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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,125
Oh, shit.
4
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,917
Is this the...
Is this the right site?
5
00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:21,375
Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.
6
00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:23,959
Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
7
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,125
Will you call me "Dad"?
8
00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,708
POPS: Franklin?
Yeah?
9
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:29,250
Are you sure you
booked this for us?
Absolutely.
10
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,625
I booked
the last available site.
11
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,458
I got the permit right here.
12
00:01:33,458 --> 00:01:35,375
Site 16, July 4th weekend.
13
00:01:35,375 --> 00:01:38,000
Felipa.
14
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,458
I just think that there's been
a little bit of a mix-up,
Papi, so...
15
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:44,458
Buenas tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.
16
00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,125
Who you calling a bitch?
17
00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:48,125
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
18
00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,792
Just trying to break up
the racial tension here,
that's all.
19
00:01:50,792 --> 00:01:52,458
Might've hit
"bitch" a little hard.
20
00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:54,375
A little bit.
Yeah.
21
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,084
So, what's going on?
22
00:01:56,084 --> 00:01:58,417
Pretty sure we
booked this site
for the weekend.
23
00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:01,042
No, no.
We're the Jones family.
Yeah.
24
00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:02,917
We booked site 16.
25
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:07,125
Well,
now, we're the Jonas family
and this is our site.
26
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:10,042
Son, we're site 16.
No.
27
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,500
ALL: We're site 16.
28
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,583
You guys might be 116,
but we're definitely 16.
29
00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:16,209
It's right here
on the paper, okay?
30
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,542
Uno, dos, tres, quatro...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
31
00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:21,750
Spanish level two,
sweetheart, that's nice.
This is 16.
32
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,792
I don't know how that is.
We're 16.
33
00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:25,458
Yeah,
I know, but we're site 16.
34
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,542
Sixteen, man. Come on.
Hold on.
35
00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:31,042
So, Jones, Jonas,
and our last
name is Jones, too.
36
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:32,750
Well, there's the mix-up.
37
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,750
What y'all trying to say,
y'all our
masters or something?
38
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:37,667
No, no, not saying that.
I barely even own a cat.
39
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,959
Site 16!
40
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,042
Wait a minute!
41
00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:42,208
Hold up!
42
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:44,209
Hey, guys,
maybe you're 2,000 and 3,000.
43
00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:46,291
But we're definitely 16.
It says here on the paper.
44
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,041
We're also site 16!
45
00:02:57,583 --> 00:03:01,375
Okay, so, it looks like
the name Jones
46
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,792
kind of mixed
up the computers.
47
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,667
And, uh, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,
48
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,209
because the park is
completely sold out.
49
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:12,417
I mean, this is, like,
our biggest
weekend of the year.
50
00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:15,125
Hey, maybe it's because
it's the Fourth of July.
51
00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:17,417
Um, yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.
52
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:21,583
Come on, you guys.
Please, please, please,
let's not escalate this.
53
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:24,167
How about sharing the site?
54
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,834
Everyone stop!
55
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,208
Ron Ron,
you just gonna stand there
56
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:32,583
and let them push
us around like that?
57
00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:34,208
No, no, I won't let
that happen, okay?
58
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,792
Let me tell you something.
59
00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,708
I will have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,
60
00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:39,417
with Al Sharpton
in the sidecar.
61
00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:40,959
Okay? 'Cause they
love that type of shit.
62
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,209
Ooh! It just escalated.
63
00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:44,291
Yeah.
64
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,083
That definitely escalated,
65
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:49,917
which was the exact opposite
of what he was
hoping you would do.
66
00:03:49,917 --> 00:03:56,042
Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then...
67
00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:59,125
This weekend is important.
I say we all
just share the site.
68
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,917
Son, are you out
of your damn mind?
69
00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:02,708
Come on, Pop.
I'm just saying,
there's kids here...
70
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:04,875
Yeah,
but we're not gonna share
the site with you.
71
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,333
There's not...
There's not enough space!
72
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:16,041
Papi,
are we gonna have to go home?
73
00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,875
CHARLIE: Okay. Okay, so...
74
00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,583
So, maybe we can share.
75
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:27,500
Yes!
76
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,875
All right,
so, we're all gonna share.
77
00:04:29,875 --> 00:04:31,834
And it's gonna be great!
78
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,125
All right.
Little bit of a rough start,
79
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,375
but this
weekend's gonna be great.
80
00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,959
Yeah, I hope so.
81
00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:48,250
You know,
this is the first time
we've all been together
82
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,041
since you and I got married.
83
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:54,209
I just want your
kids to like my kids,
and my kids to like you.
84
00:04:54,209 --> 00:04:56,625
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.
85
00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,625
That speech sucked.
86
00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:00,083
Sucked balls.
87
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,000
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, he's right.
88
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,500
It came off really whiny.
89
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,209
I can't believe
that we're brothers.
90
00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:09,417
Hey, Gravy,
why don't you take these
over to the campsite?
91
00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:12,625
No, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta...
92
00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:15,209
Hey, Thomas,
did you unpack
my turtle shells?
93
00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:16,583
Yeah, here.
94
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,875
Can you call me "Dad"?
95
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,167
Not right now.
96
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,375
Thanks, Tommy.
97
00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:25,375
Hey, guys, check out
my new turtle shells!
98
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,084
Give it time, honey.
99
00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:31,209
Oh! Do you think
you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?
100
00:05:31,209 --> 00:05:32,333
She doesn't call
you "Fake Mom."
101
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,458
Are you doing that?
You're doing that?
102
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,333
Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
103
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:38,208
Thank you.
Okay.
104
00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:41,375
Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.
105
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,291
We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.
106
00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:45,333
Just try to hold
it together for him.
107
00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,458
You think maybe we'll see
Papi smile for
once in his damn life?
108
00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:51,959
He works hard,
and he worries about us.
109
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,167
What, he can't worry and
smile at the same time?
110
00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:57,583
Hey, I bet you if
Papi ever did smile,
his face would creak.
111
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,083
Sound like a nail
being pulled from wood.
112
00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:04,792
We'd probably
hear his face go,
"Oil can! Oil can!"
113
00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:06,125
Ha, ha, ha.
114
00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:07,834
Maybe he would smile more
115
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,708
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.
116
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,208
As a plumber?
117
00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:16,084
Uh, no, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.
118
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,291
It's honest work.
119
00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:18,917
Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.
120
00:06:18,917 --> 00:06:21,625
Wachale, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
121
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,000
Oh! You gonna win the lottery?
122
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,500
Won't win if I don't scratch.
123
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,625
Plus, I'm gonna get
my ass on Shark Tank,
124
00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:29,792
make Mark Cuban
my new best friend.
125
00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:31,333
Well, when you
become a millionaire,
126
00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:33,875
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.
127
00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:34,917
Ah! Mmm-hmm.
128
00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,375
Yeah, you're gonna
have to fill out
129
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,125
all kinds of paperwork
and taxes and stuff.
130
00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,208
Might not be worth it,
bro, so, probably not.
131
00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:45,209
Hey,
did you leave the car open?
132
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:46,875
I did.
133
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,667
Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,
134
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:52,125
like she's the boss
of me or something?
135
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,083
Sharni, you shouldn't
call her "Fake Mom."
136
00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:57,000
I am glad that Dad remarried.
137
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,458
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.
138
00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,750
I think she's great for him.
139
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:04,708
Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.
140
00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:07,125
Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that?
141
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:08,375
Yeah.
142
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,708
That's bullshit.
143
00:07:10,708 --> 00:07:14,041
Is that a 24-hour
Popeyes Chicken?
144
00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:17,667
No. That's a porta potty.
145
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,250
I love chickens.
146
00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,542
More than you.
147
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:24,542
Screw off.
148
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,667
Y'all kids keep
it down over there
149
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,834
with your
Pokemon GO- playing
selves!
150
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,291
Girl, you so crazy.
151
00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:38,208
Girl, I am so tired
of running around after kids.
152
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,000
I need this vacation.
153
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,041
It's beautiful here.
154
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,458
It is, ain't it?
155
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,834
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.
156
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,209
All I got to say is,
157
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:51,042
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.
158
00:07:51,042 --> 00:07:53,125
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.
159
00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:56,708
I mean, it's like sticking
a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin,
just...
160
00:07:58,083 --> 00:07:59,333
What'd you say, Mama?
161
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,875
Just suck it all... Huh
162
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,625
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.
163
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:06,333
Wait. Hold up.
164
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:09,208
Are you saying you invited me
as some kind of
blind date for Franklin?
165
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,458
Girl, no, no, no!
166
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,209
We enjoy your company.
167
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,208
Girl, 'cause I was about to...
168
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,959
But it is a blind date.
169
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,458
Hey, Jose,
can you get those oranges?
170
00:08:18,458 --> 00:08:20,041
Are you kidding, Felipa?
171
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,125
No, I can't give
the other
families the satisfaction
172
00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:24,084
of watching a Mexican carry
a bag of oranges.
173
00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:26,125
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.
174
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,125
Okay, are you serious?
175
00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:29,542
God, you sound crazy.
176
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,834
Hey, excuse me!
177
00:08:33,834 --> 00:08:36,417
How much do you
want for those oranges?
178
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,291
Beat it, pendejo!
179
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,375
Oh, crap. Angry.
180
00:08:41,708 --> 00:08:45,125
Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?
181
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,542
Who asked you, Oprah?
182
00:08:48,917 --> 00:08:51,250
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.
183
00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:54,542
Hey, what is that?
184
00:08:58,209 --> 00:08:59,834
In your bag.
185
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,291
Yup, that. What's...
186
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:23,542
Recycled glass sculpture.
187
00:09:23,542 --> 00:09:25,917
My exhibit. It's next week.
188
00:09:25,917 --> 00:09:27,500
What
189
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,917
It's called
190
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,458
"The Exhibit."
191
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:39,125
Oh, at least there's
some chicas calientes
to stare at.
192
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:43,125
Jose!
What if Francesca
heard you say that?
193
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,250
She ain't here.
194
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,166
And we ain't married.
195
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,083
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet
196
00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,167
doesn't mean I
can't look at the menu.
197
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:51,708
You mean stare at the menu.
198
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,834
Tuck dollar
bills into that menu.
199
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,042
I mean, come on!
200
00:09:55,042 --> 00:09:56,667
Man, she's got so
much wiggle in her walk,
201
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,959
she could butt
dial a rotary phone.
202
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,583
ROLANDO: I heard them talking.
203
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:04,042
I guess she came
as a blind date for
that Franklin guy.
204
00:10:04,042 --> 00:10:05,375
Word?
Word.
205
00:10:05,375 --> 00:10:07,166
What
206
00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:09,167
Are you all right?
No!
207
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,000
No, no, I'm not all right.
208
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,542
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.
209
00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,041
Men are idiots.
210
00:10:18,041 --> 00:10:20,084
Blind date, bullshit.
211
00:10:20,084 --> 00:10:21,333
Don't let her call you that.
212
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:23,458
She's talking to you,
too, pendejo.
213
00:10:23,458 --> 00:10:26,209
Is our sister on
her menopause or what?
214
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,458
Ah! The Jones family!
215
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,750
To Jones!
Whoa!
216
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:30,917
Kids are everywhere.
217
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:33,291
Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.
218
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,208
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.
219
00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:37,708
I know I booked
the last available site.
220
00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:41,125
What changed your mind
about coming with
us this year, son?
221
00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:42,208
What?
222
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,208
I love camping.
223
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,041
All this is me, Pops.
224
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:49,084
Come on, Franklin.
Come on, brother.
That's bullshit, okay?
225
00:10:49,084 --> 00:10:51,000
Now, I hope you know
this is not online camping.
226
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,792
It's actually the real thing.
227
00:10:52,792 --> 00:10:55,291
And I hope you know
this won't be
an online fist in your face.
228
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:56,959
It'll be the real thing.
229
00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:58,333
You know something?
I'm tired of your shit.
Ron Ron!
230
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,625
Stop it.
You leave your brother alone.
231
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,834
Sorry, Daddy.
232
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,042
He's gotta dress correct.
He's a district attorney now.
233
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,041
And he's working his way up.
234
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,417
He might be mayor one day.
235
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,000
I don't know about mayor, Pop.
236
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,250
And this weekend,
we have a fine
young woman with us.
237
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,250
Shantaysia.
238
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,208
Who's Shantaysia?
Listen, son.
239
00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:23,417
Beautiful woman
like that on your side,
no telling how far you can go.
240
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,375
From DA to mayor.
Commander-in-chief.
241
00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:29,500
You smell that?
242
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,041
There's romance in the air.
243
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:33,125
Y'all smell these potties?
Damn!
I smell something.
244
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,209
But I didn't
wanna say nothing,
245
00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,000
'cause I kinda
thought it was...
246
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:40,042
Sorry, Daddy.
247
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,291
Is that Justin Bieber?
248
00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:55,083
Is that guy naked?
249
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:56,375
You wish.
250
00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:00,667
Is that dumpster on fire?
251
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,959
Oh, my gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?
252
00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:10,583
What's in the bottle?
253
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:13,625
Communion.
Right.
254
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:15,375
So, you're some
creepy drunk priest?
255
00:12:16,084 --> 00:12:18,041
I am not a priest.
256
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,209
Listen. Why don't
you help Franklin...
257
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:25,959
No!
258
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:27,500
...set some things up?
259
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,792
I've gotta go till some soil.
Pop!
260
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,792
Shantay... Sharon?
261
00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:35,000
Shantaysia.
262
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,375
Damn, they still doing that?
263
00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:39,000
That's fucked up. Here.
264
00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:42,042
"Shantaysia."
265
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:45,083
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease is Shantaysia?
266
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:48,125
Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?
267
00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,042
Until Denali makes a tent.
268
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:53,209
Bro, you know it's
not a real camper.
You can't fool me.
269
00:12:53,209 --> 00:12:54,667
You might be
able to fool Pops.
270
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,500
But you can't
fool me, brother.
You're right.
271
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,000
You can never
fool me, brother.
I don't wanna fool you.
272
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,000
Since I've known you...
Snake!
273
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,875
Whoa!
Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!
274
00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:05,291
Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!
275
00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:07,250
Where is it
Ron Ron, I'm just...
276
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,875
Ron Ron,
I'm just messing with you.
277
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,458
I'm just messing with you!
278
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:11,917
I'm just messing
with you, dawg.
279
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,166
I just, what?
I just, what, fooled you?
280
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:20,750
CHUCKIE:
Hit those flying bastards!
281
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,417
Chuckie,
don't say "bastard."
282
00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:23,792
CHUCKIE: What about "bitch"?
283
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,041
Yeah, that's not...
284
00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:26,291
CHUCKIE: "Ass slurpee"?
285
00:13:26,291 --> 00:13:27,542
No. That... No.
286
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,458
CHUCKIE: "Ass waffle"!
Not great.
287
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,209
CHUCKIE: "Bitch taco"?
Don't love it.
288
00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:32,458
CHUCKIE: "Shit slurpee"?
No.
289
00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:34,291
CHUCKIE: "Craptalker."
I don't... No.
290
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,208
CHUCKIE: "Assbutch"?
I don't... Not a fan.
291
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:38,291
CHUCKIE: You love
"tit chicken." Tell me that.
No, I don't love that.
292
00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:39,875
I kinda like that.
I don't love the word "tit."
293
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,083
CHUCKIE: Come on now.
"Dick dog"?
294
00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:42,208
Definitely not "dick."
295
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,458
CHUCKIE: "Ass lick"?
No.
296
00:13:43,458 --> 00:13:45,125
CHUCKIE: "Slurpee"?
No.
297
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,291
CHUCKIE: "Shit slurpee"!
No.
298
00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:49,042
What else you got?
CHUCKIE: Bastards!
299
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,375
Mmm...
Mmm.
300
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:52,375
You know what,
"bastard" is fine.
301
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:53,792
It's... It's passable.
302
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,166
Yeah.
303
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,667
CHUCKIE: Hey, everybody, look!
304
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,959
I made Ocho into a turtle dog!
305
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,166
It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.
306
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:06,125
ROLANDO: Ha, ha. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. It's totally
funny, man. Now take it off.
307
00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:07,208
CHUCKIE: I can't.
308
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,959
It's superglued.
309
00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:22,041
Is that Tejano?
310
00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,458
Now this is what
I'm talking about.
311
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:31,041
Jazz on the stereo,
cozy fire.
312
00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:33,000
Dad, look, no offense,
313
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,542
but this old-ass music
make me wanna put a gun
to my head and shoot it!
314
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,834
Give me a sec.
315
00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:40,792
I'm gonna go get a gun.
316
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,875
Ha! Good one, Pop.
317
00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:44,166
When?
318
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,834
When?
When?
319
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,208
When
320
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,125
I don't even know.
What?
321
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,875
No, no, no.
322
00:14:51,875 --> 00:14:54,125
You said someday
someone's gonna
have an intervention on you.
323
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:56,041
I'm curious. When?
324
00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:58,167
She wasn't... I mean...
325
00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,708
When?
What is she talking about?
326
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,000
Wait, what?
327
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,125
I love that show Intervention.
What is she talking about?
328
00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:06,834
I'm camping with my
son and my daughter,
we're having a good time.
329
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,084
The wieners, you know.
330
00:15:08,084 --> 00:15:09,125
I don't know where
this is even coming from.
331
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,291
My brother's coherent, and...
332
00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,125
I love it here.
333
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,875
It's great.
This is fabulous.
334
00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:16,042
Yeah, it...
335
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,542
Until I hear things
about interventions.
336
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,458
When might this
intervention be happening?
337
00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:24,042
What's she talking about, Dad?
338
00:15:24,042 --> 00:15:26,000
Son... Uh...
339
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,792
When this wiener is done.
340
00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,125
When will it be done?
341
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:31,084
Yeah, when will it be done?
342
00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:32,834
Well, let me just tell you
that interventions
are not cool.
343
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,792
They sprung one on
a buddy of mine once
344
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:37,208
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.
345
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:39,750
The vet probably had
a really good
night that night,
346
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:41,917
when all those
cats got stabbed.
347
00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:47,667
One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,
348
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,708
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.
349
00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,041
Maybe then Papi will smile.
350
00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:55,125
Oh, hey.
351
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:57,209
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.
352
00:15:57,209 --> 00:16:00,209
It's a soft drink,
but for dogs.
353
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,458
It's called Pupsi.
354
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:02,708
What?
355
00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:04,000
Pupsi!
356
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,250
Pepsi's not gonna let
you get away with that.
357
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,042
What are they
gonna do, sue me?
358
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,834
Yeah. Out your ass.
359
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:15,291
♪ That's a bad
idea called Pupsi ♪
360
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:17,792
But you know what?
I like your horn idea.
361
00:16:17,792 --> 00:16:19,458
Andale, right? Hey, Pops.
Yeah.
362
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,084
Did I tell you
about my horn idea?
363
00:16:21,084 --> 00:16:23,125
Yeah, yeah, yeah?
Esperame.
364
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,084
What stupid horn idea?
365
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,708
Pops,
I'm gonna make these horns
that say stuff.
366
00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:31,667
Okay, so, like, let's
say the car in front of you
367
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,667
doesn't go when
the light turns green, right?
368
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:38,083
You tap it and
the horn goes...
"Umm..."
369
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,166
You know,
like instead of just a honk,
"Hey, move it, fucker!"
370
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,083
It's more like,
371
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:46,708
"So,
the light is kind of green."
372
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,208
And then of course,
you can get
373
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,625
a second one that says,
"Fuck you, cabron."
374
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,291
Like,
if somebody cuts you off,
375
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:52,959
or say you
don't like somebody.
376
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:56,417
My horn's gonna go,
"I'm a rich bastard!"
377
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:58,041
What do you think, Pops?
378
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:03,875
Man.
379
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,875
You fools have no vision.
380
00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:11,291
Hey, what about that?
381
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,458
What? It's just hot
dogs on a rake, fool.
382
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:15,875
That's your million-dollar
idea right there.
383
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,542
Yeah?
384
00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:18,542
Nope.
385
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:22,750
♪ Pupsi... ♪
386
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,208
Who made y'all
the DJ of site 16?
387
00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,125
Turn that shit down, okay?
388
00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,750
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.
389
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,167
Look at they fire.
390
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:36,208
We got this
little fire right here.
This doesn't make any sense.
391
00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:40,083
FRANKLIN: What does it matter
if their fire is
bigger than our fire?
392
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,042
It don't matter...
Thank you.
393
00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:43,834
...if it ain't true.
394
00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:49,792
Hey, are their
fires bigger than ours?
395
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:52,125
You know,
we need a bigger fire.
396
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:57,208
Get that lighter fluid.
397
00:18:01,458 --> 00:18:03,750
Let's do it. Do it more, baby!
398
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,708
Show 'em, Pop!
399
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:12,708
Want some of this?
400
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,375
You guys suck!
401
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:27,750
Hey, what you doing?
402
00:18:30,458 --> 00:18:32,250
What the hell is
wrong with y'all?
403
00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,834
What the hell is
wrong with you men?
404
00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:39,333
Y'all trying to
burn my babies?
405
00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:40,583
Tell 'em, baby.
Oh, my God!
406
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,000
What is wrong with you guys?
407
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,750
Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.
408
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,625
What the hell?
Felipa!
409
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,375
Cool off!
Tell them.
410
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:51,000
My babies in there asleep,
you know you got
that from Vietnam!
411
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,458
Why would you burn that shit?
412
00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:53,458
Hey!
413
00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:54,959
The fire's still burning.
414
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,084
They started it.
415
00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:57,417
Okay, come on, really?
416
00:18:57,417 --> 00:19:00,583
We had it under control.
Ours was under control.
417
00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:01,625
Baby...
418
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,291
Yeah,
you can't kill this fire!
419
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:13,125
What are you doing?
420
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:15,375
Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed!
421
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:16,708
I was actually sleepy.
Go to bed!
422
00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,458
I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.
423
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,333
I was thinking it
was time to go to bed.
424
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,291
This is bullshit!
425
00:19:33,291 --> 00:19:35,167
Getting eaten alive!
426
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:38,083
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.
427
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,875
Leave me alone!
428
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:48,750
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.
429
00:19:51,042 --> 00:19:52,375
Oh, my God.
430
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,375
What a fricking beating.
431
00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:04,542
Let's hope
Benadryl or cortisone
or fricking Benical...
432
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,917
What the hell was that?
433
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,000
Fricking pinata.
434
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,917
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
435
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,375
What did you do?
Jesus Christ!
436
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:19,875
You scared the crap
out of me!
437
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:20,959
Oh, my goodness.
438
00:20:20,959 --> 00:20:23,792
Okay, okay, this is
not what it looks like.
439
00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,125
You killed them both?
440
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,792
No, no, no!
441
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,000
This piece of
shit dumbass hybrid
makes no noise, and...
442
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,875
All right. You gotta
help me get them to a vet.
443
00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:35,417
You drive and I'll
give them mouth-to-mouth.
444
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:36,875
I mean, mouth-to-snout.
445
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:57,417
What the hell did
they do to Ocho?
446
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,542
Who would do such a thing?
447
00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:05,458
Them.
448
00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:06,917
Come on.
449
00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:10,792
Hey, man.
Hey! What?
450
00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:12,708
What the heck did
you do to our dog?
Look.
451
00:21:12,708 --> 00:21:14,875
Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?
452
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,000
What do you mean,
didn't do nothin'?
453
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,166
RON RON: Shit. Chaka!
454
00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:19,750
What did they do to you?
455
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,291
What happened to my baby?
456
00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:22,625
What y'all did to my baby?
457
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:23,917
Hey, man,
we didn't touch your dog.
458
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:25,166
You're the ones
that busted ours!
459
00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:27,125
Yeah, we love dogs, man.
Look at our dog.
460
00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:30,959
If y'all didn't touch
our dog and we didn't
touch your dog...
461
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,917
ALL: Wake up, white people!
462
00:21:37,125 --> 00:21:39,875
Okay, all right.
Just hear me out.
463
00:21:39,875 --> 00:21:42,417
I am so sorry.
464
00:21:42,417 --> 00:21:44,458
It was an accident.
465
00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:47,083
I swear. I... I just
wanted some Benadryl...
466
00:21:53,125 --> 00:21:54,708
Crazy white man.
What, man?
467
00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:57,209
I have no idea!
468
00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,542
Come on,
man, what are you doing?
469
00:22:03,542 --> 00:22:05,042
I want a freakin'
refund or something!
470
00:22:05,042 --> 00:22:06,333
They seem pretty worked up.
471
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,750
Yeah, if this
turns into a race war,
472
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:11,208
we'll be pulling out
paperwork for a decade.
473
00:22:24,875 --> 00:22:27,000
You people.
474
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,084
This is the Fourth of July.
475
00:22:29,084 --> 00:22:30,667
This is the day we honor
476
00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:33,959
how our great nation declared
its independence
477
00:22:33,959 --> 00:22:35,375
from the king of England.
478
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:42,125
Do you happen to even know
how George Washington
celebrated
479
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:45,000
his final victory over
the British at Yorktown
480
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,959
that great day
481
00:22:46,959 --> 00:22:51,625
He issued his troops
a double ration of rum.
482
00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:56,417
Here we are.
483
00:22:56,417 --> 00:23:00,583
We had fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.
484
00:23:01,959 --> 00:23:05,208
And all we did
to celebrate it,
is that we drank
485
00:23:05,208 --> 00:23:09,125
four fingers of
booze instead of two.
486
00:23:32,208 --> 00:23:34,667
That's about
a martini and a half.
487
00:23:34,667 --> 00:23:38,000
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.
488
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,000
Today, if a kid happens
to throw his poopy
diaper into the hamper,
489
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,708
these parents,
they go apeshit,
490
00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:47,250
and they throw
the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.
491
00:23:51,209 --> 00:23:53,458
CHARLIE:
Gosh, he drinks like me.
492
00:23:58,792 --> 00:23:59,792
Aah!
493
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:08,708
I don't really see
this issue between
you people as a problem.
494
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:11,125
I see it as
an opportunity to get away
495
00:24:11,125 --> 00:24:13,458
from what the Fourth
of July has become.
496
00:24:13,458 --> 00:24:16,000
Which, let's face it,
is just a couple of days
497
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,500
off work for all
the lazy people.
498
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:24,125
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.
499
00:24:24,125 --> 00:24:28,000
We have forgotten
the sacrifice of those
who have come before us.
500
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:33,625
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16,
501
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:35,500
you're gonna have to
fuckin' fight for it.
502
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:39,542
Wait a minute, you're talking
about cannons and
muskets and shit.
503
00:24:39,542 --> 00:24:41,500
You're crazy.
ALL: Mmm-hmm.
504
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,084
Hey, I am retiring
in a week and a half,
505
00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:46,625
and I don't give a shit,
all right?
506
00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:49,583
You don't have to
use guns and knives.
507
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:52,125
Just have a contest.
508
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:53,583
Have a contest.
509
00:24:53,583 --> 00:24:55,375
Whatever family
wins the contest,
510
00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:59,000
they get to kick the
other two families' asses
out of the park.
511
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,542
How about that?
512
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:02,834
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.
513
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:07,875
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.
514
00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,042
'Cause it's on.
515
00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:13,042
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.
516
00:25:13,042 --> 00:25:17,792
We were told to help
out with the contest,
since it was the park's fault.
517
00:25:17,792 --> 00:25:19,000
Well, great.
518
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,291
Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.
519
00:25:22,291 --> 00:25:23,959
Pardon?
TOMMY: No, nothing.
520
00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:27,417
He just said that
that cloud up there
looks like a pig.
521
00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:29,041
No, I didn't. I said...
522
00:25:30,917 --> 00:25:32,959
He had a spider on
his zipper there.
523
00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:35,542
Thanks!
524
00:25:36,125 --> 00:25:37,458
Thanks, guys.
525
00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:39,333
Hey, Gravy.
526
00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:42,167
He deserved that.
Yeah, seriously.
527
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:45,125
So, we're doing
this contest thing?
528
00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:46,458
Yeah, we're doing this.
529
00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:49,291
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?
530
00:25:49,291 --> 00:25:51,625
Scared? No.
531
00:25:51,625 --> 00:25:52,834
Just sad.
532
00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:55,708
Sad for you and all
these other losers.
533
00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:57,000
Kids.
534
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,000
We're marking off
an area for you to play in.
535
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,417
Do not leave this
area for any reason.
536
00:26:01,417 --> 00:26:03,000
What if we get
hit by lightning?
537
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,125
Try not to.
538
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:05,708
What if we see
an ice cream truck?
539
00:26:05,708 --> 00:26:06,834
Try not to.
540
00:26:06,834 --> 00:26:09,625
Dad? How long do we
have to stay here?
541
00:26:09,625 --> 00:26:11,667
Just while the adults are off
doing adult things.
542
00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:14,458
Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.
543
00:26:15,542 --> 00:26:16,750
Uh...
544
00:26:16,750 --> 00:26:18,542
Not those kind
of adult things.
545
00:26:21,084 --> 00:26:22,542
Okay, kids, have fun.
546
00:26:22,542 --> 00:26:24,458
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.
Peace out.
547
00:26:30,125 --> 00:26:31,417
FELIPA: Hi.
548
00:26:33,209 --> 00:26:34,792
Oh, hmm...
549
00:26:38,875 --> 00:26:40,458
I don't know what to say.
550
00:26:40,458 --> 00:26:43,417
Well, you can usually find
all the right
words in the courtroom.
551
00:26:43,417 --> 00:26:47,166
Look, I thought
bringing our families
together up here, would be
552
00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:50,125
our chance to,
you know, break the news.
553
00:26:50,125 --> 00:26:52,917
Wait. You did this on purpose?
554
00:26:53,875 --> 00:26:56,084
Yeah, kinda, a little bit.
555
00:26:56,084 --> 00:26:59,000
I mean, it was easy
'cause our names
are so similar.
556
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,500
Jones. Jonas.
557
00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:03,458
I didn't expect
a white Jones
family to show up.
558
00:27:03,458 --> 00:27:05,084
Man, I screwed up everything.
559
00:27:05,084 --> 00:27:07,125
It's my fault, I'm sorry.
560
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:08,708
So, who is she?
561
00:27:09,083 --> 00:27:10,583
Who is who?
562
00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:13,166
You know who
I'm talking about.
563
00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:15,125
Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.
564
00:27:15,125 --> 00:27:17,041
Shantaysia,
why is she here?
565
00:27:17,041 --> 00:27:18,417
I don't know her.
566
00:27:18,417 --> 00:27:20,458
She's my dad's idea.
567
00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:23,042
I don't... It's my
first time ever seeing her.
568
00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:25,041
Stop. Come on.
569
00:27:25,041 --> 00:27:27,208
You know I love you. Stop.
570
00:27:30,041 --> 00:27:32,417
Anyway, look, I have a plan.
571
00:27:34,583 --> 00:27:36,792
I'll make sure
we win the race.
572
00:27:36,792 --> 00:27:40,458
And then, I'll convince
my dad to let you...
Your family stay,
573
00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:42,667
and we'll get rid
of the white family.
574
00:27:42,667 --> 00:27:45,083
They'll kick rocks.
575
00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:47,208
What if your
family doesn't win?
576
00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,291
Felipa.
577
00:27:49,291 --> 00:27:51,708
Stop smoking crack.
578
00:27:51,708 --> 00:27:53,209
Okay.
579
00:27:53,209 --> 00:27:56,209
We're black,
we're gonna win.
580
00:27:56,209 --> 00:27:57,542
Mexicans are
pretty athletic, too.
581
00:27:57,542 --> 00:27:59,834
What about like Big Papi?
582
00:27:59,834 --> 00:28:01,125
He's Dominican.
583
00:28:01,125 --> 00:28:04,333
Y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.
584
00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:07,250
(ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
585
00:28:13,792 --> 00:28:17,166
Hey, guys, I think I
hear an ice cream truck.
586
00:28:18,458 --> 00:28:21,209
Wait, but we can't
leave this area.
587
00:28:21,209 --> 00:28:23,291
Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.
588
00:28:32,167 --> 00:28:34,000
POPS: Look at these people.
589
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,959
They're like vultures.
590
00:28:35,959 --> 00:28:39,125
They're standing around
watching us fight
among ourselves.
591
00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:41,333
Don't think they're
just out here having fun?
592
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,500
No.
593
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,125
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.
594
00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,917
Bigger how?
595
00:28:47,917 --> 00:28:49,250
You think about it, bud.
596
00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:51,875
International sports,
you root for your country.
597
00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:53,042
Yeah.
598
00:28:53,042 --> 00:28:54,000
School sports,
you root for your school.
599
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,417
Yeah.
600
00:28:55,417 --> 00:28:58,042
These people are
rooting for their race.
601
00:28:58,042 --> 00:29:00,083
You don't know that.
Okay.
602
00:29:00,083 --> 00:29:01,792
Truth or dare?
603
00:29:01,792 --> 00:29:04,500
I'll answer a question
if you answer a question.
604
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:05,583
Okay.
Truthfully.
605
00:29:05,583 --> 00:29:06,875
All right.
All right.
606
00:29:06,875 --> 00:29:08,458
Now,
when you first drove up here,
607
00:29:08,458 --> 00:29:11,167
and you saw that
there were two families here.
608
00:29:11,167 --> 00:29:13,625
Now, were you mad 'cause
there were two families here?
609
00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:17,166
Or were you mad
because we weren't white?
610
00:29:17,166 --> 00:29:19,083
Yeah, well, you know,
611
00:29:19,083 --> 00:29:21,750
truth be told,
when I drove up here,
I was a little nervous.
612
00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:24,083
But that's because
I didn't know what to expect.
613
00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:26,042
Well, I felt the same way.
614
00:29:26,042 --> 00:29:27,917
And that's textbook racism.
615
00:29:27,917 --> 00:29:30,542
You can't say I'm racist
just because I didn't
know what to expect.
616
00:29:30,542 --> 00:29:32,792
I've had a lot of
great experiences with
617
00:29:32,792 --> 00:29:34,959
other races,
and some not so great.
618
00:29:34,959 --> 00:29:37,875
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
619
00:29:37,875 --> 00:29:43,000
You should know that
our family isn't
anything like that at all.
620
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,417
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.
621
00:29:46,417 --> 00:29:47,792
I had my hair
braided and everything.
622
00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:49,625
You remember that?
Yeah, that was so cute.
623
00:29:50,291 --> 00:29:51,750
What is a wigger?
624
00:29:56,166 --> 00:29:58,750
It's just a term
for a kid that's
625
00:29:58,750 --> 00:30:01,333
trying to act
tough and sound cool.
626
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:04,167
Well,
now, that's what it means.
627
00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:06,625
But what is it an acronym for?
628
00:30:06,625 --> 00:30:07,875
An acronym?
629
00:30:07,875 --> 00:30:09,458
Yeah, like the word "smog."
630
00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:12,291
It's
a combination of the words
"smoke" and "fog."
631
00:30:12,291 --> 00:30:14,208
That's an acronym.
632
00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:18,500
What are
the words that "wigger"
is an acronym for?
633
00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:21,667
Well, that's easy.
634
00:30:21,667 --> 00:30:26,125
It's a... It's a combination,
a mash-up, if you will,
635
00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:28,834
of the words...
636
00:30:31,583 --> 00:30:32,750
White...
637
00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:33,834
White.
638
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:34,834
...and...
639
00:30:38,125 --> 00:30:39,375
Er.
640
00:30:40,083 --> 00:30:42,625
Okay.
641
00:30:42,625 --> 00:30:46,083
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with honky...
642
00:30:46,083 --> 00:30:47,250
Hey.
...crackers...
643
00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:48,542
Hey!
...peckerwood...
644
00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,125
Hey!
...redneck,
645
00:30:50,125 --> 00:30:51,708
white bastards,
white devils.
646
00:30:51,708 --> 00:30:53,000
Hey!
647
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,083
But the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.
648
00:30:57,083 --> 00:30:59,834
Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.
649
00:30:59,834 --> 00:31:01,417
You're right.
650
00:31:01,417 --> 00:31:03,125
Good going, son. Well done.
651
00:31:03,125 --> 00:31:04,917
Happy to help.
652
00:31:04,917 --> 00:31:06,333
But I still
don't agree with you
that these people are out here
653
00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:08,083
rooting for their own races.
MAN: Hey!
654
00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:14,959
JOSE: We got this, baby.
655
00:31:14,959 --> 00:31:18,000
Black and white going down
like a knocked out zebra.
656
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,708
Yeah, maybe you're right.
657
00:31:19,708 --> 00:31:21,042
(ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
658
00:31:21,042 --> 00:31:22,834
Here, here!
Ice cream!
659
00:31:28,708 --> 00:31:30,084
BOY: Ice cream!
660
00:31:30,084 --> 00:31:31,166
Come on.
Sorry I'm late.
661
00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:32,875
Hey, Franklin!
662
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,041
All right.
663
00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:36,667
You know, I love that look,
664
00:31:36,667 --> 00:31:38,583
that gleam of
victory in your eyes.
665
00:31:38,583 --> 00:31:40,042
Yeah, we about to win, Pop.
666
00:31:40,042 --> 00:31:42,250
And we gonna kick
a family up out of here.
667
00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:44,291
Yes. That's right.
You know...
668
00:31:44,291 --> 00:31:45,959
Where's Shantaysia?
669
00:31:45,959 --> 00:31:47,209
No...
Shantaysia!
670
00:31:47,209 --> 00:31:48,834
You know that
old Franklin here
671
00:31:48,834 --> 00:31:50,834
was a track star
in high school.
672
00:31:50,834 --> 00:31:53,209
Shantaysia, come on!
Dad, look.
673
00:31:53,209 --> 00:31:57,333
One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.
674
00:31:57,333 --> 00:31:59,084
I mean,
that's impossible, you know.
675
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,209
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?
676
00:32:01,209 --> 00:32:02,333
I'm proud of you, son.
677
00:32:02,333 --> 00:32:05,041
Not as proud as I
am of Franklin here.
678
00:32:05,041 --> 00:32:06,125
RON RON: What?
679
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,083
That was a joke.
680
00:32:08,083 --> 00:32:10,042
He's messing with you.
That's all.
681
00:32:10,042 --> 00:32:11,291
Shitty joke.
What?
682
00:32:11,291 --> 00:32:13,667
I said Keko's titty is broke.
683
00:32:13,667 --> 00:32:15,291
Yeah, I thought you said that.
684
00:32:15,291 --> 00:32:16,667
Let's do this.
685
00:32:16,667 --> 00:32:18,000
You know what?
686
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,875
Y'all enjoy your
pissing contest
but I'm outta here.
687
00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:21,917
You wanna go?
688
00:32:21,917 --> 00:32:23,084
Yeah,
I wanna go find Shantaysia.
689
00:32:23,084 --> 00:32:24,625
Keko.
Felipa.
690
00:32:24,625 --> 00:32:28,208
This is our contest pick
and it's called
the Potty Carry.
691
00:32:28,208 --> 00:32:30,209
That's right.
692
00:32:30,209 --> 00:32:34,209
One person goes
inside of each one
and the rest of us carry.
693
00:32:34,209 --> 00:32:38,291
And the winner is the one
who gets across
that finish line first.
694
00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:40,083
That finish line
is pretty far, man.
695
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,084
Dude, don't sweat it, man.
696
00:32:42,084 --> 00:32:45,042
We totally got this.
Mexicans are gonna
take this hands down.
697
00:32:45,042 --> 00:32:46,792
Hey, Papi!
698
00:32:46,792 --> 00:32:48,708
Papi, we're about
to start the race,
you gonna come cheer us on?
699
00:32:50,542 --> 00:32:52,209
Does your dad ever smile?
700
00:32:52,209 --> 00:32:53,083
No.
701
00:32:53,083 --> 00:32:55,209
You mean, Darth Valdez?
702
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,042
Does he even know
what a smile is?
703
00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:59,458
I bet you he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."
704
00:32:59,458 --> 00:33:02,500
I bet you his face
makes him stop at "Chuck."
705
00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,291
He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a Happy Meal.
706
00:33:05,291 --> 00:33:07,000
That's good.
707
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,166
All right. All right.
That's pretty funny,
that's pretty funny, but...
708
00:33:09,166 --> 00:33:12,041
You know, he's still my dad,
so could you cut
it out, please?
709
00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:14,667
Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,
710
00:33:14,667 --> 00:33:17,041
and get the race started.
I mean,
we're standing around here.
711
00:33:17,041 --> 00:33:19,500
Let me just drag this one.
Get out of the way, would ya?
712
00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:21,125
Okay.
So, I'll just take this one.
713
00:33:21,125 --> 00:33:23,500
Are you sure, Dad?
These things are kinda heavy.
714
00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:26,167
Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.
715
00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:29,458
I've rescued
babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.
716
00:33:29,458 --> 00:33:31,417
Come on.
Come on, put this on my back.
717
00:33:31,417 --> 00:33:33,250
I guess.
Come on, let's go.
718
00:33:33,250 --> 00:33:35,417
This is...
I can just... I got this.
719
00:33:38,375 --> 00:33:40,208
Help, please! Come on!
720
00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:41,959
Charlie, get it off of me!
721
00:33:41,959 --> 00:33:44,000
Get it off of me!
722
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,041
We got this. We got this, Dad.
723
00:33:46,041 --> 00:33:47,542
Okay, up.
724
00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:56,125
Yeah,
maybe we should slide it.
725
00:33:56,125 --> 00:33:57,375
(ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
726
00:34:09,167 --> 00:34:10,125
I don't like this!
727
00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:12,500
I'm having a bad day!
728
00:34:13,250 --> 00:34:15,000
I hate kids.
729
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,875
You've ruined my life!
730
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,041
I got it!
731
00:34:23,041 --> 00:34:26,500
RON RON: The main problem is,
is getting this
potty over the ravine.
732
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:29,125
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.
733
00:34:29,125 --> 00:34:30,708
What?
734
00:34:30,708 --> 00:34:33,166
All we need to do
is swing this potty
by using rope.
735
00:34:33,166 --> 00:34:36,375
We need to put
the rope through a hitch
on top of the potty,
736
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:38,084
and then toss
the rope on branches.
737
00:34:38,084 --> 00:34:40,542
And then we swing
the potty over the ravine.
738
00:34:40,542 --> 00:34:41,375
Come on.
739
00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:43,167
That's a good idea!
740
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:44,458
We gotta get some rope.
741
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:45,875
Daddy, look at this.
742
00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,250
I already got it.
Taken care of.
743
00:34:47,250 --> 00:34:48,750
Look at that.
Crap.
744
00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,583
Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?
745
00:34:50,583 --> 00:34:52,084
No.
746
00:34:52,084 --> 00:34:53,291
He's right, man.
The rope's gonna
make it easier.
747
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:55,250
Sharni, get a rope.
Okay, got it.
748
00:34:55,250 --> 00:34:56,917
We're ready to go.
749
00:34:56,917 --> 00:34:58,458
We can't wait.
No, no, don't start!
750
00:34:58,458 --> 00:34:59,792
Come on, let's get started!
Wait, wait, wait!
751
00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,209
Wait, wait, wait.
Get on your marks,
752
00:35:01,209 --> 00:35:02,125
get set...
Wait, wait!
753
00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:03,458
...go!
754
00:35:03,458 --> 00:35:04,500
Come on.
755
00:35:06,417 --> 00:35:08,083
JOSE: Keep dreamin', blondie.
That rope is mine.
756
00:35:08,083 --> 00:35:09,792
SHARNI: No, I saw it first!
757
00:35:09,792 --> 00:35:11,333
Hello, open up!
758
00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:13,250
We wanna borrow
your clothesline!
759
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:14,875
This is kinda cute.
760
00:35:14,875 --> 00:35:17,375
Open up.
We wanna borrow
your clothesline!
761
00:35:17,375 --> 00:35:18,708
Yeah, you know, keep knocking.
762
00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,792
People love
Mexicans at their door.
763
00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:24,750
Really funny, Blow White.
Hello?
764
00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:27,458
Yeah, we'll see how
much you're laughing
when that rope is mine.
765
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:29,291
Hey,
what are you doing up there?
766
00:35:29,291 --> 00:35:31,209
I'm getting this
damn clothes line.
767
00:35:31,209 --> 00:35:32,375
Oh, shit.
768
00:35:42,250 --> 00:35:43,792
TOMMY: I don't know.
769
00:35:43,792 --> 00:35:47,250
(CURSING AND GROANING
IN SPANISH)
770
00:35:47,250 --> 00:35:48,834
It pierced my love handle!
771
00:35:48,834 --> 00:35:50,042
SHARNI: Come this way.
772
00:35:50,042 --> 00:35:51,125
Oh, my God.
TOMMY: What the hell was that?
773
00:35:51,125 --> 00:35:53,125
JOSE: Help me!
774
00:35:53,125 --> 00:35:55,959
Okay, puta!
Come on!
775
00:35:55,959 --> 00:35:58,667
FRANKLIN:
Hey, where did everybody go?
776
00:35:59,125 --> 00:36:00,458
Pop?
777
00:36:01,208 --> 00:36:03,125
Ron Ron?
778
00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,167
Did we win?
779
00:36:05,167 --> 00:36:07,125
SHARNI:
Come on, come on, come on.
780
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:09,166
Come on.
CHARLIE: What happened?
781
00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:11,667
He has a TV
antenna stuck in him.
782
00:36:11,667 --> 00:36:13,083
Where?
JOSE: No, no, no!
783
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:14,542
TOMMY: We need to take
him to a hospital.
784
00:36:14,542 --> 00:36:16,458
All right, let's use my car.
Okay.
785
00:36:16,458 --> 00:36:19,084
Wait, wait,
we're gonna get him in that?
786
00:36:19,084 --> 00:36:20,708
Yeah.
787
00:36:20,708 --> 00:36:22,000
SHARNI: Here.
788
00:36:23,125 --> 00:36:24,792
What the hell are you doing?
789
00:36:24,792 --> 00:36:26,750
Bactine. It stings
like a bitch, but...
790
00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:29,167
(CURSING AND GROANING
IN SPANISH)
791
00:36:29,167 --> 00:36:31,917
No!
No more, you fucking idiot!
792
00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,083
Wait, what?
CHARLIE: Everybody stop!
793
00:36:37,042 --> 00:36:38,375
Do you get the NFL package?
794
00:36:38,375 --> 00:36:41,000
(CURSING AND GROANING
IN SPANISH)
795
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,125
TOMMY: We're not gonna get
him in the pussy car.
796
00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:44,250
Let's get him in
Franklin's car.
797
00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:45,917
Okay, all right. Come on.
798
00:36:45,917 --> 00:36:47,417
CHARLIE: I'm right here.
SHARNI: Come on.
799
00:36:47,417 --> 00:36:49,000
Right here. There you go.
800
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,209
You got it. You got it.
801
00:36:50,209 --> 00:36:51,125
TOMMY: Put him inside.
802
00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,375
There you go. There you go.
803
00:36:52,375 --> 00:36:54,125
Let's give him a push.
All right.
804
00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:55,625
One, two...
805
00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:56,792
No. No!
806
00:36:56,792 --> 00:36:58,667
...three!
No!
807
00:37:02,084 --> 00:37:03,333
That went horribly wrong.
808
00:37:03,333 --> 00:37:04,792
Stop right there.
809
00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:05,792
Okay, man. Good luck!
810
00:37:05,792 --> 00:37:07,458
Okay, okay.
Let's go. Come on. Vamonos.
811
00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:10,708
Don't worry.
You'll get
a call from Telemundo.
812
00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,959
So, are you doing
number one or number two?
813
00:37:18,959 --> 00:37:21,042
What? Go get an adult.
814
00:37:21,042 --> 00:37:22,417
You look like a pinata.
815
00:37:22,417 --> 00:37:24,083
And you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat
816
00:37:24,083 --> 00:37:25,625
if you don't go
and get an adult.
817
00:37:25,625 --> 00:37:28,458
I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.
818
00:37:28,458 --> 00:37:32,125
I'ma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.
819
00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,208
Take it easy, perv.
820
00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,208
I thought you kids
were on lockdown.
821
00:37:35,208 --> 00:37:37,042
How did you get
out of your area?
822
00:37:37,042 --> 00:37:39,375
You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?
823
00:37:39,375 --> 00:37:42,042
Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty!
824
00:37:42,042 --> 00:37:44,167
Get an adult, I could die!
825
00:37:44,167 --> 00:37:45,458
No, no.
Okay, yeah.
826
00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:48,708
Please. This is not a drill.
827
00:37:48,708 --> 00:37:50,917
This is code red.
You know a code red...
828
00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:52,708
Y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.
829
00:37:52,708 --> 00:37:54,667
Oh, my God!
830
00:37:54,667 --> 00:37:57,792
I hate kids,
and I hate camping!
831
00:38:06,792 --> 00:38:09,291
ROLANDO: Hey, guys, quick.
Come say hi to Mom. Come on.
832
00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:11,917
Hi, Mom!
Hey, Mom!
833
00:38:11,917 --> 00:38:13,084
Cheese.
834
00:38:13,084 --> 00:38:15,166
Yep. Yo, I'm good!
835
00:38:18,708 --> 00:38:20,959
Yup, I got lucky!
836
00:38:20,959 --> 00:38:22,583
It was tough, but I'm good!
837
00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,291
JOSE: Hey!
838
00:38:28,291 --> 00:38:31,458
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's!
839
00:38:37,209 --> 00:38:38,667
Yeah, don't worry about it.
840
00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:40,500
Just gonna be here
by myself, you know.
841
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,125
KID: Yeah.
842
00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:44,208
No family to talk to.
843
00:38:47,667 --> 00:38:50,208
Something to
think about, mijo.
844
00:38:58,542 --> 00:38:59,333
Okay.
845
00:38:59,333 --> 00:39:01,875
Aunt Felipa, I can't move.
846
00:39:01,875 --> 00:39:03,750
Yes, but you're safe.
847
00:39:03,750 --> 00:39:05,041
Have fun.
848
00:39:05,792 --> 00:39:07,125
Mind if I sit?
849
00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,500
Sure.
850
00:39:09,291 --> 00:39:11,208
It's a pretty mantis.
851
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:14,166
He's right there.
I'm gonna kill him.
852
00:39:14,166 --> 00:39:16,375
You know,
the kids don't see race.
853
00:39:17,125 --> 00:39:18,041
It's true.
854
00:39:18,041 --> 00:39:20,542
Seems they learn
it from the adults.
855
00:39:20,542 --> 00:39:22,834
Kids can be a handful, man.
856
00:39:22,834 --> 00:39:24,625
I used to think that I
wanted a bunch of them,
857
00:39:24,625 --> 00:39:27,458
but after this weekend,
I think I'm just
gonna get another cat.
858
00:39:28,291 --> 00:39:30,042
BOY: Wait, where is it?
859
00:39:30,042 --> 00:39:31,458
Where is it?
It's right there,
it's just moving.
860
00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,333
FELIPA: No, that's a...
It's a praying...
861
00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:36,417
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.
862
00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:38,458
You know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you
863
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,083
that I really
like your hair.
864
00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:42,542
Thanks, I do it myself.
865
00:39:42,542 --> 00:39:43,834
Really?
866
00:39:43,834 --> 00:39:45,042
I have my own salon.
867
00:39:45,042 --> 00:39:46,792
That's super cool.
868
00:39:46,792 --> 00:39:50,000
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his
own salon, too?
869
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,500
Not a salon, a saloon.
870
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:53,750
Okay.
871
00:39:53,750 --> 00:39:55,750
I drove with him to
the vet the other night.
872
00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:58,542
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both
mouth-to-mouth.
873
00:39:58,542 --> 00:40:00,583
He's got a lot of heart.
874
00:40:00,583 --> 00:40:03,291
Yeah,
and dog breath, sounds like.
875
00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:05,208
Did any of the dogs
get a contact drunk?
876
00:40:05,208 --> 00:40:09,083
Yeah, I think
the dogs were wondering
why I kept checking their IDs.
877
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,167
You know, he's a good guy.
878
00:40:16,167 --> 00:40:18,209
Yeah, and cute, too, right?
879
00:40:18,209 --> 00:40:19,750
Yeah, he is kinda cute.
880
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:21,458
Yeah.
Super cute. Like I would.
881
00:40:21,458 --> 00:40:23,166
I think I would, too.
882
00:40:23,166 --> 00:40:26,458
Seriously,
he's a bit of a charmer
and girls love bad boys.
883
00:40:26,458 --> 00:40:28,792
I think he knows
he has a problem.
884
00:40:28,792 --> 00:40:32,875
I don't drink. I never have,
but my dad was an alcoholic,
885
00:40:32,875 --> 00:40:34,625
so, I know the signs.
886
00:40:34,625 --> 00:40:36,250
BOY: I really wanna kill it.
I really wanna kill it.
887
00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:38,042
Just kill it!
888
00:40:38,042 --> 00:40:40,209
No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.
889
00:40:40,209 --> 00:40:41,834
Right? Don't kill it.
890
00:40:41,834 --> 00:40:44,209
Help me, I need...
891
00:40:44,209 --> 00:40:45,542
So, how about you?
892
00:40:45,542 --> 00:40:47,417
Do you work at the courthouse
back in the city?
893
00:40:47,417 --> 00:40:49,166
Yeah, I'm a stenographer.
894
00:40:49,166 --> 00:40:51,125
Franklin works in
the DA's office.
895
00:40:51,125 --> 00:40:52,417
Does he?
Yeah.
896
00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:54,375
Do you ever see
him around there?
897
00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:56,917
Yeah, now that...
Yeah. I think I have.
898
00:40:58,583 --> 00:41:00,041
Not that often.
899
00:41:00,041 --> 00:41:04,125
You know, I've been
meaning to tell you,
I'm not here to...
900
00:41:04,125 --> 00:41:05,542
Oh, my God!
901
00:41:06,083 --> 00:41:08,708
Get away from me!
902
00:41:08,708 --> 00:41:10,625
Oh, my God.
903
00:41:10,625 --> 00:41:12,792
Should I buy
a tabby or a Siamese cat?
904
00:41:14,417 --> 00:41:16,250
RODRIGO: Okay, cabrons.
905
00:41:16,250 --> 00:41:18,583
Our pick. The eating contest.
906
00:41:18,583 --> 00:41:20,792
Yeah, but not food, huevones.
907
00:41:20,792 --> 00:41:22,125
Habaneros, baby.
908
00:41:22,125 --> 00:41:24,125
Hot peppers, bro.
909
00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,166
You gotta eat as
many as you can
in three minutes.
910
00:41:26,166 --> 00:41:28,333
And habaneros...
911
00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:31,125
Habaneros are
the Devil's food.
Yup.
912
00:41:31,125 --> 00:41:32,458
They can't be that bad.
913
00:41:32,458 --> 00:41:34,417
You're about to find out.
914
00:41:34,417 --> 00:41:36,000
Can I eat for the family?
915
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,291
Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.
916
00:41:38,291 --> 00:41:40,750
'Cause habaneros are organic,
917
00:41:40,750 --> 00:41:42,750
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.
918
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,125
Yeah.
919
00:41:44,125 --> 00:41:47,125
Yeah.
Like, one time I got lost
in the desert. Yeah.
920
00:41:47,125 --> 00:41:50,208
I had to eat 67
mushrooms to survive.
921
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,708
Caps and stems?
922
00:41:51,708 --> 00:41:53,000
The whole thing.
923
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,333
I hallucinated for 15 days.
924
00:41:55,333 --> 00:41:57,792
My diarrhea tasted like honey.
ALL: Ugh!
925
00:41:57,792 --> 00:41:59,792
TOMMY:
That's beautiful, Gravy.
926
00:41:59,792 --> 00:42:01,750
That's your son
927
00:42:01,750 --> 00:42:02,959
Your brother
928
00:42:02,959 --> 00:42:04,125
Yes, my brother-in-law.
929
00:42:04,125 --> 00:42:05,917
That's your brother.
In-law.
930
00:42:05,917 --> 00:42:09,042
You said that like you
might have seen him
naked or something.
931
00:42:10,500 --> 00:42:12,209
All right, fool,
I got this.
932
00:42:12,209 --> 00:42:14,209
No, clown,
I love habaneros.
933
00:42:14,209 --> 00:42:16,125
What are you talking about?
Who you calling a clown, man?
934
00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:18,167
I can eat so many more
habaneros than you,
I always have.
935
00:42:18,167 --> 00:42:19,959
No.
936
00:42:21,166 --> 00:42:22,458
You, Papi?
937
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,500
What, he's resurrected.
938
00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:28,834
It's like it's
Easter or something.
939
00:42:28,834 --> 00:42:31,250
I've been eating
habaneros for 65 years.
940
00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:33,125
I will win for the familia.
941
00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:36,291
Mira. This is what I
have been whittling?
942
00:42:36,291 --> 00:42:39,250
Ocho!
943
00:42:40,167 --> 00:42:41,500
For cervezas.
944
00:42:41,500 --> 00:42:46,250
Ocho is now an
official St. Bernardo.
945
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:47,333
Whoo!
946
00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:49,041
Papi made a joke.
Yeah.
947
00:42:49,041 --> 00:42:51,500
Habaneros are
nothing to Mexicans.
948
00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:55,042
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.
949
00:42:56,125 --> 00:42:57,583
He made another joke.
950
00:42:57,583 --> 00:42:58,458
That's awesome.
951
00:42:58,458 --> 00:43:00,458
I'm ready. Let's do this.
952
00:43:00,458 --> 00:43:03,458
All right,
pendejos, the timer is set.
953
00:43:03,458 --> 00:43:06,625
Three, two, one, go!
954
00:43:34,125 --> 00:43:37,041
There's something
going on in my fucking mouth!
955
00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:41,792
Look at that.
956
00:43:41,792 --> 00:43:43,875
Do men... Do you
think men ever get like
957
00:43:43,875 --> 00:43:47,125
a POV of
themselves and just go,
958
00:43:47,125 --> 00:43:49,041
"We're really stupid"?
959
00:43:59,042 --> 00:44:00,041
BOTH: Oh!
960
00:44:11,041 --> 00:44:17,417
"May the Devil use
your backbone as a trellis
to pick apples in hell."
961
00:44:17,417 --> 00:44:20,625
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.
962
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:23,834
SHANTAYSIA: "If you don't know
where you're going,
there are plenty of roads."
963
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,125
Okay. So, she's not
just crazy beautiful,
964
00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:34,458
she's actually smart enough
965
00:44:34,458 --> 00:44:36,250
to see right through me.
966
00:44:36,250 --> 00:44:38,083
She needed to look
past the train wreck he is
967
00:44:38,083 --> 00:44:39,750
and see the man
that was crying when he
968
00:44:39,750 --> 00:44:41,333
thought the doggies
wouldn't make it.
969
00:44:41,333 --> 00:44:43,084
Okay, that's a...
That's a turnoff.
970
00:44:43,084 --> 00:44:46,209
May I just say I'm not
usually the crying type.
971
00:44:46,209 --> 00:44:48,042
I thought it was sweet,
you know,
972
00:44:48,042 --> 00:44:50,041
you crying like
a little sissy.
973
00:44:50,041 --> 00:44:54,417
I cried because when I was
giving them mouth-to-snout,
974
00:44:54,417 --> 00:44:56,542
Ocho slipped me some tongue.
975
00:44:56,542 --> 00:45:01,792
I can still taste
the lamb and carrots.
976
00:45:01,792 --> 00:45:04,000
Okay, okay.
Let's... Let's recap.
977
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,542
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,
978
00:45:07,542 --> 00:45:13,208
but I do cry when I see
that doggies are hurt,
and you're half naked...
979
00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:15,042
I'm sorry about that.
980
00:45:15,042 --> 00:45:16,458
Are you?
981
00:45:18,333 --> 00:45:20,500
CHARLIE: Oh, shit.
982
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:22,959
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.
983
00:45:22,959 --> 00:45:24,208
You'll be totally safe
984
00:45:24,208 --> 00:45:26,750
if you stand there,
just like that,
985
00:45:26,750 --> 00:45:29,417
backlit by the sun,
looking perfect.
986
00:45:31,208 --> 00:45:33,208
Damn it! You moved!
987
00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:34,625
Now you look awful.
988
00:45:34,625 --> 00:45:36,875
You went from
looking like a goddess,
989
00:45:36,875 --> 00:45:39,375
to a favela in a bikini.
990
00:45:40,583 --> 00:45:43,125
SHANTAYSIA:
What are we gonna do?
991
00:45:43,125 --> 00:45:45,959
If we meld as one,
992
00:45:45,959 --> 00:45:49,000
it'll see us as
a much larger
and greater threat,
993
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,458
and then slither
away sheepishly.
994
00:45:53,959 --> 00:45:57,041
So, this is us melding.
995
00:45:57,041 --> 00:45:59,792
Here we go.
Whoa, whoa.
996
00:45:59,792 --> 00:46:02,959
In Chapter 7 in one of
the most brilliant
novels I've ever read,
997
00:46:02,959 --> 00:46:06,000
the main character finds
a coral snake in their barn.
998
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,333
Roger tells her,
"Red over yellow
kills a fellow.
999
00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,125
"Red over black, venom lack."
1000
00:46:10,125 --> 00:46:12,125
So,
our little friend over there
isn't poisonous.
1001
00:46:12,708 --> 00:46:14,000
Wow.
1002
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,291
You read my novel?
Twice.
1003
00:46:16,291 --> 00:46:18,042
So, I guess you know what a...
1004
00:46:18,042 --> 00:46:19,291
What a cliche I am.
1005
00:46:19,291 --> 00:46:20,708
A writer who drinks.
1006
00:46:20,708 --> 00:46:22,834
You forgot to
mention "tortured."
1007
00:46:22,834 --> 00:46:25,500
And I left out
"scared and insecure."
1008
00:46:25,500 --> 00:46:26,542
Ah-ha!
1009
00:46:26,542 --> 00:46:29,125
Well, perhaps
that is why I drink.
1010
00:46:29,125 --> 00:46:30,542
But we never see you drink,
1011
00:46:30,542 --> 00:46:32,250
because we're
always distracted by
1012
00:46:32,250 --> 00:46:34,125
the things you're
pointing to, you know?
1013
00:46:34,125 --> 00:46:36,209
Justin Bieber,
dumpster fires,
1014
00:46:36,209 --> 00:46:38,125
24-hour Popeyes Chicken...
1015
00:46:38,125 --> 00:46:41,750
The really tall midget,
enlightened trucker.
1016
00:46:42,375 --> 00:46:44,042
Silent bagpipes,
1017
00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:46,250
Pete Best, Blockbuster Video.
1018
00:46:46,250 --> 00:46:48,042
The cast of Breakfast Club,
1019
00:46:48,042 --> 00:46:49,834
and one of my favorites,
1020
00:46:49,834 --> 00:46:52,041
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."
1021
00:46:52,041 --> 00:46:53,625
Let me see if I
got this straight.
1022
00:46:53,625 --> 00:46:56,291
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,
1023
00:46:56,291 --> 00:46:58,750
then you finished?
What happened?
1024
00:47:01,959 --> 00:47:03,417
Wait a second.
1025
00:47:03,417 --> 00:47:06,500
Is that Charlie
Jones over there?
1026
00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:09,959
Behind an empty typewriter?
1027
00:47:09,959 --> 00:47:14,250
Frozen, hammered, alone?
1028
00:47:14,250 --> 00:47:15,959
No, it isn't.
1029
00:47:15,959 --> 00:47:18,041
I guess if my head was filled
with that kind of crap,
1030
00:47:18,041 --> 00:47:19,875
I'd probably drink, too.
1031
00:47:19,875 --> 00:47:21,208
But I don't.
1032
00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:23,083
So,
good luck with your travels.
1033
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,875
Wait. What if I...
1034
00:47:27,875 --> 00:47:31,042
What if I didn't drink?
1035
00:47:31,042 --> 00:47:33,166
I guess we'll never know.
1036
00:47:33,166 --> 00:47:35,834
But I do know you
are a brilliant writer.
1037
00:47:51,458 --> 00:47:54,875
I swear,
that was not me peeing.
1038
00:48:05,458 --> 00:48:08,375
Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.
1039
00:48:08,375 --> 00:48:09,875
Ocho.
1040
00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:15,333
Gracias.
1041
00:48:16,750 --> 00:48:21,291
Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys
right over there.
1042
00:48:21,291 --> 00:48:24,875
Yeah. Yeah,
you gotta be real careful.
1043
00:48:24,875 --> 00:48:28,084
They got 10,000 eyes.
1044
00:48:28,084 --> 00:48:29,959
Kind of like my ex-wife.
1045
00:48:29,959 --> 00:48:31,291
Are you gonna do it?
1046
00:48:31,291 --> 00:48:34,375
It's been a long time.
I'm scared.
1047
00:48:34,375 --> 00:48:36,041
Do it. You won't.
No balls.
1048
00:48:37,708 --> 00:48:39,583
"No balls"?
1049
00:48:45,042 --> 00:48:46,875
I got him! I got him!
1050
00:48:46,875 --> 00:48:48,667
I gotcha! You're gonna...
1051
00:48:49,209 --> 00:48:50,583
Ahem!
1052
00:48:50,583 --> 00:48:54,208
Yeah.
I need one of your hairs.
1053
00:48:54,208 --> 00:48:56,834
You're ready for
your little leash?
1054
00:48:59,625 --> 00:49:02,208
Que paso, little flower
1055
00:49:02,208 --> 00:49:04,209
Dad, what's sex?
1056
00:49:06,125 --> 00:49:08,250
Have fun with
that one, Dad.
1057
00:49:08,250 --> 00:49:10,250
Listen up. He's got
a lot of good advice.
1058
00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:13,291
Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.
1059
00:49:13,291 --> 00:49:14,917
What's sex? Tell her, Dad.
1060
00:49:14,917 --> 00:49:16,209
Let's hear it.
1061
00:49:16,209 --> 00:49:19,125
Excuse me. Thank you.
1062
00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:21,291
Um... Uh...
1063
00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:23,125
Sex is like, like... It's...
1064
00:49:23,125 --> 00:49:24,250
It's when you hug someone.
1065
00:49:24,250 --> 00:49:25,667
Come on, brother, that's it?
1066
00:49:25,667 --> 00:49:26,917
Hug real tight.
1067
00:49:26,917 --> 00:49:30,208
So, wait. So,
I've had sex with my grandpa.
1068
00:49:30,208 --> 00:49:31,708
I wouldn't be surprised.
1069
00:49:34,083 --> 00:49:35,792
Okay.
1070
00:49:35,792 --> 00:49:38,291
Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.
1071
00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:46,209
Sex is when
Mommy and Daddy hug.
1072
00:49:46,209 --> 00:49:49,834
And we don't
have any clothes on.
1073
00:49:49,834 --> 00:49:52,000
Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,
1074
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,917
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.
1075
00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:01,875
Yes! Yes!
1076
00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:04,625
Dinner will be
ready in two secs!
1077
00:50:04,625 --> 00:50:06,959
TOMMY: He's my son
and I love him,
1078
00:50:06,959 --> 00:50:09,792
but, you know,
you hate to
see 'em struggle.
1079
00:50:09,792 --> 00:50:14,042
This thing that
he's struggling with,
has this...
1080
00:50:14,042 --> 00:50:16,209
Has this got
anything to do with
why he's not married
1081
00:50:16,209 --> 00:50:17,875
and not settled down?
1082
00:50:18,625 --> 00:50:19,834
Yeah.
1083
00:50:19,834 --> 00:50:22,209
Well, hopefully
he'll figure it out.
1084
00:50:22,209 --> 00:50:24,625
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.
1085
00:50:25,792 --> 00:50:27,708
Oh.
1086
00:50:29,125 --> 00:50:31,042
I get it.
1087
00:50:31,042 --> 00:50:32,792
You do?
Yeah.
1088
00:50:32,792 --> 00:50:34,125
Hey, it's fine.
1089
00:50:34,125 --> 00:50:38,875
I mean, every family
has got someone who is
1090
00:50:38,875 --> 00:50:39,959
different.
1091
00:50:39,959 --> 00:50:41,583
I mean, and you're
a fireman, right?
1092
00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:44,125
I mean, you've probably seen
a whole lot of stuff.
1093
00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:46,458
I used to be a fireman.
1094
00:50:46,458 --> 00:50:48,333
Drinking got the best of me.
1095
00:50:48,333 --> 00:50:51,375
I couldn't control it,
so, they fired me.
1096
00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:54,083
Tried the Bible.
1097
00:50:54,083 --> 00:50:56,875
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.
1098
00:50:56,875 --> 00:50:58,125
That didn't work out.
1099
00:50:58,125 --> 00:50:59,166
Jim Beam won?
1100
00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:00,625
Yeah.
1101
00:51:00,625 --> 00:51:05,209
Then I went to AA.
Let go and let God...
1102
00:51:05,209 --> 00:51:08,708
And I'm keeping my
side of the street clean,
you know?
1103
00:51:08,708 --> 00:51:12,500
You know, as a parent,
I've made mistakes, too.
1104
00:51:12,500 --> 00:51:14,959
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron
1105
00:51:14,959 --> 00:51:17,792
the way I focus in on
Franklin's potential.
1106
00:51:17,792 --> 00:51:21,083
But Ron Ron, he's...
1107
00:51:21,083 --> 00:51:22,208
He's special.
1108
00:51:26,875 --> 00:51:29,042
"Special."
1109
00:51:29,042 --> 00:51:33,291
You know, a couple of
old school guys
like you and me...
1110
00:51:34,792 --> 00:51:37,167
Gotta learn it's a new
world out there, man.
1111
00:51:37,167 --> 00:51:39,167
New rules.
1112
00:51:39,167 --> 00:51:40,500
Charlie's gonna be
all right.
1113
00:51:40,500 --> 00:51:41,500
Yeah.
1114
00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:43,041
And I mean, things...
1115
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:46,125
Things are a lot
easier nowadays
for guys like him.
1116
00:51:47,291 --> 00:51:49,667
I'll be right back.
1117
00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:52,959
It's like a little fly kite.
1118
00:51:52,959 --> 00:51:55,125
He looks like a real goer.
1119
00:51:55,125 --> 00:51:57,041
Watch what I do next here.
1120
00:51:58,250 --> 00:52:00,125
Okay, big guy.
1121
00:52:00,125 --> 00:52:02,333
Time to go to work.
1122
00:52:05,792 --> 00:52:09,041
Going somewhere
with all those bells
and smells on?
1123
00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:11,917
I was just about to...
1124
00:52:11,917 --> 00:52:13,333
I know where you're going.
1125
00:52:13,333 --> 00:52:15,041
You do?
Yep.
1126
00:52:15,041 --> 00:52:18,167
And I think you two
make a great pair.
1127
00:52:18,167 --> 00:52:19,291
You do?
Yes!
1128
00:52:19,291 --> 00:52:21,125
I even like
the ring of her name.
1129
00:52:21,125 --> 00:52:22,959
Shantaysia.
1130
00:52:24,291 --> 00:52:26,125
Shantaysia. Oh.
1131
00:52:26,125 --> 00:52:27,542
Yeah.
Shantaysia.
1132
00:52:27,542 --> 00:52:29,458
Now, look,
I know what you're gonna say.
1133
00:52:29,458 --> 00:52:31,875
I know I push a little hard.
1134
00:52:31,875 --> 00:52:33,667
But it's because you
got so much promise,
1135
00:52:33,667 --> 00:52:36,209
and I want you
to deliver on it.
1136
00:52:36,209 --> 00:52:37,333
See, back in the day,
1137
00:52:37,333 --> 00:52:39,708
when I was
coming up your age...
1138
00:52:39,708 --> 00:52:41,375
And the time...
1139
00:52:41,375 --> 00:52:43,042
I never would
have dreamed I'd have
1140
00:52:43,042 --> 00:52:45,458
a son that's on
the verge of running a city.
1141
00:52:45,458 --> 00:52:48,167
I just want to
say to you, son,
1142
00:52:48,167 --> 00:52:50,000
I'm proud of you.
Pop.
1143
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,917
Real proud.
1144
00:52:51,917 --> 00:52:53,250
Pop. Thanks, man.
1145
00:52:55,834 --> 00:52:58,500
Now, you go ahead
on for your walk.
1146
00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:01,041
And don't make it late.
1147
00:53:01,041 --> 00:53:04,959
No son of mine is
gonna take longer
than a woman to get ready.
1148
00:53:04,959 --> 00:53:06,208
Come on, man.
1149
00:53:07,625 --> 00:53:10,250
You sound like an episode
of Sanford and Son.
1150
00:53:13,500 --> 00:53:16,125
Romance is in the hizzouse.
1151
00:53:17,167 --> 00:53:18,583
Hey, hey.
1152
00:53:18,583 --> 00:53:20,792
Hey, Shay-Shay.
Hey. Have a nice walk.
1153
00:53:20,792 --> 00:53:21,834
All right.
1154
00:53:23,208 --> 00:53:25,542
Well, where is he
going all dressed up?
1155
00:53:26,250 --> 00:53:27,583
Who isn't here?
1156
00:53:27,583 --> 00:53:29,875
SHARNI:
Hey, Charlie, where are you?
1157
00:53:30,875 --> 00:53:32,333
Charlie?
1158
00:53:35,375 --> 00:53:37,542
Charlie and Franklin?
1159
00:53:40,250 --> 00:53:41,750
Oh, Lord.
1160
00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:49,875
Oh, hey.
You're here. How you doing?
1161
00:53:50,542 --> 00:53:51,458
I'm good.
1162
00:53:51,458 --> 00:53:53,250
Funny seeing you here.
1163
00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:54,542
Not really.
1164
00:53:54,542 --> 00:53:55,834
Just...
1165
00:53:55,834 --> 00:53:57,291
Well, being that
I'm here, you're here,
1166
00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,375
I thought we could
talk about this whole...
1167
00:54:00,917 --> 00:54:02,333
Fake Mom thing.
1168
00:54:02,333 --> 00:54:03,708
What about it?
1169
00:54:03,708 --> 00:54:05,125
Maybe, well...
1170
00:54:05,125 --> 00:54:08,125
Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did
1171
00:54:08,125 --> 00:54:11,125
jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.
1172
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:12,625
I've never said that.
1173
00:54:12,625 --> 00:54:14,041
You don't say "alts" for...
Okay.
1174
00:54:14,041 --> 00:54:15,417
You wrote all of that?
1175
00:54:15,417 --> 00:54:16,959
Yeah, just a few...
1176
00:54:16,959 --> 00:54:20,291
Just a few
alternatives to "Fake Mom."
1177
00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:21,750
Not that I don't love it.
1178
00:54:21,750 --> 00:54:24,750
But I just thought,
why not "Trophy Mom"?
1179
00:54:24,750 --> 00:54:27,291
I could be like
a Trophy Mom, you know?
1180
00:54:27,291 --> 00:54:28,875
No. No.
I always wanted...
1181
00:54:28,875 --> 00:54:33,208
No? Okay, not great. Okay.
How about "Mom Again"?
1182
00:54:33,208 --> 00:54:35,042
Mom Again.
You know what I mean?
1183
00:54:35,042 --> 00:54:36,834
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"
1184
00:54:36,834 --> 00:54:38,250
No.
People might think that's...
1185
00:54:38,250 --> 00:54:39,417
Fake Mom.
Okay.
1186
00:54:39,417 --> 00:54:41,458
How about "This Mom"?
1187
00:54:41,458 --> 00:54:44,500
This Mom. This Mom.
You know what I mean?
1188
00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:46,125
Who would say any of this?
1189
00:54:46,125 --> 00:54:47,166
Probably nobody.
1190
00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:49,291
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?
1191
00:54:49,291 --> 00:54:51,166
"Mom Mom"?
Cute
1192
00:54:51,166 --> 00:54:53,458
Okay, "Mom Mom."
"Mom Mom" is cute. Right?
1193
00:54:53,458 --> 00:54:55,500
You'll be like, "Mom Mom!"
What am I, two years old?
1194
00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:57,125
'Cause it wouldn't be
like your first mom...
1195
00:54:57,125 --> 00:55:00,792
I have my real mom,
and then I have you.
1196
00:55:00,792 --> 00:55:02,041
Right,
and I would never wanna...
1197
00:55:02,041 --> 00:55:03,250
And you are my fake mom.
1198
00:55:03,250 --> 00:55:05,959
And you need to
stop trying to act...
1199
00:55:05,959 --> 00:55:07,417
Take the place of her.
Yeah, exactly.
1200
00:55:07,417 --> 00:55:08,500
Yeah, I would never.
1201
00:55:08,500 --> 00:55:10,000
Well, you're trying to.
1202
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:11,583
No, I don't. I wouldn't...
1203
00:55:12,792 --> 00:55:14,750
I think this has
been a productive talk.
1204
00:55:15,708 --> 00:55:17,250
All right, well...
1205
00:55:17,250 --> 00:55:18,667
Do you want me to
button up your shirt?
1206
00:55:18,667 --> 00:55:20,375
No. Okay. It's
supposed to be like that.
1207
00:55:20,375 --> 00:55:21,959
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
1208
00:55:21,959 --> 00:55:23,041
All right.
1209
00:55:29,209 --> 00:55:31,208
My family may not win this.
1210
00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:35,041
Which means my
plans get flushed.
1211
00:55:35,041 --> 00:55:37,042
You've got to
tell your dad.
1212
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:39,041
We both do.
I can't keep lying.
1213
00:55:41,625 --> 00:55:43,417
I know,
it's just my dad is crazy.
1214
00:55:43,417 --> 00:55:47,834
It's like he wants me
to be mayor someday,
so it's... You know?
1215
00:55:47,834 --> 00:55:52,084
Yeah. And you can't do that
with a Mexican
woman by your side.
1216
00:55:52,084 --> 00:55:53,750
What? I didn't say that.
1217
00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:56,000
What... I mean, why did you...
Look, Franklin,
1218
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,083
I'm glad that you
worry about your father.
1219
00:55:58,083 --> 00:56:00,209
I worry about my father, too.
1220
00:56:00,209 --> 00:56:05,084
They want so much for us,
even though
sometimes it's misguided.
1221
00:56:05,084 --> 00:56:10,417
But I think that we've
been fooling ourselves
hoping that this will work.
1222
00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:12,333
What are you talking about?
1223
00:56:12,333 --> 00:56:16,375
We were going to
lean on each other,
but maybe we can't.
1224
00:56:16,375 --> 00:56:18,583
And it's better
that we learn it now,
1225
00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:21,458
before we commit to something
that isn't gonna work.
1226
00:56:21,458 --> 00:56:22,917
Felipa, what are you saying?
1227
00:56:24,167 --> 00:56:25,917
Making it easier
on both of us.
1228
00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:28,917
What?
1229
00:56:30,333 --> 00:56:31,708
Felipa, what are you doing?
1230
00:56:32,083 --> 00:56:33,542
Felipa.
1231
00:56:37,125 --> 00:56:38,458
Fuck!
1232
00:56:44,959 --> 00:56:47,083
Ron Ron,
I told you to knock that off.
1233
00:56:47,083 --> 00:56:50,083
You're gonna mess around
and put a hole in
the back of your neck.
1234
00:56:50,083 --> 00:56:52,125
So, you're just
telling me stuff, huh?
1235
00:56:52,125 --> 00:56:53,250
You told me?
1236
00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:54,291
Yeah, I told you.
1237
00:56:54,291 --> 00:56:55,625
You told me?
1238
00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:56,458
Yes.
1239
00:56:56,458 --> 00:56:57,875
KID: Okay.
KID: Okay.
1240
00:56:57,875 --> 00:56:59,125
Okay.
1241
00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:00,458
JOSE: That's it, Ron Ron.
1242
00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:01,959
Wear those pants, brother.
1243
00:57:01,959 --> 00:57:04,166
That way you tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.
1244
00:57:05,750 --> 00:57:07,417
You know something?
Watch this.
1245
00:57:08,041 --> 00:57:10,041
Keko, check this out.
1246
00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:13,625
I'm in this contest
where I keep my
hand on this damn car,
1247
00:57:13,625 --> 00:57:15,125
so I can win for the family.
1248
00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:16,750
I'm a little thirsty now.
1249
00:57:16,750 --> 00:57:19,209
I want you to go get
me one of those beers,
1250
00:57:19,209 --> 00:57:20,333
open the top,
1251
00:57:20,333 --> 00:57:22,083
and put the beer on my lips,
1252
00:57:22,083 --> 00:57:23,708
and pour it in my mouth.
1253
00:57:23,708 --> 00:57:25,167
Now!
1254
00:57:25,167 --> 00:57:26,500
KEKO: Bullshit!
1255
00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:29,417
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,
1256
00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:32,542
put it on your lips
and pour it down your throat?
1257
00:57:33,125 --> 00:57:34,458
Never mind, baby.
1258
00:57:34,458 --> 00:57:36,458
He trippin'.
RON RON: Shantaysia!
1259
00:57:36,458 --> 00:57:40,708
I need you to snap
a cap for me right now!
1260
00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:41,708
I don't think so.
1261
00:57:43,209 --> 00:57:44,834
God damn!
1262
00:57:44,834 --> 00:57:48,000
Wow! What a beautiful thing.
I mean, look.
1263
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:52,042
Every creed, race, and creed
1264
00:57:52,042 --> 00:57:54,959
just hanging loose. It's...
1265
00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:58,125
I wanna give a speech.
1266
00:58:03,542 --> 00:58:05,000
Uh...
1267
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,000
So, you gonna make
that speech, hopper,
or what?
1268
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,250
Well, I gotta write
something down first.
1269
00:58:11,708 --> 00:58:13,208
That man is
out of his mind.
1270
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,583
He's a lunatic, man.
1271
00:58:16,542 --> 00:58:18,375
What's up, guys?
Yeah.
1272
00:58:18,375 --> 00:58:20,209
What's up, Charlie?
1273
00:58:20,209 --> 00:58:21,625
You smell what
I'm stepping in?
1274
00:58:21,625 --> 00:58:23,291
JOSE:
Smell something, brother.
1275
00:58:23,291 --> 00:58:25,125
Yeah,
the kids used to say that.
1276
00:58:25,125 --> 00:58:27,209
What kids used to say that?
I don't...
1277
00:58:27,209 --> 00:58:29,333
I heard a couple
of kids say it.
1278
00:58:29,333 --> 00:58:31,333
JOSE: Hey, Charlie, man.
1279
00:58:31,333 --> 00:58:33,333
I see your hybrid's got
all the latest gadgets,
man, that's pretty cool.
1280
00:58:33,333 --> 00:58:36,042
It's like Star Trek.
1281
00:58:36,042 --> 00:58:37,875
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1282
00:58:37,875 --> 00:58:41,000
You got one of those
special force fields.
What do they call it?
1283
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,125
Pussy deflector.
1284
00:58:43,250 --> 00:58:45,000
Charlie, where were you?
1285
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,625
I was in the lake,
washing up.
1286
00:58:46,625 --> 00:58:48,792
Yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?
1287
00:58:50,417 --> 00:58:53,667
♪ Did you wash
behind your ears?
1288
00:58:56,208 --> 00:58:58,542
♪ Wash behind the ears
1289
00:58:58,542 --> 00:59:01,583
♪ Why don't you
shut the fuck up? ♪
1290
00:59:01,583 --> 00:59:03,625
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.
1291
00:59:03,625 --> 00:59:06,125
I mean, even your
tent has skid marks.
1292
00:59:06,125 --> 00:59:08,917
And don't be too
stingy with the Lever 2000.
1293
00:59:08,917 --> 00:59:12,291
Maybe you should call them
and see if they've
got a Lever 10000.
1294
00:59:12,291 --> 00:59:13,750
Dude, what are you
talking about, man?
1295
00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:15,166
That's pheromones.
The chicks dig that.
1296
00:59:15,166 --> 00:59:16,708
RON RON: Jose does smell.
1297
00:59:17,792 --> 00:59:19,209
You got that right.
1298
00:59:19,209 --> 00:59:20,792
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.
1299
00:59:21,583 --> 00:59:22,834
What?
1300
00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:25,625
Thank you.
Wait. There's the switch.
1301
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,583
Hey, y'all.
1302
00:59:27,583 --> 00:59:30,250
Jose's BO smell so bad,
1303
00:59:30,250 --> 00:59:32,250
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.
1304
00:59:34,750 --> 00:59:37,125
You get it?
'Cause it's the Right Guard,
that's what it's called.
1305
00:59:37,125 --> 00:59:40,083
And he smells,
so he needs both sides of it,
'cause there's the left...
1306
00:59:40,083 --> 00:59:42,084
Yeah, they got it.
They got it.
1307
00:59:42,084 --> 00:59:44,125
Y'all didn't like that one?
Okay,
I got another one for you.
1308
00:59:44,125 --> 00:59:49,458
What is the flattest surface
that you could
iron anything on?
1309
00:59:51,042 --> 00:59:52,583
A white girl's ass.
1310
00:59:53,708 --> 00:59:55,333
See, that's true.
1311
00:59:55,333 --> 00:59:57,792
Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit!
1312
00:59:57,792 --> 01:00:01,083
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.
1313
01:00:01,667 --> 01:00:02,834
Yeah.
1314
01:00:02,834 --> 01:00:03,959
Yeah, yeah.
1315
01:00:03,959 --> 01:00:05,458
Mind if I do a little tucking?
1316
01:00:05,458 --> 01:00:07,875
JOSE: I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.
1317
01:00:07,875 --> 01:00:09,667
Hold on, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.
1318
01:00:09,667 --> 01:00:11,333
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You check it out.
1319
01:00:11,333 --> 01:00:13,125
We got
a challenge on the play,
ladies and gentlemen.
1320
01:00:13,125 --> 01:00:14,959
Yeah.
1321
01:00:14,959 --> 01:00:16,458
Yeah, my bad.
1322
01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:18,208
I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.
1323
01:00:18,208 --> 01:00:20,209
I got one, I got one.
1324
01:00:20,209 --> 01:00:21,500
All right...
1325
01:00:21,500 --> 01:00:24,542
Okay, y'all. What's 9
inches long and white?
1326
01:00:25,792 --> 01:00:28,209
Anybody
1327
01:00:28,209 --> 01:00:29,792
Not a damn thing!
1328
01:00:33,542 --> 01:00:34,542
Really?
1329
01:00:34,542 --> 01:00:36,000
Really? I call bullshit.
1330
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,209
Yeah?
1331
01:00:37,209 --> 01:00:40,542
Check out this
masterpiece of dickery.
1332
01:00:41,083 --> 01:00:43,042
No. No.
1333
01:00:43,042 --> 01:00:45,125
All right, all right.
Fine, fine, fine.
Give me that horn.
1334
01:00:45,125 --> 01:00:47,167
See? That's how it starts.
Give me the horn.
1335
01:00:47,167 --> 01:00:49,834
And now Charlie has
taken the bullhorn,
ladies and gentlemen.
1336
01:00:49,834 --> 01:00:51,375
This
competition is heating up.
1337
01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,250
Let's see what he's got.
1338
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:55,166
Did you hear about
the black guy
and the Mexican guy
1339
01:00:55,166 --> 01:00:57,083
that opened
a restaurant together?
1340
01:00:57,083 --> 01:00:59,083
WOMAN: No.
It's called Nacho Mama.
1341
01:01:00,542 --> 01:01:02,458
Wait.
1342
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,208
Hey,
what happens when a white guy
1343
01:01:04,208 --> 01:01:06,167
with a boner
walks into a wall?
1344
01:01:06,167 --> 01:01:08,041
What?
He breaks his nose.
1345
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:14,250
Franklin.
1346
01:01:14,250 --> 01:01:15,125
Franklin,
he takes the bullhorn.
1347
01:01:15,125 --> 01:01:17,000
All right.
1348
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,083
Why do white
people love hockey?
1349
01:01:20,083 --> 01:01:21,417
Why?
Why is that?
1350
01:01:21,417 --> 01:01:23,208
Because if they
can't be a cop,
1351
01:01:23,208 --> 01:01:25,166
that's the only
chance they get
to beat something black.
1352
01:01:26,042 --> 01:01:27,542
Oh!
1353
01:01:29,167 --> 01:01:31,500
In your face!
1354
01:01:31,500 --> 01:01:33,209
What do you call
a black man in a suit?
1355
01:01:33,209 --> 01:01:34,625
What?
1356
01:01:34,625 --> 01:01:35,917
The defendant.
1357
01:01:39,166 --> 01:01:42,834
I got one,
I got one, you guys,
wait for this. Ready?
1358
01:01:42,834 --> 01:01:45,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
looks like the pole dancer
1359
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,625
wants to enter
the competition.
1360
01:01:46,625 --> 01:01:49,041
She's teeing it up,
let's see what she's got.
1361
01:01:49,041 --> 01:01:53,542
What do you call a black...
Wait...
1362
01:01:54,583 --> 01:01:57,125
Oh!
And Daisy Duke's got nothing.
1363
01:01:57,125 --> 01:01:59,500
You know, fuck this shit.
1364
01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:01,917
All right. Well, there's some
good news and bad news.
1365
01:02:01,917 --> 01:02:04,417
While she had the bullhorn,
ratings spiked,
1366
01:02:04,417 --> 01:02:07,875
but the bad news is
everybody's IQ went down.
1367
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:16,083
JOSE: Okay, all right,
all right. I got one for you.
1368
01:02:16,083 --> 01:02:18,959
Hey! What do white
women make for dinner?
1369
01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:20,042
What?
1370
01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,166
Reservations.
1371
01:02:24,875 --> 01:02:26,875
Oh, no, and ladies
and gentlemen,
1372
01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:29,667
the park rangers
are getting involved
in the competition.
1373
01:02:29,667 --> 01:02:31,625
And either this
brother is colorblind
1374
01:02:31,625 --> 01:02:34,333
or he is just flat out helping
the wrong family.
1375
01:02:36,083 --> 01:02:37,208
You sure about that?
1376
01:02:37,208 --> 01:02:39,209
They'll love it.
1377
01:02:39,209 --> 01:02:42,208
When a black and
a Mexican are in a car,
who's driving?
1378
01:02:43,291 --> 01:02:45,458
Who?
The cop.
1379
01:02:49,208 --> 01:02:53,000
Yeah, okay,
brother, go on, check on out.
Okay, thank you.
1380
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:56,041
Yeah,
you can go on and clock out.
Thank you.
1381
01:02:56,041 --> 01:02:58,708
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.
1382
01:02:58,708 --> 01:03:01,375
Let's see if he can
pull one out for his team.
1383
01:03:01,375 --> 01:03:05,042
All right.
Why do white folks
have so many pets?
1384
01:03:05,042 --> 01:03:06,250
Why?
1385
01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:07,708
'Cause they can't
own people anymore.
1386
01:03:09,500 --> 01:03:12,208
Boom! Drops the bullhorn.
That's right.
1387
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,041
Hey! Ya, ya, ya!
1388
01:03:16,041 --> 01:03:17,875
Ya!
1389
01:03:17,875 --> 01:03:19,166
Hey, hey, hey!
1390
01:03:20,417 --> 01:03:22,875
What's going on, everybody?
1391
01:03:22,875 --> 01:03:24,125
My name is Johnny Jon-John.
1392
01:03:24,125 --> 01:03:25,375
I'll be running
the intervention.
1393
01:03:25,375 --> 01:03:27,375
And it is for Charlie Jones.
1394
01:03:27,375 --> 01:03:28,917
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is there a Charlie Jones...
1395
01:03:28,917 --> 01:03:30,125
No, no, not now.
1396
01:03:30,125 --> 01:03:32,125
An intervention for me?
1397
01:03:32,125 --> 01:03:36,250
No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.
1398
01:03:36,250 --> 01:03:37,875
I should have
seen you a mile away.
1399
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,458
Yes, sir,
let's get right to it.
1400
01:03:39,458 --> 01:03:42,250
Anybody want to speak
up about this joker?
1401
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,834
Okay. I'll go.
1402
01:03:45,834 --> 01:03:48,667
All right.
This is an intervention.
1403
01:03:48,667 --> 01:03:50,834
Tenth one's free.
Another joke we do.
1404
01:03:50,834 --> 01:03:52,375
I like to lighten
the mood a little bit
1405
01:03:52,375 --> 01:03:54,250
when someone's
heading to the grave.
1406
01:03:54,250 --> 01:03:57,875
Your family put
together a list of things
you've done while drunk.
1407
01:03:57,875 --> 01:04:00,000
They've put together a list?
Yeah.
1408
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,083
That's how it works.
1409
01:04:01,083 --> 01:04:02,375
Give us the short list.
1410
01:04:02,375 --> 01:04:06,083
Let's see.
You burned down a farm,
1411
01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:09,291
with a barn and three cows?
1412
01:04:09,291 --> 01:04:11,375
They were goats.
They were goats.
1413
01:04:12,167 --> 01:04:13,834
Only goats.
1414
01:04:13,834 --> 01:04:16,041
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.
1415
01:04:16,041 --> 01:04:17,417
♪ For he's a jolly... ♪
1416
01:04:17,417 --> 01:04:19,834
No, you're horrible.
I'm kidding again.
1417
01:04:19,834 --> 01:04:23,875
It keeps going.
You got drunk at a carnival
and you shot a fireman?
1418
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,125
CHARLIE: He was off-duty.
1419
01:04:25,125 --> 01:04:27,375
And a bit shifty.
1420
01:04:27,375 --> 01:04:29,250
Oh. Okay,
"off-duty and shifty."
1421
01:04:29,250 --> 01:04:30,542
He was shifty.
1422
01:04:30,542 --> 01:04:32,375
Sounds to me like
you're enabling.
1423
01:04:32,375 --> 01:04:36,000
That's a pretty big
word for something
that I'm not really doing.
1424
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,708
You unbolted
the Ferris wheel, too?
1425
01:04:37,708 --> 01:04:41,458
Yeah, it's a wheel,
so it could roll away.
1426
01:04:41,458 --> 01:04:43,792
To give it a head
start for the next town.
1427
01:04:43,792 --> 01:04:44,625
Hello?
1428
01:04:44,625 --> 01:04:45,959
You shaved a librarian's head?
1429
01:04:45,959 --> 01:04:47,750
She may have had lice.
1430
01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,084
All right, and you pushed
your cousin Bobby
down some stairs.
1431
01:04:51,084 --> 01:04:52,333
He had lice.
He had lice.
1432
01:04:52,333 --> 01:04:54,458
Right. He's got
the RID and the comb.
1433
01:04:54,458 --> 01:04:56,125
All right,
you did him a favor.
1434
01:04:56,125 --> 01:05:00,625
Did you shoot
72 bottle rockets
at your old high school?
1435
01:05:00,625 --> 01:05:03,125
Let's just say that I
enhanced its curb appeal.
1436
01:05:03,125 --> 01:05:04,917
And most of them were duds.
1437
01:05:04,917 --> 01:05:06,417
Over 50%?
Duh!
1438
01:05:06,417 --> 01:05:08,834
Holy shit,
what am I doing here?
1439
01:05:08,834 --> 01:05:10,208
What a waste of my time.
1440
01:05:10,208 --> 01:05:12,041
This guy seems fine to me.
You single?
1441
01:05:13,167 --> 01:05:15,792
Uh... I...
1442
01:05:15,792 --> 01:05:18,417
I am,
but now that you mention it,
1443
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,458
I was,
1444
01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:25,125
but a few hours ago, I'm...
Now I'm not...
Not... No.
1445
01:05:25,125 --> 01:05:26,333
Final answer?
1446
01:05:26,333 --> 01:05:28,000
Final answer.
1447
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:30,166
I wasn't even talking to you.
I was talking to her.
1448
01:05:30,166 --> 01:05:32,208
Me? Holy God.
1449
01:05:32,208 --> 01:05:34,375
Sounds like a no.
CHARLIE: You know what?
1450
01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:36,959
This, this, this...
This whole "event"
1451
01:05:36,959 --> 01:05:39,291
can mange my taint.
1452
01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:41,792
I don't need
this intervention.
1453
01:05:41,792 --> 01:05:43,542
Well, I fucking
don't need it either.
1454
01:05:43,542 --> 01:05:45,500
All right,
I'm Audi like five thouty.
1455
01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:48,209
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.
1456
01:05:48,209 --> 01:05:50,875
It's nice out here.
I'm joking!
1457
01:05:50,875 --> 01:05:54,084
This place is fun if
I was the Zika virus.
1458
01:05:54,084 --> 01:05:55,917
Uber!
1459
01:05:55,917 --> 01:05:57,625
What the hell
was that all about?
1460
01:05:57,625 --> 01:06:00,042
Look, son, we didn't mean to.
1461
01:06:00,042 --> 01:06:01,583
Shit.
1462
01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:03,500
Took my hand off the car.
1463
01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:07,208
Yeah. So, now it's
just me and Mr. Jonas.
1464
01:06:07,208 --> 01:06:08,875
JOSE: Oh, no,
Papi's going to swat the fly.
1465
01:06:08,875 --> 01:06:10,000
No, no, no.
1466
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:12,042
Papi, Papi, Papi, wake up!
What are you doing?
1467
01:06:12,042 --> 01:06:13,625
Pop!
What?
1468
01:06:13,625 --> 01:06:15,542
Dad.
You let go of the door, Pops.
1469
01:06:16,291 --> 01:06:18,500
I won! I won! I won, I won!
1470
01:06:18,500 --> 01:06:21,583
We won! Oh, my gosh!
I've never won
anything before!
1471
01:06:23,542 --> 01:06:25,458
We won?
1472
01:06:25,458 --> 01:06:28,166
Hey, I'm gonna
give that speech now!
1473
01:06:28,166 --> 01:06:31,166
We are the champions!
1474
01:06:32,209 --> 01:06:35,417
You cannot deny a Jones!
1475
01:06:35,417 --> 01:06:38,291
With a family-first attitude,
1476
01:06:38,291 --> 01:06:40,834
we fought for victory,
1477
01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:43,125
and we girded our loins,
1478
01:06:43,125 --> 01:06:44,542
and marched to infamy.
1479
01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:46,084
Yes!
1480
01:06:46,084 --> 01:06:49,041
We are number one!
1481
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:52,125
Is it raining?
1482
01:06:52,125 --> 01:06:54,542
Well, we won.
1483
01:06:54,542 --> 01:06:57,166
But it was kind of fun
the way it turned out.
Why doesn't everybody stay?
1484
01:06:57,166 --> 01:07:01,209
I agree!
Let's just everybody stay
and enjoy the weekend.
1485
01:07:01,209 --> 01:07:02,875
All right, we'll stay.
1486
01:07:02,875 --> 01:07:05,375
But you gotta be
able to keep a leash
on your son Charlie.
1487
01:07:05,375 --> 01:07:07,792
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
1488
01:07:07,792 --> 01:07:09,583
What the hell
did that just mean?
1489
01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:14,375
Madonna, some pendejo tied
a pinche mosca on my shirt.
1490
01:07:15,041 --> 01:07:17,000
With a blonde hair.
1491
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:18,250
The whites cheated.
1492
01:07:18,250 --> 01:07:20,209
Hey, I mean, come on, now.
1493
01:07:20,209 --> 01:07:24,125
The whites cheated
and now Charlie is
after my son Franklin.
1494
01:07:24,125 --> 01:07:25,917
What?
What?
1495
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,291
Pops,
what are you talking about?
1496
01:07:27,291 --> 01:07:28,834
Come on, now, Franklin.
1497
01:07:28,834 --> 01:07:30,959
I mean,
you should have told me
that you were gay.
1498
01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:34,750
I mean, is that why
you don't want
to run for mayor?
1499
01:07:34,750 --> 01:07:36,625
Are you kidding?
I'm not gay.
1500
01:07:36,625 --> 01:07:38,625
And if I was gay,
I could get way
better than Charlie.
1501
01:07:38,625 --> 01:07:40,291
You think I'm after Franklin?
1502
01:07:40,291 --> 01:07:41,792
And a drunk!
1503
01:07:41,792 --> 01:07:42,917
Okay, okay.
1504
01:07:42,917 --> 01:07:44,917
You might have me
on the drunk thing.
1505
01:07:44,917 --> 01:07:46,500
But you're out of your mind.
1506
01:07:46,500 --> 01:07:48,875
Everybody knows that
Franklin's in
love with Felipa.
1507
01:07:48,875 --> 01:07:50,875
What?
What?
1508
01:07:50,875 --> 01:07:52,417
Oh, Charlie.
1509
01:07:52,417 --> 01:07:55,959
Even me,
the huge drunk, could tell
14 seconds after I got here.
1510
01:07:55,959 --> 01:07:59,042
And you still don't see it?
Felipa.
1511
01:08:01,667 --> 01:08:04,084
Papi, I've been
meaning to tell you.
1512
01:08:04,084 --> 01:08:05,375
Yes, okay?
1513
01:08:05,375 --> 01:08:08,041
Franklin and I
have been dating
for over a year.
1514
01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,625
What?
What?
1515
01:08:09,625 --> 01:08:11,417
You need to keep your son away
from my daughter.
1516
01:08:11,417 --> 01:08:15,166
Hey, no, no.
You ain't calling no shots
in my family, El Chapo.
1517
01:08:15,166 --> 01:08:16,708
Well, Pop, calm down.
1518
01:08:16,708 --> 01:08:19,750
No, no, no, and you.
I can't believe this, son.
1519
01:08:19,750 --> 01:08:24,333
You've been
sneaking around with her
behind my back, and lying,
1520
01:08:24,333 --> 01:08:28,125
and standing up Shantaysia,
who is hot to trot.
1521
01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,792
Wow. "Hot to trot"
isn't accurate.
1522
01:08:29,792 --> 01:08:31,792
FRANKLIN: Okay, fine.
1523
01:08:31,792 --> 01:08:35,250
I came up here because
we all needed to get together.
1524
01:08:35,250 --> 01:08:38,250
I love Felipa.
That is my girl.
1525
01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:39,792
That is why
we are all here.
1526
01:08:39,792 --> 01:08:41,583
I don't know where
the white family came from,
1527
01:08:41,583 --> 01:08:44,166
but that's why our
families are here.
We planned it.
1528
01:08:44,166 --> 01:08:45,542
But you know what I hate?
1529
01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:46,959
Camping is what I hate.
1530
01:08:46,959 --> 01:08:49,959
I knew it,
I knew it, I fucking knew it!
1531
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:52,291
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.
1532
01:08:52,291 --> 01:08:54,125
♪ Franklin's not perfect
1533
01:08:54,125 --> 01:08:55,834
♪ He is a dumbass
1534
01:08:55,834 --> 01:08:57,291
♪ He fuck with Felipa
1535
01:08:57,291 --> 01:08:58,792
♪ I fucking knew it
1536
01:08:58,792 --> 01:09:00,625
♪ And I thought
he was gay, too ♪
1537
01:09:00,625 --> 01:09:03,000
This camping can
jump up my ass.
1538
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,208
These Jurassic Park mosquitoes
can jump up my ass.
1539
01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:07,667
Sleeping in my car at night,
1540
01:09:07,667 --> 01:09:09,209
waiting for somebody
to come and kill me...
1541
01:09:09,209 --> 01:09:10,291
Can jump up your ass.
1542
01:09:10,291 --> 01:09:11,458
Exactly.
Right.
1543
01:09:11,458 --> 01:09:12,834
All this can jump up my ass.
1544
01:09:12,834 --> 01:09:14,417
Well, if you're
going to act that way,
1545
01:09:14,417 --> 01:09:16,250
then why did we say
we'd let you stay?
1546
01:09:16,250 --> 01:09:17,458
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1547
01:09:17,458 --> 01:09:19,000
Let us stay?
Let us stay?
1548
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:21,875
Those whites cheated.
1549
01:09:21,875 --> 01:09:24,250
And we're going
to win this contest
and kick you out.
1550
01:09:24,250 --> 01:09:26,166
Yeah, man,
the hell with all you guys.
1551
01:09:26,166 --> 01:09:27,542
Final contest.
1552
01:09:27,542 --> 01:09:29,209
Winner or go home.
Yeah.
1553
01:09:29,209 --> 01:09:31,042
Let's get it on.
Let's get it on.
1554
01:09:31,042 --> 01:09:32,125
Come on.
1555
01:09:32,125 --> 01:09:33,000
Pues, vamos.
1556
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:34,750
Let's do this.
1557
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:36,000
Go this way.
1558
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:37,667
It's game over,
tacos and Schlitz.
1559
01:09:40,167 --> 01:09:41,583
Hey, hey, gather around here.
1560
01:09:41,583 --> 01:09:45,417
I'm Peter Gaulke,
and I'm one of
the original spectators,
1561
01:09:45,417 --> 01:09:47,458
so I think I'm
probably most qualified to
1562
01:09:47,458 --> 01:09:50,125
describe what we're
about to witness here.
1563
01:09:50,125 --> 01:09:54,959
This obstacle course race
is 2 miles total,
give or take a mile or two.
1564
01:09:54,959 --> 01:09:57,375
And it's through the woods,
1565
01:09:57,375 --> 01:09:59,125
and then you gotta
get past that lake,
1566
01:09:59,125 --> 01:10:02,250
and then make it
up to that clearing
way up there,
1567
01:10:02,250 --> 01:10:04,125
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.
1568
01:10:04,125 --> 01:10:06,417
So, what do you say we
all just sit back here,
1569
01:10:06,417 --> 01:10:08,792
and let's enjoy the show.
1570
01:10:08,792 --> 01:10:10,125
RON RON: Y'all ready for this?
Let's do this!
1571
01:10:10,125 --> 01:10:12,542
Let's do this.
1572
01:10:12,542 --> 01:10:15,000
Let's... Okay, everybody,
here are the rules.
1573
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:16,000
Rules?
Yeah.
1574
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:17,917
No rules! Ready, set, go!
1575
01:10:19,250 --> 01:10:21,500
Hey! You got dirt on my shoes!
1576
01:10:21,500 --> 01:10:23,041
Yeah!
1577
01:10:26,042 --> 01:10:28,375
Move, move.
Move, move!
1578
01:10:28,375 --> 01:10:30,041
I'm comin' after you!
1579
01:10:36,125 --> 01:10:37,500
I want to stay.
1580
01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:39,750
Yeah, why do parents always
have to ruin everything?
1581
01:10:39,750 --> 01:10:40,875
I don't want to go.
1582
01:10:40,875 --> 01:10:41,917
Me either.
1583
01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:44,041
Wait, I have an idea.
1584
01:10:44,041 --> 01:10:45,500
Rolie,
you still have that map?
1585
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:47,000
Does a bear shit
in the woods?
1586
01:10:48,166 --> 01:10:50,125
Yes, young man, it does.
1587
01:10:50,125 --> 01:10:52,291
ALL: Ew!
1588
01:10:52,291 --> 01:10:53,542
He's gross.
1589
01:10:53,542 --> 01:10:55,500
He smokes too much weed.
1590
01:10:55,500 --> 01:10:58,042
One time he got so baked,
he tried to take his
pants off over his head.
1591
01:10:58,042 --> 01:10:59,083
What?
1592
01:10:59,083 --> 01:11:00,375
It's an old Woody Allen joke.
1593
01:11:00,375 --> 01:11:02,291
Okay,
so, you see this ridge here.
1594
01:11:02,291 --> 01:11:04,084
It horseshoes
around this mountain.
1595
01:11:04,084 --> 01:11:06,375
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.
1596
01:11:06,375 --> 01:11:09,333
The plan only
works if we can get
to the finish line first.
1597
01:11:09,333 --> 01:11:10,792
Think we can get there first?
1598
01:11:10,792 --> 01:11:12,458
Hell, yeah,
first is my middle name.
1599
01:11:12,458 --> 01:11:14,500
It is?
No, sweetie, it's Olivia.
1600
01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,708
All right, let's do this.
On three.
1601
01:11:16,708 --> 01:11:17,542
One, two, three.
1602
01:11:17,542 --> 01:11:20,333
Break!
Let's go!
1603
01:11:20,333 --> 01:11:23,542
And the black Jones
family is in the lead.
1604
01:11:23,542 --> 01:11:24,875
Hurry up!
1605
01:11:27,125 --> 01:11:28,250
You're killing it, Dad.
1606
01:11:28,250 --> 01:11:29,792
Get your arms down there.
1607
01:11:29,792 --> 01:11:31,125
Get away from me!
1608
01:11:35,458 --> 01:11:37,000
Look, Pop,
I just want to say I'm sorry.
1609
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625
No talking, just winning.
1610
01:11:39,625 --> 01:11:41,959
I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.
1611
01:11:48,084 --> 01:11:49,583
You can't keep up, can ya?
1612
01:11:49,583 --> 01:11:51,250
Look,
you're the one out of shape.
1613
01:11:51,250 --> 01:11:53,458
I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.
1614
01:11:53,458 --> 01:11:55,542
With your old-ass self.
1615
01:11:55,542 --> 01:11:57,542
Hey. Wait.
1616
01:11:59,250 --> 01:12:00,542
Is that a snake?
1617
01:12:00,542 --> 01:12:01,625
Where?
1618
01:12:01,625 --> 01:12:02,708
Right there.
1619
01:12:15,125 --> 01:12:16,667
Oh.
1620
01:12:16,667 --> 01:12:19,333
Shit,
that ain't no damn snake.
1621
01:12:20,417 --> 01:12:22,458
You know,
your scream was kind of
1622
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,166
"hoo-hoo," you know.
1623
01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:28,208
You need to man up,
you know.
1624
01:12:28,208 --> 01:12:29,708
Man up on this!
1625
01:12:31,625 --> 01:12:33,542
FELIPA: I should have
told my family.
1626
01:12:33,542 --> 01:12:36,000
I don't know what happened.
We just fell in love.
1627
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:37,333
Yeah.
1628
01:12:37,333 --> 01:12:39,000
My dad's so furious, though.
1629
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:42,167
Well, girl, your dad
be overreacting, okay,
if you ask me.
1630
01:12:42,167 --> 01:12:43,625
Yep.
I mean,
1631
01:12:43,625 --> 01:12:45,750
it's not a bad thing,
it's kind of a good thing.
1632
01:12:45,750 --> 01:12:46,834
Really?
1633
01:12:46,834 --> 01:12:48,209
I mean, I was in shock.
1634
01:12:48,209 --> 01:12:49,458
I was like, "What?"
1635
01:12:49,458 --> 01:12:51,166
I was clutching my
pearls like I was watching
1636
01:12:51,166 --> 01:12:52,792
Days of Our
Lives or something.
1637
01:12:52,792 --> 01:12:55,291
Like,
"I did not see that coming!"
1638
01:12:55,291 --> 01:12:58,375
But it's a good thing.
Yeah.
1639
01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:00,458
Y'all might make
some little Obamas,
1640
01:13:00,458 --> 01:13:03,209
or something,
little Baracks up in here.
1641
01:13:03,209 --> 01:13:06,417
Girl, all I can say is,
I think your dad's
acting like a big old kid.
1642
01:13:06,417 --> 01:13:10,500
Right. Surprise, surprise,
all the men are
acting like children.
1643
01:13:10,500 --> 01:13:12,208
And speaking of children,
1644
01:13:12,208 --> 01:13:13,417
I cannot hear mine.
It's like...
1645
01:13:13,417 --> 01:13:14,667
Yeah, that is weird.
1646
01:13:14,667 --> 01:13:16,208
They real quiet,
like when I put
1647
01:13:16,208 --> 01:13:17,959
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.
1648
01:13:17,959 --> 01:13:21,750
You know,
they get real quiet then.
1649
01:13:21,750 --> 01:13:24,417
What? I wouldn't
really drug my babies,
that's a joke.
1650
01:13:24,417 --> 01:13:26,667
Okay, okay, I was like...
1651
01:13:27,959 --> 01:13:29,959
Just a little bit,
for a minute.
Okay.
1652
01:13:29,959 --> 01:13:31,708
Kids!
Chuckie!
1653
01:13:31,708 --> 01:13:33,458
Ron Ron!
1654
01:13:33,458 --> 01:13:35,209
Chuckie!
They're not there.
We should go.
1655
01:13:35,209 --> 01:13:36,041
Let's go see.
1656
01:13:36,041 --> 01:13:37,208
Let's try to parent.
1657
01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:38,458
JOSE: Hey!
1658
01:13:42,291 --> 01:13:43,834
SHARNI: Oh, my God!
1659
01:13:51,167 --> 01:13:52,209
Really?
1660
01:13:52,209 --> 01:13:53,208
Seriously?
1661
01:13:53,708 --> 01:13:55,458
What?
1662
01:13:55,458 --> 01:13:57,375
You think they're
going to shoot dollar bills
at you with a T
1663
01:13:57,375 --> 01:14:00,084
No, this is a public service.
1664
01:14:00,084 --> 01:14:04,792
I do this for charity,
not dollar bills,
you drunk.
1665
01:14:06,583 --> 01:14:07,917
All right,
nothing to see here.
1666
01:14:07,917 --> 01:14:09,333
Head down the trail,
down the trail.
1667
01:14:09,333 --> 01:14:10,792
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see here.
1668
01:14:10,792 --> 01:14:12,458
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.
1669
01:14:12,458 --> 01:14:14,750
Okay, I'm up.
Come on, let's go.
1670
01:14:16,209 --> 01:14:18,583
TOMMY: Come on!
Wait for me.
1671
01:14:18,583 --> 01:14:25,166
♪ And the bombs of
war will make you bleed
1672
01:14:25,166 --> 01:14:29,084
♪ When the hugs of love
1673
01:14:29,084 --> 01:14:32,125
♪ Are all you need ♪
1674
01:14:33,291 --> 01:14:35,166
Hey, little buddy!
1675
01:14:35,166 --> 01:14:37,208
You want to sing the chorus?
1676
01:14:37,208 --> 01:14:41,792
♪ The hugs of
love are all you need
1677
01:14:41,792 --> 01:14:44,583
♪ The hugs of love
are all... ♪
1678
01:14:48,291 --> 01:14:50,209
I'm gonna get you!
1679
01:14:50,209 --> 01:14:52,792
You slimy little bastard!
1680
01:15:02,417 --> 01:15:03,917
Do you see them yet?
1681
01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:06,291
Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.
1682
01:15:08,875 --> 01:15:10,542
Hold on! Hold on!
1683
01:15:11,250 --> 01:15:13,042
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
1684
01:15:13,042 --> 01:15:14,625
What?
1685
01:15:14,625 --> 01:15:16,167
What?
1686
01:15:16,167 --> 01:15:17,500
Do you hear that?
1687
01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:19,042
Hear what?
1688
01:15:19,042 --> 01:15:20,542
What is that sound?
1689
01:15:20,542 --> 01:15:22,000
Shit!
1690
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:26,500
Well, maybe it's a bear
or even worse, a monster!
1691
01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:28,542
Damn,
what's behind those bushes?
1692
01:15:28,542 --> 01:15:31,084
What beast is
coming towards us?
1693
01:15:31,084 --> 01:15:32,375
Who are you
1694
01:15:32,375 --> 01:15:35,167
Show yourself!
Ron Ron!
1695
01:15:35,167 --> 01:15:36,542
Shit, worse than I thought.
1696
01:15:37,250 --> 01:15:38,708
Just kidding, baby.
1697
01:15:38,708 --> 01:15:40,375
We're looking for the kids,
they ran off.
1698
01:15:40,375 --> 01:15:42,834
Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?
1699
01:15:42,834 --> 01:15:46,625
Really, I'm just curious,
on what planet
might that be true?
1700
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,125
FRANKLIN: I don't even know
how you got in the lead.
1701
01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:49,708
No, really...
1702
01:15:49,708 --> 01:15:51,083
Uh... Uh... San...
1703
01:15:51,083 --> 01:15:52,667
What?
Shantaysia.
1704
01:15:52,667 --> 01:15:54,291
It's "Shantaysia"?
Can't get it right?
1705
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:56,667
No, I thought it
was "Shantaysia."
What did you think?
1706
01:15:56,667 --> 01:15:57,792
I said that...
1707
01:15:57,792 --> 01:15:59,750
He said it the way
I said it because...
1708
01:15:59,750 --> 01:16:04,417
Anyway, she said
something about the kids
and a finish line.
1709
01:16:04,917 --> 01:16:06,042
Wow.
1710
01:16:06,042 --> 01:16:07,834
Is that a bat?
Really?
1711
01:16:08,542 --> 01:16:09,834
Charlie.
1712
01:16:09,834 --> 01:16:11,458
Is that another bat?
Here we go again.
1713
01:16:11,458 --> 01:16:13,209
I thought you
were going to quit.
1714
01:16:13,209 --> 01:16:15,167
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
1715
01:16:15,167 --> 01:16:17,458
Is that... Is that three bats?
1716
01:16:17,458 --> 01:16:19,291
I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.
1717
01:16:19,291 --> 01:16:22,250
No, no, no.
No booze, no bottle.
1718
01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:26,000
Five. Five bats.
1719
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,500
Oh, my God. Seriously?
1720
01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:29,375
No, no, no, I'm serious...
1721
01:16:31,542 --> 01:16:33,041
Bats!
1722
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,583
What?
We can't stop.
1723
01:16:48,583 --> 01:16:50,125
They say bats get
stuck in your hair.
1724
01:16:50,125 --> 01:16:52,208
No, no, no. That's a myth.
1725
01:16:52,208 --> 01:16:54,000
Total urban legend.
1726
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:55,000
JOSE: Holy shit.
1727
01:16:56,167 --> 01:16:57,250
Charlie, there's a...
What?
1728
01:16:57,250 --> 01:16:59,291
There is a bat on your head.
1729
01:16:59,291 --> 01:17:02,625
Okay, guys, guys, guys.
Come on, I'm not a moron.
1730
01:17:02,625 --> 01:17:04,000
Clearly there's
no bat on my head.
1731
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:05,125
Oh, my God.
1732
01:17:05,125 --> 01:17:06,458
How drunk are you?
Irrelevant.
1733
01:17:06,458 --> 01:17:08,333
I promise you, son,
there's a bat in your hair.
1734
01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:11,208
JOSE: Up in your hair, man.
Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?
1735
01:17:14,708 --> 01:17:17,667
Get it off! Get it off!
Someone get it off!
1736
01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:19,458
Throw rocks at it, everybody.
Throw rocks.
1737
01:17:19,458 --> 01:17:22,208
No, no, no.
Bad idea. Bad idea.
1738
01:17:22,208 --> 01:17:23,458
Ow! Ow!
1739
01:17:25,333 --> 01:17:27,042
Enough with the damn rocks.
1740
01:17:27,042 --> 01:17:28,209
Hit it with the bug racket!
1741
01:17:28,209 --> 01:17:29,208
Yeah!
1742
01:17:32,125 --> 01:17:33,875
Get it, girls!
Get it!
1743
01:17:33,875 --> 01:17:34,875
Get it!
1744
01:17:36,959 --> 01:17:38,834
Not my head, not my head!
1745
01:17:38,834 --> 01:17:39,959
Look, the kids!
1746
01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:41,417
The finish line!
1747
01:17:44,375 --> 01:17:45,750
Hey, thanks, everybody!
1748
01:17:45,750 --> 01:17:46,583
Later, Charlie!
1749
01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:48,959
No, I'm fine. It's all good.
1750
01:17:51,084 --> 01:17:55,458
There was nothing
about that that I liked!
1751
01:18:23,333 --> 01:18:25,125
What the hell?
Oh, my God!
1752
01:18:25,125 --> 01:18:27,291
You kids did this?
1753
01:18:27,291 --> 01:18:29,208
Yeah!
We don't want to go home.
1754
01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:32,333
Us kids get along,
how come you
adults can't get along?
1755
01:18:32,333 --> 01:18:33,708
What?
What?
1756
01:18:34,750 --> 01:18:36,458
KEKO: Well... Wow.
1757
01:18:36,458 --> 01:18:38,500
This is some muddy bullshit.
Yeah.
1758
01:18:38,500 --> 01:18:40,209
But I'm damn impressed.
1759
01:18:40,209 --> 01:18:41,250
RON RON: Yeah, but who's going
to get a whooping first?
1760
01:18:41,250 --> 01:18:42,834
Kids! Not bad.
1761
01:18:42,834 --> 01:18:45,458
You dug a hole,
you filled it with mud
1762
01:18:45,458 --> 01:18:48,167
and made it look
like the trail.
1763
01:18:48,167 --> 01:18:52,166
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.
1764
01:18:52,166 --> 01:18:53,708
You know what's funny?
1765
01:18:53,708 --> 01:18:56,125
Everybody covered
in mud like this,
1766
01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:59,125
you just can't
tell anybody apart.
1767
01:18:59,125 --> 01:19:00,209
There's a lesson in that.
1768
01:19:00,209 --> 01:19:01,000
What?
1769
01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:05,083
A big obvious,
fricking lesson.
1770
01:19:05,083 --> 01:19:07,500
KEKO: Tell it, girl.
Preach!
1771
01:19:07,500 --> 01:19:10,834
So, being that you
can't tell anybody apart,
1772
01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:14,291
the bottom line is this.
1773
01:19:14,291 --> 01:19:16,542
Are you an asshole or not?
1774
01:19:21,083 --> 01:19:22,458
Choose wisely.
1775
01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:24,042
So, let's not be assholes.
1776
01:19:24,042 --> 01:19:26,250
And let's all just
1777
01:19:26,250 --> 01:19:27,959
get along.
Okay.
1778
01:19:27,959 --> 01:19:29,083
KEKO: In the words of
Rodney King, girl.
1779
01:19:29,083 --> 01:19:30,125
MAN: All right.
1780
01:19:32,417 --> 01:19:34,000
What does that mean, baby?
1781
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:35,834
It was just a Latin bonding.
1782
01:19:35,834 --> 01:19:37,041
Got it.
1783
01:19:37,041 --> 01:19:40,417
Hey, that was a really,
really nice speech, Fake Mom.
1784
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:43,333
Oh. Well, that's...
1785
01:19:43,333 --> 01:19:45,834
Still doing the Fake Mom stuff
right after the...
1786
01:19:45,834 --> 01:19:47,208
Cheyenne.
1787
01:19:48,208 --> 01:19:50,875
You called me by my name!
1788
01:19:50,875 --> 01:19:53,042
Sweetheart!
1789
01:19:53,042 --> 01:19:54,458
I'm so touched by the...
1790
01:19:54,458 --> 01:19:56,000
You know, I've
always felt that we had...
1791
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,291
Yeah, that's a bit too much.
1792
01:19:57,291 --> 01:19:58,125
Okay, don't hit on 16, got it.
Don't hit on 16.
1793
01:19:58,125 --> 01:19:59,166
Let's back it up.
1794
01:19:59,166 --> 01:20:02,167
KIDS: Ew!
1795
01:20:02,167 --> 01:20:03,667
TOMMY: Gravy!
KID: Gross.
1796
01:20:03,667 --> 01:20:06,125
They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.
1797
01:20:06,125 --> 01:20:07,458
(ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING)
1798
01:20:07,458 --> 01:20:09,208
I hear the ice cream truck!
1799
01:20:09,208 --> 01:20:10,333
CHARLIE:
That's beautiful, Gravy.
1800
01:20:10,333 --> 01:20:13,042
Hold up. Hey, hey, hey.
1801
01:20:13,042 --> 01:20:14,625
Something's
wrong with my knee.
1802
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,125
Look, you're my brother, okay?
1803
01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:17,625
Yeah, yeah.
1804
01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:19,167
No, listen to me,
I'm talking to you.
1805
01:20:19,167 --> 01:20:20,291
Yes!
1806
01:20:20,291 --> 01:20:21,834
Okay, and I love you, man.
1807
01:20:21,834 --> 01:20:23,959
And someday you are going
to be married, bro.
1808
01:20:23,959 --> 01:20:25,750
'Cause if anybody
can do it, you can.
1809
01:20:25,750 --> 01:20:27,084
You think so?
1810
01:20:27,084 --> 01:20:29,917
I think what he's trying
to say, Pop, is that...
1811
01:20:29,917 --> 01:20:32,333
It's time to propose.
You know, to Charlie.
1812
01:20:35,500 --> 01:20:37,458
♪ Felipa's going
to get proposed to
1813
01:20:37,458 --> 01:20:39,166
♪ Felipa's going to
get proposed to... ♪
1814
01:20:39,166 --> 01:20:41,250
JOSE: You're next!
You're next! You're next!
1815
01:20:41,250 --> 01:20:44,250
Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,
1816
01:20:44,250 --> 01:20:46,125
I think you'd better
handle your business.
1817
01:20:46,125 --> 01:20:49,125
Felipa,
just follow your heart.
1818
01:20:49,125 --> 01:20:50,959
What? Is this...
Are y'all for real?
1819
01:20:52,209 --> 01:20:54,125
Oh!
Is he... Franklin?
1820
01:20:54,125 --> 01:20:55,417
Do it, Franklin.
1821
01:20:56,083 --> 01:20:57,625
Do it, Franklin.
1822
01:21:04,125 --> 01:21:05,125
Will you marry me?
1823
01:21:05,917 --> 01:21:07,083
Yes.
1824
01:21:07,083 --> 01:21:09,166
You will?
Yes, yes, yes!
1825
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:13,583
They're gonna get married!
1826
01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,458
Yes!
1827
01:21:16,458 --> 01:21:17,500
Yeah!
1828
01:21:21,875 --> 01:21:23,166
Down he goes!
1829
01:21:24,542 --> 01:21:25,625
PAPI: Felipa!
1830
01:21:40,333 --> 01:21:44,042
Felipa! I also need help!
1831
01:21:44,042 --> 01:21:46,000
I got you! I got you!
1832
01:21:47,209 --> 01:21:48,625
We're getting married!
1833
01:21:53,625 --> 01:21:54,625
Hey, hey, hey.
1834
01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:55,875
What's with the potato salad?
1835
01:21:55,875 --> 01:21:58,125
What?
I'm sorry. Are you hungry?
1836
01:21:58,125 --> 01:21:59,625
Yeah,
we're trying to whenever.
1837
01:21:59,625 --> 01:22:01,000
We talked about first
base and second base.
1838
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:02,291
Yeah, I knew that.
1839
01:22:03,125 --> 01:22:04,708
Excuse me. Hello.
1840
01:22:04,708 --> 01:22:05,917
Hi. Hi. Hi.
1841
01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:07,000
Everybody.
1842
01:22:07,000 --> 01:22:08,542
I just want to say,
1843
01:22:08,542 --> 01:22:10,667
another Fourth of July.
1844
01:22:10,667 --> 01:22:13,750
Here we are again.
I'm just so happy
that we can all make it.
1845
01:22:13,750 --> 01:22:15,708
Yes. Yeah, right.
1846
01:22:15,708 --> 01:22:16,875
Yeah!
1847
01:22:16,875 --> 01:22:18,291
Yay!
1848
01:22:18,291 --> 01:22:19,875
Too bad Gravy
couldn't make it.
1849
01:22:21,083 --> 01:22:22,583
What? Am I
supposed to be somewhere?
1850
01:22:22,583 --> 01:22:25,834
No, just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.
1851
01:22:25,834 --> 01:22:27,458
We're joking, Gravy.
1852
01:22:27,458 --> 01:22:30,167
Hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.
1853
01:22:30,167 --> 01:22:32,167
Hi, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.
1854
01:22:32,167 --> 01:22:33,417
I'm sorry, wrong group.
1855
01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:37,250
Check out this bad boy.
1856
01:22:37,250 --> 01:22:39,084
Six months sober.
1857
01:22:40,458 --> 01:22:43,792
Look who the good
influence is over here.
1858
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:46,583
It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.
1859
01:22:46,583 --> 01:22:48,458
Looks like a blue condom.
1860
01:22:48,458 --> 01:22:51,708
Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD.
That's what that is.
1861
01:22:51,708 --> 01:22:53,250
Gosh,
I hope you washed that, man.
1862
01:22:53,250 --> 01:22:55,000
Baby, no, no, no.
It's just an onion ring.
1863
01:22:55,000 --> 01:22:56,875
An onion ring?
1864
01:22:56,875 --> 01:22:58,959
Yeah.
You know, like from Mars.
You know, Mars has...
1865
01:22:58,959 --> 01:23:00,125
Mars?
1866
01:23:00,125 --> 01:23:01,708
Did you hear about
the restaurant on Mars?
1867
01:23:01,708 --> 01:23:02,500
What?
1868
01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:04,000
Good food, no atmosphere.
1869
01:23:05,375 --> 01:23:07,500
Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.
1870
01:23:07,500 --> 01:23:10,084
I have a sobriety chip, too.
1871
01:23:10,084 --> 01:23:12,500
There we go. See this? Yup.
1872
01:23:12,500 --> 01:23:17,417
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change
1873
01:23:17,417 --> 01:23:19,667
and the courage to
change what I can,
1874
01:23:19,667 --> 01:23:22,167
and the wisdom to
know the difference.
1875
01:23:22,167 --> 01:23:24,750
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
1876
01:23:24,750 --> 01:23:26,417
Maybe he could
grant you the ability to
1877
01:23:26,417 --> 01:23:28,250
change a light bulb
in the house, right?
1878
01:23:28,250 --> 01:23:30,000
Or put the toilet seat down?
1879
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:32,458
Go, Trophy Mom.
1880
01:23:32,458 --> 01:23:34,583
KEKO: I know exactly what
you talking about.
1881
01:23:34,583 --> 01:23:36,792
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee
1882
01:23:36,792 --> 01:23:38,625
and then it's like
you've fallen into a hammock.
1883
01:23:38,625 --> 01:23:41,000
Booty and everything, all wet.
1884
01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:45,083
Ladies and gentlemen,
and it looks like
the attitudes are heating up.
1885
01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:49,583
Bring out the bullhorns,
it is time to go
at it one more time.
1886
01:23:49,583 --> 01:23:52,041
Round two, one year later.
1887
01:23:53,792 --> 01:23:57,834
Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.
1888
01:23:57,834 --> 01:24:00,333
Yes, it's so heavy.
1889
01:24:02,209 --> 01:24:03,333
Damn!
1890
01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:05,291
Sorry.
1891
01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:06,959
Well, you know. Thank you.
1892
01:24:06,959 --> 01:24:08,500
Very nice. Hey.
1893
01:24:08,500 --> 01:24:11,333
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.
1894
01:24:11,333 --> 01:24:12,625
Go ahead, Franny, show 'em.
1895
01:24:13,792 --> 01:24:14,792
Very nice.
1896
01:24:14,792 --> 01:24:16,041
Hey,
when I become a millionaire,
1897
01:24:16,041 --> 01:24:17,917
that thing's gonna
be huge, all right?
1898
01:24:17,917 --> 01:24:21,042
A millionaire?
I'd be happy if you
were a hundredaire.
1899
01:24:21,042 --> 01:24:25,458
This idiot brother puts
an air foil on the back
of my plumbing van.
1900
01:24:25,458 --> 01:24:27,333
Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.
1901
01:24:27,333 --> 01:24:31,000
Hey, Jose, could you shove
that antenna back
into your love handle.
1902
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,875
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
1903
01:24:33,875 --> 01:24:35,667
Oh, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, yeah. I can do that.
1904
01:24:35,667 --> 01:24:38,458
You know, but I charge
14 bucks for
the premium channels, fool.
1905
01:24:38,458 --> 01:24:41,959
Hey, y'all kids,
keep it down over there! Okay?
1906
01:24:41,959 --> 01:24:43,083
This is not a library!
1907
01:24:43,083 --> 01:24:44,333
Chuckie!
1908
01:24:44,333 --> 01:24:45,583
SARA: Quit it.
1909
01:24:45,583 --> 01:24:47,000
Quit hitting your sister Sara!
1910
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:48,333
Don't! Stop!
1911
01:24:48,333 --> 01:24:49,875
CHUCKIE: Can I hit you, Dad?
Can I hit the dogs?
1912
01:24:49,875 --> 01:24:51,250
SARA: Can I hit a cupcake?
1913
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:53,000
Me, too!
I want to hit one of those...
1914
01:24:55,458 --> 01:24:59,458
All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.
1915
01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:01,792
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Yes?
1916
01:25:01,792 --> 01:25:02,875
I have a toast.
1917
01:25:05,209 --> 01:25:07,125
All that I've
ever wanted to be
1918
01:25:08,125 --> 01:25:09,500
is who I'm becoming.
1919
01:25:09,500 --> 01:25:12,125
Nice.
TOMMY: Hear, hear.
1920
01:25:12,125 --> 01:25:13,875
Cheers.
Hear, hear.
1921
01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:25,125
Uh-oh.
1922
01:25:25,125 --> 01:25:28,000
Hey! Hey, Gunga Din.
1923
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,875
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.
1924
01:25:30,875 --> 01:25:32,583
No way! We have site 16.
1925
01:25:32,583 --> 01:25:34,500
Are you going to
build a 7
1926
01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:35,875
Yeah, right next
to your nail salon.
1927
01:25:35,875 --> 01:25:37,291
Yeah.
1928
01:25:37,291 --> 01:25:38,667
JOSE: Oh, snap!
Y'all hear that?
1929
01:25:38,667 --> 01:25:40,500
What are you
people doing here?
1930
01:25:40,500 --> 01:25:43,041
Finish up
the gardening and go.
1931
01:25:43,041 --> 01:25:47,250
Hey, things are
heating up down there.
I got one. I got one.
1932
01:25:47,250 --> 01:25:50,084
How do you know a Chinese guy
broke into your house?
1933
01:25:50,084 --> 01:25:51,792
How?
How?
1934
01:25:51,792 --> 01:25:53,250
Your homework's
all done and he takes
1935
01:25:53,250 --> 01:25:54,708
an hour to pull
out of your driveway.
1936
01:25:55,917 --> 01:25:57,041
Get it?
1937
01:25:57,041 --> 01:25:58,917
Come on, man. It's funny.
1938
01:25:58,917 --> 01:26:00,042
Did he just say that?
1939
01:26:00,042 --> 01:26:01,041
Yeah, he did.
1940
01:26:01,041 --> 01:26:03,834
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
1941
01:26:03,834 --> 01:26:06,208
What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?
1942
01:26:06,208 --> 01:26:07,417
ALL: What?
1943
01:26:07,417 --> 01:26:09,291
"Hey, Jesus, your cab's here."
1944
01:26:10,792 --> 01:26:12,125
JOSE:
Mine was funnier than that.
1945
01:26:12,125 --> 01:26:13,750
Okay, that's messed up.
Yeah.
1946
01:26:13,750 --> 01:26:17,083
Hey, you guys
still want campsite 16?
1947
01:26:17,083 --> 01:26:19,125
I think we need to
have a little contest.
1948
01:26:19,125 --> 01:26:20,917
Yeah!
1949
01:26:21,542 --> 01:26:22,667
Contest?
1950
01:26:22,667 --> 01:26:23,667
Contest.
1951
01:26:24,375 --> 01:26:26,083
JOSE: It's over now!
1952
01:26:26,083 --> 01:26:28,667
KEKO: No math contest
and no computer
technology contest.
1953
01:26:28,667 --> 01:26:30,125
TOMMY: Yeah, no math and
no science questions.
1954
01:26:30,125 --> 01:26:31,750
Yeah.
130875
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