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1
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,275
Hello...
2
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,377
Dr. Orpheus and team.
3
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:14,748
You have been approved for your very own
Guild-certified supervillain.
4
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,184
Here at the Guild of Calamitous Intent,
5
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,753
your nemesis is our business.
6
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:23,056
But don't take our word on it,
right, Sovereign?
7
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,826
That's right, Ward. Since 1910...
8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,997
the Guild has been providing
first-rate professional menace
9
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,065
to all who qualify.
10
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,767
Wow! 1910!
11
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,236
That's a history you can trust.
12
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,507
The Guild is the recognized leader
in organized havoc.
13
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,076
Just look at these numbers!
14
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,313
Wow! Those are some
impressive figures, Sovereign.
15
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,082
Why would a hero
look anywhere else for a villain?
16
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,552
Hold on a minute, Ward.
Why doesn't...
17
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,587
Dr. Orpheus and team,
18
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,789
just get his own costumed enemy?
19
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:58,559
Oh, watch.
Will you ever learn?
20
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,296
I think this little film
may help you understand.
21
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,185
Pumpkin,
22
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,653
who delivered this?
23
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,556
Some guy in a winter coat
and Techno goggles.
24
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,525
Only he had, like,
pipes coming out of him.
25
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,695
- Why, is the movie busted or something?
- No. It's just that...
26
00:01:34,769 --> 00:01:36,930
If it's Splash, I put
it on your Netflix list.
27
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,733
No, no, no. It's not that. Splash?
28
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:43,437
- I just wanted to see it again.
- Why would you want? Hold on.
29
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,940
Your scheduled screening
will take place at the time specified,
30
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:50,677
and thank you for selecting
the Guild of Calamitous Intent
31
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,846
as the instrument of your demise.
32
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,917
"Team"? "Lair"? I don't have...
33
00:01:56,984 --> 00:02:00,354
Today? Today?!
34
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,248
Cool beans. What is it?
35
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,784
It's a walking eye, Hank,
and the Government loves them.
36
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,552
- What does it do?
- I don't know.
37
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,155
Walking-eye stuff, whatever.
This isn't rocket science.
38
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,291
It could be considered
a branch of rocket science.
39
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,026
- Camera in the eye?
- Completely.
40
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,595
- So, it shoots lasers and stuff?
- Daddy's little man.
41
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,131
Probably a bucket
comes down for, like, water,
42
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,367
or even, like, monkeys
that could totally drive it.
43
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,236
Thank you, Hank. Way to go.
44
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,571
I guess it would be good
for stealth reconnaissance.
45
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,541
Well, of course it would be good
for reconnaissance applications.
46
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:59,880
- Well, what does it do?
- Walking eye! That... Well...
47
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:04,151
It has a camera, iris-mounted lasers,
monkeyproof welding,
48
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,421
and silent stealth design that makes it
perfect for reconnaissance applications.
49
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,790
- You got that from us!
- Walking eye, Hank!
50
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,759
They're all the same.
I have it written down from yesterday.
51
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,695
What was that?
52
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,863
We've got a massive breach
at the main gates.
53
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,467
Of course! That is a walking eye.
Will you do something about it
54
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,669
or do you want to finish
your Tetris game first?
55
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,872
Do something? Yeah.
I'm opening the secondary gates.
56
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,075
What the?
It's like hell on earth out there.
57
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:31,378
Yo, check it!
That car is totally shaped like a dragon.
58
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:34,414
- Choppers!
- Guild wasps.
59
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:37,384
I got to go deal with this.
They're landing in my herb garden.
60
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,222
- Time to die, Jefferson Twilight.
- Sorry, man.
61
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,559
I just dropped off my laundry today.
Maybe we can do this next week.
62
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,994
It won't hurt a bit.
63
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,463
I recall the process
as being quite unpleasant,
64
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,698
but it's getting hard to remember.
65
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,835
It's been a while.
Two hundred years.
66
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,674
Dude, this is gonna...
67
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,243
Man, this is gonna
wicked, like, really hurt.
68
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,178
- Please don't!
- Need them for my necklace.
69
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,048
You want me to wait till
after I take your head off?
70
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,121
Told you.
71
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,658
I haven't talked to you in, like, 16 years.
72
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,727
You suddenly show up and rescue my...
73
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,797
What gives? You rescued my situation.
74
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,766
That was a coincidence, dear friend.
75
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:29,469
I am here to extend an offer
from the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
76
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,572
Get out. Approval?
A name-brand archenemy?
77
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,742
That took long enough, but...
This is so...
78
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,879
That is...
But, man, you had a kid,
79
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:42,015
got married, and got into that
"Balancing good and evil" crap.
80
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:45,152
My wife left me,
my daughter has a driver's license
81
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:49,222
and keeping the cosmos from chaos
lacks so much of the razzle-dazzle.
82
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,358
My peers perceive me as a layabout.
83
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:55,529
No, man. You have a secret identity.
That's classic comic stuff.
84
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:59,032
You're like Captain...
You're all Aquaman.
85
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,435
Aquaman doesn't have
a secret identity.
86
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,137
- He's always Aquaman.
- Okay. Bad example.
87
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:07,074
Nobody believes
that Aquaman is a stay-at-home dad.
88
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,142
Everybody knows
what Aquaman does.
89
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,877
I don't know what Aquaman does.
90
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,814
Doesn't he, like, protect
some lame, fake-ass kingdom?
91
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,348
I thought he fought Black Manta.
92
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:18,585
Come on!
Why won't he just die?
93
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,088
You got to remove his head,
but I get the teeth.
94
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,257
Boo!
95
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:27,527
Dude, I was about to kill you!
I have dangerous catlike reflexes.
96
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,897
Oh, yeah. You were terrifying
when you crapped your pants.
97
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,132
What do you got there?
98
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,835
This, my friend, is our future.
Check it out.
99
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,038
Second-class arching license
and reassignment pass.
100
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:41,741
You're 6 feet and 135 pounds?
101
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,444
- Nobody reads it. You just flash it.
- You're joking.
102
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,614
- You would suck at arching on your own.
- That's why I made you one.
103
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,251
You can't say no till I show you
the piece de r�sistance.
104
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,587
Here's a hint.
Flying chick magnet.
105
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,155
Let me think about th...
106
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,191
No! I almost die every day
doing this job.
107
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,193
Come on. You got to.
108
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,929
You're telling me we can't do
this better than the Monarch?
109
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,232
Yes! Exactly that.
110
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,768
Do you have any idea
how ruthless the Monarch is?
111
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,105
I don't blame you for desiring me.
112
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,442
The Monarch is delicious. Now say it!
113
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,577
- I need my King Butterfly.
- Deeper.
114
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,212
- I need my...
- Deeper.
115
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,148
- I need...
- No. Deeper.
116
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,283
- ...butterfly.
- Deeper, way deeper.
117
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,951
- Butterfly.
- Deeper.
118
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,319
- King...
- Deeper.
119
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,554
- ...butterfly.
- It's deeper.
120
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:31,191
I need my butterfly.
121
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,626
King Butterfly!
122
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,462
- I need my King...
- Deeper.
123
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,964
Deeper than that. Way deeper.
124
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:41,001
So, you share a lair with Dr. Orpheus?
125
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,103
Hardly. He rents an
apartment from me.
126
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,138
I can't believe that we are standing
127
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,241
in the same conference room
the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in.
128
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:51,678
Yes. So cool.
Your father is a legend at the Guild.
129
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:52,946
Yeah. Legend.
130
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,148
He's responsible
for stealing my father's leg.
131
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,583
Don't start me!
132
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,553
The real Dr. Venture
is why I got into this business.
133
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,555
Just keep the nuts away from my lab
134
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:04,524
because I have some pretty
impressive things going on in there.
135
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,160
No. Shut up.
136
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,263
Yeah. We'll do our best
to keep him away from your...
137
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,499
- Impressive.
- Yeah. Impressive stuff.
138
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,001
You better.
Where's Mr. Magic?
139
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,871
How come the prom queen
isn't here to crown his king?
140
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,240
- He's astral-projecting, I think.
- Showoff.
141
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:23,376
- To assemble his team.
- A team?
142
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:27,814
You mean, he was approved
as a team? What a wuss!
143
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,517
Jealous.
144
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:35,388
The Alchemist, I presume.
145
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,959
Byron Orpheus,
you old bag of salt crackers!
146
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:42,162
- How long has it been?
- Too long, my friend.
147
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:46,166
Let me in. I can't astral-project
because I'm not magic.
148
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:51,304
Knew it. Still all on that stool
and looking for the Philosopher's Stone.
149
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,040
I see that, right there.
150
00:07:54,177 --> 00:07:57,677
The Philosopher's Stone
is a metaphor for enlightenment.
151
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,580
So, in a way, yes,
I am searching for it.
152
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,749
In the cure for AIDS.
153
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:05,986
Noble. Now I feel
a little stupid for asking you this.
154
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,421
So you're still... you know.
155
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,991
Nah, I grew out of that.
Yeah, you know...
156
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,826
It was just a phase, and I...
157
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,196
- No. Of course I am. Hello?
- Hey, just asking.
158
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:21,001
We're thinking of reforming
the Order of the Triad!
159
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,237
I... We have been approved
for an archvillain.
160
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,672
Great! I'm in.
161
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,942
- But what of your most important work?
- I need the publicity.
162
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,279
You know, nothing gets the people
in your corner like that hero crap.
163
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,214
- See?
- What? I'm here, aren't I?
164
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,249
Plus, I could use the exercise.
165
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:39,552
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm getting a little paunchy.
166
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,789
Tell me about it.
At least you have a robe to hide it.
167
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,125
Oh, come on.
Black is slimming. No. No.
168
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,794
I mean, black clothing is slimming.
169
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,196
You gentlemen
should switch to pinstripes.
170
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,365
It leads the eye down.
171
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,272
Hank, I need to speak
to your brother alone.
172
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:02,075
- You told us we can't leave our room.
- Go sit in the bathroom.
173
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,010
- And do what?
- Wash your face or something.
174
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,679
You don't take care
of your pimples now,
175
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,048
you'll end up like F. Murray Abraham
or Edward Olmos.
176
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:12,052
Do you want to look like somebody
made your face out of a beige orange peel?
177
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:16,323
All right, Dean. I need to talk
about a few things with you.
178
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,058
- Hank did it.
- Not that.
179
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,493
Dr. Orpheus asked me
to watch his daughter,
180
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,430
which your father can't do
because he doesn't care to.
181
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,765
So, I want you and Hank
to entertain her today.
182
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,635
Triana? So you want us
to put on a show for her?
183
00:09:28,695 --> 00:09:31,064
Should we write a script,
or do something she knows?
184
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,273
Oh, my goodness.
We need costumes!
185
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,308
I thought you would react this way.
186
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,345
Now sit down and
let me explain something
187
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:42,182
that every boy your age has known
for, like, five years.
188
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:53,426
And there she is. You can see her right
there writhing on the hood of the car.
189
00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:55,528
What was David Coverdale to do?
190
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:58,498
Break up... White Lion?
191
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,533
That's Whitesnake,
Dean, and yes.
192
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:05,205
Both Brock and I lay the blame squarely
on Tawny's hot, silky shoulders.
193
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,773
Now, let that be a lesson to you.
194
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,143
- About what?
- I'm so glad we had this talk.
195
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:14,080
Are those what I think they are?
196
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,050
Only if you think they're jet packs
because those are jet packs.
197
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,719
- Where'd you get those?
- Spoils of war, my friend.
198
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,621
Yeah. Sergeant Hatred's, I think.
199
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,957
Please tell me you
filed them with Supplies.
200
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,227
Oh, my God, when did you
become such a dainty little flower?
201
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:31,231
When the idiot I work with
forged documents and stole jet packs!
202
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:34,601
Look. You telling me you don't want
to fly into some chick's window,
203
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:38,538
all super cool with, like, a three-day
beard and a [bleep]-ing jet pack?
204
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,374
- Granted, that is kind of sweet.
- It is so sweet.
205
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:45,044
- We'll need costumes.
- Got them, and they are so leather.
206
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,680
I'll be totally flying
into some hot chick's bedroom.
207
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:52,185
Totally, and she'd be dating the good guy,
and I'll come in, and I'll be all...
208
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:56,389
"I'll spare his life
but only for you, sugar pants."
209
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,491
Dude, and then
you will have sex!
210
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,561
You will be having sex. Sex!
211
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,432
Get out of my sight.
The money is on the bed stand.
212
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,101
- You'll find its amount generous.
- Thanks, sugar.
213
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,170
Can you give me directions
to Liberty Street?
214
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,704
Listen and listen well!
215
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,541
The road before you
is beset with many perils.
216
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,910
Every turn you make
will bring you closer
217
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,879
to the cold,
waiting hands of sister fate.
218
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:23,283
Or just the center of town?
Do you have a pen?
219
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,052
- Maybe I should...
- Bear me, Theseus,
220
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,621
for I am the mighty Minotaur!
221
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,398
This cocoon
has witnessed your sins
222
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,700
and she seeks vengeance.
223
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,136
The cocoon
will punish the wicked.
224
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,506
The cocoon
will reward the righteous.
225
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,042
You must escape from her grasp.
226
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,411
You must earn your freedom!
227
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,746
Dude, I really don't have time.
228
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,251
How much do you want to live?
229
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,627
Looks like we're up
for the same arch.
230
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,864
- I'm the Intangible Fancy.
- Torrid.
231
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:13,199
Fire theme. Lucky duck.
232
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,302
Lots of costume options
with a fire theme.
233
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,405
Guys like me,
we can't even wear costumes.
234
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:20,907
Do you have?
235
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,610
Genitals? Not anymore.
236
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,815
- Why, isn't that Dr. Venture's lab?
- Yes. I believe it is.
237
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,617
Save my place in the queue.
238
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,553
There's something I feel I must do.
239
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,556
Something... torrid.
240
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:40,393
Well, we'll keep
your resume on file
241
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,428
and we'll get back to you.
242
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,297
Okay. Thanks for your time.
243
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,667
Wait. I have a question. What?
What is that on your head?
244
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,269
- That like a rudder?
- Yeah. Right.
245
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:53,273
What, do you steer with your head
or something? That's just dumb.
246
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,010
Comes out like easy cheese.
247
00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:00,246
Got to get back
on the benzoyl-peroxide train.
248
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,583
Don't bother to knock or anything.
249
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,218
Bloody hell!
250
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:12,358
Dean!
251
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,361
Dude, you said
you had leather costumes.
252
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,397
The pads are leather.
Leatherlike.
253
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,967
Where did you get these things
and why is there a bowl on my helmet?
254
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,570
Yeah. I was on Family Double Dare
Totally swiped it.
255
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,472
Yeah. Well, that makes me
feel better about all the stains.
256
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:29,042
Yeah. That's gak.
You know, physical challenge?
257
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,311
- All right. Let's do this. Ready?
- Thank God!
258
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,647
A guy can only wear a jet pack
for so long without using it.
259
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,283
Dude! My shoe's on fire!
260
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,686
I just lit my shoes on fire!
261
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,154
Wait up!
262
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,457
It's not working!
263
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,560
Hold on! Time!
264
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,996
Yes. I only hunt Blackulas.
265
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,398
So you only hunt
African-American vampires.
266
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,667
No. Sometimes
I hunt British vampires.
267
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,736
They don't have
African-Americans in England.
268
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:58,404
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good point.
269
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,940
- So I hunt Blackulas.
- I was just trying to be...
270
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:05,044
I specialize in hunting black vampires.
I don't know what the PC name for that is.
271
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:06,846
Is that a mask?
272
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:10,183
Oh, my God,
I was just gonna ask that!
273
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,622
What a fascinating puritan you are,
Lady Windermere.
274
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,125
The adjective was unnecessary,
Lord Darlington.
275
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,560
I couldn't help it.
276
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,262
I can resist everything
except temptation.
277
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,032
You have the modern
affectation of weakness.
278
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:30,703
It's only an affectation,
Lady Win... Winder... Windermere.
279
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,240
Hank, come on.
Enter the Duchess of Berwick!
280
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:37,143
I'm in the bathroom,
and you got to get in here.
281
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:41,514
It smells like gunpowder
throw-up poo-poo eggs.
282
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,050
Oh, that's my exit.
Dean, you owe me one.
283
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,919
Triana, you feel like playing
Lord whatever-the-hell?
284
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,022
No, not really.
285
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,791
Brock, you can't go.
You're also Lady Agatha.
286
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,228
No, Dean. For serious,
come smell this already!
287
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:58,965
Okay, Curse.
Was it Curse or Chris?
288
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,000
Curse. We can use magic, right?
289
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,468
That's kind of my bag.
290
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,203
- Of course.
- Absolutely.
291
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,139
- Bring it on.
- Magic is a plus.
292
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:08,274
On three, we give him
the old Rochambeau.
293
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,776
Rock, paper, scissors?
294
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:13,312
What does a general from the American
Revolution have to do with this?
295
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:16,549
American Revolution?
"Rochambeau" sounds French to me.
296
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,951
Well, yes.
The Franco-American forces...
297
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,920
They fought with Spaghetti-Os
and meatballs?
298
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,457
Why would a company called
"Franco-American" make Italian food?
299
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,661
Dijnam stopeus.
300
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,365
O spiritus sancti.
301
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,400
Yeah.
302
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,004
Okay, gentlemen.
That ruled.
303
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,306
- Was that the Rochambeau?
- No.
304
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,008
It really should be!
305
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,613
But which door to choose?
306
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:52,318
That one could have fun, surprises, and a
year's supply of turtle wax behind it.
307
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,688
Or the polar bear from Lost.
308
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,091
Probably not the best idea, Doc.
309
00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,660
You said everything
is running itself over there.
310
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,497
Don't you remember telling me
that nobody cares about my walking eye?
311
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,400
Well, I didn't mean
for you to take it outside.
312
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,136
- Needs air.
- All right. Watch your head.
313
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,972
What's up with your outfit?
Did you have an away game?
314
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,608
Helping Dean put on the worst version
315
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:19,679
of Lady Windermere's Fan
to impress Triana.
316
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,414
Said it was your idea.
317
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,317
Hardly. I was trying to tell him
about the birds and the bees.
318
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,552
Yeah. How did that work out for you?
319
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,788
He staged Lady Windermere's Fan.
320
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:32,925
You should see a doctor! It smells like
you pounded garbage into your butt.
321
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:36,395
Knock it off!
We have a mystery in our bathroom.
322
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,632
Query. Can flames
come out of a toilet?
323
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,301
- Hank, if you did this...
- I didn't.
324
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:45,838
Dude, if I did this, I would tell you.
I would be, like, almost proud of this.
325
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,141
You guys have been
in there for, like, an hour.
326
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,042
What are you doing in th...
327
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,612
Hank, what is wrong with you?
328
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,181
Right? It smells like
a Bible story in here.
329
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,216
Did my grandpa teach you to crap?
330
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,718
We should get Brock.
331
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,521
Every time there's
a super cool mystery to solve,
332
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,956
you go get a grownup. Lame!
333
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,391
Thank you, Brock.
334
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,628
Thanks for helping me
with the walking eye.
335
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,531
Look at this walking eye.
336
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,401
It's filthy.
Guess I should wash off my...
337
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,236
walking eye.
338
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,486
- Well, just retrace your steps.
- Yeah. Retrace your...
339
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,288
Man, she is good.
340
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:36,956
I was standing out here...
341
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,059
and I think somebody
was on the toilet.
342
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:42,432
Then I opened the door.
343
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:43,629
Hey!
344
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,132
- Dude, I killed your girlfriend!
- She's my girlfriend?
345
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,100
Probably, before I killed her.
346
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,304
Why is he doing this?
347
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:56,242
"Down, still unceasingly,
still inevitably down!
348
00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:58,978
Still I quivered in every nerve
349
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:02,081
to think how slight
a sinking of the machinery
350
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:06,319
would precipitate the keen,
glistening axe upon my bosom."
351
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,756
I could chase that around. Oh, yeah.
352
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:14,126
Team of three, impressive resume,
you seem perfect.
353
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,495
But I can't stop thinking
that I know you, Miss...
354
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:19,265
- Au Pair. It's Lady Au Pair.
- Goodness Gracious.
355
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,766
- Oh, my...
- Feminine.
356
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,769
And these are my Murderous Moppets
and you don't know me.
357
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,606
That's a voice! Do you smoke
cigarettes or do you eat them?
358
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,042
Oh, forget it. All right. I'm...
Goodbye.
359
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,844
Anybody want a moppet?
360
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,647
- We have to get Dr. O.
- Yeah. Good plan.
361
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,349
"Oh, hey, 'sup, Dr. O?
362
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,651
So, yeah, we...
accidentally killed Triana."
363
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,187
Come on, Dean.
We have to do this.
364
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,356
You're right.
List our clues again.
365
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,325
One, goth chick
catches fire and disappears.
366
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:50,196
Two, no smoldering body beating
"kill me, kill me" in Morse code
367
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,365
- with what is left of her head.
- Stop it!
368
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:55,735
Three, the smell of a dumpster
full of burning diapers.
369
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,503
- And four...
- Wait a minute.
370
00:18:57,603 --> 00:19:00,606
Run the shower and only the hot.
371
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,580
- Just as I thought!
- You're a genius.
372
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,682
- It's Triana's handwriting.
- How can you tell?
373
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,919
She dotted her "I" with a big circle.
That's a total chick move.
374
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:18,891
It says, "I'm in the torrid zone.
Tell my feather."
375
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,726
We have to find her feather!
376
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,173
Give it up already.
You could take a bus.
377
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:28,067
Dude, Jet Boy and Jet Girl
do not take buses.
378
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:31,237
Last time, we are not
Jet Boy and Jet Girl.
379
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:34,573
I don't care if I get to be Jet Boy.
Those names suck.
380
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,543
But it's a French song,
street cred with the indie crowd.
381
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,245
The Damned do a cover of it.
382
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,915
Then we should be The Damned.
That is a way cooler name.
383
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,618
You may sit down,
if you would be more comfort...
384
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:49,088
I shall stand.
Sitting is for the weak and feeble.
385
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,290
I like this guy.
He's all full of...
386
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,993
- What? I feel like standing.
- ...full of beans...
387
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,563
- I happen to have back pain.
- ...and ants, fire ants.
388
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:02,969
So, what kind of... menace do you think
you could offer the Order of the Triad?
389
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,006
- I've kidnapped your daughter.
- Balls, brass balls.
390
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:10,276
You kidnapped my pumpkin!
391
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,913
- We have a winner.
- The guy is not even a Blackula.
392
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,350
Right. That eye
is crawling with villains.
393
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:21,554
Yeah. They gave up on Orpheus
and his little kaffeeklatsch.
394
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,423
Oh, they know a real archrival
when they see one.
395
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,959
- You want a sandwich?
- No. I ate already.
396
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:30,696
You... want me to rescue it
or something, pull them off it?
397
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,632
There's Guild Security out there
shooting foam at them.
398
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,569
Between you and me,
the stupid thing hardly worked, anyway.
399
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,939
But when word of this gets out,
business will pick right up.
400
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,541
Well, I'm gonna go out there
and get some of that action.
401
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,777
- Don't you want to change?
- No way.
402
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,948
I love wearing a tux when I kill guys.
Makes you kind of feel like James Bond.
403
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,852
So, who's the lucky winner?
404
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,155
A fetid little firebrand
named Torrid.
405
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,625
Yeah. The son of a bitch kidnapped
his daughter to the torrid zone.
406
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,228
Torrid zone. So butch!
407
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,930
- I solved that mystery.
- Yes, you did.
408
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:08,567
You see, the torrid zone
is merely the area between
409
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,303
the Tropic of Cancer
and the Tropic of Capricorn.
410
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:16,308
I own an island there
in the Great Barrier Reef.
411
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,844
So, Triana is safe
on Orpheus Island,
412
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,013
sunning herself in a bikini
413
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:26,285
and oiling her ski...
her skin down in her bikini.
414
00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:29,088
Dude, what the?
What are you doing up there?
415
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:32,191
Okay. Time to get off my shoulders.
416
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:37,530
I just want to commend you...
on accepting Hank for who he really is.
417
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:40,633
Let's show Mr. Venture our thing.
418
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:45,504
The Order of the Triad, go!
419
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:46,639
Get out of my kitchen.
420
00:22:14,470 --> 00:22:17,069
We can still do this, Jet Boy.
421
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:20,406
I can't hear you
because I hate you.
422
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,044
You coming, Jet Girl?
423
00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,547
No! No! Not again!
424
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:32,885
I can't believe that
whore stole my stanza.
425
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,554
I can't believe that whore
made it through the Lake of Acid.
426
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:40,154
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