Original subtitles

Max: What do you think- who is the most important person in a restaurant?

The director?

The Head Chef?

Maybe the owner of said restaurant?

No.

The important one- is the guest.

Why do you have no pizza?

Yes...

There are different kinds of guests.

Sometimes very stingy-

Perhaps, I can just give you change?

No, thanks.

Some guests-

You know what, how about this champagne please?

Some guests are very sociable-

And then, she just packed her things...

and she just left.

Well...

You're a nice guy, Kostya.

How about I hug you?

Excuse me, uhh...

Maybe that's enough?

To drink?

No, hugging me.

Oh.

Max: and then there are those guests, for which the world will turn upside down for.

Vika: Yes, of course.

I understand, that it's very serious.

I will inform everyone.

Attention!

I have important info!

You have a minute while the sauce cools down.

Dmitriy Vladimirovich called

and said that today a guest is dropping by.

An auditor? Oy, oy, oy!

Worse. A critic.

So, what's the problem?

Give him free food

and offer him permanent guest membership.

Do I need to teach you these things?

The problem is that noone knows how he looks!

He writes articles for foreign tour guides,

and Dmitriy Vladimirovich indicated

that he will be coming today!

So please try not to fuck up today.

...by the way, don't let the new guy work.

And why is that?

Because you are a walking problem.

And I do not need problems today.

She did it in a minute.

song: Teach Me Tiger by April Stevens

-Hi. -Hi.

Start pouring, please.

Uhuh.

What's with your mood?

I don't understand.

Why do people, for the sake of a minute's pleasure

kill live flowers?

It's horrible!

They're fiends.

Listen, Nast, how about on the weekends-

we go out somewhere?

-I also wanted to offer that. -Great! Where?

-Khimki Forest.

To the forest? Why?

Why? To protest against deforestation.

-What, don't you watch the news? -Of course I do.

Listen, Nast, they'll hurt us there.

Let's go to the movies, Nastia.

So it turns out-

you're a coward.

Nastia-

Nastia!

I'm not a coward...

Why are you wasting time in the cold?

What else am I supposed to do, Chef?

I've been suspended from work.

By whom? By me?

Since when are you listening to that chicken?

March to the kitchen.

There are orders waiting.

Thanks, Chef.

Where are you taking this?

Which one of them could be the critic?

Those two are usual guests...

and they work in the neighboring bank.

Fish and red wine.

No.

Too young...

But who is that lady?

Attention, everyone!

The potential critic has been located!

He's sitting at the 7th table! Well, she-

This salad was rejected by a guest.

-Who rejected it? -What table?

Table number 7.

-What did she say to you? -That she didn't like the salad,

-that it had a strange taste.

Chef, she's out of it! I did the whole process correctly!

I told you to not let him work today. You convinced now?

Now, go and tell her, that we'll fix everything.

Go on.

Please, redo everything quickly!

And please, do it yourself.

You understand that this is really important?

Good afternoon!

Hello.

Good afternoon. I believe I left my phone here,

I wasn't given anything.

Where did you sit yesterday?

-At the bar. -Would you like to speak to the barman?

Barman.

Thanks.

Forgive me, for God's sake, I got confused.

It's nothing.

You need to eat something(with alcohol).

Good afternoon. Let me help you.

-Thank you. -Are you alone?

-Currently, yes, but I hope not my whole life!

Let me escort you to a table.

Hello.

How are you feeling?

You know, worse than yesterday.

Have you found my phone by any chance?

I did. Right here.

Thank you.

She didn't call.

-Mhm. -Probably hasn't returned from Saratov...

...from her mom.

You told me all this yesterday!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Here.

It's on my tab.

Thank you, my great friend.

Hello. You're eating here?

Hello. Are you closed?

No, but...

Our restaurant is very expensive...

Alright, let's go.

You see, she and I were completely

different people. Completely.

For example, she always dragged me to places I didn't want to go.

Understandably, in her eyes

I was a pathetic coward.

And incapable of change.

But I'm not a coward.

I just look at things realistically.

So what if I didn't want to parachute jump with her?

Why risk your life? Why?

I agree.

There. See, you agree with me. But she dumped me.

Just went and left me.

And so I will leave

to the bathroom.

Chef! I did everything just like you did!

If you did everything like I did,

there would have been no problem.

I'll go to her now and clear everything up!

Let her tell me to my face that she didn't like it!

You aren't going anywhere.

Be able to admit

and most importantly accept your mistakes.

The faster you learn that, the faster you can make something out of yourself.

Why are you staring?

Didn't expect such a fervent talk from me?

Well- Chef.

What?

Oh!

A little shrimp.

Oy, won't you tell me,

where here is the

*whispers* bathroom?

The bathroom?

To the left of the bar.

Thanks for the navigation, dear friend.

Soup wouldn't do a bit of harm for you in your current condition, dear friend.

Yeah?

I'm sure of it. I myself have used that remedy many times.

Well, I'm not against that.

Nastia?

Get our guest some bouillabaisse.

-Bouillabaisse? -Yeah.

-Sounds very promising. -Mhm!

-I already feel myself getting better. -Mm!

On the left.

-Well, how is she? -Seems to be fine.

Babe, hi.

I'm eating lunch in Claude Monet.

They have curtains that I wanted.

Could you pick me up please?

Yeah, I'm waiting. Alright.

I don't understand, is she the critic or not?

Who is that?

I don't know. That's Nastia's guest.

Nastia! Come here!

Nastia! Come here!

Yes?

Has that guest been here very long?

-Which guest? -That one!

Ah...well, you could say that.

-What did he order?

Nothing yet, but he's always writing something down.

song: Jinxed for the Holidays by X-Ray Dog?

Do you understand who that is?

A writer?

He's the critic.

But you said the critic was that lady!

Or... what does that turn out to be? That there's two critics?

That's all. Don't panic.

The dish is ready for your critic.

Good job. But now I'm not sure that it's her.

Well, that's your problem.

Ah, excuse me!

Girl, could you-

Ah, your waiter will approach you soon.

-Hey, I didn't order this.

It's complimentary of our restaurant.

And what about the bill?

It's this event.

You sat-

at the Happy Table.

Happy?

Oh, that's pleasant.

Nastenka.

Vitya!

Well, what now?

The guest once again refused the salad.

Refused?

She said that she disliked that one as well.

What is she, fucked in the head?

Where are you going?

There!

Are you crazy? We don't need a scandal right now.

There's a critic! And there's no guarantee that it isn't her!

So we'll figure that out right now.

-Chef! -Vitya!

You need to admit your mistakes.

As soon you do that, then-

Shut your mouth.

-Where is she? -In the bathroom.

She threw up so badly-

Poor girl got food poisoning, probably...

Perhaps you'd like something to eat

We have a big variety of choices.

Nast, how about you choose? Anything you bring, I'll eat.

Alright.

Maybe sit down with me?

We can talk, eat a bit...

-I'm working. -I know you're working.

But I'm the client, and you need to fulfill all my wishes.

Don't be scared, Nastia, you eyed me first.

I didn't start anything.

Excuse me.

Viktoria Sergeevna-

he's harassing me.

Nastia, I don't want to hear anything

Endure it and do everything that he wants.

-But! -Quiet.

He will not leave here with a bad review, got it?

What did he order?

He said for me to choose.

Maybe you didn't boil the mussels properly!

-What do you mean I didn't boil it properly? Maybe that was you!

Besides, she threw up after your dish!

She only refused mine!

What are you doing here?

Immediately go start cooking!

The critic is waiting for their dish!

First figure out who is the critic!

Since one of them already got sick.

Uh, excuse me, won't you tell me where here is the women's bathroom?

Thanks.

Allo?

Yes, yes darling, I'm coming.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Coming! Coming coming coming coming.

Darling, wait in the car, OK?

I'll pay the bill.

My wife told me everything-

Please, forgive us, for God's sake!

Well- she's 3 months pregnant-

mood swings, morning sickness- you understand, it's an awful mix.

You should have seen her yesterday

in a different restaurant...

It's a nightmare.

For God's sake, forgive us, once again.

At least we know that the critic isn't that one.

-Miss, please take my order! -One second.

-And I told her plainly-

"do you really not understand yourself that-"

Excuse me.

Do you have a second to talk?

Nastia-

Forgive me...

Well, let's go to Khimki Forest- to the protest.

Kostya, let's talk later, alright?

I really can't talk right now.

I have problems with my guest.

What?

Is he rude to you?

He's harassing me.

What?

I'm going to "talk" to him.

Kostya!

Don't go anywhere, alright?

It's the critic.

You know what kind of article he could write about us?

So just fill my order quickly, and that'll be it.

Kostya, you like her?

Mhm.

A good girl.

-So- -Excuse me.

Viktoria Sergeevna!

He's harassing her!

Kostya, who are you?

A barman.

Ahh! Well, since you're a barman, go and take care of the bar.

I ask you, please do not insert yourself into the restaurant's affairs.

Nothing is going to happen to Nastia, got it?

That's all; you are free to go.

No, I-

I SAID you are free to go.

Well, yes, alright, I agree.

We'll do that.

No, I'm in the center...

I'm having lunch.

Yes, all the production samples are with me...

You know what I offer?

How about you come to us in the printing house

in about 2 hours,

I'll offer you another option.

Well, yes, as you say.

Alright. Good day.

Nast, where were you, I miss you...

I can't live like this....

Your Salade Paradis.

But what's this?

-Vegetables?

What, herbs?

Nastenka...

I don't eat grass.

I'm not a goat.

You asked for me to choose. I brought it to you.

How about you bring me something with meat?

Shoulder of lamb for example....

Bring me a soup. I'm so hungry...alright, Nastyusha?

The critic refused the dish.

Are you kidding?

Does he also have morning sickness?

I don't know whether he has morning sickness or not,

but he wants soup, and quickly.

That's enough from me. Let him wait.

Or how about a moneycheck and only after that will we prepare food...

Are you out of your mind?

Give him that soup!

No!

That soup is for a different guest!

YOU-

Give back my soup.

Your soup, dear friend. Bon appetit.

What are you doing?

My duty.

There's a critic! We don't need more than one problem-

Let him be even 3 critics. It's first come, first serve.

This man ordered soup earlier, and he got it.

And if the critic wants the same soup, let him wait!

Everyone's equal in my kitchen.

A good soup!

Kostya, what's with you?

Everything's fine.

Yeah? You've been wiping the same plate for half an hour.

Go on, tell me what happened.

At Nastia's table, there is this GUY,

a very important one. A critic.

Alright.

And he's harassing her.

And I can't do anything.

Since he's a critic!

And God forbid that he writes a bad review about the restaurant.

Listen, Kostya, here's what I think-

you understand, the problem isn't who he is,

but who you are.

And another very important detail-

please pass the salt.

It's about whether you let him do it or not

It's not important whether he's a janitor or a critic.

It's all very-

derivative.

Well, what do I do?

Well-

your life, your girl,

and the decision is yours.

Do what you want and there

everything will be clear.

Thanks.

song: Mahalageasca by Mahala Rai Banda

Good guy.

Where are you going?

To the critic.

-What, did he order something from the bar? -For sure. He ordered in full.

Forgive me for calling you a coward.

Kostya, you're fired! Pack your things!

How are things, Vika?

What happened to your face, warrior? Huh?

Dmitriy Vladimirovich, the thing is that I need to

tell you a few things.

-What's with the critic? Is he satisfied? -Not exactly.

Listen-

I think we have big problems.

Chef...

Oh! Today is the day of open doors!

Hello.

Hello!

-Mom! -Yes?

Well, w-w-why did you come

h-h-here?

Why here?

To express my extreme bewilderment!

No, finally I come here.

And I'm deeply disappointed.

Here work-

ill-mannered waiters.

No service whatsoever!

I waited for my order-

an hour and a half!

Fedya: Haha!

What, haha? What's so funny?

You should be ashamed.

Yes, after work, don't delay for too long, Lyova.

So that at 12 AM you're home.

What?

This week, I had the opportunity to go to the restaurant "Claude Monet".

Of course, as in any Moscow restaurant, you can find many minuses.

Swine!

For example, I was the witness of a brawl.

And now I'd like to say a few words about the pluses of the establishment.

The main accomplishment of the restaurant is the especial

integrity of the whole staff.

If you came to this establishment

be assured that here you will be well-served

regardless of your status and regalia.

And the most important thing is that if you leave your phone, it will be returned to you

it will be returned to you, which by the way

doesn't happen in all restaurants...

but I also want to talk about the food-

it's amazingly delicious; the chefs are getting such pay for good reason-

separately I would note-

separately I would note the barman Konstantin.

Not only is he a professional in his business,

but he's also a very good man.

In all, I'd give this restaurant 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Well?

4.5/5.

Ah, Vika.

We need the barman back.

song: Ain't no Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell