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'Seventy years ago, me grandfather,
Hubert Flynn I,
4
00:00:42,816 --> 00:00:45,569
'set out from his home
in the County Wexford
5
00:00:45,652 --> 00:00:49,235
'and journeyed north over the hills
and valleys of Wicklow
6
00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,398
'until he came to Dublin City.
7
00:00:54,035 --> 00:00:56,705
'I remember once,
when I was a chiseller,
8
00:00:56,788 --> 00:00:59,493
'he caught me widdling up
against the wall,
9
00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:03,913
'and he told me, if I behave like
a dog, I might turn into a dog.
10
00:01:04,004 --> 00:01:06,958
'And then he was off
on one of his old yarns
11
00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:10,880
'about people he knew that turned
into goats and weasels.
12
00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:14,718
'Of course, me grandfather
said more than his prayers.
13
00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,428
'But sometimes,
in among the ramblings,
14
00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:19,510
'there'd be a grain of truth.'
15
00:01:20,437 --> 00:01:26,523
# Once I had a secret love
16
00:01:27,944 --> 00:01:34,031
# That lived within the heart of me
17
00:01:36,578 --> 00:01:43,032
# All too soon my secret love
18
00:01:43,126 --> 00:01:49,793
# Became impatient to be free
19
00:01:52,302 --> 00:01:59,017
# So I told a friendly star
20
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:05,851
# The way that dreamers often do
21
00:02:08,443 --> 00:02:15,443
# just how wonderful you are
22
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:23,625
# And why I'm so in love with you
23
00:02:25,085 --> 00:02:28,917
# Now I shout it
24
00:02:29,005 --> 00:02:34,048
# From the highest hill
25
00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:44,354
# Even told the golden daffodils
26
00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:48,265
# At last
27
00:02:48,358 --> 00:02:54,444
# My heart's an open door
28
00:02:57,742 --> 00:03:03,033
# And my secret love's no secret
29
00:03:03,123 --> 00:03:10,288
# Any more #
30
00:03:10,714 --> 00:03:12,589
How's it going, Hubert?
31
00:03:12,674 --> 00:03:14,750
I'm not the best, Mick.
32
00:03:16,052 --> 00:03:18,212
Is it the bronichals, Hubert?
33
00:03:19,389 --> 00:03:23,340
I don't know, Daisy.
It's like a contraction in me tubes.
34
00:03:23,435 --> 00:03:26,768
(Daisy) Maybe it's the Asiatic flu.
35
00:03:28,023 --> 00:03:30,265
Well, whatever it is...
36
00:03:30,358 --> 00:03:33,229
I've a feeling there's worse to come.
37
00:03:34,529 --> 00:03:38,029
- Get that into you, Hubert.
- God bless you, Mick.
38
00:04:07,729 --> 00:04:10,849
- (Woman) Oh, decided to come home(?)
- Yak, yak...
39
00:04:10,941 --> 00:04:15,105
- Where were you till this hour?
- Don't start, I'm suffering.
40
00:04:15,195 --> 00:04:18,943
- Suffering more when I'm finished.
- I'm off to me bed.
41
00:04:19,032 --> 00:04:21,986
That's it.
In from the pub, off to the bed.
42
00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:24,402
If only I'd listened to me mother.
43
00:04:26,706 --> 00:04:30,242
(Radio) '..said afterwards
that she bore the horse no ill will.
44
00:04:30,335 --> 00:04:32,376
'This is Radio Kimmage.
45
00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:36,508
'The sound of the Grand Canal
on 2-5-3 metres medium wave.
46
00:04:36,591 --> 00:04:39,593
'Now the weather.
Today will be cloudy,
47
00:04:39,678 --> 00:04:43,593
'with a south-easterly wind
bringing showers later on tonight,
48
00:04:43,682 --> 00:04:45,674
'with a high of ten degrees.
49
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:49,184
'This is your very own
Radio Kimmage, 2-5-3.
50
00:04:49,271 --> 00:04:52,023
'And now a newsflash.
51
00:04:52,107 --> 00:04:56,567
'News is coming in of an accident
that took place...'
52
00:04:56,653 --> 00:04:58,480
...six, seven.
53
00:04:58,572 --> 00:05:00,778
- Excuse me.
- Ah, you put me off.
54
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,570
Sorry.
I'm looking for St Peter's Crescent.
55
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:06,579
Number 19, St Peter's Crescent.
56
00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:10,958
I have St Peter's Gardens written
down, but it must be the Crescent
57
00:05:11,042 --> 00:05:13,664
because 19 in the Gardens
is a butcher.
58
00:05:13,753 --> 00:05:15,794
Hey! Get away from the children.
59
00:05:15,881 --> 00:05:19,748
- I just...
- Get away before I call the Guards.
60
00:05:22,762 --> 00:05:24,922
(Radio) '..recorded at Port of Spain
61
00:05:25,015 --> 00:05:27,139
'and measured 6.2
on the Richter scale.
62
00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:30,512
'Finally, no change has been reported
in the condition
63
00:05:30,604 --> 00:05:34,554
'of 53-year-old Dublin baker's
delivery man, Hubert Flynn,
64
00:05:34,649 --> 00:05:38,481
'who last night, in his home
at St Peter's Crescent, Kimmage,
65
00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,361
'turned into a rat.
66
00:05:40,447 --> 00:05:43,116
'Now the weather...'
67
00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:46,567
Maybe now you're satisfied?
68
00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:52,323
(indistinct chatter)
69
00:05:56,046 --> 00:05:59,463
- ls this the Flynn residence?
- Isn't it desperate?
70
00:05:59,549 --> 00:06:02,384
You'd be close,
yourself and the Flynns?
71
00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:05,553
Oh, yes. I was Hubert's first love.
72
00:06:05,639 --> 00:06:07,216
Oh, really?
73
00:06:07,307 --> 00:06:10,594
Daisy Farrdell, two Rs, two Ls.
74
00:06:15,815 --> 00:06:18,651
- I'll take your plate, Daddy.
- Let it sit.
75
00:06:18,735 --> 00:06:21,191
- But he's finished.
- Don't touch it.
76
00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:25,574
You sit there till you eat it.
I'll not see good food wasted.
77
00:06:25,659 --> 00:06:28,494
- He ate the black pudding.
- He can't live on that!
78
00:06:28,578 --> 00:06:33,952
This is the latest trick. Demanding
black pudding, lettin' on he's a rat!
79
00:06:34,042 --> 00:06:36,795
You're not moving
till you've ate that egg.
80
00:06:36,878 --> 00:06:39,500
- (Knock at door)
- Answer that.
81
00:06:39,589 --> 00:06:42,045
Don't squint at me
with those beady eyes.
82
00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:44,886
You never bested me as a man,
you won't as a rat.
83
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:48,137
- Maybe he'd like a duck egg?
- Answer that door!
84
00:06:49,224 --> 00:06:53,638
And don't let anybody in except
your Uncle Matt. If you think...
85
00:06:55,856 --> 00:06:57,932
- Yeah?
- Good morning, miss.
86
00:06:58,024 --> 00:07:00,729
Is this the residence
of Mr Hubert Flynn?
87
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:04,520
- Why do you wanna know?
- I heard the news on the radio...
88
00:07:04,614 --> 00:07:08,232
- I'm saying no more.
- If you'll just give me a chance.
89
00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:13,535
Here's me card. Phelim Spratt.
I'm a freelance journalist.
90
00:07:14,624 --> 00:07:18,409
- Can I just talk to your mother?
- She's not in.
91
00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:20,544
(Mother) Eat that egg!
92
00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:23,121
Marietta, come here
and hold your father's mouth open.
93
00:07:23,216 --> 00:07:26,170
- Yeah.
- What's that man doing in the door?
94
00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:28,218
- He's a reporter.
- I'm not.
95
00:07:28,305 --> 00:07:30,796
- What's he want?
- To write about you.
96
00:07:30,891 --> 00:07:32,302
I don't.
97
00:07:32,392 --> 00:07:35,429
He'll write nothing in the papers
about me.
98
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,889
- On your bike.
- I wouldn't write it, you would.
99
00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:40,809
What was that again?
100
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:44,104
- You'd be writing it yourself.
- In the paper?
101
00:07:44,196 --> 00:07:45,773
No, a book.
102
00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:48,154
- A book?!
- Your own story.
103
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:50,732
You would write it, and I would help.
104
00:07:50,827 --> 00:07:54,280
- I would write a book?
- First a book, then a film.
105
00:07:55,415 --> 00:07:57,740
A film of the book?
106
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,626
And then a book of the film.
107
00:08:02,756 --> 00:08:04,713
(Phelim) And the video.
108
00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:09,635
I apologise for keeping
you standing in the hall.
109
00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:13,090
- Come on, Felix, meet me husband.
- It's Phelim.
110
00:08:14,309 --> 00:08:16,350
What are youse waiting for?
111
00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:19,687
Do you think he's going to appear
on the balcony?
112
00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:29,365
- You'll have to excuse the place.
- It's charming, Mrs Flynn.
113
00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:32,443
And this would be your sister?
114
00:08:32,536 --> 00:08:35,371
- It's me daughter, Marietta.
- Go 'way!
115
00:08:35,455 --> 00:08:38,030
And this is me son, Pius.
116
00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:41,126
- He's going to be a priest.
- Oh.
117
00:08:42,212 --> 00:08:46,293
And this is me husband, Hubert,
the head of the family.
118
00:08:47,509 --> 00:08:49,633
(Phelim) I see he's a white rat.
119
00:08:49,719 --> 00:08:52,210
Of course he is.
Wasn't he a white man?
120
00:08:52,305 --> 00:08:55,758
It'd be unnatural for a white man
to turn into a black rat.
121
00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:58,769
I thought you'd have the brains
to see that.
122
00:08:58,854 --> 00:09:00,764
Can I ask him a few questions?
123
00:09:00,856 --> 00:09:04,937
To get on his wavelength,
excavate his innermost thoughts.
124
00:09:05,026 --> 00:09:07,186
Go on, then. Shift over, Pius.
125
00:09:10,991 --> 00:09:14,408
Last night, Hubert,
you turned into a rat.
126
00:09:15,745 --> 00:09:17,572
He knows that, Felix.
127
00:09:17,664 --> 00:09:20,203
Before and during your metamorphosis,
128
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:23,080
were you conscious
of rapid metabolic change?
129
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:26,752
Sudden shrinking of the brain
or other vital organs?
130
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,922
Do you hear the man talking to you?
131
00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:35,886
Were you at any time aware of human
and animal consciousness merging?
132
00:09:35,974 --> 00:09:38,299
Any increase of intuitive responses
133
00:09:38,393 --> 00:09:41,845
aligned to a diminution
of the powers of reasoning?
134
00:09:44,482 --> 00:09:46,440
You're wasting your breath.
135
00:09:46,526 --> 00:09:49,646
He was contrary as a man,
he's contrary as a rat.
136
00:09:49,738 --> 00:09:53,356
Look at him picking at his food!
He'd put years on you.
137
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,989
You're not the only one
with problems.
138
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:02,285
It's natural
that he shouldn't talk to me.
139
00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:05,377
I'm a stranger
and he has had a severe shock.
140
00:10:05,462 --> 00:10:08,215
There's more than him
had a severe shock.
141
00:10:08,298 --> 00:10:12,794
I have to gain his confidence.
You know? Earn his trust.
142
00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:16,634
There's only one thing for it -
I'll have to move in.
143
00:10:16,723 --> 00:10:18,847
- In here?
- I have to capture
144
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:21,888
the true day-to-day,
intimate human story,
145
00:10:21,978 --> 00:10:25,514
the tenderness and heartbreak,
the joy and sadness,
146
00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:29,735
the tears and laughter
of one brave woman's life with a rat.
147
00:10:31,112 --> 00:10:32,820
What do you say, Pius?
148
00:10:32,906 --> 00:10:35,315
Ask him about money.
149
00:10:35,408 --> 00:10:37,235
What about money?
150
00:10:37,327 --> 00:10:40,080
Well, I have a draught contract,
151
00:10:40,163 --> 00:10:43,912
giving full protection
to the interests of all concerned.
152
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,705
It's awful,
making a spectacle out of him.
153
00:10:46,795 --> 00:10:50,746
What do you think he's doing?
We'll be all over the papers.
154
00:10:50,841 --> 00:10:55,254
- Nobody must talk to the papers.
- Wasn't it on the wireless?
155
00:10:55,345 --> 00:10:59,212
It was on Radio Kimmage.
Who listens to Radio Kimmage?
156
00:10:59,307 --> 00:11:03,435
If people read the story in
the paper, they won't buy the book.
157
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,347
Do you understand now?
158
00:11:05,438 --> 00:11:08,855
Just promise you won't make
a spectacle of him.
159
00:11:10,694 --> 00:11:13,813
It'll be a heart-warming story,
Miss Flynn.
160
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:15,815
Like Born Free.
161
00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:18,149
Where will he sleep?
162
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:22,657
- Come on, I'll show you, Felix.
- It's not Felix, it's Phelim.
163
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:25,417
He works unsociable hours
on the bread vans,
164
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:29,368
so he sleeps downstairs
so as not to disturb the family.
165
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:34,715
There's only one bed.
166
00:11:34,801 --> 00:11:36,877
Well, how many beds do you want?
167
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:39,758
Do you mean
that I'm to sleep with Hubert?
168
00:11:39,848 --> 00:11:43,894
Ah, no. Hubert wouldn't have that
at all. No, no offence now.
169
00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:46,848
No, no, we have this for Hubert.
170
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:50,189
See, his little ladder
and a bowl of water
171
00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:52,150
and a little bell.
172
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:56,530
His swing and a little lick-stone
to stop his teeth growing.
173
00:11:57,699 --> 00:11:59,858
See, nothing's been spared.
174
00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:01,862
He's a very lucky rat.
175
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:09,578
Is this where it all happened,
Mrs Flynn?
176
00:12:09,669 --> 00:12:13,418
On that very bed. Those were
the clothes he was wearing.
177
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:17,635
He was just in from the pub,
laying down with his paper,
178
00:12:17,719 --> 00:12:20,839
picking out the horses for tomorrow.
179
00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:25,724
And I was going around the room,
collecting up the dirty clothes
180
00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:31,600
and making a few gentle remarks
on the subject of personal hygiene.
181
00:12:31,691 --> 00:12:35,559
And he was lying there, like,
letting on he didn't hear me.
182
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:39,355
So...I was quietly ripping
the newspaper out of his hand
183
00:12:39,449 --> 00:12:42,451
in order to gain
his attention when...
184
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:48,830
I'm sorry, Felix.
I'm not the better of it yet.
185
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:53,164
Er...well, there on the bed,
186
00:12:53,255 --> 00:12:57,632
just as you see it now,
was the clothes...
187
00:12:57,717 --> 00:12:59,758
and nothing in them.
188
00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:04,174
I stood there, not able to speak...
189
00:13:06,768 --> 00:13:09,177
because he was gone, you see?
190
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:14,898
And then it happened.
191
00:13:16,361 --> 00:13:19,398
Under the pullover,
something stirred.
192
00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:25,239
And out from the collar
of his shirt...
193
00:13:25,328 --> 00:13:28,033
crawled a rat.
194
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:32,159
The rest, Felix, is history.
195
00:13:34,004 --> 00:13:36,163
(Phelim) 'What did you do next?'
196
00:13:36,256 --> 00:13:39,044
(Mrs Flynn)
'I sent for me brother, Matt.'
197
00:13:39,134 --> 00:13:41,091
Excuse me.
198
00:13:42,429 --> 00:13:44,802
I think that's him after coming in.
199
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,511
Come and meet him.
He's a rock of sense.
200
00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:50,222
If anybody can solve the problem,
it's Matt.
201
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:55,564
Thank God you're here, Matt.
This is Felix Spratt.
202
00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:57,726
- Phelim.
- How are you, Felix?
203
00:13:57,819 --> 00:14:00,275
Sit down.
Marietta, shift your father.
204
00:14:00,363 --> 00:14:02,523
Ma, come on. That's Da's seat.
205
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:06,536
The greasy bit
where he leaned his head.
206
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:10,037
The little roundy marks
of the pint glass.
207
00:14:10,123 --> 00:14:12,283
- Will you...?
- Leave him be.
208
00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:15,128
I'm grand where I am.
209
00:14:15,212 --> 00:14:17,453
Felix and me
is going to write a book.
210
00:14:17,547 --> 00:14:19,754
- A book?
- A book about Hubert.
211
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:21,549
Will it be a mystery?
212
00:14:21,635 --> 00:14:24,043
- It'll have mysterious bits.
- Oh.
213
00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:29,974
Well, Conchita, this is gonna have
serious repercussions.
214
00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:32,100
- It is, Matt.
- For a start,
215
00:14:32,187 --> 00:14:34,014
looking on the bright side,
216
00:14:34,105 --> 00:14:37,190
we should be grateful
it was a rat he turned into.
217
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:39,067
What are you saying?
218
00:14:39,152 --> 00:14:43,364
It could have been something worse,
he could have turned into a vulture.
219
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:47,743
It may be hard to feed a rat,
but imagine feeding a vulture.
220
00:14:47,827 --> 00:14:51,778
You'd feel very nervous closing
your eyes for a kip after dinner
221
00:14:51,873 --> 00:14:54,246
with a Vulturus monachus
on the mantelpiece?
222
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:57,537
A giraffe would be worse again.
223
00:14:57,629 --> 00:15:00,298
Tell us about the repercussions.
224
00:15:00,382 --> 00:15:02,422
Well, on the subject of diet,
225
00:15:02,509 --> 00:15:06,376
the rat, or to give him his proper
title, Rattus norvegicus,
226
00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:08,013
is omnivorious.
227
00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:10,589
What's om...nivorious, Matt?
228
00:15:10,684 --> 00:15:14,551
They'll eat anythin'! Nothing
pleases a rat like potato skins,
229
00:15:14,646 --> 00:15:17,481
onion peelings,
so you'll save on the grub.
230
00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:20,484
But the bad part is,
if he's not watched,
231
00:15:20,569 --> 00:15:23,404
he'd eat the sofa
or the paper off the wall.
232
00:15:23,488 --> 00:15:27,071
Point number three.
Do any of you here know
233
00:15:27,158 --> 00:15:30,160
the average life span
of the common rat?
234
00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:33,282
- (Conchita) No.
- Two and three quarter years
235
00:15:33,373 --> 00:15:36,078
is the average life span
of a common rat.
236
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,956
Eh, just remind me,
what age is Hubert?
237
00:15:39,045 --> 00:15:41,003
He's 53.
238
00:15:41,089 --> 00:15:46,214
Well, in that case, what you have
there is a very elderly rat.
239
00:15:46,303 --> 00:15:48,427
There's good and bad in that.
240
00:15:48,513 --> 00:15:50,554
Give us the good part, Matt.
241
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,887
Well, he's probably the oldest rat
in the history of the world.
242
00:15:54,978 --> 00:15:57,849
- What's good about that?
- It's a matter of pride!
243
00:15:57,939 --> 00:16:02,353
There might even be money to be made.
You could take him on a tour
244
00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:06,311
- or lease him out to a circus.
- You'll do no such thing!
245
00:16:06,406 --> 00:16:08,648
Don't interrupt your Uncle Matt.
246
00:16:08,742 --> 00:16:12,111
Just promise me
you'll do nothing till I get home.
247
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,280
He'll be here when you get back.
248
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,243
Now the bad part, Matt.
249
00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:20,494
Personal hygiene.
250
00:16:20,587 --> 00:16:22,793
He's got terrible dirty.
251
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:26,214
He was so particular.
Now, it's when the notion takes him.
252
00:16:26,301 --> 00:16:29,421
- That is...
- No matter where he is, he lets fly.
253
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:31,754
As I was trying to explain to you,
254
00:16:31,848 --> 00:16:34,886
that is his nature,
it's training he wants.
255
00:16:34,976 --> 00:16:39,638
If you did train him, he can't stand
in the lavatory, he's not the height.
256
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:42,685
You can't lift him up
in case he'd fall in and drown.
257
00:16:42,776 --> 00:16:46,904
Nothing worse than a drowned rat in
the toilet - close relation or not.
258
00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:51,319
The only answer is, someone will have
to go in with him and hold him out.
259
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,155
You'll all have to take turns.
260
00:16:56,164 --> 00:16:58,703
And fifthly and finally,
261
00:16:58,792 --> 00:17:00,667
he'll have to give up the job.
262
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:04,003
People doesn't want their bread
delivered by a rat...
263
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:07,874
which brings us to the subject
of unemployment benefit.
264
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:12,713
I went to the Labour this morning
to inquire about Hubert signing on.
265
00:17:12,806 --> 00:17:15,048
- And?
- Unreservedly rejected.
266
00:17:15,141 --> 00:17:17,515
Well, wouldn't you know!
267
00:17:17,602 --> 00:17:22,893
Twenty-five years, never a day sick,
and the minute misfortune strikes...
268
00:17:22,983 --> 00:17:25,735
Think of the questions
that'd be asked.
269
00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:30,445
"Is the Minister aware that
benefit is being claimed by a rat?"
270
00:17:30,532 --> 00:17:34,613
- Hubert isn't just a rat.
- I know that and you know it.
271
00:17:34,703 --> 00:17:38,155
But you have to admit,
appearances are against him.
272
00:17:38,248 --> 00:17:42,163
They'll think if they let one rat
sign on, they'll all want to.
273
00:17:42,252 --> 00:17:44,458
Rats would come from near and far.
274
00:17:44,546 --> 00:17:47,215
Then, they'd find work
for one of them.
275
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,632
Before you know,
you'd have the union organising them.
276
00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:55,761
- Conchita, fair is fair.
- I can see a likeness all the same.
277
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:02,346
# You can only love someone so much
278
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:05,815
# You can only love someone so much
279
00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,893
# You can only love someone... #
280
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,655
- Marietta...
- Yes, Rudolph?
281
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:12,696
When are you going to ask me in?
282
00:18:12,782 --> 00:18:15,571
I don't think we should rush things.
283
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,365
We've been going out for 18 months.
284
00:18:18,455 --> 00:18:20,780
When am I going to meet your parents?
285
00:18:22,626 --> 00:18:24,750
Do you hear me, Marietta?
286
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:26,746
You could meet me mother.
287
00:18:26,838 --> 00:18:30,041
- What's wrong with your father?
- Nothing!
288
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,174
Why'd you say that?
289
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:34,751
I didn't mean
that something was wrong.
290
00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:37,717
I...just ASKED if there was something
wrong with him.
291
00:18:37,807 --> 00:18:40,678
There's nothing wrong
with me father, OK?
292
00:18:40,769 --> 00:18:43,059
Right.
293
00:18:43,146 --> 00:18:45,721
I don't even know your father's name.
294
00:18:45,815 --> 00:18:48,057
It's Hubert.
295
00:18:48,151 --> 00:18:51,769
It's an old family name.
296
00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:54,983
It's from the Huguenots.
297
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,582
(Bell chimes)
298
00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:13,759
- (Man) Father's name?
- Hubert Flynn.
299
00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:18,003
Hubert Flynn?
300
00:19:18,098 --> 00:19:21,681
I've heard that name lately.
Was it on the wireless?
301
00:19:21,768 --> 00:19:25,553
You're maybe thinking of...
Errol Flynn.
302
00:19:25,647 --> 00:19:27,972
I know that name too.
ls he your uncle?
303
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,391
No. Matt's me uncle.
304
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:34,566
- I never heard of Matt Flynn.
- Not Matt Flynn, Matt Moriarty.
305
00:19:34,656 --> 00:19:36,732
And who's Errol Flynn?
306
00:19:36,825 --> 00:19:38,949
He was a film star.
307
00:19:39,035 --> 00:19:41,076
And he's not your uncle?
308
00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:47,949
Tell us, Father,
309
00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:51,627
is there such a thing
as a bar to the priesthood?
310
00:19:51,715 --> 00:19:54,420
Anything...like...
311
00:19:54,509 --> 00:19:57,262
of a hereditary nature...
312
00:19:57,345 --> 00:20:01,047
that might disqualify you
from becoming a priest?
313
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:06,979
If a man was descended
from a long line of Lunatics,
314
00:20:07,063 --> 00:20:09,852
or degenerates or criminals,
315
00:20:09,941 --> 00:20:13,228
then there'd be no place for him
in the priesthood.
316
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,645
But that wouldn't mean he were bad.
317
00:20:15,739 --> 00:20:19,820
You see, Pius,
a vocation is a call from God.
318
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:22,199
If there was anything
wrong with that man,
319
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,989
God would know as God knows
everything, so God wouldn't call him.
320
00:20:26,082 --> 00:20:28,918
If the man thought
that God was calling him,
321
00:20:29,002 --> 00:20:31,755
he'd only be codding himself.
322
00:20:31,838 --> 00:20:34,294
Do you follow me?
323
00:20:34,382 --> 00:20:37,301
You can't cod God.
324
00:20:41,097 --> 00:20:43,387
Now, father's occupation?
325
00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,391
(Conchita) Ah, will you look at that?
326
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,353
(Marietta) What? What is it?
327
00:20:48,438 --> 00:20:52,056
Droppings on the doilies.
328
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:55,188
Ah, now that's going
beyond the beyonds.
329
00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:03,154
- Something will have to be done.
- I've been thinking about that.
330
00:21:03,245 --> 00:21:07,242
- Yes, Son.
- From the Church's point of view.
331
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:09,159
Listen to your brother now.
332
00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:11,492
Animals were created to serve man.
333
00:21:11,586 --> 00:21:14,540
- Says who?
- It's in the Bible. Page one.
334
00:21:14,631 --> 00:21:15,829
Go on, Son.
335
00:21:15,924 --> 00:21:18,333
God said,
"Let us make man in our image.
336
00:21:18,426 --> 00:21:20,586
"Let him have dominion over the fish,
337
00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:24,178
"and of the fowl of the air,
the cattle and over all the earth.
338
00:21:24,266 --> 00:21:28,513
"And over every creeping thing
that creepeth over the earth."
339
00:21:28,603 --> 00:21:31,094
Creeping things come last of all,
you see.
340
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:34,476
So what should we do, Son,
as a Catholic family?
341
00:21:34,568 --> 00:21:36,692
I think we should kill him.
342
00:21:36,778 --> 00:21:38,902
God forgive you! That's rotten.
343
00:21:38,989 --> 00:21:42,406
You're gonna be a priest,
you're called after 12 popes
344
00:21:42,492 --> 00:21:44,616
and you'd kill your da, you shite!
345
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:48,488
Don't talk that way to a walking
saint who never had a bad thought.
346
00:21:48,582 --> 00:21:52,532
- Except wanting to kill his da!
- He's not me da, he's a rat.
347
00:21:52,627 --> 00:21:54,917
It isn't his fault.
He never intended it.
348
00:21:55,005 --> 00:21:57,840
Don't be so sure.
He'd do it to annoy me.
349
00:21:57,924 --> 00:22:01,377
At the same time, Pius,
bad and all as he is,
350
00:22:01,469 --> 00:22:03,795
I don't think I could kill him.
351
00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:05,597
I only said what's in the Bible.
352
00:22:05,682 --> 00:22:09,728
I say he's our father and we
should treat him like a human being.
353
00:22:09,811 --> 00:22:11,804
He shouldn't be locked in a cage.
354
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:15,183
We should bring him for walks
to see his friends.
355
00:22:15,275 --> 00:22:17,648
Do you hear the impudence of that?
356
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,860
If you're so fond of your father,
357
00:22:19,946 --> 00:22:22,781
why don't you bring your boyfriend
home to meet him?
358
00:22:22,866 --> 00:22:25,108
The way any natural daughter would.
359
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:35,163
Now...I hope all that
didn't upset you, Son.
360
00:22:35,253 --> 00:22:37,045
No.
361
00:22:44,471 --> 00:22:47,425
I'll just take your father
out of your way.
362
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:53,928
(Clears throat) Hiya.
363
00:22:55,023 --> 00:22:57,811
I brought Hubert in
to keep you company.
364
00:22:57,901 --> 00:23:00,392
Thank you, Conchita.
365
00:23:00,487 --> 00:23:03,655
Lovely name, that - Conchita.
366
00:23:03,740 --> 00:23:06,528
I'd say there's Spanish blood.
367
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:08,694
There is, yeah. Far back.
368
00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:12,535
Yeah, you can tell,
the untamed spirit.
369
00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:16,534
- How's the book?
- It's going well.
370
00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:21,585
I'm after thinking up another title.
371
00:23:21,675 --> 00:23:25,293
My Secret Rat.
372
00:23:25,387 --> 00:23:28,389
Doris Day.
373
00:23:28,473 --> 00:23:32,685
# Once I had a secret love
374
00:23:32,769 --> 00:23:35,522
# That lived... #
375
00:23:35,605 --> 00:23:37,432
Ah, no, you don't like it.
376
00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:42,068
You see, Conchita,
the theme of the book...
377
00:23:42,153 --> 00:23:45,440
is the bravery of a woman
pursued by tragic forces,
378
00:23:45,532 --> 00:23:49,150
standing by her husband,
defying the mockery of the world.
379
00:23:49,244 --> 00:23:51,320
There's no place for secrecy.
380
00:23:51,413 --> 00:23:53,489
You're quite right, Felix.
381
00:23:53,582 --> 00:23:56,868
You have to understand
once the book hits the shops,
382
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,748
you're gonna be plastered
all over the TV,
383
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:02,543
the radio, the Sunday papers.
384
00:24:02,632 --> 00:24:07,093
Your name will be a household word
in every country in the world.
385
00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:11,390
Look, it's not meself I'm worried
for, Felix, it's the children.
386
00:24:11,474 --> 00:24:14,428
When the world knows
their father is a rat...
387
00:24:14,519 --> 00:24:17,058
It's the price of fame, Conchita.
388
00:24:19,816 --> 00:24:23,944
I couldn't help hearing
the discussion you and Marietta had.
389
00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:25,939
I think Marietta was right.
390
00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:30,028
Bring him out, let him meet
his old mates, take him to the pub.
391
00:24:30,118 --> 00:24:33,156
Could we not wait a bit?
Till the book comes out.
392
00:24:33,246 --> 00:24:36,034
Conchita,
there's no use putting it off.
393
00:24:36,124 --> 00:24:39,742
You know that song you were singing,
My Secret Rat?
394
00:24:39,836 --> 00:24:41,912
Do you remember how it finishes?
395
00:24:42,005 --> 00:24:43,915
I'd have to think.
396
00:24:44,007 --> 00:24:49,002
# Now I shout it
from the highest hills
397
00:24:49,095 --> 00:24:56,640
# Even told the golden daffodils
398
00:24:56,728 --> 00:25:00,097
# At last my heart's
an open door... #
399
00:25:00,190 --> 00:25:04,852
(Dogs barking)
400
00:25:04,945 --> 00:25:11,399
# "no secret any more #
401
00:25:13,578 --> 00:25:15,571
- Pius.
- Yes, ma'am?
402
00:25:15,664 --> 00:25:18,037
Go to the attic and get the bassinet.
403
00:25:30,804 --> 00:25:33,674
Mary, would you look!
404
00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:37,716
- Sacred heart!
- It's the rat man from Kimmage.
405
00:25:37,811 --> 00:25:40,101
Ah, the poor little thing.
406
00:25:42,232 --> 00:25:44,391
Look, there's a rat in a pram.
407
00:25:44,484 --> 00:25:46,774
- Look at it!
- What is his name?
408
00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:52,444
Can he do any tricks?
Missus, can he do any tricks?
409
00:25:54,244 --> 00:25:56,154
Would you open the door, Pius?
410
00:25:56,246 --> 00:26:01,157
- Priests can't be seen in bookies.
- They've been seen in worse. Go on.
411
00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:18,433
Did you ever in your life see such
a collection of dossers, knackers,
412
00:26:18,518 --> 00:26:21,009
gougers and gurriers
all in one place?
413
00:26:21,104 --> 00:26:23,513
Do you see anybody you know, Da?
414
00:26:26,234 --> 00:26:28,987
Is anybody here a friend
of Hubert Flynn's?
415
00:26:32,032 --> 00:26:34,072
Is it really Hubert?
416
00:26:34,159 --> 00:26:38,536
As soon as I seen him,
says I, "I've seen that face before."
417
00:26:38,622 --> 00:26:41,908
- How's it going?
- Anything you fancy at the Curragh?
418
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,499
Excuse me, missus,
would you mind removing yourself
419
00:26:45,587 --> 00:26:47,414
and that dirty animal?
420
00:26:47,506 --> 00:26:49,498
Which dirty animal is that?
421
00:26:49,591 --> 00:26:52,593
Just move yourself
before you empty the place.
422
00:26:52,677 --> 00:26:55,679
The best way to empty this place
is with a bar of soap.
423
00:26:55,764 --> 00:26:57,508
Hubert, we're leaving.
424
00:26:57,599 --> 00:27:00,719
(Man) Good luck, Hubert,
and mind yourself.
425
00:27:22,624 --> 00:27:24,617
Ah, will you look who it is?
426
00:27:24,709 --> 00:27:26,417
Me life on you, Hubert.
427
00:27:26,503 --> 00:27:28,579
- Conchita.
- How are you, Mick?
428
00:27:28,672 --> 00:27:30,961
Heard about your trouble.
ls it himself?
429
00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:33,209
- It is.
- Ah, poor old Hubert.
430
00:27:33,301 --> 00:27:35,176
Sadly missed, you know.
431
00:27:35,262 --> 00:27:37,836
Still, he's not looking too bad.
432
00:27:37,931 --> 00:27:41,514
He's got a healthy coat.
Give him some air, lads.
433
00:27:42,644 --> 00:27:44,471
Er, would he fancy a pint?
434
00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:46,769
I don't think he'd be able for it.
435
00:27:46,857 --> 00:27:50,807
- Ah, really fond of his pint.
- (Men) He was, yes.
436
00:27:50,902 --> 00:27:54,687
Mind you now,
he was never too heavy on it.
437
00:27:54,781 --> 00:27:58,317
Seven or eight pints of an evening
would do him fine.
438
00:27:58,410 --> 00:28:00,783
Are you sure he wouldn't like a sup?
439
00:28:00,871 --> 00:28:02,828
Ah, sure, what harm, Ma?
440
00:28:02,914 --> 00:28:04,871
Ah, go on so.
441
00:28:11,631 --> 00:28:13,624
(Man) There you go, Hubert.
442
00:28:13,717 --> 00:28:15,627
(All chattering)
443
00:28:15,719 --> 00:28:17,711
(Man) Go on, Hubert.
444
00:28:21,766 --> 00:28:24,637
(2nd man) Ah, get it into you now.
445
00:28:26,688 --> 00:28:28,645
You see? He remembers.
446
00:28:28,732 --> 00:28:31,306
You never lose the taste.
447
00:28:31,401 --> 00:28:35,186
- Will you look at that?!
- Get him out! He'll be drownded.
448
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,237
Isn't that desperate?
449
00:28:37,324 --> 00:28:40,610
Oh, we have to get him home
and dry him out.
450
00:28:40,702 --> 00:28:43,989
There you go.
Would he like another sup?
451
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,284
No more now, Mick.
He's not the man he was.
452
00:28:47,375 --> 00:28:49,914
I'd better go and wash me hands.
453
00:28:50,003 --> 00:28:51,960
- Sacred heart.
- What is it?
454
00:28:52,047 --> 00:28:56,294
- Daisy Farrdell.
- Conchita, I heard you were here.
455
00:28:56,384 --> 00:28:59,173
Poor Conchita,
I'm sorry for your trouble.
456
00:28:59,262 --> 00:29:02,798
Oh, God, is that himself?
457
00:29:02,891 --> 00:29:04,967
It is. Tell her nothing.
458
00:29:07,103 --> 00:29:10,770
I'm surprised at your mother,
exploiting the poor creature.
459
00:29:10,857 --> 00:29:12,767
What way is she exploiting him?
460
00:29:12,859 --> 00:29:17,486
Making a show of him. Writing books,
profiting from his misfortune.
461
00:29:17,572 --> 00:29:20,574
If it was me,
I'd protect him from all that.
462
00:29:20,659 --> 00:29:24,906
Give him little delicacies,
talk soft to him,
463
00:29:24,996 --> 00:29:27,831
bring him into bed in the mornings.
464
00:29:27,916 --> 00:29:30,704
It wouldn't be the first time,
would it?
465
00:29:30,794 --> 00:29:34,293
I was just saying, Conchita,
I'd know him anywhere.
466
00:29:34,381 --> 00:29:35,793
Would you really?
467
00:29:35,882 --> 00:29:38,587
I would.
It's the way he works the shoulders.
468
00:29:38,677 --> 00:29:41,714
The shifty eyes,
the drop on the end of his nose.
469
00:29:41,805 --> 00:29:44,558
It could only be Hubert.
As a matter of fact,
470
00:29:44,641 --> 00:29:47,050
I think in many ways he's improved.
471
00:29:47,143 --> 00:29:49,220
He has more hair for a start.
472
00:29:50,105 --> 00:29:52,560
Come here till I see you, Hubert.
473
00:29:52,649 --> 00:29:56,564
- You can see him well enough.
- Let him out, he's with friends.
474
00:29:56,653 --> 00:29:58,694
Take your hand off that rat!
475
00:29:58,780 --> 00:30:01,864
- He's only a rat.
- He might be, but he's my rat!
476
00:30:01,950 --> 00:30:05,201
- (Marietta screams)
- (All clamouring)
477
00:30:10,417 --> 00:30:12,327
(Man) Hey, close the door!
478
00:30:16,715 --> 00:30:19,467
(Women screaming)
479
00:30:25,557 --> 00:30:28,760
# Now here's a dance
480
00:30:28,852 --> 00:30:31,770
# You should know, hey
481
00:30:31,855 --> 00:30:37,395
# Baby, when the lights
are down low, hey
482
00:30:37,485 --> 00:30:44,201
# Grab your baby then go, hey
483
00:30:44,284 --> 00:30:46,823
# You do the hucklebuck,
do the hucklebuck
484
00:30:46,912 --> 00:30:49,664
# If you don't know how to do it
then you're out of luck
485
00:30:49,748 --> 00:30:53,284
# Shove your baby in,
twist her all around
486
00:30:53,376 --> 00:30:56,247
# Then you start a twisting
and a-moving all around
487
00:30:56,338 --> 00:30:59,707
# Wriggle like a snake,
waddle like a duck
488
00:30:59,799 --> 00:31:02,173
# That's what you do
when you do the hucklebuck
489
00:31:02,260 --> 00:31:04,502
# And now here's
490
00:31:04,596 --> 00:31:08,179
# A dance you should know, hey
491
00:31:08,266 --> 00:31:14,721
# Baby, when the lights
are down low, hey
492
00:31:14,814 --> 00:31:20,604
# Grab your baby then go, hey
493
00:31:20,695 --> 00:31:23,530
# A little bit of shake,
a little bit of this
494
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:27,482
# If you don't know how to do it,
ask my little sis... #
495
00:31:27,577 --> 00:31:30,033
(Music drowned out)
496
00:31:30,121 --> 00:31:33,159
# ..then you start a shaking
and a-moving all around
497
00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:35,539
# Wriggle like a snake,
waddle like a duck
498
00:31:35,627 --> 00:31:39,376
# That's what you do
when you do the hucklebuck... #
499
00:31:46,471 --> 00:31:47,753
Stop that rat!
500
00:31:56,857 --> 00:32:03,227
# ..now here's a dance
you should know, hey
501
00:32:03,321 --> 00:32:09,657
# Baby, when the lights
are down low, hey
502
00:32:09,744 --> 00:32:15,700
# Grab your baby then go, hey
503
00:32:15,792 --> 00:32:18,912
# A little bit of this,
a little bit of twist... #
504
00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:21,412
(Music fades)
505
00:32:27,762 --> 00:32:30,136
(Conchita) Felix?
506
00:32:32,058 --> 00:32:34,847
Well, there's your hero.
Feast your eyes.
507
00:32:34,936 --> 00:32:37,606
- What happened to him?
- You may well ask!
508
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:41,106
- He's all brown.
- That's stout. On his good coat.
509
00:32:41,193 --> 00:32:44,063
That won't come out,
you won't shift that.
510
00:32:44,154 --> 00:32:46,064
- The poor thing.
- But how...?
511
00:32:46,156 --> 00:32:48,611
I haven't the strength
to go into it now.
512
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,906
He got out of the cage in Mick's pub
513
00:32:50,994 --> 00:32:54,162
and shot off with meself
and the kids after him.
514
00:32:54,247 --> 00:32:58,494
Me after him! Pius did nothing.
Letting on he wasn't even with us.
515
00:32:58,585 --> 00:33:01,918
- You're very hard on your brother.
- Little shite.
516
00:33:02,005 --> 00:33:04,876
Do you expect a lad
bound for the priesthood
517
00:33:04,966 --> 00:33:09,510
to be seen chasing a drunk rat up
the Quays in full view of the chapel?
518
00:33:09,596 --> 00:33:13,013
- I don't know what way I reared...
- (Phelim) Jesus!
519
00:33:13,099 --> 00:33:16,018
(Phelim) It's all right, Conchita.
520
00:33:16,102 --> 00:33:18,938
(Pius) Ma! Dad, let go of her.
521
00:33:19,022 --> 00:33:21,146
(Phelim) Calm down, Conchita.
522
00:33:25,028 --> 00:33:27,781
(Conchita) Do something! Pius! Pius!
523
00:33:27,864 --> 00:33:30,237
(Phelim) Pius, go easy.
524
00:33:30,325 --> 00:33:35,236
Go easy, Pius.
Will you just stay calm?
525
00:33:35,330 --> 00:33:37,371
(Marietta) You're hurting Da!
526
00:33:37,457 --> 00:33:41,040
Stay calm! Stand back!
Hubert, are you gonna let go?
527
00:33:41,127 --> 00:33:44,627
- He's through to the bone!
- This is no way to behave!
528
00:33:45,549 --> 00:33:47,044
Hubert!
529
00:33:47,175 --> 00:33:48,552
Daddy!
530
00:33:52,389 --> 00:33:54,679
You shouldn't have done that, Da.
531
00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:57,519
You've put yourself in the wrong now.
532
00:33:57,602 --> 00:34:00,390
Thanks, Felix. Oh, God, me thumb!
533
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,396
You'll want to go to the doctor,
Conchita, and get the jab.
534
00:34:04,484 --> 00:34:08,186
I will, I will, Felix,
when I get my breath.
535
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,444
Marietta, take your father upstairs
and put him in the hot press.
536
00:34:12,534 --> 00:34:14,491
He'd be better in the wardrobe.
537
00:34:14,578 --> 00:34:18,030
- No. I want to make him sweat.
- But he'll be lonely.
538
00:34:18,123 --> 00:34:21,041
Take him before
I do something I might regret.
539
00:34:21,126 --> 00:34:22,621
Come on, Daddy.
540
00:34:24,713 --> 00:34:26,623
Are we going to kill him?
541
00:34:26,715 --> 00:34:28,839
I don't know, Son.
542
00:34:28,925 --> 00:34:32,045
But it's time we settled it
one way or the other.
543
00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:36,384
Tonight, when Matt gets home,
we'll have a family meeting.
544
00:34:36,474 --> 00:34:38,930
This time he's gone too far.
545
00:34:53,074 --> 00:34:55,198
It's only to dry you out, Daddy.
546
00:34:58,580 --> 00:35:02,661
Look, I'll leave the door open,
in case it gets too warm, OK?
547
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:17,635
(Clears throat) Nice evening.
548
00:35:17,724 --> 00:35:20,133
Was that your father?
549
00:35:20,227 --> 00:35:23,394
No, that was me Uncle Matt.
550
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,722
Me father's smaller.
551
00:35:27,859 --> 00:35:31,110
Why will you not ask me in, Marietta?
552
00:35:31,196 --> 00:35:34,648
Because we're having
a family meeting.
553
00:35:34,741 --> 00:35:36,817
It's to decide me dad's future.
554
00:35:36,910 --> 00:35:40,908
You see, he's very fain, me da.
He's gone away to nothing.
555
00:35:42,832 --> 00:35:45,039
Why are you having a meeting?
556
00:35:45,126 --> 00:35:47,831
- Because he bit me mother.
- Oh.
557
00:35:49,256 --> 00:35:51,332
Is he in the habit of biting her?
558
00:35:51,424 --> 00:35:54,094
Oh, no.
It was just an isolated incident.
559
00:35:58,181 --> 00:36:00,554
I suppose I'll meet him soon enough.
560
00:36:00,642 --> 00:36:03,845
- Why do you say that?
- Well, at the wedding...
561
00:36:03,937 --> 00:36:06,346
Won't he be there to give you away?
562
00:36:43,852 --> 00:36:46,261
(Conchita) Where's Marietta?
563
00:36:46,354 --> 00:36:48,265
I'm here.
564
00:36:48,356 --> 00:36:50,314
All sit down and we'll get started.
565
00:36:51,193 --> 00:36:54,645
This meeting is to decide
what's to be done with Hubert
566
00:36:54,738 --> 00:36:57,526
following his unprovoked attack.
567
00:36:57,616 --> 00:37:02,575
Everybody will get a chance to speak
and as the youngest, Pius will start.
568
00:37:02,662 --> 00:37:06,613
- Fourth Commandment...
- Listen now, this will be good.
569
00:37:06,708 --> 00:37:09,995
...tells us to honour
our father and our mother.
570
00:37:10,086 --> 00:37:12,756
- And I always did.
- You did, Son.
571
00:37:12,839 --> 00:37:17,335
But, on account of me father,
I can no longer fulfil my vocation.
572
00:37:17,427 --> 00:37:19,752
- Why?
- No, Matt, Pius has the floor.
573
00:37:19,846 --> 00:37:21,472
Sorry, Conchita,
574
00:37:21,556 --> 00:37:25,637
but where does it say a man can't be
a priest cos his father's a rat?
575
00:37:25,727 --> 00:37:27,851
It doesn't say it in so many words.
576
00:37:27,938 --> 00:37:31,189
Now that me father's turned
his back on his family...
577
00:37:31,274 --> 00:37:34,727
(Matt) I must take issue,
just because Hubert is now a rat,
578
00:37:34,819 --> 00:37:38,023
doesn't mean that he is not
devoted to his family.
579
00:37:38,114 --> 00:37:41,033
It's a well-known fact
that just as we humans
580
00:37:41,117 --> 00:37:43,407
will be faithful to our loved ones,
581
00:37:43,495 --> 00:37:47,113
so the parent rat will be
prepared to lay down his life
582
00:37:47,207 --> 00:37:49,283
for his nearest and dearest.
583
00:37:49,376 --> 00:37:52,460
(Conchita) just tell us, Pius,
like a good boy,
584
00:37:52,546 --> 00:37:55,797
what do you think
we should do with your father?
585
00:37:55,882 --> 00:37:58,373
I think we should
put him in the Aga.
586
00:38:01,304 --> 00:38:03,795
- Do you hear that, Marietta?
- What?
587
00:38:03,890 --> 00:38:06,465
Your brother wants to put him
in the Aga.
588
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,434
I don't know. I'm confused.
589
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:12,305
I love Daddy, but I have to think
of me future with Rudolph.
590
00:38:12,399 --> 00:38:14,439
- The geneticals?
- Yeah.
591
00:38:14,526 --> 00:38:19,271
It's bad enough to be expecting, but
to not know what you're expecting.
592
00:38:19,364 --> 00:38:21,737
Not that I am expecting,
but if I was.
593
00:38:21,825 --> 00:38:25,906
If it was really Daddy, but it isn't.
It's only a scabby rat.
594
00:38:25,996 --> 00:38:27,906
You want to put him in the Aga?
595
00:38:27,998 --> 00:38:30,204
No. I wouldn't want him to suffer.
596
00:38:30,292 --> 00:38:34,289
I thought maybe something
mild and painless in his food.
597
00:38:34,379 --> 00:38:37,048
Ah, Daddy, don't be looking at me.
598
00:38:37,132 --> 00:38:40,252
Do you see him looking at me?
I didn't mean it.
599
00:38:43,471 --> 00:38:45,548
I vote we leave him as he is.
600
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,808
That's one for and one against.
Your turn, Felix.
601
00:38:48,894 --> 00:38:52,560
Mm, well...naturally,
602
00:38:52,647 --> 00:38:55,186
my chief interest
has to be the book.
603
00:38:55,275 --> 00:39:00,186
And the theme of it is how the family
remain true in the face of adversity,
604
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,531
loyal to the head of the family,
even though he's a rat.
605
00:39:03,617 --> 00:39:06,156
It's hard to reconcile
that and the Aga.
606
00:39:06,244 --> 00:39:10,622
Also, once the book comes out, we'll
want Hubert to do signing sessions.
607
00:39:10,707 --> 00:39:13,661
- To sign the book?
- He'll do it with his foot.
608
00:39:13,752 --> 00:39:17,537
- There'll be other appearances too.
- The Late Late Show.
609
00:39:17,631 --> 00:39:20,834
Wildlife On One.
So, you see, we will need him.
610
00:39:20,926 --> 00:39:25,054
However, when you've seen one rat,
you've seem them all.
611
00:39:25,138 --> 00:39:27,926
(Conchita)
What are you saying, Felix?
612
00:39:28,016 --> 00:39:32,346
I'm saying that one white rat's
very much the same as another.
613
00:39:32,437 --> 00:39:35,391
I was down this morning
at Reilly's Rat Shop
614
00:39:35,482 --> 00:39:38,899
and I was shown a fine range
of white rats at £2 a head.
615
00:39:38,985 --> 00:39:42,189
- That's very reasonable.
- Or three for a fiver.
616
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,697
- But it wouldn't be Daddy.
- No. But who would know?
617
00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:48,275
And they would only be
for emergency.
618
00:39:48,370 --> 00:39:51,822
- They'd be on the bench.
- What'd we do with Hubert?
619
00:39:51,915 --> 00:39:56,162
Keep him. Whatever he may have
sunk to, Pius, he is your father.
620
00:39:56,253 --> 00:40:00,879
And as the poet says, "You'll never
miss your father till he's gone."
621
00:40:02,634 --> 00:40:06,549
Oh, that was beautiful, Felix.
622
00:40:07,889 --> 00:40:09,799
Thank you, Conchita.
623
00:40:11,518 --> 00:40:16,180
Even after all he's done to me,
I don't think I could kill him.
624
00:40:16,273 --> 00:40:19,357
You're the wise one, Matt.
Tell us what to do.
625
00:40:19,442 --> 00:40:22,017
Well, for a start,
I'd rule out the Aga.
626
00:40:22,112 --> 00:40:26,110
It's very hard to shift the smell
of burnt rat in the kitchen.
627
00:40:26,199 --> 00:40:28,524
But we can't keep him round the house
628
00:40:28,618 --> 00:40:32,154
in the capacity of an Au pair rat
biting all and sundry,
629
00:40:32,247 --> 00:40:34,537
spreading disease and droppings.
630
00:40:34,708 --> 00:40:39,003
No, the solution I propose is that
Hubert should be taken out somewhere
631
00:40:39,087 --> 00:40:41,578
where he can be placed
among his own kind
632
00:40:41,673 --> 00:40:45,540
to live out the rest of his days
in peace among his furry friends.
633
00:40:45,635 --> 00:40:49,135
And when death comes, as it does
to us all, he'll either:
634
00:40:49,222 --> 00:40:53,884
number one, turn back into a man and
we'll go for the widow's pension...
635
00:40:53,977 --> 00:40:57,679
number two, he stays a rat
and no remarks need be passed...
636
00:40:57,772 --> 00:41:01,818
or if number three, if he returns
to human form before he passes on,
637
00:41:01,902 --> 00:41:03,563
he can get the bus home.
638
00:41:03,653 --> 00:41:06,940
We could leave a suit
with the bus fare in the pocket.
639
00:41:07,032 --> 00:41:10,899
Good, Felix. Then, if there's no sign
of him after 12 months,
640
00:41:10,994 --> 00:41:13,153
we'll go back to where we left him.
641
00:41:13,246 --> 00:41:16,746
After all, there's no use
being at the loss of the suit.
642
00:41:16,833 --> 00:41:19,455
- Have you thought of a place?
- I have.
643
00:41:19,544 --> 00:41:23,922
(Phelim) Did you have to ask?
Doesn't he think of everything?
644
00:41:24,007 --> 00:41:29,678
(Matt) A man I know, name
of Mulligan, has a premises here...
645
00:41:29,763 --> 00:41:32,432
on the far side of Dunlavin.
646
00:42:07,384 --> 00:42:09,792
Holy God, Matt.
That's a wicked smell.
647
00:42:09,886 --> 00:42:12,295
It's a very pungent odour for us,
648
00:42:12,389 --> 00:42:15,971
but to a rat,
it's like all the perfumes of Arabia.
649
00:42:16,059 --> 00:42:18,515
It's your new home, Hubert.
650
00:42:18,603 --> 00:42:23,147
(Marietta) You can't do it! You can't
leave Da in a maggot factory.
651
00:42:23,233 --> 00:42:26,602
Marietta, think about it
from a rat's point of view,
652
00:42:26,695 --> 00:42:29,399
surrounded by rotten meat
and maggots.
653
00:42:29,489 --> 00:42:31,731
To the rat, it's like holiday camp.
654
00:42:31,825 --> 00:42:33,817
Why did we have to come at night?
655
00:42:33,910 --> 00:42:37,576
If they see us bringing rats to
a maggot factory, we'd be locked up.
656
00:42:37,664 --> 00:42:41,710
Now...where will we put him, Matt?
657
00:42:41,793 --> 00:42:43,869
Oh, wait.
658
00:42:45,922 --> 00:42:50,833
In case we come back.
You know, so we'll know him.
659
00:42:55,891 --> 00:42:58,264
Hubert...
660
00:42:58,351 --> 00:43:02,516
who'd have thought it would
ever end like this, hmm?
661
00:43:02,606 --> 00:43:06,438
I'm sorry you have to go,
but you brought it on yourself.
662
00:43:08,111 --> 00:43:10,152
Matt's leaving the brown suit
663
00:43:10,238 --> 00:43:13,192
and the thermal underpants
up by the wall.
664
00:43:14,409 --> 00:43:18,194
And the bus fare's
in the inside pocket.
665
00:43:18,288 --> 00:43:20,862
Now, I want you to know...
666
00:43:20,957 --> 00:43:25,453
if you should come to your senses,
you'll always be welcome home.
667
00:43:25,545 --> 00:43:29,163
And Mr Mooney says the job
will always be waiting.
668
00:43:29,257 --> 00:43:30,799
Conchita.
669
00:43:34,179 --> 00:43:36,219
Have you anything to say?
670
00:43:40,519 --> 00:43:42,345
In that case...
671
00:43:42,437 --> 00:43:44,976
- Good luck, Hubert.
- God bless now.
672
00:43:52,405 --> 00:43:54,150
(Thud)
673
00:43:54,241 --> 00:43:55,699
Goodbye, Daddy.
674
00:44:14,594 --> 00:44:16,551
(Conchita) Marietta.
675
00:44:53,091 --> 00:44:55,926
# You'll never know
676
00:44:56,011 --> 00:44:59,428
# just how much
677
00:44:59,514 --> 00:45:03,263
# I miss you
678
00:45:06,605 --> 00:45:09,559
# You'll never know
679
00:45:09,649 --> 00:45:13,066
# just how much
680
00:45:13,153 --> 00:45:16,404
# I care
681
00:45:20,327 --> 00:45:24,277
# And if I tried
682
00:45:24,372 --> 00:45:26,117
# I still couldn't hide... #
683
00:45:26,208 --> 00:45:28,414
I'm after thinking up another title.
684
00:45:28,502 --> 00:45:30,542
Yeah?
685
00:45:30,629 --> 00:45:34,496
# He was only a rat in a gilded cage
686
00:45:34,591 --> 00:45:38,008
# A beautiful sight to see
687
00:45:38,094 --> 00:45:42,176
# He may have looked happy
and free from care
688
00:45:42,265 --> 00:45:45,053
# He was not what
he seemed to be... #
689
00:45:45,143 --> 00:45:50,814
Very good. Rat In A Gilded Cage.
I'll write that down.
690
00:45:50,899 --> 00:45:56,024
# It's sad when you think
of a wasted life
691
00:45:56,112 --> 00:45:59,731
# Cut off at an early age
692
00:45:59,824 --> 00:46:05,531
# His beauty was sold
for a pot of gold
693
00:46:05,622 --> 00:46:11,791
# just a rat in a gilded cage #
694
00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:17,713
It's snowing again.
695
00:46:19,928 --> 00:46:23,795
I think of little Hubert
sitting in the maggot factory,
696
00:46:23,890 --> 00:46:26,595
not a stitch on him,
the snow falling.
697
00:46:30,021 --> 00:46:35,312
They do say if a budgie escapes,
the wild birds will kill him.
698
00:46:35,402 --> 00:46:40,231
The wild ones don't like the budgies
- jealous of the budgie's beauty.
699
00:46:40,323 --> 00:46:43,325
The beauty of the budgie
has nothing to do with it.
700
00:46:43,410 --> 00:46:45,652
That's what will happen to Hubert.
701
00:46:45,745 --> 00:46:49,791
The wild rats will eat him like
the wild birds eat the budgies.
702
00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:53,042
There's no comparison
between a budgie and a rat.
703
00:46:53,128 --> 00:46:55,536
The budgie, Melopsittacus undulatus,
704
00:46:55,630 --> 00:46:58,964
is a small, defenceless bird
of Australian origin.
705
00:46:59,050 --> 00:47:01,672
The rat is well able to fight
his corner.
706
00:47:01,761 --> 00:47:05,428
The rat's a horse of
a different colour than the budgie.
707
00:47:07,434 --> 00:47:09,391
He could be dead already.
708
00:47:10,645 --> 00:47:12,971
Picked clean by the crows.
709
00:47:17,194 --> 00:47:20,610
You hear what
they're singing, Felix?
710
00:47:20,697 --> 00:47:24,482
# Page and monarch forth they went
711
00:47:24,576 --> 00:47:26,735
# Forth they went together
712
00:47:28,872 --> 00:47:31,541
# Through the rude Wind's wild lament
713
00:47:33,126 --> 00:47:37,077
# And the bitter weather... #
714
00:47:43,178 --> 00:47:45,135
Would you go and look for him?
715
00:47:45,222 --> 00:47:47,346
There's no point, Conchita.
716
00:47:49,476 --> 00:47:52,015
If he's alive,
he's better where he is.
717
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:55,390
And if he is dead,
we can do nothing for him.
718
00:47:55,482 --> 00:47:58,650
We can give him a Christian burial.
719
00:47:58,735 --> 00:48:01,654
With a little headstone,
720
00:48:01,738 --> 00:48:03,779
"Here lies Hubert Flynn...
721
00:48:03,865 --> 00:48:06,867
"ate by rats."
722
00:48:06,952 --> 00:48:08,660
Oh, Mammy, stop!
723
00:48:08,745 --> 00:48:10,821
Shh! Listen.
724
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:15,291
The door!
725
00:48:15,377 --> 00:48:18,046
It's just the carol singers.
726
00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:19,672
No!
727
00:48:19,756 --> 00:48:21,168
(Faint scratching)
728
00:48:25,053 --> 00:48:26,465
(Dog barks)
729
00:48:28,890 --> 00:48:30,468
Mickey!
730
00:48:36,940 --> 00:48:38,684
- It's Daddy!
- What?
731
00:48:38,775 --> 00:48:40,981
(Conchita) I don't believe it!
732
00:48:41,069 --> 00:48:45,731
And look at the dirt on those feet!
Where were you?
733
00:48:45,824 --> 00:48:47,366
You know where he was.
734
00:48:47,450 --> 00:48:50,404
What state is that
to be coming home in?
735
00:48:50,495 --> 00:48:53,070
Look, he brought a friend.
736
00:48:53,164 --> 00:48:57,162
I don't know why you're surprised.
He was always the same.
737
00:48:57,252 --> 00:49:01,796
Bringing home bowsies from the pub,
expecting me to put up a feed.
738
00:49:01,882 --> 00:49:06,129
Tell your friend to shift out of here
or I'll be shifting him.
739
00:49:06,219 --> 00:49:09,553
It appears to me
from the colour and confirmation,
740
00:49:09,639 --> 00:49:12,558
that it's not of the genus
Rattus norvegicus...
741
00:49:12,642 --> 00:49:15,217
- Who cares what sort of rat...
- But is,
742
00:49:15,312 --> 00:49:19,440
a large specimen
of the black rat, Rattus rattus,
743
00:49:19,524 --> 00:49:22,562
which is,
a carrier of the bubonical plague.
744
00:49:22,652 --> 00:49:26,947
- (Conchita) Jesus!
- Marietta, fetch the oven glove.
745
00:49:35,624 --> 00:49:37,748
(Conchita) Careful now, Matt.
746
00:49:40,212 --> 00:49:42,751
- Felix, the window.
- I got it, Matt.
747
00:49:45,425 --> 00:49:48,427
Please, God,
he'll go into Daisy Farrdell.
748
00:49:51,264 --> 00:49:54,218
I don't know
where we'd be without you, Matt.
749
00:49:54,309 --> 00:49:59,102
God knows we've had enough misfortune
without the bubonical plague.
750
00:49:59,189 --> 00:50:01,894
- Where are you going?
- To get Rudolph.
751
00:50:01,983 --> 00:50:06,397
I'm bringing him home to meet Daddy.
I should have done it ages ago.
752
00:50:07,489 --> 00:50:09,565
Imagine the little size of him,
753
00:50:09,658 --> 00:50:13,869
settin' off on a journey 40 miles
over the mountains and valleys,
754
00:50:13,954 --> 00:50:17,786
to be with his loved ones
for Christmas,
755
00:50:17,874 --> 00:50:22,288
through thunder and lightning,
wind and snow, on his little legs.
756
00:50:22,379 --> 00:50:24,752
We should be proud of him.
757
00:50:30,846 --> 00:50:32,756
HE'S gone!
758
00:50:32,848 --> 00:50:34,674
He's left us!
759
00:50:37,060 --> 00:50:39,385
Stand back, please.
760
00:50:39,479 --> 00:50:41,555
He came home to die.
761
00:50:41,648 --> 00:50:44,187
The rat is not particular
where he dies.
762
00:50:44,276 --> 00:50:47,064
The animal you have in mind
is the elephant...
763
00:50:47,153 --> 00:50:49,360
Forget the elephant,
what about Hubert?
764
00:50:49,447 --> 00:50:53,066
There is a faint,
but discernible pulse.
765
00:50:53,159 --> 00:50:54,821
What'll we do?
766
00:50:54,911 --> 00:50:57,830
One method
is mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
767
00:50:57,914 --> 00:51:01,165
But the danger in trying
to resuscitate the rat this way
768
00:51:01,251 --> 00:51:05,202
is that he might wake up and bite
you, thus passing on the bubonicals.
769
00:51:05,297 --> 00:51:08,049
Felix, get the doctor.
Pius, the priest.
770
00:51:08,133 --> 00:51:10,921
- Father Geraldo.
- Why not Father Mick?
771
00:51:11,011 --> 00:51:12,672
Father Geraldo.
772
00:51:12,762 --> 00:51:15,384
Father Mick is just as good
at the Last Rites.
773
00:51:15,473 --> 00:51:19,305
- I want more than the Last Rites.
- What more can you get?
774
00:51:19,394 --> 00:51:23,309
Father Geraldo cast the devil
out of the house in Sallynoggin,
775
00:51:23,398 --> 00:51:26,269
I want him to cast the devil
out of your father.
776
00:51:26,359 --> 00:51:28,270
Cos bad and all as he is,
777
00:51:28,361 --> 00:51:32,193
I'd hate to send him
before his maker as a rat.
778
00:51:32,282 --> 00:51:34,275
Go on now, Son.
779
00:51:39,206 --> 00:51:42,041
I'll have to wash him
for the doctor coming.
780
00:51:42,125 --> 00:51:45,079
We don't want to
be letting ourselves down.
781
00:51:56,723 --> 00:51:59,891
Matt, would you ever
go up to the green chest
782
00:51:59,976 --> 00:52:04,022
and look in Pius' Action Man clothes,
there's a little dressing gown.
783
00:52:04,105 --> 00:52:07,309
Right.
You don't think it'll strain him?
784
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,774
Ah, no. I have him on wool.
785
00:52:09,861 --> 00:52:11,273
Oh.
786
00:52:15,742 --> 00:52:17,783
(Clattering)
787
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,801
Ah, thanks, Matt.
788
00:52:48,066 --> 00:52:51,400
Ah! I think it suits him.
789
00:52:55,323 --> 00:52:57,565
(Door closes, alarm beeps)
790
00:53:05,458 --> 00:53:08,294
Would you mind hurrying up, Father?
791
00:53:08,378 --> 00:53:10,205
I am hurrying "P-
792
00:53:10,297 --> 00:53:15,422
Such a time to go rousting me out
on Christmas Eve. ls he that sick?
793
00:53:15,510 --> 00:53:18,464
I'll be very annoyed with you
if he isn't.
794
00:53:18,555 --> 00:53:21,972
Nothing vexes me more
than to give a man the Last Rites
795
00:53:22,058 --> 00:53:23,766
and then he doesn't die.
796
00:53:23,852 --> 00:53:27,470
- He's more than just sick, Father.
- What was that?
797
00:53:27,564 --> 00:53:31,016
He might need to
be exercised as well.
798
00:53:31,109 --> 00:53:34,229
God bless us and save us.
799
00:53:34,321 --> 00:53:36,860
Do you mean he's possessed
by the devil?
800
00:53:36,948 --> 00:53:41,528
Isn't it true, Father, that the devil
takes different shapes?
801
00:53:41,620 --> 00:53:43,281
Oh, by God, he does.
802
00:53:43,371 --> 00:53:46,491
Then maybe he's possessed
by the devil.
803
00:53:46,583 --> 00:53:49,703
Well, I wish you'd given me
a bit more notice.
804
00:53:51,796 --> 00:53:53,872
I'm not fit, you see.
805
00:53:53,965 --> 00:53:58,876
When you're up against the devil,
you have to be at your peak.
806
00:54:09,314 --> 00:54:11,141
Could you hurry up, Father?
807
00:54:11,233 --> 00:54:13,772
I am hurrying.
Don't be annoying me.
808
00:54:15,946 --> 00:54:19,149
I'm worried in case he dies
with the devil still in him.
809
00:54:19,241 --> 00:54:21,115
Don't be alarmed about that.
810
00:54:21,201 --> 00:54:23,775
If he dies,
the devil won't hang about.
811
00:54:23,870 --> 00:54:26,658
No devil would be
caught dead in a corpse.
812
00:54:30,085 --> 00:54:32,754
You get that. And that.
813
00:54:38,635 --> 00:54:41,126
You're very good to come out, Doctor.
814
00:54:41,221 --> 00:54:43,380
Perfectly all right, Mrs Flynn.
815
00:54:43,473 --> 00:54:45,680
You'll see a great change in him.
816
00:54:45,767 --> 00:54:49,552
I did warn him what'd happen
if he didn't look after himself.
817
00:54:49,646 --> 00:54:52,517
He'd heed no one, Doctor.
You know yourself.
818
00:55:04,911 --> 00:55:08,328
- There's a rat in the bed.
- I know.
819
00:55:08,415 --> 00:55:10,823
In a camel hair dressing gown.
820
00:55:10,917 --> 00:55:13,326
That's Hubert.
821
00:55:13,420 --> 00:55:14,832
Ah.
822
00:55:31,271 --> 00:55:34,522
Well, Mr Flynn,
if I might just loosen your robe.
823
00:55:44,492 --> 00:55:46,818
Having a quiet Christmas, are we?
824
00:55:46,912 --> 00:55:49,996
Ah, very quiet, Doctor.
just the family.
825
00:55:50,081 --> 00:55:54,293
Mm-hmm. Much the best,
our loved ones around us.
826
00:55:55,754 --> 00:55:59,621
Hmm. All clear there.
827
00:56:10,227 --> 00:56:14,355
Doctor, as a matter of interest,
would you prefer a turkey or a goose?
828
00:56:14,439 --> 00:56:17,060
Goose, I think.
829
00:56:17,150 --> 00:56:19,475
I think the goose is very greasy.
830
00:56:19,569 --> 00:56:24,398
(Matt) You want the grease to line
the stomach. The turkey is too dry.
831
00:56:27,744 --> 00:56:30,117
We're going to have a duck.
832
00:56:31,456 --> 00:56:33,698
(Hissing)
833
00:56:35,627 --> 00:56:37,952
Hmm.
834
00:56:38,046 --> 00:56:41,000
Perhaps a little high.
Nothing alarming.
835
00:56:42,133 --> 00:56:44,340
(Matt) Not much eating on a duck.
836
00:56:44,427 --> 00:56:47,844
I just as soon have a pork chop.
837
00:56:47,931 --> 00:56:51,430
I like a pork chop,
particularly with a kidney in it.
838
00:56:51,518 --> 00:56:54,306
Would you believe
I can't face the kidney?
839
00:56:57,524 --> 00:57:00,098
Now...Mr Flynn.
840
00:57:00,193 --> 00:57:01,985
(Marietta) Mammy?
841
00:57:07,075 --> 00:57:09,281
- Ma?
- What's all the shouting?
842
00:57:09,369 --> 00:57:11,410
Your father's sick in the bed.
843
00:57:11,496 --> 00:57:14,331
- Oh, is he all right?
- He's the same as he was.
844
00:57:14,416 --> 00:57:18,082
If you think that's all right or not
is up to yourself.
845
00:57:18,170 --> 00:57:22,298
Oh, Rudolph, this is Mammy.
Mammy, this is Rudolph.
846
00:57:22,382 --> 00:57:26,463
How do you do? We've heard so much
about you. You're very welcome.
847
00:57:26,553 --> 00:57:30,420
Merry Christmas, Mrs Flynn.
Where was it he bit you then?
848
00:57:30,515 --> 00:57:33,303
- We want to see Daddy.
- Are you sure?
849
00:57:33,393 --> 00:57:35,469
Thanks very much, Doctor.
850
00:57:37,439 --> 00:57:39,894
- Well, thanks again.
- Oh.
851
00:57:39,983 --> 00:57:42,854
I'm afraid he is a little low.
852
00:57:42,944 --> 00:57:47,358
I don't care how low he is, that was
no place to stick your thermometer.
853
00:57:47,449 --> 00:57:52,159
Well, he doesn't have a proper tongue
or an armpit, come to that.
854
00:57:52,245 --> 00:57:54,618
He undertook a journey of 40 miles?
855
00:57:54,706 --> 00:57:57,541
Through ice and snow,
and thunder and rain.
856
00:57:57,626 --> 00:58:00,295
Plucky fellow,
obviously got his feet wet.
857
00:58:00,378 --> 00:58:03,131
And with four feet,
it's twice as dangerous.
858
00:58:03,215 --> 00:58:05,919
Now, the temperature.
It must come down.
859
00:58:06,009 --> 00:58:08,583
Say no more.
Thanks again for coming out.
860
00:58:08,678 --> 00:58:11,798
- Not at all.
- You're very good.
861
00:58:11,890 --> 00:58:13,800
He's very small.
862
00:58:13,892 --> 00:58:16,347
Yeah, well, you see, he's been sick.
863
00:58:18,939 --> 00:58:22,889
Did no one offer you tea?
You must think us peculiar people.
864
00:58:22,984 --> 00:58:24,443
No, you're grand.
865
00:58:24,528 --> 00:58:28,063
Put on the kettle, Marietta,
while I get your father.
866
00:58:35,872 --> 00:58:38,494
- Right.
- What are you doing with him?
867
00:58:38,583 --> 00:58:41,537
I'm putting him in the fridge
to cool him down.
868
00:58:41,628 --> 00:58:44,249
Poor little thing.
Here, let me do it.
869
00:58:46,842 --> 00:58:50,211
- Will I put cling wrap on him?
- Put him in as he is.
870
00:58:50,303 --> 00:58:54,717
His fur is damp. It'll freeze
into little spikes, like a hedgehog.
871
00:58:54,808 --> 00:58:57,216
Just put him in. Next to the rashers.
872
00:58:57,310 --> 00:59:00,264
This way, Father.
873
00:59:00,355 --> 00:59:02,728
God save all here.
874
00:59:02,816 --> 00:59:06,517
- How are you, Father?
- We're grateful to you, Father.
875
00:59:06,611 --> 00:59:09,150
Through ice and snow, thunder and...
876
00:59:09,239 --> 00:59:12,775
Now, this is my gear
for giving out the Last Rites.
877
00:59:12,868 --> 00:59:16,119
And this here is my gear
for driving out devils.
878
00:59:16,204 --> 00:59:19,989
- Now, which do you want first?
- Does it matter, Father?
879
00:59:20,083 --> 00:59:23,749
Woman, do you not know
that the devil never goes quietly?
880
00:59:23,837 --> 00:59:27,883
If I cast the devil out first,
the shock could kill your husband
881
00:59:27,966 --> 00:59:30,090
before I give him the Last Rites.
882
00:59:30,177 --> 00:59:32,798
But if I give him
the Last Rites first,
883
00:59:32,888 --> 00:59:37,550
then the devil gets the Last Rites
too, and he's not entitled to them!
884
00:59:37,642 --> 00:59:40,312
It could cause
terrible trouble later.
885
00:59:40,395 --> 00:59:43,598
What would you advise
yourself, Father?
886
00:59:43,690 --> 00:59:46,893
I suppose we'll go
for the devil first.
887
00:59:46,985 --> 00:59:48,776
Now, where is he?
888
00:59:48,862 --> 00:59:52,480
Where are you, you mongrel worm?
889
00:59:52,574 --> 00:59:56,359
He's in the fridge, Father.
890
00:59:56,453 --> 00:59:58,529
Oh, be the hokey, ma'am,
891
00:59:58,622 --> 01:00:02,407
that's a very dangerous place
to put a devil.
892
01:00:02,501 --> 01:00:05,371
He could make a complete
dog's dinner of your fridge.
893
01:00:05,462 --> 01:00:10,421
As a matter of fact,
he could fuse the whole house.
894
01:00:14,262 --> 01:00:16,837
Now, all stand back
against the wall.
895
01:00:16,932 --> 01:00:19,173
Come on, Marietta. Come on.
896
01:00:19,267 --> 01:00:22,470
- Now, put out the light.
- (Phelim) I'll do it.
897
01:00:24,981 --> 01:00:30,024
If you have rosary beads,
hang on tight to them.
898
01:00:30,111 --> 01:00:34,940
Keep your eyes closed,
because when you put out a devil,
899
01:00:35,033 --> 01:00:40,158
he has this dirty habit of taking
the sight from your eyes.
900
01:00:42,707 --> 01:00:46,753
I'm coming for you, you black devil.
901
01:00:46,837 --> 01:00:52,460
Do you hear me?
Coming for you, you scarlet whore.
902
01:00:52,551 --> 01:00:57,462
I'm coming to cast you out,
you Babylonian bastard!
903
01:00:57,556 --> 01:01:01,553
Back into the festering
stench and mucus
904
01:01:01,643 --> 01:01:04,348
of the deepest pit of hell!
905
01:01:04,437 --> 01:01:06,811
(# Carmina Burana)
906
01:01:26,543 --> 01:01:30,079
Brrr! That's a cold one, Father.
907
01:01:32,132 --> 01:01:34,374
Daddy?
908
01:01:34,467 --> 01:01:37,042
I'm very pleased to meet you,
Mr Flynn.
909
01:01:40,557 --> 01:01:42,597
Oh, Jesus.
910
01:01:42,684 --> 01:01:46,896
Hubert Flynn, come back here with
that duck and explain yourself!
911
01:01:46,980 --> 01:01:50,148
What do you mean jumping naked
out of the fridge?
912
01:01:50,233 --> 01:01:52,060
Daddy, you're back!
913
01:01:52,152 --> 01:01:56,150
(Conchita) It wouldn't occur
to you to bring home the suit...
914
01:01:58,909 --> 01:02:02,741
- That was a funny devil.
- That was me father.
915
01:02:02,829 --> 01:02:06,365
You must be chuffed having
him back as well, hey?
916
01:02:06,458 --> 01:02:11,618
# Deck the halls with boughs of holly
fa la la la la, la la la la
917
01:02:11,713 --> 01:02:14,466
# Tis the season to be jolly
fa la la la la, la la la la
918
01:02:15,342 --> 01:02:19,293
# Don we now our gay apparel
fa la la la la, la la la la... #
919
01:02:19,387 --> 01:02:22,756
- Happy Christmas, Da.
- Merry Christmas, love.
920
01:02:25,393 --> 01:02:27,304
What way is your tie?
921
01:02:27,395 --> 01:02:31,477
Er, I'm all thumbs.
A rat don't have thumbs.
922
01:02:31,566 --> 01:02:34,141
It won't be long coming back to you.
923
01:02:34,236 --> 01:02:36,062
No.
924
01:02:36,154 --> 01:02:40,105
Here's your breakfast.
And look, your little red ribbon.
925
01:02:41,201 --> 01:02:43,028
Thanks, love.
926
01:02:45,413 --> 01:02:47,655
What was it like to be a rat, Daddy?
927
01:02:47,749 --> 01:02:50,288
Did you know
what had happened to you?
928
01:02:50,377 --> 01:02:52,334
No, not straight off, no.
929
01:02:52,420 --> 01:02:54,829
The brain of the rat is very small.
930
01:02:54,923 --> 01:02:58,375
- What did you miss most?
- Ah, I missed the fags.
931
01:02:58,468 --> 01:03:00,260
Ah, if I'd only known,
932
01:03:00,345 --> 01:03:03,429
I'd have rolled up fags
and lit them for you.
933
01:03:04,850 --> 01:03:07,934
Thanks. No, there was compensations.
934
01:03:08,019 --> 01:03:11,306
- Like, I could see in the dark.
- Really?
935
01:03:11,398 --> 01:03:14,934
- I knew when it was going to rain.
- Go away.
936
01:03:15,026 --> 01:03:18,942
The only thing I never got used to
was how people looked at you.
937
01:03:19,030 --> 01:03:21,071
Like they were swallowing a lemon.
938
01:03:22,826 --> 01:03:24,818
Do you remember biting Mammy?
939
01:03:24,911 --> 01:03:28,660
I do. Did you ever taste blood?
940
01:03:28,748 --> 01:03:32,035
- No.
- Like Yorkshire Relish.
941
01:03:32,127 --> 01:03:36,789
- (Conchita) Breakfast!
- On you go. I have to shave yet.
942
01:03:36,882 --> 01:03:40,215
It's me first shave
since Hallowe'en.
943
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:44,425
It's on the table.
944
01:03:47,184 --> 01:03:49,224
Happy Christmas, Conchita.
945
01:03:49,311 --> 01:03:52,099
Felix, you shouldn't... Oh!
946
01:03:53,940 --> 01:03:57,642
- Do youse mind?
- Sit down and have your breakfast.
947
01:03:59,446 --> 01:04:03,361
Pardon me saying it, Felix,
but you're a little bit shook.
948
01:04:03,450 --> 01:04:07,448
- I never closed me eyes.
- Poor old Felix put out of your bed.
949
01:04:07,537 --> 01:04:11,369
- It's Da's bed. He's a right to it.
- He's no right at all.
950
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:13,534
Driving Felix out to the couch.
951
01:04:13,627 --> 01:04:16,166
It wasn't the couch.
I couldn't sleep
952
01:04:16,254 --> 01:04:19,339
with all the tempestuous thoughts
in me mind.
953
01:04:19,424 --> 01:04:21,381
What tempestuous thoughts?
954
01:04:21,468 --> 01:04:23,710
- About the book.
- The book?
955
01:04:23,803 --> 01:04:26,295
- I thought it was finished.
- It was.
956
01:04:26,389 --> 01:04:28,513
After last night,
it's all changed.
957
01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:31,851
Didn't it give you the climax
any author would want,
958
01:04:31,937 --> 01:04:34,428
with Hubert leaping out
of the fridge?
959
01:04:34,523 --> 01:04:37,062
But who'll believe us?
960
01:04:37,150 --> 01:04:40,401
We write a book about a man
who turns into a rat.
961
01:04:40,487 --> 01:04:43,571
We tell the whole story
and on the eve of publication,
962
01:04:43,657 --> 01:04:45,365
he turns back into a man?
963
01:04:45,450 --> 01:04:48,285
How can we prove
that he was anything else?
964
01:04:48,370 --> 01:04:51,621
Haven't we Father Geraldo
as a witness?
965
01:04:51,706 --> 01:04:54,411
It's well-known
the Father isn't all there.
966
01:04:54,501 --> 01:04:57,206
And he never actually
looked in the fridge.
967
01:04:57,295 --> 01:05:00,463
For all he knew,
we had Da in there all the time.
968
01:05:00,549 --> 01:05:02,625
The doctor! The doctor seen him.
969
01:05:02,717 --> 01:05:04,592
The doctor only seen a rat.
970
01:05:04,678 --> 01:05:06,837
He'd only our word it was Hubert.
971
01:05:08,557 --> 01:05:10,514
I'm afraid Felix has a point.
972
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:14,646
It appears that Hubert
has returned prematurely.
973
01:05:14,729 --> 01:05:18,561
- Happy Christmas.
- What do you mean, happy Christmas?
974
01:05:18,650 --> 01:05:21,271
Do you not know
you're thwarting us again?
975
01:05:21,361 --> 01:05:25,312
It's not his fault.
Come here, Daddy. Don't mind her.
976
01:05:28,118 --> 01:05:30,609
What was wrong
with the maggot factory?
977
01:05:30,704 --> 01:05:34,785
All the trouble we went to to find
a place a rat would call home.
978
01:05:34,875 --> 01:05:37,793
To think I stopped them
putting you in the Aga.
979
01:05:37,878 --> 01:05:40,251
- I have a plan.
- What plan, Felix?
980
01:05:40,338 --> 01:05:44,087
First of all, we're now
in a highly dangerous situation.
981
01:05:44,176 --> 01:05:47,758
If anybody outside here
gets sight or sound of Hubert,
982
01:05:47,888 --> 01:05:50,213
the book is banjaxed, right?
983
01:05:50,307 --> 01:05:51,718
(All) Right.
984
01:05:51,808 --> 01:05:54,846
So, the sooner we launch the book,
the better.
985
01:05:54,936 --> 01:05:58,685
Are you listening?
We're doing this for you, you know?
986
01:05:58,773 --> 01:06:01,941
And I propose St Valentine's Day.
987
01:06:02,027 --> 01:06:04,518
He was beheaded by Claudius
on April 14th."
988
01:06:04,613 --> 01:06:07,365
Right, St Valentine's Day.
But until then,
989
01:06:07,449 --> 01:06:10,486
Hubert is to be kept
totally incommunicado.
990
01:06:10,577 --> 01:06:12,452
(All) All right, OK.
991
01:06:12,537 --> 01:06:17,876
So, Hubert, you'll be locked
in your room for the next six weeks.
992
01:06:17,959 --> 01:06:21,625
Your meals will be brought in to you
and two bottles of stout a day.
993
01:06:21,713 --> 01:06:23,919
Marietta can take your bets.
994
01:06:24,007 --> 01:06:26,048
You'll need a TV to watch the racing.
995
01:06:26,134 --> 01:06:29,385
- Black and white will do.
- How will he exercise?
996
01:06:29,471 --> 01:06:33,967
He can jump up and down! Pius,
get a hammer and a mouthful of nails.
997
01:06:34,059 --> 01:06:36,265
Go to your room,
fish fingers at 1:00.
998
01:06:36,353 --> 01:06:38,892
Have we no turkey?
999
01:06:38,980 --> 01:06:42,148
We have a duck.
But you can't feed six off a duck,
1000
01:06:42,234 --> 01:06:44,986
especially after
the mullocking it took.
1001
01:06:45,070 --> 01:06:46,778
- He can have mine.
- No!
1002
01:06:46,863 --> 01:06:50,612
He has to learn you can't walk in
off the street demanding duck.
1003
01:06:52,994 --> 01:06:56,198
We'll go into the parlour
and open the presents.
1004
01:07:01,378 --> 01:07:06,123
- There's nothing for you, Daddy.
- Oh, sure. I've nothing for anybody.
1005
01:07:06,216 --> 01:07:08,340
Hubert, go to your room.
1006
01:07:15,642 --> 01:07:17,552
Don't mind him, Daddy.
1007
01:07:19,271 --> 01:07:22,308
Tell us about the maggot factory.
Was it awful?
1008
01:07:22,399 --> 01:07:25,566
No, no. It was sort of like...
1009
01:07:25,652 --> 01:07:28,191
an international rat camp.
1010
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:30,486
There was black and brown rats...
1011
01:07:30,574 --> 01:07:33,278
singing rats from Mexico...
jumping rats from Borneo...
1012
01:07:33,368 --> 01:07:36,156
- Scaly-tailed squirrels.
- Squirrels?
1013
01:07:36,246 --> 01:07:38,121
Yeah. Squirrels is rats too.
1014
01:07:38,206 --> 01:07:40,579
Were they not all the time fightin'?
1015
01:07:40,667 --> 01:07:42,660
No, it's people that fight.
1016
01:07:42,752 --> 01:07:45,706
Oh, no, rats is very peaceful.
1017
01:07:45,797 --> 01:07:49,713
And like, they do you
a good turn if they can.
1018
01:07:49,801 --> 01:07:51,676
And look.
1019
01:07:53,013 --> 01:07:55,172
Is that the one that came with you?
1020
01:07:55,265 --> 01:07:58,468
- The one Uncle threw in the garden?
- Uh-huh.
1021
01:07:58,560 --> 01:08:01,134
Her name's Benazir.
1022
01:08:01,229 --> 01:08:04,765
She's a bandicoot rat from Colombo.
1023
01:08:04,858 --> 01:08:07,776
I brought her in out of the cold
this morning.
1024
01:08:07,861 --> 01:08:12,072
I met her on me first night there.
We hit if off straightaway.
1025
01:08:12,157 --> 01:08:14,778
I think I like the black rats
best of all.
1026
01:08:14,868 --> 01:08:18,653
- They have a great sense of rhythm.
- She was your friend?
1027
01:08:18,747 --> 01:08:22,495
She walked by me side all the way
from Dunlavin to Dublin.
1028
01:08:22,584 --> 01:08:25,253
Then waited for me
out there all night.
1029
01:08:25,337 --> 01:08:28,374
- There's loyalty.
- (Hammering)
1030
01:08:28,465 --> 01:08:31,668
(Conchita) Pius! It's time for Mass.
1031
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:33,717
The little shite!
1032
01:08:41,937 --> 01:08:45,270
Conchita, you're looking radiant.
1033
01:08:45,357 --> 01:08:46,934
Thanks.
1034
01:08:51,696 --> 01:08:54,318
This Felix...
what do you think of him?
1035
01:08:54,407 --> 01:08:58,192
I don't know. He spends a lot of time
in the toilet.
1036
01:08:58,286 --> 01:09:00,528
I don't trust him.
1037
01:09:00,622 --> 01:09:04,407
Mammy does.
He has her under his thumb.
1038
01:09:06,586 --> 01:09:11,462
From the asses and the oxen
in that lowly stable,
1039
01:09:11,550 --> 01:09:14,967
indeed, from all of God's creatures,
1040
01:09:15,053 --> 01:09:18,387
we have much to learn.
1041
01:09:18,473 --> 01:09:22,638
Little sister cow,
who gives us her milk.
1042
01:09:22,727 --> 01:09:25,480
Little hen,
who gives us her daily eggs.
1043
01:09:25,564 --> 01:09:29,230
We have the bugger locked up now
but we can't do it forever.
1044
01:09:29,317 --> 01:09:33,564
True, but there are things we can do,
like stage a re-enactment.
1045
01:09:33,655 --> 01:09:35,945
- A what?
- (Priest clears throat)
1046
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:42,946
Pairs of socks, clothes pegs,
1047
01:09:43,039 --> 01:09:46,373
toothpaste, underpants...
1048
01:09:46,459 --> 01:09:50,161
- Go on, Felix.
- We put another rat in the fridge,
1049
01:09:50,255 --> 01:09:52,664
and get Father Geraldo
to do his trick.
1050
01:09:52,757 --> 01:09:56,542
Put a false back in the fridge,
a hole in the wall for Hubert.
1051
01:09:56,636 --> 01:10:00,504
He changes places with the rat
and leaps out when required.
1052
01:10:00,599 --> 01:10:02,141
You're a genius!
1053
01:10:02,225 --> 01:10:06,472
During Hubert's incarceration,
we'll need a supply of rats.
1054
01:10:06,563 --> 01:10:10,062
So, I suggest we visit
Reilly's Rat Shop tomorrow.
1055
01:10:10,150 --> 01:10:13,104
What would we do without you, Felix?
1056
01:10:13,195 --> 01:10:16,861
Let us all join our voices,
1057
01:10:16,948 --> 01:10:20,317
all of us except
that ignorant crowd of shaggers
1058
01:10:20,410 --> 01:10:23,993
carrying on
and canoodling down the back.
1059
01:10:26,666 --> 01:10:30,451
Don't make me have to go down to you.
Because if I hit you,
1060
01:10:30,545 --> 01:10:32,870
you'll die bouncing!
1061
01:10:36,843 --> 01:10:40,759
So, let us stand and join our voices
1062
01:10:40,847 --> 01:10:46,305
in the carol,
Love Came Down At Christmas.
1063
01:10:46,394 --> 01:10:48,435
(Organ starts)
1064
01:10:54,945 --> 01:10:56,902
(Phelim) There it is.
1065
01:11:04,788 --> 01:11:06,947
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye now.
1066
01:11:09,417 --> 01:11:11,244
Good morning, Mr Reilly.
1067
01:11:11,336 --> 01:11:13,163
- Mr Reilly, is it?
- Mmm.
1068
01:11:13,255 --> 01:11:16,458
- We want a pair of white rats.
- To breed, is it?
1069
01:11:16,550 --> 01:11:19,836
No, we have a little one at home
and he does be lonely.
1070
01:11:19,928 --> 01:11:24,342
Ah, very sociable creatures, rats.
We've a good stock at the moment.
1071
01:11:24,432 --> 01:11:27,885
Always the same on Stephen's Day -
unwanted gifts.
1072
01:11:27,978 --> 01:11:30,018
- Really?
- Ah, yes.
1073
01:11:30,105 --> 01:11:33,142
There's nothing as sad
as an abandoned rat.
1074
01:11:33,233 --> 01:11:37,279
A plum pudding is for Christmas,
but a rat is for life.
1075
01:11:37,362 --> 01:11:39,319
(Knocking)
1076
01:11:39,406 --> 01:11:42,775
I need to go to the toilet.
1077
01:11:42,868 --> 01:11:48,028
(Hubert) Hello! Can anybody hear me?
1078
01:11:51,209 --> 01:11:52,954
Please!
1079
01:11:53,044 --> 01:11:55,749
I need to go to the toilet.
1080
01:12:01,761 --> 01:12:03,837
(Knocking continues)
1081
01:12:03,930 --> 01:12:05,887
Would you give over?
1082
01:12:05,974 --> 01:12:08,643
I need to go to the toilet.
1083
01:12:08,727 --> 01:12:12,013
Can you not hold it in
like any normal man?
1084
01:12:12,105 --> 01:12:14,146
No, I can't.
1085
01:12:15,817 --> 01:12:18,486
Now, hurry up.
1086
01:12:18,570 --> 01:12:22,272
- Not a peep out of you now.
- (Knock at door)
1087
01:12:22,365 --> 01:12:27,111
Oh, Jesus! Matt, put one rat
in the cage and hide the other one.
1088
01:12:35,378 --> 01:12:37,205
- Well?
- Where is he?
1089
01:12:37,297 --> 01:12:40,216
- If you mean Hu...
- Where are you hiding him?
1090
01:12:40,300 --> 01:12:42,341
How dare you intrude on our grief!
1091
01:12:42,427 --> 01:12:44,633
Didn't I hear him with me own ears?
1092
01:12:44,721 --> 01:12:47,342
Shouting in agony,
probably chained up.
1093
01:12:47,432 --> 01:12:49,923
If you don't produce him
this instant,
1094
01:12:50,018 --> 01:12:53,138
- I'll have you charged with cruelty.
- Right.
1095
01:12:53,230 --> 01:12:56,812
You want to see Hubert,
I'll show you Hubert.
1096
01:12:56,900 --> 01:13:00,685
Felix, this lady wants to see Hubert.
1097
01:13:00,779 --> 01:13:02,771
No sweat.
1098
01:13:02,864 --> 01:13:04,406
That is not Hubert.
1099
01:13:04,491 --> 01:13:08,537
- Hubert has a drip on his nose.
- He hasn't always got a drip.
1100
01:13:08,620 --> 01:13:10,945
I heard him shouting for the toilet.
1101
01:13:11,039 --> 01:13:13,874
If that's not cruelty,
I don't know what is.
1102
01:13:13,959 --> 01:13:17,660
If it's cruel treatment you want,
I'll give it to you!
1103
01:13:20,715 --> 01:13:23,551
(Arguing continues)
1104
01:14:06,887 --> 01:14:10,090
I'm not letting you away with it.
I'll be back.
1105
01:14:10,182 --> 01:14:12,423
Go on, you wagon, yer.
1106
01:14:12,517 --> 01:14:15,187
Didn't I tell you not
to leave your father?
1107
01:14:15,270 --> 01:14:18,557
- He was asleep.
- You have us destroyed now.
1108
01:14:21,568 --> 01:14:23,727
- Are you finished?
- Yeah.
1109
01:14:26,865 --> 01:14:30,116
Do you see the row
you're after causing now?
1110
01:14:35,540 --> 01:14:37,664
- He can't stay here.
- Who can't?
1111
01:14:37,751 --> 01:14:41,962
Your father has to go. Daisy'll blow
the whole thing wide open.
1112
01:14:42,047 --> 01:14:45,333
We should've put him in the Aga.
He's too big now.
1113
01:14:45,425 --> 01:14:47,585
We could hide him in the bread van?
1114
01:14:47,677 --> 01:14:51,462
- No, we'd be seen taking his grub.
- Send him to the Canaries!
1115
01:14:51,556 --> 01:14:53,680
Half Kimmage will be there now!
1116
01:14:53,767 --> 01:14:57,515
- He's grown very dishonest.
- I don't believe this!
1117
01:14:57,604 --> 01:15:02,349
You don't care about Daddy. I can
understand Pius, he's a little shite.
1118
01:15:02,442 --> 01:15:04,435
But you, Mammy, and Uncle Matt.
1119
01:15:04,528 --> 01:15:08,692
All you think about is that book.
You never think of poor Daddy!
1120
01:15:08,782 --> 01:15:12,483
I know you're fond of your father,
but think this through.
1121
01:15:12,577 --> 01:15:15,116
When the book comes out,
he'll be famous.
1122
01:15:15,205 --> 01:15:18,906
- Films, documentaries...
- Meetings in the Vatican.
1123
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:23,710
If we want that, we'll have to send
him away until the book comes out.
1124
01:15:23,797 --> 01:15:26,039
(Conchita) Where will we send him?
1125
01:15:26,132 --> 01:15:28,541
Let's commit him to a lunatic asylum.
1126
01:15:28,635 --> 01:15:31,256
- Now you're talking!
- (Marietta) No!
1127
01:15:31,346 --> 01:15:33,671
That's the best idea. I'll tell him.
1128
01:15:33,765 --> 01:15:35,722
Uncle Matt, don't let her!
1129
01:15:35,809 --> 01:15:39,890
Just until the book comes out.
Felix has it all planned.
1130
01:15:39,980 --> 01:15:43,646
Why do we do what Felix says?
He's got Mammy's head turned.
1131
01:15:43,733 --> 01:15:47,815
- Now he wants to put Da in a home!
- He's far better off in a home.
1132
01:15:47,904 --> 01:15:50,609
You must appreciate
that turning into a rat
1133
01:15:50,699 --> 01:15:55,195
causes contraction of muscles and
blockage of the neuroleptical tubes.
1134
01:15:55,287 --> 01:15:59,451
What Hubert needs is a period
of rest in a little padded room.
1135
01:15:59,541 --> 01:16:03,587
He needs the love of his family.
That's what he's going to get.
1136
01:16:03,670 --> 01:16:05,248
Marietta!
1137
01:16:05,338 --> 01:16:07,213
(Knocking)
1138
01:16:08,258 --> 01:16:09,255
What now?
1139
01:16:10,135 --> 01:16:13,421
- (Knocking continues)
- Yeah, coming.
1140
01:16:15,515 --> 01:16:17,757
Is this the home of Conchita Flynn?
1141
01:16:17,851 --> 01:16:20,520
- We've had a complaint...
- (Door closes)
1142
01:16:20,604 --> 01:16:23,095
"that Hubert Flynn
is being imprisoned
1143
01:16:23,190 --> 01:16:28,184
against his will in contravention
of section 15, subsection one of...
1144
01:16:28,278 --> 01:16:30,271
(Marietta screams)
1145
01:16:31,323 --> 01:16:33,233
What's happened?
1146
01:16:33,325 --> 01:16:36,195
- He's gone!
- He's done it again.
1147
01:16:36,286 --> 01:16:39,288
- He's done it again.
- (Marietta screams)
1148
01:16:39,372 --> 01:16:41,247
- The geraniums.
- What?
1149
01:16:41,333 --> 01:16:42,875
Droppings.
1150
01:16:44,377 --> 01:16:48,079
Marietta,
will you try and control yourself?
1151
01:16:48,173 --> 01:16:50,130
- It's a letter.
- Let's see.
1152
01:16:50,217 --> 01:16:52,886
- It's addressed to me.
- Read it, love.
1153
01:16:52,969 --> 01:16:55,378
"My dear daughter,
1154
01:16:55,472 --> 01:16:58,924
"all day long
I've had this strange feeling,
1155
01:16:59,017 --> 01:17:01,686
"the same feeling I had before
1156
01:17:01,770 --> 01:17:04,475
"the day I became a rat.
1157
01:17:04,564 --> 01:17:07,435
"Any minute now,
I could be a rat again..."
1158
01:17:07,526 --> 01:17:11,571
(Hubert) '..put a few things
on paper while I have me thumbs.'
1159
01:17:11,655 --> 01:17:15,440
- Why are you talking funny?
- I'm doing Daddy's voice.
1160
01:17:15,534 --> 01:17:19,282
(Hubert) 'It's a mystery how
it happened the first time.
1161
01:17:19,371 --> 01:17:22,455
'There was full moon that night.
Maybe it was that.
1162
01:17:22,541 --> 01:17:26,538
'I was bit by a rat once in a bakery.
That could have done it.
1163
01:17:26,628 --> 01:17:31,338
'Anyway, by the time you read this,
I'll be on my way back to Dunlavin.
1164
01:17:31,424 --> 01:17:35,422
'You're not to worry about me
in the maggot factory because,
1165
01:17:35,512 --> 01:17:39,130
'as Matt says, "It has everything
a rat could desire."
1166
01:17:40,934 --> 01:17:45,929
'I... I can feel me back arching now.
1167
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:51,484
'Me legs and arms shrinking...
1168
01:17:51,570 --> 01:17:56,612
'and the weight coming forward
into me head and shoulders,
1169
01:17:56,700 --> 01:18:00,033
'bearing me down towards the ground.
1170
01:18:01,454 --> 01:18:05,239
'I have just time...
1171
01:18:05,333 --> 01:18:09,379
'to wish you, Marietta,
1172
01:18:09,462 --> 01:18:13,508
'and your poor mother...a loving...'
1173
01:18:13,592 --> 01:18:18,052
And then look,
it's just a wavy line.
1174
01:18:20,932 --> 01:18:23,637
- May I examine this?
- Where's Conchita?
1175
01:18:23,727 --> 01:18:26,978
- She must've gone after him.
- (Barking)
1176
01:18:28,607 --> 01:18:32,688
- (Marietta) Look!
- After him! Don't let him get away.
1177
01:18:32,777 --> 01:18:36,194
- (Marietta) Where did he go?
- He's gone outside.
1178
01:18:38,658 --> 01:18:40,070
Split up.
1179
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:42,865
If you see him,
throw your coat over him.
1180
01:18:47,292 --> 01:18:50,744
This is Sergeant Black
reporting back,
1181
01:18:50,837 --> 01:18:55,499
Mick, would you look up the number
of the Dunlavin Garda station?
1182
01:18:55,592 --> 01:18:57,419
Come on, Mickey.
1183
01:18:59,429 --> 01:19:04,009
Uh, Miss Flynn...would you have
a recent photograph of your father?
1184
01:19:04,100 --> 01:19:05,927
Yeah.
1185
01:19:11,191 --> 01:19:13,101
Are you there, Hubert?
1186
01:19:13,193 --> 01:19:16,444
This is Sergeant Black, Kimmage.
Oh, how are you, Pascal?
1187
01:19:16,530 --> 01:19:19,733
I want you to be on the lookout
for a Hubert Flynn,
1188
01:19:19,824 --> 01:19:24,700
53-year-old white male, believed
to be heading your direction.
1189
01:19:24,788 --> 01:19:27,409
Description...
1190
01:19:27,499 --> 01:19:30,334
short, nervous disposition...
1191
01:19:31,461 --> 01:19:32,790
whiskers.
1192
01:19:34,881 --> 01:19:37,041
Come to me, Daddy.
1193
01:19:37,133 --> 01:19:40,004
I won't harm you.
1194
01:19:44,349 --> 01:19:48,015
(Marietta)
Look! He's found something.
1195
01:19:48,103 --> 01:19:50,677
Mr Flynn, if you come out,
1196
01:19:50,772 --> 01:19:53,892
I've got a nice bit
of cheese for you.
1197
01:19:57,612 --> 01:20:01,610
Hubert, if you're in there, come out.
1198
01:20:01,700 --> 01:20:03,610
You'll get your death.
1199
01:20:07,414 --> 01:20:10,665
It's a bit of a wild goose chase,
Felix.
1200
01:20:10,750 --> 01:20:14,832
Hello, this is Sergeant Black.
We're coming back.
1201
01:20:14,921 --> 01:20:18,539
- No sign?
- Not even Mam or Da.
1202
01:20:18,633 --> 01:20:21,552
- Nothing. He's long gone.
- Look here!
1203
01:20:21,636 --> 01:20:25,967
Is this what you're looking for?
1204
01:20:26,057 --> 01:20:28,810
- Hand over that rat.
- You can have him.
1205
01:20:28,894 --> 01:20:32,097
Because I don't believe
it's him at all.
1206
01:20:32,189 --> 01:20:36,056
- You're a wicked old wagon.
- Don't sink to her level.
1207
01:20:36,151 --> 01:20:39,484
I think you still
have him locked up...or worse.
1208
01:20:39,571 --> 01:20:41,279
(Car starts)
1209
01:20:41,364 --> 01:20:44,651
Did you look under
the floorboards, Sergeant?
1210
01:20:48,622 --> 01:20:50,995
This time it's the fiery furnace.
1211
01:20:51,082 --> 01:20:52,909
Uncle Matt, don't let him.
1212
01:20:53,001 --> 01:20:55,042
(Matt) We have to discuss this.
1213
01:20:55,128 --> 01:20:58,130
The crime of patricide,
or ratricide, is serious.
1214
01:20:58,215 --> 01:20:59,757
Will you hand him over?
1215
01:20:59,841 --> 01:21:04,966
No! He came back here cos he trusted
us, now you wanna put him in the Aga.
1216
01:21:06,056 --> 01:21:07,931
- No!
- (All clamouring)
1217
01:21:10,018 --> 01:21:14,395
Marietta, there's times in life
when you have to be cruel to be...
1218
01:21:14,481 --> 01:21:17,649
(Screams) Right, you little bollocks.
1219
01:21:19,069 --> 01:21:22,984
- (Marietta) What are you doing?
- Nobody bites me and lives.
1220
01:21:23,073 --> 01:21:24,817
Stop, Daddy!
1221
01:21:24,908 --> 01:21:28,159
(Phelim) Say goodbye to him.
(Pius) Go on! Do it!
1222
01:21:28,245 --> 01:21:30,369
(Matt) Can we have a bit of decorum?
1223
01:21:30,455 --> 01:21:32,282
Stop!
1224
01:21:35,919 --> 01:21:39,252
Daddy? ls it you?
1225
01:21:39,339 --> 01:21:41,629
Yes, love.
1226
01:21:41,716 --> 01:21:45,050
So, if you're you...who's that?
1227
01:21:48,932 --> 01:21:50,759
That's your mother.
1228
01:21:50,851 --> 01:21:52,642
(All) What?
1229
01:21:52,727 --> 01:21:55,681
(Squeaking)
1230
01:21:57,691 --> 01:21:59,103
Put my sister down.
1231
01:22:01,987 --> 01:22:06,483
Give me her.
Why did it happen to her?
1232
01:22:06,575 --> 01:22:09,030
Remember when
I bit her on the thumb?
1233
01:22:09,119 --> 01:22:12,655
I'd a feeling then, an instinct
you have when you're a rat,
1234
01:22:12,747 --> 01:22:15,452
that I was passing
something on to her.
1235
01:22:19,421 --> 01:22:22,672
- Isn't that the queer one?!
- The letter that...
1236
01:22:22,757 --> 01:22:25,332
I wrote it,
to throw you off the scent.
1237
01:22:25,427 --> 01:22:28,262
Put out a few droppings
and hid under the bed,
1238
01:22:28,346 --> 01:22:32,511
thinking that when the security
was relaxed, I could slip away.
1239
01:22:33,602 --> 01:22:35,726
Where'd you get the droppings?
1240
01:22:35,812 --> 01:22:37,888
I found them in the Hoover.
1241
01:22:37,981 --> 01:22:41,896
Your mother was shouting, "Come out!
You're going to the asylum!"
1242
01:22:41,985 --> 01:22:44,856
I never moved,
just lay there under the bed.
1243
01:22:44,946 --> 01:22:47,699
All of a sudden,
the feet stop walking.
1244
01:22:47,782 --> 01:22:51,199
The clothes fell down in a heap,
1245
01:22:51,286 --> 01:22:54,703
and out of the middle of them,
crawled herself.
1246
01:22:54,789 --> 01:22:56,782
(Pius) Poor little Mammy.
1247
01:22:56,875 --> 01:23:00,161
(Hubert) Earlier today,
I came across a dossier.
1248
01:23:00,253 --> 01:23:03,670
It contains
the typescript of the book.
1249
01:23:03,757 --> 01:23:07,008
"This was to be
a heart-warming story.
1250
01:23:07,093 --> 01:23:10,047
"The story of a man who became a rat,
1251
01:23:10,138 --> 01:23:13,970
"and a family who stood
by him, in love and loyalty.
1252
01:23:14,059 --> 01:23:17,974
"Alas, it was not to be.
1253
01:23:18,063 --> 01:23:21,314
"The plan of this loving family
1254
01:23:21,399 --> 01:23:26,228
"was not to protect this helpless
little creature in their midst,
1255
01:23:26,321 --> 01:23:30,070
"but to exploit his tragedy
and sacrifice him
1256
01:23:30,158 --> 01:23:33,029
"to their own heartless greed.
1257
01:23:33,119 --> 01:23:37,117
"They discussed, endlessly,
how they could be rid of him."
1258
01:23:37,207 --> 01:23:39,164
So, what should we do, Son?
1259
01:23:39,251 --> 01:23:41,243
I think we should kill him.
1260
01:23:41,336 --> 01:23:45,501
- "By poison..."
- Something painless in his food.
1261
01:23:45,590 --> 01:23:48,295
- "Drowning..."
- ..nothin' worse than a drowned rat,
1262
01:23:48,385 --> 01:23:49,962
close relation or not.
1263
01:23:50,053 --> 01:23:54,549
- "By burning him alive..."
- We should put him in the Aga.
1264
01:23:54,641 --> 01:23:57,595
"And finally, by leaving him to die
1265
01:23:57,686 --> 01:24:01,103
"a lonely and terrifying death
in a maggot factory.
1266
01:24:04,150 --> 01:24:08,944
"The greatest act of betrayal
since Julius Iscariot."
1267
01:24:09,030 --> 01:24:12,815
And speaking of Julius Iscariot...
1268
01:24:12,909 --> 01:24:15,994
- Put you in the Aga.
- Send him to the maggot factory.
1269
01:24:16,079 --> 01:24:19,448
- (All talking at once)
- But it was all true.
1270
01:24:21,126 --> 01:24:25,077
I'm afraid, like Marietta says,
there was a grain of truth.
1271
01:24:25,172 --> 01:24:28,209
This book did something to all of us.
1272
01:24:35,932 --> 01:24:39,219
It was very nearly
the ruination of the family.
1273
01:24:43,732 --> 01:24:47,018
(Marietta) Good.
(Pius) Nice one, Da.
1274
01:24:47,110 --> 01:24:50,278
(Pius) Give him his clips.
(Marietta) Get out.
1275
01:24:50,363 --> 01:24:52,605
You think you've seen the last of me?
1276
01:24:52,699 --> 01:24:57,029
- Poxy maggot, away with ya.
- One way or another, I'll be back.
1277
01:24:57,120 --> 01:25:01,071
- Get him out, Daddy.
- On your bike. Get out of here.
1278
01:25:02,709 --> 01:25:06,292
Get on your bike.
Go on! Don't come back.
1279
01:25:06,379 --> 01:25:08,954
Don't show your face
in Kimmage again,
1280
01:25:09,049 --> 01:25:10,924
if you know what's good for you.
1281
01:25:13,386 --> 01:25:17,384
Get a blanket for her cage
and a little hot water bottle.
1282
01:25:17,474 --> 01:25:20,262
- Why don't we get Father Geraldo?
- No.
1283
01:25:20,352 --> 01:25:22,594
It worked for you, why not for her?
1284
01:25:22,687 --> 01:25:27,516
I never believed it was Father
Geraldo who restored me to manhood.
1285
01:25:27,609 --> 01:25:31,441
No, I believe I came back
when I served me time
1286
01:25:31,530 --> 01:25:33,938
and learnt me lesson.
1287
01:25:34,032 --> 01:25:36,701
I also believe
your mother will come back,
1288
01:25:36,785 --> 01:25:40,570
and that, like me,
she'll be a better person.
1289
01:25:40,664 --> 01:25:42,574
Conchita.
1290
01:25:43,792 --> 01:25:46,331
This is my woman.
1291
01:25:46,419 --> 01:25:50,548
# Different eyes, different size
1292
01:25:50,632 --> 01:25:54,417
# Different girls every day
1293
01:25:54,511 --> 01:25:58,177
# Different names, different games
1294
01:25:58,265 --> 01:26:02,097
# Took my breath dean away... #
1295
01:26:02,185 --> 01:26:06,231
# But I'm changed, rearranged
1296
01:26:06,314 --> 01:26:10,312
# I'm enlightened and how
1297
01:26:10,402 --> 01:26:14,317
# You have caught me,
you have taught me
1298
01:26:14,406 --> 01:26:18,321
# And I'm different now
1299
01:26:18,410 --> 01:26:20,534
# Take me and break me
1300
01:26:20,620 --> 01:26:24,785
# And close all
your windows and doors
1301
01:26:27,002 --> 01:26:28,828
# Cut me off, shut me off
1302
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:32,871
# Make me an island, I'm yours
1303
01:26:34,718 --> 01:26:38,846
# Take me away from the world
1304
01:26:38,930 --> 01:26:42,217
# Take me away from the girls
1305
01:26:42,309 --> 01:26:47,351
# Take me and break me
and make me an island, I'm yours
1306
01:26:50,442 --> 01:26:53,444
# Running round, checking ground
1307
01:26:53,528 --> 01:26:58,155
# That's the life I have seen
1308
01:26:58,241 --> 01:26:59,819
# But I'm tired
1309
01:26:59,910 --> 01:27:02,365
# Uninspired
1310
01:27:02,454 --> 01:27:06,037
# And I've wiped my slate clean
1311
01:27:06,124 --> 01:27:09,956
# You are mine, I am yours
1312
01:27:10,045 --> 01:27:14,042
# If the Lord will allow
1313
01:27:14,132 --> 01:27:18,000
# You have caught me,
you have taught me
1314
01:27:18,094 --> 01:27:22,591
# And I'm different now
1315
01:27:22,682 --> 01:27:27,843
# Take me and break me and close
all your windows and doors
1316
01:27:30,649 --> 01:27:32,475
# Cut me off, shut me off
1317
01:27:32,567 --> 01:27:36,613
# Make me an island, I'm yours
1318
01:27:38,657 --> 01:27:42,275
# Take me away from the world
1319
01:27:42,369 --> 01:27:46,035
# Take me away from the girls
1320
01:27:46,122 --> 01:27:52,493
# Take me and break me
and make me an island, I'm yours... #
1321
01:27:54,339 --> 01:28:00,710
# ..take me and break me
and close all your windows and doors
1322
01:28:02,639 --> 01:28:04,466
# Shut me off, cut me off
1323
01:28:04,558 --> 01:28:08,769
# Make me an island, I'm yours
1324
01:28:10,438 --> 01:28:14,685
# Take me away from the world
1325
01:28:14,776 --> 01:28:18,608
# Take me away from the girls
1326
01:28:18,697 --> 01:28:24,818
# Take me and break me
and make me an island, I'm yours
1327
01:28:26,329 --> 01:28:32,866
# Take me and break me
and make me an island, I'm yours
1328
01:28:34,504 --> 01:28:40,293
# Take me and break me
and make me an island, I'm yours #
1329
01:28:56,943 --> 01:29:02,021
# When God created a woman for me
1330
01:29:02,115 --> 01:29:07,074
# He must've been in a beautiful mood
1331
01:29:07,162 --> 01:29:12,038
# To show the world
what a woman could be
1332
01:29:12,125 --> 01:29:16,954
# When he created a woman like you
1333
01:29:17,047 --> 01:29:21,792
# He made the sun shine
right out of your eyes
1334
01:29:21,885 --> 01:29:27,045
# He made the moon
glow all over your head
1335
01:29:27,140 --> 01:29:32,016
# He put a soft summer breeze
in your sighs
1336
01:29:32,103 --> 01:29:36,481
# So you could breathe summer
into the air
1337
01:29:36,566 --> 01:29:39,319
# Ow, me, oh my, you make me sigh
1338
01:29:39,402 --> 01:29:42,938
# You're such a good-lookin' woman
1339
01:29:44,491 --> 01:29:46,899
# When people stop and people stare
1340
01:29:46,993 --> 01:29:51,822
# You know it fills my heart
with pride
1341
01:29:51,915 --> 01:29:54,454
# You watch their eyes
they're so surprised
1342
01:29:54,543 --> 01:29:59,336
# They think
you've fallen out of Heaven
1343
01:29:59,422 --> 01:30:02,092
# And if you listen to what
they're talkin' about
1344
01:30:02,175 --> 01:30:04,666
# They're talkin' about
who's walkin' about
1345
01:30:04,761 --> 01:30:09,008
# With an angel at his side
1346
01:30:09,099 --> 01:30:14,307
# Up there in Heaven
I bet they are mad
1347
01:30:14,396 --> 01:30:19,271
# I bet somebody will wanna know why
1348
01:30:19,359 --> 01:30:24,104
# The most incredible angel they had
1349
01:30:24,197 --> 01:30:29,073
# Was found to be
quite unable to fly
1350
01:30:29,160 --> 01:30:34,203
# You know what they
had forgotten to do
1351
01:30:34,291 --> 01:30:39,202
# Up there where they make
all those heavenly things
1352
01:30:39,296 --> 01:30:44,124
# They made an angel
as lovely as you
1353
01:30:44,217 --> 01:30:48,927
# But they'd forgotten
to fit you with wings
1354
01:30:49,014 --> 01:30:51,766
# Ow, me, oh my,
you make me sigh... #
102732
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