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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,924 --> 00:00:24,194 [soft music] 2 00:00:29,834 --> 00:00:32,103 [woman breathes softly] 3 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,989 [breathes softly] 4 00:00:54,361 --> 00:00:56,529 [water running] 5 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,054 [clock ticking] 6 00:01:41,377 --> 00:01:42,912 [huffs] 7 00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:17,148 [sniffles] 8 00:02:27,859 --> 00:02:28,928 [tapping the keypad] 9 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,864 [sniffles, sighs] 10 00:02:39,339 --> 00:02:41,575 -[clock ticking] -[sighs softly] 11 00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:58,191 [Dylan] I don't really know if I could pinpoint, 12 00:02:58,326 --> 00:03:00,262 you know, how exactly the idea came about. 13 00:03:00,396 --> 00:03:03,699 I think that there was one day, you know, and admittedly, 14 00:03:03,832 --> 00:03:06,100 this is one of my more depressing days. [chuckles] 15 00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:08,136 But I was thinking about the idea 16 00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:10,873 about how a cat has nine lives. 17 00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:13,709 And not in a good way, but more in, like, thought. 18 00:03:13,842 --> 00:03:15,345 A cat has to live nine lives! 19 00:03:15,478 --> 00:03:16,846 Like, are you fucking kidding me? 20 00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,782 I mean, I-- 21 00:03:18,914 --> 00:03:20,517 I barely have the wherewithal to live one. [chuckles] 22 00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,050 I sat with this some more, and... 23 00:03:22,184 --> 00:03:23,887 -[cell phone dings] 24 00:03:24,019 --> 00:03:26,256 I thought about how I could create a little show around it. 25 00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:29,460 What eventually came up was, you know, there is a cat 26 00:03:29,593 --> 00:03:32,363 um, who can't think of a single reason to live one life, 27 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:34,498 who is forced to evaluate 28 00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,867 every other cat's wonderful plans 29 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,171 for how they wish to utilize, like, their... blessing. 30 00:03:41,906 --> 00:03:44,709 Yeah, yeah. Because that's how society sees it. 31 00:03:44,843 --> 00:03:45,877 Yeah, exactly. 32 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,345 You know, in their society, 33 00:03:47,479 --> 00:03:48,580 you know, which is not much different 34 00:03:48,713 --> 00:03:50,147 than ours, to be honest. 35 00:03:50,282 --> 00:03:52,551 But, you know, the majority population, like, 36 00:03:52,684 --> 00:03:55,220 has this concept of a god who has, 37 00:03:55,353 --> 00:03:57,054 you know, bestowed upon them, you know, 38 00:03:57,188 --> 00:04:00,259 this gift of nine lives for a reason compared to, 39 00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:02,829 you know, all the other inferior creatures. 40 00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:05,798 So it's-- it's basically the same existential shit 41 00:04:05,932 --> 00:04:07,500 that we go through, just like... 42 00:04:08,099 --> 00:04:09,635 [blows a raspberry] 43 00:04:10,236 --> 00:04:11,637 ...nine times it. [chuckles] 44 00:04:11,771 --> 00:04:14,407 -[applause] -[laughing] This guy gets it. 45 00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:16,777 We'll be right back to talk with this genius 46 00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:17,945 right here after a break. 47 00:04:18,077 --> 00:04:19,680 From Little Kitty kitty litter. 48 00:04:19,813 --> 00:04:22,048 If you have a little kitty and he's a bit of a shitter, 49 00:04:22,181 --> 00:04:23,717 use the Little Kitty litter. 50 00:04:24,485 --> 00:04:26,320 [Zoey] Able to breathe a little bit? 51 00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:30,056 -[exhales deeply] -[laughs] 52 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:33,595 I'm glad you texted, by the way. 53 00:04:33,728 --> 00:04:34,929 Yeah, of course. 54 00:04:35,062 --> 00:04:36,096 I thought we were quickly becoming 55 00:04:36,231 --> 00:04:37,866 the happy-birthday text friends. 56 00:04:37,998 --> 00:04:40,835 Um, so do I need to worry about anyone coming up to us? 57 00:04:40,969 --> 00:04:42,303 Oh, God, no. I'm a writer. 58 00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:43,938 If anyone outside that small legion 59 00:04:44,071 --> 00:04:45,975 knows my face, then run, they're probably a psychopath. 60 00:04:46,107 --> 00:04:47,543 -Fair enough. -[chuckles] 61 00:04:51,747 --> 00:04:54,350 So, to what do I owe this pleasure? 62 00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,084 What could possibly bring you out 63 00:04:56,217 --> 00:04:57,486 -to this godforsaken city? -[chuckles] 64 00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,989 A godforsaken bachelorette party? 65 00:05:00,121 --> 00:05:01,156 Oh, fuck. 66 00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:02,692 -Yeah. -Sounds fun. 67 00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:04,661 -You mispronounce miserable. -[laughs] 68 00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:05,829 That bad, huh? 69 00:05:05,962 --> 00:05:07,631 It's just like some 70 00:05:07,764 --> 00:05:10,099 fucking stupid live for the weekend mentality. It's dumb. 71 00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:12,769 I-- I guess I just hang on 72 00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:15,472 to the whole romanticism of marriage. 73 00:05:15,605 --> 00:05:17,842 And so the idea of giving someone 74 00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:19,310 a bachelorette party is, 75 00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:20,645 you know, their little rite of passage 76 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,281 for their last bit of fun forever. 77 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,349 It's a nice exchange 78 00:05:25,483 --> 00:05:27,285 for spending a lifetime not having to be alone. 79 00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:30,688 There's something different about you, 80 00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:33,157 and I'm just wondering if it's what I think it is. 81 00:05:37,194 --> 00:05:38,597 Nose job. 82 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:41,333 Botox, breast implants. 83 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,637 You're not a virgin anymore. 84 00:05:47,307 --> 00:05:48,675 Fuck you. You're fucking not. 85 00:05:48,808 --> 00:05:50,743 -You better give me details. -No details. 86 00:05:50,877 --> 00:05:52,312 What? A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell? 87 00:05:52,445 --> 00:05:54,581 More like a gentleman hasn't. 88 00:05:54,981 --> 00:05:56,416 -Oh. -Yep. 89 00:05:56,549 --> 00:05:57,917 Sorry. Usually just bring it up right away. 90 00:05:58,051 --> 00:05:59,586 No, that's fine. 91 00:05:59,719 --> 00:06:01,054 I told myself I wouldn't bring it up because, you know, 92 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,556 I didn't want to be a downer. 93 00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:04,458 [groans] You're not a downer. 94 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,629 This is it. 95 00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:10,798 Fuck off. 96 00:06:11,799 --> 00:06:13,199 [Dylan chuckles] 97 00:06:24,913 --> 00:06:26,414 Ta-da! 98 00:06:29,149 --> 00:06:30,518 [keys jingle] 99 00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:19,071 You, uh... 100 00:07:19,203 --> 00:07:20,639 You want a coffee? 101 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:21,907 Hmm. 102 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:24,376 Cool. [taps the table twice] All right. 103 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:30,214 [Zoey gasps then speaks softly] Yes, yes, yes. 104 00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,051 You're in for a treat, by the way. 105 00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:33,753 -[tap running] -[strums] 106 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,790 -[Zoey] I could use a jolt. -[Dylan] No, no, no... 107 00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:39,893 This is so much more than a jolt. 108 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,329 I... I get to brag a little bit. 109 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,500 I got a new Chemex and burr grinder 110 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:51,138 and I got Stumptown beans. 111 00:07:51,272 --> 00:07:55,476 ♪ God, I forgot how pretentious you are ♪ 112 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:58,045 -Pretentious? -My burr grinder. 113 00:07:58,179 --> 00:07:59,513 And Stumpville coffee. 114 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,082 Okay, first of all, it's Stumptown. 115 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,618 -Yeah, whatever. -And second of all, I-- 116 00:08:09,858 --> 00:08:12,194 There's nothing wrong with having taste. 117 00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:14,029 [strums slowly] 118 00:08:14,396 --> 00:08:16,264 [birds chirping] 119 00:08:19,869 --> 00:08:21,437 [sighs] 120 00:08:22,305 --> 00:08:24,240 [sighs softly] 121 00:08:36,487 --> 00:08:38,756 [continues strumming] 122 00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:57,142 [Dylan sighs] 123 00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,910 [both sigh] 124 00:09:05,885 --> 00:09:07,286 [chuckles] 125 00:09:08,587 --> 00:09:10,289 This tastes like fruit taking a shit in coffee. 126 00:09:10,422 --> 00:09:11,824 [laughs softly] 127 00:09:11,957 --> 00:09:13,125 That's what coffee is supposed to taste like. 128 00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,261 -No! -Oh, my God. 129 00:09:14,393 --> 00:09:15,327 You need to get out more. 130 00:09:15,461 --> 00:09:16,962 Mature your palate. 131 00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:27,374 [laughing hysterically] 132 00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:31,344 So, how are you? 133 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:34,181 -I'm good. -Oh, God. 134 00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:36,417 -Is that how we're gonna do it? -All right, all right. 135 00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:38,186 I don't know what you want me to say. 136 00:09:38,319 --> 00:09:39,620 Well, don't answer me like you're a fucking bank teller. 137 00:09:39,754 --> 00:09:41,189 Like, "How are you?" 138 00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:42,690 "Good. How are you? How's your day?" 139 00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:44,492 I honestly think it's a pointless question. 140 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,027 Like it's fucked if you do, fucked if you don't. 141 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,995 You know, either I say I'm good, you know, 142 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,397 and we carry on with a nice little break from the world. 143 00:09:49,531 --> 00:09:50,866 Or I tell you how I really feel, 144 00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:52,367 and then the mood turns into a bummer. 145 00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:53,869 Oh, my God, it's not a bummer 146 00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:55,637 if I'm the person and I'm asking you. 147 00:09:55,771 --> 00:09:57,273 Yeah, but that's the thing. 148 00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:59,074 Hey, everyone says they want to know, 149 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:00,676 but then as soon as you tell them, they're like... [groans] 150 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,245 ...because who wants to spend time 151 00:10:02,377 --> 00:10:03,912 working through someone else's problems? 152 00:10:04,046 --> 00:10:05,748 Okay, I feel like it depends on the person, though. 153 00:10:05,882 --> 00:10:07,584 For certain superficial relationships, hell yeah, 100%. 154 00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:08,952 I don't actually want to know how you're doing, 155 00:10:09,085 --> 00:10:10,420 but if it's someone you're close to, 156 00:10:10,553 --> 00:10:11,821 isn't that kind of point? 157 00:10:15,058 --> 00:10:17,294 -Maybe I'm wrong. -No, you're not wrong. I just-- 158 00:10:17,427 --> 00:10:19,964 -[cell phone vibrates] -[sighs] 159 00:10:20,464 --> 00:10:21,465 -I got to take it. -I mean-- 160 00:10:21,599 --> 00:10:23,100 [chuckles] 161 00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:26,070 Hello? 162 00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:28,639 Yeah, no, no. I can talk right now. 163 00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:31,508 All right? Hold on a second. 164 00:10:31,642 --> 00:10:32,943 -Let's get you a beer. -Yeah. 165 00:10:33,077 --> 00:10:34,645 Hold on. Let me get-- 166 00:10:35,348 --> 00:10:38,083 Sorry. Let me just get to my desk real quick. 167 00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,085 Okay and-- 168 00:10:41,653 --> 00:10:43,121 Uh, yeah, so not you-- 169 00:10:43,256 --> 00:10:44,556 All right, I'm ready. 170 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,392 Um, so, uh, 171 00:10:47,525 --> 00:10:49,728 I like the esthetic of the heavier set one, 172 00:10:49,861 --> 00:10:53,267 so, ballpark, or something. I was thinking was like, 173 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,735 [Russian accent] Well, I mean, 174 00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,504 do you not believes the father's blessings? 175 00:11:00,573 --> 00:11:02,041 -[chuckles] -Yeah, yeah. 176 00:11:02,475 --> 00:11:06,647 Yeah, maybe a little bit too creepy Russian. [chuckles] 177 00:11:07,214 --> 00:11:09,384 Uh-- but I mean-- 178 00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:12,353 You know, somewhere in that range? [laughs] 179 00:11:12,786 --> 00:11:14,121 I-- I got company here though, 180 00:11:14,255 --> 00:11:16,291 so I'll-- We'll talk about this later. 181 00:11:16,423 --> 00:11:18,058 All right. Talk to you. Bye. 182 00:11:20,395 --> 00:11:22,430 -[Dylan groans] -Wow! 183 00:11:22,664 --> 00:11:24,198 I knew I should've made you wait outside. 184 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,401 Oh, that's fine. No, it's good. 185 00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:26,901 You're just... 186 00:11:27,035 --> 00:11:28,036 [in Russian accent] ...going to ze hell. 187 00:11:28,169 --> 00:11:29,504 [Dylan laughs] 188 00:11:29,637 --> 00:11:32,473 -Is he based on your priest? -Ooh. Um-- 189 00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:35,510 Okay. Fun little Dylan update. 190 00:11:35,643 --> 00:11:37,380 I love Dylan updates. 191 00:11:37,513 --> 00:11:39,481 I'm not Catholic anymore. 192 00:11:43,218 --> 00:11:44,853 You're not Catholic? 193 00:11:46,922 --> 00:11:48,590 [chuckles] I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time 194 00:11:48,724 --> 00:11:51,395 believing this because last time I was in town, 195 00:11:51,528 --> 00:11:53,697 you made me go to mass with you. 196 00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:57,100 You had fun. You got baked in my car before we went in. 197 00:11:57,233 --> 00:11:58,835 Couldn't have done it without it. 198 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,838 Honestly, it made watching you fascinating. 199 00:12:02,605 --> 00:12:04,308 How long has it been? 200 00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:07,545 I don't know. A couple of years. 201 00:12:07,678 --> 00:12:09,281 How? How? 202 00:12:09,414 --> 00:12:10,948 -How? -Yeah, how? 203 00:12:11,082 --> 00:12:14,353 [chuckles nervously] I-- I just stopped believing. 204 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:15,553 Oh, so you're an atheist? 205 00:12:15,686 --> 00:12:18,189 No, no, no. I believe in God. 206 00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:22,127 Um, I just don't think of him as the Almighty, 207 00:12:22,261 --> 00:12:23,895 or, you know, the father. 208 00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:26,198 I don't even know if I think of him as a Him or a being at all. 209 00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:28,800 Maybe just, uh, an energy. 210 00:12:29,801 --> 00:12:32,170 Oh, so you've traded in Catholicism 211 00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:33,805 for New-Agey bullshit? 212 00:12:33,939 --> 00:12:35,741 Okay. I haven't traded in anything for anything. 213 00:12:35,874 --> 00:12:37,877 And don't hit me with that Mercury retrograde bullshit. 214 00:12:38,011 --> 00:12:39,879 [clicks tongue, inhales sharply] 215 00:12:40,013 --> 00:12:41,681 [sighs] Sort of hoped it would have been the serial pedophilia 216 00:12:41,814 --> 00:12:42,982 that would have done it, though. 217 00:12:43,116 --> 00:12:45,785 [chuckles] Yeah. So fucked up. 218 00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:48,489 And believe me, I know how awful this sounds, 219 00:12:48,621 --> 00:12:51,557 um, but I was kind of jealous. 220 00:12:51,691 --> 00:12:53,227 What? 221 00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:55,397 Yeah, I mean, look, I was an altar boy for six years. 222 00:12:55,529 --> 00:12:57,531 I mean, why not me? You know what was wrong with me? 223 00:12:57,664 --> 00:12:59,334 -Oh, you're sick. -No, no. 224 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:00,968 Okay, hear me out. Okay? 225 00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:02,970 If it was inevitable that I was going to be molested, 226 00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:04,671 why couldn't it be at the hands of a priest 227 00:13:04,805 --> 00:13:06,240 so I could at least sue the Catholic Church 228 00:13:06,374 --> 00:13:08,610 instead of my poor white trash cousin? 229 00:13:09,911 --> 00:13:11,780 I mean, yeah, when you put it that way, what the fuck? 230 00:13:11,913 --> 00:13:13,349 -Right? [laughs] -Yeah. 231 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:14,949 I mean, all I have to show 232 00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:16,785 for eight years of being molested is the memories. 233 00:13:16,918 --> 00:13:18,753 Hey, you can blow through settlement money fast, 234 00:13:18,887 --> 00:13:20,121 but memories? 235 00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:21,723 Tell me about it. 236 00:13:25,061 --> 00:13:26,962 Please tell me you don't still talk to him. 237 00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:29,433 Who? Eric? 238 00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:32,902 No, but I don't really talk to any of family anymore. 239 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,339 But you would still talk to him? 240 00:13:36,473 --> 00:13:37,774 Yeah. 241 00:13:38,409 --> 00:13:41,912 I don't know. It's that-- [chuckles nervously] 242 00:13:44,081 --> 00:13:46,116 Can I ask you a personal question? 243 00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:47,951 -[Dylan] Depends. -You don't have to answer. 244 00:13:48,085 --> 00:13:50,053 Just ask the fucking question. 245 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,191 What did he... 246 00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:55,893 Do? 247 00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:57,595 Never mind. That's weird to wonder. 248 00:13:57,728 --> 00:13:59,831 -It's-- Nah. -No, no, no, it's fine. 249 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,600 It's not weird to wonder. Um-- 250 00:14:04,536 --> 00:14:06,305 Everything was limited to... 251 00:14:08,073 --> 00:14:09,208 oral. 252 00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:16,215 The first time he did it it was on my second birthday. 253 00:14:16,349 --> 00:14:19,319 -Fuck, you remember that? -Earliest recorded memory. 254 00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:22,489 Jesus Christ. 255 00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:24,425 It might be the oldest recorded memory of a blowjob. 256 00:14:25,091 --> 00:14:26,726 Definitely the earliest recorded memory 257 00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,995 -of a birthday blowjob. -[chuckles softly] 258 00:14:31,332 --> 00:14:33,066 Hey, tell you what. 259 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,535 Let's talk about something else. 260 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:35,835 Yeah, fair enough. 261 00:14:36,537 --> 00:14:39,541 -How about that beer I teased? -Yeah, where is my beer? 262 00:14:39,673 --> 00:14:41,008 Bring me my beer. 263 00:14:41,142 --> 00:14:44,279 ["Each Time" by Naiqui playing] 264 00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:48,483 [speaks softly] Nice. 265 00:14:48,617 --> 00:14:53,154 ♪ I try to move on It never subsides ♪ 266 00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:57,225 ♪ Here I am frozen Head deep in the tide ♪ 267 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,497 ♪ The spark for you fades There's life in my eyes ♪ 268 00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:05,667 ♪ Lose all common sense When I fight ♪ 269 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:10,340 ♪ And you always hold me closer You find the perfect timing ♪ 270 00:15:10,773 --> 00:15:12,742 [both breathe softly] 271 00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,777 ♪ That I need to fight it ♪ 272 00:15:14,911 --> 00:15:19,248 ♪ Say, you always hold me closer You find the perfect timing ♪ 273 00:15:19,383 --> 00:15:21,318 ♪ I can never Find the strength ♪ 274 00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:23,719 -♪ That I need to fight it... ♪ -Your turn. 275 00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,122 My turn what? 276 00:15:25,889 --> 00:15:27,458 How's the journalism biz? 277 00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:31,028 I quit. 278 00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:32,896 Come again? 279 00:15:34,365 --> 00:15:35,600 I quit. 280 00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:40,238 [chuckles] Do you care to elaborate? 281 00:15:41,239 --> 00:15:43,007 Um... 282 00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,944 -Or not? -[laughs] 283 00:15:46,144 --> 00:15:47,379 Uh... 284 00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:49,914 I don't know. Um... 285 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,084 Have you ever done something intending to help people 286 00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,221 only to run as fast as you can 287 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,156 in the opposite direction to save yourself? 288 00:15:57,591 --> 00:15:59,925 No, that's only because I've given up trying to help people. 289 00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:01,695 -Ha-ha. -[scoffs] 290 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,364 Man, I was really passionate when I started out. 291 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,731 I remember. 292 00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,233 I should have joined the Peace Corps. 293 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,468 -Gotten it out of my system. -[chuckles] 294 00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:10,070 Then what happened? 295 00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:12,473 -It's complicated. -[sighs] 296 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,443 -Okay... -I don't know, I-- 297 00:16:15,676 --> 00:16:18,613 I felt like when I got into it, I was so full of idealism 298 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,247 and this nonsense about 299 00:16:20,381 --> 00:16:21,948 what I was going to do and who I was going to be, 300 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,484 and, you know, you think the world is getting 301 00:16:23,618 --> 00:16:24,885 more progressive and it is. 302 00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:27,188 But even at a liberal ass outlet, 303 00:16:27,322 --> 00:16:28,990 I was still facing the same problems 304 00:16:29,123 --> 00:16:30,492 I would anywhere else. 305 00:16:30,626 --> 00:16:33,462 -Explain. -Okay, here's a good example. 306 00:16:33,928 --> 00:16:36,097 So one of the older women who worked there 307 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:37,798 came up to me after the first few weeks 308 00:16:37,932 --> 00:16:39,668 and asked me how everything was going, right. 309 00:16:40,002 --> 00:16:41,003 And so I'm thinking, 310 00:16:41,136 --> 00:16:42,705 Oh, this lady is so sweet 311 00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:44,540 and yada, yada, yada. You know what she says to me? 312 00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:49,111 She says that I use too many periods in my email 313 00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:52,382 and that a lot of people don't like that 314 00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:55,017 because it comes off as a little abrupt 315 00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:57,588 and unapproachable and in less euphemistic terms, a bitch. 316 00:16:57,721 --> 00:17:00,123 -[laughs] -I'm serious. 317 00:17:00,357 --> 00:17:03,026 So I'm sitting there thinking, "This is fucking ridiculous." 318 00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,561 And then she leaves. 319 00:17:04,695 --> 00:17:07,230 But I honestly found myself starting to 320 00:17:07,364 --> 00:17:10,535 put exclamation points in emails wherever I could. 321 00:17:11,035 --> 00:17:12,437 And then when I started realizing 322 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:14,472 that I was doing that, I thought, "Fuck this." 323 00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:16,508 If I wasn't a woman, this wouldn't be the case. 324 00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:19,009 I would just be seen as decisive and assertive. 325 00:17:19,511 --> 00:17:21,211 -Says the bitch. -Fuck you, I'm serious, 326 00:17:21,346 --> 00:17:24,214 [laughs] I know, I'm sorry, but it's fucked up. 327 00:17:24,649 --> 00:17:27,386 And that's not even the tip of it. I mean-- 328 00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:29,087 I think they mean well, 329 00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:30,589 and I know there are better outlets out there 330 00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:32,491 because I have friends who work at them, 331 00:17:32,625 --> 00:17:34,159 but at the end of the day, 332 00:17:34,293 --> 00:17:36,529 it's still an old, white dude who's the publisher. 333 00:17:36,828 --> 00:17:37,996 Still an old, white dude who's the editor 334 00:17:38,129 --> 00:17:39,699 and then you start getting some 335 00:17:40,031 --> 00:17:43,503 trickle-down diversity to fill some quotas or some bullshit. 336 00:17:43,637 --> 00:17:45,806 Damn. Tell me how you really feel. 337 00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:47,907 [clicks tongue] Uh-huh. 338 00:17:48,742 --> 00:17:50,076 So, that's why you left? 339 00:17:50,943 --> 00:17:52,713 No, I mean-- 340 00:17:53,547 --> 00:17:55,349 I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. 341 00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:57,385 Fair enough. 342 00:17:57,518 --> 00:18:01,121 ♪ Each time that your love Keeps pulling me back in ♪ 343 00:18:01,855 --> 00:18:05,125 Maybe we should drink in public? 344 00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:06,694 Yeah, this is fucking depressing. 345 00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:08,061 [laughs] 346 00:18:08,195 --> 00:18:10,465 ["Fade Away" by Modern Eyes playing] 347 00:18:13,935 --> 00:18:16,137 [whispers] I'll be back. 348 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,259 [muffled music] 349 00:18:37,394 --> 00:18:42,867 ♪ Sit and love me As my eyes fade away ♪ 350 00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,503 ♪ And everything's gone gray ♪ 351 00:18:47,605 --> 00:18:50,140 [breathes deeply] 352 00:18:50,674 --> 00:18:52,976 [muffled heartbeat] 353 00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:55,479 [muffled music] 354 00:18:55,613 --> 00:18:57,282 [doorknob clicks] 355 00:18:58,182 --> 00:18:59,618 I swear to God he doesn't like it. 356 00:18:59,751 --> 00:19:01,453 -[woman 1] Every guy likes it. -No, not Matt. 357 00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:03,187 You guys should have really taken that class with me. 358 00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:05,323 [woman] I'm not paying someone to teach... 359 00:19:05,457 --> 00:19:08,025 [indistinct conversation] 360 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,763 [woman 2] By the way, it has nothing to do with me, okay? 361 00:19:12,465 --> 00:19:14,300 -[woman 3] Good for you. -[women chuckle] 362 00:19:14,434 --> 00:19:16,335 [woman 2] I give amazing head. 363 00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:19,104 -[woman 4] Yes, I like it. -[woman 3] You're a biter 364 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:20,640 [women laugh] 365 00:19:20,773 --> 00:19:22,442 [woman 2] Whoa. I have never had one complaint. 366 00:19:22,575 --> 00:19:25,210 Actually, I have had a standing ovation. 367 00:19:25,344 --> 00:19:26,746 [woman 3] A standing ovation 368 00:19:26,879 --> 00:19:28,482 doesn't count if you're giving it to yourself. 369 00:19:28,615 --> 00:19:30,317 -[women laugh loudly] -[both laugh softly] 370 00:19:30,451 --> 00:19:32,118 -[woman 4] All of you fuck off. -[woman 2] You know why 371 00:19:32,251 --> 00:19:33,353 -he doesn't do it? -You got chronic dry mouth. 372 00:19:33,487 --> 00:19:34,954 [laughter] 373 00:19:35,087 --> 00:19:37,056 [woman 2] Look, his is fucking huge. 374 00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:38,525 He is a giver. 375 00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:40,226 -He likes to give-- -[Zoey laughs] Oh. 376 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,994 [woman 2] Yes, exactly. You know what I call it? 377 00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:43,364 The meat bat man. 378 00:19:43,498 --> 00:19:45,533 -[Zoey] Mmm. -[scoffs] 379 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,404 [Dylan chuckling] 380 00:19:52,373 --> 00:19:53,741 [sighs] 381 00:19:55,042 --> 00:19:56,444 You okay? 382 00:19:56,578 --> 00:19:57,880 Yeah. 383 00:19:58,012 --> 00:19:59,748 Cramps. It's cramps. 384 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,185 [exhales] I like this place. 385 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,721 It's cozy, I dig-- 386 00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:08,390 Yeah, perfect company for drinking alone. 387 00:20:09,023 --> 00:20:10,960 -Run any of these? -Not a one. 388 00:20:11,092 --> 00:20:13,162 I do own, like, four of them. 389 00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,500 [chuckles] And the Japanese actually have a word for people 390 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,168 who have tons of books that they've never read. 391 00:20:19,336 --> 00:20:20,737 -It's-- -I-- 392 00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:22,839 I used to read a lot, but I just-- 393 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,307 I lost the habit 394 00:20:24,441 --> 00:20:26,376 and I'm definitely worse off for it, so... 395 00:20:28,077 --> 00:20:30,848 Of course, nowadays everyone's just on their fucking phones, 396 00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:32,717 so it's pretty hard. 397 00:20:33,684 --> 00:20:35,586 It's probably jarring looking down 398 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,755 and not seeing it glowing back up at you. 399 00:20:38,221 --> 00:20:39,957 "Tsundoku." 400 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:44,262 The habit of buying books, never reading. 401 00:20:45,062 --> 00:20:47,466 [scoffs] To my nerdy friend. 402 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,903 To my cruel and unusual friend. 403 00:20:51,068 --> 00:20:52,404 [exhales] Ah. 404 00:20:52,738 --> 00:20:53,739 To friends. 405 00:20:53,872 --> 00:20:55,407 -[indistinct] -To us! 406 00:20:55,541 --> 00:20:58,410 -Batman. -To meat Batman. 407 00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:06,084 [inhales sharply] Do I get to hear the spontaneous brilliance? 408 00:21:06,218 --> 00:21:08,488 Um, it's actually an idea 409 00:21:08,621 --> 00:21:10,255 I've been working on for a while now, 410 00:21:10,390 --> 00:21:12,124 and you reminded me of it earlier. 411 00:21:12,257 --> 00:21:14,662 And so, you know, I guess I'm just sort of 412 00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:16,530 caught up in that. 413 00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:22,670 What's the idea, Dyl? 414 00:21:23,269 --> 00:21:25,372 It's called SAM. 415 00:21:25,506 --> 00:21:28,709 It's an acronym for Socks Against Monogamy. 416 00:21:29,411 --> 00:21:32,480 -Fuck, yeah, I'm hooked. -Thanks. 417 00:21:34,316 --> 00:21:35,917 Oh, my God. Dylan, elaborate. 418 00:21:36,051 --> 00:21:39,086 [grunts] Okay. You want me to give you the pitch? 419 00:21:39,219 --> 00:21:40,488 Pitch me. I want the full pitch. 420 00:21:40,622 --> 00:21:41,923 Okay. So, 421 00:21:42,057 --> 00:21:44,293 you know how socks are hell-bent on getting lost. 422 00:21:44,427 --> 00:21:46,062 You know, like, it's only a matter of time 423 00:21:46,194 --> 00:21:48,297 before they inevitably get stuck in the dryer, and, you know, 424 00:21:48,431 --> 00:21:49,932 you're stuck with a bunch of different single socks? 425 00:21:50,066 --> 00:21:52,435 -Oh, that struggle, honestly. -[chuckles] Okay. 426 00:21:52,568 --> 00:21:55,571 So, my take is an approach to their world 427 00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:58,139 where that's, like, their rite of passage. 428 00:21:58,374 --> 00:22:00,109 They're born the opposite of us, 429 00:22:00,242 --> 00:22:01,745 you know, together from birth. 430 00:22:01,878 --> 00:22:03,614 You know, and their whole adolescence is built upon 431 00:22:03,747 --> 00:22:05,816 this pretense of separating when they come of age. 432 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,951 So, like, it's sort of the group they graduate to. 433 00:22:08,085 --> 00:22:09,319 It's SAM, you know. 434 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,455 But in my story, there is a pair of socks 435 00:22:11,588 --> 00:22:13,423 that don't want to separate. 436 00:22:13,557 --> 00:22:16,527 You know, they love each other and they don't understand 437 00:22:16,661 --> 00:22:18,830 why there's this emphasis on needing to go through life alone 438 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:22,199 when you can spend it with another person or a sock. 439 00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:23,835 Sorry. And so when it's their time 440 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:28,171 to ceremonially part in the dryer... [chuckles] 441 00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:30,208 ...they decide to say, "Fuck it," 442 00:22:30,342 --> 00:22:32,311 and they stay together. 443 00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:38,249 Oh, I like it. 444 00:22:40,586 --> 00:22:41,887 Yeah? 445 00:22:42,186 --> 00:22:43,856 Yeah. 446 00:22:44,288 --> 00:22:45,625 Good. 447 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,862 How do they fuck? 448 00:22:48,995 --> 00:22:50,463 [laughter] 449 00:22:51,598 --> 00:22:54,100 -They-- They don't-- -Ah. 450 00:22:54,634 --> 00:22:56,235 That's sort of the beauty of it. 451 00:22:56,369 --> 00:22:58,938 You know, they, uh, there's nothing physical. 452 00:22:59,072 --> 00:23:00,641 It's just... 453 00:23:01,008 --> 00:23:02,309 companionship. 454 00:23:05,913 --> 00:23:07,481 Or maybe these are just a few of the reasons 455 00:23:07,615 --> 00:23:09,316 why I'm still a virgin. 456 00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:11,719 You're not the only 28-year-old virgin. 457 00:23:11,852 --> 00:23:14,855 Oh, you guys good? Doing-- Doing well? 458 00:23:14,989 --> 00:23:21,563 ♪ I wanna be everything Everything to you ♪ 459 00:23:23,932 --> 00:23:27,502 ♪ I wanna look in your eyes ♪ 460 00:23:27,636 --> 00:23:30,873 ♪ Without them Looking right through ♪ 461 00:23:32,308 --> 00:23:37,212 ♪ Is that too much To ask of you? ♪ 462 00:23:40,750 --> 00:23:45,722 ♪ Is that too damn much To ask of you? ♪ 463 00:23:49,093 --> 00:23:53,997 ♪ Is that too much To ask of you? ♪ 464 00:23:57,701 --> 00:23:59,536 About the whole 28-year-old virgin thing. 465 00:23:59,670 --> 00:24:01,840 It's cool. I mean... 466 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,876 It's driving me insane. [laughs] 467 00:24:05,009 --> 00:24:06,711 It's literally on my mind constantly. 468 00:24:06,845 --> 00:24:09,647 -Yeah, that's all guys. -All guys want to get laid. 469 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,217 I want to lose my virginity like a fucking teenager. 470 00:24:12,350 --> 00:24:13,752 It's embarrassing. 471 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:16,455 It's not even that big of a deal, Dyl. 472 00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:18,824 Everyone says that, but I think they take it for granted. 473 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,626 Like, how obsessed they were about losing their virginity 474 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,394 when they were in high school. 475 00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:26,298 Have you ever thought about getting a prostitute? 476 00:24:26,432 --> 00:24:28,534 Thought about it. A lot. 477 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,970 -And? -I'm afraid 478 00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:33,440 it would make me depressed if I lost it that way. 479 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,110 -It's not precious, Dyl. -Oh, I know, it's a burden. 480 00:24:37,244 --> 00:24:38,845 [chuckles] I actually-- 481 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:40,981 Here, sit down for this one. [sighs] 482 00:24:41,114 --> 00:24:42,649 -Oh, what? -[chuckles] 483 00:24:43,784 --> 00:24:44,918 I, uh-- 484 00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:48,656 I actually did go to a special kind of establishment once. 485 00:24:49,423 --> 00:24:50,792 Oh. 486 00:24:50,925 --> 00:24:53,494 A story with a happy ending, so to speak. 487 00:24:53,628 --> 00:24:57,532 Oh! The old rub and tug. Do tell. 488 00:24:57,665 --> 00:25:00,768 Okay. So, my buddy told me about this place. 489 00:25:00,902 --> 00:25:02,604 There's this joint, this rundown office building. 490 00:25:02,738 --> 00:25:04,406 So obviously, I made an appointment 491 00:25:04,540 --> 00:25:06,008 as soon as I got home. 492 00:25:06,141 --> 00:25:07,876 [scoffs] So I get there. 493 00:25:08,010 --> 00:25:09,678 And this super cute Vietnamese girl, 494 00:25:09,812 --> 00:25:12,915 she escorts me in and tells me to get ready and... 495 00:25:13,982 --> 00:25:15,717 Oh... 496 00:25:15,851 --> 00:25:17,987 -Well? -It was great. 497 00:25:18,121 --> 00:25:19,389 -But-- -But? 498 00:25:20,023 --> 00:25:23,726 [groans] I went back a week later, all right? 499 00:25:23,860 --> 00:25:26,029 Same place, different girl, still Vietnamese, 500 00:25:26,162 --> 00:25:27,997 still cute, but not happy. 501 00:25:28,198 --> 00:25:31,334 In fact, she was fucking miserable, you know? 502 00:25:31,467 --> 00:25:33,003 She left the door open a crack 503 00:25:33,137 --> 00:25:35,639 while I was getting undressed and I could see her 504 00:25:35,773 --> 00:25:38,609 sucking down a cigarette with her hand trembling, 505 00:25:39,143 --> 00:25:41,045 you know, and she came back in, 506 00:25:41,178 --> 00:25:43,681 the energy was night and day different from the first girl, 507 00:25:43,814 --> 00:25:45,649 The first girl was talking the whole time. 508 00:25:45,783 --> 00:25:47,552 What the fuck was she even saying? 509 00:25:47,686 --> 00:25:49,521 "You're so big. You're so hard." 510 00:25:49,654 --> 00:25:50,989 Okay. None of that from this one? 511 00:25:51,122 --> 00:25:53,892 Nothing. In fact, not only was she silent, 512 00:25:54,025 --> 00:25:56,228 but she looked off to the side of me 513 00:25:56,361 --> 00:25:58,029 while she jerked me off. 514 00:25:58,163 --> 00:26:00,365 So I'm obviously in my head at this point, like, you know, 515 00:26:00,498 --> 00:26:02,434 thinking that I did something wrong, 516 00:26:02,567 --> 00:26:03,936 you know, it's something with me, you know? 517 00:26:04,070 --> 00:26:07,173 But then on my drive home, it hit me, like, 518 00:26:07,707 --> 00:26:09,809 these girls were probably sex slaves. 519 00:26:09,942 --> 00:26:11,544 I mean, I was sure of it-- I didn't know, 520 00:26:11,677 --> 00:26:13,145 but I was sure of it. I felt disgusted-- 521 00:26:13,279 --> 00:26:14,380 Did you report them? 522 00:26:14,513 --> 00:26:16,482 I stopped at a payphone. 523 00:26:16,616 --> 00:26:19,386 Where the fuck is there still a payphone, dude? 524 00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:21,488 -7-Eleven on La Cienega. -[laughs] 525 00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:23,023 At least it was there then. 526 00:26:23,156 --> 00:26:24,658 I even used the made-up voice and everything. 527 00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:26,727 -[laughing hysterically] -[Dyl babbling] 528 00:26:29,062 --> 00:26:30,430 [Zoey] You following me? 529 00:26:31,098 --> 00:26:33,033 I actually had a friend who worked in a parlor 530 00:26:33,167 --> 00:26:34,535 of ill repute. 531 00:26:36,304 --> 00:26:37,705 Actually, no fuck ill repute. 532 00:26:37,839 --> 00:26:39,540 I hold what she does in very high regard. 533 00:26:39,674 --> 00:26:42,043 She is a dakini. 534 00:26:43,211 --> 00:26:45,213 Tantric massage? 535 00:26:45,613 --> 00:26:47,115 -Sting? -Yeah. 536 00:26:47,248 --> 00:26:49,685 So my roommate, Sting, from college was a dakini. 537 00:26:50,619 --> 00:26:52,288 And anyway, I had all these questions for her, 538 00:26:52,421 --> 00:26:55,591 so finally she told me to just come in and see for myself. 539 00:26:55,724 --> 00:26:57,360 I mean, not with her, with another girl. 540 00:26:57,493 --> 00:26:58,727 Dude, this is just what you need. 541 00:26:58,861 --> 00:27:00,763 -Yeah? -Yeah, it's wild. 542 00:27:00,896 --> 00:27:02,598 There's this interesting dichotomy 543 00:27:02,731 --> 00:27:04,534 at play because on one hand, 544 00:27:04,668 --> 00:27:06,903 it's extremely sexy and sensual. 545 00:27:07,037 --> 00:27:09,539 And then on this whole other level, it's this 546 00:27:09,873 --> 00:27:12,609 deep, deep spiritual awakening. 547 00:27:12,742 --> 00:27:14,277 I'm not overstating anything when I say 548 00:27:14,412 --> 00:27:17,247 that I walked out of that room a different person. 549 00:27:17,381 --> 00:27:19,050 How? I mean you had me at sexy, 550 00:27:19,183 --> 00:27:20,685 sensual, spiritual awakening. [chuckles] 551 00:27:20,818 --> 00:27:22,887 Okay, so you get there. 552 00:27:23,422 --> 00:27:24,689 And she greets you at the door, 553 00:27:24,822 --> 00:27:26,590 and it's like she's an old friend. 554 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,494 And she just stares at you 555 00:27:30,795 --> 00:27:33,030 and embraces you, not sexually, 556 00:27:33,798 --> 00:27:35,634 but just human touch. 557 00:27:36,935 --> 00:27:38,603 I mean, that's the beauty of the whole thing, really. 558 00:27:38,737 --> 00:27:40,105 It's all about human touch. 559 00:27:40,238 --> 00:27:41,673 Anyway, she-- 560 00:27:41,807 --> 00:27:43,909 she brought me in and she sat me on the sofa 561 00:27:44,076 --> 00:27:45,477 and she just kind of held me. 562 00:27:45,610 --> 00:27:47,779 Again, a very nurturing way, 563 00:27:47,913 --> 00:27:50,516 you know, asking me what my loves are, 564 00:27:50,650 --> 00:27:52,885 how my day was, what I did. 565 00:27:53,387 --> 00:27:55,021 And then she told me to get in the shower, 566 00:27:55,154 --> 00:27:57,724 which is like a spa setup, so fucking nice. 567 00:27:57,857 --> 00:27:59,492 Anyway, I got in the shower, I had the shower 568 00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:03,029 and I come out in a bathrobe, and she's standing there, 569 00:28:03,663 --> 00:28:05,199 naked, stunning. 570 00:28:06,233 --> 00:28:08,002 And she tells me 571 00:28:08,135 --> 00:28:10,571 to go sit on the massage table cross-legged. 572 00:28:11,473 --> 00:28:14,541 And then she comes and she sits across from me... 573 00:28:16,210 --> 00:28:17,644 and she just looks at me 574 00:28:17,778 --> 00:28:20,849 with the most serene smile. 575 00:28:22,650 --> 00:28:25,587 And she tells me to match my breathing to hers, you know? 576 00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:27,655 [inhales deeply] 577 00:28:28,289 --> 00:28:30,025 [exhales softly] 578 00:28:32,193 --> 00:28:36,298 She gets her hand and she places it on my heart. 579 00:28:37,066 --> 00:28:40,002 And then she gets mine and she places it on hers. 580 00:28:41,270 --> 00:28:44,673 And we were just sitting there, just staring at each other. 581 00:28:48,277 --> 00:28:49,645 And I can't guess 582 00:28:49,779 --> 00:28:51,882 how long we were sitting there for because... 583 00:28:53,884 --> 00:28:56,653 it just felt like the most blissful eternity. 584 00:28:57,388 --> 00:29:00,023 Just staring at each other, 585 00:29:00,157 --> 00:29:01,558 our eyes... 586 00:29:02,292 --> 00:29:05,229 penetrating into the depths of the other, 587 00:29:06,297 --> 00:29:08,032 of the universe. 588 00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:10,402 [heart beating] 589 00:29:10,536 --> 00:29:13,971 All our breath felt like the tide crashing over us. 590 00:29:16,508 --> 00:29:18,309 Wow. 591 00:29:18,444 --> 00:29:19,511 [exhales softly] 592 00:29:19,644 --> 00:29:21,647 Yeah. [chuckles softly] 593 00:29:27,252 --> 00:29:28,854 Tantric massage. 594 00:29:29,322 --> 00:29:32,224 Find a place. It'll change your life. 595 00:29:38,432 --> 00:29:41,101 I don't know, Zoe. 596 00:29:45,638 --> 00:29:48,708 Do you remember me telling you about being raped in college? 597 00:29:52,613 --> 00:29:54,081 Gosh. 598 00:29:55,383 --> 00:29:57,017 I completely forgot. 599 00:29:58,219 --> 00:30:00,821 It's fine, whatever, I mean-- I only bring it up 600 00:30:00,955 --> 00:30:02,957 because I know that that stuff could really just 601 00:30:03,224 --> 00:30:05,092 throw your life off track, you know? 602 00:30:05,226 --> 00:30:06,761 I mean, we're all snowflakes in our victimhood or whatever 603 00:30:06,895 --> 00:30:09,030 but it can really just screw you up, so-- 604 00:30:09,164 --> 00:30:11,367 You never told me if you knew the guy. 605 00:30:11,501 --> 00:30:13,268 Guys, plural. Yeah, I know them. 606 00:30:13,402 --> 00:30:15,937 There were two of them? Jesus Christ. 607 00:30:16,071 --> 00:30:18,374 Yeah, I mean, doesn't change anything. 608 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,144 [scoffs] The thing that makes me 609 00:30:21,445 --> 00:30:23,614 laugh in a sadistic kind of way 610 00:30:24,013 --> 00:30:26,182 is that I actually liked them both. 611 00:30:26,883 --> 00:30:28,552 You were friends? 612 00:30:28,684 --> 00:30:31,721 No, not as friends. I mean, I only just met them, but, uh, 613 00:30:31,854 --> 00:30:33,222 they were cute. 614 00:30:35,392 --> 00:30:37,127 Probably would've fucked either of them 615 00:30:37,261 --> 00:30:38,829 if they hadn't decided to rape me first, you know? 616 00:30:44,602 --> 00:30:46,236 God, Zoe. I-- 617 00:30:46,737 --> 00:30:48,071 Ah, what are you gonna do? 618 00:30:48,872 --> 00:30:50,307 [cell phone dings] 619 00:30:54,547 --> 00:30:55,747 What? 620 00:30:56,382 --> 00:30:59,385 I forgot a buddy of mine's show. It's going on tonight. 621 00:31:00,084 --> 00:31:01,520 What kind of show? 622 00:31:01,819 --> 00:31:04,155 He's this musician. His name's Naiqui. 623 00:31:04,289 --> 00:31:08,194 Like, this whole funk, soul, whatever. 624 00:31:08,328 --> 00:31:09,629 Is he good? 625 00:31:09,762 --> 00:31:11,230 Yeah, he's incredible. It's just 626 00:31:11,364 --> 00:31:13,500 there's, like, a crapload of people there and it-- 627 00:31:14,099 --> 00:31:15,868 We're good. We don't have to go. 628 00:31:16,001 --> 00:31:18,572 You're here. It gives me a perfect excuse. We're good. 629 00:31:18,704 --> 00:31:19,738 [blows a raspberry] Let's go. 630 00:31:19,872 --> 00:31:20,906 No, I'm saying we don't have to. 631 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:22,476 No, but I'm saying I wanna. 632 00:31:22,610 --> 00:31:23,877 -No, but-- -Naiqui? 633 00:31:24,010 --> 00:31:26,347 Oh! Oh, my God. Naiqui? I love Naiqui. 634 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,148 He's my favorite. 635 00:31:28,616 --> 00:31:30,317 Oh, Naiqui! 636 00:31:30,451 --> 00:31:34,622 Naiqui is playing? In this town tonight? 637 00:31:35,155 --> 00:31:37,023 I forgot I have tickets! 638 00:31:38,493 --> 00:31:40,395 Come on. 639 00:31:42,364 --> 00:31:45,467 Come on, Dyl. I'm in town for one night. 640 00:31:47,469 --> 00:31:49,737 ♪ It's okay ♪ 641 00:31:49,870 --> 00:31:52,139 ♪ If you're shy ♪ 642 00:31:52,273 --> 00:31:56,912 ♪ I will take my sweet time ♪ 643 00:31:57,045 --> 00:31:58,814 ♪ And use my... ♪ 644 00:32:03,653 --> 00:32:06,221 -[closes the elevator door] -[elevator dings] 645 00:32:06,489 --> 00:32:07,824 [motor whirring] 646 00:32:11,695 --> 00:32:15,898 [Naiqui humming] 647 00:32:16,032 --> 00:32:21,204 ♪ And I will show you ♪ 648 00:32:21,338 --> 00:32:23,608 [elevator stops] 649 00:32:23,742 --> 00:32:28,946 ♪ ...I won't do ♪ 650 00:32:30,348 --> 00:32:35,152 ♪ It's okay if you're shy ♪ 651 00:32:35,286 --> 00:32:40,091 ♪ I will take my sweet time ♪ 652 00:32:40,225 --> 00:32:45,030 ♪ And use my hands To ease your mind ♪ 653 00:32:45,163 --> 00:32:50,001 ♪ And make you feel like ♪ 654 00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:54,206 ♪ A woman ♪ 655 00:32:55,174 --> 00:32:59,845 ♪ A woman ♪ 656 00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:04,618 ♪ A woman (Make you feel like) ♪ 657 00:33:04,751 --> 00:33:10,090 ♪ This is how A woman should feel ♪ 658 00:33:10,223 --> 00:33:15,162 ♪ And I will show you ♪ 659 00:33:15,295 --> 00:33:20,967 ♪ Let you down, I won't do ♪ 660 00:33:24,205 --> 00:33:28,910 ♪ It's okay if you're shy ♪ 661 00:33:29,043 --> 00:33:33,881 ♪ I will take my sweet time ♪ 662 00:33:34,015 --> 00:33:39,188 ♪ And use my hands To ease your mind ♪ 663 00:33:39,321 --> 00:33:44,960 ♪ And make you feel ♪ 664 00:33:45,094 --> 00:33:49,031 ♪ Li-i-i-i-i-i-ike (It's okay if you're shy) ♪ 665 00:33:49,164 --> 00:33:50,734 I am gonna be your wing woman tonight. 666 00:33:50,866 --> 00:33:53,636 ♪ It's okay baby ♪ 667 00:33:53,770 --> 00:33:55,105 Her. 668 00:33:55,238 --> 00:33:56,607 ♪ Imma take my time ♪ 669 00:33:56,741 --> 00:33:59,309 Her? Her? Her? 670 00:33:59,443 --> 00:34:01,479 Are you just pointing at every random girl you see? 671 00:34:01,612 --> 00:34:03,146 Yes. 672 00:34:03,279 --> 00:34:07,485 ♪ And make you feel like Feel, like ♪ 673 00:34:09,286 --> 00:34:14,493 ♪ It's okay, baby If you're shy ♪ 674 00:34:14,626 --> 00:34:16,728 ♪ I will take my Sweet time ♪ 675 00:34:16,862 --> 00:34:21,232 ♪ Use my hands To ease your mind ♪ 676 00:34:21,366 --> 00:34:26,639 ♪ And make you feel like ♪ 677 00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:31,844 ♪ Feel like a woman ♪ 678 00:34:31,977 --> 00:34:34,312 [cheers and applause] 679 00:34:41,053 --> 00:34:42,823 [cheering] 680 00:34:42,955 --> 00:34:46,693 ♪ I was always The type of person to run ♪ 681 00:34:47,661 --> 00:34:49,696 -We're dancing. -[crowd cheering and applauding] 682 00:34:49,830 --> 00:34:51,698 No fucking way. 683 00:34:51,832 --> 00:34:56,805 ♪ Couldn't give much of my time I guess I had no faith ♪ 684 00:34:56,937 --> 00:34:58,305 -Dylan. ♪ I had no faith ♪ 685 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:00,207 Dyl. 686 00:35:00,341 --> 00:35:04,178 ♪ So used to my way of things But you can play that game ♪ 687 00:35:04,311 --> 00:35:06,748 ♪ You can play too, girl ♪ 688 00:35:06,881 --> 00:35:08,683 ♪ But I can't leave ♪ 689 00:35:08,817 --> 00:35:12,187 ♪ If something about you Makes me want to stay ♪ 690 00:35:13,656 --> 00:35:15,424 ♪ Hey! ♪ 691 00:35:15,558 --> 00:35:18,794 ♪ Here we are now And I really like you ♪ 692 00:35:18,928 --> 00:35:22,330 ♪ I am feeling your spirit When I am around you ♪ 693 00:35:22,465 --> 00:35:24,299 ♪ They way you dress it ♪ 694 00:35:24,433 --> 00:35:26,235 ♪ Keep those eyes on you, girl ♪ 695 00:35:26,369 --> 00:35:28,237 ♪ You walk your walk ♪ 696 00:35:28,371 --> 00:35:30,774 ♪ You know Everybody wants your pearls ♪ 697 00:35:30,907 --> 00:35:34,744 ♪ They wanna try it Isn't this so exciting? ♪ 698 00:35:34,878 --> 00:35:36,446 ♪ So I didn't bother ♪ 699 00:35:36,580 --> 00:35:39,549 ♪ I wanna wear your Pearls! ♪ 700 00:35:39,683 --> 00:35:41,886 [faint music] 701 00:35:42,018 --> 00:35:46,390 ♪ One thing That I put it... ♪ 702 00:35:46,891 --> 00:35:48,759 [exhaling] 703 00:35:49,059 --> 00:35:50,528 [faint music] 704 00:35:52,028 --> 00:35:54,331 [muffled heartbeat] 705 00:35:56,568 --> 00:35:59,404 ♪ I mean I don't mind What you would say ♪ 706 00:36:01,507 --> 00:36:02,908 ♪ You got 'em... ♪ 707 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,109 [exhales] 708 00:36:05,243 --> 00:36:07,412 ♪ You know that I am good To make you trip ♪ 709 00:36:07,546 --> 00:36:09,348 ♪ Girl, I go ahead And I die ♪ 710 00:36:09,481 --> 00:36:11,283 ♪ I don't think anyone's seen ♪ 711 00:36:11,417 --> 00:36:13,386 ♪ Pearls as expensive As yours ♪ 712 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,287 ♪ If there's nobody Then tell me... ♪ 713 00:36:15,421 --> 00:36:17,222 Never took any classes. 714 00:36:19,091 --> 00:36:20,325 It's crazy, right? 715 00:36:20,460 --> 00:36:22,662 ♪ And I really like you ♪ 716 00:36:22,795 --> 00:36:25,965 ♪ I am feeling your spirit When I am around you ♪ 717 00:36:26,132 --> 00:36:27,801 Who's cool? 718 00:36:28,234 --> 00:36:29,370 Dylan's cool. 719 00:36:29,503 --> 00:36:30,871 ♪ ...on you, girl ♪ 720 00:36:31,005 --> 00:36:32,673 ♪ You walk your walk ♪ 721 00:36:32,806 --> 00:36:34,140 ♪ You know Everybody wants your... ♪ 722 00:36:34,274 --> 00:36:36,677 ♪ Pearls ♪ 723 00:36:36,810 --> 00:36:38,479 ♪ So when You want... ♪ 724 00:36:41,114 --> 00:36:42,684 ♪ Hey! ♪ 725 00:36:42,817 --> 00:36:46,621 ♪ I just wanna wear Your pearls ♪ 726 00:36:46,755 --> 00:36:49,591 ♪ I don't think you know how beautiful it is, baby ♪ 727 00:36:50,525 --> 00:36:52,259 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 728 00:36:52,394 --> 00:36:54,462 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 729 00:36:54,596 --> 00:36:56,196 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 730 00:36:56,330 --> 00:36:58,434 ♪ Pearls! ♪ -[Zoey shouting] 731 00:36:58,568 --> 00:37:00,736 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 732 00:37:00,870 --> 00:37:02,270 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 733 00:37:02,405 --> 00:37:03,472 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 734 00:37:03,606 --> 00:37:05,007 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 735 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,776 ♪ I say diamonds ♪ 736 00:37:06,909 --> 00:37:09,210 ♪ Diamonds are A girl's best friend ♪ 737 00:37:09,344 --> 00:37:10,846 ♪ Pearls! ♪ 738 00:37:10,980 --> 00:37:12,516 ♪ Oh, man ♪ 739 00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,451 ♪ I say diamonds ♪ 740 00:37:14,585 --> 00:37:17,119 ♪ Diamonds are A girl's best friend ♪ 741 00:37:17,253 --> 00:37:21,257 ♪ And pearls, oh, man! ♪ 742 00:37:21,391 --> 00:37:23,493 ♪ Yeah! ♪ 743 00:37:23,627 --> 00:37:26,228 ♪ I wanna wear your Pearls! ♪ 744 00:37:26,363 --> 00:37:28,198 Life is bueno. 745 00:37:28,332 --> 00:37:29,567 -[Zoe laughs] -Life is good. 746 00:37:29,701 --> 00:37:31,069 -Life is good. -[Zoey] Bueno. 747 00:37:31,201 --> 00:37:32,336 -Eye contact. -[Dylan] Yes. 748 00:37:32,604 --> 00:37:33,838 [chuckles] 749 00:37:34,405 --> 00:37:37,642 Mm. So, how do y'all know each other? 750 00:37:37,809 --> 00:37:39,978 Oh, God. We've known each other since we were kids 751 00:37:40,110 --> 00:37:41,144 and all that jazz. 752 00:37:41,278 --> 00:37:43,782 Yep. Pretty much best or, 753 00:37:43,916 --> 00:37:46,919 only friends all throughout high school. [chuckles] 754 00:37:47,052 --> 00:37:48,554 Uh... [chuckles] 755 00:37:48,687 --> 00:37:50,756 Actually, it was, uh, matching Halloween costumes 756 00:37:50,889 --> 00:37:52,391 and all that jazz. 757 00:37:53,257 --> 00:37:55,461 One year we went as, um, 758 00:37:55,594 --> 00:37:57,530 gender-swapped Justin and Britney. 759 00:37:57,664 --> 00:37:59,499 I know my boy looked good 760 00:37:59,633 --> 00:38:01,701 in pigtails and a little schoolgirl skirt. 761 00:38:01,835 --> 00:38:03,803 -[laughs] -Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 762 00:38:03,937 --> 00:38:05,237 Red leather Britney. 763 00:38:05,839 --> 00:38:07,474 [whispers] Get the fuck outta here. 764 00:38:07,607 --> 00:38:09,743 -[laughs] Wait, wait, I have-- -Red leather? 765 00:38:09,876 --> 00:38:11,243 Wait, I have the photo. 766 00:38:11,378 --> 00:38:12,713 -I have the photo. -You're just hellbent 767 00:38:12,847 --> 00:38:13,848 on embarrassing me tonight, aren't you? 768 00:38:13,981 --> 00:38:15,181 Yeah, why not? 769 00:38:15,315 --> 00:38:16,282 Not a department you need help in. 770 00:38:16,417 --> 00:38:17,752 Can't find it. 771 00:38:18,486 --> 00:38:20,554 -Come on, Dyl. -[Zoey laughs hysterically] 772 00:38:20,688 --> 00:38:22,322 See, this is why I didn't want to do it. 773 00:38:22,456 --> 00:38:23,791 You were fine. 774 00:38:23,924 --> 00:38:25,793 -[man 1] Hey. -[Naiqui] My brother. 775 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,428 Man, good job in that, bro. 776 00:38:27,561 --> 00:38:29,064 -Oh, thank you. -I'm gonna get out of here. 777 00:38:29,196 --> 00:38:30,732 -Oh, you outta here? -Yeah, man, gotta get going. 778 00:38:30,866 --> 00:38:32,434 Oh, you know what? Let's all take a picture 779 00:38:32,567 --> 00:38:34,102 for the gram real quick. All four of us. Come on. 780 00:38:34,403 --> 00:38:35,937 -I look gross. I look gross. -Nah. 781 00:38:36,071 --> 00:38:37,906 What, you can't be seen with two brothers in public? 782 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:39,841 Oh, I'm brown too. 783 00:38:40,042 --> 00:38:42,611 Oh... [laughs] so we are on different shades now. 784 00:38:42,744 --> 00:38:44,514 I know how you light-skinned folks see us. 785 00:38:44,647 --> 00:38:46,049 -[Dylan] Okay, for the record-- -[all] No! 786 00:38:46,181 --> 00:38:47,617 [Zoey] You don't get to talk. 787 00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:49,284 Listen, these white people on that new drug. 788 00:38:49,419 --> 00:38:51,120 -Imma get out of here, bro. -My man. 789 00:38:51,253 --> 00:38:52,220 -Good show, man. -Thank you, brother. 790 00:38:52,354 --> 00:38:53,723 Yes sir. 791 00:38:54,424 --> 00:38:55,958 [sighs] This is so good, man. 792 00:38:56,092 --> 00:38:58,429 It's so good you guys kept in contact all those years. 793 00:39:04,535 --> 00:39:06,335 [Dylan sighs] 794 00:39:09,305 --> 00:39:10,774 [Zoey laughing] 795 00:39:13,378 --> 00:39:14,713 -[Dylan chuckles] -That's it? 796 00:39:14,846 --> 00:39:16,648 [Dylan laughs] 797 00:39:23,421 --> 00:39:24,789 Thank you, bye. 798 00:39:28,126 --> 00:39:29,795 [Dylan inhales deeply] 799 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:36,736 -[car horn honks] -Oh, hey. 800 00:39:47,246 --> 00:39:54,253 [heartbeat thumping] 801 00:40:10,538 --> 00:40:11,939 [Dylan sighs deeply] 802 00:40:34,164 --> 00:40:35,765 [keys rattle] 803 00:40:35,899 --> 00:40:37,634 [lock clicking] 804 00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:53,417 [sighs] 805 00:41:00,792 --> 00:41:02,928 -Tsundoku. -Hmm. 806 00:41:16,108 --> 00:41:17,777 [opens the fridge] 807 00:41:19,245 --> 00:41:21,346 Do you want something to drink? 808 00:41:22,281 --> 00:41:24,584 Uh, no. 809 00:41:25,484 --> 00:41:26,819 I actually have to get up early, 810 00:41:26,953 --> 00:41:28,454 so I'm just going to order an Uber. 811 00:41:36,563 --> 00:41:38,065 Look-- 812 00:41:41,101 --> 00:41:42,502 I want to apologize. 813 00:41:43,070 --> 00:41:47,041 I know I've been MIA for a while now, and I feel bad. 814 00:41:48,977 --> 00:41:50,478 That's okay. 815 00:41:52,046 --> 00:41:53,615 [chuckles] 816 00:41:54,449 --> 00:41:56,050 That's okay? 817 00:41:57,819 --> 00:41:59,087 What? 818 00:41:59,821 --> 00:42:01,056 Nothing. 819 00:42:03,726 --> 00:42:05,160 I mean-- [exhales] 820 00:42:06,395 --> 00:42:08,030 It's just-- 821 00:42:09,899 --> 00:42:12,368 I-- I don't mean to be an asshole, but 822 00:42:12,668 --> 00:42:15,104 does the phone not work both ways? 823 00:42:15,671 --> 00:42:17,073 I don't get it. Did you just say sorry 824 00:42:17,207 --> 00:42:18,942 so that you would hear me say sorry? 825 00:42:19,242 --> 00:42:21,077 No, that's not why I said sorry. 826 00:42:21,211 --> 00:42:22,212 So then it's all on me? 827 00:42:22,345 --> 00:42:23,747 No, it's not-- [chuckles] 828 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,282 It's just-- 829 00:42:25,415 --> 00:42:26,917 I tried. 830 00:42:27,050 --> 00:42:29,519 Okay? I call. You never called back or even texted. 831 00:42:29,653 --> 00:42:31,021 Okay, so, like, did you try 832 00:42:31,155 --> 00:42:32,391 or were you MIA, Dyl? Which one was it? 833 00:42:32,523 --> 00:42:34,191 Or were you saying you were MIA 834 00:42:34,325 --> 00:42:36,127 because you were commenting on the fact that I was MIA, 835 00:42:36,260 --> 00:42:38,162 and you're doing your Dylan passive-aggressive bullshit? 836 00:42:40,631 --> 00:42:41,966 [sighing] 837 00:42:43,801 --> 00:42:46,605 Are you shutting off now? We're not having this talk? 838 00:42:48,707 --> 00:42:50,842 Okay, cool. Great, cool. Then I am the dick. Cool. 839 00:42:50,976 --> 00:42:52,678 Awesome. Great. I just want to let you know 840 00:42:52,811 --> 00:42:54,212 that the only reason we're together 841 00:42:54,346 --> 00:42:55,514 is because I reached out. 842 00:42:55,647 --> 00:42:57,616 Oh... [scoffs] Thank you. 843 00:42:58,083 --> 00:43:00,386 -[sarcastically] You're welcome. -[scoffs] 844 00:43:00,519 --> 00:43:01,688 This is ridiculous. 845 00:43:01,821 --> 00:43:03,156 -No, shit. -Well, I'm sorry. 846 00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:04,791 Why are we fighting right now? 847 00:43:04,924 --> 00:43:06,393 Why are we fighting, were we having a good time? 848 00:43:06,559 --> 00:43:07,860 Yeah, we were, but that's the problem. 849 00:43:07,994 --> 00:43:09,362 You know, if we enjoy each other so much, 850 00:43:09,495 --> 00:43:11,097 why did we stop talking? 851 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,835 -I-- I don't know. -You wanna know my theory? 852 00:43:17,439 --> 00:43:18,939 Sure. 853 00:43:19,206 --> 00:43:21,141 Hmm. [inhales deeply] 854 00:43:21,275 --> 00:43:22,710 [rubs his palms] 855 00:43:22,876 --> 00:43:24,446 I think you got tired of me. 856 00:43:24,578 --> 00:43:25,913 I think you started to look at me 857 00:43:26,046 --> 00:43:27,715 as sort of a burden to hang out with, 858 00:43:27,848 --> 00:43:29,550 because I always went to you with my problems. 859 00:43:29,683 --> 00:43:31,051 And so when I picked up on that, 860 00:43:31,185 --> 00:43:32,787 I stopped going to you with my problems. 861 00:43:32,921 --> 00:43:34,522 And when that happened, 862 00:43:34,656 --> 00:43:35,724 I don't think you knew what to do anymore, 863 00:43:35,857 --> 00:43:37,025 because I think you liked it. 864 00:43:37,158 --> 00:43:38,693 -You think I liked it? -Yep. 865 00:43:38,827 --> 00:43:40,829 Unbelievable. Oh, my God. 866 00:43:40,962 --> 00:43:42,398 -Fuck you. -Wow! [laughs sarcastically] 867 00:43:42,530 --> 00:43:43,999 Fuck you. You know what? 868 00:43:44,132 --> 00:43:45,834 You want to have a whole pity party about this 869 00:43:45,967 --> 00:43:47,803 because you're such a downer when the reality is, 870 00:43:47,937 --> 00:43:49,473 that's not even a fucking issue. 871 00:43:49,605 --> 00:43:51,273 Then for Christ's sake, Zoey, what is it? 872 00:43:51,408 --> 00:43:52,908 It's the fact that-- 873 00:43:53,042 --> 00:43:54,343 that you won't indulge in anyone else's problems 874 00:43:54,478 --> 00:43:55,878 -but your own. -[scoffs] 875 00:43:56,345 --> 00:43:57,613 [laughs] 876 00:44:02,487 --> 00:44:03,887 Oh. Yeah, that's good. 877 00:44:04,021 --> 00:44:05,589 Typical Zoey. Grab your stuff. Walk away. 878 00:44:05,722 --> 00:44:07,357 I'll talk to you in another couple of years. 879 00:44:07,492 --> 00:44:08,992 Oh, yeah? Cool. I'll give you your birthday text, dude. 880 00:44:09,126 --> 00:44:10,694 Don't bother using exclamation points 881 00:44:10,827 --> 00:44:12,062 because we both know it's not the punctuation 882 00:44:12,195 --> 00:44:13,597 that makes you a bitch. 883 00:44:30,416 --> 00:44:33,085 [sniffles] Hey, do you remember me telling you being-- 884 00:44:33,652 --> 00:44:34,720 [huffs] Fuck. 885 00:44:34,853 --> 00:44:36,588 [sighs in disappointment] 886 00:44:48,402 --> 00:44:49,769 [car door opens] 887 00:44:54,140 --> 00:44:55,341 [car door shuts] 888 00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,756 [insects chirping] 889 00:45:57,774 --> 00:45:59,577 I know you care, Dylan. 890 00:46:00,578 --> 00:46:03,280 You're the kindest person I've ever met, but... [scoffs] 891 00:46:03,581 --> 00:46:06,251 Fuck, if you aren't a selfish asshole sometimes. 892 00:46:10,489 --> 00:46:12,123 You think I got tired of you? 893 00:46:14,627 --> 00:46:16,094 I love you. 894 00:46:16,227 --> 00:46:18,930 You're my favorite fucking person in the world. 895 00:46:22,201 --> 00:46:23,369 I miss you. 896 00:46:31,611 --> 00:46:32,878 I'm sorry. 897 00:46:33,012 --> 00:46:34,549 -You don't have to do that. -Zoey. 898 00:46:34,681 --> 00:46:37,284 [breathes deeply] 899 00:46:39,487 --> 00:46:41,054 I'm sorry. 900 00:46:44,024 --> 00:46:46,326 I guess I just got scared. [scoffs] 901 00:46:48,128 --> 00:46:50,831 I didn't want to keep spending the rest of the night 902 00:46:50,965 --> 00:46:54,469 pretending everything's good and we're happy when... 903 00:46:55,836 --> 00:46:57,305 I don't know if come tomorrow, 904 00:46:57,439 --> 00:47:00,741 everything's just going to go back to how it was. 905 00:47:04,745 --> 00:47:06,315 I get it. 906 00:47:11,353 --> 00:47:13,755 -You're not a bitch. -[laughs softly] 907 00:47:16,024 --> 00:47:18,327 But you do use too many periods. 908 00:47:18,628 --> 00:47:20,497 [both laugh softly] 909 00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:23,634 -You are passive-aggressive... -[chuckles] 910 00:47:23,766 --> 00:47:26,302 ...but like everyone's passive-aggressive, so... 911 00:47:34,645 --> 00:47:36,213 [chuckles] 912 00:47:43,754 --> 00:47:46,090 What would you say... 913 00:47:46,790 --> 00:47:48,426 to a little... 914 00:47:49,059 --> 00:47:50,463 peace joint? 915 00:47:51,896 --> 00:47:54,065 [Zoey strumming ukulele] 916 00:48:06,846 --> 00:48:09,982 [scatting] 917 00:48:13,654 --> 00:48:15,656 I'mma bash you over the head with that fucking thing. 918 00:48:15,788 --> 00:48:17,424 See, this is why you're still single. 919 00:48:19,426 --> 00:48:22,296 [gasps] Yes. Yes. 920 00:48:22,430 --> 00:48:24,399 [speaking in a rough voice] Oh, my God. It's so cold. 921 00:48:24,532 --> 00:48:26,300 [sighs, inhales sharply] 922 00:48:27,067 --> 00:48:28,135 -Well? -I didn't even know 923 00:48:28,268 --> 00:48:29,870 you still played that thing. 924 00:48:30,137 --> 00:48:32,740 Play is a strong word, but yeah, I fuck around. 925 00:48:33,307 --> 00:48:36,277 Does fucking around mean you have a song? 926 00:48:37,413 --> 00:48:39,448 [chuckles] Oh. You do have a song. 927 00:48:39,581 --> 00:48:41,983 -No, no, no, no, no. -Oh, my God. I knew it. 928 00:48:42,116 --> 00:48:43,217 It's stupid. Doesn't even make sense. 929 00:48:43,351 --> 00:48:44,886 Fuck that. I want to hear it. 930 00:48:45,019 --> 00:48:46,988 Yeah, the lyrics are, like, weird. 931 00:48:47,121 --> 00:48:49,491 Oh, my God. Zoey? I love Zoey. 932 00:48:49,625 --> 00:48:51,594 She's the best. 933 00:48:53,929 --> 00:48:55,565 -Touché? -[chuckles] 934 00:48:57,701 --> 00:48:59,068 [Zoey clears throat] 935 00:48:59,835 --> 00:49:00,836 -Just play it. -I can't. Okay. 936 00:49:00,969 --> 00:49:02,838 I'm mentally preparing. 937 00:49:05,575 --> 00:49:06,843 [clears throat] 938 00:49:11,348 --> 00:49:15,786 ♪ I can't see myself Too clearly ♪ 939 00:49:15,919 --> 00:49:19,923 ♪ It's just Fragmented bits of me ♪ 940 00:49:21,324 --> 00:49:26,465 ♪ I look Like a fucking Picasso ♪ 941 00:49:26,598 --> 00:49:30,469 ♪ Why is my left eye Where my cheek should be? ♪ 942 00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,706 ♪ And my... ♪ 943 00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,578 ♪ Brain is like A Jackson Pollock ♪ 944 00:49:38,711 --> 00:49:42,080 ♪ Just scattered chaos In my mind ♪ 945 00:49:42,214 --> 00:49:43,949 ♪ It's a Fucking sort of violence ♪ 946 00:49:44,082 --> 00:49:45,917 ♪ Sort of pretty ♪ 947 00:49:46,051 --> 00:49:48,488 ♪ But it's all right ♪ 948 00:49:50,590 --> 00:49:55,895 ♪ Because then other days It's like Van Gogh's ♪ 949 00:49:56,028 --> 00:49:58,732 ♪ Starry nights And the paint strokes ♪ 950 00:49:58,866 --> 00:50:01,367 ♪ Soothe my mind ♪ 951 00:50:01,502 --> 00:50:05,539 ♪ Whirling clouds And shining stars so bright ♪ 952 00:50:07,039 --> 00:50:10,010 ♪ And it's all right ♪ 953 00:50:12,946 --> 00:50:16,851 ♪ Until I cut off my ear And start bleeding ♪ 954 00:50:16,984 --> 00:50:20,087 ♪ Profusely all over the living room floor ♪ 955 00:50:20,220 --> 00:50:21,989 ♪ Oh, my God, I'm bleeding ♪ 956 00:50:22,122 --> 00:50:24,325 ♪ Oh, my God I'm getting kind of dizzy ♪ 957 00:50:24,460 --> 00:50:25,927 ♪ I think I'm gonna throw... I think I want to... ♪ 958 00:50:26,060 --> 00:50:28,564 ♪ But it's all right ♪ 959 00:50:30,198 --> 00:50:32,367 ♪ Because I ♪ 960 00:50:34,102 --> 00:50:39,208 ♪ Have another day ♪ 961 00:50:41,878 --> 00:50:44,079 [continues strumming] 962 00:50:48,518 --> 00:50:49,686 I love it. 963 00:50:51,353 --> 00:50:52,890 I dunno what the second part is though. 964 00:50:53,023 --> 00:50:54,291 Zoey. 965 00:50:55,827 --> 00:50:57,160 I love it. 966 00:51:00,230 --> 00:51:01,566 [sniffles] Grab a handful. 967 00:51:02,500 --> 00:51:03,634 Are you-- 968 00:51:03,768 --> 00:51:05,402 You know it. 969 00:51:14,947 --> 00:51:16,280 They taste better at the movie. 970 00:51:16,415 --> 00:51:18,484 -Sh. This is my favorite scene. -[laughs] 971 00:51:21,420 --> 00:51:23,723 Mm. Mm? 972 00:51:23,890 --> 00:51:26,191 Mm. Mmm. 973 00:51:31,129 --> 00:51:33,332 I can't believe this is where you live. 974 00:51:34,834 --> 00:51:36,503 And write and masturbate. 975 00:51:36,870 --> 00:51:38,136 That's it? 976 00:51:38,270 --> 00:51:41,241 -I sleep sometimes too. [laughs] -Huh. 977 00:51:44,177 --> 00:51:45,446 Hey, do you ever wonder why some porn categories 978 00:51:45,579 --> 00:51:47,113 are more popular than others? 979 00:51:47,548 --> 00:51:49,617 -There's a segue. -[laughs] 980 00:51:51,351 --> 00:51:52,720 [coughs] Oh, you mean, like-- 981 00:51:52,853 --> 00:51:54,523 [inhales sharply] You mean, like, anal? 982 00:51:54,656 --> 00:51:56,625 Yeah, but like, that's not even the top three, 983 00:51:56,758 --> 00:51:57,726 I don't think. 984 00:51:57,859 --> 00:51:59,226 [coughs then laughs] 985 00:52:00,060 --> 00:52:02,263 What is it about anal that does it for people anyway? 986 00:52:02,396 --> 00:52:05,032 And this is asking as a completely ignorant virgin. 987 00:52:05,934 --> 00:52:07,002 I mean-- 988 00:52:07,536 --> 00:52:09,070 -Have you done it? -Yeah, I've done it. 989 00:52:09,204 --> 00:52:12,274 -[anxious laugh] Why? -No. [laughs] 990 00:52:12,407 --> 00:52:13,843 I don't know. It feels good. 991 00:52:13,976 --> 00:52:15,343 To get your ass torn open? 992 00:52:15,478 --> 00:52:17,045 [stutters] Doesn't it hurt? 993 00:52:17,178 --> 00:52:19,114 Okay. First of all, this isn't Alien. 994 00:52:19,247 --> 00:52:20,716 [both laugh] 995 00:52:20,983 --> 00:52:22,451 And it's a good pain. 996 00:52:24,052 --> 00:52:25,856 Can you even cum that way? 997 00:52:25,989 --> 00:52:27,457 I mean, it's hard, 998 00:52:27,591 --> 00:52:28,992 but the point of sex isn't necessarily to cum. 999 00:52:29,125 --> 00:52:30,594 I mean, it's wonderful if you do, 1000 00:52:30,727 --> 00:52:32,829 but that's not what it's all about. I don't think. 1001 00:52:33,396 --> 00:52:35,599 Anyways, yes, I have cum from anal. 1002 00:52:35,732 --> 00:52:38,468 I don't do it all the time. Maybe once in a while, but... 1003 00:52:38,835 --> 00:52:40,170 it's such a hassle though. 1004 00:52:40,304 --> 00:52:41,873 Ugh. I mean if you want to do it right, 1005 00:52:42,006 --> 00:52:44,609 and not get mess anywhere. 1006 00:52:44,742 --> 00:52:45,877 Mess? 1007 00:52:46,143 --> 00:52:47,478 Take a wild guess. 1008 00:52:48,278 --> 00:52:49,313 -[groans] -[laughs] 1009 00:52:49,447 --> 00:52:51,248 Okay. Calm down, virgin. 1010 00:52:51,381 --> 00:52:53,083 There are going to be some weird shit sometimes. 1011 00:52:53,216 --> 00:52:54,485 Sometimes, literally. 1012 00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:56,055 -No, no, no, no. -[laughing continues] 1013 00:52:56,187 --> 00:52:57,388 Oh, my God. You're going to love it. 1014 00:52:57,523 --> 00:52:59,223 Okay. [inhales deeply] Okay. 1015 00:52:59,357 --> 00:53:02,226 [grunts] Okay. So one of the first times I tried it, um, 1016 00:53:02,895 --> 00:53:04,496 I, uh-- I didn't understand 1017 00:53:04,630 --> 00:53:06,164 the importance of the whole prep process. 1018 00:53:06,297 --> 00:53:07,666 -There's a prep process? -Of course. 1019 00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:09,167 -There's a prep process. -[chuckles in amusement] 1020 00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:11,037 What-- What would you even do? 1021 00:53:11,170 --> 00:53:13,339 I don't know. You, like, do shit or whatever you like. 1022 00:53:13,473 --> 00:53:14,908 You go to the pharmacy, 1023 00:53:15,041 --> 00:53:16,776 you get an enema, you stick it up your butt, 1024 00:53:16,910 --> 00:53:19,211 you make sure you have a lot of fibres, 1025 00:53:19,345 --> 00:53:21,581 so you're regular, hydrated, and whatever. 1026 00:53:21,715 --> 00:53:23,583 Yeah, there's a prep process. 1027 00:53:23,717 --> 00:53:26,921 Anyways, idiots like me have to learn that the hard way. 1028 00:53:27,555 --> 00:53:29,222 I did it with my boyfriend at the time. 1029 00:53:29,356 --> 00:53:30,825 Nice guy. 1030 00:53:30,958 --> 00:53:32,292 Scared of even trying it, 1031 00:53:32,426 --> 00:53:33,928 -but curious -Of course. 1032 00:53:34,061 --> 00:53:36,597 I mean, I was too. I hadn't ever tried it before. 1033 00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:38,532 Anyways. 1034 00:53:38,666 --> 00:53:40,368 So we go to the shower because we think that's 1035 00:53:40,502 --> 00:53:42,070 the smartest thing to do in case anything goes wrong. 1036 00:53:42,203 --> 00:53:44,072 And thank God, we did, 1037 00:53:44,205 --> 00:53:45,907 because we were 100% right. 1038 00:53:46,041 --> 00:53:47,676 Anyways, so he puts it in 1039 00:53:47,809 --> 00:53:49,878 and we start slowly because side note, 1040 00:53:50,078 --> 00:53:53,515 anal will make any guy's dick feel at least 73% bigger. 1041 00:53:53,915 --> 00:53:55,451 -Noted. -So he's... 1042 00:53:57,352 --> 00:53:58,821 fucking me in the ass. [giggles] 1043 00:53:59,122 --> 00:54:00,523 [both laugh] 1044 00:54:00,657 --> 00:54:03,358 He's got this smile plastered on his face. 1045 00:54:03,493 --> 00:54:04,994 God bless him 1046 00:54:05,128 --> 00:54:06,529 And I'm enjoying it more than I had anticipated. 1047 00:54:07,063 --> 00:54:09,098 But I'm also feeling this weird sensation or whatever. 1048 00:54:09,231 --> 00:54:12,803 [inhales deeply] And being the nice guy that he was, 1049 00:54:13,003 --> 00:54:15,673 when he noticed this, he did the nice thing 1050 00:54:15,806 --> 00:54:17,875 and... [pops her mouth] ...pulled out. 1051 00:54:18,307 --> 00:54:19,743 Which is when I... 1052 00:54:21,779 --> 00:54:23,413 -shit everywhere. -[groans] 1053 00:54:23,547 --> 00:54:25,482 I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know. 1054 00:54:25,616 --> 00:54:27,752 And I will never forget the shriek 1055 00:54:27,886 --> 00:54:29,988 -that he let out like-- -[shrieks] 1056 00:54:30,121 --> 00:54:32,724 And all the while, I'm still releasing mind you 1057 00:54:32,857 --> 00:54:36,528 and I'm profusely apologizing and I'm maneuvering my body, 1058 00:54:36,661 --> 00:54:38,228 so at least I'm missing his legs. 1059 00:54:38,362 --> 00:54:39,631 No, I can't. That's-- 1060 00:54:39,764 --> 00:54:41,000 -That's fucking wild. -Oh, my God. 1061 00:54:41,133 --> 00:54:42,768 I mean, weren't you embarrassed? 1062 00:54:42,902 --> 00:54:46,237 [laughs] Of course. Are you kidding me? I was mortified. 1063 00:54:46,706 --> 00:54:49,508 I was traumatized. I never wanted to do it again. 1064 00:54:49,642 --> 00:54:51,877 -And we didn't. -Obviously. 1065 00:54:52,078 --> 00:54:54,480 You see, that's the thing. Not obviously. 1066 00:54:54,714 --> 00:54:56,683 I firmly believe that the person you're meant to be with 1067 00:54:56,817 --> 00:54:59,119 is the one that you can literally shit on 1068 00:54:59,453 --> 00:55:00,754 and they still love you. 1069 00:55:02,122 --> 00:55:03,557 Which is like weird, and fucked-up or whatever, 1070 00:55:03,690 --> 00:55:07,160 but that's the comfort. At least for me, 1071 00:55:07,293 --> 00:55:09,228 that I feel is necessary to have 1072 00:55:09,496 --> 00:55:11,297 a successful relationship, 1073 00:55:11,432 --> 00:55:12,967 especially when it comes to sex. 1074 00:55:13,101 --> 00:55:15,268 I mean, sex is like the messiest thing you'll ever do. 1075 00:55:15,436 --> 00:55:18,506 It can smell, people have disturbing faces, 1076 00:55:18,639 --> 00:55:20,373 like you can fart, you can queef, whatever, 1077 00:55:20,508 --> 00:55:22,543 I mean, but at the end of it, 1078 00:55:22,677 --> 00:55:24,112 that person still loves you 1079 00:55:24,244 --> 00:55:25,680 even if you don't make them cum. 1080 00:55:26,481 --> 00:55:28,316 I mean, if you make them cum consistently, 1081 00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:30,351 they'll probably love you forever, but... 1082 00:55:30,886 --> 00:55:32,554 I think that just comes along with 1083 00:55:32,788 --> 00:55:34,255 being vulnerable and comfortable 1084 00:55:34,388 --> 00:55:35,991 with that person in that relationship. 1085 00:55:36,892 --> 00:55:39,495 That's when you get to ride that sweet spot... 1086 00:55:40,662 --> 00:55:43,066 of fucking sometimes 1087 00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:45,334 and making love most times. 1088 00:55:48,337 --> 00:55:49,939 Here I was just hoping for missionary. 1089 00:55:50,073 --> 00:55:51,541 Oh, come on. 1090 00:55:51,674 --> 00:55:53,308 Beggars can't be choosers. 1091 00:55:53,443 --> 00:55:55,310 Okay. You're telling me 1092 00:55:55,445 --> 00:55:56,913 that when you're sitting at home alone 1093 00:55:57,047 --> 00:55:58,582 with a bottle of lube, watching porn, 1094 00:55:58,716 --> 00:55:59,950 that you're clicking on the search bar 1095 00:56:00,084 --> 00:56:01,485 and you're typing in "vanilla"? 1096 00:56:01,619 --> 00:56:03,286 First of all, I rarely let my lube watch porn. 1097 00:56:03,419 --> 00:56:04,755 Yeah, whatever. You know what I mean? 1098 00:56:04,889 --> 00:56:06,791 -What do you watch? -Uh... 1099 00:56:07,390 --> 00:56:08,859 Oh, come on. I just showed you mine. 1100 00:56:08,993 --> 00:56:10,427 You're not going to show me yours? What is it? 1101 00:56:10,795 --> 00:56:12,329 -I don't know-- -Bondage. 1102 00:56:12,464 --> 00:56:14,365 [chuckles nervously] -Hentai. Gay porn. 1103 00:56:14,499 --> 00:56:15,700 -I-- -What? 1104 00:56:16,001 --> 00:56:18,837 I think it's funny how, you know, girls can talk 1105 00:56:18,970 --> 00:56:20,438 about how they watch lesbian porn, 1106 00:56:20,572 --> 00:56:21,940 and it's not a big deal, you know? 1107 00:56:22,073 --> 00:56:23,307 It's like, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense. 1108 00:56:23,441 --> 00:56:24,910 You know, that's hot." 1109 00:56:25,043 --> 00:56:26,845 But when a guy talks about watching other guys, 1110 00:56:26,978 --> 00:56:28,413 and it's like, "Hmm. Wait a minute. 1111 00:56:28,548 --> 00:56:29,816 Are you sure you're not gay?" 1112 00:56:29,949 --> 00:56:31,617 I think that's how some people see. 1113 00:56:31,751 --> 00:56:33,886 -But not all people. -But... [stutters] 1114 00:56:34,419 --> 00:56:35,454 -A majority. -Okay, yeah. 1115 00:56:35,588 --> 00:56:36,856 But see that's the problem. 1116 00:56:36,989 --> 00:56:38,591 We all play this game of hush-hush 1117 00:56:38,724 --> 00:56:40,325 and pretend when it comes to sex and porn 1118 00:56:40,459 --> 00:56:42,830 and that just makes everyone feel guilty 1119 00:56:42,963 --> 00:56:44,998 when they go home and they watch it in private, 1120 00:56:45,132 --> 00:56:46,466 which is bullshit. 1121 00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:48,635 I mean-- I guarantee you-- I guarantee you 1122 00:56:48,769 --> 00:56:50,504 that if some hacker group came out 1123 00:56:50,637 --> 00:56:52,105 and released everyone's search history, 1124 00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:53,607 made it public information, 1125 00:56:53,740 --> 00:56:54,675 the world will be a much happier place. 1126 00:56:54,808 --> 00:56:56,510 And I don't disagree. 1127 00:56:56,643 --> 00:56:58,546 Which is why I'm telling you I'm not judging you. 1128 00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:01,549 So feel free to personally unload your burden. 1129 00:57:01,683 --> 00:57:03,350 It's not like it's some big deal. 1130 00:57:03,484 --> 00:57:06,221 Okay? It's not some crazy burden like you're making it out to be. 1131 00:57:06,353 --> 00:57:07,789 Do you watch gay porn? 1132 00:57:08,556 --> 00:57:10,925 -I-- -Okay, so you watch gay porn. 1133 00:57:11,593 --> 00:57:13,863 [sighs] Okay. Okay. 1134 00:57:14,330 --> 00:57:15,865 Yes. 1135 00:57:16,265 --> 00:57:18,200 I have watched gay porn before. 1136 00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:21,203 And admittedly... [sighs] 1137 00:57:22,004 --> 00:57:23,672 I still watch it from time to time. 1138 00:57:24,006 --> 00:57:26,208 Okay? Not a significant percentage, but... 1139 00:57:26,442 --> 00:57:28,010 I still watch it all the same. 1140 00:57:28,377 --> 00:57:29,579 -Are you gay? -No! 1141 00:57:29,713 --> 00:57:30,780 See, that's what I'm talking about. 1142 00:57:30,914 --> 00:57:32,349 I'm proving your point, idiot. 1143 00:57:32,482 --> 00:57:33,850 I'm saying that you get to decide 1144 00:57:33,984 --> 00:57:35,752 what you are because ultimately 1145 00:57:35,886 --> 00:57:37,386 you're the only one who knows who you want to be with. 1146 00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,155 Yeah, but it's not that simple. 1147 00:57:39,556 --> 00:57:41,825 I mean, Jesus. Like, my first, 1148 00:57:41,958 --> 00:57:44,962 my only sexual experiences are with a guy. 1149 00:57:45,963 --> 00:57:48,566 You know, part of me can't help but see men sexually. 1150 00:57:48,933 --> 00:57:50,534 And I don't know, I don't-- 1151 00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:51,836 I don't mean to get all nature versus nurture. 1152 00:57:51,969 --> 00:57:53,704 No, I get it. 1153 00:57:53,838 --> 00:57:55,273 [sighs] 1154 00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:56,974 [scoffs softly] 1155 00:57:58,710 --> 00:58:00,712 Sometimes I wish I was gay. 1156 00:58:02,413 --> 00:58:04,683 Meaning, if I was... 1157 00:58:05,684 --> 00:58:07,352 that would explain so much. 1158 00:58:07,486 --> 00:58:10,956 You know, it would mean that I'm not scared or embarrassed. 1159 00:58:11,089 --> 00:58:12,624 I'm just gay. 1160 00:58:12,758 --> 00:58:15,194 You know, I'm not into women. 1161 00:58:16,296 --> 00:58:17,630 But I am. 1162 00:58:18,331 --> 00:58:19,699 -Into women? -Yes. 1163 00:58:19,832 --> 00:58:22,268 Obsessively. Like, exclusively. 1164 00:58:22,468 --> 00:58:24,404 Except for those few revved-up moments. 1165 00:58:24,537 --> 00:58:25,605 And, you know, I'm always dreaming up 1166 00:58:25,738 --> 00:58:27,106 some fucking fairy tale for me 1167 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:28,775 and every pretty woman I see, you know? 1168 00:58:28,908 --> 00:58:30,411 But then there are those other moments 1169 00:58:30,544 --> 00:58:32,479 and I get all confused and fucked up. 1170 00:58:33,147 --> 00:58:34,548 Okay, well, that's why I'm sitting here. 1171 00:58:34,682 --> 00:58:35,950 And I'm telling you 1172 00:58:36,083 --> 00:58:38,485 that you're totally normal, Dylan. 1173 00:58:42,356 --> 00:58:44,492 I love you and I accept you. 1174 00:58:46,695 --> 00:58:47,963 All of you. 1175 00:58:50,699 --> 00:58:52,033 [sniffles] 1176 00:58:52,467 --> 00:58:54,502 You know what is fucked up? 1177 00:58:59,442 --> 00:59:00,843 Even if I was gay... 1178 00:59:02,478 --> 00:59:03,846 I would have to deal with 1179 00:59:04,146 --> 00:59:06,682 not only the prejudices that already exist, 1180 00:59:07,583 --> 00:59:09,018 but also my own psyche. 1181 00:59:09,151 --> 00:59:10,586 You know, wondering 1182 00:59:10,853 --> 00:59:13,155 if I'm only gay because I was molested. 1183 00:59:16,593 --> 00:59:18,028 I mean-- 1184 00:59:18,795 --> 00:59:20,230 Fuck. [scoffs] 1185 00:59:20,497 --> 00:59:22,499 [sighs deeply] 1186 00:59:24,534 --> 00:59:25,836 Hey. 1187 00:59:32,577 --> 00:59:33,811 Did you ever see that documentary 1188 00:59:33,945 --> 00:59:35,980 a couple of years back? 1189 00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:38,516 The Act of Killing, you know, about those dogs 1190 00:59:38,649 --> 00:59:41,719 from the Indonesian genocides, recreating their atrocities? 1191 00:59:41,853 --> 00:59:44,622 [inhales] Oh yeah, that was insane. Hard to watch. 1192 00:59:44,889 --> 00:59:47,159 You know, in the end, when... 1193 00:59:48,394 --> 00:59:52,164 the main guy is watching the film and he expresses 1194 00:59:53,365 --> 00:59:54,900 maybe not regret, but... 1195 00:59:55,968 --> 00:59:57,569 at least some sense of understanding of 1196 00:59:57,703 --> 00:59:59,605 the pain he inflicted. I-- 1197 01:00:00,305 --> 01:00:02,409 I felt some strange sense of hope. 1198 01:00:03,043 --> 01:00:06,179 Like, you know, if a monster like that can acknowledge, 1199 01:00:06,312 --> 01:00:08,648 even in some small way that why he did hurt people, 1200 01:00:08,782 --> 01:00:11,051 then maybe there's some hope for humanity. 1201 01:00:11,384 --> 01:00:13,553 You know, like, if people can learn, then, 1202 01:00:13,686 --> 01:00:15,221 you know, they can change. 1203 01:00:15,355 --> 01:00:18,460 Then I start thinking of the millions of victims, 1204 01:00:18,759 --> 01:00:20,828 you know, the dead, the murdered. 1205 01:00:21,128 --> 01:00:22,430 Like, what are they supposed to learn? 1206 01:00:22,596 --> 01:00:25,032 How do they change? You know? 1207 01:00:25,166 --> 01:00:27,536 You know, when you die or your parents die, 1208 01:00:27,668 --> 01:00:29,504 like, how do you change, you know? 1209 01:00:29,670 --> 01:00:31,873 Or when you're raped or molested, 1210 01:00:32,007 --> 01:00:33,509 how do you move on? 1211 01:00:33,742 --> 01:00:35,377 I mean, people do, so I'm told. I mean, 1212 01:00:35,511 --> 01:00:37,145 I'd love to know how because I still can't figure it out. 1213 01:00:37,279 --> 01:00:39,414 I mean, you know... [exhales] 1214 01:00:39,881 --> 01:00:41,883 All I can see is 1215 01:00:42,017 --> 01:00:44,753 my piece of shit cousin is married with kids, 1216 01:00:44,886 --> 01:00:46,355 living his fucking life, 1217 01:00:46,490 --> 01:00:48,057 and-- and-- and that's fine. 1218 01:00:48,191 --> 01:00:51,828 You know, I don't-- I-- [stutters] I'm serious. 1219 01:00:51,961 --> 01:00:54,263 I don't begrudge him his life. I just-- 1220 01:00:56,399 --> 01:01:00,269 I hope he feels such crippling, fucking guilt. 1221 01:01:01,137 --> 01:01:04,942 I hope every day is a brutal struggle 1222 01:01:05,075 --> 01:01:07,144 with shame and fear and regret. 1223 01:01:07,277 --> 01:01:09,581 And I hope-- I hope he suffers every day 1224 01:01:09,713 --> 01:01:12,015 of his miserable fucking life like I do. 1225 01:01:12,249 --> 01:01:14,818 [stutters] If I could move on, then by all means, 1226 01:01:14,952 --> 01:01:16,888 I wish him the same. But until then... 1227 01:01:18,756 --> 01:01:20,158 Fuck him. 1228 01:01:24,597 --> 01:01:25,897 He's moved on. 1229 01:01:29,267 --> 01:01:31,035 He probably has. 1230 01:01:31,737 --> 01:01:33,105 Of course, he has. 1231 01:01:37,544 --> 01:01:39,044 You should too. 1232 01:01:45,619 --> 01:01:47,420 [inhales deeply then exhales] 1233 01:01:48,688 --> 01:01:50,123 [sighs deeply] 1234 01:01:52,025 --> 01:01:53,660 [chuckles in amusement] 1235 01:02:01,835 --> 01:02:02,937 [chuckles] 1236 01:02:03,070 --> 01:02:05,139 I had a friend... 1237 01:02:06,307 --> 01:02:07,441 Tell me once... 1238 01:02:11,245 --> 01:02:13,414 She said... 1239 01:02:14,650 --> 01:02:17,953 "You know who has victimized you the most in your life? 1240 01:02:20,523 --> 01:02:21,790 You." 1241 01:02:24,092 --> 01:02:25,827 She said, "Your cousin stopped molesting you 1242 01:02:25,961 --> 01:02:28,197 when you were ten and... 1243 01:02:29,865 --> 01:02:32,402 you've picked up the baton ever since." 1244 01:02:35,673 --> 01:02:37,373 And... 1245 01:02:40,009 --> 01:02:41,978 it knocked me out. [scoffs] 1246 01:02:42,845 --> 01:02:44,981 I knew she was right, but 1247 01:02:45,215 --> 01:02:47,751 fuck, if it didn't hurt, you know, like, 1248 01:02:48,687 --> 01:02:50,921 realizing that all that misery, 1249 01:02:51,055 --> 01:02:53,757 all those years of pain, I did it to myself, you know? 1250 01:02:53,891 --> 01:02:55,660 And if I want it to stop, you know, 1251 01:02:55,793 --> 01:02:57,861 I have to be the one that stops it. 1252 01:02:57,995 --> 01:02:59,763 Like, I have to-- I have to be the one. 1253 01:02:59,897 --> 01:03:01,265 And I can't. 1254 01:03:01,398 --> 01:03:04,803 I-- I can't. I want to so badly, but I just-- 1255 01:03:05,303 --> 01:03:06,905 -Why not? -I don't know. 1256 01:03:07,038 --> 01:03:09,374 -Yes, you do. -I can't. I-- 1257 01:03:10,242 --> 01:03:13,912 -Come on. Take control. -I-- [stutters] I just-- 1258 01:03:16,915 --> 01:03:18,518 -You are in control. -[sighs] 1259 01:03:18,719 --> 01:03:20,353 Okay? You know that, right? 1260 01:03:20,853 --> 01:03:22,421 You are the one who gets to decide 1261 01:03:22,556 --> 01:03:24,023 how you want to live your life. 1262 01:03:24,156 --> 01:03:25,659 What is it going to take? What does it change? 1263 01:03:25,791 --> 01:03:29,161 I-- I've thought this over so many fucking times. 1264 01:03:29,295 --> 01:03:31,531 If-- If I could just get rid of this fucking... 1265 01:03:31,931 --> 01:03:33,534 [grunts deeply] 1266 01:03:33,668 --> 01:03:35,637 You know, if I could just get rid of this-- this fucking, 1267 01:03:35,769 --> 01:03:38,372 you know, and move on, you know, and be normal, you know? 1268 01:03:38,506 --> 01:03:40,774 And for the first time in my life, 1269 01:03:40,907 --> 01:03:43,076 not hate myself for not being normal. 1270 01:03:43,210 --> 01:03:45,680 I could let it go. I think I could, you know? 1271 01:03:45,812 --> 01:03:47,281 But-- And I know. I know, I know. 1272 01:03:47,414 --> 01:03:49,417 I need to just stop skirting around the edges 1273 01:03:49,551 --> 01:03:51,986 with these massages and just get a prostitute 1274 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,489 and just get it over with. 1275 01:03:53,622 --> 01:03:55,256 -Do you want to take care of it? -Yeah, I do. 1276 01:03:55,390 --> 01:03:56,891 -I really fucking do. -Yeah? 1277 01:03:57,025 --> 01:03:59,127 Yeah, I-- I'm so sick of this. 1278 01:04:02,030 --> 01:04:03,465 Then let's. 1279 01:04:09,606 --> 01:04:11,040 Let's? 1280 01:04:12,908 --> 01:04:14,176 Take care of it. 1281 01:04:20,116 --> 01:04:22,118 -Are you saying... -Yeah. 1282 01:04:29,527 --> 01:04:31,161 Are you serious? 1283 01:04:34,398 --> 01:04:35,534 [sighs softly] 1284 01:04:37,234 --> 01:04:39,937 Do you want to go back to your place? 1285 01:04:41,238 --> 01:04:42,440 [gasps] 1286 01:04:43,140 --> 01:04:44,875 [chuckles shakily] 1287 01:04:49,549 --> 01:04:50,717 Oh, I am so embarrassed. 1288 01:04:50,849 --> 01:04:52,851 Hey, hey. 1289 01:04:54,152 --> 01:04:56,054 No more embarrassment, okay? 1290 01:04:59,391 --> 01:05:00,459 Okay. 1291 01:05:02,695 --> 01:05:04,096 [water running] 1292 01:05:08,968 --> 01:05:10,970 [insects chirping] 1293 01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:37,165 [water running] 1294 01:05:58,622 --> 01:06:00,590 [breathes deeply] 1295 01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:06,263 [breathes deeply] 1296 01:06:17,842 --> 01:06:19,342 [clatter] 1297 01:06:44,904 --> 01:06:46,305 [exhales in nervousness] 1298 01:08:44,264 --> 01:08:46,099 -[Zoey exhales] -[both chuckle] 1299 01:08:51,237 --> 01:08:52,540 [Dylan groans] 1300 01:08:55,409 --> 01:08:57,411 Oh, you don't have to do that if you don't want. 1301 01:08:59,313 --> 01:09:00,682 I want to. 1302 01:09:01,215 --> 01:09:02,718 Okay. Yeah. 1303 01:09:03,317 --> 01:09:04,886 Okay. 1304 01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,235 [nervously] Okay. Okay. 1305 01:09:20,703 --> 01:09:22,705 -[Dylan] Okay? -Yeah, okay. 1306 01:09:24,742 --> 01:09:26,810 Okay. 1307 01:09:31,882 --> 01:09:33,617 [Dylan exhales] 1308 01:09:38,389 --> 01:09:40,925 -Zoey? -I can't, I can't, I can't... 1309 01:09:41,059 --> 01:09:42,259 [Dylan] Okay. It's okay. 1310 01:09:42,393 --> 01:09:44,461 -Zoey, are you okay? -Yeah. 1311 01:09:44,596 --> 01:09:46,097 -Are you okay? -Okay. 1312 01:09:46,230 --> 01:09:47,766 -Okay. -I'm sorry. 1313 01:09:47,899 --> 01:09:49,433 I'm sorry. 1314 01:09:49,567 --> 01:09:51,268 -No, no... I just-- -No, no, no, it was too much. 1315 01:09:51,402 --> 01:09:52,837 -I understand. -No, no, no, no. It's-- 1316 01:09:53,639 --> 01:09:55,306 It's not that. It's um... [sniffles] 1317 01:09:55,440 --> 01:09:56,909 It's-- It's complicated. 1318 01:09:57,043 --> 01:09:58,544 It's just complicated. 1319 01:09:59,377 --> 01:10:00,846 Fuck. 1320 01:10:05,951 --> 01:10:07,553 You can talk to me. 1321 01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,225 Okay. 1322 01:10:13,593 --> 01:10:15,595 [sniffles, gulps] 1323 01:10:17,196 --> 01:10:18,799 [cries] 1324 01:10:20,366 --> 01:10:22,769 [voice breaks] Uh, so... 1325 01:10:24,271 --> 01:10:25,973 about a year ago, 1326 01:10:26,741 --> 01:10:28,408 I was working the night shift 1327 01:10:28,543 --> 01:10:32,046 at this bar on Colfax because... [inhales shakily] 1328 01:10:32,379 --> 01:10:34,515 ...entry-level journalist salaries 1329 01:10:34,649 --> 01:10:36,884 don't exactly pay the rent in Denver, you know? 1330 01:10:38,986 --> 01:10:43,559 I noticed this guy in the coal section one night... 1331 01:10:46,427 --> 01:10:48,362 and he kept coming in more and more. 1332 01:10:49,131 --> 01:10:51,900 And I was aware of him because he was cute... 1333 01:10:54,069 --> 01:10:55,772 and he would stare at me. 1334 01:10:59,676 --> 01:11:01,578 [speaks softly] I thought it was really sexy. 1335 01:11:03,079 --> 01:11:06,950 One night for the first time, he sat in my section. 1336 01:11:08,450 --> 01:11:09,787 And again he didn't say anything. 1337 01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:12,288 He would just-- He just stared at me. 1338 01:11:14,158 --> 01:11:16,392 And I thought that was weird. 1339 01:11:18,328 --> 01:11:20,330 I told him, I'd give him some time 1340 01:11:20,965 --> 01:11:22,767 and I walked down 1341 01:11:23,701 --> 01:11:25,971 the staff hallway to my locker. 1342 01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:29,941 [exhales deeply] 1343 01:11:30,575 --> 01:11:33,879 I still remember the pain of my knees 1344 01:11:34,012 --> 01:11:38,884 bearing down on the cracked tiles of the bathroom floor. 1345 01:11:41,053 --> 01:11:43,288 I could feel everything and I can feel it. 1346 01:11:43,421 --> 01:11:44,791 I can feel it now. 1347 01:11:44,924 --> 01:11:46,759 It's this-- It's like this phantom pain, 1348 01:11:46,893 --> 01:11:48,728 you know, that comes in waves. 1349 01:11:48,861 --> 01:11:52,899 And I remember everything. You know, like, he... [gasps] 1350 01:11:53,666 --> 01:11:55,769 He had his hand over my head. 1351 01:11:58,304 --> 01:12:00,007 And I was struggling to move it away, 1352 01:12:00,140 --> 01:12:03,076 not because I believed I could actually do anything about it, 1353 01:12:03,210 --> 01:12:04,443 but because he had my head 1354 01:12:04,578 --> 01:12:06,780 right next to the toilet plunger. 1355 01:12:07,781 --> 01:12:09,550 [crying] And I felt really nauseous 1356 01:12:09,683 --> 01:12:11,351 and I didn't know if I was feeling nauseous 1357 01:12:11,485 --> 01:12:12,754 because of what was happening 1358 01:12:12,887 --> 01:12:14,856 or because of the fucking plunger. 1359 01:12:14,989 --> 01:12:16,024 And I wanted to scream, 1360 01:12:16,157 --> 01:12:17,659 but I couldn't really scream 1361 01:12:17,792 --> 01:12:20,695 because my voice just disappeared into nothing. 1362 01:12:21,428 --> 01:12:24,364 I tried not to feel anything, but that didn't work. 1363 01:12:26,334 --> 01:12:28,537 I just really wanted to go numb. 1364 01:12:29,337 --> 01:12:30,906 I can just switch off. 1365 01:12:33,374 --> 01:12:35,211 But my knees hurt really bad, 1366 01:12:35,343 --> 01:12:38,814 so I focused on my pain. 1367 01:12:39,380 --> 01:12:41,852 Focussed on my pain from my knees, 1368 01:12:41,985 --> 01:12:44,554 like a mantra, you know? Like, you just-- 1369 01:12:45,222 --> 01:12:47,691 Like you use your pain to mask your pain. 1370 01:12:51,460 --> 01:12:53,830 [panicked suppressed laughter] 1371 01:12:54,898 --> 01:12:56,399 [speaks softly] Zoey, I... 1372 01:13:01,639 --> 01:13:03,406 [chocking] Fuck. I am so sorry. 1373 01:13:03,541 --> 01:13:06,611 No. No, no, no. Hey, hey. 1374 01:13:07,245 --> 01:13:09,914 Don't be. I am sorry. 1375 01:13:10,915 --> 01:13:12,818 That's why I quit my job. 1376 01:13:14,019 --> 01:13:16,221 [sniffles] That's why I stopped seeing you. 1377 01:13:16,355 --> 01:13:18,991 That's why I stopped seeing everyone. I just retreated. 1378 01:13:19,358 --> 01:13:20,893 The worst part is-- 1379 01:13:21,026 --> 01:13:23,161 I mean, there's a lot of worse parts, but... [sniffles] 1380 01:13:23,295 --> 01:13:24,730 ...it's thinking of college. 1381 01:13:24,863 --> 01:13:26,766 What happened in college. 1382 01:13:27,432 --> 01:13:28,735 I used to never really think about it 1383 01:13:28,868 --> 01:13:30,637 or I compartmentalized it enough 1384 01:13:30,770 --> 01:13:33,106 to just, like, live my life and get along 1385 01:13:33,873 --> 01:13:34,941 with it. 1386 01:13:35,074 --> 01:13:36,943 But now I think about it all the time. 1387 01:13:37,076 --> 01:13:38,645 Now it's just running through my mind all the time, every day. 1388 01:13:38,778 --> 01:13:40,113 Like, they're just, like, little details of 1389 01:13:40,246 --> 01:13:41,582 that night that just go through my mind 1390 01:13:41,715 --> 01:13:42,917 or, like, smells and stuff, 1391 01:13:43,050 --> 01:13:44,852 like, I can't walk down the street 1392 01:13:44,985 --> 01:13:47,688 and smell a guy's cologne without feeling sick. 1393 01:13:47,821 --> 01:13:49,556 I'll run through that night, 1394 01:13:49,690 --> 01:13:51,258 I was flirting with them, 1395 01:13:51,392 --> 01:13:52,626 which is fucking normal, you know? 1396 01:13:52,760 --> 01:13:54,595 You're flirting with people and 1397 01:13:54,728 --> 01:13:56,731 then I decided to make out with one of them 1398 01:13:56,998 --> 01:13:59,100 and the other one was just, like, hovering, 1399 01:13:59,234 --> 01:14:00,802 and I thought that he would just 1400 01:14:01,369 --> 01:14:04,438 take the hint and... just go away, but he-- 1401 01:14:04,839 --> 01:14:07,142 Because I'd already made my decision, but... 1402 01:14:07,876 --> 01:14:09,443 I didn't know that they already decided 1403 01:14:09,577 --> 01:14:11,012 what was going to happen. 1404 01:14:11,146 --> 01:14:13,883 Then I see myself giving in because, maybe, 1405 01:14:14,016 --> 01:14:16,218 it doesn't have to be that if I give in, 1406 01:14:16,352 --> 01:14:18,921 if I let it happen, it doesn't have to be that. 1407 01:14:20,022 --> 01:14:22,191 -Did I let it happen? -No, you didn't. 1408 01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:25,227 [shudders] 1409 01:14:25,361 --> 01:14:26,896 I don't know, man. 1410 01:14:27,029 --> 01:14:29,733 -Did I let it happen? -You didn't let it happen. 1411 01:14:33,503 --> 01:14:35,539 Shit. Dyl, if I can't outrun that, 1412 01:14:35,672 --> 01:14:38,575 what the fuck am I going to do with this one? 1413 01:14:41,111 --> 01:14:43,147 Zoey, I-- 1414 01:14:45,149 --> 01:14:47,452 I don't even know where to begin. 1415 01:14:47,585 --> 01:14:49,554 It's fine. Bah! [chuckles shakily] 1416 01:14:49,687 --> 01:14:51,089 I'm sorry I loaded on you. [babbles] 1417 01:14:51,222 --> 01:14:53,524 -Are you kidding? -[chuckles shakily] 1418 01:14:56,327 --> 01:14:57,830 Thank you. 1419 01:14:59,131 --> 01:15:00,332 Zoe... 1420 01:15:00,933 --> 01:15:02,634 -[chuckles nervously] -[sniffles] 1421 01:15:03,635 --> 01:15:05,070 [speaks softly] It's okay. 1422 01:15:07,206 --> 01:15:10,542 I'm sorry I broke down tonight. If-- 1423 01:15:11,944 --> 01:15:14,714 You know, if you felt like you had to do this all for me. 1424 01:15:14,848 --> 01:15:16,182 If I brought all this up-- 1425 01:15:16,316 --> 01:15:17,650 No, you didn't bring up anything 1426 01:15:17,784 --> 01:15:19,619 that wasn't already at the surface. 1427 01:15:20,553 --> 01:15:22,856 [inhales then exhales] 1428 01:15:30,865 --> 01:15:33,300 Dyl, I have to break through this. 1429 01:15:34,535 --> 01:15:36,837 [speaks softly] I need to... I... 1430 01:15:38,773 --> 01:15:40,708 I need you. 1431 01:15:42,376 --> 01:15:44,713 I need someone I can trust... 1432 01:15:46,915 --> 01:15:50,018 because I'm terrified of everyone else right now. 1433 01:15:55,457 --> 01:15:59,262 I can't go on feeling like this. 1434 01:16:00,430 --> 01:16:01,764 Hmm? 1435 01:16:03,666 --> 01:16:05,168 I know you understand that. 1436 01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:12,141 I do. 1437 01:16:14,745 --> 01:16:16,814 So, we're good. So, if I just cry 1438 01:16:16,947 --> 01:16:18,148 or freak out or whatever, 1439 01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:21,185 -I'll start crying too. -[laughs] 1440 01:16:29,461 --> 01:16:31,629 [Zoey inhales deeply] 1441 01:16:36,734 --> 01:16:38,036 What? 1442 01:16:38,571 --> 01:16:40,939 -What? -Sit with me. 1443 01:16:46,178 --> 01:16:47,379 [Zoey sniffles] 1444 01:17:22,984 --> 01:17:25,219 [Dylan inhales deeply] 1445 01:17:26,821 --> 01:17:28,756 [exhales deeply] 1446 01:17:28,890 --> 01:17:33,195 [heartbeat thumping] 1447 01:17:35,430 --> 01:17:37,332 [inhales deeply] 1448 01:17:40,402 --> 01:17:41,904 [exhales softly] 1449 01:17:52,616 --> 01:17:55,084 [Zoey inhales deeply] 1450 01:17:57,453 --> 01:17:59,689 [exhales softly] 1451 01:18:25,483 --> 01:18:27,285 [both inhale deeply] 1452 01:18:38,599 --> 01:18:40,433 [both exhale deeply] 106557

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