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1
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,185
Spirit. Before I draw nearer to
that stone to which you point.
2
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:19,920
Answer me one question.
3
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,756
Are these the shadows
of the things that will be?
4
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,993
Or are they shadows of
the things that may be, only?
5
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,499
Spirit. Tell me!
6
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,067
Is this my grave?
7
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,836
What's it look like, genius?
8
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:40,407
No, Spirit! No!
9
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:53,887
I will live in the past,
the present, and the future!
10
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,359
I don't know what to do.
11
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,562
I'm light as a feather.
I'm happy as an angel.
12
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,597
Merry as a schoolboy.
13
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,602
- Hello, there.
- Hey.
14
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,370
What's today, my fine fellow?
15
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,040
Today? Duh, it's Christmas Day.
16
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,274
Christmas Day.
17
00:01:14,489 --> 00:01:15,791
Then I haven't missed it.
18
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,178
The spirits have done it all
in one night.
19
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:21,982
Hello!
20
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,021
Merry Christmas,
ya old fountain.
21
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,324
Merry Christmas, shiny X-1.
22
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,726
Merry Christmas, Dr. Orpheus.
23
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,162
Merry Christmas, Mr. Venture.
24
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:37,631
Merry Christmas, H.E.L.P.eR.
25
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,434
Why didn't he wish me
a merry Christmas?
26
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,570
Nobody wants a Dean-in-the-box!
27
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,826
Oh, thank God.
28
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,728
I thought I'd turned
into a complete [bleep].
29
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:06,286
Yeah, do you people
carry the, uh, Joker Mobile?
30
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,556
No? Huh? How long?
31
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,491
Dammit.
32
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,293
Still haven't gotten
anything for the boys?
33
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,561
Hank's covered.
34
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,831
I had my old bass restrung and
I painted over the zebra stripes.
35
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,733
- But Dean's a little...
- More feminine?
36
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,101
Well, tougher to shop for.
37
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,869
What, didn't you see the Sears catalog
38
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,439
he's been accidentally leaving all
over the house for the past month?
39
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,375
Wishbook 1976?
40
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:32,245
Well, I guess the green machine I ordered
won't be showing up anytime soon, either.
41
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,847
Are you guys done
with the phone?
42
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,584
Oh, did one of you forget this?
43
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,319
It was just lying here.
44
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,790
Ho, ho, ho!
45
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,826
You've reached Dial Santa.
46
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:50,397
Today's special Christmas story
is all about Christmas in Holland.
47
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,767
What are you doing, Hank?
48
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:54,901
Nothing!
49
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,436
Your present's not in there.
50
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:57,671
What do you mean?
51
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,874
I was just looking for
the Christmas videos.
52
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,043
Oh, here they are.
53
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,945
Miracle on 69 Street.
54
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,880
Jingle Balls.
Frothy the Blowman.
55
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,215
Rudolph the Red--
56
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:12,119
Okay, Hank. Listen, I need your
help putting up the lights. Okay?
57
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,621
Like holding the
staple gun is helping.
58
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,790
What are those elves
doing to that lady?
59
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,859
They're dwarves, Hank.
Come on.
60
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,528
Hey. Baby Jesus
is out of the manger.
61
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,098
Huh? Oh. That doesn't
go there til midnight.
62
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,100
Venture tradition.
63
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,309
That was close.
64
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,745
Get out of there, Tiny Joseph.
Your work is done.
65
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,147
Return to base.
66
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,918
We almost lost
one of our agents.
67
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,087
Granted, his specialty
is pretty limited.
68
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:52,459
But he's an irreplaceable element of
my sexy new plan to destroy Dr. Venture.
69
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,061
What plan?
70
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,330
It was supposed to
be a surprise... for you...
71
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,765
...for Christmas.
72
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,868
Killing your archenemy
on Christmas Eve.
73
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,503
That's a gift for me?
74
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,906
Well, I got you some
stocking stuffers too.
75
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,208
Unbelievable. The selfishness.
76
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,177
You hate him too!
77
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,579
Or were you just
lying on our first date?
78
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,115
So what's the big plan?
79
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,417
I'm glad you asked.
80
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:18,652
Behold!
81
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:23,023
Tiny Joseph has managed to slip
into the Venture compound
82
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,658
and cleverly booby trap it.
83
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,393
At the strike of midnight,
84
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:31,531
Dr. Venture will place his precious
porcelain baby Christ in its manger,
85
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:36,036
And when he does, it will
set off a series of explosions
86
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:39,306
That will deck his halls
with boughs of Venture!
87
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,174
What?
88
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,377
That model was supposed
to be a surprise.
89
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,745
I peeked.
90
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:53,587
Hold the phone.
Total babe alert. Twelve o'clock.
91
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,822
Oh, yeah.
I know her type.
92
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,058
Watch and learn, Willamina.
93
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,227
Okay, one, you're totally gay.
94
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:03,163
Two, she's hot and
you're an albino.
95
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,765
And three, you're totally gay.
96
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:10,804
You know, I was the first DJ at my
college radio station to play the Bauhaus.
97
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:15,008
That's great. Wow, that makes
you, like, 60 or something, huh?
98
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,676
No, just cool.
99
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,745
Mistletoe.
100
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,583
Dad, I can take care
of myself, ya know.
101
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,652
I'm sorry, Pumpkin.
102
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,688
I trust you to
defend your honor.
103
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,290
It's just that...
104
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:34,261
My pumpkin's maiden head
is not a prize to be...
105
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,795
Dad!
106
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,565
Oh, Orpheus.
107
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,467
I wasn't expecting you
to show up.
108
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,969
I didn't think necromancers
believed in Christmas.
109
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,239
Well, the whole affair is
about as real as Kwanzaa
110
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,743
or the Wookiees' Life Day.
111
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,278
But I find it charming.
112
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:55,982
...then the camels ate the straw
and left a beautiful toy in its place.
113
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,986
That gay albino is hitting
on your not-girlfriend.
114
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,322
Wait, what? That's it?
115
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,890
What does that even mean?
116
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,425
The camels poo toys?
117
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,627
Hello? Hello?
118
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,096
Well, did you get a good one?
119
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,266
No, and I maxed out
Pop's Diner's Club card
120
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,601
so we can't call anymore.
121
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:18,271
Well, we can't just bail on
Christmas story time. It's tradition!
122
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,041
- How about Grinch?
- Nah. Did it last year.
123
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,509
Wait. I know.
124
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,744
Dr. Orpheus brought
this old book with him.
125
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:27,013
He used it when he was baking
those gingerbread cookies,
126
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,749
but maybe it's got some
good Christmas stories in it.
127
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:42,529
And I can't go into the details this
early in the process, but let's just say...
128
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,433
Oh, dread!
129
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,940
Oh, this makes zero sense.
130
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,242
I'm too late.
131
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,878
For even now,
the beast approaches.
132
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,285
What? Who is this [bleep]?
133
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,820
He's blowing my big thing.
134
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,155
Look at that costume!
135
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,392
What the hell is that thing?
136
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,662
I'm afraid we're being visited upon
by the Krampus.
137
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:19,032
The punitive spirit who
once rode side-by-side
138
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,101
with St. Nicholas
each Christmas Eve.
139
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,236
Delivering terrible punishment
to wicked children
140
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,772
as Claus bestowed his gifts
upon the righteous.
141
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:26,906
That's ridiculous.
142
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,475
There's no such
thing as Santa Claus.
143
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:32,178
Not since he was killed
by a jet in 1963, no.
144
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,281
Nor has there been a Krampus
145
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,384
since the pope cast him into
purgatory during Vatican II.
146
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:41,588
But your boys seem to have inadvertently
released him from his chambers.
147
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,890
Dean did it!
I wanted to read the Grinch.
148
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,559
Um, Dad?
149
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,895
What kind of kinky
Christmas spirit is that?
150
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,730
It is Germanic in origin.
151
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:54,467
Well, can't you just, I don't know,
magic it away or something?
152
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,771
No more than you
could science it away.
153
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:04,377
No, the beast will not stop until it
has punished the wicked in this house.
154
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,779
Well, there's no one wicked...
155
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,082
What the hell?
156
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,717
Oh, for the love of...
157
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,553
Okay, that's it, Mister.
158
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,389
Brock!
159
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,892
Hey, Fancy Pants.
160
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,160
I've been naughty.
161
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,230
Come into my
house on Christmas?!
162
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:29,769
You want some of this?!
163
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,005
Come on, you piece
of Christmas [bleep]!
164
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,382
Stay your hand, Mr. Samson.
165
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,950
It's midnight.
166
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,219
It's Christmas Day.
167
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:49,489
It's earthly work is at an end.
168
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,466
Doc.
169
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,667
Doc!
170
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,302
You were having a nightmare,
Doc.
171
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,838
- So, everything's okay, then?
- Not exactly.
172
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,639
We kind of have
a situation here.
173
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:11,311
The X-1 crashed, radio's dead,
and we're in hostile territory.
174
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:12,879
Where?
175
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,381
Bethlehem.
176
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,249
- Daddy, you're alive!
- Pop, you're okay!
177
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,551
This is the best
Christmas present ever.
178
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,321
Hey, Pop.
We saw where Jesus was born.
179
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,724
And there was, like, magical god-fire
shooting out of it and everything.
180
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,526
Just like in Ten Commandments.
181
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,161
I think we hit a gas main.
182
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,496
So, what do we do here, Brock?
183
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:30,830
Well, that all depends.
184
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,133
If the Israelis get here first,
we might have a chance.
185
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,268
I know some guys in the Messad.
186
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,871
If the PLO shows up, well...
187
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,906
My Arabic's a little shaky.
188
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,141
Not a problem.
189
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,843
Did you forget? This baby
runs on pure plutonium.
190
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,645
They're gonna love us!
191
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:49,249
And that's what
Christmas is all about.
192
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:53,849
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