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1
00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:06,333
and may contain
mature subject matter.
2
00:00:06,333 --> 00:00:12,200
Viewer discretion
is advised.
3
00:00:12,333 --> 00:00:14,033
and may contain
ma(scooter speeding)r.
4
00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:17,667
(tires screeching)
(sirens blaring)
5
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:30,600
- Red, slow down!
6
00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:32,867
I'm trying to see
the beauty of Rome.
7
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,900
- Not with Italian Fuzz
climbing up my ass.
8
00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:40,767
- Hmm. I'm pretty sure your ass
is pale and hairless...
9
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,867
Oh, you mean the cops!
10
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,533
(speaking in Italian)
11
00:00:47,133 --> 00:00:50,800
- I'm gonna make mincemeat
of that last clone.
12
00:00:50,934 --> 00:00:53,834
- I think you mean
Carne Macinata.
13
00:00:53,967 --> 00:00:55,667
When in Rome...
14
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,166
- Whatever, nerd.
15
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,233
There's only one organization
of carnies and crooks
16
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:02,834
big enough for Dr. K's ego.
17
00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:04,433
The Vatican.
18
00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:06,100
- Oh!
19
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:09,066
(sirens blaring)
20
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:11,900
(jerky screaming)
21
00:01:12,033 --> 00:01:14,033
(Plywood screams)
(gasps)
22
00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:18,066
(sirens blaring)
(car crashing)
23
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,800
(splash of water)
24
00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:22,100
(celestial music)
- Whoo!
25
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:25,633
(theme music)
26
00:01:51,934 --> 00:01:55,000
so they're electing a new one
as we speak.
27
00:01:55,133 --> 00:01:57,100
- Clones interfering
with the Pope?
28
00:01:57,233 --> 00:01:59,867
Who'd the Pope ever hurt?
- Oh my God!
29
00:02:00,066 --> 00:02:02,066
Did someone say Pope?
(excited screaming)
30
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,667
- Oh God, it's Pope-Mania.
31
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,100
(twitches and grunts)
32
00:02:06,233 --> 00:02:08,400
- That's a weird tic, Red.
Are you okay?
33
00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:12,367
- Screw this line!
I have a VIP pass.
34
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,033
- I love the moxy,
35
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:17,100
but maybe
let's not blow our cover?
36
00:02:17,834 --> 00:02:18,867
(crashing)
37
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,967
(rope straining)
38
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,700
(grunting)
39
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,467
Not exactly
a low-key entrance.
40
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,200
- Whatever.
No one saw us.
41
00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:29,600
(whistling)
Huh?
42
00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,934
(bells chiming)
43
00:02:32,066 --> 00:02:35,400
Scratch that.
No one sane saw us.
44
00:02:35,533 --> 00:02:36,900
(grunting)
45
00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:40,166
(door opening)
(Sally): You son of a bitch!
46
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,900
(glass shattering)
- What the hell, Sally?
47
00:02:43,033 --> 00:02:45,633
- I found this telex
at the front desk
48
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,600
addressed to you!
49
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,000
(grunts)
50
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,100
(sneers)
51
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:54,967
- "Dear Bill.
52
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,500
Uh,
bleeding Virgin Mary statue,
53
00:02:58,633 --> 00:03:01,767
Piazza del Dom..."
54
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,266
(sighs)
I can't pronounce that.
55
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,100
- You're meeting
your ex-girlfriend
56
00:03:07,233 --> 00:03:09,500
at the Piazza Domesticità
Perpetua?
57
00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:11,066
(screams)
(glass shattering)
58
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,734
(grunting)
59
00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:15,700
- No! We need money,
60
00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:17,967
so I called Babs
at American Confidential
61
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,767
for some work.
We're tapped out!
62
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,934
Plane tickets, hotel rooms,
and trespassing fines
63
00:03:24,066 --> 00:03:25,867
don't pay for themselves.
64
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,300
- Okay, so just a detour
for a quick payday,
65
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,100
then back
to working on my thing?
66
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:31,967
Fine.
- Absolutely.
67
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,233
And next time,
could you talk to me
68
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:36,967
instead of going
all Red Ketchup on my ass?
69
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,934
Oh, I probably shouldn't have
said that--
70
00:03:40,066 --> 00:03:41,300
(screams)
(Sally): Fuck you!
71
00:03:42,734 --> 00:03:47,300
(twitches and grunts)
72
00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,934
- Red, that twitch is bad.
Please,
73
00:03:50,066 --> 00:03:51,734
tell me
what's going on with you.
74
00:03:51,867 --> 00:03:55,433
- Priests.
They give me the willies.
75
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:59,400
And this place is lousy
with them.
76
00:03:59,533 --> 00:04:02,433
(Red cries)
- You animal!
77
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:06,300
(religious music)
(screams)
78
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,367
(whip snaps)
(Red screams in pain)
79
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,567
- Oh, fuck.
80
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,533
A statue that oozes.
81
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,000
Ah, girl of your dreams
over here.
82
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,300
- Alright, alright.
83
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:22,033
I know you're sore
I talked to Babs.
84
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:23,500
Just one photo
85
00:04:23,633 --> 00:04:26,133
and we can get on
with stalking your brother.
86
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,633
- "Our lady
of perpetual domesticity."
87
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,000
Nice.
88
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:33,000
Very forward thinking.
89
00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:34,900
Woah, Bill.
90
00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:37,033
Your scoop does have legs.
- Huh?
91
00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:38,867
For the love of Pete.
92
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:43,834
I am not into the statue
or Babs or any other woman.
93
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:46,633
At the moment.
- No, moron! Look.
94
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,867
This is real blood.
(grunts in disgust)
95
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,200
Yeah, okay,
we gotta see
96
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,633
if we can find out
where it's coming from.
97
00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:53,333
- Oh! No one said
98
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,300
there was going to be
real blood.
99
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:59,100
(suspenseful music)
100
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,567
(Red grumbles)
101
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,266
(Plywood): Hmm...
102
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:06,867
Says in the guide
103
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,700
that Pope Sanctimonious
the Twelfth
104
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:11,033
knocked off all the wangs
with a hammer.
105
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:12,934
- All I care about
106
00:05:13,066 --> 00:05:16,533
is knocking that clone's wang
off with a hammer.
107
00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:19,600
- I'm pretty sure
that's not in the FBI handbook.
108
00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:21,500
(twitches and grunts)
109
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:24,700
Red, that's it.
Something's wrong with you.
110
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:26,200
I'm your partner, damn it,
111
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,567
so if you need help,
just say so!
112
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,834
- I never need help,
113
00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:33,834
especially from a wet nurse.
114
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,367
(snoring)
115
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,567
(grunts in surprise)
116
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,266
(grunting)
117
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,867
(screams)
(Plywood grunts)
118
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,767
(gasps)
(clanking)
119
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:45,233
(panting)
120
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:47,433
(rhythmic music)
121
00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:52,066
- Oh, please, don't thank me.
122
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,600
(scoffs)
Really.
123
00:05:53,734 --> 00:05:55,533
(banging on the door)
124
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:57,500
(screaming)
125
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:00,400
(panting)
126
00:06:00,533 --> 00:06:02,133
- Why are we running?
127
00:06:02,266 --> 00:06:05,467
I could take these clowns
in two seconds.
128
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,033
- You want the whole place
crawling with Swiss Guards
129
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,700
and Carabinieri?
130
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:12,533
Let's just lay low
until the heat dies down.
131
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:15,133
(gasping)
(crowd cheering)
132
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:16,667
Oh my God!
133
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,266
That smoke means
they voted in a new pope.
134
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,233
So why is it... red?
135
00:06:21,367 --> 00:06:24,066
(suspenseful music)
136
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,100
- Sally, we got pictures.
137
00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:29,266
We don't need to get
all investigate-y.
138
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,967
- Oh, I thought Barbara
your ex-girlfriend
139
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:35,433
likes it when you get
all investigate-y.
140
00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:36,934
- What do you care?
141
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:39,800
It's not like
I'm your significant other.
142
00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:43,533
In fact, I'm actually
your insignificant other.
143
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,300
(faintly): Help...
(grunting in surprise)
144
00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:47,500
Help...
145
00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:48,600
(grunts in effort)
146
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:50,200
(gasps)
147
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:51,533
(Bill): Huh?
148
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,734
- Holy Pulitzer!
The missing Pope!
149
00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:55,633
- I was kidnapped!
150
00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:58,233
Don't know who, don't know why.
151
00:06:58,367 --> 00:06:59,967
They barely fed me.
152
00:07:00,166 --> 00:07:01,834
You got food?
(bells chiming)
153
00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:03,166
(gasping)
154
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,166
(crowd cheering)
155
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,233
(bells chiming)
156
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:09,400
- Oh no!
They can't have a new Pope.
157
00:07:09,533 --> 00:07:11,033
I'm still the Pope!
158
00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:13,500
(crowd cheering and applauding)
159
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:14,767
(dramatic music)
160
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:18,367
- Oh, God.
The new Pope is my Clone.
161
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:23,700
- Hmm. Like I said,
it's not supposed to be red.
162
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,133
(crowd cheering)
163
00:07:26,266 --> 00:07:28,400
- Look at that phoney.
164
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:29,867
Everyone adores him
165
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,300
because he's wearing
a stupid hat.
166
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:34,500
- There he is! Get him!
(gasping)
167
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,734
(screaming)
168
00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:38,967
(grunting)
169
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,900
(groans in pain)
(chuckling)
170
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:43,433
(screams)
171
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:45,200
(moans)
(screams)
172
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,333
- Oh, God, please catch me!
173
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,233
(screams)
174
00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:53,033
(groaning in pain)
175
00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:55,467
The power of prayer my ass.
176
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:02,033
(grumbles)
177
00:08:02,166 --> 00:08:04,767
(Plywood grunts)
Wow.
178
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:08,633
Those Swiss Guards swarmed you
like you were hiding Nazi gold.
179
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:10,066
(irregular breathing)
180
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,600
- I can feel my skin crawling.
181
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,233
Gotta get a hit
to get it together.
182
00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:18,900
Dope. Yaba. Speed.
Rat poison.
183
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:20,467
Anything!
184
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,767
(grunts)
185
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,834
- Jeez, you're a mess.
186
00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:26,033
We should have gotten you out
while we could.
187
00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:28,467
- Only way
I'm getting out of here
188
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,867
is after I send that clone
to hell.
189
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,767
(laughing)
Huh?
190
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:38,066
- That kind of language
will get you a strapping, boy.
191
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,967
(Red grunts)
192
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,633
- Don't engage, Red.
193
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:44,133
That's the "Hammerin' Nazarene";
Bishop Benedict.
194
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,500
He went down for selling
Papal Underwear
195
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,000
via mail order catalogue.
196
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:50,934
- We have a fight club
at exercise time.
197
00:08:51,066 --> 00:08:52,266
You're up!
198
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,734
(religious music)
(groaning in pain)
199
00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,767
(grunts)
200
00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,133
(laughs)
201
00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:04,867
(dramatic music)
- Papa, no!
202
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,333
- Red, I'm sorry,
203
00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:08,233
but this looks like
one you're gonna lose.
204
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:09,667
(chuckles)
205
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,367
(irregular breathing)
206
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,967
(weakly): You coward.
207
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:17,266
(tense music)
208
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,800
- You took your punishment
209
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,934
without begging daddy
to help you.
210
00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:23,333
Only pussies ask for help.
211
00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:26,100
Men take what's coming.
212
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:31,367
- I nomini di Patri
et de nom nom nom!
213
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,934
(belches)
214
00:09:33,066 --> 00:09:35,433
God bless you for saving me,
my son.
215
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:38,467
- Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa there,
Captain Patriarchy.
216
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,367
I'm the one
who saved your keister.
217
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,967
- My wayward child,
218
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,834
you aren't wearing
a wedding ring,
219
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,734
so I assume
you are a prostitutes.
220
00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:49,000
(laughs)
- Oh my God.
221
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:51,633
She'd be a terrible prostitu--
222
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:54,133
(grunts)
I'm not going to finish that.
223
00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:56,834
- You idiots stay here
and objectify everything.
224
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:58,166
I'm going to the Vatican.
225
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,500
- When a sinful woman,
which is all of them,
226
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:05,066
speaks, I pretend not to hear.
(sighs)
227
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,734
La la la la la la!
228
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,867
- You got your head screwed on
229
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,133
under that hat of yours,
Holy Papa.
230
00:10:12,266 --> 00:10:14,700
- Will you take me back
to the Holy See?
231
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,200
You're a good boy.
232
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:17,467
- Am I?
233
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,333
Am I really?
- Fuck...
234
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:21,633
- Tell me again.
235
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,533
- You're going the wrong way,
dickheads.
236
00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:24,767
- La la la la.
237
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:26,166
(suspenseful music)
(panting)
238
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,133
- Ooh,
they missed one of the wangs!
239
00:10:28,266 --> 00:10:30,200
(scoffs)
Oh, okay. Focus.
240
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,500
Got to find Red some drugs.
241
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,633
Where the hell do you get drugs
in the Vatican?
242
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:39,633
What? Oh, nuns!
That's who.
243
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:41,200
I watched "Bad Habits".
244
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:44,266
So many diet pills
and coked-up nuns.
245
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,567
Um, excuse me, uh, sister...
- Um.
246
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:52,033
- Are you skinny
through exercise or...
247
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:55,033
is there a chemical component...
248
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:56,500
(imitates swallowing)
249
00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,200
...if you know what I mean?
250
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,734
- I'm skinny for Jesus!
251
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,967
Take me, Lord!
(excited screaming)
252
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,133
- Huh?
253
00:11:04,266 --> 00:11:05,633
(grunts)
254
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:08,033
(screaming)
255
00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:11,533
- No!
Look, I'm not harassing her!
256
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:13,433
I'm just trying
to buy drugs!
257
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,900
Oh, shit.
I'm just gonna run.
258
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,266
(screams)
259
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,767
(excited screaming)
260
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,333
(grunting)
261
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,900
(moaning)
262
00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:25,000
- Sally, lighten up!
263
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:28,367
Are you still mad
about the prostitute joke?
264
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,433
- You just don't get it, do you?
265
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:34,367
All men have to do is show up
and do a good job.
266
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,166
Women have to show up,
do a better job
267
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:40,200
and prove
that they're not prostitues!
268
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,533
- Ah, you're just sore
about Barbara.
269
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,734
- I could actually
give a rat's ass...
270
00:11:44,867 --> 00:11:46,567
- Language!
271
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,200
- ...about you and your damn ex.
272
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:53,266
- Ex? As in Communicado
of the Matrimonial kind?
273
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,633
You! You are an adulterer!
274
00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:58,567
And you are a blasphemer
and a prostitute.
275
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:01,400
I can't be near you, sinners!
276
00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:04,734
(suspenseful music)
277
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,500
- He's going the wrong way
again, isn't he?
278
00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:10,467
- Yeah.
The Pope is seriously misguided.
279
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,000
Let him run.
280
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:15,000
- No, we gotta find
the old goat.
281
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:18,033
Headline:
"Sinners Save Old Pope."
282
00:12:18,166 --> 00:12:19,800
Screw the bleeding virgin,
283
00:12:19,934 --> 00:12:22,633
I smell real money
on this story!
284
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:26,500
- Oh, who's the prostitute now,
huh?
285
00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:29,166
- Who'd have thought
a career in law enforcement
286
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,100
would involve scoring drugs
half the time?
287
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,567
Any holy meds in there?
288
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:37,567
(suspenseful music)
289
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:39,233
(phone ringing)
290
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:43,133
- The vaults are being emptied
as we speak, Dr. K.
291
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:44,433
(chuckles)
292
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,533
(gasps)
293
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:56,533
- Golden faucets.
A golden toilet.
294
00:12:56,667 --> 00:13:00,166
And the Papal cabinet
is totally stocked with pills.
295
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,767
But New Kids on the Block
wallpaper?
296
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,033
Really?
297
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:05,967
(grunts)
298
00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,333
(groaning in pain)
(door opening)
299
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:10,867
- Get it together, Soldier.
300
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,700
Reinforcements are here.
301
00:13:14,567 --> 00:13:16,734
- Into prison? How?
302
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:20,266
- Well, how do people
usually get drugs into prison?
303
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,433
- Hmm?
- The secret way.
304
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:24,033
- What?
305
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:27,000
(sighs)
- Do I have to spell it out?!
306
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:28,166
Look, Red.
307
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,200
You were right
about Dr. K and the Pope.
308
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:33,400
- I know.
- So take the dope, then.
309
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,300
That's a nope.
(Plywood sighs)
310
00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:37,300
- It's almost exercise time.
311
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,367
The Muscleman from Jerusalem
312
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:42,300
is going to turn your skull
inside out!
313
00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:44,667
- Still, nope.
314
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,300
- We need to get out of here
and stop your clone
315
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:50,133
from emptying
the Vatican vaults for Dr. K!
316
00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:51,734
So take the damn pills!
317
00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:53,533
(toilets flushing)
318
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:54,934
(screams)
319
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,433
- Ah, fuck!
320
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,767
Why, Red?
321
00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,667
- Because they were
in your butt.
322
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,300
Don't take it personal.
323
00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,800
Doesn't matter to me
if it's yours, Madonna's,
324
00:14:04,934 --> 00:14:06,767
or Ronald Regan's butt.
325
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,600
I like my pills clean.
326
00:14:08,734 --> 00:14:12,400
- Ah! They were in a cake!
- Oh.
327
00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:14,233
(insects buzzing)
328
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,900
(door opening)
329
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:18,300
(tense music)
330
00:14:22,066 --> 00:14:26,333
- Time to get on your knees
and repent, my son.
331
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:33,333
(grumbles)
332
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:34,834
(cheering and laughing)
333
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:36,266
(laughs maniacally)
334
00:14:38,166 --> 00:14:39,967
(grunts in pain)
(all): Whoo!
335
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:42,333
- Red, do something man!
336
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:44,433
(grunts in effort)
337
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,433
(weakly): Help.
338
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,333
- Oh.
339
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:51,000
(grunts)
340
00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:53,000
(dramatic music)
341
00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:55,166
(chuckles)
(cracking knuckles)
342
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,333
- Alright, let's dance.
343
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,700
(screams)
(groaning in pain)
344
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:01,867
- Ooh!
345
00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:03,567
- Huh?
346
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,100
(crowd laughing and cheering)
347
00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:06,500
Oh!
348
00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:10,300
- Where is that holy coot?
349
00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:11,734
- Give him time,
350
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,867
he'll find
some weak-willed beings
351
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,734
to lord it over.
(gasps)
352
00:15:15,867 --> 00:15:19,100
(rat squeaking)
Jesus H. Christ.
353
00:15:20,066 --> 00:15:22,133
- Oh, like that?
354
00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:24,400
(rats squeaking)
355
00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,300
- Come on there, Padre.
356
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,767
Let's get you back.
- No!
357
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:32,000
Until the two of you sinners
take confession
358
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:34,333
and achieve absolution...
- Huh? What?
359
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,200
- ...I'm staying here,
like Francis of Assissi.
360
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:39,633
(screams)
361
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:43,066
Excommunicato!
362
00:15:44,066 --> 00:15:46,834
(soft music)
363
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:49,233
Unholy women's gear!
364
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:51,834
It burns! It burns!
365
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:53,633
- Jesus!
366
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,000
- Father, bless me.
367
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,333
For I have sinned.
368
00:15:57,467 --> 00:16:00,600
I contacted my ex-girlfriend
to beg for money.
369
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,000
- You what?
- Quiet!
370
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:05,033
I'm taking a confession!
371
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:08,000
- Instead, she gave me
a lousy news tip.
372
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,533
But, Father,
373
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:12,100
I didn't contact her
for any reason
374
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:14,533
other than to bilk money
from her.
375
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,533
Because, Father,
my heart belongs to--
376
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,967
- Have you ever considered
joining the church?
377
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,633
Take this brochure.
378
00:16:22,767 --> 00:16:25,333
- Oh, stop your snivelling,
Bill.
379
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,834
I forgive you
for calling your ex.
380
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:29,266
- Okay.
381
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,300
So you get
twelve hundred Hail Marys,
382
00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:34,667
some push-ups and, um...
383
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,100
some light whipping
of your left shoulder.
384
00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:39,500
(chuckles)
While I watch...
385
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:41,433
(sighs)
386
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,900
(grunting)
387
00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:45,800
(tense music)
388
00:16:45,934 --> 00:16:47,300
(grunts)
389
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:51,133
- Little dude knows
his upper cuts and face kicks.
390
00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,600
(grunting)
391
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:55,767
(kicking)
(groaning in pain)
392
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:56,934
(Plywood laughs)
393
00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:58,834
- Here's to Pope Scantimonious.
394
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:02,200
Marble wangs
make great blunt instruments.
395
00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:06,834
- Taken down by wangs?
396
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:08,600
The irony!
397
00:17:08,734 --> 00:17:12,500
- That is how Mounties
get their man.
398
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,400
(grunts)
399
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,066
(swallowing)
400
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,000
(roars)
401
00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:22,533
- Thank God for nuns
with body issues!
402
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,567
Now, let's get that clone,
partner.
403
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,567
- Partner?
(collects himself)
404
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,667
The exit from the jail is...
405
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:30,900
(rock music)
406
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:32,734
(grunts)
407
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:37,033
Well, I guess it's that way.
408
00:17:37,533 --> 00:17:39,000
- Ouch, what was that?
409
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,400
(kicking)
410
00:17:40,533 --> 00:17:42,734
Oh shit, take cover!
411
00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:44,834
(coughs)
412
00:17:45,834 --> 00:17:47,133
(blows)
413
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,133
- Ah, Steve!
Nice of you to drop in.
414
00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:51,367
(grunts)
415
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,967
(Plywood screams)
416
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,166
Oh. Hey there, Plywood.
417
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,233
(chuckles)
Happy to see me?
418
00:17:58,367 --> 00:17:59,367
(sensual music)
(chuckles nervously)
419
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,900
- Uh, no, that's my guide.
420
00:18:02,033 --> 00:18:05,567
Apparently, they renovated
the catacombs in the 1960s.
421
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,100
But they used
shoddy Mafia contractors.
422
00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:11,467
Dr. K kidnapped the Pope,
installed a new one.
423
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,000
Now, he has plans
to amass the wealth
424
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:17,934
of the entire Vatican
to use for his evil plans!
425
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,800
- Say that one more time
straight into the camera.
426
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,000
But slowly...
427
00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:25,500
(laughs nervously)
428
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:27,100
- Sally...
429
00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:28,900
- Are we going back?
430
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:32,233
I want my nice shoes back.
And my nice golden toilet.
431
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:34,166
And my New Kids wallpaper!
432
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,066
(sighs)
433
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,734
(grunts)
434
00:18:41,867 --> 00:18:43,734
(kicking)
- Huh?
435
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,700
(roars)
436
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:51,600
(grunting)
437
00:18:51,734 --> 00:18:53,900
(screams)
(groans in pain)
438
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:58,200
- Drop the gold,
you slimy imposter!
439
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:03,100
- Can't the Pope get
any respect around this place?
440
00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:05,667
(suspenseful music)
441
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,400
(grunts in pain)
442
00:19:08,533 --> 00:19:09,800
Huh?
443
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,800
- Going somewhere?
444
00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:14,800
- You wouldn't hurt a man
in a tiara and dress,
445
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:16,266
would you?
446
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,533
(gas hissing)
447
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:21,900
(chuckles maniacally)
448
00:19:22,033 --> 00:19:26,166
(screams in pain)
449
00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:31,633
- They're stealing
our precious, precious gold!
450
00:19:31,767 --> 00:19:33,467
Which we got fair and square
451
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,867
by exploiting
the ignorance of the poor!
452
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,033
(explosion)
- Hey, what's that sound?
453
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:40,667
- What's that smell?
454
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,467
(crackling)
455
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,867
- Yeah,
that's gas catching fire.
456
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,700
(rumbling)
- We're all gonna die!
457
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,367
- Run!
458
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,166
(screaming)
(dramatic music)
459
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:58,967
(frantic music)
(rumbling)
460
00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:03,667
Oh, look.
Chaos and destruction.
461
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,333
Red's fucking happy place.
462
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,767
- Do you have more
of those cookies?
463
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:11,100
(explosion)
464
00:20:14,867 --> 00:20:16,467
(Red grunts)
465
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,066
(all): Hmm...
466
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,834
- You gotta try
the Vatican Catacombs tour.
467
00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:24,000
It's explosive.
- That's great footage.
468
00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:25,900
I just need one line from Red
469
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:27,567
to tie this all up
in a nice little bow.
470
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:29,500
- Where is he?
(screams)
471
00:20:29,633 --> 00:20:31,800
(frantic music)
472
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,967
- Hey, Pope, any chance
you can front us
473
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:42,133
for a couple of tickets to Cuba?
- Sure!
474
00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:43,867
Anything for a cookie.
475
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,166
I nomini de nom nom nom.
(excited screaming)
476
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:50,133
Yes, yes, my children.
477
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:51,500
But no touching!
478
00:20:51,633 --> 00:20:55,767
You all belong to Christ
and he's a jealous guy.
479
00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:59,100
- Ah, the crater views here
can't be beat.
480
00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:02,266
- Neither can the reward
for finding the real Pope.
481
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:03,934
(sirens blaring)
(glass clicking)
482
00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:06,100
Listen, about before...
483
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:09,200
I was gonna say...
about us, you--
484
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:11,600
- How about
that sexy-ass Plywood?
485
00:21:11,734 --> 00:21:13,433
It'll be good
to have some beefcake
486
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:16,133
that I'm not related to
in the documentary, you know?
487
00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:18,133
- Ah...
(laughs)
488
00:21:18,266 --> 00:21:19,800
Yeah, never mind.
489
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:22,400
- Well, doesn't mean
we can't enjoy ourselves.
490
00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:24,800
Eat, pray...
- ...love?
491
00:21:24,934 --> 00:21:27,533
- All right, Romeo,
maybe just a quickie.
492
00:21:27,667 --> 00:21:29,767
For old time's sake.
- Wow!
493
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,600
(Bill chuckles)
(glass shattering)
494
00:21:31,734 --> 00:21:33,300
(sensual music)
(Sally): Oh, yeah!
495
00:21:33,433 --> 00:21:35,066
Mmm! Mmm!
(Bill): Oh, baby!
496
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,600
- Plywood, you sexy thing.
- Plywood?
497
00:21:37,734 --> 00:21:41,233
- Relax Bill,
everybody has a fantasy.
498
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,467
(theme music)
499
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:08,934
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