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1
00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:02,300
? Subbed By BARFNUTS!?
2
00:00:02,301 --> 00:00:03,719
[ Knock on door]
3
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:08,349
Welcome, weary traveler,
to Castle Dracula!
4
00:00:10,091 --> 00:00:11,953
The master is resting now.
5
00:00:12,036 --> 00:00:14,021
Would you like a drink
of blood?
6
00:00:14,104 --> 00:00:16,006
- What is this?
- Blood!
7
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,317
[ Sniffing ]
Tomato... blood?
8
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,486
Ketchup and pepsi blood.
9
00:00:20,569 --> 00:00:22,112
Hmm.
10
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,782
The master awakes,
and he must feed!
11
00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:29,328
I am the monster that
breathing men would kill!
12
00:00:29,411 --> 00:00:31,622
[Transylvanian accent]
l am Dracula! Blah.
13
00:00:31,705 --> 00:00:34,083
All right.
Well, thank you, boys.
14
00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:37,545
That was, uh...
chilling.
15
00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:42,591
HANK:
Here it is, the tomb of the mummy.
16
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:43,926
But be careful.
17
00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,761
The path before us
is dangerous
18
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:48,722
and may even be filled
with mummies!
19
00:00:48,806 --> 00:00:51,225
What?
This is my sock!
20
00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:53,143
What? Gimme that.
21
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,647
Ooooh.
Mummy seeks vengeance.
22
00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:59,358
[grunts]
Mummy... must kill!
23
00:00:59,441 --> 00:01:00,651
Ah!
24
00:01:00,734 --> 00:01:04,655
Pfft. Ha!
25
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:07,867
[ Clatter]
26
00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:10,536
What is going on
up here?!
27
00:01:10,619 --> 00:01:13,289
[dramatic music plays]
28
00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:16,292
Ugh. Brock, get a bucket of
cold water with ammonia
29
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:17,626
and deal with this.
30
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,295
Then meet me
in the tank room.
31
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:23,549
I got to heat up the slugs!
32
00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:25,175
What was that about?
33
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,720
He is impossible
to scare!
34
00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:31,974
[ mouse clicking ]
35
00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:34,143
Working on
the haunted bedroom?
36
00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:36,854
Eh, that's baby stuff.
We're going out tonight.
37
00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:38,439
Oh, uh,
as long as you're here,
38
00:01:38,522 --> 00:01:40,107
I got an e-mail of yours
by mistake,
39
00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:42,651
something about that lump
you keep talking about?
40
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,320
What?!
Let me see that!
41
00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:46,530
What's a malignant...
melanoma?
42
00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:47,656
DEAN:
Ah!
43
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,533
Oh, it stings when I pee!
44
00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,660
I knew I shouldn't have
trusted her!
45
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,288
Dean, you get out here
this instant!
46
00:01:54,371 --> 00:01:55,748
Eh, Doc, there's a ton
of water
47
00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:57,833
dripping from the light
socket in the kitchen.
48
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,835
When was the last time you fixed
the plumbing in this place?!
49
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:01,879
Oh, come on!
You're kidding!
50
00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:03,589
Boo! Gotcha!
51
00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:06,175
So, this was all just --
52
00:02:06,258 --> 00:02:09,345
Finally!
- Happy Halloween, Doc.
53
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:12,681
[ Up-tempo music plays]
54
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,767
[ Creatures growl, wolf howls ]
55
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:22,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
56
00:02:24,735 --> 00:02:26,737
[ Wolf howls ]
57
00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:34,578
It's just
a little get-together
58
00:02:34,662 --> 00:02:36,038
with the magical community.
59
00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:37,748
You won't hear a peep,
I promise.
60
00:02:37,831 --> 00:02:40,584
Fine, but I want
everybody to park their cars
61
00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:42,586
or brooms or whatever
outside the gate.
62
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,214
No loud music or chanting or
anything, either.
63
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:47,841
On behalf of
the Brimstone Assembly,
64
00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:49,093
I thank you.
65
00:02:49,176 --> 00:02:50,177
Oh, hey, Orpheus.
66
00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:51,929
I figured you'd be
in sweatpants
67
00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:53,222
and a wife beater tonight.
68
00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,224
That's not
appropriate attire.
69
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,101
What we wear on the outside
70
00:02:57,184 --> 00:02:59,103
speaks for who we are
on the inside.
71
00:02:59,186 --> 00:03:01,230
No, I mean, like for
Halloween.
72
00:03:01,313 --> 00:03:03,065
Oh, yes, an ironic outfit,
of course.
73
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,775
That would be jolly.
74
00:03:04,858 --> 00:03:06,402
You know, in my youth I was --
75
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,612
Dermott, go back outside
and ring the doorbell.
76
00:03:08,696 --> 00:03:10,239
Oh, hey, Mr. V.
Where's Hank?
77
00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,992
Go back outside
and ring the doorbell.
78
00:03:13,075 --> 00:03:15,703
What, seriously?
79
00:03:17,705 --> 00:03:19,665
You were very hard
on that boy.
80
00:03:19,748 --> 00:03:21,083
I have my reasons.
81
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:23,794
Hank! Dermott's at the door!
82
00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:27,089
[doorbell rings]
83
00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:28,799
Ah, your dad is a dick.
84
00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:30,426
Hey, why aren't you guys dressed?
85
00:03:30,509 --> 00:03:32,803
I thought you said
costumes are for little kids,
86
00:03:32,886 --> 00:03:35,222
And then you show up dressed
like an enchanted mime!
87
00:03:35,305 --> 00:03:37,641
I'm The Crow!
Drink it up, Hank!
88
00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:39,059
And it's not a costume.
It's a disguise.
89
00:03:39,143 --> 00:03:40,644
If the cops see us
in plain clothes,
90
00:03:40,728 --> 00:03:42,312
we're gonna get
hauled in.
91
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,106
Well, why didn't you
tell me?!
92
00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,691
All right.
This will only take a moment.
93
00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:47,776
[ Chuckles ]
94
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,862
I'll take my chances
with the police.
95
00:03:49,945 --> 00:03:52,698
A stupid speed suit is enough.
Call me dangerous.
96
00:03:52,781 --> 00:03:54,450
- Huh? Loser-say-what?
- What?
97
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:55,701
[ Chuckles ]
Exactly.
98
00:03:55,784 --> 00:03:57,369
- What?
- HANK: Ready!
99
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,246
What is that, a trash bag?
100
00:03:59,329 --> 00:04:01,040
I'm a bag of Hank!
101
00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:02,207
Bag of stupid.
102
00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:03,709
Or...
103
00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:05,794
California raisin?
104
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,258
ALCHEMIST:
I am so glad we're having a party!
105
00:04:11,341 --> 00:04:13,802
This is not
a party, Al.
106
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:15,804
We are charged with the honor
of hosting
107
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:19,349
the 331st meeting of the
Brimstone Assembly!
108
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,809
Uh-huh. Sure.
109
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:23,145
So where do you want me to
assemble the chips and dip?
110
00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,481
Oh, by my mini fajitas,
I think would be nice.
111
00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:28,025
Or with the cheeses, since they
are more of an appetizer.
112
00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,985
So, then a star goes
in the circle?
113
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,321
Jefferson,
this isn't "The Craft."
114
00:04:32,404 --> 00:04:34,156
ALCHEMIST:
Well if it was, I'd be Fairuza Balk,
115
00:04:34,239 --> 00:04:36,283
And you'd be
Rachel True.
116
00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:38,702
- Which one is she?
- Hmm, guess.
117
00:04:38,786 --> 00:04:40,162
We are not "The Craft,"
118
00:04:40,245 --> 00:04:42,081
and we don't put
a star in the center.
119
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,083
We have a square representing
perfection
120
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,251
inside a circle
representing unity
121
00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:49,046
inside a triangle representing
simplicity.
122
00:04:49,129 --> 00:04:50,756
Simplicity would be a star
in the middle.
123
00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:52,841
This right here's confusing.
Somebody else do this.
124
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,135
[doorbell rings]
125
00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:56,970
Ugh, I'm boiling in here!
126
00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:58,889
Will you just take off
your cloak?!
127
00:04:58,972 --> 00:05:00,599
Take off your attitude!
128
00:05:00,682 --> 00:05:02,184
I have to keep my red power
mantle on!
129
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:03,769
[ Door opens ]
130
00:05:03,852 --> 00:05:05,437
Hey, you guys are early.
So just --
131
00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:07,773
What the fuck is that?
Seriously.
132
00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:09,775
Oh, so it's okay
when you do it,
133
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:11,777
but when I do it,
I'm a racist!
134
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,195
What the --
135
00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:15,197
We're merely in the guise of
the two-headed man.
136
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,032
I'm Mr. Rosey Grier.
137
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:19,076
Well, that's kind of
my fault.
138
00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:20,911
I told him it was
a costume party
139
00:05:20,994 --> 00:05:22,996
because he simply refused
to attend
140
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,374
when I told him it was
a magic gathering.
141
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:28,919
- Yes! I find those trading-card
games very confusing.
142
00:05:29,002 --> 00:05:33,799
DERMOTT:
Gentlemen, get ready for project mayhem.
143
00:05:33,882 --> 00:05:35,759
Got everything we'll need.
Shaving cream --
144
00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:38,303
Finally! Dean, and I'm trying
to be sensitive here,
145
00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:39,930
but it's about time
146
00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:41,932
we wiped that chocolate
milk off your face.
147
00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:43,767
You're packing a sad
teen-stache there.
148
00:05:43,851 --> 00:05:46,436
DERMOTT: No, dill hole, it's for
spraying on cars and stuff!
149
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,021
Rotten eggs.
150
00:05:48,105 --> 00:05:49,773
Yeah, I buried these in my
backyard for over a month,
151
00:05:49,857 --> 00:05:51,775
and they totally smell like
dead dog fart by now.
152
00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:53,110
[ Muffled gag ]
153
00:05:53,193 --> 00:05:54,778
I'm impressed with your
foresight.
154
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:57,990
And I got a full multipack of
ass wipe for trees and bushes.
155
00:05:58,073 --> 00:06:00,325
What did you guys bring?
156
00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:02,828
Dermott.
Sweet, sweet, naive Dermott.
157
00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:05,956
I brought with me the only thing
you haven't prepared for --
158
00:06:06,039 --> 00:06:07,416
a better idea.
159
00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:10,961
The coup de grace, the crown on
the head of Halloween pranks!
160
00:06:11,044 --> 00:06:13,255
Oh-ho, I like where
you're going.
161
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,132
All right.
What's the idea?
162
00:06:15,215 --> 00:06:19,344
A night in a real
haunted house.
163
00:06:19,428 --> 00:06:20,429
Old Man Potter?
164
00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:22,014
And Bingo was his
name-o.
165
00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:23,390
No way. Count me out.
166
00:06:23,473 --> 00:06:25,225
Dad said we should never
go over there.
167
00:06:25,309 --> 00:06:27,019
[mockingly]
Oh, my dad said I could never go.
168
00:06:27,102 --> 00:06:28,270
Boo, hoo, hoo, I'm Dean.
169
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,857
Dean, we are men old enough to
grow hair on our balls!
170
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:33,609
Now it's time we use 'em
171
00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:35,360
before something else grows
on 'em!
172
00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:38,363
Yeah, go home, put on the
Kidz Bop version of "Thriller,"
173
00:06:38,447 --> 00:06:41,325
then watch the Peanuts special
like every year.
174
00:06:41,408 --> 00:06:42,868
BOTH:
Go, Team Venture.
175
00:06:42,951 --> 00:06:45,162
No!
Fine, I'm going with you guys.
176
00:06:45,245 --> 00:06:48,415
I'll show you
who the real babies are!
177
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:52,127
What are these,
king size?
178
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,503
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
179
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,422
We hand out fun size here,
Hatred.
180
00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:57,883
Doc, we are 15 miles
from the nearest house.
181
00:06:57,966 --> 00:06:59,343
We got an electric fence,
182
00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:01,511
motion-sensitive laser
defense modules.
183
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,847
If a kid makes it
to that front door,
184
00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:06,433
they're getting the big
candy bar!
185
00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:07,726
[ Indistinct conversations ]
186
00:07:07,809 --> 00:07:09,311
DRAGOON:
Just fill it for me.
187
00:07:09,394 --> 00:07:10,938
I literally need a hand here.
188
00:07:11,021 --> 00:07:12,606
No!
No drinking.
189
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:15,609
I'm the one who has to hold
your hair while you throw up!
190
00:07:15,692 --> 00:07:17,152
I can hold our liquor, sir!
191
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,988
The last time you did this,
you vomited for a solid hour!
192
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:22,074
I swear I saw a license plate
come up.
193
00:07:22,157 --> 00:07:24,326
It was like we were gutting
a tiger shark!
194
00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:26,870
He had his ribs removed
so he could just bend over
195
00:07:26,954 --> 00:07:28,872
and enjoy his own...
you know.
196
00:07:28,956 --> 00:07:30,540
Well, that's what I heard,
anyway.
197
00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,417
Marilyn Manson?
Are you sure?
198
00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:34,336
I heard it was Cher that had
the ribs removed.
199
00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,381
Why would she -- Cher doesn't
even have a... you know.
200
00:07:37,464 --> 00:07:39,299
I have yet to meet a woman
201
00:07:39,383 --> 00:07:41,176
that doesn't dress sexy
on Halloween.
202
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,178
Witch?
No, sir -- sexy witch.
203
00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:46,348
Freddie Krueger?
Nope -- sexy Freddie Krueger.
204
00:07:46,431 --> 00:07:49,101
Hm.
Sexy damn Freddie Krueger.
205
00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:52,396
ORPHEUS:
All ye of magical disciplines,
206
00:07:52,479 --> 00:07:55,107
the curtain to the netherworld
is threadbare!
207
00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:57,067
The veil need not be lifted.
208
00:07:57,150 --> 00:08:00,279
On this night, we need only
to peer through it.
209
00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:03,907
May all who enter this circle
harness this sauin
210
00:08:03,991 --> 00:08:05,742
and may their magic be true!
211
00:08:05,826 --> 00:08:09,746
Welcome to the Brimstone
Assembly!
212
00:08:09,830 --> 00:08:11,832
[all cheer]
213
00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:12,833
[doorbell rings]
214
00:08:12,916 --> 00:08:14,293
HATRED:
Oh-ho-ho, ye of little faith!
215
00:08:14,376 --> 00:08:16,962
- I owe you 5 bucks.
- Knew it!
216
00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,547
Those lasers have a dilly
of a time
217
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:19,923
hitting small things.
218
00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,049
BOTH:
Trick or treat!
219
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,385
Oh, Pete and Billy
don't count.
220
00:08:23,468 --> 00:08:25,137
No payout.
- Fine, no payout.
221
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,388
What are you guys?
222
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:27,973
I'm the thinner, whiter Duke.
223
00:08:28,056 --> 00:08:31,059
And I'm Rusty Venture,
boy adventurer.
224
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,270
That's more
disturbing than flattering.
225
00:08:33,353 --> 00:08:34,813
Ohh, king size!
226
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,524
Pfft, last year, Doc gave us
a little thing of smarties
227
00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:39,276
to split between the both of us!
228
00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:41,695
Wanna double
the wager?
229
00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:42,946
Oh, I'll triple it!
230
00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,073
[doorbell rings]
231
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,408
Why are you
still here?
232
00:08:46,491 --> 00:08:48,577
We came to hang out
with you guys.
233
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,288
With the weight
of a plume...
234
00:08:51,371 --> 00:08:53,832
As inflexible as cut timber...
235
00:08:53,915 --> 00:08:55,417
BOTH:
We raise aloft.
236
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,293
[all gasp]
237
00:08:56,376 --> 00:08:57,419
[applause]
238
00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:59,421
Oh, that is the work
of the devil!
239
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:02,799
That is the work of a teenage
girl's sleepover!
240
00:09:02,883 --> 00:09:04,468
[owl hoots, crickets chirping]
241
00:09:04,551 --> 00:09:05,886
DERMOTT:
So, uh, is Old Man Potter,
242
00:09:05,969 --> 00:09:08,096
like, some sort of a child
murderer or something cool?
243
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,973
No idea. My pop just told us
our whole life
244
00:09:10,057 --> 00:09:11,767
to keep away
from the Potter place.
245
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,268
Never said why.
246
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,478
He probably skins children
247
00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:16,396
and makes shoes out of 'em
or something.
248
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,273
Man, I never knew this
place was here.
249
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,317
I'm pretty sure this is
all part of our property.
250
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,319
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure it is, Richie Rich.
251
00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:24,071
Well, you know,
since you own it,
252
00:09:24,154 --> 00:09:25,614
why don't you go inside first?
253
00:09:25,697 --> 00:09:26,698
Why don't you?
254
00:09:26,782 --> 00:09:28,241
- 1, 2, 3.
- BOTH: Not it!
255
00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:29,910
Not it.
You know what? Fine.
256
00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:31,828
I-It's just an old house anyway.
257
00:09:31,912 --> 00:09:34,331
Gimme the flashlight.
258
00:09:34,414 --> 00:09:36,458
DERMOTT:
ls he brave or stupid?
259
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,251
Mm, I think he just
wants to be alone.
260
00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:57,813
[ Wood creaks ]
261
00:09:57,896 --> 00:10:00,399
Hello?
[ spitting ]
262
00:10:02,692 --> 00:10:03,693
Hello?
263
00:10:04,945 --> 00:10:06,947
Is anyone in here?
264
00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:10,617
Hello?
265
00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:15,664
All right. Screw this.
It's been long enough.
266
00:10:15,747 --> 00:10:17,040
[grunts]
267
00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,291
- Aah!
- [ roars ]
268
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,336
Aah! Aah! Yah!
269
00:10:22,462 --> 00:10:25,257
MAN:
No acrofrontofacionasal dysostosis
270
00:10:25,340 --> 00:10:28,051
with comorbid idiopathic
hirsutism
271
00:10:28,135 --> 00:10:30,053
In the orbital region,
272
00:10:30,137 --> 00:10:33,223
yet clear early stage
androgenic alopecia.
273
00:10:33,306 --> 00:10:36,351
Poor little bastard.
Probably a genetic source,
274
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,645
as the testosterone balance
seems adequate,
275
00:10:38,728 --> 00:10:41,606
judging from the near
lanugo facial display.
276
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:43,316
Eh, pupillary response good.
277
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,152
The subject is free of any
fetiform teratoma
278
00:10:45,235 --> 00:10:49,239
and appears to have normal
heart and lung function.
279
00:10:49,322 --> 00:10:51,408
It's an impressive bag of meat,
this one.
280
00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,118
Wait, no, d--
get out of there!
281
00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:55,537
We do not smell balls,
Reco!
282
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,247
Bad boy! Down!
283
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:58,707
[applause]
284
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:01,334
Well, that was...
a... nice try.
285
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:03,128
Ohh.
It usually works.
286
00:11:03,211 --> 00:11:05,130
Serves you right,
you blasphemer!
287
00:11:05,213 --> 00:11:07,507
ORPHEUS:
Well, that was a nice attempt
288
00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:10,260
at a conjuring
by our friend Chris.
289
00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:12,095
Curse!
Not Chris -- it's Curse!
290
00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:13,722
And now we have Red Mantle,
291
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:16,141
one of the oldest members
of The Brimstone Assembly
292
00:11:16,224 --> 00:11:17,684
with his, uh, ah, his,
uh --
293
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,644
Twist on a classic!
294
00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:22,105
You gonna play the banjo
while he sings "mammy"?
295
00:11:22,189 --> 00:11:24,024
- DRAGOON: No! I'm Rosy Grier.
- RED MANTLE: I will, if you all
296
00:11:24,107 --> 00:11:25,650
concentrate with me
and harness the spirits...
297
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,569
DRAGOON: He didn't tell me about
this Easy Bake Coven he's a part of.
298
00:11:27,652 --> 00:11:29,571
RED MANTLE: ...that roam free
on this All Hallows Eve,
299
00:11:29,654 --> 00:11:32,324
attempt to pull a rabbit
from this hat!
300
00:11:32,407 --> 00:11:34,326
So, where's the twist,
Bullwinkle?
301
00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:36,119
I'm actually gonna do it!
302
00:11:36,203 --> 00:11:38,121
Actually pull a rabbit
from this hat!
303
00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:40,457
There's nothing up my sleeves
or anything!
304
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,459
- That's what they all say.
- No, seriously!
305
00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:45,170
I'm going to do it for real!
It's really hard!
306
00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:46,588
Oh, uh, that's what she said!
307
00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:48,590
Oh, she said nothing
of the sort!
308
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:49,591
[crickets chirping ]
309
00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:52,344
DOC: Come on.
BILLY: Come on. Come on. Come on!
310
00:11:52,427 --> 00:11:54,471
[ laser sentries beeping ]
311
00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:56,264
HATRED:
Ehh, no.
312
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,183
DOC:
Ohh, so close.
313
00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,351
10 more feet,
and I would've won.
314
00:11:59,434 --> 00:12:02,312
I'm telling you, they're way
better off without parents.
315
00:12:02,395 --> 00:12:04,272
Those lasers
just pick 'em right off.
316
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,316
I had my money
on electric fence.
317
00:12:06,399 --> 00:12:08,235
Who had laser sentry?
- I had lasers!
318
00:12:08,318 --> 00:12:10,529
Oh, that is 10 bucks
from each of you.
319
00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:14,324
Rust, what the hell is this,
cola and tomato soup?
320
00:12:14,407 --> 00:12:16,409
Close.
It's ketchup and bourbon.
321
00:12:16,493 --> 00:12:18,203
I call it a Hunchback.
322
00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:20,247
Hank gave me the idea
a long time ago.
323
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,289
[ Coyote howls ]
324
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:22,666
DERMOTT:
Nah, the pretzel part is lame.
325
00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:25,835
It's really those little
pumpernickel slices that are --
326
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,462
Wrong. It's -- it's
the actual cereal pieces.
327
00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,381
[chuckling ]
Oh, my god, when they're filled
328
00:12:29,464 --> 00:12:30,757
with that big hunk of flavor stuff?
329
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,676
Precisely!
Those are the best part!
330
00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,511
Oh, totally.
331
00:12:34,594 --> 00:12:37,180
- Should we go get him?
- You wanna get Chex Mix?
332
00:12:37,264 --> 00:12:40,225
No, get him. Get Dean.
He's been in there forever.
333
00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:42,185
No way.
He's going for it.
334
00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:43,520
A night in a haunted house?
335
00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:44,771
Come on, freaking classic!
336
00:12:44,854 --> 00:12:47,857
It's the only cool thing
he's ever done.
337
00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:49,859
Huh?
338
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,987
What's those --
what's going on?
339
00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:53,572
Oh, you're awake.
Finally.
340
00:12:53,655 --> 00:12:54,698
You've been out for an hour
341
00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,700
on one hit of chloroform,
lightweight.
342
00:12:56,783 --> 00:12:58,118
Eh, your brother's
the same thing --
343
00:12:58,201 --> 00:12:59,661
sleeps like 10 hours a day
344
00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:01,663
ever since you stopped
with the learning beds.
345
00:13:01,746 --> 00:13:03,665
What's going on here?
How do you know that?
346
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:05,667
I've been watching you
your whole life,
347
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,086
since you were born,
and every time after that.
348
00:13:08,169 --> 00:13:10,088
- What are you, a perv?
- Heh, hardly.
349
00:13:10,171 --> 00:13:11,715
You don't know who I am,
do you?
350
00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,383
Your dad never told you
about me?
351
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,385
He just said to stay away
from the Potter house.
352
00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:17,387
Who the fuck is Potter?
My name's Ben.
353
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:20,682
Wait, did he say stay away
from Potter's field?
354
00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:22,350
I don't know. Maybe.
355
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:23,560
Well, that makes sense.
356
00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:25,478
That whole field out there?
Mass grave.
357
00:13:25,562 --> 00:13:27,272
Between your grandpap
and your old man,
358
00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:29,274
there's been hundreds of people
killed on your property.
359
00:13:29,357 --> 00:13:31,359
All of 'em are buried
out there.
360
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,361
They call those Potter's fields,
but I ain't Potter.
361
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:34,487
I'm Ben.
362
00:13:34,571 --> 00:13:36,406
- [ Chatters ]
- Oh, gross!
363
00:13:36,489 --> 00:13:38,033
Come on!
Get that thing off me!
364
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:40,160
Reco, what -- what is
your problem?!
365
00:13:40,243 --> 00:13:41,286
[screeches, grunts ]
366
00:13:41,369 --> 00:13:42,787
Yeah, looks like Reco
likes you --
367
00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:43,997
or your balls at least.
368
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,249
- What the hell was that?
- Oh, Reco?
369
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,418
Recombinant lusus naturae.
370
00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:50,295
That's his full, fancy name.
371
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:52,297
He's not used to guests.
I don't know what's up with him.
372
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,758
Listen, Mister.
Can you just let me down?
373
00:13:54,841 --> 00:13:57,260
I won't hurt you or anything.
I promise.
374
00:13:57,344 --> 00:13:58,678
No. No, no, no.
Of course.
375
00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,513
Oh, you're not a prisoner
or nothing.
376
00:14:00,597 --> 00:14:02,265
Nah, I just wanted to see
how you turned out.
377
00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:03,850
You're a damn miracle!
378
00:14:03,933 --> 00:14:05,852
You got the onset of ocular
degradation, but I think
379
00:14:05,935 --> 00:14:08,104
you'll look good in Buddy Holly
glasses or something.
380
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,606
Why do you care how
I turned out?
381
00:14:09,689 --> 00:14:11,107
I care because...
382
00:14:11,191 --> 00:14:13,777
well, I guess you could say
that I care...
383
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:17,489
because I brought you
into this world.
384
00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:19,616
OUTRIDER: Almost got it!
[chuckles]
385
00:14:19,699 --> 00:14:21,785
The blue side keeps getting
messed up
386
00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:23,662
when I do the red side.
387
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:25,664
Submit to desire.
388
00:14:25,747 --> 00:14:27,916
I offer you ultimate pleasure.
389
00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:31,628
Your thirst.
Your lust is hunger.
390
00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:33,630
Submit to my toast --
391
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:36,007
my pleasure toast.
392
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:37,509
You hunger for it.
393
00:14:37,592 --> 00:14:40,470
Wait! Now I've got it!
Look, all sides!
394
00:14:40,553 --> 00:14:41,388
Aah.
395
00:14:41,471 --> 00:14:43,473
[sighs]
Super, well, ta-da!
396
00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:46,226
[applause]
397
00:14:46,309 --> 00:14:47,852
JEFFERSON:
Oh, man. I'm glad we're back.
398
00:14:47,936 --> 00:14:50,313
- Are they done?
- Yes, finally.
399
00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:52,691
- That was horrible!
- Oh, ungodly blasphemers!
400
00:14:52,774 --> 00:14:55,568
No, here I agree with you.
That was way too kinky!
401
00:14:55,652 --> 00:14:57,987
Well, I certainly hope
that kind of magic
402
00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,407
does not occur in their home,
403
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,492
what with them raising my child!
404
00:15:02,575 --> 00:15:04,744
Oh, you old fuddy-duddy.
Let it go!
405
00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:06,329
Go outside and cool off.
406
00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:08,415
[ Breathes deeply]
407
00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:12,502
Now, huh, let us welcome your
favorite seeker of truth,
408
00:15:12,585 --> 00:15:14,671
The Alchemist.
[applause]
409
00:15:14,754 --> 00:15:16,923
Thank you.
You're very generous.
410
00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:21,177
Okay, news flash!
This is completely lame!
411
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:22,637
It's Halloween, people!
412
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,806
Let's get down to some
raisin' of the dead!
413
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,142
Let's make some zombies,
huh?!
414
00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:28,768
Am I wrong?!
415
00:15:28,852 --> 00:15:32,605
You are wrong, and you are
a dark-sided blasphemer!
416
00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:34,733
Ah, anyone besides
Al Jolson?
417
00:15:34,816 --> 00:15:36,818
Okay!
Let's get it on!
418
00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:42,490
[sighs]
419
00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,367
DERMOTT:
All right. Yeah. I see the belt.
420
00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:47,829
But the hunter part is, like,
it's a bunch of stars.
421
00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:49,289
Yeah, it's a stretch,
I know.
422
00:15:49,372 --> 00:15:51,374
[sniffs]
Aw, dude! Did you just SBD?
423
00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:53,042
Oh, yeah -- 100%.
424
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,253
I am baking brownies
in the back door.
425
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:56,421
I don't know
what's going on.
426
00:15:56,504 --> 00:15:59,174
Aw, aw, huh, oh!
It smells just like food!
427
00:15:59,257 --> 00:16:01,176
Hey, uh, Hank,
you want a cupcake?
428
00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:03,178
- Why, you got one?
- [farts] Cupcake.
429
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,180
[gags,coughs]
Knock it off!
430
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:06,723
You said you wanted
a cupcake!
431
00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:07,724
Oh!
[thud]
432
00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:09,559
Oh, hey.
Dude, what are you doing?
433
00:16:09,642 --> 00:16:11,394
What? Nothing.
434
00:16:11,478 --> 00:16:13,521
[ Muffled roar]
435
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:16,483
[stammering]
436
00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:22,447
DERMOTT:
Whoa!
437
00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:23,865
HANK:
[stammering]
438
00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,784
Whoa! Whoa!
Move, dude!
439
00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:28,953
HANK:
Super fuckin' run away!
440
00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:30,955
- [ Gasping]
- BEN: Dean, calm down, will ya?
441
00:16:31,039 --> 00:16:33,666
You're taking this all wrong.
- Wrong?!
442
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:36,628
You're telling me I'm a clone,
that I'm not even Dean,
443
00:16:36,711 --> 00:16:39,005
that I'm some stupid science
experiment!
444
00:16:39,088 --> 00:16:40,715
How do you want me
to take it'?!
445
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,258
No, come on. No, no, no.
You're Dean.
446
00:16:42,342 --> 00:16:44,052
There's no other Dean.
You're it, flesh and blood.
447
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:46,054
Look, I was conceived
in the backseat of a Packard.
448
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:48,473
You were conceived in a tank.
So what?
449
00:16:48,556 --> 00:16:50,433
So I have no mommy,
no nothing?!
450
00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,018
Dean, you have it all wrong.
451
00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:54,020
You have a mommy,
and your dad is your dad.
452
00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:55,730
They made you
by getting drunk
453
00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,441
and forgetting to wear
a condom, like everybody else.
454
00:16:58,525 --> 00:17:00,485
And your dad loved you
so much
455
00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:03,446
that when you got
a boo-boo, he kissed it
456
00:17:03,530 --> 00:17:05,448
and made it all better
and made it go away.
457
00:17:05,532 --> 00:17:07,450
You brought me
back to life!
458
00:17:07,534 --> 00:17:09,452
Yeah, okay.
Well, you and your brother had
459
00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:11,079
some pretty big boo-boos.
460
00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:12,789
I'm freakin'
Frankenstein --
461
00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:15,166
I mean, Frankenstein's
monster... whatever!
462
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,793
You can't play God!
463
00:17:16,876 --> 00:17:18,461
Will you knock it off?
464
00:17:18,545 --> 00:17:20,213
We didn't make you
from a lotus flower, Dean.
465
00:17:20,296 --> 00:17:21,714
We made you from you.
466
00:17:21,798 --> 00:17:24,008
It's just...
it's just so wrong!
467
00:17:24,092 --> 00:17:26,010
Have a kid one day, Dean.
468
00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:28,012
Hold its lifeless body
in your arms,
469
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:29,681
and then tell me
how wrong it is.
470
00:17:29,764 --> 00:17:32,392
Your grandpap and I perfected
genetic engineering
471
00:17:32,475 --> 00:17:35,812
because God or whatever gave us
a perfect map to do so.
472
00:17:35,895 --> 00:17:38,189
Jonas, me, and,
yes, your dad saw it
473
00:17:38,273 --> 00:17:40,483
as nothing more than
a fuckin' band-aid
474
00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:42,652
for a really big boo-boo.
475
00:17:42,735 --> 00:17:44,529
Hey, you --
you want a beer?
476
00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:45,947
I think I do.
477
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,032
Don't tell your dad.
478
00:17:51,494 --> 00:17:53,496
[zombies growling]
479
00:18:07,594 --> 00:18:09,679
Ho! Ho! Ho!
480
00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:11,973
[bells jingling]
481
00:18:12,056 --> 00:18:14,058
[zombies scream ]
482
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,565
- They're gonna make it.
- Oh, man!
483
00:18:20,648 --> 00:18:22,567
I am the only one
who has money on this!
484
00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,402
This is gonna be
a massive payout!
485
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,404
Oh, don't start
counting it yet.
486
00:18:26,487 --> 00:18:28,031
They have two more
sentries left,
487
00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:29,866
and that pirate looks
pretty tall.
488
00:18:29,949 --> 00:18:31,868
Come on, kid!
Jump around a little!
489
00:18:31,951 --> 00:18:33,786
No, you stay
nice and steady.
490
00:18:33,870 --> 00:18:35,705
Straight line between you
and the candy.
491
00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:39,542
Nice... and...
straight.
492
00:18:39,626 --> 00:18:41,210
[doorbell rings]
- HATRED: Yeah!
493
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,421
- BILLY: Amazing!
- DOC: Oh, that's insane!
494
00:18:43,504 --> 00:18:44,881
ALL:
Trick or treat!
495
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:48,801
You are the luckiest kids
ever!
496
00:18:51,054 --> 00:18:53,681
- [all gasp]
- Greetings shitheads.
497
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,266
What's going on?
498
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:58,686
Bow down, you buffoons!
That's The Master!
499
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:00,563
Ah, it's about damn time!
500
00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:03,858
Hello. You all know me.
I live in many of your closets.
501
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:04,984
And guess what?
502
00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:07,445
You dinks have forced me
out of the closet.
503
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:09,864
- You go, girl!
- Solidarity, my brother!
504
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,367
My master, why have you
chosen the form
505
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,911
of Father Christmas?
506
00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:17,914
Oh, I'm sorry. Should I have
chosen The Halloween Ferret?
507
00:19:17,997 --> 00:19:20,083
Not a lot of options
here, pal.
508
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,085
You're not Santa!
You are the devil!
509
00:19:22,168 --> 00:19:23,920
How dare -- ohh...
510
00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:26,506
Red Mantle, you know better
than bringing a normal here,
511
00:19:26,589 --> 00:19:28,883
even if he is wearing black.
That's not cool.
512
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,052
I didn't want to miss
the party.
513
00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,096
You know what?
The party's over, okay?
514
00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:35,640
I just had to put hundreds of
zombies back in the ground.
515
00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:37,642
You've lost the true meaning
of Christmas.
516
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:40,478
This is the day
that a baby was born
517
00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:44,065
to remind us that we shouldn't
raise an army of dead guys
518
00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:46,150
just because we can!
519
00:19:47,276 --> 00:19:49,195
[ Breathes deeply]
520
00:19:49,278 --> 00:19:50,947
KIDS:
Trick or treat!
521
00:19:51,030 --> 00:19:53,658
Oh, well!
Look at you!
522
00:19:53,741 --> 00:19:54,951
Oh, my.
523
00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:57,495
Ah, could you wait here
momentarily?
524
00:19:57,578 --> 00:20:02,917
I have some delicious hors
d'oeuvres inside.
525
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:05,211
Oh, hey, Orpheus.
You missed all the fun.
526
00:20:05,294 --> 00:20:08,047
Your idiot friends had
the great idea
527
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,425
to reanimate a graveyard.
528
00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:12,301
- Isn't that neat?
- Not neat!
529
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,721
There are children
walking the streets!
530
00:20:14,804 --> 00:20:17,432
I'm so disappointed
in all of you!
531
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:18,850
Ooh, I smell a lecture.
532
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,560
Okay, okay, take it easy
on 'em.
533
00:20:20,643 --> 00:20:23,062
They didn't know that daddy
keeps bullets in his gun.
534
00:20:23,146 --> 00:20:24,939
I will, my master.
535
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,899
You're my best pupil
and all that crap.
536
00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:28,651
- Thank you, my master.
537
00:20:28,735 --> 00:20:30,653
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Merry Christmas to all,
538
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:32,363
and to all a good night.
539
00:20:32,447 --> 00:20:35,867
Ho, ho, ho!
540
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:38,703
Uh, hey.
Super sorry, Orpheus.
541
00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:42,123
We just got, you know, swept up
in the Halloween spirit.
542
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:44,250
That is not
the spirit of Halloween.
543
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,836
This is a night of true magic.
544
00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:50,006
Halloween is the night
we discover who we are.
545
00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:52,800
Are we people
who make zombie armies?
546
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:55,428
Are we those
who condemn others?
547
00:20:55,511 --> 00:20:58,598
Or are we beautiful children
in resplendent costumes
548
00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:00,600
collecting candy?
549
00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:03,227
Are our choices in costumes provocative?
550
00:21:03,311 --> 00:21:06,689
Do we dress up
as our ideal self?
551
00:21:06,773 --> 00:21:08,274
Or are we not ready to decide
what to be?
552
00:21:08,357 --> 00:21:10,276
Dude, knock it off!
553
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,111
Do you see it now?
554
00:21:12,195 --> 00:21:14,197
We use this
one enchanted night
555
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,742
to perform the greatest feat
of magic there is.
556
00:21:17,825 --> 00:21:20,912
We become ourselves.
557
00:21:20,995 --> 00:21:24,040
Halloween is the true magic.
558
00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:28,544
It is the night we discover
who we really are!
559
00:21:28,628 --> 00:21:30,797
[ up-tempo music plays ]
560
00:21:57,115 --> 00:22:00,326
[birds chirping]
561
00:22:00,409 --> 00:22:02,120
Hey.
I thought you died.
562
00:22:02,203 --> 00:22:04,205
Well, wouldn't be
the first time.
563
00:22:04,288 --> 00:22:05,915
So, where's Dermott?
564
00:22:05,998 --> 00:22:07,792
He's watching
the "Twilight Zone" marathon
565
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,252
with the grown-ups.
566
00:22:09,335 --> 00:22:10,753
So, what happened
in the Potter house?
567
00:22:10,837 --> 00:22:14,090
- I learned something.
- Something scary?
568
00:22:14,173 --> 00:22:16,884
Well...
569
00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:17,885
W-What?
570
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,637
I guess, um...
571
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,222
I learned that...
572
00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:23,307
beer tastes like pee-pee.
573
00:22:24,305 --> 00:23:24,698
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