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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,716 [ Bell dings ] 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,927 [ Indistinct conversations ] 3 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,263 Why aren't you guys in costume? 4 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,473 Uh, because we're having a secret sit-down 5 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,092 in a public place, maybe? 6 00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,515 I thought we were going for intimidating villainy, 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,888 so I got all... 8 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,140 All right. I'll go change. 9 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,063 Oh, I ordered the stuffed peppers, so save me one. 10 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,654 She didn't exist until she was 25. 11 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,149 Her name... Teresa Didae. 12 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,027 Her friends would call her Terri if she had any. 13 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,496 Let's just say that Teresa has too many dark secrets 14 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,707 to have friends to call her Terri. 15 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,292 It's because she killed her husbands, isn't it? 16 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,420 All of them. 17 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,084 She walks into their life as Miss Perfect, 18 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,957 treats them like gods. 19 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,257 Then she gets a ring, and they get a closed-coffin funeral. 20 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:58,257 That's fine. Now go back to the "treats them like gods" part. 21 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,850 She's mastered the art of seduction... 22 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,436 finds a rich man and gives him the works. 23 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,682 Oh! What's "the works"? Specifically. 24 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,025 Like, uh, say no orifice is off limits? 25 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,518 Or are we on different pages here? 26 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,692 Different pages here. I'm on the obituaries. 27 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,736 You're on, like, the Penthouse Forum. 28 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,360 So, you found me the perfect black widow. 29 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,204 Well, I just need her Web address so I can, uh... 30 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,368 Oh! [ Chuckles ] 31 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,334 My God, "Web address," and she's a black widow. You get it? 32 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,669 There's nothing to get but killed. 33 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,505 She'll love you and leave you... dead. 34 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,420 I hope you can stop her. 35 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,793 What? [ Chuckles ] 36 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,760 I'm not gonna stop her. 37 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,926 I'm gonna ask her out. 38 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,347 Hmm. That's interesting. 39 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,689 Where're all the bad guys at? 40 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:52,436 I can't see any. Can someone point out the supervillains? 41 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,063 Blind Rage. Please have a seat. 42 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,734 Don't. I see perfectly. 43 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,405 With my radar, I know where the big guy is seated, 44 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,763 how much wine is in that glass, 45 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,951 and that your breasts are spilling from your brassiere. 46 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,165 Is it your monthlies? Oh, I'm just kidding. 47 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,693 I'd be able to smell it if you were. 48 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,085 Heightened senses. 49 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:13,001 So, how's the Council of, uh... what is it? Five? 50 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,125 Guild Council is doing fine, thank you. 51 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,876 Let's stop pretending we like each other 52 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,219 and just get this over with. 53 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:22,057 Fine. The Peril Partnership had a little deal with the Wale, 54 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:25,427 and we haven't been seeing any of our kickbacks. 55 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,598 So we are not happy. 56 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,708 DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: Your deal with Wide Wale is not a deal 57 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,314 with the Guild of Calamitous Intent. 58 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,059 If you'd care to make an offer to us, we're listening. 59 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:36,233 You pay us to pretend to be scared of you has-beens 60 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,606 and keep out of your territory. 61 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,358 If you don't, the Partners drop a shitstorm 62 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,578 of costumed villainy on your doorstep. 63 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,287 I'll extend your offer to the Guild. 64 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,415 We're done here. 65 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,624 On your way out, take some of those free mints. 66 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:49,993 Your breath is appalling. 67 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,415 Okay, but when the Guild gets blamed for it, 68 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,334 don't come crawling to me. 69 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,085 Unless you want a night that you're never gonna forget. 70 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:01,679 - [ Growls ] - Red, it's not worth it. 71 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,470 Hey, you kicked ass on those stuffed peppers, boss. 72 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,684 - Delish! - [ Bell dings ] 73 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,929 Uh, was that him? 74 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,680 - What did I miss? - Everything. 75 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,399 I'm calling a Council meeting. Do you want to cater it? 76 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,065 I had nothing to change into. 77 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,312 DR. Z: That's it? 78 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,733 We pay them off and look like 79 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,448 we are afraid of their bluster and short pants? 80 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,909 Why make a thing of it? It's pocket change. 81 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,223 DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: It's a mistake. 82 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,239 This is just the beginning with them. 83 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,831 It's the end. We've voted, 84 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,079 and the Peril Partnership gets their money to go away. 85 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,001 - Solved. - I'll make the drop. 86 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,541 It's on my way home. 87 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,505 Good. Next business. 88 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:40,923 Okay, since we can't find 13 members for the Council of 13, 89 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,761 I've gone back to the original charter, 90 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,006 and I found this. Okay, I'm quoting. 91 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,886 "The Council, constituting the superannuated, thus appointed, 92 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,558 are reborn as the governing body." 93 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,851 Okay, I'll be your huckleberry. What does that mean? 94 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,570 I think what she's saying is, we're super-awesome. 95 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,698 I didn't hear no talk 96 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,404 - about no 13 anything. - Well, there isn't any. 97 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,948 The 13 was the Sovereign's little flourish. 98 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,116 But it does mean that all of us 99 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,706 can no longer be active villains. 100 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,666 So we're good guys now? 101 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,786 Ooh, may I be Captain Handsome? 102 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,315 DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: Watch and Ward are handing out 103 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,375 your final arch. 104 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,373 Your last hurrah of sorts. 105 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,466 We really did our research here. 106 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,427 Satisfaction guaranteed. 107 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,512 There it is. Have fun. Get it out of your blood. 108 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,256 Enjoy yourselves. At our next meeting, 109 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:31,511 we retire as villains or resign from the Council. 110 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,103 PHANTOM LIMB: Adjourned. 111 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,598 DR. VENTURE: Oh, my God, she's perfect. 112 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:38,351 Maybe she drops her hand-bra in the next one. 113 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,355 We can't see the other pictures unless she's a friend. 114 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,607 Friend her! Wait. Romance her. 115 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,109 Is there an "add romance" or a wink? 116 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,360 Can we wink and then bow? 117 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,599 Perhaps we should send her a flower made of punctuation. 118 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,830 Too desperate, too stupid. 119 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,789 Just wait till she answers your message. 120 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,706 Ugh. You really are serious about this, aren't you? 121 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:56,837 What are you thinking? 122 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,414 That I haven't been with a woman since Hank's graduation. 123 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,211 - Gross. - You don't know the half of it. 124 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,835 Well, then go out there and find a real woman 125 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,530 that won't kill you and take your money. 126 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,799 Brock, this is a woman that seduces rich men for a living. 127 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,349 Oh, think about how amazing that woman is in bed. 128 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,346 - Ugh, gross. - Not gross! 129 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,098 I'm a man. I need to be touched. 130 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,442 I would like to be touched by an amazing-looking woman 131 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,689 who wants only to please me. 132 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,691 I don't want to be laughed at, denied, 133 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,657 or even feel like the pathetic man I clearly am! 134 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,864 He does make some solid points, Brock. 135 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,112 Okay, let's, uh, figure this out. 136 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,409 [ Computer chimes ] 137 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:36,501 Gentlemen, the spider has taken the fly. 138 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,628 MONARCH: Mad? Why would I be mad? 139 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,839 Because you'll never be my Number 2 again? 140 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,528 Or that you made this decision without me 141 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,446 and just dropped it in my lap like a hot, stupid idea? 142 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,587 Mad? That's crazy! 143 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,338 I'm so happy for you. 144 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,808 This is my career, sweetie. This is what it requires. 145 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,269 Do you want me to quit? Join you and Gary? 146 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,354 I want it to be like it was 20 minutes ago, 147 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,519 - before you did this! - Yeah, well [Sighs] 148 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,938 - that's not gonna happen. - This... This... No! 149 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,561 - Sweetie, come on. - No! 150 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,484 - We can work through it. - MONARCH: No. 151 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,970 You know, he's not gonna commit suicide or anything. 152 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,735 What? Why would you even say that? 153 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,864 Oh, he wouldn't. He wouldn't go out and cheat on you or drink... 154 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,119 Gary, stop whatever that is. 155 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,328 - You're making it worse. - I was comforting you. 156 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,326 All right, fine. Next topic. 157 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,794 So, who's your final arch? 158 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,129 Here, you read it. 159 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:25,967 Uh, if you have to arch Venture, he's gonna go mental. 160 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,380 Just saying. 161 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,878 "Dr. Mrs. The Monarch. 162 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:33,099 It was as Lady Au Pair when you had your most humbling defeat. 163 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,513 You were inches away from possessing the..." 164 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,558 Faith Diamond. 52.8 carats. 165 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:42,604 Worth an estimated $300 million. 166 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,103 - And it's all ours. - [ Pop ] 167 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,605 Will you stop opening the cash bags? 168 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,325 What? We would never take any money for ourselves, Mum. 169 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,866 That ain't right! Accusing us? 170 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,740 Ri-damn-diculous. 171 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,628 Don't say "I do" so quickly. 172 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,124 Novia! Funny. I don't remember getting your RSVP. 173 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,502 Lady Au Pair and her two Moppets. 174 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,255 Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. 175 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,507 I'm more of a career girl. 176 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,181 Well, then I guess you won't want to catch... 177 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,770 my bouquet! 178 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,515 PHANTOM LIMB: Oh, you heard about it? 179 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,735 Yes, all of our old archrivals. 180 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:27,771 Who do you think? 181 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,114 It's you. 182 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:34,198 Wait! No, no, that's exactly what we should do! 183 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,821 I know you were kidding, but I'm not. 184 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,994 Old-school! That's right! 185 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,332 Like men. 186 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,921 Midnight, Central Park, Bow Bridge. 187 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,631 Oh, I'll be there. 188 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,001 WIDE WALE: Ha! You got to be kiddin' me. 189 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,219 [ Chuckles ] Those two set the Wayback Machine 190 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,384 all the way back to when I started out. 191 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,348 ROCCO: So, who's the unlucky good guy? 192 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,184 Curtis Sliwa of the Guardian Angels. 193 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,679 Sliwa? We made peace with that guy a long time ago. 194 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,751 He's part of my friggin' Thursday night poker game even. 195 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:04,856 No, he's good people. 196 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,897 But he's got to take a fall on your fists. 197 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,145 I don't need him doin' that karate shit on me. 198 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,522 - Ah, you serious? - Of course I'm serious! 199 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,741 Go slap Sliwa around and then, uh... 200 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,530 take him to Keens for some chops. 201 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,745 What's wrong with you? Get out of here! 202 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,955 DR. Z: Okay... [ Clears throat ] 203 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,872 "Dr. Z, we have only one word for you. 204 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,587 That word is 'Johnny. "" 205 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,832 [ Chuckles ] 206 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,550 Of course it is. [ Sighs ] 207 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,295 Good times, good times. 208 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,423 You will never escape, Johnny! 209 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,424 [ Buddy barking ] 210 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,677 It's Buddy! He followed us! 211 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,179 - Silence the animal! - [ Gunshots ] 212 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,771 Don't you shoot at my dog. 213 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,140 RED BANNON: Hold it, Johnny. 214 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,602 [ Buddy barking ] 215 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,902 DR. Z: Stupid dog is interfering with my spectacular plans! 216 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,026 HENCHMAN: Look, it is Anubis. The god himself. 217 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,027 HENCHMAN #2: And he is displeased! 218 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,405 No, no, you fools! Come back! 219 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,031 It's the dog stuck in a mask! 220 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,624 How idiotic can you be?! 221 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,540 Gosh, mister. Your henchmen are terrible at their job. 222 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,754 I know, right? They're bunglers! 223 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,794 And they will be executed! 224 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,666 Hard line. One bungle, you're out. 225 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,338 Zero-bungle tolerance. 226 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,009 RIGHT WING: Well, you gonna read it? 227 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,701 RADICAL LEFT: Oh, as if you don't know already 228 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,307 who it's gonna be. 229 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,895 Oh, look who they chose for Radical Left. 230 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,854 It's Right Wing. 231 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,723 Mm-hmm. Real shocker there. 232 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,773 Looks like I'm gonna have to vanquish you again. 233 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,612 Oh, take your best shot! 234 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,447 This time, don't absorb me. 235 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,782 Again. 236 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,618 DRAGOON: Go on, then. How bad could it be? 237 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,863 RED MANTLE: What if it's Commander Ruin? 238 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,866 He punched me in the tummy once, and I vomited on his boots. 239 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,790 Instantly coughed up a Reuben sandwich on his boots. 240 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,458 He never forgave me. 241 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,298 I'm hoping it's the guy from "Home Improvement." 242 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,839 Not the main guy, but... but the handyman. 243 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,053 Al. I hope it's Al. 244 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,138 Did you arch the "Home Improvement" guy? 245 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,259 I did not. But I hope it's him because he would never hurt us. 246 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,387 He wouldn't. He seems n-nice. 247 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,850 Maybe it would be prudent to wait till after dinner? 248 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,977 Dinner and another episode of "Downton Abbey." 249 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,693 [ Suspenseful music plays, footsteps approaching ] 250 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,239 [ Growls ] 251 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:26,950 Oh, here comes the 70-year-old errand boy. 252 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,451 Listen to those steps. 253 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,702 Hey, you got to slow down, 254 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,956 or you're gonna bust a hip there, old man. 255 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,799 Better all be there or... 256 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,886 RADICAL LEFT: The simplest murder ever committed. 257 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,343 Almost too easy. 258 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:51,315 Professor Plum in the ballroom with the candlestick! 259 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,274 Oh, you got lucky! 260 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:54,564 Best out of five. 261 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,403 Set up the board again. 262 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,567 [ Elevator bell dings ] 263 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,065 Okay, we are on. 264 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,486 Let's move, people! 265 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,109 DR. VENTURE: [ Clears throat ] 266 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,578 [ Breathy voice ] Oh, Mr. Venture. 267 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,664 So nice to meet you. 268 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,580 I lean in for the kiss but don't because? 269 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:13,204 Vial of hydrofluoric acid between teeth and gums. 270 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,797 Death occurs within 18 hours. Keep moving! 271 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,339 Right. So, I don't take her hand because of a concealed blade? 272 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,008 Or a false fingernail filled with batrachotoxin. 273 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:26,805 Right. Then I immediately offer her a dip in the hot tub. 274 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,893 Care for a dip in my hot tub? 275 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,935 No way to conceal weapons, water dilutes poison. 276 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,729 Plus, I get to see the goods as a bonus. 277 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,650 Oh, Mr. Venture. It's so chilly out. 278 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,068 Let's just sit down and chat. 279 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,571 Okay. Now I lead her to the couch. 280 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,118 Okay, I come in here and go, "Gee, Pop, 281 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,411 can you sign this last will and testament? 282 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,079 I've been asking for ages." 283 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,419 And I say something like, 284 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,505 "Oh, I'm so devil-may-care with my billions of dollars. 285 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:57,633 But don't worry, son. 286 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,336 I have a huge life-insurance policy, so you'll be fine. 287 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,929 Don't worry about the will." [ Chuckles ] 288 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,719 Ah, thank you. 289 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,388 You just ingested a lethal dose of tetrodotoxin 290 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:09,830 that I would've slipped into your drink. 291 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:10,890 Nice one, Dean. 292 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,389 All right, let's run it again, people! 293 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:17,438 [ Western-showdown music playing ] 294 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,549 We're really gonna go through with this? 295 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,671 It's the only way. 296 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,968 Drop 'em and measure! 297 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,393 Ah. Are we, uh, measuring from the top or... 298 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,605 From the base. 299 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,066 Let's try to keep a little dignity. 300 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,483 [ Muffled shouting ] 301 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,571 Oh, you're up. Goody. 302 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,908 We can start your history lesson. 303 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,276 Long before there were 304 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,246 loud-mouthed buff guys in spandex, 305 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,581 there was the Gentleman Villain. 306 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,167 His favorite sinister act was this... 307 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,333 tying someone to a train track. 308 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:22,003 It's simple, inexpensive, personal, and deadly. 309 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,923 But it gives you a little hope. 310 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,135 Maybe you'll escape. 311 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,051 [ Muffled ] God damn it! 312 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,050 Lesson's not over, sonny! 313 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,676 [ Sighs ] 314 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:37,477 Now, the Gentleman Villain had these old-school time bombs... 315 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,396 three sticks of dynamite wired to an alarm clock. 316 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:45,068 And what was so poetic about that is that they ticked. 317 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,363 You could hear them. Tick, tick, tick. 318 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,780 Nowadays, they're just digital. 319 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,325 - No sound, no peril. - [ Creaking ] 320 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,619 Oh? Oh, ho, ho! 321 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:55,912 Do you hear that? 322 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,001 - [ Train approaching ] - There's the ticking. 323 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,540 The train is coming. 324 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,208 Is it on this track? 325 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,128 Tick, tick, tick. 326 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,795 Maybe it's on the other track. 327 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,010 Tick, tick, tick! 328 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,925 - [ Muffled screaming ] - [ Laughs evilly] 329 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,423 [ Sighs ] 330 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,550 Not bad for an old man, huh? 331 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,473 I'm gonna get going and let you try to escape. 332 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,267 And if you do, tell the Peril Partnership 333 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,981 that the Guild isn't scared of punks. 334 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,476 If you don't? Eh... sorry. 335 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,972 - [ Muffled shouting ] - [ Grunts ] 336 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,113 [ Laughs evilly] 337 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,573 RECEPTIONIST: And what is the purpose of your visit? 338 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,412 DR. Z: Professional menace? 339 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,906 Nothing complicated. 340 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,204 I'll probably just chase him around, 341 00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,578 unless you have a biplane or a werewolf costume 342 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,046 - or something fun. - Mm-hmm. 343 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,882 And what is your relation to John? 344 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,592 Why must you keep calling him "John"? 345 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,884 He is Johnny, the pesky son of my archenemy. 346 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:54,099 And since he is dead, Johnny is all I have. 347 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,514 Oh, well, we love John, too. 348 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,683 Unfortunately, it's not visiting hours. 349 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,558 If you'd like to write him a note, we could give it to him. 350 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,354 Uh, all right. 351 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:09,824 "I... will... get... you... Johnny." 352 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,489 That is so sweet. [ Clicks tongue ] 353 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,533 Oh, and you came all this way. 354 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,872 Why don't you wait over there? 355 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,288 I'll talk to his counselors and see what they can do for you. 356 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,332 Oh, you're very kind. 357 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,375 I will spare your life! 358 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,840 [ Dramatic theme music playing ] 359 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:30,928 Oh, Lady Violet, you are a delicious bitch, 360 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,921 - and you have my heart. - Indeed. 361 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,767 I confess I have fantasized about double-teaming her. 362 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:40,103 As if we have any other option besides double-teaming her. 363 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,019 One more episode before we open the envelope? 364 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,017 I think it prudent. 365 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,691 No way Matthew is really dead. 366 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,814 [ Device beeping ] 367 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,718 DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: According to Guild Colossurveillance, 368 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,278 she should be around here somewhere. 369 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,198 Dude, that's where the Ventures live! 370 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,945 Your husband is gonna die. 371 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,164 Please, Gary, don't tell him. I don't want to deal. 372 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,908 He's going through so much right now. 373 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,659 Oh, my God, right? Seriously. 374 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,129 Everything I knew about myself has changed in, like, a year. 375 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,374 You know, screw it. I need to embrace change. 376 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,966 You want to cut off my ponytail? 377 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,175 Not this. The real one. 378 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,967 Really? I so will. I hate that thing. 379 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,826 - You look like... Steven Seagal. - Brad Pitt! 380 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,887 Tell me about... Or no. Or that. 381 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,872 - Not as much, though. - Oh, my God, that's her. 382 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,012 That's... That's Novia. 383 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,479 Shit, she looks great. 384 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,099 Um, let's not do this. 385 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,191 Follow me. 386 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,770 Excuse me! 387 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,023 Ma'am, were you Novia? 388 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,239 Tim-Tom? 389 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,699 Tim-Tom Moppet? 390 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,784 You're... big now? 391 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,495 I didn't know that could happen. 392 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,223 - Does that happen to... - I didn't grow. 393 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,707 I'm not a Moppet, biologically. I'm a henchman. 394 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,077 Or a sidekick now, but, you know, not with Lady Au Pair. 395 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,749 - With her husband... - Sheila? 396 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:47,962 Ta-da! 397 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,422 So, Novia... 398 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,550 Terri, I mean. 399 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,417 Wow! So [Chuckles] 400 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,294 Wow. Uh, forget it. 401 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,671 Forget it. This is too weird. 402 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,093 My... God. Sheila. 403 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,343 Uh... hi! 404 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,686 All right, I know this looks stupid, because it is. 405 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,416 It's, like, the dumbest thing in the world, 406 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,181 but I'm supposed to arch you tonight. 407 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,104 But now I can't because you look great 408 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,478 and I am dressed like a stupid nanny. 409 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,853 - No, no, no. You look beautiful. - My husband is dealing 410 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,648 with all this crap I gave him tonight. 411 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,116 - I just sprung it on him. - No! 412 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,328 And I was just thinking about myself, and now... 413 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,289 I'm supposed to be arching you, and you look really good, 414 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,658 and you've made so many better life decisions... 415 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,831 DR. Z: So, I talked to my wife, 416 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,580 and, uh, she was fine with you moving in. 417 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,876 So was Ro-Boy. 418 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,294 [ Sighs ] Thanks, man. 419 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,418 [ Clears throat ] You're all right. 420 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,670 I love you, Johnny. 421 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:40,516 - Yeah, no, uh, that's cool. - In the platonic sense, I mean. 422 00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:41,884 Not literally. 423 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,387 Not even platonically, really, since Plato was all about 424 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,059 showing naked young boys a good time. 425 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,274 You know, classical Greece. I... 426 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,984 It was totally cool back... 427 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:56,699 Hey, maybe we shouldn't... mm, rush into this kind of stuff. 428 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,237 Maybe you just... I don't know... 429 00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:01,362 maybe loan me a couple bucks instead? 430 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,490 Yes. Uh, perhaps that would be better. 431 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,996 Mm, oh. 432 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:10,917 Oh! Thanks for the mask thing, man. I mean... 433 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,539 Oh, no! Look! 434 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,837 - Anubis! Aah! - Oh! 435 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:18,337 Oh, you can run, Johnny, but you will never get away! 436 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,885 [ Laughs ] Right? Yeah. We, uh... 437 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,017 [ Both laugh ] 438 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,059 We did that. 439 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,225 Yeah. 440 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,891 - Good times. - [ Sighs ] 441 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,390 Oh, you want me to go run and hide or something? 442 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,857 Oh, oh! Please do. 443 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,772 Just one more time. 444 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,189 DRAGOON: Mm! 445 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,029 Oh, just do it already! 446 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,398 We've lived long enough. 447 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,025 Yes. This is how we should go. 448 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,902 Go ahead. I'm ready. 449 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,451 "Red Mantle and Dragoon. 450 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,699 We regretfully inform you 451 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:51,169 that all of your archenemies are deceased." 452 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,129 [ Gasps ] We won! 453 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,170 We outlived all of those good-guy pieces of crap. 454 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,713 They couldn't best us! 455 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,507 Boy, that guy from "Home Improvement" 456 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,631 really dodged a bullet tonight, eh? 457 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,009 I'm telling you, we so would've kicked AI's fat ass. 458 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,261 DR. VENTURE: I still can't believe you agreed 459 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,183 to come in the middle of the night. 460 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,851 [ Chuckles ] Wait. 461 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,020 Is this a booty call? 462 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,939 This is a booty call, isn't it? 463 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,028 Uh, slow down. 464 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,772 Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. 465 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,740 You are the most honest man I've ever met. 466 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,326 - You're completely fearless. - Do you like it? 467 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:24,786 I have no idea what I'm doing. 468 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,952 I'm so hopped up on this atropine, theophylline, 469 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,666 and antivenom that Brock gave me. 470 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:30,794 - Whoo! - Uh-huh. 471 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,498 And is Brock the man behind those bushes 472 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,962 with a rifle trained on me? 473 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,208 Hi, Brock! [ Chuckles ] Yeah, he's my bodyguard. 474 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,175 And this is my body. 475 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,511 Well, it's a very nice body. 476 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,596 Hey, I want to ask you something 477 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,932 before all these pills I took make me pass out. 478 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,098 - Do I have a chance here? - [ Chuckles ] 479 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:52,189 I don't know what people told you about me, 480 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,898 but I doubt it's true. 481 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:58,361 Well, I heard that you have 482 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,606 [Slurred] a lot of skeletons in your closet. 483 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,733 Yeah, well, okay, that one might be true. 484 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,075 Tonight proved that. 485 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,786 - Lots of s-skeletons... - I ran into a... 486 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:10,624 well, an old friend, right out in fro... 487 00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:14,078 I didn't do that! 488 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,079 #21: It really wasn't so bad. 489 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,673 I mean, you didn't vomit till she was gone, 490 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,401 and she couldn't see you do it, at least. 491 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,752 Gary, I cried. 492 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,425 Then my archnemesis hugged me. Hugged me. 493 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,550 Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor, my husband is home alone, 494 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,052 wondering if our partnership is completely over. 495 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,644 A-And it just might be. 496 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,263 Well, when you put it that way. 497 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,142 - You done back there? - Yep, and here it is... 498 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,860 your past, that smells like L.A. looks. 499 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,105 I never got over the wet look. Guilty. 500 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,947 Oh, I've got something else for you. 501 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,943 - What's this? - I lifted her wallet. 502 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,616 Little Miss Fancy got herself arched. 503 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,661 #21: You are a baller! 504 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,410 DR. MRS. THE MONARCH: With perspicacious design 505 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,775 and calamitous intent, 506 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:25,650 do you hereby resign your individual animus 507 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,949 and accept the collective odium of the Guild Council? 508 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:32,948 I do, and I look forward to hating with all of you. 509 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,995 Yeah, sure, man. We're ready! 510 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,993 Oh, dear, yes. Very much so. 511 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,416 With no reservations, I accept. 512 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,505 I regretfully decline. 513 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,842 I still got a lot of unresolved grudges. 514 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,585 And let's face it. All this? 515 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:46,928 This ain't me. 516 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,264 Of course. The Council understands your position. 517 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:52,259 Would you consider something like a diplomatic appointment? 518 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,727 I ain't going nowhere, Madam Councilwoman. 519 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,812 - We'll talk. - Councilman Limb? 520 00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:59,775 It is my honor to become a full member 521 00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:02,189 of this most worthy Council. 522 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,028 I would like to add that, last night, 523 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,193 I was mighty in my victory. 524 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,033 Like an inch mightier. Seriously. 525 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,993 This Council has my loyalty, 526 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,285 and I swear I shall defend its honor with my life. 527 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,750 And what say you, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch? 528 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,665 Uh, I... 529 00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:20,913 I-I [Sighs] 530 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,164 Uh, I... 531 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,712 PHANTOM LIMB: Madam Councilman? 532 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,174 Gross. 533 00:22:29,224 --> 00:22:33,774 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39842

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