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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,710
- ( music playing )
- ( chatter )
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,587
Hello, ladies.
Hi, my name's Stuart.
5
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,222
- My good friend Wade
right here.
- Hi.
6
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,690
- Hi, I'm Ashleigh.
- Hi.
7
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,892
- This is Mel.
- How's it going?
8
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,295
- How's your night going?
- Good.
9
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:30,298
Someone just mistook her
for Mila Kunis.
10
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,300
- Oh, yeah.
- Yes, you do look like Mila,
doesn't she?
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,268
- Yeah.
- And you look like
someone famous as well.
12
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,137
- Really?
- Yeah, who is it?
13
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,805
- I know who it is.
- It's a movie star, isn't it?
14
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,708
- Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
It's Jude Law.
- Jude Law.
15
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,077
He's a man.
16
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,412
Beautiful man, though,
isn't he?
17
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,314
- Gorgeous Jude.
- Definitely.
18
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,082
Hey, if Jude Law
were a woman, I'd date him.
19
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,417
There you go.
Now, this guy's choosy.
20
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:52,320
You should see
his ex-wife--
beautiful.
21
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,122
- Sorry.
- Oh, don't worry.
22
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:56,390
Honestly, they'd be lucky
to have you, mate.
23
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,159
- I'm just pleased
you're back on the horse.
- Yeah.
24
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,229
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
25
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:04,232
- Oh, man,
we're all so old.
- Ugh.
26
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:07,268
You're 30
and I'm turning
26 next year.
27
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,371
- Yup, both of us.
So old.
- Yeah.
28
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,641
- So how are you?
- Oh, I'm really good.
29
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,910
Yeah, I just booked a part
in the new Steven Spielberg
miniseries.
30
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,946
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
31
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,581
- Congratulations. Wow.
- Thanks.
32
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,517
- Yeah, what about you?
- Oh, you know, just this
and that.
33
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,887
Don't be modest.
She has a callback
for a yogurt commercial.
34
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,022
- Yeah?
- Cool.
35
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,991
I love yogurt.
36
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,595
Oh, yeah,
it's good for digestion.
37
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,497
Can I just say how much
I love your dress?
38
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,966
Yes, you said that
when you hit on me
an hour ago.
39
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,235
Oh, did I--
40
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,573
- And no change
in the last hour?
- No.
41
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,441
- No, all right.
- Woman: You're not
drinking tonight?
42
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,076
- I have a surprise
for you guys.
- What?
43
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,179
- We're having a baby.
- ( screaming )
44
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,480
- You wanna see a picture?
- Yeah.
45
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,482
- Oh, it's gorgeous.
- Thank you.
46
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,818
- It's so pretty.
- You know, it looks
just like you.
47
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,052
Oh, really?
Thank you.
48
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,388
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
- Oh.
49
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,190
- Be your turn next.
- Oh, no, no, no.
50
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,758
- I don't think so.
- We always use protection.
51
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,827
- Man: You know the singer
Bryan Adams, right?
- Stuart: Yeah.
52
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,663
Did you know he can
make a girl come
in 30 seconds?
53
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,566
- Ohh.
- No, no. No one can make
a girl come in 30 seconds.
54
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,668
Oh, really?
So you don't want
to know how he does it?
55
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,770
- Well, I will as I'm here.
- It's all in the fingers.
56
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,407
How do you know Bryan Adams'
fingering technique?
57
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,442
So a lot of people
have been coming up to me
and saying, like,
58
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,177
"So what's the deal
with you and Glenn?"
59
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,912
- Have they?
- Yeah.
60
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,080
- What do you say
when people ask you that?
- Nobody asked me that.
61
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,183
Well, yeah, but,
I mean, if they did,
what would you say?
62
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,584
I'd tell them to mind
their own business.
63
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,420
Well, okay, yeah,
but hypothetically,
64
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,688
if they made you answer,
what would you say?
65
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,258
- How would they make me?
- If they had a knife to your
throat or something?
66
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,792
- I don't know.
- I'd rather go to the grave
67
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,994
than give them
the satisfaction
of intimidating me.
68
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,197
Good for you.
69
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:46,600
- All: Happy birthday.
- ( cheering )
70
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,703
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
71
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,739
Okay.
72
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,408
( cheering )
73
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,211
- Did you make a wish?
- No, I'm not wishing for you
to have a threesome, Stuart.
74
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,947
- You're so selfish.
- ( cell phone rings )
75
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:03,451
- Hello?
- Woman: Hello, Stuey?
76
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,320
- Yeah, who's this?
- It's Trudy.
77
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,723
Guess what,
I'm coming to Los Angeles.
78
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,559
( music playing )
79
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,264
* Just a little boy lost
looking for a lamb *
80
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:19,367
* In the all-night city
81
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:24,305
* Living in
his lonely limousine *
82
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:28,242
* And though
he never has to worry *
83
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,111
* He's the only one
and only one *
84
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,780
* He's ever gonna need
85
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,450
* Absolutely,
he's in definite need *
86
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,220
* Ooh, maybe we've been
alone too long *
87
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,424
* You don't
want to be lonely *
88
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,226
* Maybe we've been
alone too long *
89
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:51,865
* You don't want
to be lonely. *
90
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,850
Woman:
Okay, we're set.
91
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,519
And action.
92
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,590
- You're enjoying the yogurt.
- Mm.
93
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,225
Okay, could you
do that sexier?
94
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:21,762
- Mm.
- No, sexier.
95
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,731
Mm.
96
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,533
- Are you doing your sexy?
- Mm-hmm.
97
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,100
- That's your sexy?
- Yeah.
98
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,402
Okay, we're gonna
leave the sexy for now.
99
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,003
- Ahem.
- Okay.
100
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,640
We're gonna
have this cartoon
yogurt monster
101
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,675
and he's gonna
chase you around and try
to steal your yogurt.
102
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,478
Can we show her
the picture of Yogi?
103
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,714
- This is the yogurt monster.
- ( laughs )
104
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,951
Okay, so imagine that Yogi
is standing behind you
105
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,252
and you're scared.
106
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,887
( screams )
107
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,890
Okay, you're not that scared.
He's not a rapist.
108
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,025
Once again, please.
109
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,761
- Ahh.
- That's better.
110
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,663
He's come after you now
and you're running.
111
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,699
- Oh, ah.
- Yeah, gotta run,
gotta run from Yogi.
112
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,300
- Ah, whoa.
- Just keep going in a circle.
113
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,602
You're trying to
sort of confuse him.
114
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,604
Kind of confuse
the monster.
115
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,239
- Please go faster. Is that...
- Okay.
116
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,141
Is that really
all you can do there?
117
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:11,579
- I just want to see
a real amount of speed here.
- Yeah.
118
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,614
- And now you've fallen over.
- Oh.
119
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,816
- ( groans )
- There you go.
120
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,818
And he's coming up and--
oh, no, he's got your yogurt.
121
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,287
And you are furious
about this and you're
shaking your fist at him.
122
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:21,889
Oh, Yogi.
123
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,891
No speaking.
There's no dialog in this.
124
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,093
It's very important
that you never speak.
125
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:30,030
Let's have you on your back
and sort of kick your legs
up in the air.
126
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,765
Like a cockroach.
127
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,201
If you saw
a disgusting cockroach,
128
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,870
you sprayed it with bug spray,
and now it's on its back
just slowly dying.
129
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,339
Yup, just like a dirty,
little cockroach.
There you go.
130
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,445
( whispering )
131
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,787
( sighs )
132
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,289
( phone rings )
133
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,459
This is Glenn.
134
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,394
- Hey, Glenn. It's Stuart.
- Chicken Wings.
135
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,530
What's going on, buddy?
136
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,732
Oh, I'll tell you,
mate, I'm afraid I've
come a-begging.
137
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,834
Got quite an important
date coming up
138
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,969
and I need
a super hot chick
to take with me.
139
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,071
I wondered if you
had any sweet-ass honeys
you could send my way.
140
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,940
- Yeah, I can get you
a prostitute.
- Mm.
141
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,410
No, no. I was thinking
more a friend or a client.
142
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,178
- Relative.
- Yeah.
143
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,013
I don't know
if you have a sister,
144
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,616
but if she's half
as attractive as you,
I'd be interested.
145
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,618
- I'm an only child.
- Damn.
146
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,420
- That's a no.
- Do you know Alan Randall?
147
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,688
- No.
- Yes.
148
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,356
- Who-- yeah.
- Yeah, no, we...
149
00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,559
- no, wait, no.
- Not sure I do.
150
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,461
Bigwig in finance.
He's a great guy.
151
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,463
He's having a boat party
this Saturday.
152
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,197
Wall-to-wall
models and bottles.
153
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,432
I could probably
get you an invite.
154
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,167
You've intrigued me, sir.
155
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,303
- Our interests are piqued, sir.
- You can put my name
on the list.
156
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,707
- Hey, your
roommate just showed up.
- Stuart: Oh, hey, Jessica.
157
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,442
- Rory: Hi, Jessica.
- Hi, Rory.
158
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,377
- Hi, Stuart.
- Got to jump off.
159
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,145
- Bye.
- Bye.
160
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,015
( both chanting )
Boat party.
161
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,921
Sorry, you know
you're not coming?
162
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,623
- I know, I just love that song.
- Oh.
163
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,091
- Who sings that?
- I just made it up.
164
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,293
- You just made that up?
- Yeah.
165
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,861
That's one of the best songs
I've ever heard.
166
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,930
- What?
- Yeah. That should be
on the radio.
167
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,465
- Oh, really? Thanks.
- Yeah, it's great.
168
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,800
Both:
Boat party, boat party.
169
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,036
I came to L.A.
to be Meryl Streep,
170
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:19,707
not to get chased around
by some stupid yogurt monster.
171
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,575
Well, you don't become
Meryl Streep overnight.
172
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,844
I've been here for 10 years.
173
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:27,881
Acting just doesn't
make me happy anymore.
174
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,951
Constantly being judged
and competing
175
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,387
with 100 other girls
for some three-line role.
176
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,524
I can't do this anymore.
177
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,359
( sighs )
I'm quitting.
178
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,328
Just-- let's take a beat.
179
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,463
Okay?
180
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,999
Come here.
181
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,170
( sighs )
182
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,776
Are you texting?
183
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,478
No. It's just a quick e-mail.
184
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:03,450
You know, I'm not sure
I want this either.
185
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:06,019
I'm not even sure
I know what this is.
186
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,421
- This is just two people--
- Having fun.
187
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,157
Yeah, I got it.
188
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,826
Glenn, can you just
be honest with me for once?
189
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,995
Is this ever gonna be
a real relationship?
190
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:18,098
I can definitely
191
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:22,369
foresee a time when we
could approach the prospect
192
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,504
of that being
an eventuality.
193
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,640
Good-bye, Glenn.
194
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,810
- Wait a sec--
- And I really
am quitting acting,
195
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:33,246
so also,
you're fired.
196
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,816
Wha-- Jessica, come on.
197
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,517
Jessica.
198
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,987
Jessica!
199
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:54,034
- Stuart: So what are you
gonna do instead of acting?
- Jessica: I have no idea.
200
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,270
- What does Glenn think?
- I don't care.
I broke up with him.
201
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,407
- Why?
- Because he's an asshole.
202
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,876
I am looking for the one.
203
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:06,113
And the one doesn't
just call you when
he's feeling horny.
204
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,984
- Okay, I know what
you're thinking.
- What?
205
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,186
You're wondering if you can
still hang out with Glenn.
206
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,456
How can you say that?
That's-- my allegiance
is to you.
207
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,458
Come on.
208
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,161
Although he was gonna
take me to a boat party
over the weekend.
209
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,697
- Oh, Stuart,
you are unbelievable.
- Oh, come on.
210
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,633
No, no, no. Stop.
There's going to be
models there.
211
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,869
What is your obsession
with models?
212
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,171
I need to date a model
within the next three weeks.
213
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,241
Or what happens?
Do the kidnappers kill
the president's daughter?
214
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,677
No.
215
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,746
All right, if I tell you,
you can't tell anyone else.
216
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,749
Oh, who would I tell?
Who's interested in
your sex life?
217
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,483
- Loads of people.
- Oh, yeah? Name three.
218
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,519
Kives, my parents,
219
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,956
the computer world.
220
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:52,425
- They're really interested?
- Yes, they're very-- it's
a very gossipy environment.
221
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,594
- Wow.
- Because they've got nothing
else to live for, have they?
222
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,665
Just nerds. Nerds going,
"I wonder who Stuart's
having sex with?"
223
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,801
Well, listen, all right,
I'll tell you.
224
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,704
I used to be kind of awkward
when I was at school
225
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,106
and never really knew
how to talk to girls.
226
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,607
( music playing )
227
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,910
Stuart:
Even if a girl
did talk to me,
228
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,045
it was normally just
to fill the time
229
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,815
until someone better
came along.
230
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,928
( chanting )
Drink!
231
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,798
Then at college,
it was pretty much
the same story.
232
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,501
- Ooh, hang on.
- Who's next?
233
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,303
I'll have a go, yeah.
234
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,506
Stuart:
I'd do anything to impress
some random girl
235
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,241
that I didn't even know
the name of.
236
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:52,219
After college,
I got a job at
an I.T. company
237
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,821
and I met this girl there.
238
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,456
Her name was Trudy
and we started going out.
239
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:57,958
And Trudy was great.
240
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,127
She was really
sweet and smart
241
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:03,263
and we were just sort of
in tune with each other.
242
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,968
Like this salesman,
Mike Moffet, joined
the company--
243
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:11,004
total alpha male,
loud and brash.
244
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,906
You know,
all the rest of it.
245
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,914
Trudy and I used to laugh
about what a dick he was.
246
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:28,188
And then, I remember,
about three months after
Mike joined the company...
247
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,257
Oh, sorry.
248
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,800
So sorry.
249
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,736
That's when I decided
to move here, you know?
250
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,404
Reinvent myself.
251
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,473
Stuart 2.0.
252
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,541
Hello, ladies.
My name's Stuart.
253
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,677
With me,
my good friend Wade.
254
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,780
Hello, ladies.
Pleasure. Wade.
255
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,048
Hi, pleasure. Wade.
Nice to meet you.
256
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,450
- Are you--
- Stuart, Stuart!
( screaming )
257
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,757
I got it, I got it.
258
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:07,194
So what happened
to Mike and Trudy?
259
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,829
They got married
260
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,131
and I haven't seen them
since I came here.
261
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,867
But Trudy called me
when we were at your birthday
262
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,770
and they're coming out here
in about three weeks.
263
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,506
Well,
how does the model help?
264
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:23,210
'Cause I want them
to see me with a beautiful
woman on my arm, you know?
265
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,478
I want Mike
to be really jealous
266
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:29,182
and I want Trudy to go back
thinking she should never
have let me go.
267
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,452
I want them to think
that I've won at life.
268
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,289
Well, you may
hang out with Glenn.
269
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:40,193
And I hope you find
what you're looking for.
270
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,096
- And I hope you find
what you're looking for.
- Thank you.
271
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,300
- To Jessica 2.0.
- Jessica 2.0.
272
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,002
Whoo!
273
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:08,255
* Feel the heat
274
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,323
* Burning you up
275
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,359
* Ready or not
276
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:16,897
* Some like it hot
and some sweat when
the heat is on *
277
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:24,371
* Some feel the heat
and decide that they
can't go on *
278
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,242
* Some like it hot...
279
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,845
- So how you holding up?
- With what?
280
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,581
You know,
with you and Jessica.
281
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,583
Oh, yeah.
That was too bad.
282
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,218
She really knows
her way around a penis.
283
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,320
I want to introduce you
to Alan.
284
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,090
Don't look him
directly in the eye.
He's weird about that.
285
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,896
Alan, I want to introduce you
to a friend of mine.
286
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,230
This is Stuart.
287
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,365
Honor and a pleasure
to meet you, sir.
288
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,334
I brought you this gift.
289
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,037
- I don't want that.
- A thousand apologies.
290
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:01,641
Alan, these are
some of my friends.
This is Madison.
291
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,576
- Madison, pleasure to meet you.
- Hi.
292
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,313
- Jasmine.
- Jasmine, delighted.
293
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,780
Hi.
294
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,549
Glenn:
And Joan.
295
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,519
- How's it going?
- Meet you guys at the bar.
296
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,623
I thought we said
we were going to
make it all 10s.
297
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,791
That last one was,
what, six?
298
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,293
Yeah, sorry.
299
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,562
Alan:
Go on, boys. Have some fun.
300
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,332
Don't flush your condoms.
It fucks up the plumbing.
301
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,606
Jessica:
I guess I feel adrift.
302
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,843
I've spent 10 years
telling everyone
I'm an actress
303
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:40,147
and now that I'm not,
I don't know what I am.
304
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:43,416
Or what my purpose
in life is.
305
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,853
What led you away
from the church
to begin with?
306
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,023
Oh, well, I remember
when I was a kid,
307
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:53,226
I asked the pastor
how Jesus rose
from the dead--
308
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,828
like, physically,
how could he do that?
309
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,897
And he sort of just
dodged the question.
310
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,566
And that frustrated me.
311
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,769
Well, sometimes
we ask questions
when we're young
312
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,105
only to find the answers
when we're older.
313
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,340
Yeah.
314
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:12,579
So how did he rise
from the dead?
315
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,281
He just did.
316
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:15,983
Okay.
317
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,385
Is there any other questions
I can answer?
318
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,320
No, I'm good.
319
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,622
* You got me in
the belly of your beast *
320
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,524
* Hope you spare me...
321
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,827
- Do you shave your testes?
- Every day.
322
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,263
And what is that,
is that a wet shave?
323
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,832
- Hi, Glenn.
- Hey, baby.
324
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,534
Stop the presses.
325
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,837
- Blimey, who's that?
- Tatiana Ludnova.
326
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,173
- Come on,
I'll introduce you.
- Hang on.
327
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,242
That's the big leagues.
328
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,843
Got any words of advice
you could give?
329
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,346
All right, first off,
Google her.
330
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,748
- Right. Why--
- Got to get intel.
331
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,517
Check her Instagram.
332
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,719
Her with her dogs.
333
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,754
Skiing at New Year.
334
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,024
- You're all set.
- Am I?
335
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,726
When you start talking to her,
there's three things
you need to do--
336
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,694
one, establish a connection,
337
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,364
two, break the touch barrier,
and three, sexualize
the conversation.
338
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,000
And four,
don't be a pussy.
339
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,601
Connection, touch,
sexualize, pussy.
I've got it.
340
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:12,005
- Hey, Tatiana,
you like dogs, right?
- Yes.
341
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,807
- My buddy Stuart loves dogs.
- Woof.
342
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,976
You two should talk.
343
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,512
Connection established,
break the touch barrier.
344
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,915
- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
345
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,286
Yes, dogs.
346
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,121
When you went skiing
at New Year,
347
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,623
what do you do,
do you put them
in kennels or...
348
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,126
How do you know
I went skiing on New Year?
349
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,798
I think I just guessed.
350
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,967
- Or maybe you're psychic.
- No, there's no such thing.
351
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,469
- Well, I'm psychic.
- Are you really?
352
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,137
There must be some truth to it.
There has to be.
353
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,905
- Absolutely.
- Right.
354
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,940
- One time my father
was flying to Omsk...
- Oh, yeah?
355
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,276
...I had a dream
that his plane would crash.
356
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,877
So my father didn't fly.
357
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,846
The next week,
the same flight crashed.
358
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,615
Fuck off.
That's terrifying.
359
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,718
Oh, my God.
Jeez, you must be--
are you okay?
360
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,353
- Yeah.
- Wow.
361
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:03,856
I mean, it's basically
a jewelry line for men.
362
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,159
But my main thing
is an actor,
363
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,696
- but everybody says that
out here, right?
- Yeah, totally.
364
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,331
I actually
just gave up acting.
365
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,333
Oh, no way.
What do you do now?
366
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,768
- That's a good question.
- Thank you.
367
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:19,339
Yeah, just, um,
trying to figure it out,
I guess.
368
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,709
- Yeah.
- You know, I actually
went to church earlier.
369
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:26,379
- But, eh, I don't
really think that's for me.
- I totally feel you.
370
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,048
You know,
I tried Christianity,
I tried Buddhism.
371
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,950
Fucked around with Islam
for a little bit,
372
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,620
but organized religion,
man, not for me.
373
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,522
But I am very spiritual.
374
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:39,092
- I just feel like everything
happens for a reason.
- Oh.
375
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,494
- Yeah.
- Even this party happened
for a reason?
376
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:44,097
- Yeah.
- Well, what about
something like 9/11?
377
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,666
No. No, not 9/11.
378
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,701
9/11 didn't even happen
the way they said it did.
379
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,338
There's a whole
YouTube video on it.
It's amazing.
380
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,974
Speaking of YouTube,
have you seen the video of
the pig waking up from a dream?
381
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:59,279
- No, I don't think so.
- Amazing.
382
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,948
Glenn, sorry to interrupt.
383
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,317
I broke the touch barrier,
what was next?
384
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,719
Sexualize the conversation.
385
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,555
How do I do that exactly?
386
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,590
Just find a subtle way
to bring sex into the equation.
387
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,792
Pardon me.
388
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,433
Oh, yeah.
389
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,101
Don't you just
love the ocean?
390
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,537
Yes, I do.
391
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,473
Very much.
392
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,811
Did you know that Bryan Adams
can make a woman come
in 30 seconds?
393
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,514
- What?
- Sorry, it's just
something I heard.
394
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:38,751
- How?
- It's all to do with
the fingers, apparently.
395
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,254
Tell me more.
396
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,290
- I love your hair.
- Hmm.
397
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,092
- May I touch it?
- Okay.
398
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,860
Okay.
399
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,162
Yeah.
400
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,264
It's beautiful.
401
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,634
These layers are
so smooth and silky.
402
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:57,670
Okay. Thank you.
403
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,939
- So-- so nice talking with you.
- You, too.
404
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,341
- Yeah.
- Hey, let me get your digis.
405
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:02,875
- Um...
- Yeah, we should
keep conversing.
406
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,644
- This is amazing.
- Ooh.
407
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,913
You know what?
Why don't you just
pop it right in here?
408
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,316
Sure.
409
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,285
- There you go.
- Thank you.
410
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,254
And I'll call you right now
just so you have my number.
411
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,955
- Oh, no. That's not necessary.
- It's easier.
412
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,957
Eh, you don't need to do that.
413
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,593
And then this one's sort of
doing a come-hither motion.
414
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,829
- ( cell phone ringing )
- And then you sort of
combine--
415
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,398
sorry, excuse me one sec.
416
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,868
- Hello?
- Well, that's weird.
417
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,670
Just called England.
418
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,839
Ugh, Verizon, right?
419
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,174
Well,
you have my number,
420
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:38,211
- so, yeah.
- Okay.
421
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,717
If I ever meet the person
who invented high heels,
422
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,553
I'm taking them outside
and shooting them.
423
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,755
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Fucking fascist.
424
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,291
- ( groans )
- ( sighs )
425
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,401
Yup,
gotta stay hydrated.
426
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,536
Cheers to that.
427
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,306
- ( cell phone chimes )
- Super.
428
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,709
Ugh.
429
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,049
- You know, if you want
to kiss me, you can.
- Pardon?
430
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,887
If you want to kiss me,
you can.
431
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:27,527
I would like to.
Please.
432
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,764
- Let me finish this e-mail.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
433
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,241
- Ready now?
- Yes.
434
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:47,347
* I need somebody
435
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,181
* Somebody like you
436
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:52,184
* Everybody needs somebody
437
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,920
- ( shutter clicking )
- * Oh, yeah
438
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:57,457
* I need somebody
439
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,158
* Hey, what about you?
440
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,295
* We all need somebody...
441
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,067
Stuart:
We made out for 20 minutes.
442
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,402
Oh, just a little FYI--
443
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,904
Russian models kiss
just like you and I.
444
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,473
You know your kids
are gonna be bilingual?
445
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,041
She was probably
feeling seasick.
446
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,109
There's no way that you see
this girl on dry land.
447
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,078
Wrong again
because I asked her,
448
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:21,448
"Would you like to
double-date when Mike
and Trudy come into town?"
449
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,783
- And she said, "Da."
- Yeah.
450
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,853
- Wait, what does that mean?
- It means yes in Russian.
451
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,688
Whoa, yes.
452
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,160
Jessica:
You found your model.
This is great.
453
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:35,628
Stuart:
Thanks, yeah.
454
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,564
By the way,
on the subject of dating,
455
00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:39,766
why do I keep getting calls
from a bloke asking you out?
456
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:43,135
Oh, yeah.
Pig dream.
Oh, he was cute.
457
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:47,273
I don't have time to waste
on the wrong guy who's not
gonna be the one.
458
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:50,977
- I think we would've been
happier in the Middle Ages.
- ( giggles )
459
00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:54,046
'Cause in those days,
you didn't go on multiple dates
looking for the one, you know?
460
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:57,316
You just married
the only person in
the village who was single
461
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,519
and hadn't died
of plague yet.
462
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,921
- You know?
- Yeah.
463
00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:07,494
Impressive combat report,
Lieutenant.
464
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:09,662
No wonder Cutter
depends on you.
465
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,599
How much are they paying you
to betray your country, McAdams?
466
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:14,967
Oh, my God.
Well, I can't
believe my luck.
467
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:17,303
Is this that film you did?
What's it called,
"White Venom"?
468
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:20,807
No, it's "White Venom 2:
Cutter's Revenge."
469
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:22,074
Oh, yeah. Of course.
470
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,076
Where is Frank Cutter?
471
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:28,515
He's somewhere in between
fuck you and go fuck yourself.
472
00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:30,750
- I don't want to watch this.
- Oh, no, come on. It's good.
473
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,085
- Turn it off. No,
it's stupid. Turn it off.
- No, it's good.
474
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,555
- Is this the scene where
you get your boobs out?
- No, stop it.
475
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:37,390
- It is, isn't it?
- Just turn it off.
Turn it off.
476
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:39,258
- Come on, stop it.
- I can't believe it.
477
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,429
- I can't believe it.
- Come on.
478
00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:45,432
- Stop. Please.
- ( Jessica grunting )
479
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,600
- No.
- No.
480
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,271
Ah!
481
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,006
Well done, madam.
482
00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:56,609
I can see why
Lieutenant Cutter
admires you so much.
483
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:59,412
Shut up.
484
00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:04,150
Wade:
I told Carol you were thinking
about making a career switch
485
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,619
and it might be a good idea
for you two to sit down
486
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,721
and talk about some potential
openings that we have here.
487
00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:10,590
Thank you so much
for seeing me.
488
00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:13,560
- Yeah, Wade's been
singing your praises.
- Aww.
489
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:17,363
Well, first off,
your previous employment.
490
00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:19,799
Yes, um, actress.
491
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,502
And before that?
492
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:26,639
Uh, for a while,
493
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:31,310
I worked in
information distribution.
494
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:35,014
- Mm.
- And what is
information distribution?
495
00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:37,049
It is...
496
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:39,786
the delivery...
497
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:42,188
of news...
498
00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:45,124
in paper form
499
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:47,494
to consumers
of all ages.
500
00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:52,364
- You delivered newspapers?
- Yes, I did.
501
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:54,767
And I could ride my bike
faster than anyone.
502
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:02,274
Um, what about
any special skills?
503
00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:05,077
Uh, well, fencing.
504
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,113
Um, tap dancing.
505
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:08,948
Pretty good at that one.
506
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,216
And juggling--
507
00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:11,918
I'm great at.
508
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:15,021
Uh, our most likely position
is in the call center.
509
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,590
So I'm not sure any of those
skills would really apply.
510
00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:21,427
Well, I'm sure I would be
juggling calls.
511
00:24:21,528 --> 00:24:24,130
- Right?
- ( both laughing )
512
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:26,999
Put down "sense of humor"
on that.
513
00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:28,735
- Good energy.
- Yeah.
514
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,137
Um, can you talk about your,
515
00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:34,473
um, educational background?
516
00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:36,242
The usual.
517
00:24:36,342 --> 00:24:38,210
High school diploma,
et cetera.
518
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,179
Okay.
519
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:42,515
High school diploma.
520
00:24:42,615 --> 00:24:45,084
Bachelor's degree in what?
521
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:48,855
Hmm?
522
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:51,357
I can't believe
that I am renting to
a college dropout.
523
00:24:51,457 --> 00:24:55,394
A lot of really successful
people dropped out of college.
524
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,597
Yeah, did they?
Name three.
525
00:24:57,697 --> 00:25:00,800
- Bill Gates.
- Right, yeah, Gates, yeah.
526
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:03,836
- The Facebook guy.
- The Facebook guy, right.
527
00:25:03,936 --> 00:25:06,072
- What's his name?
- Jesse Eisenberg.
528
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:07,740
Sure.
529
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,210
And the Olsen twins,
so that's four.
530
00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:13,279
- I stand corrected.
- Mm-hmm.
531
00:25:13,379 --> 00:25:15,748
All right, well, we'll deal
with your career crisis
another time, okay?
532
00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:17,750
'Cause I've got my guests
arriving any second,
533
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,752
so if you don't mind
skedaddling back to
the guesthouse.
534
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,988
Well, I hope it goes well.
I might have a little trouble
535
00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:24,390
paying the rent this month,
but have a fun night.
536
00:25:24,490 --> 00:25:26,125
- What's that? Pardon me?
- Hmm?
537
00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:28,360
- What did you say?
- Oh, I said have a fun night.
538
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,130
- No, before that.
- ( sighs )
539
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:34,734
I might be a little behind
on the rent while I'm
finding myself.
540
00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:36,603
( doorbell rings )
541
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:39,906
- This is not over.
- Okay.
542
00:25:40,006 --> 00:25:41,874
- Where should I hide?
Where should I go?
- What?
543
00:25:41,974 --> 00:25:44,243
- Where should I hide?
- You don't need to hide.
It's fine.
544
00:25:44,343 --> 00:25:46,312
Just do that little thing
that we talked about.
545
00:25:46,412 --> 00:25:48,114
Oh, I got you.
546
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:50,216
( doorbell rings )
547
00:25:58,591 --> 00:26:00,426
- Welcome to Hollywood.
- Hi.
548
00:26:00,526 --> 00:26:02,829
- Hey.
- It's been such a long time.
549
00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,764
- I know. Great to see you.
You look wonderful.
- Thank you.
550
00:26:04,864 --> 00:26:06,633
There he is.
Bloody hell,
you're still tall.
551
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,400
- I am, I am.
- Fuck me.
552
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,503
Hey.
553
00:26:11,604 --> 00:26:14,506
- How are you?
- Me, I'm great.
554
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,208
- Yeah?
- I'm great, thank you, yeah.
555
00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:17,777
What can I say?
Living the dream,
you know?
556
00:26:17,877 --> 00:26:19,612
Wake up every day,
the sun's shining.
557
00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:21,380
See, I think I'd get
bored of that.
558
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,782
I'd miss the seasons
too much.
559
00:26:22,882 --> 00:26:25,818
And I'd be worried about
the skin cancer.
560
00:26:27,687 --> 00:26:30,657
Uh, glass of champagne?
561
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,625
- Oh, please.
- There we are.
562
00:26:32,725 --> 00:26:34,393
Actually, I'd prefer a beer,
mate, if you've got one.
563
00:26:34,493 --> 00:26:37,697
Okay, um, Budweiser okay?
564
00:26:37,797 --> 00:26:39,632
Have you got
any British beers?
565
00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:42,134
Newcastle Brown Ale?
566
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,037
Nah, I'd love
that Budweiser.
567
00:26:46,472 --> 00:26:48,107
Okay.
568
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:52,244
- Here we go.
- Cheers.
569
00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:54,513
Hi, I'm Rory,
Stuart's assistant.
Sorry to interrupt.
570
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,849
- Nah, don't worry about it.
- Stuart, I just heard back
from Tokyo.
571
00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:59,151
- They love the designs.
- Great.
572
00:26:59,251 --> 00:27:01,721
- I finished my coding,
I just need you to sign off.
- No problem, yeah.
573
00:27:01,821 --> 00:27:03,890
Oh, this is great work
you've done under my tutelage.
574
00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:05,892
Um, can I make
one suggestion?
575
00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:09,095
- I'd change this from
Objective-C to Xcode.
- Of course.
576
00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,163
That makes it both
more efficient and
user-friendly.
577
00:27:11,263 --> 00:27:13,332
- Guess so.
- Should I work late
and update this?
578
00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:15,868
No, it's Saturday night.
Get out there, have some fun,
all right?
579
00:27:15,968 --> 00:27:18,705
And take this extra
$100 bill on me.
580
00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,907
Whoa, $100?
You're the best boss.
581
00:27:21,007 --> 00:27:22,742
Oh, don't worry.
Get out of here, you scamp.
582
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:25,411
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye.
583
00:27:29,015 --> 00:27:31,483
Oh, good kid.
Good kid.
584
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:34,053
- Stuart, I love your house.
- Thank you.
585
00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:38,424
They're not very well-made,
though, are they?
These California homes?
586
00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:41,393
They're just sort
of bits of woods with
plasterboard stuck on.
587
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,863
- We actually just moved into
this Victorian terrace.
- Oh, yeah?
588
00:27:43,963 --> 00:27:47,133
It's brick-built,
so it's really solid.
589
00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:49,301
- And sturdy, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
590
00:27:51,938 --> 00:27:54,707
Do you ever get lonely
living here all by yourself?
591
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:56,442
I'm sort of rather
ashamed to say it,
592
00:27:56,542 --> 00:27:58,778
but I'm very
rarely alone.
593
00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:00,980
'Cause since
I last saw you,
594
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,816
I'm gaining something
of a reputation as
a ladies' man.
595
00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:06,953
Flying solo tonight,
though, right, mate?
596
00:28:07,053 --> 00:28:09,621
No, no, no, mate.
You'll meet my current
squeeze shortly.
597
00:28:09,722 --> 00:28:12,224
She tends to be a bit
sloppy with the on-time
keeping, though,
598
00:28:12,324 --> 00:28:14,560
because she's
a professional model.
599
00:28:14,660 --> 00:28:17,463
Sorry, mate,
you're seeing a model?
600
00:28:17,563 --> 00:28:19,098
I am indeed.
I am indeed, yeah.
601
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:22,101
- In fact, let me just--
give me two ticks.
- Trudy: Mm-hmm.
602
00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:30,810
- Tatiana: Hello?
- Hey, you, it's Stuart.
603
00:28:30,910 --> 00:28:33,045
- Oh, hi, stranger.
- How's it going?
604
00:28:33,145 --> 00:28:35,214
Just wanted to check
that you got that text
with my address on it.
605
00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:37,950
- You nearby?
- No, I'm in Palm Springs.
606
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,019
Why are you in Palm Springs?
607
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,221
You know, I decided
to go to Palm Springs
with some friends.
608
00:28:42,321 --> 00:28:44,556
I thought I'd be back in time,
but I'm not.
609
00:28:44,656 --> 00:28:47,393
But you confirmed the plan.
610
00:28:47,493 --> 00:28:49,695
It's a double date.
My friends are here
from London.
611
00:28:49,796 --> 00:28:51,197
No, it's okay.
We'll do it another time.
612
00:28:51,297 --> 00:28:56,135
There's not really a chance
for another time.
613
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,905
I'm so confused because
you confirmed the plan.
614
00:28:59,005 --> 00:29:00,907
You sent me that text
the other day saying,
615
00:29:01,007 --> 00:29:02,641
"Looking forward to Saturday"
with the smiley face.
616
00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:04,743
If you're gonna send a smiley
face, it normally implies that
617
00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:07,546
you're looking forward to
something and you're
gonna be there.
618
00:29:07,646 --> 00:29:09,681
You can't be careless
with your emojis.
619
00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:11,483
Ooh, I have to go.
There's a conga line.
620
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:14,753
- Is there? Well, you don't
want to miss that.
- Bye.
621
00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:20,159
What are the rules?
I don't know what the
fucking rules are here.
622
00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:32,171
( knocks on door )
623
00:29:35,174 --> 00:29:37,276
- Hiya.
- How's it going?
624
00:29:37,376 --> 00:29:41,113
- You taking a shit?
- No, I need you to pretend
to be my girlfriend.
625
00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:42,915
- Please.
- What happened to your model?
626
00:29:43,015 --> 00:29:45,017
She's gone to Palm Springs
to join a conga line.
627
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:47,053
- Can I come in?
- I have a real date, Stuart.
628
00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:48,988
It's too late to cancel now.
629
00:29:49,088 --> 00:29:51,590
No, it's not.
People cancel last minute
all the time.
630
00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,425
- Who's the date with?
- Reno.
631
00:29:53,525 --> 00:29:56,162
Reno? Really?
You're going on a date--
what is he, a gunslinger?
632
00:29:56,262 --> 00:29:58,164
- No, he's--
- Where are you meeting,
the O.K. Corral?
633
00:29:58,264 --> 00:30:00,099
- He's really interesting.
- He's not--
634
00:30:00,199 --> 00:30:01,934
all right, the one is not
someone called Reno, okay?
635
00:30:02,034 --> 00:30:04,070
So, please, come on.
I need them to see me
636
00:30:04,170 --> 00:30:06,472
with a beautiful woman,
you know, so they think
I won at life.
637
00:30:06,572 --> 00:30:09,541
- Oh, I'm a beautiful woman?
- Yes, obviously.
638
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:13,212
Mm. That's the sweetest thing
you've ever said to me.
639
00:30:14,346 --> 00:30:16,182
I wanna live rent-free
for three months.
640
00:30:16,282 --> 00:30:18,617
- Oh, fuck off.
- Oh, well, have fun
on your double date.
641
00:30:18,717 --> 00:30:21,287
- Three weeks.
- Three months.
642
00:30:21,387 --> 00:30:23,990
- Three months is insane.
- Take it or leave it.
643
00:30:24,090 --> 00:30:27,759
( sighs )
All right, I'll take it,
but honestly,
644
00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:30,729
- you've got to be so in love
with me that it's disgusting.
- Oh, it's gonna be real gross.
645
00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:34,133
Good. All right.
Well, make sure you wear
something sexy, but not slutty.
646
00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,735
- Maybe I should choose.
- Oh, fuck off. Stuart.
647
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:39,638
All right, just make
sure you pick me up tonight
because I want them to--
648
00:30:39,738 --> 00:30:41,974
Yes, you want to trick them
into thinking you've
won at life.
649
00:30:42,074 --> 00:30:43,742
- I got it.
- Great, thank you.
650
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:46,478
- Off you waddle.
- All right.
651
00:30:47,779 --> 00:30:49,916
So just act natural, okay?
652
00:30:52,818 --> 00:30:54,220
Yes, here we are.
653
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,588
- You still in I.T.?
- Yeah.
654
00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:59,191
Yeah, but they
moved our company.
We're in Wolverhampton now.
655
00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:00,893
Oh, okay.
How's Wolverhampton?
656
00:31:00,993 --> 00:31:03,029
- It's a shit hole.
- Is it?
657
00:31:03,129 --> 00:31:05,097
It's actually not
a shit hole, mate.
658
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:07,266
Believe or not,
Wolverhampton was
the first British city
659
00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:09,768
to introduce
automated traffic lights.
660
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,703
It just sort of blew up
from there, really.
661
00:31:11,803 --> 00:31:13,372
Oh.
662
00:31:13,472 --> 00:31:15,741
I can't believe
you're dating a model.
663
00:31:15,841 --> 00:31:17,476
Gosh, I'm gonna look
so ordinary.
664
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,580
Hi, everybody.
665
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:26,085
I'm so sorry to have
kept you waiting.
666
00:31:26,185 --> 00:31:28,988
Oh, don't worry.
I will forgive you
if I reward you with a kiss.
667
00:31:29,088 --> 00:31:31,523
- Ah, lipstick.
Don't want to ruin that.
- No.
668
00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:34,626
Mike, Trudy, charmed.
669
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,262
I've heard
so much about you.
670
00:31:36,362 --> 00:31:38,030
Oh, and you.
671
00:31:38,130 --> 00:31:40,132
A glass of champers,
honeybee?
672
00:31:40,232 --> 00:31:43,769
Oh, yes, please,
sugar bear.
673
00:31:43,869 --> 00:31:45,737
So how did you guys meet?
674
00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:47,806
- How did we meet?
- Oh.
675
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,442
- Therein lies a tale.
- Such a good story.
676
00:31:50,542 --> 00:31:53,012
- Yeah, do you want to tell it?
- You tell it so well.
677
00:31:53,112 --> 00:31:55,614
- Do I? Do I or are you
better at it?
- Yes.
678
00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:57,950
No, you're so much
better at it than I--
( groans )
679
00:31:58,050 --> 00:32:00,052
- Lipstick.
- Lipstick, yeah.
680
00:32:00,152 --> 00:32:04,490
- Um, well,
we were at Sandra--
- Bullock's.
681
00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:08,460
- Sandy Bullock's
Halloween party.
- Party.
682
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,163
- Yeah. It was fun.
- And, uh, yeah, lovely affair.
683
00:32:11,263 --> 00:32:13,932
- I was a slice of pizza.
- Yeah.
684
00:32:14,033 --> 00:32:16,868
- And remember?
- I was, uh, I was Thor.
685
00:32:16,969 --> 00:32:18,237
- You were like a hot dog.
- I was Thor.
686
00:32:18,337 --> 00:32:20,139
- Yup.
- And she managed
to get my number.
687
00:32:20,239 --> 00:32:22,474
And basically stalked me for--
what was it?
688
00:32:22,574 --> 00:32:25,877
- Six months, sweet cheeks?
- Oh, I don't think it
was that long.
689
00:32:25,978 --> 00:32:27,713
- Wasn't it?
- Melon ball.
690
00:32:27,813 --> 00:32:30,416
I was dating around also,
you know?
691
00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:32,551
- Yeah, yeah.
- A lot of options.
692
00:32:32,651 --> 00:32:34,486
- She wasn't a slut.
- No, definitely not a slut.
693
00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:36,422
- No, no, no, no.
- I just-- a lot of callers.
694
00:32:36,522 --> 00:32:40,559
- Yeah, and I won through
in the end.
- Yup.
695
00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:42,694
- Oh, lipstick.
- Yeah.
696
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,097
That is a lovely story.
Actually, speaking of parties,
697
00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:46,865
didn't you say we were
gonna be hitting a party
698
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,135
or were you not able
to get that sorted?
699
00:32:49,235 --> 00:32:51,403
Oh, no, no, no.
Yeah, no, definitely.
700
00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:54,373
We're going to one of the most
exclusive VIP parties in town.
701
00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:57,676
- Ooh.
- Yes, well, perhaps a quick
toast before we get going.
702
00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:02,348
- Mm-hmm.
- To a memorable night
in the City of Angels.
703
00:33:02,448 --> 00:33:04,150
All: Cheers.
704
00:33:04,250 --> 00:33:05,751
Let's hope we don't
get carjacked.
705
00:33:08,654 --> 00:33:10,289
No.
706
00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:36,082
This place sturdy enough
for you, Mike?
707
00:33:39,618 --> 00:33:41,019
- What are you doing?
- Holding your hand.
708
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,955
- Why?
- That's what lovers do.
709
00:33:44,056 --> 00:33:47,493
Guys, that's Alan.
He's the host of the party.
710
00:33:47,593 --> 00:33:49,895
Bloody great bloke.
Although, you're not supposed
to look him in the eye.
711
00:33:49,995 --> 00:33:52,698
He's just got this
weird thing, so just
don't look him in his eye.
712
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:56,402
Alan, I just wanted to
introduce you to some
dear friends of mine.
713
00:33:56,502 --> 00:33:59,071
Mike and Trudy.
This is my beautiful
girlfriend Jessica.
714
00:33:59,171 --> 00:34:01,507
- Hello.
- Hi.
715
00:34:01,607 --> 00:34:04,343
- Fantastic view.
- Yeah, thank you so much
for a wonderful party.
716
00:34:04,443 --> 00:34:05,977
- Thank you so much.
- Thanks for having us.
717
00:34:06,078 --> 00:34:08,180
- Enjoy the evening.
- Thank you, we will.
718
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,149
- All right.
- Have fun.
719
00:34:10,249 --> 00:34:12,951
- Thank you, sir.
- See who I was with?
720
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,686
- Hot, right?
- Oh, yeah.
721
00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:16,755
Young enough to be your
granddaughters, though,
weren't they?
722
00:34:16,855 --> 00:34:18,724
Yeah, well,
they're friends
of my granddaughter's.
723
00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:22,794
But all of my granddaughter's
friends are super hot.
724
00:34:28,534 --> 00:34:31,437
- Here we are. Champagne.
- Thank you.
725
00:34:31,537 --> 00:34:33,272
- All free of charge.
- Ooh, yeah.
726
00:34:33,372 --> 00:34:34,806
Hey, I was just saying
to Jessica
727
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:37,008
that this party must have cost
more than our wedding.
728
00:34:37,109 --> 00:34:39,211
Yeah, but only because
we got a discount.
729
00:34:39,311 --> 00:34:42,281
My brother's a catering manager
at a Holiday Inn Express.
730
00:34:42,381 --> 00:34:45,984
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
731
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,120
Is that Nicole Kidman?
732
00:34:49,855 --> 00:34:52,758
- ( gasps ) It's Nicole Kidman.
She's so talented.
- Yes.
733
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,994
Yes, she is. Yes, she is.
And, you know, just charming
and down-to-earth.
734
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,429
Wait,
you know Nicole Kidman?
735
00:34:57,529 --> 00:35:00,432
Oh, you know,
we're in the same circles.
736
00:35:00,532 --> 00:35:02,701
She's more my friend
than yours.
737
00:35:02,801 --> 00:35:04,703
- Well, we're always
arguing about that.
- Yeah.
738
00:35:04,803 --> 00:35:06,405
I love her films.
739
00:35:06,505 --> 00:35:08,507
Is there any way that
you could introduce us?
740
00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:10,476
I would literally die
if I met her.
741
00:35:10,576 --> 00:35:14,613
- No, I don't
want to bother her.
- Stuart, could you?
742
00:35:14,713 --> 00:35:17,249
I'm worried that she'll feel
like an animal in a zoo,
you know?
743
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:19,418
- Yeah.
- Showing her off.
744
00:35:19,518 --> 00:35:21,553
I'm sorry, mate,
what's the point of being
friends with someone
745
00:35:21,653 --> 00:35:24,122
if you can't introduce them
to other people?
746
00:35:25,424 --> 00:35:28,026
Fair point.
Yeah.
747
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:32,030
I'll go and say hi.
748
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:34,666
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
749
00:35:44,243 --> 00:35:46,545
Hey. Hey, Nicole.
750
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:49,481
Hi. Don't be alarmed,
you're not in danger.
751
00:35:53,252 --> 00:35:54,986
This is weird.
When I was a kid,
752
00:35:55,086 --> 00:35:57,022
I really wasn't
very good with girls
753
00:35:57,122 --> 00:35:59,725
and I could certainly never
get with girls, you know,
as beautiful as you.
754
00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:02,628
And then when I was older,
I managed to get this great
girlfriend Trudy
755
00:36:02,728 --> 00:36:05,764
and she got stolen away
by this complete ball bag,
756
00:36:05,864 --> 00:36:09,167
um, Mike, and both of them
are here now tonight
over there.
757
00:36:09,268 --> 00:36:13,104
I'm trying to impress them.
Just wondering if there's any
chance you could do me a favor?
758
00:36:13,205 --> 00:36:14,740
Mm, what's the favor?
759
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,142
What about if you
just pretend that
you knew me
760
00:36:17,243 --> 00:36:20,011
and, you know, pretend
we're having a conversation
and maybe you're laughing.
761
00:36:20,111 --> 00:36:21,780
- All right, sure.
- Okay.
762
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,683
- ( giggles )
- I don't know what that was.
763
00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,952
I know you're an actress,
but that seemed a bit,
kind of, eh.
764
00:36:27,052 --> 00:36:30,088
Maybe a bit more lively?
And we're laughing, Nicole,
we're laughing.
765
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:32,958
( laughing )
766
00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:34,793
Don't overdo it.
Don't overdo it.
767
00:36:34,893 --> 00:36:37,128
And is there any chance
that I could just bring
them over here
768
00:36:37,229 --> 00:36:39,431
- and just say hi?
- Sure.
769
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,500
- Is that okay?
- Yeah.
770
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,570
- Are you doing
an Australian accent?
- No, this is how I speak.
771
00:36:44,670 --> 00:36:46,905
That's how you speak.
Okay, I've never seen
any of your films.
772
00:36:47,005 --> 00:36:49,775
- Oh.
- Guys, over you come.
773
00:36:51,610 --> 00:36:54,313
- Thank you so much.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
774
00:36:54,413 --> 00:36:56,548
This is Mike.
This is Trudy.
775
00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:58,684
- And, of course,
you know Jessica.
- Hey, Nicole.
776
00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,752
And I have to say Trudy
is maybe your biggest fan.
777
00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:03,555
- Oh, really?
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
778
00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:06,157
- Oh, that's so nice.
- I'm an even bigger fan.
779
00:37:06,258 --> 00:37:08,260
- Nice to meet you, too.
- Wow.
780
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:09,795
Handshake bonus.
781
00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:12,030
We are gonna
get out of your hair now,
782
00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:14,733
but listen, I think
you should give me a call.
I think you owe me lunch.
783
00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:18,470
- And I want
that dress back, you.
- Okay.
784
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:21,607
- All right, see you later.
Thank you.
- Bye-bye.
785
00:37:22,741 --> 00:37:25,444
Oh, what about that?
What about that?
786
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:28,747
I'm shaking.
I can't believe
that just happened.
787
00:37:28,847 --> 00:37:30,549
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah.
788
00:37:30,649 --> 00:37:32,951
Shit. Mike, we should've
got a picture.
789
00:37:33,051 --> 00:37:35,554
Stuart, can you ask her
if we can get a picture
with her?
790
00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:37,423
You don't need a picture,
do you?
791
00:37:37,523 --> 00:37:39,691
- I think the memories
are better.
- Yeah.
792
00:37:39,791 --> 00:37:42,193
Oh, no. It would blow
everyone's mind back home
if I had a picture.
793
00:37:42,294 --> 00:37:44,496
Will it?
794
00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:46,565
Nicole.
795
00:37:46,665 --> 00:37:49,435
- Thank you so much
for doing it. Sorry again.
- You're welcome.
796
00:37:49,535 --> 00:37:51,470
I just--
the only thing is--
797
00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:54,272
Nicole, the only thing
is they're asking for
a photograph.
798
00:37:54,373 --> 00:37:56,107
- Oh.
- Yeah.
799
00:37:56,207 --> 00:38:00,646
If I do a photo,
then other people might ask
and I just want to be low-key.
800
00:38:00,746 --> 00:38:02,381
I understand.
I understand completely.
801
00:38:02,481 --> 00:38:03,782
- Yeah.
- Great.
802
00:38:03,882 --> 00:38:04,983
What if I gave you $30?
803
00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:06,985
I don't think so.
804
00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:08,920
40? $40?
And that's tax-free.
805
00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:10,689
I mean, the tax man
doesn't need to know
about that.
806
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,358
- That's cash in hand.
- I just--
807
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,926
I'm at a party and I--
I mean, if I do a photograph,
808
00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:17,195
- then maybe--
- You can take one picture
and I can just say,
809
00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:19,698
"There's no more pictures."
Then they know.
810
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,233
Go get them.
Let's do the photo.
811
00:38:22,334 --> 00:38:24,002
- Hey.
- Good.
812
00:38:24,102 --> 00:38:25,837
What a souvenir this will be
to take back home.
813
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:27,639
- Oh, thank you.
- There we go. All right.
814
00:38:27,739 --> 00:38:30,241
- All right.
Good. Thank you.
- Thank you.
815
00:38:30,342 --> 00:38:33,679
- I can't believe
you're friends with Stuart.
- I know, it does seem crazy.
816
00:38:33,779 --> 00:38:36,415
- But true.
- How do you guys
know each other?
817
00:38:38,283 --> 00:38:40,652
They used to date.
818
00:38:40,752 --> 00:38:42,354
Wow. Really?
819
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,823
- Didn't we?
- Yeah.
820
00:38:44,923 --> 00:38:46,892
- Yup.
- Wow.
821
00:38:46,992 --> 00:38:50,328
We'll never understand
why you chose me over her.
822
00:38:50,429 --> 00:38:52,364
- I mean, you are beautiful.
- Yes.
823
00:38:52,464 --> 00:38:55,166
Well, it all worked out
for everyone in the end.
824
00:38:55,266 --> 00:38:58,269
In the end. In the end.
But it was pretty rough back
there for you, wasn't it?
825
00:38:58,370 --> 00:39:00,839
She got pretty emotional.
826
00:39:00,939 --> 00:39:03,742
It was difficult and I
apologize still for that.
827
00:39:03,842 --> 00:39:05,977
- I got over it, though.
- You did. She did.
828
00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:08,313
Eventually, but there
was a lot of tears and, uh...
829
00:39:08,414 --> 00:39:12,283
No, I got over it. And now
I look back and I'm like,
"What was I thinking?"
830
00:39:12,384 --> 00:39:14,085
- Yeah, we weren't--
- I mean...
831
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:17,389
We weren't
really right together.
Except in the bedroom.
832
00:39:17,489 --> 00:39:19,224
Then things
were pretty crazy.
833
00:39:19,324 --> 00:39:22,461
- Honestly, the redheaded
woman will go berserk.
- No, no, no.
834
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:24,362
- It never got that far.
- Got the flamed hair.
835
00:39:24,463 --> 00:39:26,665
- No, no.
- It didn't go that far.
It never got to the bedroom.
836
00:39:26,765 --> 00:39:29,367
No, it was just clothes off
in the kitchen and we...
( chuckles )
837
00:39:29,468 --> 00:39:31,470
- I'm gonna say good-bye now.
- Yeah.
838
00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:33,204
- Thank you very much, yes.
- Bye.
839
00:39:33,304 --> 00:39:35,741
Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
Buh-bye.
840
00:39:35,841 --> 00:39:37,476
Oh, Christ.
841
00:39:37,576 --> 00:39:39,978
Probably gonna get a call
from her later begging me
to come over.
842
00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:48,520
You and Stuart seem
like the perfect match.
843
00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:51,823
Oh, cool. Thanks.
844
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:54,359
I know you're not
supposed to think about
what might have been,
845
00:39:54,460 --> 00:39:57,696
but, you know, I see him
with that house and all
these fancy friends
846
00:39:57,796 --> 00:40:00,932
and, oh, it just
makes you think.
847
00:40:01,032 --> 00:40:03,334
- Sorry, I hope
I'm not being too...
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
848
00:40:03,435 --> 00:40:07,105
It's fine. Honestly,
I'm sure he'd love to
hear you say that.
849
00:40:12,944 --> 00:40:14,746
Bloody hell, mate.
850
00:40:14,846 --> 00:40:17,315
The women in your world,
I don't know how you get
anything done.
851
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:18,884
Yeah, it is tricky.
852
00:40:18,984 --> 00:40:20,819
And this is not even one
of Alan's best parties.
853
00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:23,922
- Honestly,
I'd only give this C-plus.
- A "C-plus"?
854
00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:25,791
Yeah, and that's
just 'cause I like Alan.
855
00:40:25,891 --> 00:40:27,559
Well, I've got to
come back out here
sometime.
856
00:40:27,659 --> 00:40:29,495
Do you wanna swap lives
for a week?
857
00:40:29,595 --> 00:40:32,998
I can shag supermodels
and you could do I.T. sales
in Wolverhampton.
858
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,803
- Isn't it so pretty?
- It's gorgeous.
859
00:40:37,903 --> 00:40:41,006
- What's that?
- Here you go, darling.
860
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:43,975
Thanks.
861
00:40:44,075 --> 00:40:46,978
- You look cold.
- Oh, yeah, a little.
862
00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:50,749
- There you are.
- Aww, thank you.
863
00:40:50,849 --> 00:40:52,984
Hey, cheers for this, guys.
864
00:40:53,084 --> 00:40:55,120
- Hey, you're welcome.
Of course, yeah.
- Thank you.
865
00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:57,455
You've made it.
866
00:40:57,556 --> 00:40:59,791
( music playing )
867
00:41:12,270 --> 00:41:18,343
Both:
* There's a girl
that's been on my mind *
868
00:41:18,443 --> 00:41:20,345
* All the time
869
00:41:20,445 --> 00:41:23,048
* Su-Su-Sussudio
870
00:41:23,148 --> 00:41:25,016
Oh.
871
00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,952
* Oh, oh...
872
00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:31,923
Wait, wait, wait.
They were fooled, right?
873
00:41:32,023 --> 00:41:34,793
- We're not celebrating unduly?
- We definitely fooled them.
874
00:41:34,893 --> 00:41:37,963
Are you kidding?
They absolutely thought
we were madly in love.
875
00:41:38,063 --> 00:41:40,198
- I could tell.
- Well, I'm not a trained actor,
876
00:41:40,298 --> 00:41:42,267
but it's not hard faking
being in love with you
877
00:41:42,367 --> 00:41:44,169
when you're looking
this beautiful.
878
00:41:44,269 --> 00:41:47,706
See, if you said stuff
like that on real dates,
you would be fine.
879
00:41:47,806 --> 00:41:51,643
I'm not this relaxed
on real dates, though,
you know?
880
00:41:51,743 --> 00:41:54,580
It's just so much easier
having a fake girlfriend.
881
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,314
Why am I only
discovering this now?
882
00:41:56,414 --> 00:41:58,584
I could have had
a fake girlfriend
all through school.
883
00:41:58,684 --> 00:42:01,152
I could have lost my virginity
to my fake girlfriend when
I was at college.
884
00:42:01,252 --> 00:42:03,755
Hey, you could've finally
had that threesome you want
885
00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:05,791
with your fake girlfriend
and her roommate.
886
00:42:05,891 --> 00:42:08,627
Oh, that would've
been amazing.
887
00:42:08,727 --> 00:42:11,229
I'm just about
to be brilliant.
888
00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:12,998
I'm--
( laughs )
889
00:42:13,098 --> 00:42:14,833
I've figured out
what you should do
with your life.
890
00:42:14,933 --> 00:42:16,768
- What?
- You should go back
to college.
891
00:42:16,868 --> 00:42:18,704
What? No, I can't
go back to college.
892
00:42:18,804 --> 00:42:20,839
- I'm too old.
- No, you're never too old,
893
00:42:20,939 --> 00:42:23,041
you know,
there's mature students.
894
00:42:23,141 --> 00:42:25,744
You go back,
you get a decent education,
the world's your oyster.
895
00:42:25,844 --> 00:42:29,480
Can I just, like, go back?
No, it's too expensive.
896
00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:32,818
Well, according to our little
deal, I'm already paying
for your room and board,
897
00:42:32,918 --> 00:42:34,953
so you don't gotta worry
about that.
898
00:42:37,222 --> 00:42:39,658
I'm gonna do it.
899
00:42:39,758 --> 00:42:42,928
I'm going to college!
Whoo!
900
00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:45,463
And I'm paying
for her accommodation.
901
00:42:45,563 --> 00:42:48,033
( both scream )
902
00:42:50,636 --> 00:42:54,439
* I'll say the word, oh
903
00:42:54,539 --> 00:42:58,143
* Su-Su-Sussudio
904
00:42:58,243 --> 00:43:02,447
- * I'll say the word, oh
- Thank you.
905
00:43:02,547 --> 00:43:04,850
* Su-Su-Sussudio
906
00:43:06,718 --> 00:43:08,654
* I'll say the word, oh...
907
00:43:08,754 --> 00:43:11,056
- Oh, well, this is me.
- Oh, nice place.
908
00:43:11,156 --> 00:43:12,758
Thank you.
I had fun.
909
00:43:12,858 --> 00:43:14,626
We should do it
again sometime.
910
00:43:14,726 --> 00:43:17,629
Absolutely, but, uh,
are you gonna invite me
in for a nightcap?
911
00:43:17,729 --> 00:43:20,465
Oh, it's probably
not a good idea.
912
00:43:20,565 --> 00:43:22,634
My landlord
is freakishly tall,
913
00:43:22,734 --> 00:43:24,970
super creepy,
and he's kind of a dick, so...
914
00:43:25,070 --> 00:43:28,273
Is he or did you eat all of
his chocolate-covered pretzels
915
00:43:28,373 --> 00:43:30,175
and then not make
any effort to replace them?
916
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:32,911
No, he's just
kind of a dick.
Night.
917
00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:49,127
( gasps )
How did you get in here?
918
00:43:52,263 --> 00:43:56,401
- Well, good night.
- Good night. Yeah.
919
00:43:56,501 --> 00:43:58,970
And thank you again
for doing all that.
920
00:43:59,070 --> 00:44:01,139
- Yeah, of course.
- I appreciate it.
921
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,108
It was fun.
922
00:44:04,676 --> 00:44:07,278
- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
923
00:44:16,888 --> 00:44:19,090
Well, good night.
924
00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:20,425
Good night.
925
00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:50,956
Are you gonna leave
the glasses on for this?
926
00:44:51,056 --> 00:44:53,691
- Yeah, I won't be able
to see anything otherwise.
- Um...
927
00:44:53,792 --> 00:44:56,227
actually, no, I think
the glasses should come off.
928
00:44:56,327 --> 00:44:58,696
- Let's just--
we'll just put these here.
- All right.
929
00:44:58,797 --> 00:45:00,298
- Okay.
- Well, don't put them there
930
00:45:00,398 --> 00:45:02,567
'cause we might roll while--
and crush them.
931
00:45:02,667 --> 00:45:04,803
- Oh, okay, well...
- Thank you.
932
00:45:04,903 --> 00:45:07,705
- Okay, happy?
- Good, I'm happy.
933
00:45:07,806 --> 00:45:09,841
- Are you happy?
- Yup. Mm-hmm.
934
00:45:12,811 --> 00:45:14,712
- Should I get a condom?
- Yeah.
935
00:45:14,813 --> 00:45:16,815
Yeah? All right.
936
00:45:18,817 --> 00:45:20,451
Jack be nimble-- ah.
937
00:45:20,551 --> 00:45:22,187
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
938
00:45:22,287 --> 00:45:24,189
I hit my toe on that.
939
00:45:24,289 --> 00:45:27,625
- Are those lady weights?
- No, they're just regular.
940
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:29,060
Yup.
941
00:45:32,397 --> 00:45:34,065
Bibbity-boppity-- ah.
942
00:45:34,165 --> 00:45:37,002
- Ooh.
- Forgot they were a pair.
943
00:45:37,102 --> 00:45:38,904
Yup.
944
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:42,908
All right.
Here we go, yeah.
945
00:45:43,008 --> 00:45:44,509
- This is it.
- Hey there. All right.
946
00:45:44,609 --> 00:45:46,411
- This is it.
- Okay.
947
00:45:46,511 --> 00:45:48,279
All right.
Here we go.
948
00:45:52,050 --> 00:45:54,485
Can't...
949
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,521
- Talk amongst yourself.
- ( giggles )
950
00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:00,125
- All right, there--
oh, there we are.
- There it is.
951
00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:02,127
There it is.
952
00:46:02,227 --> 00:46:03,361
Which...
953
00:46:04,629 --> 00:46:06,464
Which side is it?
954
00:46:06,564 --> 00:46:08,666
Ooh, put your glasses
back on.
955
00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:10,201
You look like
a giant prawn.
956
00:46:10,301 --> 00:46:13,805
A giant prawn?
Is that your pillow talk?
957
00:46:13,905 --> 00:46:16,574
All right.
Let's get this on.
958
00:46:16,674 --> 00:46:19,010
Whoa, whoa. Where--
what is this condom?
959
00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,212
- What language is this?
- It's Turkish.
960
00:46:21,312 --> 00:46:23,849
- Well, where the hell
did you buy a Turkish condom?
- Online.
961
00:46:23,949 --> 00:46:25,616
- Why?
- Yeah, get them online.
962
00:46:25,716 --> 00:46:28,053
- ( gasps ) Oh, my God.
Were they cheap?
- No, they weren't cheap.
963
00:46:28,153 --> 00:46:30,922
- No, they weren't.
15 bucks for 80.
- Oh, my God, Stuart.
964
00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:33,791
- What?
- We're not using
a cheap Turkish condom.
965
00:46:33,892 --> 00:46:36,261
Well, that sounds racist.
966
00:46:36,361 --> 00:46:38,429
You really think the way
to have sex with me is by
calling me a racist?
967
00:46:38,529 --> 00:46:40,899
Sorry, but my conscience
doesn't take time off
968
00:46:40,999 --> 00:46:42,868
just 'cause
I've got an erection.
969
00:46:42,968 --> 00:46:44,769
I would like
an American condom, please.
970
00:46:44,870 --> 00:46:47,272
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- ( groans )
971
00:46:53,111 --> 00:46:55,746
All right,
what about this?
Durex?
972
00:46:55,847 --> 00:46:57,382
You had an American condom
this whole time?
973
00:46:57,482 --> 00:46:59,384
It's made in China.
Do we trust the Chinese?
974
00:46:59,484 --> 00:47:01,619
We happy with those fellas?
975
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,989
- Oh, come on. Let's just--
- Okay.
976
00:47:06,524 --> 00:47:08,159
- Oh, um, no.
- What?
977
00:47:08,259 --> 00:47:11,262
- That's gonna stay on.
- No, the bra's gotta come off.
978
00:47:11,362 --> 00:47:13,098
- What are you talking about?
- No, I don't want you to--
979
00:47:13,198 --> 00:47:15,066
I don't want you to see
my boobs. That's weird.
980
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:17,335
- What?
- You are my landlord.
981
00:47:17,435 --> 00:47:18,937
It's just too intimate.
982
00:47:19,037 --> 00:47:21,172
We're having sex.
983
00:47:21,272 --> 00:47:23,341
Have you not noticed?
It's gonna get pretty intimate.
984
00:47:23,441 --> 00:47:25,944
No, it's-- no,
that's a deal breaker.
985
00:47:26,044 --> 00:47:28,980
That's crazy.
I need full access
to the body.
986
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,748
I need to be able
to run amuck on it.
987
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:32,951
Well, you're definitely
not "running amuck."
988
00:47:33,051 --> 00:47:35,386
This is crazy.
You're a very demanding lover.
989
00:47:35,486 --> 00:47:38,289
You can touch one
and then I will see
how I feel about it.
990
00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:43,161
- No.
- Well, then I don't know
what this is, then.
991
00:47:43,261 --> 00:47:44,862
- I don't-- I'm--
- Stuart.
992
00:47:44,963 --> 00:47:46,397
- I can't focus.
- Maybe this is a bad idea.
993
00:47:46,497 --> 00:47:48,033
- No, this is a good idea.
- I'm losing my mojo.
994
00:47:48,133 --> 00:47:49,567
- This is a good idea.
- No, I just--
995
00:47:49,667 --> 00:47:51,869
Look at that.
Isn't that nice?
996
00:47:51,970 --> 00:47:54,039
Yeah, just, like,
talk dirty or something.
997
00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:57,342
- What do you want me to say?
- I don't know.
998
00:47:57,442 --> 00:48:01,279
- Just be creative.
- There's so many rules
prancing around this place.
999
00:48:01,379 --> 00:48:03,481
Yeah, well,
you're lucky
to be here, pal.
1000
00:48:03,581 --> 00:48:05,750
So just give me some filth.
1001
00:48:05,850 --> 00:48:07,818
Okay, here it comes.
1002
00:48:07,919 --> 00:48:09,720
- This is it.
- Okay.
1003
00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:11,957
This is it.
The dirty-- the dirty--
is that what you wanted?
1004
00:48:12,057 --> 00:48:14,425
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Yeah? You got it.
You got it.
1005
00:48:14,525 --> 00:48:17,328
Ahem.
1006
00:48:17,428 --> 00:48:20,165
Ooh.
1007
00:48:20,265 --> 00:48:21,632
Ooh.
1008
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:23,734
I'm gonna...
1009
00:48:23,834 --> 00:48:26,437
I'm gonna do things to you
1010
00:48:26,537 --> 00:48:29,440
that your mother
wouldn't approve of.
1011
00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:32,110
If she came in here now,
1012
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:34,579
she'd be like,
"Jessica, what are you doing?
1013
00:48:34,679 --> 00:48:38,116
Get off that young man.
We're a God-fearing family.
1014
00:48:38,216 --> 00:48:40,251
- We don't approve"--
- Okay, can we not do Mom?
1015
00:48:40,351 --> 00:48:42,187
- Let's take away-- yeah.
- You don't want the mother?
Okay.
1016
00:48:42,287 --> 00:48:46,024
- I wanna-- I wanna fuck--
can I say fuck?
- Sure.
1017
00:48:46,124 --> 00:48:49,127
Yeah?
I wanna fuck you
1018
00:48:49,227 --> 00:48:51,762
in the traditional manner.
1019
00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:54,399
But also--
but take the penis--
1020
00:48:54,499 --> 00:48:56,134
- mine--
- Mm-hmm.
1021
00:48:56,234 --> 00:48:59,804
--and just whack it against
the soles of your feet.
1022
00:48:59,904 --> 00:49:01,639
And then poke it
in between the toes.
1023
00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:03,174
- No, no.
- Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo.
1024
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:05,243
- Maybe not feet. Let's just--
- Okay, not feet.
1025
00:49:05,343 --> 00:49:07,145
- Come off of that.
- Bring it up-- I'm
bringing up the leg.
1026
00:49:07,245 --> 00:49:09,747
I'm gonna bring it higher
onto the thigh.
1027
00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:12,317
Knock, knock.
1028
00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:13,618
Who's there?
1029
00:49:15,353 --> 00:49:17,055
Mr. Penis...
1030
00:49:18,123 --> 00:49:20,058
with a delivery for you...
1031
00:49:20,158 --> 00:49:23,961
of some delicious hot cock.
1032
00:49:25,830 --> 00:49:28,033
- You can't laugh.
- I'm sorry.
1033
00:49:28,133 --> 00:49:29,967
- I'm sorry.
- I don't know
what the rules are here.
1034
00:49:30,068 --> 00:49:31,869
Oh, Stuart.
1035
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:34,305
Just kiss me and let's
get this over with.
1036
00:49:34,405 --> 00:49:37,108
- "Get this over with"? Really?
- Yes. Mm-hmm.
1037
00:49:40,111 --> 00:49:42,747
( Jessica laughs )
1038
00:49:50,621 --> 00:49:53,758
Jessica.
I mean, of course.
1039
00:49:53,858 --> 00:49:56,461
Right under your nose
all along.
1040
00:49:56,561 --> 00:49:58,063
So romantic.
1041
00:49:58,163 --> 00:49:59,464
It's like
"When Harry Met Sally."
1042
00:49:59,564 --> 00:50:01,199
Eh, more like
"When Harry Potter Met Sally."
1043
00:50:01,299 --> 00:50:03,701
So walk us through it.
1044
00:50:03,801 --> 00:50:05,403
What were you wearing?
1045
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:08,273
- Well, I had a blue shirt--
- Hey, sorry I'm late, guys.
1046
00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:12,009
I was making a kick-ass risotto
and you have to keep stirring.
1047
00:50:12,110 --> 00:50:14,645
- Ror, Stuart made love
with Jessica.
- Uh-uh.
1048
00:50:14,745 --> 00:50:16,581
Well, actually, they rubbed
their clitorises together.
1049
00:50:16,681 --> 00:50:19,117
Wait, you slept with Jessica?
How could you do that?
1050
00:50:19,217 --> 00:50:21,819
- You know that her and I
have a thing.
- What thing?
1051
00:50:21,919 --> 00:50:25,056
"What thing"? There's, like,
sexual tension every time
we're in a room together.
1052
00:50:25,156 --> 00:50:27,125
You do know that
sexual tension
1053
00:50:27,225 --> 00:50:29,994
is not just you being tense
in a room with someone?
1054
00:50:30,095 --> 00:50:32,363
Oh, that makes sense.
1055
00:50:32,463 --> 00:50:34,499
Yeah, 'cause otherwise,
I'd have sexual tension
with my father.
1056
00:50:34,599 --> 00:50:37,735
- Wow.
- So do you want to date her?
1057
00:50:37,835 --> 00:50:41,005
( sighs )
Do I want to date her?
1058
00:50:41,106 --> 00:50:42,740
- Great questions of wonder.
- Yeah.
1059
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,176
You know, I haven't thought
that far ahead, really.
1060
00:50:45,276 --> 00:50:48,146
It was just the moment took us,
you know, and there was--
there was a passion,
1061
00:50:48,246 --> 00:50:49,614
certainly, in the boudoir.
1062
00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:52,150
- Hey.
- And we get on well,
you know?
1063
00:50:52,250 --> 00:50:53,684
- You've seen that.
- It's so much sexual tension.
1064
00:50:53,784 --> 00:50:55,920
It's not just about
sexual tension, though.
1065
00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:57,422
I think there's also
something else, you know?
1066
00:50:57,522 --> 00:50:59,324
There's an ease.
I'm relaxed around her.
1067
00:50:59,424 --> 00:51:01,126
I'm not trying so hard.
I'm not going into my shtick.
1068
00:51:01,226 --> 00:51:03,094
- Yeah.
- And she saw your tiny penis.
1069
00:51:03,194 --> 00:51:05,130
My penis is
of normal size,
all right?
1070
00:51:05,230 --> 00:51:07,432
- I will put it up
against any man's.
- Wouldn't be the first time.
1071
00:51:07,532 --> 00:51:09,767
Don't cheapen
what I've got here, please.
1072
00:51:09,867 --> 00:51:11,469
- Kives.
- Yeah, right?
1073
00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:13,338
So what was
the first kiss like?
1074
00:51:13,438 --> 00:51:15,540
Was it like falling
into a warm bath?
1075
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,842
Yeah.
It was a little bit, yeah.
1076
00:51:19,510 --> 00:51:21,646
- I am so excited about this.
- You need to calm down.
1077
00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:24,182
Oh, no.
It's romance.
1078
00:51:36,994 --> 00:51:39,964
Stuart:
This is a delicate matter.
1079
00:51:40,064 --> 00:51:41,732
The truth is, bro,
1080
00:51:41,832 --> 00:51:45,736
I've sort of developed
feelings for Jessica.
1081
00:51:47,205 --> 00:51:51,742
Which I did act upon
1082
00:51:51,842 --> 00:51:54,279
last eve.
1083
00:51:54,379 --> 00:51:56,080
You mean you fucked her?
1084
00:51:56,181 --> 00:51:57,382
I wouldn't put it
like that.
1085
00:51:57,482 --> 00:51:59,884
No, I would say
that we, um,
1086
00:51:59,984 --> 00:52:02,587
intercoursed...
1087
00:52:02,687 --> 00:52:03,954
sexually.
1088
00:52:04,054 --> 00:52:06,056
I assumed you were
fucking her already.
1089
00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:07,492
Me, no. No.
1090
00:52:08,693 --> 00:52:12,197
Well, thanks for
not calling last eve.
1091
00:52:12,297 --> 00:52:15,233
'Cause I was with...
1092
00:52:16,901 --> 00:52:18,403
that.
1093
00:52:18,503 --> 00:52:19,804
Oh.
1094
00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:21,506
She used to do porn.
1095
00:52:21,606 --> 00:52:22,707
She used to...
1096
00:52:22,807 --> 00:52:24,475
- Do porn.
- Porn.
1097
00:52:24,575 --> 00:52:27,645
I thought you said porn.
Good for her.
1098
00:52:41,091 --> 00:52:43,394
Knock, knock. Hey.
1099
00:52:43,494 --> 00:52:45,596
I got you a little gift.
1100
00:52:45,696 --> 00:52:49,400
Um, just to help you with
your college application.
1101
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,969
- Oh, thank you.
- Of course.
1102
00:52:52,069 --> 00:52:54,439
That's so sweet.
1103
00:52:54,539 --> 00:52:56,507
Good.
1104
00:52:56,607 --> 00:53:00,211
And, uh, also,
1105
00:53:00,311 --> 00:53:03,648
in other news, um,
1106
00:53:03,748 --> 00:53:07,184
I have been thinking...
1107
00:53:08,419 --> 00:53:11,188
I think we should
start dating.
1108
00:53:11,289 --> 00:53:13,624
Yeah, I spoke to Glenn.
He's cool with it.
1109
00:53:13,724 --> 00:53:15,660
He's already having sex
with a porn star.
1110
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,863
And, you know, we get on well.
We got a good rapport,
you know?
1111
00:53:18,963 --> 00:53:21,165
We sort of basically hang out
all the time anyway.
1112
00:53:21,266 --> 00:53:22,933
And, you know,
we've made love.
1113
00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:24,902
And that seemed to go well.
1114
00:53:25,002 --> 00:53:27,137
I'm not saying
there's not improvements
to be made, you know?
1115
00:53:27,238 --> 00:53:28,906
I got a few ideas
for next time.
1116
00:53:29,006 --> 00:53:31,976
But, you know,
I really like you,
I think you would like me.
1117
00:53:32,076 --> 00:53:34,245
It's just-- why not?
1118
00:53:36,847 --> 00:53:39,284
Um...
1119
00:53:40,318 --> 00:53:42,186
wow, that's a lot to absorb.
1120
00:53:42,287 --> 00:53:46,257
Yes, sorry.
I got a bit gabbley
because I was nervous, but...
1121
00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:48,926
I mean, what do you think?
1122
00:53:49,026 --> 00:53:50,795
Um...
1123
00:53:53,864 --> 00:53:55,300
You know, Stuart,
1124
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:58,102
last night was not
something I was expecting
1125
00:53:58,202 --> 00:54:00,438
or even thinking about.
1126
00:54:00,538 --> 00:54:02,673
And I had fun.
I did.
1127
00:54:04,141 --> 00:54:06,644
Um... but I don't
really think now
1128
00:54:06,744 --> 00:54:09,246
is a good time for me
to be in a relationship.
1129
00:54:09,347 --> 00:54:12,283
I just have so much shit
in my life to figure out.
1130
00:54:12,383 --> 00:54:14,985
Absolutely. No,
I'm saying I can help you
with that shit, you know?
1131
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:17,221
And we can take it slow
1132
00:54:17,322 --> 00:54:20,625
and maybe just start
with a first date.
1133
00:54:21,959 --> 00:54:24,395
I just-- I really wanna
figure out this college thing
1134
00:54:24,495 --> 00:54:27,365
and I don't really think
1135
00:54:27,465 --> 00:54:31,268
I'm in the right head space
to date anyone.
1136
00:54:32,970 --> 00:54:35,906
Is it okay if we just
stay friends for now?
1137
00:54:39,043 --> 00:54:40,978
Of course, yes, totally.
1138
00:54:41,078 --> 00:54:43,881
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, I didn't want this
to seem heavy or anything.
1139
00:54:43,981 --> 00:54:45,850
I just-- yeah,
I just thought
I'd put it out there.
1140
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:47,785
But, yeah, absolutely.
1141
00:54:49,654 --> 00:54:52,990
- I will let you get back
to your work.
- Okay.
1142
00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:55,025
And, uh,
see you around.
1143
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:56,894
All right,
I'll see you later.
1144
00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:05,035
Wade:
Main thing is the
friendship's still there.
1145
00:55:05,135 --> 00:55:07,605
Stuart: Yeah, that's
the thing I was most worried
about jeopardizing,
1146
00:55:07,705 --> 00:55:09,474
- the friendship.
- And she didn't say never.
1147
00:55:09,574 --> 00:55:12,577
Yeah, I think it's just about
giving her enough time to,
1148
00:55:12,677 --> 00:55:15,513
- you know, get her
head together.
- Yeah.
1149
00:55:15,613 --> 00:55:19,016
I think the bedrock
to any great relationship
1150
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,851
is the friendship.
1151
00:55:20,951 --> 00:55:23,354
And you just water it
and make sure it
gets enough sun
1152
00:55:23,454 --> 00:55:24,722
and it's gonna blossom.
1153
00:55:24,822 --> 00:55:26,991
- You think so?
- I know so.
1154
00:55:27,091 --> 00:55:29,093
Well, I hope so.
1155
00:55:29,193 --> 00:55:31,729
Your friend's right.
1156
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:33,531
Yeah.
1157
00:55:33,631 --> 00:55:35,600
Sorry,
I was eavesdropping.
1158
00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:38,302
- Which is-- that's rude.
- No. No, not at all.
1159
00:55:38,403 --> 00:55:39,770
You know what?
I eavesdrop all the time.
1160
00:55:39,870 --> 00:55:41,372
- It's all right.
- ( woman laughs )
1161
00:55:41,472 --> 00:55:42,740
I don't usually
just sit at bars
1162
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:44,442
listening to strangers'
conversations,
1163
00:55:44,542 --> 00:55:46,143
I just, um,
I'm locked out of my building
1164
00:55:46,243 --> 00:55:49,046
and I'm waiting for my sister
to bring the extra key, so...
1165
00:55:49,146 --> 00:55:51,449
- That happened to me once.
You know what I did?
- Hmm?
1166
00:55:51,549 --> 00:55:53,584
I buried a spare key
in my front yard.
1167
00:55:53,684 --> 00:55:55,486
How did you remember
where it was, though?
1168
00:55:55,586 --> 00:55:58,355
It's under the only
yellow flower.
1169
00:55:58,456 --> 00:56:00,425
- Shh.
- Shh.
1170
00:56:01,659 --> 00:56:03,461
- That's a good idea.
- It is, right?
1171
00:56:03,561 --> 00:56:05,596
I'm gonna steal that.
The idea.
1172
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:07,331
- Not my key, though.
- Not your key, though.
1173
00:56:07,432 --> 00:56:10,034
The idea.
Just the idea.
1174
00:56:10,134 --> 00:56:13,438
- Hey, by any chance
do you live alone?
- Um, yeah, I do.
1175
00:56:13,538 --> 00:56:15,372
Have you ever thought
about what you would do
1176
00:56:15,473 --> 00:56:17,708
if you fell over
and hurt yourself and
couldn't call for help?
1177
00:56:17,808 --> 00:56:20,411
- Every day.
- You know, me and my buddy
Stuart here,
1178
00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:22,246
we started a system.
1179
00:56:22,346 --> 00:56:24,615
I text him AG,
means all good,
1180
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:26,751
every two hours
so he knows I'm okay.
1181
00:56:26,851 --> 00:56:29,587
He doesn't get that text,
he sends some help.
1182
00:56:29,687 --> 00:56:32,089
Can I get in on that or...
1183
00:56:32,189 --> 00:56:35,626
- Oh, definitely.
Let me get your number.
- Okay.
1184
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,964
Listen, I, uh,
I just remembered
I gotta take off.
1185
00:56:40,064 --> 00:56:41,265
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
1186
00:56:41,365 --> 00:56:43,033
No, no, you stay.
Please.
1187
00:56:43,133 --> 00:56:45,002
Look after this lady.
Wait for her sister
to get here.
1188
00:56:45,102 --> 00:56:46,871
- He never leaves
a damsel in distress.
- Yeah.
1189
00:56:46,971 --> 00:56:49,507
- Gentleman. All right,
thanks for talking.
- Yeah.
1190
00:56:49,607 --> 00:56:51,208
- Yeah, I'll see you soon.
Nice to meet you.
- Bye.
1191
00:56:51,308 --> 00:56:52,877
See ya, buddy.
1192
00:56:52,977 --> 00:56:56,547
- Well, I'm gonna
scooch on over.
- Yeah, scooch down here.
1193
00:56:58,449 --> 00:57:00,618
- I'm Wade, by the way.
- Kate. Hi.
1194
00:57:00,718 --> 00:57:03,120
- Kate, nice to meet you.
- You, too.
1195
00:57:03,220 --> 00:57:05,523
- Um, so here's
a good question...
- Yeah.
1196
00:57:05,623 --> 00:57:07,958
...um, let's say you can
only have three items
1197
00:57:08,058 --> 00:57:10,094
- in your earthquake kit,
right?
- Mm.
1198
00:57:10,194 --> 00:57:12,563
- What do you choose?
- One, flashlight. Two,
iodine tablets.
1199
00:57:12,663 --> 00:57:15,032
- Three, whistle.
- Whistle.
1200
00:57:15,132 --> 00:57:16,333
Yeah.
1201
00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:18,636
- This is weird.
- It's so weird.
1202
00:57:20,337 --> 00:57:22,072
- To whistles.
- To whistles.
1203
00:57:22,172 --> 00:57:24,441
To whistles.
1204
00:57:24,542 --> 00:57:27,512
- So how long have you
been in this area?
- About five years.
1205
00:57:27,612 --> 00:57:31,482
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, I looked it up and they
have a really low crime rate.
1206
00:57:31,582 --> 00:57:33,183
It's the lowest.
It's the lowest.
1207
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:35,019
- It's like tri-county.
- Exactly.
1208
00:57:35,119 --> 00:57:37,387
- Tri-county.
- We must have read
the same website.
1209
00:57:37,488 --> 00:57:39,456
I'm sure we did.
I'm sure we did.
1210
00:58:32,777 --> 00:58:35,546
( woman talking on TV )
1211
00:58:35,646 --> 00:58:38,415
- Sorry, did you want to watch
something else or...
- Oh, no. This is good.
1212
00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:40,751
- This is all right?
- Yeah.
1213
00:58:54,164 --> 00:58:56,133
Rory:
That's it.
I've got to say something.
1214
00:58:56,233 --> 00:58:58,135
We've been working
for three hours here
1215
00:58:58,235 --> 00:59:01,238
and you haven't said anything
about my new hairstyle.
1216
00:59:01,338 --> 00:59:02,640
Oh, sorry, mate.
1217
00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,408
It looks good.
It does.
1218
00:59:04,508 --> 00:59:06,711
Thank you.
That's all I wanted to hear.
1219
00:59:18,288 --> 00:59:21,025
( whispers )
Stuart.
1220
00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:23,093
Stuart.
1221
00:59:26,931 --> 00:59:29,033
- What's wrong?
Everything all right?
- No.
1222
00:59:29,133 --> 00:59:32,136
I was working on
my college application
because it's due tomorrow
1223
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:35,005
and my computer froze
and I think I just lost
my entire essay.
1224
00:59:35,105 --> 00:59:37,842
And I don't think
I saved it the last time
I went through it
1225
00:59:37,942 --> 00:59:39,443
and I don't know what to do.
1226
00:59:39,543 --> 00:59:40,745
Calm down, calm down.
It's all right.
1227
00:59:40,845 --> 00:59:42,747
I'll take a look at it.
1228
00:59:42,847 --> 00:59:45,750
It is completely frozen.
I didn't do anything.
1229
00:59:47,184 --> 00:59:49,620
Stuart:
I think you got
some corrupted files.
1230
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,521
Do you think you can
get my work back?
1231
00:59:51,622 --> 00:59:53,991
Hopefully.
1232
00:59:57,261 --> 01:00:00,865
I saw you going into
that new bar on Sunset
the other night.
1233
01:00:03,467 --> 01:00:05,469
Oh.
1234
01:00:05,569 --> 01:00:07,171
Yeah.
1235
01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:09,206
Just had a drink there.
1236
01:00:11,308 --> 01:00:13,077
Was it a date?
1237
01:00:15,646 --> 01:00:18,048
Um...
1238
01:00:18,148 --> 01:00:20,117
yeah, kind of.
1239
01:00:23,020 --> 01:00:25,155
So when you said
you weren't
1240
01:00:25,255 --> 01:00:27,591
in the right space to...
1241
01:00:27,692 --> 01:00:31,095
to be dating,
what you meant was
you don't want to date me.
1242
01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,302
( sighs )
1243
01:00:38,402 --> 01:00:40,337
Stuart, I'm sorry.
1244
01:00:42,873 --> 01:00:44,742
I wasn't asking you
to marry me, you know?
1245
01:00:44,842 --> 01:00:48,378
I just said come out
on one date.
1246
01:00:48,478 --> 01:00:52,016
Why did you not
give me that?
1247
01:00:56,286 --> 01:00:57,487
It's not you.
1248
01:00:57,587 --> 01:01:00,324
I just have, like...
1249
01:01:02,292 --> 01:01:04,294
You know, I...
1250
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:08,632
I just need to know...
1251
01:01:08,733 --> 01:01:11,335
why you don't
want to date me.
1252
01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:17,407
- Stuart.
- I'm getting too old
to keep fucking up.
1253
01:01:17,507 --> 01:01:18,976
Please.
1254
01:01:19,076 --> 01:01:21,011
( sighs )
1255
01:01:23,580 --> 01:01:25,315
You're a really good guy.
1256
01:01:25,415 --> 01:01:27,384
You are.
1257
01:01:27,484 --> 01:01:29,686
But honestly, I...
1258
01:01:29,787 --> 01:01:32,156
I think
1259
01:01:32,256 --> 01:01:35,793
that you're
just competing with
the past, you know?
1260
01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:38,996
And I can't get involved
with someone...
1261
01:01:40,397 --> 01:01:42,900
who's 35 and...
1262
01:01:44,869 --> 01:01:47,637
still obsessed with
sitting at the popular table.
1263
01:01:47,738 --> 01:01:49,940
I can't.
1264
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:53,077
I don't know.
I guess I just
have this image
1265
01:01:53,177 --> 01:01:55,913
in my head of
1266
01:01:56,013 --> 01:01:59,616
who I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life
with, you know?
1267
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:02,019
The one. My one.
1268
01:02:06,023 --> 01:02:09,860
And I'm really sorry,
but I just don't
think it's you.
1269
01:02:15,165 --> 01:02:17,768
Well,
thanks for being honest.
1270
01:02:21,038 --> 01:02:22,472
Is that your essay?
1271
01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:24,541
- Oh, my gosh, yeah.
- Yeah, great.
1272
01:02:24,641 --> 01:02:26,877
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1273
01:02:26,977 --> 01:02:29,179
- Should be okay.
- Yeah.
1274
01:02:33,317 --> 01:02:35,853
I, uh...
1275
01:02:35,953 --> 01:02:38,122
think maybe
you should move out.
1276
01:02:38,222 --> 01:02:41,091
Oh, you don't think
we can get past this?
1277
01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:44,561
I think it would be
too difficult.
1278
01:02:44,661 --> 01:02:47,197
You know,
you'll be around and dating.
1279
01:02:48,999 --> 01:02:51,268
I know I'd help you
with the rent and that
still stands.
1280
01:02:51,368 --> 01:02:53,770
- No, no, you don't
have to do that.
- No, please.
1281
01:02:53,871 --> 01:02:56,073
We made that deal.
It's fine.
1282
01:02:56,173 --> 01:02:58,375
Take as long as you need
to find somewhere else.
1283
01:03:01,478 --> 01:03:03,213
Good night.
1284
01:03:22,266 --> 01:03:25,102
- Here are my keys.
- Oh, thanks.
1285
01:03:26,871 --> 01:03:29,039
- Bye, Rory.
- Bye, Jessica.
1286
01:03:31,675 --> 01:03:33,143
Okay, bye.
1287
01:03:34,544 --> 01:03:36,180
Yup, bye.
1288
01:03:41,518 --> 01:03:43,453
( door shuts )
1289
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:49,393
- You okay?
- I will be.
1290
01:04:23,593 --> 01:04:25,996
( man talking on TV )
1291
01:04:28,532 --> 01:04:30,600
( woman talking on TV )
1292
01:04:53,690 --> 01:04:55,960
( line ringing )
1293
01:04:56,060 --> 01:04:57,928
- This is Glenn.
- Hey, it's Stuart.
1294
01:04:58,028 --> 01:05:00,464
Glenn:
Chicken Wings.
What's going on, buddy?
1295
01:05:00,564 --> 01:05:03,433
Stuart:
Just sort of feeling like
I need to let my hair down.
1296
01:05:03,533 --> 01:05:06,470
I was wondering
if there's any fun parties
this weekend.
1297
01:05:06,570 --> 01:05:09,039
Glenn: Alan's having another
boat party. Want me to
put you on the list?
1298
01:05:09,139 --> 01:05:10,907
Stuart:
Yeah, that would be good.
Thank you.
1299
01:05:11,008 --> 01:05:12,576
Do you mind if I bring
a couple of friends?
1300
01:05:12,676 --> 01:05:14,178
- Are they cool?
- Yeah.
1301
01:05:14,278 --> 01:05:15,679
Glenn:
Why not? All right.
1302
01:05:15,779 --> 01:05:18,848
- Oh, oh!
- You okay, you okay?
1303
01:05:18,949 --> 01:05:20,284
There we go.
1304
01:05:20,384 --> 01:05:23,453
( both grunting )
1305
01:05:33,463 --> 01:05:35,632
Hello. Hello.
1306
01:05:35,732 --> 01:05:37,901
You've never seen
"The Poseidon Adventure"?
Oh, it's great.
1307
01:05:38,002 --> 01:05:39,569
Stuart.
1308
01:05:39,669 --> 01:05:41,438
Oh, hello, sir.
1309
01:05:41,538 --> 01:05:43,707
- Thank you for having me back.
- Haven't seen you lately.
1310
01:05:43,807 --> 01:05:46,310
No, I haven't really been
in the party mood
if I'm honest, sir.
1311
01:05:46,410 --> 01:05:49,013
I sort of split up
with a girl.
1312
01:05:49,113 --> 01:05:50,981
Plenty of more beavers
in the river.
1313
01:05:51,081 --> 01:05:52,716
Well, maybe, yeah.
1314
01:05:52,816 --> 01:05:54,918
I quite like this beaver.
1315
01:05:55,019 --> 01:05:58,989
Don't get hung up
on any one woman.
Not worth it.
1316
01:05:59,089 --> 01:06:02,492
- You know what pussy is
spelled backwards?
- No.
1317
01:06:02,592 --> 01:06:04,661
- "Wise up."
- Oh.
1318
01:06:04,761 --> 01:06:06,997
- Funny, right?
- Yeah, it's good.
It's clever.
1319
01:06:07,097 --> 01:06:10,734
Glenn, lost the sunglasses
again if you could just
pick them up.
1320
01:06:12,536 --> 01:06:16,673
Stuart, look after
my friends Brooke
and Riley for a bit.
1321
01:06:16,773 --> 01:06:18,442
Where'd you
see them last, Alan?
1322
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:21,778
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
1323
01:06:21,878 --> 01:06:25,215
Kives: And then she said,
"That's not why it's
called a poop deck."
1324
01:06:33,223 --> 01:06:35,325
Just one second,
ladies.
1325
01:06:37,061 --> 01:06:39,229
( whispering )
1326
01:06:39,329 --> 01:06:41,565
- Take care of it.
- Yeah.
1327
01:06:44,068 --> 01:06:45,969
One second.
1328
01:06:46,070 --> 01:06:48,238
Hey, buddy,
this is a little awkward,
1329
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:52,042
but Alan has a slight issue
with your friends.
1330
01:06:52,142 --> 01:06:53,910
What do you mean?
1331
01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:55,512
Glenn:
It's just not really
the vibe
1332
01:06:55,612 --> 01:06:57,514
he's going for
at these parties.
1333
01:06:57,614 --> 01:06:59,749
But Alan said they can
hang out below deck
1334
01:06:59,849 --> 01:07:02,119
just so they're not in
everybody's faces so much.
1335
01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:06,990
- "Below deck"?
- Yeah, but you can
hang out up here.
1336
01:07:07,091 --> 01:07:08,792
I think Riley likes you.
1337
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:13,029
- All right.
- Yeah.
1338
01:07:13,130 --> 01:07:14,564
- You good?
- Sure, yeah, of course.
1339
01:07:14,664 --> 01:07:17,401
Thanks, buddy.
1340
01:07:17,501 --> 01:07:20,404
I have the funniest
story from Cabo.
1341
01:07:20,504 --> 01:07:21,905
You're gonna
lose your shit.
1342
01:07:22,005 --> 01:07:24,474
Two years ago,
I go down there...
1343
01:07:31,515 --> 01:07:33,450
Alan, sorry to interrupt,
mate.
1344
01:07:33,550 --> 01:07:35,385
I just wanted to
ask you something.
1345
01:07:35,485 --> 01:07:38,955
Glenn said you've got
an issue with my friends
being up on deck.
1346
01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:41,725
- I don't care
about your friends.
- No? Oh, that's good.
1347
01:07:41,825 --> 01:07:43,860
Right, I thought
there must have been
a miscommunication
1348
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:45,862
'cause it would
seem hypocritical
1349
01:07:45,962 --> 01:07:48,432
given that you're
a misogynistical wanker
who's gonna die alone.
1350
01:07:49,866 --> 01:07:52,068
Funny, right?
1351
01:07:53,203 --> 01:07:56,473
Glenn, get your friend
the fuck off my boat.
1352
01:07:56,573 --> 01:07:59,476
- He's not my friend.
- No, he's not my friend.
1353
01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:01,545
He's just a toady, really,
that I just use to try
and get girls.
1354
01:08:01,645 --> 01:08:04,448
All right, well,
I'll show myself out.
1355
01:08:04,548 --> 01:08:06,816
Cheers, mate.
See you later.
1356
01:08:13,890 --> 01:08:16,460
Kives: How in the fuck
you get us thrown off a boat
full of models?
1357
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,862
Stuart:
Sorry, you know, I just...
1358
01:08:18,962 --> 01:08:21,931
Kives: I want you to know
this is the worst thing that
has ever happened to me...
1359
01:08:22,031 --> 01:08:24,168
and I can't walk.
1360
01:08:34,778 --> 01:08:37,381
Jessica:
When I started at college,
I was really excited.
1361
01:08:37,481 --> 01:08:40,650
But then
a couple of months in,
1362
01:08:40,750 --> 01:08:44,154
I just-- I started
feeling adrift again.
1363
01:08:44,254 --> 01:08:46,256
I kept thinking, like,
"Why am I even doing this?
1364
01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:49,826
Where am I going
and what am I gonna do
with the rest of my life?"
1365
01:08:51,661 --> 01:08:53,730
But then I was in class
this one day
1366
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:58,335
and this professor was giving
this fascinating talk...
1367
01:08:58,435 --> 01:09:01,070
All your actions
must have universality.
1368
01:09:01,171 --> 01:09:04,274
...and I realized
1369
01:09:04,374 --> 01:09:06,410
I loved that
I knew something
1370
01:09:06,510 --> 01:09:08,578
I didn't know
an hour before.
1371
01:09:08,678 --> 01:09:12,148
I was just enjoying
being there in that moment.
1372
01:09:12,249 --> 01:09:15,051
I wasn't worried
about the future.
1373
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:17,254
I was just there.
1374
01:09:19,189 --> 01:09:23,527
So that's just good enough
for me right now.
1375
01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:25,695
That's exactly how I feel
when I rock climb.
1376
01:09:25,795 --> 01:09:28,031
Wow, you rock climb?
1377
01:09:28,131 --> 01:09:29,666
- I do.
- Cool.
1378
01:09:29,766 --> 01:09:32,369
- Jessica.
- Oh.
1379
01:09:32,469 --> 01:09:34,471
Hi.
1380
01:09:34,571 --> 01:09:36,773
Oh, this is
Marion and Paul.
1381
01:09:36,873 --> 01:09:40,009
- And this is Josh.
- Glenn. This is Brooke.
1382
01:09:40,109 --> 01:09:41,611
- Hi.
- Hi.
1383
01:09:41,711 --> 01:09:44,080
So what are you up to?
How's it going?
1384
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:46,516
Just been working 24/7.
1385
01:09:46,616 --> 01:09:48,852
Oh, I finally got
a parking spot on P2.
1386
01:09:48,952 --> 01:09:51,588
- Oh, wow. Great.
- It's awesome.
1387
01:09:51,688 --> 01:09:54,224
So how's Stuart doing?
Have you seen him?
1388
01:09:54,324 --> 01:09:56,460
- Who cares?
He's a fucking asshole.
- Whoa.
1389
01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:59,195
- I thought you guys
were best buds.
- Fuck that dude.
1390
01:09:59,296 --> 01:10:02,699
He disrespected Alan
on his own boat and he
calls me a "toady"?
1391
01:10:02,799 --> 01:10:05,302
I looked it up.
It's some British slang.
1392
01:10:05,402 --> 01:10:07,937
He basically called me
a sycophantic little bitch.
1393
01:10:08,037 --> 01:10:09,706
People in this town.
1394
01:10:09,806 --> 01:10:11,441
I gotta go, though.
1395
01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:13,477
Alan's by himself at a club,
so I got to meet up with him,
1396
01:10:13,577 --> 01:10:15,712
but, uh,
see you down the road.
1397
01:10:15,812 --> 01:10:17,514
Okay.
1398
01:10:29,893 --> 01:10:33,797
- Trudy: Hello?
- Hey, it's Stuart.
Is it a bad time?
1399
01:10:33,897 --> 01:10:36,800
No, no. Not at all.
I'm just making breakfast.
1400
01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:40,770
We had an incredible time
and we loved Jessica.
1401
01:10:40,870 --> 01:10:42,639
She's adorable.
1402
01:10:42,739 --> 01:10:45,742
Oh, yeah.
No, she is. She is.
1403
01:10:45,842 --> 01:10:49,746
Um, that's actually
the reason I'm calling.
1404
01:10:49,846 --> 01:10:52,115
Uh...
1405
01:10:52,215 --> 01:10:54,351
she's not my girlfriend.
1406
01:10:54,451 --> 01:10:56,286
Oh, I'm sorry.
1407
01:10:56,386 --> 01:10:58,355
You guys broke up?
1408
01:10:58,455 --> 01:11:02,592
No, um, we never dated.
1409
01:11:04,127 --> 01:11:06,330
Also, I never dated
Nicole Kidman.
1410
01:11:06,430 --> 01:11:08,998
She's just a friend.
1411
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:11,835
She's not a friend.
I never even met her before.
1412
01:11:11,935 --> 01:11:14,237
Sorry, I'm confused.
1413
01:11:14,338 --> 01:11:16,373
Why would you do that?
1414
01:11:16,473 --> 01:11:18,775
Because I'm an idiot.
1415
01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:22,812
And I wanted to impress
you and Mike.
1416
01:11:22,912 --> 01:11:26,983
But anyway,
I just wanted to call
and apologize for that.
1417
01:11:27,083 --> 01:11:28,885
Okay.
1418
01:11:28,985 --> 01:11:31,755
Um, are you okay?
1419
01:11:31,855 --> 01:11:33,357
Yes. No, I'm good.
1420
01:11:33,457 --> 01:11:36,493
Everything's--
everything's good.
1421
01:11:36,593 --> 01:11:38,428
Well, take care of yourself.
1422
01:11:38,528 --> 01:11:39,929
- And you.
- Okay.
1423
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,998
- Bye.
- Bye.
1424
01:11:48,338 --> 01:11:50,039
I went,
"What do we do?"
1425
01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:51,675
And I said,
"You need some milk."
1426
01:11:51,775 --> 01:11:54,077
I couldn't understand,
so I'm like, "No."
1427
01:11:54,177 --> 01:11:55,779
Get the milk out,
it's expired.
1428
01:11:55,879 --> 01:11:58,181
I pour it, it's chunky,
cottage cheese...
1429
01:11:58,281 --> 01:11:59,583
Disgusting.
1430
01:11:59,683 --> 01:12:02,051
Drink it
and you'll feel better...
1431
01:12:05,689 --> 01:12:07,391
What is the bet
to stay in the game?
1432
01:12:07,491 --> 01:12:10,193
- $2.
- The bet is $2
to stay in the game?
1433
01:12:10,293 --> 01:12:12,896
- $2.
- I... I'm out.
1434
01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:15,899
It's a shocker.
Shocker that you folded.
1435
01:12:15,999 --> 01:12:19,503
Can I get my homeboys any more
paella or patatas bravas?
1436
01:12:19,603 --> 01:12:21,304
Stuart:
Yes, thank you.
1437
01:12:21,405 --> 01:12:22,639
( answering machine beeps )
1438
01:12:22,739 --> 01:12:25,842
Jessica:
Hey, Stuart, it's me.
1439
01:12:25,942 --> 01:12:27,944
Jessica.
1440
01:12:28,044 --> 01:12:29,413
And, um...
1441
01:12:29,513 --> 01:12:31,415
I know we haven't
spoken in a while,
1442
01:12:31,515 --> 01:12:34,217
but it is my birthday
on Friday.
1443
01:12:34,317 --> 01:12:36,686
And I will be having drinks
1444
01:12:36,786 --> 01:12:38,822
in the same place
as last year
1445
01:12:38,922 --> 01:12:41,591
where I'll be pretending
I'm the same age as last year.
1446
01:12:41,691 --> 01:12:43,827
So if you'd like to come,
1447
01:12:43,927 --> 01:12:47,497
it would be great
to see you.
1448
01:12:47,597 --> 01:12:49,566
Okay, I hope you're well.
1449
01:12:49,666 --> 01:12:51,300
Bye.
1450
01:12:51,401 --> 01:12:53,102
( music playing )
1451
01:12:57,907 --> 01:12:59,242
- Hey.
- Hi.
1452
01:12:59,342 --> 01:13:01,545
- Happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you.
1453
01:13:01,645 --> 01:13:03,413
- This is my girlfriend
Kate.
- Hi.
1454
01:13:03,513 --> 01:13:05,148
- Oh, it's so nice
to meet you.
- You, too.
1455
01:13:05,248 --> 01:13:07,216
- This is for you.
It's from both of us.
- Thank you.
1456
01:13:07,316 --> 01:13:09,953
- Both of us. See you later.
- Okay.
1457
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:12,422
- Hello.
- Hi.
1458
01:13:12,522 --> 01:13:13,823
I am Wade's friend Stuart.
1459
01:13:13,923 --> 01:13:16,025
Oh, it's very nice
to meet you.
1460
01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:17,694
Nice to--
1461
01:13:19,195 --> 01:13:21,465
- This is for you.
Happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you.
1462
01:13:21,565 --> 01:13:23,700
- Wow.
- I think you'll be
very pleased with this.
1463
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:27,704
It is a gift card
for 24-hour tech support.
1464
01:13:27,804 --> 01:13:30,974
Amazing, right?
So if your computer crashes
or if you lose any essays,
1465
01:13:31,074 --> 01:13:34,277
- you just holler and I'm there.
- Thank you. That's very sweet.
1466
01:13:34,377 --> 01:13:35,979
- And cheap.
- Very cheap.
1467
01:13:36,079 --> 01:13:37,981
- That's the other bonus point.
- Yeah.
1468
01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:39,716
- The only thing it cost me
was Rory's time.
- Rory.
1469
01:13:39,816 --> 01:13:41,551
He worked
night and day on it.
1470
01:13:41,651 --> 01:13:43,186
- How is Rory doing?
- He's good. He's very good.
1471
01:13:43,286 --> 01:13:45,021
Oh, wow. I miss him.
1472
01:13:45,121 --> 01:13:46,823
So sorry to interrupt,
1473
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:48,825
- but I need your help
writing this text.
- Are you okay?
1474
01:13:48,925 --> 01:13:51,928
- Yeah, I just need to fire
my manager tonight.
- Okay.
1475
01:13:53,530 --> 01:13:56,800
It is 10:30.
Is that the time to do this?
1476
01:14:16,586 --> 01:14:17,887
- Hey.
- Stuart: Hey.
1477
01:14:17,987 --> 01:14:20,757
How's it going?
Please, sit down.
1478
01:14:20,857 --> 01:14:23,960
- Sorry about earlier.
- Oh, don't worry.
1479
01:14:24,060 --> 01:14:25,962
No, it's your birthday,
you know? You've got
stuff going on.
1480
01:14:26,062 --> 01:14:28,532
- How's college? Good?
- Oh, I love it.
1481
01:14:28,632 --> 01:14:30,767
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1482
01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:33,770
And everybody's real
respectful of me because
I'm twice their age.
1483
01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:35,238
- Perfect.
- So that's good.
1484
01:14:35,338 --> 01:14:36,840
That's good.
1485
01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:44,280
So how are you?
Any models in your
life at the moment?
1486
01:14:44,380 --> 01:14:47,651
No. Supermodels and I
have mutually agreed to
take some time apart.
1487
01:14:47,751 --> 01:14:49,719
- Wow.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1488
01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:51,187
Good.
1489
01:14:51,287 --> 01:14:53,957
What about you?
How's the search
for the one?
1490
01:14:54,057 --> 01:14:58,394
- Yeah, I've been on a couple
of dates with this guy.
- Uh-huh.
1491
01:14:58,494 --> 01:15:00,163
- Josh.
- Mm-hmm.
1492
01:15:00,263 --> 01:15:03,867
He's very nice, but, eh,
I'm not sure he's the one.
1493
01:15:03,967 --> 01:15:07,937
I'm not even sure
I know what the one is.
1494
01:15:10,073 --> 01:15:12,576
I'm not convinced
of your idea of the one.
1495
01:15:12,676 --> 01:15:14,110
- Oh, no?
- No.
1496
01:15:14,210 --> 01:15:17,013
I don't think love is about,
you know, fireworks
1497
01:15:17,113 --> 01:15:20,617
and, you know,
just birds singing
and the perfect person.
1498
01:15:20,717 --> 01:15:23,286
- That's a little depressing.
- Do you know what I think
it's about? Love?
1499
01:15:23,386 --> 01:15:25,021
- Hmm?
- Percentages.
1500
01:15:25,121 --> 01:15:27,490
- Yeah, I've been
thinking about this.
- Percentages?
1501
01:15:27,591 --> 01:15:30,426
It's all about percentages.
You know, like, all right,
look at you and me, okay?
1502
01:15:30,526 --> 01:15:34,598
Now 18% of the time,
you drove me crazy.
1503
01:15:34,698 --> 01:15:38,301
I'm talking fucking insane,
all right?
1504
01:15:38,401 --> 01:15:39,903
But 82% of the time,
1505
01:15:40,003 --> 01:15:42,739
I had more fun with you
than anyone ever.
1506
01:15:42,839 --> 01:15:44,608
You know, that was
good enough for me.
1507
01:15:44,708 --> 01:15:46,309
So I-- I don't know.
1508
01:15:46,409 --> 01:15:48,544
I think consider
what your percentages
are with Josh
1509
01:15:48,645 --> 01:15:51,280
and if you like
the numbers,
1510
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,382
give him a go.
1511
01:15:53,482 --> 01:15:55,852
Then again, what do I know?
I mean, I came here with Wade.
1512
01:15:58,755 --> 01:16:00,556
Let's get shots!
1513
01:16:00,657 --> 01:16:02,058
Come on!
1514
01:16:02,158 --> 01:16:03,660
- Wanna have a shot?
- No, I won't have a shot.
1515
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:05,128
- Oh, come on.
- No, no, no.
1516
01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:07,230
- ( overlapping chatter )
- Please, guys, honestly,
1517
01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:09,232
one, I'm too old and B,
I've got work tomorrow,
honestly.
1518
01:16:09,332 --> 01:16:11,167
Well, my assistant's got work,
I've got to take the credit.
1519
01:16:11,267 --> 01:16:13,770
So I've got to be there
to check on him.
1520
01:16:13,870 --> 01:16:15,739
You go.
It's your birthday.
1521
01:16:15,839 --> 01:16:17,440
- It's really good to see you.
- Good to see you.
1522
01:16:17,540 --> 01:16:19,909
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
1523
01:16:20,009 --> 01:16:21,845
Come on.
1524
01:16:35,258 --> 01:16:39,028
( music playing )
1525
01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:57,647
* You still got that light
in your eye *
1526
01:17:00,083 --> 01:17:06,389
* And our day is
coming by and by *
1527
01:17:08,157 --> 01:17:11,227
* I'm traveling
this long road *
1528
01:17:11,327 --> 01:17:15,398
* To be with you
1529
01:17:15,498 --> 01:17:18,201
* We still
got a long way... *
1530
01:17:18,301 --> 01:17:19,769
Jessica: Stuart.
1531
01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:23,807
79%.
1532
01:17:23,907 --> 01:17:26,676
Josh makes you happy
79% of the time?
1533
01:17:26,776 --> 01:17:29,012
- I'd stick with that bloke.
- No.
1534
01:17:29,112 --> 01:17:32,882
79% of the time
I'm happy with you.
1535
01:17:51,768 --> 01:17:54,804
* The first time
I set eyes on you *
1536
01:17:54,904 --> 01:17:57,040
* I listened to you sing...
1537
01:17:57,140 --> 01:17:59,909
Wait, 79%?
I gave you 82, woman.
1538
01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:02,411
That's because I'm better
than you in every single way.
1539
01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:05,348
- Name three ways
you're better than me.
- More mature.
1540
01:18:05,448 --> 01:18:06,916
20/20 vision.
1541
01:18:07,016 --> 01:18:10,353
I am of normal human height.
There's so many.
1542
01:18:12,255 --> 01:18:14,090
Yeah, fair enough.
1543
01:18:15,558 --> 01:18:20,196
* So long ago,
but it feels like yesterday *
1544
01:18:20,296 --> 01:18:23,166
* And I just want
to tell you *
1545
01:18:23,266 --> 01:18:27,436
* You still got that light
in your eye *
1546
01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:30,273
* Yes, you do
1547
01:18:30,373 --> 01:18:36,412
* And our day's coming
by and by *
1548
01:18:38,647 --> 01:18:41,284
* I'm traveling
this long road *
1549
01:18:41,384 --> 01:18:45,388
* To be with you
1550
01:18:45,488 --> 01:18:47,123
* We still got a long way
1551
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:49,692
* We still got
a long way to go *
1552
01:18:49,793 --> 01:18:54,397
* Shining light,
shining bright on
the days gone down *
1553
01:18:57,233 --> 01:19:02,005
* Shining light,
shining bright on
the days gone down *
1554
01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:10,113
* Shining light,
shining bright on
the days gone down *
1555
01:19:20,957 --> 01:19:24,828
* We won't forget
the days gone down *
1556
01:19:24,928 --> 01:19:28,731
* They're written
in our hearts, yeah, yeah *
1557
01:19:28,832 --> 01:19:33,970
* And we're as much in tune
as we were right at the start *
1558
01:19:36,372 --> 01:19:40,076
* It all seems
so much harder now *
1559
01:19:40,176 --> 01:19:44,147
* It seemed so easy then,
yeah, yeah *
1560
01:19:44,247 --> 01:19:49,452
* Well, someday just for fun,
we might do it all again *
1561
01:19:49,552 --> 01:19:51,855
* I just wanna tell you
1562
01:19:51,955 --> 01:19:56,225
* You still got that light
in your eye *
1563
01:19:56,325 --> 01:19:58,327
* Yes, you do
1564
01:19:59,929 --> 01:20:05,268
* And our day is coming
by and by *
1565
01:20:07,336 --> 01:20:09,973
* I'm traveling
this long road *
1566
01:20:10,073 --> 01:20:14,477
* To be with you
1567
01:20:14,577 --> 01:20:15,979
* We still got a long way
1568
01:20:16,079 --> 01:20:18,982
* We still got a
long way to go. *
114288
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