All language subtitles for BostonLegal.2.08.AssFatJungle

Hey!

Hey, pal!

Jeez, what,
what are you doing?

Thank you.

Night terrors?

I haven't had them in years.

Usually it's
brought on by distress.

Maybe it's my
breakup with Tara.

You jump off balconies?

I could where I
happen to be living.

I see images of someone or

something after me
and in my sleep, I run.

–It's awful.
–Last week it was clowns.

Denny…

how would you feel
about sleeping with me?

Next to me, until this passes,

just to make sure I
don't leap off the 14th floor.

You'll do anything
to get me into bed.

Denny, night terrors, they can

be potentially
life-threatening.

Because we're friends,

I'm gonna tell you something
that nobody else knows.

I'm homophobic.

I'm stunned.

Look, I'd do
almost anything for you,

but I cannot share my bed.

Be a man. Get a girl.

Ass fat!

Pardon?

Tori, let me.

She gets upset.

Okay, Tori and I
have been friends

since I won't
even tell you how long,

so when we decided
to have our lips done…

–We had our lips done.
–We did our research.

And we found the
best lip man in Boston.

Reputed to be the best.

–Yes, and he
doesn't use collagen

He doesn't use
collagen, instead…

Instead he sticks a
hollow needle into you,

you know, back there,

and he removes a sample
of fat from the buttocks.

–Lasts longer than collagen.
–Oh, totally natural.

He then injects
it into the lips,

making them
youthful and lovely.

Very hygienic.

And it was all
good and fine until

one day last
week, we got a call…

We got a call from
his physician's assistant.

She was present at all of the

procedures, not
attractive, not happy.

And she told us
that our doctor…

Oh, God.

… has been injecting his own

ass fat into women's lips.

His own…

Yes. We want to
sue Dr Glouberman.

For fraud.

–Or malpractice.
–Or something.

I have the
man's ass in my face.

Did you say Dr Glouberman,
Dr Barry Glouberman?

She's had work. I told you.

Dr Glouberman is a
client at this firm.

We structured his corporation,
among other things,

so we can't represent you in
any action against him.

Well, that's stupid.

In fact, if you do sue

him, I'll be the one he calls.

I can't represent you.

This whole thing is absurd.

Any number of people could

have run over that old man.

But Jason's the one
about to go on trial.

With an alibi.

Who happens to be his father.

Are you saying that
you don't believe me?

Of course we believe you.

We even believe the part
about the car being stolen.

We believe it all, Ronald.

That's why you pay us.

We're not saying we can't win.

How can you not
win? My son has an alibi.

There's no physical

evidence linking
him to the crime.

–The car.
–Which was stolen.

Jason, do you
have anything to say?

I did it.

Son…

Dad…

I ran that guy over.

I did it.

No, no. I paid that.

On the, uh…

the, uh…

14th.

Yeah, well, my records
clearly show that I did.

Yeah, well…

Yeah, well,
maybe, maybe I'm the

victim of
identity theft, okay?

Okay, maybe, maybe,
I am not who I am, huh?

Have you thought of that?

Obviously, we can't
call Jason to the stand.

We'd be suborning perjury.

I talked to the kid.
He won't admit it again.

Denny, we cannot knowingly put

a client on the stand to lie.

Because?

Fortunately, we
may not have to.

Our only eyewitness
suffers from Alzheimer's.

The state may well not
be able to make their case.

What about the other
witness who saw the car?

Which was stolen.

Oh, right. I keep forgetting.

I'd like you to canvass the

neighborhood one last time,

see if anybody
else saw anything.

In the meantime, Paul, maybe

you could
visit our eyewitness,

see what we're dealing with.

You're the one who will
be crossing her, Shirley.

Those assisted
living places…

I'm sorry, I know

heebie-jeebies
isn't a legal term but…

It needs to be you,

Shirley. You're
trying this case.

You need to
interview this woman.

This is ridiculous.

And the women claim that it's

your old physician's assistant

that's the whistle-blower.

Helen? I had to fire her.

The woman broke a needle three

times in three
different patients.

She was a
danger to my clients.

Barry, calm down.

Yeah, it was either fire her

or send my malpractice

insurance
screaming through the roof.

So then she turns
around and sues me.

Fired for
wrongful termination.

And we took care of that.

This kind of
allegation alone, though…

What am I gonna do?

We need to meet
with this woman,

your ex-nurse,
get her to recant.

It's the best way to head

this lawsuit off at the pass.

She's a vicious,
spiteful, treacherous pig.

That's what she is.

I'm not gonna lead with that.

Do I need to meet with her

alone, or can you be civil?

Oh, are you illiterate
or you just can't read?

You know…

No, “final notice” means that
it's the final notice.

Otherwise it would
say, “final shutoff.”

Suppose I was in my

apartment hooked
up to a respirator.

I would be dead
right now, okay?

You would be
talking to a dead person.

Melissa?

Would you excuse us, please?

From what I
gather, you seem to be

having some
financial difficulties.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm just a, uh…

a shopper.

You know, there's
a certain power to

being able to buy
anything you want,

and I don't know, have you

been to the
new pottery barrel?

–No.
–No.

If you get their
catalog, turn to page 37.

That's my bedroom.

Would you like to earn
some extra money, Melissa?

Uh, how?

I have a condition.

It's called night terrors.

During the deepest
levels of non-REM sleep,

I hear voices,
terrifying voices,

and sometimes I run.

Since I'm sound
asleep when I'm running,

this puts me in
significant physical danger.

I need somebody
to guard me at night.

When you say “guard”…

I need you to lie
in the bed with me.

Should I get up to
run outside, stop me.

How stupid do you think I am?

So you'll think about it?

Lydia, this is
Shirley Schmidt.

–Hello, Lydia.
–Hello.

–Who is she, Toque?
–Shirley Schmidt.

She was going to talk to you

about Albert
being hit by the car.

Yes, I know.

Where's my apple juice?

I'm getting it now.

–Your violets are lovely.
–Ceramic pots.

Never terra-cotta. They
collect salt.

But you're not here for that.

No, I'm afraid I'm not.

Here's a little
one all dressed up.

My granddaughter.

Oh, she's adorable.

What's her name?

You're testing me.

–I'm afraid I am.
–Her name is Julie.

She's dressed as Groucho Marx

from my
favorite movie of 1939,

“At the circus.”

And that boy
committed the crime.

People think I
don't remember things,

and a lot of things I

don't, like
names and so forth,

but traumatic events?

I'll never
forget what happened

outside that
window that night.

It was horrible.

I'm sorry. It must
have been awful for you.

Toque?

This is orange juice.

Oh, they were
out of apple, honey.

But it's always
apple for lunch.

It's okay,
Lydia. Orange is okay.

No, it's not!

Orange is for
breakfast. Apple's for lunch.

It's always apple! Always!

–Can I help?
–Here, let me help.

There's nothing to
do but calm her down.

It's okay, honey. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

I was out walking my dog, when

suddenly I
heard this screech…

and, uh, then a thump.

I turned around.

I saw a white sedan speed off,

uh, with a body at
the side of the road.

–Were you able to get a license plate number?
–Yes.

ZXL3R. Massachusetts plates.

The record will
reflect the parties stipulate

that the license is registered

to the
defendant Jason Matheny.

Thank you, Mr Nasland.

Don't go rough.

He just lost his
grandfather, for God's sakes.

That wasn't his
grandfather who died, Denny.

He's just a witness
who was walking his dog.

Whatever.

Sir, were you able to
see who was driving the car?

–No.
–Thank you.

For the record, the
parties stipulate the car was

reported stolen the
night of the accident.

Too rough?

Standard service agreement

contract, mostly boilerplate.

The language
of what I will and

will not do is quite specific,

so there won't be
any Clintonian mishaps.

“Is” means is.

“No touching, no
cuddling, no sex.”

You've taken out all the fun.

These are my terms.

For that, I will
sleep in your bed

and will make
sure you don't wig out,

and that's it.

I'm not sure the term
“wig out” has legal teeth.

But it is extremely Xeroxable

for all the
partners' windshields.

Thank you, Melissa.

I give you my word I'll honor
all your terms and…

thank you.

I'll see you at 10 o'clock.

Wait a second.
You're denying this?

–Of course I'm denying it.
–Barry…

–It never happened.
–I was there!

Hold on. Barry.

When you say you were there…

I helped him remove his own

fat cells from his buttocks.

–To use on myself.
–Barry…

That's what you said, Barry.

Look, I removed the cells, I

harvested the fat,
and I marked the vials.

And I saw him go
to the vials to use

that fat to
inject into other women.

Then why didn't you say
something if you thought…

Because I first thought it

was with the
patients' consent,

And then I asked a few.
–Asked them what?

Where the harvested fat for

their procedures came from.

They said their own buttocks.

Which is the truth.

Barry… Oh, please!

You're just trying to ruin me.

Barry.

Ms Gershen,
obviously this kind of charge,

when it goes to a person's

profession, is libel per se.

We wouldn't even have
to show actual damages.

I'm no lawyer,
but on the TV shows,

they say truth is
a defense to libel.

I see.

And are you prepared to prove

the truth of
these allegations?

Sure.

May I ask how?

Do DNA on him.
Do it on their lips.

You'll see a match.

Won't she, Barry?

I'm not giving
any DNA samples.

That's, um,
unconstitutional, right?

You met with the
woman, Shirley. Certainly…

I don't want to do
it. It's that simple.

No, it is not that simple.

We have an
obligation as attorneys…

Oh, spare me the speech,
Paul, would you please?

Well, evidently,
you need the speech.

Like it or not, this job

gets dirty from time to time.

What the hell
is going on here?

It's just..

preying on somebody
with Alzheimer's when…

obviously I'm a
little sensitive given…

Given what?

I say a if a woman's
brain has turned to oatmeal,

let's throw in some raisins

and have her for breakfast.

What, you think you have to

handle me with
kid gloves, Shirley?

This case has nothing
to do with you, Denny.

Don't lie to me.

Would you excuse
us for a second, Paul?

I know how terrified you are.

–I'm afraid of nothing.
–Denny…

whether or not
you have some mild

form of Alzheimer's, and
maybe you don't,

there is no
denying your denying.

You walk around saying
you have mad cow disease.

God forbid people
think you have Alzheimer's.

It took your father.

You're afraid it'll take you.

You don't know me, Shirley.

Hell, I don't even know me.

Have you talked
to Alan about this?

Why should I?

Because he's your best friend.

“Do not crowd the afflicted.

Do not chase the afflicted.”

–I'm the afflicted.
–You think?

“Use soothing tones.”

“Say the
afflicted's name gently.”

“Use comforting phrases
such as come back to bed,”

“you are safe, everything is
all right, I am here.”

So how long have you
had these, um, episodes?

Are they, you know, bad?

Have you ever read
“Oroonoko” by Aphra Behn?

–No.
–Neither have I.

–La-di-da.
–By the way, Melissa,

as immune as you are to any

sexual advances on my part,

I have had the occasional

fantasy about
the Michelin man.

People know where I am
if anything happens to me.

Good work.

You can go.

How many patients?

Not too many.

Lie to me
again, Barry, and you

can get
yourself a new attorney.

How many women did
you inject your fat into?

Nine, ten.

30.

You can see,
there's an endless supply.

You injected your fat
into as many as 30 women?

What do I do?
If this gets out,

it's not like I'm a

multidimensional
person with a family.

All I have is my
job, my reputation.

Before we go any further, um,

the injections you gave me

for my chicken pox scars…

do I have extractions from
your buttocks in my face?

Oh, my God.

You didn't want to
harvest your own fat.

The synthetic stuff has only

been FDA-approved for a year.

Some cells are
better than others.

This may sound funny,

but I built my
reputation on my ass.

It's why they all come
to me, however unwittingly.

I would never do
anything to harm a patient.

My fat, Denise,
it's the good stuff.

First…

we are gonna try to settle

with these
women before they sue,

or else your
fat ass is history.

Then I will decide
whether I sue you myself.

I saw Mr Bellows
crossing the street,

and then this
big white car came

racing through the
intersection and hit him.

The car stopped for a
moment and then sped away.

People came
running out screaming.

Mr Bellows was
just lying there.

And did you get a good look at

who was driving the white car?

Yes, I did.

It was that boy over there.

I saw him
through the windshield.

The streetlight was
shining on his face.

One final question.

Have you been diagnosed with
stage four Alzheimer's?

That's what my
doctors tell me.

So I get a little distracted

at times, but I
know what I saw.

That boy hit Mr Bellows
and then drove away.

Thank you, Mrs Tuffalo.

The fact that
she's stage four could

give us reasonable
doubt right there.

Do we really want to
risk alienating the jury?

Don't be ridiculous. We

cannot let that
testimony stand.

Just a thought.

Hello, Mrs Tuffalo.
I'm Shirley Schmidt.

–We met the other day.
–Yes, dear.

–How are you today?
–I'm fine, thank you.

You say you get a
little distracted?

I'm wondering
how little is little?

I know what I saw.

I'm sure you think you do,

but it was dark
and overcast the

night of the
accident, wasn't it?

It was dark.

As for being overcast,
it's seldom sunny at night.

The driver never got
out of the car, did he?

I saw him through
the windshield.

What's my name, Mrs Tuffalo?

It's Shirley Schmidt.

Through the glare of a
windshield on a dark night

from a window well
over a hundred feet away,

you were able to
see my client speed by?

I have very good eyesight.

Don't your nurses have to lay

out your medication
every night

so that you don't
take the wrong pills?

Those pills are so small.

They're right in front of you,

and you can't tell them apart?

I can tell them apart.

What are the
names of the pills?

I don't know or care.

I take what
they tell me to take.

What's my name?

–It's Shirley.
–Shirley what?

–Objection.
–What time do

you typically take your pills?

–8.
–8. You take eight pills every day.

–Yes.
–Objection!

Who is the president
of the United States?

Objection, your honor.

–Overruled.
–What day is it today?

I don't know or
care what day it is.

You don't know what day it is?

How did you get here today?

I…

I took the bus!

You were driven by car.

–What's my name?
–Stop asking me that!

I saw that boy.

–What's that boy's name?
–Shirley!

No, that's my
name, my first name.

–What's my last name?
–I don't know!

I don't know!

Your last name is
whatever it is, damn it!

It's Schmidt.

She couldn't
remember Shirley's name.

Alan, if I'm ever like that…

am I like that now sometimes?

Of course not.

Denny, if you're really this

concerned, you
should get tested.

I did a couple of years ago.

Understood, but to see
if things have progressed.

It could give
you peace of mind.

Or not.

This motion thingy needs to be

signed before we can file it.

Let me get this straight.

She slept with you
because of the nightmares?

Night terrors.
There's a difference.

Wow.

Would you do it with me?

I'm sorry?

If I agreed to get tested,

would you do it, too?

I really don't think I
have Alzheimer's, Denny.

You're afraid of clowns.

You've got the night terrors.

There's something
screwy going on up there.

But the problem
isn't likely neurological.

Oh, okay, I get it.

It was a stupid idea, anyway.

Denny.

Make an appointment.
We'll get tested together.

First of all, we do not admit

that the fat cells harvested

and injected in
your respective lips

were derived from
my client's buttocks.

–That's a horrible opener.
–Horrible. Tori…

That's not settlement talk.

–If I may be
allowed to finish

even assuming the
truth of your allegations…

She's tricky.
Oh, very.

–Tori…
–George…

Ladies, let's hear opposing

counsel before we jump to…

She was supposed
to be our lawyer.

Tori?

My point is, that even had you

known the origin
of the fat cells,

you may very well have

consented to the
injections anyway.

–It's the good stuff.
–Barry!

I'm sorry, but did you just

say what I think you said?

That we would
have said okay to this?

Tori, Kiersten,

there was nothing
in the contract that

stipulated it
would be your own tissue.

All right, this
is nonsense, Denise.

What nonsense.

This is what people do

every day,
especially these two.

They agreed to have human

fat injected in their bodies

or collagen made
from rendered cowskin,

hyaluronic acid
extracted from rooster combs.

They shoot
botulism in their foreheads.

–But we're not
talking about botox

We're talking about
this man's buttocks.

And I agree. It's
not a pretty picture.

But neither are the
blood clots, infections

and scarring you
risk from your tummy tucks

or the bleeding, bruising and

deflation from your
saline breast implants.

How about possible nerve

damage from your face-lifts,

the risk of
blindness from eyelid surgery?

It's all pretty
ugly, but you did it.

You know, Ms Bauer,

you've just painted a pretty
pathetic picture of us,

and maybe we're every bit…

That didn't
give you the right.

We're offering
you $300,000 each.

Now you might get more if you

go to trial,
but you might not,

given your propensity to say

yes to any and
every procedure.

My client is
also willing to treat

you for free for
the rest of your lives.

You might not want to have

anything to do with him now,

but given that
he is reputedly the

best cosmetic
plastic surgeon in Boston,

money and
services, this is an offer

potentially worth more
than a million dollars.

But if you go public or sue,
the offer is rescinded.

She has Alzheimer's disease.

She has trouble remembering a

lot of things,
including names,

little things.

But catastrophic events,

traumatic ones, those sink in.

Which is why she
remains steadfast that

Jason Matheny was
driving the car that night.

And consider this.

If Jason weren't
driving that night,

what a monumental
coincidence then that

Lydia picked him
out of a police lineup.

She just
happened to pick the guy

who owned the
offending vehicle.

Please!

Lydia picked out the defendant

because she saw him that

night through the windshield,

and that's not
changed by the fact

she had trouble remembering
Shirley Schmidt's name.

I don't doubt she
remembered Jason's face.

The police picked him
up as the owner of the car,

plopped him in a
lineup and brought Lydia in.

Now we can't know whether the

police nudged
or influenced Lydia

to select the man they
felt committed the crime,

but it's been known to happen,

especially with a witness

who needs a little assistance.

And that's where
Lydia's Alzheimer's comes in.

Her brain plays tricks on her.

She takes
Jason's face from the

lineup and
transfers it to the car.

Stage four Alzheimer's is a
form of dementia.

We have an eyewitness who not

only couldn't
remember my name,

she didn't know what
day of the week it was,

thought she had
come here by bus

when she had
been driven by car.

She suffers from dementia.

I know we all feel
for her. How could we not?

She's adorable,

seemingly trustworthy,

and our hearts
have to go out to anyone

who has this
insidious disease.

One day we or someone
we know will be her.

More than 1.5 million

Americans suffer
from Alzheimer's.

By the year 2015, that number

could increase to 14 million.

This is not
someone else's disease.

It has or will affect
every single one of us.

And of course, our
heart goes out to Lydia.

But this trial is
about proving guilt

beyond all reasonable doubt,

and that hasn't happened here.

All the
prosecution has given you

is a lone witness who

suffers from
terminal dementia.

Beyond all reasonable doubt?

You know better.

Alan?

Alan, what are you…

Alan!

Whoa, whoa. Do you hear me?

Alan!

Alan!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Okay, okay, here we go.

Alan, Alan!

Okay, Alan, okay.

Alan, come back to bed.

Calm down.

Everything's all right, Alan.

Everything's all
right! You're safe!

You're safe, Alan!

Okay? That's right.

I'm here now, okay?

I'm here.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Okay, you hear me now?

All right?

I'm here, okay?

Okay, you're safe.

Okay, okay.

That's good. No, no worries.

Nothing's wrong.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, yeah, just relax.

I'm here.

I'm not going anywhere.

You'll hear a knocking sound

while we're taking the images.

The main thing is,
remain as still as possible.

Why couldn't
Alan have gone first?

I'm right over here, Denny.

Okay, still as possible, sir.

–You doing okay?
–Fine.

Here we go. Still.

Maybe I should
have removed my…

watch.

Okay.

Your glutamate
levels are about the same.

So is the evidence of plaque.

–But nothing's got worse?
–I don't believe so.

You do show precursors,

so it's important that you

continue to
exercise your brain,

different areas of the brain.

Try writing with your other
hand, do the crosswords.

Is it possible I
have mad cow disease?

We can't rule it out.

They do have some
identical symptoms.

There could be
countless numbers of people

we've diagnosed
with Alzheimer's

who really have
mad cow disease.

See?

Do him now.

I'm afraid a
PET scan isn't going

to tell us why
he's afraid of clowns.

What about the night terrors?
He had one last night.

–Again…
–That's okay. I can come

back later after
a few hamburgers.

You promised
you'd get tested, too.

Denny, those
machines can't test

for the stuff
I've got going on.

–You tricked me.
–Hey, Denny.

You haven't gotten worse.

They agreed to all the terms?

Confidentiality, all of it?

Apparently the
offer of free laser peels

in perpetuity was
just too good to pass up.

You dodged a
nuclear bullet, Barry.

Thank you.

That still leaves open the

question as to
whether I will sue you.

Denise, I am so sorry.

I just want to know why.

Why would you risk
your career, your…

I don't understand.

Look at my face.

In high school,

everybody called me “fat ass.”

I think the idea that it could

ever be
associated with beauty…

I'm obsessed
with beauty, Denise,

obsessed with the
thought that these

beautiful women
would be walking around

with a tiny bit of
Barry Glouberman inside them

and that when people
look at them and admire them,

they'd be admiring a

microscopic
fraction of my physicality.

You need help.

If you do not
agree to get help,

I will do so much
worse than sue you.

You could go to jail.

I'm not kidding, Barry.

I will see you in jail.

I give you my word.

The defendant
will please rise.

Madame foreperson, have you

reached a unanimous verdict?

–We have, your honor.
–What say you?

In the matter of the
commonwealth vs Jason Matheny

on the charge of
vehicular homicide,

we find the
defendant Jason Matheny

not guilty.

Members of the jury, the

court thanks you
for your service.

You are hereby excused.

–Thank you, Shirley.
–You're welcome.

Congratulations, Jason.

Yeah, thanks.

So uh…

that's it?

That's it.

Lydia…

I know what I did was…

it's my job.

Yes, your job
was to secure the

freedom of a boy
who killed somebody.

I…

wish you well.

You too, Ms Schmidt.

I'm sure by this time tomorrow

she won't have any memory

of how despicable you were.

Can I buy you dinner
or something, Shirley?

–Some other time, thank you.
–The thing is,

I'm having
these night terrors.

I'm afraid to
be alone at night.

I don't doubt that
you're afraid, but, Alan,

as much as I
appreciate you vesting

so much responsibility
so early into my job, I…

I just can't handle being in

charge of saving your life.

After last night, I don't
think I could fall asleep.

Okay.

Thank you, Melissa.

You may very well have
saved my life last night.

I know.

You're a really
weird man, aren't you?

It seems so.

Asleep?

Sort of. Difficult day.

I wish I could say there's
been improvement but…

Hey, dad.

It's Shirley.

I won my case in court today.

Not my finest hour.

Not even close.

Well, what
shall we read tonight?

How about “A
tale of two cities”?

We haven't read
that one in a while.

“It was the best of times,

it was the worst of times,”

“It was the age of wisdom, it

was the age of foolishness,”

“It was the
season of light”…

It isn't right.

I tried that night terror

routine on six
different women.

No takers?

It isn't right.

Thanks for coming with me

today. Thanks
for making me do it.

I've always
felt friends should

encourage friends to
have their heads examined.

You okay?

Melissa quit her
moonlighting job.

You're really scared.

Just concerned.

Not to worry.

Oh, all right.

I'll sleep with you in

your room, but not in the bed.

Denny, you sleep like a log.

I'd have to step on
your head for you to stir.

Tie a rope around me.

–You mean it?
–It'll be like a sleepover.

Friends have sleepovers.

We could watch a movie.

–Popcorn.
–Root beer floats.

–Tell ghost stories.
–Talk about girls.

Yeah.

Pretend we're kids.

Pretend we're kids.