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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:02,300 ? Subbed By BARFNUTS!? 2 00:00:02,301 --> 00:00:03,719 [ Knock on door] 3 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:08,349 Welcome, weary traveler, to Castle Dracula! 4 00:00:10,091 --> 00:00:11,953 The master is resting now. 5 00:00:12,036 --> 00:00:14,021 Would you like a drink of blood? 6 00:00:14,104 --> 00:00:16,006 - What is this? - Blood! 7 00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,317 [ Sniffing ] Tomato... blood? 8 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,486 Ketchup and pepsi blood. 9 00:00:20,569 --> 00:00:22,112 Hmm. 10 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,782 The master awakes, and he must feed! 11 00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:29,328 I am the monster that breathing men would kill! 12 00:00:29,411 --> 00:00:31,622 [Transylvanian accent] l am Dracula! Blah. 13 00:00:31,705 --> 00:00:34,083 All right. Well, thank you, boys. 14 00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:37,545 That was, uh... chilling. 15 00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:42,591 HANK: Here it is, the tomb of the mummy. 16 00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:43,926 But be careful. 17 00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,761 The path before us is dangerous 18 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:48,722 and may even be filled with mummies! 19 00:00:48,806 --> 00:00:51,225 What? This is my sock! 20 00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:53,143 What? Gimme that. 21 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,647 Ooooh. Mummy seeks vengeance. 22 00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:59,358 [grunts] Mummy... must kill! 23 00:00:59,441 --> 00:01:00,651 Ah! 24 00:01:00,734 --> 00:01:04,655 Pfft. Ha! 25 00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:07,867 [ Clatter] 26 00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:10,536 What is going on up here?! 27 00:01:10,619 --> 00:01:13,289 [dramatic music plays] 28 00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:16,292 Ugh. Brock, get a bucket of cold water with ammonia 29 00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:17,626 and deal with this. 30 00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,295 Then meet me in the tank room. 31 00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:23,549 I got to heat up the slugs! 32 00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:25,175 What was that about? 33 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,720 He is impossible to scare! 34 00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:31,974 [ mouse clicking ] 35 00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:34,143 Working on the haunted bedroom? 36 00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:36,854 Eh, that's baby stuff. We're going out tonight. 37 00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:38,439 Oh, uh, as long as you're here, 38 00:01:38,522 --> 00:01:40,107 I got an e-mail of yours by mistake, 39 00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:42,651 something about that lump you keep talking about? 40 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,320 What?! Let me see that! 41 00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:46,530 What's a malignant... melanoma? 42 00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:47,656 DEAN: Ah! 43 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,533 Oh, it stings when I pee! 44 00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,660 I knew I shouldn't have trusted her! 45 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,288 Dean, you get out here this instant! 46 00:01:54,371 --> 00:01:55,748 Eh, Doc, there's a ton of water 47 00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:57,833 dripping from the light socket in the kitchen. 48 00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,835 When was the last time you fixed the plumbing in this place?! 49 00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:01,879 Oh, come on! You're kidding! 50 00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:03,589 Boo! Gotcha! 51 00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:06,175 So, this was all just -- 52 00:02:06,258 --> 00:02:09,345 Finally! - Happy Halloween, Doc. 53 00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:12,681 [ Up-tempo music plays] 54 00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,767 [ Creatures growl, wolf howls ] 55 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:22,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 56 00:02:24,735 --> 00:02:26,737 [ Wolf howls ] 57 00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:34,578 It's just a little get-together 58 00:02:34,662 --> 00:02:36,038 with the magical community. 59 00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:37,748 You won't hear a peep, I promise. 60 00:02:37,831 --> 00:02:40,584 Fine, but I want everybody to park their cars 61 00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:42,586 or brooms or whatever outside the gate. 62 00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,214 No loud music or chanting or anything, either. 63 00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:47,841 On behalf of the Brimstone Assembly, 64 00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:49,093 I thank you. 65 00:02:49,176 --> 00:02:50,177 Oh, hey, Orpheus. 66 00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:51,929 I figured you'd be in sweatpants 67 00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:53,222 and a wife beater tonight. 68 00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,224 That's not appropriate attire. 69 00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,101 What we wear on the outside 70 00:02:57,184 --> 00:02:59,103 speaks for who we are on the inside. 71 00:02:59,186 --> 00:03:01,230 No, I mean, like for Halloween. 72 00:03:01,313 --> 00:03:03,065 Oh, yes, an ironic outfit, of course. 73 00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,775 That would be jolly. 74 00:03:04,858 --> 00:03:06,402 You know, in my youth I was -- 75 00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,612 Dermott, go back outside and ring the doorbell. 76 00:03:08,696 --> 00:03:10,239 Oh, hey, Mr. V. Where's Hank? 77 00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,992 Go back outside and ring the doorbell. 78 00:03:13,075 --> 00:03:15,703 What, seriously? 79 00:03:17,705 --> 00:03:19,665 You were very hard on that boy. 80 00:03:19,748 --> 00:03:21,083 I have my reasons. 81 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:23,794 Hank! Dermott's at the door! 82 00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:27,089 [doorbell rings] 83 00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:28,799 Ah, your dad is a dick. 84 00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:30,426 Hey, why aren't you guys dressed? 85 00:03:30,509 --> 00:03:32,803 I thought you said costumes are for little kids, 86 00:03:32,886 --> 00:03:35,222 And then you show up dressed like an enchanted mime! 87 00:03:35,305 --> 00:03:37,641 I'm The Crow! Drink it up, Hank! 88 00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:39,059 And it's not a costume. It's a disguise. 89 00:03:39,143 --> 00:03:40,644 If the cops see us in plain clothes, 90 00:03:40,728 --> 00:03:42,312 we're gonna get hauled in. 91 00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,106 Well, why didn't you tell me?! 92 00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,691 All right. This will only take a moment. 93 00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:47,776 [ Chuckles ] 94 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,862 I'll take my chances with the police. 95 00:03:49,945 --> 00:03:52,698 A stupid speed suit is enough. Call me dangerous. 96 00:03:52,781 --> 00:03:54,450 - Huh? Loser-say-what? - What? 97 00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:55,701 [ Chuckles ] Exactly. 98 00:03:55,784 --> 00:03:57,369 - What? - HANK: Ready! 99 00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,246 What is that, a trash bag? 100 00:03:59,329 --> 00:04:01,040 I'm a bag of Hank! 101 00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:02,207 Bag of stupid. 102 00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:03,709 Or... 103 00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:05,794 California raisin? 104 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,258 ALCHEMIST: I am so glad we're having a party! 105 00:04:11,341 --> 00:04:13,802 This is not a party, Al. 106 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:15,804 We are charged with the honor of hosting 107 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:19,349 the 331st meeting of the Brimstone Assembly! 108 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,809 Uh-huh. Sure. 109 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:23,145 So where do you want me to assemble the chips and dip? 110 00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,481 Oh, by my mini fajitas, I think would be nice. 111 00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:28,025 Or with the cheeses, since they are more of an appetizer. 112 00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,985 So, then a star goes in the circle? 113 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,321 Jefferson, this isn't "The Craft." 114 00:04:32,404 --> 00:04:34,156 ALCHEMIST: Well if it was, I'd be Fairuza Balk, 115 00:04:34,239 --> 00:04:36,283 And you'd be Rachel True. 116 00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:38,702 - Which one is she? - Hmm, guess. 117 00:04:38,786 --> 00:04:40,162 We are not "The Craft," 118 00:04:40,245 --> 00:04:42,081 and we don't put a star in the center. 119 00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,083 We have a square representing perfection 120 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,251 inside a circle representing unity 121 00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:49,046 inside a triangle representing simplicity. 122 00:04:49,129 --> 00:04:50,756 Simplicity would be a star in the middle. 123 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:52,841 This right here's confusing. Somebody else do this. 124 00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,135 [doorbell rings] 125 00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:56,970 Ugh, I'm boiling in here! 126 00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:58,889 Will you just take off your cloak?! 127 00:04:58,972 --> 00:05:00,599 Take off your attitude! 128 00:05:00,682 --> 00:05:02,184 I have to keep my red power mantle on! 129 00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:03,769 [ Door opens ] 130 00:05:03,852 --> 00:05:05,437 Hey, you guys are early. So just -- 131 00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:07,773 What the fuck is that? Seriously. 132 00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:09,775 Oh, so it's okay when you do it, 133 00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:11,777 but when I do it, I'm a racist! 134 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,195 What the -- 135 00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:15,197 We're merely in the guise of the two-headed man. 136 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,032 I'm Mr. Rosey Grier. 137 00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:19,076 Well, that's kind of my fault. 138 00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:20,911 I told him it was a costume party 139 00:05:20,994 --> 00:05:22,996 because he simply refused to attend 140 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,374 when I told him it was a magic gathering. 141 00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:28,919 - Yes! I find those trading-card games very confusing. 142 00:05:29,002 --> 00:05:33,799 DERMOTT: Gentlemen, get ready for project mayhem. 143 00:05:33,882 --> 00:05:35,759 Got everything we'll need. Shaving cream -- 144 00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:38,303 Finally! Dean, and I'm trying to be sensitive here, 145 00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:39,930 but it's about time 146 00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:41,932 we wiped that chocolate milk off your face. 147 00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:43,767 You're packing a sad teen-stache there. 148 00:05:43,851 --> 00:05:46,436 DERMOTT: No, dill hole, it's for spraying on cars and stuff! 149 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,021 Rotten eggs. 150 00:05:48,105 --> 00:05:49,773 Yeah, I buried these in my backyard for over a month, 151 00:05:49,857 --> 00:05:51,775 and they totally smell like dead dog fart by now. 152 00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:53,110 [ Muffled gag ] 153 00:05:53,193 --> 00:05:54,778 I'm impressed with your foresight. 154 00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:57,990 And I got a full multipack of ass wipe for trees and bushes. 155 00:05:58,073 --> 00:06:00,325 What did you guys bring? 156 00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:02,828 Dermott. Sweet, sweet, naive Dermott. 157 00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:05,956 I brought with me the only thing you haven't prepared for -- 158 00:06:06,039 --> 00:06:07,416 a better idea. 159 00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:10,961 The coup de grace, the crown on the head of Halloween pranks! 160 00:06:11,044 --> 00:06:13,255 Oh-ho, I like where you're going. 161 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,132 All right. What's the idea? 162 00:06:15,215 --> 00:06:19,344 A night in a real haunted house. 163 00:06:19,428 --> 00:06:20,429 Old Man Potter? 164 00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:22,014 And Bingo was his name-o. 165 00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:23,390 No way. Count me out. 166 00:06:23,473 --> 00:06:25,225 Dad said we should never go over there. 167 00:06:25,309 --> 00:06:27,019 [mockingly] Oh, my dad said I could never go. 168 00:06:27,102 --> 00:06:28,270 Boo, hoo, hoo, I'm Dean. 169 00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,857 Dean, we are men old enough to grow hair on our balls! 170 00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:33,609 Now it's time we use 'em 171 00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:35,360 before something else grows on 'em! 172 00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:38,363 Yeah, go home, put on the Kidz Bop version of "Thriller," 173 00:06:38,447 --> 00:06:41,325 then watch the Peanuts special like every year. 174 00:06:41,408 --> 00:06:42,868 BOTH: Go, Team Venture. 175 00:06:42,951 --> 00:06:45,162 No! Fine, I'm going with you guys. 176 00:06:45,245 --> 00:06:48,415 I'll show you who the real babies are! 177 00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:52,127 What are these, king size? 178 00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,503 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 179 00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,422 We hand out fun size here, Hatred. 180 00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:57,883 Doc, we are 15 miles from the nearest house. 181 00:06:57,966 --> 00:06:59,343 We got an electric fence, 182 00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:01,511 motion-sensitive laser defense modules. 183 00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,847 If a kid makes it to that front door, 184 00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:06,433 they're getting the big candy bar! 185 00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:07,726 [ Indistinct conversations ] 186 00:07:07,809 --> 00:07:09,311 DRAGOON: Just fill it for me. 187 00:07:09,394 --> 00:07:10,938 I literally need a hand here. 188 00:07:11,021 --> 00:07:12,606 No! No drinking. 189 00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:15,609 I'm the one who has to hold your hair while you throw up! 190 00:07:15,692 --> 00:07:17,152 I can hold our liquor, sir! 191 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,988 The last time you did this, you vomited for a solid hour! 192 00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:22,074 I swear I saw a license plate come up. 193 00:07:22,157 --> 00:07:24,326 It was like we were gutting a tiger shark! 194 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:26,870 He had his ribs removed so he could just bend over 195 00:07:26,954 --> 00:07:28,872 and enjoy his own... you know. 196 00:07:28,956 --> 00:07:30,540 Well, that's what I heard, anyway. 197 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,417 Marilyn Manson? Are you sure? 198 00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:34,336 I heard it was Cher that had the ribs removed. 199 00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,381 Why would she -- Cher doesn't even have a... you know. 200 00:07:37,464 --> 00:07:39,299 I have yet to meet a woman 201 00:07:39,383 --> 00:07:41,176 that doesn't dress sexy on Halloween. 202 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,178 Witch? No, sir -- sexy witch. 203 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:46,348 Freddie Krueger? Nope -- sexy Freddie Krueger. 204 00:07:46,431 --> 00:07:49,101 Hm. Sexy damn Freddie Krueger. 205 00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:52,396 ORPHEUS: All ye of magical disciplines, 206 00:07:52,479 --> 00:07:55,107 the curtain to the netherworld is threadbare! 207 00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:57,067 The veil need not be lifted. 208 00:07:57,150 --> 00:08:00,279 On this night, we need only to peer through it. 209 00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:03,907 May all who enter this circle harness this sauin 210 00:08:03,991 --> 00:08:05,742 and may their magic be true! 211 00:08:05,826 --> 00:08:09,746 Welcome to the Brimstone Assembly! 212 00:08:09,830 --> 00:08:11,832 [all cheer] 213 00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:12,833 [doorbell rings] 214 00:08:12,916 --> 00:08:14,293 HATRED: Oh-ho-ho, ye of little faith! 215 00:08:14,376 --> 00:08:16,962 - I owe you 5 bucks. - Knew it! 216 00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,547 Those lasers have a dilly of a time 217 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:19,923 hitting small things. 218 00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,049 BOTH: Trick or treat! 219 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,385 Oh, Pete and Billy don't count. 220 00:08:23,468 --> 00:08:25,137 No payout. - Fine, no payout. 221 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,388 What are you guys? 222 00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:27,973 I'm the thinner, whiter Duke. 223 00:08:28,056 --> 00:08:31,059 And I'm Rusty Venture, boy adventurer. 224 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,270 That's more disturbing than flattering. 225 00:08:33,353 --> 00:08:34,813 Ohh, king size! 226 00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,524 Pfft, last year, Doc gave us a little thing of smarties 227 00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:39,276 to split between the both of us! 228 00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:41,695 Wanna double the wager? 229 00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:42,946 Oh, I'll triple it! 230 00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,073 [doorbell rings] 231 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,408 Why are you still here? 232 00:08:46,491 --> 00:08:48,577 We came to hang out with you guys. 233 00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,288 With the weight of a plume... 234 00:08:51,371 --> 00:08:53,832 As inflexible as cut timber... 235 00:08:53,915 --> 00:08:55,417 BOTH: We raise aloft. 236 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,293 [all gasp] 237 00:08:56,376 --> 00:08:57,419 [applause] 238 00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:59,421 Oh, that is the work of the devil! 239 00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:02,799 That is the work of a teenage girl's sleepover! 240 00:09:02,883 --> 00:09:04,468 [owl hoots, crickets chirping] 241 00:09:04,551 --> 00:09:05,886 DERMOTT: So, uh, is Old Man Potter, 242 00:09:05,969 --> 00:09:08,096 like, some sort of a child murderer or something cool? 243 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,973 No idea. My pop just told us our whole life 244 00:09:10,057 --> 00:09:11,767 to keep away from the Potter place. 245 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,268 Never said why. 246 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,478 He probably skins children 247 00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:16,396 and makes shoes out of 'em or something. 248 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,273 Man, I never knew this place was here. 249 00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,317 I'm pretty sure this is all part of our property. 250 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,319 Oh, yeah. I'm sure it is, Richie Rich. 251 00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:24,071 Well, you know, since you own it, 252 00:09:24,154 --> 00:09:25,614 why don't you go inside first? 253 00:09:25,697 --> 00:09:26,698 Why don't you? 254 00:09:26,782 --> 00:09:28,241 - 1, 2, 3. - BOTH: Not it! 255 00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:29,910 Not it. You know what? Fine. 256 00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:31,828 I-It's just an old house anyway. 257 00:09:31,912 --> 00:09:34,331 Gimme the flashlight. 258 00:09:34,414 --> 00:09:36,458 DERMOTT: ls he brave or stupid? 259 00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,251 Mm, I think he just wants to be alone. 260 00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:57,813 [ Wood creaks ] 261 00:09:57,896 --> 00:10:00,399 Hello? [ spitting ] 262 00:10:02,692 --> 00:10:03,693 Hello? 263 00:10:04,945 --> 00:10:06,947 Is anyone in here? 264 00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:10,617 Hello? 265 00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:15,664 All right. Screw this. It's been long enough. 266 00:10:15,747 --> 00:10:17,040 [grunts] 267 00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,291 - Aah! - [ roars ] 268 00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,336 Aah! Aah! Yah! 269 00:10:22,462 --> 00:10:25,257 MAN: No acrofrontofacionasal dysostosis 270 00:10:25,340 --> 00:10:28,051 with comorbid idiopathic hirsutism 271 00:10:28,135 --> 00:10:30,053 In the orbital region, 272 00:10:30,137 --> 00:10:33,223 yet clear early stage androgenic alopecia. 273 00:10:33,306 --> 00:10:36,351 Poor little bastard. Probably a genetic source, 274 00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,645 as the testosterone balance seems adequate, 275 00:10:38,728 --> 00:10:41,606 judging from the near lanugo facial display. 276 00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:43,316 Eh, pupillary response good. 277 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,152 The subject is free of any fetiform teratoma 278 00:10:45,235 --> 00:10:49,239 and appears to have normal heart and lung function. 279 00:10:49,322 --> 00:10:51,408 It's an impressive bag of meat, this one. 280 00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,118 Wait, no, d-- get out of there! 281 00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:55,537 We do not smell balls, Reco! 282 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,247 Bad boy! Down! 283 00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:58,707 [applause] 284 00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:01,334 Well, that was... a... nice try. 285 00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:03,128 Ohh. It usually works. 286 00:11:03,211 --> 00:11:05,130 Serves you right, you blasphemer! 287 00:11:05,213 --> 00:11:07,507 ORPHEUS: Well, that was a nice attempt 288 00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:10,260 at a conjuring by our friend Chris. 289 00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:12,095 Curse! Not Chris -- it's Curse! 290 00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:13,722 And now we have Red Mantle, 291 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:16,141 one of the oldest members of The Brimstone Assembly 292 00:11:16,224 --> 00:11:17,684 with his, uh, ah, his, uh -- 293 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,644 Twist on a classic! 294 00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:22,105 You gonna play the banjo while he sings "mammy"? 295 00:11:22,189 --> 00:11:24,024 - DRAGOON: No! I'm Rosy Grier. - RED MANTLE: I will, if you all 296 00:11:24,107 --> 00:11:25,650 concentrate with me and harness the spirits... 297 00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,569 DRAGOON: He didn't tell me about this Easy Bake Coven he's a part of. 298 00:11:27,652 --> 00:11:29,571 RED MANTLE: ...that roam free on this All Hallows Eve, 299 00:11:29,654 --> 00:11:32,324 attempt to pull a rabbit from this hat! 300 00:11:32,407 --> 00:11:34,326 So, where's the twist, Bullwinkle? 301 00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:36,119 I'm actually gonna do it! 302 00:11:36,203 --> 00:11:38,121 Actually pull a rabbit from this hat! 303 00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:40,457 There's nothing up my sleeves or anything! 304 00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,459 - That's what they all say. - No, seriously! 305 00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:45,170 I'm going to do it for real! It's really hard! 306 00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:46,588 Oh, uh, that's what she said! 307 00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:48,590 Oh, she said nothing of the sort! 308 00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:49,591 [crickets chirping ] 309 00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:52,344 DOC: Come on. BILLY: Come on. Come on. Come on! 310 00:11:52,427 --> 00:11:54,471 [ laser sentries beeping ] 311 00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:56,264 HATRED: Ehh, no. 312 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,183 DOC: Ohh, so close. 313 00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,351 10 more feet, and I would've won. 314 00:11:59,434 --> 00:12:02,312 I'm telling you, they're way better off without parents. 315 00:12:02,395 --> 00:12:04,272 Those lasers just pick 'em right off. 316 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,316 I had my money on electric fence. 317 00:12:06,399 --> 00:12:08,235 Who had laser sentry? - I had lasers! 318 00:12:08,318 --> 00:12:10,529 Oh, that is 10 bucks from each of you. 319 00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:14,324 Rust, what the hell is this, cola and tomato soup? 320 00:12:14,407 --> 00:12:16,409 Close. It's ketchup and bourbon. 321 00:12:16,493 --> 00:12:18,203 I call it a Hunchback. 322 00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:20,247 Hank gave me the idea a long time ago. 323 00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,289 [ Coyote howls ] 324 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:22,666 DERMOTT: Nah, the pretzel part is lame. 325 00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:25,835 It's really those little pumpernickel slices that are -- 326 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,462 Wrong. It's -- it's the actual cereal pieces. 327 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,381 [chuckling ] Oh, my god, when they're filled 328 00:12:29,464 --> 00:12:30,757 with that big hunk of flavor stuff? 329 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,676 Precisely! Those are the best part! 330 00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,511 Oh, totally. 331 00:12:34,594 --> 00:12:37,180 - Should we go get him? - You wanna get Chex Mix? 332 00:12:37,264 --> 00:12:40,225 No, get him. Get Dean. He's been in there forever. 333 00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:42,185 No way. He's going for it. 334 00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:43,520 A night in a haunted house? 335 00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:44,771 Come on, freaking classic! 336 00:12:44,854 --> 00:12:47,857 It's the only cool thing he's ever done. 337 00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:49,859 Huh? 338 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,987 What's those -- what's going on? 339 00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:53,572 Oh, you're awake. Finally. 340 00:12:53,655 --> 00:12:54,698 You've been out for an hour 341 00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,700 on one hit of chloroform, lightweight. 342 00:12:56,783 --> 00:12:58,118 Eh, your brother's the same thing -- 343 00:12:58,201 --> 00:12:59,661 sleeps like 10 hours a day 344 00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:01,663 ever since you stopped with the learning beds. 345 00:13:01,746 --> 00:13:03,665 What's going on here? How do you know that? 346 00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:05,667 I've been watching you your whole life, 347 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,086 since you were born, and every time after that. 348 00:13:08,169 --> 00:13:10,088 - What are you, a perv? - Heh, hardly. 349 00:13:10,171 --> 00:13:11,715 You don't know who I am, do you? 350 00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,383 Your dad never told you about me? 351 00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,385 He just said to stay away from the Potter house. 352 00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:17,387 Who the fuck is Potter? My name's Ben. 353 00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:20,682 Wait, did he say stay away from Potter's field? 354 00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:22,350 I don't know. Maybe. 355 00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:23,560 Well, that makes sense. 356 00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:25,478 That whole field out there? Mass grave. 357 00:13:25,562 --> 00:13:27,272 Between your grandpap and your old man, 358 00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:29,274 there's been hundreds of people killed on your property. 359 00:13:29,357 --> 00:13:31,359 All of 'em are buried out there. 360 00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,361 They call those Potter's fields, but I ain't Potter. 361 00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:34,487 I'm Ben. 362 00:13:34,571 --> 00:13:36,406 - [ Chatters ] - Oh, gross! 363 00:13:36,489 --> 00:13:38,033 Come on! Get that thing off me! 364 00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:40,160 Reco, what -- what is your problem?! 365 00:13:40,243 --> 00:13:41,286 [screeches, grunts ] 366 00:13:41,369 --> 00:13:42,787 Yeah, looks like Reco likes you -- 367 00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:43,997 or your balls at least. 368 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,249 - What the hell was that? - Oh, Reco? 369 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,418 Recombinant lusus naturae. 370 00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:50,295 That's his full, fancy name. 371 00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:52,297 He's not used to guests. I don't know what's up with him. 372 00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,758 Listen, Mister. Can you just let me down? 373 00:13:54,841 --> 00:13:57,260 I won't hurt you or anything. I promise. 374 00:13:57,344 --> 00:13:58,678 No. No, no, no. Of course. 375 00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,513 Oh, you're not a prisoner or nothing. 376 00:14:00,597 --> 00:14:02,265 Nah, I just wanted to see how you turned out. 377 00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:03,850 You're a damn miracle! 378 00:14:03,933 --> 00:14:05,852 You got the onset of ocular degradation, but I think 379 00:14:05,935 --> 00:14:08,104 you'll look good in Buddy Holly glasses or something. 380 00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,606 Why do you care how I turned out? 381 00:14:09,689 --> 00:14:11,107 I care because... 382 00:14:11,191 --> 00:14:13,777 well, I guess you could say that I care... 383 00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:17,489 because I brought you into this world. 384 00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:19,616 OUTRIDER: Almost got it! [chuckles] 385 00:14:19,699 --> 00:14:21,785 The blue side keeps getting messed up 386 00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:23,662 when I do the red side. 387 00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:25,664 Submit to desire. 388 00:14:25,747 --> 00:14:27,916 I offer you ultimate pleasure. 389 00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:31,628 Your thirst. Your lust is hunger. 390 00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:33,630 Submit to my toast -- 391 00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:36,007 my pleasure toast. 392 00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:37,509 You hunger for it. 393 00:14:37,592 --> 00:14:40,470 Wait! Now I've got it! Look, all sides! 394 00:14:40,553 --> 00:14:41,388 Aah. 395 00:14:41,471 --> 00:14:43,473 [sighs] Super, well, ta-da! 396 00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:46,226 [applause] 397 00:14:46,309 --> 00:14:47,852 JEFFERSON: Oh, man. I'm glad we're back. 398 00:14:47,936 --> 00:14:50,313 - Are they done? - Yes, finally. 399 00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:52,691 - That was horrible! - Oh, ungodly blasphemers! 400 00:14:52,774 --> 00:14:55,568 No, here I agree with you. That was way too kinky! 401 00:14:55,652 --> 00:14:57,987 Well, I certainly hope that kind of magic 402 00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,407 does not occur in their home, 403 00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,492 what with them raising my child! 404 00:15:02,575 --> 00:15:04,744 Oh, you old fuddy-duddy. Let it go! 405 00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:06,329 Go outside and cool off. 406 00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:08,415 [ Breathes deeply] 407 00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:12,502 Now, huh, let us welcome your favorite seeker of truth, 408 00:15:12,585 --> 00:15:14,671 The Alchemist. [applause] 409 00:15:14,754 --> 00:15:16,923 Thank you. You're very generous. 410 00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:21,177 Okay, news flash! This is completely lame! 411 00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:22,637 It's Halloween, people! 412 00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,806 Let's get down to some raisin' of the dead! 413 00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,142 Let's make some zombies, huh?! 414 00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:28,768 Am I wrong?! 415 00:15:28,852 --> 00:15:32,605 You are wrong, and you are a dark-sided blasphemer! 416 00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:34,733 Ah, anyone besides Al Jolson? 417 00:15:34,816 --> 00:15:36,818 Okay! Let's get it on! 418 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:42,490 [sighs] 419 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,367 DERMOTT: All right. Yeah. I see the belt. 420 00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:47,829 But the hunter part is, like, it's a bunch of stars. 421 00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:49,289 Yeah, it's a stretch, I know. 422 00:15:49,372 --> 00:15:51,374 [sniffs] Aw, dude! Did you just SBD? 423 00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:53,042 Oh, yeah -- 100%. 424 00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,253 I am baking brownies in the back door. 425 00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:56,421 I don't know what's going on. 426 00:15:56,504 --> 00:15:59,174 Aw, aw, huh, oh! It smells just like food! 427 00:15:59,257 --> 00:16:01,176 Hey, uh, Hank, you want a cupcake? 428 00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:03,178 - Why, you got one? - [farts] Cupcake. 429 00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,180 [gags,coughs] Knock it off! 430 00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:06,723 You said you wanted a cupcake! 431 00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:07,724 Oh! [thud] 432 00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:09,559 Oh, hey. Dude, what are you doing? 433 00:16:09,642 --> 00:16:11,394 What? Nothing. 434 00:16:11,478 --> 00:16:13,521 [ Muffled roar] 435 00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:16,483 [stammering] 436 00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:22,447 DERMOTT: Whoa! 437 00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:23,865 HANK: [stammering] 438 00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,784 Whoa! Whoa! Move, dude! 439 00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:28,953 HANK: Super fuckin' run away! 440 00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:30,955 - [ Gasping] - BEN: Dean, calm down, will ya? 441 00:16:31,039 --> 00:16:33,666 You're taking this all wrong. - Wrong?! 442 00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:36,628 You're telling me I'm a clone, that I'm not even Dean, 443 00:16:36,711 --> 00:16:39,005 that I'm some stupid science experiment! 444 00:16:39,088 --> 00:16:40,715 How do you want me to take it'?! 445 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,258 No, come on. No, no, no. You're Dean. 446 00:16:42,342 --> 00:16:44,052 There's no other Dean. You're it, flesh and blood. 447 00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:46,054 Look, I was conceived in the backseat of a Packard. 448 00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:48,473 You were conceived in a tank. So what? 449 00:16:48,556 --> 00:16:50,433 So I have no mommy, no nothing?! 450 00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,018 Dean, you have it all wrong. 451 00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:54,020 You have a mommy, and your dad is your dad. 452 00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:55,730 They made you by getting drunk 453 00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,441 and forgetting to wear a condom, like everybody else. 454 00:16:58,525 --> 00:17:00,485 And your dad loved you so much 455 00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:03,446 that when you got a boo-boo, he kissed it 456 00:17:03,530 --> 00:17:05,448 and made it all better and made it go away. 457 00:17:05,532 --> 00:17:07,450 You brought me back to life! 458 00:17:07,534 --> 00:17:09,452 Yeah, okay. Well, you and your brother had 459 00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:11,079 some pretty big boo-boos. 460 00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:12,789 I'm freakin' Frankenstein -- 461 00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:15,166 I mean, Frankenstein's monster... whatever! 462 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,793 You can't play God! 463 00:17:16,876 --> 00:17:18,461 Will you knock it off? 464 00:17:18,545 --> 00:17:20,213 We didn't make you from a lotus flower, Dean. 465 00:17:20,296 --> 00:17:21,714 We made you from you. 466 00:17:21,798 --> 00:17:24,008 It's just... it's just so wrong! 467 00:17:24,092 --> 00:17:26,010 Have a kid one day, Dean. 468 00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:28,012 Hold its lifeless body in your arms, 469 00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:29,681 and then tell me how wrong it is. 470 00:17:29,764 --> 00:17:32,392 Your grandpap and I perfected genetic engineering 471 00:17:32,475 --> 00:17:35,812 because God or whatever gave us a perfect map to do so. 472 00:17:35,895 --> 00:17:38,189 Jonas, me, and, yes, your dad saw it 473 00:17:38,273 --> 00:17:40,483 as nothing more than a fuckin' band-aid 474 00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:42,652 for a really big boo-boo. 475 00:17:42,735 --> 00:17:44,529 Hey, you -- you want a beer? 476 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:45,947 I think I do. 477 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,032 Don't tell your dad. 478 00:17:51,494 --> 00:17:53,496 [zombies growling] 479 00:18:07,594 --> 00:18:09,679 Ho! Ho! Ho! 480 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:11,973 [bells jingling] 481 00:18:12,056 --> 00:18:14,058 [zombies scream ] 482 00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,565 - They're gonna make it. - Oh, man! 483 00:18:20,648 --> 00:18:22,567 I am the only one who has money on this! 484 00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,402 This is gonna be a massive payout! 485 00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,404 Oh, don't start counting it yet. 486 00:18:26,487 --> 00:18:28,031 They have two more sentries left, 487 00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:29,866 and that pirate looks pretty tall. 488 00:18:29,949 --> 00:18:31,868 Come on, kid! Jump around a little! 489 00:18:31,951 --> 00:18:33,786 No, you stay nice and steady. 490 00:18:33,870 --> 00:18:35,705 Straight line between you and the candy. 491 00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:39,542 Nice... and... straight. 492 00:18:39,626 --> 00:18:41,210 [doorbell rings] - HATRED: Yeah! 493 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,421 - BILLY: Amazing! - DOC: Oh, that's insane! 494 00:18:43,504 --> 00:18:44,881 ALL: Trick or treat! 495 00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:48,801 You are the luckiest kids ever! 496 00:18:51,054 --> 00:18:53,681 - [all gasp] - Greetings shitheads. 497 00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,266 What's going on? 498 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:58,686 Bow down, you buffoons! That's The Master! 499 00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:00,563 Ah, it's about damn time! 500 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:03,858 Hello. You all know me. I live in many of your closets. 501 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:04,984 And guess what? 502 00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:07,445 You dinks have forced me out of the closet. 503 00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:09,864 - You go, girl! - Solidarity, my brother! 504 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,367 My master, why have you chosen the form 505 00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,911 of Father Christmas? 506 00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:17,914 Oh, I'm sorry. Should I have chosen The Halloween Ferret? 507 00:19:17,997 --> 00:19:20,083 Not a lot of options here, pal. 508 00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,085 You're not Santa! You are the devil! 509 00:19:22,168 --> 00:19:23,920 How dare -- ohh... 510 00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:26,506 Red Mantle, you know better than bringing a normal here, 511 00:19:26,589 --> 00:19:28,883 even if he is wearing black. That's not cool. 512 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,052 I didn't want to miss the party. 513 00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,096 You know what? The party's over, okay? 514 00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:35,640 I just had to put hundreds of zombies back in the ground. 515 00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:37,642 You've lost the true meaning of Christmas. 516 00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:40,478 This is the day that a baby was born 517 00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:44,065 to remind us that we shouldn't raise an army of dead guys 518 00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:46,150 just because we can! 519 00:19:47,276 --> 00:19:49,195 [ Breathes deeply] 520 00:19:49,278 --> 00:19:50,947 KIDS: Trick or treat! 521 00:19:51,030 --> 00:19:53,658 Oh, well! Look at you! 522 00:19:53,741 --> 00:19:54,951 Oh, my. 523 00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:57,495 Ah, could you wait here momentarily? 524 00:19:57,578 --> 00:20:02,917 I have some delicious hors d'oeuvres inside. 525 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:05,211 Oh, hey, Orpheus. You missed all the fun. 526 00:20:05,294 --> 00:20:08,047 Your idiot friends had the great idea 527 00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,425 to reanimate a graveyard. 528 00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:12,301 - Isn't that neat? - Not neat! 529 00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,721 There are children walking the streets! 530 00:20:14,804 --> 00:20:17,432 I'm so disappointed in all of you! 531 00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:18,850 Ooh, I smell a lecture. 532 00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,560 Okay, okay, take it easy on 'em. 533 00:20:20,643 --> 00:20:23,062 They didn't know that daddy keeps bullets in his gun. 534 00:20:23,146 --> 00:20:24,939 I will, my master. 535 00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,899 You're my best pupil and all that crap. 536 00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:28,651 - Thank you, my master. 537 00:20:28,735 --> 00:20:30,653 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas to all, 538 00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:32,363 and to all a good night. 539 00:20:32,447 --> 00:20:35,867 Ho, ho, ho! 540 00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:38,703 Uh, hey. Super sorry, Orpheus. 541 00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:42,123 We just got, you know, swept up in the Halloween spirit. 542 00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:44,250 That is not the spirit of Halloween. 543 00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,836 This is a night of true magic. 544 00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:50,006 Halloween is the night we discover who we are. 545 00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:52,800 Are we people who make zombie armies? 546 00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:55,428 Are we those who condemn others? 547 00:20:55,511 --> 00:20:58,598 Or are we beautiful children in resplendent costumes 548 00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:00,600 collecting candy? 549 00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:03,227 Are our choices in costumes provocative? 550 00:21:03,311 --> 00:21:06,689 Do we dress up as our ideal self? 551 00:21:06,773 --> 00:21:08,274 Or are we not ready to decide what to be? 552 00:21:08,357 --> 00:21:10,276 Dude, knock it off! 553 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,111 Do you see it now? 554 00:21:12,195 --> 00:21:14,197 We use this one enchanted night 555 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,742 to perform the greatest feat of magic there is. 556 00:21:17,825 --> 00:21:20,912 We become ourselves. 557 00:21:20,995 --> 00:21:24,040 Halloween is the true magic. 558 00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:28,544 It is the night we discover who we really are! 559 00:21:28,628 --> 00:21:30,797 [ up-tempo music plays ] 560 00:21:57,115 --> 00:22:00,326 [birds chirping] 561 00:22:00,409 --> 00:22:02,120 Hey. I thought you died. 562 00:22:02,203 --> 00:22:04,205 Well, wouldn't be the first time. 563 00:22:04,288 --> 00:22:05,915 So, where's Dermott? 564 00:22:05,998 --> 00:22:07,792 He's watching the "Twilight Zone" marathon 565 00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,252 with the grown-ups. 566 00:22:09,335 --> 00:22:10,753 So, what happened in the Potter house? 567 00:22:10,837 --> 00:22:14,090 - I learned something. - Something scary? 568 00:22:14,173 --> 00:22:16,884 Well... 569 00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:17,885 W-What? 570 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,637 I guess, um... 571 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,222 I learned that... 572 00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:23,307 beer tastes like pee-pee. 573 00:22:24,305 --> 00:23:24,698 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/75faf Help other users to choose the best subtitles 574 00:23:24,748 --> 00:23:29,298 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41949

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