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NARRATOR: Deep within the bleak
and dismal Gowanus canal,
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hidden beneath its murky waters,
lies the headquarters of
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00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,511
the most sinister crime collective
in New York --
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The Doom Factory.
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00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:16,141
Here, 10 of the most ruthlessly
self-involved villains on Earth
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00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:19,353
loosely align forces against
the powers of good.
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The cold-hearted
ice sculptress, Frigid.
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- The toxic tongue of Serpentine.
- [ICE SHATTERS]
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Oh, look everyone.
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Poor little rich girl
needs attention.
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NARRATOR:
Miniature muse Eenie-Meanie
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and Gerard the Gorilla.
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The watchful Black Maria,
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- and Trashenstein, the Exquisite Corpse.
- [GROWLS]
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- Ultra-violent and Billy Maim.
- [FABRIC RIPS]
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The feminine-yet-gigantic She-Hemoth
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and the bittersweet Hard Candy...
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All sycophantic clingers-on
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to the evil genius
of Wes Warhammer.
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Hey, so, um, uh, guys, um...
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We should get Dr. Venture.
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?
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[CLICKS TONGUE]
Um...
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- Is something supposed to happen here?
- Wait for it.
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[SIGHS HEAVILY]
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Brock, how long is this
little home movie of yours?
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- It ain't a movie, Doc.
- You're telling me.
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It's a threat.
It came this morning in this.
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So, you thought it was
a good idea to just
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open up a box marked "Doom!"
in my house.
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It's hypnotic.
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The simple beauty and repetitiveness
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really makes you think about
the paradoxical immutability
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- and plasticity of time.
- Ooh! Big college words.
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Do you want help tonight or not,
loverboy?
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- What's tonight?
- Hank's got a hot--
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Nothing!
Uh, Hank's got a... Hank-ering
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to, uh... redecorate
his room tonight.
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Good. You boys stay here
in the penthouse tonight.
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You, too, Doc. I'm locking her down.
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VENTURES:
What? Why?
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[TIRES SCREECH, LOUD CRASH]
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[EXPLOSION]
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?
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Because of that.
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DR. MRS. THE MONARCH:
They're walking into a death trap.
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00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,754
We have to call off
the Warhammer arch.
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00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:09,796
Why, exactly?
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00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,923
Because you think the world's
laziest super-scientist
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has suddenly become
a costumed crusader?
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Because I know he is.
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Watch the
surveillance video again.
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Venture and Samson run out,
and then 20 seconds later,
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the Blue Morpho
and his big sidekick show up?
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Preposterous. There'd be no time
for them to change.
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Wrong! I can do it in 18.6 seconds.
Here, time me.
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Uh, no, that won't be necessary,
Councilwoman.
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- No, really, watch.
- Councilwoman.
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What's become abundantly clear
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00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,784
is that your husband's unhealthy
obsession with Dr. Venture
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has started rubbing off on you.
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What are you saying?
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Maybe you should take a day,
Councilwoman.
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21:
Dude, you gotta get her out of there!
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I've been trapped in
the Morpho cave for two hours
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while she meets
with her Jedi Council.
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Will you calm down?
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I didn't know she'd just
commandeer the place.
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I was gonna make that
my new throne room.
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- Just get her outta there!
- MONARCH: I will.
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[GROWLS]
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Hey, sugar-pop,
whatcha doing in here?
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Nothing, apparently.
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00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,520
There's a rogue villain killer
on the loose,
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and instead of letting me
do my job,
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the Council -- in their infinite wisdom --
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thinks they can stop him with...
posters.
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00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,695
Great! Out of your hands then.
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You can take the day off.
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- Ooh!
- Get you all relaxed.
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- Mmm!
- Put you in a warm bath...
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Magic Monarch hands.
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- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
- Oh!
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[BOTH MOANING]
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Yeah. You are just a tiger today.
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00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,336
What brought this on?
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I just... miss you so much.
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- HANK: Ahh.
- [HORSE WHINNIES]
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Is there anything more romantic
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than a carriage ride through
Central Park?
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The wind in your hair.
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The smell of horse poop that's
in the wind that's in your hair.
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00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,183
Um, okay, so I've waited,
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00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,519
and since you're not gonna
say anything about it, clearly,
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uh, what is with your outfit?
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00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,648
You-- You don't like it?
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It's the--
Isn't it the Bad outfit?
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00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,569
No, this is the good one!
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Okay, we're here.
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- [BEEP]
- We're where?
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[LOWERED VOICE] Wing-men!
That's the signal.
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00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,076
Mr. White, you're up first.
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Seriously, Hank,
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00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,871
we're, like, five blocks
from my house right now.
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00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,748
We should just get outta here
before my dad sends
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00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:08,999
one of his goon squad
to find me.
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00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,834
All right, this is a holdup!
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Gimme your purse, lady!
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- [GASPS] Crime!
- Come on, come on.
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Stand back, Sirena.
I've got this.
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[BLOWS AIR]
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Shoo! Ooh! Shamon!
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- Ohh!
- Ah!
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Please don't hurt me!
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00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,013
Yeah, he'll think twice
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00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,765
before he throws down with
Hank Venture again.
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[EXHALES]
Yeah, impressive.
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00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,185
Can I get that knife for a second?
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Little souvenir of the day I saved
your life.
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00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,940
Say, do you hear those
way out bongo sounds?
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?
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00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,612
Hey, Hepcat, mind if I sit one in?
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00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,783
[SNORTS, LAUGHS]
Oh, my God, no.
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? Sirena ?
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? Swam in my life ?
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00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,914
? Sirena ?
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00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,499
? I saved you from a knife ?
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00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:53,126
? Sirena-- ?
Ah, crap.
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00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,377
She's not buying it.
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00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,629
I'm losin' her, Deano.
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00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:56,963
We're gonna have to scrap
the lost baby gag
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- and step to phase two.
- BILLY: Ugh! Thank you!
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00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,510
I feel like an idiot.
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00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,261
I already secured the reservation.
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00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,555
Brown Widow works
at a brasserie downtown
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00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,973
that is tr�s Hank.
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00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,435
We'll rendezvous there.
Now go to her, my brother.
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00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,771
Whoa! What are you doin'?
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Granted, the song wasn't
my best, but--
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My dad had me chipped
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like I'm a friggin' poodle
or some shit,
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because he's gotta know where I am
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00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,071
all the friggin' time,
I swear to God.
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00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,157
So I just, uh, I dig 'em out
when I'm having fun.
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00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,826
That is some
whacked out parenting.
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00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,537
Wait. You're having... fun?
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00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,331
BROCK: All right, it's time
to wrap it up down there, Doc.
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00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:32,541
It's gettin' dark.
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00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,376
These Doom creeps
are like vampires.
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00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,169
They only arch at night.
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00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,672
So I want you up here,
in the panic room in 10 minutes.
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Ya hear me, Doc?
Ya hear me, Doc?
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00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,675
DOC:
Yes, I copy, Brock.
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00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,093
But I can't just drop
everything.
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00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,388
My... work is at a very delicate point.
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00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,640
I'm right on the verge of an
important breakthrough.
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[FLAMES WHOOSH]
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Ah! Come on, Doc!
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We-- We're on the same
dang team here!
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00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,357
9 minutes, Doc.
Where are the boys?
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,692
I am sworn to secrecy.
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00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,027
- Where are the boys?
- Aah! They're in the park!
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00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,321
Some kind of double date
or something.
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00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,614
What-- What's goin' on?
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00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,366
Lock the door behind me.
Lock it all down.
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00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,368
We got another
Level 10 comin' at us.
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00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,953
Ah, jeez. Again?
168
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,414
We just got the floor fixed.
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00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,665
All right.
[SIGHS]
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Ah, come on.
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[SMACK]
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What the...
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- Oh, hello.
- [THUD]
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?
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00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:28,221
[BEEPING STEADILY]
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00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,977
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]
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[DING]
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- What'd you do to him?
- Hey, what'd you do to her?
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[WEAPONS CLICK]
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00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,569
Aah!
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Aah! Ho!
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[GRUNTS, GROANS]
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[SPITS]
Power suit.
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00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,035
Pussy!
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00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,037
Ho-oh! Buddy,
you just brought a knife
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00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,081
- to a directed energy harpoon fight.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
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00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,167
MONARCH:
Sweetie? You up here?
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00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,170
I've got something special for you.
189
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,756
Do I hear a stranger in the barn?
190
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,007
[CHUCKLES]
191
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,383
[SOUTHERN ACCENT]
Why, Miss Betty Joe,
192
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,844
I'm just a field hand looking for work.
193
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,931
My pa won't let me
talk to no strangers.
194
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,851
But I get powerful lonely
all alone on this farm.
195
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,771
If you wanna sleep in this... hay bale,
196
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,397
- I'm sure my pa--
- [SMACK]
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00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,775
[SNORES]
198
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,444
Ugh. Can't believe I just did that!
199
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,280
I didn't know she was gonna do
farmer's daughter. Ah!
200
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,116
I should've shot her after the hay ride!
[SIGHS]
201
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,744
All right, what'd you dig up
on this Warhammer clown?
202
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,412
All right, I found out all about him.
203
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,747
He and his gang are like
204
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,248
this new breed of
post-modern "artsy" villain.
205
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,583
I don't really get it.
206
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,669
It's all a little too
"Oh, look at me, I'm so clever"
207
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,212
- for my tastes.
- Where's he hide out?
208
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,881
Oh, he's got this sweet
underwater lair out in Brooklyn.
209
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,633
You know, Modern Enemy magazine
210
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:47,968
did a lovely spread on it.
211
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,804
Who cares? The Blue Morpho
is taking it down!
212
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,305
Taking it downtown!
213
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,099
Dude, no. I am not killing anyone.
214
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,756
This book I'm reading, it--
it says that I have to keep my--
215
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,812
Oh, will you stop
with the P.T.S.D. nonsense!
216
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,690
So you killed a guy.
You're a supervillain!
217
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,316
To the Morpho Scooters!
218
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,235
?
219
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,570
[ENGINES START]
220
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,615
- Ah.
- [HORN HONKS]
221
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,908
Wait. Wait! How do I--
222
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,785
- [HORN HONKS]
- All right.
223
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:17,914
[BOTH GRUNTING WEARILY]
224
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,919
Hey, you move pretty good for
a guy dressed as a water bug.
225
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,171
- Special Forces?
- Yeah, Delta.
226
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,923
Where'd you learn that jump thing?
227
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,633
Achilles in Troy.
228
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,343
Ah, the Pitt-ster. Nice.
229
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,845
It's a totally underrated movie.
230
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,430
Yeah, right?
231
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,598
Look, bro,
232
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,143
we can play Rock'em Brock'em
robots all night,
233
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,478
but it ain't gonna bring them kids back.
234
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,147
[SIGHS]
You got a point.
235
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,606
And my boss'll kill me,
236
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,191
he finds out I lost his daughter.
237
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,444
I figure anyone with the stugots
to cross him,
238
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,487
they gotta be some pretty heavy hitters.
239
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:53,033
So, uh, seein' as we both got
a horse in this race,
240
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:54,868
what do you say, uh,
you and me...
241
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,703
Seriously? A team-up?
242
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,163
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
243
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,040
We don't gotta go putting
labels on this thing.
244
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,458
HANK:
All right, my turn.
245
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:05,503
Okay, were I king, I would outlaw all
yellow candy.
246
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,880
Always the worst flavor.
247
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,173
Okay, okay, okay.
248
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,800
Were I king,
I would outlaw men in sandals.
249
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,594
No, wait. Sandals with socks!
250
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,345
Wait! Rocco in sandals!
251
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:15,597
Wait, wait, wait!
252
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,182
Rocco's mother so she could
never give birth to Rocco.
253
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,892
You are a just and noble king.
254
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,643
Guess what? We're here.
255
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,688
And I secured the best seat
in the house, my liege.
256
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:27,067
There he is! It's teen sensation
Hank Venture!
257
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,818
Shazam!
Look at his new gal pal!
258
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,654
How's about a smooch shot
for the press, Mr. Venture?
259
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:35,992
Ugh. Paparazzi.
This always happens to me.
260
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,411
Is this place even open, Hank?
261
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,913
I mean, what kind of
establishment is this?
262
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,331
It's really dark.
263
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,916
I don't know.
It was recommended to me by--
264
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,667
- Hiya!
- It's a fucking ninja!
265
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:48,004
- Ooh! Hiya!
- [GRUNTS]
266
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,423
Hal. Welcome to Yumi.
Table for two? Kia.
267
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,508
Oh, my God, yes!
268
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,761
Where has this place been
all my life?!
269
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,638
?
270
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,931
[SNIFFS]
What is the...
271
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,266
[SNIFFS]
This has gotta be Hank.
272
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,268
Hank?
273
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,646
[ART ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
274
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:08,358
- [AIR HISSES]
- MAN: ? Poor little white girl ?
275
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,779
You're-- No, you're doing it
all wrong, darling.
276
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,656
Longer, slower strokes.
277
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,825
Uh... excuse me?
278
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,452
Where did you people come from?
Are you friends of Hank?
279
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:20,620
Hank? What's "Hank?"
280
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,080
Are those the pink ones
or the yellow ones?
281
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,957
- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- Wowie zowie!
282
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,125
Are you holding any?
283
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,710
Holding what?
Just who are you people?
284
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,379
Doom Factory.
285
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,048
- [GASPS] Oh, no.
- ...He's busy.
286
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,135
[GASPING, BREATHING HEAVILY]
287
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,053
Aah!
288
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,557
[GROANS, SIGHS HEAVILY]
289
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,142
Ooh. Aah!
290
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,686
Hi. You must be Rusty.
291
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,063
Brock! Come in, Brock!
Code Gre... Aw, damn it.
292
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,150
Wow, it's-- It's so great
to finally meet you.
293
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,068
You're really such a beauty.
294
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,070
Please, don't hurt me.
295
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,990
Mm, you're the boss, applesauce.
296
00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:01,411
?
297
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,954
So...
298
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,747
What am I supposed to... do?
299
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,124
Oh, just, um...
[CLICKS TONGUE]
300
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,418
You know, be yourself.
301
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,752
That's kinda hard to do.
302
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,422
I mean, being myself would be
running out of here screaming
303
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,425
and most likely calling
my bodyguard to beat you up,
304
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,010
- So...
- [LOWERED VOICE] Um,
305
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,305
ask him if he can, uh...
take his shirt off.
306
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,766
Uh, that's great, Doc.
Now can you take your shirt off?
307
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,102
It's, uh, it's a onesie.
308
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,437
Yeah, that's fine, go ahead.
309
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,899
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
Weirdest... Arching... Ever.
310
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:34,152
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
311
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,988
Hey, whoa, whoa. Crack a window there,
Marlboro Man.
312
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,531
That thing stinks.
313
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,908
So's your Axe Body Spray.
314
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,327
You want air,
I can pop the ejector seat.
315
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,329
?
316
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,457
Hey, uh, so you, like, uh,
work for the O.S.I., right?
317
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,000
[SIGHS]
Yeah.
318
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,545
So what'd they, like, freeze you
in 1979 and just wake you up?
319
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,173
Or are you, like, part of some
time travel thing?
320
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,175
I mean the car, the clothes, the music,
321
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,135
this Tennessee top hat.
322
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,720
- [BRAKES SCREECH]
- Hey!
323
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,056
Do not touch the hair.
324
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,850
SIRENA:
Well, I used to have a blog and stuff,
325
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,353
but my friends thought
it was stupid.
326
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,939
But, like, pfft, whatever.
Like they're so cool.
327
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,024
I think your friends are
the stupid ones.
328
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,817
I bet you were an awesome bloggeress.
329
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,237
Bloggeress, yeah. What's up with
the service in this joint?
330
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,821
Where's our waiter already?
331
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,157
- Hai!
- Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?!
332
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,743
- Cool!
- Welcome to Yumi. Chi-ay!
333
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,203
Start you with a beverage?
334
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,830
You offended my family and my temple.
Fight me, ninja!
335
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,041
- Ninja kick!
- Ninja block!
336
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,086
Dude, table three wants
their check. Hiya!
337
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,379
What'll you have?
338
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,048
May I recommend the
virgin deadly colada?
339
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,260
It comes with a rubber throwing star.
340
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,762
- Sold!
- [CHUCKLES] And for...
341
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,597
[CLEARS THROAT]
the lady?
342
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,391
Hi, Jared.
343
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,102
Yeah. So...[SIGHS]
Hi, Sirena.
344
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,521
Wait you-- You two know each other?
345
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,897
We used to date.
346
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,400
Excuse me? Um, I think "date"
is a little inaccurate.
347
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:56,734
Really? So what was it then?
348
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,403
Just messing around?
Friends with benefits?
349
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,904
Are you kidding me right now?
350
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,282
Please just get me a fucking
ninja ale, stalker boy, okay?
351
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,574
I don't need this drama.
352
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:09,205
Chi! I'll... get you those drinks, now.
353
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,583
[GRUNTS]
The stink of this place.
354
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,252
How much further is it?!
355
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,129
It should be right
around this next bend.
356
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,298
Hey, don't let any of that spray
get in your mouth.
357
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,091
- It's got go--
- Aah!
358
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,552
Ugh!
[SPITS]
359
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,095
It went in my mouth.
[SPITS]
360
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,931
Dead dolphin juice in my mouth.
361
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,767
Dude, that is, like, the least
horrible thing in this water.
362
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,102
I don't even want to tell you!
363
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,104
Oh, God. Oh, God! Tell me!
What is in here?!
364
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:36,566
Am I about to get piranha'd
to death?
365
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,778
?
366
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,655
[CLANK]
367
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,533
[WINDOW POPS]
368
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,787
[WATER DRIPPING]
369
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,748
Aah!
370
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:52,999
[GRUNTING]
371
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,126
Aah! Ow! Fuck.
372
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,586
- [GROANS]
- Looks like no one's here.
373
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,172
Exactly. While Wes Bore-Hammer
and his Doom Dickery
374
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,590
are off arching Venture,
375
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:05,511
the Blue Morpho and Kano
are free to fuck up his lair!
376
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,597
And with no lair,
his Guild rank goes down,
377
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,807
I get to cross him off my list,
378
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,643
and wittle 21
don't have to kill no one.
379
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,313
Oh, yeah, thanks for taking
my feelings into consideration.
380
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,235
So how's the brilliant Blue Morpho
plan to do all that?
381
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:19,812
Same way I do
everything amazing--
382
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:22,562
By blowing my inheritance.
383
00:14:23,017 --> 00:14:24,322
Maybe something like this?
384
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,074
Or how about if I...
[CHUCKLES]
385
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:29,202
Something like that maybe?
More come-hither kittenish?
386
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,913
I defer to your genius.
[CHUCKLES]
387
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,540
So what do you think, Wes?
388
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,125
Uh, Wes?
389
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,211
Oh, Wes isn't here. He took off.
390
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,463
What-- Isn't he directing this thing?
391
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,632
MAN:
? He had a cat on her face ?
392
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:46,177
All right. All right.
Pretty good. Pretty neat.
393
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,678
[ART ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
394
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,807
? Coming down for freebase ?
395
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,518
?
396
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,479
? You are my drug hunch, my little.. ?
397
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,190
- WOMAN: All right. Yes. Mm-hmm!
- VENTURE: Oh. Hey, Hello again.
398
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:04,237
- Have either of you seen Wes?
- Oh, wow, man. Yeah!
399
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,863
?
400
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:08,825
Ah, Wes. [CHUCKLES]
There's the genius.
401
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,201
Ha, ha.
402
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:13,371
So, uh, what, are we takin' five
here, or, uh...
403
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,332
- MAN: Wes! Hi!
- Oh. Hi...
404
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,667
Wait. Wait.
405
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,420
He's already moved on, darling.
You're old news.
406
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:21,879
What are you talking about?
407
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:23,548
We were just making
a movie together.
408
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,717
Ohh. Did he tell you're a beauty?
That you're his new muse?
409
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,428
That's what he tells all his marks.
410
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,555
- ? You are my drug... ?
- Is that my...
411
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,181
Where are they going
with my science things?
412
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,559
They're stealing them, honey!
413
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,145
You're being arched.
Remember?
414
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:40,148
I'm-- I'm... so confused.
415
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,234
Here. You look like
you could use a Hank.
416
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,735
[WHOOSH]
417
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:47,113
Jeez, you're a mess. When did
we start doing fake blood?
418
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,573
Eh, it's teriyaki.
419
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,617
The birthday boy at table five's
got a nervous tummy.
420
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,244
Ninjas.
421
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,037
- [BEEP]
- Why'd it have to be ninjas?
422
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,414
This far south of St. Mark's?
423
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,458
Eh, Wide Wale's
gonna be pretty P.O.'d
424
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,877
there's an unsanctioned
hive on his turf.
425
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,753
I say we roll in blasting.
426
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,130
- With what?
- What are you talking about?
427
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,215
With that heater on your shoulder.
What is this, your first day?
428
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,218
Not an option. I don't, uh...
It's not...
429
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,096
Ah. Not loaded, is it?
430
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,015
That's, uh, classified.
431
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:17,185
We had a guy like you
in my unit in Afghanistan.
432
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,312
You know, there is a
book you should read.
433
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,980
It's called Blood On My Hands.
434
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,773
Just follow my lead, Jersey Shore.
435
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,066
SIRENA:
Oh, come on.
436
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,777
So you're not the first good guy
I dated. Get over it.
437
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,613
I mean, does it really bother you?
438
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,490
Honestly? What bothers me is...
439
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:32,492
I have this feeling that maybe
you're just using me
440
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,243
to get your dad pissed.
There I said it.
441
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,828
Whoa. Blunt.
442
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:39,207
Um, I mean, is it so weird
that I might like you?
443
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:42,835
Nobody ever made their friends
put on weird little skits
444
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,128
to impress me before.
445
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,755
What? That's-- I didn't--
446
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,633
Four different albinos held us up,
447
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,969
lost a fucking cat in a tree,
and took our pictures outside.
448
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,639
A-Albinos may, in fact,
have deep pack instincts.
449
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,308
That's scientifically, eh, plausible.
450
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,768
It's cute.
451
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,436
I mean, I'm used to guys
just wanting to get me drunk
452
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,437
and then mess around.
453
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,438
I don't believe in doing that.
454
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,440
- What do you believe in?
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
455
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,360
Well, I believe in the soul,
the hangin' curve ball,
456
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,653
pretzel rods, not twists,
457
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,488
the powdery smell
of girls' deodorant,
458
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,532
that pets talk to each other
when we're not listening.
459
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:15,117
I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted with clones.
460
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,662
I believe in the sweet spot, magic
invisible gnomes,
461
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,498
that cereal is not just or breakfast,
but for any meal.
462
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:24,252
And I believe in long, slow,
deep, soft, wet kisses
463
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,045
that last three days --
464
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,631
stopping only to go
to the bathroom, uh, obviously.
465
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,882
[CHUCKLES]
466
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,801
You wanna do something crazy?
467
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,804
Sister, you had me at "crazy."
468
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,806
[TAPE RIPPING]
469
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,308
Ah. Are you done yet?
I wanna get home and shower.
470
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,310
Aah! My skin is on fire!
471
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,521
Ugh! You-- You need, like,
10 showers.
472
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,232
And probably an aggressive
course of antibiotics.
473
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,692
Let's get the hell outta here.
474
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,403
- Race ya.
- Dude, don't screw around with that!
475
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,821
Come on. It'll look all badass
476
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,739
if we jump out right when it explodes.
477
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,491
Oh, with the flames all behind us!
478
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,577
To who?! There's nobody here!
479
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,120
We'll know how cool we were.
480
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,581
- [BUTTON CLICKS]
- Son of a--
481
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,834
Ah!
482
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,171
[GRUNTS, SHOUTING]
483
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,507
Aah! Aah!
484
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,551
[GRUNTING]
485
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,595
[BOMBS HISS]
486
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:18,180
Hey, what gives?
Where's my big boom?
487
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,225
Huh? Must've been duds.
How old are those things?
488
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,394
- [RUMBLING]
- Aah! What's happening?!
489
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,770
Dude, I don't know!
490
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,230
- Dude!
- Dude!
491
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,065
- Dude!
- Dude!
492
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,068
Dude!
493
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,695
Uhh! Aah! What the Fukiya?
494
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,614
Pull your punches, Glenn!
495
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,449
Where are the kids, ninja scum?!
496
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,742
Whoa! Is that a real knife?
497
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,452
Dude, you guys are way off script-- Whoa!
498
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:40,745
- Wrong answer!
- Uhh! [GASPS]
499
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,622
MAN: Back off, tall, dark, and
loathsome!
500
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:46,417
This ninja-themed family
restaurant is protected by...
501
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,960
The Brown Widow!
502
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:51,213
Wait. Family what, now?
Whoa, whoa. It's a ninja trick.
503
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,382
They're masters of deception.
[WHISPERS] Do not fall for it.
504
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,051
Jared? You're the Brown Widow?
505
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,304
Whoa. I-I thought you were just
a struggling actor like me.
506
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,306
I'm both, Justin.
507
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,766
And I'm sorry,
508
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,643
but one improv class does not
make you an actor, sir.
509
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,646
Hank Venture and Sirena Ong --
where are they?!
510
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,065
You must be Brock.
Dean's told me all about you.
511
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,442
Don't worry.
The lovebirds are right here.
512
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,778
Eh-- Son of a ditch!
513
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,321
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
514
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,656
Ugh! Uhh!
515
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,949
- [WHIMPERS]
- Dean? What're you doing here?
516
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:22,411
- I was--
- Never mind. Go wait in the car.
517
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,207
Why didn't we get to be ninjas?
518
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,125
?
519
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,211
[SPITS]
Ahh.
520
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,671
Oh, I needed that.
521
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,173
Uh, should we be doing this?
522
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,841
No. That's why it's fun!
523
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,094
And my skin's gotta
get wet every six hours.
524
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,096
That's part of my,
you know, condition.
525
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,807
Are your legs a big fish
tail under there now?
526
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,934
[CHUCKLES]
I'm not a friggin' mermaid, Hank.
527
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,270
So what're you waiting for,
Boy Adventurer?
528
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,857
You gonna just stand there
or you gonna dive in?
529
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:55,277
[SIGHS]
Whelp, you're in deep now, Henry Allen.
530
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,154
Ay-yup!
531
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,990
Whoa! Whoa, cold! No!
532
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,284
Sirena! Oh, God! Oh, that's so cold!
Why didn't you--
533
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,953
ROCCO: Where are you, Princess?
Is he getting rough with you?!
534
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,788
[WHISPERS]
Hank, you're gonna get us caught! Shush!
535
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:08,374
[WHIMPERS]
536
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,917
Mmm.
537
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,255
?
538
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,174
[GRUNTING]
Come on!
539
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:19,343
Aah! Uhh!
540
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,388
- [WHIRRING]
- [WHINES, GRUNTS] Aah!
541
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,975
?
542
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,686
DR. VENTURE: So all this --
the silver living room,
543
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,730
the party, the screen test --
544
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,233
it was all just to distract me
while you stole my inventions?
545
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,860
Um... yeah.
546
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,987
Wait, wait, wait. And now
you're just gonna go?
547
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,655
You're leaving me with nothing?
548
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,533
Um, no. Someone gave me this
communicator watch.
549
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,577
Uh, I-I think it was Eenie.
550
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,454
- Yeah, yeah, it was Eenie.
- And...
551
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,873
And she said I could talk
to God with it,
552
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:52,710
but... I-I don't have
anything to say.
553
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,671
Here, n-now you can talk to God.
554
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,883
Wait a minute. This is my watch.
You just spray-painted it gold.
555
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,553
That Eenie's a little thief,
is what she is. You all are!
556
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,347
Um... yeah.
557
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,767
[STAIRS CLINKING]
558
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,603
[SPACESHIP WHIRRING]
559
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,688
MONARCH:
[GRUNTS] Aah!
560
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,274
- Uhh!
- Huh? You again.
561
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,110
Ahem. Good evening, citizen.
562
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,572
[CLICK, EXPLOSION]
563
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,658
Tell me that didn't look awesome!
564
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,537
Fireworks.
565
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,999
?
566
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:58,943
[GROANS]
Uhh!
567
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,277
Huh, what the...
568
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:01,529
Son of a bitch!
569
00:22:01,612 --> 00:22:03,906
[GROANS]
Ah.
570
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,659
Oh, my God, honey!
A-Are you okay?
571
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,077
W-What happened?
572
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,245
Blue Morpho!
573
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:11,497
That fucko was here
in our bedroom!
574
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,082
The guy from your poster?
575
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,210
Oh, my God, sweetness,
you are lucky to be alive.
576
00:22:15,322 --> 00:22:17,419
- [BEEP]
- You don't even know. He...
577
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,588
You were right... uh, Councilwoman.
578
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:20,965
He struck again.
579
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,259
What do you need to stop him?
580
00:22:23,309 --> 00:22:27,859
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