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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,150 Satan, 2 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,051 the Devil, 3 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,786 Lucifer, 4 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:24,054 Prince of Darkness, 5 00:00:24,056 --> 00:00:26,523 Yanluowang, 6 00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:27,857 Belial, 7 00:00:27,859 --> 00:00:30,192 Abaddon, 8 00:00:30,194 --> 00:00:32,360 Beelzebub, 9 00:00:32,362 --> 00:00:35,162 Prince of Darkness. 10 00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:42,135 ¶ 11 00:00:42,137 --> 00:00:43,369 Beelzebub, 12 00:00:43,371 --> 00:00:44,803 Belial, 13 00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:49,140 Abaddon, 14 00:00:49,142 --> 00:00:51,142 Satan, 15 00:00:51,144 --> 00:00:53,811 the Devil, 16 00:00:53,813 --> 00:00:56,180 Lucifer, 17 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,981 Beelzebub, 18 00:00:57,983 --> 00:00:58,748 Belial, 19 00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,716 Prince of Darkness. 20 00:01:02,086 --> 00:01:04,252 Good morning. 21 00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:06,020 Neil! 22 00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,554 Eh? 23 00:01:11,359 --> 00:01:12,991 What? Too daring? 24 00:01:12,993 --> 00:01:15,927 Not if you're daring people to kick your ass. 25 00:01:15,929 --> 00:01:17,528 It's called pea-cocking, bro. 26 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:20,097 Alright, females are attracted to bright colours. 27 00:01:20,099 --> 00:01:20,864 How's it-- 28 00:01:20,866 --> 00:01:22,532 How's it working so far? 29 00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,200 You know, it's working well. 30 00:01:24,202 --> 00:01:25,334 You've got to play to your strengths. 31 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,235 Style and charm, you know what I mean. 32 00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:28,603 You should play to yours, 33 00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,171 you should bust out those panty dropping card tricks 34 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,872 that you never show anyone. 35 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,707 Girls don't like card tricks. 36 00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:35,208 Are you kidding? 37 00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:36,108 Of course they do. 38 00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:36,741 No, they don't. 39 00:01:36,743 --> 00:01:38,008 Yeah, they do. 40 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,043 Dude. According to Men's Health 41 00:01:40,045 --> 00:01:43,046 females are 18 percent more likely to sleep with a guy 42 00:01:43,048 --> 00:01:45,681 after seeing a card trick. 43 00:01:45,683 --> 00:01:46,281 Really? 44 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:47,248 Yeah, 45 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,216 May 2010. Look it up. 46 00:01:49,218 --> 00:01:51,051 Hey gorgeous. 47 00:01:51,053 --> 00:01:55,221 Gorgeous, would you like to see a card trick? 48 00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:56,956 Sure. 49 00:01:56,958 --> 00:02:01,026 Alright, pick one and don't show me. 50 00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:05,630 Now tear it up. 51 00:02:09,936 --> 00:02:11,302 Can I have that back. 52 00:02:11,304 --> 00:02:13,437 Give it to him. 53 00:02:17,809 --> 00:02:20,242 Is this your card? 54 00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:23,311 No, not even close. 55 00:02:24,247 --> 00:02:26,213 Check your bra. 56 00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:29,082 What? 57 00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:31,150 Check your bra. 58 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,090 That's amazing, how did you do that? 59 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,058 I can't tell you. 60 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:41,958 She's coming back... 61 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,926 Oh my god, it's working! 62 00:02:43,928 --> 00:02:47,795 Listen, I'm having a party at my house next weekend. 63 00:02:47,797 --> 00:02:50,330 You should come. 64 00:02:50,332 --> 00:02:52,465 That sounds amazing, 65 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:55,000 but I've got this church thing so... 66 00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:57,335 Church thing. 67 00:02:57,337 --> 00:02:59,437 Church thing... 68 00:02:59,439 --> 00:03:00,571 No, no, no, no, no. 69 00:03:00,573 --> 00:03:02,406 Neil just gets exhausted after a show, 70 00:03:02,408 --> 00:03:06,309 you've got to give him a break. 71 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,076 [bell ringing] 72 00:03:07,078 --> 00:03:08,343 What? 73 00:03:08,345 --> 00:03:10,978 What the hell was that, man, church? 74 00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:12,813 You're supposed to try to get in her pants, you know, 75 00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:14,247 not convert her. 76 00:03:14,249 --> 00:03:15,915 I know, I blew it. 77 00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:17,249 You at least touched her boob. 78 00:03:17,251 --> 00:03:18,316 I didn't. 79 00:03:18,318 --> 00:03:19,750 Well, then how did you? 80 00:03:19,752 --> 00:03:21,918 It was magic. 81 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,086 Are you magically touching a boob right now? 82 00:03:24,088 --> 00:03:26,254 Hey Denise, he just totally felt up Cheryl. 83 00:03:26,256 --> 00:03:27,121 Yeah, I know. 84 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,422 And so does Kent. 85 00:03:28,424 --> 00:03:30,090 He's on a rampage, you'd better hide your ass. 86 00:03:30,092 --> 00:03:33,325 Oh shit, oh shit, hurry up. 87 00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:36,361 Over here. 88 00:03:36,363 --> 00:03:37,295 Oh fuck. 89 00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:38,863 Oh shit. 90 00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:43,767 Oh shit. 91 00:03:49,307 --> 00:03:50,506 Where is that little shit? 92 00:03:50,508 --> 00:03:53,775 Uh, the, uh... 93 00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,276 Neil! 94 00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:58,279 Neil, yeah Neil is you know Neil. 95 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,147 He put a card in my girlfriends bra, 96 00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:01,948 I'm going to tear him in half like a phone book. 97 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:06,218 Open the door or I'll put you through it. 98 00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:08,520 No, no, don't. 99 00:04:08,522 --> 00:04:09,821 Uh, alright man just alright. 100 00:04:09,823 --> 00:04:14,658 Matt, fuck. 101 00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:17,060 What the fuck are you doing in there? 102 00:04:17,062 --> 00:04:18,361 You jacking it? 103 00:04:18,363 --> 00:04:20,963 Hey everyone, Neil's jerking off in the closet, 104 00:04:20,965 --> 00:04:22,731 what a fucking gross little perv. 105 00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:24,232 Eew! 106 00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:26,234 Leave him alone, asshole. 107 00:04:26,236 --> 00:04:28,469 Go. 108 00:04:28,471 --> 00:04:30,537 Lets let him finish. 109 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,355 I don't know, wouldn't you rather be sleeping in 110 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:51,856 on the weekends? 111 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,058 It's only an hour a week and it makes our parents happy. 112 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,693 I fucking hate church, so lame. 113 00:04:56,695 --> 00:04:58,494 Come on, put your robe on. 114 00:04:58,496 --> 00:05:00,362 Wait, wait. 115 00:05:00,364 --> 00:05:02,897 In Nomina Satanas. 116 00:05:02,899 --> 00:05:04,765 (All): Hail Satan! 117 00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:06,066 Hail Satan. 118 00:05:06,068 --> 00:05:12,238 Hail Satan, and thank you Satan. 119 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,273 [slurps] 120 00:05:19,346 --> 00:05:21,579 Brothers and sisters, 121 00:05:21,581 --> 00:05:24,448 as the celebration of Astaroth approaches 122 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:29,919 it is time to ask ourselves why do we worship Satan? 123 00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:32,855 Is it for the power he has promised us? 124 00:05:32,857 --> 00:05:34,389 Is it to be on the winning side 125 00:05:34,391 --> 00:05:37,458 at the final battle of Armageddon? 126 00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:41,128 The worship of Satan allows us to eat freely 127 00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:46,399 from the tree of knowledge, of good and evil. 128 00:05:46,401 --> 00:05:50,936 It gives us the freedom to indulge our senses 129 00:05:50,938 --> 00:05:57,241 in the pleasures of Earth, Heaven and Hell. 130 00:05:57,243 --> 00:05:59,243 Jesus Christ. 131 00:05:59,245 --> 00:06:00,711 [whispers] Blasphemy! 132 00:06:00,713 --> 00:06:06,148 If we could have everybody's undivided attention? 133 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:09,217 Thank you. 134 00:06:09,219 --> 00:06:10,318 Where was I. 135 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,319 Side of truth. 136 00:06:11,321 --> 00:06:13,988 Oh yes, brothers and sisters 137 00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:17,825 the worship of Satan is all of these things. 138 00:06:17,827 --> 00:06:23,429 But most of all it is to be on the side of the truth. 139 00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:26,398 Let the scales fall from your eyes 140 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:34,004 for God is the deceiver and Satan is the salvation. 141 00:06:34,006 --> 00:06:38,774 Soon we will perform the celebration of Astaroth, 142 00:06:38,776 --> 00:06:42,477 our young brother Neil will give himself over completely 143 00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:49,083 to our Lord to foil the accursed forces of Heaven. 144 00:06:49,085 --> 00:06:50,818 Hail Satan! 145 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:53,453 (All): Hail Satan! 146 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,088 Bring forth the offering. 147 00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:59,357 [bah, bah, bah, bah] 148 00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:02,326 Aw, look at the goat. 149 00:07:02,328 --> 00:07:07,363 Lord, please accept this humble sacrifice. 150 00:07:07,365 --> 00:07:10,332 I would totally trade places with that goat right now. 151 00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:11,533 As a token of our faith. 152 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,601 Just keep watching. 153 00:07:13,603 --> 00:07:16,270 In Nomina Satanas! 154 00:07:20,442 --> 00:07:22,608 And remember, this Wednesday we're having a bake sale 155 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:26,811 to raise money for our bowling team and also the star 156 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:30,248 of our upcoming celebration of Astaroth ceremony, 157 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,984 Neil, is working so hard to prepare. 158 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,286 Lets show him our support. 159 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,887 [applause] 160 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,755 Oh yeah. 161 00:07:38,757 --> 00:07:41,891 Oh yeah. 162 00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:45,427 Hey, so this talking during church thing. 163 00:07:45,429 --> 00:07:46,995 Pretty fun, is it? 164 00:07:46,997 --> 00:07:48,997 Mom, Dad, listen. 165 00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,164 No, no, no, no, no. 166 00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:52,499 I can actually see how joking and laughing 167 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:54,801 and embarrassing your family you know instead of 168 00:07:54,803 --> 00:07:57,503 paying attention to the sermon could be a little entertaining. 169 00:07:57,505 --> 00:07:58,804 Matt totally started it. 170 00:07:58,806 --> 00:08:00,438 Okay, it's always Matt's fault huh? 171 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,606 Yes, actually it is. 172 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,674 Are you going to go through the rest of your life 173 00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,842 never taking responsibility for your actions? 174 00:08:06,844 --> 00:08:07,776 Huh? 175 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:08,743 Yeah. 176 00:08:08,745 --> 00:08:10,544 Oh really. 177 00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:16,115 Sheldon, hi, we were just talking about how sorry we are 178 00:08:16,117 --> 00:08:18,016 for that interruption during the sermon. 179 00:08:18,018 --> 00:08:21,352 I should certainly hope so. 180 00:08:21,354 --> 00:08:26,423 You understand that next time it's quite a different story? 181 00:08:26,425 --> 00:08:27,757 Yes sir. 182 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:29,492 How are the preparations going? 183 00:08:29,494 --> 00:08:31,794 Oh, he's ready. 184 00:08:31,796 --> 00:08:35,430 In fact, why don't you recite for them the names of our Lord. 185 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:40,768 Yes, do tell. 186 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,536 Tell us. 187 00:08:42,538 --> 00:08:46,139 Lucifer, Affamet, Beezelbub. 188 00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:49,175 That's Beelzebub. 189 00:08:49,177 --> 00:08:54,246 Beelzebub, Belial, Abbadon. 190 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:59,150 There are over 40 of them you know. 191 00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:03,154 You should take time to learn them. 192 00:09:03,156 --> 00:09:07,224 There are such fabulous things in store for you. 193 00:09:11,362 --> 00:09:14,429 Can I go? 194 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:23,035 We're all very excited for the ceremony. 195 00:09:23,037 --> 00:09:24,836 So am I. 196 00:09:24,838 --> 00:09:28,072 Should be fun. 197 00:09:31,644 --> 00:09:34,544 So, you've kept him chaste? 198 00:09:34,546 --> 00:09:37,747 Oh, that problem kind of took care of itself. 199 00:09:37,749 --> 00:09:39,381 You know, I never got into trouble 200 00:09:39,383 --> 00:09:41,249 until your family joined this church. 201 00:09:41,251 --> 00:09:42,883 Yeah, and you never had any fun either. 202 00:09:42,885 --> 00:09:43,817 Did you? Did you? 203 00:09:43,819 --> 00:09:46,085 Get off me. 204 00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:49,721 You know, I still just don't understand 205 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,923 this whole oath business. 206 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,491 Like, they made you lock up your dick 207 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,593 while they're all getting it on. 208 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,329 That doesn't make any sense, it's not fucking fair. 209 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,698 They're stealing the greatest part of your youth, 210 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,701 the hot steamy sexual part. 211 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,203 Why would you agree with something like that? 212 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,837 I'm not getting laid because I'm not allowed to, 213 00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:09,205 what's your excuse? 214 00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:10,539 Oh, I see, I see. 215 00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,507 So, you're scared huh? 216 00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:13,541 I'm not scared. 217 00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:14,742 No, no? 218 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:15,743 You've got a little case of the vagaphobia. 219 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,010 I don't have vagaphobia. 220 00:10:17,012 --> 00:10:18,111 Seriously though, you've just got to, 221 00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:19,378 you've got to figure this shit out man. 222 00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:20,545 Before it's too late. 223 00:10:20,547 --> 00:10:21,779 Hey Dad. 224 00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:23,680 Because really Neil, what we should be doing 225 00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:24,947 is tripping over each others dicks to see 226 00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:28,549 who can bag the most babes, you know? 227 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,551 Fuck something. 228 00:10:30,553 --> 00:10:32,819 Anything. 229 00:10:33,588 --> 00:10:34,787 That kids got problems. 230 00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:36,622 Yeah, and that problem is you. 231 00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:38,357 Bye Neil! 232 00:10:38,359 --> 00:10:39,958 We just wanted to make sure that both of you 233 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,593 were spiritually prepared for what's going to happen. 234 00:10:42,595 --> 00:10:47,030 Of course, it's a great honour. 235 00:10:47,032 --> 00:10:49,732 It will all be over very quickly, right? 236 00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:52,735 Oh, just as quick as I can make it my dear. 237 00:10:52,737 --> 00:10:54,303 I can assure you that - 238 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:58,774 That the dagger plunges into the flesh swiftly, smoothly. 239 00:10:58,776 --> 00:11:00,542 It sounds so painful. 240 00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:02,043 No, no, no. 241 00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:04,578 He'll feel a little pinch but for no more than an instant. 242 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,046 So, no pain. 243 00:11:06,048 --> 00:11:07,480 No, there will be pain. 244 00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:08,714 Extreme pain. 245 00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:12,717 And blood, lots and lots of it. 246 00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:15,086 I'm so sorry. 247 00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:18,622 As I was saying this whole process is not only painless 248 00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:19,756 but euphoric. 249 00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:23,659 I have a crazy idea. 250 00:11:23,661 --> 00:11:28,563 Why don't we just sit him down and explain everything to him, 251 00:11:28,565 --> 00:11:30,298 that way he'll be prepared. 252 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:32,099 What are you going to tell him, okay, 253 00:11:32,101 --> 00:11:34,734 that his best friend is going to have to mop him up 254 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,268 after the ceremony? 255 00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:37,769 No. Shelly, come on. 256 00:11:37,771 --> 00:11:39,437 He'll accept it. 257 00:11:39,439 --> 00:11:41,238 He loves Satan. 258 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,572 Sheldon, I'm so sorry. 259 00:11:42,574 --> 00:11:45,174 No, no, please please. 260 00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:50,478 There's no reason to confuse the little fellow. 261 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,114 We don't have time for second thoughts. 262 00:11:54,116 --> 00:11:56,349 If we don't perform the ritual 263 00:11:56,351 --> 00:11:58,818 on the equinox of his 18th year 264 00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:02,754 Jesus Christ will return and usher in a thousand years 265 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,156 of peace on Earth. 266 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,125 Is that what you want? 267 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,161 No. 268 00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:14,631 I didn't think so. 269 00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,767 So, my advice to you is to put your misgivings aside 270 00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:21,837 and focus on the positive. 271 00:12:26,209 --> 00:12:28,342 [horn] 272 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:29,609 Eat some cake. 273 00:12:29,611 --> 00:12:31,177 Yeah, you should be enjoying your big night. 274 00:12:31,179 --> 00:12:32,011 [horn] 275 00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:33,312 Want some ice cream on that? 276 00:12:33,314 --> 00:12:36,815 You should be eating like there's no tomorrow. 277 00:12:36,817 --> 00:12:38,049 It's a clown, dad. 278 00:12:38,051 --> 00:12:39,116 I'm 18. 279 00:12:39,118 --> 00:12:42,185 Why don't you tell us what's wrong? 280 00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,554 Is it a girl? 281 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,623 No. 282 00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,927 Actually, yeah kind of. 283 00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:57,697 Oh. 284 00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:01,233 Did something happen? 285 00:13:01,235 --> 00:13:03,535 I'm not going to bore you with the details. 286 00:13:03,537 --> 00:13:05,036 You're going to look me in the eye 287 00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:06,570 and you're going to answer me truthfully, 288 00:13:06,572 --> 00:13:08,471 was there any physical contact? 289 00:13:08,473 --> 00:13:09,705 No. 290 00:13:09,707 --> 00:13:11,540 So, there was no intercourse? 291 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:12,908 Inter-- No. 292 00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,509 And no oral? 293 00:13:14,511 --> 00:13:16,410 Giving or receiving? 294 00:13:16,412 --> 00:13:17,377 No. 295 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,644 What about anal? 296 00:13:18,646 --> 00:13:19,711 Jesus, mom! 297 00:13:19,713 --> 00:13:21,379 Answer your mother, was there anal? 298 00:13:21,381 --> 00:13:22,680 No. 299 00:13:22,682 --> 00:13:24,915 Okay, look, something happened that will ensure 300 00:13:24,917 --> 00:13:28,685 I will never get laid in my whole life. 301 00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:31,688 Son, look, you know you can talk to me about anything. 302 00:13:31,690 --> 00:13:34,323 I didn't break my stupid oath, alright. 303 00:13:34,325 --> 00:13:37,225 [sigh of relief] 304 00:13:37,227 --> 00:13:40,361 Okay then. 305 00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:42,896 The oath isn't stupid honey, 306 00:13:42,898 --> 00:13:45,665 it's the whole reason you were born. 307 00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,334 We were your age when I conceived and we just, 308 00:13:48,336 --> 00:13:51,603 we didn't know what to do but Sheldon told us 309 00:13:51,605 --> 00:13:55,673 that you had a special purpose. 310 00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:57,775 Look, I'm sure you're going through 311 00:13:57,777 --> 00:14:00,778 some pretty depressing teenage stuff right now. 312 00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:03,914 Been there, done that, even I had a stupid haircut once 313 00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:06,783 didn't I? 314 00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:10,219 But you are representing our family and our church, 315 00:14:10,221 --> 00:14:12,788 when it is all over you will have a fuller understanding 316 00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:15,257 of what it is all about. 317 00:14:15,259 --> 00:14:18,593 I've got to take a leak. 318 00:14:22,531 --> 00:14:24,864 Gary, we need to tell him. 319 00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:26,899 You know how he hates surprises, 320 00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:28,400 if we just explain it to him. 321 00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:30,235 Absolutely not! 322 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:33,238 He'll cause a scene, crying and kicking and screaming. 323 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,040 Do you want other people to see that? 324 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,375 Look, you heard , okay, 325 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,745 he has suffered enough humiliation, trust me. 326 00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:45,815 We did not choose Neil's destiny. 327 00:14:46,717 --> 00:14:47,916 He did. 328 00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:52,986 [thunder and lightning] 329 00:14:52,988 --> 00:14:54,821 Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial, 330 00:14:54,823 --> 00:14:57,924 Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial, 331 00:14:57,926 --> 00:14:59,892 Prince of Darkness, 332 00:14:59,894 --> 00:15:03,028 Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial, 333 00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:04,696 Abbadon, Beelzebub... 334 00:15:04,698 --> 00:15:07,331 I want you to know that it won't just be Neil 335 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:10,900 who will be rewarded for his sacrifice. 336 00:15:10,902 --> 00:15:12,868 To a new era. 337 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,403 To a new era. 338 00:15:15,405 --> 00:15:17,671 Thank you. 339 00:15:17,673 --> 00:15:19,873 [bell tolls] 340 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,041 It's almost sundown, dear. 341 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:24,343 Oh, would you kindly excuse us? 342 00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:26,411 Of course. 343 00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,850 Good evening. 344 00:15:36,954 --> 00:15:39,520 Good evening. 345 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,189 Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial, 346 00:15:43,191 --> 00:15:46,892 Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial. 347 00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:49,895 I am so proud of you. 348 00:15:49,897 --> 00:15:51,563 Thanks. 349 00:15:51,565 --> 00:15:54,599 You've been such a good son. 350 00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:14,583 There he is buddy, huh? 351 00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:16,785 Man of the hour. 352 00:16:16,787 --> 00:16:18,787 Listen, I heard that after the confirmation 353 00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:20,922 you get to bone any woman you want 354 00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:23,591 from within the congregation. 355 00:16:23,593 --> 00:16:24,925 If it were me I'd go for Colette 356 00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:26,826 and make her boyfriend fucking watch. 357 00:16:26,828 --> 00:16:28,961 Don't embarrass me. 358 00:16:28,963 --> 00:16:30,395 Do I ever? 359 00:16:30,397 --> 00:16:31,829 [bells ringing] 360 00:16:31,831 --> 00:16:34,898 Okay everybody, time to get started. 361 00:16:54,785 --> 00:16:56,851 Are you excited? 362 00:17:05,494 --> 00:17:07,527 Brothers and sisters, 363 00:17:07,529 --> 00:17:11,097 we are gathered together for an ancient ceremony. 364 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:14,100 Momentous and beautiful. 365 00:17:14,102 --> 00:17:18,003 Before we begin please turn off your cell phones 366 00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:20,505 and all other electronic devices. 367 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:26,009 [cells turning off sounds] 368 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:30,813 Eighteen years ago our Lord chose this young man 369 00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:34,850 to join him in battle against the Great Deceiver. 370 00:17:34,852 --> 00:17:40,155 His spirit will join with the Father on this night. 371 00:17:40,157 --> 00:17:41,990 We now ask young Neil 372 00:17:41,992 --> 00:17:47,862 to lay his earthly vessel upon our altar. 373 00:17:47,864 --> 00:17:51,932 Handmaidens of our Lord. 374 00:18:04,179 --> 00:18:05,211 Dude. 375 00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:07,179 I think they're going to fuck you 376 00:18:07,181 --> 00:18:09,147 right here in front of everyone. 377 00:18:09,149 --> 00:18:11,816 [chanting] In Nomina Satanas. 378 00:18:11,818 --> 00:18:14,218 In Nomina Satanas. 379 00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:17,087 Now the time approaches to release his spirit 380 00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:20,824 into the arms of our father 381 00:18:20,826 --> 00:18:28,198 whereupon his soul will join our King for all eternity. 382 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:35,070 The sacrificial lamb will stand with Lucifer in Hades. 383 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,072 Whoa, whoa, sacrificial lamb? 384 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,440 It's a metaphor. 385 00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:41,342 As we tear the virgins flesh asunder 386 00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:46,046 so that the blood may spill forth in holy offering. 387 00:18:46,048 --> 00:18:49,682 [chanting] In Nomina Satanas, 388 00:18:49,684 --> 00:18:52,785 In Nomina Satanas... 389 00:18:52,787 --> 00:18:54,853 In Nomina Satanas, 390 00:18:54,855 --> 00:18:56,421 Dude. 391 00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:58,089 Satanas Rex. 392 00:18:58,091 --> 00:18:59,223 Dude! 393 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,191 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the? 394 00:19:01,193 --> 00:19:02,225 In Nomina... 395 00:19:02,227 --> 00:19:03,059 What the fuck! 396 00:19:03,061 --> 00:19:05,027 Satanas! 397 00:19:05,029 --> 00:19:05,961 Neil! Neil! 398 00:19:05,963 --> 00:19:06,695 Hey! 399 00:19:06,697 --> 00:19:08,296 Neil! 400 00:19:08,298 --> 00:19:09,697 After him! 401 00:19:09,699 --> 00:19:11,131 Neil! 402 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,768 Get back here! 403 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:16,935 Go, go, go! 404 00:19:16,937 --> 00:19:18,870 Move, move, move! 405 00:19:20,073 --> 00:19:22,273 Okay, holy shit. 406 00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:23,674 Come on. 407 00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:34,316 Oh fuck!!!!!!! 408 00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:51,799 Come here, quickly! 409 00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:53,000 Come on. 410 00:19:53,002 --> 00:19:54,601 Are they there? 411 00:19:54,603 --> 00:19:55,568 Where's my other shoe? 412 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,837 Where's my other shoe? 413 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:00,338 I am so sorry, Sheldon. 414 00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:03,774 I mean, what can I say? 415 00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:06,243 You can say nothing! 416 00:20:06,245 --> 00:20:08,144 [cell phone chiming] 417 00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:09,778 Get that. 418 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,079 Hello? 419 00:20:11,081 --> 00:20:12,980 We have until sunrise or the window will close. 420 00:20:12,982 --> 00:20:17,150 If we fail his wrath will fall on us all! 421 00:20:17,152 --> 00:20:19,252 No, that won't happen. 422 00:20:19,254 --> 00:20:21,387 I'll go get him he'll be back on that altar in no time. 423 00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:26,990 No! You stay right here. 424 00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:31,160 Take these two with you and fetch them back. 425 00:20:31,162 --> 00:20:36,097 We need a soft touch to lure them back. 426 00:20:36,099 --> 00:20:39,133 You know what I'm talking about, don't you Colette? 427 00:20:39,135 --> 00:20:40,868 I think so. 428 00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:44,504 Good girl, now go. 429 00:20:46,975 --> 00:20:52,078 And remember, as always to keep a low profile. 430 00:20:55,183 --> 00:20:58,384 And you, if they don't return 431 00:20:58,386 --> 00:21:01,220 consider yourself excommunicated 432 00:21:01,222 --> 00:21:04,289 and you will never see the gates of Hell! 433 00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:14,998 Matt! Matt! 434 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,733 What the fuck are you doing, Matt! 435 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:17,834 What the fuck, man? 436 00:21:17,836 --> 00:21:19,135 You can't take that, 437 00:21:19,137 --> 00:21:20,836 that's my families Mexico money for the summer. 438 00:21:20,838 --> 00:21:22,170 Oh, I'm sorry 439 00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:24,405 why don't you enjoy your lovely time in Acapulco 440 00:21:24,407 --> 00:21:25,739 and don't forget to send me a postcard 441 00:21:25,741 --> 00:21:29,142 before they murder you. 442 00:21:29,144 --> 00:21:33,346 Dude, look my Dad's an asshole too, okay. 443 00:21:33,348 --> 00:21:36,582 I know. 444 00:21:36,584 --> 00:21:38,250 Oh fuck me. 445 00:21:38,252 --> 00:21:39,484 I'm calling the cops. 446 00:21:39,486 --> 00:21:40,251 What? 447 00:21:40,253 --> 00:21:41,218 No, no, no, don't do that. 448 00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:41,851 Don't do that. 449 00:21:41,853 --> 00:21:42,518 Fuck off. 450 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,052 Don't do that. 451 00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:45,253 Alright, my Dad's a cop and half the force goes to our church. 452 00:21:45,255 --> 00:21:46,153 Police, please. 453 00:21:46,155 --> 00:21:47,521 No, give me. 454 00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:48,321 Hello? 455 00:21:48,323 --> 00:21:49,155 This is the police. 456 00:21:49,157 --> 00:21:50,222 Hey. It's Matt, Paul's kid. 457 00:21:50,224 --> 00:21:51,823 My Dad's gone rogue. 458 00:21:51,825 --> 00:21:53,024 Matt, where are you? 459 00:21:53,026 --> 00:21:54,191 I'm at my friend Neil's house. 460 00:21:54,193 --> 00:21:55,825 Is Neil with you? 461 00:21:55,827 --> 00:21:57,426 Stay where you are, we'll send somebody right now. 462 00:21:57,428 --> 00:21:58,593 Who are you sending? 463 00:21:58,595 --> 00:22:00,194 st stay where you are Matt. 464 00:22:00,196 --> 00:22:01,395 Oh shit, fuck! 465 00:22:01,397 --> 00:22:02,996 We've got to go! 466 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:08,267 This sucks, alright, we could be at Cheryl's party right now 467 00:22:08,269 --> 00:22:10,602 totally enjoying the all you can eat vagina buffet 468 00:22:10,604 --> 00:22:12,870 or muffet if you will. 469 00:22:12,872 --> 00:22:14,271 Wait. 470 00:22:14,273 --> 00:22:17,374 This all happened because you're a virgin right, 471 00:22:17,376 --> 00:22:21,110 so we get you laid problem solved. 472 00:22:22,546 --> 00:22:24,412 Oh, I've got it. 473 00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:25,746 Who are you calling? 474 00:22:25,748 --> 00:22:27,347 Stop, stop, stop calling people. 475 00:22:27,349 --> 00:22:29,182 Okay, what? 476 00:22:29,184 --> 00:22:30,349 Denise! 477 00:22:30,351 --> 00:22:32,084 A friend fuck, oh that's brilliant. 478 00:22:32,086 --> 00:22:34,252 Come on, I mean we give her rides all the time I mean. 479 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:49,266 [dog barking in the distance] 480 00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:58,475 Neil! 481 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,747 Matty? 482 00:23:04,749 --> 00:23:05,547 You guys here? 483 00:23:05,549 --> 00:23:07,048 Come on out! 484 00:23:07,050 --> 00:23:09,283 [text message alert] 485 00:23:34,242 --> 00:23:35,941 You're overthinking this, man. 486 00:23:35,943 --> 00:23:37,342 She's my friend, alright, 487 00:23:37,344 --> 00:23:39,677 I just don't want her to feel like she's being used. 488 00:23:39,679 --> 00:23:42,279 She's not being used, she's saving your life. 489 00:23:42,281 --> 00:23:43,546 I know, she's saving my life. 490 00:23:43,548 --> 00:23:45,047 Exactly. 491 00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:46,548 That's why I'm just going to tell her the truth, alright. 492 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:49,083 Denise is super cool, man, she'll totally get it. 493 00:23:49,085 --> 00:23:52,219 No, that's sweet okay but women don't really respond well 494 00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:55,388 to the truth okay, it's like they like mystery. 495 00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:56,522 It's like your magic. 496 00:23:56,524 --> 00:23:57,756 If you told them how you did the magic 497 00:23:57,758 --> 00:24:00,058 you lose the magic, right? 498 00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:01,759 Ask me how big my dick is. 499 00:24:01,761 --> 00:24:02,726 What? 500 00:24:02,728 --> 00:24:04,194 Why would I ask you that? 501 00:24:04,196 --> 00:24:05,562 Besides, I've seen it. 502 00:24:05,564 --> 00:24:06,696 It looks like a toe. 503 00:24:06,698 --> 00:24:10,366 Just bear with me okay, just ask. 504 00:24:10,368 --> 00:24:13,435 How big is your dick. 505 00:24:13,437 --> 00:24:15,870 Well, I don't really like to talk about it but, you know, 506 00:24:15,872 --> 00:24:17,304 it's 9 and a half inches. 507 00:24:17,306 --> 00:24:21,774 Okay, see, now I'll ask you, how big is your dick? 508 00:24:21,776 --> 00:24:23,075 I don't know, I've never measured it. 509 00:24:23,077 --> 00:24:23,708 Average? 510 00:24:23,710 --> 00:24:25,376 Wrong! Ten inches. 511 00:24:25,378 --> 00:24:26,477 Why would I lie? 512 00:24:26,479 --> 00:24:27,578 If the lie works I'm going to get caught. 513 00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:29,079 It doesn't matter that's the thing. 514 00:24:29,081 --> 00:24:31,214 Okay, by the time she finds out that it's only five inches 515 00:24:31,216 --> 00:24:33,282 it's two inches deep. 516 00:24:34,652 --> 00:24:37,285 Oh, okay, okay Matt you're going to stay outside, okay. 517 00:24:37,287 --> 00:24:38,419 I'm not doing this for an audience. 518 00:24:38,421 --> 00:24:39,720 Fine. 519 00:24:39,722 --> 00:24:41,121 That's fine. 520 00:24:41,123 --> 00:24:42,455 I wash my hands of this, 521 00:24:42,457 --> 00:24:45,957 I just I'll just be out here making phone calls. 522 00:24:45,959 --> 00:24:47,658 [doorbell] 523 00:24:50,796 --> 00:24:52,495 No Cheryl's, huh? 524 00:24:52,497 --> 00:24:54,497 Wasn't-- Wasn't feeling it, 525 00:24:54,499 --> 00:24:57,600 um, can I come in? 526 00:24:57,602 --> 00:24:58,901 Yeah, sure, why not. 527 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,272 Are your parents home? 528 00:25:04,274 --> 00:25:07,441 No. 529 00:25:07,443 --> 00:25:10,076 I've been stuck on this level for like two days. 530 00:25:10,078 --> 00:25:12,178 I swear, one more day of this and I am pillaging the internet 531 00:25:12,180 --> 00:25:13,512 for cheat codes. 532 00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:15,546 Dude, can you sit down, this is pretty annoying. 533 00:25:17,783 --> 00:25:20,850 Okay, okay, I really need to talk. 534 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:24,586 I really need to talk to you about something. 535 00:25:24,588 --> 00:25:26,454 It's kind of a big deal. 536 00:25:26,456 --> 00:25:28,823 Okay, talk. 537 00:25:28,825 --> 00:25:30,257 Yeah. 538 00:25:30,259 --> 00:25:34,294 Only Denise can be this busy! 539 00:25:34,296 --> 00:25:35,628 Okay. 540 00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:36,962 Hey, Amy. 541 00:25:36,964 --> 00:25:38,430 It's Matt, listen. 542 00:25:38,432 --> 00:25:42,000 There's some crazy shit going down tonight 543 00:25:42,002 --> 00:25:44,969 like end of the world type stuff 544 00:25:44,971 --> 00:25:47,137 so Cheryl's party might be your last chance 545 00:25:47,139 --> 00:25:49,005 to get with me, alright? 546 00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,307 Holler back. 547 00:25:51,309 --> 00:25:53,309 You know how much I respect you. 548 00:25:53,311 --> 00:25:53,976 Yeah. 549 00:25:53,978 --> 00:25:57,679 So much, yeah, okay. 550 00:25:57,681 --> 00:26:01,448 Um, I think you're awesome. 551 00:26:01,450 --> 00:26:05,150 I think you're kind of a dork. 552 00:26:05,152 --> 00:26:06,518 Uh, what I am about to ask 553 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,920 I can never ask anybody else. 554 00:26:12,357 --> 00:26:14,490 Okay, drama queen. 555 00:26:14,492 --> 00:26:18,160 I just need you to say that you will do this one thing for me 556 00:26:18,162 --> 00:26:21,730 and I promise I will never ask you for anything ever again 557 00:26:21,732 --> 00:26:24,799 as long as I live, which might not be for long. 558 00:26:24,801 --> 00:26:28,502 Lets hear it. 559 00:26:28,504 --> 00:26:31,571 I need you to have sex with me tonight. 560 00:26:31,573 --> 00:26:35,607 If you don't I'm going to die. 561 00:26:36,409 --> 00:26:37,875 I just, I just need to put it in 562 00:26:37,877 --> 00:26:39,810 it doesn't have to be anything special. 563 00:26:39,812 --> 00:26:41,545 I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be doing 564 00:26:41,547 --> 00:26:43,647 but I don't even know the rules I don't know I just - 565 00:26:43,649 --> 00:26:45,715 What the fuck, Neil? 566 00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:52,253 There's some crazy shit going down tonight 567 00:26:52,255 --> 00:26:55,522 like end of the world type stuff so Cheryl's party might be 568 00:26:55,524 --> 00:26:58,892 your last chance to get with me so. 569 00:26:58,894 --> 00:27:00,493 Holler back. 570 00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:02,194 Normally I would never think of doing anything 571 00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:03,662 remotely sexual with you 572 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:05,530 but I am really fucking desperate. 573 00:27:05,532 --> 00:27:08,399 I just need you to just let me just fuck 574 00:27:08,401 --> 00:27:11,235 like just no meaning to it, 575 00:27:11,237 --> 00:27:13,503 just the tip, anything will work. 576 00:27:13,505 --> 00:27:15,438 Oh, keep going lover boy really my panties are dripping, 577 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:16,071 I swear. 578 00:27:16,073 --> 00:27:17,705 [knocking] 579 00:27:17,707 --> 00:27:18,505 They're here! 580 00:27:18,507 --> 00:27:20,240 Holy fuck! 581 00:27:20,242 --> 00:27:21,574 Oh. 582 00:27:21,576 --> 00:27:22,374 Denise. 583 00:27:22,376 --> 00:27:23,608 Okay, lets do it. 584 00:27:23,610 --> 00:27:24,542 Really, the sheer balls of it is impressive. 585 00:27:24,544 --> 00:27:26,110 I'm not fucking with you okay, 586 00:27:26,112 --> 00:27:27,878 you know the church my family belongs to? 587 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,713 It's kind of different. 588 00:27:29,715 --> 00:27:32,082 Well, they just tried to sacrifice me 589 00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:33,516 because I'm a virgin. 590 00:27:33,518 --> 00:27:35,050 What? 591 00:27:35,052 --> 00:27:36,618 [doorbell] 592 00:27:36,620 --> 00:27:37,752 I've never had sex before. 593 00:27:37,754 --> 00:27:38,886 Yeah, I know what a fucking virgin is 594 00:27:38,888 --> 00:27:40,354 but what the fuck are you talking about? 595 00:27:40,356 --> 00:27:42,923 Unless I lose my virginity tonight 596 00:27:42,925 --> 00:27:44,858 they're going to sacrifice my ass! 597 00:27:44,860 --> 00:27:46,059 To Satan! 598 00:27:46,061 --> 00:27:48,261 They're here! Come on! 599 00:27:48,263 --> 00:27:48,894 Oh my god! 600 00:27:48,896 --> 00:27:50,595 [laughs] 601 00:27:50,597 --> 00:27:51,762 Denise, it's not fucking funny! 602 00:27:51,764 --> 00:27:54,598 [ringing doorbell and pounding on door] 603 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,099 Oh. 604 00:27:56,101 --> 00:27:58,634 Listen, I need to know if this is going to happen 605 00:27:58,636 --> 00:27:59,868 or I've really got to run. 606 00:27:59,870 --> 00:28:01,302 Neil, I don't know what the fuck you're on 607 00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:03,237 but you're being a real asshole right now. 608 00:28:03,239 --> 00:28:04,238 I'm going to get the door. 609 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,606 Oh my god, listen to me. 610 00:28:05,608 --> 00:28:07,674 Oh fuck. 611 00:28:09,811 --> 00:28:11,710 Yeah? 612 00:28:11,712 --> 00:28:13,111 Hey, oh my god this is so annoying 613 00:28:13,113 --> 00:28:15,880 but you wouldn't happen to have seen Neil? 614 00:28:15,882 --> 00:28:17,314 No. 615 00:28:17,316 --> 00:28:19,449 Well, we were all just hanging out at the mall you know, 616 00:28:19,451 --> 00:28:23,719 listening to CD's and he just ran off. 617 00:28:23,721 --> 00:28:25,087 We think he might be losing his mind 618 00:28:25,089 --> 00:28:27,589 we were just really worried so. 619 00:28:27,591 --> 00:28:30,158 Well, he was babbling nonsense. 620 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,094 So, you saw him? 621 00:28:33,096 --> 00:28:34,261 Yeah. 622 00:28:34,263 --> 00:28:36,296 Do you want to maybe tell us where he went? 623 00:28:36,298 --> 00:28:38,765 Sorry, who are you guys? 624 00:28:38,767 --> 00:28:42,001 Oh hi, I'm Brad and it would be really helpful 625 00:28:42,003 --> 00:28:44,869 if you could help us find him. 626 00:28:46,772 --> 00:28:49,038 Alright, uh yeah, come in. 627 00:28:52,676 --> 00:28:54,275 How'd they know we were here? 628 00:28:54,277 --> 00:28:54,975 I don't know. 629 00:28:54,977 --> 00:28:56,009 Fucked! 630 00:28:56,011 --> 00:28:58,344 Oh shit, shit, shit. 631 00:28:59,080 --> 00:28:59,611 These pants are too tight. 632 00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:00,244 Okay. 633 00:29:00,246 --> 00:29:01,111 Ow, my nuts! 634 00:29:01,113 --> 00:29:03,246 Come on, come on. I've got you. 635 00:29:03,248 --> 00:29:03,980 Lets go. 636 00:29:03,982 --> 00:29:05,081 Go. 637 00:29:05,083 --> 00:29:06,782 So, it's just down this street here 638 00:29:06,784 --> 00:29:10,652 oh but it's a one way so you should just go around via Oak 639 00:29:10,654 --> 00:29:13,721 and Cheryl's house should just be right there. 640 00:29:18,961 --> 00:29:21,494 You've been incredibly helpful, thank you. 641 00:29:21,496 --> 00:29:23,496 Yeah, how do you guys know Neal again? 642 00:29:23,498 --> 00:29:24,630 From church. 643 00:29:24,632 --> 00:29:25,797 What church is that? 644 00:29:25,799 --> 00:29:27,698 You've never heard of it. 645 00:29:27,700 --> 00:29:29,766 We worship Satan. 646 00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:40,943 Fuck. 647 00:29:43,314 --> 00:29:46,081 Dude, you have nothing to lose. 648 00:29:46,083 --> 00:29:50,718 No, humiliation is worse than death. 649 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,786 You've never walked into a room where everybody 650 00:29:52,788 --> 00:29:54,154 has seen you wearing jizz. 651 00:29:54,156 --> 00:29:58,157 Ah, yes. I have. 652 00:29:58,159 --> 00:30:00,159 I can't do it, I choose death. 653 00:30:00,161 --> 00:30:01,994 No, no, no, no, no. 654 00:30:01,996 --> 00:30:03,161 Wait, wait, wait okay. 655 00:30:03,163 --> 00:30:04,795 Your parents almost killing you tonight 656 00:30:04,797 --> 00:30:07,063 that's the best thing that could have happened to you. 657 00:30:07,065 --> 00:30:09,799 They lit a fire under your ass to go out there grab 658 00:30:09,801 --> 00:30:15,471 life by the ears and make sweet sweet love to his mouth. 659 00:30:15,473 --> 00:30:19,574 Fuck, you're a selfish prick you know that? 660 00:30:19,576 --> 00:30:20,975 How am I selfish? 661 00:30:20,977 --> 00:30:23,510 Because this is your last chance, Neal. 662 00:30:23,512 --> 00:30:25,111 If you don't go in there and bust your hymen 663 00:30:25,113 --> 00:30:26,745 then you're a dead man. 664 00:30:26,747 --> 00:30:27,979 And then that's on my head 665 00:30:27,981 --> 00:30:33,417 and I can't live with that shit so fuck you. 666 00:30:33,419 --> 00:30:36,086 I wouldn't want me dying to be a source of guilt for you 667 00:30:36,088 --> 00:30:38,421 or anything. 668 00:30:38,423 --> 00:30:40,989 Yes! 669 00:30:43,093 --> 00:30:49,296 [dance music] ¶¶¶ 670 00:30:49,298 --> 00:30:52,766 Aw, see, it's not so bad huh? 671 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:57,804 Uh, shit, uh lets get you a beer this way. 672 00:30:57,806 --> 00:31:00,273 Ladies, you guys know Neal right? 673 00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:00,873 Hi Neal. 674 00:31:00,875 --> 00:31:01,807 Hey. 675 00:31:01,809 --> 00:31:03,875 Oh, can I play one with you? 676 00:31:03,877 --> 00:31:06,110 Here we go, here we go, beer pong baby. 677 00:31:10,983 --> 00:31:14,884 Neal, wait, Neal. Neal! 678 00:31:14,886 --> 00:31:18,520 Hey, look everybody it's the man himself! 679 00:31:18,522 --> 00:31:20,588 Lets all do the fucking Neal! 680 00:31:30,799 --> 00:31:32,632 Dude, hey. 681 00:31:35,703 --> 00:31:37,002 Oh my god, that was the worst thing 682 00:31:37,004 --> 00:31:39,204 I've ever seen happen to anybody. 683 00:31:39,206 --> 00:31:42,273 You need a shot. 684 00:31:46,712 --> 00:31:47,844 To hitting bottom. 685 00:31:47,846 --> 00:31:49,378 Nowhere to go but up. 686 00:31:49,380 --> 00:31:51,980 Nowhere. 687 00:31:51,982 --> 00:31:55,216 Oh, oh that's awful. 688 00:32:01,991 --> 00:32:06,259 [gags] 689 00:32:14,868 --> 00:32:17,001 [knocking] 690 00:32:17,003 --> 00:32:18,335 (Male voice): Who's in there? 691 00:32:18,337 --> 00:32:21,237 I think it's that masturbating guy. 692 00:32:21,239 --> 00:32:22,905 Hey man, you jerking off in there? 693 00:32:22,907 --> 00:32:23,839 [pounding on door] 694 00:32:23,841 --> 00:32:25,006 Need some rhythm bro? 695 00:32:25,008 --> 00:32:28,376 [chanting] Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! 696 00:32:28,378 --> 00:32:30,044 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 697 00:32:30,046 --> 00:32:31,512 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 698 00:32:31,514 --> 00:32:33,847 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 699 00:32:33,849 --> 00:32:35,882 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 700 00:32:35,884 --> 00:32:38,050 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 701 00:32:38,052 --> 00:32:40,085 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 702 00:32:40,087 --> 00:32:42,220 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 703 00:32:42,222 --> 00:32:44,055 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 704 00:32:44,057 --> 00:32:45,923 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 705 00:32:45,925 --> 00:32:47,591 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 706 00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:50,427 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 707 00:32:50,429 --> 00:32:51,861 Stroke, stroke, stroke! 708 00:32:51,863 --> 00:32:55,931 [cheering] 709 00:32:59,136 --> 00:33:01,802 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 710 00:33:03,238 --> 00:33:05,538 Whoa!!! 711 00:33:05,540 --> 00:33:07,039 Behold! 712 00:33:07,041 --> 00:33:10,642 The Great Master Bater. 713 00:33:10,644 --> 00:33:13,478 [cheers] 714 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:17,881 And I give to you my fabulous phallus of fun. 715 00:33:17,883 --> 00:33:20,783 (Crowd): Oooh! 716 00:33:26,890 --> 00:33:28,155 [loud pop sound] 717 00:33:28,157 --> 00:33:31,625 [cheering] 718 00:33:31,627 --> 00:33:33,126 Thank you, thank you. 719 00:33:33,128 --> 00:33:36,795 Now, I need a volunteer for this next trick. 720 00:33:36,797 --> 00:33:40,030 How about um you. 721 00:33:41,333 --> 00:33:42,265 Fuck that. 722 00:33:42,267 --> 00:33:44,233 We've got a bashful one, folks. 723 00:33:44,235 --> 00:33:46,068 Lets give him some encouragement. 724 00:33:46,070 --> 00:33:46,902 Kent! 725 00:33:46,904 --> 00:33:48,236 Kent! 726 00:33:48,238 --> 00:33:49,971 (Chanting): Kent! Kent! 727 00:33:49,973 --> 00:33:52,006 Kent! Kent. 728 00:33:52,008 --> 00:33:53,574 Kent! Kent. 729 00:33:53,576 --> 00:33:54,942 Kent! Kent. 730 00:33:54,944 --> 00:33:56,677 Kent! Kent. 731 00:33:56,679 --> 00:33:57,944 Kent! Kent. 732 00:33:57,946 --> 00:34:04,316 [cheering and applause] 733 00:34:04,318 --> 00:34:08,419 Now, I need complete silence for this next trick. 734 00:34:08,421 --> 00:34:11,188 Touch me and you're a dead man. 735 00:34:11,190 --> 00:34:12,956 (Crowd): Oooh!!!!! 736 00:34:12,958 --> 00:34:14,891 Alright. 737 00:34:17,262 --> 00:34:20,029 Pick a card, any card. 738 00:34:20,031 --> 00:34:22,698 What? A stupid card trick? 739 00:34:22,700 --> 00:34:24,766 Any card at all. 740 00:34:27,804 --> 00:34:30,971 Now show it to the room. 741 00:34:30,973 --> 00:34:33,039 Did you guys get a good look? 742 00:34:33,041 --> 00:34:35,106 Now put it back. 743 00:34:36,876 --> 00:34:37,975 Alright. 744 00:34:37,977 --> 00:34:41,945 Kent, is this your card? 745 00:34:41,947 --> 00:34:43,680 Fuck no. 746 00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,114 Is this his card? 747 00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:46,948 No. 748 00:34:49,519 --> 00:34:51,185 Oh. Check your pants. 749 00:34:51,187 --> 00:34:53,153 Check my what? 750 00:34:53,155 --> 00:34:54,888 Your pants. 751 00:34:56,458 --> 00:34:58,891 Fuck! 752 00:34:58,893 --> 00:34:59,791 What the fuck! 753 00:34:59,793 --> 00:35:06,797 [applause] 754 00:35:06,799 --> 00:35:09,032 Thank you. 755 00:35:12,070 --> 00:35:15,171 That was, that was pretty awesome. 756 00:35:15,173 --> 00:35:18,741 Yeah, you want to see another one? 757 00:35:18,743 --> 00:35:20,809 Maybe. 758 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:33,153 ¶ 759 00:35:33,155 --> 00:35:43,596 ¶ 760 00:35:49,103 --> 00:35:50,368 Oh fuck. 761 00:35:50,370 --> 00:35:51,836 Just! 762 00:36:06,018 --> 00:36:08,051 Like my outfit? 763 00:36:08,053 --> 00:36:09,185 It's really pretty. 764 00:36:09,187 --> 00:36:12,621 Thanks. 765 00:36:12,623 --> 00:36:14,389 Take the back of the knee, right, 766 00:36:14,391 --> 00:36:16,624 it's surprisingly sensitive. 767 00:36:16,626 --> 00:36:19,426 It can't always be about the clitoris. 768 00:36:19,428 --> 00:36:21,694 Oh hey, you go to my church. 769 00:36:21,696 --> 00:36:22,695 Oh, that's right. 770 00:36:22,697 --> 00:36:24,396 It is so good to see you. 771 00:36:24,398 --> 00:36:26,264 It's good to see you. 772 00:36:26,266 --> 00:36:27,732 So, where's Neal? 773 00:36:27,734 --> 00:36:29,934 Neal, Neal's amazing. 774 00:36:29,936 --> 00:36:31,035 I know, right? 775 00:36:31,037 --> 00:36:32,536 Where is he? 776 00:36:32,538 --> 00:36:35,038 No, no, no, no, I'm not telling you. 777 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,106 You I'm not going to tell. 778 00:36:37,108 --> 00:36:39,741 Please tell me? 779 00:36:39,743 --> 00:36:42,210 Please? Please? 780 00:36:42,212 --> 00:36:43,611 Tell me? 781 00:36:43,613 --> 00:36:45,813 You smell like cinnamon. 782 00:36:45,815 --> 00:36:48,649 Okay, okay, okay I'll tell you okay 783 00:36:48,651 --> 00:36:53,720 but you're a little late because he's already having sex. 784 00:37:01,796 --> 00:37:03,428 So, what are you into? 785 00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:06,798 Besides magic I like video games, 786 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,166 I kind of like the retro stuff 787 00:37:08,168 --> 00:37:11,435 because it's more about the game play. 788 00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:14,671 I meant like in bed. 789 00:37:14,673 --> 00:37:16,572 Uh. 790 00:37:17,841 --> 00:37:21,008 You want to fuck me, don't you? 791 00:37:21,010 --> 00:37:25,111 That would be super helpful. 792 00:37:25,113 --> 00:37:26,278 Yeah. 793 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:27,078 I mean yes. 794 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,146 Ok. 795 00:37:33,285 --> 00:37:36,753 Neal? 796 00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:39,222 Neal, are you up here? 797 00:37:42,327 --> 00:37:43,826 Are you ready? 798 00:37:43,828 --> 00:37:45,261 I think so. 799 00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:46,395 You feel ready. 800 00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:48,029 I feel ready. 801 00:37:51,401 --> 00:37:53,200 This is not what it looks like! 802 00:37:53,202 --> 00:37:55,635 Cheryl? Really? 803 00:37:55,637 --> 00:37:56,969 I asked you first. 804 00:37:56,971 --> 00:37:58,637 You know I just came to warn you that these people 805 00:37:58,639 --> 00:38:01,039 from your church are coming. 806 00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:02,740 Oh. Can we still do this? 807 00:38:02,742 --> 00:38:05,109 You're kidding, right? 808 00:38:11,116 --> 00:38:12,915 Oh shit, fuck. 809 00:38:12,917 --> 00:38:14,950 Do something. 810 00:38:27,463 --> 00:38:28,795 That was close. 811 00:38:28,797 --> 00:38:30,129 Lets go. 812 00:38:30,131 --> 00:38:32,397 No, I'll stay here and buy you some time. 813 00:38:32,399 --> 00:38:33,264 Denise, it's not safe. 814 00:38:33,266 --> 00:38:34,465 They're not after me okay, 815 00:38:34,467 --> 00:38:36,667 we'll catch up later and see what happens. 816 00:38:36,669 --> 00:38:38,168 So, you believe me now? 817 00:38:38,170 --> 00:38:41,304 Yes, I believe you're being hunted by a Satanic cult. 818 00:38:41,306 --> 00:38:42,905 Go. 819 00:38:47,311 --> 00:38:48,810 Did you see Neal? 820 00:38:48,812 --> 00:38:51,913 Jesus, is every girl at this party trying to get with him? 821 00:38:51,915 --> 00:38:53,281 Where is he? 822 00:38:53,283 --> 00:38:54,415 Hi. 823 00:38:54,417 --> 00:38:56,382 Hey. 824 00:38:58,452 --> 00:39:02,420 [¶¶¶] 825 00:39:02,422 --> 00:39:03,487 Matt? 826 00:39:07,859 --> 00:39:09,625 Oh my god, hey! 827 00:39:09,627 --> 00:39:12,094 You know, I was wondering where all the hot guys were. 828 00:39:12,096 --> 00:39:14,196 What are you doing here? 829 00:39:18,768 --> 00:39:20,267 [gagging] 830 00:39:20,269 --> 00:39:21,534 Matt, come on we have to go. 831 00:39:21,536 --> 00:39:22,535 What? 832 00:39:22,537 --> 00:39:24,370 We have to go, get up. 833 00:39:24,372 --> 00:39:26,772 Wait, wait, wait, do I have puke in my teeth? 834 00:39:26,774 --> 00:39:28,106 Where's your friend? 835 00:39:28,108 --> 00:39:28,840 Who? 836 00:39:28,842 --> 00:39:30,541 Neal? 837 00:39:30,543 --> 00:39:32,643 Uh, did you try upstairs? 838 00:39:32,645 --> 00:39:34,378 Yeah. 839 00:39:38,517 --> 00:39:41,451 Oh, I've just got to sit for a sec. 840 00:39:41,453 --> 00:39:42,385 Oooh!!! 841 00:39:42,387 --> 00:39:43,319 Ow. 842 00:39:43,321 --> 00:39:44,353 Dude! 843 00:39:44,355 --> 00:39:45,287 Oh, the keys. 844 00:39:45,289 --> 00:39:46,988 We've got to go man! 845 00:39:46,990 --> 00:39:47,855 Alright. 846 00:39:47,857 --> 00:39:49,623 I've got the key. 847 00:39:49,625 --> 00:39:51,791 You're all smiling. 848 00:39:54,495 --> 00:39:57,696 Hey guys, wait, where are you going? 849 00:39:57,698 --> 00:39:59,230 We're not stealing a car. 850 00:39:59,232 --> 00:40:01,498 No, we're borrowing it. 851 00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:05,134 [drunken laugh] 852 00:40:05,136 --> 00:40:08,470 [struggling grunts] 853 00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,038 That's it, that's it for you. 854 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,206 [grunts] 855 00:40:14,910 --> 00:40:18,478 Oh hey, so this church is it like any regular church or? 856 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,013 No, it's the exact opposite. 857 00:40:21,015 --> 00:40:24,049 Oh okay, so your altar boys molest your priests then? 858 00:40:24,051 --> 00:40:26,117 I don't really know. 859 00:40:29,322 --> 00:40:30,187 [crash] 860 00:40:30,189 --> 00:40:31,087 Oh shit, sorry. 861 00:40:31,089 --> 00:40:31,887 [alarm wailing] 862 00:40:31,889 --> 00:40:33,388 There. 863 00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:36,491 You'd better drive, you've got to be responsible here. 864 00:40:36,493 --> 00:40:39,026 [car horn] 865 00:40:39,028 --> 00:40:40,560 Ahhhh!!!!!!! 866 00:40:40,562 --> 00:40:41,761 We're not going to hurt you! 867 00:40:41,763 --> 00:40:42,394 Go! Go! 868 00:40:42,396 --> 00:40:43,595 Go! Go! 869 00:40:43,597 --> 00:40:44,896 Get out of the goddamn car! 870 00:40:44,898 --> 00:40:46,430 Go, go, go, go, go! 871 00:40:46,432 --> 00:40:48,298 Come on! 872 00:40:51,569 --> 00:40:53,268 Get the truck. 873 00:40:54,337 --> 00:40:56,970 Put her in the car! 874 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:03,542 [squeals] 875 00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,043 How the fuck did they find us? 876 00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:09,347 I'll tell you how, your friend without benefits sold us out. 877 00:41:09,349 --> 00:41:10,614 Denise? 878 00:41:10,616 --> 00:41:12,782 No fucking way man, she helped us escape dude. 879 00:41:12,784 --> 00:41:14,049 Aw, barely. 880 00:41:14,051 --> 00:41:15,250 You don't know what you're talking about, 881 00:41:15,252 --> 00:41:16,551 how about your dad? 882 00:41:16,553 --> 00:41:18,119 The cop? 883 00:41:18,121 --> 00:41:19,954 I bet you 50 bucks he's got some kind of tracking chip implanted 884 00:41:19,956 --> 00:41:21,789 into your nut sack. 885 00:41:21,791 --> 00:41:24,525 Listen, there are Satanists all over this town. 886 00:41:24,527 --> 00:41:25,792 It could be anyone, okay? 887 00:41:25,794 --> 00:41:28,528 It could be you know the fucking taxi drivers, 888 00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:33,265 waitresses, cops, hobos, fucking baristas, 889 00:41:33,267 --> 00:41:36,935 dog groomers, fucking vegans, fucking hipsters man. 890 00:41:36,937 --> 00:41:38,703 You're right, you're right, 891 00:41:38,705 --> 00:41:40,371 we've got to keep our eyes peeled. 892 00:41:40,373 --> 00:41:45,242 Bottom line, the only people we can trust are each other, okay? 893 00:41:45,244 --> 00:41:50,079 Wait, what if you just lied. 894 00:41:50,081 --> 00:41:51,480 How would they know? 895 00:41:51,482 --> 00:41:53,949 They will know, my mom is a bloodhound for bullshit. 896 00:41:53,951 --> 00:41:56,117 What self respecting teenager doesn't know how to lie 897 00:41:56,119 --> 00:41:57,418 to his own mother? 898 00:41:57,420 --> 00:42:00,320 She can smell it on my breath. 899 00:42:00,322 --> 00:42:02,555 Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck. 900 00:42:02,557 --> 00:42:03,822 [car horn wailing] 901 00:42:03,824 --> 00:42:04,589 What? 902 00:42:04,591 --> 00:42:05,423 Fuck! 903 00:42:05,425 --> 00:42:06,757 What? 904 00:42:06,759 --> 00:42:08,558 What's wrong? 905 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,625 We're out of gas. 906 00:42:15,165 --> 00:42:17,231 Maybe the Satanists will be too scared to follow us here. 907 00:42:27,609 --> 00:42:30,009 It's one of those pre-paid deals. 908 00:42:30,011 --> 00:42:32,077 I got it. 909 00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:40,251 Hi, fifty bucks on pump two. 910 00:42:45,090 --> 00:42:48,091 (Sheldon): Let the scales fall from your eyes 911 00:42:48,093 --> 00:42:54,630 for God is the deceiver and Satan is the salvation. 912 00:42:54,632 --> 00:42:57,699 il's mom): Sheldon told us t you had a special purpose. 913 00:43:09,312 --> 00:43:10,144 What? 914 00:43:10,146 --> 00:43:12,212 I'm going to pay for it. 915 00:43:16,784 --> 00:43:19,651 Yo dude, what the fuck is all that? 916 00:43:19,653 --> 00:43:22,186 Provisions, in case we have to go into hiding. 917 00:43:22,188 --> 00:43:24,555 Yeah, hiding, about that. 918 00:43:24,557 --> 00:43:27,057 I've been thinking hiding might not be the best idea, 919 00:43:27,059 --> 00:43:27,991 I mean. 920 00:43:27,993 --> 00:43:29,792 Okay, come on, get in the car. 921 00:43:29,794 --> 00:43:31,360 No, no, no this might sound a little fucked up 922 00:43:31,362 --> 00:43:33,195 but if any of this shit is real 923 00:43:33,197 --> 00:43:38,033 then getting me laid might actually save the world. 924 00:43:40,137 --> 00:43:42,237 Get in the car, come on. 925 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,305 What? I'm kind of serious. 926 00:43:44,307 --> 00:43:46,073 I know you're serious, that's why this is 927 00:43:46,075 --> 00:43:47,474 so fucking insane man. 928 00:43:47,476 --> 00:43:49,309 That's like delusions of grandeur much? 929 00:43:49,311 --> 00:43:50,810 They tried to kill me. 930 00:43:50,812 --> 00:43:53,479 If this shit is real nobody is safe, you get that right? 931 00:43:53,481 --> 00:43:55,380 Dude, there is no Hell. 932 00:43:55,382 --> 00:43:57,682 There's no Satan or any of that shit. 933 00:43:57,684 --> 00:44:00,518 I mean, your parents, my parents, Sheldon, Mary, 934 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,486 they're all just brainwashed lunatics dude. 935 00:44:02,488 --> 00:44:04,654 The sooner you realize that the freer you'll be, 936 00:44:04,656 --> 00:44:07,390 come on dude look at me. 937 00:44:07,392 --> 00:44:10,092 I'm just living in the moment having a fucking blast 938 00:44:10,094 --> 00:44:13,361 enjoying not one but two flavours of beef jerky. 939 00:44:13,363 --> 00:44:17,164 It's no big deal because I know at the end of the day 940 00:44:17,166 --> 00:44:20,600 the only asshole who is judging me is me. 941 00:44:20,602 --> 00:44:23,269 You know why I'm here, right? 942 00:44:23,271 --> 00:44:25,104 Because I'm your only friend. 943 00:44:25,106 --> 00:44:27,506 Yes, that and because I want to be there 944 00:44:27,508 --> 00:44:33,211 for the first moment that your dick tastes vaginal glory. 945 00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:34,679 You want to watch me have sex? 946 00:44:34,681 --> 00:44:35,746 No, no dude. 947 00:44:35,748 --> 00:44:38,515 I just want to see you be happy. 948 00:44:38,517 --> 00:44:40,350 Come on, man. 949 00:44:40,352 --> 00:44:42,118 Be happy? 950 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:43,853 You just want to live vicariously through me 951 00:44:43,855 --> 00:44:45,754 because you're not. 952 00:44:45,756 --> 00:44:47,589 Not what? 953 00:44:47,591 --> 00:44:49,857 Nothing. 954 00:44:49,859 --> 00:44:51,091 Never mind, I didn't say that. 955 00:44:51,093 --> 00:44:52,292 Oh. 956 00:44:52,294 --> 00:44:56,195 Because I'm not cool enough for you? 957 00:44:56,197 --> 00:44:59,364 Because I'm just your tag-a-long friend, right? 958 00:44:59,366 --> 00:45:00,932 And now all of a sudden that you're Mr. Popular 959 00:45:00,934 --> 00:45:03,601 you can't hang out with a loser like me? 960 00:45:03,603 --> 00:45:04,535 Did I say that? 961 00:45:04,537 --> 00:45:05,802 Oh please, Neal. 962 00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:06,702 Be my friend. 963 00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:08,571 Here, take my jerky. 964 00:45:08,573 --> 00:45:09,705 How much for a sleepover. 965 00:45:09,707 --> 00:45:10,872 You want to hang out now? 966 00:45:10,874 --> 00:45:11,572 Huh? 967 00:45:11,574 --> 00:45:12,406 Take everything. 968 00:45:12,408 --> 00:45:13,140 Stop. 969 00:45:13,142 --> 00:45:13,740 Everything I have. 970 00:45:13,742 --> 00:45:16,709 Stop. Stop. 971 00:45:16,711 --> 00:45:18,177 Whoa. 972 00:45:18,179 --> 00:45:19,344 What? 973 00:45:19,346 --> 00:45:21,813 I can't believe I'm even suggesting this. 974 00:45:21,815 --> 00:45:23,881 What? 975 00:45:23,883 --> 00:45:25,949 Prostitutes. 976 00:45:27,852 --> 00:45:28,884 Prostitutes. 977 00:45:28,886 --> 00:45:30,552 Prostitutes. 978 00:45:30,554 --> 00:45:32,420 Prostitutes! 979 00:45:32,422 --> 00:45:36,690 Prostitutes! 980 00:45:36,692 --> 00:45:37,857 Fuck yeah. 981 00:45:37,859 --> 00:45:39,825 Fuck yeah man. 982 00:45:45,665 --> 00:45:47,364 Alright. 983 00:45:47,366 --> 00:45:49,432 Keep looking. 984 00:45:52,103 --> 00:45:55,337 It does not look good I'm afraid. 985 00:45:55,339 --> 00:45:57,539 He'll show up Sheldon, trust me. 986 00:45:57,541 --> 00:46:00,341 You don't have to fear me, Gary. 987 00:46:00,343 --> 00:46:02,109 I'm on your side. 988 00:46:02,111 --> 00:46:06,613 But you need to fear, what we all need to fear, 989 00:46:06,615 --> 00:46:08,448 is our Lord below. 990 00:46:08,450 --> 00:46:13,352 I'm merely an instrument of his wrath. 991 00:46:13,354 --> 00:46:15,520 What Sheldon is trying to say is that - 992 00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:17,355 Yes, Mary. 993 00:46:17,357 --> 00:46:21,525 Explain to them what I'm trying to say. 994 00:46:21,527 --> 00:46:27,530 What Sheldon is trying to say is that if Neal doesn't show up 995 00:46:27,532 --> 00:46:32,200 we're going to need to find some kind of replacement offering. 996 00:46:32,202 --> 00:46:35,436 Thank you for clarifying my dear. 997 00:46:37,039 --> 00:46:39,506 Oh. 998 00:46:48,716 --> 00:46:50,282 Oh, this is sad. 999 00:46:50,284 --> 00:46:52,550 We should be helping these women not exploiting them. 1000 00:46:52,552 --> 00:46:56,120 Hey, hey, hey, this was this was your idea. 1001 00:46:56,122 --> 00:46:59,256 I know I just thought it would be less tragic somehow. 1002 00:46:59,258 --> 00:47:03,059 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 1003 00:47:03,061 --> 00:47:06,896 Hey, you looking to make some real cash money 1004 00:47:06,898 --> 00:47:10,966 and get serviced by a couple of barely legal studs? 1005 00:47:14,737 --> 00:47:15,469 Both of you looking? 1006 00:47:15,471 --> 00:47:16,403 No. 1007 00:47:16,405 --> 00:47:17,904 Yes, yes. 1008 00:47:17,906 --> 00:47:21,907 How much? 1009 00:47:21,909 --> 00:47:24,409 That depends on what you want. 1010 00:47:24,411 --> 00:47:28,479 Uh, I just really need to lose my virginity tonight so. 1011 00:47:36,788 --> 00:47:41,189 Yeah, I can help you out. 1012 00:47:41,191 --> 00:47:43,424 But not here. 1013 00:47:43,426 --> 00:47:46,293 Meet me there and ask for Ashley. 1014 00:47:46,295 --> 00:47:48,561 Oh. 1015 00:48:00,841 --> 00:48:01,973 Is this it? 1016 00:48:01,975 --> 00:48:06,943 Yeah, yeah. 1017 00:48:06,945 --> 00:48:10,446 Can I help you? 1018 00:48:10,448 --> 00:48:13,615 [whispers] Is this the house of ill repute? 1019 00:48:13,617 --> 00:48:15,850 You don't have to whisper. 1020 00:48:15,852 --> 00:48:18,886 Oh, oh okay. 1021 00:48:18,888 --> 00:48:21,822 I'd like one prostitute please. 1022 00:48:21,824 --> 00:48:22,823 Alright. 1023 00:48:22,825 --> 00:48:24,691 What were you looking for exactly? 1024 00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:26,826 I'd like a good personality, 1025 00:48:26,828 --> 00:48:31,062 I'd like a cute laugh, and boobs. 1026 00:48:31,064 --> 00:48:32,229 They all have boobs. 1027 00:48:32,231 --> 00:48:33,897 We'll take Ashley. 1028 00:48:33,899 --> 00:48:35,832 Great. 1029 00:48:35,834 --> 00:48:36,732 Great. 1030 00:48:36,734 --> 00:48:37,833 Yeah. 1031 00:48:37,835 --> 00:48:38,667 Go with that. 1032 00:48:38,669 --> 00:48:39,534 Great. 1033 00:48:39,536 --> 00:48:41,435 Have a seat. 1034 00:48:44,973 --> 00:48:47,039 The things have got red eyes. 1035 00:48:54,581 --> 00:48:56,581 You come with me. 1036 00:48:56,583 --> 00:48:57,248 You sit tight. 1037 00:48:57,250 --> 00:48:57,881 Oh. 1038 00:48:57,883 --> 00:48:59,482 No, no, no, no. 1039 00:48:59,484 --> 00:49:00,983 See, the thing like. 1040 00:49:00,985 --> 00:49:02,884 Do you want to do this? 1041 00:49:02,886 --> 00:49:03,985 Yes. 1042 00:49:03,987 --> 00:49:04,585 Please. 1043 00:49:04,587 --> 00:49:05,986 Yes, please. 1044 00:49:05,988 --> 00:49:08,421 Then he goes first. 1045 00:49:09,023 --> 00:49:09,821 Well. 1046 00:49:09,823 --> 00:49:11,155 Whoa, ah. 1047 00:49:11,157 --> 00:49:12,022 Wait, Ashley. 1048 00:49:12,024 --> 00:49:14,024 Uh, baby. 1049 00:49:14,026 --> 00:49:17,527 Look, I cannot wait to get with you 1050 00:49:17,529 --> 00:49:20,530 and I'm so flattered that you feel the same way 1051 00:49:20,532 --> 00:49:24,533 but he really should go first. 1052 00:49:24,535 --> 00:49:27,602 Yeah. 1053 00:49:27,604 --> 00:49:29,670 I really need to go first. 1054 00:49:33,842 --> 00:49:35,374 Matt? 1055 00:49:35,376 --> 00:49:36,875 Come on. 1056 00:49:36,877 --> 00:49:38,776 Matt? Matt? Matt? 1057 00:49:38,778 --> 00:49:39,843 I don't know, man. 1058 00:49:55,427 --> 00:49:59,896 So, what's your deal? 1059 00:49:59,898 --> 00:50:05,901 Well, I'm thinking I'd like to start off with a hand job 1060 00:50:05,903 --> 00:50:11,973 and then you know work my way up to a blow job 1061 00:50:11,975 --> 00:50:15,242 and then finish off with a vagina job? 1062 00:50:15,244 --> 00:50:16,610 Okay. 1063 00:50:16,612 --> 00:50:17,544 Yeah? 1064 00:50:17,546 --> 00:50:19,445 Uh, cool. 1065 00:50:19,447 --> 00:50:22,915 And the same exact same goes for my friend out there. 1066 00:50:22,917 --> 00:50:25,417 I really can't stress enough how important it is 1067 00:50:25,419 --> 00:50:28,987 that he gets a proper vagina job. 1068 00:50:28,989 --> 00:50:31,055 Well, how much money do you got? 1069 00:50:32,992 --> 00:50:35,058 Yes, currency. 1070 00:51:03,687 --> 00:51:07,455 [squeaky bed sounds] 1071 00:51:07,457 --> 00:51:12,626 So, how did you get into prostituting? 1072 00:51:12,628 --> 00:51:17,664 So, I mean you must have some wild stories. 1073 00:51:17,666 --> 00:51:19,198 Not really. 1074 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,166 No? 1075 00:51:21,168 --> 00:51:25,603 You, I mean meet any crazy characters at least or? 1076 00:51:25,605 --> 00:51:27,371 I guess. 1077 00:51:27,373 --> 00:51:30,640 What's the weirdest thing 1078 00:51:30,642 --> 00:51:33,943 that anyone's ever asked you to do? 1079 00:51:33,945 --> 00:51:36,445 This one guy pays me to poop on his dog. 1080 00:51:37,881 --> 00:51:39,080 Oh. 1081 00:51:42,351 --> 00:51:43,950 What kind of dog? 1082 00:51:43,952 --> 00:51:46,018 I don't know, a brown one. 1083 00:51:50,857 --> 00:51:52,056 Can I see your boobs at least? 1084 00:51:52,058 --> 00:51:54,958 Shhhh!!!!!!! 1085 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:58,527 [squeaky bed sounds] 1086 00:51:58,529 --> 00:52:01,963 [cell phone beeps] 1087 00:52:01,965 --> 00:52:06,033 What if I told you this is my first time? 1088 00:52:06,035 --> 00:52:07,901 Please don't cry. 1089 00:52:07,903 --> 00:52:11,004 I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. 1090 00:52:11,006 --> 00:52:12,038 Good. 1091 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:17,109 [heavy breathing] 1092 00:52:26,419 --> 00:52:28,552 Wooo-hooooo!!!!!!!!! 1093 00:52:28,554 --> 00:52:29,386 And? 1094 00:52:29,388 --> 00:52:30,520 So, what happened? 1095 00:52:30,522 --> 00:52:31,254 Talk to me buddy. 1096 00:52:31,256 --> 00:52:34,323 Oh man, was it awesome. 1097 00:52:34,325 --> 00:52:40,561 Uh, I just, I mean not only was the sex amazing 1098 00:52:40,563 --> 00:52:46,699 but...but you know I think that the best part was 1099 00:52:46,701 --> 00:52:49,835 that Ashley and I really connected you know. 1100 00:52:49,837 --> 00:52:50,435 Really? 1101 00:52:50,437 --> 00:52:52,036 Yeah. 1102 00:52:52,038 --> 00:52:53,237 Wow. 1103 00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:53,870 Wow. 1104 00:52:53,872 --> 00:52:57,073 Okay. 1105 00:52:57,075 --> 00:52:58,741 So, where is she? 1106 00:52:58,743 --> 00:52:59,608 Ashley? 1107 00:52:59,610 --> 00:53:01,409 Oh, uh, poor thing is exhausted. 1108 00:53:01,411 --> 00:53:04,212 You know I really gave it to her in there but don't worry 1109 00:53:04,214 --> 00:53:06,681 you know I'm sure she's got another one in her 1110 00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:11,318 just don't be mad at me if she still has Matt on the mind. 1111 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,119 I'm going to have sex. 1112 00:53:13,121 --> 00:53:15,187 You're going to have sex. 1113 00:53:15,189 --> 00:53:16,488 And I'm not going to die. 1114 00:53:16,490 --> 00:53:20,491 You're not going to die, go in there do it. 1115 00:53:20,493 --> 00:53:21,358 You're ready. 1116 00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:22,992 I'm ready, man. 1117 00:53:22,994 --> 00:53:25,027 Have a great time. 1118 00:53:27,197 --> 00:53:29,397 I am a fucking pussy. 1119 00:53:37,305 --> 00:53:39,138 Ashley... 1120 00:53:56,256 --> 00:53:59,323 Hey, it's my turn. 1121 00:54:02,994 --> 00:54:04,493 You just sit there, okay. 1122 00:54:04,495 --> 00:54:07,628 Hey, where are you going? 1123 00:54:09,898 --> 00:54:11,764 I'll be right back. 1124 00:54:28,349 --> 00:54:30,349 Matt! 1125 00:54:30,351 --> 00:54:32,217 Matt! 1126 00:54:32,219 --> 00:54:33,785 Matt! 1127 00:54:33,787 --> 00:54:35,887 Hey Neal, we just need to talk to you for a minute. 1128 00:54:35,889 --> 00:54:37,221 Everything is okay, everything is okay 1129 00:54:37,223 --> 00:54:39,890 we just need to talk to you for just a second. 1130 00:54:39,892 --> 00:54:40,557 This is a raid! 1131 00:54:40,559 --> 00:54:41,591 Everybody out! 1132 00:54:41,593 --> 00:54:42,425 Neal, Neal, Neal. 1133 00:54:42,427 --> 00:54:43,926 Open up, it's the police! 1134 00:54:43,928 --> 00:54:54,002 [screams and chaos] 1135 00:55:06,816 --> 00:55:08,882 Colette, you seen them? 1136 00:55:30,271 --> 00:55:31,837 Go, go, go! 1137 00:55:31,839 --> 00:55:33,471 Hey, get back here! 1138 00:55:33,473 --> 00:55:34,939 Rod, it's not Neal! 1139 00:55:34,941 --> 00:55:36,307 Greg! 1140 00:55:36,309 --> 00:55:37,741 Neal! 1141 00:55:37,743 --> 00:55:39,242 Get the fuck back here! 1142 00:55:39,244 --> 00:55:41,444 Greg! 1143 00:55:41,446 --> 00:55:42,645 Greg get back here! 1144 00:55:42,647 --> 00:55:44,513 Get the fuck back here! 1145 00:55:44,515 --> 00:55:46,181 Oh, you goddamn idiot. 1146 00:55:49,319 --> 00:55:51,252 Rod, he stole the car! 1147 00:55:51,254 --> 00:55:52,519 What? 1148 00:55:55,290 --> 00:55:56,756 Greg, come on! 1149 00:55:58,259 --> 00:55:59,691 Shit! 1150 00:55:59,693 --> 00:56:01,159 Well, I have to hand it to you. 1151 00:56:01,161 --> 00:56:03,528 It's pretty brave of you to come back for me. 1152 00:56:03,530 --> 00:56:04,929 What happened to you? 1153 00:56:04,931 --> 00:56:06,130 Just tried to keep them busy. 1154 00:56:06,132 --> 00:56:07,965 Tried to buy you some time, 1155 00:56:07,967 --> 00:56:10,367 I did get pretty friendly with Brad. 1156 00:56:10,369 --> 00:56:11,301 Denise, he's the enemy. 1157 00:56:11,303 --> 00:56:12,302 For fucks sake, Neal. 1158 00:56:12,304 --> 00:56:14,570 I'm joking. 1159 00:56:17,474 --> 00:56:19,173 You're never going to get it are you? 1160 00:56:19,175 --> 00:56:20,507 Get what? 1161 00:56:20,509 --> 00:56:22,809 That I like you, you moron. 1162 00:56:22,811 --> 00:56:25,011 I like you too but you don't have to be a bitch about it. 1163 00:56:25,013 --> 00:56:26,679 No, Neal. 1164 00:56:26,681 --> 00:56:29,548 Fuck, I like like you. 1165 00:56:29,550 --> 00:56:31,349 Like like. 1166 00:56:31,351 --> 00:56:34,452 What? Why? 1167 00:56:34,454 --> 00:56:36,353 I don't know, because you're like the coolest person 1168 00:56:36,355 --> 00:56:37,987 I've ever met? 1169 00:56:37,989 --> 00:56:40,289 I'm not cool Denise, I don't even know how to be cool. 1170 00:56:40,291 --> 00:56:41,890 Exactly, Neal. 1171 00:56:41,892 --> 00:56:43,658 Oh wow. 1172 00:56:43,660 --> 00:56:46,127 Awesome, does that mean we get to have sex now? 1173 00:56:46,129 --> 00:56:47,061 No. 1174 00:56:47,063 --> 00:56:48,362 Make love. 1175 00:56:48,364 --> 00:56:49,629 Okay, you really have to do better than that. 1176 00:56:49,631 --> 00:56:51,497 You smell nice. 1177 00:56:51,499 --> 00:56:52,831 No, Neal. 1178 00:56:52,833 --> 00:56:54,299 Jesus, what do you want me to say? 1179 00:56:54,301 --> 00:56:56,567 That I like you but I've always liked you but I thought. 1180 00:56:56,569 --> 00:56:58,569 I knew it, you're a fucking chicken. 1181 00:56:58,571 --> 00:56:59,636 Fuck. 1182 00:56:59,638 --> 00:57:00,503 Okay. 1183 00:57:00,505 --> 00:57:01,904 Lets just go back in time, 1184 00:57:01,906 --> 00:57:04,239 pretend I had the guts to ask you out on a real date. 1185 00:57:04,241 --> 00:57:05,573 A date. 1186 00:57:05,575 --> 00:57:07,641 Okay, where are we going? 1187 00:57:07,643 --> 00:57:09,376 It's a surprise but you say yes, 1188 00:57:09,378 --> 00:57:13,380 I pick you up at your house with one perfect red rose 1189 00:57:13,382 --> 00:57:15,715 and I'm really nervous because this is the night 1190 00:57:15,717 --> 00:57:17,883 I'm going to tell you everything 1191 00:57:17,885 --> 00:57:21,019 and you're really nervous too because you know what's coming. 1192 00:57:21,021 --> 00:57:22,987 Alright, tell me more. 1193 00:57:22,989 --> 00:57:27,490 We start with something fun like go-carting 1194 00:57:27,492 --> 00:57:31,360 and after we walk down to that fancy vegan restaurant. 1195 00:57:31,362 --> 00:57:33,362 Nice touch. 1196 00:57:33,364 --> 00:57:35,497 After dinner we walk by the beach 1197 00:57:35,499 --> 00:57:37,332 and I gather every bit of courage I have 1198 00:57:37,334 --> 00:57:40,601 and tell you what I've always needed to. 1199 00:57:42,338 --> 00:57:44,671 What do you say? 1200 00:57:44,673 --> 00:57:48,007 That I've liked you since I was old enough to like girls 1201 00:57:48,009 --> 00:57:52,510 but I was terrified that if I made a move on you 1202 00:57:52,512 --> 00:57:54,678 I would ruin it and screw it up 1203 00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:57,280 and you would never talk to me again. 1204 00:58:06,424 --> 00:58:07,356 Oh boy. 1205 00:58:07,358 --> 00:58:09,958 Hold on. 1206 00:58:39,622 --> 00:58:40,821 Oh. 1207 00:58:42,424 --> 00:58:43,556 Are you fucking kidding me, Neal? 1208 00:58:43,558 --> 00:58:44,823 Ohhhh!!!!!! 1209 00:58:44,825 --> 00:58:46,758 Neal, are you fucking kidding me? 1210 00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:47,825 Oh, fuck me. 1211 00:58:47,827 --> 00:58:48,659 Sorry. 1212 00:58:48,661 --> 00:58:50,727 Oh my god. 1213 00:58:50,729 --> 00:58:52,495 Neal. 1214 00:58:52,497 --> 00:58:53,496 Come on. 1215 00:58:53,498 --> 00:58:56,832 I'm sorry, I'm just really sorry. 1216 00:58:56,834 --> 00:58:58,600 It's a mess. 1217 00:58:58,602 --> 00:59:00,668 Denise, I really... 1218 00:59:04,439 --> 00:59:05,504 What the? 1219 00:59:07,474 --> 00:59:08,406 Dude. 1220 00:59:08,408 --> 00:59:10,908 Was there penetration? 1221 00:59:10,910 --> 00:59:12,475 A bunch. 1222 00:59:14,979 --> 00:59:17,479 Really, so tell me what it felt like. 1223 00:59:17,481 --> 00:59:19,080 Like a fucking. 1224 00:59:19,082 --> 00:59:24,618 Put a sock on a foot man and it fits just right. 1225 00:59:24,620 --> 00:59:25,752 He's still a virgin. 1226 00:59:25,754 --> 00:59:27,787 Lets go, lets go. 1227 00:59:27,789 --> 00:59:28,420 Lets go. 1228 00:59:28,422 --> 00:59:29,521 I'm so sorry. 1229 00:59:29,523 --> 00:59:30,588 It's okay. 1230 00:59:30,590 --> 00:59:31,956 Call me tomorrow. 1231 00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:32,823 I will. 1232 00:59:32,825 --> 00:59:34,624 Did you, did you get it in? 1233 00:59:34,626 --> 00:59:36,225 Did you get it in her? 1234 00:59:45,702 --> 00:59:48,502 So? What happened? 1235 00:59:48,504 --> 00:59:49,603 Are you going to say anything? 1236 00:59:49,605 --> 00:59:51,137 Are you going to tell me what happened? 1237 00:59:51,139 --> 00:59:51,804 Alright, what happened. 1238 00:59:51,806 --> 00:59:52,604 Okay. 1239 00:59:52,606 --> 00:59:54,839 I told Denise I liked her, 1240 00:59:54,841 --> 00:59:57,508 she said she liked me back which was great 1241 00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,477 and then I came all over her fucking leg. 1242 01:00:00,479 --> 01:00:02,545 Happy? 1243 01:00:02,547 --> 01:00:05,614 That's awesome dude, shit if you would have told her sooner 1244 01:00:05,616 --> 01:00:08,550 you could have been breaking your oath all over the place. 1245 01:00:08,552 --> 01:00:10,351 We wouldn't even be here. 1246 01:00:10,353 --> 01:00:12,286 Oh, so this is my fault now Matt? 1247 01:00:12,288 --> 01:00:12,886 What? 1248 01:00:12,888 --> 01:00:13,519 No. 1249 01:00:13,521 --> 01:00:14,386 No, no, no, no. 1250 01:00:14,388 --> 01:00:15,620 I'm just saying. 1251 01:00:15,622 --> 01:00:16,721 Oh, you're just saying. 1252 01:00:16,723 --> 01:00:19,390 Good, okay good you're just saying. 1253 01:00:19,392 --> 01:00:22,459 Ah, okay well what I'm saying 1254 01:00:22,461 --> 01:00:25,528 is that you've made this whole night about you. 1255 01:00:25,530 --> 01:00:27,663 I was the one who was supposed to get laid tonight, 1256 01:00:27,665 --> 01:00:31,500 you got in line and you were the one who had sex. 1257 01:00:31,502 --> 01:00:34,135 Yeah, I had sex with a dirty hoe okay, 1258 01:00:34,137 --> 01:00:36,237 what you have with Denise that's special, 1259 01:00:36,239 --> 01:00:37,905 that's that's nice. 1260 01:00:37,907 --> 01:00:39,406 Fuck you, man. 1261 01:00:39,408 --> 01:00:40,840 Fuck me? 1262 01:00:40,842 --> 01:00:43,375 It's too late, there's no more me and Denise, dude. 1263 01:00:43,377 --> 01:00:44,642 I'm not going to school again, dude, 1264 01:00:44,644 --> 01:00:46,377 I'm dead like fucking dead. 1265 01:00:46,379 --> 01:00:47,544 Dead, dead, dead. 1266 01:00:47,546 --> 01:00:49,546 You're not dead yet okay, 1267 01:00:49,548 --> 01:00:51,915 you still-- we can still get out of here 1268 01:00:51,917 --> 01:00:53,349 and don't blame me for this. 1269 01:00:53,351 --> 01:00:55,584 How am I going to get out, my hands are fucking tied. 1270 01:00:55,586 --> 01:00:56,518 My hands are tied! 1271 01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:59,587 My hands are tied too. 1272 01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,723 Did you just kick me? 1273 01:01:07,462 --> 01:01:08,461 Did you just fucking kick me? 1274 01:01:08,463 --> 01:01:09,962 Yeah I fucking kicked you. 1275 01:01:09,964 --> 01:01:10,929 What are you doing, man? 1276 01:01:10,931 --> 01:01:11,963 You fucking kicked me first. 1277 01:01:11,965 --> 01:01:13,764 When you kicked me it fucking hurt. 1278 01:01:13,766 --> 01:01:14,865 Hey, shut the fuck up back there. 1279 01:01:14,867 --> 01:01:17,000 No, you shut the fuck up man. 1280 01:01:17,002 --> 01:01:19,302 Fuck you, man. 1281 01:01:19,304 --> 01:01:20,303 Fuck. 1282 01:01:20,305 --> 01:01:23,306 [struggling grunts] 1283 01:01:23,308 --> 01:01:24,573 Want to fucking go? 1284 01:01:31,281 --> 01:01:32,680 Don't even. 1285 01:01:32,682 --> 01:01:35,816 Ah, there you are. 1286 01:01:35,818 --> 01:01:40,153 You are more trouble than you're worth. 1287 01:01:40,155 --> 01:01:43,222 And you have kept us waiting. 1288 01:01:43,224 --> 01:01:45,023 Well, I've got to hand it to you Neal, 1289 01:01:45,025 --> 01:01:49,493 you continually find new ways to humiliate your family. 1290 01:01:49,495 --> 01:01:52,295 I'm the embarrassment, really Dad, me? 1291 01:01:52,297 --> 01:01:53,062 I'm the embarrassment? 1292 01:01:53,064 --> 01:01:55,531 Yeah, that's right buster. 1293 01:01:55,533 --> 01:01:58,734 This stupid religion has fucked with your heads so bad 1294 01:01:58,736 --> 01:02:00,335 you're actually willing to sacrifice 1295 01:02:00,337 --> 01:02:01,636 your own flesh and blood 1296 01:02:01,638 --> 01:02:04,005 for some red guy with a tail. 1297 01:02:04,007 --> 01:02:06,007 Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's where you go easy. 1298 01:02:06,009 --> 01:02:08,476 You worship a fucking Halloween costume. 1299 01:02:08,478 --> 01:02:09,410 Yeah. 1300 01:02:09,412 --> 01:02:10,911 Shut up. 1301 01:02:10,913 --> 01:02:13,914 You dragged Mom down with you, look at her, 1302 01:02:13,916 --> 01:02:16,249 does she look okay to you? 1303 01:02:16,251 --> 01:02:19,685 I'm not the embarrassment. 1304 01:02:19,687 --> 01:02:22,320 How very sweet. 1305 01:02:22,322 --> 01:02:26,757 I wish we had more time for such touching family reunions 1306 01:02:26,759 --> 01:02:29,526 but alas we do not. 1307 01:02:29,528 --> 01:02:31,694 Get them ready. 1308 01:02:31,696 --> 01:02:34,596 Everything is going to be okay now. 1309 01:02:43,039 --> 01:02:44,671 [goat sounds] 1310 01:02:54,749 --> 01:02:58,750 Real nice, real fucking nice. 1311 01:02:58,752 --> 01:03:00,551 Your own son? 1312 01:03:00,553 --> 01:03:02,352 You're gutless. 1313 01:03:14,899 --> 01:03:18,700 Neal. 1314 01:03:18,702 --> 01:03:20,702 Come on, Neal. 1315 01:03:20,704 --> 01:03:22,770 Don't talk to me. 1316 01:03:34,883 --> 01:03:38,551 I cried. 1317 01:03:38,553 --> 01:03:40,986 What? 1318 01:03:40,988 --> 01:03:43,321 I cried. 1319 01:03:43,323 --> 01:03:44,655 What are you saying? 1320 01:03:44,657 --> 01:03:45,622 What do you mean you cried? 1321 01:03:45,624 --> 01:03:47,090 What are you talking about? 1322 01:03:47,092 --> 01:03:50,559 I lost my virginity to a prostitute tonight and I cried. 1323 01:03:50,561 --> 01:03:54,295 [goat sounds] 1324 01:03:54,297 --> 01:03:58,732 Yeah, alright. 1325 01:03:58,734 --> 01:04:02,268 I don't know what happened man, I just lost it. 1326 01:04:02,270 --> 01:04:04,837 I mean, I had it but then I don't know 1327 01:04:04,839 --> 01:04:09,941 something just snapped and I just. 1328 01:04:09,943 --> 01:04:11,943 Well, at least you didn't come on her leg. 1329 01:04:11,945 --> 01:04:13,444 Right on the leg? 1330 01:04:13,446 --> 01:04:14,978 The leg, the seat. 1331 01:04:14,980 --> 01:04:17,046 It's fucking embarrassing. 1332 01:04:19,283 --> 01:04:21,249 Come here man, come here. 1333 01:04:21,251 --> 01:04:23,184 I'm sorry dude, I'm sorry man. 1334 01:04:23,186 --> 01:04:24,785 Come here, come here man. 1335 01:04:24,787 --> 01:04:26,787 I'm sorry man, this whole night has been so fucked up dude. 1336 01:04:26,789 --> 01:04:29,856 No, no, no. 1337 01:04:29,858 --> 01:04:31,824 This is nice. 1338 01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:33,892 I needed this. 1339 01:04:36,763 --> 01:04:39,463 Well, this is it buddy. 1340 01:04:39,465 --> 01:04:44,167 Wait, there still might be a way out of this. 1341 01:04:44,169 --> 01:04:45,201 No, there isn't. 1342 01:04:45,203 --> 01:04:46,669 No, no, no, stop. 1343 01:04:46,671 --> 01:04:48,971 Just stop being so at peace with everything okay 1344 01:04:48,973 --> 01:04:50,772 just listen to me here, hear me out okay 1345 01:04:50,774 --> 01:04:54,142 I'm not going to give up on you. 1346 01:04:54,144 --> 01:04:57,011 When does a guys virginity really end, right? 1347 01:04:57,013 --> 01:05:01,682 It's when he penetrates something with his erect penis. 1348 01:05:01,684 --> 01:05:03,817 Right. 1349 01:05:03,819 --> 01:05:06,052 Who says it has to be a vagina. 1350 01:05:06,054 --> 01:05:07,319 [goat sounds] 1351 01:05:07,321 --> 01:05:08,887 Oh god no. 1352 01:05:08,889 --> 01:05:14,058 No, no, no, I'm telling you dude if it's going to save your life 1353 01:05:14,060 --> 01:05:15,159 you've got to do me. 1354 01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:16,660 I can't, I can't. 1355 01:05:16,662 --> 01:05:18,028 You have to. 1356 01:05:18,030 --> 01:05:19,662 Are you saying that you couldn't fuck your best friend 1357 01:05:19,664 --> 01:05:20,796 to save your own life? 1358 01:05:20,798 --> 01:05:21,997 Is that what you're saying? 1359 01:05:21,999 --> 01:05:23,631 I'm just not sure the equipment would work. 1360 01:05:23,633 --> 01:05:26,800 Be totally mean right now okay, just, I'm at least an 8. 1361 01:05:26,802 --> 01:05:27,901 Even if you were a 10. 1362 01:05:27,903 --> 01:05:31,237 I'm just saying how hard could it be? 1363 01:05:37,077 --> 01:05:37,809 Give me a sec. 1364 01:05:37,811 --> 01:05:41,411 Okay, yeah, just think. 1365 01:05:41,413 --> 01:05:42,044 Okay, I'll try. 1366 01:05:42,046 --> 01:05:43,245 What? 1367 01:05:43,247 --> 01:05:44,512 I mean, really? 1368 01:05:44,514 --> 01:05:45,145 Yeah. 1369 01:05:45,147 --> 01:05:46,012 Okay, yeah. 1370 01:05:46,014 --> 01:05:46,912 I mean, I want to live right. 1371 01:05:46,914 --> 01:05:49,147 Yeah, I want you to live man. 1372 01:05:51,518 --> 01:05:53,251 Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? 1373 01:05:53,253 --> 01:05:54,085 What was that? 1374 01:05:54,087 --> 01:05:55,352 Sorry, I thought maybe. 1375 01:05:55,354 --> 01:05:56,686 No extras man, no time. 1376 01:05:56,688 --> 01:05:57,653 No time for extras. 1377 01:05:57,655 --> 01:05:59,054 Lets just, we've just got to go. 1378 01:05:59,056 --> 01:06:00,088 How do we start? 1379 01:06:00,090 --> 01:06:03,991 Uh, uh, come here. 1380 01:06:03,993 --> 01:06:11,097 Just, just alright, you know. 1381 01:06:11,099 --> 01:06:13,566 Oh fuck, oh my god. 1382 01:06:13,568 --> 01:06:16,535 You're my best friend, man, you're my best friend. 1383 01:06:16,537 --> 01:06:18,837 Best friend. 1384 01:06:23,910 --> 01:06:25,910 So, what are we going to do with her? 1385 01:06:25,912 --> 01:06:27,378 You stay here and watch her. 1386 01:06:27,380 --> 01:06:29,546 But no, I want to watch the sacrifice you said that. 1387 01:06:29,548 --> 01:06:31,681 That's enough Bradley. 1388 01:06:34,185 --> 01:06:35,918 Oh my god. 1389 01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,020 She talks to you like you're a child. 1390 01:06:38,022 --> 01:06:40,922 I am not allowed to talk to you anymore. 1391 01:06:40,924 --> 01:06:43,024 Come on Brad. 1392 01:06:43,026 --> 01:06:47,627 You're this smart, sexy guy 1393 01:06:47,629 --> 01:06:51,863 and with your arms and abs, this chest 1394 01:06:51,865 --> 01:06:57,034 I mean girls must be hitting on you all the time. 1395 01:06:57,036 --> 01:06:59,469 It is hard to find single women in this church. 1396 01:06:59,471 --> 01:07:03,238 Well, as a single woman how would I go about becoming 1397 01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:05,273 part of the church? 1398 01:07:05,275 --> 01:07:06,874 You've got to renounce God, get a tattoo, 1399 01:07:06,876 --> 01:07:08,976 take a whiz on a bible. 1400 01:07:08,978 --> 01:07:12,145 It's a whole thing. 1401 01:07:12,147 --> 01:07:13,880 You know, if you really want to go out there 1402 01:07:13,882 --> 01:07:16,048 you should just go. 1403 01:07:16,050 --> 01:07:17,949 Yeah, I know I just can't because I have to stay here 1404 01:07:17,951 --> 01:07:22,453 and babysit you. 1405 01:07:22,455 --> 01:07:24,321 I think I'll be fine. 1406 01:07:35,267 --> 01:07:36,499 What's going on back there? 1407 01:07:36,501 --> 01:07:37,800 I'm not hard. 1408 01:07:37,802 --> 01:07:40,569 Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to blow you dude. 1409 01:07:40,571 --> 01:07:41,903 I didn't ask you to blow me, Matt. 1410 01:07:41,905 --> 01:07:44,472 I know, it's just just get it in you know. 1411 01:07:44,474 --> 01:07:46,006 Oh god. 1412 01:07:46,008 --> 01:07:48,074 Oh shit, we were just, hi, hi Dad. 1413 01:07:48,076 --> 01:07:50,743 Alright, break it up. 1414 01:07:50,745 --> 01:07:54,346 It's time. 1415 01:07:54,348 --> 01:07:56,648 Hey, there's no judgement. 1416 01:07:56,650 --> 01:07:57,949 I fucked a lady prostitute. 1417 01:07:57,951 --> 01:08:00,851 A lady prostitute and she was hot. 1418 01:08:00,853 --> 01:08:02,319 Few hours ago, real hot. 1419 01:08:02,321 --> 01:08:04,254 Like, you want to get to him you got to go through me. 1420 01:08:05,490 --> 01:08:06,555 Oh, alright. 1421 01:08:10,427 --> 01:08:11,292 Whoa, Neal. 1422 01:08:11,294 --> 01:08:12,126 It's all good, man. 1423 01:08:12,128 --> 01:08:14,194 Neal. Neal. 1424 01:08:17,966 --> 01:08:21,434 I'm right here man, I'm right beside you. 1425 01:08:21,436 --> 01:08:24,103 In Nomina Satanas, 1426 01:08:24,105 --> 01:08:26,972 [chanting] In Nomina Satanas... 1427 01:08:26,974 --> 01:08:29,674 [chanting] In Nomina Satanas... 1428 01:08:29,676 --> 01:08:32,143 Satanas Rex. 1429 01:08:32,145 --> 01:08:34,712 (All): Satanas Rex. 1430 01:08:34,714 --> 01:08:39,215 I invoke his power by these names. 1431 01:08:39,217 --> 01:08:47,289 Belial, Baphomet, Beelzebub, Lucifer, 1432 01:08:47,291 --> 01:08:49,124 Awful Monster. 1433 01:08:49,126 --> 01:08:51,326 Skip the names. 1434 01:08:51,328 --> 01:08:52,493 What are you talking about? 1435 01:08:52,495 --> 01:08:53,895 We can't skip the names. 1436 01:08:53,897 --> 01:08:55,162 It's almost sunrise. 1437 01:08:55,164 --> 01:08:56,463 I know what time it is, 1438 01:08:56,465 --> 01:08:58,131 I've got a bloody watch you know. 1439 01:08:58,133 --> 01:09:00,299 Then you know it's time to get on with it. 1440 01:09:00,301 --> 01:09:02,234 If you can do better why don't you do it then, 1441 01:09:02,236 --> 01:09:03,101 go on take the knife. 1442 01:09:03,103 --> 01:09:03,968 No, no, no. 1443 01:09:03,970 --> 01:09:05,569 Take the book, take my robe, 1444 01:09:05,571 --> 01:09:08,138 I'm so sorry for this interruption. 1445 01:09:08,140 --> 01:09:11,141 No one cares about the names for fuck sake. 1446 01:09:11,143 --> 01:09:14,277 Alright, alright. 1447 01:09:14,279 --> 01:09:17,647 In Nomina Satanas... 1448 01:09:17,649 --> 01:09:23,151 Lord, we offer this virgin flesh unto you 1449 01:09:23,153 --> 01:09:27,488 that you may draw strength from the blood of innocence. 1450 01:09:30,526 --> 01:09:33,860 For the glory of your kingdom. 1451 01:09:40,134 --> 01:09:41,700 I'm sorry, Neal. 1452 01:09:41,702 --> 01:09:43,501 [Continued Chanting] 1453 01:09:43,503 --> 01:09:46,303 In Nomina Sat-- 1454 01:09:46,305 --> 01:09:48,104 [sniffs] 1455 01:09:51,142 --> 01:09:54,543 Hells own inferno has come! 1456 01:09:54,545 --> 01:09:57,879 I see his face in the flames! 1457 01:10:00,450 --> 01:10:02,183 In Nomina Satanas. 1458 01:10:02,185 --> 01:10:03,317 Gary! 1459 01:10:03,319 --> 01:10:05,652 Ow, ow, Satan burned my hand! 1460 01:10:05,654 --> 01:10:07,854 No, the curtains are on fire. 1461 01:10:07,856 --> 01:10:10,223 Ow my hand, it's fucking hot! 1462 01:10:10,225 --> 01:10:12,625 [screams] 1463 01:10:12,627 --> 01:10:14,859 Children! 1464 01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,862 Back, back! 1465 01:10:28,406 --> 01:10:30,072 Back! 1466 01:10:40,750 --> 01:10:43,817 No! 1467 01:10:54,762 --> 01:10:57,395 No! 1468 01:11:02,435 --> 01:11:04,568 Yeah! 1469 01:11:04,570 --> 01:11:08,238 Aw, I love you man! 1470 01:11:36,367 --> 01:11:39,301 Alright, is this your card? 1471 01:11:39,303 --> 01:11:41,202 No. 1472 01:11:41,204 --> 01:11:42,803 Do I check my bra now? 1473 01:11:42,805 --> 01:11:46,606 Well, I could check for you. 1474 01:11:46,608 --> 01:11:48,274 What? 1475 01:11:48,276 --> 01:11:49,975 Oh my god, that's amazing. 1476 01:11:49,977 --> 01:11:53,244 It will make you an all powerful video game god. 1477 01:11:53,246 --> 01:11:55,279 I've been looking for this online for like months. 1478 01:11:55,281 --> 01:11:56,546 How did you find it? 1479 01:11:56,548 --> 01:11:58,247 One of my birthday party clients hooked it up, 1480 01:11:58,249 --> 01:12:00,249 I did an extra hour for his 5 year old. 1481 01:12:00,251 --> 01:12:01,250 Aw, awesome. 1482 01:12:01,252 --> 01:12:04,219 Yeah, magic. 1483 01:12:10,493 --> 01:12:13,393 You missed a wonderful service. 1484 01:12:13,395 --> 01:12:14,460 We're good, mom. 1485 01:12:14,462 --> 01:12:19,264 Honey, just remember Jesus loves you. 1486 01:12:19,266 --> 01:12:21,332 He died for your sins. 1487 01:12:25,471 --> 01:12:26,937 Give me the keys. 1488 01:12:26,939 --> 01:12:28,838 I'm going to drive. 1489 01:12:34,078 --> 01:12:35,310 Matt? 1490 01:12:35,312 --> 01:12:38,746 Guys, oh Shelly looking beautiful as always. 1491 01:12:38,748 --> 01:12:41,949 Oh, you're so sweet Matt. 1492 01:12:41,951 --> 01:12:43,483 Maybe going to grab some vegan, 1493 01:12:43,485 --> 01:12:45,418 hit the go-cart track. 1494 01:12:45,420 --> 01:12:46,419 Cool, cool. 1495 01:12:46,421 --> 01:12:47,686 I mean, I'd tell you to come along. 1496 01:12:47,688 --> 01:12:48,687 No, no, no, no. 1497 01:12:48,689 --> 01:12:53,024 I'm fine, I've got my Bible study, 1498 01:12:53,026 --> 01:12:55,326 catch you guys later. 1499 01:12:55,328 --> 01:12:56,260 Alright. 1500 01:12:56,262 --> 01:12:57,995 Alright. 1501 01:13:02,967 --> 01:13:04,433 Is that all you ate? 1502 01:13:04,435 --> 01:13:08,470 You had one crepe, you're ridiculous. 1503 01:13:08,472 --> 01:13:10,605 Ridiculous. 1504 01:13:15,644 --> 01:13:17,610 Could you put on that Christian rock station? 1505 01:13:17,612 --> 01:13:18,544 Sure. 1506 01:13:18,546 --> 01:13:28,754 ¶ 93687

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