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1
00:00:50,309 --> 00:00:52,682
This is nothing less
than "Zeno's paradox."
2
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:58,766
You are Achilles
and the tortoise is the orgasm.
3
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,766
- Oh, come on.
- No, no, no. Listen.
4
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:03,766
Achilles and the tortoise
are going to race,
5
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,016
and Achilles is confident,
6
00:01:06,184 --> 00:01:10,099
so he gives the tortoise
a hundred meters head start.
7
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:13,224
Now the mathematical problem
is that
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00:01:13,392 --> 00:01:15,849
before Achilles
can pass the tortoise,
9
00:01:16,017 --> 00:01:17,224
he has to reach the point
10
00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:20,974
where the tortoise started
after a hundred meters.
11
00:01:21,142 --> 00:01:24,391
But when Achilles gets there,
the tortoise has already moved on,
12
00:01:24,558 --> 00:01:26,557
and then he has
to reach the next point,
13
00:01:26,725 --> 00:01:28,183
and the tortoise
has moved on again
14
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:31,099
and so on and so on and so on.
15
00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:34,515
So Achilles can never reach
the tortoise and never pass him.
16
00:01:34,683 --> 00:01:38,849
And in the same way,
because you were giving chase,
17
00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:41,891
you couldn't reach satisfaction.
That's the paradox.
18
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:45,433
I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're
not taking this very seriously.
19
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,515
I'm telling you about the worst
thing that's happened to me,
20
00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:53,849
that I at that point, within seconds,
lost all sexual sensation.
21
00:01:54,017 --> 00:01:56,266
My cunt simply went numb.
22
00:01:56,434 --> 00:01:58,515
And immediately
we have to hear about
23
00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,141
this ridiculous
mathematical problem.
24
00:02:01,309 --> 00:02:05,807
In fact, I'm in doubt
whether you're even listening.
25
00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:08,349
Why do you doubt that?
26
00:02:11,516 --> 00:02:14,766
This is not a story I've told
in its entirety before,
27
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:19,391
but whenever I've told other men
about experiences,
28
00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:22,599
episodes in my sex life,
29
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,932
it was easy to see
that they became quite excited.
30
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,640
I got excited.
31
00:02:28,808 --> 00:02:32,057
Yes, about the mathematical crap,
not about the story.
32
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:43,766
What kind of a person
are you, actually?
33
00:02:48,975 --> 00:02:50,974
I...
34
00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:54,266
You wouldn't know.
35
00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:01,974
No, but I can guess.
36
00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:08,515
Why didn't I get that earlier?
37
00:03:08,683 --> 00:03:13,682
The fact you don't get excited
over my dirty stories
38
00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:15,891
is because you can't relate
to them.
39
00:03:18,309 --> 00:03:20,849
You've never been with a woman.
40
00:03:32,475 --> 00:03:36,099
That's quite accurate.
41
00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:38,599
Not with a man, either.
42
00:03:47,058 --> 00:03:49,432
Are you sorry about that?
43
00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:59,515
Well, yeah, out of curiosity...
44
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:04,141
not out of lust,
as you would think.
45
00:04:09,892 --> 00:04:14,849
I consider myself asexual.
46
00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:19,766
Of course, I experimented with
masturbation when I was a teenager,
47
00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:24,183
but it didn't do much for me.
48
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:30,348
So, there's nothing sexual
about me.
49
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,766
It's not as uncommon
as you would think.
50
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:43,640
And of course, I've read a lot
about sexual subjects...
51
00:04:43,808 --> 00:04:48,974
"Canterbury Tales"," Decameron",
"Thousand and One Nights".
52
00:04:49,142 --> 00:04:52,974
You name it and I've read it
with great interest
53
00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:55,515
and enjoyment,
54
00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:58,390
but only literary enjoyment.
55
00:05:00,349 --> 00:05:02,807
But... but I think
maybe it makes me
56
00:05:02,975 --> 00:05:05,640
a better listener
to your story, and...
57
00:05:05,808 --> 00:05:12,557
I have no preconceived notions
or preferences.
58
00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:16,307
I'm actually the best judge
you could give your story to.
59
00:05:16,475 --> 00:05:19,474
And when it comes to deciding whether
you're a bad human being or not,
60
00:05:19,641 --> 00:05:22,849
I'm... I've no problems with that.
61
00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:26,016
Because I don't look at you
through the glasses
62
00:05:26,184 --> 00:05:30,348
colored by sexuality
or sexual experience.
63
00:05:32,475 --> 00:05:34,599
I'm a virgin.
64
00:05:36,267 --> 00:05:38,390
I'm innocent.
65
00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:01,224
She's looking at me.
66
00:06:01,391 --> 00:06:04,265
Yes.
67
00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:08,224
It's an icon.
Is it Russian?
68
00:06:08,391 --> 00:06:09,724
Yes, it's, uh...
69
00:06:09,892 --> 00:06:14,932
It's a skilled copy,
maybe in the manner of Rublev.
70
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:23,724
Icons are usually connected
to the Eastern Church.
71
00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:25,099
The Eastern Church?
72
00:06:26,308 --> 00:06:28,849
I might become a bit theoretical.
73
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:35,099
You may. I'd like you to tell me
about your picture.
74
00:06:35,266 --> 00:06:40,223
Although the Christian church
was split up in 1054
75
00:06:40,391 --> 00:06:41,724
because of differences in opinion
76
00:06:41,892 --> 00:06:44,640
between the Eastern Church
and the Western Church,
77
00:06:44,808 --> 00:06:51,016
what we today call the Orthodox Church
and the Roman Catholic Church,
78
00:06:51,184 --> 00:06:54,807
this is a typical Eastern Church icon.
79
00:06:54,975 --> 00:06:57,974
It usually depicts the Virgin Mary
80
00:06:58,142 --> 00:07:00,141
and the infant Jesus
and more rarely,
81
00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:02,099
for instance, the crucifixion,
82
00:07:02,266 --> 00:07:05,390
which in the Western Church
was much more prevalent.
83
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:09,016
If you generalize, you could say
that the Western Church
84
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:10,766
is the church of suffering,
85
00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:14,599
and the Eastern Church
is the church of happiness.
86
00:07:17,308 --> 00:07:20,057
Why is she looking right at me?
87
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,265
Well, she's telling a story.
88
00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,057
Icons were originally a kind of
89
00:07:25,224 --> 00:07:28,182
pictorial Bibles for the illiterate.
90
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:30,390
There are some who say you...
91
00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:34,099
you read an icon, even write it.
92
00:07:36,142 --> 00:07:40,849
There are different types of icons.
This is a Hodegetria.
93
00:07:41,017 --> 00:07:43,348
The directions are very important.
94
00:07:43,516 --> 00:07:47,766
She's looking at you, but she's
pointing at the baby Jesus.
95
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:50,932
And he's looking at you
and pointing at her.
96
00:07:52,141 --> 00:07:57,265
Do you see how flat it is?
There's no... no perspective.
97
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:02,390
It's because it's an image of eternity.
98
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,182
And eternity isn't in 3-D.
99
00:08:07,224 --> 00:08:11,265
But you said the Eastern Church
was the church of joy?
100
00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:14,891
Yeah, the sanctities
of the Eastern Church
101
00:08:15,058 --> 00:08:17,515
were all about the joy of faith
102
00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:21,557
while the Western Church wallowed
in... in suffering and death.
103
00:08:21,725 --> 00:08:26,099
If you imagine a... a mental
journey from Rome eastward,
104
00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:29,891
you feel how you move away
from guilt and pain
105
00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:31,557
towards joy and light.
106
00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:34,390
But you say
you didn't believe in God.
107
00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:39,807
No, but the concept of religion
is interesting.
108
00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:43,182
Like the concept of sex.
109
00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:45,182
But you won't find me
on my knees
110
00:08:45,349 --> 00:08:47,724
with regards to either.
111
00:08:47,892 --> 00:08:51,932
Let's call this chapter,
112
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,974
"The Eastern Church
and the Western Church."
113
00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:56,766
But it won't be...
114
00:08:56,933 --> 00:09:00,182
it won't be a story about
traveling east from Rome
115
00:09:00,349 --> 00:09:03,599
towards the light,
but rather the opposite.
116
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:07,182
So, in order
not to make it too sad,
117
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:10,682
I've pepped up the name of
the chapter with an extra title.
118
00:09:17,017 --> 00:09:18,974
I have to go back a bit.
119
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:23,766
I was 12 years old and
on a school trip in the hills.
120
00:12:02,808 --> 00:12:05,766
- Are you making fun of me?
- What do you mean?
121
00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:07,766
You have this orgasm,
not only an orgasm
122
00:12:07,932 --> 00:12:11,265
- but a spontaneous orgasm.
- Yes, it was an orgasm,
123
00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:15,432
though the doctor described it
as an epileptic seizure.
124
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,890
And during that orgasm,
you had this vision?
125
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:22,849
Of these two women
on each side of you.
126
00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:26,432
The woman on my right side
seemed to be dressed
127
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,766
in purple and scarlet
128
00:12:28,932 --> 00:12:31,931
with a lot of gold and pearls.
129
00:12:32,974 --> 00:12:36,098
She was carrying a golden goblet
in her hand.
130
00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:41,515
She was sitting
on some strange animal.
131
00:12:41,683 --> 00:12:46,390
And then the other woman
was dressed in Roman clothes,
132
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,348
a baby on her arm
133
00:12:48,516 --> 00:12:53,432
and her hair lay in tight waves
beneath a veil.
134
00:12:56,974 --> 00:13:00,348
Was she holding the veil
with two fingers like this?
135
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:02,682
And the other woman,
136
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:07,474
was she sitting on an animal
with seven heads and ten horns?
137
00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:12,140
The animal only had one head.
It was kind of a bull.
138
00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:19,056
What's the matter?
139
00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,182
You're making this up.
140
00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:25,766
No, I'm not. I'm telling you
about my first orgasm,
141
00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:28,390
which came upon me
without the slightest touch
142
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:32,182
in some strange ways
up in the mountains.
143
00:13:32,349 --> 00:13:34,973
I never had achieved
an orgasm before,
144
00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:36,223
even though I masturbated
145
00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:39,307
as if my life depended on it
during that time.
146
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:48,724
Your story is like a...
blasphemous retelling
147
00:13:48,891 --> 00:13:52,890
of the Transfiguration
of Jesus on the Mount,
148
00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:58,015
which is one of the Eastern Church's
holiest passages.
149
00:13:58,183 --> 00:14:01,640
It's when the humanity of Christ
is illuminated
150
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,182
by the divine light of eternity.
151
00:14:04,349 --> 00:14:08,182
Jesus, Peter and two disciples
had climbed a mountain.
152
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:10,640
And suddenly,
the disciples see this light
153
00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:13,182
emanating from Jesus' head.
154
00:14:13,349 --> 00:14:16,098
And Moses and Elijah
appear by his side.
155
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:20,765
And they hear the voice of God,
calling him his son.
156
00:14:20,932 --> 00:14:26,098
The relationship between...
between the two women and you
157
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,640
would be the same
as the relation
158
00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:33,307
between Moses and Elijah
and Jesus.
159
00:14:33,475 --> 00:14:36,098
And that's where
it becomes blasphemous.
160
00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:39,098
I see.
161
00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:40,682
You don't even...
162
00:14:40,849 --> 00:14:43,723
you don't even know who
these women were, do you?
163
00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:50,432
No, but one of them did look
like the Virgin Mary,
164
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,890
now that you mention it.
165
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,973
Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary,
I can tell you that.
166
00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:56,640
From your description,
167
00:14:56,807 --> 00:14:59,182
it must've been
Valeria Messalina,
168
00:14:59,349 --> 00:15:01,723
the wife of Emperor Claudius,
169
00:15:01,891 --> 00:15:05,515
the most notorious nymphomaniac
in history.
170
00:15:08,183 --> 00:15:10,640
I thought she looked
like your icon.
171
00:15:10,807 --> 00:15:13,931
We have that image
from a statue in the Louvre.
172
00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:19,348
It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's
not a religious person, far from it.
173
00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:24,265
And the other woman,
the one astride the creature,
174
00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:27,348
that was no one else
but the great Whore of Babylon,
175
00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:31,432
riding on Nimrod
in the form of a bull.
176
00:15:35,516 --> 00:15:38,140
If anyone else
would've told me that story,
177
00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:41,265
I would've seen it
as a blasphemous joke,
178
00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:43,098
spiced up with a Biblical light
179
00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:47,723
emanating from nothing less
than a spontaneous orgasm.
180
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:51,806
Goodness gracious.
181
00:15:51,974 --> 00:15:54,681
You demand a lot
of your listener.
182
00:15:55,891 --> 00:15:59,348
I promise you I'm as innocent
in regards to the religious
183
00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:02,474
as you are when it comes to sex.
184
00:16:04,349 --> 00:16:07,098
The Transfiguration
on the Venus Mount.
185
00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:13,890
And then later,
you lost your orgasm altogether.
186
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:21,599
Wagner. "Das Rheingold".
187
00:16:21,766 --> 00:16:26,223
The descent into Nibelheim.
Was it that bad?
188
00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:29,557
Try to imagine that
in one fell swoop,
189
00:16:29,724 --> 00:16:31,931
you lost all desire to read
190
00:16:32,099 --> 00:16:35,432
and all your love and passion
for books and letters.
191
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,474
I don't even know
if I can imagine that.
192
00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:02,348
Can I help you?
193
00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,474
But as so often before in my life,
194
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,098
a bit of hope sprang
from a mystical event.
195
00:18:11,266 --> 00:18:12,432
Which was?
196
00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:17,182
Three dead leaves
performing a strange ballet.
197
00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:21,432
That gave you hope?
For what?
198
00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:26,015
- For regaining my sexuality.
- How?
199
00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:30,931
To claim it by force.
200
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:01,432
In spite of my tireless efforts,
201
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,848
my cunt totally failed to respond.
202
00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:08,598
But the fact
that the initiative had shifted
203
00:19:08,766 --> 00:19:11,639
seemed to encourage Jerome greatly.
204
00:19:11,807 --> 00:19:13,681
And I have to admit
there came a time
205
00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:16,639
when we had fun together.
206
00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:22,765
I'll give you a fiver.
207
00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:24,931
Uh-huh.
208
00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,056
If you can put this...
209
00:19:28,224 --> 00:19:30,556
up inside your cunt.
210
00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:34,223
- A fiver?
- Right.
211
00:19:47,932 --> 00:19:49,848
Shit.
212
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,431
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
213
00:20:38,807 --> 00:20:42,473
- Didn't you get any spoons?
- No, we didn't.
214
00:21:39,224 --> 00:21:41,723
So what does this tell us?
215
00:21:41,891 --> 00:21:44,973
That love and sex have nothing
to do with each other, or...
216
00:21:45,141 --> 00:21:48,056
or that they decidedly
work against one another?
217
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:51,473
The most grotesque thing
was that it was during that period,
218
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,848
where every sexual sensation
was denied me, a period,
219
00:21:56,016 --> 00:21:59,806
I must admit, of secure
and restful domestic comfort.
220
00:21:59,974 --> 00:22:02,806
We had moved in together
and so on,
221
00:22:02,974 --> 00:22:04,389
that I became pregnant,
222
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,514
because I was careless
about my birth control pills.
223
00:22:07,682 --> 00:22:10,681
Consciously or unconsciously,
224
00:22:10,849 --> 00:22:13,848
it was important for me
to have a Caesarean.
225
00:22:14,016 --> 00:22:16,973
I mean, I was hoping that my cunt
was going to fucking work again,
226
00:22:18,057 --> 00:22:20,848
and I had a feeling
that a haphazard birth
227
00:22:21,016 --> 00:22:23,848
wouldn't make things better.
228
00:22:24,016 --> 00:22:26,223
I may have been imagining things,
229
00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:29,431
but as I lay there,
the noise from the instruments
230
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:32,973
rang out in a chord like
the one from the Little Flock.
231
00:22:34,932 --> 00:22:38,056
Yes. And it wasn't fear.
232
00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:41,765
More like a kind of disgust.
233
00:22:55,891 --> 00:22:59,182
I could've sworn
I saw him laughing.
234
00:22:59,348 --> 00:23:01,389
A laughing son.
235
00:23:01,557 --> 00:23:03,140
In "Doctor Faustus",
Thomas Mann describes
236
00:23:03,307 --> 00:23:05,806
the birth of Noah's son Ham,
237
00:23:05,974 --> 00:23:07,765
who was laughing when he was born.
238
00:23:09,849 --> 00:23:11,431
Another satanic omen.
239
00:23:15,348 --> 00:23:20,182
Incidentally, the innocent child
was named Marcel after Mars,
240
00:23:20,348 --> 00:23:21,723
the Roman God of War.
241
00:23:21,891 --> 00:23:23,973
And motherhood?
242
00:23:24,141 --> 00:23:28,347
I assume maternal love didn't
quite live up to its expectations.
243
00:23:28,515 --> 00:23:31,222
No, I didn't have
any expectations.
244
00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:34,015
And maternal love
wasn't a problem.
245
00:23:35,099 --> 00:23:38,598
It was just that each time
I looked into the child's eyes,
246
00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:43,848
I had this unsettling feeling
of having been found out.
247
00:23:47,223 --> 00:23:50,514
It's probably
a strange thing to say about a child...
248
00:23:50,682 --> 00:23:53,931
that my love wasn't being returned.
249
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:57,056
But it was my perception.
250
00:23:59,265 --> 00:24:02,306
If Jerome had hoped for a break
from what was for him
251
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:06,264
now mostly strenuous work,
he could forget about it.
252
00:24:06,432 --> 00:24:10,140
Achilles was again chasing
the tortoise.
253
00:24:13,515 --> 00:24:16,681
- Fill all my holes.
- I can't, Joe.
254
00:24:21,390 --> 00:24:23,140
I'm sorry.
255
00:24:25,807 --> 00:24:27,681
I'm trying.
256
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,639
- Can we talk a bit?
- Of course.
257
00:24:41,849 --> 00:24:46,639
I love you. I love your wildness
and your desire. I love you, Joe.
258
00:24:48,974 --> 00:24:50,681
At the moment,
I don't seem to satisfy you
259
00:24:50,849 --> 00:24:52,931
in the way that I'd like to.
260
00:24:54,223 --> 00:24:55,098
Don't get upset, Joe.
261
00:24:55,265 --> 00:24:56,765
It doesn't mean we won't continue
with our sex life,
262
00:24:56,932 --> 00:24:59,264
which is very important to me.
263
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,765
Very important to me.
264
00:25:04,557 --> 00:25:07,765
When you buy a tiger, right,
265
00:25:07,932 --> 00:25:09,890
you also have to feed it.
266
00:25:10,057 --> 00:25:14,723
Um, satisfy it, right?
267
00:25:21,515 --> 00:25:23,723
Long story short.
268
00:25:24,348 --> 00:25:25,848
I have a tiger on my hands.
269
00:25:26,016 --> 00:25:28,556
- You mean I'm too much for you.
- No.
270
00:25:28,724 --> 00:25:31,181
You're just the way you should be.
271
00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:33,015
I was just thinking
if you would consider
272
00:25:33,182 --> 00:25:36,222
that I get a little help
with the feeding, that's all.
273
00:25:39,599 --> 00:25:43,222
You're saying I should have sex
with others as well.
274
00:25:49,390 --> 00:25:53,723
That's a rather cruel way
of putting it, Joe, but...
275
00:25:53,891 --> 00:25:56,264
- But exact.
- Exact.
276
00:26:08,265 --> 00:26:10,723
For a long time I'd
been playing around with the idea
277
00:26:10,891 --> 00:26:13,222
that the concept of
the fuck-me-now clothes
278
00:26:13,390 --> 00:26:14,514
could be improved.
279
00:26:15,849 --> 00:26:17,306
You look nice.
280
00:26:17,474 --> 00:26:20,598
And became the piano teacher.
281
00:26:43,348 --> 00:26:46,389
- You okay?
- No.
282
00:26:46,557 --> 00:26:49,389
- What's the matter?
- Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
283
00:26:49,557 --> 00:26:51,639
I don't really know what to do.
Do you mind helping me?
284
00:26:53,682 --> 00:26:57,347
Of course it won't work. The
spark plug caps have been removed.
285
00:26:57,515 --> 00:27:01,473
Yes, I did that.
Was that wrong?
286
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,681
For the first time
I had the pleasure
287
00:27:03,849 --> 00:27:05,723
of having an eight-cylinder car.
288
00:27:05,891 --> 00:27:07,639
The possible combinations
289
00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:10,681
of eight spark plug caps
on eight spark plugs
290
00:27:10,849 --> 00:27:13,598
are 40,320,
291
00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:16,473
if I remember
my math correctly.
292
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,139
And only one of these
will make the car run,
293
00:27:20,307 --> 00:27:22,514
which gave me
all the time I needed.
294
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:25,598
Beethoven, huh?
He was certainly very good,
295
00:27:25,766 --> 00:27:27,473
but, you know,
he couldn't write a fugue.
296
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:32,389
- You think so?
- Well, yeah, I think so.
297
00:27:47,390 --> 00:27:50,848
It would be more precise
to say that Beethoven
298
00:27:51,015 --> 00:27:53,598
renewed the fugue.
299
00:27:54,931 --> 00:27:58,306
That he was such a visionary
that the old Bach purists,
300
00:27:58,474 --> 00:28:01,639
they accused him
of not mastering it.
301
00:28:23,849 --> 00:28:25,848
Good day?
302
00:28:33,807 --> 00:28:36,473
Not one word was ever spoken
303
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,930
between me and Jerome
about my piano lessons.
304
00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:56,055
The first time the
mysterious letters
305
00:28:56,223 --> 00:28:57,264
addressed to me arrived,
306
00:28:57,432 --> 00:29:00,055
I, of course, feared that
they were love letters
307
00:29:00,223 --> 00:29:03,431
from someone I'd completely
forgotten about and hid them,
308
00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:07,431
so as not to hurt Jerome
if he should see them.
309
00:29:14,265 --> 00:29:17,639
But as Jerome was always somehow
present when I would get the mail,
310
00:29:17,807 --> 00:29:20,972
and as the envelopes
were always empty,
311
00:29:21,140 --> 00:29:23,181
I understood that the letters,
in fact,
312
00:29:23,348 --> 00:29:27,347
were sent by Jerome himself
as a way of testing me.
313
00:29:29,390 --> 00:29:31,264
My decision not to
show them to him
314
00:29:31,432 --> 00:29:34,014
was exactly the reaction
he had feared,
315
00:29:34,182 --> 00:29:37,014
and it reaffirmed
his insane jealousy
316
00:29:37,182 --> 00:29:40,639
and his fantasies
of the countless times
317
00:29:40,807 --> 00:29:44,347
I would fall in love for real
while being the piano teacher.
318
00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:14,723
And now to reach the heart
319
00:30:14,890 --> 00:30:16,805
of your suffering Western Church,
320
00:30:16,973 --> 00:30:20,181
I have to jump ahead
three years in the story
321
00:30:20,348 --> 00:30:23,473
and talk about my meeting
with what I would call
322
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,889
"The Dangerous Men."
323
00:30:31,265 --> 00:30:34,347
I was alone with Marcel a lot
during this period,
324
00:30:34,515 --> 00:30:37,389
as Jerome was traveling
most of the time,
325
00:30:37,557 --> 00:30:40,306
and when he was finally home,
he spent most of the time
326
00:30:40,474 --> 00:30:42,972
accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
327
00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:44,473
which, in my opinion,
328
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,889
was just a cover for
his anger over my lovers.
329
00:30:48,056 --> 00:30:52,514
Despite my, to put it mildly,
promiscuous initiatives,
330
00:30:52,682 --> 00:30:56,139
any sexual satisfaction,
let alone orgasm,
331
00:30:56,307 --> 00:30:59,598
was further away than ever before.
332
00:31:17,890 --> 00:31:20,473
I had to make a change.
333
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,514
And somehow,
the inspiration had been
334
00:31:22,682 --> 00:31:26,306
right there beneath my window
the whole time.
335
00:31:26,474 --> 00:31:29,805
I'd planned to go where
I would never before
336
00:31:29,973 --> 00:31:31,889
had dreamt of going.
337
00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:37,347
For instance, to be with a man with
whom I shared no spoken language.
338
00:31:37,515 --> 00:31:40,306
I could feel that
it turned me on enormously
339
00:31:40,474 --> 00:31:43,347
to imagine a sexual situation
340
00:31:43,515 --> 00:31:48,055
in which verbal communication
was impossible.
341
00:31:51,307 --> 00:31:52,389
- Hello.
- Hello.
342
00:31:52,557 --> 00:31:54,473
I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
343
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,097
Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
344
00:31:57,265 --> 00:31:59,930
I understand that you mastered
the African languages.
345
00:32:00,098 --> 00:32:02,889
I do have a basis.
346
00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:05,014
Who and what needs
interpretation?
347
00:32:05,182 --> 00:32:10,389
Um, that man.
The one with the green jacket.
348
00:32:10,557 --> 00:32:13,055
What language is being spoken?
349
00:32:13,223 --> 00:32:14,889
Well, God knows. I...
350
00:32:15,056 --> 00:32:18,097
All I know is that
he doesn't speak English.
351
00:32:36,348 --> 00:32:39,097
It's quite difficult.
352
00:32:39,265 --> 00:32:43,347
But, uh, we did manage
to find a dialect,
353
00:32:43,515 --> 00:32:44,972
of which we both
had some knowledge.
354
00:32:45,140 --> 00:32:46,055
Mm-hm.
355
00:32:48,348 --> 00:32:49,473
You coming?
356
00:32:49,639 --> 00:32:52,264
No, I'll stay here,
and the two of you communicate.
357
00:32:54,348 --> 00:32:57,722
You are to ask him if he wants
to have sex with me.
358
00:32:57,890 --> 00:33:00,347
- Sex?
- Mm-hmm.
359
00:33:02,557 --> 00:33:04,764
Yeah, um...
360
00:33:28,723 --> 00:33:32,097
- Is it a go?
- It's hard to say.
361
00:33:32,973 --> 00:33:38,055
I've written down
the time and place, but, um...
362
00:33:38,973 --> 00:33:41,055
Honestly, I wouldn't like
to take responsibility
363
00:33:41,223 --> 00:33:44,347
for the precise wording
in this case, which I think,
364
00:33:44,515 --> 00:33:47,764
uh, accidentally may belong
365
00:33:47,931 --> 00:33:51,139
to a grey zone in my profession.
366
00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:55,556
It was the address of
a cheap hotel.
367
00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:05,556
Why were there two?
368
00:34:05,723 --> 00:34:07,556
My words exactly.
369
00:34:07,723 --> 00:34:11,638
Apparently, N had brought
his brother along.
370
00:36:48,056 --> 00:36:49,930
Why was he so angry?
371
00:36:50,098 --> 00:36:52,722
Clearly, it was something
personal between them,
372
00:36:52,890 --> 00:36:55,597
but later I heard that
performing a sandwich
373
00:36:55,765 --> 00:36:58,972
requires great sensitivity,
since the men apparently
374
00:36:59,140 --> 00:37:01,638
can feel each other
through the tissue.
375
00:37:01,806 --> 00:37:05,222
I imagine the quarrel had
already started on the stairs
376
00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:08,472
and that one or the other party
had laid claim
377
00:37:08,639 --> 00:37:10,597
to one or the other of my holes
378
00:37:10,765 --> 00:37:14,264
in conflict with his Negro
brother's interests.
379
00:37:14,431 --> 00:37:17,097
You shouldn't use that word.
380
00:37:17,265 --> 00:37:20,097
It's not what you call
politically correct.
381
00:37:20,265 --> 00:37:21,306
Negro.
382
00:37:21,473 --> 00:37:24,264
Well, excuse me,
but in my circles,
383
00:37:24,431 --> 00:37:27,139
it's always been a mark of honor
to call a spade a spade.
384
00:37:28,389 --> 00:37:31,264
Each time a word becomes prohibited,
385
00:37:31,431 --> 00:37:33,972
you remove a stone
from the democratic foundation.
386
00:37:34,140 --> 00:37:38,847
Society demonstrates its impotence
in the face of a concrete problem
387
00:37:39,015 --> 00:37:40,930
by removing words
from the language.
388
00:37:41,098 --> 00:37:44,680
The book burners have nothing
on modern society.
389
00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:45,930
I think society would claim
390
00:37:46,098 --> 00:37:49,805
that politically correctness
is a very precise expression
391
00:37:49,973 --> 00:37:52,722
of democratic concern
for minorities.
392
00:37:52,890 --> 00:37:57,889
And I say that society is
as cowardly as the people in it
393
00:37:58,056 --> 00:38:01,930
who, in my opinion, are also
too stupid for democracy.
394
00:38:03,973 --> 00:38:07,638
I understand your point,
but I totally disagree.
395
00:38:07,806 --> 00:38:09,264
I have no doubt
in the human qualities.
396
00:38:10,681 --> 00:38:14,264
The human qualities can be
expressed in one word:
397
00:38:14,431 --> 00:38:15,513
hypocrisy.
398
00:38:16,473 --> 00:38:20,264
We elevate those who say
right but mean wrong,
399
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:23,264
and mock those who say
wrong but mean right.
400
00:38:25,223 --> 00:38:27,722
Society is based on hate.
401
00:38:27,890 --> 00:38:30,222
It should be based
on forgiveness.
402
00:38:31,556 --> 00:38:34,181
Hatred is rudimentary.
403
00:38:36,056 --> 00:38:39,847
One should be able
to forgive one's executioner.
404
00:38:44,639 --> 00:38:46,722
By the way, I can assure you
405
00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:51,097
that women who claim that Negros
don't turn them on are lying.
406
00:38:51,265 --> 00:38:53,930
So, did they satisfy you?
407
00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:55,805
Those Ne... Negros.
408
00:38:57,347 --> 00:39:02,222
No, but they showed me that
there was a world far from mine
409
00:39:02,389 --> 00:39:04,680
I had to explore.
410
00:39:04,848 --> 00:39:07,889
And there, or perhaps
on the other side
411
00:39:08,056 --> 00:39:09,764
get my life back.
412
00:39:56,015 --> 00:39:58,263
Who are you?
413
00:40:00,347 --> 00:40:01,847
I know what you do.
414
00:40:02,765 --> 00:40:06,097
I'd like to be
one of the women you see.
415
00:40:09,806 --> 00:40:12,055
That's of no interest.
416
00:40:17,931 --> 00:40:19,680
Madame.
417
00:41:12,765 --> 00:41:16,305
Princess,
I specifically said five days,
418
00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:19,722
and five days haven't gone yet.
419
00:41:19,890 --> 00:41:25,722
So, you'll have to leave.
Sorry.
420
00:41:35,848 --> 00:41:37,847
You still here?
421
00:41:40,015 --> 00:41:42,097
I, uh...
422
00:41:43,015 --> 00:41:45,472
I don't think this is for you.
423
00:41:48,598 --> 00:41:52,972
Shall we conduct a small test?
424
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:58,138
Stand up.
425
00:42:06,389 --> 00:42:08,180
Sit down, please.
426
00:42:15,973 --> 00:42:21,930
I just want you to sit
completely relaxed
427
00:42:22,097 --> 00:42:24,680
while I hit you in the face.
428
00:42:24,848 --> 00:42:26,555
Nothing special.
429
00:42:26,723 --> 00:42:31,054
It's just a...
it's just a slap.
430
00:42:36,514 --> 00:42:38,221
You ready?
431
00:42:39,723 --> 00:42:41,722
I'm ready.
432
00:42:48,890 --> 00:42:50,680
No!
433
00:42:53,723 --> 00:42:55,263
See?
434
00:43:06,015 --> 00:43:08,722
How mysterious.
435
00:43:08,890 --> 00:43:11,764
Will you give me
a reasonable explanation now,
436
00:43:11,931 --> 00:43:14,180
or shall we wait?
437
00:43:16,055 --> 00:43:17,847
I can't give you an explanation
438
00:43:18,014 --> 00:43:21,096
and certainly not a reasonable one.
439
00:43:21,264 --> 00:43:25,638
What exactly were the rumors
about him?
440
00:43:25,806 --> 00:43:30,305
- That he was violent.
- How can that be exciting?
441
00:43:33,931 --> 00:43:36,221
I think the easiest way
to understand it
442
00:43:36,389 --> 00:43:39,013
is to refer to my rebellious nature.
443
00:43:40,598 --> 00:43:45,680
This business of K's was something
I was completely against.
444
00:43:45,848 --> 00:43:47,764
So, the fact
that I was now contacting him
445
00:43:47,931 --> 00:43:50,722
was a last, desperate attempt
446
00:43:50,890 --> 00:43:53,971
to rehabilitate my sexuality.
447
00:43:54,931 --> 00:43:58,305
The system was
the overriding factor with K.
448
00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:01,305
A system of violence?
449
00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:05,096
Well, you were the one
450
00:44:05,264 --> 00:44:09,013
who insisted on
the Western Church, right?
451
00:44:09,181 --> 00:44:11,555
And I... I seem to remember
452
00:44:11,723 --> 00:44:15,847
that the systematic approach
to the crucifixion
453
00:44:16,014 --> 00:44:19,597
is of a violent
and not to say sadistic nature.
454
00:44:19,765 --> 00:44:23,764
Oh yes, the Passion of Christ
is full of systematic violence.
455
00:44:23,931 --> 00:44:26,638
The Via Dolorosa,
the Nine Stations of the Cross,
456
00:44:26,806 --> 00:44:29,472
and the 39 lashes.
457
00:44:53,598 --> 00:44:56,388
You are beginning
to irritate me.
458
00:45:26,681 --> 00:45:29,138
Let me tell you the rules, then.
459
00:45:31,055 --> 00:45:33,513
The first rule
is that I don't fuck you,
460
00:45:34,473 --> 00:45:37,722
and there isn't any discussions
about that.
461
00:45:38,723 --> 00:45:40,971
Then, what do you get out of it?
462
00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:45,971
That's my business, and I don't
mean to mention it again.
463
00:45:46,139 --> 00:45:49,805
The second rule
is that we have no safe word,
464
00:45:50,972 --> 00:45:53,513
meaning that if you,
uh, go inside with me,
465
00:45:53,681 --> 00:45:56,430
there is nothing that you can say
466
00:45:56,598 --> 00:46:01,638
that will make me stop
any plan or procedure.
467
00:46:01,806 --> 00:46:06,805
You must bring a brown,
used leather riding crop.
468
00:46:06,972 --> 00:46:12,054
And not one
from a shop selling sex toys.
469
00:46:12,222 --> 00:46:13,846
It's not a masquerade.
470
00:46:16,097 --> 00:46:18,513
Third rule...
471
00:46:18,681 --> 00:46:24,597
If I choose to let you in,
you have to be sitting out here.
472
00:46:24,765 --> 00:46:29,305
In other words, you...
you won't know when.
473
00:46:29,473 --> 00:46:35,013
Only that it would be some time
between 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
474
00:46:35,181 --> 00:46:37,096
I can't stay here that late.
475
00:46:37,264 --> 00:46:41,054
My babysitter's not reliable,
and I can't leave my child.
476
00:46:43,723 --> 00:46:45,346
You don't even know my name!
477
00:46:45,514 --> 00:46:47,929
I'm not interested in your name.
478
00:46:49,389 --> 00:46:51,846
Here, your name is...
479
00:46:54,431 --> 00:46:56,221
Fido.
480
00:47:09,972 --> 00:47:11,513
Can I help you?
481
00:47:11,681 --> 00:47:14,263
I'd like to buy a riding crop.
482
00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:17,764
- For what?
- For my horse.
483
00:47:17,930 --> 00:47:20,346
Yes, I understand that part.
What kind of horse?
484
00:47:22,889 --> 00:47:25,763
Well, it's not very big.
485
00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:28,388
No, I just meant is the whip
for dressage or for jumping?
486
00:47:28,556 --> 00:47:30,472
Um...
487
00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:32,221
I don't know.
488
00:47:33,347 --> 00:47:35,846
This is a dressage whip.
489
00:47:36,014 --> 00:47:37,846
Well, it's probably
for jumping, then.
490
00:47:38,014 --> 00:47:40,054
Okay. Like this?
491
00:47:44,139 --> 00:47:46,054
- Is it used?
- No.
492
00:47:47,014 --> 00:47:49,971
We do have used whips,
but these are not that expensive.
493
00:47:51,639 --> 00:47:53,472
I prefer a used one.
494
00:47:55,847 --> 00:47:57,388
Okay.
495
00:48:04,556 --> 00:48:07,263
Marcel’s awake.
496
00:48:07,431 --> 00:48:09,804
Do you want to say goodbye
to your mom?
497
00:48:09,972 --> 00:48:12,346
Goodbye.
498
00:49:11,389 --> 00:49:12,846
Fido...
499
00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:36,929
I'll take your coat.
500
00:49:57,306 --> 00:49:59,721
I'd like you
to have your hair up.
501
00:50:01,014 --> 00:50:03,721
You can use this.
502
00:50:03,889 --> 00:50:07,679
Just in case it becomes necessary
for me to hit you in the face.
503
00:50:07,847 --> 00:50:10,346
Should I take my clothes off?
504
00:50:11,847 --> 00:50:15,138
I'll tell you
what to do and when.
505
00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:18,679
You may sit down.
506
00:50:29,014 --> 00:50:30,846
Give me your hand.
507
00:50:38,222 --> 00:50:40,637
I wanna see what this knot
looks like on your wrist.
508
00:50:57,473 --> 00:50:58,763
Okay.
509
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:07,596
You may get up.
510
00:51:15,014 --> 00:51:17,763
- Now you may bend down.
- How?
511
00:51:20,014 --> 00:51:21,929
Approach the chair.
512
00:51:23,638 --> 00:51:25,346
Now bend from the hips.
513
00:51:28,555 --> 00:51:31,472
Look forward. Look forward.
With your head up.
514
00:51:31,638 --> 00:51:34,512
Head up.
Keep looking forward.
515
00:51:41,264 --> 00:51:43,305
Keep looking forward.
516
00:51:47,805 --> 00:51:49,679
You may stand up.
517
00:51:51,264 --> 00:51:53,263
We have to use the couch.
518
00:51:55,805 --> 00:51:57,637
Come and sit.
519
00:52:00,097 --> 00:52:04,013
Take it easy. Take it easy.
520
00:52:04,181 --> 00:52:05,888
Bend over.
521
00:52:08,473 --> 00:52:10,679
Lay your arms out straight.
522
00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:23,512
Take it easy. Take it easy.
523
00:53:05,055 --> 00:53:07,929
Bring your hands out straight.
524
00:53:08,139 --> 00:53:10,346
Palms facing each other.
525
00:53:18,389 --> 00:53:19,971
Take it easy.
526
00:53:56,972 --> 00:53:59,180
Next time, don't wear knickers.
527
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,929
Your ass is not high enough.
528
00:54:28,097 --> 00:54:29,263
I don't think
we can do this today.
529
00:54:29,430 --> 00:54:31,013
What?
530
00:54:37,847 --> 00:54:39,929
I'd like to see you again
on Thursday.
531
00:54:47,055 --> 00:54:49,387
What's wrong?
532
00:54:49,555 --> 00:54:52,221
I think we should see
how it goes on Thursday.
533
00:55:05,139 --> 00:55:06,971
Hi, I can't
come to the phone right now.
534
00:55:07,139 --> 00:55:09,304
Please, leave a message.
535
00:55:09,472 --> 00:55:12,304
Yes, this is Marcel’s mother again.
536
00:55:12,472 --> 00:55:16,846
It's now 1:30.
We had an agreement.
537
00:55:17,014 --> 00:55:21,554
I hope you get this message
and come as quickly as you can.
538
00:55:23,139 --> 00:55:25,971
Ah, Marcel is sleeping.
539
00:55:26,139 --> 00:55:30,263
Uh... I have to go now.
540
00:56:26,055 --> 00:56:27,971
Raise yourself up.
541
00:56:30,889 --> 00:56:32,804
Even further.
542
00:56:36,597 --> 00:56:38,138
Better.
543
00:56:58,221 --> 00:57:02,220
Also so much better.
So much better.
544
00:57:08,638 --> 00:57:11,471
I am now going to hit you 12 times,
545
00:57:11,638 --> 00:57:13,804
no matter how much you scream
546
00:57:13,972 --> 00:57:16,179
'cause no one can hear you
down here.
547
00:57:23,555 --> 00:57:27,387
That's, uh, that's not how it goes.
548
00:57:28,972 --> 00:57:31,721
Most people don't scream
until I hit them.
549
00:58:33,513 --> 00:58:35,137
That's it.
550
00:58:39,305 --> 00:58:42,888
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
551
00:58:54,138 --> 00:58:56,220
Hello? Are you there?
552
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,137
It's just all so very strange.
553
00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:06,054
Yes. Very, very strange.
554
00:59:06,764 --> 00:59:12,053
Because I was wetter the second time.
There's no doubt about it.
555
00:59:12,221 --> 00:59:15,095
I don't know where we get
our sexuality from
556
00:59:15,263 --> 00:59:19,345
or where tendencies
of this kind come from.
557
00:59:20,430 --> 00:59:23,471
Probably a perversion created
in our childhood
558
00:59:23,638 --> 00:59:25,929
that never manifested itself before.
559
00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:30,512
Well, oddly enough,
Freud says the opposite.
560
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:34,220
He talks about the polymorphic
perversion of a child,
561
00:59:34,388 --> 00:59:39,512
meaning that in a child,
all kinds of perversions exist.
562
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,846
And then we use
the childhood to diminish
563
00:59:43,014 --> 00:59:45,596
or remove some of them.
564
00:59:45,764 --> 00:59:49,053
Basically, a child
is sexually polymorphic,
565
00:59:49,221 --> 00:59:52,846
and everything is sexuality
in an infant.
566
00:59:53,013 --> 00:59:56,137
And yet it was deeply bizarre
567
00:59:56,305 --> 01:00:00,179
to lie there and especially
to want to lie there.
568
01:00:04,430 --> 01:00:07,429
I felt invincible.
569
01:00:07,597 --> 01:00:10,262
But mostly,
I felt like a potted plant.
570
01:00:11,889 --> 01:00:13,471
Potted plant?
571
01:00:13,638 --> 01:00:17,679
Yes, because he was constantly
checking my cunt juice.
572
01:00:17,847 --> 01:00:22,804
The way old ladies check their potted
plant to see if they need watering.
573
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:29,679
It is an interesting point
that you actually lubricated
574
01:00:29,847 --> 01:00:33,929
in expectation for a pain
that you hadn't experienced.
575
01:00:35,889 --> 01:00:38,804
Your body prepared itself
for an intercourse
576
01:00:38,971 --> 01:00:41,387
that you knew wouldn't happen.
577
01:00:43,305 --> 01:00:46,970
I can only describe
the mood as sexual.
578
01:00:48,971 --> 01:00:51,512
Despite K's immature appearance,
579
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,846
his methods were
surprisingly refined.
580
01:00:56,013 --> 01:01:00,512
As I twisted and turned
while he was whipping me,
581
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:04,429
I could feel
how clever his knots were.
582
01:01:04,597 --> 01:01:08,262
If I fought them,
they would get tighter,
583
01:01:08,430 --> 01:01:12,345
and as I relaxed,
it seemed they did, too.
584
01:01:12,597 --> 01:01:15,095
Hmm.
585
01:01:15,388 --> 01:01:19,012
Like a cat playing with a mouse.
586
01:01:20,472 --> 01:01:22,763
Fooling it to believe
it has a chance of escape
587
01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:26,387
and then attacking it again.
588
01:01:28,388 --> 01:01:33,970
I don't know
what kind of knot K used,
589
01:01:34,138 --> 01:01:39,387
but I know of a knot that tightens
when force is exerted
590
01:01:39,555 --> 01:01:42,304
and vice versa.
It's called a Prusik knot.
591
01:01:42,472 --> 01:01:45,345
It's after a man called Prusik.
592
01:01:45,513 --> 01:01:47,345
He was a mountain climber,
593
01:01:47,513 --> 01:01:49,179
and he and a friend
were out climbing
594
01:01:49,346 --> 01:01:53,679
and they had an accident,
and his friend died.
595
01:01:53,847 --> 01:01:57,095
And he ended up hanging
at the end of a rope
596
01:01:57,263 --> 01:02:00,763
with no possibility
of getting up.
597
01:02:00,929 --> 01:02:03,554
You know, you can't climb
up a mountain climber rope.
598
01:02:03,722 --> 01:02:05,512
It's too thin.
599
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:09,053
But he was an intelligent man,
and with his back to the wall,
600
01:02:09,221 --> 01:02:11,053
he was a genius.
601
01:02:12,805 --> 01:02:16,012
And he took the shoelaces
out of his boots
602
01:02:16,180 --> 01:02:20,304
and made two loops
and affixed them to the rope.
603
01:02:20,472 --> 01:02:22,804
And he could move these up
604
01:02:22,971 --> 01:02:24,220
when they weren't under tension.
605
01:02:24,388 --> 01:02:26,679
And then he could step into them
606
01:02:26,847 --> 01:02:30,928
and climb the rope
and save himself.
607
01:02:31,096 --> 01:02:33,220
Prusik.
608
01:02:35,846 --> 01:02:39,554
I think this was
one of your weakest digressions.
609
01:02:43,555 --> 01:02:48,137
- May I continue?
- Be my guest.
610
01:02:52,764 --> 01:02:56,845
Tomorrow bring 15 small coins,
all the same.
611
01:02:58,888 --> 01:03:00,845
No more, no less.
612
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:05,012
I sometimes give a Christmas present.
613
01:05:05,763 --> 01:05:09,429
But uh, you have
to do the work yourself.
614
01:05:09,597 --> 01:05:12,304
I'm going to show you how to do it.
615
01:05:27,221 --> 01:05:29,220
This is called a blood knot.
616
01:05:29,388 --> 01:05:33,762
You have to make nine ropes
with three blood knots on each.
617
01:05:33,929 --> 01:05:35,762
Let me see you do it.
618
01:05:35,929 --> 01:05:40,596
You decide whether
to make four, five, or six turns
619
01:05:40,763 --> 01:05:42,762
on the various knots.
620
01:05:53,971 --> 01:05:55,678
Let me see.
621
01:06:02,971 --> 01:06:05,095
That's fine.
622
01:06:05,263 --> 01:06:08,387
If you... if you start with one knot
623
01:06:08,555 --> 01:06:11,304
at the top of the rope,
624
01:06:11,472 --> 01:06:16,262
and then you have to put two
more knots at a distance of...
625
01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:20,554
Well, between 10 and 20
centimeters to be exact,
626
01:06:20,721 --> 01:06:22,304
but the most important thing
with blood knots
627
01:06:22,472 --> 01:06:25,554
on the nine ropes is
that they are placed differently
628
01:06:25,721 --> 01:06:28,095
and that they are staggered.
629
01:06:34,013 --> 01:06:36,845
The cat-o-nine-tails
is often called
630
01:06:37,013 --> 01:06:39,887
the "Captain's Daughter"
aboard ships.
631
01:06:43,763 --> 01:06:46,012
The blood knot is important
632
01:06:46,180 --> 01:06:48,928
because those are the ones
that break the skin and not,
633
01:06:49,555 --> 01:06:55,304
as erroneously thought,
the end of the rope.
634
01:06:55,472 --> 01:07:01,304
A gallows knot is also a kind of
a blood knot with many turns.
635
01:07:01,472 --> 01:07:05,970
The American military standard
demanded five to 15 turns,
636
01:07:06,138 --> 01:07:09,179
as it was the turns placed behind
the left ear of the delinquent
637
01:07:09,346 --> 01:07:12,554
that would break the neck
of the condemned as he fell.
638
01:07:16,096 --> 01:07:17,887
I'll take it from here.
639
01:10:08,429 --> 01:10:10,095
Joe?
640
01:10:11,971 --> 01:10:13,511
Love?
641
01:10:23,554 --> 01:10:24,970
Marcel?
642
01:10:28,804 --> 01:10:30,262
Marcel.
643
01:11:10,054 --> 01:11:13,095
- Are you fond of me still?
- Yes.
644
01:11:13,263 --> 01:11:16,220
More fond of me than the others?
645
01:11:18,180 --> 01:11:21,053
- Yes?
- Yes.
646
01:11:21,221 --> 01:11:24,928
You're not thinking of leaving
again tonight, are you?
647
01:11:25,096 --> 01:11:26,304
- No.
- No?
648
01:11:26,471 --> 01:11:28,928
- No, no. Not at all.
- You sure?
649
01:11:30,512 --> 01:11:31,636
Yeah.
650
01:11:31,804 --> 01:11:34,553
Are you lying to me, Joe?
651
01:11:34,721 --> 01:11:36,595
- No.
- Be honest.
652
01:11:36,763 --> 01:11:41,262
It's all right.
Just fucking say it.
653
01:11:41,429 --> 01:11:43,762
No, I... I just want to be here.
654
01:11:43,929 --> 01:11:45,762
Why?
655
01:11:49,596 --> 01:11:51,428
I don't know.
656
01:11:57,679 --> 01:12:00,762
If you leave tonight,
657
01:12:00,929 --> 01:12:04,470
you'll never see me or Marcel
ever again in your life.
658
01:12:08,138 --> 01:12:10,179
You understand?
659
01:13:26,013 --> 01:13:27,803
Is this goodbye?
660
01:13:31,054 --> 01:13:34,053
Is that what you're saying?
661
01:13:34,220 --> 01:13:35,511
Marcel, get up.
662
01:13:35,679 --> 01:13:37,803
- Stop it.
- Is that what you want?
663
01:13:39,345 --> 01:13:42,970
Yeah, so you could see him.
Look at him, Joe.
664
01:13:48,471 --> 01:13:51,470
Let's face it,
Joe, you're not a mother.
665
01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:55,095
Let's wake him up.
666
01:13:55,262 --> 01:13:59,595
Marcel, baby boy.
Say bye, Mom.
667
01:14:00,763 --> 01:14:03,386
- Please, put him...
- Is this what you want?
668
01:14:07,179 --> 01:14:08,887
You see?
669
01:14:09,054 --> 01:14:12,095
You see, he wants you.
670
01:14:12,262 --> 01:14:14,095
Come.
671
01:14:15,054 --> 01:14:18,137
It's Christmas.
It's fucking Christmas.
672
01:14:41,013 --> 01:14:42,261
What is this?
673
01:14:44,304 --> 01:14:47,553
Today it's Madame who must wait.
674
01:14:55,804 --> 01:14:57,762
Madame, I'm very sorry,
675
01:14:57,929 --> 01:15:00,887
but I have to have a few words
with Fido first.
676
01:15:11,679 --> 01:15:14,303
Your behavior is really
upsetting me today.
677
01:15:25,054 --> 01:15:27,887
I really ought to send you home.
678
01:15:49,804 --> 01:15:51,845
Happy Christmas, Fido.
679
01:16:54,137 --> 01:16:56,762
- I want your cock.
- What did you say?
680
01:16:58,262 --> 01:16:59,803
I want your cock.
681
01:16:59,971 --> 01:17:03,553
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
682
01:17:06,888 --> 01:17:09,052
What's the matter with you today?
683
01:17:30,763 --> 01:17:36,303
On account of the holidays
and your behavior today,
684
01:17:36,471 --> 01:17:38,762
I'm going to give you
the original Roman maximum
685
01:17:38,929 --> 01:17:41,928
of 40 lashes.
Are you ready, Fido?
686
01:17:44,137 --> 01:17:45,678
I'm ready.
687
01:17:51,012 --> 01:17:52,762
One.
688
01:17:55,053 --> 01:17:56,052
Two.
689
01:17:58,345 --> 01:17:59,386
Three.
690
01:18:01,888 --> 01:18:03,344
Four.
691
01:18:04,637 --> 01:18:05,803
Five.
692
01:18:08,095 --> 01:18:09,511
Six.
693
01:18:22,846 --> 01:18:25,219
I'd seen through K's
knot technique,
694
01:18:25,387 --> 01:18:27,887
so I was able to loosen
my position a bit
695
01:18:28,053 --> 01:18:30,720
to move my pelvis
and thereby stimulate
696
01:18:30,888 --> 01:18:33,595
my clitoris against the cover
of the book.
697
01:18:58,970 --> 01:19:00,428
Forty.
698
01:19:11,137 --> 01:19:16,136
And when you came home,
Jerome and the child were gone?
699
01:19:22,970 --> 01:19:26,011
I haven't seen Marcel since.
700
01:19:29,554 --> 01:19:34,136
This sentimentality...
I hate it.
701
01:19:37,387 --> 01:19:40,803
- Why?
- Because it's a lie.
702
01:19:45,095 --> 01:19:46,927
Are you sure?
703
01:19:53,928 --> 01:19:55,927
Jerome understood
that he couldn't prioritize
704
01:19:56,095 --> 01:20:00,802
his life according to a child either,
705
01:20:00,970 --> 01:20:03,927
so he put him in a foster home.
706
01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:09,678
My only contact to the boy
is the thousand pounds
707
01:20:09,845 --> 01:20:12,762
I put in his account every month.
708
01:20:12,928 --> 01:20:14,386
Anonymously.
709
01:20:17,554 --> 01:20:19,762
As a penance.
710
01:20:29,679 --> 01:20:30,886
Every time I leave,
711
01:20:31,053 --> 01:20:35,011
I have this feeling that
when I return, you'll be gone.
712
01:20:38,928 --> 01:20:40,802
And all I can hear
is the cat flap,
713
01:20:40,970 --> 01:20:44,428
swinging back and forth.
714
01:20:47,179 --> 01:20:50,636
Thank you. I didn't know
you had a cat flap.
715
01:20:51,429 --> 01:20:52,636
I used to have a cat,
716
01:20:52,803 --> 01:20:56,136
so I have a cat flap
in the door to the stairwell.
717
01:20:56,304 --> 01:20:58,094
But how did it get outside?
718
01:21:01,137 --> 01:21:05,428
I never thought of that.
I suppose through the basement.
719
01:21:05,596 --> 01:21:07,303
The thing is...
720
01:21:07,471 --> 01:21:10,303
Every time someone opens
the door to the street,
721
01:21:10,471 --> 01:21:13,553
the cat flap squeaks.
722
01:21:13,721 --> 01:21:15,553
There's a lot of drafts
in the house.
723
01:21:17,095 --> 01:21:19,844
It hasn't squeaked yet.
724
01:21:20,845 --> 01:21:24,178
No, there's not many people
coming and going.
725
01:21:24,345 --> 01:21:26,303
That's a bit creepy.
726
01:21:26,471 --> 01:21:29,678
No, I like it.
727
01:21:29,845 --> 01:21:33,719
It's... it's peaceful.
728
01:21:38,387 --> 01:21:43,719
After all this sadness, may I ask
what happened to the silent duck?
729
01:21:44,762 --> 01:21:48,678
Oh, shit. The silent duck.
730
01:21:48,845 --> 01:21:51,595
I'd forgotten all about it.
731
01:21:52,554 --> 01:21:55,303
One night K had been
in what was for him
732
01:21:55,471 --> 01:21:57,386
an unusually good mood.
733
01:21:57,554 --> 01:22:00,052
I don't know what caused it,
but he didn't hit hard,
734
01:22:00,220 --> 01:22:02,344
and he joked that
he would introduce me
735
01:22:02,512 --> 01:22:05,344
to the concept
of the silent duck.
736
01:22:30,596 --> 01:22:34,553
One hardly dare
imagine the quacking duck.
737
01:22:47,845 --> 01:22:50,761
Well, deep down,
738
01:22:50,928 --> 01:22:54,094
little K seems
to have been a jolly man
739
01:22:54,262 --> 01:22:55,470
with versatile talents.
740
01:22:55,636 --> 01:22:59,386
But he got that bit
about Roman punishment
741
01:22:59,554 --> 01:23:01,969
and the 40 lashes wrong.
742
01:23:02,137 --> 01:23:03,761
Because it's true that
the highest punishment
743
01:23:03,928 --> 01:23:08,927
was 40 lashes, but it had to be
delivered in series of three.
744
01:23:09,095 --> 01:23:10,969
That's why Jesus
only got 39 lashes
745
01:23:11,137 --> 01:23:16,761
because three goes
into 39 but not into 40.
746
01:23:19,636 --> 01:23:22,844
Well, I don't know about K
being jolly.
747
01:23:23,012 --> 01:23:25,470
His position as a sadist
748
01:23:25,636 --> 01:23:28,761
wasn't perhaps as enviable
as it might first appear.
749
01:23:28,928 --> 01:23:33,969
Superficially, the sadist
acts as the decider.
750
01:23:34,803 --> 01:23:37,719
But I once had a conversation
with a prostitute,
751
01:23:37,887 --> 01:23:40,344
who had tried all the variations
in her field.
752
01:23:40,512 --> 01:23:42,136
She wasn't surprised by anything.
753
01:23:42,304 --> 01:23:47,178
And she admitted to have only
masochists.
754
01:23:48,095 --> 01:23:49,219
Masochists, for her,
755
01:23:49,387 --> 01:23:52,344
were the most demanding
and the most ungrateful.
756
01:23:53,304 --> 01:23:55,719
First, she were
to deduce their desire
757
01:23:55,887 --> 01:23:57,594
by reading their thoughts,
758
01:23:57,762 --> 01:24:01,719
then perform without
any alteration from the norm,
759
01:24:01,887 --> 01:24:05,052
and after which,
unlike other clients
760
01:24:05,220 --> 01:24:08,553
and the most honorable sadists,
for example,
761
01:24:08,720 --> 01:24:10,635
you never received any thanks,
762
01:24:11,553 --> 01:24:14,344
let alone gifts or flowers.
763
01:24:18,970 --> 01:24:21,761
I never went
in that direction again,
764
01:24:21,928 --> 01:24:24,386
neither back to K or masochism.
765
01:24:34,678 --> 01:24:37,386
But I took the orgasm with me.
766
01:24:38,803 --> 01:24:43,344
You yet have to show me one
single example of maliciousness.
767
01:24:44,137 --> 01:24:46,552
But that's all I'm doing!
768
01:24:46,720 --> 01:24:49,511
It's as if you want
to misunderstand me.
769
01:24:49,678 --> 01:24:53,303
You keep inventing
complicated and false excuses
770
01:24:53,471 --> 01:24:55,927
for my despicable
and selfish actions.
771
01:24:58,179 --> 01:24:59,969
During the time
when our relationship
772
01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:02,927
was going downhill,
Jerome really tried his best.
773
01:25:06,137 --> 01:25:07,719
I bought you something.
774
01:25:07,887 --> 01:25:09,635
- You bought me something?
- I'm sure you'll love it.
775
01:25:11,262 --> 01:25:14,094
- Wow, it's a ring.
- Yeah.
776
01:25:15,137 --> 01:25:16,178
It's beautiful.
777
01:25:16,345 --> 01:25:19,470
It was impossible
for me to work out Jerome's income.
778
01:25:19,636 --> 01:25:23,510
Sometimes he had lots of money
and other times none,
779
01:25:23,678 --> 01:25:24,927
which I later thought perhaps
780
01:25:25,095 --> 01:25:28,386
meant that his work
was not entirely above board.
781
01:25:28,553 --> 01:25:31,635
But this time
he'd really gone all out.
782
01:25:31,803 --> 01:25:36,344
- That must've been so expensive.
- Well, it wasn't cheap.
783
01:25:36,511 --> 01:25:38,594
- Best craftsmanship.
- Hmm.
784
01:25:38,762 --> 01:25:40,969
I'll guarantee you that.
785
01:25:41,137 --> 01:25:43,552
Let's play a game, then.
786
01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:45,969
- A game?
- Mm-hmm. Get up.
787
01:25:46,137 --> 01:25:47,219
Okay.
788
01:25:47,387 --> 01:25:49,594
- It's called "Cinderella".
- I don't know it.
789
01:25:49,762 --> 01:25:51,635
- You will.
- Okay.
790
01:25:51,803 --> 01:25:53,677
- Right.
- No, you don't touch it.
791
01:25:53,845 --> 01:25:55,386
- Okay.
- You just look at it.
792
01:25:57,845 --> 01:25:59,635
Okay? Are you ready?
793
01:26:01,179 --> 01:26:02,802
- Yes.
- Steady.
794
01:26:02,970 --> 01:26:05,261
Steady.
795
01:26:05,429 --> 01:26:07,178
- Go.
- Fuck! Joe!
796
01:26:07,345 --> 01:26:08,552
Come on, Cinderella.
797
01:26:08,720 --> 01:26:11,178
- Oh, fuck.
- Come on, come on.
798
01:26:11,345 --> 01:26:14,635
Joe! For fuck's sake.
799
01:26:14,803 --> 01:26:16,969
- Move!
- Cinderella, Cinderella!
800
01:26:17,137 --> 01:26:20,219
Fuck! Are you mad, Joe?
801
01:26:21,095 --> 01:26:23,927
Are you fucking mad?
Fuck! Fuck.
802
01:26:24,095 --> 01:26:27,011
£7,000, Joe!
803
01:26:28,762 --> 01:26:30,178
Did he find it?
804
01:26:30,345 --> 01:26:35,219
Oh yes, and returned it
and got all his money back.
805
01:26:35,387 --> 01:26:39,969
So can you call this game
anything other than malicious?
806
01:26:44,845 --> 01:26:47,510
Let me chew on that for a while.
807
01:26:51,470 --> 01:26:54,552
So it wasn't the diamond that
you're wearing around your neck?
808
01:26:54,720 --> 01:26:58,011
No. But that was a gift, too.
809
01:26:58,179 --> 01:27:00,094
But I have to be honest and say
810
01:27:00,262 --> 01:27:03,052
I can't remember the person
who gave it to me.
811
01:27:04,012 --> 01:27:06,969
I've always been in...
in the theoretical way, of course,
812
01:27:07,137 --> 01:27:09,136
interested in diamonds
and their cuts.
813
01:27:09,304 --> 01:27:12,178
The word "brilliant"
refers to the cut.
814
01:27:12,345 --> 01:27:15,094
Diamond is the stone.
815
01:27:16,970 --> 01:27:19,052
If we use the word "divine"
in connection
816
01:27:19,220 --> 01:27:21,303
with the Golden Section
and Fibonacci,
817
01:27:21,470 --> 01:27:23,594
the brilliant cut is nothing less.
818
01:27:24,345 --> 01:27:27,510
It's a frighteningly refined cut.
819
01:27:27,678 --> 01:27:30,261
Fifty-seven facets.
820
01:27:30,428 --> 01:27:33,594
The theory is that the light
enters through the top plane,
821
01:27:33,762 --> 01:27:38,011
which is called the table
or in some languages the mirror,
822
01:27:38,179 --> 01:27:42,303
and then inside the diamond
is refracted in all the facets
823
01:27:42,470 --> 01:27:44,303
and thrown out the same way,
824
01:27:44,470 --> 01:27:49,469
creating a absolutely unique
light effect.
825
01:27:51,511 --> 01:27:55,303
So, it's called a mirror.
I didn't know that.
826
01:27:56,511 --> 01:27:58,303
You have a mirror, too.
827
01:28:00,762 --> 01:28:02,469
Yeah.
828
01:28:02,636 --> 01:28:05,052
It's like a thought, isn't it?
829
01:28:34,678 --> 01:28:35,927
Some years later,
830
01:28:36,095 --> 01:28:39,302
the bodily abuse
began to have an effect.
831
01:28:39,553 --> 01:28:42,802
First, rare bleedings
from my clitoris,
832
01:28:42,970 --> 01:28:46,343
but then they became
more and more frequent.
833
01:28:56,053 --> 01:28:57,635
Come in.
834
01:29:01,261 --> 01:29:04,969
But I really need my salary.
835
01:29:05,137 --> 01:29:06,719
I know.
836
01:29:08,095 --> 01:29:10,635
And I'd like to help you.
837
01:29:11,470 --> 01:29:14,719
Have you heard any
of the rumors about yourself?
838
01:29:18,303 --> 01:29:20,969
They say you see men
every evening
839
01:29:24,095 --> 01:29:26,844
and spend all night with them.
840
01:29:27,012 --> 01:29:30,260
They say you can't be trusted,
all of them.
841
01:29:32,678 --> 01:29:34,886
Why do they say that?
842
01:29:36,803 --> 01:29:39,427
I suppose they're afraid
that I...
843
01:29:39,595 --> 01:29:43,094
I can't keep away
from their men.
844
01:29:45,219 --> 01:29:48,094
Right. And can you?
845
01:29:49,303 --> 01:29:50,719
No.
846
01:29:53,803 --> 01:29:56,302
I've spoken with a psychologist.
847
01:29:57,636 --> 01:29:59,510
He says you're addicted,
848
01:29:59,678 --> 01:30:02,260
but that it's not the kind of
addiction that can't be treated.
849
01:30:02,970 --> 01:30:05,969
They have some groups.
850
01:30:06,137 --> 01:30:08,635
I know about these kinds
of groups.
851
01:30:08,803 --> 01:30:11,844
I don't have anything
to say to a psychologist.
852
01:30:12,012 --> 01:30:15,011
I'm not suggesting therapy.
I'm demanding it.
853
01:30:16,470 --> 01:30:18,594
Even if you leave us,
it'll be the same at your next job
854
01:30:18,762 --> 01:30:21,218
and the one after that.
855
01:30:26,178 --> 01:30:28,635
Why didn't you want to speak
with a psychologist?
856
01:30:30,178 --> 01:30:33,469
It's an old story.
I just don't like them.
857
01:30:36,762 --> 01:30:38,635
Well, if you insist
that I try to understand,
858
01:30:38,803 --> 01:30:40,927
then you have
to tell me that story as well.
859
01:30:41,095 --> 01:30:43,385
The old story.
860
01:30:44,553 --> 01:30:47,469
Okay. Okay.
861
01:30:47,636 --> 01:30:50,052
It's not that old after all.
862
01:30:50,803 --> 01:30:55,302
It was about a year after
I'd lost Marcel and Jerome.
863
01:31:02,428 --> 01:31:03,802
Okay.
864
01:31:05,136 --> 01:31:07,886
I'd been careless
with my birth control pills before,
865
01:31:08,053 --> 01:31:10,594
and now I just didn't use them.
866
01:31:10,803 --> 01:31:12,761
Didn't the
whole experience with Marcel
867
01:31:12,928 --> 01:31:15,886
convince you that there was no
room for children in your life?
868
01:31:16,053 --> 01:31:17,677
That's right.
869
01:31:22,428 --> 01:31:24,635
I know it sounds
incomprehensible,
870
01:31:24,803 --> 01:31:27,302
but actually, it was because
of my crippling fear
871
01:31:27,470 --> 01:31:30,594
of becoming pregnant
that I didn't take the pills.
872
01:31:30,762 --> 01:31:32,802
It's probably impossible
to understand.
873
01:31:32,970 --> 01:31:36,552
No, it makes sense to me.
874
01:31:36,720 --> 01:31:38,844
You were so afraid
of getting pregnant
875
01:31:39,012 --> 01:31:42,427
that you repressed
the possibility of it.
876
01:31:42,595 --> 01:31:45,844
You couldn't even handle
seeing the box of pills.
877
01:31:51,428 --> 01:31:52,886
Okay.
878
01:31:58,303 --> 01:32:00,177
Would you turn it down?
879
01:32:02,845 --> 01:32:05,469
If you look at the screen
you can see your child,
880
01:32:05,636 --> 01:32:07,385
but I can't tell you
the gender yet.
881
01:32:07,553 --> 01:32:10,135
I don't give a shit
about the gender.
882
01:32:10,303 --> 01:32:11,719
I want it removed.
883
01:32:14,762 --> 01:32:18,177
Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven.
884
01:32:18,344 --> 01:32:22,886
So legally, there are
no barriers for an abortion.
885
01:32:23,053 --> 01:32:25,927
Yes, I know that.
Just remove it.
886
01:32:26,094 --> 01:32:30,427
Well, we have some procedures
to follow.
887
01:32:30,595 --> 01:32:32,218
There's nothing more
to talk about.
888
01:32:32,386 --> 01:32:34,427
I can have it removed.
I want it removed.
889
01:32:34,595 --> 01:32:37,635
It is a very big decision,
best not made in haste.
890
01:32:37,803 --> 01:32:40,510
Didn't you understand
what I just said?
891
01:32:40,678 --> 01:32:43,051
Okay, there's
an informative consultation
892
01:32:43,219 --> 01:32:46,594
with our psychologist before
you can have the procedure.
893
01:32:55,553 --> 01:32:57,969
You didn't really fill out the form.
894
01:32:58,136 --> 01:33:00,051
Maybe you didn't have time,
895
01:33:00,219 --> 01:33:05,260
uh, so I will need
to ask a few more questions.
896
01:33:05,428 --> 01:33:08,969
What's the most important thing
in your life right now?
897
01:33:09,136 --> 01:33:13,218
It could be many things,
your family, your friends, your...
898
01:33:13,386 --> 01:33:15,510
The most important thing
for me right now
899
01:33:15,678 --> 01:33:17,802
is to get an abortion.
900
01:33:19,595 --> 01:33:22,635
Yes. Well, that's what
we're going to resolve together.
901
01:33:25,011 --> 01:33:27,469
I need some information.
902
01:33:30,094 --> 01:33:31,927
Do you love the father?
903
01:33:32,094 --> 01:33:35,385
That's none of your business.
904
01:33:35,553 --> 01:33:40,802
Well, it is my business
because I'm here to form
905
01:33:40,970 --> 01:33:43,719
an impression
of your circumstances.
906
01:33:43,887 --> 01:33:45,677
That's my job.
907
01:33:45,845 --> 01:33:47,635
Okay, so what would you
most like me
908
01:33:47,803 --> 01:33:51,302
to answer about the father in order
to get the fucking abortion?
909
01:33:51,470 --> 01:33:54,218
That I love him,
or that I don't love him?
910
01:33:54,386 --> 01:33:58,927
Or that I... I don't know him
because I fuck tons of men?
911
01:34:04,219 --> 01:34:07,177
I, uh, see that
you were emotional
912
01:34:07,344 --> 01:34:09,552
during the doctor's examination.
913
01:34:09,720 --> 01:34:11,844
I think you're emotional.
914
01:34:12,011 --> 01:34:16,051
Please, listen. This is what we call
an informative consultation.
915
01:34:16,219 --> 01:34:18,260
What is it I need
to be informed of?
916
01:34:18,428 --> 01:34:20,469
That you can't
stuff the kid back inside?
917
01:34:20,636 --> 01:34:23,135
I already know that.
918
01:34:24,386 --> 01:34:26,510
I just need to be certain
919
01:34:26,678 --> 01:34:28,886
that you're completely sure
about your choice,
920
01:34:29,052 --> 01:34:32,218
and my professional opinion
based on your behavior
921
01:34:32,386 --> 01:34:33,635
is that clearly you're not.
922
01:34:33,803 --> 01:34:35,968
I've never been more sure
in my life.
923
01:34:36,136 --> 01:34:38,719
I want that fetus out right now.
924
01:34:38,887 --> 01:34:42,135
And as a professional, I cannot
defend recommending an abortion
925
01:34:42,303 --> 01:34:43,385
based on this conversation.
926
01:34:43,553 --> 01:34:47,552
I've already had a kid!
I know what I want!
927
01:34:47,720 --> 01:34:49,093
Fuck you.
928
01:34:55,803 --> 01:34:58,677
There were,
of course, many ways to do it.
929
01:34:58,845 --> 01:35:01,469
But I had chosen to follow
the common medical procedure
930
01:35:01,636 --> 01:35:04,427
I had learnt
while studying medicine,
931
01:35:04,595 --> 01:35:06,719
as it was of great importance
for me
932
01:35:06,887 --> 01:35:10,218
to get the fetus out straight away
rather than wait for it
933
01:35:10,386 --> 01:35:13,302
to be expelled
a couple of days later.
934
01:36:36,428 --> 01:36:39,302
Clearly, the most painful part
935
01:36:39,470 --> 01:36:42,343
would be the gradual opening
of the cervix,
936
01:36:42,511 --> 01:36:46,801
which otherwise was always done
under anesthesia.
937
01:39:12,052 --> 01:39:14,218
Say something, Pierrot.
938
01:39:16,178 --> 01:39:17,260
What do you mean?
939
01:39:17,428 --> 01:39:20,218
Well, you always have
so many clever things to say.
940
01:39:26,052 --> 01:39:29,469
Well, I... I feel bad for you
941
01:39:29,635 --> 01:39:31,510
that you had to cause yourself
so much pain.
942
01:39:37,927 --> 01:39:42,343
But the... the abortion
is completely understandable.
943
01:39:42,511 --> 01:39:43,634
You simply thought the child
944
01:39:43,802 --> 01:39:46,260
wouldn't have
a life worth living, so...
945
01:39:46,886 --> 01:39:48,885
Yeah, but the abortion in itself.
946
01:39:49,052 --> 01:39:51,843
- Abortion is not murder.
- Oh, come on.
947
01:39:52,011 --> 01:39:55,926
Don't fall back on false clichés
just for my sake.
948
01:39:56,094 --> 01:39:58,801
I ask again,
what about the abortion?
949
01:39:58,969 --> 01:40:00,093
I have no comment.
950
01:40:00,261 --> 01:40:03,260
I'm a big proponent
for abortion rights,
951
01:40:03,428 --> 01:40:06,010
but this is 100% female territory.
952
01:40:06,178 --> 01:40:08,427
I don't believe a man
can ever comprehend
953
01:40:08,594 --> 01:40:11,177
the situation or the pain.
954
01:40:11,344 --> 01:40:15,302
And when it comes to the method,
I think the less said, the better.
955
01:40:15,470 --> 01:40:18,427
Those are two
very interesting points of view.
956
01:40:18,594 --> 01:40:21,427
First, you say that as a man,
957
01:40:21,594 --> 01:40:23,718
you can't understand
a woman's feelings
958
01:40:23,886 --> 01:40:26,385
with regard to abortion.
959
01:40:26,553 --> 01:40:29,469
Well, that's a bit like saying
that I couldn't understand
960
01:40:29,635 --> 01:40:32,385
the victims of earthquakes
because they were Chinese.
961
01:40:33,927 --> 01:40:36,718
I thought we agreed that empathy
962
01:40:36,886 --> 01:40:39,634
was the foundation
of all humanism.
963
01:40:39,802 --> 01:40:42,718
But I can see that it's very
convenient for men
964
01:40:42,886 --> 01:40:45,968
to leave all that abortion
stuff to women.
965
01:40:46,136 --> 01:40:47,760
That way they don't have
to deal with the guilt
966
01:40:47,927 --> 01:40:50,885
and all of the small stuff.
967
01:40:51,052 --> 01:40:53,634
But your other remark
provokes me even more.
968
01:40:53,802 --> 01:40:57,135
You think my method
is not worth discussing?
969
01:40:59,219 --> 01:41:02,801
What enjoyment would I,
or let alone a young pregnant girl,
970
01:41:02,969 --> 01:41:04,760
have from hearing
all the lurid details
971
01:41:04,927 --> 01:41:09,010
about how a fetus is removed
in a clinic or any other way?
972
01:41:11,052 --> 01:41:12,843
Well, then,
we're back at the discussion
973
01:41:13,011 --> 01:41:15,551
about eating something
that was once alive.
974
01:41:15,719 --> 01:41:19,593
Do you really think
abortion is so repugnant
975
01:41:19,761 --> 01:41:21,343
if you believe
that we should know
976
01:41:21,511 --> 01:41:25,010
how animals are slaughtered
in order to eat them?
977
01:41:25,178 --> 01:41:27,177
Well, that's a fact
we have to live with,
978
01:41:27,344 --> 01:41:29,469
even if we try to repress it.
979
01:41:29,635 --> 01:41:31,051
Just as we do with abortion.
980
01:41:31,219 --> 01:41:34,051
Well, you sound
like a pro-lifer from Texas.
981
01:41:35,761 --> 01:41:37,385
I don't think so.
982
01:41:38,219 --> 01:41:40,926
First of all, I'm just
as much a pro-choice as you are.
983
01:41:41,094 --> 01:41:42,469
But on principle,
984
01:41:42,635 --> 01:41:46,551
I believe that taboos
are damaging for human beings.
985
01:41:47,594 --> 01:41:50,385
That's a relatively easy stance
for you to take.
986
01:41:53,344 --> 01:41:56,427
One that can be misconstrued
as a...
987
01:41:56,594 --> 01:41:59,427
as an argument
against pregnancy termination.
988
01:42:01,719 --> 01:42:03,260
I don't want
to belittle anything,
989
01:42:03,428 --> 01:42:06,843
but I can't see your abortion
as anything but a...
990
01:42:08,094 --> 01:42:09,718
luxury problem.
991
01:42:13,136 --> 01:42:15,302
A luxury problem?
992
01:42:15,469 --> 01:42:18,676
The really serious,
serious abortions,
993
01:42:18,844 --> 01:42:23,926
the ones that save lives,
far from our social spheres,
994
01:42:24,094 --> 01:42:25,760
you can't endanger them
just because you
995
01:42:25,927 --> 01:42:28,593
provocatively insist
on showing the gory details.
996
01:42:29,927 --> 01:42:33,427
Consider all the millions
of repressed women,
997
01:42:33,594 --> 01:42:38,135
the victims of rape
and incest, hunger.
998
01:42:38,303 --> 01:42:41,302
All those who,
maybe thanks to an abortion,
999
01:42:41,469 --> 01:42:42,509
have regained a new life,
1000
01:42:42,677 --> 01:42:46,509
maybe saved a child
from starving to death.
1001
01:42:46,677 --> 01:42:51,676
You can't harm them just because
of some principle of openness.
1002
01:42:54,844 --> 01:42:59,593
Luckily, I was able to get the head
of the fetus out on the first try,
1003
01:42:59,761 --> 01:43:01,551
but it rarely goes like that.
1004
01:43:01,719 --> 01:43:05,177
In the 12th week,
the diameter of the head
1005
01:43:05,344 --> 01:43:08,343
is a little more than
1.2 centimeters.
1006
01:43:08,510 --> 01:43:11,093
Therefore,
a very impressive instrument
1007
01:43:11,261 --> 01:43:13,135
has been developed
by the medical community.
1008
01:43:13,303 --> 01:43:16,010
The nutcracker is an instrument
1009
01:43:16,178 --> 01:43:19,968
that we use to get the fetus
out of the uterus completely.
1010
01:43:20,136 --> 01:43:24,343
We enter it into and through
the dilated cervical channel
1011
01:43:24,510 --> 01:43:26,926
and position it around the head
of the fetus,
1012
01:43:27,094 --> 01:43:30,177
and you crack it like a nut,
1013
01:43:30,344 --> 01:43:33,051
and then you pull out the fetus,
and there you have it.
1014
01:43:33,219 --> 01:43:35,801
That is the so-called nutcracker.
1015
01:43:35,969 --> 01:43:38,384
This is not something I need to know.
1016
01:43:39,719 --> 01:43:41,843
Oh, I hope you're not going
1017
01:43:42,011 --> 01:43:45,885
to be an opponent of abortion
based on that.
1018
01:43:46,052 --> 01:43:49,509
No, but you have to think
of the outrage
1019
01:43:49,677 --> 01:43:52,593
this knowledge would create
in society.
1020
01:43:52,761 --> 01:43:56,509
So, you're saying that people
in general are too stupid
1021
01:43:56,677 --> 01:44:00,843
to make decisions
on an informed basis.
1022
01:44:01,011 --> 01:44:05,218
And that coming from a man
who only an hour ago sermonized
1023
01:44:05,385 --> 01:44:07,760
about his belief
in human qualities.
1024
01:44:07,927 --> 01:44:10,801
No, you... you're simplifying things.
1025
01:44:10,969 --> 01:44:13,926
You can't look at it like that.
1026
01:44:14,094 --> 01:44:16,509
It's funny to see you
so emotional suddenly.
1027
01:44:21,427 --> 01:44:23,926
Looking back,
it rankles me a bit
1028
01:44:24,094 --> 01:44:28,260
that I didn't just
show up all calm and collected
1029
01:44:28,427 --> 01:44:31,801
at the appointment
with the psychologist
1030
01:44:31,969 --> 01:44:34,551
and have my abortion
under full anesthesia.
1031
01:44:34,719 --> 01:44:38,177
The fact is that when
you're completely under,
1032
01:44:38,343 --> 01:44:41,010
the fetus doesn't feel
anything either,
1033
01:44:41,178 --> 01:44:45,218
whereas my action, of course,
caused pain,
1034
01:44:45,385 --> 01:44:47,260
depending on how much consciousness
1035
01:44:47,427 --> 01:44:52,177
you want to ascribe
to a fetus about 12 weeks old.
1036
01:44:52,343 --> 01:44:54,885
I'm a bit nervous
about bringing that subject up,
1037
01:44:55,052 --> 01:44:57,342
as most of the abortions
in the world,
1038
01:44:57,510 --> 01:44:59,468
due to lack of resources,
1039
01:44:59,635 --> 01:45:03,760
occur just under
local anesthesia or none.
1040
01:45:05,802 --> 01:45:08,593
Well, you're a careful man.
1041
01:45:09,594 --> 01:45:13,760
Whether we talk about abortion
or not, you can't escape death,
1042
01:45:13,927 --> 01:45:17,843
and my fetus could have turned
out to be a fine human being,
1043
01:45:18,011 --> 01:45:21,634
but one that would
also eventually die.
1044
01:45:25,261 --> 01:45:27,676
What haunts me
is the ironic detail
1045
01:45:27,844 --> 01:45:30,634
that my father and I
were snail-gatherers.
1046
01:45:33,886 --> 01:45:38,051
We had the deepest compassion,
not to say sentimentality,
1047
01:45:38,219 --> 01:45:41,301
about the smallest living things
on the planet
1048
01:45:41,469 --> 01:45:43,760
which we demonstrated
by saving snails,
1049
01:45:43,927 --> 01:45:47,426
often, by the way,
the same size as my fetus,
1050
01:45:47,594 --> 01:45:50,301
from certain death on the path.
1051
01:45:50,469 --> 01:45:53,926
We did that only
when the other one wasn't watching,
1052
01:45:54,094 --> 01:45:56,259
as it was a bit embarrassing.
1053
01:45:57,635 --> 01:46:00,093
Are you picking up snails?
1054
01:46:01,385 --> 01:46:03,051
No.
1055
01:46:04,927 --> 01:46:06,426
Are you sure you weren't
picking up snails?
1056
01:46:06,594 --> 01:46:08,218
- Yeah.
- You're sure?
1057
01:46:08,385 --> 01:46:10,468
Yeah.
1058
01:46:12,844 --> 01:46:16,718
- Shall we drop the subject?
- Yes, please.
1059
01:46:16,886 --> 01:46:18,968
Are you sure
you don't want a little tour
1060
01:46:19,136 --> 01:46:21,010
of the technical details
1061
01:46:21,178 --> 01:46:23,843
of removal of organs
for organ donations?
1062
01:46:24,011 --> 01:46:26,426
No, thank you. I'm fine.
1063
01:46:29,094 --> 01:46:30,093
Where were we?
1064
01:46:31,011 --> 01:46:35,093
I think something about your boss
sending you to see a psychologist.
1065
01:46:35,260 --> 01:46:37,093
Yes, that's right.
1066
01:46:42,510 --> 01:46:45,051
- My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1067
01:46:45,218 --> 01:46:49,217
- And I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Sex addict.
1068
01:46:49,385 --> 01:46:51,968
My name is Joe,
and I'm a nymphomaniac.
1069
01:46:52,136 --> 01:46:55,509
We say sex addict.
Here, everyone's the same.
1070
01:47:00,260 --> 01:47:04,551
Renée, last time you
told us you had a plan.
1071
01:47:04,719 --> 01:47:06,593
How did it go?
1072
01:47:06,761 --> 01:47:10,885
I thought of trying something new,
as nothing had helped.
1073
01:47:12,385 --> 01:47:15,968
I thought if I overdosed...
1074
01:47:16,136 --> 01:47:18,342
in other words,
if I did the exact opposite
1075
01:47:18,510 --> 01:47:20,843
of what we are trying
to do here,
1076
01:47:21,011 --> 01:47:22,426
then I could get well.
1077
01:47:22,594 --> 01:47:25,051
You mean function normally.
1078
01:47:25,218 --> 01:47:28,468
I had prepared
the whole thing very carefully.
1079
01:47:28,635 --> 01:47:31,676
Sent my husband away
for the weekend
1080
01:47:31,844 --> 01:47:35,676
and had the children
taken care of.
1081
01:47:35,844 --> 01:47:37,843
It was to happen on the Saturday.
1082
01:47:40,177 --> 01:47:45,259
I had... I had collected
phone numbers for a whole month,
1083
01:47:45,427 --> 01:47:48,426
and then back in the coal.
1084
01:48:27,343 --> 01:48:30,634
They fucked me for three hours.
1085
01:48:30,927 --> 01:48:33,926
And how did
you feel about that?
1086
01:48:34,093 --> 01:48:37,010
Well, I never feel good afterwards.
I feel ashamed.
1087
01:48:38,093 --> 01:48:40,509
But in relation to...
to your addiction,
1088
01:48:40,677 --> 01:48:43,468
do you feel relieved
like you thought you would?
1089
01:48:46,177 --> 01:48:47,342
No.
1090
01:48:48,844 --> 01:48:52,718
What should I do?
I'm ready to do what's necessary.
1091
01:48:52,886 --> 01:48:55,718
Sex addiction
is very different from,
1092
01:48:55,886 --> 01:48:58,509
say, abuse of drugs or alcohol
1093
01:48:58,677 --> 01:49:01,259
because you don't actually need
either of those things.
1094
01:49:01,427 --> 01:49:03,551
These addictions can
be completely removed
1095
01:49:03,719 --> 01:49:08,176
by removing the drug or the alcohol,
not that that's easy.
1096
01:49:08,343 --> 01:49:10,885
But the difference
with sex addiction
1097
01:49:11,051 --> 01:49:14,134
is that everyone has a sexuality
1098
01:49:14,302 --> 01:49:16,885
that's an integral part
of their personality.
1099
01:49:18,761 --> 01:49:23,926
If one could
imagine exterminating sexuality,
1100
01:49:24,093 --> 01:49:26,176
then you'd be left
with a severely reduced person
1101
01:49:26,343 --> 01:49:30,801
because... because sexuality
also includes tenderness,
1102
01:49:30,969 --> 01:49:34,468
contact, solidarity with others,
1103
01:49:34,635 --> 01:49:37,760
which would be hard to imagine
anyone living without on some level.
1104
01:49:39,385 --> 01:49:43,050
What you're saying is that no one
can remove their sexuality,
1105
01:49:43,218 --> 01:49:45,509
even though it's destroying
everything for them.
1106
01:49:45,677 --> 01:49:47,551
I wouldn't say no one,
1107
01:49:47,719 --> 01:49:50,384
but let's say, at most,
one in a million
1108
01:49:50,552 --> 01:49:53,342
manage to live a life
without sexuality.
1109
01:49:53,510 --> 01:49:57,176
But you can't be basing your therapy
on that one in a million.
1110
01:49:57,343 --> 01:50:00,760
No. The first
and most important step
1111
01:50:00,927 --> 01:50:04,676
is to remove incentive
and to reduce exposure.
1112
01:50:06,302 --> 01:50:08,092
You have to ask yourself
1113
01:50:08,260 --> 01:50:11,301
what kind of incentives you have
and then make it difficult
1114
01:50:11,469 --> 01:50:13,217
for yourself to come
into contact with them.
1115
01:50:13,385 --> 01:50:17,259
Basically, anything that
makes you think about sex.
1116
01:52:25,719 --> 01:52:27,884
Stop it.
1117
01:52:32,010 --> 01:52:35,092
Joe has something
she'd like to share.
1118
01:52:36,343 --> 01:52:38,760
- My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1119
01:52:38,926 --> 01:52:40,718
And I'm a sex addict,
1120
01:52:40,885 --> 01:52:45,176
but I haven't had sex
for three weeks and five days.
1121
01:52:48,385 --> 01:52:49,468
Tell us how you did it, Joe.
1122
01:52:49,635 --> 01:52:52,760
- You brought notes?
- Yes.
1123
01:52:58,093 --> 01:53:03,134
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1124
01:53:03,302 --> 01:53:06,801
but I understand now
that we are all alike.
1125
01:53:21,843 --> 01:53:26,217
- Are you okay, Joe?
- Yes, yes.
1126
01:53:30,635 --> 01:53:32,593
Would you like
a glass of water?
1127
01:53:35,302 --> 01:53:36,884
Thank you.
1128
01:53:45,635 --> 01:53:47,760
Would you rather share another time?
1129
01:53:53,552 --> 01:53:55,925
No, I'd like to speak.
1130
01:54:00,968 --> 01:54:06,217
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1131
01:54:06,385 --> 01:54:08,593
but I understand now
1132
01:54:08,760 --> 01:54:12,759
that we're not
and never will be alike.
1133
01:54:15,010 --> 01:54:19,718
I'm not like you,
who fucks to be validated
1134
01:54:19,885 --> 01:54:22,426
and might just as well give up
putting cocks inside you.
1135
01:54:22,594 --> 01:54:26,259
You already got your bloody kick
a long time ago
1136
01:54:26,427 --> 01:54:29,009
when it turned out that someone
was even bothered to fuck you.
1137
01:54:29,177 --> 01:54:31,050
And I'm not like you.
1138
01:54:31,218 --> 01:54:33,092
Eat yourself to death
if you want.
1139
01:54:33,260 --> 01:54:35,342
I have no pity for you.
1140
01:54:35,510 --> 01:54:37,217
All you want is to be filled up,
1141
01:54:37,385 --> 01:54:42,384
and whether it's by a man
or by tons of disgusting slop
1142
01:54:42,552 --> 01:54:44,468
makes no difference,
1143
01:54:44,635 --> 01:54:46,842
because it's all just
a pathetic attempt
1144
01:54:47,010 --> 01:54:49,925
at filling out
your own resounding emptiness
1145
01:54:50,093 --> 01:54:54,925
and hiding your ridiculous
egocentric self-loathing.
1146
01:54:55,093 --> 01:54:57,593
And I'm definitely not like you.
1147
01:54:57,760 --> 01:55:01,925
That empathy you claim is a lie
1148
01:55:02,093 --> 01:55:06,134
because all you are
is society's morality police,
1149
01:55:06,302 --> 01:55:11,426
whose duty is to erase my obscenity
from the surface of the Earth,
1150
01:55:11,594 --> 01:55:14,426
so that the bourgeoisie
won't feel sick.
1151
01:55:17,635 --> 01:55:19,301
I'm not like you.
1152
01:55:20,510 --> 01:55:25,259
I am a nymphomaniac,
and I love myself for being one,
1153
01:55:25,427 --> 01:55:29,800
but above all, I love my cunt
1154
01:55:29,968 --> 01:55:33,092
and my filthy, dirty lust.
1155
01:55:56,427 --> 01:55:58,551
What just happened?
1156
01:55:58,718 --> 01:56:02,759
I didn't get that,
with the car that burned.
1157
01:56:02,926 --> 01:56:04,509
No, I'm sorry.
1158
01:56:04,676 --> 01:56:08,301
I was just in too much of
a hurry to get to the last chapter.
1159
01:56:18,343 --> 01:56:20,342
It's dawning.
1160
01:56:20,510 --> 01:56:23,134
How can you tell?
1161
01:56:23,302 --> 01:56:26,050
Oh, it's...
it's just a slight coloring.
1162
01:56:26,218 --> 01:56:29,633
I know because I've stood here
so often at this time.
1163
01:56:31,010 --> 01:56:33,342
You could say
I've developed an ability
1164
01:56:33,510 --> 01:56:37,301
to see dawn before everyone else.
1165
01:56:40,968 --> 01:56:43,800
Then you understand
what I mean when I say
1166
01:56:43,968 --> 01:56:48,217
that twilight suddenly appeared
at this point in my story.
1167
01:56:49,968 --> 01:56:53,592
I understood that society
had no room for me,
1168
01:56:53,760 --> 01:56:58,301
and I had no room for society
and never had.
1169
01:57:00,051 --> 01:57:02,342
It would've been much, much easier
1170
01:57:02,510 --> 01:57:04,759
to have realized that earlier on,
1171
01:57:04,926 --> 01:57:08,092
but suddenly,
1172
01:57:08,260 --> 01:57:11,009
my senses unfolded dramatically.
1173
01:57:12,843 --> 01:57:16,842
To go from the respectable
daylight side of society
1174
01:57:17,010 --> 01:57:19,384
to the shady, nocturnal side
1175
01:57:20,260 --> 01:57:22,468
was like changing sides in a war.
1176
01:57:23,552 --> 01:57:26,009
You put your old army behind you,
1177
01:57:26,177 --> 01:57:29,550
and suddenly, the next second,
you're swallowed by the new one.
1178
01:57:29,718 --> 01:57:32,092
There's no in between.
1179
01:57:46,177 --> 01:57:48,176
I'm sure it was quite natural for you
1180
01:57:48,343 --> 01:57:50,675
to furnish your room
as a monk's cell,
1181
01:57:50,843 --> 01:57:55,342
but as an inspiration
for this story, chapter headings
1182
01:57:55,510 --> 01:57:57,633
hasn't been easy.
1183
01:57:57,801 --> 01:58:00,884
There's simply nothing
left for me to use.
1184
01:58:02,469 --> 01:58:04,468
Well, I'm sorry about that.
1185
01:58:05,801 --> 01:58:08,342
But if I may,
I can give you a tip.
1186
01:58:09,718 --> 01:58:11,592
Yes, please.
1187
01:58:11,760 --> 01:58:14,468
You know, I occupy myself
mostly with texts,
1188
01:58:14,634 --> 01:58:17,967
but sometimes the text can seem so...
1189
01:58:18,135 --> 01:58:22,009
so empty, so unfathomably empty.
1190
01:58:22,177 --> 01:58:26,134
It could be the best text
by the most famous author.
1191
01:58:26,302 --> 01:58:29,925
The solution might be
to change your point of view.
1192
01:58:31,634 --> 01:58:33,592
I don't get that.
1193
01:58:33,760 --> 01:58:38,925
Things hide
when they become familiar.
1194
01:58:39,093 --> 01:58:43,092
But if you look at them
from another angle,
1195
01:58:43,260 --> 01:58:46,050
they might take
on a new meaning.
1196
01:58:57,177 --> 01:58:58,467
You're right.
1197
01:58:59,634 --> 01:59:04,217
Before this was just the stain
from the tea I threw.
1198
01:59:05,676 --> 01:59:08,342
Can you see what it could be?
1199
01:59:09,801 --> 01:59:11,134
A revolver!
1200
01:59:11,302 --> 01:59:14,842
No, a revolver has a drum
that revolves.
1201
01:59:15,010 --> 01:59:17,009
It's a pistol.
1202
01:59:17,177 --> 01:59:19,884
Can you see what kind it could be?
1203
01:59:20,051 --> 01:59:23,176
No, I don't remember anything
like that from my literature.
1204
01:59:23,343 --> 01:59:25,759
Oh, but it's something
I can remember from mine.
1205
01:59:25,926 --> 01:59:30,217
- Ian Fleming.
- Not familiar.
1206
01:59:30,385 --> 01:59:33,633
If you haven't read that,
you haven't read anything at all.
1207
01:59:35,010 --> 01:59:38,009
This could be,
with a little imagination,
1208
01:59:38,177 --> 01:59:41,800
a Walther PPK automatic,
1209
01:59:41,968 --> 01:59:44,217
the same gun
that was issued to Bond,
1210
01:59:44,385 --> 01:59:47,800
after his preferred pistol,
the Beretta, had jammed.
1211
01:59:49,593 --> 01:59:51,009
Is that something you can use?
1212
01:59:52,968 --> 01:59:54,884
Oh, yes, it is.
1213
02:00:04,509 --> 02:00:09,009
Whether I left
society or it left me, I cannot say.
1214
02:00:09,177 --> 02:00:12,301
I suppose you could make
an argument for both sides.
1215
02:00:13,760 --> 02:00:15,759
I was on my way
to the shady side
1216
02:00:15,926 --> 02:00:19,301
of the debt collecting business,
which, among other things,
1217
02:00:19,468 --> 02:00:22,592
involves stuff like
burning people's cars.
1218
02:00:24,634 --> 02:00:28,550
I had for a long time
known about this man, L.
1219
02:00:33,843 --> 02:00:36,050
Hi, my name is Joe.
1220
02:00:36,218 --> 02:00:40,134
I know that. Come in.
1221
02:00:44,760 --> 02:00:46,717
I'm looking for a job.
1222
02:00:48,260 --> 02:00:49,675
I've been working in an office,
1223
02:00:49,843 --> 02:00:52,342
and I was never really good at it.
1224
02:00:52,509 --> 02:00:56,134
I can understand that.
I mean, what's the point?
1225
02:00:58,801 --> 02:01:02,592
I've thought of you now and then
and wondered when you'd show up.
1226
02:01:06,260 --> 02:01:10,259
My lifestyle is relatively expensive,
1227
02:01:12,093 --> 02:01:15,550
and I need a fair amount
of free time for a sideline.
1228
02:01:15,718 --> 02:01:17,633
Of course.
I already know that.
1229
02:01:17,801 --> 02:01:20,675
I believe I possess
some qualifications
1230
02:01:20,843 --> 02:01:23,092
and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
1231
02:01:23,260 --> 02:01:26,842
I know all about your qualifications
and they're excellent.
1232
02:01:27,010 --> 02:01:30,633
And you have already proven you
are unscrupulous by coming here.
1233
02:01:33,218 --> 02:01:37,675
I would suggest that you start
your own little business
1234
02:01:37,843 --> 02:01:39,717
with my help.
1235
02:01:39,885 --> 02:01:43,884
I understand you possess
a great deal of insight
1236
02:01:44,051 --> 02:01:46,925
about a rather broad spectrum of men.
1237
02:01:48,260 --> 02:01:52,341
This could be, or should be,
capitalized on.
1238
02:01:52,509 --> 02:01:55,009
What should I do?
1239
02:01:55,177 --> 02:01:58,134
I facilitate certain assignments
for my humble firm
1240
02:01:58,301 --> 02:02:00,383
as part of a debt
collection business.
1241
02:02:00,551 --> 02:02:03,050
In other words,
I need subcontractors
1242
02:02:03,218 --> 02:02:05,925
who can put moderate pressure
on individuals,
1243
02:02:06,093 --> 02:02:10,009
with whom my clients rightly
or wrongly have a bone to pick.
1244
02:02:10,177 --> 02:02:12,633
- Understand?
- Extortion.
1245
02:02:12,801 --> 02:02:14,592
No. No, no, no, no.
1246
02:02:14,760 --> 02:02:19,508
I always prefer
the term "debt collection."
1247
02:02:21,218 --> 02:02:22,884
- Yeah.
- I refrain from judging
1248
02:02:23,051 --> 02:02:27,300
whether my clients' wishes
are legitimate or otherwise,
1249
02:02:27,468 --> 02:02:31,759
a point of view I strongly
recommend you follow.
1250
02:02:33,426 --> 02:02:38,592
I'm still unsure of what it is
I should do.
1251
02:02:38,760 --> 02:02:40,842
Well, you'll need two thugs,
1252
02:02:41,010 --> 02:02:43,550
and I can think of two good ones.
1253
02:02:43,718 --> 02:02:48,258
They both have a lot of experience
and can show you the ropes.
1254
02:02:49,384 --> 02:02:51,258
That's interesting.
1255
02:02:51,426 --> 02:02:54,425
It's not at all interesting.
1256
02:02:54,593 --> 02:02:56,842
Most interesting thing about it was
1257
02:02:57,010 --> 02:02:59,884
how easily I dedicated
myself to crime.
1258
02:03:00,051 --> 02:03:02,258
My main
qualification, of course,
1259
02:03:02,426 --> 02:03:05,508
was my considerable experience
with men and sex.
1260
02:03:05,676 --> 02:03:09,717
But even my more specialized
skills came in handy.
1261
02:03:31,384 --> 02:03:35,258
No, now this is not how it goes.
1262
02:03:35,426 --> 02:03:37,759
You have to wait until you're hit.
1263
02:03:40,468 --> 02:03:44,175
The two helpers that
L had recommended were okay,
1264
02:03:44,342 --> 02:03:47,842
but they were predisposed
to a rather repetitive technique,
1265
02:03:48,010 --> 02:03:51,800
which consisted of creating
as much havoc as possible
1266
02:03:51,968 --> 02:03:53,383
with a pair of iron bars.
1267
02:04:09,051 --> 02:04:13,383
Destroying your things doesn't
seem to have much effect on you.
1268
02:04:13,551 --> 02:04:15,009
The only thing
worth mentioning
1269
02:04:15,176 --> 02:04:17,383
from my first years
as a collector
1270
02:04:17,551 --> 02:04:21,300
was the story of an unusually
sober-minded,
1271
02:04:21,468 --> 02:04:24,258
and for that reason vulnerable, man.
1272
02:04:24,426 --> 02:04:27,300
The dirt I threatened
to go public with
1273
02:04:27,468 --> 02:04:30,967
was normally within
my core competence: sex.
1274
02:04:31,885 --> 02:04:36,467
But for once, here was a man
I was unable to read sexually,
1275
02:04:36,634 --> 02:04:39,258
so I became persistent.
1276
02:04:39,426 --> 02:04:41,258
Tie him to the chair.
1277
02:04:42,926 --> 02:04:44,592
Don't hurt him.
1278
02:04:47,926 --> 02:04:50,175
I can't find a stain on you,
1279
02:04:51,051 --> 02:04:54,009
but my experience tells me
that no man is spotless.
1280
02:04:55,217 --> 02:04:59,216
Luckily, you're equipped with
a very reliable truth detector.
1281
02:05:09,801 --> 02:05:12,675
I'm going to tell you a few stories.
1282
02:05:12,843 --> 02:05:15,216
All you have to do is listen.
1283
02:05:17,259 --> 02:05:20,383
You're in a bar watching a couple...
1284
02:05:20,551 --> 02:05:23,091
I now meticulously
went through the catalogue
1285
02:05:23,259 --> 02:05:26,467
of sexual deviations
in fictional form.
1286
02:05:26,634 --> 02:05:29,550
Stories about sado-masochism,
1287
02:05:29,718 --> 02:05:33,842
fetishism, homosexuality,
you name it.
1288
02:05:34,010 --> 02:05:35,717
But he didn't react.
1289
02:05:35,885 --> 02:05:38,341
And I'd almost given up
when I said...
1290
02:05:38,509 --> 02:05:43,133
On your way home,
you walk through the park.
1291
02:05:47,885 --> 02:05:49,592
And something makes you stop.
1292
02:05:50,718 --> 02:05:52,550
You hear something.
1293
02:06:06,760 --> 02:06:08,467
Yes, that's it.
1294
02:06:08,634 --> 02:06:12,341
You can hear the children
in the playground.
1295
02:06:13,468 --> 02:06:17,925
You sit on a bench nearby
and watch them play.
1296
02:06:18,092 --> 02:06:21,258
There's a little boy in shorts.
1297
02:06:22,634 --> 02:06:24,842
He's playing in the sandpit.
1298
02:06:26,843 --> 02:06:31,717
He looks at you
with his blue eyes.
1299
02:06:33,259 --> 02:06:34,967
He smiles at you.
1300
02:06:35,134 --> 02:06:37,341
I think he comes to you.
1301
02:06:37,509 --> 02:06:42,633
He sits on your lap
and looks up at your face.
1302
02:06:43,301 --> 02:06:47,550
He says he'd like
to come home with you.
1303
02:06:51,718 --> 02:06:52,967
At home,
1304
02:06:53,134 --> 02:06:56,425
you can't fight the idea
of being naked together.
1305
02:06:57,426 --> 02:06:59,884
He crawls all over you.
1306
02:07:00,050 --> 02:07:01,675
You get an erection.
1307
02:07:01,843 --> 02:07:03,925
Won't you please stop?
1308
02:07:04,092 --> 02:07:06,842
He lies on his stomach.
1309
02:07:07,634 --> 02:07:10,467
You pull down his pants.
1310
02:07:10,634 --> 02:07:12,258
I'll pay!
1311
02:07:44,634 --> 02:07:46,884
You did what?
1312
02:07:47,050 --> 02:07:48,800
I gave him a blowjob.
1313
02:07:48,967 --> 02:07:52,633
- Why? That pig!
- I took pity on him.
1314
02:07:52,801 --> 02:07:54,133
Pity?
1315
02:07:54,301 --> 02:07:57,800
Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
1316
02:07:57,967 --> 02:08:02,133
Nobody knew his secret,
most probably not even himself.
1317
02:08:03,342 --> 02:08:05,924
He sat there with the shame.
1318
02:08:06,092 --> 02:08:09,341
I suppose I sucked him off
as a kind of apology.
1319
02:08:09,509 --> 02:08:10,550
That's unbelievable.
1320
02:08:11,843 --> 02:08:14,717
No, listen to me.
This is a man who'd succeeded
1321
02:08:14,885 --> 02:08:16,842
in repressing his own desire,
1322
02:08:17,009 --> 02:08:22,133
who had never before given into it,
right up until I forced it out.
1323
02:08:22,301 --> 02:08:24,800
He had lived a life full of denial
1324
02:08:24,967 --> 02:08:27,383
and had never hurt a soul.
1325
02:08:27,551 --> 02:08:30,383
I think that's laudable.
1326
02:08:30,551 --> 02:08:31,592
No matter how much I try,
1327
02:08:31,760 --> 02:08:34,341
I can't find anything laudable
in pedophilia.
1328
02:08:34,509 --> 02:08:37,383
That's because you think
about the perhaps five percent
1329
02:08:37,551 --> 02:08:39,966
who actually hurt children.
1330
02:08:40,134 --> 02:08:44,883
The remaining 95 percent
never live out their fantasies.
1331
02:08:45,050 --> 02:08:47,467
Think about their suffering.
1332
02:08:47,634 --> 02:08:52,550
Sexuality is the strongest force
in human beings.
1333
02:08:52,718 --> 02:08:57,550
To be born with a forbidden
sexuality must be agonizing.
1334
02:08:57,718 --> 02:09:01,133
The pedophile
who manages to get through life
1335
02:09:01,301 --> 02:09:03,383
with the shame of his desire
1336
02:09:03,551 --> 02:09:07,341
while never acting on it,
deserves a bloody medal.
1337
02:09:14,426 --> 02:09:18,049
The writer Thomas Mann
said somewhere
1338
02:09:18,217 --> 02:09:20,300
that a temptation resisted
1339
02:09:20,468 --> 02:09:24,759
is not a sin
but a test of virtue.
1340
02:09:28,509 --> 02:09:32,133
Wasn't there something
about that writer and boys?
1341
02:09:32,301 --> 02:09:34,883
Yeah, so they say.
1342
02:09:35,050 --> 02:09:38,216
I suppose he dealt with it
by writing them out.
1343
02:09:38,384 --> 02:09:41,133
And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize.
1344
02:09:45,634 --> 02:09:48,759
But there was
another reason for my sympathy,
1345
02:09:48,925 --> 02:09:51,258
which you find so mysterious.
1346
02:09:53,134 --> 02:09:57,133
I saw a man who was carrying
the same cross as myself.
1347
02:09:59,760 --> 02:10:01,841
Loneliness.
1348
02:10:05,092 --> 02:10:07,841
We were both sexual outcasts.
1349
02:10:16,342 --> 02:10:18,341
In any case,
some years passed,
1350
02:10:18,509 --> 02:10:21,467
during which my business grew,
1351
02:10:21,634 --> 02:10:26,216
enabling me to step up my
anonymous deposits to Marcel.
1352
02:10:27,134 --> 02:10:30,675
Your business is doing great.
1353
02:10:30,842 --> 02:10:34,633
You complete all the jobs
I give you to perfection.
1354
02:10:34,800 --> 02:10:39,467
And I hear only words of praise
from your other clients, but...
1355
02:10:39,634 --> 02:10:42,550
- But what?
- We aren't getting any younger.
1356
02:10:42,718 --> 02:10:46,758
No, that's for sure.
1357
02:10:46,925 --> 02:10:48,341
I think you're getting to that age
1358
02:10:48,509 --> 02:10:50,508
where you have to start thinking
about a successor.
1359
02:10:50,676 --> 02:10:54,383
Oh, I don't need a fucking successor.
1360
02:10:54,551 --> 02:10:56,216
Listen.
1361
02:10:56,384 --> 02:10:59,758
A person should take
their crime seriously.
1362
02:10:59,925 --> 02:11:03,049
You need someone
to be your right hand,
1363
02:11:03,217 --> 02:11:07,049
someone to help you.
A crown princess.
1364
02:11:09,342 --> 02:11:12,592
The normal process is to find out
1365
02:11:12,759 --> 02:11:16,216
what colleagues are in prison,
or are drug addicts,
1366
02:11:16,384 --> 02:11:21,049
and thereby unable to fulfill
their roles as parents.
1367
02:11:21,217 --> 02:11:25,550
Then, you find out
where their kids play football,
1368
02:11:25,717 --> 02:11:28,049
and you get involved.
1369
02:11:28,217 --> 02:11:29,924
You cheer them on
for a couple of years,
1370
02:11:30,092 --> 02:11:33,550
no matter how bad they are.
Actually, the worse, the better.
1371
02:11:33,717 --> 02:11:37,675
That way, gradually, you take on
the role of the parent
1372
02:11:37,842 --> 02:11:41,592
until, in the end,
you have a loyal helper
1373
02:11:41,759 --> 02:11:45,049
that will walk through fire for you.
1374
02:11:45,217 --> 02:11:47,258
Even do time for you.
1375
02:11:51,009 --> 02:11:55,133
It sounds like a kind of
an entrapment you're suggesting.
1376
02:11:55,301 --> 02:11:58,758
- An unsavory entrapment.
- Call it what you want,
1377
02:11:58,925 --> 02:12:02,883
but if you believe at all in
the effects of good parenting,
1378
02:12:03,050 --> 02:12:05,966
that kid will have much greater
opportunities with you
1379
02:12:06,134 --> 02:12:08,550
as a mentor than without.
1380
02:12:08,717 --> 02:12:11,091
And since I like you,
1381
02:12:11,259 --> 02:12:15,091
I've been looking around
for a suitable subject.
1382
02:12:15,259 --> 02:12:20,550
She's 15 years old from
a family of hardened criminals,
1383
02:12:20,717 --> 02:12:23,049
and she's been through a lot.
1384
02:12:23,217 --> 02:12:26,300
Last couple of years
she's been institutionalized.
1385
02:12:26,468 --> 02:12:29,008
Her father's in prison
and her mother died of an overdose.
1386
02:12:29,176 --> 02:12:30,883
She's a smart girl.
1387
02:12:31,050 --> 02:12:32,966
And although
she doesn't play football,
1388
02:12:33,134 --> 02:12:35,924
she does play basketball very badly.
1389
02:12:37,176 --> 02:12:42,550
She's chosen a team sport
because she's lonely.
1390
02:12:42,717 --> 02:12:45,716
I saved the best part for last.
1391
02:12:45,884 --> 02:12:48,841
Her right ear is slightly deformed,
1392
02:12:49,009 --> 02:12:52,716
which she is very ashamed of,
1393
02:12:52,884 --> 02:12:55,883
and of course, this serves
to isolate her even more.
1394
02:12:56,050 --> 02:13:00,383
It makes her an easy target
for even the slightest bit
1395
02:13:00,551 --> 02:13:05,300
of attention
or sign of empathy from you.
1396
02:13:09,259 --> 02:13:12,841
Despite my protests,
the clever L somehow talked me
1397
02:13:13,009 --> 02:13:14,632
into actually having a look at P.
1398
02:13:17,426 --> 02:13:20,799
The longer I watched the poor girl
with the deformed ear,
1399
02:13:20,967 --> 02:13:24,175
the more repulsive
I found the whole plan.
1400
02:13:51,092 --> 02:13:53,091
But as if L had foreseen this,
1401
02:13:53,259 --> 02:13:58,924
the meeting with P filled me
with pity and emotion.
1402
02:13:59,092 --> 02:14:00,799
And without wanting to,
1403
02:14:00,967 --> 02:14:04,216
I found myself,
weekend after weekend,
1404
02:14:04,384 --> 02:14:08,091
at her games
supporting the poor player.
1405
02:14:23,134 --> 02:14:26,674
- Thanks for cheering me on.
- You're welcome.
1406
02:14:26,842 --> 02:14:29,091
You played really well today.
1407
02:14:31,509 --> 02:14:34,175
- No, I didn't.
- You did.
1408
02:14:34,342 --> 02:14:37,383
You really improved yourself lately.
1409
02:14:48,884 --> 02:14:52,632
Sixteen years. Congratulations.
1410
02:14:52,800 --> 02:14:55,591
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1411
02:15:18,342 --> 02:15:19,883
I was proud to introduce P
1412
02:15:20,050 --> 02:15:22,716
to my father's passion
and his world.
1413
02:15:25,800 --> 02:15:27,591
It's actually...
1414
02:15:29,050 --> 02:15:33,008
the souls of the trees
that we see in the winter.
1415
02:15:39,426 --> 02:15:42,049
I think they look like human souls.
1416
02:15:46,134 --> 02:15:48,008
Yeah, you're right.
1417
02:15:48,884 --> 02:15:51,632
They do look like human souls.
1418
02:15:51,842 --> 02:15:55,049
Twisted souls, regular souls,
1419
02:15:55,217 --> 02:15:57,300
crazy souls,
1420
02:15:57,467 --> 02:16:01,133
all depending on the kind
of lives human beings lead.
1421
02:16:04,009 --> 02:16:08,425
Then that must be
Miss Williamson from number 21.
1422
02:16:08,592 --> 02:16:11,091
That's not a very nice thing
to say about Miss Williamson.
1423
02:16:11,259 --> 02:16:14,799
But she's always angry.
She has a monster in her belly.
1424
02:16:14,967 --> 02:16:17,507
Well, she does have
an ulcer in her belly
1425
02:16:17,675 --> 02:16:19,383
that I've been treating
for the last 15 years.
1426
02:16:21,925 --> 02:16:24,341
And sure enough,
one of the following days
1427
02:16:24,508 --> 02:16:26,758
my dad dragged me
into the woods again.
1428
02:16:26,925 --> 02:16:30,716
I found my tree.
My soul tree.
1429
02:16:33,050 --> 02:16:38,799
And no, it's not that one, okay,
'cause then I would be dead.
1430
02:16:40,717 --> 02:16:42,924
This is my tree.
1431
02:16:46,301 --> 02:16:50,424
- It's not an ash tree.
- No, it's an oak tree.
1432
02:16:53,633 --> 02:16:55,507
It has two trunks.
1433
02:16:55,675 --> 02:16:58,883
Yeah, isn't it great?
1434
02:16:59,050 --> 02:17:04,258
It shows itself to both sides,
the lake and the forest.
1435
02:17:14,259 --> 02:17:18,549
But, Dad, how does
a tree get two trunks?
1436
02:17:20,176 --> 02:17:24,133
The most common reason
is that the top broke
1437
02:17:24,301 --> 02:17:26,175
when it was very young.
1438
02:17:26,342 --> 02:17:30,175
That means
that you've been broken once.
1439
02:17:30,342 --> 02:17:32,382
Have you, Dad?
1440
02:17:38,592 --> 02:17:41,799
It seems that it can be
rather revealing...
1441
02:17:43,259 --> 02:17:45,549
to find your soul tree.
1442
02:17:49,550 --> 02:17:55,175
My father found his soul tree,
but I've never found mine.
1443
02:17:55,717 --> 02:18:00,883
"You will know it when you see it,"
is what he said.
1444
02:18:07,467 --> 02:18:13,300
Kitchen and dining room.
And in here...
1445
02:18:15,134 --> 02:18:17,466
When P reached the age of maturity
1446
02:18:17,633 --> 02:18:19,924
and I became her personal adviser,
1447
02:18:20,092 --> 02:18:22,591
I asked her to move in with me.
1448
02:18:31,009 --> 02:18:33,758
Let me see you with your hair up.
1449
02:18:33,925 --> 02:18:36,424
You're so pretty.
1450
02:18:48,467 --> 02:18:52,175
All this time
all my sexual activity had stopped.
1451
02:18:52,341 --> 02:18:56,883
My groin was one big sore
from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
1452
02:18:57,050 --> 02:18:59,883
and made even
masturbation impossible.
1453
02:19:04,134 --> 02:19:07,424
I experienced definite
abstinence symptoms...
1454
02:19:07,592 --> 02:19:09,549
fever and cramps.
1455
02:19:34,508 --> 02:19:36,257
Joe, what's going on?
1456
02:19:38,467 --> 02:19:41,257
- Careful.
- We need to clear this up.
1457
02:19:50,134 --> 02:19:53,091
I just get this sometimes.
1458
02:19:56,425 --> 02:19:58,924
It's okay. It's okay.
1459
02:20:03,009 --> 02:20:05,507
Do you want to go back to bed?
1460
02:20:07,508 --> 02:20:09,716
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
1461
02:20:25,842 --> 02:20:27,716
I love you, Joe.
1462
02:20:27,884 --> 02:20:29,632
I love you, too.
1463
02:20:31,050 --> 02:20:33,382
I don't mean it in that way.
1464
02:20:36,425 --> 02:20:39,841
Come on, it's late.
You should go back to bed.
1465
02:20:41,383 --> 02:20:42,424
Good night.
1466
02:20:45,300 --> 02:20:47,716
Perhaps she really loved you.
1467
02:20:51,800 --> 02:20:55,174
She was so very young.
1468
02:20:55,341 --> 02:20:59,632
Maybe she, too, discovered
her cunt at the age of two.
1469
02:20:59,800 --> 02:21:01,924
Maybe earlier.
1470
02:21:02,092 --> 02:21:03,632
I couldn't accept it.
1471
02:21:03,800 --> 02:21:07,591
Perhaps because you
really wanted it to be true.
1472
02:21:09,675 --> 02:21:11,340
Perhaps I hoped it.
1473
02:21:11,508 --> 02:21:14,841
It's very touching,
all this about P.
1474
02:21:17,050 --> 02:21:20,632
Then you've probably
misunderstood the whole thing.
1475
02:21:20,800 --> 02:21:24,299
Shall we get the story over
and done with?
1476
02:21:52,425 --> 02:21:54,466
Don't.
1477
02:21:55,675 --> 02:21:57,758
I wanna see you.
1478
02:21:57,925 --> 02:21:58,924
- Don't.
- Why?
1479
02:21:59,091 --> 02:22:00,549
- Please, don't.
- Why not?
1480
02:22:00,717 --> 02:22:04,257
No. No, I have a wound.
1481
02:22:04,425 --> 02:22:06,424
- I have a wound.
- It doesn't matter.
1482
02:22:06,592 --> 02:22:10,466
- No, you don't understand.
- I have that thing with my ear.
1483
02:22:10,633 --> 02:22:13,299
I'm so ashamed.
1484
02:22:49,633 --> 02:22:51,716
Do you like me?
1485
02:22:55,300 --> 02:22:57,299
You're so beautiful.
1486
02:24:34,884 --> 02:24:37,632
There's one thing
I don't understand.
1487
02:24:38,467 --> 02:24:41,174
Did she know what you did
for a living?
1488
02:24:41,341 --> 02:24:46,507
P was very discreet
and a girl of few words.
1489
02:24:48,008 --> 02:24:50,299
Oddly, although I worked
strange hours,
1490
02:24:50,467 --> 02:24:52,340
she never asked about my work.
1491
02:24:54,091 --> 02:24:56,923
But one day she had a question.
1492
02:24:58,550 --> 02:25:00,174
Joe.
1493
02:25:05,216 --> 02:25:09,048
Why did you start
coming to my basketball matches?
1494
02:25:11,133 --> 02:25:13,799
It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
1495
02:25:19,383 --> 02:25:22,340
No, it wasn't a coincidence.
1496
02:25:26,133 --> 02:25:28,799
I didn't tell you because I...
1497
02:25:28,966 --> 02:25:31,965
I thought you'd be upset...
1498
02:25:33,341 --> 02:25:36,215
and that you'd get angry at me.
1499
02:25:36,383 --> 02:25:38,882
I won't get angry.
1500
02:25:43,425 --> 02:25:45,549
What I do...
1501
02:25:47,091 --> 02:25:49,758
My job isn't a normal job.
1502
02:25:49,924 --> 02:25:52,048
It's not legal.
1503
02:25:52,216 --> 02:25:55,090
No one in my family
does anything legal.
1504
02:26:00,759 --> 02:26:05,174
A man that's helped me in my business
suggested that I watched you.
1505
02:26:08,091 --> 02:26:12,382
The plan was that I...
I should look at you
1506
02:26:12,550 --> 02:26:16,840
to see whether one day I could
use you in my work.
1507
02:26:17,008 --> 02:26:19,965
I should make friends with you
1508
02:26:20,133 --> 02:26:23,340
because I knew you didn't
have a mother or a father.
1509
02:26:23,508 --> 02:26:25,340
What's wrong with that?
1510
02:26:25,508 --> 02:26:29,090
Don't you see
how evil that plan was?
1511
02:26:29,258 --> 02:26:32,965
- I felt terrible.
- You shouldn't have.
1512
02:26:33,133 --> 02:26:35,090
Why not?
1513
02:26:37,883 --> 02:26:40,299
Because if you hadn't...
1514
02:26:42,258 --> 02:26:44,507
we'd never have met.
1515
02:26:49,300 --> 02:26:53,507
I'd like to go with you
to work next time.
1516
02:26:53,675 --> 02:26:55,090
No.
1517
02:27:04,133 --> 02:27:05,674
Will you think about it?
1518
02:27:05,841 --> 02:27:08,424
- No.
- Yes.
1519
02:27:08,841 --> 02:27:11,758
She didn't take no
for an answer.
1520
02:27:11,924 --> 02:27:14,174
No, of course not.
1521
02:27:14,341 --> 02:27:17,758
How do you keep a wave
upon the sand?
1522
02:27:20,049 --> 02:27:25,549
And in the throes of love,
I was weak and no match for her.
1523
02:27:28,633 --> 02:27:32,257
With the risk
of being too clever for myself,
1524
02:27:32,425 --> 02:27:36,882
social inheritance
is an irrefutable fact.
1525
02:27:38,258 --> 02:27:42,507
If anyone knew about the laws
of the street, it must've been P.
1526
02:27:43,717 --> 02:27:47,424
You're more right than you know.
1527
02:28:07,467 --> 02:28:09,882
- Let's shoot the fucker.
- No, no!
1528
02:28:10,049 --> 02:28:13,174
Stop! Stop!
1529
02:28:16,550 --> 02:28:18,923
We don't use firearms.
1530
02:28:20,091 --> 02:28:23,882
- I'd like to have the gun.
- The others have weapons, too.
1531
02:28:25,341 --> 02:28:26,882
Well, I didn't know that,
1532
02:28:27,049 --> 02:28:28,965
but in any case,
you're not to have one.
1533
02:28:30,091 --> 02:28:31,757
But guns aren't dangerous.
1534
02:28:31,924 --> 02:28:34,340
It depends on how you use them.
1535
02:28:34,508 --> 02:28:35,965
Yes, exactly.
1536
02:28:36,133 --> 02:28:37,632
I wasn't going to shoot him.
1537
02:28:38,675 --> 02:28:40,840
We wouldn't have gotten
any money out of him that way.
1538
02:28:41,008 --> 02:28:42,882
Can I have the gun?
1539
02:28:47,508 --> 02:28:49,215
Thank you.
1540
02:29:08,758 --> 02:29:10,798
You're evil.
1541
02:29:14,799 --> 02:29:18,882
And now I'm afraid
one of those coincidences
1542
02:29:19,049 --> 02:29:24,215
you have such a hard time with
occurred with a very special person.
1543
02:29:25,467 --> 02:29:28,132
It was P's job to take us
to the debtors,
1544
02:29:28,300 --> 02:29:30,382
so until I saw the name
on the door,
1545
02:29:30,550 --> 02:29:32,923
I had no idea
whose house we were at.
1546
02:29:35,300 --> 02:29:39,757
This is Acer siccharium.
1547
02:29:39,924 --> 02:29:42,340
- Saccharinum.
- Saccharinum, yeah, that.
1548
02:29:42,508 --> 02:29:43,673
I said that.
1549
02:29:52,799 --> 02:29:54,631
Are you sure
this is the right place?
1550
02:29:54,799 --> 02:29:55,549
Yeah.
1551
02:30:02,632 --> 02:30:08,299
I was thinking maybe it's time for
you to do this one on your own.
1552
02:30:09,216 --> 02:30:10,507
Yeah?
1553
02:30:12,425 --> 02:30:15,424
- Thank you, Joe.
- I don't want anything destroyed,
1554
02:30:16,383 --> 02:30:18,673
and I don't want anybody hurt.
1555
02:30:18,841 --> 02:30:24,090
Okay? You just show yourself and
offer him a reasonable payment plan.
1556
02:30:24,258 --> 02:30:28,882
If you say so, of course
that's how I'll do it.
1557
02:30:44,133 --> 02:30:46,715
Whether the feeling
when I saw Jerome again was love,
1558
02:30:46,883 --> 02:30:48,507
I couldn't say.
1559
02:30:51,467 --> 02:30:54,048
But it was a feeling...
1560
02:30:54,216 --> 02:30:56,923
and far stronger than I liked.
1561
02:31:08,133 --> 02:31:12,048
I was actually
walking home through the alley here.
1562
02:31:12,216 --> 02:31:14,507
Your two neighborhoods
are totally different,
1563
02:31:14,674 --> 02:31:18,048
but still so close together
that the shortest route
1564
02:31:18,216 --> 02:31:22,215
from Jerome's house towards
the center was through the alley.
1565
02:31:29,175 --> 02:31:31,174
Hello!
1566
02:31:31,341 --> 02:31:35,215
- How did it go?
- Brilliant.
1567
02:31:35,383 --> 02:31:38,506
Yeah, really well.
1568
02:31:38,674 --> 02:31:41,257
I made a reasonable payment plan
like you told me to.
1569
02:31:41,425 --> 02:31:46,299
- How did he look?
- Scared.
1570
02:31:46,467 --> 02:31:48,840
How old did he look?
1571
02:31:49,008 --> 02:31:52,340
I don't know. Ancient?
1572
02:32:12,175 --> 02:32:15,923
Jerome was to pay
off his debt in six payments.
1573
02:32:16,091 --> 02:32:18,840
Every time P
went to Jerome to collect,
1574
02:32:19,008 --> 02:32:23,757
I'd pace around restlessly
until she was back home again.
1575
02:32:26,049 --> 02:32:29,340
I even had to find my mother's
sad old solitaire cards
1576
02:32:29,507 --> 02:32:32,548
in order to make the hours pass.
1577
02:32:39,966 --> 02:32:41,840
Each night I was less reassured
1578
02:32:42,008 --> 02:32:45,048
by her coming home
than the night before.
1579
02:32:45,216 --> 02:32:48,465
The question of whether jealousy is
the fear of sharing
1580
02:32:48,632 --> 02:32:51,923
or the fear of losing
was of little interest to me.
1581
02:32:52,091 --> 02:32:55,215
But yes, it was a fact
that this unworthy feeling
1582
02:32:55,383 --> 02:33:00,090
I had managed to suppress
for so long was creeping up on me.
1583
02:33:02,924 --> 02:33:05,673
The evening she was
to collect the final payment,
1584
02:33:05,841 --> 02:33:07,673
she didn't kiss me.
1585
02:33:07,841 --> 02:33:10,174
I took it to be forgetfulness,
1586
02:33:10,341 --> 02:33:14,257
but the hours passed,
and she didn't return.
1587
02:33:21,341 --> 02:33:26,548
Every time I saw car lights,
I thought it was P being driven home.
1588
02:34:25,091 --> 02:34:27,174
So the next morning I took a trip
1589
02:34:27,340 --> 02:34:30,506
to the round hills
just outside of town
1590
02:34:30,674 --> 02:34:34,048
that I visited with my school class
when I was 12,
1591
02:34:34,216 --> 02:34:37,673
to say a symbolic goodbye.
1592
02:34:41,300 --> 02:34:44,007
I had decided to flee.
1593
02:34:44,175 --> 02:34:48,673
I couldn't stay in this town
with her and him.
1594
02:34:48,841 --> 02:34:53,132
I had cowardly made a plan
to escape and head south.
1595
02:34:53,300 --> 02:34:54,631
Like from some ice age
1596
02:34:54,799 --> 02:34:57,965
I didn't have the guts
to turn around and face.
1597
02:34:59,133 --> 02:35:03,339
But the goodbye was sad
and strangely unfulfilling.
1598
02:35:03,507 --> 02:35:07,465
And something called me on to
seek further up the mountain.
1599
02:36:31,008 --> 02:36:33,590
I understand dictators
who commit murder.
1600
02:36:36,549 --> 02:36:39,423
What was Hitler,
when it all boils down,
1601
02:36:39,591 --> 02:36:43,590
other than a man to whom society
gave free reins?
1602
02:36:46,133 --> 02:36:49,423
Well, that was
just what we were missing.
1603
02:36:49,591 --> 02:36:53,423
You understand racists,
you have a soft spot for pedophiles,
1604
02:36:53,591 --> 02:36:56,506
and, of course,
now at the finishing line,
1605
02:36:56,674 --> 02:36:58,423
you have to sympathize
1606
02:36:58,591 --> 02:37:01,214
with the greatest mass
murderers of history.
1607
02:37:01,382 --> 02:37:03,631
What I mean is...
1608
02:37:05,299 --> 02:37:07,840
It's said to be difficult
to take someone's life.
1609
02:37:08,008 --> 02:37:11,882
I would've said
that it's more difficult not to
1610
02:37:12,049 --> 02:37:15,840
when, as a dictator or as me,
1611
02:37:16,008 --> 02:37:18,381
you've nothing to lose.
1612
02:37:20,716 --> 02:37:21,965
For a human being,
1613
02:37:22,133 --> 02:37:25,339
killing is the most
natural thing in the world.
1614
02:37:25,507 --> 02:37:27,757
We're created for it.
1615
02:37:30,215 --> 02:37:31,882
Wonderful.
1616
02:38:22,591 --> 02:38:24,131
No, get off!
1617
02:38:34,340 --> 02:38:36,506
Fireman's grip.
1618
02:42:22,507 --> 02:42:27,047
Fill all my holes, please.
1619
02:42:51,716 --> 02:42:54,465
I still don't know
why the gun didn't work.
1620
02:42:54,632 --> 02:42:59,131
I did check to make sure that there
were bullets in the magazine.
1621
02:42:59,299 --> 02:43:01,964
It simply malfunctioned.
1622
02:43:02,132 --> 02:43:04,715
Just like Bond's Beretta.
1623
02:43:04,882 --> 02:43:07,964
I think I know enough to say
that even if you had rounds
1624
02:43:08,132 --> 02:43:10,131
in the magazine
of the Walther PPK,
1625
02:43:10,299 --> 02:43:13,798
if you'd taken off the safety,
1626
02:43:13,965 --> 02:43:16,715
you cannot shoot
until you've racked the gun.
1627
02:43:17,674 --> 02:43:20,047
You pull and release
1628
02:43:20,215 --> 02:43:22,465
the sliding mechanism.
1629
02:43:22,632 --> 02:43:24,673
And P hadn't done it
because as she said,
1630
02:43:24,840 --> 02:43:27,465
she had no intention
of shooting the man.
1631
02:43:29,632 --> 02:43:32,631
I don't know about Bond,
but I assume it has to be apparent
1632
02:43:32,798 --> 02:43:34,298
from his books and his films
1633
02:43:34,466 --> 02:43:38,757
that you have
to rack an automatic pistol.
1634
02:43:40,048 --> 02:43:41,757
Of course, you're right.
1635
02:43:42,758 --> 02:43:46,423
I've seen it in films
a thousand times.
1636
02:43:51,340 --> 02:43:52,506
It's morning.
1637
02:43:55,132 --> 02:43:58,757
- The snow is gone.
- So the sun must be up?
1638
02:43:59,965 --> 02:44:01,881
Yes, there is sun.
1639
02:44:03,215 --> 02:44:05,173
How can you see it?
1640
02:44:06,215 --> 02:44:10,797
This alley's located so that you
never get direct sunlight here,
1641
02:44:10,965 --> 02:44:15,465
but I can see a small reflection
on the building on the other side.
1642
02:44:22,215 --> 02:44:26,006
I've never managed to figure
out where it comes from.
1643
02:44:26,798 --> 02:44:31,715
It must be some interplay
between windows and towers
1644
02:44:31,882 --> 02:44:35,006
and high buildings.
1645
02:44:37,632 --> 02:44:42,756
It's not much, but it's the sun
you get here at my place.
1646
02:44:46,882 --> 02:44:48,631
It's beautiful.
1647
02:44:58,798 --> 02:45:00,006
In the beginning,
1648
02:45:00,174 --> 02:45:02,006
you said that your only sin
1649
02:45:02,174 --> 02:45:05,339
was that you asked
more of the sunset.
1650
02:45:06,923 --> 02:45:10,881
Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted
more from life than was good for you.
1651
02:45:13,591 --> 02:45:17,298
You were a human being
demanding your right,
1652
02:45:17,466 --> 02:45:19,006
and more than that,
1653
02:45:19,174 --> 02:45:22,548
you were a woman
demanding her right.
1654
02:45:25,840 --> 02:45:28,548
Does that pardon everything?
1655
02:45:29,923 --> 02:45:34,006
Do you think if two men were to
walk down a train looking for women,
1656
02:45:34,757 --> 02:45:37,922
do you think anybody would have
raised an eyebrow,
1657
02:45:38,132 --> 02:45:40,964
or if a man had led the life you had?
1658
02:45:42,632 --> 02:45:47,214
And the story about Mrs. H.
would've been extremely banal
1659
02:45:47,382 --> 02:45:48,714
if you'd been a man.
1660
02:45:49,923 --> 02:45:52,465
And your conquest
would have been a woman.
1661
02:45:53,466 --> 02:45:58,089
When a man leaves his children
because of desire,
1662
02:45:58,757 --> 02:46:01,548
we accept it with a shrug,
but you as a woman,
1663
02:46:02,007 --> 02:46:04,465
you had to take on a guilt,
1664
02:46:04,798 --> 02:46:07,214
a burden of guilt
that could never be alleviated.
1665
02:46:11,215 --> 02:46:14,672
Your abortion was legal,
but more than anything else,
1666
02:46:14,840 --> 02:46:18,839
it was a punishment
you inflicted upon yourself.
1667
02:46:19,965 --> 02:46:23,214
And all in all,
all the blame and guilt
1668
02:46:23,382 --> 02:46:25,922
that piled up over the years
became too much for you,
1669
02:46:26,090 --> 02:46:28,089
and you reacted aggressively,
1670
02:46:28,257 --> 02:46:31,256
almost like a man, I have to say,
and you fought back.
1671
02:46:32,549 --> 02:46:33,922
You fought back
against the gender
1672
02:46:34,090 --> 02:46:38,214
that had been oppressing
and mutilating and killing you
1673
02:46:38,382 --> 02:46:42,881
and billions of women
in the name of religion or ethics,
1674
02:46:43,048 --> 02:46:46,298
or God knows what.
1675
02:46:49,340 --> 02:46:52,256
But I wanted
to kill a human being.
1676
02:46:55,673 --> 02:46:57,672
But you didn't.
1677
02:46:59,631 --> 02:47:02,047
Because of a chance event.
1678
02:47:02,215 --> 02:47:04,256
You call it a chance event,
1679
02:47:05,757 --> 02:47:08,548
I call it subconscious resistance.
1680
02:47:08,715 --> 02:47:10,964
On the surface you wanted to kill,
1681
02:47:11,798 --> 02:47:14,214
but deep down,
you celebrated human worth
1682
02:47:15,257 --> 02:47:16,964
in a veil of forgetfulness
1683
02:47:17,132 --> 02:47:21,630
draped itself over your
knowledge of how to rack a gun.
1684
02:47:24,007 --> 02:47:26,298
Although all this
sounds frighteningly close
1685
02:47:26,466 --> 02:47:29,423
to the clichés of our times...
1686
02:47:29,590 --> 02:47:34,547
and I'm predisposed to knock
holes in your arguments...
1687
02:47:36,215 --> 02:47:38,381
I'm too tired.
1688
02:47:38,548 --> 02:47:39,839
Well, that's good.
1689
02:47:43,424 --> 02:47:45,465
Why don't you lay down?
1690
02:47:47,757 --> 02:47:49,547
Yes.
1691
02:48:00,882 --> 02:48:03,547
Let me just say that
telling my story
1692
02:48:04,590 --> 02:48:07,589
as you insisted, or permitted,
1693
02:48:09,466 --> 02:48:12,089
has put me at ease.
1694
02:48:13,548 --> 02:48:19,339
At this moment,
my addiction is very clear to me.
1695
02:48:21,715 --> 02:48:23,630
And I've come to a decision.
1696
02:48:26,174 --> 02:48:32,881
Even though only one in a million,
as my dubious therapist said,
1697
02:48:34,132 --> 02:48:38,339
succeed in mentally,
1698
02:48:38,506 --> 02:48:40,714
bodily,
1699
02:48:40,882 --> 02:48:43,089
and in her heart
1700
02:48:43,257 --> 02:48:48,423
ridding herself
of her sexuality...
1701
02:48:48,590 --> 02:48:51,131
this is now my goal.
1702
02:48:51,882 --> 02:48:54,839
But is that a life worth living?
1703
02:48:57,590 --> 02:49:00,589
It's the only way I can live it.
1704
02:49:04,424 --> 02:49:08,214
I will stand up against all odds...
1705
02:49:12,840 --> 02:49:16,256
just like a deformed tree on a hill.
1706
02:49:24,340 --> 02:49:28,839
I will muster
all of my stubbornness...
1707
02:49:32,340 --> 02:49:34,505
my strength...
1708
02:49:36,673 --> 02:49:39,422
my masculine aggression.
1709
02:49:41,715 --> 02:49:45,298
But most of all I want
to say thanks
1710
02:49:45,465 --> 02:49:50,089
to my new and maybe first friend.
1711
02:49:50,257 --> 02:49:53,131
Thank you, Seligman...
1712
02:49:54,798 --> 02:49:58,173
who perhaps is happy
when all is said and done.
1713
02:50:05,257 --> 02:50:07,839
I'm happy at any rate
1714
02:50:08,007 --> 02:50:10,089
that the shot didn't go off
1715
02:50:10,257 --> 02:50:13,006
and made me a murderer.
1716
02:50:18,631 --> 02:50:21,464
If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
1717
02:50:25,506 --> 02:50:28,131
I'll make sure
you won't be disturbed.
1718
02:50:31,132 --> 02:50:34,339
And when you wake up,
maybe we could
1719
02:50:34,506 --> 02:50:37,589
discuss your future if you'd like.
1720
02:50:46,423 --> 02:50:49,839
In your new life,
1721
02:50:50,007 --> 02:50:52,714
would you consider
seeking out your son?
1722
02:50:55,548 --> 02:50:57,547
It's possible.
1723
02:51:01,882 --> 02:51:03,964
Good night, Joe.
1724
02:51:05,339 --> 02:51:07,214
Good night, Seligman.
1725
02:52:47,339 --> 02:52:49,047
No!
1726
02:52:51,381 --> 02:52:54,131
But you,
you fucked thousands of men.132498
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