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JONAS VENTURE:
Zoology -- a cat has over 100 vocal cords,
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while the giraffe has none.
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00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,885
Astronomy -- the temperature
of the sun can reach
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00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,929
50 million degrees fahrenheit.
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00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,598
Anatomy -- there are 9,000 taste buds
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00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:15,724
on your tongue.
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00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,352
And the answer to today's
trigonometry problem is --
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[BEEP]
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Well, would you look at that?
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It would appear that's
all the time we have...
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RUSTY'S VOICE:
Hank and Dean.
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00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,860
Today marks the completion
of our progressive, electronic,
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00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,655
cross-disciplinary
educational journey together.
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00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,198
You're now fully prepared to embark
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00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,450
on your first solo adventure --
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to college and the
fulfilling life of super-science
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00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,913
that awaits beyond.
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So I suppose the only
thing I have left to say is...
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ALL:
Congratulations.
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RUSTY:
Hank and Dean.
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[YAWNS]
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[MOTOR WHIRRING]
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[GASPS]
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[YAWNS]
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Hey, what you got there?
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It's a diploma.
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Weren't you listening?
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- Uh, what?
- I think we just graduated.
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We did? Cool!
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00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,982
Does that mean we can
finally ditch these nerd pods
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and get bunk beds?
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I don't know.
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Where's yours?
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[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
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Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Come to order.
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We have a movement on the floor.
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Councilman 2?
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In the interest of preserving the sanctity
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of this esteemed council,
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I propose that we immediately commence
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the vetting of candidates
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to replace Councilman 8.
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- Yes!
- Yeah.
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Whoa! Why? What did I do?
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We are the council of 13,
not the council of 12.
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And since your merger with Councilman 3,
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your screen has remained vacant.
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COUNCILMAN 8:
Well, I'm still here!
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It's not as if we're only one guy now
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just because of this -- this head business.
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COUNCILMAN 3:
Well, now, I-I sort of see their point.
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COUNCILMAN 8:
See? We don't even vote the same.
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PHANTOM LIMB:
I said to her --
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I said, I said, "that's not a ceiling."
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[CHUCKLES]
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[POUNDING ON DOOR]
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Time's up, Limb. Visiting hours are over.
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Tell the others, Wisdom. It's time.
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All right, hands where I can see them.
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Oh, aren't you cute?
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You know the drill.
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Guy's batshit crazy.
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Sad.
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You're lucky you weren't on duty
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when he had his conjugal
visit with a freakin' shoe.
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Hear me, my special friends.
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Come to me.
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Avenge me.
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Yes, just like we planned.
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[ALARM RINGING]
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Uh! Oh!
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What the -- What?
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[GUN CLICKING]
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[MACHINE-GUN FIRE, SCREAMING]
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[CHUCKLING]
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[LEG DRAGGING, APPROACHING]
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Armando.
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Leftenant Shankly.
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Good to have you back.
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[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
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[LAUGHING EVILLY]
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- Oh, my God!
- What?
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Don't move. There is a bug on you.
84
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,809
There is? Where?! Oh, God! Get it off!
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It's one of those ones that fly!
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I hate those!
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Yes, it's unfortunate
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they had to be sacrificed, Wisdom,
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but don't blame yourself.
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Your plan was brilliant.
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A work of art.
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All it needs now is a signature.
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It is quite simple.
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00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,578
On days with T's in them,
we sit in my screen.
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00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,121
On all others, we're in Dragoon's.
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00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,748
Yes, yes. I like this.
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00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,877
Gentlemen! It seems there is
another movement on the floor.
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00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,577
- I heard nothing!
- And it is a doozy.
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00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,426
What is the point of all this?
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00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,802
State law mandates
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each student gets a
minimum of two hours face time
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with a certified guidance counselor
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or, in this case, a friend of your dad's.
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00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,310
What's a guidance counselor?
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00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,103
Usually it's a guy you barely know
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who gives you career advice,
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00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,149
even though his career
is guidance counselor,
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and sometimes he
helps you get into college.
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But I don't want to go to college.
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00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,237
Well, it's not for everybody.
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That's why we're doing this --
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to determine what
individual path is right for you.
113
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,993
So, uh, what did you put down?
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Ahem!
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Number one -- "drifter."
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All right. Okay.
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That's not really a career, Hank.
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It's like the opposite of a career.
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Ah, but you don't need to
go to college to be one, right?
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00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,171
Plus, you get paid to
just walk around all day
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reading sexy letters,
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like the guy in "Red Shoe Diaries."
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He wasn't a drifter.
124
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The guy's getting all his mail.
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00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,386
That implies a fixed address.
126
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,471
Okay, fine.
127
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,097
Then, like, David "The Hulk" Banner.
128
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,933
Well, David Banner's real name is actually
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00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,060
Dr. David Bruce Banner.
130
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,311
So he's a scientist.
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00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,188
Oh, then I don't want to be that.
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00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,272
Well, what's your second choice?
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"Owner and operator of The Chimp Eden."
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Okay, well, that's barely saner,
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00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,695
but for that we're talking
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three, four years of
veterinary school, minimum,
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and that's on top of a bachelor's degree.
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00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,201
[GROANS]
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Scratch that one, too.
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Man, way to ruin Chimp Eden.
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00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,206
Okay, you, uh, made a mistake here.
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00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:32,374
You wrote "Batman" twice.
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That's intentional.
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Number three is golden age Batman,
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00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,212
and number four is post-crisis Batman.
146
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,214
They're, like, two
completely different Batmen.
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[SIGHS]
Okay.
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00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,468
So that just leaves "secutor"?
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00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,761
Were you trying to spell "executive"?
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00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,347
Duh, a "secutor" is a kind of gladiator.
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00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,765
They've got the coolest helmets,
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and they get to beat up
on those gay lord gladiators
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with the nets and tridents.
154
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,063
Retiarius -- my favorite gladiator.
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- Gay lord.
- Okay.
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00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,066
Dean, how about you?
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What did you put down
for your top-five dream jobs?
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00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,488
Well, I-I only got four... now.
159
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:07,242
Oh, well, that's because
you forgot super-scientist, boy.
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No, I didn't.
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Looks like you already have
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the "absent-minded"
part down, eh, professor?
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[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
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Now go upstairs and
get dressed, both of you.
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We're looking at college this afternoon.
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I don't want to go to college!
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Hank, don't start.
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Okay, kids.
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Uh, you think I could have a
moment alone with your dad?
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Well, did you push State like I asked you?
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[SIGHS]
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I hate to be the one to
break this to you, Rust,
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but your boys are
pathetically underprepared
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for adulthood.
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Well, sure, Hank's a bit of a late bloomer,
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but did you catch Dean's little mustache?
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Really starting to come in.
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Yeah, regardless of the 'stache,
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neither of them knows a thing
about the real world.
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What are you talking about?
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00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,239
Those kids have been around the globe
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more times than Gaetan Dugas.
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00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,534
But the stuff those beds
have been teaching them
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is more dated than Funk & Wagnalls.
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I mean, what college do
you think is gonna accept
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00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:56,249
transcripts from a talking bed, anyway?
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00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,252
Especially since, uh, if
I'm even reading them right,
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Hank didn't graduate.
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00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,215
Hank!
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00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,301
I'm not going to college.
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00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,677
Darn tootin', you're not,
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because you're getting
right back in that bed
193
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until you graduate, mister!
194
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,099
No, Father, I'm going to a place
195
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,893
where you and your crummy bed
196
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can't tell me what to do anymore.
197
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,104
What is this?
198
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,314
What, are you fake running away again?
199
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,815
Well, don't expect your
brother to sneak food out
200
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,567
to your tent in the backyard this time,
201
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,736
because he's going to college!
202
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,321
Well, bully for him,
203
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,615
because I'm joining the army.
204
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,241
Hot dog!
205
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,327
Best decision you'll ever make, son.
206
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,329
Why, I look back on my time with--
207
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,164
Not that army, Sergeant Butt-kiss.
208
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,332
[SIGHS]
209
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,084
Dean! Are you dressed yet?
210
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,418
- Yeah.
- Oh.
211
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,379
Uh, well, then-- then get in the car.
212
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,755
Wait.
213
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,839
Is that what you're wearing?
214
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,968
UNDERBHEIT:
Ah, manservant.
215
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,261
What has become of us?
216
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,430
A kingdom had I.
217
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,349
You got something for a veteran?
218
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,351
Don't forget the veterans!
219
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,352
Do you have any change?
220
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,562
All right, you bums. Move it along.
221
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,855
Aw, man.
222
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:01,815
Same old shit.
223
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,775
It's like Kent State all over again, man!
224
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,111
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
225
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,113
Yeah, stick it to the man, my brother!
226
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,365
Hey, can I have his coat?
227
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,564
Oh, get a job.
228
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,789
Richard. Richard.
229
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,874
- Hello.
- S-Sally?
230
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,292
Afraid not, old boy.
231
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,086
Ah! Oh!
232
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,130
I'd heard you'd lost your mind
and stopped working,
233
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,299
but it looks like you've been... busy.
234
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,218
D-D-Do you work for me?
235
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,386
I had something more along the lines
236
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,388
of a partnership in mind.
237
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,224
It's me, Richard. It's Hamilton.
238
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,226
Don't come any further!
You're in the germ-free zone!
239
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,311
Oh, pull yourself together, man!
240
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,397
Hey!
241
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,399
I'm a hunted man, Richard,
242
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,028
and you're in a unique position to help me.
243
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,404
No. No.
244
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,322
I-I can't help anybody.
245
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,491
I can't even help myself.
246
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,784
Then we'll help each other,
247
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,495
like we did back in our Boys' Brigade days.
248
00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,248
You want to get the
Boys' Brigade back together?
249
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,332
Not exactly.
250
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,419
I need you to make another one of these.
251
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,421
You're-- You're not--
You're not holding --
252
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,589
There's-- There's nothing there.
253
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,132
I don't-- Oh.
254
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,633
Oh, you've got an invisible--
255
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,968
That's neat.
256
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,428
You know, Sally could turn...
257
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,846
[VOICE BREAKING]
invisible.
258
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,306
Oh, yes, yes.
259
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,974
I share your pain, old friend.
260
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,852
I, too, have suffered
terrible losses this year.
261
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,437
It nearly broke me,
262
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,939
but instead, it only
strengthened my resolve.
263
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:28,860
Join me, and I can do the same for you.
264
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,071
But-- But you're all evil, though.
265
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,948
I-I can't be a bad guy.
266
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,117
Is it really such a stretch?
267
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,620
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
268
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,873
Thought you could hide from me,
eh, Professor Impossible?
269
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,458
Who's this ass?
270
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,419
Well, the nucleotide has turned,
my elastic antagonist,
271
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:49,297
for no one can escape the infectious grip
272
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,175
of the fiendish Dr. Phineas Phage!
273
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,468
Leave me alone!
274
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,761
Oh, come on!
275
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,471
You've been sulking in there for months.
276
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,388
Enough is enough.
277
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,474
The man said leave him be!
278
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:00,683
Phantom Limb?
279
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,894
Hey, you-- You can't arch Impossible.
280
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,813
I'm his-- Wait a minute.
281
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481
You're supposed to be in--
282
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,484
I'm gonna tell the Guild!
283
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,111
If he gets away, I'm done for, Richard.
284
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,112
You must help me!
285
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,489
How? W-What can I do?
286
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,700
Just hold on tight.
287
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,123
Aah! No! No!
288
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,835
Pro-teens, help me!
289
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,467
[GLASS SHATTERING]
290
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,470
Uhh!
291
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,055
All right, Hamilton.
292
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,766
You've got yourself a partner.
293
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,184
Okay, fellas.
294
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,602
I'm all yours.
295
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,718
- Where do I sign up?
- ? Sphinx! ?
296
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,681
Um, excuse me.
[CLEARS THROAT]
297
00:10:51,765 --> 00:10:53,903
Uh, who-- who do I
talk to about enlisting?
298
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,488
Samson-- Samson, you're breaking up!
299
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:56,865
Repeat -- what is your 10-207?
300
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,409
Sorry, I'm only getting one bar down here.
301
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,702
We made it to the catacombs,
302
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,912
but rookie here tripped the alarm.
303
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,539
[MUFFLED SPEAKING]
304
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,374
Would you get out of there, man?
305
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,376
You don't know what the hell you're doing!
306
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,547
Where'd you recruit this clown, anyways,
307
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,007
The Albert Merrill School?
308
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,550
He came highly recommended.
309
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:16,676
Supposed to be some kind of expert.
310
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,887
In what? Poopy?
311
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,471
Oh, crap. The Swiss guard is here.
312
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:21,639
I need an exit -- quick!
313
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,183
I'm on it.
314
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,518
Uploading security pass-code override now.
315
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,644
New recruit here.
316
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,105
[BEEPING]
317
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,304
[SIGHS]
Hello!
318
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:40,200
[GROWLING, SHRIEKING]
319
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,582
Samson? Samson!
320
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:48,583
What's happening?
321
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,293
Talk to me! Samson! Uhh!
322
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,377
Way to go, Heidi!
323
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,129
Samson's down by 3 with
a minute to left in the game,
324
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,255
and you just cut the feed!
325
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,673
What in God's name do you want?!
326
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,800
I want to join up with you guys.
327
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,344
Well, my boot wants
to join up with your ass,
328
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,179
and I'm about to throw 'em
a shotgun wedding.
329
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,180
Now beat it!
330
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,598
This ain't the honeycomb fucking hideout,
331
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,433
and we ain't hiring Junior G-Men!
332
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,894
But I dare you to find someone
more qualified than me.
333
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,605
I've been training under
Brock my entire life.
334
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,607
I've traveled to every
continent on the globe,
335
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:16,110
including Atlantis,
outer space, and Brigadoon.
336
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,613
I've been shot at, poisoned, stabbed,
337
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,948
cudgeled, crocodiled,
338
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,866
king cobra-ed, red-anted, you name it.
339
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,660
I'm still standing.
340
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,161
Now, if that's not the r�sum�
341
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,622
of a top-notch, super-killer secret agent,
342
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,445
then I don't know what is.
343
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,046
All right. You win, kid.
344
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,005
Shoreleave!
345
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,299
Yo, S-- Oh, sorry. It's an old habit.
346
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,223
Get Chachi here suited up.
347
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,264
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
348
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,641
Oh, this brings back memories.
349
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,809
Can I take this off yet?
350
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,644
After the interview.
351
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,104
They're gonna love your school spirit.
352
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,313
[CHUCKLES]
353
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,940
God, it's all just like I remember it.
354
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,441
Ew. Except that thing.
355
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:56,693
That's new.
356
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,152
What's going on over there?
357
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,363
It must be one of those
"take back the night" rallies.
358
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,240
Great place to meet chicks, by the way.
359
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,616
Meow.
360
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,243
Yeah, a little college tip there for you
361
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,161
from the old man.
362
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,664
So, in closing, Bizzybee, Volume 6
363
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,667
on Blu-ray and DVD, June 7th.
364
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,377
Thank you.
365
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,670
[MOTOR WHIRS]
366
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:16,546
Yeah.
367
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,714
So let's hear it for Roy Brisby
368
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,134
and, uh, all of our corporate benefactors,
369
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,511
uh, The General Consolidated
Insurance Company,
370
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,681
and, of course,
Professor Richard Impossible,
371
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,017
who, unfortunately, couldn't
be with us here today.
372
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:34,689
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
373
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,691
Ah, Professor Impossible.
374
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:37,692
Hello!
375
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:38,860
What-- What an unexpected delight.
376
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,570
When you didn't R.S.V.P., we assumed --
377
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,238
Oh.
378
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,364
Oh, is-- is it just you?
379
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,699
Your-- Your lovely wife
won't be joining us?
380
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,868
PHANTOM LIMB:
Keep it together, Richard.
381
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:47,827
We've got work to do.
382
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,704
S-Sally and I are --
383
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:50,705
Say, could I get a mo'?
384
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,749
Long Impossi-Car ride from the city.
385
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,168
Oh, yes, yes. Yes, of course.
The restrooms are --
386
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,711
That's okay. I remember.
387
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,047
Right there. Just...
388
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,052
It's all clear. I'm in.
389
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,470
Yes, I can see that.
390
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,597
Ham gravy, what did you do to my head?
391
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,516
[GRUNTING]
392
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,809
You try cutting hair made of living rubber
393
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,519
with only one good arm,
394
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,729
and an invisible one at that.
395
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,356
Okay.
396
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,565
You go deliver your speech,
397
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,400
and we'll rendezvous back here in--
398
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:20,735
Are you coming? What's wrong now?
399
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,320
Nothing.
400
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,739
Thought I needed to poop,
but it was just you in there.
401
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:25,782
All right.
402
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,159
You like it all squared off
in the back or au natural?
403
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,286
Ooh, can you shave a
Batman logo back there?
404
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,747
Well, as long as we're
going all 1989 with it,
405
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,875
how 'bout a nice high-top fade,
like Kid and/or Play?
406
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,002
Knock it off, Vidal Buffoon.
407
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:38,878
He's ready.
408
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,755
I'm so ready. For what?
409
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,423
Well, uh, for, uh, your first test.
410
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,092
Yeah. This is it.
411
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,094
Good luck, son.
412
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,054
[DOOR CLOSES]
413
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,264
Now maybe we can get some
Goddamn work done around here.
414
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,766
Anyone heard from Samson yet?
415
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,559
And pass. Piece of cake.
416
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,020
Like I haven't been
tied up a million times.
417
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,897
Come on. Give me a hard one.
418
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,983
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
419
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,061
[CHUCKLING]
420
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,521
Yes, yes, I see your confusion.
421
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,023
But, no, I'm afraid it's my title,
not my name.
422
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:41,941
Oh.
423
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,609
You'll have to excuse me.
424
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,736
As you can see, it gets
crazy this time of year,
425
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,822
and I can't seem to find your application.
426
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,240
Yeah, we didn't see the need
427
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,242
to burden you with more paperwork.
428
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,661
You-- You have no application?
429
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,246
Well, the boy's a legacy admission,
430
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,457
so this is just a formality, no?
431
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,833
It doesn't work that way.
432
00:15:58,916 --> 00:15:59,834
He still has to--
433
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:00,835
Well, go ahead.
434
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,837
Ask him anything you need to know.
435
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,549
So, uh, where'd you go to
high school, young Dean?
436
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,593
- Oh, I was--
- The boy is homeschooled.
437
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,845
I have an electric Grandpa bed
that talks to me while I sleep.
438
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:11,929
Ha ha.
439
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,389
Did I mention he's a legacy?
440
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,599
I was here in the '80s.
441
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,475
You might want to look it up.
442
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,350
Did you graduate?
443
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,768
Well, not right away,
444
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,854
but I did receive an honorary degree.
445
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,230
Not from here.
446
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,607
Well, no.
447
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,942
From a small, uh, rather exclusive,
448
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,194
uh, uh, Tijuana--
449
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,279
Look, you and I both
know how this really works.
450
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,740
My father pumped a fortune
into this place back in the day,
451
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,617
so why don't you let the boy in,
452
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,577
and we can call it squaresies?
453
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,746
Dr. Venture, while it's true your father
454
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,956
was rather generous to the university--
455
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,584
Generous?! He donated an entire wing!
456
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,836
Which you blew up, if I recall.
457
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,879
Allegedly.
458
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,507
And his estate paid for it
out of my inheritance.
459
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,800
So, really, it's like I gave you the money.
460
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,135
Right.
461
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,554
Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Dean.
462
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,224
I wish you much success with
your future academic career --
463
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,892
- wherever it may be.
- That's it?
464
00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,977
If you were gonna jerk us around like this,
465
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,896
then why the hell did
you even agree to see us?
466
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:02,813
Honestly?
467
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,106
That would be a nice change of pace.
468
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,691
Because when my secretary told me
469
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,360
a "Dr. Venture" was here to see me,
470
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,403
I thought she meant your brother.
471
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,948
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]
Hello.
472
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,201
Uh, you'll have to, uh, excuse me.
473
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,954
I haven't done any
public speaking in a while,
474
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,331
and I...
[CLEARS THROAT]
475
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:23,543
don't have anything prepared.
476
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,837
[DOGS SNIFFING, SNARLING]
477
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,006
[MUTTERING]
478
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,424
[CHUCKLES]
479
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,844
Richard, wrap it up and
bring the Impossi-Car around.
480
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,137
I found it.
481
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,472
Huh?
482
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,766
[DOGS SNARLING]
483
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,942
Phantom Limb, this has gone far enough.
484
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:49,360
Screw you!
485
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,070
Who died and made you the high-and-mighty
486
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,780
floating head of everything?
487
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:56,242
Actually, that would be my
predecessor, Force Majeure.
488
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,952
Well, you won't have Phantom Limb
489
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,370
to kick around anymore!
490
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,664
I'm starting my own damn guild.
491
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,541
With whom? A coffee cup?
492
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,084
You're not well, Hamilton.
493
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:09,964
Give yourself up now, and
I'll call off my diamond dogs.
494
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,465
Never!
495
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,636
[DOGS SNARLING]
496
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,679
Uhh!
497
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,975
And, uh, that's pretty much
when she walked out on me,
498
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,184
for good this time, and--
499
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,561
Richard! Richard!
500
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:26,856
Stop glad-handing and help me, damn you!
501
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,986
Oh, that's the last time
502
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,988
I let you partner me up with this clown.
503
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,364
Never again, you.
504
00:18:35,410 --> 00:18:36,953
Don't worry.
505
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,410
We're-- We're just
training your new partner.
506
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,996
Oh, come on. Not another rookie.
507
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,122
Nah, you'll like this one.
508
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,292
In fact, you've-- you've
worked with him before.
509
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,627
Who? Where is he?
510
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,003
[LAUGHS]
511
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,963
What, in there? That's
the mind-erasing machine.
512
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,882
What he don't know won't hurt him.
513
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,008
And what he don't know
514
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,844
is gonna be a whole
hell of a lot in a minute.
515
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,095
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
516
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,139
Oh, Hank, Hank. Buddy? You okay?
517
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,098
Oh, hey, Brock.
518
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,476
What'd you jackasses do to him?
519
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,852
No, no. It's okay, Brock.
520
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,646
It was all just part of
my secret-agent test.
521
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,022
What?
522
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:10,941
The old "mind-eraser switcheroo" trap.
523
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:14,111
Easily evaded with the
old "tinfoil on the head" ruse.
524
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,030
So I passed, right?
525
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,156
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
526
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,120
[DOGS SNARLING]
527
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,122
[GUNS COCK]
528
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,130
[GRUNTS]
529
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:37,093
[MACHINE-GUN FIRE]
530
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,219
Oh!
531
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,345
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
532
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,055
Uh, that must be the, uh,
533
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,980
fireworks I arranged over, uh, there.
534
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:16,287
? Sweet land of liberty ?
535
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:20,010
? Of thee I sing ?
536
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:22,054
? Land-- ?
537
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,101
[ALL SCREAMING]
538
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,311
It wasn't me this time.
539
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,109
[CRYING]
"You can't be a spy with us."
540
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,737
BROCK:
Ah, back to the high and tight huh?
541
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,656
I feel like that Jewish guy
who lost all his powers
542
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:41,949
when they cut his hair off.
543
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,200
Uh, Samson?
544
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,368
Lenny Kravitz.
545
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,578
It's not all about you, you know?
546
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:49,081
Yeah, well, uh, you look good,
like your old Hank self again,
547
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:52,168
instead of always trying
to be like, uh, well, me.
548
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,128
Geez. Conceited much?
549
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,380
Look, you don't want my life, Hank.
550
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,799
This job's not all it's cracked up to be.
551
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,135
I've been at this for over 20 years,
552
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,928
and what do I have to show for it?
553
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,139
A metal plate in my chest,
554
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,142
Vatican karate gorilla blood on my hands,
555
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,436
and a footlocker full of "Manboro" miles.
556
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,146
You got enough for the canoe?
557
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:15,441
What? Well, yeah, but will
I ever live to see that canoe?
558
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,857
- Can I have 'em?
- Look, you're missing the point, Hank!
559
00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:20,154
What I'm trying to tell you is
560
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,156
even though you passed
that test down there--
561
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,200
Wait. Whoa. Wait. I did?
562
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,368
Well, then, why did you--
Why did they reject me?
563
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,120
Because if you want to join S.P.H.I.N.X.,
564
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,247
you need a high-school diploma.
565
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,458
Oh! You know about that?
566
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,084
Well, I wouldn't be a very good spy
567
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:35,628
if I didn't, now, would I?
568
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,171
[GROANS]
569
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,798
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
570
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:41,383
[GASPS]
571
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,260
Hey!
572
00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:46,514
Did-- Did I mention that
you also have to be 18?
573
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,265
[GROANS]
574
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,562
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
575
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,837
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
576
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,630
You've done it, Richard!
577
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:22,216
You've replicated my
original machine to a tee.
578
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,134
I'm whole again.
579
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:27,137
The name's not "Richard" anymore,
Hamilton.
580
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:28,931
From now on, I'm...
581
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:32,226
Professor Incorrigible!
582
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:34,228
Professor Indolent?
583
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,646
Professor Infamous?
584
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,231
Professor Indochina?
585
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:38,232
No?
586
00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:39,859
They're all a bit... forced.
587
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:40,943
Professor Inscrutable?
588
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,069
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
589
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:43,237
Excuse me.
590
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,530
[CLEARS THROAT]
591
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:46,407
I want to join up with you guys.
592
00:22:46,457 --> 00:22:51,007
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