Original subtitles

- You know what a death roll is?

It's how alligators kill their prey.

You see, gators are ancient creatures,

violent things.

Their bite's strong it can cut through bone.

But they can't chew.

So when they clamp down on their prey

and they pull it underwater

and they start flipping over faster and faster,

round and round,

it's like a washer on a spin cycle,

'cept it's not cleanin' dirty undies, uh-uh.

It's tearin' limbs from sockets

and muscle from bones.

The prey is literally ripped to shreds.

So why am I telling you this?

Because that's what you're doin' to us, Lorraine.

You're putting us in a fucking death roll!

- Ma'am, I understand

that COBRA can be an expensive option

for continued health insurance coverage.

- Oh, you think? It's fuckin' $700 a month

per participant!

- It's only intended as an emergency option

after job loss, but the good news is,

your current plan doesn't expire for another ten days.

- Ten fucking days?

I tried to book a cardiologist for Ray-Nathan.

They didn't have an appointment for six months.

- I don't need a cardiologist, Mom.

- You got the high blood pressure, Ray-Nathan.

- And I'm cutting back on my sodium.

I switched from McGriddles to McMuffins.

- Ma'am, if there's nothing else,

I'd appreciate if you could stay on the line

for a quick customer satisfaction survey.

- Oh, I'll give you your feedback

right fuckin' now.

You're part of the cancer

that is destroying the soul of America, Lorraine!

- Okay, well, we understand that you have a choice

when it comes to health insurance,

and we do appreciate your business.

- I hope you die, Lorraine!

Zero stars!

- Craig, if you're watching this,

I want you to know that I am okay,

but the Boones will hurt me

if you don't do exactly what they say...

- No, no, no. Cut. God damn it.

How many times do I have to tell you

to sound more scared?

- I'm sorry. I am scared.

It's just that I smile when I'm nervous.

- It's not your smile. It is your goofy voice.

Can you just say it regular?

- I guess I could try an American accent.

Give me one second.

Hot dog. Hot dog.

Hot dog. - All right.

You are scared to death. Action.

- Craig, if you're watching this,

I want you to know that I'm... - That's fucking worse.

Is that the only accent you got?

- Um, I could do Marge Simpson.

Hello, Homie. Would you like...

- Fuck this!

She don't sound scared 'cause she ain't!

Maybe it's time we escalate this situation.

God damn it!

- Stop laughing at me!

You know women's laughter is the sound I hate the most.

I don't think my sister has conveyed the gravity

of this situation to you, girl.

So I'm just gonna ask you one question:

Picker, tickler, pinkie, stretch, or thumb?

- What? - Which finger do you want me

to cut off...

Picker, tickler,

pinkie, stretch, or thumb?

Picker, tickler, pinkie, stretch, or thumb?

Come on! Picker, tickler, pinkie, stretch, or thumb?

- Please, I don't want you to cut off any of my fingers.

- Don't tell me. Tell the camera. Action!

- Hey, Craig, I'm okay, but Ray-Nathan has a knife

and I'm pretty sure he's angry with women.

They said they're not gonna hurt me if you do everything

that they say, but I'm scared.

I'm really, really scared.

- Nice work, kids. - I mean, I did it.

- Ray-Nathan dropped his knife. - Why would you kidnap Jillian?

I'm the only one that cares about her,

and my net worth is a minus sign.

- We want our fake jobs back.

- But here's the good news.

Unlike COBRA, I am reasonable.

Rehire us in the next ten days

and nothing happens to your friend.

After that, let's just say

we won't be the only ones needin' health insurance.

- Oh, and one more thing.

Before you think about calling the cops, you might wanna

check on who runs the Port Everglades sheriff's station...

Tyler Boone.

- No relation,

but a very close friend.

- No relation? No, relation.

Natalie-Ray, that's your first cousin.

- Yeah, well, you could have told me that

before I gave him a hand job at Nana's funeral.

- Why did you think he was there?

- Uh, 'cause everyone loved Nana.

She was a pillar of our community.

- That's just nasty. - Yeah, well,

it's not like I got off or anything.

You all are freaking out over nothing.

- In a church? - Uh, yeah.

Hello? God can just forgive it right away.

- What the fuck?

I wanted this sign to be jacked.

Does it look jacked to you?

- Yes. It's a really big sign.

- No, this sign doesn't look jacked.

It looks like it sucks its own dick on the elliptical.

You're fired.

What about you, big man?

You think this sign looks jacked?

- I don't know. Rodney, I actually have

something really serious to tell you.

- I got an influencer event

happening in eight hours.

More serious than that? - The Boones took Jillian.

They're gonna hurt her. - So no, not more serious.

- You have to rehire them. - Don't do it.

Too expensive.

- Sorry, she's my little "Rain Man"...

Number, number, number, number.

I'm just kidding.

We're a family of Tom Cruises.

- Rodney, please, I'm begging you.

- I was so proud of you in San Diego,

lying to all those people about curing cancer.

I thought my shit clicked with you, bro.

- Yo, Rodney, a truck just pulled up.

- Oh, holy shit! It's here?

- Rodney got a shark for the party tonight.

- Yeah, I'm gonna put it in the pool and fight it.

- What do you mean, "fight it," like bop it on the nose?

- It's a shark. I'm gonna kill the thing.

- Sounds dangerous.

- I mean, it's a blacktip, not a great white.

- 'Cause they wouldn't let me buy a great white

because we are a nation of girls,

but still a shark,

still a killing machine.

You'll see tonight. - No, I won't see

because I won't be at your influencer event.

My friend is kidnapped, and you won't help.

- Ugh.

Craig, your drama.

All right, where's that fish I'm gonna murder?

- I'm telling you, man, you should come to the party,

take your mind off stuff. - By "stuff," do you mean

my best friend getting kidnapped?

- Wow.

I thought I was your best friend.

I'm just kidding. We don't get along.

Bro, will you relax?

Is anything gonna happen to Jillian tonight?

- No, but... - Isaiah, Rodney wants you.

- I'll be right there.

Man, just trust me, okay?

It's like Tyrese says, "God has a plan."

- Are you seriously quoting Tyrese to me right now?

- Or Drake or Floyd Mayweather...

I don't know, they all pretty much got the same take on God.

- Well, they sent a dud shark.

It's all full of Xanax or some shit.

It's all sleepy. Threw a baseball right

at its head. It just bounced right off.

- The drugs are for the transport.

It'll wear off soon. - Yeah, and what if it doesn't?

People are gonna watch me fight some low-T beta shark?

- You could give it some of mom's Adderall.

No.

Mama needs that to get out of bed in the morning

and go to the gym. Let's think.

Uh, I know.

We get that crate of EpiPens from the office,

wake that fucker up.

Come on. Let's go.

- Well, looks like you got a lot on your plate.

I'ma take off. - Craig, I promise,

there's a plan.

- Gabriel, Angel, let's go.

If Rodney won't help, we'll do this ourselves.

Suit up.

- Hold on.

What do we need machetes for?

- Yeah, I thought maybe I missed a text or something.

- Well, Jillian's been kidnapped

by that creepy swamp family.

- So the machetes are for fighting?

- I was hoping we could just show up and wave 'em around,

look scary.

- But if that doesn't work, you want us to stab 'em?

- I mean... - Or cut part of them off?

- I'm not exactly sure how it's gonna go down, Angel.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Foster, but I have a family.

I can't be your Batman.

I quit.

- Look...

I get that you're scared.

I'm scared too.

But this is for Jillian.

You love Jillian! She started Margarita Mondays.

- I hated Margarita Mondays,

but she pays me, so I couldn't say no.

- Forced fun is not real fun.

- I don't wanna die for my boss.

- Nah, you guys don't have to quit.

I'll think of something else.

Sorry for asking.

Hello? - Hi, it's Brandy from carWOW.

I was just calling to see

if you were still in the market for a used vehicle,

because our fall-forward sale's event...

- Aah! What the fuck?

- I'm coming down.

- What are you doing here, Prada,

and why'd you bring your own chair?

- Because everything in here obviously has bedbugs.

And I came to help you save your partner.

- Wait, seriously?

I didn't think you liked Jillian.

- I don't. She's got shelter-dog vibes.

- Then why are you gonna help save her?

- Because in return,

you're going to help me destroy my father.

- If my dad goes down, I take over Dominine.

If you help make that happen,

I'll give you your farm back, free and clear.

- What's the catch? - The catch is you help me.

I already said the catch.

Jesus, this is gonna be hard.

I feel like I'm explaining what PDFs are to a cat.

- Don't you like your dad?

You guys have so much in common.

You're the only two people I've ever seen

throw lit matches at valets.

- My father taught me everything I know.

He poured all his knowledge into me.

But when you finish a gallon of milk,

you don't leave the empty carton lying around.

You throw it away.

My time has come.

- Your time? You're 12.

- You only think that 12 is young

because you're a dinosaur.

What are you, 34?

- Yes, you're really good at guessing ages.

But why should I trust you?

You've been really, really mean to me,

which I know sounds childish, but it's true.

- You should trust me

because I have the perfect plan,

and because you don't really have any other options.

Do you?

Okay. What do you need me to do?

- My father recently made five payments

of $1,000,000 each to a woman named Sophia.

- That's why you mad.

You think he's having an affair.

- No. I know he's having an affair.

His mistress bought me a birthday gift,

but he's spending company funds on her.

And if we can get proof,

the board will have to replace him.

- Okay, so how do we get proof?

- I hope you have a nice suit

because you're going to a party.

- Predator Power party is epic.

There's a freaking shark. Chomp, chomp, bitches.

- Okay, so I just waited for sliders behind Seth Green.

Predator Power party is insane.

- Okay. Who's next? Come on up.

All right, say "Predator Power."

- Predator Power.

- All right, now say...

- Well, the suit thing was a mistake.

That's on me.

- What are you doing here? What happened to Jillian?

- Nothing. It's fine.

I just...

I needed get my mind off all that drama.

You told me to come.

- Yeah, that's the problem.

It's actually really suspicious you took my suggestion.

- I told him to come.

He's still employed by us.

And you know what my dad says,

"Time is money, so time off is stealing."

- Yeah, it just feels like the Craig I know

would be off saving his friend.

- Maybe you should worry about the fact

that the predatory hashtag isn't even trending locally.

Go do your job.

How hard is it to come up with a reasonable explanation

for why you're here?

Watch this.

I'm a sad farmer who's never had a quiche.

- I've had a quiche, Prada Lamonca.

- Shh! I don't wanna be seen talking to you.

Wait 15 seconds, then meet me at the buffet.

- One Mississippi, two Mississippi...

- That was only 12 seconds.

- Nuh-uh, I used the Mississippi method.

One Mississippi... - Shh!

Don't look at me. Just stare straight forward

and pile your plate.

Do you know what you're supposed to do?

- Yeah, you made me go over it 1,000 times.

- Well, my confidence in you was shaken

after the whole suit debacle.

- Okay.

So as soon as it gets dark,

Rodney is gonna make his big announcement.

Ladies, gentlemen,

and Predators, thank y'all so much for coming.

I stole a saw palmetto farm from this dude Craig,

and now I'm gonna go fight a shark for no real reason.

Yada, yada, yada. I'm a dream killer.

- That's not what he's gonna say.

- I was paraphrasing.

- Do you wanna save your friend or not?

- Fine, so as Rodney's giving his electrifying,

logical introduction,

I sneak into the downstairs bathroom,

second door past the kitchen, and hide.

Wouldn't it make more sense

for you to hide in the bathroom?

I feel like you're a lot less conspicuous than I am.

- I'm very conspicuous.

I have presence.

Also, I have my sober companion watching over me

at all times.

Hi, Meryl.

Why don't people in recovery wear makeup?

- Aren't you a little young to have a sober companion?

Is everything okay? - I had a period

of youthful rebellion when I was ten.

I'm past it. Keep going.

- Okay, so Rodney comes in to change.

- Now it's time to kill an animal

like a fucking psychopath!

- Craig. - I can imagine your dad

calling himself a psychopath.

I bet he thinks that's cool.

Anyway, he leaves his phone in there.

- Which phone? - Both of them,

his regular phone, and the secret burner

he uses for illegal shit.

Then he locks the door

and gives the key to Isaiah for safekeeping.

- Hold on to this.

- Then while he's off murdering a shark...

- Grow up. It's not murder.

If the shark attacks first,

he's allowed to stand his ground.

This is Florida.

- Okay, so while your dad's off defending himself

against a shark aggressor,

I'll use the dongle you gave me to copy his phone.

It'll take 14 minutes, which we have

because even if the fight ends early,

Rodney still has to pose for pictures

as some kind of activation for the influencers.

- Say "I'm a predator" on three.

One, two, three. All: I'm a predator!

- I leave, lock the door behind me,

and give you back the dongle.

Did I get that very simple plan right,

Prada Lamonca?

- Jesus, how much food did you take?

- It was a long plan. I had to stall.

- Well, throw it away,

and make sure you're in the bathroom

by the time my dad finishes his announcement.

- Fucking Prada Lamonca.

Fucking portion police.

I'm eating this crab rangoon. Fuck you.

- Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Oh, holy shit.

- Brock, what you doing here, man?

- Oh, where the fuck else would I be, huh?

It's only the influencer event of the season.

Brother, I am just surfing trends

and riding the waves where they take me.

Let's get you a drink, huh?

Come on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, gotta get you involved here.

Maybe later we go smoke a cigarette and touch tips.

Then I fucking worked with those two ladies

who talk to each other, which only led to more growth.

I mean, collabs beget collabs.

Anyway, guess how many subscribers I have.

Let me give you a hint.

It rhymes with a million.

- A billion. - Half a million!

It's the same word.

It's not a rhyme... - Half a million people.

Half a million people care what I have to say about life,

love, not race.

That was a mistake. I took that video down.

- Nice, well, it sounds like everything's going good

for you, buddy. - Hey, hey, hey.

You know what people ask me about all the time?

That video where I gave you and Jillian 20k.

Yeah, did huge numbers.

What do you say we do a funny follow-up,

where, uh, I don't know, maybe, uh, you pay me back?

- Well, I don't have that cash anymore.

- All right, fine. Then fuck it.

We'll do something else. We'll fuckin'

shoot it right here. - I'm not shooting a video

with you. I'm here for work.

And I gotta go. Good luck with everything.

- Craig,

I need this.

Okay?

Do you remember when I told you that shit was awesome?

- Ten seconds ago. - That was a fuckin' lie.

Shit is very much not awesome.

I mean, Corby went off to college

like a fucking show-off, and my wife left me.

- What about all your followers?

- I need content.

I mean, they're fucking insatiable.

How much content can one man make?

I'm like a... Like a moldy old grapefruit,

and they're just juicing me dry.

- Okay. - I had one video

that got some traction, where I shot a bottle rocket

out of my eye socket, so I leaned into that gimmick.

Guess what fucking happened next.

- Burned your face really bad?

- No! Well, yes,

but I rebranded myself Socket Man.

I came up with a killer theme song,

and then fucking Elton John's label sued me.

Now all my God damn money goes to the lawyers.

- Ladies, gentleman and Predators,

thank you all so much for coming.

Tonight's all about... - Well, thank you

for that deeply depressing download, Brock,

but I really gotta go. - Hey, hey, hey.

I didn't even get invited to this party.

I lied and said I was Jake Paul's uncle

who does funny pornos. - You think I'm doing well?

I'm working for Rodney Lamonca.

I can't help you. - Craig, please?

- I'm sorry, Brock. I gotta go. - God damn it.

Come on. Get...

That slippery motherfucker! Fuck!

- Jillian, are you okay?

- Um, still kidnapped.

Just calling because the Boones hadn't heard

from you, and they want me to remind you

what will happen to me if you don't get them

their insurance back.

- I know. I'm trying. - They'll cut off my pinker.

- Your picker!

Pinker isn't one of the options.

- She's thinking of pinkie.

- Well, I don't wanna lose either of them.

- Jillian, I really gotta go, but I have a plan.

It's all gonna to be okay. - Thanks, Cra...

- I'm not trying to be mean, Meryl,

but a lash would go a long way.

- Fuck you.

- Prada. - Isaiah.

- You're spending a lot of time with my brother.

- You're spending a lot of time with my dad.

- Hold on to this.

Hey, who wants to see me kill a shark

like a fucking psychopath, huh?

Predator! Predator!

Predator! Predator!

- This is so messed up. Rodney Lamonca might die.

I don't know a lot about him,

but I do know that he has a mom.

And as a mom myself, it's just really emotional, you know?

- Oh, this is bad!

You guys, this is really bad.

- Thanks for sending the hearts.

I love you guys.

- What the fuck's going on?

- Is there a doctor? Is anyone a doctor?

- What happened?

- The shark ate him. The shark ate Rodney!

Is anyone a doctor here?

- I'm a pimple popper! - I review lotions.

- Let's go! Come on!

- Is he dead?

- What are you doing in there?

- Everyone was screaming. I got lost.

- Wasn't that door locked? - No.

I don't know. Who cares?

Is Rodney dead? - He's fuckin' fine.

- Fine? A shark ate him.

What are you talking about?

Motherfucker.

- What the fuck?

You're okay? You weren't in the pool?

- Of course I wasn't in the fucking pool.

You think I'd get in the water with a shark?

- I mean, yes, you've been bragging about it all day.

- Well, you didn't listen close enough.

I said someone is gonna fight the shark.

- You said, "Where's the fish I'm gonna murder?"

So I tricked you.

- I don't understand. Who got eaten?

- Stunt double. We got the idea from Pitbull.

- Well, how did this even happen?

I thought we're supposed to get some dinky Muppet shark.

- That you shot full of EpiPens.

- No. No. This is not on me.

That legless fuck out there said he could fight a shark.

If he couldn't do the job,

he shouldn't have taken the 300 bucks.

- That's all he got? - Yeah, for, like,

five minutes of work.

Expand that out to eight hours a day,

five days a week, 52 weeks a year, that's...

Prada, what is that? - 7.48 million.

- I'm so sorry that I hired a guy

for 7.48 million dollars a year.

Now can we just focus up here?

I'm gonna look like a giant pussy if I go out there

and admit that I faked the shark bite.

But if I do pretend that I was in the pool,

people are gonna ask, "Why does he still have legs?"

Solutions, go!

Come on. Use your brain, rapid-fire.

Let's go. Think, think, think.

First thing that comes out of your head.

- Stairs.

- Stairs? You fucking dumb?

- That was the first thing that came to my mind.

- You know, I'm just gonna fix this myself, as usual.

Behold!

- I rise like Jesus Christ.

From the blood in the water, I stand before you,

and that is the regenerative power of Predator Pills,

ladies and gentlemen.

I did it to prove a point.

It was a stunt,

and the fake me is gonna be fine.

I'm gonna be okay.

Don't leave me, okay?

- Well, that fucking ruled.

They ate that shit up. You see their snouts?

They're wet with drool.

All right, let's bounce.

Where's my phone?

- Right there.

- No, my other phone.

They're both in the bathroom. I have a secret phone

with important shit on it. - There was only one phone

in the bathroom, right, Craig?

- Yeah. Yeah, that was the only one.

- Someone took it. I cannot lose my secret phone.

Activate the Omega Protocols.

- The what? - The... Jesus fucking Christ!

It's like I'm talking to a baby.

The Omega Protocols!

Lock down this party right the fuck now!

Listen up! Party's over! Come here.

No one gets out of here without gettin' searched.

You got that? - Let's go! Form a line!

Step up. Arms up.

- Welcome to Omega Protocols, motherfuckers!

- Step up. - Why didn't you

pocket the phone? - Everyone was screaming.

I didn't know what was happening.

- You didn't just assume the stunt guy

got eaten by the shark?

- No, I did not assume that, Prada Lamonca.

But listen, it finished copying.

Let's just put the phone back

and say we found it on the ground.

- You think he's gonna fall for that?

Are you calling my dad stupid?

- Why are you insulted? You trying to destroy him.

- To prove myself.

To win his love.

Dump the phone in the houseplant

and sneak the dongle out.

- How? They have metal detectors.

Prada! Prada!

Brock?

Hey, crazy what happened, right?

Did you see it? - Yeah, I saw it.

Went over there to help 'cause I'm a wild animal expert.

I'm the one that said, "Shark ate this guy's legs."

- Well, I need your help, not a big deal, tiny favor.

I was hoping you could stick something in your eye socket.

I'll do the video with you.

- Here's my counteroffer.

Go fuck yourself.

- Brock, please, we're friends. - We are not friends.

You just wanna get in my socket like all the rest.

- The rest of who? - I gave you 20k.

You couldn't give me five minutes.

Why the fuck would I help you?

- Jillian is in danger.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- So we started our farm.

Then there were these snails.

Then I had to make a side deal

with these crazy swamp criminals to survive.

Then Isaiah screwed me over and sold me out to Rodney.

- God damn, you getting fucked in every hole.

- You have no idea.

The second our business got even a tiny bit of success,

people showed up trying to take it.

All these... predators,

fighting over my carcass,

ripping me to shreds.

- All right, yeah. Fuck it.

I'll help. - Oh, my God.

Thank you, Brock. - In exchange

for part ownership of your farm.

- What? - You gave

a very effective little speech.

Gave me an idea. People are predators.

I need to be a predator.

- That wasn't supposed to be your takeaway.

- Well, it was. 5%.

Are you in, or are you out?

- Hey, not to be a backseat driver, but I think

the dongle's sticking out of your socket a little.

- Oh, come on. No one's gonna notice that.

People been trained their whole life to look away

from those with disabilities.

I remind them of their frailty, so they just ignore me.

Pretty much get away with anything.

It fucking rules.

- Does it hurt having stuff up there?

- Mm, not really.

I mean, I get dizzy from time to time

and my spine hurts if I push it into far.

I can't form any short-term memories.

Big deal. - Arms up.

- It's okay. I work for Rodney.

- There's no one I trust less

than the people who work for me.

Wand him.

- He's clear.

- Hey, thanks for the party, Rodney.

It was memorable.

- There he is, huh, the fucking legend.

- Check the patch.

- Oh, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I don't want that cancer stick up near my brain.

- All right, then lift it up.

Let's see that hole.

- All right, well, as long as you don't mind

being grossed out. - The only thing

that grosses me out is a pregnant woman.

Fucking placenta,

fuck that shit.

Lift it.

He's good. - All right.

Thanks for the party.

- That was gross.

- Ho, ho, ho, yeah. - Whoa.

Holy shit, Brock... - Yeah.

- That was some David Blaine shit.

- Mm-hmm. - Where'd you hide the dongle?

Did you palm it?

- Nah, just shoved it deeper in the socket

when I took the patch off.

- Oh, deep-socketed it. Damn. - Yeah.

- You good?

- No problem.

Nat-wah.

- Huh?

- Yeah, just... Yeah, just having a little, uh,

a little balance... A little balance thing here.

Just might have shoved it in there a little too deep.

Oh, shit!

- Brock? Brock?

Brock! Brock!

- He just woke up.

His vitals look good.

We think he's gonna be all right.

- Except the doctor made me promise

to stop sticking stuff in the socket.

- Good, I've been telling you that for the last year, Dad.

- And you're not a doctor, Corby.

You're a fuckin' child majoring in sports management.

Look, it doesn't matter if this is the end

of my YouTube career

'cause I'm a farmer now.

- Nurse, I think he's having a stroke.

- No, no, no. I'm winkin' at you.

- Well, I don't even have the farm

until we get that dongle to Prada Lamonca.

Speaking of which, what happened to the thing

that was stuck in his socket?

- Oh, I gave it to his old neurologist.

He came by to check on him. - Neurologist?

I don't have a neurologist. - Yes, you do.

He was just here, Dr. Todd.

- Who the fuck is Dr. Todd?

- Oh, shit!

- ♪ Dark woman in the water drowning ♪

♪ Sinking in a funny way ♪

♪ Black footing full of faces floating ♪

♪ Mimicking our final days ♪

♪ The ocean will have us all ♪

♪ The ocean will have us all ♪

♪ Dead forest with the moon arising ♪

♪ Smiling at you out of reach ♪

♪ Cracked window in a chapel dreaming ♪

♪ Hoping while they drain 'em each ♪

♪ Barracuda, barracuda ♪

♪ Won't you lay down your life for me? ♪

♪ Won't you love me, barracuda? ♪

♪ If you always need to bring out ♪

♪ The worst in me ♪

- Not a doctor. - Shh.