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1
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[ Bell dings ]
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,927
[ Indistinct conversations ]
3
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Why aren't you guys in costume?
4
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,473
Uh, because we're having
a secret sit-down
5
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,092
in a public place, maybe?
6
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,515
I thought we were going
for intimidating villainy,
7
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,888
so I got all...
8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,140
All right.
I'll go change.
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,063
Oh, I ordered the stuffed
peppers, so save me one.
10
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,654
She didn't exist
until she was 25.
11
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,149
Her name... Teresa Didae.
12
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,027
Her friends would call her Terri
if she had any.
13
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,496
Let's just say that Teresa
has too many dark secrets
14
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,707
to have friends
to call her Terri.
15
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,292
It's because she killed
her husbands, isn't it?
16
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,420
All of them.
17
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,084
She walks into their life
as Miss Perfect,
18
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,957
treats them like gods.
19
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,257
Then she gets a ring, and they
get a closed-coffin funeral.
20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:58,257
That's fine. Now go back to the
"treats them like gods" part.
21
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,850
She's mastered
the art of seduction...
22
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,436
finds a rich man
and gives him the works.
23
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,682
Oh! What's "the works"?
Specifically.
24
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,025
Like, uh, say no orifice
is off limits?
25
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,518
Or are we
on different pages here?
26
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,692
Different pages here.
I'm on the obituaries.
27
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,736
You're on, like,
the Penthouse Forum.
28
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,360
So, you found me
the perfect black widow.
29
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,204
Well, I just need
her Web address so I can, uh...
30
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,368
Oh! [ Chuckles ]
31
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,334
My God, "Web address," and she's
a black widow. You get it?
32
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,669
There's nothing to get
but killed.
33
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,505
She'll love you
and leave you... dead.
34
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,420
I hope you can stop her.
35
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,793
What? [ Chuckles ]
36
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I'm not gonna stop her.
37
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,926
I'm gonna ask her out.
38
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,347
Hmm.
That's interesting.
39
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,689
Where're all the bad guys at?
40
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:52,436
I can't see any. Can someone
point out the supervillains?
41
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,063
Blind Rage.
Please have a seat.
42
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,734
Don't.
I see perfectly.
43
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,405
With my radar, I know
where the big guy is seated,
44
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,763
how much wine is in that glass,
45
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,951
and that your breasts are
spilling from your brassiere.
46
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,165
Is it your monthlies?
Oh, I'm just kidding.
47
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,693
I'd be able to smell it
if you were.
48
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,085
Heightened senses.
49
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:13,001
So, how's the Council of,
uh... what is it? Five?
50
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,125
Guild Council is doing fine,
thank you.
51
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,876
Let's stop pretending
we like each other
52
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,219
and just get this over with.
53
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:22,057
Fine. The Peril Partnership had
a little deal with the Wale,
54
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:25,427
and we haven't been seeing
any of our kickbacks.
55
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,598
So we are not happy.
56
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,708
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: Your deal
with Wide Wale is not a deal
57
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,314
with
the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
58
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,059
If you'd care to make an offer
to us, we're listening.
59
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:36,233
You pay us to pretend
to be scared of you has-beens
60
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,606
and keep out of your territory.
61
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,358
If you don't,
the Partners drop a shitstorm
62
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,578
of costumed villainy
on your doorstep.
63
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,287
I'll extend your offer
to the Guild.
64
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,415
We're done here.
65
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,624
On your way out,
take some of those free mints.
66
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:49,993
Your breath is appalling.
67
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,415
Okay, but when the Guild
gets blamed for it,
68
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,334
don't come crawling to me.
69
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,085
Unless you want a night
that you're never gonna forget.
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00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:01,679
- [ Growls ]
- Red, it's not worth it.
71
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,470
Hey, you kicked ass
on those stuffed peppers, boss.
72
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,684
- Delish!
- [ Bell dings ]
73
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,929
Uh, was that him?
74
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,680
- What did I miss?
- Everything.
75
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,399
I'm calling a Council meeting.
Do you want to cater it?
76
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,065
I had nothing to change into.
77
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,312
DR. Z: That's it?
78
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,733
We pay them off and look like
79
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,448
we are afraid of their bluster
and short pants?
80
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,909
Why make a thing of it?
It's pocket change.
81
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,223
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
It's a mistake.
82
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,239
This is
just the beginning with them.
83
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,831
It's the end.
We've voted,
84
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,079
and the Peril Partnership
gets their money to go away.
85
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,001
- Solved.
- I'll make the drop.
86
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,541
It's on my way home.
87
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,505
Good.
Next business.
88
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:40,923
Okay, since we can't find 13
members for the Council of 13,
89
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,761
I've gone back to
the original charter,
90
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,006
and I found this.
Okay, I'm quoting.
91
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,886
"The Council, constituting the
superannuated, thus appointed,
92
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,558
are reborn
as the governing body."
93
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,851
Okay, I'll be your huckleberry.
What does that mean?
94
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,570
I think what she's saying is,
we're super-awesome.
95
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,698
I didn't hear no talk
96
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,404
- about no 13 anything.
- Well, there isn't any.
97
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,948
The 13 was
the Sovereign's little flourish.
98
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,116
But it does mean that all of us
99
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,706
can no longer be
active villains.
100
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,666
So we're good guys now?
101
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,786
Ooh, may I be Captain Handsome?
102
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,315
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
Watch and Ward are handing out
103
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,375
your final arch.
104
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,373
Your last hurrah of sorts.
105
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,466
We really did our research here.
106
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,427
Satisfaction guaranteed.
107
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,512
There it is. Have fun.
Get it out of your blood.
108
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,256
Enjoy yourselves.
At our next meeting,
109
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:31,511
we retire as villains
or resign from the Council.
110
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,103
PHANTOM LIMB: Adjourned.
111
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,598
DR. VENTURE:
Oh, my God, she's perfect.
112
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:38,351
Maybe she drops her hand-bra
in the next one.
113
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,355
We can't see the other pictures
unless she's a friend.
114
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,607
Friend her!
Wait. Romance her.
115
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,109
Is there an "add romance"
or a wink?
116
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,360
Can we wink and then bow?
117
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,599
Perhaps we should send her
a flower made of punctuation.
118
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,830
Too desperate, too stupid.
119
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,789
Just wait till
she answers your message.
120
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,706
Ugh. You really are serious
about this, aren't you?
121
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:56,837
What are you thinking?
122
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,414
That I haven't been with a woman
since Hank's graduation.
123
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,211
- Gross.
- You don't know the half of it.
124
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,835
Well, then go out there
and find a real woman
125
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,530
that won't kill you
and take your money.
126
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,799
Brock, this is a woman that
seduces rich men for a living.
127
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,349
Oh, think about how amazing
that woman is in bed.
128
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,346
- Ugh, gross.
- Not gross!
129
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,098
I'm a man.
I need to be touched.
130
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,442
I would like to be touched
by an amazing-looking woman
131
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,689
who wants only to please me.
132
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,691
I don't want to be laughed at,
denied,
133
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,657
or even feel like
the pathetic man I clearly am!
134
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,864
He does make
some solid points, Brock.
135
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,112
Okay, let's, uh,
figure this out.
136
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,409
[ Computer chimes ]
137
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:36,501
Gentlemen, the spider
has taken the fly.
138
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,628
MONARCH: Mad?
Why would I be mad?
139
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,839
Because you'll never be
my Number 2 again?
140
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,528
Or that you made
this decision without me
141
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,446
and just dropped it in my lap
like a hot, stupid idea?
142
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,587
Mad? That's crazy!
143
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,338
I'm so happy for you.
144
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,808
This is my career, sweetie.
This is what it requires.
145
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,269
Do you want me to quit?
Join you and Gary?
146
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,354
I want it to be
like it was 20 minutes ago,
147
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,519
- before you did this!
- Yeah, well [Sighs]
148
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,938
- that's not gonna happen.
- This... This... No!
149
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,561
- Sweetie, come on.
- No!
150
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,484
- We can work through it.
- MONARCH: No.
151
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,970
You know, he's not gonna
commit suicide or anything.
152
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,735
What?
Why would you even say that?
153
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,864
Oh, he wouldn't. He wouldn't go
out and cheat on you or drink...
154
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,119
Gary, stop whatever that is.
155
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,328
- You're making it worse.
- I was comforting you.
156
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,326
All right, fine.
Next topic.
157
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,794
So, who's your final arch?
158
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,129
Here, you read it.
159
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:25,967
Uh, if you have to arch Venture,
he's gonna go mental.
160
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,380
Just saying.
161
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,878
"Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
162
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:33,099
It was as Lady Au Pair when you
had your most humbling defeat.
163
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,513
You were inches away
from possessing the..."
164
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,558
Faith Diamond.
52.8 carats.
165
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:42,604
Worth an estimated $300 million.
166
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,103
- And it's all ours.
- [ Pop ]
167
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,605
Will you stop opening
the cash bags?
168
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,325
What? We would never take
any money for ourselves, Mum.
169
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,866
That ain't right!
Accusing us?
170
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,740
Ri-damn-diculous.
171
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,628
Don't say "I do" so quickly.
172
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,124
Novia! Funny. I don't remember
getting your RSVP.
173
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,502
Lady Au Pair
and her two Moppets.
174
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,255
Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.
175
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,507
I'm more of a career girl.
176
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,181
Well, then I guess you won't
want to catch...
177
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,770
my bouquet!
178
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,515
PHANTOM LIMB:
Oh, you heard about it?
179
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,735
Yes, all of our old archrivals.
180
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:27,771
Who do you think?
181
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,114
It's you.
182
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:34,198
Wait! No, no, that's exactly
what we should do!
183
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,821
I know you were kidding,
but I'm not.
184
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,994
Old-school!
That's right!
185
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,332
Like men.
186
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,921
Midnight,
Central Park, Bow Bridge.
187
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,631
Oh, I'll be there.
188
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,001
WIDE WALE: Ha!
You got to be kiddin' me.
189
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,219
[ Chuckles ] Those two set
the Wayback Machine
190
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,384
all the way back
to when I started out.
191
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,348
ROCCO:
So, who's the unlucky good guy?
192
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,184
Curtis Sliwa
of the Guardian Angels.
193
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,679
Sliwa? We made peace with
that guy a long time ago.
194
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,751
He's part of my friggin'
Thursday night poker game even.
195
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:04,856
No, he's good people.
196
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,897
But he's got to take
a fall on your fists.
197
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,145
I don't need him doin'
that karate shit on me.
198
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,522
- Ah, you serious?
- Of course I'm serious!
199
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,741
Go slap Sliwa around
and then, uh...
200
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,530
take him to Keens
for some chops.
201
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,745
What's wrong with you?
Get out of here!
202
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,955
DR. Z: Okay...
[ Clears throat ]
203
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,872
"Dr. Z, we have
only one word for you.
204
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,587
That word is 'Johnny. ""
205
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,832
[ Chuckles ]
206
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,550
Of course it is.
[ Sighs ]
207
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,295
Good times, good times.
208
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,423
You will never escape, Johnny!
209
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,424
[ Buddy barking ]
210
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,677
It's Buddy!
He followed us!
211
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,179
- Silence the animal!
- [ Gunshots ]
212
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,771
Don't you shoot at my dog.
213
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,140
RED BANNON: Hold it, Johnny.
214
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,602
[ Buddy barking ]
215
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,902
DR. Z: Stupid dog is interfering
with my spectacular plans!
216
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,026
HENCHMAN: Look, it is Anubis.
The god himself.
217
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,027
HENCHMAN 2:
And he is displeased!
218
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,405
No, no, you fools!
Come back!
219
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,031
It's the dog stuck in a mask!
220
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,624
How idiotic can you be?!
221
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,540
Gosh, mister. Your henchmen
are terrible at their job.
222
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,754
I know, right?
They're bunglers!
223
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,794
And they will be executed!
224
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,666
Hard line.
One bungle, you're out.
225
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,338
Zero-bungle tolerance.
226
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,009
RIGHT WING:
Well, you gonna read it?
227
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,701
RADICAL LEFT:
Oh, as if you don't know already
228
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,307
who it's gonna be.
229
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,895
Oh, look who they chose
for Radical Left.
230
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,854
It's Right Wing.
231
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,723
Mm-hmm.
Real shocker there.
232
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,773
Looks like I'm gonna have to
vanquish you again.
233
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,612
Oh, take your best shot!
234
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,447
This time, don't absorb me.
235
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,782
Again.
236
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,618
DRAGOON: Go on, then.
How bad could it be?
237
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,863
RED MANTLE:
What if it's Commander Ruin?
238
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,866
He punched me in the tummy once,
and I vomited on his boots.
239
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,790
Instantly coughed up
a Reuben sandwich on his boots.
240
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,458
He never forgave me.
241
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,298
I'm hoping it's the guy
from "Home Improvement."
242
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,839
Not the main guy,
but... but the handyman.
243
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,053
Al.
I hope it's Al.
244
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,138
Did you arch
the "Home Improvement" guy?
245
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,259
I did not. But I hope it's him
because he would never hurt us.
246
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,387
He wouldn't.
He seems n-nice.
247
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,850
Maybe it would be prudent
to wait till after dinner?
248
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,977
Dinner and another episode
of "Downton Abbey."
249
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,693
[ Suspenseful music plays,
footsteps approaching ]
250
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,239
[ Growls ]
251
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:26,950
Oh, here comes
the 70-year-old errand boy.
252
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,451
Listen to those steps.
253
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,702
Hey, you got to slow down,
254
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,956
or you're gonna bust
a hip there, old man.
255
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,799
Better all be there or...
256
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,886
RADICAL LEFT: The simplest
murder ever committed.
257
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,343
Almost too easy.
258
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:51,315
Professor Plum in the ballroom
with the candlestick!
259
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,274
Oh, you got lucky!
260
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:54,564
Best out of five.
261
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,403
Set up the board again.
262
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,567
[ Elevator bell dings ]
263
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,065
Okay, we are on.
264
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,486
Let's move, people!
265
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,109
DR. VENTURE:
[ Clears throat ]
266
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,578
[ Breathy voice ]
Oh, Mr. Venture.
267
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,664
So nice to meet you.
268
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,580
I lean in for the kiss
but don't because?
269
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:13,204
Vial of hydrofluoric acid
between teeth and gums.
270
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,797
Death occurs within 18 hours.
Keep moving!
271
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,339
Right. So, I don't take her hand
because of a concealed blade?
272
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,008
Or a false fingernail
filled with batrachotoxin.
273
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:26,805
Right. Then I immediately offer
her a dip in the hot tub.
274
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,893
Care for a dip in my hot tub?
275
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,935
No way to conceal weapons,
water dilutes poison.
276
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,729
Plus, I get to see the goods
as a bonus.
277
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,650
Oh, Mr. Venture.
It's so chilly out.
278
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,068
Let's just sit down and chat.
279
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,571
Okay.
Now I lead her to the couch.
280
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,118
Okay, I come in here
and go, "Gee, Pop,
281
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,411
can you sign
this last will and testament?
282
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,079
I've been asking for ages."
283
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,419
And I say something like,
284
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,505
"Oh, I'm so devil-may-care
with my billions of dollars.
285
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:57,633
But don't worry, son.
286
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,336
I have a huge life-insurance
policy, so you'll be fine.
287
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,929
Don't worry about the will."
[ Chuckles ]
288
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,719
Ah, thank you.
289
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,388
You just ingested
a lethal dose of tetrodotoxin
290
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:09,830
that I would've slipped
into your drink.
291
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:10,890
Nice one, Dean.
292
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,389
All right,
let's run it again, people!
293
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:17,438
[ Western-showdown music
playing ]
294
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,549
We're really gonna
go through with this?
295
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,671
It's the only way.
296
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,968
Drop 'em and measure!
297
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,393
Ah. Are we, uh, measuring
from the top or...
298
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,605
From the base.
299
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,066
Let's try to keep
a little dignity.
300
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,483
[ Muffled shouting ]
301
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,571
Oh, you're up.
Goody.
302
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,908
We can start
your history lesson.
303
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,276
Long before there were
304
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,246
loud-mouthed buff guys
in spandex,
305
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,581
there was the Gentleman Villain.
306
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,167
His favorite sinister act
was this...
307
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,333
tying someone to a train track.
308
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:22,003
It's simple, inexpensive,
personal, and deadly.
309
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,923
But it gives you a little hope.
310
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,135
Maybe you'll escape.
311
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,051
[ Muffled ]
God damn it!
312
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,050
Lesson's not over, sonny!
313
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,676
[ Sighs ]
314
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:37,477
Now, the Gentleman Villain had
these old-school time bombs...
315
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,396
three sticks of dynamite
wired to an alarm clock.
316
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:45,068
And what was so poetic
about that is that they ticked.
317
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,363
You could hear them.
Tick, tick, tick.
318
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,780
Nowadays, they're just digital.
319
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,325
- No sound, no peril.
- [ Creaking ]
320
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,619
Oh? Oh, ho, ho!
321
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:55,912
Do you hear that?
322
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,001
- [ Train approaching ]
- There's the ticking.
323
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,540
The train is coming.
324
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,208
Is it on this track?
325
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,128
Tick, tick, tick.
326
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,795
Maybe it's on the other track.
327
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,010
Tick, tick, tick!
328
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,925
- [ Muffled screaming ]
- [ Laughs evilly]
329
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,423
[ Sighs ]
330
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,550
Not bad for an old man, huh?
331
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,473
I'm gonna get going
and let you try to escape.
332
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,267
And if you do,
tell the Peril Partnership
333
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,981
that the Guild
isn't scared of punks.
334
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,476
If you don't?
Eh... sorry.
335
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,972
- [ Muffled shouting ]
- [ Grunts ]
336
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,113
[ Laughs evilly]
337
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,573
RECEPTIONIST: And what is
the purpose of your visit?
338
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,412
DR. Z:
Professional menace?
339
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,906
Nothing complicated.
340
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,204
I'll probably just
chase him around,
341
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,578
unless you have a biplane
or a werewolf costume
342
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,046
- or something fun.
- Mm-hmm.
343
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,882
And what is
your relation to John?
344
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,592
Why must you keep
calling him "John"?
345
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,884
He is Johnny,
the pesky son of my archenemy.
346
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:54,099
And since he is dead,
Johnny is all I have.
347
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,514
Oh, well, we love John, too.
348
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,683
Unfortunately,
it's not visiting hours.
349
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,558
If you'd like to write him
a note, we could give it to him.
350
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,354
Uh, all right.
351
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:09,824
"I... will... get... you... Johnny."
352
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,489
That is so sweet.
[ Clicks tongue ]
353
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,533
Oh, and you came all this way.
354
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,872
Why don't you wait over there?
355
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,288
I'll talk to his counselors and
see what they can do for you.
356
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,332
Oh, you're very kind.
357
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,375
I will spare your life!
358
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,840
[ Dramatic theme music playing ]
359
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:30,928
Oh, Lady Violet,
you are a delicious bitch,
360
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,921
- and you have my heart.
- Indeed.
361
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,767
I confess I have fantasized
about double-teaming her.
362
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:40,103
As if we have any other option
besides double-teaming her.
363
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,019
One more episode before
we open the envelope?
364
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,017
I think it prudent.
365
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,691
No way Matthew is really dead.
366
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,814
[ Device beeping ]
367
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,718
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: According
to Guild Colossurveillance,
368
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,278
she should be
around here somewhere.
369
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,198
Dude, that's where
the Ventures live!
370
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,945
Your husband is gonna die.
371
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,164
Please, Gary, don't tell him.
I don't want to deal.
372
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,908
He's going through
so much right now.
373
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,659
Oh, my God, right?
Seriously.
374
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,129
Everything I knew about myself
has changed in, like, a year.
375
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,374
You know, screw it.
I need to embrace change.
376
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,966
You want to cut off my ponytail?
377
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,175
Not this.
The real one.
378
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,967
Really? I so will.
I hate that thing.
379
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,826
- You look like... Steven Seagal.
- Brad Pitt!
380
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,887
Tell me about... Or no.
Or that.
381
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,872
- Not as much, though.
- Oh, my God, that's her.
382
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,012
That's... That's Novia.
383
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,479
Shit, she looks great.
384
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,099
Um, let's not do this.
385
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,191
Follow me.
386
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,770
Excuse me!
387
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,023
Ma'am, were you Novia?
388
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,239
Tim-Tom?
389
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,699
Tim-Tom Moppet?
390
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,784
You're... big now?
391
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,495
I didn't know that could happen.
392
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,223
- Does that happen to...
- I didn't grow.
393
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,707
I'm not a Moppet, biologically.
I'm a henchman.
394
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,077
Or a sidekick now, but,
you know, not with Lady Au Pair.
395
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,749
- With her husband...
- Sheila?
396
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:47,962
Ta-da!
397
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,422
So, Novia...
398
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,550
Terri, I mean.
399
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,417
Wow!
So [Chuckles]
400
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,294
Wow.
Uh, forget it.
401
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,671
Forget it.
This is too weird.
402
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,093
My... God. Sheila.
403
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,343
Uh... hi!
404
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,686
All right, I know this looks
stupid, because it is.
405
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,416
It's, like, the dumbest thing
in the world,
406
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,181
but I'm supposed to
arch you tonight.
407
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,104
But now I can't
because you look great
408
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,478
and I am dressed
like a stupid nanny.
409
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,853
- No, no, no. You look beautiful.
- My husband is dealing
410
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,648
with all this crap
I gave him tonight.
411
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,116
- I just sprung it on him.
- No!
412
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,328
And I was just thinking
about myself, and now...
413
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,289
I'm supposed to be arching you,
and you look really good,
414
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,658
and you've made so many
better life decisions...
415
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,831
DR. Z:
So, I talked to my wife,
416
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,580
and, uh, she was fine
with you moving in.
417
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,876
So was Ro-Boy.
418
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,294
[ Sighs ]
Thanks, man.
419
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,418
[ Clears throat ]
You're all right.
420
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,670
I love you, Johnny.
421
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:40,516
- Yeah, no, uh, that's cool.
- In the platonic sense, I mean.
422
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:41,884
Not literally.
423
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,387
Not even platonically, really,
since Plato was all about
424
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,059
showing naked young boys
a good time.
425
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,274
You know, classical Greece.
I...
426
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,984
It was totally cool back...
427
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:56,699
Hey, maybe we shouldn't... mm,
rush into this kind of stuff.
428
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,237
Maybe you just...
I don't know...
429
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:01,362
maybe loan me
a couple bucks instead?
430
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,490
Yes. Uh, perhaps
that would be better.
431
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,996
Mm, oh.
432
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:10,917
Oh! Thanks for
the mask thing, man. I mean...
433
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,539
Oh, no! Look!
434
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,837
- Anubis! Aah!
- Oh!
435
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:18,337
Oh, you can run, Johnny,
but you will never get away!
436
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,885
[ Laughs ] Right? Yeah.
We, uh...
437
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,017
[ Both laugh ]
438
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,059
We did that.
439
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,225
Yeah.
440
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,891
- Good times.
- [ Sighs ]
441
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,390
Oh, you want me to go run
and hide or something?
442
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,857
Oh, oh! Please do.
443
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,772
Just one more time.
444
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,189
DRAGOON: Mm!
445
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,029
Oh, just do it already!
446
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,398
We've lived long enough.
447
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,025
Yes.
This is how we should go.
448
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,902
Go ahead.
I'm ready.
449
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,451
"Red Mantle and Dragoon.
450
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,699
We regretfully inform you
451
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:51,169
that all of your archenemies
are deceased."
452
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,129
[ Gasps ]
We won!
453
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,170
We outlived all of those
good-guy pieces of crap.
454
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,713
They couldn't best us!
455
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,507
Boy, that guy
from "Home Improvement"
456
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,631
really dodged a bullet tonight,
eh?
457
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,009
I'm telling you, we so
would've kicked AI's fat ass.
458
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,261
DR. VENTURE:
I still can't believe you agreed
459
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,183
to come in the middle
of the night.
460
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,851
[ Chuckles ] Wait.
461
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,020
Is this a booty call?
462
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,939
This is a booty call, isn't it?
463
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,028
Uh, slow down.
464
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,772
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
465
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,740
You are the most honest man
I've ever met.
466
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,326
- You're completely fearless.
- Do you like it?
467
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:24,786
I have no idea what I'm doing.
468
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,952
I'm so hopped up
on this atropine, theophylline,
469
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,666
and antivenom
that Brock gave me.
470
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:30,794
- Whoo!
- Uh-huh.
471
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,498
And is Brock
the man behind those bushes
472
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,962
with a rifle trained on me?
473
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,208
Hi, Brock! [ Chuckles ]
Yeah, he's my bodyguard.
474
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,175
And this is my body.
475
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,511
Well, it's a very nice body.
476
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,596
Hey, I want to ask you something
477
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,932
before all these pills I took
make me pass out.
478
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,098
- Do I have a chance here?
- [ Chuckles ]
479
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:52,189
I don't know
what people told you about me,
480
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,898
but I doubt it's true.
481
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:58,361
Well, I heard that you have
482
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,606
[Slurred] a lot of skeletons
in your closet.
483
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,733
Yeah, well, okay,
that one might be true.
484
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,075
Tonight proved that.
485
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,786
- Lots of s-skeletons...
- I ran into a...
486
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:10,624
well, an old friend,
right out in fro...
487
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:14,078
I didn't do that!
488
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,079
21:
It really wasn't so bad.
489
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,673
I mean, you didn't vomit
till she was gone,
490
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,401
and she couldn't
see you do it, at least.
491
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,752
Gary, I cried.
492
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,425
Then my archnemesis hugged me.
Hugged me.
493
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,550
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne
Manor, my husband is home alone,
494
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,052
wondering if our partnership
is completely over.
495
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,644
A-And it just might be.
496
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,263
Well, when you put it that way.
497
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,142
- You done back there?
- Yep, and here it is...
498
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,860
your past,
that smells like L.A. looks.
499
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,105
I never got over the wet look.
Guilty.
500
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,947
Oh, I've got something else
for you.
501
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,943
- What's this?
- I lifted her wallet.
502
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,616
Little Miss Fancy
got herself arched.
503
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,661
21:
You are a baller!
504
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,410
DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
With perspicacious design
505
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,775
and calamitous intent,
506
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:25,650
do you hereby resign
your individual animus
507
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,949
and accept the collective odium
of the Guild Council?
508
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:32,948
I do, and I look forward
to hating with all of you.
509
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,995
Yeah, sure, man.
We're ready!
510
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,993
Oh, dear, yes.
Very much so.
511
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,416
With no reservations, I accept.
512
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,505
I regretfully decline.
513
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,842
I still got a lot
of unresolved grudges.
514
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,585
And let's face it.
All this?
515
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:46,928
This ain't me.
516
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,264
Of course. The Council
understands your position.
517
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:52,259
Would you consider something
like a diplomatic appointment?
518
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,727
I ain't going nowhere,
Madam Councilwoman.
519
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,812
- We'll talk.
- Councilman Limb?
520
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:59,775
It is my honor
to become a full member
521
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:02,189
of this most worthy Council.
522
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,028
I would like
to add that, last night,
523
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,193
I was mighty in my victory.
524
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,033
Like an inch mightier.
Seriously.
525
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,993
This Council has my loyalty,
526
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,285
and I swear I shall defend
its honor with my life.
527
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,750
And what say you,
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch?
528
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,665
Uh, I...
529
00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:20,913
I-I [Sighs]
530
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,164
Uh, I...
531
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,712
PHANTOM LIMB:
Madam Councilman?
532
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,174
Gross.
533
00:22:29,224 --> 00:22:33,774
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