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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,251
MONARCH:
I always wondered what was up
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00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,915
with this creepy building.
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00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:09,667
Welcome to The Guild
of Calamitous Intent.
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00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,133
Ta-da!
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,674
Please step on the grating
and put these on.
7
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,137
Have you eaten breakfast?
8
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,381
- No.
- Not yet.
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00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,385
- Good.
- [ Indistinct shouting ]
10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,512
[ Thud ]
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00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:27,559
Here she is...
Guild Strategic Operations.
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00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,651
Research and development,
agent training,
13
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:33,069
covert undertakings,
scams, shams, and "oh, damns"...
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00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,066
This is where it all goes down.
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00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,411
WATCH: Every one of these doors
leads into the future
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00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,996
of organized evil.
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00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,080
Shut the fuckin' door!
18
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,997
E-Except for that door.
That's the men's room.
19
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,335
THE SPLOTCH:
Ladies' room!
20
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,546
[ Dramatic music plays ]
21
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,380
[ Women moaning ]
22
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,094
- I-It's not what it looks like!
- Dude!
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00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,554
You have the wrong door again.
24
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,470
- Right door.
- This is the B.T.C.
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00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:02,685
Blackmail Training Center.
These women are Guild agents.
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00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,897
WATCH: And that man has the job
I apply for every year.
27
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,890
And denied.
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00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,312
The S.A.C...
the Surgical Alteration Center.
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00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,404
Here, after multiple
surgical processes,
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00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,320
we alter our agents
to take the place
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00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,534
of the world's
most powerful people.
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MONARCH:
Dave Grohl?
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00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,827
You made a guy into Dave Grohl?
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00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,871
Nobody refuses Dave Grohl.
35
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,120
He got a Beatle
to be in his band.
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00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:31,214
And King Diamond!
You try that, smartass.
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00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:35,631
The Guild H.T.C...
Hypnosis Training Center.
38
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,220
Here we train agents in the use
of our own method
39
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,464
of speed induction.
40
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[ Scoffs ]
Hypnosis doesn't really work.
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00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,138
Oh, yeah.
It's a complete myth.
42
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Sleep!
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00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,269
[ Animals growling ]
44
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,267
- No way. Screw this!
- Relax!
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This is the H.T.C...
the Hologram Training Center.
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Observe.
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00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,903
These are harmless
projected imag...
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00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,822
- Okay. No. This is real.
- [ Cat hisses ]
49
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,161
Wait. No.
This is the V.A.T.C.
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00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,155
The Vicious Animal
Training Center.
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00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,532
[ Animals growling ]
52
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,954
Who's a good ocelot?
53
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:11,796
Let's just leave really slowly.
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00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:12,923
[ Door closes ]
55
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,041
WATCH: See? We really need to
label these doors.
56
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,507
This the Guild
Interrogation Hub.
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00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,633
What, it's not the G.I.H.?
58
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,382
No.
Why would it be that?
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00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,634
So, anything interest you?
60
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,727
We were looking more
for fieldwork...
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00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,642
you know,
something to help us level up.
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00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,694
The best thing for that
is to be a good "earner."
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00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:35,445
You bring in looted technology,
intel, severed heads, cash.
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00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,484
Oh, there's the Big Villain
program.
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00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,152
Tutor a Guild newbie for a day,
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00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,571
get massive brownie points
at your review board.
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00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,286
I don't know. Maybe?
I... Who do I got to tutor?
68
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:48,533
Uh, the only one available today
is St. Cloud.
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00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,785
Level one.
70
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,084
Arching Billy Quizboy
and the Pink Pilgrim.
71
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,298
Dude!
They work for Venture!
72
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,462
It's big-headed Billy
and that albino guy.
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00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:58,960
We got to do this.
74
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,429
Sweet!
We are so in.
75
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,219
- Ooh. Sorry.
- Please do not touch anything.
76
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,718
Hey, that's my wife.
Hi, sweetness!
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00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,890
That's secret Guild business,
Mr. Monarch.
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00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,935
Let's get you
to your Little Villain.
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00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,518
We can make this
nice and comfortable for you.
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00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,965
You just confess to being a
member of the Peril Partnership,
81
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,697
and you're a double agent
for the Guild by lunchtime.
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00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,488
I'm buying.
Turkey subs?
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00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,360
And if I don't?
84
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,579
Well, that's treason.
85
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,289
The punishment for that
is a classic.
86
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:29,624
It's called the tub.
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00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,208
It's filled with milk.
You lay in it.
88
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,980
if you're hungry,
we pour honey on your face.
89
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,371
That sounds kind of nice,
actually.
90
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,749
At first...
you know, till the milk spoils.
91
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,841
Soon the tub fills
with your excrement,
92
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,428
then the flies
and their maggots.
93
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,888
At first it itches a bit.
94
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,597
Then it starts to burn.
95
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,093
Your skin peels away
with every scratch
96
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,470
you can't stop yourself
from making.
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00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,769
The blood mixes with
the foul milk and excrement,
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00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,857
seeping into your open wounds.
99
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,353
The smell of your own death
causes you to vomit
100
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,855
into your already-toxic coffin.
101
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,107
Then the rats.
102
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,983
Oh, right.
103
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,202
Yeah.
The Peril Partnership.
104
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,663
Is that what you're... Yes.
Let's talk about them.
105
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,578
21:
[ Gasps ] He owns the X-2?
106
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,707
How the hell is this guy
only a Level One antagonist?
107
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,925
Right? The X-2?
108
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,089
I haven't been aboard this thing
in years.
109
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,383
It's like visiting
the house you grew up in...
110
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,677
if you, like,
buried a dead guy behind it.
111
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,971
Ugh.
So eerily familiar.
112
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,423
21:
You know what looks familiar?
113
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,310
That. That's Blue Thunder.
Roy Scheider flew that!
114
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,276
Dude, remember how ripped he was
in "Marathon Man"?
115
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,735
He was like Bruce Lee.
116
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,071
Friggin' Roy Scheider,
"Jaws" dad.
117
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:43,656
Secret six-pack.
Who knew?
118
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,026
Ahoy, gentlemen.
119
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,902
Welcome aboard the X-2,
120
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,371
as seen on
"The Rusty Venture Show."
121
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,365
Ah.
Uh, hello, there, uh, son.
122
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,335
Uh, do you know
where Mr. St. Cloud is?
123
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,044
Oh, goody!
124
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,505
I'm being hazed
by my Big Villain.
125
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,876
I wore my rubber panties
just in case you tickle me.
126
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,298
I always make wee-wee
with tickles.
127
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,509
Are you fucking kidding me?
That's St. Cloud?
128
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,011
[ Horns honking, door opens ]
129
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,762
DR. VENTURE:
I brought crullers!
130
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,231
And one apple fritter
that's mine.
131
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,271
And two of the crullers are mine
as well.
132
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,109
- Where are you guys?
- Freeze!
133
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,321
All right.
Prove that you're the real Doc.
134
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,610
This is totally a laser gun.
135
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,701
No.
And what is that, a caulk gun?
136
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,037
Show him what we got in the mail
this morning.
137
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,907
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
138
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,705
"Welcome to your demise,"
yada, yada, yada...
139
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,580
Mm-hmm.
[ Mumbles indistinctly]
140
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,001
Yeah. You guys, this is
a boilerplate Guild threat.
141
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,125
- Please.
- I tried to tell him that.
142
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,253
Liar! You were as freaked
as I am, White!
143
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,755
Billy, it's a scroll.
Hello?
144
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,368
It's like being scared
of a book report
145
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,849
on the Declaration
of Independence.
146
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,390
Did you not read the part
that mentioned disemboweling?
147
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,979
It personally threatens
my intestines!
148
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,268
[ Sighs ]
149
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,857
Come in, Brock.
150
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,898
We have a Level One
Guild arching threat.
151
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,049
BROCK: So? What do you want,
an aspirin or something?
152
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,735
See?
It's nothing.
153
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,985
Where do you keep the caulk?
I got to load this bad boy.
154
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,492
Just keep an eye on basic
Peril Partnership operations.
155
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,081
You're more like a concerned
friend than a spy.
156
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,998
And you'll help me
with my problem?
157
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,123
Sign it, and I'll do everything
I can...
158
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,966
So you don't want to talk,
huh, punky pal?
159
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,380
Does a cat have your tongue?
160
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,596
Well, I am just the dog to get
that cat off of your tongue!
161
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,683
Where is the disrupter ray,
Mr. Think You're Tough Guy?
162
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,096
What are you talking about?
163
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,560
He's agreed to work with us
164
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,304
if we help him get
his girlfriend back.
165
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,681
Help get his girlfriend back?
166
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,853
Is this interrogation room 8C?
167
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,942
This is room 8B.
168
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,481
My mistake.
169
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:46,614
You have no need
170
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,357
of my super-intimidating
bad-cop routine.
171
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:52,405
What you need... is a makeover!
172
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,699
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
173
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,957
[ Music continues ]
174
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,810
[ Laughs ]
175
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,935
Then we all get milkshakes!
176
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,288
- We're not going.
- I don't want to do that.
177
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,406
21:
Look at all this stuff!
178
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,151
That's the 1973 "Sigmund
and the Sea Monster" suit.
179
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,654
Where did he get this?
180
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,161
I like his albino.
Quiet.
181
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,624
You should take notes
on this guy.
182
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,587
Ta-da!
My snazzy villain ensemble.
183
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,297
- Uh, I don't get it.
- No. No. He's a lightning cloud.
184
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,257
You know... St. Cloud?
Cloud hat?
185
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:52,174
Should it be tighter,
mm, sexier?
186
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,921
Oh, God, no!
It's already...
187
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,891
Okay. No... It's a start.
So, what's your weaponry, huh?
188
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,510
Can you lay down,
like, a blinding smoke cloud,
189
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,888
or does lightning
come from your hat?
190
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,889
These are made of foam core.
191
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,687
Do you have any superpowers?
192
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,312
Like, you know, were you bit by
a radioactive bug or anything?
193
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,191
Mm, well, I do have lupus,
fibromyalgia,
194
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,988
and restless leg syndrome.
195
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,362
Well, maybe we can work
with the restless leg?
196
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,988
- Stop!
- Super restless leg.
197
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,410
- That's dumb.
- All right. Fine.
198
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,158
So you have
no special abilities?
199
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,080
- I have money.
- Perfect!
200
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,750
We'll get a top-of-the-line
lightning rifle, and, uh...
201
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,089
Cloud bombs
loaded with nerve gas.
202
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,174
Level One, dude.
Level One.
203
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,795
Cloud bombs with laughing gas.
204
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,888
DR. VENTURE:
Billy!
205
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,054
Let's go in there.
206
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,268
Come on! You can't hide
in the can all day.
207
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,809
I got a belly full of crullers
and a delicate colon.
208
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,976
Let's go!
209
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,475
There are like 10 bathrooms
in this...
210
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,817
- Ow.
- [ Laughs ]
211
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,402
- You're dead.
- What the hell?
212
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,613
- I thought we were in time-out!
- I told you this...
213
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,903
Never be standing
behind the door you open.
214
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,573
It could've been a killbot with
my voice programmed into it.
215
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,070
I actually made one of those.
216
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,572
His name was Guardo,
and he could've just killed you.
217
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,200
Behind every door is a threat.
Every sound is a warning.
218
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,827
Every shadow is a villain.
Every step is a...
219
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,579
- [ Silenced gunshot ]
- Aah.
220
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,674
- How in the hell did you...
- Billy looked at you.
221
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,463
I'm armed,
but my back is still turned.
222
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,133
You're only wounded.
Come at me, hand to hand.
223
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,927
Keep low. Break my balance.
If you have an edge weapon...
224
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,675
He just ran away, didn't he?
225
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,302
Oh, yeah.
I'm pretty sure he was crying.
226
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,431
THE MONARCH:
More smoke!
227
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,020
Now throw your catchphrase!
228
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,443
ST. CLOUD:
Look out, do-gooders.
229
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,982
Use the P.A.!
230
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,901
You're supposed to be big
and scary!
231
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,033
Reset!
232
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,367
[ Echoing ]
I hope you brought rubbers,
233
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,578
because a storm is coming.
234
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,072
That's nasty...
and not even a little scary.
235
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,746
- Rubbers?
- ST. CLOUD: Uh, rain booties.
236
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:48,085
Don't improvise!
Reset!
237
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,251
ST. CLOUD:
Hey, what flavor is this fog?
238
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,669
- It's making me hungry.
- MONARCH: Pineapple!
239
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:57,341
Now come out of the smoke
and give your evil laugh.
240
00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,135
Over here!
You're facing the wrong way!
241
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,132
The fog is disorienting.
242
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,475
MONARCH:
Evil laugh!
243
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,017
I will get you.
[ Chuckles weakly, sighs ]
244
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,765
What the hell was that?
Are you having an asthma attack?
245
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,358
That was my evil laugh.
246
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,522
Oh, disgusting.
247
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,067
I mean, it's scary,
but in, like, that gross way.
248
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:18,862
You need a real, from-the-gut,
bone crusher of a laugh.
249
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,734
Reset!
Real evil laugh!
250
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,611
Do not embarrass me
in front of Venture!
251
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,455
Mwuah-ha-ha-ha-ha...
Mm.
252
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,291
Ew! Will you stop putting
that weird groan at the end?
253
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,457
Here. Listen to a pro.
Show him an evil laugh.
254
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,797
[ Chuckles ]
Gladly.
255
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,587
[ Bones cracking ]
256
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,005
[ Laughs evilly]
257
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,094
Reset!
258
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,177
[ Siren wailing ]
259
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,474
[ Bell chimes ]
260
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,684
Don't put on the kettle.
I'm not staying.
261
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,435
Just got to pick my clubs.
262
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:55,857
What the hell
are you doing here?
263
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,901
Shh.
Brock is training us to fight.
264
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,991
So I'm doing what I do best,
which is to secretly cower.
265
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,577
Oh.
Hey, that reminds me.
266
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,072
- Damn it!
- Ha!
267
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,494
I said trust nobody!
268
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,709
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
269
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,669
Ugh.
I want this car so bad.
270
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:13,958
I know you do.
271
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,457
So, ready to pull
your first P.E.N.I.S.?
272
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,380
That sounds unappetizing.
273
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,252
Oh, no.
P.E.N.I.S. is just an acronym.
274
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,631
For Preliminary Effective
New Information Schooling.
275
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,133
It's like recon,
but, uh, you bust shit up.
276
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,932
Then why not call it recon
instead of P.E.N.I.S.?
277
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,555
- [ Snorts ] Instead of what?
- Instead of P.E.N.I.S.
278
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,023
- [ Chuckling ]
- Of what?
279
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,234
- Of P.E.N.I.S.
- I can't hear you back there.
280
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,148
ST. CLOUD:
P.E.N.I.S. I said P.E.N.I.S.
281
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,397
P.E.N.I.S.!
282
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,899
WARD:
[ Humming ]
283
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,493
Yeah. the O.S.I. never changes
their passwords.
284
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,615
And boom, here she is...
Agent Kimberly McManus.
285
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,161
Ooh-la-luscious!
286
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,250
Way to go, S-464.
287
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,335
Ladies do love exposed brains.
288
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,376
How do you know
what she looks like?
289
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,749
That's melt-in-your-mouth code
we're looking at.
290
00:11:58,885 --> 00:11:59,966
She's working daycare...
291
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,882
Level One arches, surveillance,
intervention.
292
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,597
Do we have any Level One arches
scheduled today?
293
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,138
One... Augustus St. Cloud.
294
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:11,012
He just put in a requisition
for a Level One lightning rifle
295
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,558
and laughing gas grenades.
296
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,272
And he paid in cash.
297
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,608
- Dolla dolla bills, my brotha.
- All right.
298
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,229
Uh, upgrade the lightning rifle
to Level Six and send it out.
299
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,858
Mm. Six-level lightning.
That should get her attention.
300
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,326
She'll have to intervene
on a treaty violation.
301
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,821
So will we.
And you will get your lady back.
302
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,573
Isn't that, like, dangerous?
303
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,665
We're The Guild
of Calamitous Intent.
304
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:36,128
We're the bad guys.
Own it, gentlemen.
305
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,966
- [ Glass shatters ]
- ST. CLOUD: Enh...
306
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,177
Ow.
[ Sighs ]
307
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,299
[ Clears throat ]
308
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,641
I am Augustus St. Cloud,
archnemesis of the Quizboy.
309
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,557
I'm here to bust things up
and chew bubble gum,
310
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,306
and I find bubble gum
unpleasant.
311
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,558
[ Scottish accent ]
Oh, laddy boy.
312
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,936
You chose the wrong place
to talk tough.
313
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,404
- [ Whimpers ]
- Rose? Rose, dear?
314
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,319
There's a wee little pest
in here!
315
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,316
You're stronger
than anticipated.
316
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,444
Oh, they're just water bugs,
Horace.
317
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,741
Honestly!
Oh, hello there.
318
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,081
He says he's here
to bust things up.
319
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,997
Apparently he's
your son's nemesis.
320
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,870
You want to hurt my Billy?
321
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,338
Horace, put him down.
322
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,798
Mama bear wants a piece
of that action.
323
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,885
Oh, you're in for quite
the pummeling there, sonny.
324
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,800
I'll let you take
the first swing,
325
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,422
and if you don't put me down,
326
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,720
I'll beat the living shit
out of you
327
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,718
till my arthritis kicks in.
328
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,642
And I just took my Humira.
329
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,935
[ Helicopter whirring ]
330
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:44,522
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
331
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,242
Ugh.
Who the hell is this now?
332
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:53,989
Didn't you say I'm clear
for a while?
333
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,661
This isn't for you.
It's for them.
334
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,831
I'm sorry! I had to put
this place down as our sanctum.
335
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,795
My place is filled
with helpless old people.
336
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:01,923
What does it say?
337
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,126
[ Sighs ]
"I will get you.
338
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,298
Mruu-haha."
339
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,796
Who's Mruu-haha?
340
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,048
[ Sighs ]
It's an evil laugh, Billy.
341
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,971
Wait a minute.
That's exactly how The Monarch
342
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:16,186
spells his evil laugh...
with the stupid M-R and two U's.
343
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,850
You think that's a coincidence?
344
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,974
I think it just got personal.
345
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,898
Boys, get your coats on.
We're stepping up our game.
346
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,443
[ Dramatic music plays ]
347
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:31,448
Pei put makeup on me.
How does it look?
348
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,571
Less like an old woman
beat your face,
349
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,744
but more like if Michael Kors
worked at the Wonka factory.
350
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,118
Mm. Goody.
So, what's in the case?
351
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,837
That, my Little Villain,
is your new lightning rifle.
352
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,048
21, why don't you tell him
what six figures gets you
353
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:46,633
at the Guild company store?
354
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,094
Rubberized titanium stock
and hand guard,
355
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,508
air-assisted charging handle,
356
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,348
activation bolt,
energy magazine release.
357
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,593
Gives you 10 Level One-rated
blasts,
358
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,344
regulated here
at the ejection port.
359
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,938
Balance at the handle, which
doubles as a rear sight drum.
360
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,058
And that's all the cookies
I need to sell
361
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:03,900
to get my merit badge.
362
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,145
- Here. Give her a go.
- [ Groans ]
363
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,897
Owie.
I landed on my bum-bum.
364
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,033
Ugh.
365
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,071
Help him up and get him changed
for his arching.
366
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,490
Damn it.
It was so cool until then.
367
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,829
[ Lighter clicks ]
368
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,493
QUIZBOY:
Four months?!
369
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,584
We need these costumes tonight,
like in a couple hours!
370
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,247
Oh, you no just-a steal suits
371
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,214
like-a this beautiful rogue
here?
372
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,298
Ah! Enzo no stay mad.
373
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,043
Rusty good man... mostly.
374
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,716
Enzo.
Enzo?
375
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,807
You don't have any old rentals
for special friends?
376
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,927
You play-a Enzo's heartstrings!
Okay!
377
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,224
For the pink man, yes,
but for him?
378
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,892
He's like a bambino!
379
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:45,688
Oh, but his head is like
big strong man,
380
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,732
like a man
maybe six meters tall.
381
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,230
Molto grande!
382
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,697
I'll pay double rental.
383
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:54,489
I want these guys invincible for
their first New York arching.
384
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,954
Oh! First-a time?
So exciting.
385
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,243
I set you up.
386
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,082
But Enzo no hear that!
387
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,623
Enzo, he know nothing.
388
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,620
[ Horns honking ]
389
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,123
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
390
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,876
Hey, move that thing
out of here, buddy!
391
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,550
Not gonna happen, pal.
The engine died.
392
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,344
Will you take West 56th already?
393
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,843
Agent McManus in position.
394
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,223
MONARCH: Level One arches
are so cush these days.
395
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,770
They never blocked traffic
for us when we were coming up.
396
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,702
- [ Hissing in distance ]
- I smell pineapple.
397
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,901
It is showtime.
398
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,113
[ Crowd murmuring, shouting ]
399
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,240
Should we go watch now?
400
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,860
Mm. Yeah.
After I finish this latte.
401
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,282
It was $9.
402
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,703
Nine.
For a latte.
403
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,710
Ugh.
Come on!
404
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,204
You got to get out there!
405
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,174
QUIZBOY:
No way! I'm not wearing this!
406
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,418
Billy, from 1962 till puberty,
407
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,840
Delta Boy of Venus kicked ass
in that suit.
408
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,304
It's nigh impenetrable.
409
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,970
Now get out there
and kick some ass!
410
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,967
It can't be any worse
than White's.
411
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,103
Seriously.
412
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,183
I really thought a guy
called Killer Drone
413
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,977
would've had a cooler costume.
414
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,974
[ Clanking ]
415
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,194
Wow.
You look like a real superhero.
416
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,188
You look like a can
of Diet Pepsi.
417
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,816
At least I don't look like the
girl from the Blind Melon video.
418
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,443
Well, her stinger
didn't shoot darts,
419
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,570
and her wings
didn't actually work.
420
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,913
Huh? Huh?
421
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,532
Yeah. Okay.
These don't either.
422
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:28,379
ST. CLOUD: Billy Quizboy,
A storm is coming for you.
423
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,418
Put on your rubbers.
Mm.
424
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,382
21:
Oh. So close.
425
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,752
My God!
Don't improvise!
426
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,129
ST. CLOUD:
Hear my thunder.
427
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,927
Fear my lightning.
428
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,845
[ Thunder crashes ]
429
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,640
[ Dramatic music plays ]
430
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,026
W-What do we do? I don't have
any weapons or anything.
431
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,234
Don't worry!
432
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,945
White shoots darts
from his butt.
433
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:58,283
Your job is to give
a heroic speech.
434
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,744
Now get out there
and do me proud.
435
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,162
It's Level One, Billy.
It's a show.
436
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,125
He stuns you, you stun him,
he vows revenge,
437
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:09,370
and then you tell him that good
always triumphs over evil.
438
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,121
- Does it?
- Of course not.
439
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,214
Now get out there
and get this crap over with.
440
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,878
You're blocking traffic.
441
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,924
21: Oh, and he's taken out
like it's trash day.
442
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,466
Swing and a miss!
443
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,966
Way to go, Venture!
Love the costumes!
444
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,935
They look nothing like you
rescued them from Lidsville!
445
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:28,601
Oh! He's coming out!
And he's facing the right way!
446
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,975
Oh, you brought your albino?
447
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,352
Coward.
I left mine at home.
448
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,023
I'm not his albino.
449
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,988
People don't own albinos!
450
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,982
Eat my darts, St. Cloud!
451
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,404
[ Grunts ]
452
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,074
Ugh.
So undignified.
453
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,992
Were we this bad
when we started?
454
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,291
Agent McManus, O.S.I.
I'm shutting this down.
455
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,878
I have suspicions that your man
has an unregistered rifle.
456
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,965
Kimberly.
It's me... S-464.
457
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,005
Oh, fantastic.
You're on daycare duty, too?
458
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,628
Perfect.
Just great.
459
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,175
And in the darkest night,
460
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,924
even when you can't find
a flashlight that isn't, like,
461
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:08,725
out of batteries or something,
good always prevails over evil.
462
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,848
Take this, Quizboy.
463
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,565
[ Chuckles weakly]
464
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,650
[ Grunts ]
Oh. Oh.
465
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:18,739
Evil laugh fail
and he's just gassed himself.
466
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,483
- Ah. Geez.
- ST. CLOUD: [ Coughing ]
467
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,656
What...
What's my wife doing here?
468
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,780
[ Coughing, laughter ]
469
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,620
QUIZBOY:
[ Laughing ] W-What the hell?
470
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,869
Is this laughing gas?
You... You moron!
471
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,191
- WHITE: [ Laughing ] St. Cloud!
- ST. CLOUD: [ Giggling ]
472
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:37,333
[ Laughing ] You asshole!
It's go time!
473
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,085
Oh, I'm so woozy.
White?
474
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,804
I'm gonna puke
in my Delta Boy suit.
475
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,675
[ Laughter continues,
thunder crashes ]
476
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,972
ST. CLOUD: [ Laughing ]
Who has my rifle?
477
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,347
The Peril Partnership are scum.
Honorless scum!
478
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,565
I said I was done with you,
and I meant it!
479
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,980
Oh, my God.
Will you give him a chance?
480
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,148
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
481
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,067
- Uh, excuse me?
- You heard me.
482
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,407
Uh, listen, you O.S.I. lackey.
483
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,822
I will wipe the floor
with your fat trucker ass.
484
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,321
I don't care if he loves you,
set all this up,
485
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,789
and is helping us spy on the
Peril Partnership all for you,
486
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:13,410
'cause I am going to kick
the shit out of you.
487
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,128
You're a double agent?
488
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,168
You did all this for me?
489
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,944
- Why didn't you just tell me?
- No, no, no!
490
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,254
Screw this happy-ending crap!
491
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,877
This bitch is gonna get
a beatdown.
492
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,755
Uh... Councilwoman Smith!
[ Chuckles ]
493
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,722
I'm so glad
you answered my call.
494
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,309
My Little Villain had a mishap
with his rifle.
495
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,553
Why don't you two take off?
496
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,429
There's gonna be
tons of paperwork,
497
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,648
and, uh, there's no reason
to ruin all our nights.
498
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:35,856
We will handle this.
499
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,880
You would've lost your seat on
the council if you'd fought her.
500
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:41,317
[ Sighs ]
Thanks. You saved my life.
501
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:44,738
No, I saved your job.
I just saved that woman's life.
502
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:48,078
You would've kicked her ass!
503
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,492
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
504
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,982
QUIZBOY: So he shoots me
with his rifle, right?
505
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,588
And I thought, "I'm dead.
This is it."
506
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,612
Me too!
507
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,151
There were all these sparks
flying around him.
508
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,319
But the suit, the giant suit,
it absorbs the blast,
509
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,692
and there I am, still standing.
510
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,587
WHITE: And then I started
kicking him, right?
511
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,991
Like "Goodfellas" style,
just... just whalin' on him.
512
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,160
Beatin' on his rib cage
with his foot.
513
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,783
Go get your damn shine box,
St. Cloud!
514
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,332
White is just goin'
at his rib cage like it's...
515
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,383
- like there's money in it.
- Right? Oh, totally!
516
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:40,539
We housed him!
517
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,085
[ Speaking indistinctly]
518
00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:44,005
When, uh, when are you
gonna tell 'em
519
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,048
that they were hallucinating
on nitrous
520
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:50,845
and, uh, we found the three
of them asleep in a little pile?
521
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,092
Never.
522
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:56,855
P.E.N.I.S.
523
00:21:56,905 --> 00:22:01,455
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