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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,640 - Yeah. Fuck this ! - Yeah. 2 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:38,440 Giddy up, bitches - Operation Steal My Dads' booze is happening now. 3 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,720 What ? 4 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,680 It's just - I wasn't really gonna go to... to Riley's. 5 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,360 Oh well unfortunately sometimes 6 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:53,760 we have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death so let's go. 7 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,320 Are you going to puke ? Do you want me to stick my fingers down your throat ? 8 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,760 - That's okay. Thank you though. - You did that for me once. 9 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,080 It was actually the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me. 10 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,720 - But I'm sure you got off on it. - Definitely. Um - 11 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,840 - I have to tell you something. - What ? 12 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,200 - Come on, let's go. - Okay. 13 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,320 Babies ! 14 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,840 I made V-day sho-ko-lah-tays, with a special love spell in them. 15 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,320 So if you eat them - which you fucking better - 16 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,200 just know that you're gonna get into all kinds of horny shit 17 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,960 and your truest, deepest, darkest desires will be coming true tonight. 18 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,120 I kinda believe in magic, do you ? 19 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,120 Let's go. 20 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,960 You guys ! Everyone say thank you Zaddy Daddy ! 21 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:46,120 Thank you Zaddy Daddy ! 22 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,240 Is she talking about her actual dad ? 23 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,600 White girls need to use "Daddy" less literally. 24 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,040 Thank you Zaddy Daddy. 25 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,600 Maybe we can just stop checking our phones. 26 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,240 It's the kids thanking you for the party bus. 27 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,760 Even though it was my idea to surprise them with a limo. 28 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,840 The limo place said the bus would be more fun. 29 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:14,240 And that's apparently the part I really struggle with ! 30 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,680 Sweetheart. What is going on ? 31 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,200 What is going on ? That's a really great question. 32 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,480 How are you liking the Grenache ? 33 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,800 It's terrific, you were right. 34 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,240 - It has that wonderful oak. - Wonderful. 35 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:36,320 What's going on is that our son made up a fake relationship with a - 36 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,200 with some boy ! Just to upset us. 37 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,680 Pretended to go on dates ! 38 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,360 Posted photos ! 39 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,560 And obviously Naomi was in on the entire thing. 40 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,960 Meaning that our house was just Lie Central. 41 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,880 And it doesn't seem to bother you. And I just don't quite understand that. 42 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,520 There's a lot of things I don't understand. 43 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:00,760 "Oaky" wine ! 44 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,000 If it tastes like bark why is that good ? 45 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:10,200 Did you never wonder this whole time 46 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,080 if he was making it up ? 47 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,400 Lovebirds ! Ready for another drink ? 48 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,360 Oh shit ! 49 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,400 What ? 50 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,640 The freezer broke and the magic is fucking fucked ! 51 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,240 No, it's okay. The magic was just to put out good energy 52 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,440 and to manifest or whatever. The secret's definitely not out ! 53 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,560 Let's go, bitches ! 54 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,720 Where are you ? 55 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,400 - Out front. - What are you doing ? 56 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,160 - Uh. My dad called. - Okay. 57 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,560 Can you come and be gross and PDA with me ? 58 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,480 I wanna annoy all the single people. I wanna be that girl tonight. 59 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,800 Wait I see you. 60 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,080 Hi ! 61 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,520 What ? What was that ? 62 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,280 I... 63 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,480 I think you... are amazing. 64 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,080 - Is this because of the fake-dating ? - No. 65 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,560 Because I feel like you overreacted to all of it. 66 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,600 - Like the Nathan thing... His mom. - No, I... 67 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,480 Or not. And I just have, like, major character issues 68 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:54,360 and am deeply fucked up and hide it under this very sparkly exterior. 69 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,080 Okay, so why are you breaking up with me ? 70 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,480 I'm really boring and nerdy. 71 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:13,200 Like I don't even get why you like me. 72 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,800 Or... I don't know. 73 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,680 Sometimes I wonder if it's 74 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,080 more that you just 75 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,560 like how much I like you. 76 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:34,280 But if you like me so much, then why are you breaking up with me ? 77 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,240 You are the smartest, funniest - 78 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,560 That's just... Don't do that. That's... 79 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,360 Like, no. 80 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,800 Could we just like... 81 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:57,080 find a roof somewhere and you can write a quote on the wall 82 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,040 and talk to me about Dungeons and Dragons 83 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,160 and I can like feel like maybe the whole world isn't shit ? 84 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,760 Or could we just go anywhere ? 85 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,880 Hey, man. Have you seen Delilah ? 86 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,200 Can I get a cup ? 87 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,720 Girl. You have to tell him. 88 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,480 I know. But I was also just thinking. 89 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:41,000 There is also a version where I don't tell her and she never finds out. 90 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,760 Sometimes not telling is better, like when you shouldn't tell someone 91 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:46,680 they look good in dark lipstick when they look dead. 92 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,600 You literally just told me I look good in dark lipstick today. 93 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:53,520 No ! I just... At first I wasn't sure, but. 94 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,360 Also everyone lies all the time, and when you think about it, 95 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,920 some lies, almost all of them, are, like, more true than the actual truth. 96 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,400 I really agree with that by the way. 97 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,640 Hey. I need weed. I'm driving for blackout. 98 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,600 Oh by the way I just got dumped. 99 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,680 Yeah. Literally just now. He's waiting outside for his dad. 100 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,480 It's not your fault. 101 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,120 But can we turn up the music or moshpit in the trampoline 102 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,520 cuz I am so sick of being judged for who I am. 103 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,600 Like I am a lot and I told everyone that from the fucking start ! 104 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,520 Yes, come on. Shit. 105 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,440 Hi. 106 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,880 Even though this is literally none of my business 107 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,000 I just wanted to say that I was the one who started the lie. 108 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,520 Like he was just doing me a favor. 109 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,280 Yeah, no. 110 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,240 I think... 111 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,920 - That wasn't fully it. - He genuinely really likes you ! 112 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,320 It's like... You bring out really good things in him. 113 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,680 Like he's more real when he's with you. 114 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,560 - You're a really good friend. - No, I'm just his yappy Chihuahua. 115 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,120 Yeah. I don't think so. 116 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,240 My dad's here. 117 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,080 - Hi loverboy, want a chocolate ? - No, I don't. 118 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,080 Turns out I gave out the wrong chocolates on the bus. 119 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,640 Those were the truth-telling ones. 120 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,520 These are the love ones. But they could help your stone-cold heart. 121 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,720 Yeah. I don't think much can help with that. 122 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,840 You're probably right. Also tell Greta not to leave. 123 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,160 Greta, don't leave ! 124 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,680 Come on ! 125 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,800 I used to hate Valentine's Day too. 126 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,560 But then I realized it's actually a very entertaining holiday. 127 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,400 It's all about watching other people crumble. 128 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,080 Like some years my dads scream over which rom-com to watch 129 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,880 and it used to disturb me 130 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,520 but now I'm like yes, popcorn please. 131 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,080 Oh, my God ! 132 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,440 So we could eat the truth ones, 133 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,000 and then I could unleash on Delilah and Naomi. 134 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,040 Because technically it is after Winter Formal. 135 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,520 And who would you unleash on ? 136 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,080 It's kinda obvious... I guess ? 137 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,400 Have you guys seen Delilah ? Are those more of those chocolates ? 138 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,480 Thank you so much ! These are so good ! 139 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,520 - Hi. - Hi. 140 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,480 - I'm not sure where Naomi is. - That's okay. 141 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,560 You want a chocolate ? 142 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,400 That's one of the magic love ones, by the way. 143 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,080 I have to find my bag. 144 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:02,760 I have been wanting to tell you that I'm kinda really blown away by you. 145 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,080 How strong you are. 146 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,240 Next to my brother, I think you're probably the strongest person I know ? 147 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,920 And like, 148 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,480 I love the whole feminine-niminism thing that we're doing with Naomi 149 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,560 and it being not traditional and um - 150 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,120 the whole patriarch thing that you were saying. 151 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,680 Also ever since you turned me on to Socialism I'm like that's really cool 152 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,120 and more people need to know about that. 153 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,920 - But there's just one problem. - What's that ? 154 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,760 I don't want to date Naomi. 155 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,240 Oh but you do. Let's go find her, she's amazing ! 156 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,800 And you don't know all the things we've been through together ! 157 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,920 No I know - What ? - no, I mean. Yes. 158 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,360 I mean, I like her. But... 159 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,280 I want to be in a two-person thing. 160 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,960 With you. 161 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,160 I'm sorry, I know that sounds really traditional and boring. 162 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,800 And I wasn't gonna say anything, but my brother was just like, 163 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,200 say how you feel, be as strong as her. 164 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,000 Why do you keep saying strong ? 165 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,040 'Sup. 166 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:06,840 Cool. 167 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,840 Wait, why "strong ?" 168 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,720 - Oh my God. Hi. - How's it going ? 169 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,680 I don't really want to be here. 170 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,960 I love when Gretita speaks her truth. 171 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,320 Gretita's had a lot of chocolate tonight, so that... 172 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,920 It might be coming out more than usual. 173 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:26,960 Do you know where Naomi is ? 174 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,080 - Do you know where the fuck Naomi is ? - No. 175 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,760 Go ! As fast as you can. 176 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,400 - Are they back together ? - Who ? 177 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,600 Greta and Luz... 178 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,160 - I'll find out. - No ! 179 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,720 Hi ! 180 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,040 It's Valentine's Day and I think love sucks. 181 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,920 I used to not but I do now cuz I've had my heart broken. 182 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,040 And... 183 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:07,360 But never mind because it's literally fine and I'm better off without him, 184 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,560 but what I was gonna say is - why are you all looking at me weird ? 185 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,680 - You want just go chill ? - No, I wanna talk about love ! 186 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,480 I personally am of the belief that it's like 187 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,400 more like a brief homicidal tendency 188 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,360 and less like everlasting goodness. 189 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,400 Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 190 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,440 Shit ! 191 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,960 No ! 192 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,800 Oh hi. Can you make sure people don't come in here, please ? 193 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,040 - You fucking told Cooper ? - Told him what ? 194 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,320 I was on wisdom teeth drugs plus multiple percocets. 195 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:44,960 - And when the drugs wore off ? - But just so you know... 196 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,000 I was so high I was actually talking about drowning people in my own family. 197 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,240 Yeah. Checks out ! 198 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,720 Seriously, he was so impressed and kept saying how strong you were. 199 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,760 I'm not strong ! I didn't do anything. 200 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,520 I just had a fucking baby in a bathroom I didn't even know I was going to have. 201 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,000 And I just didn't want anyone to fucking know 202 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,520 so I could just be me and not - why did you do that ? 203 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,040 I'm sorry. 204 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,120 That doesn't make it better ! 205 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:14,280 Also. Just so you know, Cooper wants to date me and not you. 206 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:21,160 Hey ! Remember that party when you kept saying you weren't invited ? 207 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,800 I was intrigued and kinda sad for you at the same time. 208 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,360 What ? 209 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,200 Hey, did you eat those magic truth-spell chocolates ? 210 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,320 Maybe it's the weed, 'cause suddenly I want to go out 211 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,960 and take it to people I should not, like... 212 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,840 I was actually going to tell Nathan that when I hear the words "white boy", 213 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,600 he's always been the first thing that comes to mind. 214 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,520 Are you okay ? 215 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,800 Shit. Come with me. 216 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,720 Sorry. 217 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,080 - Hi. - Hey. 218 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,760 - Is it okay that I came ? - Yeah, absolutely. 219 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,560 - Is it ? - Yeah. 220 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,160 But this is funny. You having a Valentine's Day party. 221 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,840 It's not really for Valentine's Day - but... 222 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,520 Why is that funny ? 223 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,560 Cuz don't we think about romance the same ? 224 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,320 - Did you see that stoner playroom ? - Yeah you can't go in there. 225 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,720 Let me just check on that. 226 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:34,440 Romance is not all like hearts and rainbows and roses and shit. 227 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,680 Like... There's a darkness in it and we see it. 228 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,960 - I think that's okay. - Uh, how do you know how I see it ? 229 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,840 Cuz of that night in the motel. I mean, I knew why you were there. 230 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:52,720 I thought we agreed that we were not going to talk about that night. 231 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,720 Well. You said can we not talk about it. And I said okay. 232 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,960 Okay. So are you not saying okay anymore ? 233 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,200 You said Greta was a bitch to you, why wouldn't you just tell her ? 234 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,720 I think that she'd be very upset. Like very. 235 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,840 So are we okay not saying anything ? 236 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:11,160 It's funny cuz both of you keep saying you're not something 237 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,800 and it definitely feels like something energy and... 238 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,920 I don't know what I'm getting out of all this... fuck. 239 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,280 This is not the conversation I want to be having with you right now. 240 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,680 Okay. What conversation did you want to be having ? 241 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,120 I like you. I want to be with you. 242 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,680 Hi. I need to talk to you about something now, it's very critical. 243 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,560 - Come on ! - I'm sorry. 244 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,920 Did you need saving ? I got you. 245 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,480 - Mom will not leave me the fuck alone. - Why ? 246 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,400 It's time for shots ! 247 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,000 Wait, what's going on with your mom ? 248 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,880 I'm sorry, but my kids come first. 249 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,360 And I need a distraction from this barrage of blame. 250 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,160 Not blame. What I said was - 251 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,760 what do you think we did to make Nathan feel like he needed to lie ? 252 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,480 Well, we means me. And I don't know what I did. 253 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,480 And apparently you knew he was lying all along. 254 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,320 I wondered. 255 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,200 And if um, maybe part of what made him do it 256 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,000 is that he doesn't always see us being honest ? 257 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,240 Okay, you know what, I think we should just get the check. 258 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,200 Are we pretending to have what we had ? 259 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,320 I think we put up a pretty good front. Okay ? 260 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,960 I can never remember if this is Naomi's code for everything is fine 261 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,920 or everything is definitely not fine. 262 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,920 I think we should go. We need to go. 263 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,080 - What ? - I think we need to go. 264 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,960 - No we don't. - Yeah, she's not answering her phone. 265 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,760 It doesn't matter. She just... 266 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,680 - Hi ! Hello ! Check ? - Are you kidding me ? 267 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,960 - What ? - Where is your sister ? 268 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,600 - I don't know. Call her. - She's not answering her phone. 269 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,680 Something's wrong. We're coming to get you right now. 270 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,880 What ? No ! I'm staying. 271 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,560 Okay ! That's it ! 272 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:25,360 - We are coming for you right now ! - Oh my God Mom what is going on ? 273 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,200 You know I've been going through a hard time with - everything, 274 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,640 so can you let me be with my friends and not all miserable and depressed ? 275 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,920 Don't. 276 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,640 - A hard time with the breakup ? - With a lot of stuff. But yeah. 277 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,520 Do not ! 278 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,160 Because it's hard for us to understand 279 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,960 how you could break up with someone you were never dating. 280 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,840 And please choose your next words very carefully. 281 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,560 Nathan ! Come swimming ! 282 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,320 - Who told you ? - It doesn't matter. 283 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,040 - Was it Naomi ? - Why did you lie ? 284 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,840 I don't know Mom, maybe because you don't want to hear the truth 285 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,520 and can't accept me for who I am - who told you ? 286 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,080 - Why did you lie ? - Oh, my God. 287 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,560 You can't keep things from me and then be mad at me for lying. 288 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,120 You know what ? You're right, all of you are right. 289 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,520 I do lie. I do. 290 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,520 Because there's no way I could ever tell you 291 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,480 the truth of how terrified I am for you. 292 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,560 You are my only son. 293 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,040 And I would lie down on train tracks for you. 294 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,120 But I am so afraid for you. 295 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,840 So from now on I will be totally honest 296 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,560 and tell you everything you do not want to hear. 297 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,000 Chingada ! Sorry. 298 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,160 You can't go crazy in there. 299 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,800 Who told you ? 300 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,960 Hey, I want to keep talking too. 301 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,520 I feel like we're the same person. Cuz I see how your mind's working. 302 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,680 Just like how can I not piss off this girl who just told me she liked me 303 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,360 so she doesn't go blow everything up. 304 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,360 Are you going to tell Greta ? 305 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,280 You fucking told my mother ? 306 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:12,400 No. She figured it out. But I didn't cover fast enough. 307 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:13,960 Why didn't you tell me after ? 308 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,120 Okay goodbye. 309 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,320 Wait ! What are you gonna go do right now ? 310 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,320 Fuck, am I being paranoid or is she going to tell her ? 311 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,120 Um okay but like, what the fuck with my mom ? 312 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,080 I'm a lying piece of shit. I'm sorry. I just... 313 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,280 I should've told you. I should've told Greta. 314 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:29,920 I can only fix that one right now. 315 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,760 So I'm sorry, okay ? I'm really sorry. 316 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,760 We're gonna see if I can hold my breath for the whole Star-Spangled Banner ! 317 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,840 I'm really wondering about those chocolates, shit's getting fucked up. 318 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,200 Like this is serious Red Wedding vibes. 319 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,360 - I'm leaving. - Okay. 320 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,720 Okay ? 321 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,240 So like friends for 16 years, and it's just like "okay" ? 322 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,240 The 16-year friend who dumped me to go to Winter Formal with a guy ? 323 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,960 - You said it was okay. - I obviously didn't mean it. 324 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,720 How was I supposed to know that ? 325 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,400 Because you just should've ! 326 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,920 Just like you should've known how much it sucked 327 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,160 that you were sticking your fingers in my brother's mouth 328 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,520 and going on about how much his hair made you want to cum ? 329 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,160 - He wasn't even into me ! - That doesn't matter and you know it. 330 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,840 I'm sorry if the Cooper thing upsets you 331 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,760 but I guess, I don't know, you reap what you sow or whatever. 332 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,400 Oh you want to talk about reaping what you sow ? 333 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,120 Because your sister-wife over there hates you 334 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,200 and I'm not too in love with you either right now. 335 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,280 Is that it, really ? 336 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,800 Also, for the future, 337 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,080 I would really recommend not fucking with a witch. 338 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,800 - Nathan ! Come in ! - I kinda have to go. 339 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,760 Oh my God this is a fucking party and nobody wants to party with me ! 340 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,440 Fuck you all you'll regret it ! 341 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,600 Jesus fuck ! 342 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,200 Oh my God ! Look at you ! 343 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,840 Yes ! Come through Titanic ! 344 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,520 Oh my God. I'm fine, I'm fine. 345 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,120 I got it. Yes ! 346 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,960 Come here. 347 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,200 I got you. 348 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,720 Fuck it. I'm just gonna take a shower. 349 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,720 Are you cold ? 350 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:45,680 No, I'm okay. 351 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,360 - Jesus ! Fuck ! - Sorry. 352 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,360 - Is Delilah here ? - No ! 353 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,440 Sorry. 354 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,560 I'm gonna go - finger-paint. 355 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,200 I feel bad. About the Naomi thing. 356 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,280 It's not your fault. But about the other part... 357 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,520 It's just... 358 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,280 you and I aren't right for each other. Remotely. Like in any way. 359 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,840 Sure. I get it. 360 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:29,480 I just want to say one thing about the Panda Express thing. 361 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,560 Do you know how Avery Foster got fingered by the guy who ate Hot Cheetos 362 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,840 and that's like all anyone would talk about ? 363 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,480 She was so mad, she was like, if that's what they're gonna talk about, 364 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,720 I'm going to get the student store to sell better snacks 365 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,000 including Hot Cheetos and now she's the Hot Cheeto Hero ? 366 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,240 I was just thinking, with you - 367 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,720 - Is what I'm saying bad ? - Are you saying to own my story ? 368 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,360 Maybe ? 369 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,480 - Sorry. - It's coming from someone who's... 370 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,560 ... so straight and cis and not queer, it's just ugh - 371 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,760 Yeah no, I get it. I'm sorry. 372 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,880 Fuck ! That was good ! 373 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,520 Come on, I have to get something ! 374 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,720 Wait, wait, I wanted - 375 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,360 Oh shit, sorry. 376 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,040 Aren't you freezing ? 377 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,400 I'm fine. 378 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,760 God I'm fucked up. 379 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,800 I'm sorry about Bo. 380 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,120 No, it's not you. He just doesn't think that we're right for each other. 381 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,360 Yeah. Well... 382 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,480 There are plenty of people in the world not right for each other 383 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,840 who are actually, like, really right for each other. 384 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,200 Yeah like who ? 385 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,920 Actually I can't think of any right now but 386 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,200 I'm sure they exist. 387 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,360 And "opposites attract," right ? 388 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,480 Oh God I hate that voicemail. 389 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,120 I loved it. 390 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:53,080 And I love that you're giving me relationship advice right now. 391 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,200 Yeah, like I have anything to offer. 392 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,880 I just really want to kiss you right now. 393 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,240 Do you actually ? 394 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,480 I'm so sorry. 395 00:27:58,720 --> 00:27:59,760 Shit ! 396 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,000 Hi. 397 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,440 I just want to say that with the whole Winter Formal thing 398 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,720 I fucking suck and I'm sorry. 399 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,000 And tonight I'm going to bury this like the Maori do - 400 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,280 not in a cultural appropriation way - but just because it's time. 401 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:18,880 And if you don't wanna be there I get it, but - 402 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,960 if you were there with me, I would really really love that. 403 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,160 Hi, can we bury the placenta in your yard ? It's good for plants. 404 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,560 Okay... Yeah, sure. 405 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,160 Oh, fuck ! 406 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,400 No ! 407 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,120 God damn it ! 408 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,800 Get the fuck out ! Get out of here right now ! 409 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,200 Go, go ! Right now ! 410 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,080 I'm sorry for not being a better friend. 411 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,520 What ? No. I'm... 412 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,560 I'm the one who's always keeping things to myself. 413 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,840 I need to be a lot bettet at that. 414 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:47,120 - About that. Did Luz find you ? - Wait. Can I say something first ? 415 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,800 If I don't say it right now I might not ? So. 416 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,360 That thing that you asked before at the pre-party ? 417 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,880 There's something I've been noticing about myself. 418 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:04,520 I can like someone. Like really like them. 419 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,320 But when it comes to 420 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,600 kissing or making out or whatever, 421 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,080 I don't want that. 422 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,920 So I don't know how it could work. 423 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:21,480 Between us. 424 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,320 Even if you wanted it to. 425 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:31,120 What I said that night wasn't because of me not liking you. 426 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,040 'Cause I never stopped liking you. 427 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:39,720 I actually um - 428 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:42,600 I love you. 429 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,720 I love you. 430 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,320 But um. 431 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,240 That night at the motel... 432 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:07,640 I left - 433 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,440 Cops ! 434 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,880 No ! No cops ! It's just me ! I'll put the music back on in a sec. 435 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,240 I just need to say something and I need to say it for everyone. 436 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,000 I haven't been living in shame, but - 437 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:29,440 I also haven't been living the truest version of myself either. 438 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,440 And I just want to say that from experience 439 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,680 secrets fucking suck. 440 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,760 And you should just be true to yourself and 441 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,640 own your story but - 442 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,320 Okay sorry, you can go back to body shots or whatever. 443 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,280 Okay. 444 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:55,040 Just so everyone knows - this is probably definitely a coincidence 445 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,080 and not a racist thing - 446 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,160 but I'm Panda Express Girl ! Okay thanks. 447 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,000 Oh my God ! 448 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,120 Put the music back on ! 449 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,560 Mom and Dad are almost here. 450 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,400 Yeah. That was my night too. 451 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,960 At one point I just had to lock myself in the bathroom and play Candy Crush. 452 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,800 And I hate everyone except you. 453 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,720 To Mom where r u 454 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,960 I forgot to cancel tennis tomorrow ! 455 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,320 I think we need to take a break. 456 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,760 Mom ? 457 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,840 - Chester ? - Hi. 458 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,880 - Are you okay ? - Sorry it's the middle of the night. 459 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,520 - Where are you ? - I'm just um - 460 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,520 I'm sitting outside. 461 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,560 Are you okay ? 462 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,920 Yeah. 463 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,040 I'm sorry, Sam. 464 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,800 It's okay. 465 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:40,760 It's really okay. 466 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,600 Is it ? 467 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,800 Yeah. 468 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,560 Yeah it is. 469 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,440 Would it be okay if we just sat on the phone for a while 470 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,040 and didn't say anything ? 471 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:02,560 Yeah. 472 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,040 Are you still there ? 473 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,600 Yeah. 474 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,000 Thank you, Sam. 475 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,080 Good night, Chester. 476 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:23,920 It's you. 37259

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