All language subtitles for The Venture Bros s02e02 Hate Floats.eng

- Gary! Phone!
- Mom, we're busy!

- Gary!
- What?!

- Phone!
- Fine! Have a cow, why don't you?

- Atomic comic collection connection...
- Shut up! I know.

- What are you doing?
- Working. Hang on.

Atomic comic collection connection.
Your on-line...

- 21, this is the Monarch speaking.
- Boss? Holy crud!

I got 24 on the other line.
I'll put us on three-way.

Good. I want him to hear this, too.

- Dude, it's the Monarch.
- Hey, boss. How's prison?

Well, I'm out. No thanks to you schmucks!
Guess where I am now?

- At a good friend's house?
- At a Best Western?

I am sitting in the charred remains
of my once mighty flying cocoon.

Anyone wanna explain to me
why my cocoon is charred?

Because you told us
to destroy the cocoon?

- And why it is sideways?!
- We were following orders!

- You can't yell at us for following orders!
- Or kill us for following orders.

Never mind. Just summon
the others and get over here.

There are no others.

Yeah, most of them joined up with
Monstroso's crew when you went inside.

And we kinda
lost touch after that.

I'm not gonna lose my temper.

All right,
here's what is going to happen.

I'm going to take a shower
in what is left of my bathroom.

When I get out,
I expect you to be here.

And I expect this cocoon
to be fully manned and fully operational!

- Awesome. We are back, dude.
- You heard him. I'll pick you up at 5:00.

Be outside. I don't want
to have to talk to your mom.

I will be there.

Daddy's home.

Quit honking!
I heard you the first time.

Lady! Lady, no!
Mom! Call the dog!

The Grand Cooley Dam

the largest concrete structure
in the United States.

Whatever.
Do they really need to know this?

Happy fifth...

Happy 16th birthday, boys.
Blow out your candle.

Here, boys. Put these in your wallets.
You're official now.

- How come they're all burned up?
- Laminating accident.

- They're still good though.
- You sure? 'Cause this date is wrong.

- If I was born this year...
- Curiosity kills more than the cat.

Put them in your wallets, like
the man said, and get dressed.

We have a big day ahead.

Are you the bully of your school
or even the victim of bullying?

Do you watch movies
about costumed heroes and think,

"That guy's a pussy. I sure hope
a much cooler bad guy kicks his ass."

- It's like you're reading my mind.
- I am not a mind reader, stranger.

You, like so many others, are drawn
to the sexy action-packed lifestyle

of the professional henchman.

But I could never be a henchman.

I am just a normal guy
who is between the age of 18 and 30,

a loner, and lacks ties
to friends and family.

You, stranger are the perfect candidate
for costumed aggression.

Yo, fat boy.
We get to carry a piece?

But of course!
Your standard Grade One henchman

in service of the mighty Monarch is issued
a dart gun and a grappling cannon,

to name only a few
of the exciting accoutrements

that will aid the henchman
in his wondrous world of career henching.

What kinda ride we get?

How does an enormous
flying cocoon sound to you?

A flying cocoon?
I can already feel my life getting better!

? The mighty Monarch ?

? Around the world ?

No way.

Are we floating?

- Hey, boss!
- Welcome back!

- You actually did what I told you?
- Yeah. We are up and running.

The new guys stole some parts
from Sergeant Hatred's hover tank,

which is cool but broken now.
So there's a couple of issues.

Let me do this.

You know that 21 and I have been
working for you for, like, ever, right?

And we think it's about time
we were given new numbers.

- Like one and two.
- Or two and one.

- Fine, whatever.
- Yeah, like it's that easy. No, listen to this.

Henchman 28!
Front and center!

You want me?
You roll your big ass over here!

And I'm done told you
my name is Number 1!

I like that! Shows initiative!
Seems like you collected

the perfect team of go-getters
to carry out my brilliant new plan.

Operation Get Back Dr. Girlfriend!

Number 1, it's time you met your leader!

The Monar...

What the?!
Get that off your head!

I smell weed.

Can't you give me
just a little hint?

And ruin the surprise?
No, sirree Bob. I wish I was you.

This was a big day for me
when I was your age.

- Hi. May I help you?
- Yes, you may.

I would like to fit the lucky birthday boy
for his first speedsuit.

Great. And what is a speedsuit?

What is a speedsuit?

Only the perfect habiliment
for the science-minded man,

who knows both comfort and ease
and demands them from his clothing.

In a speedsuit,
you say to the world,

"Look out! I know what I'm wearing
for the rest of my life!"

That's a short-sleeved jumpsuit. Check
the workwear department in the back.

- My big surprise is a jumpsuit?
- Speedsuit.

I don't want to hear you ever say jumpsuit,
Dean, not ever. Speedsuit.

There she is! Follow her!

Steady. Steady now.
Keep your distance.

Yeah. Fly casual.

She's standing around. Quick!
Evasive maneuvers now!

- Something wrong?
- No. I thought I forgot something.

Of course.

I look like Santa's magic janitor.

Nonsense.
You look like a million bucks.

And you were right. The pipe main seams
on the explorer model were too showy.

This one is elegantly understated
and the color has a dancer flair to it.

- How does it fit in the seat?
- Pop! There are people around!

You'll want a sleek profile yet roomy.
A properly fit speedsuit should crotch

at least six inches
below your natural inseam.

- Can I take this off now?
- How is everything going?

- Will you be taking that?
- No.

Yes, ma'am!
And don't bother wrapping it up.

The future super scientist
will be wearing it out.

Magnificent.

Finally someone who understands
that serration is only good for bread.

That is so great.

You know how we shall celebrate?

Yes! Dinner party.
I will begin a marinade tonight.

We shall invite Manta Claus and Animus.
No, wait. That's awkward.

Phantom, honestly.
I am finding this so hard to care about.

You have to feel the heft
to really appreciate it.

Shopkeeper, the lady would
like to inspect the W�sthofs!

Well, I'm gonna get a nosh.
You coming?

And suffer the embarrassment of not
having enough pickle forks for the party?

No, my queen.
There is much to procure.

- Because mine got broken, that's why.
- Jeez.

- How did that happen?
- I don't know, Hank.

Probably when somebody
was playing with it. Go long!

- Come on with that!
- Sorry, sir.

Yeah, keep walking.

Holy crap, no way!

Hi.

I forgive you.

- What do you think you're doing?
- Butterfly kisses. Learned it in prison.

What, are you gonna pretend that
we just accidentally ran into each other?

You know, do that
"Fancy meeting you here" routine?!

No? I guess...

Could it be that you were tailing me
in a gigantic floating cocoon?

By the way, tell 24 that the cloak mode
doesn't work in fourth gear.

See? We need you!
Come back!

Everything is crazy! The henchmen
cry themselves to sleep at night.

I think the cocoon is
probably really... busted,

I don't know, I can't even tell.

There's... There's just so many buttons.

So many buttons!

- Cut to the chase, Monarch.
- Don't you want to console me?

Why do you want me back?

Because your tree fort is falling apart
or because you love me?

Because I love you! Because...

Because when I'd lay my world-weary brow
on your perfect breasts

and feel the phlegmy rumble of your chest
as you told me, "This is heaven,"

I believed you.

You can't do that.

When you threw me out,
I was devastated.

I would have come home
if you asked me to. Yes, I'm that stupid.

But you didn't.
You called me a whore

and you went back to your
I'll-get-you-Dr.-Venture shenanigans.

- Boss?
- What do you want?

- Code blue!
- I want you to grow up! But it's late now.

- You'll never guess who just walked in!
- Who?

- You know damn well I'm staying...
- Dr. Venture.

- Holy crap!
- What do you want us to do?

- Move in!!
- What?

Move in with me!

Do you want me
to share the bedroom with you?

No, don't be an a-hole!
I was talking to... I was talking...

You were talking to who?
To your henchmen.

I don't believe I was falling for this!

You haven't changed at all!

Let me tell you something about
Phantom Limb. He's an animal...

Does he know this channel's open?

Who gave him the map?
What the [bleep] is up with this female?

Ease up on him.
He's been through a lot.

The man's heart has been broken.

I am leaving!
Call me when you can act like an adult.

I am an adult!

- Let me go!
- Please, just let me...

- Come on, Monarch.
- Stay for me.

Get your hands off of me.
I'm getting tired of this.

Monarch, unhand her this instant!

Come on! You!

Number 2 with fried rice, get down!

There you are.
We're almost ready.

Just had to swing
by the Shoe Shack.

I spotted the perfect Italian ankle boots
to complete Dean's ensemble.

Don't say it.

You look like the
mayor of Candy Land.

It's an ambush.
Boys, get back!

Can you read my mind?

Do you know what it is
that you do to me?

Here I am like a kid out of school.

Holding hands with the goddess.
I'm a fool.

Son of a... God!
My glasses! Where are my glasses?

Where are my glasses?
Has anybody seen? Excuse me.

Oh, my God. Thank...
What's going...

I'm gonna throw up.

Only one shot at this.
You can do it, Duffy Moon!

What the [bleep]?
You want some of this?

Damn you, Nerf!

Hank!

What the hell was that?

No!

[bleep]! Mall cops!

Henchmen! Retreat!

I won't let you keep her, Monarch.

Hello. What's this?

What the?

You're probably wondering
why I haven't killed you.

I'm wondering
where the hell I am.

The lair of the Phantom.

Behind these modest walls,

lies the most technologically advanced
system of controlled evil in existence.

You, sir, are sitting smack dab
in the middle of location "B"

for the Guild of Calamitous Intent!

You like doing that, don't you?

Yes. Next to the "Behold
a giant walking death ray" speech,

the "Welcome to hell" speech
is my favorite. No, don't get up.

You've been shot.
Sadly, it wasn't fatal.

I have removed the bullet.
And three others.

A blowgun dart, two shark's teeth,
the tip of a bayonet,

a twisted paper clip,
and a meager handful of buckshot.

- You may want to learn how to duck.
- In a couple of minutes,

I'm gonna get up and pound
your smug face into that armrest.

So why don't you spend your last minutes
of life telling me what went down?

It seems that our mutual pest,
the Monarch, has himself a death wish.

He operates in full costumed aggression
without a Guild license.

His henchmen are using Level 5
offensive weapons for a Level 1 threat,

no offense to Dr. Venture,
and he's kidnapped my girlfriend.

- So, what are you gonna do about it?
- Not me. We.

I left out one small detail.

The Monarch also kidnapped
your entire family.

The most reckless, graceless exhibition
of henchmen that I've ever seen!

You think you're all a bunch of hotshot
young Turk 182s, don't you?

Well, there are rules in this business!
It's about finesse.

You don't just go in,
guns a-blazing, willy-nilly.

Where did you get real guns anyway?

Those aren't standard issue.
Hand them over!

What, is this funny to you? I said hand
over your firearm, or I'll be forced...

Wait a minute, hold up!

- Who are you?!
- Keep up! Where are you parked?

- Where am I what?
- Where's your car?

- I don't have...
- We came in our bodyguard's car, why?

Because my ex-boyfriend, the idiot,
kidnapped your father and Brock

and probably my current beau.

And you two
are gonna take me to him, now!

- Yes!
- Wait! How do you know Brock?

Here it is!

- Aren't you gonna?
- Hank, you drive!

- I never drive mad.
- Brock would never let us drive his...

Don't be such a candy-ass, Dean.
Get in the back.

- How do you know my name?
- You heard the woman, candy-ass.

Wait a sec.

Okay, get in.

How do you know all this stuff, lady?!

I number two'd for Truckulese
when I was first starting out.

I can hotwire anything.

No, I mean how did
you know it was gonna...

Ten o'clock. Two o'clock.

You can do this, Hank.

That pedal on your left, that's the clutch.
Put your foot on it.

Now shift into first gear.

See that little diagram on the knob?
With that little one on it?

Wait a minute.
Are you our mommy?

Nice.

It's unbearable.
First, a mutiny, and now...

I can't believe I'm sharing
the same air as my sworn enemy!

And I can't even breathe!
I'm drowning in my own hate!

God, what is it
with this obsession of yours?

- What did I ever do to you?
- How dare you?! As if you...

- Frankly, it's beginning to get a bit old.
- And then to belittle my...

These two!
I would love to smack that smug...

Oh, my God, guys. Chill, chill!
If we're gonna get out of this alive,

you two are gonna have to put aside
your differences and work together!

Now, I think I got an idea.

If we can get our hands on some weapons,
we can totally take these guys.

Yeah. No, duh!

But if, just if, we weren't locked
in a cell or haven't you noticed?

The armory's
on the other side of the cocoon!

We'd have to cross the Throne Room.

Where those guys are.
Those scary guys.

Okay. We don't even need the armory.
I'm talking about my own personal stash.

And we happen to be standing
right under my room.

Trust me. We can climb
through the air ducts.

There's no way
you're fitting in that thing.

- Yeah, no.
- You're just too heavy.

- What the hell is that?!
- Muscle growth accelerator.

Just a little nostalgic item from back
when I was a scientific goody-goody.

Not unlike your Dr. Venture.
No, wait! I was good at it.

What is it with you dicks?
The minute an experiment messes up,

you sell yourself a pair of tight pajamas,
and become a professional pain in my...

- Turn that down!
- Deal with it, tough guy.

And I don't need a clumsy bully
making a mess of this.

If this little incident gets out,
my career is done for.

This will be handled surgically
and quietly.

Yeah, we team up like Scully and Mulder
and solve mysteries. Been over this.

I know that you love playing make-believe
but a lunatic has kidnapped my family

and I'm going to do
something about it!

Not without me.

- There we go.
- "Good call on the WD-40",

said the Monarch grudgingly.

Never go anywhere without it.
But thanks.

I have to admit, you proved us wrong.

Yeah, yeah. Keep laughing
while I totally emancipate you.

Gentlemen, choose your weapons.

- Is this them?
- "Are these they?"

- Who talks like that?
- Out of the way! I am the leader here!

I will distribute the...

- Are these they?
- Yeah.

And you have to admit
it is a pretty formidable collection.

You [bleep]-ing idiot! What the hell
are we supposed to do with this crap?

Make them laugh so hard
they blow malt liquor out of their noses?

No, I think you'll have that covered

when you storm the room
in butterfly costumes.

Nice onesie, Dick.

Does it have snaps in the back,
so you can make poopies?

This is a speedsuit, mister.
Not a onesie!

Maybe they'll think you're a three-year-old
with progeria and take pity on us.

- In your face!
- Would you stop that?! Look,

this is extra-amusing and everything,
but we've got us a cocoon to take back!

- With toys.
- Toys schmoys. Check this action.

An official, licensed
Lord of the Ring replica sword.

Now we're talkin'!

What are you doing!?
That is mint in box!

Not even a scar? Did you look
around the nipple or the belly button?

- Sometimes they put 'em in through there.
- Look, she is all woman.

I've explored every inch of her
and I found only nectar.

All right, fine. Maybe the Monarch's
just better equipped.

You are strapping on
an ultra-light gyropack.

They're only issued
to top-ranking Guild operatives.

- No, I mean better... equipped.
- She was kidnapped, all right?!

- Kidnapped!
- I'm just sayin'.

- Are you ready?
- How do you?

Up, down, side, side. Ready weapon.
Left hand, operate speed and targeting.

Just like a helicopter.

- Just like my kind of helicopter.
- Let's go.

I thought for sure you were going
to hit me with lock and load.

The night is still young!

Left. Turn left.

- I'm driving!
- Yes, we know.

Mommy, how do you know where to go?

I'm not your mommy!
And I put a tracer on the Monarch

when we were first dating.
Hank, take this right!

I'm driving!
I'm a driver!

We know!

Yeah, tracer. You do stuff like that
when you date supervillains.

Where'd you put it? Is it in his brain,
or is it like a secret tracer tooth?

I hid it in my mouth and I jammed it up...
Honey, like I said,

you do some pretty strange things
when you date supervillains.

I'm still keeping this thing.

It's the first net cannon
I've used that actually works.

They usually just mess up
the guy's hair.

Prototype. I'll get you
more net cartridges.

Thanks. That killer hand is pretty cool.
Can you get me one of those?

That's all me. The outcome
of a botched experiment that made me evil.

I so called that.
So, we done here or what?

It's just those guys over there.

I want them to show you
that twin double roll thing.

You're mad, sir.
It can't be done without a trampoline.

Wait. Let me do this. You'll love this.
Follow my lead. Classic.

Oh, sweet mercy!

I've been rend asunder by your violence!

Be merciful and finish me off.

Have a heart!
Put one between his eyes!

My God! Do I have to do it?
Give me those guns!

Well met.
You do that with his own finger.

- Yeah, it's just one guy.
- You show-off.

My car.

I just fixed that!

- My queen!
- Brock!

- Brock, I drove!
- Boys, you're all right!

This is a joke! What the hell
is going on here? Where's Doc?

What do you want me to do?
Read their fortunes?

They are Magic: The Gathering cards,
not Tarot cards.

You can fuzz 'em at their heads.

You catch a corner with one of those
and they'll know what hit them.

We'll get our asses kicked.
We didn't have a breakfast.

Gentlemen, it's time
we take back the cocoon.

Hands in the center.
Who would like to lead us in prayer?

Smash puny humans.

Did you hear something?

On three. One, two!

Three!

Well, his vital signs seem to be fine.

You told me you never put a tracer
on another man before.

Glad I wasn't
the first one through the door.

- Who are all these people?
- Are they all mommy's other boyfriends?

Stop calling me your [bleep]-ing mommy!
Come on, don't kill them.

From what I've gathered, the Monarch
is only guilty of poor judgment

and not being able to get over me.

As you wish, my queen.
He is only a man

and no man is immune to your charm.

"No man."
I'm still lookin' for scars on her.

What?

I'm a supervillain.

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