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1
00:00:01,813 --> 00:00:04,118
[upbeat rock music]
2
00:00:04,218 --> 00:00:05,520
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
3
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:07,859
? Ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff ?
4
00:00:07,892 --> 00:00:09,192
? ?
5
00:00:09,228 --> 00:00:11,600
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
6
00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:14,171
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
7
00:00:14,238 --> 00:00:15,841
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
8
00:00:15,875 --> 00:00:17,310
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
9
00:00:17,311 --> 00:00:18,981
- ? Ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow ?
10
00:00:19,048 --> 00:00:21,218
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
11
00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:23,012
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow ?
12
00:00:23,045 --> 00:00:25,285
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
13
00:00:25,309 --> 00:00:27,665
[music crescendos]
14
00:00:27,765 --> 00:00:33,665
? ?
15
00:00:34,178 --> 00:00:36,917
[percussive beat]
16
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,907
[groans]
17
00:00:38,974 --> 00:00:40,643
Good morning.
18
00:00:40,678 --> 00:00:41,813
[all meow sleepily]
19
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,120
Huh, it's a lot more moany in
here than usual.
20
00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:48,326
Bellies seem bigger
and something's definitely
21
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:51,767
going on with the nipples.
Wait a second.
22
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,204
How long has it been
since the big blackout?
23
00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:58,413
[all hissing]
24
00:00:58,446 --> 00:01:00,150
[meows]
[yowls]
25
00:01:00,216 --> 00:01:02,187
[George Michael's
"Careless Whisper"]
26
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,057
[all snoring]
27
00:01:04,091 --> 00:01:07,564
- Oh, no.
- [moans]
28
00:01:07,631 --> 00:01:10,437
Birthquake!
29
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,074
Have you seen Linda's new...
30
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,440
[street rumbles]
[gasps]
31
00:01:14,545 --> 00:01:15,848
Hey... whoa!
32
00:01:17,617 --> 00:01:20,123
Oh, my God!
It's happening.
33
00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:22,160
Just like in my dream!
34
00:01:22,194 --> 00:01:24,598
Remember that dream
I told you about?
35
00:01:24,631 --> 00:01:26,870
[shouting]
The one with the kitties?
36
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,372
[rock jingle]
37
00:01:28,439 --> 00:01:30,443
So I had
a small medical procedure,
38
00:01:30,510 --> 00:01:32,815
- but before anyone calls me...
- Conehead!
39
00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:35,386
[laughter]
40
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:38,593
Ah, guys, guys, guys.
You know how loud things sound
41
00:01:38,626 --> 00:01:40,430
with the cone.
Please.
42
00:01:40,463 --> 00:01:43,035
- What happened?
- I had a fatty deposit
43
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:44,370
on my thigh that exploded.
44
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,708
[all murmur in disgust]
45
00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:48,312
Nothing about
an animal body is gross.
46
00:01:48,346 --> 00:01:51,252
Except for ducks
and their corkscrew pokers.
47
00:01:51,318 --> 00:01:53,694
Okay, let's move on to
something more interesting to me.
48
00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:55,897
You would not believe how I was treated
49
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,099
at Nicole Richie's house last night!
50
00:01:58,266 --> 00:02:00,466
[electronic music thumping]
Oh, I am so glad to be here.
51
00:02:00,503 --> 00:02:05,180
- This is such a classy cocktail party.
- It's a cockatiel party.
52
00:02:05,246 --> 00:02:07,384
So, uh,
what is the difference
53
00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:09,689
between a cockatiel
and a cockatoo?
54
00:02:09,722 --> 00:02:12,427
- Is this a bit?
- Is he working out material
55
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,164
- on us?
- I hate LA.
56
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:18,606
? ?
57
00:02:18,674 --> 00:02:21,947
- VIP only.
- Yeah, that's right, VIP...
58
00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,218
Very Important Pig!
59
00:02:24,284 --> 00:02:26,222
- You're not on the list.
- [gasps]
60
00:02:26,288 --> 00:02:28,894
And she's having
another shindig tonight!
61
00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:32,200
If only I had
a cool wingman by my side.
62
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:34,404
It might boost me up to VIP!
63
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:35,791
[chuckles]
Oh, I suppose I could
64
00:02:35,815 --> 00:02:37,845
- move some things around...
- Shel, what are you doing tonight?
65
00:02:37,945 --> 00:02:41,853
Well, Darla and I haven't done
reverse Oompa Loompa in a while.
66
00:02:41,887 --> 00:02:44,258
Does everything always
have to be about sex with you?
67
00:02:44,291 --> 00:02:47,497
Birds gotta fly,
tortoises gotta freak.
68
00:02:47,564 --> 00:02:50,436
What do you think?
Is it time for Team Shelax
69
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:53,376
- to ride again?
- Oh, hells yeah.
70
00:02:53,442 --> 00:02:56,783
I'm ready to rock out
with my cloaca out.
71
00:02:56,816 --> 00:02:57,919
- Yeah!
- Ew.
72
00:02:57,985 --> 00:02:59,488
[rock jingle]
73
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,058
I don't know
how I'm gonna do this.
74
00:03:01,158 --> 00:03:02,360
No, no, no, no, no.
75
00:03:02,427 --> 00:03:05,432
Whoa, Madge is
less coherent than usual.
76
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,137
What's going on,
The Exposition One?
77
00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:10,243
Well, after the birthquake,
Animal Control named our house
78
00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:14,084
- a dangerous health hazard.
- That's crazy. We're fine.
79
00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:15,486
[sneezes]
80
00:03:15,553 --> 00:03:18,326
Now Madge has to
get rid of all of us
81
00:03:18,392 --> 00:03:21,332
- except one.
- Whoa, that's horrible.
82
00:03:21,365 --> 00:03:22,665
How is she
possibly going to pick
83
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:23,804
which of us she loves most?
84
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,141
The same way anyone
in this position would...
85
00:03:26,175 --> 00:03:28,981
in the selection style of
her favorite television show.
86
00:03:29,014 --> 00:03:31,349
Welcome
to "The Cat-Chelorette."
87
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,222
[dramatic tone]
88
00:03:33,289 --> 00:03:35,526
The cat-chelorette
will go on a series
89
00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,399
of dates as part of her
journey to find love.
90
00:03:38,466 --> 00:03:41,038
These cats better prepare to
charm her Kirkland Signature
91
00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:43,609
flannel pajama pants off,
because this is sure to be
92
00:03:43,677 --> 00:03:45,647
the most dramatic season yet.
93
00:03:45,681 --> 00:03:47,484
? ?
94
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,989
- Chico, what are you doing here?
- Well, every reality show
95
00:03:49,990 --> 00:03:52,125
needs a host,
and I have a sixth sense
96
00:03:52,127 --> 00:03:53,429
for when one of these
is about to break out...
97
00:03:53,496 --> 00:03:55,066
you know,
like how dogs can tell
98
00:03:55,099 --> 00:03:57,237
when earthquakes are coming,
and how alligators
99
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,308
- can tell if someone's gay.
- Alli-gay-dar, sure.
100
00:03:59,341 --> 00:04:03,482
But if I don't win, that
means I lose my Madge forever.
101
00:04:03,549 --> 00:04:06,422
And you'll be taken away by
Animal Control to be destroyed
102
00:04:06,522 --> 00:04:08,392
in a humane,
but efficient manner.
103
00:04:08,492 --> 00:04:10,530
So not "Cat-chelor in Paradise"?
104
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,668
Trust me...
you wanna win this game.
105
00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:14,739
Obviously, I have feelings
for my human.
106
00:04:14,772 --> 00:04:17,577
Who wouldn't?
She's the total package.
107
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:20,116
I love her long nails
with food underneath
108
00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:23,422
almost as much as her warm
butt print in the couch.
109
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:25,660
But we've never really bonded.
110
00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,765
I have a hard time
showing affection.
111
00:04:27,798 --> 00:04:32,374
I mean, I did throw up in her shoes
once, but she never really reciprocated.
112
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,478
You've got
to help me stand out.
113
00:04:34,511 --> 00:04:37,651
Gray One, if I don't approach
this job with integrity and honor,
114
00:04:37,752 --> 00:04:40,523
then I'm just a cat shilling
dish soap and 5G coverage.
115
00:04:40,556 --> 00:04:42,360
Okay, Cat-Chelorette Nation,
116
00:04:42,394 --> 00:04:43,874
we'll be back
right after this message
117
00:04:43,897 --> 00:04:46,836
from AT&T's new
Lemon-Scented Wireless.
118
00:04:46,903 --> 00:04:48,974
[rock jingle]
119
00:04:49,041 --> 00:04:50,343
[groans]
120
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:54,151
- Chief, shh, I'm sleeping.
- I wish I was sleeping.
121
00:04:54,217 --> 00:04:57,457
- Uh, wait, what? Who's talking?
- I'm talking.
122
00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:58,827
Wait, what?
You're dropping out.
123
00:04:58,894 --> 00:05:00,530
[cutting out]
Can... can't... you hear me?
124
00:05:00,596 --> 00:05:03,904
- All right, let me try moving.
- Okay, can you hear me now?
125
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,477
- Yes, that's better. Who is this?
- You called me.
126
00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:09,481
I did? Oh, well, okay.
127
00:05:09,514 --> 00:05:11,452
I'm a French poodle.
My name is Honey.
128
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:12,818
I'm a French poodle too.
129
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,458
- Huh.
- I'm in Van Nuys.
130
00:05:14,524 --> 00:05:17,765
[gasps] I think I can hear
you because I'm wearing a cone.
131
00:05:17,832 --> 00:05:20,203
I had a fatty deposit
that exploded.
132
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:23,877
- But how can you hear me?
- Oh, my God, mine exploded too.
133
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,415
So they put this cone on me
at the shelter.
134
00:05:26,448 --> 00:05:28,652
- I'm sorry.
- Nobody wants a dog
135
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,856
- with exploding fatty deposits.
- That's not true.
136
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,629
One day, your Jill will come,
137
00:05:33,697 --> 00:05:35,934
and in the meantime,
I can keep you company...
138
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,372
- I mean, if you want.
- I would love that.
139
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,378
Yeah, you sound like someone
I can really talk to.
140
00:05:41,445 --> 00:05:42,447
What's your name?
141
00:05:42,514 --> 00:05:44,719
Well, the shelter
gives us celebrity names
142
00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:47,057
because they think
we'll get adopted faster.
143
00:05:47,123 --> 00:05:48,727
They call me James Corden.
144
00:05:48,794 --> 00:05:52,668
- I guess that's why I'm still here.
- Yeah, I'll call you Amigo.
145
00:05:52,735 --> 00:05:54,471
That means "friend" in French.
146
00:05:54,504 --> 00:05:56,241
[dramatic music]
147
00:05:56,275 --> 00:05:58,747
Here we are, in front
of the mansion where our human
148
00:05:58,780 --> 00:05:59,782
will begin her journey.
149
00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:03,322
Oh, and here come
the first of our cat-testants.
150
00:06:03,355 --> 00:06:07,765
? ?
151
00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:10,536
Hi, I'm The Not Here
To Make Friends One.
152
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:16,181
- I think you'll find I'm a real cat-ch.
- Send in the next one.
153
00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:20,490
And where's
our next cat-testant?
154
00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:21,592
[gasps]
155
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,699
- Would you look at that?
- Yes, yes. [laughs]
156
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,068
I love you already, babes.
157
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,539
I'm The Here
For The Wrong Reasons One.
158
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,309
Smash that like button.
159
00:06:32,514 --> 00:06:34,685
I'd hate to have to follow that.
160
00:06:34,752 --> 00:06:37,389
I wonder who...
it's The Gray One!
161
00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:41,800
I only have eye for you.
162
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:44,571
[car honks]
Ooh.
163
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,709
Pillow cat? [groans]
164
00:06:46,776 --> 00:06:48,713
Well, I guess
we know who's gonna get
165
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:51,083
- the first impression treat.
- Hmm. [smooches]
166
00:06:51,085 --> 00:06:52,988
How am I supposed
to compete with that?
167
00:06:53,022 --> 00:06:56,696
[whispers] Psst, if you want more
airtime, squeeze out some tears...
168
00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:59,434
- or puke, man.
- I don't want airtime.
169
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,038
I want Madge time.
170
00:07:01,105 --> 00:07:04,044
Okay, okay, we'll dub in
the puke sounds later.
171
00:07:04,144 --> 00:07:06,883
[electronic dance music playing]
172
00:07:06,916 --> 00:07:09,789
All right, check it out, my friend.
173
00:07:09,822 --> 00:07:13,395
Anyone who belongs
to anyone is right here...
174
00:07:13,429 --> 00:07:15,600
Post Malone's hairless cat,
175
00:07:15,633 --> 00:07:17,570
Sia's sheep dog,
176
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,641
Uma Thurman's fainting goat,
of course.
177
00:07:19,709 --> 00:07:21,578
- Hey, Scott!
- [bleats]
178
00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:23,465
Come on. Let's take a
lap and make fun of
179
00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:25,286
the other animals to make
ourselves feel better.
180
00:07:25,353 --> 00:07:27,023
I've missed this.
181
00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:30,828
- Huh, what's going on over there?
- This is crazy.
182
00:07:30,831 --> 00:07:33,837
They're having tortoise races,
and you're a tortoise!
183
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,908
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
184
00:07:35,941 --> 00:07:39,481
That this whole bro night
was an elaborate setup to get
185
00:07:39,548 --> 00:07:42,755
- me to run a tortoise race for you?
- Okay, yes, it was.
186
00:07:42,788 --> 00:07:45,326
I was humiliated
at the last party,
187
00:07:45,393 --> 00:07:48,700
and I thought maybe
if you won the tortoise race,
188
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,405
that would be our ticket
to a real bro night
189
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,580
- in the VIP section. I'm sorry.
- Hey, look at me.
190
00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:59,654
The first rule of Team Shelax
is never be embarrassed
191
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:02,026
of asking someone
to come to a Hollywood party
192
00:08:02,093 --> 00:08:05,566
- and run a tortoise race for you.
- What a specific rule!
193
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,374
- You got this, Shel!
- We got this.
194
00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:11,913
[fast-paced synth music]
195
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:15,586
- Oh, yeah!
- On your marks, get set...
196
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,689
[tongue snap booms]
197
00:08:16,756 --> 00:08:17,892
[all cheering]
198
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,094
- You got this!
- Yeah!
199
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,731
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
200
00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:21,866
Oh, yeah, whoo!
201
00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:23,602
[funky rock music]
202
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:24,805
[fast-paced synth music]
203
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,709
- [panting]
- Sheeps is race!
204
00:08:26,743 --> 00:08:28,345
Let's do it!
205
00:08:28,412 --> 00:08:30,216
[funky rock music]
206
00:08:30,316 --> 00:08:31,485
We got a pileup.
207
00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:32,855
? ?
208
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,859
- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah!
209
00:08:34,926 --> 00:08:36,361
- You got this!
- Yeah!
210
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:37,497
[grunts]
211
00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:38,499
- Whoo!
- All right!
212
00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:39,467
- Yes!
- Yes!
213
00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:42,675
- That's my bro!
- Yes! [laughs]
214
00:08:42,741 --> 00:08:44,377
- Love it!
- We did it!
215
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:46,014
Max, wait up.
216
00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:47,288
[electronic dance music playing]
217
00:08:47,312 --> 00:08:52,460
- Sorry, no racers in VIP.
- But that's racerist!
218
00:08:52,493 --> 00:08:54,832
Max, they're not letting me in.
219
00:08:54,899 --> 00:08:56,803
[shouts] What?
Well, rules are rules.
220
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,672
- Catch you later, bro!
- Hmm...
221
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:03,884
[music]
222
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:06,756
Madge is everything
I've ever wanted.
223
00:09:06,823 --> 00:09:08,693
Yeah, she's covered in crumbs.
224
00:09:08,727 --> 00:09:10,396
[laughter]
225
00:09:10,429 --> 00:09:11,729
I'm really nervous.
226
00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:13,670
But just looking around, I mean,
227
00:09:13,737 --> 00:09:16,541
this is the perfect place
to fall in love.
228
00:09:16,575 --> 00:09:19,512
So watch out, Madge.
I'm coming for you.
229
00:09:19,547 --> 00:09:21,953
Attention, cats,
the human is making her way
230
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,692
into the bathroom,
where she'll begin preparing
231
00:09:24,759 --> 00:09:26,193
for our first group date,
232
00:09:26,194 --> 00:09:29,301
and our selection
for the group date is...
233
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:32,507
[clock ticking]
234
00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:33,910
The Furry One,
235
00:09:33,944 --> 00:09:35,948
The Drinks Too Much One,
236
00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:38,687
The Here
For The Wrong Reasons One,
237
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,425
The Probably Not A Cat One,
and...
238
00:09:42,493 --> 00:09:45,333
[clock ticking]
239
00:09:45,399 --> 00:09:46,769
The Gray One.
240
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:49,140
[sighs] Whew.
[chuckles]
241
00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:52,815
I don't know
if it's the filthy bathtub
242
00:09:52,848 --> 00:09:54,819
filled with overdue
electric bills talking,
243
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,689
but I think I'm falling in love.
244
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:59,996
I wrote you this song,
"Your Bathtub is a Wonderland."
245
00:10:00,062 --> 00:10:02,735
You can listen to it on iTunes
for 99�
246
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:06,108
or the explicit version for $1.29.
247
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:09,665
Madge, sometimes, it's hard
for me to express myself,
248
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:12,086
but I'm willing to put it
all on the line for you,
249
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,990
because if I don't,
I'll regret it...
250
00:10:14,057 --> 00:10:16,829
- Hey, can I steal her for a second?
- Ah!
251
00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:18,332
[belches]
252
00:10:18,399 --> 00:10:20,436
You're so hot.
253
00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:22,440
[snoring]
254
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,840
[calm music]
255
00:10:23,877 --> 00:10:26,148
Oh, my God.
They adopted Judge Judy?
256
00:10:26,214 --> 00:10:29,454
Yeah, after playing with me
for, like, an hour.
257
00:10:29,487 --> 00:10:32,293
I even begged.
I'm pathetic.
258
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,631
No, Amigo.
What did I tell you?
259
00:10:34,699 --> 00:10:36,401
I have to be Amigo's amigo
260
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:39,407
before Amigo can be
anyone else's amigo.
261
00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:42,013
Hey, come on.
I got this squirrel cornered.
262
00:10:42,046 --> 00:10:45,286
- Let's scare the nuts off him.
- Ah, not so loud.
263
00:10:45,319 --> 00:10:47,891
Can't you see I'm on the cone?
God.
264
00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:51,331
Again? Every time I wanna play
with you, you're on the cone.
265
00:10:51,398 --> 00:10:56,141
- I wish that fatty tumor never exploded!
- It was a fatty deposit.
266
00:10:56,174 --> 00:10:58,512
- Chief?
- Ugh, cringe.
267
00:10:58,579 --> 00:10:59,915
[dramatic music]
268
00:10:59,982 --> 00:11:01,986
Three treats have been given.
269
00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:05,126
Cats, this is the final treat
of the night.
270
00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:11,092
? ?
271
00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:14,745
Human, whenever you're ready.
272
00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:20,712
? ?
273
00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:25,099
- Here.
- Oh, my God.
274
00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:27,503
Maybe she does know
how I feel about her.
275
00:11:27,537 --> 00:11:29,709
Aw, pocket pasta.
276
00:11:29,775 --> 00:11:31,611
[slurps]
277
00:11:31,645 --> 00:11:35,086
I can't wait to introduce
Madge to my parents.
278
00:11:35,119 --> 00:11:37,256
[sighs] I just hope she
doesn't bring up politics.
279
00:11:37,257 --> 00:11:39,627
For those of you
who didn't get a treat tonight,
280
00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:42,333
I have to ask you to head
into your elimination crates.
281
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:45,139
But first, take a moment
and say your goodbyes.
282
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:48,379
[all yowl]
283
00:11:48,445 --> 00:11:49,745
[meows]
284
00:11:50,282 --> 00:11:51,719
[electronic dance music playing]
285
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:54,892
Before I let you in, would
you mind lifting your plumage?
286
00:11:54,925 --> 00:11:58,265
- What the hell?
- Um, where am I?
287
00:11:58,365 --> 00:11:59,965
How did I get here?
288
00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,108
[screams]
289
00:12:03,175 --> 00:12:05,578
Can you believe the way
they're treating us?
290
00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:07,971
We're out here racing,
and they're in there,
291
00:12:07,972 --> 00:12:11,057
- having the time of their lives.
- Now that you mention it,
292
00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:12,861
it does feel like
we do all the work,
293
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:14,228
and they have all the fun.
294
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:17,103
Oh, I guess
I'm Max's best friend
295
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,074
until something
better comes along.
296
00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:21,946
Oh, I feel the same way...
cheap and used,
297
00:12:21,979 --> 00:12:25,352
- which normally, I love.
- Well, we have the power here.
298
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,760
The next time they ask
us to race, we say no!
299
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:29,862
- ALL: Yeah!
- Preach!
300
00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:33,001
There's nothing we can't do
if we come together!
301
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:35,172
Oh, I like the sound of that.
302
00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:36,776
[laughter]
303
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,545
Reminds me of a story...
304
00:12:38,612 --> 00:12:42,855
fall of 1914,
I find a soldier's helmet.
305
00:12:42,921 --> 00:12:46,394
Guys, come on. Keep focused.
This is difficult enough.
306
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:49,835
- That's what she said. [laughter]
- Ugh.
307
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:53,208
- That's not even how that works.
- She said that too.
308
00:12:53,242 --> 00:12:55,346
[laughter]
[groans]
309
00:12:55,412 --> 00:12:56,481
[percussive beat]
310
00:12:56,515 --> 00:13:00,389
- So my cone's coming off tomorrow.
- How are we going to talk?
311
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:02,126
I guess we could
talk in person.
312
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,395
I could come to the shelter.
313
00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:05,934
Oh, I... I didn't
want to tell you this,
314
00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:09,205
- but I... I ran away.
- What, why?
315
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,111
Well, I thought
I'd have a better chance
316
00:13:11,144 --> 00:13:13,215
- on the streets.
- Are you okay?
317
00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:16,989
I guess. I didn't know where
to go, so I went to the zoo.
318
00:13:17,023 --> 00:13:19,327
- [gasps]
- They take dogs, don't they?
319
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,833
Just stay where you are.
I'm coming.
320
00:13:21,899 --> 00:13:24,772
[adventurous music]
321
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:26,909
? ?
322
00:13:26,976 --> 00:13:29,047
That's it.
I'm gonna follow her
323
00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:31,151
because I have
nothing else to do.
324
00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,721
[dramatic music]
325
00:13:32,754 --> 00:13:35,008
All right, Gray One,
you're gonna get some
326
00:13:35,009 --> 00:13:37,580
quality one-on-one time
with the human
327
00:13:37,581 --> 00:13:40,569
- in her fantasy suite.
- [gasps] You mean...
328
00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:44,010
That's right, the room
with all the broken box fans...
329
00:13:44,077 --> 00:13:45,981
a real chance for you
to finally open up
330
00:13:46,047 --> 00:13:47,718
and take this
to the next level.
331
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:52,059
But what if I can't?
Then I'd lose Madge.
332
00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:54,130
Good luck.
I just purred so hard
333
00:13:54,197 --> 00:13:56,869
- I reached cerebral hypoxia.
- [groans]
334
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:59,107
You know what? That's it.
I'm done.
335
00:13:59,207 --> 00:14:01,411
I am done with this.
336
00:14:01,478 --> 00:14:03,683
He's gone rogue.
He's taking off his beetle
337
00:14:03,716 --> 00:14:05,921
- that looks like a mic.
- We got a runner!
338
00:14:05,987 --> 00:14:08,592
The Gray One!
The Gray One!
339
00:14:08,625 --> 00:14:11,231
- He's gone, man!
- The Gray One, come back!
340
00:14:11,264 --> 00:14:13,105
We'll be right back.
341
00:14:15,774 --> 00:14:16,809
[dramatic music]
342
00:14:16,909 --> 00:14:17,978
[grunts]
343
00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:19,715
The Gray One!
[grunts]
344
00:14:19,782 --> 00:14:20,782
Wait up!
[camera thunks]
345
00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:22,153
[both grunt]
346
00:14:22,186 --> 00:14:24,224
Come on.
Let's talk about it.
347
00:14:24,257 --> 00:14:25,559
[whispers]
That... go, get out of here.
348
00:14:25,626 --> 00:14:27,063
[normal pitch]
Is it that you don't love her?
349
00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:29,167
Did you sign up for this, thinking
it was "America's Cat Talent"
350
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,071
or "South America's Gato Talent"?
351
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,941
- I can't purr.
- [gasps]
352
00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:34,210
I've never been able to,
353
00:14:34,244 --> 00:14:36,147
and it'll be exposed
in the fantasy suite,
354
00:14:36,214 --> 00:14:37,383
Madge will think I hate her,
355
00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:39,788
and I'll never
get to see her again!
356
00:14:39,822 --> 00:14:43,095
Gray One, if you love her,
and she loves you,
357
00:14:43,195 --> 00:14:44,832
it won't matter
that you can't purr.
358
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:46,165
[sighs]
359
00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:49,374
Okay. I guess I should
just trust the process.
360
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,613
There you go.
You dropped this.
361
00:14:52,681 --> 00:14:54,150
[munches]
362
00:14:54,217 --> 00:14:56,388
[gulps]
[muffled] Thanks, Cheeks.
363
00:14:56,421 --> 00:14:58,458
Can we get him another mic?
364
00:14:58,525 --> 00:15:00,897
Now, remember,
when the whistle blows,
365
00:15:00,964 --> 00:15:03,970
- no one moves.
- Or... and just hear me out...
366
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,339
instead of not moving,
367
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,209
why don't we get
all our bits and pieces
368
00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:08,913
all tangled up together?
369
00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,750
- Yeah!
- Let's do this.
370
00:15:10,817 --> 00:15:12,253
[sighs]
371
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,959
Tortoises, take your marks.
372
00:15:14,992 --> 00:15:15,992
- Whoo!
- You got this!
373
00:15:15,994 --> 00:15:17,530
This is fun.
We should all go
374
00:15:17,563 --> 00:15:20,971
on a couples vacation
together... and swap.
375
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,306
- [laughs]
- That's it!
376
00:15:22,373 --> 00:15:25,847
Does everything always
have to be about sex with you?
377
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,616
- Ready...
- We're fighting for justice here.
378
00:15:28,619 --> 00:15:32,326
Can you please stop being
such vile, depraved...
379
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,266
- Set...
- Oh, yeah, keep calling me names.
380
00:15:35,332 --> 00:15:37,169
[tongue snap booms]
I can't with you.
381
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,536
[grunting]
Yeah!
382
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:41,779
- Whoo!
- Team Shelax wins again!
383
00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:44,550
- I did it!
- He set us up.
384
00:15:44,617 --> 00:15:46,956
Someone say,
"He stabbed us in the back."
385
00:15:47,023 --> 00:15:49,127
I have a great single entendre.
386
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,899
[adventurous jazz music]
387
00:15:51,932 --> 00:15:53,736
Amigo!
388
00:15:53,803 --> 00:15:58,278
- Amigo!
- Honey? Over here.
389
00:15:58,312 --> 00:16:00,416
Why are you
in the crocodile enclosure?
390
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:04,023
- Are there crocodiles in there?
- No, no, just me.
391
00:16:04,057 --> 00:16:05,626
Okay, don't move.
392
00:16:05,694 --> 00:16:07,731
[grunts]
393
00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:09,100
Ah, crocodile!
394
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,075
- Where's Amigo?
- I have another confession...
395
00:16:13,108 --> 00:16:14,210
[screams]
396
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:18,185
I really enjoyed our chats.
I'm going to miss them.
397
00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:20,790
Why?
Did you finally get adopted?
398
00:16:20,824 --> 00:16:21,959
[grunts]
399
00:16:21,993 --> 00:16:26,913
[screams]
[dramatic music]
400
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,875
- Oh.
- [grunting]
401
00:16:29,942 --> 00:16:31,242
? ?
402
00:16:31,244 --> 00:16:33,081
- [barking]
- Ah, ah!
403
00:16:33,115 --> 00:16:34,415
Oh, so loud!
404
00:16:34,484 --> 00:16:36,054
So loud!
[barks echoing]
405
00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:40,295
Chief, thank God.
Louder! [both barking]
406
00:16:40,396 --> 00:16:43,402
[screams]
[whimpers]
407
00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:49,247
I'm so stupid.
I can't believe I got croc-fished.
408
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,253
Aw, it's okay.
You just wanted to help him.
409
00:16:52,319 --> 00:16:55,492
Yeah, and I'm sorry
it caused me to ignore you.
410
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:58,331
You know what?
I had forgotten, but thank you.
411
00:16:58,398 --> 00:16:59,558
You know what we should do?
412
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,806
BOTH: Watch the giraffes pee.
413
00:17:01,839 --> 00:17:03,508
[both laugh]
414
00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:06,381
- From a safe distance.
- In the splash zone.
415
00:17:07,884 --> 00:17:11,391
There he is!
Oh, that was great back there...
416
00:17:11,424 --> 00:17:16,534
- another victory for Team Shelax!
- Oh, just cut the crap, okay?
417
00:17:16,601 --> 00:17:19,440
You don't give a damn
about Team Shelax.
418
00:17:19,507 --> 00:17:22,848
The minute you had a better
offer, you abandoned me.
419
00:17:22,881 --> 00:17:25,686
[prolonged gasp]
Whaaat?
420
00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:27,590
Okay, yeah, you're right.
I totally did that.
421
00:17:27,623 --> 00:17:31,464
Meanwhile, I was stuck with
a bunch of depraved windbags.
422
00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:35,272
Everything out of their mouths
was about intercourse!
423
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:38,211
Well, if I'm being honest,
that VIP room was just a bunch
424
00:17:38,278 --> 00:17:39,478
of name-dropping pets who were
425
00:17:39,502 --> 00:17:42,319
so self-absorbed, it was
like I wasn't even there.
426
00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:44,157
So how did your evening go?
427
00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:47,329
- I wasn't really listening before.
- The part that hurts the most
428
00:17:47,396 --> 00:17:49,634
is that I thought
we really worked as bros.
429
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,406
We did.
I'm sorry about bailing on you
430
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,179
back there, and if you
can find it in your shell
431
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:58,468
- to forgive me, maybe...
- Yes, but do you think
432
00:17:58,469 --> 00:18:01,859
we should explore our dynamic
and why this happened?
433
00:18:01,926 --> 00:18:04,965
- Of course not!
- And that's why we work.
434
00:18:05,032 --> 00:18:07,203
Team Shelax rides again!
435
00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:11,786
Let's get out of here.
This place is a total sausage fest.
436
00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:14,918
[dramatic music]
437
00:18:14,985 --> 00:18:16,554
[sighs]
438
00:18:16,588 --> 00:18:18,058
? ?
439
00:18:18,158 --> 00:18:22,500
- Tell us, come on.
- Okay, the truth is
440
00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:26,876
last night wasn't purr-fect.
I just couldn't purr.
441
00:18:26,909 --> 00:18:30,249
But I... I still think
we had a great connection.
442
00:18:30,315 --> 00:18:32,218
She flossed her toes
with my tail.
443
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:34,423
That's gotta mean something.
444
00:18:34,457 --> 00:18:36,294
With dozens of cats
in their crates,
445
00:18:36,327 --> 00:18:38,833
soon to be carted off
to certain death...
446
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:42,373
- What?
- The stakes are high.
447
00:18:42,473 --> 00:18:45,680
But the highest stakes
are love.
448
00:18:45,747 --> 00:18:48,418
With five cats left
and only four treats,
449
00:18:48,485 --> 00:18:50,924
this is going to be her
toughest decision yet.
450
00:18:50,957 --> 00:18:54,798
? ?
451
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:56,501
[sniffs]
452
00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:59,708
Wow, this is unprecedented
here at Cat-Chelor nation.
453
00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:02,413
The human has eaten
one of the treats herself,
454
00:19:02,446 --> 00:19:04,718
and now only has
three treats left.
455
00:19:04,751 --> 00:19:07,523
This will be
the toughest decision yet.
456
00:19:07,590 --> 00:19:10,429
- [giggles]
- I can't believe this!
457
00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:12,667
Are you getting all this?
458
00:19:12,701 --> 00:19:15,572
Well, cats,
there's only one treat left.
459
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,243
Whoever receives this treat
460
00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:18,676
will get to stay here
with the human
461
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,017
and live happily ever after.
462
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:25,359
? ?
463
00:19:25,392 --> 00:19:28,465
- [gasps]
- Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
464
00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:30,235
Why does this always
happen to me?
465
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,575
I should've known I could never
466
00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:34,343
be as lovable and supportive
as a pillow.
467
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:37,650
How many buckwheat hulls
do I have in me? Zero.
468
00:19:37,684 --> 00:19:39,564
For those of you
who didn't receive a treat...
469
00:19:39,588 --> 00:19:41,357
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nobody wants us.
470
00:19:41,424 --> 00:19:43,391
Head to our crates.
471
00:19:45,733 --> 00:19:47,269
[somber music]
472
00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:50,576
Gray One, no, you can't
go to Animal Control.
473
00:19:50,642 --> 00:19:54,183
Where else can an unlovable,
can't-purr cat go?
474
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,638
You are totally wrong.
I mean, yes, you are
475
00:19:56,639 --> 00:19:59,427
nothing like a pillow,
but you are lovable.
476
00:19:59,493 --> 00:20:04,070
- I love you. You're my best friend.
- Aw, Cheeks.
477
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,405
[purrs]
478
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,278
- What's that sound?
- What? [purring]
479
00:20:08,311 --> 00:20:10,649
- The Gray One, you're purring!
- I am purring!
480
00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:13,488
[gasps] You made me purr!
Thank you, Chico!
481
00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:16,160
I just wish you had told me
you loved me before
482
00:20:16,194 --> 00:20:18,597
I locked myself in this crate.
483
00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:19,998
[dramatic sting]
[engine turns over]
484
00:20:20,022 --> 00:20:21,537
[walkie-talkie static]
Go for Carla.
485
00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:25,212
Yeah, we got a call about a
celebrity pet tortoise racing ring.
486
00:20:25,279 --> 00:20:27,316
Not today.
Not today!
487
00:20:27,349 --> 00:20:29,453
[tires squeal]
488
00:20:29,487 --> 00:20:31,391
- [laughs]
- Yay, we're free!
489
00:20:31,457 --> 00:20:36,301
- Let's go home!
- Back to the squalor we left for some reason!
490
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:39,507
That was really fun. I get
why you like reality shows now.
491
00:20:39,607 --> 00:20:41,687
Do you wanna come to an
episode of "Love is Blind"?
492
00:20:41,753 --> 00:20:43,257
I can sense
they're taping nearby.
493
00:20:43,290 --> 00:20:45,452
Are you kidding me?
I'm halfway there.
494
00:20:45,552 --> 00:20:49,560
I'm also a cat like you are.
Can I come too?
495
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:53,134
Sure.
[purring]
496
00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:56,608
Purr, I'm a cat.
Purr.
497
00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:02,787
'Kay, looks good.
498
00:21:02,821 --> 00:21:04,825
- No more cats.
- No.
499
00:21:04,925 --> 00:21:07,129
Well then, thank you
for complying with...
500
00:21:07,196 --> 00:21:13,108
- Bye.
- City ordinance 1752948-2.
501
00:21:14,277 --> 00:21:15,445
[meows]
502
00:21:15,479 --> 00:21:17,049
[meows]
503
00:21:17,116 --> 00:21:18,986
[all meowing]
504
00:21:19,053 --> 00:21:25,032
- Ah... [purring]
- Mm. Oh, my sweet Gray One.
505
00:21:25,098 --> 00:21:26,398
[sighs]
506
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:32,310
- All right! Pocket pork!
- Meow.
507
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:36,910
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