:40:03,142 --> 00:40:04,692
I know I wasn't the nicest person
1045
00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:07,033
when you asked for your job back.
1046
00:40:07,772 --> 00:40:10,158
And the Raging Waters thing...
1047
00:40:12,595 --> 00:40:14,402
I was trying to get under your skin.
1048
00:40:14,404 --> 00:40:15,987
- (chuckles)
- I'm sorry.
1049
00:40:15,989 --> 00:40:17,655
Honestly, we went in
there for ten minutes,
1050
00:40:17,657 --> 00:40:19,040
took a picture, and left.
1051
00:40:19,042 --> 00:40:22,072
You know I can't stand
direct sunlight and people.
1052
00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,379
(chuckling): Right. Right.
1053
00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:26,831
Nathaniel, I know that you think
1054
00:40:26,833 --> 00:40:28,228
that I ditched you,
1055
00:40:29,595 --> 00:40:31,275
but I really am just...
1056
00:40:31,300 --> 00:40:34,301
I'm not ready to be in a
real relationship right now.
1057
00:40:37,806 --> 00:40:39,144
I really care about you.
1058
00:40:39,146 --> 00:40:40,478
I hope you know that.
1059
00:40:41,259 --> 00:40:43,181
And breaking things off with you was,
1060
00:40:43,183 --> 00:40:45,600
honestly, one of the hardest
things I've ever done.
1061
00:40:47,751 --> 00:40:48,770
Wow.
1062
00:40:48,772 --> 00:40:50,009
Yeah.
1063
00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:51,606
Okay.
1064
00:40:52,155 --> 00:40:53,955
And, um...
1065
00:40:55,439 --> 00:40:57,853
I'm happy that you found someone else.
1066
00:40:59,533 --> 00:41:02,062
- Mona seems lovely.
- Yeah.
1067
00:41:02,502 --> 00:41:03,884
Yeah, she really is.
1068
00:41:03,909 --> 00:41:06,421
Great. So I'm glad that
we can just be adults now.
1069
00:41:06,423 --> 00:41:08,373
- Yes, exactly.
- Okay, good.
1070
00:41:08,759 --> 00:41:10,361
Um...
1071
00:41:10,962 --> 00:41:12,377
Uh... Ah.
1072
00:41:12,379 --> 00:41:14,179
- Friends? Friends.
- (chuckles)
1073
00:41:14,181 --> 00:41:15,681
Yeah. (chuckles)
1074
00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:18,433
(both chuckle)
1075
00:41:21,221 --> 00:41:23,438
(moaning)
1076
00:41:26,651 --> 00:41:28,193
This is a terrible idea.
1077
00:41:28,195 --> 00:41:31,120
This is the worst idea.
This is the worst idea.
1078
00:41:33,295 --> 00:41:35,659
(moaning)
1079
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:40,066
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-- www.addic7ed.com --
1080
00:41:40,116 --> 00:41:44,666
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