Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,889
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,099
BATMAN: Black.
3
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:16,434
All important movies start
with a black screen.
4
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,278
And music.
5
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:22,064
Edgy, scary music
6
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,485
that would make
a parent or studio executive nervous.
7
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:28,995
And logos.
8
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:33,288
Really long and dramatic logos.
9
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,123
Warner Bros.
10
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,834
Why not "Warner Brothers"?
I don't know.
11
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,800
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
12
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,757
DC.
13
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,630
The house that Batman built.
14
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,804
Yeah, what, Superman?
15
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,969
Come at me, bro.
16
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,978
I'm your Kryptonite.
17
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,603
Hmm.
18
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:05,320
Not sure what RatPac does,
but that logo is macho.
19
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,993
I dig it.
20
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:09,945
Okay-
21
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,831
Get yourself ready for some
22
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:13,991
reading.
23
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,702
"If you want to make the world
a better place
24
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,422
"take a look at yourself
and make a change.
25
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,040
"H000."!
26
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,801
No. I said that.
27
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,671
Batman is very wise.
28
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,216
I also have huge pecs
and a nine-pack.
29
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,889
Yeah, I've got an extra ab.
30
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,013
Now, let's start the movie.
31
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:50,157
BILL: Gotham Tower,
this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.
32
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,913
We are transporting
11 million sticks of dynamite,
33
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,914
17,000 pounds of C-4,
34
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,747
about 150 cute little
classic bomb-type bombs,
35
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,127
and two best friends!
36
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:03,211
And request permission to fly over
the most crime-ridden city in the world.
37
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,374
Over.
38
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,635
I'm just looking at all the guys' faces
here in the control tower.
39
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,794
- I'm good.
- Sounds good to me.
40
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,087
- Do it!
- Yeah, as long as they're best friends.
41
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,131
- Thumbs up!
- Yep, I think we're cool with that.
42
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,800
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
43
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,528
LEAD CRIMINAL: Gentlemen,
44
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:37,996
seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
45
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:40,994
What was that?
46
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,538
- One of us should check it out.
- Okay.
47
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,001
BOTH: Scissors, paper, rock.
48
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,211
- Papen
- Scissors.
49
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,421
Ha! You always do paper.
50
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,927
I'm a loser at home
and a loser at work.
51
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,506
Holy cow!
52
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,341
(SCREAMS)
53
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,010
(MUZAK PLAYING)
54
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,100
Captain Dale, is everything okay?
55
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:02,937
LEAD CRIMINAL: lam afraid
Captain Dale had to bail.
56
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,852
I'm your new co-pilot.
57
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,279
And I always come to work
58
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,189
with a smile!
59
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,034
- You should be terrified.
- Why?
60
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,120
Because I will be taking over the city.
61
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,371
Mmm...
62
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,452
- What?
- Batman will stop you.
63
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:23,916
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- He always stops you.
64
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,080
No, he doesn't.
65
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:26,920
What about that time with the two boats?
66
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,800
This is better than the two boats.
67
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,755
- Mmm...
- Well, tonight is gonna be different!
68
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,974
Tonight is my greatest plan yet.
69
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,807
And trust me,
Batman's never gonna see it coming.
70
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,313
BILL: Like that time with the parade
and the Prince music?
71
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,472
JOKER: Hey, quiet!
72
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,232
- Good night, Steve.
- Take it easy, Jeff.
73
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,110
Man, I really like that guy.
74
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,317
I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.
75
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,447
(JEFF WHISTLING)
76
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,984
(SINGING)
Nothing bad ever happens to me
77
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,819
What the...
78
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,488
JOKER". Your city is under attack
79
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,077
by Gotham's greatest criminal minds.
80
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,492
Including
81
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,581
- The Riddler.
-(LAUGHING)
82
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,495
Scarecrow.
83
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,209
Pizza delivery.
84
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,373
(GROANS)
85
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,667
- Bane.
- Hello.
86
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,835
Two-Face!
87
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,128
We need that door open, baby!
88
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:14,971
Catwoman.
89
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,131
Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.
90
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,470
SECURITY GUARD:
I'm jumping out of the way!
91
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,138
(HONKING)
92
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,679
JOKER". And let's not forget, Clayface.
93
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:22,937
(ROARING)
94
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,477
(IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
95
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,558
- Poison Ivy.
-(IMITATES GUNS FIRING)
96
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,485
- Freeze!
- MR. FREEZE: No!
97
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:29,644
You freeze!
98
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,812
JOKER". Mr. Freeze!
99
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,907
Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser.
100
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,363
Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula.
101
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,403
King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth,
102
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,322
March Harriet, Zodiac Master,
Gentleman Ghost.
103
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:44,869
Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man,
Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King.
104
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,497
Okay, are you making some of those up?
105
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,131
Nope, they're all real.
106
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,712
Probably worth a Google.
107
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,796
- Hey, watch it!
- Commissioner Gordon!
108
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:56,963
What is it, O'Hara?
109
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,131
We just got a report!
110
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,721
All the Z-grade villains have
broken into the energy plant!
111
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,885
What are we gonna do, sir?
112
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,396
The only thing we ever do.
Flip the switch to the Bat-Signal!
113
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,597
Flip!
114
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,019
OFFICER: (ON RADIO)
Commissioner, are you there?
115
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,900
The Bat-Signal, she's been egged!
116
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,902
-(GIGGLING)
- O'HARA: It's Egghead, sir.
117
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,563
I'm well aware of his work.
118
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,902
Dear gosh.
You've destroyed the Bat-Signal.
119
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,612
You have thought of everything.
120
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,243
Yeah, I know!
121
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,823
And when I take over Gotham City...
122
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,330
ENERGY PLANT COMPUTER:
Opening reactor core doors.
123
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,241
JOKER". ...Batman will grovel at the feet
124
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,375
of his greatest enemy!
125
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,588
Me! The Joker!
126
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,498
(LAUGHS)
127
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,087
Joker, do you read me?
128
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,422
10-4, girl buddy.
129
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,881
We're ready for you, sugar plum.
130
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,422
Well, then, let's raise the roof!
131
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:40,724
BANE: Fire in the hole!
132
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,772
(SIRENS WAILING)
133
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,104
O'Hara, have you tried the Bat-Phone?
134
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,611
Yes, but all I'm getting
is this hold music.
135
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,362
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
136
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:55,610
I love it.
137
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,651
(TIRES SCREECHING)
138
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,743
- I want snipers trained on that building!
- You bet!
139
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,030
- I want water and air support, yesterday!
- Ahoy, sir!
140
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,618
And I need SWAT here now!
141
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,782
OFFICER: Phone call
for Commissioner Gordon.
142
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:06,950
Hello? Batman?
143
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,666
Hi, Jimmy! It's the Jokes. Oop!
144
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,205
Nobody calls you that.
145
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,211
(SCOFFS) Yes, people do call me that.
146
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,374
Okay, listen up.
147
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,884
ALL: Go, go, go!
148
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,637
JOKER: At this very moment,
an unnecessarily complicated bomb
149
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:23,892
is being attached
to the inside of the main energy core.
150
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,725
If the mayor isn't here in five minutes
to negotiate the city's surrender,
151
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:31,609
then I shall destroy Gotham City.
152
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,188
I did something!
153
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,945
PIPPA: Doctor, that sounds frightening
and overly complicated.
154
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,105
Talk us through it.
155
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,947
Well, I don't wanna scare
any small children who may be listening,
156
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,827
but it's a little-known fact
that Gotham City
157
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,331
is built on a bunch of flimsy plates
stuck together.
158
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,742
There's literally nothing beneath us,
159
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,163
except an infinite abyss
that smells like dirty underwear.
160
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,252
If Joker's bomb were to go off,
161
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,337
these plates would break apart,
162
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,126
plunging every Gotham citizen
163
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,842
into the eternal abyss forever.
164
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,677
JOKER: And you wouldn't want that,
now would you?
165
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,592
Now get me the mayor! Joker out!
166
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,478
Madam Mayor,
I cannot ask you to do this!
167
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,186
- Jim, did you find Batman?
- No, ma'am.
168
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,850
Then we have no choice.
169
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:17,362
The Joker has the upper hand.
We have to surrender Gotham City.
170
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,817
GORDON: Oh, no.
171
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,732
I'm sorry!
172
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,448
PILOT: Flying the mayor
package in right now.
173
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,783
SWAT LEADER: SWAT team,
get your stun guns ready!
174
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,368
- Non-lethal.
- BOTH: Yeah!
175
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,578
PILOT: Lowering
mayor package through hole.
176
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,202
JOKER: Madam Mayor!
177
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,746
Thanks for dropping by.
178
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,215
(SCOFFS) I've only got one thing
to say to you, Joker.
179
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,172
Well, you better make it fast.
180
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,381
Do you like to gamble?
181
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,635
Oh, I certainly do.
182
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,547
Do you ever play roulette?
183
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,760
On occasion.
184
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,641
Well, let me give you a word of advice.
185
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,801
I'm all ears.
186
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,220
When playing roulette...
187
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,512
Yes?
188
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,189
...always bet on black.
189
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,349
Batman?
190
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,894
What are you doing?
You're completely outnumbered here!
191
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,232
Are you nuts?
192
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,988
You wanna get nuts? Come on!
193
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,240
Let's get nuts!
194
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,951
'Cause I just wrote a song
about how I'm gonna kick all your butts!
195
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,658
Stop him before he starts singing!
196
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,993
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
197
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,250
(SINGING) Yeah!
198
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,585
In the darkest night
199
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,626
I make the bad guys fall
200
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,420
There's a million heroes
201
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,630
Computer, overcompensate.
202
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:22,885
But I'm the best of them all
203
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,045
PUTER". I'm on my way, sir.
204
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,090
- Who has the coolest gadgets?
- Batman!
205
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,394
- Who has the tricked-out ride?
- Batman!
206
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,351
- Who does the sickest backflips?
- Batman!
207
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,191
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Batman!
208
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,023
Yeah, hey, hey!
Batman jam!
209
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,229
Da-na, da-na, da-na, da-na
210
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,485
Batman!
211
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,773
You think my muscles are big?
212
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
Thank you.
213
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,868
You haven't seen my brain
214
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,205
Ladies, it's okay if you stare
215
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,364
Why?
216
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,250
'Cause I'm a billionaire
217
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:55,535
Get it together, guys!
218
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,462
You're making me look bad
in front of Batman!
219
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,959
'Puter, where's the bomb?
220
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:02,001
PUTER: The bomb is located
at the base of the energy core.
221
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:03,964
What the...
222
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,095
I get the last laugh
I get the final grin
223
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:09,516
Throw you into the asylum
With Harley Quinn
224
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,473
Turn Two-Face
To black-and-blue face
225
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,518
I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!
226
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,732
Kiss me, Batman.
227
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,227
- Who's the manliest man?
- Ugh!
228
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,485
Batman!
229
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,271
- With the buns of steel?
- Batman!
230
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,439
'Puter.
231
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,241
- Who could choke-hold a bear?
- Batman!
232
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,119
- Who never skips leg day?
- Batman!
233
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,992
Who always pays their taxes?
234
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,327
Not Batman
235
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,119
How is he beating all of you again?
236
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,170
-(G ROANS)
- Because...
237
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,421
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
238
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,923
I'm Batman!
239
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,379
It's gonna blow!
240
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,134
I'm Batman!
241
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,340
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
242
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,426
I'm Batman!
243
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,302
Hi, Batman!
So weird to keep running into you.
244
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,815
Batman!
245
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,188
Looks like your plan failed.
246
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:05,322
Well, it's only a matter of time
before I take over Gotham City.
247
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:13,121
When has that ever happened?
Computer!
248
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,032
P UTE R: Calculating. Never.
249
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,413
- You know why?
-(YELPS)
250
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,703
Because I'm always
one step ahead of you.
251
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,462
And I always get away!
252
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,087
Not this time.
253
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:28,928
'Cause this time
254
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,592
I 90t you.
255
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:31,802
0h, yeah?
256
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,059
Well, there's only one problem.
257
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,560
Who's gonna defuse the bomb?
258
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,346
It's gotta be one or the other, Batman.
259
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:42,814
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
260
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:43,977
You can't do both.
261
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,145
I'm sorry, what did you just say?
262
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,312
You can't do both, I said.
263
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,571
No, I mean the other thing.
264
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,607
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
265
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,117
You think you're my greatest enemy?
266
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,404
Yes! You're obsessed with me!
267
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,696
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) No, I'm not.
268
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:55,955
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
269
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,368
Yes, you are! Who else drives you
to one-up them the way that I do?
270
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,877
- Bane.
- No, he doesn't!
271
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,129
- Superman.
- Superman's not a bad guy!
272
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,167
Then I'd say that I don't
currently have a bad guy.
273
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,585
I am fighting a few different people.
274
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,752
What?
275
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:10,920
I like to fight around.
276
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,636
Okay, look, I'm fine with you
fighting other people
277
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:17,644
if you wanna do that,
but what we have is special.
278
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,095
So, when people ask you
279
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,105
"Who's your number one bad guy?"
you say...
280
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,356
Superman.
281
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,483
Are you seriously saying
that there is nothing,
282
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,065
nothing special about our relationship?
283
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:28,605
Whoa.
284
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,407
Let me tell you something, J-bird.
285
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:35,287
- Batman doesn't do 'ships.
- What?
286
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,789
As in "relationships."
287
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,289
There is no "us."
288
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,705
Batman and Joker are not a thing.
289
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,415
I don't need you.
290
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,297
I don't need anyone.
291
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,973
You mean nothing to me.
292
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,975
No one does.
293
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,769
(BOMB TIMER BEEPING)
294
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,442
(GRUNTING)
295
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,252
(SNIPS)
296
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,337
- Hurray! Batman!
-(ALL CHEERING)
297
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,717
You did it!
298
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,093
You're welcome.
299
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,005
- Thank you, Batman.
- Oh, my pleasure.
300
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,182
WOMAN: Batman, we love you!
301
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,969
Thank you!
I'm blushing super hard under the mask.
302
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,729
- Grazie, Batman! (BLOWS KISS)
- Prego.
303
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,356
- MAN: You're the best, Batman!
- Oh, I'm humble.
304
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,064
- Thanks, Batman!
- I'm super modest about it. Thank you.
305
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,354
- Batman, you're the greatest!
- Oh, pray hands, pray hands.
306
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,232
- WOMAN: Thanks for saving the city!
- You're welcome.
307
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,196
MAN 1: Batman,
I love you more than my kids!
308
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,359
BATMAN: So do I, guy!
309
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,909
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
310
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,372
MAN 2: You're our hero, Batman!
311
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,878
(LAUGHS) I love my life.
312
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,037
Computer.
313
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,205
PUTER". Go ahead.
314
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,090
- BATMAN: Are we near the orphanage?
- Yes.
315
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:14,469
Great.
Let's turn those frowns upside down.
316
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,091
(HONKING BATMAN THEME)
317
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,758
That sounds like the Batmobile.
318
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,557
No way!
319
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,389
Hey, orphans! Look who's here!
320
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,064
-(ORPHANS CLAMORING)
- It's Batman!
321
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,234
Hey, kids.
Who wants a shot from the merch gun?
322
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,191
- ALL: I do, I do, I do!
- Great!
323
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,196
- Kaboom!
- I got a lunchbox!
324
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,483
- Kaboom!
- I got a sippy cup!
325
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,902
- Kaboom!
- I got a Batarang!
326
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,741
And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.
327
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,246
- Kaboom!
-(ALL CHEERING)
328
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,407
Remember, kids,
if you want to be like Batman,
329
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,076
take care of your abs. Batman out!
330
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,128
ORPHANS: (CHANTING)
Batman! Batman! Batman!
331
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,499
(HONKING BATMAN THEME)
332
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,925
Thanks, Batman. You're my hero!
333
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,598
(UPBEAT MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
334
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:03,760
Whoo!
335
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,097
(LAUGHING)
336
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,152
PUTER". What is the password?
337
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,787
Iron Man sucks.
338
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,037
Thank you.
339
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,955
It must be great to be Batman.
340
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,290
I can only imagine
he is going home right now
341
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,080
to party the night away,
342
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,796
surrounded by scores of friends
and lady tennis players.
343
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,049
(BATS SQUEAKING)
344
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,595
Hey, Computer.
345
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,137
I'm home.
346
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,893
(ECHOING)
347
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,689
PUTER: Welcome home, sir.
348
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,695
Initializing Batcave operating system.
349
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,108
Hey, 'Puter.
350
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,486
What's up, Batman?
351
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,239
Put this bomb in the museum.
352
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,407
Certainly, sir.
353
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,126
- Thank you.
- No worries.
354
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,836
Anything exciting happen
when I was gone?
355
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,372
You have four pieces of mail.
356
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,882
Great, what'd I get?
357
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,883
You have this week's Pennysaver,
358
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,012
two bills,
and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.
359
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,047
It expires in two weeks.
360
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,343
But I've heard that some stores
will honor them past the expiry date.
361
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,510
Copy that.
362
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:31,727
Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor,
grouting tiles in the second bathroom
363
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,266
of the fifth master bedroom.
364
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,065
Do you want me to tell Alfred
you're home?
365
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,980
No, that's cool, Computer.
Thanks for the update.
366
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,865
I should probably
have some dinner.
367
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,367
Alfred left your lobster thermidor
in the fridge.
368
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,527
Oh, that's my favorite.
369
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,863
I can't wait.
370
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:08,059
Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.
371
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,951
(SIGHS)
372
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,996
(SMACKS LIPS RHYTHMICALLY)
373
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,983
(STRUMMING)
374
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,273
(CLEARS THROAT)
375
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,903
(PLAYING GUITAR SOLO)
376
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,124
Oh, wait.
377
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,665
There, which one is, uh...
378
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,625
Okay.
379
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,299
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
380
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,852
JERRY MAGUIRE:
You complete me.
381
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,012
(LAUGHS)
382
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,479
DOROTHY BOYD: (SNIFFLES)
Shut up. You had me at hello.
383
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,063
(LAUGHING)
384
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,440
Loveifl
385
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,401
(SIGHS)
386
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,313
Hey, Mom.
387
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,819
Hey, Dad.
388
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,321
I, uh...
389
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,699
I saved the city again today.
390
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,280
I wish you could have seen me.
391
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,330
I think you would have been
really proud.
392
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,163
- There you are!
-(GRUNTS)
393
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,380
Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry.
394
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,964
I have incredible reflexes.
395
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,549
No, it's all my fault, sir.
396
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,806
I should have known better
than to sneak up on you like that.
397
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,558
Sorry, I was just lost in thought,
and as you know,
398
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,310
when I'm in there, I'm in deep.
399
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,767
Were you looking
at the old family pictures again?
400
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,558
At the what? The old family...
401
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,726
Oh, yes! I see what you mean.
402
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,271
Look at that! The old gang.
403
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,405
Yeah. No, I wasn't.
404
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,908
I see.
405
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,446
Sir, if you don't mind my saying,
I'm a little concerned.
406
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:20,244
I've seen you go through similar phases
in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005
407
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,413
and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989
408
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:27,049
and that weird one in 1966.
409
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,007
Do you want to talk about
how you're feeling right now?
410
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,263
I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.
411
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,014
I don't have any, I've never seen one.
412
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,972
I'm a night-stalking,
crime-fighting vigilante,
413
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,807
and a heavy metal rapping machine.
414
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,018
I don't feel anything emotionally,
except for rage.
415
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,936
24/7, 365, at a million percent.
416
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,651
And if you think that there's something
behind that, then you're crazy.
417
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:49,814
Good night, Alfred.
418
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,197
Sir, it's morning.
419
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,781
(HISSING AND GROANING)
420
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,948
Master Bruce, you live on an island,
figuratively and literally.
421
00:19:58,114 --> 00:19:59,366
BATMAN: Yeah. I love it.
422
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,250
You can't spend
the rest of your life alone,
423
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,535
dressed in black,
424
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,955
listening to angry music,
and staying up all night.
425
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,624
Yes, I can, 'cause I'm Batman.
426
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,839
But don't you think it's time
427
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:14,050
you finally faced your greatest fear?
428
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,214
- Snakes?
- No.
429
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,382
- Clowns?
- No.
430
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,641
Snake clowns?
431
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,972
Bruce, listen.
432
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,180
Your greatest fear is
433
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,728
being a part of a family again.
434
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:38,162
Nope. Now it's snake clowns,
because you put that idea in my head.
435
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,742
- Sir?
- Time for push-ups!
436
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,828
One, two... We're going to 1,000.
437
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,459
I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.
438
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,415
It is possible. I'm already at 20.
439
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,331
You're scheduled to go to
Jim Gordon's retirement party.
440
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,626
What? No. I don't wanna do that.
441
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,635
- You're going to have a great time!
- No, no, no.
442
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,046
You might meet some new people!
443
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,384
No,no,no!
444
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:57,639
You could even make some new friends.
445
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,473
No,no,no,no.No,no,no,no.
No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no.
446
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,850
(BEATBOXING) No!
447
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,766
And before you go,
we can do your favorite thing.
448
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,018
(GASPS) Tuxedo dress-up party.
449
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,978
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
450
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,110
(LAUGHS)
451
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,029
Sir, aren't you forgetting something?
452
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,285
- Nope.
- Your cowl.
453
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,700
My what, now?
454
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,291
(SIGHS) Your armored face disguise?
455
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,539
Fine.
456
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,293
- Happy now?
-Indubitably.
457
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,508
Good. Must be nice to be happy.
458
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,923
PIPPA:
Tonight, on Metropolis in Focus,
459
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:41,596
we have our favorite star, Superman!
460
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,511
What up, Gotham!
461
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:44,720
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
462
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,018
Superman, tell me.
How do you feel
463
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:50,185
about your recent banishment
of Zod to the Phantom Zone?
464
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:53,651
Yeah, look, Pippa, it's...
It's complicated. Okay?
465
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:57,784
Zod and I, we've had some
pretty epic battles over the years.
466
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,322
(SIGHS)
467
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,580
I don't believe I would be Superman
without fighting Zod.
468
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:07,118
See? Superman gets it.
Why can't Batman?
469
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:10,879
Check it out, guys.
I built a CD rack. Ta-da!
470
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,001
And how am I supposed to get
Batman's respect
471
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,137
when I'm working
with these human farts?
472
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,922
Boo-boo, look at me.
473
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:23,510
You're too good for Batman.
He needs to open his eyes
474
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:26,099
and see what it feels like
when you're not around. Okay?
475
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,266
Yeah, Pippa. I couldn't put Zod
in a regular prison, right?
476
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,853
He's Zod. Come on!
477
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,601
No, he needed to go someplace
478
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,612
where he could never harm
Metropolis ever again.
479
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:38,233
The Phantom Zone.
480
00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:40,447
PIPPA: Ah, yes, the notorious space jail
481
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,987
that houses the greatest
super-villains of all time.
482
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:45,952
They've got, like,
the sickest baddies up there.
483
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:47,207
They got, like, this guy.
484
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,164
- And her.
- WICKED WITCH: I'll get you, my pretty!
485
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,795
SUPERMAN: To say nothing about him.
VOLDEMORT: Wingardium Leviosa!
486
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:52,955
SUPERMAN: And these guys.
487
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,123
DALEKS". Exterminate!
488
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:57,635
I'm starting to get an idea,
monkey face.
489
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,884
-(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
490
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,133
REPORTER: Bruce, over here!
491
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:05,643
Okay, shutterbugs.
Look alive, here we go.
492
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:06,973
I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready?
493
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:08,137
Kissy face.
494
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,556
Oops, I did it again.
495
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,816
And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do?
496
00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:14,147
I'm out of here, guys. Thank you.
497
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,733
- Congresswoman.
- Mr. Wayne, good to see you.
498
00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:18,489
- Senator, looking great.
- Bruce.
499
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:21,985
(SINGING) I'm starting with
the man in the mirror
500
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,528
Bruce, any advice
for the new commissioner?
501
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:26,243
Long as he knows how to push the button
for the Bat-Signal, he'll be fine.
502
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,907
Bruce, I don't know how you did it.
503
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,495
You can't prove it, you didn't do it.
504
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,160
Mr. Wayne, so great to see you!
Come and join us!
505
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,670
Mr. Prime Minister.
506
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,171
Did you have some work done?
507
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,124
No way!
508
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,843
Bruce Wayne!
509
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,800
He's the greatest orphan of all time.
510
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:44,841
ALL: (SINGING) Shamon
Shamon
511
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:47,055
- Nice to see you, Mr. Ambassador.
- Mr. Wayne!
512
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,060
- You want a picture?
- That would be swell!
513
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:50,812
- Here we go. Party face!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
514
00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,268
Boom. Keep it.
515
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,432
Whoa! Thanks, Mr. Wayne.
516
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:54,646
Call me Bruce, champ.
517
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:56,276
I'm just so jazzed to meet you, sir.
518
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,857
I'm sorry, did you say "jazzed"?
519
00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,647
Yes! My name's Richard Grayson,
520
00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:01,360
but all the kids at the orphanage
call me Dick.
521
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,150
- Well, children can be cruel.
- Yeah.
522
00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:04,534
- Great to see you, Bruce.
- Nice to see you, sir.
523
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:06,991
- So, I had a question for you, sir.
- Okay, hit me with it.
524
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:08,827
Do you have any advice
on how to get adopted?
525
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:10,206
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you do?
526
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:11,618
- Mr. Wayne, can I get an autograph?
- Sure.
527
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,040
Um, all right, for example,
is teeth whitener a good idea?
528
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:15,455
- Yes. There you go, pal.
- Thanks!
529
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,622
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
530
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:18,336
- Looking good, Bruce.
- Thank you so much.
531
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,342
How about eyeliner
or a foreign language?
532
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:21,878
- Try both.
- Bueno.
533
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:23,341
Look, it's the new commissioner!
534
00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:25,381
- Where? Oh, she's with the mayor!
- Okay. Let's see.
535
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:26,799
Here she is, everyone!
536
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:28,388
- Oh, my darling!
- Hi, Dad.
537
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:29,722
(GAsPs)
538
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:32,021
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
539
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,015
DICK: Mr. Wayne?
540
00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:38,144
Should I get experimental surgery
to make my eyes larger
541
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:39,687
and more vulnerable-looking?
542
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,401
Uh, do that.
543
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,695
(LAUGHING)
544
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,749
Uh, Mr. Wayne?
545
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:55,161
Are you currently in the market
to adopt a child?
546
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,083
- Yeah.
- Really?
547
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:58,919
- Oh, yeah.
-(LAUGHS) Wow.
548
00:24:59,081 --> 00:25:00,754
Are you looking for more
of a base model orphan
549
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:03,169
-or one that has more upgraded features?
- Yep.
550
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:04,678
Like cooking or driftwood art?
551
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:05,963
- Gymnastic abilities?
- Yep. Yep.
552
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,803
Close-up street magic é la David Blaine?
553
00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:09,763
- All of it sounds great.
- Really?
554
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:13,350
Because all of it sounds like me.
555
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:16,356
Mr. Wayne, do you think you'd be
interested in adopting me
556
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,188
as your future orphan son?
557
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:19,351
Definitely.
558
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,815
Oh, this is great!
559
00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:24,232
Because all I want is to get adopted,
so I can finally stop being
560
00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:28,114
alone.
561
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:30,445
McCAS KILL: We've gathered here tonight
562
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,785
to mark the retirement of Jim Gordon.
563
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:33,949
Good bye.
564
00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:38,838
And we wish him well
on his South African jungle safari!
565
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:40,043
-(ALL CHEERING)
- Thank you.
566
00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:41,962
Now, to introduce you
567
00:25:42,124 --> 00:25:44,126
to his exciting new replacement.
568
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,887
Everyone, meet your new commissioner!
569
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,088
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
570
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:51,426
ANNOUNCER: Meet Barbara Gordon!
571
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:55,813
- The new commissioner of Gotham City!
- Whoa!
572
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:59,475
She was top of her class
at Harvard for Police.
573
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:03,441
She cleaned up the streets
of Gotham's nearby sister city Bludhaven
574
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,481
using statistics
575
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:07,946
and compassion.
576
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:10,782
And now she's bringing her new ideas
577
00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:14,574
and her nunchucks to Gotham City.
578
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,663
Congratulations, darling.
579
00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:18,748
- Thanks, Dad.
- Here she is, everyone!
580
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:20,254
Thank you! Thanks!
581
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,629
Hurray!
582
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:22,881
REPORTER 1: Ms. Gordon, over here!
583
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,417
- REPORTER 2: Big smile!
- Wow.
584
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:27,257
Thank you for the oversized key
to Arkham Asylum.
585
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,217
And, uh, what's this?
586
00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:32,679
Thank you for the switch
to the Bat-Signal.
587
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,058
Nice.
588
00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:35,306
(CLEARS THROAT)
589
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:40,438
Dad, you've always done a great job
protecting Gotham City.
590
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,727
Flip! (CHUCKLES) That's me.
591
00:26:42,893 --> 00:26:45,567
Thank you.
Along with Batman, of course.
592
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:47,197
Whoo! Let's hear it for Batman!
593
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,983
Who I wish was here right now.
594
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:50,696
BRUCE: Oh, I'm sure he's listening.
595
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,532
I'd like to ask all of you a question.
596
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,696
Are you fed up with crime?
597
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:57,116
- Uh-huh. We're all tired of crime.
- Yeah, we're sick of it.
598
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:59,535
Great. Then let's talk about
real improvements
599
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:01,544
that will end the cycle of crime.
600
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:05,295
I've got a four-point pilot program
that I'd love to share with you.
601
00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,050
I wanna hear all four points.
602
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:08,381
- It's called...
- I am ready.
603
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,545
It takes a village...
604
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:10,928
Best opening to a title ever.
605
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:12,590
Not a Batman.
606
00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:14,383
- Waiter.
- Sir?
607
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,551
- Can I?
- Of course.
608
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,889
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
609
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,053
Thanks so much.
610
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:19,263
(GULPING)
611
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:21,982
- What?
- Look.
612
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:26,066
Batman's been on the job
for a very, very, very,
613
00:27:26,228 --> 00:27:29,573
very, very, very, very, very long time.
614
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,404
He has aged phenomenally.
615
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:35,572
However, despite all the great work
Batman has done for us,
616
00:27:35,737 --> 00:27:40,413
Gotham City is still the most
crime-ridden city in the world.
617
00:27:40,576 --> 00:27:41,668
- She's got a great point.
-Interesting.
618
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,704
Historically speaking, that is accurate.
619
00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,505
- He hasn't captured Riddler.
- MAN: You know, she's right.
620
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:46,881
He hasn't captured Bane.
621
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,963
- Huh!
- Or Catwoman.
622
00:27:49,126 --> 00:27:53,097
Or Two-Face,
or any of Gotham's other villains!
623
00:27:53,255 --> 00:27:54,256
He's not good at his job.
624
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:55,891
Including the Joker!
625
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:57,926
- She's making a lot of sense.
-(CLEARS THROAT)
626
00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,770
Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
627
00:27:59,928 --> 00:28:01,396
-(CLEARING THROAT)
- MAN: We love you, Barbara!
628
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:03,349
- Yes.
- Hi. Bruce Wayne.
629
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:05,938
Billionaire, bon vivant,
gallivanter, playboy,
630
00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:08,775
Gotham's most eligible bachelor,
like, 90 years in a row.
631
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,780
- That's me right there.
- I know who you are, Mr. Wayne.
632
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:15,111
You bet you do. Quick quest,
what is your problem with Batman,
633
00:28:15,277 --> 00:28:17,621
and also, what the heck, dude?
634
00:28:17,779 --> 00:28:19,247
I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.
635
00:28:19,406 --> 00:28:21,454
I'm not a Batman hater.
636
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:24,040
But we don't need
an unsupervised adult man
637
00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:26,831
karate-chopping poor people
in a Halloween costume.
638
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,800
We need to take
what's good about Batman...
639
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,551
...and marry it to actual laws
and proper ethics
640
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:35,885
and accountability.
641
00:28:36,298 --> 00:28:37,470
I hate everything you just said.
642
00:28:37,633 --> 00:28:42,560
Because my dream is for the police force
to team up with Batman.
643
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:43,722
Waiter.
644
00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,641
- Wouldn't that be better?
-(BRUCE SPITTING)
645
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:49,027
And I know that, together,
the world's greatest detective...
646
00:28:49,686 --> 00:28:51,609
-(JOKER GIGGLING)
-...and Gotham's finest
647
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,815
could clean up
these crime-ridden streets.
648
00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:55,571
-(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GIGGLING CONTINUES)
649
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:57,277
Forever.
650
00:28:57,444 --> 00:28:58,912
BOTH: Everybody, get down!
651
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,161
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
652
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:03,325
Grand entrance!
(IMITATES GUNS FIRING)
653
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:06,294
Everyone! Make your way
to the exits immediately!
654
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:07,712
WOMAN: Run!
655
00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:09,839
Team Bane, block the exits.
656
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,250
Going somewhere?
657
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,219
Clayface, Freeze, bring me
the new Commissioner Gordon.
658
00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:16,005
- We're on it.
- Cool.
659
00:29:16,171 --> 00:29:17,889
And, Harley, you know what to do.
660
00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:19,049
I sure do.
661
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:22,808
It's time for Operation
"Take Out the Laundry."
662
00:29:23,053 --> 00:29:25,977
(GRUNTS) Butler One, this is Bat One.
Do you copy?
663
00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:28,980
- Go ahead, Bat One.
- I need my armored face disguise, now!
664
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,359
Only if you say the magic word.
665
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:31,611
- Now!
- No.
666
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:34,523
- You're fired.
- No. Sir, we'll talk about this
667
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:35,737
back at the Batcave.
668
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:39,073
- Hey, 'Puter.
- PUTER: Yes?
669
00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:40,954
Initialize masterbuild music.
670
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,285
Right away.
671
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:46,043
Collateral damage assessment
suggests the Scuttler, sir.
672
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:47,327
Good plan.
673
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:54,209
(GRUNTS) Madam Mayor, stay close to me.
674
00:29:54,376 --> 00:29:55,377
Head for the south exit.
675
00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:57,011
Now, ma'am.
676
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:58,964
(GROANS)
677
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,132
Go!Go!Go!
678
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:01,721
Honey, let Batman take care of it.
679
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:03,226
Dad, I got this.
680
00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:04,557
(GRUNTING)
681
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:17,066
P UTE R: Scuttler online.
682
00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,360
Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!
683
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,028
I'm almost there.
684
00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:23,614
(SCREAMS)
685
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,121
BARBARA: Chief, get the mayor to safety.
686
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,541
BATMAN: Computer,
I've got the Joker in my sights.
687
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:32,752
Team, I got the Joker in my sights.
688
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,253
Jokefl
689
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:39,421
Joken
690
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,181
Uh, excuse me? I was about to--
691
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:44,093
Push the Bat-Signal? Good call.
I like your instincts.
692
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:46,227
JOKER: I've got a surprise for you guys.
693
00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:48,434
And it's gonna make you smile.
694
00:30:48,597 --> 00:30:50,599
Uh-oh! His smile is our grimace.
695
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:51,767
Everybody, get down.
696
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:53,685
-I...
- Joker, no!
697
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:55,775
...surrender.
698
00:30:56,146 --> 00:30:57,614
What?
699
00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:00,408
Uh, what did you just say?
700
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,821
I said, "I surrender."
701
00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:05,113
KING TUT: Joker, what are you doing?
702
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,199
I'm sorry, my Bat-ears
must be malfunctioning
703
00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:08,367
because it sounds--
704
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:09,534
I surrender!
705
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,124
Okay, you know what? Cool it.
You're a criminal.
706
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:14,335
-(TUTTING)
- You run, and I catch you.
707
00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:15,795
Not anymore, Batman.
708
00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:18,005
You were right. There is no "us."
709
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:21,468
So, there's no point
in me trying to fight you anymore.
710
00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:23,974
Therefore, I will be surrendering myself
711
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,851
to our strong-willed and
forward-thinking new commissioner.
712
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:28,557
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
713
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,721
That's really suspicious.
714
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:32,107
Yeah, it is. What are you up to, Joker?
715
00:31:32,265 --> 00:31:34,734
I just wanna go to Arkham
and pay for all of my crimes.
716
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,486
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
717
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,693
Are you actually saying "blink"?
718
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:40,152
No! Blink, blink, blink.
719
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:41,316
Joker! That's enough.
720
00:31:41,483 --> 00:31:43,030
Okay, Babs. I got this.
721
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,663
Not so fast, Batman.
You can't fight me anymore.
722
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:47,823
I'm off the market.
723
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,707
What are you talking about?
724
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:51,709
I'm off the menu.
725
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,667
You won't get to fight
any of this anymore.
726
00:31:54,996 --> 00:31:56,669
Man, am I sorry I asked.
727
00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:59,676
Anyway, have fun in jail and--
728
00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:01,052
Batman, what are you doing?
729
00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:03,046
-(GRUNTS)
- Punching Bane.
730
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:04,840
That was unnecessary.
731
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,304
Oh, no, you can't fight Bane
anymore either.
732
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:08,559
- Really?
-(BANE GROANS)
733
00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:10,686
- Yeah. Or Riddler.
-(SUPER-VILLAINS GROANING)
734
00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:12,348
Or Catwoman. Or Condiment King.
735
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,099
Why not?
736
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:18,021
Because we're all surrendering.
Right, guys?
737
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,187
ALL: We are?
738
00:32:19,354 --> 00:32:20,480
Yes!
739
00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:23,616
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
740
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:25,694
(SUPER-VILLAINS YELP)
741
00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:27,408
(ALL GASP)
742
00:32:27,988 --> 00:32:30,537
RIDDLER: Riddle me this.
What just happened?
743
00:32:30,907 --> 00:32:32,375
It's the end of crime!
744
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:33,831
All right!
745
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:35,036
- That was amazing!
- Over here, over here!
746
00:32:35,245 --> 00:32:37,339
- You did it!
- Yeah, of course I did. I'm--
747
00:32:37,539 --> 00:32:40,088
Sorry, not you.
We're talking to Commissioner Gordon.
748
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,218
- Well, it was a team effort.
- I got this, Babs.
749
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,754
Commissioner, how do you feel?
750
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,014
Amazing! This is a great first day.
751
00:32:46,173 --> 00:32:47,345
(SCOFFS) Okay.
752
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:48,724
- Question for Batman.
- Shoot.
753
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:50,261
What are you gonna do
with the rest of your life?
754
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:51,974
What do you mean,
the rest of my life?
755
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:55,016
We don't need a vigilante crime fighter
now that there's no more crime.
756
00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:56,229
Uh, yes, you do.
757
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,814
You can spend some quality time
with your family.
758
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:00,770
My...
759
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:07,953
Okay, Batman. We'll take it from here.
760
00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:09,237
All right, listen up.
761
00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:11,702
All of you have
the right to remain silent.
762
00:33:11,865 --> 00:33:12,912
Let's roll out!
763
00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:14,075
PENGUIN: Toodle-oo, Batman!
764
00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:15,585
BANE: Bye, Batman.
POISON IVY: Au revoir, Batman.
765
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:16,745
CLAYFACE: Bye, Batman.
766
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,255
JOKER". Bye, Batman!
767
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:21,041
(SAD MUSIC PLAYING)
768
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:26,922
Today is a victory
769
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:30,262
for the citizens of Gotham City!
770
00:33:31,092 --> 00:33:34,096
ALL: (CHANTING) No more crime!
No more crime! No more crime!
771
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:37,266
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
772
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,732
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
773
00:33:44,606 --> 00:33:45,778
Is everything okay, sir?
774
00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:47,614
You've barely touched
your lobster thermidor.
775
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:50,780
I don't have time to eat
lobster thermidor right now! (YELLS)
776
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:55,792
JOKER: Warrior two.
777
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:58,830
Pigeon pose. Tree pose.
778
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,125
Tree pose.
779
00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:05,339
Hey, Batman!
780
00:34:05,502 --> 00:34:06,674
Barbara!
781
00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:07,837
What are you doing?
782
00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:09,802
Nothing. I have a very full life.
783
00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:12,468
No, I mean, what are you doing here?
784
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:15,808
Surveillance. On the Joker.
785
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,895
Batman, we both know
the Joker's up to something.
786
00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:21,731
Well, then we can't just let him
run around loose in a prison.
787
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:23,145
He's not loose.
788
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:25,484
He has to go someplace outside the law.
789
00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:27,320
- Outside the law?
- Yeah.
790
00:34:27,524 --> 00:34:29,492
Somewhere like, uh...
791
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:32,746
Hi, there. I'm here
from Phantom's Own Laundry.
792
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,872
Here to take that bad stuff
off your hands.
793
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:37,659
Wait, that's it! The Phantom Zone.
794
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:39,669
The Phantom Zone? No way!
795
00:34:39,828 --> 00:34:43,423
That is super illegal
and way outside ourjurisdiction.
796
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:47,044
So, why don't you and I work together
797
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:49,713
inside the law,
to figure out what he's up to?
798
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:52,678
Batman works alone.
That's my motto. Copyright Batman.
799
00:34:52,841 --> 00:34:53,842
(SIGHS)
800
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:58,105
Batman, there are no more vigilantes
allowed in Gotham City.
801
00:34:58,263 --> 00:34:59,731
Okay. Totally got it.
802
00:34:59,889 --> 00:35:03,359
Then I have to go into
double-secret super vigilante mode.
803
00:35:03,893 --> 00:35:05,895
You said that out loud.
804
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:09,400
I know that she said I said that out loud,
but there's no way I did.
805
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:12,536
She has no idea what's going on
in my super-mind.
806
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,367
- Super-mind?
-(GASPS)
807
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:15,956
Smoke bomb!
808
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:23,713
Computer, how do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
809
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,966
Quickest route, no freeways.
810
00:35:29,169 --> 00:35:30,466
'Puter, do you hear me?
811
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:32,764
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
812
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,637
Hello, Master Bruce.
813
00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:37,348
Alfred, there's something wrong
with the Batcomputer. Watch this.
814
00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:39,228
'Puter. Nothing.
815
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:41,139
'Puter. Do you see what I'm saying?
816
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,523
There's nothing wrong with it, sir.
817
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:45,276
I have just taken away
your computer privileges.
818
00:35:48,188 --> 00:35:49,986
The parental lock? You can't do that.
819
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:52,367
Oh, I can. I've been reading
820
00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:54,903
Setting Limits
for Your Out-of-Control Child.
821
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:56,162
You know what? Doesn't matter,
822
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:57,994
'cause I have
a double-secret super password
823
00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,658
that unlocks the parental lock.
824
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:03,124
You mean, "Alfred da Butt-ler,"
with two T's?
825
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,329
(LAUGHS)
826
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:06,957
Sir, it's time for you
to stop this unhealthy behavior.
827
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:08,591
No, it's not.
828
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,297
You need to take responsibility
for your life.
829
00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:11,928
Not right now, I don't.
830
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:14,715
And it starts by raising your son.
831
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:18,968
I'm sorry.
832
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:21,934
I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.
833
00:36:22,097 --> 00:36:25,067
The young orphan you adopted
at the gala. Remember?
834
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:26,939
(RICHARD WHOOPING)
835
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:30,356
Wow! Stairs. Whee!
836
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,991
He's been living here for the past week.
837
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,777
Hello, table! Boom!
838
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:39,577
ALFRED: And I must say,
I've grown rather fond of the young lad.
839
00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:41,662
(WHISPERS) Hello, secret camera.
840
00:36:41,825 --> 00:36:42,872
ALFRED". You should get to know him.
841
00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:44,581
(SINGING) We are family
842
00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:47,293
- You and he have a lot in common.
- En garde.
843
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:50,959
Hello, family photos.
844
00:36:51,126 --> 00:36:53,549
ALFRED: He lost his parents
at a very young age.
845
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:56,923
I've always wanted one of those.
846
00:36:59,092 --> 00:37:03,063
Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone
to take him under their wing,
847
00:37:04,097 --> 00:37:07,317
as I took you under mine?
848
00:37:10,437 --> 00:37:13,156
Alfred, you've been watching
way too many Lifetime movies
849
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,315
and drinking chardonnay.
850
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:16,075
- It's Pinot grigio, sir.
- Whatever it is.
851
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:18,282
Listen, you don't have a family.
852
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:19,863
You're satisfied serving me.
853
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:22,874
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
854
00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:25,077
Now, I'm gonna go fight crime
855
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:28,167
while you put that kid on the next jet
to the orphanage Got it?
856
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:29,748
(SIGHS)
857
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:31,124
As you wish, sir.
858
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:32,630
(WHISTLING)
859
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:34,256
Whoops-a-daisy.
860
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:35,587
(RICHARD GASPS)
861
00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:36,887
BATMAN". Wait, what are you doing?
862
00:37:37,046 --> 00:37:38,047
Dusting.
863
00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:39,261
You can't let him into the Batcave!
864
00:37:39,424 --> 00:37:42,553
I'm not. I'm letting him into your life
865
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:44,263
via the Batcave.
866
00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:46,394
(WHOOPS)
867
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:48,899
(GAsPs)
868
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,273
What?
869
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:56,649
(GASPING)
870
00:37:56,900 --> 00:37:58,948
- It's the Batcave!
-(BATS SQUEAKING)
871
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,863
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
872
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,032
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
873
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:06,748
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
874
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,874
(WHOOPING)
875
00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:11,543
(GASPS) Batman! Whoa!
876
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:12,878
You're darn right, "Whoa."
877
00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:15,385
Wait, does Batman live
in Bruce Wayne's basement?
878
00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:17,716
No. Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
879
00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:19,973
- We can have sleepovers every night!
- No, we can't.
880
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:22,225
- Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!
- Wait, don't touch that!
881
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,600
Over there, it's the Bat-Space shuttle.
882
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,761
Please, keep your hands off that.
883
00:38:24,928 --> 00:38:26,396
- Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!
- Don't touch that either!
884
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:27,555
- It's the Bat-Train!
- No!
885
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:28,894
- It's the Bat-Kayak.
- No!
886
00:38:29,057 --> 00:38:30,058
4P3 the Ba t~Dune b _IVO!
887
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,068
It's the Bat shark repellent?
888
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:36,899
Uh, actually, you can touch that.
It's completely useless.
889
00:38:37,065 --> 00:38:38,408
Whoa! Thanks, Batman!
890
00:38:38,608 --> 00:38:40,781
Please, stand over there.
891
00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:43,493
And don't touch, look at, or do anything
892
00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:45,407
for the remaining moments
you have in my presence.
893
00:38:45,573 --> 00:38:46,574
Okay, cool.
894
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,209
- Computer.
- Go ahead.
895
00:38:48,368 --> 00:38:50,496
How do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
896
00:38:50,662 --> 00:38:52,756
PUTER:
Joker can only be put in the Phantom Zone
897
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,461
using the Phantom Zone Projector.
898
00:38:54,624 --> 00:38:55,876
Current location,
899
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:58,090
Superman's Fortress of Solitude
900
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,255
inside the Atomic Cauldron.
901
00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:04,847
However, only a person that isn't
shredded, ripped, or extremely swoll
902
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:06,226
can enter the cauldron.
903
00:39:06,427 --> 00:39:08,100
Ugh, I'm way too buff.
904
00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:10,015
PUTER: You also have beautiful abs, sir.
905
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:11,558
That's my cross to bear.
906
00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,852
Additionally, once inside the cauldron,
907
00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:16,612
multiple Kryptonian
defense systems engage,
908
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:19,069
including the Acid Moat,
Ring of Napalm,
909
00:39:19,232 --> 00:39:20,529
and the Jaws of Death.
910
00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:24,162
Chance of total mission failure is 110%.
911
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,618
Those are not great odds.
912
00:39:26,781 --> 00:39:27,782
Wait a minute.
913
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:29,121
- Hey, kid.
- Yes, sir?
914
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:30,957
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
915
00:39:31,119 --> 00:39:32,211
- And small?
- Very.
916
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:34,043
- And quiet?
-(WHISPERING) When I desire to be.
917
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:36,128
And 110% expendable?
918
00:39:36,291 --> 00:39:38,043
I don't know what that means,
butokay.
919
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,802
Great. Follow me.
920
00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:42,805
We are gonna steal
the Phantom Zone Projector from Superman.
921
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:43,965
- Steal?
- Yeah.
922
00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:45,725
We have to right a wrong.
923
00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:48,808
And, sometimes, in order to right a wrong,
you have to do a wrong-right.
924
00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:49,971
Gandhi said that.
925
00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:51,390
Are we sure Gandhi said that?
926
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,229
- I'm paraphrasing.
- Cool!
927
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,393
PUTER: Preparing Fortress of Solitude
infiltration gear.
928
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:56,903
Wow! Look at all these!
929
00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:58,483
Do I get a costume for the mission, too?
930
00:39:58,646 --> 00:40:01,115
I got a feeling that you'll just look
like a kid on Halloween.
931
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,317
Don't you think?
932
00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:03,572
Don't touch that.
933
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,824
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Whoo-hoo!
934
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:06,988
PUTER: El Mariachi.
RICHARD: I like that one!
935
00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:08,532
- That one is culturally insensitive.
- Night Terror.
936
00:40:08,698 --> 00:40:09,699
- That one!
- BATMAN: No way.
937
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:10,913
- This one?
- PUTER: Death Merchant.
938
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:12,076
- BATMAN: No.
- I'm okay.
939
00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:13,335
- This one.
- PUTER: Fire Starter.
940
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:14,916
- This one.
- Clawed Reigns.
941
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:16,422
- Excali-Bat.
- This one?
942
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,924
- Silent but Deadly.
- BATMAN: Nope.
943
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,675
- Bat-ryshniko v.
-(WHOOPING)
944
00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:20,926
How do we feel about this one?
945
00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:23,008
Dress-up parties are for grown-ups only.
946
00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:24,343
Wait. What's that one there?
947
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:25,722
BATMAN". That one was for
the assignment called
948
00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,141
The Jamaican Caper.
949
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,302
The locals called me Reggae Man.
950
00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:30,595
I love it!
951
00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,605
Ah! Feels like I was poured into this.
952
00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:33,856
My only trouble is,
953
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,025
these pants are just a little tight.
954
00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:38,312
I don't know if I could throw a kick
orjump in them.
955
00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:41,152
I got an idea. Rip! That's better!
956
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,691
Now I'm free, now I'm moving.
957
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,859
Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving!
958
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:47,077
I can only look you
in the eyes right now.
959
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:49,705
- Sir, what are you doing?
- What do you mean?
960
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:52,076
Why is Master Dick dressed like that?
961
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:55,878
How dare you tell me
how to parent my kid I just met?
962
00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,038
To the Batmobile!
963
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,377
Hot-diggity-dog!
964
00:41:01,209 --> 00:41:03,052
PUTER: Vehicle rotisserie engaged.
965
00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:05,759
Retrieving the Speedwagon.
966
00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:08,383
Atomic batteries to power.
967
00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:09,596
Turbines to speed.
968
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,602
Hey, kid. Let's go.
969
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,893
- Oh, shoot!
- What?
970
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:16,565
I probably shouldn't leave
971
00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:20,399
until I get the thumbs up
from my new old man, Bruce Wayne.
972
00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,199
Uh, yeah. Here's the thing.
973
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,445
Bruno and I decided
974
00:41:28,611 --> 00:41:30,534
to share custody of you.
975
00:41:30,697 --> 00:41:32,665
So I get a say
976
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,952
and you're mission approved.
977
00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:37,212
No way! Is this really happening?
978
00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:38,462
Yeah.
979
00:41:38,705 --> 00:41:39,752
Whoo-hoo!
980
00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:41,378
A month ago, I had no dads.
981
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:43,543
Then I had one dad. Now I have two dads!
982
00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:45,838
- And one of them is Batman!
- Yeah.
983
00:41:46,004 --> 00:41:47,347
(SINGING) It's raining dads!
984
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:48,506
So,
985
00:41:48,673 --> 00:41:50,721
are you ready to follow Batman
986
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:53,807
and maybe learn a few
life lessons along the way?
987
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:55,392
I sure am, Dad Two!
988
00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:57,307
But first, where's the seatbelt?
989
00:41:57,473 --> 00:41:59,020
The first lesson is,
990
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:01,106
life doesn't give you seatbelts!
991
00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:03,271
- Let's go!
- Whoo-hoo!
992
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:04,773
Yes!
993
00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:06,065
(WHOOPING)
994
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:08,034
Faster, Dad! Faster!
995
00:42:08,985 --> 00:42:09,986
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
996
00:42:10,153 --> 00:42:11,154
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
997
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:12,367
RICHARD: Yes, yes, yes!
998
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:13,915
-(BRAKES SCREECH)
-(GROANS)
999
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,618
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
I am so sorry.
1000
00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:18,582
Get back up in that seat. There you go.
1001
00:42:18,745 --> 00:42:20,747
Hey, listen.
As soon as I get back to the Batcave,
1002
00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:23,416
I'll make sure that
Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay?
1003
00:42:23,583 --> 00:42:26,587
But for the time being,
I'm just gonna put my arm right here.
1004
00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:29,889
And we're just gonna
gently ease out of here.
1005
00:42:30,048 --> 00:42:32,016
And here we go.
1006
00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,190
Okay. Like all superheroes,
1007
00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:49,905
Superman has zero friends,
and he spends most of his time
1008
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:53,948
basking in sweet, sweet isolation,
here at his alone palace.
1009
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,615
So, I'll keep him busy
1010
00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:58,581
while you sneak into that vent
and get the Projector. Got it?
1011
00:42:58,743 --> 00:43:00,586
Copy that! Oh, here's an idea.
I could also--
1012
00:43:00,745 --> 00:43:01,746
Whoa, whoa.
Don't even finish that thought.
1013
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,837
See this counter?
These are all the good ideas Batman has.
1014
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,877
And no one else has ever had
any good ideas. So don't even try.
1015
00:43:08,044 --> 00:43:09,637
- Your super power...
-(GASPS)
1016
00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:12,511
...is excellent listening
and execution of my ideas.
1017
00:43:12,673 --> 00:43:14,425
- Let's try it out.
- Cool!
1018
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,435
Drop to the ground. Do a backflip.
1019
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:18,141
Do a front flip. Triple axel.
1020
00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:20,648
Plié. Relevé. Jeté.
Pythagorean theorem.
1021
00:43:20,807 --> 00:43:22,024
A squared plus B squared equals C squared.
1022
00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:23,184
Physicalize it!
1023
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:25,445
A squared plus B squared
1024
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,355
equals C squared.
1025
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:28,606
- How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.
1026
00:43:28,773 --> 00:43:29,774
Yes!
1027
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:31,693
And don't call me "Dad."
Now, begin mission.
1028
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:32,860
Yes, Papa.
1029
00:43:33,027 --> 00:43:35,280
"Papa" falls into the "Dad" category.
1030
00:43:38,491 --> 00:43:39,993
(RICHARD GRUNTING)
1031
00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:49,710
(SUPERMAN THEME PLAYING)
1032
00:43:53,172 --> 00:43:54,344
-'Sup, Supes?
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1033
00:43:54,507 --> 00:43:56,976
(LAUGHS) Wow. It's Batman.
1034
00:43:57,135 --> 00:43:59,012
And he's at my house.
1035
00:43:59,178 --> 00:44:00,225
Right now.
1036
00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:01,772
What are you doing here?
1037
00:44:01,931 --> 00:44:04,901
Don't worry about it, dawg.
I'm not here to throw down or anything.
1038
00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:06,606
Uh, no, I would crush you.
1039
00:44:06,853 --> 00:44:09,356
(SCOFFS) Okay. Sure, sure, sure.
1040
00:44:09,522 --> 00:44:11,320
Hey, listen. Thank me later,
1041
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:13,075
but I just happened to be in the hood.
1042
00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:16,078
And I figured that you could
probably use the...
1043
00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:20,579
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-...company.
1044
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:22,247
(FLASH COUGHS)
1045
00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:24,245
Wait a minute.
1046
00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,335
Are you... Are you having
1047
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:30,427
the "57th Annual Justice
League Anniversary Party"
1048
00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:32,841
-without me?
-(MOUTHING) No.
1049
00:44:33,004 --> 00:44:34,631
ALL: No! No! No!
1050
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,550
No! There must have been
some mistake with the email.
1051
00:44:37,717 --> 00:44:38,764
That's crazy, man.
1052
00:44:38,926 --> 00:44:41,896
Totally! Yes, email mistakes
happen all the time.
1053
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:44,352
Sometimes I don't get
Superman's emails for
1054
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:46,100
years.
1055
00:44:46,267 --> 00:44:47,769
Great point, G.L. Great point.
1056
00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,437
All right.
Well, that clears up everything, right?
1057
00:44:49,604 --> 00:44:50,605
Enjoy the party, bro.
1058
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:52,944
Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog.
1059
00:44:53,107 --> 00:44:54,404
-(BARKS)
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1060
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,452
MAN: (SINGING)
I'm Superman at the super party
1061
00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:58,154
I'm Superman at the super party
1062
00:44:58,321 --> 00:44:59,322
Hey-hey
1063
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:02,371
Hey, Batman.
Do you wanna take a quick pic?
1064
00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:03,876
Sure. Where do you want me?
1065
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:05,036
Right there is perfect.
1066
00:45:05,203 --> 00:45:06,295
- Here's the camera.
- Oh.
1067
00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:08,672
Okay, party people, get together.
1068
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,128
Yeah. Everybody say--
1069
00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,134
- ALL: Super Friends!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
1070
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:13,670
Let me see it! Let me see!
1071
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:15,429
Classic! We got everyone.
1072
00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:17,515
Yeah, everyone.
1073
00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,799
FLASH: Thanks, Batman.
1074
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:21,594
Yeah, no problem. I did, like, a burst.
1075
00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:23,770
FLASH". This party is the bomb!
1076
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:27,309
Look at me! More like
Martian Dance Hunter, am I right?
1077
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:28,559
(ALL LAUGHING)
1078
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,273
'Puter, call kid.
1079
00:45:31,020 --> 00:45:32,021
Bat-Dad?
1080
00:45:32,438 --> 00:45:33,439
How's it going?
1081
00:45:33,606 --> 00:45:35,654
'Cause everything is
going great down here.
1082
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:36,817
I can see the target.
1083
00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:38,236
But there's some kind of
laser energy thing
1084
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:39,494
that I can't get through.
1085
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:41,452
Okay. I'll see if I can shut it off.
1086
00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:43,537
But I'm gonna have to make up
an excuse to leave this party
1087
00:45:43,699 --> 00:45:45,201
without anyone noticing.
1088
00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:47,708
Bye.
1089
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,172
Kid, tell me when it's off, all right?
1090
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:51,332
- Now?
- No.
1091
00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:52,546
- Now?
- No.
1092
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:53,755
- Now'?
- Not quite.
1093
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:54,919
- Now?
- No.
1094
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:56,178
- My son...
- No.
1095
00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:58,180
These irreplaceable crystals
contain all my knowledge,
1096
00:45:58,339 --> 00:46:00,262
which I now pass on to...
1097
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,472
Darn it. It's gotta be one of these.
Is this the one?
1098
00:46:03,386 --> 00:46:05,263
O.M. gosh! You did it, Padre!
It's off!
1099
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:06,430
Okay-
1100
00:46:06,597 --> 00:46:08,224
Now you gotta make your way
to the Atomic Cauldron
1101
00:46:08,391 --> 00:46:10,064
and get that Phantom Zone Projector.
1102
00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:12,194
- Do exactly as I say.
-10-4!
1103
00:46:12,353 --> 00:46:13,525
Okay. Jump!
1104
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:17,116
Do a front flip. Do a backflip.
1105
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:20,570
Run, run, run. Drop.
1106
00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:22,113
That's excellent listening.
1107
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,281
Shimmy.
1108
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,449
Strafe-left. Strafe-right.
1109
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:26,663
Avoid.
1110
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,794
Hey, I was thinking.
If I'm gonna be a superhero,
1111
00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:32,503
and go on awesome superhero missions
like this one, can we use code names?
1112
00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:34,792
Mine can be Robin.
1113
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:36,632
- I'm sorry, say that again?
- Robin!
1114
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:39,388
As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
1115
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:42,141
Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase.
Tweet, tweet, on the street.
1116
00:46:42,300 --> 00:46:43,677
- Hard pass.
- And a song.
1117
00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:45,265
(SINGING) Fly, Robin, fly
1118
00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:48,022
- Harder pass. Now slide!
-(WHOOPING)
1119
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:49,397
Okay, kid. I'm gonna teach you
1120
00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:51,730
how to masterbuild your way
inside that thing.
1121
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:52,893
Yay!
1122
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:55,188
Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs,
1123
00:46:55,396 --> 00:46:56,568
disconnect the 6x10 plates.
1124
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:57,732
Like this?
1125
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,783
Whoa! Unbelievable obeying.
1126
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:01,068
Now, let's ride.
1127
00:47:01,235 --> 00:47:02,407
Toes to the nose.
1128
00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:03,822
Now you're gleaming the cube.
1129
00:47:03,988 --> 00:47:05,740
- Yeah!
- Now, get creative.
1130
00:47:05,906 --> 00:47:08,159
Freestyle a little bit.
Oh, that's good, kid!
1131
00:47:08,326 --> 00:47:10,374
It's like looking in a Bat-mirror.
1132
00:47:10,536 --> 00:47:12,379
- Okay. Leap.
-(WHOOPING)
1133
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:17,043
- I've got the Projector, Dad.
- Booyah!
1134
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:20,088
Now do everything we just did backwards.
1135
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:21,593
Oh.
1136
00:47:22,757 --> 00:47:24,680
Oh! Here you go, Dad. We did it!
1137
00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:28,062
Yeah! Mission accomplished.
That was fun!
1138
00:47:30,306 --> 00:47:33,185
You okay, Batman?
You seem the opposite of stern.
1139
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,770
Yeah, I'm fine. It's just
1140
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:38,485
watching you out there,
1141
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:42,117
it was like the world wasn't
all darkness anymore.
1142
00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:45,617
For a brief moment
1143
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,909
I could have sworn I felt something.
1144
00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:51,498
PUTER". That feeling is pride, sir.
1145
00:47:52,161 --> 00:47:53,504
You're right.
1146
00:47:53,662 --> 00:47:55,335
I am super proud.
1147
00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:56,540
(GAsPs)
1148
00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:59,009
Of myself.
1149
00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:02,468
For being such
a good teacher, obviously.
1150
00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:04,970
Yeah, you're a great teacher.
1151
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:06,133
I am?
1152
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,395
Yeah! I wanna be just like you
when I grow up, Padre!
1153
00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:11,226
Wait, what did you call me?
1154
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:13,853
I called you Padre.
1155
00:48:14,683 --> 00:48:17,436
It's Spanish for "Dad." Sorry.
1156
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:20,982
Well, isn't it also a cool Spanish way
to say "buddy"?
1157
00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:23,025
Yeah, I could've been
saying it that way.
1158
00:48:23,192 --> 00:48:24,284
Then I'll allow it.
1159
00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:25,786
Oh, you're such a great padre!
1160
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:27,321
What are you doing?
1161
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:29,490
I'm trying to give you a big old hug.
1162
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,000
Thought you were attacking me.
1163
00:48:32,034 --> 00:48:34,662
Hey, you up for another
top secret superhero mission
1164
00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:36,081
to defeat the Joker?
1165
00:48:36,247 --> 00:48:38,375
ROBIN: Oh, lam down to stop that clown.
1166
00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:40,839
But I don't wanna make
my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry.
1167
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,344
Do you think we'll be done
before my bedtime?
1168
00:48:42,503 --> 00:48:43,504
Bedtime?
1169
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:45,173
Batman's life lesson number two.
1170
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,182
Vigilantes don't have bedtimes.
1171
00:48:47,341 --> 00:48:48,342
Yes!
1172
00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:51,558
So, what's the vigilante policy
on cookies?
1173
00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:53,689
Unlimited!
1174
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:58,023
All right, kid.
We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon.
1175
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:00,904
So, lesson number three.
1176
00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:02,865
When going stealth,
1177
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:06,948
you gotta hide every part of you,
physically and emotionally.
1178
00:49:07,528 --> 00:49:08,575
- Got it?
- Yeah!
1179
00:49:08,737 --> 00:49:09,738
Already failed.
1180
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:11,578
Now, what I need you to do
1181
00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:15,537
is use the naturally dark areas
of your costume,
1182
00:49:15,703 --> 00:49:19,298
and integrate into the dark parts
of this environment.
1183
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:20,549
Okay.
1184
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:22,585
- Can you see me?
- Yes.
1185
00:49:22,751 --> 00:49:24,594
- How about now?
- Yes.
1186
00:49:24,753 --> 00:49:26,630
- What about now? Now?
- Yes.
1187
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,549
Yes. You're a goner, kid.
1188
00:49:28,716 --> 00:49:30,559
- Batman?
-(GASPS) Barbara!
1189
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:32,811
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
1190
00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:34,972
Batman? Batman!
1191
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:36,891
Hey, there. Look at you.
1192
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:38,525
- Who's this?
- Hi, police lady.
1193
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:40,228
- Is that your son?
- Yes, I am.
1194
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,317
Is that my son...
No, that's just weird.
1195
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:43,823
It's weirder if it's not your son.
1196
00:49:43,981 --> 00:49:46,234
Right. No, I don't...
(STAMMERING)
1197
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:48,452
I'm not in a relationship or anything.
1198
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:50,238
I could have a kid.
1199
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:52,991
I mean, if I met the right lady,
1200
00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:56,161
and if she was just standing
right in front of me,
1201
00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:59,422
and we looked at each other and thought,
"Hey, let's do this.
1202
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,332
"Let's be together."
1203
00:50:01,499 --> 00:50:02,967
- Batman?
- Yes?
1204
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:06,095
I hope you're back because you've decided
to work together
1205
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,425
on the Joker case.
1206
00:50:07,671 --> 00:50:08,718
Uh...
1207
00:50:08,923 --> 00:50:11,176
Yeah. Absolutely!
1208
00:50:11,383 --> 00:50:12,384
Great.
1209
00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:15,521
-(DOOR ALARM BUZZES)
- Ooh. Arkham Asylum.
1210
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:16,805
- So, before we question the Joker...
- Uh-huh.
1211
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:18,349
...I'm gonna need you to hand
over all your weapons.
1212
00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:20,268
I mean, I don't know if I have anything...
1213
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:21,481
-(SCANNER BEEPS)
- Oh!
1214
00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:23,112
I just got a couple here. There.
1215
00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:24,362
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
1216
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:25,523
-(SCANNER BEEPS)
- Oh. Of course.
1217
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:27,441
What about the utility belt?
Anything in your cape?
1218
00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:28,947
-(SCANNER BEEPING)
- Under your cowl?
1219
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:30,326
And your shoes.
1220
00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:31,487
There we go.
1221
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:33,372
Uh... This is really uncomfortable.
1222
00:50:33,531 --> 00:50:35,454
Sorry. My shoes are part of my pants.
1223
00:50:35,658 --> 00:50:36,659
(ALARM BLARING)
1224
00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:37,868
Oops.
1225
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:39,252
- Batman?
- Yes?
1226
00:50:39,411 --> 00:50:41,129
Why is your "not son"
1227
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:43,791
trying to smuggle
the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham?
1228
00:50:43,958 --> 00:50:46,507
What? Hey, kid. What is this?
1229
00:50:46,669 --> 00:50:48,717
Batman, give me
the Phantom Zone Projector.
1230
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:49,880
- No.
- Batman!
1231
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:51,469
Give me the Phantom Zone Projector!
Give it to me!
1232
00:50:51,632 --> 00:50:52,929
No, no, no! Whoa! Nice.
1233
00:50:53,259 --> 00:50:55,478
I studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu
at Harvard for Police.
1234
00:50:55,636 --> 00:50:58,185
Oh, yeah? Well, guess who got
a PhD in smoke bombs!
1235
00:50:58,347 --> 00:50:59,394
-(COUGHING)
- Dr. Batman.
1236
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,683
BARBARA: Guards! Get them!
1237
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:01,976
Freeze, Batman!
1238
00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:05,237
Hey, kid. This is a training exercise.
These guys are my bros.
1239
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:06,989
- Go ahead and take a couple of them out.
- Cool!
1240
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:08,148
BATMAN: Hey, Frank.
1241
00:51:08,315 --> 00:51:09,316
ROBIN: You want a piece of Robin?
1242
00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,030
BATMAN: Barney!
Nice compound fracture!
1243
00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:12,945
ROBIN: How'd you like a punch, Glen?
1244
00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:14,905
Code Red!
1245
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:16,745
I need total security lockdown, now!
1246
00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:18,459
(ALARM BLARING)
1247
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:20,919
Om!
1248
00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:23,706
'Sup, Joker?
1249
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:25,249
Namaste, Batman.
1250
00:51:25,416 --> 00:51:26,884
- Namaste.
- Gross.
1251
00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:28,510
Ooh. Briefs man. Me, too.
1252
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:30,797
Cut the baloney.
Kid, guard the door, will ya?
1253
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:32,089
On it! Take that, Alan!
1254
00:51:32,381 --> 00:51:35,681
Huh. Looks like you're going to
a lot of trouble for little old me.
1255
00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:38,016
I must be your greatest enemy after all.
1256
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:39,521
Right, Batman?
1257
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:41,895
- I see what you're trying to do.
- And what is that?
1258
00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:44,981
You're trying to entrap me
into a relationship.
1259
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:47,317
- Really?
- Yeah, and it's not gonna work.
1260
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:48,696
Oh, yes, it is.
1261
00:51:48,856 --> 00:51:50,858
- Because I'm inside your head.
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
1262
00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:52,359
- No, you're not!
- No, you're not!
1263
00:51:52,693 --> 00:51:53,694
-(GASPS)
- I knew you'd say that.
1264
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,283
- No, you didn't!
- No, you didn't!
1265
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:57,119
-(GASPS)
- And I knew you'd say that!
1266
00:51:57,281 --> 00:51:59,409
See? We aren't so different, I and you.
1267
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,077
- It's, "you and I!"
- It's, "you and I!"
1268
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:03,916
- Argh!
- Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy.
1269
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:05,422
You're not my greatest enemy, Joker.
1270
00:52:05,581 --> 00:52:07,879
Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone.
1271
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:09,043
Fine, I will.
1272
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:11,712
And prove I'm your greatest enemy.
1273
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:12,921
(GROW LS
1274
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:14,552
Batman, don't do this.
1275
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,185
As long as you're in the Phantom Zone,
I'll be saving Gotham City,
1276
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:20,017
and that's all that matters to me.
1277
00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:21,522
Goodbye, Joker.
1278
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,603
Oh, Batman, thank you!
1279
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:24,767
(JOKER LAUGHS)
1280
00:52:26,018 --> 00:52:29,397
Yes! That's what I call
saving the city again!
1281
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:31,281
Batman, what are you doing?
1282
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:32,692
I'm Batman-HQ.
1283
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:33,901
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1284
00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:35,991
I'm Batman
I'm awesome
1285
00:52:36,153 --> 00:52:37,154
I got a nine-pack
1286
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:38,322
Stop m
1287
00:52:38,739 --> 00:52:40,241
Batman, I can't believe you did this.
1288
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:41,408
Hi, police lady.
1289
00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:42,747
And even worse,
1290
00:52:42,910 --> 00:52:45,254
you've made this kid
into an accessory to your crime.
1291
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:47,460
Sorry, kid.
1292
00:52:47,623 --> 00:52:48,624
That's okay, ma'am.
1293
00:52:48,791 --> 00:52:50,714
As long as I'm doing a dime
in the big house with my old man,
1294
00:52:50,876 --> 00:52:52,173
everything's gonna be A-okay.
1295
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:54,430
Officers, take this Projector
to the evidence room.
1296
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,261
- You got it.
- And get this man some pants.
1297
00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:57,470
I'm good the way I am.
1298
00:52:57,633 --> 00:53:00,352
B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?
1299
00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:04,774
(SIGHS) You know, when I was a kid,
1300
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,901
I wanted to be you, Batman.
1301
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,437
I wanted to be as strong
1302
00:53:10,604 --> 00:53:13,278
and as fast and as smart as Batman.
1303
00:53:14,274 --> 00:53:16,276
But you're not who I thought you were.
1304
00:53:16,777 --> 00:53:18,074
Uh... What do you mean?
1305
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:22,458
You can't be a hero
if you only care about yourself.
1306
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:25,285
Barbara, I...
1307
00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:28,748
I think you're underestimating
1308
00:53:28,914 --> 00:53:31,463
the importance of the Joker
being in the Phantom Zone.
1309
00:53:32,126 --> 00:53:34,470
Really, it's kind of a stroke
of genius. All the...
1310
00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:35,629
Hey, where are you going?
1311
00:53:35,796 --> 00:53:39,300
I just put Joker in the one place
he can't do anyone any harm.
1312
00:53:40,634 --> 00:53:41,635
(SIGHS) Yeah.
1313
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:46,690
But what if you just gave Joker
exactly what he wanted?
1314
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,690
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
1315
00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:12,837
Oh!
1316
00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:16,837
Whoa!
1317
00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,427
Look at this place!
Am I being too loud?
1318
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:20,674
(CRACKS KNUCKLES)
1319
00:54:20,841 --> 00:54:22,434
Q ~Hu
h' my 99%“
1320
00:54:22,676 --> 00:54:24,349
-(GASPING)
- Sorry. I always do that.
1321
00:54:24,511 --> 00:54:25,512
How about a warning next time?
1322
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:27,022
You're so right, and I am so wrong.
1323
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,024
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1324
00:54:29,183 --> 00:54:30,184
Yeah, bad guy.
1325
00:54:30,350 --> 00:54:32,227
- My name is Phyllis.
- Oh, that was my grandma's name.
1326
00:54:32,394 --> 00:54:34,988
Now hold still while I scan you.
1327
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:36,862
(IMITATES BEEPING)
Scanning for badness.
1328
00:54:37,024 --> 00:54:38,571
Trying to assess whether you are bad.
1329
00:54:38,734 --> 00:54:39,951
(JOKER IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1330
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,862
(JOKER LAUGHING)
1331
00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:45,248
Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy."
1332
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:47,702
Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person.
1333
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,620
But with vulnerabilities.
1334
00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:51,835
Who, me? (CHUCKLING) No way.
1335
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:54,796
So, where do you keep
all the other bad people in this place?
1336
00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:56,756
They're standing right behind you.
1337
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,257
-(EVIL LAUGHTER)
- Whoa!
1338
00:54:59,254 --> 00:55:00,301
Hi there, guys.
1339
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:01,807
Lovely to meet you all. I'm the...
1340
00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:03,808
Oh, fist bump?
There we... Handshake?
1341
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:06,057
(LAUGHS) It doesn't matter.
I'm the Joker.
1342
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:07,597
Take a look at the new guy.
1343
00:55:07,763 --> 00:55:10,061
Guess they'll just let anybody in here.
1344
00:55:10,224 --> 00:55:11,601
Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too.
1345
00:55:11,767 --> 00:55:13,986
They just showed a video montage--
1346
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,566
- Boring!
- What?
1347
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:17,322
- You're boring.
- He looks delicious.
1348
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:18,740
-(GASPS)
- Let's eat this guy.
1349
00:55:18,982 --> 00:55:20,029
-(GROWLING)
-(JOKER STAMMERS)
1350
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,615
Stop with the violence for just a second!
1351
00:55:22,778 --> 00:55:26,078
What if I told you
I could get you outta here?
1352
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:28,575
I'm sorry, what'd you just say?
1353
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:30,244
That's right. I'm so bad,
1354
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,581
I got myself thrown into
this heck-hole on purpose!
1355
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:34,794
I'm listening.
1356
00:55:34,957 --> 00:55:37,051
Count me interested.
1357
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,927
Look, everyone here knows
1358
00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:41,430
what it's like to be hurt
by a hero, don't they?
1359
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:43,556
We've all been taken for granted, right?
1360
00:55:43,715 --> 00:55:45,388
ALL: Yeah, bro.
MEDUSA: I'm relating.
1361
00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:49,272
Well, that's why I came
to this space prison.
1362
00:55:49,429 --> 00:55:50,897
To recruit the universe's greatest--
1363
00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:53,150
- We'll do it!
- I'm sorry?
1364
00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:54,605
You were going to
say something about
1365
00:55:54,768 --> 00:55:56,736
recruiting the universe's
greatest villains
1366
00:55:56,895 --> 00:55:59,273
to conquer a superhero.
1367
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,032
- Am I right?
- Uh, yeah.
1368
00:56:01,191 --> 00:56:03,034
- Well, we're in!
- ALL: Yay!
1369
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:04,494
Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint--
1370
00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:05,745
Still boring!
1371
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,156
Yeah. Just get on with it.
1372
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:08,790
You want us to humiliate him?
1373
00:56:08,949 --> 00:56:09,996
I certainly do. Yes.
1374
00:56:10,158 --> 00:56:12,707
You want us to make him
grovel at your feet?
1375
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:14,747
I would like to see that very much!
1376
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,086
(ECHOING) You want us to smite him?
1377
00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,466
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1378
00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:20,343
You want us to make
the rivers of Gotham City
1379
00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,129
run red with his blood?
1380
00:56:22,296 --> 00:56:23,422
Oh, that's--
1381
00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,967
Oh, no blood?
How do you feel about lava?
1382
00:56:26,133 --> 00:56:27,134
Yes! Lava.
1383
00:56:27,301 --> 00:56:28,302
- Done.
- ALL: Yay!
1384
00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:29,602
KING KONG: I can't wait
to crush buildings.
1385
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:30,804
VELOCIRAPTOR:
Excuse me. Hello?
1386
00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,644
Over here.
I don't want to be a downer,
1387
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,900
but how exactly are we going
to get outta this place?
1388
00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:37,982
Oh, leave that to me.
1389
00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:39,814
GUARD: Don't wanna jinx us,
1390
00:56:39,980 --> 00:56:42,324
but I'll be a lot happier when
this Phantom Zone Projector
1391
00:56:42,524 --> 00:56:43,992
is locked up tight.
1392
00:56:44,151 --> 00:56:45,198
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1393
00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:46,702
Going up, ma'am?
1394
00:56:46,862 --> 00:56:49,991
No. You're going down!
1395
00:56:50,657 --> 00:56:52,409
-(GUARDS GROANING)
- Look out! Smash!
1396
00:56:53,493 --> 00:56:55,666
I guess you're right.
lam going up. Ding!
1397
00:56:58,165 --> 00:57:00,167
Here comes the...
1398
00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:02,837
Phantom Zone!
1399
00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:06,886
Huh?
1400
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:08,342
(THUNDER CRASHING)
1401
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:10,018
I'm gonna go start looting.
1402
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,477
JOKER: Hello, Gotham City!
1403
00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:16,142
The Clown Prince of Crime
1404
00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:17,935
is back!
1405
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:20,524
Commissioner Gordon,
you gotta take a look at this.
1406
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:21,772
-(MUSIC PLAYING)
- BARBARA: What's that?
1407
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:23,816
GUARD: A monkey
and dog are friends.
1408
00:57:23,982 --> 00:57:25,325
-(LAUGHS)
- Not that. That!
1409
00:57:25,484 --> 00:57:28,533
And I've come
to finally take over the city.
1410
00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:30,663
But in order to do that,
1411
00:57:30,822 --> 00:57:34,702
I need to break my friends
out of a giant, scary prison.
1412
00:57:34,868 --> 00:57:37,166
- Hey, guys, he means us!
- PRISONERS: Yay!
1413
00:57:37,371 --> 00:57:38,543
And I ain't talking about
1414
00:57:38,705 --> 00:57:41,379
those rogue losers dressed in cosplay!
1415
00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:43,419
- PRISONERS: Oh!
- Me-ouch.
1416
00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:45,804
I'm talking about my new peeps!
1417
00:57:45,963 --> 00:57:47,431
And they're just like me.
1418
00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:50,263
The greatest villains you'll ever see.
1419
00:57:50,425 --> 00:57:51,972
You wanna meet them?
1420
00:57:52,219 --> 00:57:53,892
- No.
- Too bad.
1421
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,602
He's evil, he's magic,
1422
00:57:56,765 --> 00:57:59,564
and it's about to get tragic.
1423
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,399
It's Voldemort.
1424
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:02,813
Magic!
1425
00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:05,775
You are a fish.
1426
00:58:05,941 --> 00:58:06,942
You are a frog.
1427
00:58:07,109 --> 00:58:08,110
You are a fish frog.
1428
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,870
JOKER: He's a 9, 000-year-old
incarnation of evil,
1429
00:58:11,029 --> 00:58:12,656
with an eye for jewelry.
1430
00:58:12,823 --> 00:58:14,416
Give it up for Sauron!
1431
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,576
SAURON: Good afternoon, Gotham City.
1432
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:18,162
(ROARS)
1433
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:20,877
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
1434
00:58:21,206 --> 00:58:24,085
JOKER: He likes long, violent walks
on historic buildings.
1435
00:58:24,251 --> 00:58:25,673
It's King Kong!
1436
00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:27,053
Come at me, Gotham!
1437
00:58:27,546 --> 00:58:28,718
(SIREN WAILING)
1438
00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:32,226
Commissioner Gordon, these monsters,
they're too powerful.
1439
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:34,303
Can you contain them to downtown?
1440
00:58:34,928 --> 00:58:36,225
That's gonna be impossible.
1441
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,106
Half the police force are fish!
1442
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,768
Sergeant Jackson!
Stop floppin' around!
1443
00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,936
JOKER: And rounding out
the evil all-stars,
1444
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:44,320
Wicked Witch!
1445
00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:45,776
Medusa.
1446
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,282
And British robots!
1447
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:48,567
DALEKS: Exterminate!
1448
00:58:48,734 --> 00:58:50,077
JOKER". Ask your nerd friends.
1449
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:52,988
Hello? Bad guys?
1450
00:58:53,196 --> 00:58:54,197
(MAN SCREAMS)
1451
00:58:55,282 --> 00:58:56,454
(LAUGHS)
1452
00:58:56,950 --> 00:59:00,079
What a crew, huh?
And they all work for me!
1453
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:03,966
Who's the greatest villain
of them all now, Batman?
1454
00:59:04,124 --> 00:59:05,296
Still not you.
1455
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,461
Actually, this does look
pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad.
1456
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:08,628
-(LAUGHING)
- Whee!
1457
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,297
Nice destruction all around.
1458
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:11,465
Watch your step!
1459
00:59:11,631 --> 00:59:13,133
Good work, guys!
1460
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:15,268
Now, all that's left for me
1461
00:59:15,427 --> 00:59:18,306
is to rub it in Batman's bat face.
1462
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:20,941
Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye
1463
00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:23,773
have a unique ability
to peer through time and space?
1464
00:59:23,977 --> 00:59:26,150
- Uh-huh.
- Well, I need to find Batman.
1465
00:59:26,313 --> 00:59:27,860
Where's homeboy's man cave?
1466
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,817
Hmm. Give me a second.
1467
00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:31,109
Scary noise.
1468
00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,903
It's beneath Wayne Manor!
1469
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:34,112
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1470
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:35,280
Hold on a sec.
1471
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,120
Are you trying to tell me
1472
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,956
that Bruce Wayne is Batman...
1473
00:59:40,786 --> 00:59:42,003
...'s roommate?
1474
00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:44,248
Uh... Yeah.
1475
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,880
Evil army, this way to the Batcave!
1476
00:59:48,168 --> 00:59:50,387
(VILLAINS GROWLING)
1477
00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:53,340
Good grief!
1478
00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:56,055
(ROARING)
1479
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:02,015
(ROARS)
1480
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:05,902
(WHOOPING)
1481
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,404
Hey, Batman!
1482
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:09,405
Joker's home. (ECHOING)
1483
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:13,569
(LAUGHS) I'm rubbing my butt
all over your stuff.
1484
01:00:13,735 --> 01:00:15,863
We're going to have to rename this
the Butt-mobile.
1485
01:00:16,071 --> 01:00:17,698
(ALL LAUGHING)
1486
01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:19,074
Hey, evil army.
1487
01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:20,663
I need Batman brought here.
1488
01:00:20,826 --> 01:00:22,169
Now go get him!
1489
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:23,499
Joker out!
1490
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:24,704
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1491
01:00:26,832 --> 01:00:27,833
Uh...
1492
01:00:27,999 --> 01:00:29,091
Padre?
1493
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:30,252
BATMAN: Yeah?
1494
01:00:30,418 --> 01:00:31,840
Do you ever get scared?
1495
01:00:32,546 --> 01:00:33,593
No.
1496
01:00:34,506 --> 01:00:37,726
Yeah, that's what I figured,
'cause you're Batman.
1497
01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:42,727
(ROBIN SNIFFLING)
1498
01:00:44,141 --> 01:00:47,566
Hey, kid.
You know who does get scared?
1499
01:00:47,727 --> 01:00:48,728
ROBIN: Who?
1500
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:50,280
Bruce Wayne.
1501
01:00:50,438 --> 01:00:52,236
- Really?
- Yeah.
1502
01:00:52,399 --> 01:00:54,072
Bruno told me once
1503
01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:57,454
that sometimes the only way
to get out of a down moment
1504
01:00:57,612 --> 01:00:59,239
is to start boxing.
1505
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:01,707
And by "boxing," he meant
1506
01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:03,244
beatboxing.
1507
01:01:03,410 --> 01:01:04,627
- Oh!
-(CLEARS TH RQAT)
1508
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,880
(SINGING)
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na...
1509
01:01:07,038 --> 01:01:09,040
(BEATBOXING)
1510
01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:10,925
Feel it, uh-huh
1511
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,961
Dick Grayson on the mic, go
1512
01:01:13,128 --> 01:01:14,129
Oh. Um...
1513
01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:15,923
(BEATBOXING)
1514
01:01:16,089 --> 01:01:17,932
(BOTH BEATBOXING)
1515
01:01:19,926 --> 01:01:22,054
Oh, my gosh.
This does make me feel better.
1516
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,267
Okay. Shh. Batman solo.
1517
01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:25,603
(SINGING) Bat, bat, bat
Can I get a bat?
1518
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,108
Can I get a bat?
Bat...
1519
01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:28,268
-(DEVICE RINGING)
-(GASPS) The Bat-Fax!
1520
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,196
Ha! The city needs me.
Bang,bang,bang!
1521
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:33,402
Excuse me.
1522
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:35,909
Can you get the commissioner
and show her this?
1523
01:01:36,067 --> 01:01:38,286
- Batman.
- Would you stop doing that?
1524
01:01:38,778 --> 01:01:40,655
I sent the Bat-Fax.
1525
01:01:41,156 --> 01:01:43,329
(SIGHS) I hate to say this,
but you're right.
1526
01:01:43,491 --> 01:01:44,492
The city needs you.
1527
01:01:44,659 --> 01:01:45,785
Yes! Let me out.
1528
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:48,796
I'm only going to let you out
on one condition.
1529
01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,674
- Name it.
- You can't do it by yourself.
1530
01:01:51,958 --> 01:01:53,175
(GROW LS
1531
01:01:54,419 --> 01:01:55,796
Fine. Who am I working with?
1532
01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:58,431
SEAL Team Six? Fox Force Five?
Suicide Squad?
1533
01:01:58,590 --> 01:02:00,684
No. Me.
1534
01:02:00,842 --> 01:02:01,843
Oh, I wanna help, too!
1535
01:02:02,010 --> 01:02:03,353
- And I shall join as well.
- Whoa!
1536
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,309
Alfred Pennyworth
at your service, ma'am.
1537
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,065
- How did you--
- Alfred, you gotta let me out of here.
1538
01:02:07,224 --> 01:02:10,319
Sir, those creatures out there
are unlike anything we've ever seen.
1539
01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:12,354
Speak for yourself.
You don't know everything I've seen.
1540
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:13,646
I haven't told you everything.
1541
01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:16,316
And you'll never be able
to defeat them alone.
1542
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,656
And it'll be more fun
if we all do it together!
1543
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:20,491
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
1544
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:22,497
What are you so afraid of?
1545
01:02:22,656 --> 01:02:24,499
The thing I'm most afraid of?
1546
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:31,797
I gotta be honest with you.
It's snake clowns.
1547
01:02:31,957 --> 01:02:33,174
Yeah, that's not a thing.
1548
01:02:33,333 --> 01:02:34,755
Well then, nothing.
1549
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,179
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay.
1550
01:02:37,921 --> 01:02:39,173
-(DOOR LOCK BEEPS)
- Prove it.
1551
01:02:39,506 --> 01:02:41,008
- Oh, I will.
- Good.
1552
01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:43,472
Do you know what the B-A-T
in Batman stands for?
1553
01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:45,808
- Not really.
- Best At Teamwork.
1554
01:02:45,971 --> 01:02:48,349
Best At Teamwork Man
is my full name.
1555
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:50,358
Yay! We're going on a family trip.
1556
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:52,064
This is not a family trip.
1557
01:02:52,227 --> 01:02:53,399
I can wear my costume, too.
1558
01:02:53,561 --> 01:02:55,689
Well, luckily for us,
you left your costume back at the--
1559
01:02:55,855 --> 01:02:57,072
- Rip!
- Oh!
1560
01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:59,405
Nope. Under your clothes.
That's perfect.
1561
01:02:59,567 --> 01:03:01,990
- Rip!
- Alfred, what are you doing?
1562
01:03:02,153 --> 01:03:03,154
I miss the '60s.
1563
01:03:03,321 --> 01:03:04,538
Hey, can Scarecrow help?
1564
01:03:04,698 --> 01:03:06,200
- PRISONERS: Yeah!
- He's destroying our city, too!
1565
01:03:06,366 --> 01:03:08,585
Permit us to lend you assistance.
1566
01:03:08,743 --> 01:03:10,245
Yeah. Why don't we use these guys?
1567
01:03:10,412 --> 01:03:11,413
What am I gonna do?
1568
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,377
Get a bunch of criminals together
to fight the criminals?
1569
01:03:13,540 --> 01:03:14,962
That's a stupid idea.
1570
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,218
(SIRENS WAILING)
1571
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,551
Okay, guys. Game plan.
1572
01:03:20,714 --> 01:03:21,715
Joker's taken the Projector
1573
01:03:21,881 --> 01:03:22,882
-to Wayne Manor.
- Wayne Manor.
1574
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,392
Right. Thanks, Batman.
1575
01:03:24,551 --> 01:03:25,552
- We need that Projector.
- Projector.
1576
01:03:25,719 --> 01:03:26,720
Or there's no way
1577
01:03:26,886 --> 01:03:27,887
-to blast these monsters...
- Monsters.
1578
01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:29,397
-...back to the Phantom Zone.
- Phantom Zone? Yep.
1579
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:31,058
Batman, I really don't
need you to finish my--
1580
01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:32,271
- Sand castles.
- No.
1581
01:03:32,434 --> 01:03:33,560
- Sister's homework.
- No.
1582
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:35,400
- Succulent something.
- No.
1583
01:03:35,895 --> 01:03:36,942
Um... Everybody?
1584
01:03:37,105 --> 01:03:39,904
SAURON: Batman is in Arkham Asylum.
1585
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:41,739
Get him!
1586
01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:43,073
Okay, everyone, grab on to me.
1587
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:45,280
ALL: Whoa!
1588
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:48,074
(ALL GRUNT)
1589
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,744
We've gotta take cover!
1590
01:03:50,952 --> 01:03:51,953
Whoa!
1591
01:03:52,329 --> 01:03:54,752
- Joker has eyes on us.
- Where?
1592
01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:58,384
No! I mean,
he literally has a giant eye on us.
1593
01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:00,261
I think that thing
can see our every move!
1594
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:01,592
Shaka-laka-lako.
1595
01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:05,221
We've got to destroy it,
or we'll never make it to Wayne Manor.
1596
01:04:05,383 --> 01:04:06,430
Uh... Bat-Dad?
1597
01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:08,011
I really think you should see this.
1598
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:09,646
KING KONG: Building survey!
1599
01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:12,103
This building's not up to code!
1600
01:04:12,307 --> 01:04:13,308
(ALL SCREAMING)
1601
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:14,772
(ROARING)
1602
01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:20,781
-(GRUNTS) Gotcha.
-(ROBIN YELPS)
1603
01:04:21,441 --> 01:04:22,658
(ROARING)
1604
01:04:24,069 --> 01:04:25,241
Is that real lava?
1605
01:04:26,946 --> 01:04:27,947
I'm okay.
1606
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,452
All right, yeah. It's 100% lava.
1607
01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:33,169
(ALL YELP)
1608
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:35,501
- Everyone, start throwing me bricks.
- Right away, sir.
1609
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,165
- I need a 4x6. Come on, quick.
- Here you go.
1610
01:04:37,332 --> 01:04:38,379
- I need an elbow.
- Elbow.
1611
01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:46,299
Ow!
1612
01:04:51,429 --> 01:04:52,430
BATMAN: Wh00!
1613
01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:54,850
Yes! I did it. Pretty cool, huh?
1614
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,518
BARBARA: (MUFFLED) Batman?
BATMAN: Yeah?
1615
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:59,107
Why did you build this thing
with only one seat?
1616
01:04:59,270 --> 01:05:02,274
'Cause last I checked,
I only had one butt. What the...
1617
01:05:03,108 --> 01:05:04,951
What have you done to Wayne Manor?
1618
01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:07,529
JOKER". Hey, Batman, guess what!
1619
01:05:07,779 --> 01:05:09,372
I found out one of your secrets.
1620
01:05:09,656 --> 01:05:12,159
- Uh-oh.
- What do we have here, Batman?
1621
01:05:12,325 --> 01:05:14,419
It looks like a bunch
of relationship comedies.
1622
01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:16,295
- What's that one?
- Must Love Dogs.
1623
01:05:16,454 --> 01:05:17,501
Must love crying.
1624
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:19,632
- Marley & Me.
- I love the ending.
1625
01:05:19,791 --> 01:05:22,465
ON. Serendipity?
1626
01:05:22,627 --> 01:05:24,300
We have Serendipity?
I love that movie!
1627
01:05:24,462 --> 01:05:26,214
JOKER: For a loner, Batman,
1628
01:05:26,381 --> 01:05:29,681
you sure like movies
about relationships!
1629
01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:30,890
Oh! And look what else I found!
1630
01:05:31,511 --> 01:05:33,513
All your wonderful toys.
1631
01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:39,729
Accio lightning storm!
1632
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,486
- Uh... Everyone, hold on.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
1633
01:05:44,107 --> 01:05:45,199
(VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1634
01:05:48,611 --> 01:05:51,660
JOKER". Gremlins,
dismantle that plane now!
1635
01:05:52,866 --> 01:05:54,288
Ugly monsters on our three.
1636
01:05:54,492 --> 01:05:55,744
(ALL CHITTERING)
1637
01:05:55,994 --> 01:05:57,712
- Uh... Padre?
- Not now, kid.
1638
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,128
Kind of got my hands full.
1639
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:04,961
I've got good tone. Firing.
1640
01:06:08,923 --> 01:06:10,721
- Uh... Batman?
- What's up, buddy?
1641
01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:12,519
ROBIN: Are we nearly at Wayne Manor?
1642
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:13,849
BATMAN: Why?
1643
01:06:14,262 --> 01:06:16,139
Uh... Your number two
needs to go number one.
1644
01:06:16,306 --> 01:06:18,479
I thought I told you
to go back at the prison.
1645
01:06:18,641 --> 01:06:20,393
- I tried, but Bane was in there.
- So?
1646
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,858
He had sort of a "get out
of this bathroom now" vibe.
1647
01:06:23,021 --> 01:06:25,524
BATMAN". I knew I shouldn't
have given you that water.
1648
01:06:27,275 --> 01:06:28,993
Can you hold it in like a big boy?
1649
01:06:29,444 --> 01:06:30,661
BARBARA: Engine one down.
1650
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,242
Not a big deal.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.
1651
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,328
- BARBARA: Engine two down.
- It does that sometimes.
1652
01:06:34,908 --> 01:06:36,034
BARBARA". We've lost engine three.
1653
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:37,453
Oh. Could live without it.
1654
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:40,713
BARBARA: Engine four!
1655
01:06:40,955 --> 01:06:42,252
(ALL SCREAMING)
1656
01:06:42,457 --> 01:06:43,754
That I do need to fix.
1657
01:06:43,917 --> 01:06:46,011
Good news.
Our bathroom problem is solved.
1658
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:50,261
BATMAN". You three wait here
while I go fix the engine.
1659
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:53,176
Don't worry, Batman.
You fix the Batwing, I'll fly.
1660
01:06:53,343 --> 01:06:54,845
All good, Babs.
I've got my autopilot on it.
1661
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:56,012
(HUMS) Done.
1662
01:06:56,346 --> 01:06:58,144
BARBARA". Autopilot?
That's just a rope!
1663
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:01,606
Exactly. All right, guys.
Until I get back, rope's in charge.
1664
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:03,399
Thanks, rope.
1665
01:07:05,980 --> 01:07:08,779
All right, let's see.
Yes, the piston brake out here.
1666
01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:11,445
Jet engine brake in here and...
1667
01:07:12,612 --> 01:07:14,706
Get out of here. No.
Give me... No! Stop it!
1668
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:16,411
Come on, Master Dick.
We need to help him.
1669
01:07:16,574 --> 01:07:17,621
I'm with you, Grandpa!
1670
01:07:17,784 --> 01:07:18,910
Get off my Padre!
1671
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:20,954
ALFRED: Unhand him,
you animatronic fiends.
1672
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,249
What are you two doing here?
I told you to stay in the cockpit.
1673
01:07:25,124 --> 01:07:27,047
You disobeyed me.
You're on a timeout.
1674
01:07:27,210 --> 01:07:28,837
Batman, you're on a timeout.
1675
01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:31,256
What? Alfred, you better
un-timeout me right now!
1676
01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:33,675
No. Not until you un-timeout Master Dick.
1677
01:07:33,925 --> 01:07:34,926
(GAsPs)
1678
01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:36,766
Guys, you're all un-timeouted!
1679
01:07:36,928 --> 01:07:37,929
We have incoming!
1680
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:39,643
- Sir! Watch out for those...
- What are you doing?
1681
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:40,807
(SCREAMING)
1682
01:07:44,978 --> 01:07:45,979
(ALFRED AND ROBIN SCREAMING)
1683
01:07:46,187 --> 01:07:47,734
Okay. Everybody, timeout off.
1684
01:07:47,939 --> 01:07:49,486
Whoo-hoo! I've been parented.
1685
01:07:49,649 --> 01:07:51,777
- Batman, I can help you.
- No. Protect the rope.
1686
01:07:51,943 --> 01:07:53,365
The rope is fine!
1687
01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:54,620
Save Master Dick!
1688
01:07:54,779 --> 01:07:57,407
I'm fine. I'll just do
one of my gymnastics moves to...
1689
01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,575
(YELPS)
1690
01:07:59,033 --> 01:08:00,125
No!
1691
01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:05,415
(THUNDER CRASHING)
1692
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:06,879
Dick...
1693
01:08:07,083 --> 01:08:08,551
(SCREAMING)
1694
01:08:10,587 --> 01:08:11,759
Gotcha!
1695
01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:17,348
Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there!
1696
01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:20,180
- No!
1697
01:08:22,765 --> 01:08:24,642
Alfred!
1698
01:08:31,024 --> 01:08:32,196
(GAsPs)
1699
01:08:33,526 --> 01:08:34,698
No.
1700
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:40,867
No!
1701
01:08:42,076 --> 01:08:43,202
Move over, rope.
1702
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,167
(GRUNTS)
1703
01:08:45,371 --> 01:08:46,543
Hold on!
1704
01:08:49,125 --> 01:08:50,342
(SCREAMING)
1705
01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:51,962
(BARBARA YELLING)
1706
01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:56,049
(SCREAMS)
1707
01:08:56,215 --> 01:08:57,762
(GRUNTS)
1708
01:09:00,219 --> 01:09:01,721
-(ALFRED SCREAMS)
- Gotcha!
1709
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:03,806
Barbara, did you see that?
1710
01:09:03,973 --> 01:09:05,395
Batrope saved Alfred.
1711
01:09:05,558 --> 01:09:08,232
Sick moves, rope.
I never doubted you, bro.
1712
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:10,396
PUTER". Actually, sir,
Ms. Gordon saved him.
1713
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:11,815
Rope! You lied to me!
1714
01:09:12,815 --> 01:09:15,364
Wait a minute.
You mean, without you,
1715
01:09:15,526 --> 01:09:16,743
Alfred would have been
1716
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:18,913
street meat?
1717
01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,575
Batman, trust us.
1718
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:23,584
We can do this.
1719
01:09:23,743 --> 01:09:26,667
- Yeah. I know Gymkata.
- Sorry, what's that?
1720
01:09:26,829 --> 01:09:28,456
It's a gymnastics-based martial art.
1721
01:09:28,748 --> 01:09:30,921
I can punch those '80s monsters
off the plane.
1722
01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,336
Uh... Okay.
1723
01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:34,803
PUTER: Multiple bogeys on our six.
1724
01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:36,214
Sir, I'll get them off our back.
1725
01:09:36,381 --> 01:09:38,008
I was a tail gunner
for the Royal Air Force.
1726
01:09:38,174 --> 01:09:39,426
Locked and loaded, sir!
1727
01:09:39,592 --> 01:09:40,639
Good. Love that!
1728
01:09:40,802 --> 01:09:42,600
Igotanidea.
We're gonna change course.
1729
01:09:42,762 --> 01:09:44,935
I want you to fly straight
into that flaming eyeball.
1730
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:47,851
- What?
- Barbara, trust me.
1731
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:50,729
All right. Let's do this.
1732
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:53,572
(VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1733
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,777
(ROARS)
1734
01:09:58,069 --> 01:09:59,696
BATMAN: We got a giant
sea monster, 12 o'clock!
1735
01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:00,863
BARBARA: Got it.
1736
01:10:02,407 --> 01:10:04,375
- We've got his attention.
- He's tracking us.
1737
01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:05,660
(ROARS)
1738
01:10:09,414 --> 01:10:11,007
(LAUGHING) I've got you now.
1739
01:10:15,628 --> 01:10:17,346
Eat dirt!
1740
01:10:17,505 --> 01:10:19,599
Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!
1741
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:27,307
Okay, Babs, this is it.
1742
01:10:27,473 --> 01:10:29,692
Fly us straight into that eye,
and wait for my signal.
1743
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:30,977
Can it come now?
1744
01:10:31,144 --> 01:10:32,646
Can we make the signal thing happen?
1745
01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:33,813
Almost there.
1746
01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:35,857
Almost there!
1747
01:10:36,023 --> 01:10:38,151
- Fire!
- BATMAN: Almost there!
1748
01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:39,443
ROBIN: That fire's coming in hot!
1749
01:10:39,610 --> 01:10:40,657
Hot, hot, hot!
1750
01:10:41,112 --> 01:10:42,329
Now! Barbara, dive bomb!
1751
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:44,825
(SAURON SCREAMS)
1752
01:10:45,658 --> 01:10:47,456
SAU RON: My eye!
1753
01:10:48,035 --> 01:10:49,036
(ALL GASP)
1754
01:10:49,662 --> 01:10:51,505
JOKER: Sauron!
1755
01:10:51,998 --> 01:10:52,999
(GAsPs)
1756
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,335
(WHISTLING)
1757
01:10:57,128 --> 01:10:58,596
Nothing to see.
1758
01:11:02,175 --> 01:11:04,428
(ALL GROANING)
1759
01:11:05,261 --> 01:11:06,308
Whoo-hoo!
1760
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,731
- Yes! That was so rad!
- We did it, everyone!
1761
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:10,016
That was so great! Go team!
1762
01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:11,309
Come on, let's hear it for us!
1763
01:11:11,476 --> 01:11:12,693
- That was incredible!
-(WHOOPING)
1764
01:11:12,852 --> 01:11:13,853
I felt so jazzed!
1765
01:11:14,020 --> 01:11:15,192
I Say "jazzed"!
1766
01:11:15,354 --> 01:11:17,448
I gotta give it to you, Batman.
That was awesome.
1767
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:18,654
- Ha! And you were awesome.
- Thanks.
1768
01:11:19,192 --> 01:11:20,364
- And you were awesome.
- I love compliments!
1769
01:11:20,526 --> 01:11:22,244
And you were awesome,
and I was amazing.
1770
01:11:22,403 --> 01:11:24,201
I'm not trying to make it
about myself, obviously.
1771
01:11:24,363 --> 01:11:26,866
But I just wanna make sure
that everyone gets a pat on the back.
1772
01:11:27,033 --> 01:11:28,455
- Because it feels good.
- It does feel good.
1773
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,040
You had a good idea, you had a good idea,
1774
01:11:30,203 --> 01:11:32,205
and you had a good idea,
and I had a great idea.
1775
01:11:32,371 --> 01:11:34,590
You know what, I think that collectively,
I'm gonna add...
1776
01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:37,552
...one.
4BEEPS)
1777
01:11:37,752 --> 01:11:38,924
'Yes!
1778
01:11:39,086 --> 01:11:40,178
Man, that feels good.
1779
01:11:40,338 --> 01:11:41,840
- Best team ever!
-(LAUGHS)
1780
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:43,883
Let's take a photo!
All right, everyone, squeeze together.
1781
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:45,430
BATMAN: Hang on a second.
1782
01:11:45,593 --> 01:11:47,470
- Nice and close!
- I gotta get my pump on.
1783
01:11:47,637 --> 01:11:48,638
- It's worth it.
- Okay, everybody in?
1784
01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:49,893
BATMAN: These abs are no fluke.
1785
01:11:50,056 --> 01:11:51,649
Everyone say, "Bat Family!"
1786
01:11:51,808 --> 01:11:52,900
- ALL: Bat Family!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
1787
01:11:53,726 --> 01:11:55,148
Ooh, let's take a look!
1788
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:57,359
BARBARA: Look at that!
1789
01:11:57,522 --> 01:11:58,899
- Splendid.
- Wow.
1790
01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:01,242
Didn't it turn out great?
1791
01:12:02,068 --> 01:12:04,287
Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!
1792
01:12:05,196 --> 01:12:07,039
(ALL LAUGHING)
1793
01:12:11,619 --> 01:12:13,963
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
1794
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,610
- Hey, Bat-Dad.
- Oh!
1795
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:37,604
Whoa. What are you doing?
1796
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:40,023
I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G.
1797
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,566
Okay, just...
1798
01:12:43,067 --> 01:12:44,990
Batman, are you okay?
1799
01:12:45,403 --> 01:12:47,371
(STAMMERS) Yeah, I'm fine.
1800
01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:49,658
We are just one big happy
1801
01:12:49,824 --> 01:12:53,374
fraternity of people
who did an awesome job together.
1802
01:12:54,787 --> 01:12:56,505
I can't think of any other way
to put that.
1803
01:12:56,664 --> 01:12:58,917
- Cool.
- So, guys, listen up!
1804
01:12:59,083 --> 01:13:00,710
Taking the Projector from the Joker
1805
01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:03,050
is gonna be our most
dangerous mission yet.
1806
01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:04,680
- A family battle mission!
- Right.
1807
01:13:04,839 --> 01:13:07,433
Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler,
and maybe root around,
1808
01:13:07,592 --> 01:13:09,139
see if you can find
a few Vitaminwaters or something,
1809
01:13:09,302 --> 01:13:10,303
and then we'll head out.
1810
01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:12,312
- Right away, sir.
- Anything for you, Padre.
1811
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,191
I think I'll need snowshoes.
1812
01:13:19,353 --> 01:13:22,857
Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes,
but could you grab that flashlight?
1813
01:13:23,024 --> 01:13:24,116
- Batman?
- Padre?
1814
01:13:24,275 --> 01:13:25,322
Sir?
1815
01:13:25,484 --> 01:13:27,953
What are you doing?
Hey, Batman.
1816
01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:29,409
Please, wait!
1817
01:13:29,572 --> 01:13:30,789
BATMAN: 'Puter.
1818
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:33,747
PUTER: Yes, sir?
1819
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:35,628
I'm locking in some coordinates now.
1820
01:13:35,828 --> 01:13:36,954
(IMITATES BEEPING)
1821
01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:38,881
Take the Scuttler to the taco stand
1822
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:40,917
on the border of Gotham City
and Blildhaven.
1823
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:42,335
ALL; No!
1824
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,424
I want you to get these guys
a couple of chimichangas
1825
01:13:44,587 --> 01:13:46,760
-and three Jarritos.
- Sir!
1826
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:50,143
And then keep them there until this
whole attack on Gotham City blows over.
1827
01:13:50,301 --> 01:13:53,020
Padre, please. Don't do this!
1828
01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:55,181
Batman, you need us!
1829
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:57,437
How many times I gotta tell you?
1830
01:13:58,059 --> 01:14:00,278
Batman works alone.
1831
01:14:00,895 --> 01:14:02,522
No, we have to stick together.
1832
01:14:03,898 --> 01:14:05,024
Please.
1833
01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:06,818
Now go on, Scuttler. Go!
1834
01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:09,658
- Go! Just get outta here.
- ALFRED: Batman.
1835
01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:10,912
- ROBIN: Padre!
- Get moving!
1836
01:14:11,072 --> 01:14:12,244
- ROBIN: Please!
-(SHOOING)
1837
01:14:12,448 --> 01:14:13,449
Just go.
1838
01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:14,833
BARBARA: Batman! Please, wait!
1839
01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:16,460
Scuttler, move out!
1840
01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:18,121
BARBARA:
You're doing the wrong thing!
1841
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,585
- Listen to me! Don't do this!
- ALFRED: Sir, please. Sir!
1842
01:14:20,748 --> 01:14:22,091
ROBIN: No!
1843
01:14:43,938 --> 01:14:46,066
AGENT SMITH: Scanning for intruders.
Scanning for intruders.
1844
01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:47,779
Scanning for intruders.
1845
01:14:51,153 --> 01:14:52,154
JOKER: Hi, Bats.
1846
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:53,823
What have you done to my...
1847
01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:55,583
Bruce Wayne's house?
1848
01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:58,494
You'd better hope he's a cool guy
and doesn't go crazy.
1849
01:14:58,661 --> 01:15:00,334
What happened to all your friends?
1850
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:03,716
I don't need friends.
I don't need anyone to stop you.
1851
01:15:04,375 --> 01:15:05,422
(YELLS)
1852
01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:07,219
JOKER: Are you sure about that?
1853
01:15:07,378 --> 01:15:09,380
Look in the mirror, Batman.
(GRUNTS)
1854
01:15:10,881 --> 01:15:13,760
When I saw you working
with your friend-family,
1855
01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:16,225
I actually thought you'd changed.
1856
01:15:16,971 --> 01:15:18,018
But, no.
1857
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:19,602
- You pushed them away.
-(GRUNTING)
1858
01:15:23,060 --> 01:15:25,779
You've run away from every other person
in your life.
1859
01:15:25,938 --> 01:15:28,441
But I'm the one you're always chasing.
1860
01:15:28,607 --> 01:15:30,826
Is this about that stupid
"greatest enemy" thing?
1861
01:15:30,985 --> 01:15:32,453
No, it's not.
1862
01:15:33,779 --> 01:15:34,951
Not anymore.
1863
01:15:35,114 --> 01:15:36,286
VELOCIRAPTORZ You tell him, Joker!
1864
01:15:36,449 --> 01:15:37,701
JAWS: It's time for a fresh start.
1865
01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:38,993
DALEKS". He's not worth it.
1866
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:42,585
I think after 78 years,
I deserve respect!
1867
01:15:42,747 --> 01:15:44,545
That is right. Respect!
1868
01:15:45,124 --> 01:15:49,300
Do you realize that you have never once
1869
01:15:49,462 --> 01:15:51,135
said the words,
1870
01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:52,674
"I hate you, Joker"?
1871
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:53,932
Not once.
1872
01:15:54,091 --> 01:15:57,220
Well, I am starting to feel
pretty annoyed with you right now.
1873
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:58,433
That's for darn sure.
1874
01:15:58,596 --> 01:16:00,940
Annoyed is not the same thing!
1875
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,563
Listen, Batman.
1876
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:05,819
L_$fl
1877
01:16:05,978 --> 01:16:07,230
hate you.
1878
01:16:07,396 --> 01:16:09,114
- ALL: Avwv!
- That's nice.
1879
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:10,991
Now you say it.
1880
01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,153
Me, too.
1881
01:16:14,361 --> 01:16:15,988
(ALL JEERING)
1882
01:16:18,032 --> 01:16:20,501
You won't. You won't change.
1883
01:16:20,659 --> 01:16:23,333
'Cause you can't.
You won't, and you can't.
1884
01:16:23,496 --> 01:16:25,089
JAWS: Batman will never change.
1885
01:16:25,247 --> 01:16:27,295
You know what, boo-boo?
Just shut it down.
1886
01:16:27,458 --> 01:16:29,506
These diseased lunatics are right.
1887
01:16:29,668 --> 01:16:30,669
Yes, we are!
1888
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:33,089
I am not gonna be part
1889
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:35,758
of a one-sided relationship any longer!
1890
01:16:35,925 --> 01:16:37,177
- HARLEY QUINN: Yes!
- What are you talking about?
1891
01:16:37,343 --> 01:16:39,186
- You and I are done!
- What is wrong with you?
1892
01:16:39,345 --> 01:16:40,346
I'm moving on!
1893
01:16:40,513 --> 01:16:41,685
That's ridiculous.
1894
01:16:41,847 --> 01:16:43,520
And on my way out,
1895
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,777
I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!
1896
01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:48,734
No. You're not serious.
1897
01:16:48,896 --> 01:16:49,988
Wingardium Leviosa!
1898
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:51,774
No!
1899
01:16:51,941 --> 01:16:53,989
You know what?
For once, Batman, you're right.
1900
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:56,370
I'm not your greatest enemy.
1901
01:16:56,529 --> 01:16:58,327
Your greatest enemy
1902
01:16:58,489 --> 01:16:59,741
is you.
1903
01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:02,285
- Goodbye, Batman.
- Wait a minute. Hold on a second. (GROANS)
1904
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:03,873
HARLEY QUINN: Good for you, boo-boo!
1905
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:06,380
- ALL: Yay!
- Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go.
1906
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,792
- Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out.
- ALL: Yay!
1907
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:10,885
(ALL WHOOPING)
1908
01:17:13,045 --> 01:17:15,173
KING KONG:
Say goodbye, Gotham City!
1909
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:27,943
- Whoa.
- Hi!
1910
01:17:28,185 --> 01:17:29,186
-(GASPS)
- Whoa!
1911
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,064
Oh, lam so sorry.
1912
01:17:31,230 --> 01:17:32,573
It was all my fault, I keep doing that.
1913
01:17:32,731 --> 01:17:34,950
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1914
01:17:35,109 --> 01:17:36,361
(GASPS)
What are you talking about?
1915
01:17:36,527 --> 01:17:37,528
I'm not a bad guy.
1916
01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:39,413
But you're all in black.
You have a cape.
1917
01:17:39,572 --> 01:17:40,824
And you wear a big, scary mask.
1918
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:41,991
Well, I'm not.
1919
01:17:42,158 --> 01:17:43,455
And you kicked me in the face.
1920
01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,494
Listen, I'm Batman.
1921
01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:47,588
Oof! You even sound like a bad guy.
1922
01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:49,214
I swear, I am a good guy.
1923
01:17:49,373 --> 01:17:51,125
Okay, Mr. Batman.
1924
01:17:51,292 --> 01:17:52,965
Hold still while I scan you.
1925
01:17:53,252 --> 01:17:54,925
(MIMICS BEEPING)
Scanning for badness.
1926
01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:56,088
Yes, sir?
1927
01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:58,098
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
1928
01:17:58,257 --> 01:18:00,259
And 110% expendable?
1929
01:18:00,426 --> 01:18:02,224
I don't know what that means, but okay.
1930
01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:03,387
- How'd I do, Dad?
Mediocre.
1931
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:05,306
- Yes!
- And don't call me Dad.
1932
01:18:05,764 --> 01:18:06,765
50177-
1933
01:18:08,726 --> 01:18:11,275
BATMAN: Alfred, put that kid
on the next jet to the orphanage.
1934
01:18:11,937 --> 01:18:16,192
But doesn't he deserve a chance
for someone to take him under their wing,
1935
01:18:16,567 --> 01:18:19,411
as I took you under mine?
1936
01:18:19,737 --> 01:18:21,614
Listen, you don't have a family.
1937
01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,450
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
1938
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:29,038
BARBARA: Batman!
1939
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:31,966
We have to stick together.
1940
01:18:32,666 --> 01:18:33,758
Please.
1941
01:18:36,045 --> 01:18:39,265
BATMAN". Joker, you mean nothing to me.
1942
01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:43,094
No one does.
1943
01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:49,935
Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.
1944
01:18:50,768 --> 01:18:53,237
But you're not exactly a good guy, either.
1945
01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:54,563
BARBARA: Batman?
ROBIN: Padre?
1946
01:18:55,022 --> 01:18:56,649
PHYLLIS: You even abandoned your friends.
1947
01:18:56,815 --> 01:18:57,862
What?
1948
01:18:58,025 --> 01:18:59,447
Go on, Scuttler. Go.
1949
01:18:59,610 --> 01:19:01,112
- Batman, no. No!
- Don't do this!
1950
01:19:01,278 --> 01:19:02,655
Abandoned? No.
1951
01:19:02,821 --> 01:19:04,414
No, I was trying to protect them.
1952
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:06,371
PHYLLIS: By pushing them away?
1953
01:19:06,533 --> 01:19:07,750
Well, yeah.
1954
01:19:08,911 --> 01:19:11,414
Are they really
the ones you're protecting?
1955
01:19:14,625 --> 01:19:16,502
BARBARA". Computer, Batman's in danger.
1956
01:19:16,669 --> 01:19:18,546
ROBIN: Please, Computer, take us back!
1957
01:19:18,712 --> 01:19:20,806
Do you really want the man
who made you to come to harm?
1958
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:23,134
PUTER: Batman programmed me
to obey him.
1959
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:25,177
But he didn't say to not not rescue him.
1960
01:19:25,344 --> 01:19:26,596
What are they doing?
1961
01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:28,059
Come on, guys. Let's hustle.
1962
01:19:28,222 --> 01:19:30,441
Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up.
1963
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,026
Well, hello!
1964
01:19:38,565 --> 01:19:40,738
'Puter, go to super-secret stealth mode.
1965
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:43,825
-(ROARS)
-(ALL SCREAMING)
1966
01:19:43,988 --> 01:19:45,740
- Hold on!
- No!
1967
01:19:45,906 --> 01:19:49,376
Evil buddies, those are my last three
painful reminders of Batman.
1968
01:19:49,535 --> 01:19:50,912
Run!
1969
01:19:51,078 --> 01:19:52,375
Come on, Alfred. This way.
1970
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:53,790
Wait, where's Dick?
1971
01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,128
The little guy? He's over there.
1972
01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,588
PUTER: Initializing Batcave
operating system.
1973
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:58,047
What's he doing?
1974
01:19:58,210 --> 01:19:59,712
I've gotta save my family!
1975
01:19:59,878 --> 01:20:00,879
Just think.
1976
01:20:01,046 --> 01:20:03,048
- What would Batman do?
- What?
1977
01:20:03,215 --> 01:20:06,139
I know. Not listen to anyone else.
Be mean to people.
1978
01:20:06,385 --> 01:20:08,058
Destroy as much property as possible.
1979
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,222
Talk in a really low, gravelly voice.
1980
01:20:10,389 --> 01:20:11,891
And go it alone.
1981
01:20:12,057 --> 01:20:13,183
Kid, don't do that.
1982
01:20:13,392 --> 01:20:14,769
PUTER: Atomic batteries to power.
1983
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:15,936
Turbines to speed.
1984
01:20:16,103 --> 01:20:17,104
Don't do what I would do!
1985
01:20:17,271 --> 01:20:18,739
I never even taught you how to drive!
1986
01:20:18,897 --> 01:20:20,649
Hold on a second, Brick Lady.
1987
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:23,114
(STAMMERING) I'm so sorry.
I need to get down there and stop this.
1988
01:20:23,277 --> 01:20:25,826
I can't let you go.
My boss will be really mad at me.
1989
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:27,490
Yeah. But I bet
your boss would be happy
1990
01:20:27,656 --> 01:20:29,579
if you were able to get
all those bad guys back in here.
1991
01:20:29,950 --> 01:20:31,247
Hmm. She sure would.
1992
01:20:31,410 --> 01:20:33,754
Then let me try.
Let me get down there and help them.
1993
01:20:33,912 --> 01:20:35,880
But haven't you tried that before?
1994
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:38,921
BARBARA: This way, Alfred.
1995
01:20:40,419 --> 01:20:43,047
You do the same thing over and over.
1996
01:20:44,298 --> 01:20:46,926
(SCREAMING)
(ROARING)
1997
01:20:47,092 --> 01:20:48,560
What's gonna change?
1998
01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:49,766
No!
1999
01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:53,481
I know what I need to do.
2000
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,938
Just give me 24 hours,
and I'll come back.
2001
01:20:56,810 --> 01:20:58,278
Whoa!
2002
01:20:58,437 --> 01:21:00,235
You've gotta let me go
down there and save them.
2003
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:03,859
I'll do whatever you want.
2004
01:21:04,026 --> 01:21:05,027
(GRUNTING)
2005
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:07,322
- Please.
- DALEKS: Exterminate!
2006
01:21:07,488 --> 01:21:08,489
Please.
2007
01:21:08,655 --> 01:21:10,578
Okay, but I need all the bad guys
locked up in here.
2008
01:21:10,741 --> 01:21:11,958
I promise.
2009
01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:16,626
And I mean all of them.
2010
01:21:18,123 --> 01:21:19,591
One of these buttons
has to save my friends.
2011
01:21:20,459 --> 01:21:21,506
PUTER: Self-destruct mode activated.
2012
01:21:21,668 --> 01:21:22,669
Self what?
2013
01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:23,879
(ROBIN SCREAMING)
2014
01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:25,764
- Master Dick!
- No!
2015
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:27,300
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
-(ROARING)
2016
01:21:28,133 --> 01:21:29,760
- Dick!
-(SCREAMING)
2017
01:21:29,927 --> 01:21:31,725
Look who's bat!
2018
01:21:33,347 --> 01:21:34,815
ROBIN: What?
2019
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:38,899
(ALL GRUNTING)
2020
01:21:43,148 --> 01:21:45,651
Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara.
2021
01:21:45,818 --> 01:21:47,820
- Are you guys--
- We're fine, Batman.
2022
01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:53,826
Listen, I just wanted to say
2023
01:21:56,662 --> 01:21:58,335
that I'm really,
2024
01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:01,668
really, really,
2025
01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:04,840
really, really, really,
2026
01:22:05,003 --> 01:22:06,346
really, really...
2027
01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:09,053
S-S-S...
2028
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:11,344
(CLEARS THROAT)
2029
01:22:12,344 --> 01:22:15,268
S0000...
2030
01:22:16,723 --> 01:22:17,724
Sorry?
2031
01:22:17,891 --> 01:22:19,939
Yeah. Wh00! I did it!
2032
01:22:21,395 --> 01:22:22,442
(SIGHS)
2033
01:22:23,063 --> 01:22:25,316
I don't even know why
you bothered coming back.
2034
01:22:28,193 --> 01:22:29,820
BATMAN: I was
2035
01:22:30,696 --> 01:22:31,697
afraid.
2036
01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:33,828
What?
2037
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:37,544
The reason I came back
2038
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:40,046
was the same reason I left you.
2039
01:22:43,041 --> 01:22:44,714
I was afraid
2040
01:22:46,170 --> 01:22:47,763
of feeling
2041
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:51,384
the pain you feel
2042
01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,558
when you lose
2043
01:22:55,721 --> 01:22:58,144
someone close to you.
2044
01:23:06,023 --> 01:23:08,071
Gotham needs us.
2045
01:23:08,609 --> 01:23:11,738
So I came back to do this.
2046
01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,322
Flip.
2047
01:23:14,948 --> 01:23:16,791
Flip? What is that? I don't...
2048
01:23:17,159 --> 01:23:18,502
You gotta turn around.
2049
01:23:20,496 --> 01:23:23,045
I call it the Babs-Signal.
2050
01:23:23,207 --> 01:23:25,710
And I'm flipping the switch for you.
2051
01:23:25,876 --> 01:23:29,926
Because saving this city
is too big a job for one person.
2052
01:23:30,088 --> 01:23:31,590
Flip, flip.
2053
01:23:36,428 --> 01:23:38,772
So, what do you say, Commish?
2054
01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:41,559
Will you work with me?
2055
01:23:42,100 --> 01:23:43,852
I need your help.
2056
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:47,113
I thought you'd never ask.
2057
01:23:48,607 --> 01:23:51,235
I'm very, very proud of you, sir.
2058
01:23:51,401 --> 01:23:55,577
But there's still only four of us
against Joker's entire army.
2059
01:23:55,739 --> 01:23:57,741
That's why I called in some backup.
2060
01:23:57,908 --> 01:23:59,910
Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip!
2061
01:24:01,245 --> 01:24:03,339
- Whoa!
- CLAYFACE: We saw your signal,
2062
01:24:03,539 --> 01:24:04,540
and we came to help.
2063
01:24:04,957 --> 01:24:07,585
Joker may be done with us,
but we're not done with him.
2064
01:24:07,751 --> 01:24:09,970
We will be the Joker's reckoning.
2065
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,096
Joker said mean stuff to us.
2066
01:24:12,464 --> 01:24:14,091
You were right, Barbara.
2067
01:24:14,258 --> 01:24:16,977
It takes a village. Not a Batman.
2068
01:24:17,219 --> 01:24:18,516
(ALL CHEER)
2069
01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:21,478
Okay. Everybody, listen up.
2070
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:25,315
These monsters want to destroy
Gotham City.
2071
01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:27,650
BATMAN". That's right.
We need sick new vehicles.
2072
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:29,781
BARBARA". An arsenal of advanced weaponry.
2073
01:24:29,940 --> 01:24:32,489
Costumes that suit
our individual personalities.
2074
01:24:32,651 --> 01:24:33,652
Rip!
2075
01:24:33,819 --> 01:24:35,913
And code names
to use on our walkie-talkies.
2076
01:24:36,071 --> 01:24:37,072
Call it out!
2077
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:38,536
Your name is Lady Bat.
2078
01:24:38,699 --> 01:24:39,791
- Lady Bat?
- BATMAN: Bat Lady.
2079
01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:42,829
- Veto! Nope. What?
- BATMAN: El Batarina. Soccer Mom... Bat?
2080
01:24:43,036 --> 01:24:44,663
How about a cool costume?
2081
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:45,831
Nice!
2082
01:24:45,998 --> 01:24:47,375
That one's called Batgirl.
2083
01:24:47,541 --> 01:24:49,635
If you call me Batgirl,
can I call you Batboy?
2084
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,296
And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy,
2085
01:24:52,462 --> 01:24:54,009
and a kick-butt theme song!
2086
01:24:54,172 --> 01:24:55,173
Robin?
2087
01:24:55,799 --> 01:24:57,472
(GASPS) My superhero code name.
2088
01:24:57,634 --> 01:24:58,886
Oh, yeah. Hit it!
2089
01:24:59,052 --> 01:25:00,053
Got it!
2090
01:25:00,220 --> 01:25:01,847
('80S POP SONG PLAYING)
2091
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:04,433
- No!
-(OTHER '80S POP SONG PLAYING)
2092
01:25:05,517 --> 01:25:07,565
{GROANS)
-(ROBIN some PLAYING)
2093
01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:08,816
Absolutely not.
2094
01:25:09,021 --> 01:25:11,399
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROWLING)
2095
01:25:11,815 --> 01:25:14,944
This music is filling me with rage.
2096
01:25:15,110 --> 01:25:16,487
Let's use it!
2097
01:25:17,946 --> 01:25:20,074
All right, team. I'm going to need to
know your special powers.
2098
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:21,241
I'm a giant clay person!
2099
01:25:21,408 --> 01:25:23,081
- I'm irritating.
- I have a sack for a face.
2100
01:25:23,243 --> 01:25:24,335
I make unpredictable decisions.
2101
01:25:24,494 --> 01:25:25,495
I raise the stakes!
2102
01:25:25,662 --> 01:25:26,959
I can squirt ketchup!
2103
01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:28,544
Nice! Orca.
2104
01:25:28,707 --> 01:25:30,300
I'm a whale!
2105
01:25:30,459 --> 01:25:31,927
Oh, we got this covered!
2106
01:25:32,085 --> 01:25:33,132
Go team!
2107
01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:35,797
(ALL WHOOPING)
2108
01:25:35,964 --> 01:25:36,965
Whale, yeah!
2109
01:25:38,675 --> 01:25:39,847
-(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
-(ALL LAUGHING)
2110
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:41,929
Shh. Quiet.
2111
01:25:42,095 --> 01:25:44,143
Who's laying down those funky beats?
2112
01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:46,400
ALL: We are!
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow!
2113
01:25:46,558 --> 01:25:47,901
Batman?
2114
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,812
Evil army, get rid of them!
2115
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:52,189
Team Gotham Family,
2116
01:25:52,356 --> 01:25:53,448
activate!
2117
01:25:53,607 --> 01:25:54,733
Voldy's got this.
2118
01:25:57,110 --> 01:25:58,783
VILLAINS: Here we go!
2119
01:25:59,363 --> 01:26:00,706
Yeah!
2120
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:03,451
VOLDEMORT: Bombarda!
2121
01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:05,502
Smash! Smash! Smash!
2122
01:26:08,330 --> 01:26:11,129
- Whoa.
- Batman, take out Joker's bomb.
2123
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:12,918
I'll get that Projector!
2124
01:26:13,085 --> 01:26:14,257
BATMAN: 10-4, CO-GO.
2125
01:26:15,462 --> 01:26:17,510
Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out!
2126
01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:19,800
Corning through!
2127
01:26:21,343 --> 01:26:22,811
(YELLS)
2128
01:26:24,262 --> 01:26:25,809
Okay, Alfred, bring the pain.
2129
01:26:25,972 --> 01:26:26,973
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2130
01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:30,770
Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country!
2131
01:26:31,353 --> 01:26:32,354
(LAUGHS)
2132
01:26:32,646 --> 01:26:34,114
You just got Union Jacked!
2133
01:26:36,775 --> 01:26:37,867
Robin, get ready.
2134
01:26:38,026 --> 01:26:39,949
I'm about to teach you
some father-and-son stuff.
2135
01:26:40,779 --> 01:26:42,122
First, driving.
2136
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:44,123
- Put your hands at 10 and 2.
- Okay.
2137
01:26:44,282 --> 01:26:46,876
Now, fly! Turn left!
2138
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:49,080
Run over these skeletons.
2139
01:26:49,246 --> 01:26:50,623
Now drive up the wall!
2140
01:26:52,082 --> 01:26:53,959
- Great driving.
- Thanks, Padre.
2141
01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:56,461
Yeah!
2142
01:26:57,629 --> 01:26:58,676
Okay, Robin.
2143
01:26:58,839 --> 01:27:00,967
Together, we're gonna
punch these guys so hard,
2144
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:02,635
words describing the impact
2145
01:27:02,801 --> 01:27:05,645
are gonna spontaneously materialize
out of thin air.
2146
01:27:05,804 --> 01:27:06,896
Yeah!
2147
01:27:12,185 --> 01:27:13,528
Yes! Yes! Yes!
2148
01:27:17,274 --> 01:27:18,241
High five!
2149
01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:20,695
Stop moving around, you Muggles.
2150
01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:23,030
All right, team, let's shut him down.
2151
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:25,787
- Orca! You're up, baby!
-(ORCA YELLS)
2152
01:27:26,366 --> 01:27:28,209
You wanna see a magic trick?
2153
01:27:28,368 --> 01:27:30,166
I'm gonna make you disappear.
2154
01:27:30,328 --> 01:27:33,081
- Wingardium Levio...
- Me-yoink!
2155
01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:35,171
Wingardium Levio... Shut up!
2156
01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:36,334
No!
2157
01:27:36,501 --> 01:27:38,174
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2158
01:27:38,336 --> 01:27:39,337
Fudgecake!
2159
01:27:40,172 --> 01:27:41,674
BARBARA". Whoo!
Here we go, Bat Team!
2160
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,183
Batman, think fast!
2161
01:27:46,344 --> 01:27:48,062
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2162
01:27:48,221 --> 01:27:49,222
Robin, go long.
2163
01:27:49,389 --> 01:27:51,266
- Nice grab.
- Yeah !
2164
01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:55,062
PHYLLIS: Oh, my gosh. Yes!
2165
01:27:55,228 --> 01:27:56,229
Here you go, Grandpa.
2166
01:27:58,273 --> 01:27:59,274
Hey, Batman!
2167
01:28:01,067 --> 01:28:02,660
-(GROWLING)
-(GRUNTING)
2168
01:28:02,861 --> 01:28:04,784
Get off my padre!
2169
01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:07,870
It wasn't useless after all.
2170
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:09,706
End this, Batgirl!
2171
01:28:12,245 --> 01:28:14,168
Adiés, shark.
2172
01:28:15,749 --> 01:28:17,922
Okay, BRB, guys.
I'm gonna go defuse that--
2173
01:28:31,598 --> 01:28:33,271
This is the end of Gotham City!
2174
01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:36,982
As I predicted, we're doomed!
2175
01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:40,028
We're not doomed. I got this.
2176
01:28:41,566 --> 01:28:42,818
Everyone, grab on to me.
2177
01:28:42,984 --> 01:28:44,110
Gotcha.
2178
01:28:44,277 --> 01:28:46,871
Come on, guys.
We need to hold this city together.
2179
01:28:49,366 --> 01:28:50,618
Batrope, no!
2180
01:28:50,784 --> 01:28:52,411
Everybody, run!
2181
01:28:52,577 --> 01:28:54,579
No! We have to stick together.
2182
01:28:54,746 --> 01:28:55,747
Right, Batman?
2183
01:28:55,914 --> 01:28:57,257
We need to use our heads!
2184
01:28:57,415 --> 01:28:58,917
Maybe we should build something together.
2185
01:28:59,084 --> 01:29:00,256
ALFRED: Heads.
BARBARA: Stick together.
2186
01:29:00,418 --> 01:29:02,261
ROBIN: Build something.
BARBARA: Together.
2187
01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:04,422
-(ECHOING) Build.
- Together. Together.
2188
01:29:04,589 --> 01:29:06,057
ROBIN:
We should build something together:
2189
01:29:07,425 --> 01:29:08,472
I got it.
2190
01:29:08,635 --> 01:29:11,559
You're right, Babs.
We need to stick together.
2191
01:29:11,721 --> 01:29:13,064
Literally.
2192
01:29:13,223 --> 01:29:14,440
Robin, quick. Give me a boost.
2193
01:29:14,599 --> 01:29:15,600
On it, Padre.
2194
01:29:15,767 --> 01:29:17,815
We're gonna stick together,
using our heads,
2195
01:29:17,978 --> 01:29:20,356
and the most powerful weapon of all.
2196
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:22,945
Shredded abs. Let's do this.
2197
01:29:23,108 --> 01:29:24,325
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow.
ALL: Yeah, let's do this.
2198
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:25,743
- Ready?
- Here we go.
2199
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:26,949
You got this, Alfred?
2200
01:29:27,112 --> 01:29:28,864
Yes, sir. Abs of steel.
2201
01:29:29,030 --> 01:29:31,124
Great! Now you bend,
2202
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:33,411
and I'll grab the other side!
2203
01:29:34,327 --> 01:29:35,374
No!
2204
01:29:35,537 --> 01:29:37,164
MAN: Batman, what's going on?
ROBIN: Are you okay?
2205
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:39,257
CLAYFACE: I've got you.
2206
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:41,009
(STRAINING)
2207
01:29:41,668 --> 01:29:42,669
Jokefl
2208
01:29:42,836 --> 01:29:44,838
Please, help us!
2209
01:29:45,005 --> 01:29:46,632
No! I'm not gonna help you.
2210
01:29:46,798 --> 01:29:50,553
At least if this city is destroyed,
I'll die knowing
2211
01:29:50,719 --> 01:29:52,471
I'm your greatest enemy!
2212
01:29:52,637 --> 01:29:54,685
I'm gonna have to die to know it.
2213
01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:57,897
Shut up, Joker! If there's no Gotham,
2214
01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:00,187
then I'll never get to fight you again.
2215
01:30:01,313 --> 01:30:02,610
What?
2216
01:30:03,481 --> 01:30:05,904
You're the reason why I get up
at 4:00 in the afternoon
2217
01:30:06,067 --> 01:30:08,616
and pump iron
until my chest is positively sick.
2218
01:30:09,195 --> 01:30:10,492
You're the reason I've given up
2219
01:30:10,655 --> 01:30:13,829
a life spent with Russian ballerinas
and lady activewear models.
2220
01:30:14,451 --> 01:30:15,828
And if it wasn't for you,
2221
01:30:15,994 --> 01:30:19,248
I never would have learned how connected
I am with all these people.
2222
01:30:20,248 --> 01:30:21,249
And you.
2223
01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,546
So if you help me save Gotham,
2224
01:30:27,797 --> 01:30:29,595
you'll help me save us.
2225
01:30:30,592 --> 01:30:32,890
You just said "us."
2226
01:30:33,053 --> 01:30:37,149
Yeah. Batman and the Joker.
2227
01:30:38,975 --> 01:30:40,648
What do you say?
2228
01:30:41,478 --> 01:30:43,480
You had me at shut up.
2229
01:30:45,357 --> 01:30:46,654
How are your abs, bro?
2230
01:30:46,816 --> 01:30:50,036
Too much flab, not enough ab.
(CHUCKLES) Why?
2231
01:30:50,195 --> 01:30:51,947
Because I need you to crunch them.
2232
01:30:52,322 --> 01:30:53,744
Citizens of Gotham,
2233
01:30:53,907 --> 01:30:58,708
we need all of you to join us
and help bring this city back together.
2234
01:30:58,912 --> 01:31:00,914
-(STRAINING)
-(ALL STRAINING)
2235
01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:13,889
(ALL CHEERING)
2236
01:31:21,851 --> 01:31:23,273
(WHOOPING)
2237
01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:27,069
I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
2238
01:31:27,232 --> 01:31:29,530
- I hate you, Joker.
-(GASPS)
2239
01:31:29,776 --> 01:31:31,653
- I hate you, too.
- I hate you more.
2240
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:33,572
I hate you the most.
2241
01:31:33,738 --> 01:31:35,536
I hate you forever.
2242
01:31:36,074 --> 01:31:37,121
Splendid!
2243
01:31:38,785 --> 01:31:39,957
We did it, everyone!
2244
01:31:44,749 --> 01:31:47,002
BANE: Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy.
2245
01:31:50,547 --> 01:31:51,799
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2246
01:31:52,048 --> 01:31:53,095
ROBIN: Padre,
2247
01:31:53,925 --> 01:31:55,017
where are you going?
2248
01:31:56,136 --> 01:31:57,763
I made a promise.
2249
01:31:57,929 --> 01:31:59,852
I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone.
2250
01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:01,982
Sorry, kid.
2251
01:32:02,142 --> 01:32:04,110
Padre, please.
2252
01:32:04,269 --> 01:32:06,271
Don't call me Padre.
2253
01:32:06,771 --> 01:32:08,193
Okay.
2254
01:32:08,773 --> 01:32:09,865
Call me...
2255
01:32:13,903 --> 01:32:15,075
Dads.
2256
01:32:15,321 --> 01:32:18,996
(GASPS) My two dads are the same dad.
2257
01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:22,795
But they're both leaving.
2258
01:32:23,955 --> 01:32:25,582
It's gonna be okay, kid.
2259
01:32:27,167 --> 01:32:29,670
Sometimes, losing people is part of life.
2260
01:32:30,503 --> 01:32:33,473
But that doesn't mean
you stop letting them in.
2261
01:32:34,174 --> 01:32:37,144
Some very wise people taught me that.
2262
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:39,471
My father figure.
2263
01:32:41,014 --> 01:32:43,517
My platonic coworker buddy,
2264
01:32:43,683 --> 01:32:46,311
who's a girl, but just a friend.
2265
01:32:47,937 --> 01:32:49,154
And you.
2266
01:32:49,939 --> 01:32:51,282
w“ Mo.
2267
01:32:51,983 --> 01:32:53,326
It's Spanish
2268
01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:55,487
for "son."
2269
01:32:57,614 --> 01:32:59,366
This is my family,
2270
01:33:00,617 --> 01:33:02,494
but it's your family, too.
2271
01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:13,505
(SNIFFLES)
2272
01:33:41,366 --> 01:33:42,743
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2273
01:34:01,219 --> 01:34:02,220
(THUD5)
2274
01:34:05,014 --> 01:34:06,015
(GRUNTS)
2275
01:34:06,891 --> 01:34:08,143
Do you have a knife?
2276
01:34:08,309 --> 01:34:09,310
Why?
2277
01:34:09,477 --> 01:34:13,027
'Cause someone needs to cut the tension
between the two of us immediately.
2278
01:34:13,189 --> 01:34:14,190
(GROANS)
2279
01:34:14,357 --> 01:34:15,859
Okay. I deserved that.
2280
01:34:16,025 --> 01:34:17,402
- PHYLLIS: Hi.
- Wait a minute.
2281
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:18,616
What's going on?
2282
01:34:18,778 --> 01:34:21,122
I came back, just like I said I would.
2283
01:34:21,281 --> 01:34:22,908
You know, Mr. Batman, (SIGHS)
2284
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:25,577
when you're a talking brick,
working at the Phantom Zone,
2285
01:34:25,743 --> 01:34:28,246
you see a lot of crazy things.
2286
01:34:28,413 --> 01:34:30,586
But I've finally seen a man,
2287
01:34:30,748 --> 01:34:32,591
in order to make the world
a better place,
2288
01:34:32,750 --> 01:34:35,253
take a look at himself
and make a change.
2289
01:34:36,254 --> 01:34:37,255
Who?
2290
01:34:37,630 --> 01:34:39,553
- Superman.
- What?
2291
01:34:39,716 --> 01:34:40,968
I'm kidding. It's you.
2292
01:34:41,134 --> 01:34:42,431
(ALL CHEERING)
2293
01:34:42,594 --> 01:34:43,891
(LAUGHS)
2294
01:34:44,429 --> 01:34:46,773
Well, I guess I'll be seeing you
on the streets, Batman.
2295
01:34:46,931 --> 01:34:48,933
I guess so. Catch you later, Joker.
2296
01:34:49,100 --> 01:34:50,226
Let's g0, gang-
2297
01:34:50,393 --> 01:34:51,440
(CHUCKLES) Wait a minute,
2298
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:53,939
we're not just gonna
let these criminals go, right?
2299
01:34:54,105 --> 01:34:55,607
Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it.
2300
01:34:55,773 --> 01:34:57,741
Those guys are no match
for the four of us.
2301
01:34:57,901 --> 01:34:59,574
We'll give them a 30-minute head start.
2302
01:34:59,736 --> 01:35:02,285
Besides, you can't fight crime
on an empty stomach.
2303
01:35:02,530 --> 01:35:04,248
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
2304
01:35:05,283 --> 01:35:06,455
He)'. computer?
2305
01:35:06,618 --> 01:35:07,835
ALL: We're home!
2306
01:35:07,994 --> 01:35:08,995
(ECHOING)
2307
01:35:11,456 --> 01:35:12,628
PUTER". What is the password?
2308
01:35:12,790 --> 01:35:14,463
ALL: Iron Man sucks!
2309
01:35:15,793 --> 01:35:16,965
(LAUGHING)
2310
01:35:26,596 --> 01:35:29,475
When Dad and me were fighting,
I was giving them my best one-liners.
2311
01:35:30,308 --> 01:35:31,309
You
2312
01:35:33,436 --> 01:35:34,779
complete me.
2313
01:35:35,146 --> 01:35:36,614
(ALL LAUGHING)
2314
01:35:48,326 --> 01:35:51,375
Holy family photo, Batman. I love it!
2315
01:35:58,336 --> 01:35:59,508
BATMAN: White.
2316
01:35:59,671 --> 01:36:03,847
All important movies end
with a white screen.
2317
01:36:04,342 --> 01:36:06,470
And tying up loose ends.
2318
01:36:06,636 --> 01:36:08,684
We're coming for you, Gotham City!
2319
01:36:08,846 --> 01:36:10,348
BATMAN". Like this snake clowns bit.
2320
01:36:10,515 --> 01:36:12,483
BARBARA: Snake clowns?
BATMAN: Told you they were real.
2321
01:36:12,642 --> 01:36:14,861
BARBARA". Did you stick wigs onto snakes?
2322
01:36:15,019 --> 01:36:16,692
BATMAN: Maybe.
BARBARA: That is so weird.
2323
01:36:16,980 --> 01:36:18,527
ROBIN: Can I play that song
I wrote for the end credits?
2324
01:36:18,773 --> 01:36:19,865
BATMAN: That is a hard pass.
ROBIN: Come on.
2325
01:36:20,108 --> 01:36:21,109
BATMAN: No!
2326
01:36:21,317 --> 01:36:22,534
BARBARA: Let the kid play
whatever music he wants.
2327
01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:23,820
BATMAN: No, no, no!
ROBIN: Please?
2328
01:36:24,028 --> 01:36:25,029
BATMAN: No.
ROBIN: Padre?
2329
01:36:25,363 --> 01:36:26,865
BATMAN: (SIGHS) Fine. 'Puter.
2330
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:28,449
-(BEEPS)
- PUTER: Okay, sir.
2331
01:36:28,616 --> 01:36:29,959
- ROBIN: Yay!
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2332
01:36:30,201 --> 01:36:32,499
PUTER". Now playing
Robin's happy, poppy music.
2333
01:36:32,662 --> 01:36:35,882
The kind that makes
parents and studio executives happy.
2334
01:36:39,377 --> 01:36:40,378
(GROANS)
2335
01:36:59,897 --> 01:37:00,898
Come on, everyone!
2336
01:37:20,293 --> 01:37:21,636
- Come on, Batman!
- No!
2337
01:38:15,390 --> 01:38:16,733
(PLAYING GUITAR SOLO)
2338
01:38:48,047 --> 01:38:51,392
BATMAN: (LAUGHING)
Wow, that was fun!
2339
01:38:51,551 --> 01:38:53,929
Really hope nobody was recording that.
2340
01:38:54,095 --> 01:38:56,689
Let me see. Oh, this thing is on.
This thing is recording.
2341
01:44:27,094 --> 01:44:28,095
169124
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
