All language subtitles for prk.17

Is anybody, in their pitch,

going to use any of
the following obscenities?

Raise your hand on any of them.

[Bleep], [bleep], [bleep],
[bleep], [bleep],

[bleep] in your pitches?

Mnh-mnh.
Nobody? Um...

Like, what's top three?
I would maybe say,
like, [bleep]

Okay. Uh-huh.
[Bleep]

Just those two,
[bleep] [bleep]?

How about you?
Any curse words?

Probably the same.

[Bleep] and [bleep]
for you?

Yeah.

Oh, I might say
[bleep] too.

You want to say
[bleep] too?

[ Overlapping chatter ]

[Bleep]
Everybody wants [bleep]
on theirs?

You might want to throw [bleep]
in there just in case.

[Bleep] for you?
Just in case.

Anybody else want [bleep]?

I thought
I wasn't gonna cuss

during my sister's
wedding-reception speech --

Yeah?
What did you say?
[Bleep]

Like, give me
more context.

Like, "I want to
[bleep] her husband."

[ Women exclaiming "No!" ]

No! It was --

I'm crying, and it
was like, "[Bleep]"

and then it was like,
"[Bleep]"

Just know that
whatever words you have,

you're free to
say those words, okay?

Oh, got it.
Oh, my mom is gonna be
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]

Alright.
[Bleep]

...the Prank Panel.

Yes!
I will do your prank.

Yes!

[ Screams ]

Aaaah!

-Oh!
-Oh, my God!

I'm gonna give my dead mom
mouth-to-mouth.

You're being pranked
right now.

Aaaah!

Oh, how dare you!

-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!

[ Laughter ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Oh!
Aaaaaah!

Aah!
Aah!

All: [ Chanting ]
Strip, strip, strip!

[ Horn honks ]
Whoo!

What the [bleep]
is happening?!

[ Laughter ]

Oh.

[ Screaming ]

[ Explosion ]

Aah!

-Whoa!
-Oh!

Cut the feed!

[ Siren wails ]

Somebody, please, help.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Pramode:
This is "The Prank Panel"!

Let's give it up
for Gabourey Sidibe,

Johnny Knoxville,

and Eric André!

♪♪

Welcome to "The Prank Panel,"
the only show that

Eric André has tried
to quit multiple times.

[ Laughs ]

Not joking.
What happened?

Uh, well, you first
stun-gunned me in the crotch.

That happened.
I was there for that.

Then in the belly.
Then in the neck.

Then in
the naked eyeball.

Then I started to think,
"Not worth the money."

[ Laughter ]

This was over a period
of seven days, by the way.

To be fair --
No, no, no.
I'd say two or three days.

Also,
Eric started it.

I was there.
He started it.

Thank you, Gabby.

Alright, enough jibber-jabber.

Let's see how we met
this week's prankster.

♪♪

Hi.
My name is Motown Maurice.

Motown is actually my real name.
My parents gave it to me.

There's no fantastical
story to it.

People expect me
to sing and dance,

but, eh, I don't
have those talents.

Hello.
Hello.

Distinguished panel,
my name is Motown Maurice.

And who do
you want to prank?

I want to prank A'Tara,
my significant other.

Why do you want to
prank A'Tara?

Because she is a nonstop pranker
around the house.

And you're like,
"Enough is enough."

Enough is enough.
Her time is coming.

You want retaliation.

Yes.
What's your prank idea?

My prank idea is a sensational
mind, body, and soul

weekend staycation

with projectile vomiting.

Oh, yes.

-Whoa.
-Oh, my goodness.

So, the idea is to have
just people

just vomiting all around her
in all kinds of crazy stuff.

It's like, spend some time
at the Jacuzzi, bleh!

We might -- There will be, like,
this spiritual room

with candles and incense.

People come in, ugh, vomit.

People just start vomiting
around her, on her.

Let's prank her.

Johnny: Oh, on her.

That's aggressive.
On her?

Ba, ba, bi, ba, bo.
Wow. Yeah.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Gross.

Anything else besides
vomiting happening?

I would like to embarrass her
a little bit, too.

She doesn't like to twerk.

She doesn't like to twerk?
No.

She doesn't twerk
or anything like that.

How dare her?
Classy. Got it.

And I like you, Motown,

but the prank's
a little one note.

I mean, I guess you could
take it up a notch,

'cause, like, I personally
have never vomited

without also having
very active diarrhea.

It just feels like
what you're doing is too small.

Well, don't that paint
a pretty picture?

[ Laughter ]

I don't know if there's
enough meat on the bones.

I think this could be
the greatest --

one of the greatest pranks
of all time.

It's probably a no for me.

I appreciate you coming on
to pitch your prank, though.
Same.

Yeah. You had a lot of hand
movements that I really enjoyed,

but, you know...
You're gonna be missing out

on a whole lot more
that could have been --

Yeah, I'll find it
somewhere else.

I was talking about my prank.
[ Laughter ]

I'll get my fix.
Thank you, Motown.

Thank you, Motown.

♪♪

My name is Mia Neece.

I'm 24, and I am here
to prank my grandma.

I think she wouldn't expect me
pranking her,

because she's pretty gullible.

She, like --
if you tell her something,

she believes you instantly,

so I thought she'd be
the perfect person to prank.

Hey! Hello.

Hello.
Oh, hi!

What's up?

Hi!
How are you?

Hi.
Come on down.

I'm good.
How are you guys?

We're great.
Alright.

What's your name?

My name is Mia Neece.

And, yeah, I'm here
to prank my grandma.

Oh. Isn't that sweet?

Yeah, we have
a special relationship,

so to her, it might be.

Tell us about your grandma.

She's a bit of a hypochondriac,
super gullible,

so perfect recipe
to prank somebody.

What is your prank idea,
Mia Neece?

So, since she is
a hypochondriac,

I definitely want
to play on that.

She has this knee problem

that she's had for, like,
over five years now.

So I want to recommend this
great new doctor that I found,

because, apparently,
hers isn't working.

And she's gonna go
into the doctor's office,

get her knee checked out.

They're gonna do an X-ray,
come back to her,

"Angelica, I wanted
to congratulate you.

You're six weeks' pregnant.
Like, who's the lucky man?"

And she's gonna lose her mind.

So, that's what I thought.

I mean...
[ Laughter ]

You had me up
until the end there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

I feel like that's an idea
that's funny on paper.

Yeah.
Okay.

Right?
Yeah.

Because the reality --

She's going to know
she's not pregnant.

Unless there's a man
in her life.

Hey, her and my grandpa
going strong.

See?
Well...

But they're using rubbers,
I'm assuming.

I don't want to know
anything about that.

Let's visualize it real quick
in our minds.

I giggled.

I think it's great.

I think your grandmother
is a potential star.

So I would tweak
the pregnancy part of it,

but everything leading up is --
your head's in the right place.

Anyway, the short answer is,
yes, I want to do it.

Johnny: Wow!
Let's do it.

Alright, Mia Neece.

Thank you, guys.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you!

See you soon.
Bye, Mia.

Come on back if you want to see
what's inside Mia's grandma.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

♪♪

Welcome back to
"The Prank Panel."

Put your paws together
for Mia!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hi!

Mwah. Mwah.

Hi.

What an angel.
Mia, how you doin', girl?

I'm good.
How are you?

Wow.
Stunning, stunning.

Now, does Grandma's
hypochondria

play a big role
in your life?

Are you suffering
by association?

I definitely am.
It's a little...

We hang out a lot,
so I'm around her a lot.

Do you feel like you're
getting a cold right now,

or just your grandmother
is the hypochondriac?

Just her. I'm chillin'.
Just her, okay.

You don't give a [bleep]?
No.

[ Laughter ]

Unvaccinated, no condoms,
the whole thing.

No, I never said that.

I never said that.
I never said that.

I get it.

Let's see if we were able to use
our boundless resources

and vast prank experience
to trick a grandmother.

Roll the tape.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

So, we're here for
the "Gullible Granny" bit.

We're gonna get
Grandma Angelica.

We have good intel on this woman
that she's a little gullible,

so we're hoping
that she remains gullible.

We're gonna get her
in this sketchy MRI machine,

and we're gonna convince
this woman

she has a worm
living in her knee.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Ew!

The hidden cameras are --
I actually don't know

where all of them are.

Inside Tony Barbieri's
eyeballs.

Yeah? We surgically inserted
cameras in his optic nerve?

How you doing?
How you feeling?

This is it, Eric.

Is everything green?
[ Laughs ]

I hope that this prank
is a bit of a wake-up call

so she doesn't
just believe everything

that everybody says
all the time.

Enough is enough.

Producer: Is there anything
that could go wrong today?

Uh, most pranks fail,
so, yeah, I'm worried about --

Why would you bring that up?

[ Laughs ]

Okay, our grandmother, Angelica,
is coming up.

-Hi.
-Hi, Jasmine.

We have a patient.
Come on in.

How you doing?
Angelica: Hi.

Here's her paperwork.

Great.
Thank you so much.

Yep.
Jasmine.

Hi.
Angie, Angelica.

Ooh,
your hands are cold.

I know.
I love this lady already.

[ Quietly ]
Hey! Come on in.

Come on in.

Oh.
We're gonna have
feet this way...

Okay.
...and your head here,
right here on this pillow.

Oh, okay.
There you go.

Yes.
I'm gonna help you there.

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, my God.

Hello.
Jasmine: Hello.

Hello.
Hello.

How are you doing?
Okay.

I am Adam Rosen.

Nice to meet you.
Hello, Mr. Rosen.

How are you
feeling today?

Okay.
Wonderful, wonderful.

What are you seeing us today
for, Angelica?

Well, my left knee
hurts a lot sometimes.

And then my right, when I have
Baker's cyst behind it --

A Baker's cyst?

Uh-huh.
Ugh!

Yeah, and sometimes,
it hurts really bad.
Yeah.

[ Quietly ]
Alright, Mia?

Thanks.
Never felt better.

How is your diet? How happy
are you with your diet?

Well, the problem is,
after menopause,

you know, you gain 20 pounds
by looking out the window.

Sure.
[ Laughs ]

I drink Diet Coke, but, like,
one a day, a large one.
Oh, okay.

Okay, one a day.

And then I might make me
a little one at home.

Okay, so we're looking at about
two cans of diet soda a day.

If not three.

That's also a lie.
It's at least four.

Got it. We're looking
at close to 1,000 cans
of diet soda a year.

Okay.
That's about
10,000 a decade.

Yeah.
That sounds like a lot.

Jasmine: Right.
It does
sound like a lot.

[ Laughter ]

How is your digestion?

It's fine.
Yeah.

And your stools?
Fine.

What would you rate
your happiness

with your stools,
from 1 to 10?

Probably like 9?

9? Okay.
Did you stool today?

Uh, yes.

And how was
today's stool?

Uh, I don't know.

Like a 5?

Did you wanna know that info
about your grandmother?

No.

[ Laughter ]

The fact that she
rated it is insane.

And how about exercise?
How's your exercise?

I do
do a lot of walking.

I do background extra
acting work.

Oh, my God. I don't --
Oh, you do?

Very physical with that.

Have you been in anything
we might have seen?

Uh, let's see.
Don't.

I've been in so many things,
I can't name them.

Oh, my God.

It's, like, background,
you know, in the acting?

"Straight Outta Compton."
I was a background --

Your grandma was in
"Straight Outta Compton."

She, like, swears her
and Ice Cube are besties.

She has
a picture with him.

She gave a framed copy
to everyone for Christmas.

Oh, I want
one of those.

Did you meet Ice Cube?

Yeah!
I have a picture with him.

I told you.

You know, music videos I love.
I was in one with Justin Bieber.

She is so name-dropping
right now.

This is
so embarrassing.

What was
Justin Bieber like?

He's got a little -- I think
he's battling some depression.

Oh, my God.
Like, she knows him.

And his wife showed up there,
too.

I wonder what her stools
are like.

I bet she's a 10
on her stools.

I would think so.
Probably.
She's so skinny.

She's so skinny, she must
have number-10 stools.

Yeah.

A lot of them, I think,
like Audrey Hepburn and stuff,

they took stuff.
Yeah.

Audrey Hepburn,
world-class stools.
Yeah.

You know, it was called
"Breakfast at Tiffany's"...
Yes.

...but she spent most of that
breakfast in the bathroom

at Tiffany's
making a stool.

Yeah. Yeah.
That's what they say.

Yeah.

Why is she agreeing?

Now, what we like to
do here, Angelica,

is we like to take a look
at the whole person,

a holistic approach.
Right. Right.

This is a state-of-the-art
new sensor

that's gonna give us
a clear picture

of what's happening
inside you, okay?

Wow! Cool.

Let's activate the scan.
It's gonna be a little bit loud.

Mm-hmm.

[ Device whirring ]

[ Device beeps ]

Alright.
Okay. Alright.

Well, here, if you could
take a look, there's --

[ Laughing ]
Wow. Look at that.

How weird.
Yep, yep.

Wow.

Okay, we're gonna punch in a
little bit closer on that knee.

Mm-hmm.

Wow. What a trip.

With the technology today,
it's unreal.

Wow.

You see what I'm seeing?

Unh-unh.

You see this?

You see that shadow here?

Uh-huh.
What is that?

That is
a Trichinella teristesis.

Ah!
That is a knee worm.

A knee what?
You have a knee worm.

A knee worm?

I am fairly certain --
That's not the cyst?

That is not the cyst.
That is extremely rare.

Really?

How many diet sodas did
we say you have?

1,000 a year.

Uh-huh.
Okay.

[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God.

This type of parasite,
it's benign.

You shouldn't be worried
about it.
Mm-hmm.

But they are triggered by
the ingredients in diet sodas.

Really? Wow.

So we are going to see if we can
stimulate that knee worm.

We're gonna put that diet soda
right between your knees.

Uh-huh.

Let's take a look,
see what we have.

Oh. Look at this.

[ Audience groaning,
laughter ]
Can you see it?

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

[ Cheers and applause ]

That is
a Trichinella teristesis.

Wow.

So we are going to see if we can
stimulate that knee worm.

We're gonna put that diet soda
right between your knees.

Uh-huh.

And let's take a look,
see what we have.

Oh.
Look at this.

Can you see it?
[ Audience groans ]

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

That is a female.
Wow!

You can tell
by the white spots.

And that is very active.

Wow!

Sweet
sassy frassy molassy.

She is beautiful.

I don't know about that.

[ Laughter ]

I've seen earworms.

Uh-huh.
I've seen tapeworms.

Uh-huh.
I've seen shin worms.

Uh-huh.
I've seen butt bugs.

Uh-huh.
Shin chiggers.

Yeah.
Ankle ants.

Wow.
Shin spiders.

Uh-huh.

Foreskin mites.
[ Audience laughs, groans ]

Yeah.
Eyelid leeches.

Ew. Yuck.

Nostril nightcrawlers.

Ew!
Toe beetles.

Yeah.

But I ain't never seen
any worm like that before.

[ Laughter ]

I need to consult
with an expert.

You want --
Is this my cue?

Nothing to worry about,
but it's something...
Okay.

...we're gonna need
to deal with.

Paging André.

Hey, what's
going on here?
You have got to see this.

This is Angelica.

Hey, Angelica.
How we doing today?
Hi. Fine.

How are you?
Tony: Well, she's
doing wonderful.

Look what she has.

Is that a knee worm?
That's a knee worm.

That is huge!
Uh-huh.

She's a big one.

God!
It's female, too.

Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Oh, that thing could
lay eggs at any second.

That thing is humongous!

Are you --
Do you have any knee pain?

I'm sorry.
I've never seen --

I thought it was
the Baker's cyst.

No. Have you --
No.

No, no, no.
No?

She drinks diet cola.

Oh, yeah,
they love diet pop.

And she's on the move.
She is on the move.

[ Audience groans ]
She's on the move.

Look at this.
She's on the move.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Will you excuse me
for a second?

Yeah, yeah.
We got to --

We've got
a code worm!

Yeah. Yeah, it's moving up.
It's moving up to the pelvis.

-This is rough.
-What?

Oh, boy.
This is rough.

Yo...
God, this girl seems --

Oh, sorry.
No, no.
It's alright. Come on in.

She has a knee worm.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, wow.

You really have something
special here.

Okay.
Okay, great.

Where did it go?

It, like --

Sorry, his vision --
Angelica, his vision isn't --

Wow!
Yeah.

She drinks
a lot of diet soda.

Angelica,
are you seeing this?

He just recovered
from LASIK.

Yeah.

Where are these guys from?

It's a teaching facility.
Oh.

Okay, Angelica, I need you
to turn your head a little bit,

'cause I am going to attempt
to extract that.

Tony: It'll be drawn to
the diet sodas, okay?

I'm gonna try
to draw it to you.

Okay, just
keep your head still.

Eric: That worm is
on the up-and-up.

Patient: Whoa!
Mm-hmm.

That one is mainlining
for her head.

Oh, dear Lord.

Why does
she believe this?

What are you gonna do?

Oh, dear Lord.
What are you doing?

Hold on.
We're getting it out of you.

We're getting
it out of you.
No, no, no.

It's coming out.
It's coming out.

It's coming out.
It's coming out.

It's coming out.
It's coming out.

It's coming out.
It's coming out.

-It's out.
-[Bleep]

Ugh! Oh, my God.
It's a girl.

See how it's drawn
to the diet soda?

[ Gagging ]
Look at that.

Do you want to
keep this?

Not really.

Well, this is --
It's quite valuable.

It is?
I mean --

Tony: Yeah, if you
could see that.

Ew! Yuck.

Dude, that came right
out of your head.

Oh, my gosh.
How can I --

See how it's drawn
to the diet soda?

[ Chuckles ] And it's
mine now. Give it to me.

Tony: Stop it.
Ew! Stop!

Look at this.

Oh, God! Oh, no.
Oh, no. No. Ohh.

Okay, I think
I've had enough for now.

Let's get
the clean-up crew.

Let's bring
in the hazmat.

Yeah, we got to get Angelica
out of here, man.
Oh, dude.

Yeah, I got to get out of here.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, is this a stupid --

It's a prank,
Grandma.

Eric:
You've been pranked!

-It is a stupid!
-Come on!

Why do you think --

I thought you guys
were all crazy.

We are all crazy.

Oh, my God!
I'm gonna kill you.

Well, thank you for being
a wonderful patient

on "The Prank Panel."

Whoo!
Yay!

[ Cheers and applause ]

No, your knees are great.
No, your knees are great.

Man: 1, 2, 3.

All: Cheese!
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Angelica: Unh-unh.
Eric: Oh.

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yo!

Angelica, where are
you hiding, girl?!

Come on up here!

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

♪♪

Yo. Mwah!

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

What was going on
in your mind

when the worm was revealed
on the X-ray?

I think I was in shock.
Yeah.

I just was listening
to everything

and couldn't believe it.

It was unreal,
you know?

I got worms one time
in Mexico, for real.

No, you didn't.
Yeah, I swear to God.

I got parasitic worms.
Where?
In your knee?

No. No, no.

[ Laughter ]

-No.
-No.

Not in the --

You actually
ate the worm.

I did.
How'd it taste?

Delicious.
Mmm!

-Oh.
-See?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Mia, you were really
enjoying yourself

watching your prank
on your grandmother.
Oh.

Do you think your grandmother
deserves this?

Do you think
she'll retaliate or --

She definitely
won't retaliate,

because she's
a really bad liar.

So, like, I could --

Well, you should be happy
she said you were a bad liar.

You know, you don't want
to be a
good
liar.

Yeah, I know.

I thought I was a good liar,
but okay.

I think she was lying
about her stools.

What do you guys think?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah. Yeah.

I thought
it was a great prank.

I'm gonna celebrate by sipping
on this "diet cola"

all through commercial break.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Tony:
So I just got to get you

to dot a couple i's,
cross a couple t's.

We'll get you out of here.

♪♪

Tell me your name.

Motown Maurice.

You from Cleveland?

[ Chuckles ] No.

So why Motown if
you're not from Cleveland?

Well, it's actually Detroit,
you mean.

You're from Detroit?
No.

I'm not from Detroit.

Motown, the name originated
in Detroit, Michigan.

But it's just my name.
It has no association.

Agree to disagree.

Okay, Motown.

Angie:
Hey, Tony, are you aloney?

I am with a participant
right now, Angie,

so can't really talk.

Angie's a little wild.

[ Chuckles ] Alright.

Meet me in our spot
for a little kissy-wissy.

Sorry, sorry.
Sorry about that.

Angie, I'm with
a participant right now.

Let me call you back,
okay?

Hey, Derrick.
Hey, dude. So...

-Yeah. One second.
-Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, have you
seen Angie, man?
You alright?

Hey, Tony, it's Angie.
I'm ready for a kiss.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What did -- No, no, no.

That's -- You're picking up
something from somewhere else.

Did that --
Did that say Angie?

I heard it, too.
Kissy. Come on.

That's Angie.

I'm gonna --

Come on!
Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no.

Come on, man!

♪♪

Come on.

Son of a bitch!

[ Footsteps leaving ]

Dude, I didn't know
what to do.

Can I just get you back in here?
Let's shut this door.

Please, let's just finish
this up and get you out of here.

Okay.

Look in that
hidden camera and say,

"I had a great time
on 'Prank Panel.'"

[ Laughs ]

[ Applause ]

Come on!

[ Cheers and applause ]

He's okay.
Alright, alright, alright.

My name is John Camara.
I'm from Honolulu, Hawaii.

Honestly, I'm just here
for the show.

And I'm ready to see
whoever this panel is.

I would think maybe
Johnny Knoxville, right?

And Ellen DeGeneres is known
for pranking a lot,

but I don't know if she would
want to do this show.

Honk!
Oh, hey!

[ Laughter ]

Hello.
Hello!

Hey!
What's up?

How are y'all doing?
How are you?

I'm great.
How are you doing?

I'm doing well today.
What's your name?

My name is John Camara.

I am pranking
my cousin Jessica.

We are practically
siblings,

but one thing that definitely
irked me about her

is that
she's a huge pageant girl.

She's very image-driven
and image-conscious.

Is she a diva,
would you say?

She can be a diva when people
are unfairly catty at her.

And I'm gonna tease at that
with my prank, so...

Well,
what's the prank?

I'm pranking my cousin
with one passion of hers,

which is a pageant.

And people are going
to be there as well,

other "pageant girls."

They'll be catty,
and there will also be weird,

like, very odd characters

that you wouldn't normally see
at a pageant.

But she'll go along with it
because she'll want to

beat these girls
who are being rude to her.

And then it'll hit
with the punch line,

"I've just been pranked."

[ Laughter ]
Got it.

Um...what do you think,
Mr. André?

I think
there's a premise there.

I think there's
a good sandbox.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

There's a lot to play with,
like, with the pageant.

I don't know if the impact
is really there?

I agree with both of you,
but it's a really good world.

I feel like we can do
something with this.

Like, we can get in there
and beef it up.
Okay.

Do the pageant
experience.

I have
a potential idea, too,

if you want to,
like, zhuzh it more.

I've done some drag, and maybe
if there's a way for me

to be unrecognizable,
I could be a part of this prank.

Johnny: Mm, that's
not a terrible idea.
Oh.

That takes it up
a notch, yeah.

That's not a terrible idea,
John.
Mm-hmm, get you in there.

I want to do it.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey! Yeah!
I want to help you do it.

Oh, my God!
Thank you so much!

Yeah.
Yes.

Yeah, baby!
Alright, let's do it.

Alright, John.
Alright.

We will be in touch.
That's John!

Have a good day, y'all.

-Alright.
-Alright.

Thank you, John.
"Pranks" you very much.

♪♪

John, get your ass
out here!

Get those clappers clapping
for prank-star John Camara!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

Well, are we ready to see
what you did

to your sweet,
adorable cousin Jessica?

I am ready.

I'm excited for this.
Me too.

Roll it!

-Yes!
-Roll it, honey!

♪♪

The prank I am pulling out
on my cousin Jessica

is a fake pageant
reality show.

And I'm going to reveal myself
at the end,

and she's
going to freak out.

This is really good.
This is great.

Things are gonna go awry.

She's going to have a rival

that will be completely
rude and bitchy to her.

Gabourey: There's, like,
two Miss Philippines,

which is Jessica, our mark,
and then our actor, Sammy.

Hi, everyone.
I'm Princess.

And I'm so proud to be
representing the Philippines.

John Stamos,
who's hosting the pageant,

is showing favoritism
to Princess,

and at some point
during the night,

they are hooking up.

Isn't she great?

And we're supposed to
get Jessica to see it.

There's a whole thing,
and at the end,

we're supposed to look
to Jessica to be like,

"Did this happen?"

Jessica can be a diva
when provoked.

And she's a perfectionist,
and being a beauty pageant girl,

she definitely takes things
a bit too seriously.

I think she would benefit
from loosening up a bit.

Follow me, ladies.

Today, five of the other
pageant girls are also marks.

You're a mark, you're a mark,
you're a mark, you're a mark.

Johnny:
We need to set the hook.

♪♪

And we got John Stamos,
'cause he's legit

and he helps legitimize

this whole thing.

♪ International beauty

Oh, it's a hit.

He's not wanting
to get stun-gunned.

He really wants to [bleep]
stun-gun me, and I'm like, "No."

I could show you on myself
that it doesn't hurt.

[ Electricity crackles ]

See?
It doesn't feel good.

But it doesn't
knock you down.

No.
We'll try it tomorrow.

Yeah.
Try it tomorrow?

Yeah.
That's the spirit.

♪♪

Woman:
What's your last name?

Woman #2: Ladies, makeup.

Man: And -- But it's gonna be
what it's gonna be...

Okay.

Gabourey:
There's Jessica right here,

the one in the, like,
crop top.

Looks like kale.

-It really --
-I mean, that part doesn't.

-That one?
-Yeah.

-That one looks like...
-A vegetable.

This looks like kale.
Yeah.

-But I like kale, so...
-I like kale.

Sammy:
I don't eat vegetables.

Hey, look to Rachel and go,
"God, I hate small talk."

I hate small talk.

I like the tension.
Yeah.

She's, like, really
giving her the --

She really is.
Really giving her
the eye.

She is.
[ Laughs ]

Rachel:
You guys ready?

We're gonna get you
positioned onstage.

Go get 'em, John.
Alright, buddy.

Woman:
Come on out, all everyone.

Okay, so, ladies,
please remember this order.

Alright, let's get John
out here.

John: Well, where are they?
Where are the girls?

Where are they?

Hello.
Hello.

-We've made contact.
-Hello.

Oh, that's him.
Oh, dang.

This is so cool.
How's it going so far -- good?

-Good.
-Good.
-Good.

Thank you guys for doing this,
really.

-Do we have the sashes?
-Yeah.

Oh, the sashes.
Here we go.

Woman: Yeah.
These are pretty.

[ Imitates swooshing sound ]

Should I -- Okay.
Miss Cuba.

Miss Philippines?
Right here.

Where are you from?
The Philippines.

Okay. Wait a minute.
We have --

Johnny: She raised her hand
for Miss Philippines.

I'm Sweden.

Let me...

Yeah.
Oh.

Derrick: Hold on.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We have two --
Why do we have two?

We're gonna solve this.
We're gonna solve it.

No, no.

Princess said,
"Go home"?

Yeah.
Oh [bleep].

John: Sorry, sorry.

Derrick:
Can we solve this?
Sorry, sorry.

Jessica:
No worries.

Hey, John, can I --

That looks like [bleep],
doesn't it?
It looks like...

John: Why do we -- What -- Okay.
Is it right?

Does it say "Philippines"
on it?

Yeah.
Is it weird to have two?

Derrick:
This is great for now.

Well, it's not great.
For now.

Mm-hmm.

Go, "We have two
Miss Philippines.

That's one too many."

We have
two Miss Philippines.

That's one too many.

[ Laughs ]
Ha!

I guess it was,
like, a mistake.

She's doing her best
to just smile.

Lookit. [ Laughs ]

John: You guys have got to
help me with this song,

'cause -- you sing, right?
What song?

I guess.
I will for you.
Oh, you gotta sing.

We'll try everybody out,
but maybe you say,

"And please welcome our host,
John Stamos."

Absolutely.

Can you do that?
Let's hear it.

Please welcome our host,
John Stamos!

Okay, good. Good.
[ Laughs ]

Woman: And stand by.
I'll count you in.

Yeah,
that'd be great.

Please welcome our host,
John Stamos!

Thank you.
Thank you.

♪♪

♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

Johnny: Dance right
in front of Miss Philippines

like you want
to block her from the camera.

♪ She'll make any
and every face smile ♪

♪ She's so hot

♪ She's so cool

♪ And she's certainly
nobody's fool ♪

♪ She's the Miss

♪ International Country

♪ Of Origin

Yes, she is!

Good job, baby.

Thank you.

What? Girl, I didn't.
Alright. Let's be on with it.

I wasn't.
Uh-oh.

You were standing
in front of me.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

She was talking. Alright.

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to
the first-ever episode of

"Miss International Country
of Origin Pageant,"

where every week,
we meet the loveliest women

from all the different
countries of origin.

Now, think about it -- they have
come from somewhere else

to be in the most special place
in the world...

my heart.

[ Laughter ]

Alright, let's meet our women.

Miss Cuba, you put the "miss"
in "missile crisis."

Miss Sweden,
I love your meatballs

and I love your...meatballs.

[ Laughter ]

Princess, Miss Philippines.
Salamat po.

Miss Philippines.
Oh, Miss Philippines.

Should we get a different --

Both girls the same?
Does it matter?

Okay.

-Alright, thank you.
-Sure.

Thanks.
Okay. Thank you.

Thank you very much.
Alright.

We'll be right back with the
talent portion right after this.

♪♪

Dude, that other
Miss Philippines?
I'm so confused.

And her and, like, Stamos
have been, like, flirting.

I'm fine with it.

It's just --
I mean, she's starting to get

a little catty with me,
so...
Really?

Yeah, but, I mean, I'll tell
her to her, straight up.
Yeah.

Yeah, don't take [bleep]
from her at all.

John: Great job. Great job.
[ Applause ]

Do we have an ish -- like,
a problem with each other?

Like, I'm just trying
to figure it out.

I mean,
it seems like it.

Man: Start to lining up.

Rachel: So, here we go.

Okay, there's a little
bite coming out.

Johnny:
Jessica's getting hot.

Yeah,
this is real good.

John: Welcome back for
our next category.

Each one of
our lovely contestants

has chosen to share
one of their many talents,

the closest one
to their hearts,

and I'm sure our hearts,
as well.

Up next is Miss Philippines.

"Watch how it's done."

Watch how it's done.

Tennis player, huh?
Yeah.

You look so good.
Good. Nice!
Johnny: Ooh.

Is that how you get the legs
looking like that, just, by --

Yeah.
And...go!

Hit it!
Oh, one more.

Up next, the other
Miss Philippines.
"Try and beat that."

Try and beat that.

-Hi.
-Hi.

♪♪

You ever played tennis?
Are you a tennis player?

[ Chuckles ]
Alright, thank you.

Thank you.
[ Laughter ]

Here we go
with Miss USA!

[ Applause ]

Speed painting, huh?

Yeah.
I have
never heard of this.

How long
does she have?

90 seconds.

Oh, boy.

I think I know
what that's gonna be.

[ Laughs ] So no.

So how do we know?

Are we just supposed
to count to 90?

No one is --
John: Yeah.

60 seconds to go.

Oh, my God. [ Laughs ]

47 seconds.

47 seconds.

Are you --

10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
Oh.

...5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

There it is!
Wow!

Cuban flag.

It's exactly what you
thought it would be.

We here at Miss International
Country of Origin Pageant

believe in giving back,
which is why we're bringing

some much-needed beauty
to the folks

from Bergen County
Correctional Facility.

Welcome, gentlemen.

Here they are.

Hey, guys.

How have you enjoyed
the night so far?

Just great.
Amazing.

Are they in jail?
Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

I didn't know
this was a thing.

Alright, well, I heard
you have some questions

for our beautiful
pageant contestants.

Miss Sweden, would you like
to come over here, please?

Sure.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hello.
Fire away, guys.

Okay, Miss Sweden?
Yes.

I'd like to ask a question
about the decriminalization

of Schedule I narcotics,
such as marijuana,

which has been placed
in the same category

of substances
as heroin.

What would you do if you
were governor...
What?

...in terms of granting
some form of clemency?

[ Laughter ]

Um, I would decriminalize
marijuana.

I don't think that that's,
you know,

as bad as heroin
or anything worse than that.

So I'm kind of against
criminalization of that.

Very good, very good.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Very good question,
too.

Good job, girl.
I had no idea.

Girl, I didn't even know
what "clemency" meant.

[ Laughing ] Me neither.

Thank you so much,
fellas.

Good luck to you.
God bless.

"Good luck to you."

Hopefully we brought
a little bit of light

into your
infinite darkness.

Okay, and we will be right back
right after this.

Clear!
[ Bell rings ]

Rachel: Hey, Jessica,
I got to pull you for audio.

We got to
fix your mic.

I just got to get
your mic fixed over here.

Okay. Good job, girls.

Miss Sweden:
"Clemency" is mercy.

Okay, I learned
something new today.

I need to get you
a new mic pack.

Be right back.
Okay.

♪♪

My feet hurt!

[ Gasps ]
It's John Stamos.

♪♪

Yeah, hey.

[ Whispered conversation ]

♪♪

♪♪

What the heck?

[ Audience groans ]

Weird.
Look at the feet.

[ Sammy laughs ]
Oh, no.

♪♪

It's John Stamos.

♪♪

What's going on?
Yeah, hey.

[ Whispered conversation ]

Jessica:
What the heck?

[ Audience gasps, groans ]

Weird.
Look at the feet.

[ Sammy laughs ]
Oh, no.

Do you see
what's happening?

Yeah, I think
they're getting it on.

Imagine having a sweaty
Uncle Jesse on top of you.

Gross.

Uhh.
I'm uncomfortable.

Johnny:
"Look at the feet."

[ Laughter ]

Rachel:
This is so wrong.

'Cause he's a judge,
right?

John makes the decision
who wins.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.
The judges aren't real.

Well, I think I know
who's gonna win.

[ Laughter ]

-Hi.
-Hey.

I'm Catherine,
John's sister-in-law.

-Hi.
-Hi. I'm Jessica.

Have you guys
seen him?

He's in there.
They said he was --

Oh.

Who said that?
Let him know that
I'm here.

She goes,
"He's in there."

Well, you know what? Let me just
let him know that I'm here.
Yeah.

I don't think you want
to go in there.
I'll just text him.

[ Laughs ]
Wow.
That was amazing.

Wow.

John: Oh, yeah.

♪♪

Hey!
Hey.

Catherine, you're here early.

I know. Sorry.

You got my guitar?
Yeah. Here you go.

Thank you.
Do you want to look around?

How are you?
I'm good.

I just talked to
your sister.

Whoa!

I had a sandwich.

-Come on.
-Oh, okay.

[ Laughter ]

"Oh, okay."

I don't know.

I don't think it's cool, though,
if they're, like, hooking up

and he, like,
can decide who wins.

Hey, girl.

She's going to rat
at the end.

And we're back.

Who will be crowned this week's

Miss International Country
of Origin

and secure a spot
in the season finale?

I will now confer
with the judges.

How is there, like, a winner

if there were only like
three answers?

This is so bananas.

[ Drum roll ]
John: And here we go!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the winner of this week's

Miss International
Country of Origin is Miss --

Derrick:
John, John, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.
There we go.

Hey, everybody.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah.

Derrick: Hi, hi.
John: What?

I just need
to talk to you.

You've been warned
three times

in the state of California
about pageant stuff, so...
Really? Really?

Really? Really?
You're gonna do this now?

Really?

Somebody said that something
was going on over there,

and I just want to know
if it's true or if it's --

Do whatever you want.
Okay, good.

This is, like, the last
state in the union

you're allowed
to do a pageant in.
I got it. I got it.

Really cool, man.

-I'm sorry.
-That dude's a [bleep].

Derrick: Hey, guys, sorry.
I -- [ Sighs ]

Did anybody
see John do anything

that may have not been
terribly professional?

I don't know.
I don't know what I saw.

John!

I don't want to
get in trouble.

So you -- you did.

Come on, Jessica.
Say something.

We both know
what we saw.
I...

What the --
I thought
I saw something.

So you did see something.

[ Gasps,
indistinct chatter ]

Again?
[Bleep] [bleep].

"You make me sick."
And stun-gun him.

John, you make me sick!
[ Electricity crackles ]

Ow! Ow! Ow!

[ Screams ]

Derrick:
What the hell is going on?

Uh...
I'm fine, I'm fine.

-What?
-Give me this.

-And now...
-There was a light.

...to crown the winner,
please welcome

the president of Miss
International County of Orange

Pageant Commission,
Oceana.

I don't know. What?

♪♪

Congratulations!

You just got pranked.
You all have.

Woman: Okay. [ Laughs ]

She doesn't realize
that's her cousin.

Woman: I knew it.

What?

Jessica,
it's me -- John.

Why are you here?

What do you mean why am I here?
This is a prank.

A prank of what?

A prank of you!

John: You're on the new
prank show for ABC.

-What?
-Hi.

We've actually pranked you
and you and you and you.

You're still here,
though!

I'm so sorry.
I felt so bad.

The only person here onstage
with you that knew,

outside of John Stamos...
Johnny: And Derrick Beckles.

...was Sammy here,
playing Princess.

I felt so bad.
Do we understand?

Oh, my God.
Are you crying?

Yeah!
Oh, you're not crying.
Is she crying?

Sorry, everyone.
Oh, no.

What did you do?

That's a fair question.

Oh, my God.

Oh! [ Laughs ]

I did, I thought it was
a pageant this whole time.

Johnny: What did you think was
happening in the dressing room?

I thought they were smashing.

[ Laughter ]

Hi, cuzzie.
You look good.

Oh, my God!
That's my cousin.

Yeah, I know.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Okay.

Let's get our beauty queen
out here.

Please welcome
your 2023

Miss International Country
of Origin, Jessica!

♪♪

♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

♪ So much poise,
so much style ♪

Why?
I don't know
how to do this.

Is that right?

I don't know
how to do this.

♪ She's so cool

♪ And she's certainly
nobody's fool ♪

♪ Here she is,
there she goes ♪

♪ What she's thinking,
nobody knows ♪

♪ She's
an international beauty ♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪ She's internationally
beautiful ♪

♪ Yes, she's the Miss

♪ International Country
of Origin ♪

Oh!
That's hard.

♪ She's the Miss

♪ International Country

♪ Of Origin

♪ Yes, she is

I really need to prank
my friend Laura.

She is an awesome mom.

Would you watch him
for a minute?

I'll be right back.

I have
a nice babysitter.

My daddy kisses her
when Mommy's not around.

♪♪

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

We're here today to prank
our buddy Calvin.

He's a 6'2" Black guy.
He looks super scary.

He's 6'2" and Black,

and therefore scary?

These are terrible, terrible,
terrible people.

[ Shouting ]
[ Electricity zaps ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!

-Did we kill him?
-It was going so good.

♪♪

-- Captions by VITAC --

-- Captions by VITAC --