All language subtitles for Charlotte (2021)

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Thank you very much.

Thank you!

If I wanted to sing
that song so much,

it's because in the words

Serge made me sing:

Une chose entre autres que tu ne sais pas.

Tu as eu plus qu'un autre,
L'meilleur de moi.

So thank you,
Serge Gainsbourg.

Did you make one for everyone?

I have 50 to do.

I love it, it's so...

precious.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

The idea is to look at you
as I never have before,

or have dared to look at you.

Filming you with a camera

is basically an excuse
just to look at you.

That's a brief explanation of...

I see.

...the process, OK?

The background music is nice...

I don't know the song enough
to know when it ends.

Can I Just a

Oh, I should wait?

I know what I'd like to ask you first,

because I feel it strongly,
though perhaps you don't:

we both have a shyness

when we're together.

I don't know where it comes from.

I know that we're...

It's partly due to our personalities,

but I don't think
you have that with Lou

nor that you had it with Kate.

Perhaps not.

But I think this is because...

you were intimidating

as a child...

- Not as a young child?
- Yes.

Very early on.

Very early on.

I felt privileged
to be in your presence.

It wasn't the same as...

It wasn't trivial.

And so...

This is off to a good start.

So it's true that...

I never wanted to do wrong
in regards to you.

I never scolded you the same way

I dared scold Kate,

as people do,

ordinarily,

when they're angry.

You were much more
mysterious to me, like...

uncharted territory.

Your answers always surprised me.

You were very...

You were so private, and so...

so secretive.

I didn't have any clues.

When you were about 14 years old,

I was dying to see you naked.

I did the same with Alice,
who thought it was awful.

I asked to touch your breasts.

I know.

I really wanted to,

but I also knew
you might take it the wrong way,

and say no,

or worse,
you'd feel obligated to say yes,

making you feel
extremely embarrassed.

But I just found you so beautiful
and I wanted to know how it felt

and how you'd developed.

Because you hid your body
at an early age.

You became secretive very early on.

I didn't know whom you were with,

you didn't tell me
if you had boyfriends,

I had no idea.

You replied: "Yes, go ahead."

So I touched you, and I felt...

almost perverse

for asking to touch you,

and that you had to say yes.

I knew it would be the last time

I could ever do that.

And...

I wanted to be tactile with you.

I tried with Alice, but she refused.

Are you very tactile with them?

When they were young, yes.

And in an extremely natural
and strong manner,

it came back with Ben,

but with Alice,
there is a lot of awkwardness.

I don't feel awkward,

but it's awkward
because I sense she's embarrassed.

And with Jo,
I make the most of it.

Of course.

It's fascinating.

They allow you to observe

because it isn't sexual yet

nor is it awkward yet.

Perhaps I wouldn't have liked

my mother asking to look at my body.

I didn't want her to see,

for I felt so anxious

about not developing.

I used to be taller than you,

and now you're taller.

I was wondering if...

being middle children,

you,

me,

and Alice,

we have things in common.

Do we have a bond,
as middle children?

I've wondered that, too.

It seems to me

we have a sort of... sisterhood.

We always mess up with the first,

for me, personally.

Your first reactions have
such an influence on them.

Not as young children,

but as teenagers.

And the second's personality
is so different from the first's.

Yes.

But...

I was quite happy
not to be in first or last position.

You go unnoticed in certain aspects.

You feel more agile, in a way.

Perhaps more agile,

but also...

I think all three of us were very...

privileged by our fathers.

Yes, it's true.

But I sense a lot of jealousy.

I...

It's one of my personality traits

and I see it in Alice, too.

- Jealousy?
- Yes.

You're always making sure
things are fair.

Always counting, in a way.

Yes, I noticed that.

- I saw it...
- You weren't that way?

No, on the contrary,

my father would unfairly
display pictures of me everywhere.

And I sensed that for my sister,

it must have felt...

strange

to have a sister who was

always shining in her father's eyes.

I feel as though I took everything.

And...

And without deserving it.

That's why I have complications

in terms of the guilt I feel,

for I didn't truly

deserve his devotion.

Yes.

- I think you had the same...
- I know.

...place in Serge's heart.

Photographs were a nightmare for me,

at first, being photographed.

Did you enjoy it?

I loved it.

- Really?
- Yes.

Being photographed was so stimulating.

It was so exciting:

the music, the atmosphere, all of it.

I loved it, because I was so young

and therefore always looked pretty.

I didn't care about looking bad.

Yes.

And then, came the...

You start to see yourself.

I really aged these last few years.

In the last two years.

Quite a bit.

You try to tell yourself:
"I don't mind,

"for there are so many women I love

"whose faces
look like an elephant's knees."

I thought I'd get used to
having wrinkles all over,

around my mouth,

A doctor told me yesterday:
"Lips completely disappear

"unless you do something about it."

He removed his mask

and I saw
he'd done something about it.

If I don't do that,

I'll have flat lips, like dad's,

now that I think about it.

At what point do you stop caring?

I think I'm reaching that point
of not caring.

When Kate died
and I fell down the stairs,

I changed a lot physically.

Right before that,
I was doing Arabesque.

I was already older,
but 20 years after it began,

I was still wearing the same dresses.

After that,
I changed a lot physically.

I became a bit more stout and portly.

A lot.

We can no longer wear the same things

forcing us to become a bit blurry.

At one point,
you no longer recognize yourself

in the mirror.

Only when you touch your skin,
but not your reflection.

So... you remove the mirrors,

stop thinking about it, write,

do other things,

try to make people laugh.

Your voice doesn't change,

which is nice,
you can keep singing.

But as far as visual aspects go,

it's best to take off your glasses

so everything is blurry
and won't matter.

What music can we use?

We don't hear it anyways.

- And we won't have the rights.
- That's true.

What about your music?

Oh, how awful!
That would be terrible.

How about some Bach?
Bach? Yes?

He won't sue us?

Bach? No, I don't think so.

Why did you cut your hair short?

Why do you like short hair so much,
on you and others?

It was perfect for the Bataclan,

because I wanted to remove

all my attributes that were feminine

and doll-like.

It was important to me.

As though you had cast off

all those previous pictures of you
we all know.

To move on.

It wasn't quite that dramatic, but...

I wanted people to listen to the lyrics

and how I sang them,

instead of focusing on my appearance.

I see.

I remember, my mother said:

"It's fine, because you look boyish
but watch out,

"or you may soon look like a man."

And I thought:
"Oh no! Perhaps she's right."

Can you say something?

OK, um...

How is your... how are you?

Hold on, let me make an adjustment.

My mum
is the best mummy in the world.

I'm hearing all the sounds
of the station.

Hold on,
I'm going use the original settings.

Can you hear all the conversations?

Well, it's a microphone,
and if I point it at you,

I hear your voice the loudest.

Where are we going?

Where are we going?

To Brittany to visit grandma.

What a funny tripod!

It's really great,
it can bend to any shape.

I see that!
It looks like Andrew's DNA things.

It's true!

Molecules.

Grandma,

I brought some plants.

- To plant?
- Yes, I brought them.

Can I see?

Oh, they're seeds!

So?

"Morning Glory,
my mother's favorite."

Oh, Morning Glory,
that would be lovely.

Uh, very vigorous plant.

Should I keep some for Paris?

No, no. Here is great.

Where and when should we plant them?

So "In open ground
and small shallow holes".

That's good for us.

Weren't you afraid
to have Kate so young?

Not at all.

That's all I wanted.

Every time I couldn't start having her,

I was full of despair.

Found it, grandma.

Did you find it?

- We found some trivial things.
- We found a shovel.

Where are the seeds?

- The what?
- The seeds?

In my hand.

After your marriage failed,

did you feel it was a problem
for your parents?

Or did you accept the separation?

I think my parents understood
and gave me a lot of support.

They knew John Barry
had already had two wives

two children,

that he was a known womanizer,

and that he had
a very seductive personality,

but also very selfish.

My father was the one
who told me he'd left for Rome,

and not alone.

- He's the one who told you?
- Yes.

So I packed my bags,

picked up poor little Kate,

called my parents from a phone booth,

and they told me
to come back right away.

They adored Kate

and I think
they were secretly relieved.

Go on, Jo.

- Try to dig a hole over here.
- Here?

No, no. Keep going!

- Here?
- Yeah.

Is it very hard?

It's horribly dry, isn't it?

That's a lot of water.

The ground was very, very dry.

Do you want some, grandma?

Yes, please.
Would you add an extra egg for me?

Sure.

I think we might need more eggs.

F-R-U-I-T.

- What? You can't say "fruit"?
- No!

- And "banana"or "peach"?
- No problem.

- Apricot?
- Perhaps.

- And in English?
- It's even worse.

- Are you thinking of the truck driver?
- I'm tired of hitchhiking.

I saw a ton of rabbits, Jo.

- Here?
- I saw three rabbits.

You have to come here
around 8 at night.

Maybe before we leave
for the restaurant.

- Why don't you remove these?
- I should.

Was this for the swing?

It was the swing you and Kate
played on in Normandy.

I remember.

You know I'm neurotic
about throwing things away.

But keeping this
is completely pointless.

There isn't even a swing
and it's ugly.

But this isn't a nice part
of the garden anyhow.

I should finish painting the shed.

- But it isn't in a nice spot.
- No.

- You agree? It's too...
- It's too shaded.

It's too cold a spot for the swings.

You don't care about order?

I think order is very peaceful.

I admire it in others.

Yes.

But because I'm incapable
of throwing anything away...

Were you this way in Normandy?
I don't recall.

As early as Paris, and even London.

- Really?
- Yes.

You're going to have a ball
throwing all this stuff away.

But watch out,
because in certain boxes,

you'll find letters
from certain people...

I'll have to sort through them
for you.

And why can't you throw things away?

It's really hard for me.
I think it's a mild illness.

It's crap from a whole lifetime.
I don't know how people do it.

It isn't just memorabilia.

If you open a drawer,
you'll find a distressing accumulation

of dead batteries,

old markers,

children's illustrations,
you don't know whose...

But you remember
the story behind each object.

Yes, even the crap.

At the entrance,
there's a little barbecue grill,

which was a chimney
that Serge had bought for me

that had a small funnel.

I remember,
a chimney with a roof on top.

Well, the chimney fell over,
so did the roof,

and you'll find the remains over there,

with three wheels instead of four
because it was made of cheap plastic.

It stays at the entrance
because I can't throw it away.

When we left for New York with nothing,

it was so nice.

So nice not to have
accumulated more things.

I like when others sort my things
and throw out the old wires,

used coal packaging...

But I wouldn't be able to do it myself.

Remember when Dolly
used to swim here and there?

It was so sweet.

When the day comes, you can do
whatever you want with this house.

- It is a kind house.
- Yes.

Even living here alone,
without Dolly...

Well, in fact,
nothing is fun alone, without Dolly.

- That's true.
- Even in the south of France.

Even in nicer places.

I have a hard time.

It's really hard and so boring.

Going on vacation alone is so boring.

Have you ever tried
making a documentary?

I've had some about me.

- But have you ever made one?
- No.

Because it's...

I have a very specific approach,

however...

I'm starting to understand
what people are always saying,

that you build as you go along.

You don't write a screenplay
beforehand.

If it's alright with you,

I'd like to film
as many short sequences as I can

before September.

Isn't it a bit gloomy here?

No, it's very pretty.

No, it's lovely.

It isn't at all gloomy.

The light here is beautiful.

It's hard to know.
I look fine in this mirror.

That's the flattering mirror.

I once cut my hair in front of it
because it made me look pretty.

Really?

The kitchen scissors were right here,

so I just kept cutting:
"Just a bit more!

"Goodness, what a pretty face!"

The mirror in the veranda
is also flattering.

I know the one.

Then I saw myself in my room:
"I'm a monster! Too late, too late."

Do you remember the first time
you came to New York?

I think it was with Serge...
No, with John Barry!

I don't remember
what he was working on.

And then Los Angeles.

But I don't have
particularly happy memories of it,

nor lasting ones.

Just memories
of being with someone who was...

a bit glorious.

And I trailed behind him.

I've only seen New York with you.

When will Yvan shoot his movie?

Now.

And you're going to be in it?

Yes.

Do you have a nice part?

Yes.

Good.

Will Jo be in it as well?

She'll be in one scene.

Good. He has to capture her
as she is now.

Yes.

Because it'll never be the same.

Varda was right.

- Yes.
- You must capture the present.

That was great.

The last line should be...

More spoken, yes.

Should it be spoken?

- It should be what?
- Spoken.

No, it's should be more interpreted,
more heartfelt, you see?

I understand.

It's perfect.

- OK.
- Very beautiful.

We can do it again if you'd like,
but for me, it's perfect.

I don't like it.

Wasn't there a Bull Terrier?

- No.
- Yes.

I like them better.

I think they're funny!

- Really?
- Of course!

Especially the brindle dogs.

- Like this.
- They're so funny.

You've helped me choose.

I especially like
the one you showed me.

The short-legged
white and brindle one.

He looked so funny, so charming.

I don't know how to do this.

- In regards to Yvan?
- Yes, I don't know how to...

do my own thing

without taking him
into consideration at all.

Maybe he'll love it
when he sees it.

I think so.
I think it'll be like with Milo.

He couldn't stand Milo, the fur, etc.,
but in the end, he loved him.

So give him the options,

so he'll feel like it's his decision.

Yes, that's what I'll do.

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Do you recall
your first time on stage?

I remember the Bataclan
as though it were yesterday.

Is it an old memory to you?

Yes.

It all seems so far in the past.

And we have something
for you Ms. Gainsbourg.

You want to come over here
where it's not raining?

I got you.

And then I have a nice photo,
if you could sign it?

- Yes.
- Who's this to?

You want to put it to my son,
Sean? S-E-A-N.

- S?
- ...E-A-N.

Thank you so much!

I'm really looking forward...

I'm a bartender,
I took the night off.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

You think you could just...

Very grateful.

Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

We're really looking
forward to this. Thank you.

I saw you at the Town Hall
two years ago.

- Oh yeah!
- It was great.

- Thank you!
- Thank you. Goodbye.

Why had you never sung on stage
before that?

Why did you start so late?

It was bewildering.

Until then, I had always pretended.

Everything was lip-synched
on TV shows,

and more-or-less well done.

My lips weren't really moving.

I didn't learn very much.
I didn't take anything seriously.

OK. One more time. Good.

But at the Bataclan,
when Philippe Lerichomme said

I would have to turn around

with a band behind me
to sing in front of people...

What nudity! What panic!

And my voice sounded nothing like

the voice I'd heard in the studio.

But Philippe said:
"It'll sound different with an audience."

I said: "Oh...!"

I practically said:
"How could you have let me do this?"

That's very nice.

Red for you and bold for you both.

Thank you for the compliment.

Is it plugged in?

Please. Is it ok?

For the microphone
for Jane and Charlotte?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Charlotte?

Is this mine?

Would you come over here?

Yes, we're coming.

- Where is the prompter?
- We'll play it as she enters.

Why isn't there a teleprompter?

It isn't working.

Hold on...

Where is Jane's microphone?

Sorry, the microphone
isn't working.

Alright, now it's working.

Jane, step to the side.

Charlotte, stay there.

I don't know how athletes do it.

How do people do premieres

and scary things like this?

Don't move, Jane.

When I played Elektra,
my eyes were completely dry.

I couldn't even cry,
because I was so...

preoccupied with
what the critics thought of me.

- Right!
- So it was horrible.

It wasn't touching or moving.

I was just stricken with fear.

It catches up to you
during certain shows.

And it won't go away.

But you don't seem to have
stage fright anymore.

Since the teleprompter was invented.

It's true, what a revelation!

They're wonderful.

Yes, they're really amazing.

Close call, but it was perfect.

OK, we're done!

Did it go well?

Yes.

Look, I only have one song.

- Grandma has 21.
- I sang at all the wrong moments!

And...

I can't remember any of this.

What can I do?

New York wasn't terrifying this time.

But last time...

At one point,

I ate everything in the minibar.
All the peanuts, etc.

I was sick all night
and didn't sleep a wink.

So I was in a very sorry state.

It was really...

It was...

The result was awful.

Maybe people couldn't tell
from far away.

I begged to have a smaller theater
for two nights

to avoid the stress of Carnegie Hall.

Anyone can get Carnegie Hall,
you just need to fill it.

You rent it.

But it was really beautiful anyways.

All that stress for nothing.

This train is travelling to Brest

and will be stopping in Saint-Brieuc
and Brest, its last stop.

Have a pleasant trip.

Do you ask them if they're dominant?

I think we can ask them.

They must know, they see it.

They roll them onto their backs

and if they stay on their backs,
it means they aren't alpha dogs.

If they refuse to stay on their backs,
like Dora,

they're alpha dogs.

What about Dolly?

I think I could roll Dolly
onto her back.

I see.

It comes down to how you train them.

Yes.

People forget that.
That sweetie you just saw,

will look something like this,
if we're lucky.

Can you bring them anywhere,
to the restaurant?

Not all restaurants.

And Dolly knew it.
She'd see me make a fuss.

Remember in front of the restaurant,
with Yvette and everyone?

I was yelling at the taxi driver,
and she crouched down.

Jo was petting her,

because she understood
it was because of her.

I'm certain she knew.

They don't like it when you yell.

- No, just like children.
- Exactly.

It's another child, in a way.

They're with you all the time,
more than children.

It's the first thing you do
in the morning

and the last thing at night.

And they live for you.

They're a gift from Heaven, truly.

Look at him!
And you said Dolly was fat.

Yes, this male has many traits:
many wrinkles, many...

- I love him.
- Yes, everyone does.

And his babies are beautiful.

They're so tiny!

When was she born?

So they'll be four weeks old
on Tuesday.

Yes, because I had one...

But it's strange,
the resemblance is so...

Where did I put my...?

- We knew you would like her.
- She has a pretty face.

She'll definitely be
bigger than her mother.

You can tell just by her head.
We can see it.

Anyways...

Hello, baby.

Hi, baby.

- Would you like to hold her?
- Yes.

- Is she pretty from where you are?
- Very.

The parents have undergone
cardio tests.

We don't want to breed dogs
that have...

tiny defects, or tiny flaws.

Dolly had
an introverted-eyelash problem.

Yes, "ectopic cilia".

They also had to do an operation
for her breathing.

She had trouble breathing.

I think she was too fat.
We went through Covid together,

and we both gained a lot of weight.

Do yours fart a lot?

- Of course!
- Mine fart all the time.

Especially when we're watching TV
at night!

We'll feed them bread
if we have guests we don't like.

I overfed Dolly,
so I try to be careful now.

Because they love to eat.

Between their regular meals
and leftovers from dinner...

- Oh, yes.
- That isn't good.

I know.

I'm very optimistic.

I generally tend to think
everything will turn out OK.

I don't take things seriously enough,

nor the danger of things.

I love that about you:
your faith in life, in people...

I can't imagine how things
might turn out differently.

No, you simply aren't distrustful.
I think it's great.

Yes, and to get excited about things.

We didn't watch the news.

We can. What time is it?

- It's...
- Shoot! We didn't watch the news.

...6:20 p.m.

Oh! C dans l'air!

Oh, good!

I often didn't feel very responsible.

I behaved more
like a childish mother or a friend.

Perhaps I wasn't responsible enough.

Did the others see this?

No. They didn't ask.

Did Lulu ask?

Lulu asked.
He even did a music video...

not that long ago.

I'd never have come here
if you hadn't asked.

I never thought...

I'd never have dared ask to come.

- Really?
- Yes! Never, in 30 years.

I just assumed it was something
you wouldn't want to do.

No, I didn't feel
I was allowed to do it without you.

That it belonged to you.

Which was only natural, so... no.

I never even took a peek,
even out of curiosity.

But then you no longer feel
you have the right.

No right at all.

Does it smell the same?

It smells the same.

No, nothing's changed.

But you made it sound...

a lot dustier.

It isn't dusty at all.

It's almost like being in a dream.

It's very strange.

His upright piano was here.
Is it important that it's gone?

Well, it only matters to your memories.

But when I was here,
there wasn't this one nor that one.

Only the Steinway.

I don't know if I was still living here,

- because when I came back...
- I think it was after.

And the first album
was Baby Alone in Babylone,

he would play the piano

and set his cigarette on the ashtray
to the left of the piano.

The smoke came directly into my eye.

I coughed or waved my hand
and he said: "So now it bothers you?"

Dear Homme à la tête de choux!
I was convinced he was underneath.

That if a thumb fell, we'd find a bone.

It wasn't inconceivable
to find him in there.

I love this.

I love it so much.

She isn't as smooth.
She's rougher now.

- Because there's a layer of...
- Dust?

No!

It's a bit grainy.

I knew it when it was made of...

not plaster, but a material
that was starting to be...

He called me at rue de La Tour
saying: "You've developed blisters!"

I said: "Sorry?"

It was my statue
that had developed blisters.

He had it smoothed-down.

So now it's...

purer than anything.

The kitchen!

It's so small.

Here is his medicine cabinet.

That's new to me.

All the cans exploded,
one after the other.

They... exploded.
I didn't know that could happen.

You mean, cans of sardines?

Canned food explodes.

In the fridge, I kept...

all that was left,
the chocolate bars...

They must be totally rotten.

They're like prehistoric objects.

Just like Pompei.

Crystallized.

- Will you put up a rope here?
- Yes.

A rope or glass?

- I'm thinking plexi-glass.
- Yes.

Kate used to scratch underneath.

I wonder if
we can still see her scratch marks.

She'd scratch at it?

- Out of rage!
- Why?

Rub your hand over it,
you can feel them.

- When she was furious with Serge.
- Oh?

When she was very young
and he scolded her.

If he said
"close your mouth when you eat"...

- That's crazy!
- Yes.

My little room.

I remember you had papers all over,

and sweets...

Yes.

This hasn't changed.

This was really beautiful.

The chandelier was so low.

When I was nine,
I reached up to here.

I could barely touch it.

It hasn't changed?

No.

Yes. And without the grates...

- Where are the small chairs?
- I don't know.

Everything has disappeared.

Why has it disappeared?

I don't know.

There weren't any spikes
or security measures,

so we were really...

When the bell rang,
Serge would open the door.

Looking back,
it's hard to imagine being so famous

and to have so little security.

It's true.

All my old perfumes.

I wonder if they still smell.

- I had this one specially made.
- It still smells.

Liu.

I don't know where this came from.

- The tapestry?
- Yes.

I remember it well,
because of the torture scenes.

And the people being tortured
are all smiling.

I hadn't noticed.

Oh yes, I see the slashed stomachs.

It's strange
to have spent 12 years here.

Yes, it's a long time.

Very, very happy years.

Very happy.

It's like a dollhouse.

It's so tiny.

I wanted to keep everything, and yet,

I've forgotten everything,

having total amnesia of...

- Of where everything went?
- Yes.

And little by little...

just a vague impression.

It's worth opening.

Definitely!

It's a treasure.

It's a treasure.

But it's strange for me,
it seems like a whole other life.

Yes.

A whole other life.

But it hasn't lost any of its charm,
beauty, or originality.

It's like Sleeping Beauty.

Truly.

Yes, I've always felt
he might come back.

It has a voyeur side to it.

I like the voyeur aspect,
on the contrary.

He would have liked it.

Another part of me wants

to let go of it all.

And to think
it'll keep going without me.

Perhaps it'll be less painful.

Yes.

It will be...

the end of something.

There...

Well done, sweetheart.

I won't offer you any
because it's a special kind of tea.

No, I don't want any of your tea.

Special, special.

- Are you OK?
- Wait.

- This one?
- Yes.

Oh, shit!

It's very small.

That's not it, it's full of chicken!

- Oh, shit!
- I totally forgot.

I can't wait for Alice to come back.

She will.

Sure, sure. You'll have to wait a bit.

I think I'll have to wait a long time.

Maybe not so long...

It's hard to know,
because we have an annoying habit

of thinking that others are like us.

I'm always thinking of
what I'd have said.

But actually, we aren't at all...

We aren't the same.

I'm sure that
what is going through Alice's mind

is probably: "Yes! I'm free!"

Yeah.

I have no idea
what she's going through right now.

She's living her freedom.

- On the bottom or top rack?
- Top, I think.

Careful...

It's such a blessing to have girls,
because they come back.

Along with their romances,
with their children.

And no matter their age,
they come back.

And that is...

such a joy.

Where is Alice?

- Where indeed.
- Where is Alice?

She's waking up.

No. Six in the morning.
No. No. No.

- In her jammies.

Which is our favorite, Jo?

Daisy?

Ruby?

Honey?

Rita?

Poppy?

Rosie?

Bonny?

Sugar?

I really like Daisy.

Daisy and Sugar are your favorites?

And Poppy.

OK. I'll list them by favorite.

Which are your favorites, mum?

Mine are exactly the same.

- What about Ruby?
- I really like Poppy.

So we'll name it Poppy.

But I don't think Dad likes "Poppy".

Shall we let him decide?

If you want.

What will we do with our dogs?

- I'll teach it to pee on the balcony.
- You have to carry them for a month.

- You can't set them down.
- You can't take them anywhere.

I thought he would be glued to me.

He will be,
because you'll be carrying him.

Me too.

You have to...

The storm.

- Poor Charlotte. Are you really cold?
- I lack resistance.

Because I'm chubbier.

No!

It's so pretty!

With the sun right behind you.

If yours was born on August 9

and mine was born on August 17,

that's a difference of... 10 days.

- You thought it was more?
- I did.

Is it OK to drink wine at...
What time is it?

- Oh, it's already 6:45 p.m.
- Well, then!

It's fine!

I'm not crazy about wine.

In general?

Not anymore.

- I used to be quite a big...
- Drinker?

I was going to say worse.

After I was sick, it changed things.

Yes. The taste.

It isn't worth getting sick.

With all the pills and everything,
it isn't worth it.

Are you allowed to drink?

- Not really.
- Did they tell you?

I don't know. They never said.

But there are
strange recommendations, like...

no eating things like Seville oranges.

And I'm not allowed
to eat grapefruits.

And so you suddenly crave grapefruit.

But oh well, goodbye grapefruits!

Because it cancels out the effects?

I think your doctor friend
says it doubles the effects.

Yes.

And the dosages are very specific.

- And it doesn't tire you?
- No.

- You don't feel it?
- No.

I see it as a real lesson,

a life lesson.

- Yes. Well...
- One I hope to have.

We don't have
much of a choice, you know.

But we do!

I haven't had any painful illnesses.

I'm very lucky.

Some people have very painful cancers,
but mine isn't.

I fainted
and had to get to the hospital fast

to be given some...

transfusions, but it wasn't painful.

You had horrible back pain.

I had that mysterious illness
after Kate.

Yes.

The pain was unbearable.

Like razors.

They never figured out what it was.
I don't know.

But I'm also certain
we're capable of anything.

So...

Yes, of creating things.

Probably.

I'm so cold.

Yes, let's go.

- Yes.
- Let's go, if you're freezing.

Can I film you a bit?

No.

I can't?

Oh no!

- There we go!
- Is it working?

Yes. I'm at 1 hour 21 minutes.

You want to put them out?

Can I try?

Shoot.

- I love the noise it makes!
- Burned!

You look like you're at an altar.

Yes. But be careful of the feathers.

You might catch on fire.
Be careful!

We're so careful now.
We didn't used to be so cautious.

Now we're overly cautious
about everything: jumping...

We're much more prudent.

You'll do as you like,
but I think I'm at the end of...

I don't have the energy.

To move?

No, I don't think so.

I was very worried when you...

Really?

Yes, when you wanted to leave here.

I was very happy it didn't work out.

But I think
you like things to stay put.

Yes, it's reassuring.

Of course.

I need to put
everything in your names...

seven years before dying.

So it's time. It's true.

It's like what happened to my father.

His great-aunt died

six and a half years
before she was supposed to.

After that, her children would've had
very little debts to pay.

She died in the summer.

But she was supposed
to die at Christmas.

But they said:

"It's fine, we have a deep freezer."

I remember this story.

So they put Maud in the freezer

and the family doctor
was in on it.

So when they took her back out
at Christmas,

it would've been fine,
but the doctor died.

So they were asked
to do an autopsy.

And they said:

"We found strawberries in her stomach!

"You've all been caught!"

And they said:
"But we have a freezer!"

Isn't that a fine story?

As Mr. Touffet would say...

Yes.

"That's so British."

He said that?

Yes, whenever I'd say
I loved my father so much,

I wanted to stuff him
and sit him on a chair in the kitchen.

He'd say: "That's so British."

Do you have to cook this
in white wine?

Or without anything?

No need to add anything.

Will you have some?

- Yes.
- OK.

- How much would you like?
- Let's see, we'll be...

- How many of us, Charlotte?
- About eight. Eight or ten.

For eight people?

- One kilo.
- OK.

- How is that?
- That's perfect.

The light's fading.

All of a sudden...

We need to hurry, it's starting to...

Because it's behind a sheet.

I don't understand how it'll work.

Maybe I'll go out like this,
I don't think there are any...

When did you take
your first sleeping pills?

When I was married to John Barry.

And I think dad was already
giving me some when I was 16.

And I was 17 when I met John Barry.

At 18, he was giving me two
so I'd stop yammering all night.

But at 16, he'd give you...?

Those were from my father.

Because you couldn't sleep?

Yes.

I've had insomnia
since I was very little.

I know I was very young

and that the family doctor
said to give me whisky.

Yes, and sleeping pills.

- Very young.
- And at boarding school?

There was nothing, unfortunately.
Nothing at all.

So every night in the dormitory:

"Is anyone awake?"

And when no one responded,
when all I heard were snores,

I'd stop asking if anyone was awake.

So you have vivid memories
of not being able to sleep.

Yes, terrible.

And I kept a stock of junior aspirin

that I'd buy at Woolworth's

just in case...

Did it have an effect?

If I took three, or four,
or five, or six... yes.

And...

And then I think pa
gave me one of his pills

and it was great.

And after that...

- You never stopped.
- No.

Did you ever try?

I quit when I was pregnant with...

Not with you.

I think I was taking sleeping pills,
but I'm not 100% sure.

I'm not 100% sure for you.

I know I quit for Lou.

And you were able to sleep?

Well...
I didn't mind not being able to sleep.

I understand.

Can you sleep?
No, not before a premiere in Paris.

I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.

But can you sleep?

Yes, I end up falling asleep.

But last night I woke up at four
from anxiety.

- About this?
- Yes.

I can't let go of that fear.

Do you remember...

going to sleep
with the different men you lived with?

Because now
you're used to living alone.

Yes.

And you have your routine.

But did you have a routine
with each different man?

I suppose so,
but I think I drove John Barry crazy,

because I couldn't sleep,

because I wanted him
to say nice things,

because I wanted him to reassure me.

Which is where I got the idea
for Oh! pardon.

I read it in my diary,
from that time with John.

And then, with Serge,
we were so drunk that...

- Every night?
- We took so many sleeping pills!

We drank like fish.

It was really crazy.

I like this one!

It's very befitting.

Just a little click.

A little click, yes.

It's very soft.

And with Jacques,
you quit drinking alcohol?

I quit drinking alcohol and...

But I didn't quit the sleeping pills.

I recall Jacques being very upset,

because he was terrified of the dark.

So he'd leave the door open a crack
to get a sliver of light.

And it would make me totally crazy.

Plus, I get in a bad mood at night.

My bed had curtains all around.

Oh, that's right!

I understood later on,

after he told me:

"I hated sleeping in the dark,

"and I hated sleeping
with such a heavy blanket."

Because I'd sleep
with suitcases on top of me...

Why?

- I felt safer.
- Because of the weight?

Yes.

I was never able to sleep naked.

I needed to be covered up to my neck,

otherwise
I'm afraid of getting stabbed at night.

I did that too, when I was little,
for the vampires.

Serge thought it was funny,

I was naked all day, but at night...

All bundled up.

Only when Jacques and I separated

did he declare
how much he had hated it.

To him, it was like being in

a "box of death".
What are they called?

- Yes, a... coffin.
- Yes, that's right.

I understand.

Oh, how I understand!

Do you like staying in bed
in the morning?

Worse than that.
If I have nothing to do,

I'll get up, pee, and think:

"I need to wake up,
the alarm went off.

"Who's coming today? No one."
So I'll go back to bed.

I have to tear myself away
from my bed.

Sometimes I'll stay in bed,

if there's nothing to do
and no one to see,

until 3 p.m.

Really?

Yes, it's so tempting.

- So tempting.
- Without doing anything?

Without doing anything.

- It started since Kate.
- After Kate.

Before Kate,
I don't think it ever happened to me.

But after Kate, yes.

I'd stare at the ceiling
and that fabric in my bedroom.

I stared up at that fabric

for two years.

Without...

Without doing anything at all.

But it isn't... demoralizing.

I think it happens to many people
as they get older.

Why didn't you and dad
have another child?

We didn't have another child together,

though I'd hoped for it,
despite everything,

because I didn't want
to be unfair to Kate.

I'd had Kate with John Barry,
and then you.

And I didn't want the balance to be...
unfair to her.

Because we'd have formed a new family.

- You're right.
- And she would have been...

off to the side.

These are stupid thoughts,

No, it's true!

And it's interesting
to have one child per father.

- It's...
- Yes.

There's logic to it.

In the end, yes.

Do you still think of that period?

I've thought back on it so often.

The guilt lasted for years and years.

The doubts, the questions...

When you asked about sleep yesterday,

If I have a hard time sleeping,
it's because I'm rewinding in my mind:

"What if I'd done this differently?
Should I have done it this way?"

About everything!
It happened just yesterday.

All the time. All the time.

I envy those who are "deep sleepers",
as they say.

I think I'm always tormented by...

- Decisions?
- By guilt.

I often wonder if it was all my fault,

if I should have done differently,

in regards to everything.

But don't you feel less guilt now?

No, these questions
run through my mind.

Just last night, I thought:

"I didn't take sleeping pills
while pregnant with Charlotte.

"Why did I say
I took some all the time

"while pregnant with you?"

Looking at images of you
on the swing and all that,

I wasn't taking anything.

Right.

We make up
so many stories in our heads,

sometimes I wonder
if I'm telling the truth, you know?

I've repeated these stories
so many times, they've become...

- the real story.
- Reality, yes.

We start to fear the real stories.

And even human history,

because we convince ourselves
it was one way

but perhaps it happened differently.

Of course, after tragedies,

like Kate,

you rewrite history:
"If I'd called her,

"if I'd taken her along on my tour,

"if..."

You know?

You invent different versions,

even if there's no point,
that's how it is.

And you can go back in time for years
doing this,

wondering if things
would've happened differently

if you had done something better.

Yes.

Of course.

I know I made mistakes,
with both of you, you and Lou.

I didn't think of you enough.

In what sense?

Of your distress.

I was so wrapped up in mine.

That's normal.

I judged myself harshly
for a long time because of it.

But it's only normal.

When I think back to...

to the aftermath...

you disappeared,
and it was normal that you did.

I don't think everyone makes
that same mistake.

And it's true that the place...

of a dead child

You speak a lot more of the dead
than of the living.

You purposefully try to include them
in conversations,

rather than pretend
you had two daughters.

No, you had three.

And perhaps
we talk about them even more.

And certainly
with a sense of glorification

in regards to the dead.

You raise them up a notch.

As optimistic as I am,

you suddenly realize
that anything could happen.

Even before it happened,
I often had sleepless nights,

worrying and wondering...

I mean, realizing
I'd put three beings into the world

who would die one day.

But how would it happen?

Would Kate die of cancer?

Would you die in a car accident?

Would Lou...?

All these different possibilities

and the fact that I won't be there
to comfort you.

I won't be there.

I put you in orbit...

And what? Just to bugger off?
So...

not being able to be there for you.
And yet...

the real nightmare is being here.

I haven't seen this or any other video
since Kate died.

I have so many Super 8 films.

I don't have the courage,
for all my memories of vacations

are obviously with her.

Of course.

All those winters, Christmases...

So I don't dare watch them.

Maybe it'd do me good.

I'm not sure.

- It's like a whole other life.
- Exactly.

In fact.

- Yes.
- Because it's...

- I'd rather not watch this.
- No, don't look.

We can stop.

This documentary
will have made me so sentimental.

I have Jo in mind
and her "I love you's".

The more I look at you,

the more I love you.

I have always loved you.

But it is so much clearer to me now.

Why do we learn to live
without our mothers?

It seems to be a purpose in life:

to free ourselves at any cost.

I don't want to free myself.

I want to cling on.

I don't trust myself.

Why?

I wish I were like you.

Having faith in life
seems to be your philosophy.

To live without mistrust.

To believe in humanity, in people.

To be curious about everything,
close to everything,

to everyone,

without any filters.

In my current state,

I need you to teach me to live,

to teach me again,
as if I hadn't understood before,

as if it were just a rehearsal.

I'm scared of your illness,
scared of your age,

scared of time that never stops
and passes by too fast.

My words are tactless,

but should I pretend
nothing will happen?

That you will be by my side forever?

That a life without you cannot exist?

We'd like to think
that there is no fear,

that there is peace, serenity.

We'd like to talk about it,
yet not at all.

It's only to feel reassured.

Today, I seek out
any reassuring detail I can find

that will bring me
tranquillity and warmth.

I find them in you,
through your touch.

I want to make the most of this luck,

and make it last.

Didn't expect this...

In my face...

Thank you.