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(light music playing)
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John Wilson:
Hey, New York.
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When you're young,
life is simple.
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You don't have to worry
about dressing yourself.
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Your social life
is prearranged.
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00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:23,600
And you naturally get
plenty of exercise.
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But, as you get older,
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you become responsible
for your own well-being.
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You start to eat
a lot of junk.
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You sit around and get stoned
at home all the time.
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And you drink a bunch
because it's the only way
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you know how to be social.
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But, after a while,
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this lifestyle will start
to catch up with you.
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(clears throat)
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You barely have any energy
to do anything.
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You're too weak
to defend yourself.
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And you're so out of shape,
that people call you
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really hurtful names.
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And what was once
a fresh ball of clay
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with unlimited possibility,
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has hardened
into something disappointing.
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And you no longer
like what you see
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when you look in the mirror.
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You were on a plane recently,
and during takeoff,
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you had an unobstructed view
of the flight attendant.
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You couldn't stop staring
at his biceps,
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which looked like
they were about
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to burst out of his uniform.
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And you kinda wish
you could have those, too.
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♪ ♪
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Your entire life, you just
thought that people's bodies
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just were--
were the way they were.
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But, the more you
look around New York,
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the more you notice all
the hard work people are doing
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00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,800
to maintain
their physiques.
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They make it look effortless,
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and you've never really
understood how to do it right.
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But, maybe if you tried,
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you could finally have
the beach body
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you've always dreamed of
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and surprise everyone
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with your incredible
transformation.
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So, instead of just
letting gravity suck you down,
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stick with me,
and I'll show you
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how to finally get off
your butt and...
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and start to, uh, work out.
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Now, there are a lot
of different gyms
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to choose from in New York,
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and thankfully, a lot of them
offer a free trial,
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so you can take a tour
to see which you like best.
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Most gyms just have machines
that simulate
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a bunch of activities
that you hate doing outside,
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like walking up stairs,
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rowing a boat,
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or looking over a wall.
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♪ ♪
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There's a large common area
where people lie down
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to send text messages.
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You have an unlimited supply
of free paper towels,
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(clears throat)
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and a bunch of
high-definition TVs above you
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playing, uh,
inspirational, uh, programing.
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At Retro Fitness,
all the equipment is yellow,
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there's a movie theater
with treadmills
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instead of seats
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that, uh, p-plays "Space Jam"
on a loop.
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And a fireplace room
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with three numbered pods.
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At Equinox,
they have a steam room
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and really nice showers
with signs
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telling you not
to have sex in them.
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All the gyms seem nice,
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but you, you may not be able
to picture yourself
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going there every day.
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You have a couple of pieces
of equipment at home
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that you never
do anything with.
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You also started smoking again
after a bad breakup,
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and you don't know why
having a gym membership
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would suddenly make you
wanna work out.
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But, you're just gonna
have to figure out
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some way
to get yourself excited.
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You spent an afternoon
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with a compulsive
masturbator recently,
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and you were curious
how he stayed so motivated.
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I think it's just prolonging...
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prolonging the orgasm,
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I think is the,
is the main goal.
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Um, you're consuming porn,
obviously, to finish,
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to orgasm.
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Um, gooning is
riding that orgasm
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without finishing.
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Recently, it's evolved
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into making these things
called "Goon Caps."
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You write, like,
motivational text on it,
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like, "Keep going!"
Or "You're doing great!"
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And other people look at them,
and they masturbate as well.
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-(notification chimes)
-And you keep it all going.
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Sorry, that's work.
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No one can make you feel
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as good as you can
make yourself feel good.
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-(musical ringtone)
-Oh, my gosh!
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Oh, that's work again.
Mind if I take that?
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John:
Yeah, sure.
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It seems like having
someone else to motivate you
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helps you stay committed
to something that's hard to do.
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Gooner:
The wordplay is part of
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the aesthetic of being mindless.
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John:
Oh, like "stay tuned"?
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Gooner:
Um, I wasn't going
for that specifically.
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-(Gooner laughs)
-John: Oh...
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Thankfully, most gyms
have personal trainers
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that kind of do
the same thing.
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You wanna feel better,
you wanna look better,
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you wanna get strong?
What is it?
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-John: I think
I wanna look better.
-You wanna look better?
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-John: Yeah.
-Okay.
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-John: Like this?
-So, I'm staying in this spot
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-right here for
about 20 seconds.
-John: Okay.
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-And pull right up.
-John: Okay.
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-I squeeze this out into a T.
-John: Oh, okay.
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♪ ♪
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-John: Okay.
-And crunch.
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John:
Oh, wow.
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Okay... Okay.
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Over here,
we do multiple things on this.
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So, we go one, two,
three, four, five.
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I got 'em counted all over here
when I'm doing multiples,
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-when I'm trying to
get up to 300 reps.
-John: Oh, okay.
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I think something's
on fire over here.
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-Trainer: What do you mean?
-John: I think
this blanket's on fire.
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Oh, shit! Wow!
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We got the tires.
We flip 'em,
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we jump on top of 'em.
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We hammer 'em. Uh...
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John:
I think the dumpster's
on fire now.
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Jesus.
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-Ooh, yeah!
-John: Oh, jeez.
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Yeah. Do, do we have a fire
extinguisher or something?
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(mop clatters)
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(bangs)
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(banging)
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John:
Okay, that's better.
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-We could do some steps.
-John: Oh, wow.
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You're like, it's, it's--
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It's kind of like a--
it's like you're a mime,
kind of.
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The first day
everyone goes to the gym,
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they should immediately take
a picture of their whole body
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for themselves.
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John:
It seems like if you wanna
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take fitness seriously,
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you're gonna need to get
a full-body photo of yourself.
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Otherwise, you won't know how
much progress you're making.
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Okay. Wow, that looks cool.
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You tried taking
some video at home,
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but you couldn't really...
get the angle right.
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Thankfully, you were
at a cat show recently,
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and you found a professional
photographer there
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who agreed to take
seminude photos of you.
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-This is the best kitten
of the year past.
-John: Oh, okay.
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This is the best alter.
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-The alters are
neutered and spayed.
-(indistinct PA announcement)
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John:
I just started to work out,
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so I kinda wanted to maybe get
a before and after photo.
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Photographer:
This is the before? Okay.
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You got big glasses and glares.
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(camera beeps)
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John:
Okay. What's today's date?
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Photographer:
Today is the 16.
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-John: And you'll send them
to me in an email?
-Photographer: Yeah.
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Eileen Watkins:
This is a mystery series.
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It's about a woman who has a cat
grooming and boarding business,
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and she solves crimes connected
with her customers,
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-human and feline.
-John: Oh.
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Is, uh, "The Bengal Identity"
is that like
"The Bourne Identity"?
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Yep.
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John:
You were having a really
good time,
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uh, looking around
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at all the different,
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uh, cool stuff
at the cat show.
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But you still couldn't stop
comparing your body
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to other guys' there.
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♪ ♪
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You started to feel
like a scrawny geek
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who's waited too long
to put on muscle.
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Maybe the world is
just one big cat show
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where all your
physical imperfections
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are being carefully logged
by everyone around you,
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giving a number value
to every visible feature
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to determine if you're
worthy of their approval.
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(clears throat)
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And you don't have a choice
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whether or not
you participate.
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You're excited to get your
professional photos back,
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00:08:31,733 --> 00:08:35,299
but the next day you got
an email from the photographer
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telling you that
all his equipment
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had been stolen
straight from his tent,
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and now your
embarrassing photos
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were in the hands of
some anonymous Jersey crook.
200
00:08:46,266 --> 00:08:47,566
(mysterious music playing)
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00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:49,833
You keep looking back
at the footage to see
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00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:52,966
who there might have
done something like this,
203
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,033
but there were too many
suspicious people,
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uh, to count.
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00:08:58,966 --> 00:09:00,566
And then, you remembered
that there was someone
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00:09:00,633 --> 00:09:03,666
that you met there that might
be able to assist you.
207
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:06,933
She'd written dozens of
animal-related mysteries,
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00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,066
so you thought
she might be able
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00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:12,233
to help you solve this one.
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00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,066
Was this the guy who was
the professional photographer
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-who takes the show cats?
-John: Yeah, like Larry Johnson.
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00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:19,500
-Yeah. And it was his equipment
that was stolen?
-John: Yeah, yeah.
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00:09:19,566 --> 00:09:21,900
Oh, my gosh.
Could it be a rival?
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00:09:21,966 --> 00:09:24,533
Could it be somebody
who was, who was, uh,
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doing the same kind of work
that he was doing,
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00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,133
but he was getting
more attention 'cause,
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00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,566
'cause Larry's pretty famous?
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00:09:29,633 --> 00:09:31,600
I haven't looked at it
in a long time,
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00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:34,066
but every once in a while,
I do refer to something.
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John:
Robbery. Here we go.
221
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:39,300
"One of the leading forms
of major crime is robbery."
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00:09:39,366 --> 00:09:40,600
I actually, I have
some footage from that--
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-I brought some footage
from that day.
-Eileen: Huh.
224
00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,733
They probably would be
smart enough not to do it
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00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,466
while you were shooting a film.
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00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:48,500
John:
Yeah, right.
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00:09:48,566 --> 00:09:50,033
They come in with
an empty baby stroller
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00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,433
that you would
put a cat in,
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and then they put it--
the stuff in there,
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and then they wheel it out,
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-and nobody even realizes
they've stolen it.
-John: Wow.
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00:09:56,966 --> 00:10:00,133
Eileen:
If he's lost a, a lot
of valuable equipment,
233
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,266
-you should go to the cops.
-John: Yeah.
234
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:03,800
Can we look up like another--
Like, are there--
235
00:10:03,866 --> 00:10:05,733
Are there other
Jersey cat photographers?
236
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,200
You know, I really--
237
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-I'm not a detective. I can't.
-John: Oh, okay.
238
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:13,500
Yeah, I was taking the photo
because, like, I was-- I--
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00:10:13,566 --> 00:10:14,766
I'm, I'm starting to work out,
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00:10:14,866 --> 00:10:18,466
-and I wanted to take kind of
like a "before" photo.
-Um...
241
00:10:18,533 --> 00:10:20,933
I could take a photo
of you with this.
242
00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:22,866
John:
Oh, cool!
243
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,533
Would it be strange
if I took my shirt off?
244
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,333
Because it's,
it's a workout photo.
245
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,800
-Eileen: Okay...
-John: Okay.
246
00:10:28,866 --> 00:10:30,533
Oops.
247
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:31,800
There we go.
248
00:10:31,866 --> 00:10:34,466
John:
So now that you finally
have your "before" photo,
249
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:38,633
you can, uh, continue
on your fitness journey.
250
00:10:39,566 --> 00:10:40,533
Over the next few months,
251
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,165
you spend most of your
free time at the gym.
252
00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:48,700
You revisit every single song
you've ever heard.
253
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,600
And time that would normally
be spent filming
254
00:10:51,665 --> 00:10:54,833
is now devoted
to making gains.
255
00:10:56,233 --> 00:10:58,733
You find yourself
following buff men
256
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,966
in the supermarket
to see what they buy.
257
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:04,433
And everything you see
on the street now
258
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,966
just makes you
think of protein.
259
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:10,066
♪ ♪
260
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,766
You eventually start to see
a little progress,
261
00:11:19,666 --> 00:11:23,700
but you still don't look
the way that you want to.
262
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:28,966
And you start to wonder what
you're even working towards.
263
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,066
Will you have to just be
in a room like this
264
00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:35,300
for the rest of your life?
(clears throat)
265
00:11:35,366 --> 00:11:38,133
And if you stop,
will you just go back
266
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,533
to the, the way
you looked before?
267
00:11:41,665 --> 00:11:43,566
You can already lift the stuff
268
00:11:43,633 --> 00:11:46,300
that, that you need to
carry around every day
269
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:51,533
and tame whatever
animal you need to.
270
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,433
So, you're not really sure
what you'd even do with,
271
00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:59,433
uh, all that excess strength.
272
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:03,200
-(indistinct bar chatter)
-(loud punching)
273
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:11,233
(loud punch)
274
00:12:11,866 --> 00:12:15,400
John:
But, it seems like once
your muscles get big enough,
275
00:12:15,466 --> 00:12:18,633
it's good to have a place
to show them to everyone.
276
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,566
When you're at the gym,
you saw a poster
277
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:25,166
for a,
a bodybuilding competition,
278
00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:28,200
which was 9/11-themed
for some reason.
279
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,833
('80s synth music playing)
280
00:12:36,866 --> 00:12:38,800
♪ ♪
281
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:46,800
♪ ♪
282
00:12:52,766 --> 00:12:55,333
-(indistinct chatter)
-John: Where were you on 9/11?
283
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,833
Um...
284
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,700
I was just born.
Like, I'm, I'm 22,
285
00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:01,733
-so, I was-- (laughs) Yeah.
-John: Oh, okay.
286
00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:04,833
-Were, we're you alive on 9/11?
-Uh, I was not.
287
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,966
-John: Oh, okay.
-But, I still, uh,
give my condolences
288
00:13:08,033 --> 00:13:10,233
-and, uh, contribute
in any way I can.
-John: Sure.
289
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,766
Alright, well, thanks.
Thank you for your workout.
290
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,633
Um, my mom pulled us
out of school early that day.
291
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,433
-John: Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
292
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,133
John:
Uh, yeah, I think I-I left--
293
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,833
-Bodybuilder: Yes!
-(clapping)
294
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,933
Did you just fucking
win a gold, bro?
295
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,733
John:
How has this experience
been for you?
296
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,033
Um, prep is extremely
challenging,
297
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,266
both mentally
and physically, um...
298
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,665
Yeah. I mean, I-I struggled
for quite a long time.
299
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:36,466
It's a very socially
isolating thing,
300
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,366
especially when
you're in college...
301
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:39,600
-John: Really?
-...because it can--
302
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,266
it takes away
your entire social life.
303
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:44,866
You get so much time and so much
everything goes into it,
304
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,866
and your mental, like, health
really deteriorates,
305
00:13:46,933 --> 00:13:48,833
which people don't know about.
Like natural body--
306
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,133
Just bodybuilding
in general.
307
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,566
I wanna say,
like, waves of depression,
308
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:53,165
'cause, honestly,
that's what it is.
309
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,665
There's ni-- I--
It sounds stupid,
310
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,966
but I, genuinely,
there have been nights
311
00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:58,665
where I have like, cried myself
to sleep and said,
312
00:13:58,733 --> 00:14:00,233
"It's not worth it."
313
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,200
Backstage, after,
after like, we were all there,
314
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:04,666
hitting our poses,
I was freaking out.
315
00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:06,300
I saw the pictures my mom took,
and I was like,
316
00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:07,833
"I-I look terrible!
I'm not gonna win!
317
00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:09,500
I'm not gonna get even third!
I'm gonna do ter--"
318
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:10,833
And I'm just freaking out
319
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,633
because you just get
in like, this mindset,
320
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,233
and it's, it's just...
I don't know.
321
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,900
I'm just so glad now
that it's over,
322
00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:17,600
and it's like,
it paid off, you know?
323
00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:18,733
It feels great.
324
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,666
(pensive music playing)
325
00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:25,566
John:
It seems like even if
it's emotionally devastating,
326
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:29,966
you should keep at it
no matter what it costs,
327
00:14:30,033 --> 00:14:33,566
because commitment is
the most important thing.
328
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,133
When the event was over,
329
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,566
you ended up
talking to this guy
330
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:40,700
who gave you a book he thought
you might find interesting.
331
00:14:41,566 --> 00:14:43,866
It was a memoir written
by a personal trainer
332
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:47,066
who discovered
that a former client of his
333
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:50,933
became one of
the 9/11 hijackers.
334
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,665
He was really shocked,
but there were a few lessons
335
00:14:53,733 --> 00:14:56,433
he learned from
the whole experience.
336
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,733
Uh, and, uh...
337
00:15:17,966 --> 00:15:20,066
John:
I mean, how did it,
how did it make you feel
338
00:15:20,133 --> 00:15:22,166
when you found out
what they did?
339
00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:39,000
John:
Oh.
340
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,400
♪ ♪
341
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:51,000
John:
The only thing you've been
that dedicated to,
342
00:15:51,066 --> 00:15:54,100
your whole life,
is making films.
343
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,165
You even made a movie on 9/11,
344
00:15:58,233 --> 00:16:01,066
uh, after you got
to go home early.
345
00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:04,700
It was a superhero flick, uh,
about a man whose only power
346
00:16:04,766 --> 00:16:07,366
was that he owned a ladder.
347
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,000
But it had nothing
to do with 9/11.
348
00:16:10,866 --> 00:16:12,433
You used to make movies
349
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,533
just to...
(clears throat)
350
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,333
entertain
a few of your friends.
351
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:19,033
But now that
you have the show,
352
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:22,166
you end up at these
strange events by yourself.
353
00:16:22,266 --> 00:16:23,633
♪ ♪
354
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,300
With all these people
355
00:16:25,366 --> 00:16:28,366
who are valorized
for their commitment
356
00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:30,033
to making TV shows.
357
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,966
And we're gonna wait
for that next Peloton ad.
358
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,133
-Mm. Can't wait.
-Just drop it. It'll be perfect.
359
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,633
-I'm doing the next one,
actually.
-Oh!
360
00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:39,233
John:
You feel kinda lost
without anyone
361
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,900
telling you what to do there.
362
00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:44,033
So, you just get in line
for something
363
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,566
because that's what
everyone else is doing.
364
00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:48,433
♪ ♪
365
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,833
You never thought
about yourself
366
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,033
as a competitive person,
367
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,333
but being
in these environments
368
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,200
forces you
to compare yourself
369
00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:00,133
to other people that you have
very little in common with,
370
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,666
and you begin to feel
really disconnected
371
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:07,000
from the reason you
originally made your movies.
372
00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:09,200
And when you lose,
373
00:17:09,266 --> 00:17:11,665
you try to tell yourself
you don't care,
374
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:15,000
but part of you
still feels like a failure.
375
00:17:16,032 --> 00:17:19,032
On the way out,
you pass a demonstration
376
00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:21,532
about a, a genocide
377
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:23,733
you didn't know about,
378
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,800
and then it turns out
that HBO
379
00:17:25,866 --> 00:17:28,532
doesn't even have you
on their list
380
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:29,666
for their after-party.
381
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:32,866
Yes, I, unfortunately,
do not have you here.
382
00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:34,666
-John: Okay. (laughs)
-Um...
383
00:17:34,733 --> 00:17:36,000
John:
And at another event,
384
00:17:36,066 --> 00:17:39,400
you were supposed to be
celebrating Elon Musk,
385
00:17:39,466 --> 00:17:41,700
who was the
Person of the Year,
386
00:17:41,766 --> 00:17:43,333
uh, that year.
387
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,600
He showed up
with his little baby
388
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,866
and gave a really
weird interview.
389
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,466
You know, even if you, um...
390
00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:53,500
save 90% of the lives,
391
00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:55,866
the 10% that you don't save
are gonna sue you.
392
00:17:55,933 --> 00:17:58,733
-(scattered laughter)
-Interviewer: Right.
393
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,966
John:
You like to think that
you were just (clears throat)
394
00:18:01,066 --> 00:18:03,233
watching all this stuff
from a distance
395
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,700
but maybe this is
just who you are now.
396
00:18:06,766 --> 00:18:08,533
(people singing
"You Will Be Found")
397
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,033
John:
You got so bored
398
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,800
that you went out onto
the balcony by yourself
399
00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:15,066
to stare at the billboard
for your own show.
400
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:16,866
(singing continues)
401
00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:18,633
John: You thought this
would be the moment
402
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:21,233
you waited for
your entire life.
403
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,833
But, for some reason,
you felt completely nothing.
404
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,233
(singing) ♪ So, let the sun
come streaming in ♪
405
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:31,300
♪ 'Cause you'll reach up
and rise again ♪
406
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:34,400
♪ Lift your head
and look around ♪
407
00:18:34,466 --> 00:18:36,333
♪ You will be found ♪
408
00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,533
John:
And as you walk back
to the subway
409
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,433
in Times Square afterwards,
410
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,100
you sort of wondered if
411
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:46,133
getting big ever
really made anyone happy.
412
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,266
-(hip-hop music blasting)
-(indistinct rapping)
413
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,700
♪ If you wanna move ♪
414
00:18:51,766 --> 00:18:53,166
♪ I'll make you move ♪
415
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,000
John:
You gave a speech
to a bunch of undergrads
416
00:18:56,066 --> 00:18:58,600
at your old university
recently.
417
00:18:58,666 --> 00:19:00,500
I-It's, it's like
the little thing
418
00:19:00,566 --> 00:19:02,000
that stays on all the time,
419
00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:04,500
so that it remembers
what channel you were on,
420
00:19:04,566 --> 00:19:06,400
when, when you turned it off.
421
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,866
But, if you put your finger
in it, it could kill you.
422
00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:12,666
And afterwards,
you went to your old dorms
423
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,833
to try to get inside.
424
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,666
Did anyone ever tell you
you look like one of the kids
425
00:19:16,733 --> 00:19:19,100
from, uh, that movie "Kids"?
426
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,266
-I don't think I've seen it.
-John: Oh, you haven't
seen "Kids"?
427
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:24,000
-No. No.
-John: Oh, you should.
It's really good.
428
00:19:24,066 --> 00:19:26,166
I mean, it's kind of
a fucked-up movie.
429
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,833
Student 1:
Hello.
430
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,133
John:
Hey, how's it going?
431
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,266
-Student 2: Hello.
-Student 3: Good.
432
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:31,500
John:
Thanks for-- Hello.
433
00:19:31,566 --> 00:19:33,766
Yeah, I used to live
in one of these, too.
434
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:36,666
-It still kind of smells
the same in here.
-(awkward laugh)
435
00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:38,133
John:
Oh, you guys play DDR?
436
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,733
Student:
Yes. Well, one of our friends.
437
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,466
John:
I totally forgot about this.
438
00:19:42,566 --> 00:19:44,733
And I used to play it
in my house growing up,
439
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,000
and I used to get
really sweaty on the weekends.
440
00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,433
-(toy skateboard clatters)
-John: No.
441
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,100
I used to be able
to do a flip.
442
00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:54,800
-Student 2: Okay.
-John: Like...
443
00:19:54,866 --> 00:19:56,066
And that night,
you went to
444
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,633
a few of your favorite
old college bars
445
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:01,500
expecting a hero's return.
446
00:20:01,566 --> 00:20:04,633
But, nobody there seemed
to care who you were.
447
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,266
I used to come
to this bar a lot--
448
00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,866
-Are you actually from HBO?
-John: Yeah, yeah!
449
00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:10,700
-No, you're not!
-John: No, you can google me.
450
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:12,600
-No, you're not from HBO.
-What's your name?
-John: I am.
451
00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:14,300
No, he's not!
452
00:20:14,366 --> 00:20:17,633
John:
And all the places you used
to go to parties at
453
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,600
didn't really seem
to want you around either.
454
00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:23,533
-Hello?
-John: Hey. I--
455
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,866
-Hey, what's up?
-John: I just heard
there was a party here.
456
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,733
-You heard wrong. No party.
-(party chatter inside)
457
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,800
John:
'Cause I have a TV show.
Like, I--
458
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,500
(partygoer 1 speaking)
459
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,900
-John: Okay.
-(partygoer 2 speaking)
460
00:20:37,966 --> 00:20:41,133
(melancholy music playing)
461
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:45,333
John:
You felt like an old ghost,
wandering around campus,
462
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,566
trying to recapture something
463
00:20:47,666 --> 00:20:50,133
you no longer have access to.
464
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:53,633
-(partygoer 3 speaking)
-John: Nothing.
465
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:57,033
And maybe your ego
will never be
466
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,633
fully satisfied.
467
00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:01,766
♪ ♪
468
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:04,133
The next morning,
on the way back,
469
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,800
you took some local roads,
and you stopped to get a shot
470
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:11,166
of a giant rotting pumpkin
in the back of a truck.
471
00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:12,533
And while you're sitting there,
472
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,633
the, the owner saw you
looking at it.
473
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:17,133
-That's yours?
-I just might
just leave it in the truck
474
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,000
-and drive it around town.
-(truck idling)
475
00:21:19,066 --> 00:21:22,233
John:
It turned out he was actually
a competitive pumpkin grower.
476
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:23,466
♪ ♪
477
00:21:23,566 --> 00:21:26,066
And he offered to show you
his whole operation.
478
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,100
Wow.
479
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:30,200
So, every morning,
I, I put this little can here,
480
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:32,733
-and it knocks it over.
-John: Oh, really?
481
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,533
It's pushing out an inch,
at least, in 24 hours.
482
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,166
John:
He told you that pumpkins
483
00:21:38,233 --> 00:21:41,233
were the fastest-growing
objects on planet Earth,
484
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:44,533
and that people try to push
them to the limits
485
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,466
to compete
for the biggest one.
486
00:21:47,533 --> 00:21:49,600
Scott:
This is my little cocktail
for lunch.
487
00:21:49,666 --> 00:21:53,400
Humic acid, silica blast,
essentials,
488
00:21:53,466 --> 00:21:56,266
companion, and some seaweed.
489
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:58,733
John:
Is it possible for a human
to consume that?
490
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,833
-No.
-(dripping)
491
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,533
John:
Do you, like,
do you go to the gym?
492
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,966
No. No, this is my gym.
493
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,033
-John: Oh, really?
-Yeah.
494
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:09,300
Yeah... yeah.
495
00:22:09,366 --> 00:22:12,100
♪ ♪
496
00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:18,000
So, this is my little wall
of ribbons here.
497
00:22:18,066 --> 00:22:19,700
But no first place.
498
00:22:19,766 --> 00:22:22,733
-John: Wow.
"Poughkeepsie Journal."
-Scott: Yeah.
499
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,166
Kind of a car guy, too.
500
00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:27,133
John:
This is like a pumpkin...
501
00:22:27,233 --> 00:22:28,566
-car.
-Scott: Yeah.
502
00:22:28,666 --> 00:22:32,800
John:
A giant pumpkin takes
130 days to mature.
503
00:22:32,866 --> 00:22:36,866
And once it does,
you need to use a big crane
504
00:22:36,933 --> 00:22:39,233
to get it out of your yard.
505
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:40,566
Scott:
We'll see. Uh,
506
00:22:40,633 --> 00:22:42,733
it could be my personal best.
507
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,766
John:
Well, it's the biggest...
one of the biggest pumpkins
508
00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:47,466
I've ever seen.
What do you do for fun?
509
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,866
Uh, for the summer,
I work with my dad.
510
00:22:49,933 --> 00:22:51,166
Corbin Equipment.
511
00:22:51,233 --> 00:22:52,933
But then, now
I'm just in school.
512
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,033
John:
Oh, okay, cool.
What do you like in school?
513
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:56,766
Uh, nothing. I hate it.
(laughs)
514
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:59,366
John:
Oh. You'll like
something eventually.
515
00:22:59,433 --> 00:23:01,800
-Yeah, maybe.
-John: Yeah.
516
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:04,266
To transport it,
you need to put it on a flatbed
517
00:23:04,333 --> 00:23:08,166
and drive extremely carefully
to avoid damaging the gourd.
518
00:23:08,233 --> 00:23:09,466
Gets a little bounce
going to it.
519
00:23:09,533 --> 00:23:11,800
I try to not let it
bounce too much, but...
520
00:23:11,866 --> 00:23:13,700
John:
You ever see
that movie "Sorcerer"?
521
00:23:13,766 --> 00:23:15,433
Scott:
No.
522
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,466
John:
Everyone brings their pumpkins
to a big field
523
00:23:18,533 --> 00:23:21,400
and lines them up in a row,
524
00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:23,500
and the whole town
comes out to look at them.
525
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,466
They had really
cool merchandise
526
00:23:27,533 --> 00:23:30,300
and a rock-and-roll band
to keep everyone relaxed.
527
00:23:30,366 --> 00:23:33,100
♪ ♪
528
00:23:33,166 --> 00:23:34,966
All the growers were
committed to something
529
00:23:35,066 --> 00:23:36,866
that was really hard,
530
00:23:36,966 --> 00:23:40,533
but they were still surrounded
by their family and friends.
531
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,500
They were only celebrities
for one day a year...
532
00:23:43,566 --> 00:23:46,700
-Steve! Steve! Steve!
-(laughs)
533
00:23:46,766 --> 00:23:49,900
John:
...and there wasn't
a big ego in sight.
534
00:23:49,966 --> 00:23:52,500
This is a very good hobby
for people who are chill.
535
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:56,533
-Uh, yeah. Okay.
-(laughter)
536
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,800
John:
Everyone's relationship
with pumpkins
537
00:23:58,866 --> 00:24:00,200
was very uncomplicated.
538
00:24:00,266 --> 00:24:01,766
What do you like
about pumpkins?
539
00:24:01,833 --> 00:24:03,333
Uh... (nervous laugh)
540
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,000
Well, I think it's pretty cool
how big they are.
541
00:24:05,066 --> 00:24:07,200
-Yeah.
-John: Wow.
542
00:24:07,866 --> 00:24:11,266
And before you knew it,
it was time to weigh them off.
543
00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:13,600
Emcee (on microphone):
Counting down, two, one...
544
00:24:13,666 --> 00:24:18,066
256.5 pounds!
545
00:24:18,133 --> 00:24:21,533
-326.5 pounds!
-(scattered cheering)
546
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,766
Emcee: 447!
547
00:24:23,833 --> 00:24:26,533
There's always a surprise in
growing pumpkins and squash.
548
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:31,666
-1,102.5 pounds!
-(scattered cheering)
549
00:24:31,733 --> 00:24:33,366
Yeah, I think that's great.
550
00:24:33,433 --> 00:24:36,100
1,120 pounds.
551
00:24:36,166 --> 00:24:39,766
1,463 pounds!
We have a new leader today.
552
00:24:39,833 --> 00:24:41,266
-What do you think?
-Good.
553
00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:44,333
Emcee:
1,697 pounds!
554
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,900
John:
As it got down
to the last couple,
555
00:24:46,966 --> 00:24:48,400
you realized
that your friends'
556
00:24:48,466 --> 00:24:50,100
might be one of
the biggest ones.
557
00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:52,333
So, what do, what do
we wanna get to this year?
558
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,733
We gotta beat 1,770.
559
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,966
Emcee:
Three, two, one.
560
00:24:56,033 --> 00:24:57,600
♪ ♪
561
00:24:57,666 --> 00:25:00,900
-(crowd cheering)
-1,805! 1,805.
What do you think?
562
00:25:00,966 --> 00:25:02,466
Yeah! Yeah!
563
00:25:02,533 --> 00:25:05,100
Emcee:
Another personal best,
year after year.
564
00:25:05,166 --> 00:25:08,033
This is now, by a good amount,
the leader.
565
00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:10,566
But we do have
one more pumpkin.
566
00:25:10,633 --> 00:25:12,766
Now, are you
a little nervous at all?
567
00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:14,600
No. No, I've been
through this before.
568
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:17,733
Emcee:
Three, two, one.
569
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:22,066
-(crowd cheering)
-1,904!
570
00:25:22,133 --> 00:25:24,500
John:
He had come so close but
571
00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:27,600
his pumpkin didn't weigh
as much as it needed to
572
00:25:28,366 --> 00:25:30,933
to get the blue ribbon.
573
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,866
A loss of this magnitude
would have crushed you.
574
00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:37,000
But, when you talk to him,
575
00:25:37,066 --> 00:25:39,133
he seemed perfectly fine
with it.
576
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,033
I didn't expect it.
It was...
577
00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:42,966
You know, I was hoping
to beat my personal best,
578
00:25:43,033 --> 00:25:45,800
-but it did.
So, that's a good thing.
-John: Wow. Congrats.
579
00:25:45,866 --> 00:25:48,266
Keep my record going.
Gotta get better
580
00:25:48,366 --> 00:25:49,666
-every year, you know?
-John: Yeah.
581
00:25:49,766 --> 00:25:52,766
♪ ♪
582
00:25:59,066 --> 00:26:02,466
It seems like
the masculine urge to grow
583
00:26:02,533 --> 00:26:06,666
had found a healthy home here.
584
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:09,366
And just when you thought
you had run out of things
585
00:26:09,433 --> 00:26:11,766
to impress
the Television Academy with,
586
00:26:11,833 --> 00:26:15,633
these people
had just given you
the perfect metaphor.
587
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:19,666
Not a single person
there had any idea.
588
00:26:19,733 --> 00:26:21,600
You're about
to head back home,
589
00:26:21,666 --> 00:26:25,000
but there's just
one more loose end
that you had to tie up.
590
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,533
Do you ever go to cat shows?
591
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,400
(mysterious music playing)
592
00:26:29,466 --> 00:26:31,766
-No, I haven't.
-John: Okay.
593
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,733
Do you, do you ever travel
with a, a baby carriage?
594
00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:42,366
Okay.
595
00:26:42,433 --> 00:26:44,033
♪ ♪
596
00:26:46,333 --> 00:26:48,633
-(meows)
-(soft music playing)
597
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:51,933
John:
So, if you do wanna get big,
598
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,500
just make sure you find
a healthy outlet for it.
599
00:26:56,566 --> 00:27:00,266
That way, you won't get
carried away somewhere else.
600
00:27:00,933 --> 00:27:06,166
And if you find yourself
in an unfamiliar place
along the way,
601
00:27:06,233 --> 00:27:09,366
just make sure to look around
for reminders
602
00:27:09,433 --> 00:27:11,166
of where you came from,
603
00:27:11,233 --> 00:27:14,466
so you don't lose sight
of who you are.
604
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,566
Because working out
should feel natural.
605
00:27:20,633 --> 00:27:22,900
And as long as you find
a way to do it
606
00:27:22,966 --> 00:27:25,300
that you really enjoy,
607
00:27:25,366 --> 00:27:28,333
it shouldn't matter
if you win or lose.
608
00:27:28,433 --> 00:27:30,933
Which,
which makes you a winner.
609
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,200
-And that's all that matters.
-(video game sound effects)
610
00:27:35,566 --> 00:27:37,433
This is John Wilson.
611
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:38,833
Thanks for watching.
612
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,366
("Preludietto" by
Alessandro Alessandroni playing)
613
00:27:43,433 --> 00:27:46,466
(vocalizing)
614
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,300
♪ ♪47073
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