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- Hello.
- Hey.

Hi.
Liz, it's drew.

Oh.
I'm actually
outside.

Hey.
Would it be okay
if I came in?

Yeah, yeah, sure, come on up.

Sorry to call out of the blue.

I just...
No, no, yeah.
I'm getting you now.

Okay, bye.

Shh...

Sorry it's so last minute.

I thought this was
a Booty call.

It is.

You just started
faster than
I was expecting.

Then catch up with me.

Shoes.

Fuck, I missed you.

Yes, yes.

Oh, no.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't get it.

That guy could get
any woman he wants.

She must be his sugar momma.

Or not.

Seriously,

what is he doing with her?

She must have a magic pussy.

What?
What?

What the hell is a magic pussy?

I don't know,

but I want one.

Here you are, ladies.

A magic pussy,

is when a woman
withholds sex
for so long,

to get what she wants,

that the guy
puts her pussy
on a pedestal.

Um, no, no, no.

A magic pussy is a pussy

that's so amazing,
a man will do

absolutely
anything
to have it.

It's so otherworldly,

that he'll ruin
his career,
his whole life,

just for a single night.

No, wait, wait, wait.

Maybe a magic pussy
is one of those girls,

that squirts when she comes.

You know, like in porn.

What the fuck is that?

Did you just pee on me?

No, it's not pee, it's just...

That is disgusting.

You're disgusting.

No, that's definitely not it.

Last call.

Oh, hello.
My name's
I love you.

Yes, please.

Yeah, it usually works.

Do you think
she has a
magic pussy?

Oh, yeah.

You stick your dick
in it and poof,

your hard-on
disappears.

We shouldn't laugh,

that'll probably
be us in about
10 years.

The fuck it will.

You know what,

we're gonna unravel
the mystery of the
magic pussy

and get any guy
we want dying to get
a taste of our poon.

And then what?

And then what, what?

All day long,
I think of new ways

to sell ideas
or people
or whatever

and I never stop to ask,

why or if it's a good thing.

Uh-huh, so?

So we get this magic pussy.

And we have a truckload
of guys just dying for
a taste of it.

Yeah.

Yeah, sounds good.

Is that it?

Are we just thinking of
new ways to fuck and
make it more interesting?

Oh, Samantha,
what are you doing?

At least sienna
had an end game.
She fell in love.

Is that what you want?

Do you?

I know, but...

It's the address, right?

Oh, look.

Are you sure that
this is the place?

The lady on the phone said.

Hi, welcome
to tantric for beginners.

Come on in.

Please make
yourselves
comfortable.

Fuck.

Oh.

She said bring a buddy.

I didn't know
she meant
fuck buddy.

Awkward.Com.
Just a tiny bit.

Today, we're
gonna learn
the magic

of sexual connection,

sexual energy,

and sexual satisfaction.

We're just here
to learn about
the magic of the poon,

thank you very much.

First, you must harmonize.

Too bad I didn't bring
my skin flute to join in.

As he breathes out,

I breathe in,

taking in the essence
of his inner being.

Hopefully not the
essence of the veggie
burger he had for lunch.

I'm sorry.

Oh, really?

Now,

we will begin
the sacred act
of love making.

Finally.

Remember,

it's not about an orgasm,

it's about a deeper
spiritual and emotional
connection to your partner.

Remember to always
maintain eye contact.

I'm sorry, but,

are you doing something
special that we can't see
with your cha-cha, right now?

I'm doing
something special
with my chakra,

not my cha-cha.

Holy shit!

You rock my

world!

Damn.

For all that enlightenment,
Buddhists have zero
sense of humor.

That had to be a magic pussy.

Are you kidding me?

That guy had
a monster case
of blue balls,

a stiff breeze
could have made
him come.

Come on.
Let's go get a drink.

A stiff one.

Ah!

How dare
Tyler take
a night off.

Who's gonna slip us free shots?

Tough break,
Jason, it looks
like you're buying.

Would happily,
but I'm tapped out.

Bought a new bed.

Got the feeling
I'm gonna meet
someone soon.

Speaking of,
have you ever encountered
a magic pussy?

Jason thinks
all pussies
are magical.

Seriously, you're a man
who's wandered the
world a bit.

What have you seen
in your travels?

I would say that my

penis has come into
contact with a
magic vagina, per se.

When I backpacked
through Thailand,

I saw girls
do things with
their hoo-has.

They could shoot
darts and hit
a target.

There was
this one girl...
So not helpful.

How am I ever
gonna get
a magic pussy

if I don't know what it is?

I used to have a magic pussy.

You had a magic pussy?

What is it?
And how did
you lose it?

Oh, my God. It was
fan-fucking-tastic.

I could get any man I wanted.

Rich, famous,

insanely hot.

They couldn't get enough of me.

I was with this one guy,
who wasn't only rich,
famous and insanely hot,

but he would
do anything
for me.

And not just in the bedroom.

He was hooked.

I knew no matter
what I did, he would always
come back for more.

Come on, Cheyenne.
Ah!

How can you do this to me?

Cheyenne!

Well, I guess
that's not
entirely true.

Got knocked up by another man.

Couldn't lie and say
the baby was his
and he broke up with me.

I'll do anything,
just don't go.

After I had that baby,

I was never the same.

The magic was gone.

Having that kid
ruined my magic pussy.

I'm sorry, so what
exactly did you say
a magic pussy was?

You try pushing a watermelon
out of your cooch and see if
it's ever the same.

Well, that's
10 minutes of my life
I'll never recover.

New rule,
I'm never
having children.

Ooh, darts.

Kate.

They delivered
this book to me,
I think by mistake.

Thanks.

Those books
don't work,
you know.

Maybe not for you.

Look,

I'm just saying that
instead on focusing
on finding a husband,

maybe you should
try and have
a little fun before

you turn 30.

Yeah, sounds like
you're having
a lot of fun.

You think she has
a magic pussy?

When you look like
that, you don't need
a magic pussy.

She's coming.

She can't hug us
both at once.
Stand next to me.

Hey, girls.

Hey.

Kaylie?
You okay?

I guess. My boyfriend
and I just broke up
last night.

Aw!

Did he cheat on you?

Did you turn him gay?

Mmm, nothing like that.

I guess we just didn't
have as much in common
as I thought.

Sorry, sweetie.

That sucks.

Whatever, I'll have
a new one by tomorrow.

So, what are you girls up to?

We're trying
to solve the mystery
of the magic pussy.

Yeah, do you know
what a magic pussy is?

Well, of course.

You do?
Yeah,

isn't it that pet cat
that girl in all
the wizard movies has?

Must be blissful
to be an idiot.

I'm jealous.

Magic is all
about illusion, right?

We could get vajazzled.

Pick up a couple
of guys and see if they are
stunned by the illusion,

of our sparkling vaginae.

Eh, vajazzling is so 2010.

Okay.

There's this place
in koreatown that does
a vaginal steam bath,

it's supposed to give it
all these superpowers
and shit.

Super pussy?

Let's try it.

Your vag could use
a good steam clean,
anyway.

So we give
our cooches
a magical bath,

pick up a couple
of guys and see
if they come back for more.

Has it really come to that?

It's Sunday.

Would you rather
watch football?

This feels like
the time we crowd surfed
at coachella.

This feels like when
out Saint Bernard used
to hide under the table

and huff his hot
doggy breath
up my skirt at dinner.

Ew.

This feels like the time
your grandma removed her
dentures to go down on me.

Ew!
Ew! I know,
too much, huh?

Just a tad.

Excuse me.

This is supposed
to give us special
pussy powers, right?

Be careful, you get
too close to the pot,
your lady bits get burned.

But this is
supposed to be
magic, right?

Not magic,

holistic.

But yes, I've heard of
miracles happening
after treatment.

Oh, like what?

Sometimes, women

who can't get pregnant,
suddenly poof!

Bun in the oven.

Aw, hell no.

I've heard
of genitals being
on fire before,

but this is ridiculous.

I'm so sorry,

she said the p word
and I just freaked.

Ah, snatch
better not have
heat stroke.

At least you can go out
and try your freshly
steamed vag

and see if it works.
No way.

With my luck,
I'll get
preggers and

my magic-free vagina
will lose any kind of
powers it does have.

My mom thinks it's
bad enough that
I'm 27 and single,

she'd disown me
if I was 27, single
and knocked up.

Don't even waste your
breath, douche, we're
closed for business.

Why is everyone looking at us?

Because the minute
you stop looking for it,

is the minute
guys start throwing
their dicks at you.

Is that the secret
of the magic pussy?

Act like you don't want it?

No, because when you
do that, the minute
you give in,

they don't want it any more.

Jeez, it's like
trying to find
the holy grail.

Yeah, I can use that
and some holy water
to cool my vag.

Don't look at it.

It's not funny.

It's a little
bit funny.
No!

It's not funny.

I'm doing the fucking
pee-pee dance here.

I hope you do get knocked up.

It's been five days
and one burnt vag

and we're still not any closer

to unraveling
the myth of
the magic pussy.

I'd like to uncover
the myth of why
this pussy

keeps following us
around like a puppy dog.

What? You asked
me to join you.

She's just

kidding, j.

Maybe it's like
sighting big foot
or loch ness.

There's no proof
of the magic pussy.

A magic what?

A magic pussy.

It's like that thing,
a not-so-special

woman has
that can pull in any man.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you know
it's a magic pussy

and not a magic mouth?

I went to college
with this girl susie,

she'd brag about
how she gave
the best blow jobs

at the university of Illinois.

And to illustrate
she would grab ginormous

things and stick them
in her mouth.

I mean,
susie wasn't exactly
a top model,

but she could
get any guy
she wanted

and every guy I wanted.

None of us got it.

I mean, her name
was susie
for fuck's sake,

After all,

a cooch is just a cooch,

but a mouth can do
so much more.

Well, sure, leave it
to a gay guy to say a bj

is better than
the va-Jay-Jay.

I've had both,
can you say that?

Bet you can't.

I've neither been
a party to
nor a participant in

the giving
or receiving
of a blow job.

Ever.

I'm gonna hit the head.

You think?

Who didn't
experiment a little
at camp?

I'll bet he didn't.

Hmmm.

Are you gonna go talk to him?

He can come talk to me.

Damn straight.
Hmmm.

So,

are you still
trying to be
the bigger bitch?

Nah, those days are done.

Tell me something,

you come in here like

you're at
peace with
the world.

What's your story?

What do you picture?

You've got some creative gig.

Ah, calloused.

You work with your hands.

Maybe I'm a bricklayer.

More like a...

Glass blower.

Then what?

You get women.

And I don't
mean that you can
hook up with them,

because I know you can.

But you really get us.

You have sisters.

You're a little brother.

Now, really wow me.

You know
the secret of
the magic pussy.

Indeed, I do.

What is it?

Confidence.

Hey, hon.

Let's grab a booth at the back.

By the way,

you were close.

Whatever happened to
"he can come to me"?

Sensed he wouldn't.

I miss drew.

Is it drew
that you miss or just
being in a relationship?

Both.

Not that I have
much experience
in this department,

but...

Getting over an ex takes time

and lots of rebound sex.

Your rule.

Think he's in love
with his new little

girlfriend?

That punk tween?

Please.

She's just a rebound.

But it is
probably a nice
change for him,

to have a conversation
with someone who doesn't
use all those big words

he can't understand.

That's 'cause I'm a lawyer.

Come on, girl,
let's get out
of here.

What do you feel like doing?

Throwing rocks
in lake Michigan.

I am in.

Like fifth grade.

Can we change shoes?

Absolutely.

Let's go.

Guess we can't
take these with us,
can we?

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