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00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,963
DOC: All right, there's a
fridge full of Steak-Ums,
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00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,632
but you gotta microwave them.
3
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,133
I don't want you using
the stove when we're gone.
4
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,718
You can't microwave Steak-Ums.
5
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:10,719
They get all hard!
6
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,013
DEAN: If it's a choice
between this and the speed suit,
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00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,057
I choose the speed suit.
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DOC:
Let me see my junior scientist!
9
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,937
Ahh, I wore that suit
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,897
when I had my first New York assignment.
11
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,357
Ooh, if that suit could talk--
12
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,777
It would say "Kill me!
I'm a hideous monster!"
13
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,778
See?
14
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,446
Your brother is just jealous.
15
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,323
Oh, yeah, I'm jealous that I
don't get to go to New York
16
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,951
dressed as the Jamaican
flag to work for no pay.
17
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,702
It's an internship, Hank.
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00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,996
They pay you with experience
and an impressive r�sum�!
19
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,958
Yeah, I'm gonna load up the X-1, Doc.
20
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,626
Hey, soldier, you flying with us?
21
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,710
Oh, no!
22
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,045
He's staying right here,
23
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,047
and he's getting a job
by the time we get back.
24
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,091
I told you that's gonna be no problem.
25
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,759
But I warn you that, unlike Dean,
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00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,761
I will not be working for the man,
27
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,138
and I plan on getting paid.
28
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,267
Now, I've narrowed down my list.
29
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,603
Well, at least you crossed out mafia don,
30
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,438
fire eater, traveling racecar salesman,
31
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,899
and my favorite -- gigolo.
32
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,986
Once I found out it had nothing
to do with Italian ice cream,
33
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:09,903
it lost its allure.
34
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,071
'Sup, Team Venture.
35
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,407
Great! Dermott's gonna help you get a job.
36
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,450
Uh, Mr. V., I have a full-time job,
37
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,328
and I teach Ninjitsu classes
on the weekends.
38
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,039
Technically, he wears that weird,
padded giant baby suit
39
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,083
for a rape-prevention class.
40
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,043
That's a huge confidence builder.
41
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,420
All right, we got to get going.
42
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,047
I don't want to have
to fly at night in the X-1.
43
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,049
I get the lights mixed up with the lasers,
44
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,051
and then I end up blowing stuff up.
45
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,470
I-I-I just don't want to blow stuff up
46
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:36,430
'cause I can't see.
47
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,390
Hank, I get back in three days.
48
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,434
Four if Hatred got The Music Man tickets.
49
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,728
Ohh... yeah, we got tickets!
50
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,605
? We got tickets to a Broadway show ?
51
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,440
? And that rhymes with "T"... ?
52
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,108
I'm gonna go get the X-1.
53
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:51,361
Four days, Hank, and
you better be employed.
54
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,036
[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYS]
55
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,872
Yeah, uh, what is a pop-top?
56
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,957
Uh, we take a toaster tart,
57
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,959
we shave off the top,
and that's served on a bed
58
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,211
of kind of crumbled toaster tart.
59
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,464
Okay. I'll have that and a--
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00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,090
Fruit punch. It's all we got.
61
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,092
All righty. You have cherry?
62
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:14,968
Well, maybe.
63
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,219
Maybe? What is maybe?
64
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,306
Maybe is we have red.
65
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,100
Not quite what I had
in mind for employment.
66
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,186
I see you have an interest
67
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,896
in our fine collection of remote controls.
68
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,023
Well, if you put your
address on our mailing list,
69
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,316
we'll be sure to contact you
when we get more in.
70
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,109
Hank, you know my address.
71
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,319
It's here. I live here.
72
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,113
And I don't plan on buying
back any more of my remotes.
73
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,573
But I am coming back for my shoes.
74
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,241
I hope we carry your size.
75
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,161
Hank, you carry my size
because those are all my shoes.
76
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,120
[BELL DINGS]
77
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,456
I'm sorry. I have another customer.
78
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:45,540
Banking needs?
79
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:49,461
Uh, no, I-I just need
a few things notarized.
80
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,213
That's two departments down.
81
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,382
Dermott, finish up with this gentleman.
82
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,176
All right, these are all final-sale items.
83
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,472
Changing the terms of my child support.
84
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,475
Remember when your wife used
to screw you without paperwork?
85
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,144
That's very appropriate
for the boy to hear.
86
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,271
You hear a lot in my line of work.
87
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,857
Okay, just sign here,
initial here, and here.
88
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,943
Nikki, don't be a douche.
Just come pick me up!
89
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,027
Dude, what?!
90
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,904
Do you carry double-A batteries?
91
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,906
Hank removed all the
batteries from my remotes.
92
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,783
I don't know. Try the
electronics department.
93
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035
Mom was supposed to
pick me up two hours ago!
94
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,120
You gotta!
95
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,913
And I assume you're the third party?
96
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,708
Compared to Mr. Fun, I'm the entire party.
97
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,876
Dude, my mom's freakin' AWOL.
98
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,002
I need a ride home.
99
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,004
So, your mom's missing?
100
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,549
Okay, meet me at that table over there.
101
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,300
One moment, gentlemen.
102
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:42,222
Mine, mine, mine, mine...
103
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:49,229
Tssss!
104
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,313
Smooth.
105
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,314
[COUGHS]
106
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,315
Buy you a drink?
107
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,277
Are you seri-- Totally!
108
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,361
What is this, apple juice?
109
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:57,612
Only the best.
110
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,114
So, what's the score?
111
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,031
Badger game?
112
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,200
Blow some cabbage on a dirty bang-tail?
113
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,536
Get dizzy on some Jasper's dame?
114
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,205
Dude, I can't find my mom,
so I need a ride home.
115
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,167
Missing person?
116
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,418
Okay, I'll take the case.
117
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,336
Now let's start from the beginning.
118
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,338
Tell me everything.
119
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,341
[THINKING] It started out as
another case of "where's mommy?"
120
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:21,011
Then it turned tail faster
than a kicked pooch.
121
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,221
Either I'm being played for a patsy
122
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,600
or that palooka is actually Brock's kid.
123
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,685
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
124
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,104
You gonna come in,
or are you looking for studs in the wall?
125
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,106
If I thought there were studs here,
126
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,650
I wouldn't be sitting outside trying
to get a snack from Caf� Hank.
127
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:36,943
Caf�'s closed.
128
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,863
But if you just want to wag
your chin, grab some bench.
129
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,072
Ahh!
130
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,491
When I moved in with Orpheus,
131
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,117
he neglected to tell me
132
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,661
that there's nothing
around here open past 8:30.
133
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:50,248
Ahh, the old private-dick game huh?
134
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,960
I'm more public and less private
about the dick game these days,
135
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,254
but because I'm bored out of my gourd,
136
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:57,380
let's hear the case.
137
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,548
Well, Dermott--
138
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,300
The big creepy kid you hang around with?
139
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,301
The same.
140
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:02,844
Well, he can't find his mom.
141
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:03,845
Solved!
142
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,347
She picked him up four hours ago.
143
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,264
You were right there.
144
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,224
Yeah, that was solved.
145
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,726
But when he was giving me
the facts of the case,
146
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,353
he dropped a bombshell right on my lap.
147
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,355
I found out something I can't believe.
148
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,940
I-- I don't want to believe it.
149
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,025
Did he tell you he likes
to kill small animals?
150
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,069
Because that kid's wa-eird!
151
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,363
Right? I used to think that, too, but, no.
152
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,949
He comes out and tells me
he thinks his dad is Brock.
153
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,867
Get out! Really?
154
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,203
Seriously. And I don't know what to do.
155
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,163
Well, you have to solve this case!
156
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,373
That's what the sign is for!
157
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,833
That's why you have the hat!
158
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,459
That's why you have the whip!
159
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,335
Wait. Why do you have a whip?
160
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,586
Came with the hat.
161
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,712
It's a detective's whip.
162
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:38,797
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
163
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,923
In the back!
164
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,179
Hey, has anyone seen Dermott?
165
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,348
He left with your mom like four hours ago.
166
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,350
I drove all the way from the Highlands.
167
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,519
You think he could've called me
to tell me he got a ride.
168
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,645
You know Dermott.
169
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,689
He's not one for politeness,
but he's a good kid.
170
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,857
If you don't get an apology,
171
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,358
I'll make him buy you flowers, deal?
172
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,318
Deal. What are you guys doing?
173
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,528
Me and Al have a job.
174
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,613
I'd bend your ear on it,
but a pretty dame like you
175
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,156
shouldn't get involved
with this kind of thing.
176
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,157
It's too dangerous.
177
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,243
Dangerous? Uh-huh.
178
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,578
No, seriously, what are you guys doing?
179
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,954
Scram, doll!
180
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,831
I don't want to think
about a body like yours
181
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:13,915
getting busted up over this.
182
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,458
[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
183
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,543
Thanks.
184
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,421
Uh, hey, Hank, I just want to thank you
185
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,590
for keeping Dermott
out of trouble and stuff.
186
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,133
Like I said, he's a good kid.
187
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,092
Now drift, doll.
188
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,343
We got to get some work done.
189
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,137
Okay. Bye, Hank.
190
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,680
- And, um...
- Al.
191
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:31,224
I'm his, uh, gal Friday, I guess.
192
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,475
Right, right...
193
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,312
Oh, Hank, um, I don't think
Dermott's going to apologize
194
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:39,608
to anyone, so, uh, why don't
you stop by with those flowers?
195
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,484
Hank, you were amazing!
196
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,819
When did you get so smooth?
197
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:43,737
It's the hat!
198
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,281
I have had a crush on
Dermott's sister forever!
199
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,408
I've never said anything to her before!
200
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,535
She was on you like Sid on Nancy!
201
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,454
All right, Hank, I'm in.
202
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,749
I'll be your partner
'til we solve this case
203
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:59,252
or till I get completely bored doing it!
204
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,423
HANK: [VOICEOVER] Me and
Al hit the dives and flophouses
205
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,967
trying to dig up some info on this dame.
206
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,637
We had the kind of luck that
turns a professional gambler
207
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,513
into an amateur murderer.
208
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,016
Your basic boob ain't too keen on dicks.
209
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,392
When a bum sees a dick coming,
210
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,103
he don't stick around for the credits.
211
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,482
Seems this old broad wasn't
so popular with the men folk.
212
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,276
Every jobbie in this
burg knew the old frail,
213
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,030
but nobody copped to pitching woo.
214
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,448
Geez, can you blame them?
215
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,991
Look at this old townie.
216
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:33,495
Hank, what was that about the
bums not liking dicks coming?
217
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,454
Ow!
218
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,247
What! He-- He said that!
219
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,333
Or was it boobs-- Ow!
220
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,210
Sorry, Hank. Never met her before.
221
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,003
- She said I knocked her up?
- Her kid said you did.
222
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,630
What, are you friends with babies now?
223
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,965
The baby's grown up.
224
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,216
This happened 17 years ago.
225
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,176
Oh, I thought now that
you're hanging around
226
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,428
- with guys like this--
- What are you staring at?
227
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,306
I-- I'm sorry. Have we
slept together before?
228
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,225
- Um, no.
- Would you like to?
229
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,393
HANK:
Al, quit eyeballing the Nance.
230
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,477
We're on a case.
231
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,479
Yeah, I think I'd remember this one.
232
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,774
I don't even want to think about
what this mess looked like back then.
233
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:03,775
Could not have been good.
234
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,485
Maybe on a lonely night...
235
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,278
I've never been that drunk,
236
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,405
and I've never been that desperate.
237
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,281
Sorry, kid.
238
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,449
[HORN HONKS]
239
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,535
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
240
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,544
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
241
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:06,504
Relax!
242
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,173
I just want to talk to you.
243
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,632
I-- I didn't steal those games!
244
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,302
They were defective so
they're just being thrown out!
245
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,762
I'm not mall security!
246
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:14,763
What-- So who are you?
247
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,765
- [WHIP CRACKS]
- He works with me.
248
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,309
He's The Alchemist, seeker of truth.
249
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,603
You're a superhero guy and
you're hanging out with Hank?
250
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,481
Look, Pudgy McTalk-a-lot,
I just got dumped by my lover
251
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,901
who then tossed me out on my jobless ass
252
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,153
so I had to move in with
my boring team member
253
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,490
who lives in the 'burbs
and never does squat!
254
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,909
And I just-- I just told
you too much, didn't I!
255
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,494
Uh, dude, no shit.
256
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,662
Geez, Al, let the palooka down.
257
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,790
We have a couple more
questions about your case.
258
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,084
Case? I needed a ride home, doofus.
259
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,170
What is this, "the case of my
mom forgot her cellphone"?
260
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,296
No, Wisenheimer!
261
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,298
It's the case of "you tell us the truth
262
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,925
or Al will make your dentist a rich man"!
263
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,051
What are you--
264
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,052
Oh, right! Sorry.
265
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,013
You tell me your old man is Brock Samson.
266
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,390
You think I'm gonna let that slide? Huh?!
267
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,476
I did some checking, and
your facts ain't adding up.
268
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,685
Samson's a ringer.
269
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,479
Well, that's what my freakin'
mom told me, you douche.
270
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,232
Now let me go. I got to get back to work.
271
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,150
Come on, Hank. He's a kid.
272
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,318
Don't make me hit a kid.
273
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,861
Oh, yeah, like I'd even feel it.
274
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,072
You're like Danny Devito's penguin.
275
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,741
[COUGHING]
276
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,327
Hey, man, my God! Take it down!
277
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,411
Ugh.
278
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,080
My mom gave me this, all right?
279
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,540
She said it was my dad's.
280
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,542
Okay? I'm telling you the truth.
281
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,669
Now I got to get back
to work before I get fired.
282
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,045
[SNIFFLES]
I'm not crying.
283
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,463
He's telling the truth.
284
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:31,923
Al, go get the boiler.
285
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,717
No clue. Car? Is that the car?
286
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,885
Yeah, the car.
287
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,846
[WHEEZING]
288
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,807
I am way sorry for making
a grown-up punch you, man.
289
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,392
What? That's cool.
290
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,060
You know, I actually
stole those video games,
291
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,228
so I had it coming.
292
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,611
Hey, boss.
293
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,779
What can I get you?
294
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,073
I see you made some changes to my joint.
295
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,868
I got to tell you, it's always
been my secret dream
296
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,452
to run a hash house.
297
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,121
I am just loving this!
298
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,623
Oh, and I made some
adjustments to the menu.
299
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,751
So, basically, we, uh, just serve eggs now.
300
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,295
Mostly scrambled.
301
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,629
And all with ketchup.
302
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,423
So, what can I get you?
303
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,508
- Cup of java.
- Two.
304
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,802
Gotcha. Two coffees coming up!
305
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:18,887
Psst!
306
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:19,929
Hank.
307
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,806
Psst! Hank. Hank.
308
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,434
Heard you're working the Fictel case.
309
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,519
Yeah, Dermott Fictel.
He misses his old man.
310
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,605
Fingered Samson, but
it's starting to get rotten.
311
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,690
So you've met Nikki? Nikki Fictel?
312
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,608
And how.
313
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,401
Yeah, she's a looker, that one.
314
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,903
Gams straight up to heaven.
315
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,905
Great, now you're
doing the voice, too, huh?
316
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,656
Don't ruin this for me, Al!
317
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,533
I've been eating eggs and ketchup all day
318
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,534
waiting to do this!
319
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,744
All right, sorry!
320
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,495
I mean, who am I to talk, right?
321
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:48,166
So, what's your angle on the Fictel doll?
322
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,709
Nikki moves antiques.
323
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,628
I've done some hefty exchanges with her.
324
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,630
She's a pretty big deal in that racket.
325
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,507
She has some, let's say,
desirable merchandise.
326
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,509
- She running a grift?
- It's on the up-and-up.
327
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,803
But in my circle, when
you can't find something,
328
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,847
and you got a fistful of hot cabbage,
329
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,515
you dial Nikki Fictel. You get my mean?
330
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,851
No. I can barely understand Hank,
331
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,353
and you do it with a speech impediment.
332
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,354
Listen to me!
333
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,314
I'm risking my life just talking to you.
334
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:15,485
I'm just saying that doll knows something.
335
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:20,823
HATRED:
Billy!
336
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,700
Want your leftovers boxed?
337
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,953
Oh, come on! I was wearing a hat!
338
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,079
[THINKING]
339
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,581
Samson denies he got
sloppy with the old dame.
340
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,749
Dermott insists that he did,
341
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,252
then coughs up an old key to my front door.
342
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,711
Billy tells me to look at Nikki.
343
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,089
Like he needs to tell me to look at Nikki.
344
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,259
That gorgeous twist has
my noodle so full of perfume,
345
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,844
I can hardly tell
I haven't washed this shirt
346
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,388
since I took this miserable case.
347
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:46,849
It's time I made a house call.
348
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,685
[HUMMING]
349
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,727
Let me ask you a question.
350
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:50,895
Sure.
351
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,272
It's the, uh...
352
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,773
Bewitched question.
353
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:54,774
Oh, yes.
354
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,527
Why didn't Darrin let Samantha
just make them magically rich
355
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,487
so he wouldn't have to be
a workaday whipping boy?
356
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,197
Yeah. Where do you stand on that one?
357
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,741
I can't make you rich, Al.
358
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:04,784
I don't want that.
359
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,077
It's just that...
360
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,830
You know how I can tell if
people are telling the truth.
361
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:09,998
It's one of my gifts.
362
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,749
Hank has this case--
363
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,751
I've noticed you've been, uh...
364
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,503
palling around with the young lad.
365
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,338
That kid knows how to have fun, Orpheus.
366
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,007
You could learn something from him.
367
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,759
Anyways, in this case we got going,
368
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,637
everyone is telling the truth
and none of it adds up.
369
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,306
I-- I kind of want to help him.
370
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,224
Well, we have these powers.
371
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,184
They are a part of us, and we should never
372
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:33,104
be ashamed or afraid to use them for good.
373
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:33,980
So you'd, uh...
374
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,440
I would make Darrin filthy rich,
375
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,191
turn Mr. Tate into a donkey,
376
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,152
tell Endora to get a life,
377
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,778
and blind that nosey Mrs. Kravitz!
378
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,865
Excellent! Okay, I need your help.
379
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,798
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
380
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,091
These are from Dermott.
381
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,927
He's working the overnight
at the Big Bargains
382
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:05,762
and wanted to apologize.
383
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,555
You're so sweet.
384
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,557
You want to come in?
385
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,435
Hey, that's my dad's old cartoon crap.
386
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,728
What gives?
387
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:16,481
I was a huge fan when I was a kid.
388
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,899
- Not the hat.
- Sorry.
389
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,150
Is that your good-luck hat?
390
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,819
Don't know yet.
I'll tell you in the morning.
391
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,904
[GIGGLES]
392
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,280
You're probably sick
of all this kind of stuff.
393
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,532
I'll tell you, doll, old Thaddeus Venture
394
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,910
didn't have the savvy to
save any of them doohickeys.
395
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:29,827
Well, that's ironic.
396
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:30,745
That's Rusty.
397
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,663
You remind me so much of him.
398
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:33,664
You daffy?
399
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,832
Dean's just like my old man.
400
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,918
I'm the black sheep of the Venture flock.
401
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:37,919
I'm trouble.
402
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:41,464
No, I mean you're like
Rusty from the cartoon.
403
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,008
Your dad's a scared little has-been,
404
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,469
but you are just like
the real Rusty Venture.
405
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,387
So cool.
406
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,597
So fearless and-- and powerful
407
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,974
but trapped in the body of a young man.
408
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,185
Sounds like you're trying to seduce me.
409
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,686
And this old Seamus can smell it
410
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,271
when a chippy's pullin' a flimflam.
411
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,190
- What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
412
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,942
Well, I--
[CHUCKLES]
413
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,694
I guess I'm hiding a huge crush on you.
414
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,905
I don't get involved with my clients. Ahem.
415
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:10,493
I thought you just came here
to bring me flowers.
416
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,412
Hat! Hat!
417
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,747
Sing your song!
418
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,625
Reveal to us your mysteries!
419
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,961
In the name of Bachliel!
420
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,629
Who guards the south wind!
421
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,923
In the name of Mithra!
422
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,008
Who watches over love!
423
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,177
Tell us your story!
424
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,554
Morning glory!
425
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:30,596
Oh!
426
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,974
Oh, relax, Orpheus. It was funny.
427
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,392
It'll still work.
428
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,935
Geez.
429
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,937
Nikki, you can't raise a child!
430
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,272
What were you thinking?
431
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,606
Were you even thinking?!
432
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,607
Mom, please!
433
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:42,733
I want to keep it!
434
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,985
You're still in school!
435
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,820
You're still a child yourself!
436
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:46,904
What is your problem?!
437
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,030
She's 15!
438
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,574
Did you expect me to card her?
439
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,741
She said she was 20!
440
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:51,826
Look, she came on to me.
441
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,870
Things got out of hand.
I'm not proud of this.
442
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:54,912
Oh, you're not proud?
443
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,873
You fucked the president of your fan club!
444
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,708
That must have been a real challenge!
445
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,543
A 15-year-old girl who worshiped you!
446
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,420
You should be proud, you fucking asshole!
447
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,963
Look, I'll pay you whatever you want.
448
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,841
Oh, you'll pay! Oh, hell, yes, you'll pay!
449
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,802
You live in that huge mansion
with your fancy jet planes!
450
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,053
Oh, you'll pay!
451
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,972
And you will never see this
girl or her baby ever again!
452
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,807
Mom! Please!
453
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,934
Well, I think that's a decision
Nikki and I need to make.
454
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,769
Nikki, take this, and you
we'll work this out together.
455
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,563
Wrong! She is 15!
456
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,023
That's statutory rape.
457
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,318
You want me to call the cops
and have this settled publicly,
458
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,153
or do you want to crawl
back to your mansion,
459
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,071
write us a check, and
forget about all this?
460
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:33,826
Nickels... I'm so sorry.
461
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,912
No! Don't go!
462
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,580
Sweetie...
463
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:40,208
Sweetie, he is not worth it.
464
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,959
We'll have the baby if you want.
465
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,586
I'll raise it as mine.
466
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,129
We're gonna make it work.
467
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,173
I promise you. All right?
468
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,550
We're gonna be okay.
469
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,385
We're gonna be okay.
470
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,887
AL:
Dyah!
471
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,013
Wow!
472
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,099
Just... wow!
473
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,977
I see why Samantha stayed
out of Darrin's business now.
474
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,064
I so did not need to see that.
475
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,401
I'm off the case.
476
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,695
You and me both, partner.
477
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,990
Yeah, I slipped over to that
dame's joint to question her...
478
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,200
and things got hot.
479
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,076
What did she say?
480
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,786
Say? Nothing.
481
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,497
But she did things to me that
I didn't think were possible.
482
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,333
That looker ran me through the yard
and lammed off with my ticker.
483
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,032
Hank, take off your detective hat
and tell me what happened!
484
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,382
I had sex!
485
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,883
I had sex with a woman!
486
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,553
And-- And nothing will ever be the same.
487
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,762
Because of sex.
488
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,264
You don't know the half of it.
489
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:37,974
And I have you to thank.
490
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,017
And Dermott's super-hot sister,
491
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,602
and this old key and--
492
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,145
Hank? Hank?!
493
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,147
We never discharged the spell!
494
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,900
Hank!
495
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,151
Okay.
496
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,027
That's...
497
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,028
I didn't need to know that.
498
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,656
I am so sorry you just saw that!
499
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,157
I'm gonna vomit.
500
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,742
Al, Al, I'm gonna vomit.
501
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,035
Here, use your hat.
502
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,038
I'm pretty sure it started all this.
503
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,165
Are you sure this is the only answer?
504
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,085
I mean, can't you take away everything
505
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,169
but the part when I had sex?
506
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,379
Ah, it doesn't work like that.
507
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,590
It just shaves away your
last memory patterns.
508
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:14,218
You can't select what you want to save,
just how far back you want to forget.
509
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,177
Sorry, tiger.
510
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:19,181
Maybe I can live with sleeping
with my dad's old girlfriend
511
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,183
and that Dermott is my half-brother, and--
512
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,101
No, no, no!
513
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,102
All right, enough!
514
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,145
I swear, if I hear any more,
515
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,022
I'll want to get in the damn thing.
516
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,064
Hank, it's cool.
517
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,025
You've done this before, like... a lot.
518
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,901
Really? I don't remember.
519
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,778
Bingo. You'll be fine.
520
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:36,282
Sometimes there are things we
just were never meant to know.
521
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,201
Okay already! I get it.
522
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,870
I've apologized enough.
523
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,330
And I'm getting in next
524
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,373
because I've seen this
whole S.P.H.I.N.X. deal.
525
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,791
Uh, this is the second time
526
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,710
you've seen this machine, big boy.
527
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:48,753
[GASPS]
528
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,421
You and I?
529
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,214
And you let me erase that?!
530
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,341
You got a little possessive.
531
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:56,719
I mean, you dumped your boyfriend
and tried to move in with me.
532
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,262
I dumped him?
533
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,722
I thought he dumped me.
534
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,390
And you will again after Hank's done.
535
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,100
Hank, you ready?
536
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,227
Wait, just-- just one more thing.
537
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,228
What?
538
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,231
I got laid!
539
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,150
You sure did, Hank.
540
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,277
You sure did.
541
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,157
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
542
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,683
Guess what.
543
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,059
I had sex!
544
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,894
Ta-da!
545
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,104
What was it like?
546
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,190
Okay, it's kind of like naked skydiving
547
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,192
into a mountain of warm whipped cream.
548
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,860
Yes, that good!
549
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:55,945
I know!
550
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,154
You don't believe me.
551
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,280
But you have to!
552
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,824
Because I'm yesterday you!
553
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,326
That's how I knew you'd
watch this message immediately
554
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,120
if it was labeled "Dean face plant."
555
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,830
- That was a good move.
- Thank you.
556
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,289
But, dude, I got to make this quick.
557
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,417
I'm about to get my memory wiped.
558
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,501
Aw, gyp!
559
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,169
I knew you'd say that, but trust me...
560
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,046
I mean, you are me, so you trust me,
561
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,215
but believe me -- you learned
562
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,676
a whole bunch of other
things you don't really want.
563
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,761
But the part where we lost our virginity
564
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,637
I needed to remember.
565
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,222
That is so cool.
566
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,224
You have no idea!
567
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,684
I mean, you did have an idea,
568
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,269
but now you don't.
569
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,186
What?
570
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,229
Yeah, I'm ready!
571
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,147
Oh, yeah.
572
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,357
And this is very important.
573
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,859
Get your ass to Mars.
574
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:35,985
[GASPS]
575
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,320
Nah! I'm just joshin' with me.
576
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,157
Coming!
577
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,992
Hey.
578
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452
How was your summer?
579
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:49,081
Well, I think I may have watched
my career in super-science go up in smoke.
580
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:52,501
But I may have managed to
pull my dreams from the ashes.
581
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:53,586
How was yours?
582
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:57,381
Well, from what I hear, it was amazing.
583
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,382
Have you seen Pop?
584
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,509
He left New York without
even saying goodbye.
585
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:05,306
[ENERGY WHOOSHING]
586
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,308
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
587
00:21:07,358 --> 00:21:11,908
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