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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
yts.mx
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00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,743
captioning made possible by
warner bros.
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official yify movies site:
yts.mx
4
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,630
so how come
you're so smart?
5
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,732
Like, how come
they call you "third"?
6
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,202
Well, I guess being smart
just happened.
7
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,838
I was named after
my mom's cousin's husband --
8
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,607
Clark griswold the second.
9
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:43,043
I'm the third clark griswold --
Clark griswold johnson.
10
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,080
Do you have any brothers
and sisters?
11
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,181
yes.
12
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,017
They're with my grandma
in kansas,
13
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,086
except for my oldest sister.
14
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,088
She's working at a strip club
in las vegas.
15
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,689
A strip club?
16
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,690
Mm-hmm.
17
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,058
Where do you live?
18
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,094
Well, my mom and dad and I
are staying
19
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,795
with my cousin,
audrey griswold.
20
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:05,233
She's visiting her boyfriend
in indianapolis.
21
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,034
So we're kind of
house-sitting for her.
22
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,936
You know, the holidays.
23
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,405
Well, this is
where I live.
24
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,607
My dad's
a brain surgeon.
25
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,008
What's your dad do?
26
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,979
Um...he works
in nuclear research.
27
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,116
Oh, he's a nuclear
scientist?
28
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:29,957
Well...not exactly.
29
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:33,994
[ dinging ]
30
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,131
[ sighs ]
31
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:40,868
[ dinging rapidly ]
32
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,472
so we inject them
with nuclear waste,
33
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,574
and then we study
their brain waves
34
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:50,043
and other organs to examine
the effects of the nuclear waste
35
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,146
on various species
of anthropoids.
36
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:56,184
[ dinging continues ]
37
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,755
[ sighs ]
38
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,360
[ dinging rapidly ]
39
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,043
oh!
40
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,278
[ screeches ]
41
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,180
fascinating, professor.
42
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,782
But tell me --
They're playing ticktacktoe,
43
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,485
and the chimpanzee appears
to be winning.
44
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,920
How is this possible?
45
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:38,892
Because...
The monkey is smarter.
46
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,829
[ "jingle bells" plays ]
47
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,304
i'm sorry, eddie.
48
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,939
We just got this directive
from washington,
49
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,607
and they're cutting costs.
50
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,610
We've been ordered to cut
our study group by half.
51
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,680
So from now on
we're only working till noon?
52
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,848
[ chuckles ]
53
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,951
no, eddie, I'm afraid
this is between you and roy.
54
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,953
One of you has to go.
55
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,357
oh.
56
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,726
Gee, roy,
that's a tough break.
57
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,163
But don't worry --
You'll land on your feet.
58
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,065
It's not roy
we're letting go,
eddie.
59
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,433
It's you.
60
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,938
Well, why don't you
fire him?
61
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,375
I mean, what has he got
that I ain't got?
62
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:31,879
His brain waves register
more distinctly than yours.
63
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,481
Which one's mine?
64
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,182
The one labeled "eddie."
65
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,850
oh.
66
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,085
I'll check other branches
67
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,588
and see if there's
anything else
available for you.
68
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,357
[ sighs ]
69
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,829
oh, eddie!
70
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,598
Merry christmas!
71
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:15,289
I can't understand why they'd
let me go just before christmas.
72
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,758
And I worked hard, too.
73
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,228
I even helped plug
the wires in my head.
74
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,096
That's more than roy did.
75
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:27,234
It's just like the time
a goat kicked me in the teeth
76
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:30,304
for milking her
with the vacuum cleaner.
77
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,341
Eddie, don't feel
so bad.
78
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,209
You know that monkey's
pretty smart.
79
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,179
Oh, you'll find
another job.
80
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,814
You're real good at it.
81
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,883
Yeah, you've done it
lots of times.
82
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,185
I'm just a total flop.
83
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,920
Let's face it.
84
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,658
No, eddie!
Not...total.
85
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,494
It's true, mom -- total.
86
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,863
I mean, this is
the sixth job
dad's lost
87
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,198
since they foreclosed
on the farm,
88
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,868
and now he's lost out
to a monkey.
89
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438
Third, that's
a terrible thing
to say.
90
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,174
Well, the boy's right.
91
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,878
I'm just
one big disappointment.
92
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,680
[ sighs ]
93
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,948
i'm sorry I let you down.
94
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,869
You're not a failure, and we
have a lot to be thankful for.
95
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,707
We got a wonderful family.
We're all together.
96
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,542
Well, except for four
of the kids,
97
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,043
who are staying
with grandma,
98
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,278
and our daughter
who's in show business.
99
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,780
But we got
one real smart kid.
100
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,850
Yeah, who thinks
his daddy's dumb.
101
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,251
Oh, eddie, no!
102
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:55,623
Oh, no, third has faith in you,
and he thinks you're real smart.
103
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:01,061
Well, he thinks
you have a good sense of humor.
104
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,598
Oh, eddie, I know this has been
a big disappointment to you,
105
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,600
but we'll figure
something out.
106
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,302
And at least we got a roof
over our heads, huh?
107
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,038
Yeah, but for how long?
108
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,640
I bet in a year or two,
109
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,777
audrey will get sick of us
living here and feeding us.
110
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,182
He thinks I got a real good
sense of humor, huh?
111
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,784
Mm-hmm.
112
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,422
That's it!
113
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,891
Goldarn it,
i'm gonna do it!
What?
114
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,427
I'm gonna take a hot bath.
I can't sleep.
115
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,764
You know
what the preacher said
116
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,532
that time I got fired
from that job
117
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,300
testing them second-hand
recliners.
118
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,202
Things can only
get better.
119
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:47,007
That was the day before the bank
foreclosed on the dirt farm.
120
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:50,110
[ squeaking ]
121
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,480
[ rumbling ]
122
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,060
[ rumbling intensifies ]
123
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:23,877
[ sighs ]
124
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,947
[ rumbling ]
125
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,089
[ rumbling intensifies ]
126
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,128
catherine!
127
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,934
I'll take it from here.
128
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,036
Audrey left us
these emergency
numbers.
129
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,272
I'm gonna call the 24-hour
emergency plumber.
130
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,807
They never close.
131
00:07:55,609 --> 00:08:00,313
I never did trust
indoor plumbing!
132
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,983
ah!
133
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,885
I can't reach him.
The line's busy!
134
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,888
[ rumbling ]
135
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,593
we're gonna be washed away!
136
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,995
Boy to do a man's job.
137
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,830
[ dialing ]
138
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,266
I need bigger equipment!
139
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,368
[ ringing ]
140
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,604
man: hi,
and merry christmas!
141
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,239
This is the ever-ready
plumbing service.
142
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,507
Merry christmas to you.
143
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,109
Using your touch-tone phone,
144
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,646
please select from the following
menu to accommodate your needs.
145
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,915
Um...i have
a big problem here --
146
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,516
If you want our sales department
147
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,120
for the latest in bathroom and
kitchen fixtures, press one.
148
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,655
And merry christmas!
149
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,957
[ sneezes ]
merry christmas to you.
150
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,426
If you would like
our billing department
151
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,261
for your latest
billing information,
152
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,198
or to ask about our handy
layaway plan, press two.
153
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,434
Unless you'd like to talk
to wally evans,
154
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,336
our vice president
of finance.
155
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,472
That office is open
from 10:00 a.m. To 3:00 p.m.
156
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,709
And did I wish you
a merry christmas?
157
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,211
Yes, you did.
Merry christmas to you.
158
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,512
Can you hear me?
159
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,780
If you'd like to talk...
160
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,416
Stop! Stop it!
I'm losing it!
161
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,784
Hello?
162
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,753
For kathleen,
harry's secretary,
163
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:17,658
or julie lynch in personnel,
or billy in accounting...
164
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,093
If you'd like
our 4-color brochure
165
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,632
on our imported parisian bidets,
press five and ask for antoine.
166
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:29,970
Damn, rotten,
dirty piece of sludge!
167
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,072
...safe, secure,
pleasant christmas.
168
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,574
Aahhh!
169
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,109
[ dial tone ]
170
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:40,380
* oh, jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way *
171
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:44,818
* oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse, open sleigh *
172
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:48,822
* jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way *
173
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,724
oh, hi, eddie.
I didn't see you
come in.
174
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,592
I have your
severance check.
175
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,461
Merry christmas!
176
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,996
Thanks, jennifer.
177
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,998
Oh, eddie,
what are you doing here?
178
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,767
You here for your
severance check?
179
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,136
Yeah. Professor doornitz,
I wanted to talk to you.
180
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,472
I've been thinking,
you know,
181
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,475
and well,
I really like this job.
182
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,143
And I was wondering
183
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:14,114
if you could kind of reconsider
letting roy go
184
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,583
and keeping me on.
185
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,851
He ain't that smart.
186
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,821
He's just pretending
to read.
187
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,523
ow!
188
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,625
Oh, dear.
189
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,195
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
190
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:32,232
You know, the thing about atomic
energy and monkeys is...
191
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,401
Oh, uh...
192
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,503
[ roy screeches ]
193
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,106
aah! Ohh! Ohhh!
194
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,640
He'll be fine.
195
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,575
You pumped so much atomic waste
into him
196
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,377
that the area
where the chimp bit him
197
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,512
healed almost immediately.
198
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,714
Thank god.
199
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,248
And, most importantly,
the chimp is okay.
200
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,084
Oh, yeah.
What about a possible lawsuit?
201
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,086
This guy's got
one hell of a case.
202
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,656
He's not too bright.
I'll think of something.
203
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,894
[ moaning ]
204
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,797
an all-expense-paid
christmas vacation
205
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,533
on an island
in the south pacific!
206
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,667
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
207
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,870
But you didn't get
your job back.
208
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,204
They kept the monkey!
209
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,909
Yeah, roy had
a contract--
Ironclad.
210
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,812
You lost another job,
211
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,480
and you and the monkey
were the only ones
212
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,149
who applied for the job.
213
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,719
I mean, this is just
another disaster.
214
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:29,222
Like back home, when you had to
quit being a mail-order dentist
215
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,859
after you stapled
the mayor's mouth together.
216
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,994
Third, your father
remembers that.
217
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,628
You don't have to
remind him.
218
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,298
I think this is exciting.
219
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,968
A christmas vacation
in the south seas --
220
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,637
Tropical nights,
beautiful white beaches,
221
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,774
luaus.
[ laughs ]
222
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,609
no cable tv,
probably no fast food.
223
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,946
Oh, they got fast food.
They got fried food
everywhere.
224
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,048
I think we should look
at this positively.
225
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,785
I mean, we've never had
a real vacation.
226
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,186
It'll be an adventure.
227
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,954
You know
professor doornitz?
228
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,656
He said that
we're staying
in the best motel
229
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,425
in the whole
pacific ocean.
230
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,094
It'll probably be in a tree.
231
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:11,331
Why don't I just stay here with
cousin audrey for christmas?
232
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,834
I mean, paige is here.
233
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,336
No, no, no.
Now we're gonna
stick together.
234
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,173
No kid of mine's
going off on their own
till they're 13.
235
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:26,313
Catherine,
cousin eddie?
236
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:29,850
I'm gonna kill myself.
237
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,820
[ crying ] merry christmas!
238
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:37,557
Oh! Audrey, what's wrong?
239
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,725
What happened?
240
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:43,563
Daniel and I --
We broke up.
241
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,866
It's over.
242
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,804
The great love of my life,
and it's over.
243
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,340
I will never find
true love again.
244
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,474
[ sighs ]
245
00:12:54,474 --> 00:13:00,013
i'm -- I'm -- I'm thinking
about killing myself,
246
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:04,584
or -- or eating large amounts
of ice cream.
247
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,386
I'd go for that
ice-cream deal.
248
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,989
Could you imagine something
that terrible happening
249
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,492
right before christmas?
250
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,395
oh.
251
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,564
I mean, we were perfect
together.
252
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,568
We both liked
the history channel
and japanese food
253
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:26,039
and raindrops on roses
and little whiskers
on kittens.
254
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,608
But, audrey, if you were
so great together,
255
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,642
why'd you break up?
256
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,111
oh.
257
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,113
Found out
he was married.
258
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,049
[ sighs ]
that'll do it.
259
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,221
Thanks for inviting me
to stay with you
260
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,490
at the hotel in maluka,
catherine.
261
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,524
Uh-huh.
262
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,758
I need total relaxation,
263
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,460
and the south pacific
sounds just great.
264
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,197
Oh, it'll be great
having you with us,
audrey.
265
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,532
And, you know, eddie needs
relaxation, too,
266
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,368
what with him losing
his atomic-research job.
267
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138
I don't know why, boy,
268
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,208
but I got a feeling this trip's
gonna be real good for us.
269
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,310
I don't know why,
either, dad.
270
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,916
Hey, snots.
Fetch.
271
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,885
Go get it!
272
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,953
Go get it.
273
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,521
Go get it!
Go on!
274
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,457
Catherine,
when they test eddie
for a reaction
275
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,193
from all that stuff
he's exposed to,
276
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,362
does it have any effect
on him?
277
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,730
No, he's fine.
278
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,900
And the plate in his head has
become quite a good bug zapper.
279
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,937
Just fries
those little fellows.
280
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,304
Whoo!
281
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,008
[ grunts ]
282
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,543
yeah, I know.
283
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,213
Things ain't been so great for
us the last 30, 40 years, boy,
284
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,750
but, you know,
maybe this is
a new beginning.
285
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:48,255
Maybe this is the time when
things will start to go right.
286
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,889
[ buzzes ]
287
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,927
visiting a new...
288
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,695
Coun--
289
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,597
[ sizzles ]
290
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,199
[ electricity crackles ]
291
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,336
...new country.
292
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:08,575
Maybe I just needed this time
to follow my passion.
293
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,846
[ grunts ]
294
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,848
[ breathing heavily ]
295
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,650
you know, audrey.
296
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,086
Eddie's really worried.
297
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,255
He's sort of run out
of careers.
298
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,258
I don't know if you've noticed,
but he's not perfect.
299
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,460
No one in his family is.
300
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,996
Third's perfect.
301
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,065
Yeah, third's perfect.
302
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,601
He takes after my side
of the family.
303
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,836
All of our other kids
take after eddie.
304
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,273
Except for our daughter --
She's a marvelous stripper.
305
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,378
Come on, snot.
Come on.
306
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,646
Now go get it!
307
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449
go!
308
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,253
You should have never let
the agency off the hook.
309
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:57,257
The monkey bit you,
and you took
a christmas vacation!
310
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,192
We could have found
a good lawyer
311
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,860
and sued them
for a fortune.
312
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,395
I don't think so.
313
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:07,567
Professor doornitz,
he felt that I insulted roy.
314
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,170
Snot, here you go.
315
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,472
Hey, hey, here.
316
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,806
Go get it!
317
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,942
[ barks ]
318
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,278
[ crash ]
319
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,513
[ ornaments shatter ]
320
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,285
[ doorbell rings ]
321
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,787
hello.
322
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,023
Merry christmas.
323
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,491
Can I come in?
324
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,795
Uncle nick!
325
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,164
Merry christmas!
326
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,666
Audrey,
this is eddie's uncle nick.
327
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,168
What's wrong?
328
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,570
Nothing!
Can I come in?
329
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,038
Uncle nick!
330
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,340
This is a surprise.
331
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,142
What are you doing here?
332
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,643
Merry christmas.
333
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,079
I came here to die.
334
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,314
Now can I come in
and die sitting down?
335
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,050
So aunt jessica
ran off
336
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,186
with the
christmas-tree
delivery man?
337
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,055
A 28-year-old
delivery man.
338
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,623
I didn't know
they delivered.
339
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,560
A 28-year-old runs off with
a 66-year-old grandmother?
340
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,929
I didn't think grandmothers
thought about sex
341
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,731
and stuff like that.
342
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,135
Apparently,
the thought entered her mind.
343
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,836
I'm so sorry, uncle nick.
344
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,272
I'm sure
she'll come back to you.
345
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,708
She was 17
when we were married,
346
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,178
and I was the first man
who ever touched her.
347
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,281
I guess now there's a second.
348
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,750
Uncle nick,
349
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,919
how come you're wearing
a santa claus jacket?
350
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,254
When he took off
with jessica,
351
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,424
he grabbed my good jacket
and left me with this.
352
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:41,361
I just can't sit around
that house all day
all alone, eddie.
353
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,963
And I thought I might...
354
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,099
Spend some time
with you.
355
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,368
Well, gee, uncle nick.
356
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,238
Roy bit me on the ass,
and I lost my job.
357
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,505
We're all taking off
358
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,108
on an all-expense-paid
christmas vacation.
359
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,010
You lost another job?
Yeah.
360
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,947
Roy bit you on the ass?
Who's roy?
361
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,982
Me and roy --
We worked together.
362
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,152
But we're all flying out
tomorrow.
363
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,620
Audrey is coming with us.
364
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,289
Daniel is married.
365
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,992
Daniel?
Who's daniel?
366
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,727
Oh, never mind.
I don't care.
367
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,698
Where you going
on your vacation?
368
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,866
Somewhere warm?
369
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,269
It's hot.
370
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,570
I'm going with you.
371
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,240
I don't like christmas
when it snows.
372
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,411
It's too sentimental.
373
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,149
Eddie, come on.
We're gonna miss
the plane!
374
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,618
I have two more!
375
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,923
Don't forget
my bags.
376
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,626
You got room for this one?
Sure.
377
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,606
Third, did you
give snots his pill?
378
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,175
Yeah.
He's getting tired already.
379
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,843
He's got a little bit
of gas.
380
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,313
Yeah, vet gave him a little
something to calm him down.
381
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,080
[ farts ]
he's never flown before.
382
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,384
Then, again, neither have i!
383
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:20,293
[ rumbling ]
384
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,338
p.a.: attention all passengers,
385
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,873
please watch your luggage,
your children,
386
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,275
and all other valuables.
387
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,544
And...merry christmas!
388
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,083
No! Look at the line.
389
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,753
We'll never make the plane.
390
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,555
Let's go.
391
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,223
[ sighs ]
392
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,625
[ farts ]
393
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,194
oh! Oh!
394
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,029
Thank you.
395
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,266
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
396
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,633
[ coughs ]
397
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,502
yeah!
This is all right.
398
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,305
[ farting continues ]
399
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,641
[ coughs ]
400
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,110
oh, hi!
Merry christmas!
401
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,313
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
402
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,748
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
403
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,588
Come on!
404
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,925
I hear sometimes
they run out of peanuts!
405
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,193
aah!
406
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,396
[ screaming continues ]
407
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,332
[ alarm buzzing ]
408
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,207
are you all right?
409
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,410
Oh -- oh, yeah.
410
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,444
Merry christmas.
411
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,480
No, I'm -- I'm fine.
No damage.
412
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,216
I've got all the usual number
of arms and legs.
413
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,151
I'm sorry.
I didn't even see you.
414
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:56,623
It's quite all right --
Just a few superficial breaks.
415
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,025
Sort of thing happens
to me all the time.
416
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,893
You're a foreigner,
ain't you?
417
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,061
What are you?
418
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,830
I-i'm -- I'm english.
419
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,399
Oh! [ chuckles ]
well, you sure do
talk pretty.
420
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,369
Well, we did sort of invent
the language.
421
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,637
No hard feelings?
422
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,640
No feelings whatsoever.
423
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,311
He's all right!
He's english!
424
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:21,280
I understood every word
he said!
425
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,149
aah!
426
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,451
Merry christmas.
427
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,185
Raise your arms, please.
428
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:29,589
[ whirs ]
429
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:32,859
[ whirring intensifies ]
430
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,827
[ beeps rapidly ]
431
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,269
attention!
Attention, please!
432
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:46,005
Did anybody lose this?
433
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,516
Hey, look at all those people
down there.
434
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:59,118
They look like ants.
435
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,553
Those are ants, dad.
436
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,490
The plane hasn't
taken off yet.
437
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,373
[ snores ]
438
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:27,013
[ shouting ] boy,
that's a big ocean out there!
439
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,248
Lot of water!
440
00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:32,685
[ snoring continues ]
441
00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:43,362
[ chuckles ]
442
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:44,831
peanuts, gentlemen?
443
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:47,534
Lunch!
444
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,437
Thank you!
445
00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:53,339
[ crying ]
446
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,409
don't cry, audrey.
It's only a book.
447
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:59,211
I'm not crying
about the book.
448
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:02,214
I'm crying
about daniel.
449
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,884
Everything
reminds me of him.
450
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,185
These peanuts --
451
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:09,989
He used to love peanuts.
452
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:13,092
He's the love
of my life,
catherine.
453
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,830
I'll never love again --
Never.
454
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:22,401
I'll never see
indianapolis again.
455
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,637
Isn't that what you said
about dashiell?
456
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:27,774
That was
just a passing thing.
457
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,642
I thought you went
with him for a year.
458
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:32,479
It passed slowly.
459
00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:35,214
Actually, dad,
460
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:41,387
the pacific ocean is
164,384,000 square miles
in area --
461
00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,656
18 times the size
of the united states.
462
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:46,192
It was named by
the explorer magellan,
463
00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:49,629
because
when he first saw it,
it was so tranquil,
464
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,998
he called it
the pacific.
465
00:23:51,998 --> 00:23:55,468
[ grunts ]
466
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:04,276
oh!
467
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,945
ah!
468
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,548
ooh.
469
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:11,017
[ man moans ]
470
00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:13,620
oh.
471
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,034
peanut?
472
00:24:32,238 --> 00:24:34,173
Thank you.
473
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,778
[ snoring continues ]
474
00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,139
[ traditional island
music plays ]
475
00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:14,513
where's the bathroom?
476
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,717
Oh, wow!
477
00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:20,386
Oh, thank you!
478
00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,288
Oh, beautiful!
479
00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:25,357
Well, look at that.
[ laughs ]
480
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,126
oh!
481
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,995
wow!
482
00:25:28,995 --> 00:25:30,863
well.
483
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,864
Here.
484
00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:36,302
[ chuckles ]
here you go, uncle nick.
485
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:37,604
This one here's a-willing.
486
00:25:37,604 --> 00:25:39,672
[ laughs ]
487
00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:41,073
hey, third,
488
00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:42,942
you see about
getting snots
out of baggage area?
489
00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,578
They're bringing him out,
dad. He's still asleep.
490
00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:48,948
The local authorities insisted
that they fumigate him first.
491
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:51,050
They didn't like
the way he smelled.
492
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,754
That's funny.
I never noticed he smelled bad.
493
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:58,257
Dad, small animals pass out
when he walks by them.
494
00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:00,793
Woman: aloha!
495
00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,930
Hi! Are you
the johnson family?
496
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:05,264
Yeah!
497
00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,333
Merry christmas.
498
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,535
Hello.
499
00:26:09,535 --> 00:26:11,170
I'm muka laka miki,
mr. Johnson.
500
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,306
I work for the atomic
testing agency here
in maluka.
501
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,608
You're our guests.
502
00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:18,077
Well,
nice to meet you...
Muka lika hicky.
503
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,078
[ chuckles ]
504
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,713
oh!
505
00:26:22,114 --> 00:26:24,717
[ smooching ]
506
00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:26,585
[ chuckles ]
507
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,021
catherine: eddie!
508
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,657
oh.
509
00:26:30,657 --> 00:26:32,825
This is my wife, catherine,
510
00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:37,229
and cousin audrey
and our son,
third the third.
511
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:38,030
hey.
512
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,066
And this here
is uncle nick.
513
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:42,201
Hi, there!
514
00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,302
hi.
515
00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:44,804
Nick --
516
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:48,274
Nick jugson...
At your service.
517
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,009
oh!
[ laughs nervously ]
518
00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,812
i'll -- I'll get you
to your motel.
519
00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,681
Then I thought you'd want
the rest of the day
520
00:26:54,681 --> 00:26:56,348
to get unpacked and stuff,
521
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:59,018
and then tomorrow I could
show you the island.
522
00:26:59,018 --> 00:27:01,721
The agency wants to give you
special treatment.
523
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,323
They're really sorry about
the monkey biting you.
524
00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:05,825
Oh, well.
I heal fast.
525
00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:08,494
But if this is the way you folks
show your apologies...
526
00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:12,264
[ laughs ] that monkey can bite
my ass every day of the week
527
00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:14,066
and twice on sunday.
528
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,347
Whoo!
Heh-heh!
529
00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:30,917
You folks sure are
treating us in style.
530
00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:34,153
Well, I've planned
a big day for us.
531
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,522
This morning,
we're gonna walk
around the town
532
00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:37,890
and get to know it a little.
533
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,926
And visit the native shops,
and I need a manicure.
534
00:27:39,926 --> 00:27:42,194
And then we can change
into beach clothes
535
00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:44,563
and have a native christmas
cookout for lunch --
536
00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:46,498
Sort of a mini luau.
537
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,168
And this afternoon,
I've chartered a small boat,
538
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,670
and I thought we'd tour
some of the islands.
539
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,706
That sounds great!
540
00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:56,042
Hear that, uncle nick?
We're going on a boat!
541
00:27:56,042 --> 00:27:59,078
Just what an old sailor
wants to hear!
542
00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:03,682
[ man singing
in native language ]
543
00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:21,834
snots?
Snots, here.
544
00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:25,237
[ snoring ]
545
00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:27,974
[ engine whirring ]
546
00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:33,312
hey, whose seaplane
is that over there?
547
00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:35,381
That's jack maltby,
melbourne jack.
548
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:36,582
He's an aussie.
549
00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:39,786
He owns a hotel near here
on his own private island.
550
00:28:39,786 --> 00:28:41,788
He's a great guy.
551
00:28:43,022 --> 00:28:44,957
There's more coming,
honey.
552
00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:48,194
These ribs are great,
muka kookie.
553
00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:50,930
Ribs and pineapple --
Those are our big
christmas dishes --
554
00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,131
And fried eel.
555
00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:55,234
Fried eel?
Fried?! Wow!
556
00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:58,137
Am I invited for lunch?
557
00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:01,841
Sure, jack!
Come on in!
558
00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:05,011
Hi, muka laka miki.
Thanks for the invite.
559
00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,645
Hi, jack.
How are you?
560
00:29:06,645 --> 00:29:09,481
Hi, I'm
audrey griswold.
561
00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,950
We just arrived.
562
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,353
Love the island --
Fabulous place.
563
00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:15,621
Are you married?
564
00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:17,957
Hi, there.
We're the johnsons.
565
00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,127
I'm eddie.
566
00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,661
This here is uncle nick.
567
00:29:22,661 --> 00:29:23,896
[ snores ]
568
00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:25,231
that's my boy.
569
00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:28,300
And here's my wife,
catherine.
570
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,435
eel?
571
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,871
Like I said, this is
a beautiful place.
572
00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:34,640
Would you like to
take me...on a tour?
573
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,642
Sure.
574
00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,912
[ chuckles ]
what a charming man.
575
00:29:39,912 --> 00:29:42,181
What's that smell?
576
00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,418
Audrey: oh!
Oh, that was a good one.
577
00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,920
[ audrey laughs ]
578
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,823
it's time for the boat,
you guys. Let's pack up.
579
00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:53,625
Oh, okay.
Third, grab your stuff.
580
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,195
And someone put out the fire.
581
00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,463
I'm full.
582
00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,566
You just sit and digest.
I'll pack up.
583
00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:07,506
Snots! Snots!
584
00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:10,843
Eddie: I hope they got
a pooper on this thing.
585
00:30:10,843 --> 00:30:14,580
That fried eel's
headed due south.
586
00:30:14,580 --> 00:30:16,883
Captain lynch!
587
00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:25,491
It's from captain lynch.
588
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:29,361
His wife is having a baby,
and he has to deliver it.
589
00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:31,964
He says we can
take the boat out
if we want to,
590
00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:33,732
if we know
how to run a boat.
591
00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:35,334
Do you know
how to run a boat?
592
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,838
No, I fish lots in a creek,
but didn't have no boat.
593
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,307
I'm willing to try.
594
00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:42,641
Forget it.
595
00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,078
I've got more salt under my
armpits than you ever sailed on.
596
00:30:46,078 --> 00:30:50,149
Leave it to me.
I was in the navy.
597
00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:01,560
Why should this be different
from an aircraft carrier?
598
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,564
Aah! The key.
599
00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:08,467
All right.
600
00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:10,069
[ engine turns over ]
601
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,704
yay!
whoo!
602
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:16,575
Sometimes you just don't think
of the easy things.
603
00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:17,876
[ laughs ]
604
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,852
shouldn't we untie
this first?
605
00:31:26,852 --> 00:31:30,522
Eddie, get out
and cast off.
606
00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:48,240
Uncle nick!
607
00:32:12,999 --> 00:32:17,069
[ grumbles ]
608
00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,160
okay, where is it?
609
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,428
What's wrong?
610
00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:45,864
The compass --
I can't find a compass.
611
00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,966
Every boat has a compass!
612
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,702
Maybe we should
head back to shore.
613
00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:52,638
I think
that's a good idea.
614
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,073
Whoa! Whoa!
615
00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,376
Whoa-oh-oh!
Whoa!
616
00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,146
ah!
I got a big fish!
617
00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:02,481
Oh-oh-oh-whoa!
618
00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:03,549
Hold on!
619
00:33:03,549 --> 00:33:04,783
Whoa!
620
00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:07,386
aah!
621
00:33:07,386 --> 00:33:09,355
Careful, honey!
You're all tangled!
622
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,758
Get a knife!
Get a knife!
623
00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,126
I don't have a knife.
624
00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:16,828
I have scissors
in my purse, eddie.
625
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,464
Get a knife!
626
00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:20,032
Hold on.
627
00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:21,667
Get a knife!
628
00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:22,834
Aahhh!
629
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,770
Hold on!
630
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,505
aah!
631
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,774
aah!
632
00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:30,142
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
633
00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:32,644
I have scissors, eddie.
634
00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:33,945
Aaahhhh!
635
00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:36,415
Aah! Aah!
636
00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,184
Aah! Aah!
637
00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:41,053
Hold on, Mr. Johnson!
638
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,588
Call me eddie!
639
00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,156
Hold on, eddie!
640
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:47,993
oh!
641
00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:49,695
oh!
642
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:50,796
aah!
643
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:54,266
aah!
Aaahhhh!
644
00:33:55,767 --> 00:33:57,103
Aaaaah!
645
00:33:57,103 --> 00:34:00,806
Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah!
646
00:34:00,806 --> 00:34:03,842
Uncle nick, uncle nick!
The boat's going backwards!
647
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:06,212
Make it go forwards!
648
00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:09,615
[ engine turns over ]
649
00:34:09,615 --> 00:34:11,217
aaahhhh!
Aaahhhh!
650
00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:14,986
Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah!
651
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:17,989
Ohhhh!
652
00:34:17,989 --> 00:34:19,691
[ snap ]
653
00:34:19,691 --> 00:34:21,627
[ grunts ]
654
00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:23,229
ha ha ha!
655
00:34:23,229 --> 00:34:24,730
Ha ha ha!
656
00:34:26,865 --> 00:34:28,434
oh!
657
00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:32,171
Oh, eddie!
You were wonderful!
658
00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:34,039
I almost had it!
659
00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:36,375
Did you see that, huh?
660
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:39,378
That fish was the biggest fish
I ever saw!
661
00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:43,515
That thing must have weighed
10,000 pounds.
662
00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,118
[ laughs ]
how are my shoes?
663
00:34:46,118 --> 00:34:47,986
[ crash ]
aah!
664
00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:48,987
whoa!
665
00:34:48,987 --> 00:34:50,088
Whoa!
666
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,990
aah!
667
00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,192
Whoa!
668
00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,628
Oh! Ooh!
669
00:34:56,628 --> 00:34:58,130
Man the lifeboats!
670
00:34:58,130 --> 00:35:00,199
There are no lifeboats.
671
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,305
Aahhh!
672
00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:09,975
Eddie, where's
the rest of you?!
673
00:35:09,975 --> 00:35:12,311
Oh, eddie,
are you all right?
674
00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,013
Hey, they got
a ukulele in here!
675
00:35:15,013 --> 00:35:16,648
[ grunting ]
676
00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:21,187
oh!
677
00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,889
oh, my head and shoulders.
678
00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:25,991
I'm in pain.
679
00:35:25,991 --> 00:35:27,193
[ gasps ]
680
00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:29,094
my manicure is ruined!
681
00:35:29,094 --> 00:35:34,032
Uncle nick, will you
please take your hand
off my breast?
682
00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:36,935
Is everybody okay?
683
00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:38,470
I'm okay.
684
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:42,441
But there's just this
horrible smell in here.
685
00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:46,312
[ farts ]
oh, god!
686
00:35:48,046 --> 00:35:50,249
Uncle nick!
687
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:53,051
Are you all right?
688
00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,920
I don't know.
I cut my hand.
689
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,021
I don't know how.
690
00:35:56,021 --> 00:35:57,856
I bit it.
691
00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,892
Third?
Third?!
692
00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:04,129
We've run aground,
693
00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:06,198
but there's an island
right there.
694
00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:09,335
You know where we are?
695
00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:10,502
I'm from milwaukee.
696
00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:12,304
I don't know much
about these islands.
697
00:36:13,272 --> 00:36:16,842
The radio --
Let's try the radio.
698
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,943
Milwaukee?
699
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:20,546
I thought your name
was maluka malarka rikki.
700
00:36:20,546 --> 00:36:22,748
Forget the radio.
It doesn't work.
701
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:27,686
Well, that island
looks nice --
Not too far.
702
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,988
All right, I'm gonna try
to swim to shore.
703
00:36:29,988 --> 00:36:31,990
I bet there's
nothing dangerous
on these islands,
704
00:36:31,990 --> 00:36:33,459
right, milwaukee-liki?
705
00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:35,427
I think it's safer
than milwaukee --
706
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,096
Only snakes, wild dogs,
wild boar.
707
00:36:38,096 --> 00:36:40,232
Wild boar?
708
00:36:40,232 --> 00:36:42,334
Well, they're like pigs.
709
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:45,571
Some of them can weigh up
to 600 pounds.
710
00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:48,874
They're very fast
and real nasty.
711
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,208
I'll go, dad.
712
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,478
No, boy, your life's
more precious than mine.
713
00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,680
why?
I don't know.
714
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,316
Daddy's are just supposed
to say things like that
sometimes.
715
00:36:57,316 --> 00:37:00,919
No! We all go.
716
00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:02,921
We all go together.
717
00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:07,393
Catherine, I'm not afraid
of a little, old pig.
718
00:37:07,393 --> 00:37:10,496
Eddie, you can't swim!
719
00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,681
Let's walk.
720
00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:32,284
[ "come, all ye faithful"
plays ]
721
00:37:42,961 --> 00:37:47,032
audrey, what are you doing with
an electric cappuccino maker?
722
00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,000
I bought it in town.
723
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,903
Somehow I doubt
we'll be able to use that.
724
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:54,272
I don't think there are
too many electrical outlets
725
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,607
on this island.
726
00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:56,775
Maybe we'll find a motel
727
00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,777
or something
with an electrical outlet.
728
00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,913
Look!
729
00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:04,783
The boat's drifting away!
730
00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:16,928
Did anyone anchor the boat?
731
00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,438
Well,
we got to do this right.
732
00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:36,848
We need food.
733
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,551
Yeah, you're right, eddie.
734
00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:41,820
Okay, here is
what we brought ashore.
735
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:45,924
We got a dozen tootsie rolls,
we got some bridge mix,
736
00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,660
two six-packs of beer,
some hamburger helper,
737
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,195
and four bottles of bourbon.
738
00:38:50,195 --> 00:38:52,431
That's my kind
of captain.
739
00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:54,500
Yeah, we also got
a quarter-pound
740
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,736
of moldy american cheese,
a pack of matches,
741
00:38:57,736 --> 00:38:59,405
and a box of those
little toothpicks
742
00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:01,373
that you put
into frankfurters.
743
00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:03,375
Only we don't have
any frankfurters.
744
00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:06,578
We can use those to get the
tootsie rolls out of our teeth.
745
00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,081
Oh, and, dad,
I found a knife
on the boat.
746
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,517
It was in the galley.
747
00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:14,185
Uncle nick: I haven't had
a tootsie roll in 35 years.
748
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,955
That's when I got
my false teeth.
749
00:39:16,955 --> 00:39:18,857
Well, we got beer,
750
00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,528
got my favorite
hunting dog.
751
00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:27,232
I can hunt for food.
752
00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:29,000
Oh, eddie.
753
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,337
The only place you ever hunted
for food was our refrigerator.
754
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:35,607
Hey, there's
a freshwater stream
back there in the forest
755
00:39:35,607 --> 00:39:37,409
and plenty of bananas
everywhere,
756
00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,679
and we can make spears
and fishing rods
to hunt and fish.
757
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:43,348
And I think I found
a good place
for a campsite.
758
00:39:43,348 --> 00:39:45,283
Oh, wow!
759
00:39:45,283 --> 00:39:47,419
Catherine: all right,
let's pack up.
760
00:39:47,419 --> 00:39:50,388
Snots! Snots!
761
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,459
[ snots barks ]
762
00:39:58,864 --> 00:40:01,867
this is the spot,
everybody.
763
00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,969
It's starting
to get dark.
764
00:40:03,969 --> 00:40:06,371
We better figure out
where we're gonna sleep.
765
00:40:06,371 --> 00:40:07,939
We'll team up,
766
00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:11,109
and there are some towels
from the hotel.
767
00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:14,412
I'm all set.
768
00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:17,949
Audrey and I
will buddy up.
769
00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:19,217
[ insect buzzes ]
770
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:22,287
well, we only have
three towels,
and they're all wet.
771
00:40:22,287 --> 00:40:23,555
Well, if you get cold,
772
00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,857
your buddy's body heat
will help warm you up.
773
00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,927
You want to rethink
your assigned buddy?
774
00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,596
no.
775
00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:34,866
[ snoring ]
776
00:40:39,137 --> 00:40:42,107
[ insect buzzes ]
777
00:40:58,423 --> 00:41:00,626
[ grunting ]
778
00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:33,525
[ grunts ]
779
00:41:56,481 --> 00:41:57,949
ooh!
780
00:41:57,949 --> 00:42:00,919
[ chanting ]
781
00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:09,561
[ birds chirping ]
782
00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:16,401
that felt good!
783
00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:18,169
When you get to be my age,
784
00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:22,007
a good dump is one
of the great
pleasures in life.
785
00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:26,712
Well,
she's all finished.
786
00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:31,249
Now when I was walking up
to the hill this morning,
787
00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:34,853
I saw that there was nothing
here but a lot of bananas.
788
00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:38,223
So we're gonna have to hunt
for some real food.
789
00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:39,257
So let's go, third.
790
00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:40,491
Yeah!
791
00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:42,794
I'll go with you.
792
00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:57,542
All right.
Here's the game plan.
793
00:42:57,542 --> 00:43:00,078
We're gonna have to split up
so we can cover more ground.
794
00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:03,214
We'll use that fire on top
of the hill as a landmark.
795
00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:06,484
Uncle nick, you make a quick
left and go up the left flank.
796
00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:07,786
Third, you make
a wide right.
797
00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:09,855
Snots and I will go
right up the middle,
798
00:43:09,855 --> 00:43:11,723
and victory
will be ours.
799
00:43:11,723 --> 00:43:15,193
What am I supposed to do
if I run into a wild animal?
800
00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:16,527
Throw my banana at it?
801
00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,129
Good thinking!
802
00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:22,000
Yaaahhh!
803
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,001
[ barks ]
804
00:43:38,249 --> 00:43:40,485
[ bird squawks ]
805
00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:42,387
[ sighs ]
806
00:43:42,387 --> 00:43:46,157
have you ever heard
of barking or pointing?
807
00:43:46,157 --> 00:43:47,058
[ whimpers ]
808
00:43:47,058 --> 00:43:49,127
how about
a little warning here?
809
00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:52,630
Give me a little
heads up next time.
810
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,642
Well, are you coming?
811
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,605
Oh, my.
812
00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:37,508
Oh, my!
813
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,711
Oh, my!
814
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,248
Oh, my!
815
00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:49,755
Oh, my god!
816
00:44:53,959 --> 00:44:55,260
yes!
817
00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:31,763
Any luck hunting, honey?
818
00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:34,199
no.
I almost got a bird.
819
00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:37,335
But all I saw
were 'nanners.
820
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,740
Did you guys
have any luck?
821
00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:45,811
no.
822
00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,445
That's it.
823
00:45:49,214 --> 00:45:52,350
I ain't walked this much
since my last visit
to wal-mart.
824
00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:53,384
Hey, everybody.
825
00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,121
You know, it'll be christmas
in three days.
826
00:45:56,121 --> 00:45:57,555
It is?
827
00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,957
oh.
828
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,926
Do you know,
with all the excitement
829
00:46:00,926 --> 00:46:02,760
of the shipwreck
and everything,
830
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,729
I guess I just forgot
all about christmas.
831
00:46:04,729 --> 00:46:08,199
Well, I guess we will
have to forget about it
this year.
832
00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:11,502
Yeah, it's my first christmas
without mom and dad.
833
00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:14,840
Well, this is
my first christmas
without gifts.
834
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,675
No tree, no santa.
835
00:46:17,675 --> 00:46:19,277
No real food.
836
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,912
No eggnog.
837
00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:23,581
Hey! We can
still have christmas.
838
00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,017
We can have
an island christmas.
839
00:46:26,017 --> 00:46:28,954
Well, that's
a real good idea,
muka nuki.
840
00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:32,523
An island christmas --
Why didn't I
think of that?
841
00:46:32,523 --> 00:46:34,459
What is
an island christmas?
842
00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:37,562
Well, every year
we celebrate the things
843
00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:39,564
that we're
most thankful for.
844
00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:43,501
Well, we're all alive,
and we're all together.
845
00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:45,303
That's worth
celebrating.
846
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:47,738
You're pretty
damn easy
to please.
847
00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:49,140
What about the gifts?
848
00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:50,741
We have the whole island!
849
00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:54,913
Let's think of something
we can all give to each other.
850
00:46:57,082 --> 00:46:59,450
How about
a full-body massage?
851
00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,420
Uncle nick!
852
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:06,457
The islands can be very magical,
full of many gifts.
853
00:47:06,457 --> 00:47:10,028
All you have to do
is use your imagination.
854
00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,397
Oh, dang it.
I knew there
was a catch.
855
00:47:12,397 --> 00:47:14,866
What have you
always wanted, eddie?
856
00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,301
I don't know.
857
00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:19,804
I got pretty
much everything
I ever wanted --
858
00:47:19,804 --> 00:47:23,474
A good dog,
six kids.
859
00:47:26,644 --> 00:47:30,081
Oh...doting wife
who takes care of
my every need,
860
00:47:30,081 --> 00:47:31,816
if you know
what I mean.
861
00:47:31,816 --> 00:47:32,850
[ chuckling ]
862
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:35,553
we could get a house,
eddie.
863
00:47:35,553 --> 00:47:38,423
[ laughing ] where are
we gonna get a house?
864
00:47:38,423 --> 00:47:41,359
We could build it
with our hands.
865
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:44,429
I thought this
was supposed to be
a vacation.
866
00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:45,830
Catherine, no,
it's a great idea.
867
00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:47,999
It'll be fun.
868
00:47:47,999 --> 00:47:51,636
If you build it,
they will come.
869
00:47:53,238 --> 00:47:55,673
who?
870
00:47:55,673 --> 00:47:58,143
Well, someone
to rescue us.
871
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:01,612
Won't be
much of a house.
872
00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,114
But it'll be ours.
873
00:48:03,114 --> 00:48:07,285
Remember,
jesus was born
in a stable.
874
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,389
Yeah...
875
00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,392
Yeah.
876
00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:16,995
Yeah!
877
00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:20,331
We'll build it...here!
878
00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,333
And you know what else
we need?
879
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:25,270
A christmas dinner --
A real christmas
dinner --
880
00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,405
Not these bananas
or tootsie rolls
881
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,541
or none of that there
banana helper, neither.
882
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,944
No, sir!
883
00:48:32,944 --> 00:48:35,080
I'm going out again!
884
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,982
We're gonna
have ourselves
some meat!
885
00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:39,350
Yaahhh!
886
00:48:39,350 --> 00:48:41,486
[ barks ]
887
00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,291
good luck!
888
00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,407
[ barks ]
889
00:49:05,843 --> 00:49:07,512
[ grunts ]
890
00:49:07,512 --> 00:49:09,580
come here!
891
00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:11,349
[ squealing ]
892
00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:30,168
yee-eee-eee-eee!
893
00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:35,740
Come back here,
you little bugger!
894
00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,752
[ grunts ]
895
00:49:52,723 --> 00:49:55,093
[ pig growls ]
896
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,168
snots...kill!
897
00:50:03,168 --> 00:50:05,370
Kill! Kill!
898
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,773
Where you going, snots?!
Come back here!
899
00:50:08,773 --> 00:50:11,542
[ roars ]
900
00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,993
* o, tannenbaum *
901
00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:31,862
* o, tannenbaum *
902
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,698
[ groans ]
903
00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,902
it is not a christmas tree,
but it'll do.
904
00:50:37,902 --> 00:50:39,704
It'll have to.
905
00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:43,974
Oh, you know,
we used to have
a big tree every christmas
906
00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:45,343
when I was a kid.
907
00:50:45,343 --> 00:50:48,146
Oh, my father
would take hours
to pick it out.
908
00:50:48,146 --> 00:50:51,549
He sometimes would
do everything
but x-ray it.
909
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,151
Then he'd turn to us
and say,
910
00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:56,887
"you are looking at
the best christmas tree
in kansas city.
911
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,524
No, in the world."
912
00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:00,825
Oh, gosh.
913
00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:03,294
Christmas with daddy.
914
00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:08,666
I guess dads
are all like that
at christmas.
915
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,235
Even eddie.
916
00:51:11,236 --> 00:51:13,838
[ growling ]
917
00:51:27,352 --> 00:51:29,654
that's a good piggy.
918
00:51:29,654 --> 00:51:31,589
That's a good piggy.
919
00:51:43,701 --> 00:51:46,737
Aaahhhh!
920
00:51:57,682 --> 00:52:00,451
[ whistles ]
921
00:52:08,526 --> 00:52:10,695
oh, it's so beautiful
here.
922
00:52:10,695 --> 00:52:14,064
Yeah, if only it
had a shopping mall.
923
00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:17,202
The house is
coming along great, huh?
924
00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,870
Yeah. It's a great
christmas gift.
925
00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:20,905
Look at him.
926
00:52:20,905 --> 00:52:22,373
It's a funny thing,
you know?
927
00:52:22,373 --> 00:52:24,275
Here we are
in serious trouble,
928
00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:26,777
and I don't think
I've ever seen eddie
so happy.
929
00:52:26,777 --> 00:52:30,114
Sometimes a crisis
brings out the best
in a person.
930
00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,616
I mean,
he's even working.
931
00:52:31,616 --> 00:52:34,319
[ "the 12 days of christmas"
plays ]
932
00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:39,056
hey, dad?
933
00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,325
Dad? Dad?!
934
00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:43,828
There's something
I've got to tell you.
935
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,796
It's your girlfriend.
936
00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,097
Is she pregnant?
937
00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:48,098
no!
938
00:52:48,098 --> 00:52:49,367
oh.
939
00:52:49,367 --> 00:52:53,271
[ "the 12 days of christmas"
continues ]
940
00:52:53,271 --> 00:52:54,839
it's just that...
941
00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:57,275
I always thought that...
942
00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:01,812
You were kind of,
sort of...
943
00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,449
gay?
944
00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:05,350
no!
945
00:53:05,350 --> 00:53:08,753
Just the bottom
of the food chain.
946
00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:11,989
Well, I was wrong.
947
00:53:11,989 --> 00:53:17,695
I mean, you know,
like you never
worked much, and...
948
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,099
Mom took care
of the kids and
cooked and cleaned
949
00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,801
and worked three jobs.
950
00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:27,572
And then, you know,
the bank foreclosed
on the house,
951
00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:30,140
and the repo people
took the r.v.
952
00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:32,343
Oh, yeah.
953
00:53:32,343 --> 00:53:36,281
I loved that r.v.
954
00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:39,083
[ sobbing ] that r.v.
955
00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:42,353
And here we are
on a desert island,
who knows where?
956
00:53:42,353 --> 00:53:45,155
And he goes out and kills
with his bare hands
957
00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,591
to feed his family.
958
00:53:46,591 --> 00:53:49,460
I mean, can you imagine him
taking on that huge animal
959
00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,729
and beating him
in a fair fight?
960
00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,264
I know!
961
00:53:53,264 --> 00:53:55,266
God, he was like
a caveman
962
00:53:55,266 --> 00:53:57,535
or a gladiator
or something.
963
00:53:57,535 --> 00:53:59,637
Yeah.
964
00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:07,878
Well, anyway,
I was wrong.
965
00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,815
No, you were right.
966
00:54:10,815 --> 00:54:13,351
I'm just no good.
967
00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:16,354
Right, you know,
normally.
968
00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:19,924
But here,
on this island...
969
00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,959
You've been great.
970
00:54:25,496 --> 00:54:28,198
Do you mean that?
971
00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:29,867
Yeah.
972
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:35,973
Oh, boy, you don't know
how good that makes me feel.
973
00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,642
From now on...
974
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:42,713
[ laughs ] I've got
no place to go but up!
975
00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:47,918
[ telephone rings ]
976
00:54:47,918 --> 00:54:49,387
hi, it's audrey griswold.
977
00:54:49,387 --> 00:54:52,056
Leave a message
and merry christmas.
978
00:54:52,056 --> 00:54:54,158
[ beeps ]
979
00:54:54,158 --> 00:54:55,826
man: ever-ready plumbing here.
980
00:54:55,826 --> 00:54:57,127
We got your message,
981
00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:59,330
and we'll have a man out to
your house within 30 days.
982
00:54:59,330 --> 00:55:01,699
Merry christmas!
983
00:55:07,204 --> 00:55:11,275
Merry christmas morning,
everybody!
984
00:55:11,275 --> 00:55:12,943
[ chuckles ]
985
00:55:22,620 --> 00:55:25,890
merry christmas morning!
986
00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:27,492
[ chuckles ] yeah.
987
00:55:27,492 --> 00:55:29,860
Come here, you!
Merry christmas!
988
00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:31,161
Merry christmas!
989
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,163
oh!
990
00:55:33,163 --> 00:55:34,532
Merry christmas,
milwaukee.
991
00:55:34,532 --> 00:55:38,836
And here's...
Mr. Christmas himself.
992
00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:41,105
It's st. Nick.
993
00:55:41,105 --> 00:55:44,041
Ho, ho, ho!
994
00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:45,443
Whoo!
995
00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:51,482
Merry christmas, audrey.
This is from eddie.
996
00:55:51,482 --> 00:55:53,484
Wow, eddie.
This is great!
997
00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:56,053
Lipstick -- it's my
favorite color.
998
00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:57,121
Where did you get it?
999
00:55:57,121 --> 00:56:00,425
Found it in your purse.
1000
00:56:00,425 --> 00:56:03,260
This is from third.
1001
00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,095
Oh, third!
1002
00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:07,398
My gosh, look at that.
1003
00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:09,900
That's a --
That's a deluxe spear.
1004
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:13,237
It's an aerodynamically
correct spear, dad.
1005
00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:14,405
See those fins?
1006
00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:16,907
Those are for
throwing accurately.
1007
00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:18,843
Looks like a one-way
street sign.
1008
00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:22,413
Well, let's take it
for a little test drive,
shall we?
1009
00:56:22,413 --> 00:56:23,914
Stay clear!
1010
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,686
[ animal trumpets ]
1011
00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:36,226
okay,
now let's sing a few
christmas songs, huh?
1012
00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:37,562
[ chuckles ]
1013
00:56:37,562 --> 00:56:39,964
oh, let's see.
1014
00:56:39,964 --> 00:56:43,668
* hark,
the herald angels sing *
1015
00:56:43,668 --> 00:56:47,037
* glory to
the newborn king *
1016
00:56:47,037 --> 00:56:50,541
* peace on earth
and mercy mild *
1017
00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:53,978
* god and sinners
reconciled *
1018
00:56:53,978 --> 00:56:57,682
* joyful, all ye nations rise *
1019
00:56:57,682 --> 00:57:01,118
* join the triumph
of the skies *
1020
00:57:01,118 --> 00:57:04,955
* with the angelic host
proclaim *
1021
00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:08,859
* christ is born
in bethlehem *
1022
00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:13,430
* hark,
the herald angels sing *
1023
00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:19,904
* glory to the newborn king *
1024
00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:28,513
hey, I got
another surprise
for us here.
1025
00:57:28,513 --> 00:57:30,881
A little homemade
home concoction
1026
00:57:30,881 --> 00:57:34,118
that my daddy
used to make,
1027
00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:36,120
only he had a still
and sold it
to the neighbors,
1028
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,255
but it kept us
going through
the lean times
1029
00:57:38,255 --> 00:57:40,858
until he got caught
and wound up doing
three to five.
1030
00:57:40,858 --> 00:57:43,528
But here's
a little taste
for everybody.
1031
00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:45,663
Okay, all right!
Here goes.
1032
00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,501
Whoo!
1033
00:57:50,501 --> 00:57:52,469
Wow, that's got a kick.
What is in that?
1034
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,105
Well, it's got
three parts coconut milk,
1035
00:57:55,105 --> 00:57:56,340
two parts bug juice,
1036
00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:59,577
six parts bourbon and a little
banana peel for texture
1037
00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:01,111
and a tootsie roll.
1038
00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:02,947
Oh, and some sunscreen.
1039
00:58:08,886 --> 00:58:12,222
Lord, I want to thank you
for keeping us healthy and,
1040
00:58:12,222 --> 00:58:17,161
particularly, alive during
this whole shipwreck deal.
1041
00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:21,365
But most of all, lord,
I want to thank you
for this house.
1042
00:58:21,365 --> 00:58:23,768
Oh, it's a good house,
lord.
1043
00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:27,071
It's probably
the first house we ever had
1044
00:58:27,071 --> 00:58:30,541
where we didn't owe
a mortgage or taxes.
1045
00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:32,843
And maybe the only house
we'll ever have
1046
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:35,045
where the bank won't
foreclose on it.
1047
00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:37,848
Oh, it's not as nice
as audrey's house,
1048
00:58:37,848 --> 00:58:40,284
but it's a fine house, lord.
1049
00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:44,722
And I want you
to please just find it
to forgive me, lord,
1050
00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:50,661
for losing the r.v.
And the dirt farm, lord,
1051
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,830
and the way
I see it, lord --
1052
00:58:52,830 --> 00:58:54,599
Can I say something?
1053
00:58:56,433 --> 00:59:00,871
Excuse me, lord.
1054
00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,740
Yeah?
1055
00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,541
What's in the coconut?
1056
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,812
Another tropical
surprise.
1057
00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:11,548
Can we drink the surprise first
and then bust the coconut?
1058
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,217
no.
1059
00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:14,985
Well, there
you have it.
1060
00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,922
Anyway, lord, be it
ever so humble,
1061
00:59:17,922 --> 00:59:21,191
there's no place
like this
here house.
1062
00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,827
Oh! Amen.
1063
00:59:22,827 --> 00:59:26,063
* happiness forever *
* amen *
1064
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:29,366
* amen *
* amen *
1065
00:59:29,366 --> 00:59:31,736
* amen *
* amen *
1066
00:59:31,736 --> 00:59:38,008
* amen *
1067
00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:44,448
whoo!
Whoo!
1068
00:59:44,448 --> 00:59:45,582
Merry christmas!
1069
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:48,218
Oh, merry christmas
to you!
1070
00:59:52,456 --> 00:59:54,491
Ah-ah-ah!
1071
00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,795
Oh, eddie!
[ laughs ]
1072
01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:03,600
put me down!
Put me down!
1073
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,002
You did it, dad.
1074
01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:08,538
You killed a boar and
built our own damn house.
1075
01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:10,808
Watch your mouth,
third.
1076
01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:16,847
[ creaking ]
1077
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:41,038
well...we've learned
something here today.
1078
01:00:41,038 --> 01:00:44,709
We definitely have to
make it more secure.
1079
01:00:44,709 --> 01:00:46,677
Let's eat.
1080
01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:11,836
[ snores ]
1081
01:01:14,471 --> 01:01:15,906
[ thinking ]
catherine: eddie?
1082
01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:18,042
Eddie, you're so brave,
1083
01:01:18,042 --> 01:01:21,378
and you have
a good sense of humor.
1084
01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:25,783
[ echoing ] you're my
hero...hero...hero...hero.
1085
01:01:25,783 --> 01:01:28,052
[ silent movie piano plays ]
1086
01:01:38,562 --> 01:01:39,964
[ no audio ]
1087
01:02:02,419 --> 01:02:04,822
[ screeches ]
1088
01:02:04,822 --> 01:02:07,591
[ screams ]
1089
01:02:07,591 --> 01:02:09,159
[ whimpers ]
1090
01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,435
[ barks ]
1091
01:02:36,620 --> 01:02:38,322
aha! Whoo!
1092
01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:43,828
Hey, everybody!
I saw an airplane!
1093
01:02:43,828 --> 01:02:45,762
[ laughs ]
1094
01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:46,897
hey!
1095
01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:50,434
it's a plane -- a plane!
1096
01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:52,269
And he sees us.
1097
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,570
It's jack.
1098
01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:56,941
It's melbourne
jack maltby.
1099
01:02:56,941 --> 01:03:02,379
We're saved...we're saved...
We're saved! Over here!
1100
01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:04,014
Uncle nick, wake up.
1101
01:03:04,014 --> 01:03:06,583
We're rescued!
We're saved!
1102
01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:10,554
Saved? From what?
1103
01:03:15,359 --> 01:03:17,895
Down here!
1104
01:03:17,895 --> 01:03:23,067
Jack!
It's me...audrey!
1105
01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:35,579
They've had search parties
all over the south pacific
1106
01:03:35,579 --> 01:03:36,813
looking for you
and that boat.
1107
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,582
They found the boat
300 miles from here.
1108
01:03:38,582 --> 01:03:41,785
Oh, you've been searching
for me this whole time?
1109
01:03:41,785 --> 01:03:43,954
You're a hero!
Well, you found me.
1110
01:03:43,954 --> 01:03:46,490
You did say
you weren't married.
1111
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:49,193
Actually, I was just
flying over to check out
a hotel I own
1112
01:03:49,193 --> 01:03:51,095
on the other side
of the island,
1113
01:03:51,095 --> 01:03:52,997
when I saw eddie
out there on the cliff.
1114
01:03:52,997 --> 01:03:55,599
Probably nobody thought
of looking for you here.
1115
01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:56,867
Well, it's only
10 miles.
1116
01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:59,003
You could have walked
to my hotel.
1117
01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:07,244
Well, I...guess
we better pack up and
get out of here then.
1118
01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:11,982
Man, I got all excited
when I first saw
the plane, but...
1119
01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,751
I'm really gonna
miss this place.
1120
01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:19,389
This was the best
vacation this family
has ever had.
1121
01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,891
Oh, well.
1122
01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,859
It was great,
but it will be good
1123
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,761
to get back
to civilization.
1124
01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:27,164
Nah, civilization.
1125
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:28,298
People like
to live in crowds
1126
01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,566
'cause they don't
trust each other.
1127
01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:30,734
Oh, I don't know.
1128
01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:33,770
There's some good things
to say about civilization.
1129
01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,439
Name one.
1130
01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:40,110
Massages, manicures,
frozen artichokes,
1131
01:04:40,110 --> 01:04:42,646
hot tubs, champagne.
1132
01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,015
I want to say something.
1133
01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:47,817
I'm gonna Miss not having
a lot of things.
1134
01:04:47,817 --> 01:04:50,454
It's been great
without telephones
1135
01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:53,523
and people you
never even met calling,
1136
01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:57,327
trying to sell you things
you don't even need.
1137
01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:01,631
And rap music
on beer commercials,
and junk mail?
1138
01:05:01,631 --> 01:05:02,832
Nyah!
1139
01:05:02,832 --> 01:05:07,071
I'm gonna Miss us
all being so together,
1140
01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:10,941
the way everybody
chipped in and worked.
1141
01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:12,542
It was a christmas thing.
1142
01:05:12,542 --> 01:05:14,078
I saw an airplane!
1143
01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:16,813
I saw an airplane!
1144
01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:18,882
We're saved!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
1145
01:05:18,882 --> 01:05:22,352
We're saved!
Ah-ha-ha!
1146
01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:26,756
I saw a plane!
Ah-ha! Ah--
1147
01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:28,192
Jack!
1148
01:05:29,226 --> 01:05:31,595
What are you doing here?
1149
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,902
Aha-ha!
1150
01:05:38,902 --> 01:05:41,838
Merry christmas!
Merry christmas!
1151
01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,573
Ah-ha-ha!
1152
01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:46,243
This was
the best christmas
I've ever had.
1153
01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,146
It was fun being a part
of your family here on...
1154
01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:50,647
What is the name
of this island?
1155
01:05:50,647 --> 01:05:53,517
Well, it was named after
king haleehowkee,
1156
01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:54,618
but you can change it.
1157
01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:55,919
He was a headhunter.
1158
01:05:55,919 --> 01:05:56,987
ooh.
1159
01:05:56,987 --> 01:06:00,490
I say we rename it
eddie island,
1160
01:06:00,490 --> 01:06:02,926
in honor of the man
who killed the boar.
1161
01:06:02,926 --> 01:06:05,629
oh!
1162
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,866
What business
did you say you were in?
1163
01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,468
I was
in nuclear research.
1164
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,769
You're kidding.
1165
01:06:12,769 --> 01:06:15,072
No, no.
Nuclear research.
1166
01:06:15,072 --> 01:06:16,873
But then I got laid off,
1167
01:06:16,873 --> 01:06:19,943
but then 'cause I got
bit on the ass,
1168
01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:22,412
they give me this here
christmas vacation.
1169
01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:24,948
You got laid off.
Did the company downsize?
1170
01:06:24,948 --> 01:06:28,818
Yeah, well, the other guy --
He was a lot smaller
than I was.
1171
01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:30,187
I was better at the job.
1172
01:06:30,187 --> 01:06:32,422
Jack's incredible,
isn't he?
1173
01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:34,024
Yeah, he's
a really great guy.
1174
01:06:34,024 --> 01:06:36,293
He's so...mature.
1175
01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:39,163
Big deal!
Uncle nick's mature.
1176
01:06:41,298 --> 01:06:44,634
Oh, this is liable
to roll down the hill
1177
01:06:44,634 --> 01:06:47,271
and kill a little pig
or something.
1178
01:06:47,271 --> 01:06:48,605
I better move this.
1179
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,076
Hold it. You're
gonna bust your rollers
trying to move that.
1180
01:06:52,076 --> 01:06:53,177
Let me help you.
1181
01:06:53,177 --> 01:06:56,646
All right.
Put it over there.
1182
01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,648
[ grunting ] where?
1183
01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,650
Over there.
1184
01:07:00,650 --> 01:07:03,420
oh!
Oh-oh! Oh!
1185
01:07:03,420 --> 01:07:05,021
[ gagging ]
1186
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:08,225
let go!
You're choking me!
1187
01:07:08,225 --> 01:07:11,495
What?
Let go!
1188
01:07:11,495 --> 01:07:12,296
All right.
1189
01:07:12,296 --> 01:07:16,233
aah!
Aaahh-aahhh-aahhh!
1190
01:07:16,233 --> 01:07:17,867
Aah-aahhh!
1191
01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:19,836
[ thud ]
1192
01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,638
jack?
1193
01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:25,742
I'm all right.
1194
01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:28,312
No, no, no, jack.
You took a terrible
fall.
1195
01:07:28,312 --> 01:07:29,879
You need rest and care.
1196
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:33,016
I'm fine.
1197
01:07:33,016 --> 01:07:35,585
oh!
1198
01:07:35,585 --> 01:07:37,421
I wouldn't
be going into a career
in the moving business
1199
01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:39,856
any time too soon
if I were you, mate.
1200
01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,191
[ laughs nervously ]
1201
01:07:41,191 --> 01:07:43,160
[ chuckles ]
1202
01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:50,234
you all
ready to fly?
1203
01:07:59,276 --> 01:08:02,246
[ eddie laughing ]
1204
01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,456
oh, I'm gonna really miss
the old homestead.
1205
01:08:23,032 --> 01:08:25,101
Jack, you okay?
1206
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,338
I'm okay.
It's just a headache.
1207
01:08:28,338 --> 01:08:29,973
There are some aspirin
in the cabin.
1208
01:08:29,973 --> 01:08:32,142
Yeah?
1209
01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:36,680
oh!
1210
01:08:40,016 --> 01:08:41,218
His head hurts.
1211
01:08:41,218 --> 01:08:42,419
Oh, my god.
1212
01:08:42,419 --> 01:08:44,454
Oh, my god,
he needs me!
He needs me!
1213
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:47,924
Now, now,
he'll be all right.
1214
01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:49,493
Just a headache.
1215
01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,834
He'll be all right.
1216
01:09:03,407 --> 01:09:09,112
Maluka tower,
maluka tower,
this is mike-808-mike.
1217
01:09:09,112 --> 01:09:10,414
Melbourne jack here.
1218
01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,616
I've just picked up
some lost souls
1219
01:09:12,616 --> 01:09:16,220
on the rear end of
king haleehowkee island.
1220
01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,687
Eddie island!
1221
01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:21,090
Our position is...
1222
01:09:21,090 --> 01:09:23,627
Hell, I don't know
where we are.
1223
01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:24,628
[ sighs ]
1224
01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:27,764
i'm not too well,
my friend.
1225
01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:30,267
I like you, ed.
1226
01:09:30,267 --> 01:09:31,901
You're a good man.
1227
01:09:31,901 --> 01:09:35,539
You're not
the brightest bulb
in the chandelier,
1228
01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:37,507
but you're
a good man.
1229
01:09:43,112 --> 01:09:44,748
Aah! Jack!
1230
01:09:44,748 --> 01:09:46,416
Man: mike-808-mike.
1231
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:49,519
Say again your position.
Over.
1232
01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,120
Help!
1233
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,156
This is maluka tower.
Merry christmas.
1234
01:09:53,156 --> 01:09:54,758
Is that you, jack?
1235
01:09:54,758 --> 01:09:55,859
No, it's eddie.
1236
01:09:55,859 --> 01:10:00,029
Jack -- jack, he --
He fainted, or he's dead!
1237
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:01,298
[ audrey screams ]
1238
01:10:01,298 --> 01:10:03,667
jack, snap out of it!
Snap out of it!
1239
01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:06,169
Oh, he's not dead.
He moved.
1240
01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:09,172
Well, okay, eddie.
Merry christmas!
1241
01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,941
Can you fly a plane?
1242
01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:14,811
I'll take that as a no.
1243
01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,448
We got you on radar now.
1244
01:10:18,448 --> 01:10:21,285
You're heading right
for maluka airport.
1245
01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:23,820
All you're gonna have to do is,
well, land.
1246
01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:25,054
Nick: we're gonna die.
1247
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,155
Now relax.
1248
01:10:26,155 --> 01:10:27,857
When we get you
over the airport,
1249
01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:29,025
we're gonna talk you in.
1250
01:10:29,025 --> 01:10:31,060
And, eddie?
1251
01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,329
[ nervously ] yeah?
1252
01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:33,697
We're gonna
clear the area
1253
01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:35,865
of all incoming
and outgoing flights.
1254
01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:39,303
Hell, all you're gonna
have to worry about is to make
1255
01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:42,272
a nice, simple landing
right there on the tarmac.
1256
01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:45,975
You'll go down gradually
and just coast on in.
1257
01:10:45,975 --> 01:10:46,976
Okay, okay.
1258
01:10:46,976 --> 01:10:48,111
dad!
1259
01:10:48,111 --> 01:10:50,414
Dad, you can't land
on the tarmac!
1260
01:10:50,414 --> 01:10:52,549
Probably not,
but I got to try.
1261
01:10:52,549 --> 01:10:56,353
This is a seaplane, dad!
A seaplane!
1262
01:10:56,353 --> 01:10:57,687
Tower, tower!
1263
01:10:57,687 --> 01:11:01,291
Mr. Tower, this --
This is a seaplane!
1264
01:11:01,291 --> 01:11:03,126
Damn, forgot.
Right. Shoot.
1265
01:11:03,126 --> 01:11:04,661
I'm getting so absentminded!
1266
01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:06,763
Good, good --
That's even easier.
1267
01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:10,500
You'll just land right there in
the bay in front of the airport,
1268
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,636
and we'll come on out
and get you.
1269
01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:17,907
Now just sit back,
stay on course, and relax.
1270
01:11:17,907 --> 01:11:19,543
No sweat.
1271
01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:23,847
How's jack?
1272
01:11:23,847 --> 01:11:27,183
Audrey's breathing
into his mouth.
1273
01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:29,386
Okay, easy does it.
1274
01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,888
Loosen your clothing.
1275
01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:33,122
Good!
1276
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,791
Planes
will never
replace boats
1277
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,461
as a means of
transportation.
1278
01:11:37,461 --> 01:11:39,763
People like
to stay close
to terra firma.
1279
01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:40,764
Uncle nick?
1280
01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:44,133
Boats still
sail on water,
not earth.
1281
01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:47,070
Okay, eddie,
we got you inside now.
1282
01:11:47,070 --> 01:11:48,738
There's the airport!
1283
01:11:48,738 --> 01:11:50,740
Now, here's what
we want you to do.
1284
01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:52,141
We want you to look
at the altimeter.
1285
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,943
Where?!
Where is it?!
1286
01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,044
All right, calm down now.
1287
01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:58,415
It's the gauge on the right side
of the panel.
1288
01:11:58,415 --> 01:11:59,949
You're now at 2,000 feet.
1289
01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:04,320
I want you to turn the wheel
very slowly to your left,
1290
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:09,626
press it down gradually,
very slowly.
1291
01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:13,730
aah!
aah!
aah!
1292
01:12:13,730 --> 01:12:14,764
Eddie?
1293
01:12:14,764 --> 01:12:15,932
Aahhh!
1294
01:12:15,932 --> 01:12:18,368
Merry christmas.
1295
01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,538
Up...up...up...pull it up!
1296
01:12:21,538 --> 01:12:23,673
Eddie, come on!
1297
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,076
Oh, no! No!
No, eddie!
1298
01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:32,949
Okay, eddie,
we're gonna try it again.
1299
01:12:32,949 --> 01:12:34,183
Now slowly.
1300
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,351
Slow down, eddie!
1301
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:37,387
Don't you know what "slow"
means?!
1302
01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:38,622
Eddie,
you damn idiot!
1303
01:12:38,622 --> 01:12:40,824
Don't you know
what "slow" means?!
1304
01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,629
Muka...
1305
01:12:45,629 --> 01:12:50,033
If we don't die,
will you be my girlfriend?
1306
01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:53,403
Well, thank you, third.
1307
01:12:53,403 --> 01:12:55,905
I think you're terrific...
1308
01:12:55,905 --> 01:12:57,974
But I don't think you're
quite grown-up enough
for me.
1309
01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:00,777
I am grown-up!
1310
01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:02,712
I've even seen
a naked woman.
1311
01:13:04,548 --> 01:13:07,884
Anyway, if we don't die,
i'm going back to my husband.
1312
01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,419
Your husband?
1313
01:13:09,419 --> 01:13:11,788
Yes, daniel.
1314
01:13:11,788 --> 01:13:13,723
He lives in indianapolis.
1315
01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:19,963
Now let's...let's try again
there, eddie baby.
1316
01:13:19,963 --> 01:13:21,665
And, eddie,
you see that tall building
1317
01:13:21,665 --> 01:13:23,399
with the glass
all around it?
1318
01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:24,601
Good.
1319
01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,671
Whatever you do,
don't hit that building.
1320
01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:30,574
You see, that's the tower,
eddie, and that's --
1321
01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,175
Well, that's where I am.
1322
01:13:32,175 --> 01:13:33,577
Now what we're gonna do,
1323
01:13:33,577 --> 01:13:36,145
you're gonna turn the wheel
slowly to the left again
1324
01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:38,482
and then press down.
1325
01:13:40,183 --> 01:13:43,319
No...no...no.
1326
01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:44,554
Oh, no!
1327
01:13:44,554 --> 01:13:46,590
No! No, eddie!
1328
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:52,529
[ man screaming ]
1329
01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,637
dad, it's just like
the time
1330
01:14:00,637 --> 01:14:03,840
you drove the r.v. Off
the side of the mountain
1331
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:07,911
and broke your leg...
Only more dangerous.
1332
01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,982
It's more like the time
that you were fishing
off that bridge
1333
01:14:12,982 --> 01:14:15,619
and reached down
to tie your shoelaces
1334
01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:17,320
and fell 50 feet into
the water.
1335
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:20,857
Only this time,
we could all die.
1336
01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:26,229
Third: you can do it, dad.
I know you can.
1337
01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:34,103
[ no audio ]
1338
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,490
[ catherine screams ]
1339
01:15:09,606 --> 01:15:14,343
[ "joy to the world" plays ]
1340
01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:16,846
[ laughing ]
1341
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:27,156
bingo.
1342
01:15:34,163 --> 01:15:35,999
Anchor: and merry christmas,
maluka.
1343
01:15:35,999 --> 01:15:38,367
Now we've all heard about
the shipwrecked johnsons.
1344
01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,904
And here's a holiday video
from their daughter,
1345
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,205
who's currently appearing
1346
01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:44,340
at the bare-bottom club
in las vegas.
1347
01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:47,844
[ "the stripper" plays ]
1348
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:55,251
oh, ho, ho!
1349
01:15:55,251 --> 01:15:58,287
Oh, merry christmas,
third.
1350
01:15:58,287 --> 01:15:59,856
How's my boy?
1351
01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:03,092
Aunt jessica,
you wouldn't believe
what we've been through.
1352
01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:06,229
You're not gonna show me
your travel movies,
are you, third?
1353
01:16:06,229 --> 01:16:07,530
Later.
1354
01:16:07,530 --> 01:16:10,533
Okay, so, where's
that old man of mine?
1355
01:16:10,533 --> 01:16:12,101
And where are
your folks?
1356
01:16:12,101 --> 01:16:14,838
Oh, well, my mom and dad
and cousin audrey
1357
01:16:14,838 --> 01:16:17,073
are visiting a friend
in the hospital.
1358
01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:20,109
Dad dropped
a rock on him and gave him
a brain concussion.
1359
01:16:20,109 --> 01:16:22,578
oh.
Oh, and uncle nick's
resting.
1360
01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:24,480
You go up
and tell him I'm here.
1361
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:27,583
If I walk in on him,
he's liable to have
a heart attack.
1362
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:28,885
Sure.
1363
01:16:33,156 --> 01:16:36,525
Aunt jessica,
you didn't, did you?
1364
01:16:36,525 --> 01:16:38,995
[ chuckles ]
don't ask.
1365
01:16:38,995 --> 01:16:41,164
Okay.
1366
01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:46,369
Boy, that jack --
He is okay, isn't he?
1367
01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:47,871
What a great guy.
1368
01:16:47,871 --> 01:16:50,473
And he didn't even mention
that I almost killed him.
1369
01:16:50,473 --> 01:16:52,341
Can't believe it.
1370
01:16:52,341 --> 01:16:54,644
He's married, five kids.
1371
01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:58,882
I mean, my god --
Can't any man be trusted?
1372
01:16:58,882 --> 01:17:02,418
He was the great love
of my life.
1373
01:17:02,418 --> 01:17:03,987
I'll never love again.
1374
01:17:05,488 --> 01:17:07,156
Merry christmas!
1375
01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:08,825
Merry christmas.
1376
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:10,559
Is he all right?
1377
01:17:10,559 --> 01:17:14,530
It's my husband --
Nervous breakdown.
1378
01:17:14,530 --> 01:17:16,700
oh.
Merry christmas!
1379
01:17:18,735 --> 01:17:19,803
I'm so sorry.
1380
01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:22,205
How long has
he been like this?
1381
01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:23,439
Since this morning.
1382
01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:25,341
He's an air-traffic
controller.
1383
01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,949
Hey, buddy.
Merry christmas!
1384
01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:36,385
Hey, come on, buddy.
Snap out of it.
1385
01:17:36,385 --> 01:17:37,486
Snap out of it!
1386
01:17:37,486 --> 01:17:39,522
Aah-aah-aaahhhh!
1387
01:17:39,522 --> 01:17:40,790
No, eddie!
Aah-aah!
1388
01:17:40,790 --> 01:17:44,393
Bless you!
Oh, thank you!
1389
01:17:44,393 --> 01:17:46,595
You are
a miracle worker.
1390
01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:48,564
Well...
1391
01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:52,435
Come on, let's get back
to the motel.
1392
01:17:52,435 --> 01:17:55,371
I may become a nun.
1393
01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:02,846
Aunt jessica...
1394
01:18:02,846 --> 01:18:05,648
So you finally got tired
of that young fellow,
1395
01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:09,452
and you decided
to come crawling back
to uncle nick.
1396
01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:12,722
And you're gonna
take her back,
I suppose.
1397
01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:16,159
Well, I have
seen it all now.
1398
01:18:16,159 --> 01:18:19,829
Anybody wants me,
i'll be in the can.
1399
01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:28,304
I'm sorry for that little
unpleasantness, darling.
1400
01:18:28,304 --> 01:18:33,542
That pig snout never did
have no manners.
1401
01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:35,211
When you're finished
massaging me,
1402
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:38,447
get your butt into
the kitchen and fix me
a decent dinner.
1403
01:18:38,447 --> 01:18:42,385
I've been eating nothing
but burnt pig and bananas.
1404
01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:49,959
[ man singing
in native language ]
1405
01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,107
they're waiting
for you inside, eddie.
1406
01:19:04,107 --> 01:19:07,643
Oh, well,
thank you,
milwaukee.
1407
01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:09,445
Hi, muka.
1408
01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:12,515
There's something
I've got to tell you.
1409
01:19:12,515 --> 01:19:18,554
You know, I'm sorry
about asking you
to be my girl.
1410
01:19:18,554 --> 01:19:22,725
But...i'm engaged.
1411
01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:25,328
oh.
1412
01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:30,333
She's, uh, beautiful.
1413
01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:31,700
[ sighs ]
1414
01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:35,271
well, it'll take a while
to get over it.
1415
01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:36,272
Yeah.
1416
01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:40,309
Eddie!
1417
01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:44,447
Eddie, eddie, eddie,
eddie, eddie!
1418
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:47,150
oh!
1419
01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:48,852
oh!
1420
01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:51,454
Oh, professor doornitz!
1421
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,423
[ bones crack ]
1422
01:19:54,423 --> 01:19:55,925
we are so proud of you.
1423
01:19:55,925 --> 01:19:58,727
All the newspapers
carried your story.
1424
01:19:58,727 --> 01:20:00,163
oh.
1425
01:20:00,163 --> 01:20:03,499
Shipwrecked...
Swam 30 miles to rescue
your family.
1426
01:20:03,499 --> 01:20:06,769
Built a 2-story house
with your own hands.
1427
01:20:06,769 --> 01:20:09,572
Killed a wild boar
with manicure scissors!
1428
01:20:09,572 --> 01:20:13,476
Well...
1429
01:20:13,476 --> 01:20:15,278
[ roy blows raspberries ]
1430
01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,115
what's he doing here?
1431
01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:20,984
You're replacing him.
1432
01:20:20,984 --> 01:20:23,086
He's here on vacation.
1433
01:20:26,255 --> 01:20:27,823
Oh, no!
1434
01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,525
Unh-unh.
1435
01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:31,827
I'm staying right here.
1436
01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:36,099
I got myself a new job.
1437
01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:43,472
Well, roy, looks like
this is the beginning
1438
01:20:43,472 --> 01:20:45,408
of a beautiful friendship.
1439
01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:53,983
Yeeeee-haaaa!
[ screeches ]
1440
01:20:53,983 --> 01:20:56,785
captioning made possible by
warner bros.
1441
01:20:56,785 --> 01:20:59,322
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.ncicap.org--
1442
01:20:59,322 --> 01:21:00,990
* we wish you
a merry christmas *
1443
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:03,292
* we wish you
a merry christmas *
1444
01:21:03,292 --> 01:21:07,964
* we wish you a merry christmas
and a happy new year *
98210
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