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1
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[PANTING]
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00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,592
MONARCH:
You're probably asking yourself --
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,885
how did it all come to this?
4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,428
How did I get here when there were
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:15,224
so many paths I could have chosen?
6
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Great! I need this now, too?
7
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:22,022
[MONARCH LAUGHING]
8
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Yet another dead end, Venture!
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Aah!
10
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,822
And as you look back on your pathetic life,
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00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,866
you'll see that it was all just one long,
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00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:36,608
winding, inevitable road
to this very moment...
13
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,373
Aaaahhh!
14
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,917
But I won't let you off
that easily, Venture.
15
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You will have your date with death,
16
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,797
but she's gonna have to sit this one out...
17
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for the Monarch has the first dance!
18
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,010
[LAUGHING]
19
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Dance! Dance, little man!
20
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,266
How does it feel to be a
helpless puppet of fate?
21
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,142
Oh, sorry.
22
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,936
We're gonna have to
pick it up here another time.
23
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,062
What?
24
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,939
It's Wednesday night.
I have my therapy.
25
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,065
What the hell is he talking about?
26
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,359
Uh, new Guild clemency clause.
27
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,027
Mental health arch exclusion.
28
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Let me see that.
29
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,990
Oh, damn it to-- Ah-ha!
30
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It says here you're
excused only if you have
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a note from your doctor.
32
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Got one right here.
33
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It's, uh, it's in my pocket.
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00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,965
Well, Venture, if I can't murder you today,
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00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,883
at least it would appear
I have finally succeeded
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00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,719
in driving you insane!
37
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,971
That's not necessarily true.
38
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,265
People see therapists
for all kinds of reasons.
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00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,977
Man, when my wife left me,
I went through a pretty bad--
40
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,604
[SIGHS]
41
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,606
Okay, henchmen! That's a wrap!
42
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,066
Abort mayhem, and fall in!
43
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,485
Hey, hey hey! What's with the bitching?
44
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,321
You don't want a night off?
45
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,281
You got lucky this time, old man.
46
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,159
Oh, in your dreams, fat back!
47
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,747
So... I don't know.
48
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,874
Sometimes I wish I could
just be a normal kid,
49
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,752
and go out and play with
kids my own age and stuff.
50
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,338
The only people I get to
hang out with are grown-ups.
51
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,465
The only time I get to leave the compound
52
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,843
is to go someplace creepy,
like the Bermuda Triangle.
53
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,511
And then I get kidnapped.
54
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,013
By grown-ups.
55
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,015
And I'm not even sure
I wanna be a super scientist
56
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,975
when I grow up anyway.
57
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,227
But I feel all this pressure
because of my fa--
58
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,313
It feels weird telling you all this stuff.
59
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,023
Remember, Rusty --
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00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:31,026
in here, I'm your doctor, not your father.
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00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,986
Now let's get back to it, shall we?
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00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,030
You were telling me how
you're ungrateful for all
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00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,657
the opportunities your
father has given you,
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00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,533
and you blame me for all your problems.
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00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,452
[SIGHS]
66
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,037
So, you can see why I've been reluctant
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00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,456
to go back into therapy.
68
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,542
Well, I hope you'll find this a
much healthier environment
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00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,920
in which to begin a new adventure...
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00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,421
of healing.
71
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,382
Because you're not in it alone anymore.
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00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,259
Everyone, let's all welcome
Rusty to our little group.
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00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,220
ALL:
Hi, Rusty!
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00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:01,139
Everyone here can relate to
what you're going through, Rusty.
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00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,559
As boy adventurers,
they've been there, too.
76
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,604
So, I think maybe a good
way for us to get started tonight
77
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,940
is if we just quickly go around the room,
78
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,484
and each of you tells
Rusty a little about yourself
79
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,695
and your journey to the group.
80
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,446
Me first?
81
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,241
Well, I have a bit of an eating disorder.
82
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,367
LANCE:
Nooo.
83
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,910
Lance, wait your turn.
84
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,787
As a superhero sidekick,
85
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,081
I led a very active, athletic lifestyle.
86
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,167
But when I turned 18, and I was,
87
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,795
shall we say, replaced with a newer model,
88
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:35,590
uh, I started putting the weight on.
89
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:39,928
Then I'd eat more because I was depressed.
90
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,930
And...
91
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,350
I have abandonment issues?
92
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,309
More?
93
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,644
Tell Rusty your name.
94
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,187
Oh, well, that's a tricky one.
95
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,440
Uh, yeah, the latest
drama in my caped crusade
96
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,567
against Captain Sunshine's lawyers
97
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,194
is I get to keep most of the costume,
98
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,905
but I'm no longer allowed
to call myself Wonder Boy
99
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,282
when I appear in public.
100
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,533
[COUGH]
Mall openings.
101
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,118
- Lance.
- My turn?
102
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,369
Um, Lance Hale.
103
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,121
One half of the world-famous Hale brothers.
104
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,123
Boy detectives? You've heard of us.
105
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,542
I'm here because my
allegedly twin brother Dale
106
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,086
is still having trouble getting
over our father's death.
107
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,004
Still...
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00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,630
I can still see his face
through the soft focus
109
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,215
of the steam from his pooling blood
110
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,134
as he lay sputtering on the cold linoleum.
111
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,136
Punch buggy depressing!
112
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,096
Nobody wants to hear that crap, Dale.
113
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,681
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Sorry.
114
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,767
We didn't just lose our dad that night.
115
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:30,145
His murder remains our
only unsolved case ever.
116
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,147
We had to quit the business
because the shame was just--
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00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,857
Pfft! Yeah.
118
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,109
Retiring at 30 on Daddy's famous fortune
119
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,444
must have been real hard on you.
120
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,321
For your information, Action Junkie,
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00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,157
he bequeathed most of it to
the local boy detective academy.
122
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,575
We hardly got dick
123
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,660
because nothing we did
was ever good enough for him!
124
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,954
He did leave us that nice car.
125
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,414
It's totally fucking cherry!
126
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,540
But that is not the point, Dale.
127
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,251
And don't interrupt me again or
I'll swear I'll so fucking sock you.
128
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:56,087
Uh, Johnny, how about you
tell Rusty why you're here.
129
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,256
Ah, Rusty knows me from
way back, so we can skip--
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00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,133
just go to Ro-Boy.
131
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,259
Hi, hi, Doctor Venture.
132
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,136
My name is Ro-Boy--
133
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,388
But I just wanna point out I'm only here
134
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,516
'cause Action Johnny had himself
135
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,976
a little run-in with Johnny Law
136
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,188
and was ordered to attend by Johnny Judge.
137
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,815
Not my fault. Somebody else's.
138
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,107
Interesting.
139
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,443
Group, do you see how
Johnny views his whole world
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00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,570
as some sort of cabal of Johnnies who
141
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,198
are conspiring to undermine him?
142
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,200
That's what we call paranoid projection,
143
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,744
and it's a classic expression
of narcissistic rage.
144
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,246
It's a figure of speech, dude.
145
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,623
And the judge's name was actually John.
146
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,208
It's, like, the most
common name in the world.
147
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,835
Wrong! That would be Muhammed.
Googled it.
148
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:38,630
Lance, the Blackberry
stays off during share time.
149
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,215
That goes for everyone.
150
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,884
Please turn off all cell phones,
view comms,
151
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,679
2-way TV wrist communciators,
what have you.
152
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,180
Beep boop.
153
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,640
What was that?
154
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,600
I... just turned off the
radio in my utility belt,
155
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,726
like he said to.
156
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,854
You said "beep boop." With your mouth.
157
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,314
No, I didn't. Leave me alone.
158
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:59,317
Boys, this is really
something we can get into
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00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,652
during our confessionals.
160
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,404
HATRED:
Ten bucks for a dang movie,
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00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,656
another ten for popped corn,
162
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,366
and then they got the
gall to make you sit through
163
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,285
a bunch of paid advertisements.
164
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,912
Ugh, that Kid Rock one for the army...
165
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,123
Look, there's a whole
empty row right there.
166
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,749
Let's just move up one.
167
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,668
It's too close for my kinetosis.
168
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:20,255
I get nauseous during the battles.
169
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,340
Awful lot of kids here, huh?
170
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,260
You're never too young for enchantment.
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00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,095
What is-- No!
172
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,680
No, no, no!
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00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,098
Aw, come on!
174
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,266
[INHALES]
175
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:35,395
My dad's lab was like a
pharmacological candy store,
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00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,480
so I started real young.
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00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,442
Next thing I know,
I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder
178
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,904
off the back of a monkey's paw
I bought in Calcutta.
179
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,197
Now I'm all out of wishes.
180
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,949
I wasn't even allowed to wear long pants
181
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,492
until I left for college.
182
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,286
Is it any wonder I didn't lose my virginity
183
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,746
until I was over 20?
184
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,373
So dumb-ass here is so
freaked out by the mess,
185
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,376
he forgets 20 years of detective training
186
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,961
and actually picks up the shotgun
187
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,379
with his bare hands.
188
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,298
Well, I just instinctively reached out
189
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,966
to stop him, of course.
190
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,885
And so, that's how both our sets of prints
191
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,720
ended up on the murder weapon.
192
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:09,888
I tried to be good.
193
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,806
I just can't help myself sometimes.
194
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,351
When I see a giant robot I just get so mad,
195
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,311
I wanna beat them up!
196
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,313
And then I wanna burn them!
197
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,733
Sometimes I wanna burn the whole world!
198
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,568
I mean, I can't even get an erection now
199
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:27,238
unless I'm tied to a chair with
a timebomb taped to my chest.
200
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,824
MOVIE NARRATOR:
From this, the realm of the Spider King
201
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,535
through the realm of the Tree People,
202
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,079
to the realm...
203
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,331
Awful lot of realms in this thing.
204
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,791
Hey, the little feller with the ax,
205
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,250
what's his deal again?
206
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,919
That's Grimsby. He's a troll.
207
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,213
I like him. He's got moxie.
208
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,215
Shh! It's unbelievable!
209
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,092
Who comes to the last movie in a trilogy
210
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,551
without seeing the first two?
211
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,887
Hot cha! Who's that fresh tomato?
212
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,514
- Shh!
- That's Anastos.
213
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,265
He's the prince of the Elven realm.
214
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,892
He? That's a fella?
215
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,770
My God, he's beautiful!
216
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,357
He looks like a, like a little
white chocolate doll boy.
217
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,359
Technically, his people
don't have a gender.
218
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,152
And they don't age.
219
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,570
They just stay 13 forever!
220
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,572
What? Did Henry Darger write this?
221
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,367
What the hell kind of movie
did you drag me to?
222
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,493
Shh!!
223
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,120
Why don't you shush those wings?
224
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,371
Hey, don't blame me, man.
225
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,707
We wouldn't be sitting here
if your dad didn't pull a section 8.
226
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,292
Yeah, and you're not
allowed to arch us without him.
227
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,461
Who's arching? I'm trying to watch a movie.
228
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,463
Well, you're ruining my
whole cinematic experience.
229
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,882
And that totally counts as arching.
230
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,968
I can't take it!
231
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,469
I gotta get outta here.
232
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:35,515
Excuse me. Pardon.
233
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,809
I'm an angry native. Booga boogal!
234
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,436
What are you gonna do!
235
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,396
- Uh, shoot him?
- You don't have a gun.
236
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,398
Uh, get a grown-up to shoot him?
237
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,150
You're all alone in this jungle.
238
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,317
Er? Run and hide?
239
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,944
No more running! No more hiding.
240
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,779
Confront your problem head on!
241
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,282
Okay, uh.
242
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,954
- How about just talking to him.
- T-Talking?
243
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,416
Yes, he's an angry native
but he's also a person.
244
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,625
Start a dialogue.
245
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,377
Uh, okay. Um...
246
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,337
[CLEARS THROAT]
247
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:09,591
Why you guys always chase me with spears?
248
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,342
You parked your giant iron Thunderbird
249
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,719
on my ancestors' burial ground.
250
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,887
I did?
251
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,638
I'm afraid you're a trickster God
252
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,183
who will woo my women away
and fly them to your sky hut.
253
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,477
Well, I... I did not know that.
254
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,479
I'm... sorry?
255
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,190
I accept your apology. Now hug me.
256
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,358
I don't-- I don't--
257
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,360
O--Okay.
258
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,196
There. See how easy that was?
259
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,698
We all have our own inner angry natives.
260
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,784
And our minds invent a million ways
261
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,786
to avoid confronting them directly.
262
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,537
But if you just look them in the eye
263
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,082
and ask them why they're
chasing you with spears,
264
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,167
you just might learn something...
265
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,460
about yourself.
266
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,586
Question?
267
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,962
Uh, yeah.
268
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,255
In my line of boy adventuring,
269
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,549
I didn't really deal
with angry natives, so...
270
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,468
Yeah, us neither.
271
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,721
Then call them whatever works
for your specific genre's idiom.
272
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,099
Inner international
jewel thief, for instance.
273
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,433
Inner supervillain.
274
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,601
Inner jelly doughnut...
275
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,269
Inner giant robot works.
276
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,231
Johnny, you can stop
hugging the native now.
277
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,357
[LAUGHTER]
278
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,526
Come on, guys.
279
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,486
By the way, you never bothered
280
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,238
to ask the little fella his name.
281
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,656
Oh! Um...
282
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,075
Eh, what's-- what's your name?
283
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,493
Chemical Dependence.
284
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,702
See what I just did there?
285
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,246
ALL:
Ahhhhh...
286
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,791
Okay, um, Dr. Venture, it's your turn.
287
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,252
All right, but uh, just do me a favor
288
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,003
and whisper your name to me
289
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,380
when we get to that part, okay?
290
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,757
Ow! Charlie horse.
291
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,760
Okay, so...
292
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,554
Oh, we're up to the hug already?
293
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,888
[GAGGING]
294
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,474
Uh, what is this? Like,
a primal scream thing?
295
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,518
Am I supposed to--
296
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:47,522
[IMITATES GAGGING]
297
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,983
[GAGGING]
298
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,609
What happened?
299
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,862
Did I just kill Premature Ejaculation?
300
00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,160
Holy vanishing vitals! He's dead!
301
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,120
Oh, man! Oh, man!
302
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,538
Too heavy. This is too heavy!
303
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,415
Get out of there, Dale.
What are you trying to do?
304
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,667
Detective work, Lance. Remember that?
305
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,627
Rusty, smell the tea.
306
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,087
Poison?
307
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,297
Chamomile.
308
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,548
But there is something else.
309
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,300
It's familiar, but I can't--
310
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,593
What the hell is Ro-Boy doing?
311
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,303
Why won't he reboot?
312
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:21,181
Doesn't he have one of these?
313
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,057
Holy rigormortis.
314
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,976
Ro-Boy made something reboot.
315
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,437
Check it out.
316
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,480
Whoa! Whoa! Out of the way!
317
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,107
Dudes, get back!
318
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,193
That is a Vietnamese two-step viper!
319
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,612
One bite, and you're dead
before you take two steps.
320
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,821
There's no such thing.
321
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,156
Yeah, I'm making it up.
322
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,699
It's right there, dude!
323
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,117
That ain't a fucking hologram,
324
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,494
or an old lighthouse keeper
in a rubber mask, okay?
325
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,330
I mean there's no such snake.
326
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,790
- That's an urban myth.
- Bro's right. I googled it.
327
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,125
Hey, Encyclopedia Brown-noser,
328
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,710
can you Google this thing
the hell away from me?
329
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,003
Don't panic, Rusty.
330
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,339
I carry snake repellant in my utility belt.
331
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,049
I used to.
332
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,217
Okay, panic.
333
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,593
Why does it want me?
334
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,595
[GASP!]
Snake pheromones.
335
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,597
Why?!
336
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,516
[SCREAMING]
337
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,019
Oh!
338
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,396
[SIGHS OF RELIEF, NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
339
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,606
Nice work, Ro-Boy.
340
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,524
Johnny, you're getting his files?
341
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,985
Uh, no, I was getting prescription pads.
342
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,654
But you want the files? Cool.
343
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,989
Wait, wait, why do you want his files?
344
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,408
The doctor treated a
lot of shady characters
345
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,910
in his other groups.
346
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,703
I bet you real money one
of them had it out for him.
347
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,664
Stop this. We're retired.
348
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,540
Don't drag us into another mystery.
349
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,334
The man tried to help us.
350
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,919
We owe it to him. And to Dad.
351
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,587
So maybe the guy was, what, into snakes?
352
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,838
You don't know he was murdered.
353
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,676
Oh, no? What's wrong with this picture?
354
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,552
I wanna have sex with that bird?
355
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,554
Did the doctor strike
you at all as a smoker?
356
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,223
Holy clue and a half!
357
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,724
The murderer must've dropped it.
358
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,434
Exactly. No, no, don't touch that-- Okay.
359
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,560
Hey, I know this place.
360
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,020
'Bout five miles from here.
361
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,147
And it ain't the kind of joint
the doc would hang out in.
362
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,649
If you know what I mean.
363
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:58,569
Then what do you say, boy adventurers?
364
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,406
[GRUNTS]
365
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,828
No! No!
366
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,544
Gah!
367
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,508
[PANTING]
368
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,093
What the --
369
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,344
[GRUNTS]
370
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,972
Yar! I'm Anastos, prince of Elves!
371
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,098
[GRUNTING]
372
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,644
DOC:
Well, Daphne, I believe.
373
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,604
She got around quite a bit. But Velma?
374
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,189
I always thought she was a--
375
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,357
Everybody did.
376
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,526
But I got a pack of
herpes that say otherwise.
377
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,361
Hey, spark me up, Pyro-Boy.
378
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,530
Sure thing!
379
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,741
You guys ready to do this?
380
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,826
Are you, Mr. Sweater?
381
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,244
Could get rough in there.
382
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,205
Don't worry, we boy detectives
know how to play hard.
383
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,665
Yeah!
384
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:56,711
Oh, yeah, we're having us
a little man adventure now.
385
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,546
Ooh, there, that guy in the back.
386
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,423
I recognize his face from the files.
387
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,717
He's from the Thursday night
henchman recovery group.
388
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,553
He is definitely not working his program.
389
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,096
I've seen that guy before.
390
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,639
He used to be a hench for Dr. Z.
391
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,018
Shoulda known he was behind this.
392
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,978
BIKER:
How's it going, Johnny?
393
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,647
Sup, Francis? You're in my way, there.
394
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,566
BIKER:
You've been banned, junkie.
395
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,651
Now turn around and take
your little faggot friends with you.
396
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,445
Or I'm gonna have to get rough with you.
397
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,654
Hey, underpants!
398
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,573
You mess with one boy adventurer,
399
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,867
you mess with all of us.
400
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,827
I think they were hoping you'd say that.
401
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,997
Looks like you got a little
herpe on your lip there.
402
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,166
You been kissing your wife's ass...
403
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,502
after I put herpe in there.
404
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:38,961
What?!
405
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,213
DOC:
Oh, no he didn't.
406
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,601
JOHNNY:
Yeah, yeah!
407
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,770
Even diarrhea doesn't take this long.
408
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:56,938
Where could he be?
409
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,064
Wait, I think he called.
410
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,315
I have, like, 12 messages.
411
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,817
Nobody's ever left me a message before.
412
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,068
- What do I do?
- Here.
413
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,779
Yeah, hey, boys.
414
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,948
Sorry to punk out on ya like that.
415
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,199
But, I...
416
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,910
I am backsliding big time.
417
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,704
I had to run home to get my meds, so.
418
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,582
Hey, boys, I'm all outta meds!
419
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,252
And the O.S.I. folks,
420
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,546
they don't seem to be answering my calls,
421
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,006
so, heh, getting a little antsy,
422
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:28,719
and I've locked myself in the panic room.
423
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,721
Oh, hey.
424
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,473
Thought I called Princess Tinyfeet.
425
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,725
But while I got ya on the horn,
426
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:38,521
I might as well tell ya
I've been drinking again.
427
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,023
No big surprise there!
428
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,901
Hey, um, can we get a ride?
429
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,736
Dude, tell me you didn't walk out
430
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,447
before the credits were over!
431
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,657
JOHNNY:
Okay, minor setback fellas.
432
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,742
He was just a puppet anyway.
433
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,495
We want the man pulling the strings.
434
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,123
Hey, how are those balls doing, Rust?
435
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,000
Spirit is up and roving,
436
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,461
but Opportunity hasn't
come back online yet.
437
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:07,091
All right, everyone get ready for action.
438
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:08,551
Trick or treat, old man.
439
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,887
What? Okay. Hold on.
440
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,267
I didn't realize it was the 31st already.
441
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:22,273
We have only some old
sour balls and Kraft caramels.
442
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,774
Cut the crap, Z!
443
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,152
Ah, if it isn't Action Johnny.
444
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,737
To what do I owe this pleasure?
445
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,698
Come to steal an old
man's medication again?
446
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,783
I think you know why we're here.
447
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:33,910
Hmph!
448
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,370
Big tough guy when you have
your friends with you, aren't you?
449
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:39,123
- Hello again, Rusty.
- Dr. Z.
450
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,292
Why'd you kill him, Z? To get to me?
451
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,044
I have no idea what you're talking about.
452
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,795
I have not arched you in years.
453
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,006
Why would I? You're nothing but a punk!
454
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,508
You're gonna tell me
you didn't send your flunky
455
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:51,302
to murder our therapist with
a Vietnamese two-step viper?
456
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,428
Bah!
457
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,305
When Dr. Z harasses you, you'll know it.
458
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:57,517
A giant metal crab would
tear the roof off of your trailer.
459
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,352
No less than six suicidal assassins
460
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,729
would spring from its belly!
461
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,397
I would never stoop to striking at you
462
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,566
through some civilian proxy.
463
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:10,029
And I certainly would not
do it with a made-up snake!
464
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:14,033
WOMAN:
Lazlo, who's at the door?
465
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,661
Just some old friends, my lovely.
466
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,943
Are they hungry?
467
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:21,332
Sergeant Hatred?
468
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,042
Come on, open up.
469
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,835
We want to help you!
470
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:28,839
Now, boys, I locked myself
in here for your safety.
471
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,550
I'm gonna be okay.
472
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,343
I know what I have to do now.
473
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,845
So just back away from the door,
474
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,974
and go hide someplace I can't see you.
475
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,851
Uncle Hatred's gonna
calmly exit the panic room
476
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,812
and head straight for the hangar.
477
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,855
What's in the hangar? More medicine?
478
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,607
We can get it for you.
479
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,527
No, I'm taking the X-1
and I'm going to Thailand!
480
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,489
Just for a little while, just so I can buy
481
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,951
a beautiful brown little boy-girl
482
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,370
to keep in my room
for when the urges come!
483
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,830
You can't do that!
484
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,039
Sure, I can!
485
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,250
Gary Glitter told me where to get one.
486
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,793
And Dean?
487
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,545
Dean, wouldn't you like to have
488
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,006
a beautiful brown little brother/sister?
489
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,883
No! And beautiful
boy-girls aren't the answer!
490
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,261
You have to fight the bad urges.
491
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:18,598
I can't! Not without my meds!
492
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:21,058
Yes, you can! I know you can.
493
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,602
Just do whatever you used to do
494
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,020
before they gave you the medicine.
495
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,688
Princess Tinyfeet!
496
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,732
She's what I used to do.
497
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,900
She was the only thing
498
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,820
that ever got me over
my dirty little weakness.
499
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,282
But she won't return my calls!
500
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,743
Mmm.
501
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,453
Thanks, Mrs. Z.
502
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,455
Wow, this one really loves my cooking.
503
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,914
I like him.
504
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,791
Oh, thirds? Really? That's a good idea.
505
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,461
You don't see a connection between this...
506
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,046
and this!
507
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,922
I can't help it. It's compulsive.
508
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,342
I was seeing someone about it.
509
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,636
[CHUCKLES]
Isn't she a treasure?
510
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,764
Would you believe Mrs. Z
is actually older than I?
511
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,182
Hey, just like me and Rust.
512
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,392
I'm the older one, but he
looks like he could be my dad.
513
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,935
That's because you've got
514
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,854
more chemical preservatives
in you than a twinkie.
515
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,106
And don't try to tell me
that isn't a weave.
516
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,901
So, a snake kills your psychiatrist,
517
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,320
and you fly all the way down here
518
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,863
in the middle of the night
519
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,491
to beat up an old man
because of a matchbook?
520
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,785
Yeah, sounds kind of
sloppy when you say it.
521
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,787
When are you boys going to grow up?
522
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,581
Didn't you get enough of this
nonsense when you were kids?
523
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,792
We had to do something.
It was a mystery.
524
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,543
There's always a mystery.
525
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,087
It never ends.
526
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,714
Not until you decide
when enough is enough.
527
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,467
You mean just give it all up?
528
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,219
Yes! Why not?
529
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,929
Leave it to the next 10-year-old boy
530
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,889
with a jetpack and a spyglass.
531
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:46,102
Take it from an old man --
there is more to life.
532
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,979
I am much happier now
that I settled down with Mrs. Z
533
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:52,191
than I ever was chasing
Johnny around with a laser.
534
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:55,236
I only regret that it took so
long for me to figure it out.
535
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,239
We never had children of our own, you see.
536
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,990
We married late.
537
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,701
And though my lover's mountains
538
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,494
are both beautiful and bountiful,
539
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:06,455
I'm afraid the valley
below is quite barren.
540
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,125
I thought we could not have
kids because I was your beard.
541
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,543
[CHUCKLES]
542
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:14,463
Dr. Z, Mrs. Z, would you like to adopt me?
543
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,841
ALL:
Aww, that's sweet.
544
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,008
Dr. Z is right.
545
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,635
You know, I should thank you guys.
546
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,012
You all made me realize
something important tonight.
547
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:23,139
I'm not alone.
548
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,849
Band of brothers, man.
549
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,308
No, I mean...
550
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,352
What the hell am I doing
in therapy in the first place?
551
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:30,020
I'm no drug addict.
552
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,647
I don't have an eating disorder.
553
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,441
And as much as I resented my father,
554
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:34,900
I never wanted to kill him.
555
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,652
Whoa, that was never proven.
556
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,946
And most importantly, I grew up.
557
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,990
I'm not a boy adventurer.
558
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,159
I have my own business,
and my own family.
559
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,535
And if you'll excuse me,
560
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:47,538
I think it's high time I got back to them.
561
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,123
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
562
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,499
[HATRED CRYING]
563
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,126
Sergeant Hatred?
564
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,628
There's someone here
who wants to talk to you.
565
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,011
Nibblet? Honey!
566
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,596
Now!
567
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,098
[SCREAMING]
568
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,017
[HANK CROWS]
B team --
569
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,894
hit him!
570
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,187
Princess!
571
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,856
Whyyy!
572
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,566
[GROANS]
573
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:18,068
Thanks, dude.
574
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,820
No, thank you.
575
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,197
I so owed him one.
576
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,603
Out of nowhere, there's this
big glowing viking longboat
577
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,313
and it comes out of the clouds.
578
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,650
And everybody who ever died
in all these films is on it,
579
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,193
and then it carries him--
580
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,153
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, boss!
581
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,197
Just you in here?
Thought I heard you talking.
582
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,367
I was pod blogging... casting... diary.
583
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,118
Oh, so how was it?
584
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,411
Better than the first one.
585
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:12,373
I like the second one a little better.
586
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,333
Yeah, that's what they
were saying on Ain't It Cool.
587
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,002
Yeah, all in all, a fitting
end to the trilogy, though.
588
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:18,295
Cool.
589
00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:21,298
Okay, well, uh, good night then.
590
00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:22,508
Good night, boss.
591
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,969
Oh, did you, uh, remember
to take care of that thing?
592
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,387
Yeah, yeah totally.
593
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:28,138
Office was on the way to the theater.
594
00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:29,723
So we slipped the snake
right through the air vent.
595
00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:31,892
He's gotta be dead by now.
596
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,144
Then Venture's got no more excuses!
597
00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:35,354
Excellent!
598
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,107
Reload the scarionette cannon!
599
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,235
Tomorrow, we arch anew!
600
00:22:41,285 --> 00:22:45,835
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