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[ Scanner beeps ]
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[ "Jingle Bells" plays ]
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Are those yours, too?
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W-What? Are the scissors yours?
5
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Yeah, it's all mine.
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Unless you have bigger scissors. Bigger?
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For a-a cord-thing that might be hard to cut through.
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What's the cord-thing made of?
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Never mind. What else do you need for a baby?
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Um, I don't know. Food?
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Shit, you're right. Where do I get that?
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No, she won't call her parents. Get here now!
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[ Clattering ] Fuck! Shit!
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I don't care how cute the guy at Lush is!
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How old is the baby?
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It's, uh, about to be born.
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'Cause I don't think they start eating this kind of food
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until they're, you know, older.
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Fuck me. Fuck! Fuck me!
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[ Breathing heavily ]
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Does it matter what kind? It's by age.
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And yeah, it matters because you should be breastfeeding.
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Well, maybe she has clogged milk ducts from a weak latch.
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It's not for me, and she's not gonna breastfeed.
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She doesn't even want the baby. Jesus!
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♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ [ Breathing heavily ]
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♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
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If my friend had, like, a major emergency
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and couldn't make it to the sale today,
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would you ever let her have the sale price tomorrow?
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No. [ Scoffs ] Okay.
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Well, my friend is about to give birth,
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so thank you very much for having such a big fucking heart.
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[ Knocking ] Hey! Hey!
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Hey, hey!
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My friend is in there!
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Well, you better tell her to come out,
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because that's a handicapped restroom,
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and it needs to be free for... [ Girl groaning ]
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...actual handicapped people.
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You're not supposed to say "handicapped"!
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It is so offensive! That's not true.
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If there's someone else in there,
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they'll both be escorted down to the security office,
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and their parents will be notified.
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She's on her period! Oh, my God!
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And she's bleeding and puking,
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and I went to get her tampons and Aleve.
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And what if she is handicapped? How do you know?
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Can you imagine being handicapped
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and having your period?
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Do you even know how hard that would be?
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I see Oreos.
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Excuse me, sir, do you have a period?
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Because maybe you don't know what you need.
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I do know you don't need Oreos for a menstrual situation,
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but if you're in there smoking joints, you might.
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Can you please explain to me what a "menstrual situation" is?
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Exactly. So, can you please just stop discriminating
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against women and wheelchair people
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and let me take care of my friend
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and her bleeding vagina?
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Thank you very much. [ Moaning ]
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It's me.
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I think it's starting to come out!
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♪ ...open sleigh ♪
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[ Cellphone swishes ]
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♪ Heh, heh ♪
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♪ Hey, a poppin' bitch ♪
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Doctor: I'm getting squirted on my scrubs.
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We've got a squirter!
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Riley's mom: Did you ask your dad
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to give you money for Photo Club?
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Uh-huh.
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What did I just say?
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I don't know. Something naggy.
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♪ Like I said, get it poppin', bitch ♪
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♪ Now hands up ♪
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I don't think I'm doing it right.
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Like this?
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[ Funky music plays ]
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Woman: Yeah, just like that.
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You like it? Mm-hmm.
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[ Moaning ]
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You're a good teacher.
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[ Gasps ] [ Moans ]
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[ Both moaning ]
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[ Ad playing ] No, no, no, no.
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Man: Whips, chains, and handcuffs.
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[ Overlapping chatter, ads chiming ]
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Oh, shit.
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Ugh! Fuck.
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Shit. [ Emojis popping ]
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Oh, my God.
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♪ When I come through, why you get uncomfortable? ♪
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No, no, no, no, no.
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♪ Get it poppin', bitch ♪
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Ugh!
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Fuck.
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♪ You a poppin' bitch ♪
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No, no, no, no, no!
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Oh, my God!
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[ Sighs ]
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[ Keyboard clicking ]
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Oh.
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[ Muffled scream ]
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Doctor: I'm getting squirted on my scrubs!
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We've got a squirter!
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God. Oh, why?
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You don't think it's cute? No! Stop! Ew.
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Are you home for dinner?
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Yes, I am, but don't -- don't make the beans.
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Okay. And you know what?
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And wash my clothes if you're gonna wear them.
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Really. Or else I smell like Old Spice and hormones. [ Chuckles ]
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I'm getting squirted on my scrubs.
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We've got a squirter!
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♪ Only ever been a poppin' bitch ♪
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♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
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♪ A poppin' bitch ♪
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Nathan: Hey, can you come here a sec?
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Naomi: No, I don't want to catch pinkeye.
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I told you, it's not pinkeye. I just got something in it.
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I just want to show you that I deleted the hickey pic.
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♪♪
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Show me your Recently Deleted.
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♪ Hey, where my poppin' bitches at? ♪
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♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah ♪
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Oh, my God.
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Are you male-model posing?
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It was a joke.
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Okay, so the thing about my eye -- Whatever.
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Just tell me, did you actually touch a dick?
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Yes. So -- Oh, my God.
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Was it dick pic guy?
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Because did you notice that guy
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has a birthmark near his dick,
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and the birthmark looks like a tiny dick?
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Literally. I am not even kidding.
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It is a dick next to a dick. [ Horn honking ]
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Chill the fetch out! We're coming!
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Doctor: I'm getting squirted on my scrubs.
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Who even likes these videos? White people?
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White people are just so fucked up. Patrick: Wow.
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Today's Club Fair. You should join BSU.
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Oh, I didn't know that.
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Arianna, are you gonna join any clubs?
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Oh, Dad, let me just think for a second.
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No, I'm not.
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Well, in my day, extracurriculars
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were helpful for college applications.
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For me, it's about all the causes I want to do, you know?
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I can't do all of them, though, 'cause I'm in 11 clubs.
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You need a time-turner. [ Chuckles ]
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Yeah, uh, no, you can't say that anymore.
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Patrick: You can't? Delilah: No. You know.
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J.K. Rowling? Transphobic.
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Plus the whole queer-baiting thing.
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But, like, how do I choose?
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You know, 'cause mental health awareness is a big one for me,
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but Suicide Prevention meets at the same time
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as Girls' League and Animal Empathy Club,
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so how am I supposed to pick between feminism, animal rights,
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and stopping kids from killing themselves?
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How -- How did she queer-bait, by the way?
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Oh, by saying after the fact that
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Dumbledore and Grindelwald are gay. Ugh.
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But not, like, having-sex gay, right?
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'Cause that's nasty.
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Patrick: I hate teenagers.
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Oh, come on!
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Who wants to see an old man
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choking on another old man's dick?
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Okay, Delilah, is there any sort of LGBT club?
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♪ A poppin' bitch, eh, eh ♪
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♪ Be a poppin' bitch ♪
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♪ Ey, ey, baby, I'm a poppin' bitch ♪
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♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, a poppin' bitch ♪
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♪ Play some Baby in the club, get it poppin', bitch ♪
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Did you know the owner of Segway died
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when he accidentally drove a Segway off a cliff?
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Hmm. I did not know that, no.
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Hi! Hi.
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Where are we with the rooftopping?
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Look, I -- Oh, my God.
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See, and you know I'm all about the truth,
187
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so maybe we move on, okay?
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Sam: I don't feel like moving on just yet.
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You wanna know why I do it?
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We can start there, yeah.
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To feel alive.
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What do you do to feel alive?
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Drugs.
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Which is my name for watching "How Stella Got Her Groove Back"
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twice last week.
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For the Taye Diggs shower scene?
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I just like the movie.
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Hmm.
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That's pretty embarrassing.
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Thank you. Nice swim cap. Thanks.
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It's a water polo Club Fair thing.
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You should come see me play sometime.
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You belong to any other clubs?
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Oh. Okay.
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So, like, "be a joiner"?
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Or like, "If he's busy, he won't rooftop."
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What about the GSA? First of all,
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the woman who runs it is so cringe,
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she literally drove all the gay kids away.
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I'm not kidding.
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Also, the whole GSA thing is so '90s and so...binary,
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and, like, do we really need another bake sale
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to benefit sad gay people in Chechnya?
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I told you, she's a bitch.
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My family's actually from Chechnya.
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Black Russians exist.
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I wasn't...
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[ Chuckling ] Yeah, my family's from Irvine.
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I'm just messing with you.
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Oh. Your face.
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Black Russians exist?
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[ Laughs ] God damn.
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Close your mouth.
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You know, I would be more open to joining the GSA
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if there were a new faculty advisor.
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They would have to be queer, of course,
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but the only other out teacher is Mr. Lee,
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and his nipple ring shows through his polos,
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so that really wouldn't work.
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Also, I saw him yell at a dog once.
231
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But, um... what about you?
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Chester: Free Hug Club!
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Now only hugging with radical consent!
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Girl: Delilah! Oh, be right there!
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Just going to Dolls with Balls and Planeteers!
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Come join our shirtless gay massage club!
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Dude.
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Fine, do Film Club. Be pretentious.
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And don't expect to come out of there and be dateable!
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Jack, you gotta go to the next level!
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Oh, I'm not doing that!
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But you have to.
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I just snapped you.
244
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Come on. They're gonna run out. Okay.
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Hold on. I gotta snap her back.
246
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It's a two-year streak.
247
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Also, I need to be on her good side
248
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so she's not mad when I tell her about Jack.
249
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Dude, she's gonna be mad about him no matter what.
250
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Ooh! Animal Rights Club.
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I love animals. Save the animals!
252
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Yeah. [ Laughs ]
253
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"I prefer circumcised to uncircumcised."
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Strongly agree.
255
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Doesn't uncircumcised mean dick cheese?
256
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[ Groans ]
257
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Also, isn't everyone circumcised now?
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Here, but not in France.
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There, it's all about stinky cheese.
260
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,262
I cannot! Ew.
261
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,497
I have a good feeling about Jack's.
262
00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:54,567
Seriously, I feel slut energy radiating from you.
263
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,636
Oh! Really?
264
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,271
You're like a slut phoenix
265
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,807
rising from the ashes of being a virgin.
266
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,442
[ Bell dings ] Oh, fuck.
267
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,144
What? I have to go to the gay club,
268
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:06,846
or my dads will cut off my finances.
269
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,381
[ Sighs ] Boo.
270
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,816
I want you limping the next time I see you.
271
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,718
Okay! Bye, bitch!
272
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,720
[ "Born This Way" plays ]
273
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,923
♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪
274
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,992
♪ I was born this way ♪ [ Laughs ]
275
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,727
Come on in! Wave your freak flag!
276
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,796
Or just be an ally to a Freak Flagger!
277
00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,565
Did she just say "fagger?"
278
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,266
Maybe?
279
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:28,935
♪ Ooh, there ain't no other way ♪
280
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,903
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
281
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,873
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
282
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,274
Don't be a drag.
283
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:36,776
Be a queen.
284
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,210
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
285
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,679
♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪
286
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,080
Good to see you here.
287
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,249
Good to see you here.
288
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,319
But, ooh, baby girl, you need people.
289
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,854
It looks like Prom at conversion camp.
290
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,890
Ooh. Can we go to Theater Club next?
291
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,858
I like how Sophie Deichman-Alperstein... [ Cellphone chimes ]
292
00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:54,760
...is dressing kinda slutty now. Yes.
293
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,596
This was totally worth the creep factor.
294
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,598
Riley: Chester says come to GSA for chocolate.
295
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,966
Did he say me too?
296
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,434
Come on. Come on. Thank you.
297
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,269
Yes, thank you, and praise the Elders!
298
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,971
Why are Mormons always so hot?
299
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,405
[ Gasps ] Wait. The Jew meeting.
300
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:07,974
We have to go. I love their food.
301
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,141
Like -- Like, the kanishey thingies.
302
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:11,010
Mm. Oh, my God.
303
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,678
It is Sophie Deichman-Alperstein,
304
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,880
and she is wearing knee-high socks.
305
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,449
[ Muffled ] Oh, my God.
306
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,750
You are puberty.
307
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,085
Come on. Let's go to the GSA.
308
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,486
Right now. Okay.
309
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,421
Come on.
310
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,457
H-Hi. Hey, Jack.
311
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,591
Can I talk to you for a sec?
312
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,826
Yes. Mm-hmm.
313
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:27,827
I'm gonna go over there.
314
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,463
Dude, you're not texting me back.
315
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,566
Yeah, sorry, my phone's been, like, super weird.
316
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,301
Yeah, I kinda feel bad about Naomi.
317
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,069
Yeah. Y-Y-You don't mean like --
318
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,805
like, "say something to her" feel bad, right?
319
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,207
'Cause, like, I had the same thing of, like,
320
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,975
you know, maybe I should tell her,
321
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,276
but then I was like -- Wait, wait, wait.
322
00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:45,645
So, you were gonna tell her?
323
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,113
No. No, no, no, no, no.
324
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,749
Um... Are -- Are -- Are you?
325
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,317
Young man: Jack!
326
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,752
I gotta go.
327
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,822
Stop. Stop. He won't say anything. [ Groans ]
328
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,257
Come on. Let's go stress-eat chocolate.
329
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,459
Okay. Let's go. That's what we need.
330
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:01,761
Riley: That's what we need. Come on, horsey! [ Grunts, laughs ]
331
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:02,862
Come on, horsey!
332
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,598
Whoo! Go!
333
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,033
Show time, people!
334
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,701
You coming in? Come on!
335
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,870
Oh, come on. Join us!
336
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,105
There we go. It's a packed house.
337
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:15,274
Oh, come on. Coming in doesn't mean coming out, you know.
338
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,109
♪ Ooh, there ain't no other way ♪
339
00:11:17,109 --> 00:11:18,844
♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
340
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,614
Just grab a seat wherever you're...
341
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,349
[ Button clicks, music stops ]
342
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,284
Okay. So!
343
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,687
Maybe we can all introduce ourselves with a fun fact.
344
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,455
Ooh, can I start?
345
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,991
I'm Arianna, and my fun fact is my parents are gay.
346
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,859
Hey, wow. That's very special.
347
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,394
Yeah, um, they freaked out
348
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:36,962
over a couple of jokes I made this morning
349
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,531
and said if I didn't come,
350
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,433
they'd stop paying for my phone. Oh.
351
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,568
And then I recently learned that they're thinking of
352
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:45,004
bringing a third into their relationship.
353
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,939
They read my texts, so I was like,
354
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,374
"Let me return the favor."
355
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,376
Apparently, when you're gay,
356
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,045
your slut phase lasts even after you get married.
357
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,414
Okay! Okay! Thank you. Thank you.
358
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:58,050
Let's -- Let's try something besides fun facts.
359
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,886
How about, uh, astrological signs?
360
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,290
Like...I'm Sam. I'm a Virgo.
361
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,092
Some people say that it's the snobbiest sign,
362
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,894
but obviously, those people have bad taste.
363
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,397
[ Chuckles ]
364
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,632
Thank you. Oh! I get it now.
365
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,034
Thank you.
366
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:18,537
Hi! Uh, I'm Chester. I'm a Scorpio.
367
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:22,441
Uh...if you hurt me, I'll pretend to be unbothered
368
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,977
and then literally kill you.
369
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:25,978
Who wants to be friends?
370
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,147
[ Alarm blares ]
371
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,349
Woman over P.A.: Teachers and students, may I have your attention?
372
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,551
The school is in lockdown.
373
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,919
Shit on my dick!
374
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,489
Everyone stay calm!
375
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,924
Okay, please, I'm begging you, just remain calm!
376
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,693
Sam: Someone grab the blinds.
377
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:41,894
I'm gonna give you a notebook to write your name in.
378
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,329
Pass it along.
379
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,264
Oh. Okay. Come on. Come on. Come on.
380
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,133
Okay, I'm sure they'll tell us soon if this is a drill.
381
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,667
Let's take this seriously, everyone, but not panic.
382
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,503
Please don't panic! Yeah, don't panic.
383
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,738
There are a ton more panic-worthy things
384
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:54,206
happening in the world,
385
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:58,177
like 150 animals go extinct every day,
386
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,947
and every 0.3 seconds, someone dies of starvation.
387
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,983
These are good things to panic about.
388
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,819
Pan-ic. Health-i-ly. Peo-ple.
389
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,587
Chester. Come on. Sit down.
390
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,590
Listen, the bad news is, this sucks.
391
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,059
The good news is, you're locked in a room
392
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,795
with a licensed counselor.
393
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,797
Well, some of you might consider that bad news.
394
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,332
In any case, there's a spot here next to me
395
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:22,434
if anyone wants to talk about anything.
396
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,972
Or not.
397
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:31,844
[ Bag thuds ]
398
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,046
[ Cellphones swish, chime ]
399
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,521
A woman sunbathing was fatally stabbed
400
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:45,257
when the wind blew a beach umbrella into her chest.
401
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,230
A man in Iceland fell into an active volcano
402
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,965
while taking a selfie.
403
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,036
Yeah. [ Speaking native language ]
404
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,371
Greta: Ana, it's okay.
405
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:01,407
It's probably just a drill.
406
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,275
Ana: Should I come to get you? No, you --
407
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:06,312
They won't let you come to the school.
408
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,813
I know you're worried.
409
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,748
[ Cellphone beeps ]
410
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:11,116
I love you a lot, too.
411
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:15,788
[ Crying ] I'm freaking out.
412
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,590
I'm freaking out.
413
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,358
[ Crying stops ]
414
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:22,294
[ Cellphone beeps ] [ Crying ]
415
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,430
I'm freaking --
416
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,366
[ Cellphone beeps ] [ Crying ]
417
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,335
Oh, my God. I think there's a shooter outside.
418
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:31,570
Like, I think they're gonna come in.
419
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,240
I'm too young to die.
420
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,776
[ Sobbing ] I'm freaking out!
421
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:40,646
Uh, Arianna? [ Cellphone chimes, swishes ]
422
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,181
Arianna.
423
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,350
Oh, no, I'm good.
424
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,852
I'm just having fun with my dads.
425
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,387
Okay.
426
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,657
Hey, listen, i-it's okay if you're scared.
427
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,927
Yeah, I-I-I wouldn't mind just acknowledging, by the way,
428
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:57,830
how -- how seriously crazy our world is right now.
429
00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:00,866
I'm sorry, I just -- just think it's helpful to voice that
430
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,534
every once in awhile, and --
431
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:05,838
and I'm still here to talk if anyone wants.
432
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,140
[ Students whispering ]
433
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,142
I mean, the one thing is,
434
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,044
we're pretty used to stuff like this.
435
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:14,213
Also, why freak out
436
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,982
when we're all gonna be dead by 2050 anyway, right?
437
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,452
What?
438
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:23,422
Why does anyone care about joining a club
439
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,425
to fix a world that's literally gonna be uninhabitable?
440
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,028
Are you for real right now? No.
441
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,329
'Cause you know this is something
442
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,797
I'd want to talk about. I know.
443
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,365
You call your grandma? No.
444
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,234
She's at work and not really a texter,
445
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:36,969
and so if I call her, she'll see it's me
446
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,304
and have a heart attack.
447
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,772
That would suck, so...
448
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,607
When I called to get your phone number
449
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,475
'cause of the really alarming picture you sent
450
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,511
on the edge of a roof, she was like,
451
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,713
"Yeah, I'll give you his number, but if you're lying and turn out
452
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,783
to be some creepy stalker, I'll find you and kill you." I love her.
453
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,685
Riley: My mom says Next Door Neighbor is saying
454
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,753
there's some sort of suspicious activity nearby.
455
00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:57,356
Is that, like, "shooter on the loose" suspicious activity?
456
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,425
Or like, the time it was just some homeless guy
457
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:01,293
wandering around with a stick
458
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,329
and it took them four hours to figure it out?
459
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,898
I was so hungry during that one. It was actually five hours,
460
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,634
and I only know that 'cause I got through almost
461
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,235
half of the first season of "Friends."
462
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,937
You know, some sophomore in Orange
463
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:14,106
literally became TikTok famous during a lockdown?
464
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:17,009
I don't know. She says there's like 400,000 police cars.
465
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:18,644
[ Loud pop ] [ Students gasp ]
466
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,547
Sorry, guys.
467
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,649
♪ Ain't nobody better than me ♪
468
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,918
♪ Got the nourishment you need, vitamin P ♪
469
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,253
♪ P for pussy, P for power, P for pride and prestige ♪
470
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,522
♪ P for poppin', P for price, P for packin' them things ♪
471
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:32,591
♪ I mean, what could be better than me? ♪
472
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,560
♪ Burger B serving your needs, vitamin P ♪
473
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,596
Chester: Uh...I mean, Paris runway is up at the top,
474
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,231
and honestly, I can't even decide if I'd rather
475
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:40,666
walk in a show or just be, like,
476
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,301
a coldhearted bitch in the front row
477
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,869
with, like, the bug-eyed sunglasses.
478
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,170
You know what I'm talking about? [ Chuckles ]
479
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,772
Um...summering in Sweden
480
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:50,642
with some daddy named Lars, obviously.
481
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:54,146
Also getting over my fear of death would be nice.
482
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,782
That one's... more long-term, maybe,
483
00:16:56,782 --> 00:17:00,986
and hard to do when, like, the whole point of a Fuck-It List
484
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:03,389
is to think about things you want to do before you die,
485
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,624
which only reinforces your fear of death.
486
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:08,594
I want to do the ten-pound burger challenge
487
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,262
and the Rainbow Milk challenge.
488
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,530
I want to go to some small village
489
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,365
where no one speaks English
490
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,001
and I can't understand what anyone is saying,
491
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:21,340
and I just sit in a café and, like, listen. I love that.
492
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:24,076
I want to punch someone in the face for no reason,
493
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:28,047
but, like, really, really hard.
494
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,915
I-I definitely want to skydive.
495
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,683
Oh, and I want to spend the night in "It's a Small World."
496
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,452
Yes. I want to do that so bad.
497
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:34,987
Ugh. That song.
498
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,522
Really? It always made me cry.
499
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,791
I don't know. Just, like, everyone's happy
500
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,893
and connected in their little, racist groups.
501
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,195
Yeah, no, I mean, I secretly love it, too.
502
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,498
The song. Not racism.
503
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,500
I obviously don't secretly love racism.
504
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:54,339
I just want to go to college.
505
00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:57,076
Doesn't matter so much which one.
506
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,577
It's just that...
507
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,880
like, we're not all dead or whatever
508
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,817
and people are actually still going to college.
509
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,854
♪♪
510
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,856
♪ Deluxe, fill up ya cup ♪
511
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,458
♪ Yes, you can look, you cannot touch ♪
512
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:13,859
♪ No touchin' ♪
513
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,861
♪ Deluxe, fill up ya cup ♪
514
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:18,497
♪ Yes, you can look, you cannot touch ♪
515
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,499
♪ Deluxe, fill up ya cup ♪
516
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,302
♪ Yes, you can look, you cannot touch ♪
517
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,104
♪ Deluxe, fill up ya cup ♪
518
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,506
♪ Yes, you can look, you cannot touch ♪
519
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,975
[ Water bottle crunching ]
520
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:38,450
♪♪
521
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,886
J: [ Chuckles ] Here's some useless information --
522
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:44,189
so, a guy robbed a Quiznos, and they can't find him.
523
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:47,960
He had a gun, um, which may or may not have been fake,
524
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,864
and a duffel bag full of semi-automatic rifles,
525
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,065
or fishing gear.
526
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,600
The cashier couldn't tell.
527
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,269
[ Crunching continues ]
528
00:18:57,269 --> 00:19:05,577
♪♪
529
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:09,648
[ Crunching stops ]
530
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,518
Nathan: He's wearing a Supreme hat. He's obviously not gay.
531
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:13,886
Hmm.
532
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,722
Also, can we talk about how disappointing it is
533
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,758
that the one hot Black teacher in our school sucks dick?
534
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,427
Okay, you -- you can't say shit like that.
535
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:24,296
My comedy's edgy, okay?
536
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,531
And you know what?
537
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,366
I got lotsa gay in my life.
538
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:30,869
I love my gay, but people being precious -- no. I itch.
539
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,739
Like, get me some calamine and shut the fuck up.
540
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,408
Who are you, by the way?
541
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,776
I was just looking for another club
542
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,244
when the lockdown happened.
543
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,346
MELT? The Mormon club?
544
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:45,217
[ Chuckling ] Oh, damn.
545
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,253
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
546
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:54,326
♪♪
547
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:55,861
Oh, hot.
548
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,663
You like those?
549
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,032
Like you'd do things with those? Yeah. Definitely.
550
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,600
Oh, my God. Perv.
551
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,468
Those are your sister's knees.
552
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:05,437
Ew! Fuck! What? What?
553
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,439
Why is she even sending you fake tit pics?
554
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:10,108
Quality control before they go to Jack.
555
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:14,880
'Cause they about to go boom-boom-boom in the bathroom.
556
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,515
Wait -- Wait, he's actually going to see her right now?
557
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,283
What's wrong? Uh...nothing.
558
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,885
I think I heard something about him.
559
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,554
You know, like, some sort of...STD thing.
560
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,523
Ugh. God. Yeah. So, maybe you should tell her.
561
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,124
I-I think you should. Nah.
562
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:27,826
Jack's an honors student.
563
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,195
That there is good, clean, academic dick.
564
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:32,164
She's fine. But what if there is a shooter?
565
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,665
I mean, d-does she actually want blood on her hands
566
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:34,900
just to catch a dick or whatever?
567
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,368
There is no way
568
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:39,538
I'm coming between her mouth and his junk.
569
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:43,108
Chester: Ugh! I'm so over this lockdown!
570
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,110
[ Indistinct conversations ]
571
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:51,250
♪♪
572
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,085
You okay?
573
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,622
Yeah. Just sometimes my heart beats too fast.
574
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:59,057
I don't really know why.
575
00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,592
They just have to take it seriously
576
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:01,693
'cause it's near a school.
577
00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:03,262
Yeah, I know. I-I know.
578
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,529
It's not even really about that.
579
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,331
It's just, um, sometimes...
580
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,400
small spaces kinda stress me out.
581
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,968
Probably comes from being trapped in
582
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:12,237
too many rooms with arguing parents.
583
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,006
That sucks. It's fine.
584
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,041
It's just...you know.
585
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,780
I'm sorry about the texts this morning.
586
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,081
Huh?
587
00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:24,883
Oh. Please.
588
00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:28,920
I once texted, "I'm so wet" to my Dad by accident.
589
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,856
[ Both chuckle ]
590
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,393
Doesn't this morning feel like 100 years ago?
591
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:37,529
[ Sighs ]
592
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:39,498
I was such a bitch to my mom.
593
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:42,934
[ Exhales deeply ]
594
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,537
Oh, wait. Shit. Fuck. Sorry.
595
00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,406
No. No, it's fine. I'm sorry.
596
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,408
I heard about your mom. Seriously.
597
00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:57,049
This sounds so shitty, but it's just...
598
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,918
less stressful, her not being here.
599
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:02,587
Why do you think I moved into the shed in my yard?
600
00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:04,556
[ Sighs ]
601
00:22:04,556 --> 00:22:06,325
It was all a mistake.
602
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,960
She actually has her papers.
603
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,562
She's with her family in Guadalajara
604
00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:13,065
until they sort it all out,
605
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:16,068
and secretly, I think she's okay, too.
606
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,303
They all binge "The Crown" together. For real?
607
00:22:18,303 --> 00:22:20,906
Yeah, but she thinks it's like a telenovela,
608
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:23,875
so, she's all like, "Ooh, La Reina, she's such a bitch.
609
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:26,144
Season two, she's gonna totally behead her husband."
610
00:22:26,144 --> 00:22:28,880
[ Both laugh ]
611
00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:36,355
Still?
612
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,556
Yeah.
613
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,024
[ Exhales deeply ]
614
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:42,327
I had this whole heart-racing thing
615
00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:44,229
after my mom showed me "E.T."
616
00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:46,531
I hated that movie.
617
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,467
I wish E.T. had died.
618
00:22:48,467 --> 00:22:49,935
Me too.
619
00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:57,976
My mom, she would do this rhyming thing,
620
00:22:57,976 --> 00:23:01,747
if I was, like, sick or something.
621
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:04,883
She would go, "Sana sana, colita de Rana,
622
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:07,152
si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana."
623
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:10,856
It was so dumb, but it worked.
624
00:23:10,856 --> 00:23:13,592
And she would do this thing with my hand.
625
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,895
What'd she do?
626
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:26,071
♪♪
627
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,241
Sana sana, colita de Rana,
628
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,878
no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.
629
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:40,218
Sana sana, colita de Rana,
630
00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:43,054
si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana. That's nice.
631
00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:45,690
Sana sana, colita de Rana,
632
00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:49,127
si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.
633
00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:50,262
Sana sana...
634
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,532
Oh, 'ack, I 'uv 'ur 'ock!
635
00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:56,201
[ Muffled ] It is so hard!
636
00:23:56,201 --> 00:23:57,836
♪ Bitch, get off my wave ♪
637
00:23:57,836 --> 00:23:59,404
♪ I got ways, I got hella ways ♪
638
00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:01,373
[ Cellphone vibrates ] [ Sighs ]
639
00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:03,308
♪ I got ways, bitch, get off my wave ♪ What?
640
00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:05,177
Nathan: Hi, I know you're probably gonna hate me,
641
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,212
but there's something I have to tell you,
642
00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:09,014
[ Knock on door ] and I know you're gonna be mad --
643
00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:10,949
I can't talk. I'm getting some. Wait!
644
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,984
Chester: But at least we have our guns. Fuck!
645
00:24:12,984 --> 00:24:14,853
Second Amendment. [ Gunfire on cellphone game ]
646
00:24:14,853 --> 00:24:16,488
Plus, if you think about it, we're probably, like,
647
00:24:16,488 --> 00:24:18,089
the fifth-most-hated club on campus.
648
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:19,991
I mean, any shooter is obviously going to
649
00:24:19,991 --> 00:24:21,993
the Black Student Union first.
650
00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:25,397
No other group in America has had more violence
651
00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:26,898
inflicted upon them
652
00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:29,868
both systematically and interpersonally.
653
00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:34,139
Unless it's, like, some immigrant-hating MAGA guy,
654
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:36,908
'cause then he's going to MEChA first.
655
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:40,312
Although, it could be, like, Hillel,
656
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:43,915
if he's, like, more of a retro Jew-hater.
657
00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:46,384
On the other hand...
658
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:47,886
people do hate women.
659
00:24:47,886 --> 00:24:49,488
[ Chuckles ] Like, really hate them,
660
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,923
so, Girls' League is an option.
661
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:54,025
'Course, this room, we got it all.
662
00:24:54,025 --> 00:24:56,828
We got black, brown, gay, girls.
663
00:24:56,828 --> 00:24:59,898
So, maybe for efficiency, they'll just come here.
664
00:24:59,898 --> 00:25:02,133
Multiple birds, one stone kinda type deal --
665
00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:03,768
Nathan: Can you just stop?
666
00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:07,205
It's not funny.
667
00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:10,275
What are you talking about? It's fucking hilarious.
668
00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:12,577
Also, the meaning of life is that it stops.
669
00:25:12,577 --> 00:25:14,079
Sam: Okay. Okay.
670
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:17,115
Um, maybe, uh, time for some more music.
671
00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:18,884
Riley: So, what are we listening to?
672
00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,286
Fair warning, if it's Shawn Mendes,
673
00:25:21,286 --> 00:25:23,088
I'm going on a shooting rampage.
674
00:25:23,088 --> 00:25:25,023
Plus, he had those racially insensitive tweets.
675
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,892
Plus he sucks. Okay, here, here, here.
676
00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:28,894
I'm gonna connect and randomly play something
677
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,795
from Spotify, okay? There we go.
678
00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:33,231
♪ The sun is coming up again ♪
679
00:25:33,231 --> 00:25:35,233
♪ Lookin' like it's gonna be a problem ♪
680
00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:37,235
♪ 'Cause I'd be ly-- ♪ [ Music stops ]
681
00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:38,904
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
682
00:25:38,904 --> 00:25:40,505
I don't want to listen to something basic.
683
00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:41,840
I don't. Like, why?
684
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,308
Like, why is life always a fucking
685
00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:45,877
lowest-common-denominator compromise?
686
00:25:47,345 --> 00:25:48,980
Chester.
687
00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:50,348
Can I talk to you?
688
00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:54,152
Come...talk...to me.
689
00:25:59,424 --> 00:26:01,726
J, put on something everyone likes.
690
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,033
Sit down a sec.
691
00:26:12,137 --> 00:26:18,743
♪♪
692
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:20,245
I know how stressful this is.
693
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:22,380
It's not stressful. It's just dumb.
694
00:26:25,784 --> 00:26:29,287
And then it turns out the school now rotocalls,
695
00:26:29,287 --> 00:26:30,989
so my Nonna did find out
696
00:26:30,989 --> 00:26:32,924
about this stupid fucking lockdown
697
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:34,492
and is now all stressed, 'cause besides
698
00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:37,362
her douchey QAnon brother, like, I'm all she has.
699
00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:39,731
Like, they did not need to do that to her.
700
00:26:39,731 --> 00:26:46,137
♪♪
701
00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:48,940
So, a poodle in Buenos Aires fell -- Oh, come on!
702
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:51,309
Just listen. Just listen.
703
00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:54,212
A poodle in Buenos Aires fell 13 floors,
704
00:26:54,212 --> 00:26:58,883
randomly hitting a woman, killing both instantly.
705
00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,318
While witnessing the incident,
706
00:27:00,318 --> 00:27:03,822
another woman gets hit by a bus.
707
00:27:03,822 --> 00:27:07,592
Meanwhile, a man saw the second woman's death,
708
00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:10,895
had a heart attack, and died on the way to the hospital.
709
00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:18,903
♪♪
710
00:27:18,903 --> 00:27:23,008
A pallbearer in Finland
711
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:26,845
died tripping over a stone while carrying a coffin.
712
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:32,851
♪♪
713
00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:38,857
♪♪
714
00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:42,293
A mother died of cancer.
715
00:27:47,699 --> 00:27:50,502
[ Students laughing ]
716
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:54,372
[ Indistinct conversations ]
717
00:27:54,372 --> 00:27:56,107
Riley: Oh, my God.
718
00:27:57,776 --> 00:28:00,278
-Oh, no. That is so gross. -Whoa!
719
00:28:00,278 --> 00:28:02,514
Doctor: ...soft-serve. Oh, they're pinching it so hard.
720
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:04,215
Nathan: Is that blood? Oh, my God.
721
00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:07,118
Doctor: Oh. [ Laughter ]
722
00:28:07,118 --> 00:28:09,354
Why is it so satisfying?
723
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,256
I think 'cause all the nasty shit comes out.
724
00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:14,993
Riley: Yeah, and it's, like, pimples you can control.
725
00:28:14,993 --> 00:28:16,428
Chester: What?
726
00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:18,296
Together: Oh, my God.
727
00:28:18,296 --> 00:28:21,900
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my God.
728
00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:23,568
[ Alarm blares ]
729
00:28:23,568 --> 00:28:25,603
Woman on P.A.: Lockdown has ended.
730
00:28:25,603 --> 00:28:27,906
Teachers and students, may I have your attention?
731
00:28:27,906 --> 00:28:29,574
Lockdown has ended. Nathan: It literally looks like a milkshake.
732
00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:31,309
Ugh. [ All groan ]
733
00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:34,312
It's dripping! It's dripping! Aah!
734
00:28:34,312 --> 00:28:36,548
♪ I thought I came, but I peed on the dick ♪
735
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,750
♪ Pubic hair got inches, that's weave on the dick ♪
736
00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:41,186
♪ Pussy like a tree, it got leaves on the shit ♪
737
00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,455
♪ Bang-bang this pussy, Chief Keef with the dick ♪
738
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,623
♪ Climbing on that dick, need a 10-feet ladder ♪
739
00:28:45,623 --> 00:28:48,093
♪ I love the D, that's my favorite ladder ♪
740
00:28:48,093 --> 00:28:50,795
♪ Sloppy Toppy for papi, leave Sloppy Joe shook ♪
741
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:53,231
Is that a birthmark? Yeah.
742
00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:56,534
♪ I can make your dick stand up ♪
743
00:28:56,534 --> 00:28:58,103
♪ Are you ready? ♪ ♪ Like Statue of Liberty ♪
744
00:28:58,103 --> 00:28:59,971
Oh, my fucking God!
745
00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:01,773
♪ So hard ♪
746
00:29:01,773 --> 00:29:04,008
♪ Tap the head of the dick, duck, duck, duck, goose ♪
747
00:29:04,008 --> 00:29:05,877
♪ Head of the dick, duck, duck, duck, goose ♪
748
00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:08,113
♪ Get that dick up and runnin' when he fuck this cooch ♪
749
00:29:08,113 --> 00:29:10,782
♪ Covered in all my cum, the dick be lookin' like a goose ♪
750
00:29:10,782 --> 00:29:13,151
♪ Head of the dick, duck, duck, duck, goose ♪
751
00:29:13,151 --> 00:29:15,220
♪ Head of the dick, duck, duck, duck, goose ♪
752
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,422
♪ Get that dick up and runnin' when he fuck this cooch ♪
753
00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:19,791
♪ Covered in all my cum, the dick be lookin' like a goose ♪
754
00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:22,260
♪ Twat so wet, you could take a cruise on it ♪
755
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,529
♪ Suckin' yo' neck till I leave a bruise on it ♪
756
00:29:24,529 --> 00:29:26,831
♪ Let you eat the pussy, just don't use a spoon on it ♪
757
00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:28,767
♪ Put it in a box like you 'bout to move on it ♪
758
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,835
♪ This that submarine pussy, Mr. Clean pussy ♪
759
00:29:30,835 --> 00:29:32,337
♪ This that I'm 'bout to fuck you longer ♪
760
00:29:32,337 --> 00:29:34,239
♪ Than a limousine pussy ♪
761
00:29:34,239 --> 00:29:36,441
♪ High self-esteem pussy, it's a dream pussy ♪
762
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:38,376
♪ If you're broke than a pussy actin' funny like a meme pussy ♪
763
00:29:38,376 --> 00:29:40,545
♪ Easy Bake Oven and this pussy so similar ♪
764
00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:42,714
♪ Touchin' your head but it ain't checkin' a temperature ♪
765
00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:45,250
♪ Got that dick on lock like a motherfuckin' prisoner ♪
766
00:29:45,250 --> 00:29:47,452
♪ Nut in my pussy hair, jumpin' on your dick ♪
767
00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,554
♪ Tell your grandma sew my pussy since you split open my slit ♪
768
00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:51,823
♪ Coochie guaranteed to put you to sleep so damn soon ♪
769
00:29:51,823 --> 00:29:54,192
♪ Ridin' on that dick, I'm readin' "Goodnight Moon" ♪
770
00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:56,361
♪ Vending machine, vending machine ♪
771
00:29:56,361 --> 00:29:58,363
♪ Can't eat it 'til there's money between, money between ♪
772
00:29:58,363 --> 00:30:00,532
♪ This pussy is a vending machine, vending machine ♪
773
00:30:00,532 --> 00:30:03,334
♪ Can't eat it 'til there's money between, money between ♪
774
00:30:03,334 --> 00:30:05,503
♪ Vending machine, vending machine, oh, yeah ♪
775
00:30:05,503 --> 00:30:07,705
♪ Vending machine, vending machine, oh, yeah ♪
776
00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:09,707
♪ Can't eat it until there's money between, money between ♪
777
00:30:09,707 --> 00:30:12,377
♪ This pussy is a vending machine, vending machine ♪
778
00:30:12,377 --> 00:30:16,080
♪♪
57086
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